Threedom - Threevisiting: SSN: 123-45-6789

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss gameshows and scammers before playing Snake Oil. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, is this an okay time? It's your girl Dylan Mulvaney and I am inviting you to my weekly cocktail party and my brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, brought to you by Lemonada Media. Life is stressful and there is so much darkness in the world, I think we could all use a little bit of trans joy. So join me every week as I interview some of my favorite A-list celebrity friends and gurus and of course the dolls while we sip and spill the scalding hot tea. So put your worries aside and join me at the

Dylan hour. You can listen on Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Love ya. Freedom! Oh my god. Freedom! You know, there was something about today's energy where there was just dead silence, not looking at each other between each yell that I really appreciated. I had my eyes closed in between each yell, just trying to feel the music. I can't look at you guys when we yell that, it's embarrassing. I know, it's embarrassing. I don't think we do look at each other, but I glanced over and noticed how much we weren't looking at each other, and how there wasn't energy between each yell,

which I feel, even in the room, there just was nothing. I feel like I'm bringing that energy. Yeah, I, I, you know- What's going on, guys? What's going on? Because I feel like I am so hyped to do this. Because I'm doing great. No, I'm cracked out of my mind. I have not.

You're on crack. I'm on crack cocaine. I'm on crack that I'm coming down. Tune in my addiction. We never did. Yeah, Lauren's topics on crack cocaine. I forgot to tell you guys, I have a new hobby. And she's on it only because she's addicted to it.

It's not because she likes it. She doesn't think it's cool. I just have to. Yeah, she just has to or she gets sick. I have not been sleeping well at all this week and I feel like I had like major depression yesterday which was almost funny where I was like why do I this is out of nowhere. Yeah. Was it because related to the sleeping or just I think it is related to the sleeping yeah yeah yeah but it just like hit you yesterday of just like yesterday yesterday was bad.

It was bad. Like I'm on a fucking elliptical machine and I'm like, am I going to cry on this machine? No. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, so wait, when you say sleep problems, what's happening all night long? I am having like stressful dreams.

I'm waking up a lot today. Like last night went to bed early, but woke up in the night, woke up before my alarm. And I thought, no, it's just an hour before my alarm, I can start my day, had coffee, didn't do anything. I just felt like I just fatigued. Yeah. You know?

Nap at all or no? You have COVID? Oh, I'll take a nap. I don't believe I have COVID. I'll test again, but I just tested the other day. Just checking. Just the other day. Well, the early bird gets the worm.

Yeah, I'm trying to get worms. To lose some weight. If you get worms. You want to eat more worms to lose weight? I want to get heart worms. Oh, got it. Do you know what is so sick? Just because now I'm like reading.

Sicker than heart worms? Yes. Okay, good luck. Pin worms. Oh, no, you're right. now I'm like Sicker than heartworms? Yes. Okay, good luck. Pin worms. Oh no, you're right. Because I'm like, you know, always reading these baby and child related things now. And then there's like moms being like, my kid keeps itching her ass. And then it's like, oh, she has pin worms.

Put tape on her ass. And then I hope they're saying it. Itching for like tape her ass shot essentially. I can't remember. This is a real thing. It was like put tape on it. And then at night you take it off and then like there's a worm on it. No, they come out at night. The worms come out at night.

The worms come out at night. So like put some little scotch tape around the bum. Does that be scotch? Um, no, but you know, I use the brown side. Does it reminds me I went to when I went to Ireland when I was in seventh grade, I was making a scrapbook while I was traveling and I wanted scotch tape and that couldn't have been more confusing.

And they pointed me to a box of cassettes. Oh, I wanted scotch tape. I think they had scotch brand. What do they call? What do they? Same company. They didn't have the tape. What do they call? Same company. They didn't have the tape. But what do they call it? No, they had Scotch.

Sellotape. They had Scottish music on cassette. Oh, so like the Proclaimers? I don't know. I would walk 500 miles. They thought English was your second language. Basically, they had no idea what I was talking about. Yeah. I like scotch tape. They had no idea what I was talking about. Hreee, hreee. Yeah, anyways, I don't want anyone

to ever have pinworms in my world. So are you putting the tape on? It's beautiful. I don't even wanna say it. I put the tape every night. I put it on my own butt. She puts the tape on. I put the tape on my butt every night.

Or else you get the hose. And I stick my butt in the air and I see what happens, yeah. It puts the tape on the butt. It puts the tape or it gets the lotion, yeah. No, it puts the lotion in the basket. What if it gets the lotion in the air and I see what happens. Yeah. It puts the tape on the butt. It puts the tape or it gets the lotion. Yeah. No, it puts the lotion in the basket. What if it gets the lotion in the tape? It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

But if it puts the lotion on its skin, the tape won't stick. That's right. So that's why you put the lotion in the basket. Okay. I'll take that lotion. You put it on the tape. I'll take the lotion for 500, please. Yes.

Okay. The question is, who used this much lotion? I thought we had more. Oh, who is Buffalo Bill? That's right. Nice. Scott controls the board. OK.

Oh. What's your next question? Next category. Oh, I've got to pick them? Yeah. You control the board. Controlling the board. Tear it down.

Tear down the whole board. Tear it down for how much? For, I'll pay you $1,000 to destroy the board. Tear it down, tear down the whole board. Tear it down for how much? For, I'll pay you $1,000 to destroy the board. Tear it down for a negative $1,000. Who was told to tear down a wall by Ronald Wilson Reagan? Who is that little bespeckled, four-headed guy Mikhail Gorbachev? That is correct.

Scott maintains control of the board. He talked it out to the time that he figured out what he was talking about and then he got it. He didn't get the boop, boop, boop. Nope, he didn't get the boop, boop, boop. That would be more fun. Do you know who I miss, Alex Trebek? I miss him every day.

I recall, well, first of all, I'm very pissed because I had an opportunity to go see Jeopardy like right right before the pandemic, and then I didn't coordinate it well. I'm like I had a hookup there who was going to like let me come to taping. Was it Alex Trebek? Yeah. And it was when he was he was there and I'm so sad I didn't get to go live because I'm a Jeopardy fan. Make sure you stick around and say hi afterwards.

I would have loved to do that. I was working on some sitcom and it was, and Jeopardy was right across the stage and I wanted to go in there so badly but I was scared of getting in trouble. The only one I went into was Price is Right and I spun the wheel. Bum-bum-boo. What'd you get?

I only got like 65, it was a bummer. That would have been okay, you could have still done well. I know. You wanna hit the dollar. Of course you want to hit the dollar. When I was working the greatest job of my life, season one of Real Time with Bill Maher. Yes, that's why I was there, by the way.

Yes, I- To support Paul. They would have- No, I did come when you were on it, didn't I? I can't remember. Did you really? Why? I don't know.

Wait, you both were on Real Time with Bill Maher? No, I just came to the audience. And then I went downstairs to the- The best place to be, frankly. What was your job, like sort of, correspondent or something? Well, I just came to the audience and then I went downstairs. The best place to be frankly. What was your job like sort of? I had my own little segment. Okay. This was his first show back. I was in Kosovo. This was his return to television after Politically Incorrect had been canceled famously. So they were trying to play around with the format of the show.

So what if in the middle we have this guy who does a more lighthearted thing that's just clearly... It was basically like a monologue, a comedic monologue about something in the news that you wrote and performed. Yes, that I poorly wrote and poorly performed. I thought you did great in both. Well, you're very kind. I thought it and poorly performed. I thought you did great in both. Well, you're very kind.

I thought it was so good. Since learning of it? Yeah. A lot of people have that reaction, because they can't see it. But the Price is Right stuff was just stored in the hallway in that building at television city. Like big couches and fridges?

No, like the fucking big wheel. So you could just- They just stored it? Like why didn't they just have it out all the time? No, like the fucking big wheels. So you could just. They just stored it? Like why don't they just have it out all the time? No, it was out all the time. They just would shove it out in the hallway. And so you could go up and like spin the wheel and everything. It didn't make any noise, but it was fun.

Yeah, that's the thing is, is it wasn't the clicker or whatever. Like the, that's not actually a thing, right? Is it a sound guy doing it? I don't know if it's, I feel like a sound guy would have to be. It just went whoosh. But maybe they plug it in and there's noise.

Plug it in, plug it in. Before everything became so technological. Oh my God, Elon save us. Everything became so, so, so sort of neutered and streamlined. I liked it when Vanna had to flip the number, the letter. I liked it when the- Yes, I liked watching her flip that letter.

I liked watching her flip that letter and I liked watching Price's Red had the click click and I liked it all. Yeah, yeah. I liked when you used to shop on Wheel of Fortune. Yes. For couches and trips. I'll take the dining set,

I'll take the Boreal furniture, I'll take the thing to do it, they only had a limited amount of time to do it. But then they would always just run long and Pat Sajak would have to be like, okay, you have $500 left, you need to pick something. I wish. It slowed down that show so much.

That dumb statue. Here's what should happen, Wirtle should be replaced by an app that is for Wheel of Fortune, and then we compete every day to see who guesses the hangman of sorts before the other. Oh, the hangman. You're right, Wheel of Fortune is based on hangman.

Yes, it is, but they made it sound so polite and nice. I feel- Why don't they have a hanging person? They should, that's what I'm trying to say. They should. In Wheel of Fortune? It should be for like the Wizard of Oz thing where like they're maybe in the-

Yes, Wheel of Fortune should have a guy- The rumor. Have a guy who's being hung, literally, if they don't get it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they put on his limbs one at a time. They put them on. The fortune should have a guy who's being hung, literally, if they don't get it right. But they put on his limbs one at a time. They put them on?

So it's a man again. It's a previously, yeah. No, it's a real person. It's just a torso. It's just a torso. And then they attach. Yeah, what happens in Hangman again? What do you draw first?

The head? You draw the head first. So it's when you get that last leg, or last arm. Or you decide beforehand, are you going to play with toes? Are you doing clothes? Are you gonna play with toes? Variations well when you're a kid, I think it's Felt it in the air. You're desperate energy. Yeah, this is terrible. I love it guys, I have to leave. Paul, no, it's going great. Oh my goodness. Oh no, am I just making sure my phone isn't blowing up? Oh my God, oh my God.

Now, when you're a kid, sometimes your parents are a little more generous with you knowing that you're not gonna work it out so much. So it's like you agree before hand. Because typical hangman, yes, you got the head, you got the body, two arms, two legs, that's it, right? What a gruesome game. But your parents, you got the body, two arms, two legs. That's it, right? What a gruesome game. But your parents, you can sort of decide like, oh, OK,

you're going to get to have feet. Yeah. Or you're going to get to have like. Maybe more chances. If you're really dumb, it's like five fingers on each hand. If you had five fingers on each hand, you've gotten all the letters of the alphabet by that point. It's like, you know.

Wait, how many do you have? You got one, two, three, four, five, six, plus 10. That's 16. If you don't have it by 16. Then toes, 26. 26. So what if he did all five?

Then hairs on the head. If you want numbers, symbols. You were doing clothes though? I think I drew like a t-shirt and pants at some point. What was on the t-shirt? Smiley face. And then you would complete that slowly, right? Yeah.

Like you had the circle. Smiley face. And within, within, within, within. They ought to call it state-sponsored execution. Yes, thank you. Say what it really is. That's right. We're in favor of it.

Yeah. Yeah. Love it. I hate when they pardon that turkey. You know, what is with that show they put on every year? It's so bad. It's so bad. And the groundhog and all.

It's all, it's almost cute. It's not for us though. Pardoning a turkey? My opinion is it's not for us. It's for Biden because the job is so grim and solemn. It's like, hey, but you get to do this once a year. How would you like to do this? That mimics our execution system that we still have in our country. But it's like, hey, but you get to do this once a year. That is corny. How would you like to do this? That mimics our execution system

that we still have in our country. But it's like cute. Would that be fun for you? It's cute and you can see kids for an hour, you know what I mean? Easter egg roll, et cetera, et cetera. He could make that shit happen whenever he wants. You think a president these days

could say, hey, every week. I hear a good impression. Toy giveaway. That's right, bring the kids down. That's right. We're gonna give away toys. Here's the deal. Come on, man. Wait, this is good. Come Toy giveaway. That's right. Bring the kids down. That's right. We're going to give away toys. Here's a deal.

Come on, man. Come on. Here's a deal, man. Here, I'm going to do it. Hey, Jack. Hey, I'm Joe Biden. Hey, I'm Joe Biden. Where's my hot dogs?

Hey, I'm Joe Biden. Put the hot dogs in the buns, man. Jelly for lunch. Jelly for breakfast. We're creating jobs. We have lots creating jobs. We have lots of jobs. Lots of jobs.

Lots of jobs. Lots of jobs. Your mom can get a job and your dad can get a job. He talks just to kids from now on. No, he's talking to adults. It's a big problem. They're hiring all these 90 year olds. Ask your mom if you can get a job. It's a big problem. They're hiring all these 90 year olds.

Ask your mom if you can get a job. Hey, that's good. Tell your dad, I wanna work, dad. I wanna work, I'm six years old. When I was growing up in Delaware, I wanna get in there with my little fingers. I wanna put together phones. I wanna ride a bicycle.

I wanna get on the train. Down the hill with my legs up. Yeah, I wanna put someone like want to get on the train. Down a hill with my legs up. Yeah. I want to put someone like a little bunny in the basket. I want to give it a ride. I want to show it the world. Put the bunny in the basket or else it gets the hose again. The lotion.

I'm sure I've told you this story before. Please tell it again. We want to hear it. Please. Don't make us beg you. You guys are being so nice. We can't hear it enough. We can't hear it enough. I said I was depressed.

I went to visit my friend who lived a little ways away, but it was walking distance. And I thought, how fun if I roller skate over there. And what I did not take into account was that there were a couple of big hills on the way over there. Oh, like up the hill. The sidewalk went down.

Like when I was first going, it was so steep that I had to like, put your ass to sleep. Hang on to, yeah. I had to like hang on to, to like parked cars and stuff because I could not, there was no way that momentum would have killed me. Right.

What's worse going down or going up? Going up is worse. I had to like, it was like climbing the mountain. How do you do it? You do the little brake stop on. I was hoisting myself up by like parking meters. Why did you just take the skates? Scott, that's a great question. Yeah. Never occurred to me.

Wow. Never occurred to me. Yeah, they're on. Sometimes the stuff that doesn't occur is wild when you later realize, oh, simple resolution. Yeah. Exactly. Like you could have killed yourself instead of just taking off your skates,

and that's a great lesson. Look, my parents paid for those skates and they gave them to me and I was not going to disrespect them by taking them off and walking on my stocking feet. So they gave you the skates? Yes. They bought them and then gave them to you.

I think so. Interesting. They didn't charge you for them. I'll be very honest here. I don't remember. I think so. Interesting. You know what? They didn't charge you for them. I'll be very honest here, I don't remember. I had some really great roller blades that were forest green glitter color. Ooh.

They were fantastic and I loved them so much and I would just zip, zip, zip around them. I remember I had blue skates with orange wheels. That's cool. Yeah. That is nice. I had blue and orange Keds and I loved them. Really?

Yes. Get those now. I thought about it. What was blue and what was orange? Yeah, what had blue and orange kids and I loved them really Get those now. I thought about what was blue. What was orange? Yeah, what? Yeah, it was a blue sneaker with orange trim Wow, the rubber orange not the rubber the rubber was like road was but like the design on the side and everything Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's really good shoe. That's a good Style of shoe what what company made it kids kids did okay? And kids are just for kids though, right? Do you think Keds is- No. No? Anyone's allowed to wear them.

Why so close to kids? Do you think the person who started the company, Keds, also says milk? Probably. And as a business of milk? Yeah. Pai, would you- Milk for Keds. Anyone like to buy milk for Keds?

Well. If you want to win this auction, put a bet on it. Can I just say there's a huge baby formula shortage right now. Yeah, I hear. It's a big problem. I just started panicking last night. Well, I went to Target two days ago when I just picked up one thing, a formula. That Target that they just put in that's been there for 12 years now.

No, but I need to go see that one. You went to Target and only bought one item? Well, you don't even know what I was doing. I had a full cart and I was dragging Rubbermaid bins around the store, which was another thing where I was like, I could have done this at the end, but I didn't stay.

I thought of it midway through. Exactly. I thought of it midway through the journey and I was like, that's too bad. They had wheels on it, so it wasn't that big of a deal. But I got one thing, a formula, and then I was like, read it online. That was all they had?

No, I just grabbed one because my cart was so full and I was gonna have to do it all by myself, loading everything and I was like, one's fine was all they had? No, I just grabbed one because my cart was so full and I was going to have to do it all by myself loading everything. And I was like, one's fine. I have one other one at home. And then I was like online and I'm noticing this. And I had read about the shortage, but I was like, I guess my brand's not a problem.

It's right here. And not real life garbage ship brand. And I didn't realize in my in retrospect, I can see that the shelves were totally empty. But I didn't clock it in the moment. And then I went online last night trying to find more and it was not available at any target, no formula of any brand.

So what if you went back to that same target? Oh, I thought maybe I could, but there was only a couple left. And then my friend said, my friend found me some at a Walmart kind of far away and bought it all for me so I can pick it up. But last night I ordered a bunch online for my grocery store, I ordered like 10 containers.

And then this morning they said they didn't have it for me. Oh no. So then my friend found this other one at Walmart. And so hopefully I'll be able to get it when I pick it up. But I'm like, dude, it's crazy. Why is there a shortage? Is it not enough titties or what? Yeah, the tits that make formula powder are all dried up.

No. No! No, it's really crazy because it's like a very serious problem. Those big soft titties? They forgot to rotate out the women. No! It's a very serious problem and I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and dealing with this is able to get what they need because it's very crazy.

I hope and pray that that is the case, that people can get what they need. But why is, why, really why is that? I don't understand why every brand is down at the same time. Cause it was- Cause the toilet paper shortage, the way it was explained to me was,

there are two types of toilet paper. There's stuff people use at home, and then there's stuff people use in offices. Yes, the worst. The industrial stuff, right? And everyone left the offices, and so no one's using all the toilet paper in offices They're all using it at home and the office is locked. They can't get in there The supply chain is like building up outside of the stores and the building there's now double the demand for just going and shitting in front

of the office Office can agree there's more demand than ever for the regular for the regular. It's double the demand So there that's why I don't know, I was just briefly reading something last night, but then it sent me into a panic, I just started searching for formula. So are babies not going back to the office anymore? Yeah. No.

And then there's of course horrible threads of idiots being like, why don't you breastfeed? And so I was like, you can't just start lactating out of nowhere. If your baby's on formula. If I give you $100 right now, you couldn't? I mean, $100? Hey, $100, I'll do it. $100, you can milk me, Greg.

Broke Robert De Niro. Are you talking to me? Because you want to give me money? Why was he so mean to Greg? I don't know. I recently rewatched it. I think I talked about it on this show, but I thought it was hilarious. It's still good.

I bet there's a lot of, I haven't seen it since it came out, but I bet there's a lot of this show, but I thought it was hilarious. It's still good. I bet there's a lot, I haven't seen it since it came out, but I bet there's a lot of funny stuff. No, it's a classic. It's definitely classic. Yeah, why was he though? I mean, I guess it ties into the whole, like no one's good enough for you. Because he's a precious little girl or whatever the fuck.

Is that a real thing? Grow up. Yes. Like, are you gonna feel that way? Like, just let Holly date whoever. I'm gonna have my cat piss in the toilet in front of whichever man comes, or woman or non-binary person comes into my home.

No one is or robot for my job. Yeah. Robot pet. Whatever. Are you trying? Are you going to try to lead Holly's suitor into saying that you can milk anything with nipples? I will definitely try to get the person to act out all of that movie. If you can set that up so the person doesn't know that it's happening, that would be, if you could pull that off, that would be amazing. If you and Mike and everyone were doing that scene,

and even Holly, everyone knew about it except the person, whoever that person is. I would say this has to be, so this is gonna be like 22, 25 years from now. Yeah. And everyone's off book. Yeah, well we'll have plenty of time. Plenty of time, yeah.

Memorize one word a day until then and you'll be fine. If one of you dies, hologram. I got the first word. The. The. What, what, Lynn? So you think that there's only, cause that would actually be interesting.

One word a day. One word a year probably as far as. 365 words a year. No, it's not good. That's like 25 words. Okay, one word a month. It's barely a sentence. Can we compromise?

One word a month? One word a day? Can we compromise? One word a month? One word a day? No, I'm saying- How can I get you into this scene? Scott, you're not gonna get the whole movie. Oh, you wanna do the whole movie? I was saying the scene. You're gonna engineer the whole movie?

Yes. Okay, interesting. The pool, the water polo, all that shit? So if someone gave you a transcription, if someone gave you a transcription of Meet the Parents, and you memorized one word a day, and you just add it every day, you're transcription, if someone gave you a transcription of Meet the Parents and you memorized one word a day and you just added every day, you're like, okay, today's.

It's like memorizing pie or something. Yeah, and it's just the dialogue. Just go, hey, fucker. Yeah, hey, the first line of that movie. Could you do it in 25 years? Could you memorize the entire movie? Yeah, but what I'm trying to tell you is 365 words a year times 25 is probably not a full movie.

That's not very many words. Are you also going to do like 10 pages? It's around 10,000 words. Are you going to do Lord of the Rings style and memorize Meet the Fockers as well at the same like back to back? Yeah. Back to the future too. And I want to memorize Lord of the Rings at the same time as well.

Okay. Now, if you can engineer that, you might be a redneck. As someone that wants to dig. Three components of my brain. You might be an elf neck. How do you know if you're a redneck? I'm really wondering. There's so many ways. Check your neck.

There's so many ways to learn. As Adrienne Brody once said. I'm seriously wondering. If you be the do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Google and we crashed. Did you watch that? Google me. Why did I watch that? I watched all I told it. You know why I watched it and Hathaway was brilliant She was good. Yeah, and stop being mean and Hathaway. She's a good actor Yeah, she's people act like she's so hard to take and it's like what are you hanging out with her? by the way, and she was so good in that role and That movie I was blown away when they show, not movie, whatever, show. Series.

Whatever. Limited series, Lauren. Limited series. Limited series. That LTD series, I loved it so much. When that ended and they showed the real people, I was extremely confused because- Stars, they're just like us.

Of course, but Jared Leto, extremely handsome man, as we know, had prosthetics on in the show. The character that he was playing, the person, very good looking. He did not need to put on prosthetics. I don't know why he had prosthetics. He looked weird with the prosthetics. Almost everything he does, he doesn't need to do. It's almost like...

And we don't need him to do it. I was very confused. It's like an tacit agreement between the audience and him. Let's let this guy off the hook. It just was like, Jared, you're free from your responsibilities. Take five forever. I don't need you to have brown contacts and a different nose for me to understand

that you're being a different guy. I also didn't notice that he had prosthetic sunken. Okay, that's weird. I'm a weird guy. His face looked totally different. It did not look any different to me. It was all happening right here. Oh, I never look at that.

Well, yeah, Loren's a real bridge of the nose person. I only stare at that. I never make eye contact. Yeah. Right in between. Yeah. But Anne Hathaway was stunning in the role, I thought. Fantastic, great lower voice.

Thought it was very funny. Absolutely. And yeah, then I saw the real person she was playing, and I was also blown away by the casting choice. The whole thing was just interesting. I bet that lady was blown away too. Well, Anne Hathaway is a supermodel. So, you know.

She's gorgeous. She's a stunning woman. And you're saying the original is ugly? I'm not saying that. I'm just saying if they're gonna put prosthetics on Jared Leto to make him look less hot to look like that guy, I didn't understand the whole concept

of the looks we were going for. I see what you're saying. I see you trying to dig a hole around me to fall into. It's just real acting. It's not real acting unless you have prosthetics on. That's real acting. Yeah. God, I would love to do some real acting.

Oh, I would love to. You know what I mean? I'd love to just stretch out and do some willy shakes. Oh man, to get some prosthetics and do William Shakespeare. Oh my God, that would be amazing. The actor's dream. To do Romeo with just giant jowls.

Well, yeah, but what if it's just a lateral move, like Jared Leto in We Crashed. Right. And it's just, they just make you look like a different guy. A different, yeah. But the same level of attractiveness. Yeah, poor. Scott, I won't hear it.

Beedity da dee do do, dee da dee dee do. That sound means Lauren wants to change the subject. Yeah, it appears we need to take a break because Lauren has started doing our playoff music. The hamster dance. What if you were watching the Oscars and instead of a nice soaring orchestral thing, it was just Lauren going dee dee do do dee dee do.

You know how good it would be if I came dancing across the stage to like swipe people off? Like a Sandman! Oh yeah, exactly. That's a Sandman place. That should be on every award show, it should be the Sandman. They should adopt that style. And the actual Sandman.

Yeah. Because he's still with us. That's a lot of work for him. Take a break. Okay, we gotta take a break. We gotta take a break. I almost just said something for him. How? Take a break. Do you think? Okay, we gotta take a break. We gotta take a break. We're too.

I almost just said something. We're too. Take a break. No time. No time. We're gonna talk to you. I love going out with friends, but I don't always want to drink. I know.

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available. Taxes and fees extra. See mtmobile for details. And we're back and Lauren, we had to go to a break cause Lauren had to take the biggest shit. Guys, you filled the whole toilet. Lauren! And I rose up. On a mountain of shit. All right, I started,

so I'm getting all these spam texts on WhatsApp and I started writing back to them. Oh, I love that. Okay, what do you got? I like, this one begins with, sorry, I have the wrong number. Usually there's one thing before that. with sorry I have the wrong number. Usually there's one thing before that. Sorry I say the wrong number. Why are you starting with that? Don't text me that. I already know. I'm texting you to let you know I don't know who you are. Sorry I say the wrong number. My carelessness. Hope you don't mind. My carelessness. Hope you don't. I wrote back no I

think it's wonderful. Sorry I say the wrong number. My carelessness hope you don't. I wrote back, no, I think it's wonderful. Sorry, I say the wrong number. My carelessness, hope you don't mind again. It was enjoyable, anytime. Sorry, I hope my mistake didn't bother you. It did not bother me. It was the greatest moment of my life so far. Acquaintances fate, if you mind, if I ask which city you live in.

I live in Sacramento, California, the greatest city in the world. And you, my friend, where do you call home? I live in Sacramento, California, the greatest city in the world. And you, my friend, where do you call home? And is it magical? I'm from Singapore and currently living in Los Angeles, USA. Oh my goodness. Are you a Hollywood movie star of the silver screen? And I'm waiting for a reply. The one that we read, they had a lot of similar things that we did on Instagram.

Yeah. Because it was like, where are you from? I am from whatever, Boise. I was like, I'm from Boise, Idaho, USA, because they wrote that to me. But they have such a weird script that they're going with. I know. And what is supposed to happen?

Well, I mean, someone in our family was just like totally taken in by one of these. But was that one of those? It was a scam text type thing? Through Facebook. Oh yeah, cause I heard it on an ad to Cart. Oh okay, so cool. I talked about it.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. So it's- She told the whole story. Okay, it's really, I mean it's very- I was just saying you can say if you wanted to say. It's very, I mean they just, you know, and I told you, I think that my mom also was,

fell victim to one of these scams. It's just like very, just, you know. I'm always telling my mom like, do not click anything ever. Oh my God. But yeah, it was just, it was just basically like, hi. I think it was something to the effect of hi, your cousin who they had information about.

But that's a trick. Like that's a real, that feels a little more than, They're trying to engage Paul in like, they're trying to say like, I'm in Los Angeles. Oh, maybe you're somewhere in Los Angeles. We should meet up and I have this opportunity for you and all this kind of stuff. Oh God, so shady.

Yeah. Well, remember the one that I went off on the guy and I was like, oh, he's like, what business are you in? And I was like, I thought we were both in the business of scamming strangers. And he was like, you go to hell. You go to hell. I was like, okay, I guess I got you.

Go to hell, you. Buddy. The one thing everyone should know is if anyone ever asks you for like iTunes gift cards to photograph the backs of them with the numbers, it is a scam. They, or Apple gift cards or anything like that. It's like, it's basically, those are untraceable.

Like once you take a picture of these numbers, they just use them as cash and it's untraceable. And that's why they ask for them all the time. Oh my God. I felt so bad with that story. That was so awful and stressful. Cause then you have to like try to like fix it all and. Yeah. Yeah.

But look, if it sounds too weird to be true, it is. Yeah, and I think it's really shady though to reference another family member because that makes you think, oh, this is all been vetted. Yeah, exactly. But also after she was taken in by them, they took over her Facebook account

because she gave all of her passwords to them and all that. And so then they started going out to everyone she knew, including some of my family members, and saying like, hi, this is Pat. It wasn't Coolop who did this, I don't think we made it clear. Oh, it's Coolop's mom. Yeah.

But hi, this is Pat. And we're like, I just wanted to let you, you know, ask you if, what is your social security number? You know, just- I was just curious. I've always been wondering what those numbers look like when you write them. Hey, what is your so secure number again?

I remember it's like one, two, three, four, five, nine digits. Yeah. Yeah, it's just so crazy. The fact that there are people, and they're out there because it works, I know, but it's just so sad that there are people out there with such a low character to do that for a living.

What's amazing to me is that I haven't been scammed yet. Why not just take a job on a sitcom? Anyway, go ahead. Yeah, it's very, very dramatic actor. I've never been scammed, but my social security number is 123456789. Really? Yes.

That's the dream. Okay, were you the first guy? No, I wasn't. The first person was 11111111 start with nine numbers at that point? It's probably just one. No, he was the one millionth and- Yeah, and balloons came down. To the 234,000. That must have been one millionth and two. So when your mom shot you out,

Like they set off fireworks and cannons with confetti and stuff because it was like, your number was finally the one we've all been waiting for. Exactly. And like that number flaps went down. It was like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. It was in the paper, they put my picture in the paper with the number.

Wow. Oh no. So it's out there. See, that's rude. That's the thing, everyone knows what it is. But see, I was born on January 1st, 3,456 at 7 789 PM. January 2nd, 3456 at 789 PM. That's a lucky birthday.

You are from the future. You're from a hundred and, or, 1,500 years in the future. Is that right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do-o-o-o-o-o-d. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do I don't like that. I had shouldn't if I had my cat who did pass in September rest her soul. She used to near the end of her life. She was like, wow.

I'm like, it was like really like lots of big meows coming out of there. You think you'll see her in hell? Yeah, probably. Well, as long as you have an old cat's go to hell. Yeah, I'll probably see her. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like when? Do you like when huskies scream for no reason? What's that? Husky dogs? They just are like Craziest noises Mike when he's growing very funny to me. I'm Boyd, you know

Would like one someday. I think they're beautiful dogs. They're so beautiful. A huge white fluffy dog. And how tall? Big. I don't know how big though. Really? Eight feet, six feet tall. Probably seven, eight, nine feet. Standing up on hind legs.

See, when highlights 1213. Yeah. But I never really understood big dogs. I never think out of bark. Yeah, really, really thought it'd be that fun to have one. But then we like dog sat a dog that was kind of big. And I was like, this is really great. How they just kind of get on top of you and like, no, what?

They're scary, I think. Big dogs. Oh, to hug a big dog is nice. Well, when they jump on you, it's like, come on. But if they're trained well, and then if they're come just like on the couch or something and just crawling onto you, like that's cute. I thought it was very comforting. And I sort of thought if I're trained well, and then if they're come just like on the couch or something and just calling on to you like that's cute I thought it was very comforting and I sort of thought if I was like alone. I would like another human dog

There's something cool about it to me if they're really well trained up when they're not well trained. It's really stressful I used to think I only liked big dogs and now I realize I like all dogs. Yeah, I don't care what size they are They're all great. So so they're all great I've come a long way, baby Molly our second dog she makes these weird noises whenever cool up comes back to the house after having left Like if she just hears the garage door open she starts just doing this like That's not where I thought I was heading to arrest her Deputized you know that. You're an officer of the court.

You know that. You know me. My trauma. I'm the hot dog king of Chicago. I'm the hot dog king of Chicago. You know me. You know me. We'll be talking about that.

I've been one hot dog. I've been one hot dog, can I finish? Can I finish this one hot dog I started 20 years ago? Kind of. I want a hot dog right now. Yeah. I want a hot dog, where can we get hot dogs? Dude, we can order Shake Shack right now, it's really close.

Oh shit, should we do it? Should we? Let's do it. Let's order Shake Shack on air and then we'll eat it in between episodes. Oh my god, oh my god. It's like not a prank, but it feels like a prank. I love this show. We'll ask, do we have your permission to put you on speakerphone? on air and then we'll eat it in between episodes. It's like not a prank, but it feels like a prank.

I love this show. We'll ask, do we have your permission to put you on speakerphone? Deededeededeededeedodo. I figured we would just do it over Uber Eats or something. Postmates, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that works.

Cause what if we didn't have their permission? I can't call them. Yeah, okay. You can call in a Shake Shack. You do a group order. Shake Shack is so busy. Like they'd be like, what do you want? Why are you calling us?

P-O-S-T-M-A-T-E-S, Postmates. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Address. We're ordering hot dogs. My signal is poor. Get on the wifi. Get on the wifi. Let's see if it works though,

cause it was making it even worse. Da-da-deedle-deedle-deedle-do. Da- dee da dee da dee da. Isn't it fun to hear us start to order, just to open the Postmates app? I think it's fun. It's so fun to listen to us, try like all looking at our phones, trying to figure out if we have the app. It's so fun.

Now hold on a second, I did not look at my phone. You didn't, yours is a file, yours is safely away in your pouch. I wanted to call them directly. Ha ha ha ha. Not using your phone. You want to shout at them. I haven't called a restaurant in a million years.

Even to get a reservation. Hello, pizza pie? Yeah, exactly, even to get a reservation. Hello, pizza pie. I would like one of your roundest pies. How round do you want this? So round. We have some triangle pies in the back.

No, I'm talking Charlie Brown's head. Circle. So round. We have some triangle pies in the back. I'm talking Charlie Brown's head. Circle. And could you make it look like Charlie Brown? With what? With the sauce? Give me a white pizza. And then put some anchovies to make the hair.

And olives for the eyes? So olives for the eyes. Maybe an onion for the nose. OK. And for the mouth. An entire onion for the nose? Yeah. Just put a big old onion on there.

Rawr. La la la la. Working it out with the hot dogs, bitches. Working it out with the hot dogs. Oh man. What, yeah. Order some fountain sodas as well. Wait, I just forgot the address, but I don't want you to say it.

I just thought I had it, but I just... One one two two. Ear Wolf Lane. Just say Ear Wolf USA, it'll get here. Shouldn't we take a break instead of subjecting the audience to this? I thought you were going to. They love it, those twisted freaks.

We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. Okay, bye bye bye. What if I told you the most important part of your spring cleaning routine is your sock drawer? I would probably go jump in the river because I was so frightened. You dare say this to me, the King of Spain? Yeah, it's time to ditch any mismatched, tired pairs and refresh your collection with some fresh bombas.

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It should be arriving in between episodes. This is very exciting. This is not an ad for Shake Shack. What did you get, Scott? I got a hot dog. I'm the only person who got a hot dog. I sort of still want one, but it's like when I have the chance,

I got chicken nuggets. We could lady in the trampoline. You know what? I wanted a hot dog until you mentioned Shake Shack and then I was like, there's a lot of things in here. Yeah, it's like, well, I got a burger as well. We aren't beholden to whatever you guys thought we were going to do. You got two entrees?

I got two entrees. Good for you, honey. Live your damn life. Exactly. I'll only eat a third of each. Uh-oh. That's really rich, man. It's three-cher time.

Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Spaghetti hoes. Hit the three-cher alarm. Wah! Deededeedadeedo. Wah! Deededeedado. We couldn't decide. So we used both. Preacher alarm. Wah! Do-do-dee-da-dee-do-do. Wah! Do-do-dee-da-dee-do.

We couldn't decide. Do-do-dee-da-dee-do-do. So we used both. Do-do-dee-da-dee-do-do. This game is submitted. Okay, first let's get this, let's talk about this. Let's get this shit out of the way. Elephant in the room.

KP? You blew it again. Why haven't we heard from you? I cannot with KP. Why haven't we heard from you, KK? It's been weeks now. Yeah. We need you to make another adjustment to your game, which we forget what it is.

And yes, we've recorded all of these before you would have heard the episode where we asked you to do it. But that doesn't mean we haven't heard. We have heard from you because we have. We haven't heard from you at all. So that's still on you. Yeah. So KP, get your act together.

Get your act together. Oh, oh, oh. Fucking there's no coming back from that, KP. Your problem. That's a Boogie Nights reference. I've never seen that film. Well, I saw clips of it as a child and I was like, whoa. As a child? Just him laying out his big doll. Yeah, because I was like 10 when it came out and it was on TV at my friend's house. You should see it. It's a good movie. It's good. Yeah.

I'm going to watch that tonight. His best movie, in my opinion. Iconic Alfred Molina performance. I'm sorry. I hate to. There will be blood. It's good, yeah. I'm gonna watch that tonight. His best movie in my opinion. Iconic Alfred Molina performance. I'm sorry, I hate to, there will be blood. I know you're in. Sorry, sorry, there will be blood. I hate to bring it to you. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that there will be blood.

You can't say my movie is the best movie. My. I actually did watch a clip of you in it and you were fantastic. See, there you go. And you saw my whole performance. It was really fun to see. No, she saw a clip of your performance it, you were fantastic. See, there you go. You saw my whole performance. It was really fun to see. No, she saw a clip of your performance.

It was one, it was, Oh, so you saw it like one second. Bop. Was it really fun? It was really fun. Was it really interesting to like be in that environment? It was wild. It was really, I definitely felt like I did not belong there.

Did you fly there or drive there? Drove there. Wow. Drove there to Valencia, California. They built a little town. That's neat. All right. Did you take any, any hard, did you take anything from the set back home with you? Like steal anything? I took a barn door. Wow. That's awesome. I said, it's not a real barn. That's fucking awesome. So the cows aren't going to escape. They don't live there. And now I have it in my home. And when I just like pull on it goes,

like the Fisher Price Barn. That was always an interesting sound. I loved it. I love the little. I like trying to make it go. The circle thing. I like trying to make it go really slow. And the circle when they when it goes, the farmer says. And no, no, the little thing you turn upside down and it makes the.

I like how it's like this. Yeah, I had one. I had one. I loved it. It's a had one. I had one. It's a weird time. It's not like that, but it's almost like, are you from space? It's like, cause there's a little ball like falling. But there's a little like, but I feel like that's more of the feeling that you get.

The vibration feels like that. Yeah. But the sound is pure mood. I think you're a hundred percent right. Thank you. Anyway, Alex is the big winner this week with his game or her game or their game snake oil Or snake Earl depending on where you're from. Love. My name is oil My name is the Valerie boys and their first sitcom Have each player write down six different, completely unrelated words. Oh man. One player chooses.

I'm gonna write the shit out of these. One player chooses their occupation. Poop, diarrhea. And then now, I mean, why do you have to announce it? Unrelated, unrelated. Oh. One player chooses their. I mean, they're kind of unrelated.

Unrelated. One player chooses their occupation and announce is it to the players. You forgot to put the announces. How are you supposed to even read it when it's written so horribly? Yeah. What are we doing here? Who did this? Can we end this one early? Alex. Alex. Show yourself, Alex. Have each player write down out how outics.

Have each player write down six different completely unrelated words. One player chooses their occupation. Of course it's different words. If they're unrelated, you wouldn't be writing down the same words six times. Right, but it's like... We have a lot of notes. Have each player write down six completely unrelated words. One player chooses their occupation and announces it to the players.

Each player chooses two to three of the words. My only question is how do we do our occupation? Well, like each player says their occupation. What does that mean? I'm going to read more and see if that brings it to light. All right. One player chooses... Have each player write down six different,

completely unrelated words. Okay. One player chooses their occupation. The only part I got. Have each player write down six different, completely unrelated words. One player chooses their occupation. The only part I got. Have each player write down six different completely unrelated words. One player chooses their occupation and announces it to the players.

Each player chooses two to three of the words to combine as the name of a new invention, like tent juice or dream cloud, which they will then attempt to sell to you with an enticing sales pitch. Their pitch should explain what their invention is, how it works, and why you would particularly want it given your occupation. So we can just come up with an occupation.

It's not our actual occupation because we would all be professional podcasters. Have each player write down six different, completely unrelated words. One player chooses their occupation and announces it to the players. Each player chooses two to three of the words to combine as the name of a new invention like tent juice or dream cloud, which

way they will then attempt to sell to you with an enticing sales pitch. Their pitch should explain what their invention is, how it works, and why you would particularly want it given your occupation. Inventions don't need to be logical or work in a realistic way. Once everyone has had the chance to pitch to you, choose your favorite as the winner. That player gets a point. The player with the most points when you finish playing wins. OK, can you start over? Yeah, I know.

Can you explain it? But like when I like a human or something? When what? When you listen? Yeah. OK. OK. But hold on. I'm going to put the let's start. Let's just do a piece. OK. So, yeah, let's do the six unrelated words, six unrelated and completely different. Mm hmm. I mean, could they could they be spelled almost the same? Okay, so yeah, let's do the six words. Six unrelated words. Six unrelated words. And completely different. Mm-hmm. I mean, could they be spelled almost the same,

but they are unrelated? Don't write down the six same unrelated words. Okay. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. All right. Cobra Kai.

Pfft. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, I got it. Now I'm just looking at things in the room. Okay. Cobra Kai. OK, I'm just looking at things in the room. OK, Cobra Kai. Cobra Kai, Cobra Kai. Let me rock it. Let me chop it. Let me chop it. Cobra Kai.

Let me rock it. That's all I want to do. Cobra Kai, Cobra Kai. Let me rock it. Cobra Kai. Let me rock it because I feel for you. Feel for you. Feel, feel, feel. Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop b Let me rock you because I feel for you, feel for you. Feel, feel, feel. Ba-bam, brr-ni-brr-ni-ew. Ba-la-la-la-la-loo-loo-loo-loo. OK, I got my six.

I got my six. And then we pick our own two words? That's the weird part. I think it, I think other people should have to pick. I think so too. We should, we should like text each other to the left of, and those are the words we have to. To the left? To the left. Wait, wait, wait.

You know what I mean? OK, so I said. So we don't pick two of our own words. Yeah. And what happens to from the list that is sent to us? OK, great. Right. I'm going to text or or we just send two words to the person. No, I think we should pick the six because that'll give people more choice. I'm sending you six words. All right. And I'm sending you six words, Lauren and Scott. I'm going to send you six words. All right, and I'm sending you six words, Lauren. And Scott, I'm going to send you six words.

And then what am I picking? You're picking two of them to combine, whatever two you think. And by the way, we're going to have to do this three times. OK. You know, you got to make sure that you pick the right ones. And combine them to do what? As a product you're selling. Great.

Got it. OK, great. Do you want to read it one more time? No, I think we do. All right, but now we have to pick our occupations and tell each other that. Yes. OK.

Or do we assign each other occupation? No, let's just pick our own occupations. Yeah. Which is just part of my character. Yeah, exactly. My character is a first grade teacher. So we're pitching to you then first. OK my character. Yeah, exactly. My character is a first grade teacher. So we're pitching to you then first. OK, yeah. OK, great.

And both of us are trying to compete. Is that what it is? Yes. OK. Hello, sir or madam? Madam. My name, madam. My name's Harvey Jarns and I am a salesman and I have something that is perfect for you. A first grade teacher. Oh and I have something that is perfect for you, a first grade teacher. Oh.

I have to interject here. And I'm sorry to do it right at the beginning of what you're doing, but I myself, by the way, my name is Harvey Parnes. And I- What's your name? Harvey Jarnes. Okay.

Harvey Parnes over here, focus on me. Unrelated. You're not a couple? No, we're not. I didn't think you were related, your name's just rhyme. Yes. We used to date- But you did think we were a couple. No, we're not. I didn't think you were related. Your name is just rhyme. Yes, we used to date. But you didn't think we were a couple. Well, we used to date. To be fair, we used to, we used to have a big torrid romance going that you're sort of denying. I wouldn't call it relationship.

We were fucked buddies, ma'am. And who was a top and a bottom? We switched off verse. That's really odd days of the calendar. I'm the top, even days. I'm the top. So you have sex every day. Cause it is a Thursday. Or just based on whichever day you wanted to have sex. Well on odd days, the interesting thing is sometimes two odd days would come in a row,

the 31st and the 1st. Right. So those were the really, those were the lean years. Then we would put on masks to be completely different people so it didn't matter Yeah, and we didn't count those okay, but we did have sex every single day And when you have sex with each other yeah, did you ever say I love you? I love having sex with you. Yes, we did say that a lot. I love having sex with you I love it. Did you ever leave out the part where you said having sex with?

I love having sex with you. Did you ever leave out the part where you said having sex with? I mean, sometimes the pause was very long. Sometimes I would say I love and then ellipsis, then you. Yeah. But the having sex with was very implied. A lot of times I would say I love and then I would mouth having sex with

and then I would say you. Does that answer your question? Yes, it does. Are these the kind of questions you ask of your students? No, I just wondered if you guys were fuck buddies because your last names rhyme. Yeah. Madam.

And your first names are the same. No, wait. That's how we met. Yeah. Being a teacher is the greatest job in the world. Oh. It really is. Even better than being a mom.

Other billionaire, I would say, is the greatest job in the world. But. Well, I mean, most important job. Yeah. For sure. I'd love to be a billionaire. And I know it's hard, because you

have to buy your own supplies, and nobody's giving any credit for it. That is true. That is very true. Well, wouldn't you like something that made your whole life a lot easier and helped you more effectively teach your little students? Yeah, of course I'd love that. Well, then have I got the invention for you. It's called the Moon Demon. Okay, it sounds scary. It's not. It sounds scary, but it's not.

Now when does school take place? The daytime? It does. It takes place from seven to three. Forgetting about night school over here. Well, but you don't teach first grade night school, do you? Do I teach that? Yes. Why are you saying his question over again? Yeah. What's going on right now? I don't. Your eyes are shifting back and forth. saying his question over and over again. Be an awfully cagey man. Yeah, what's going on right now? I don't- Your eyes are shifting back and forth.

First grade night school. Wow, your eyes are rocketing back and forth. Yeah. I don't- This is making me feel like she does teach first grade night school. I know, and it's not something to be ashamed of. What? I didn't even know it existed, but I'm glad it does.

What's a moon demon? You've piqued my interest. I'm glad you asked. A moon demon makes use of your classroom at night. So the moon is a device that you put on the outside of your classroom window, the one closest to the teacher's desk. You know, you always keep an eye on it. Don't let the kids get into it because it has toxic properties. Now you suck. It's good for me to be by it.

Exactly. But the kids, because they'll stick their fingers in it and then put their fingers in the mouth because that's what kids do. Yeah. But you won't do that, will you? But no, well, I'll rub it on my hair. Is that bad? No, it's good for hair. Okay.

What it is is it captures it has a goo in it that soaks up the moon's rays. And then what you do is you open the window just a crack mind you just a crack. And then you let that that moon goo seep into the classroom. The gases from it, it off gases into the classroom and it keeps the kids alert and awake. I love that. So they're always ready to learn. It's a gas. So it's not connected to a demon himself. No, it's called a demon because it seems almost like magical and evil. Because it's sort of smoke or gas comes through the air and makes all the kids stay awake. It's invisible, but it gets into their nostrils and their little lungs and it keeps them alert and perky.

And now does it get into my nostrils? No, it doesn't work on adults. And so I won't be getting into toxicity, but the kids will. Yes, they will. But it's harmful if breathed in, but you mustn't touch it if you're a child. But it's harmful if breathed in, but you mustn't touch it. No, it's not harmful if breathed in, but you mustn't touch it if you're a child. But it's going into, it's harmful if breathed in, but you mustn't touch it. No, it's not harmful if breathed in. It's harmless if breathed in.

Maybe I misspoke and I do apologize. That was a really crucial detail because I was just taking out my checkbook and then when you said that I started putting it away. I've been talking to teachers all day. I do apologize. Sometimes I misspeak. Can I interject here and say, speaking of alert and awake, who else was falling asleep during that? I mean, come on. Hey, that's pretty funny. I didn't know you could solicit alert and awake, who else was falling asleep during that?

I mean, come on. Hey, that's pretty funny. I didn't know we could solicit applause. Hey, that's pretty funny. I have something that I wanted to tell you about. Okay, Harvey Karp. But first I have a question. Karp?

It's Parnes, Harvey Parnes. I'm Harvey Jarnes. Who's that? Who are we? P. Karp. Harvey P. Karp was a cartoonist. You're thinking of Harvey P. Karp. The fish cartoonist?

Yes, yes. I have a couple of questions for you. What is the number one thing that you want your students to learn that starts with G-E-O? Geodistic domes are the wave of the future. They are, but the subject that I'm thinking about is geography. We all got to know where we are at all times, don't we? Yeah. But what's the number? I do wonder where I am right now, and how did you find me? that I'm thinking about is geography. We all gotta know where we are at all times, don't we? Yep. But what's the number? I do wonder where I am right now.

And how did you find me? Oh, we just came in through this open window. Yeah. You just came in through the window with your joke hawker? Yeah, we were protected by a silver spoon. I was instructed to do so by, what's her name? Okay.

Who is it who sings come through my window? Melissa Etheridge. Oh, Melissa Etheridge,idge. Melissa Etheridge. She speaks to me through her records. She speaks in tongues. She speaks in tongues. What's the number one subject? Now you're our third stop.

We went to the doctor and we went to the mountain. Okay good. So you've hit all the big stops. Yeah. You're two lesbians with a mission. Yes we are. What is the number one subject that your students want to be studying instead of geography? Now I'm just gonna say it, nap time, nap time.

They love nap time, don't they? They'd rather be doing that. As they add astronomy. Maybe they love it too much, maybe they love it too much. Nap time, so what's your product called? It is the recumbent globe. The recumbent globe. This is a globe that lies down on the floor

with the children. It's... I love this. It lies down next to them, it cradles them. Harvey one. It spoons them. Are you taking notes? Well, I am taking note of the old expression, he who lies down with a globe wakes up with lines on their face. Look, I've had my fair share of lying down with globes. And let me just say, it can be a very good experience. It can, it can. And it's instructional and it's motivational as well,

because these kids, once they're lying down with the entire earth, they want to get out there. They want to be traveling around the earth. They want to be going to different places. Talk about motivational globes. What about the moon? Talk about pop music. Everybody talks about it.

Interesting. Interesting. See, now, where did you learn that? Can I ask? I about it. Interesting. Interesting. See, now where did you learn that? Can I ask? I learned it from Ross Perot. From the streets, didn't you? You learned it from the streets, which is where people should not be learning things.

We want them to learn things in the classroom and this keeps kids in the classroom. Laying down with the globe. I like this. Yes. How much is each one? You go first. 99 cents.

Oh no, mine's just a cent. Okay. For a moon demon that catches the moon's rings, keeps the kids alert. It works every single night, because even though we don't see the moon, it's still up there and it's shooting down rays at us. So it's just one penny to have that work

for the rest of my life, or it's 99 cents to have this work for the rest of my life. Well, mine, no, mine doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. No, I think your choice is clear, madam. It's broken. It's broken. Okay, I'm gonna go with.

I do admire your honesty. And that is something that, look. Oh, wait, Harvey. That is something I almost came close to loving you for. Harvey. Look, I chopped out a cherry tree when I was really young and I lied to my dad about it. Oh, shit.

Yeah. And then after that, no more lies. No more lies, no. But my question is, do you think I could fix it? The tree? No, no more lies. No more lies. No. But my question is, do you think I could fix it? The tree? No, the broken product. I'll call my dad, but...

Oh, uh, yeah, I mean, how handsy are you? I mean handy. Um, I'm very handsy, I mean handy. Did you ever tell me about what? Well, that time I, you know, I gave somebody the wrong change, this woman, I worked at a store and then I had to walk five miles to give her two pennies. Oh, no You never told me after our fuck session. Pretty honest Okay, well, no, we mostly just talked about crossword puzzles. I actually love we never did them

No, we just talked about wanting to do them I love the way your shapes being Harvey. I do love the shapes are shapes. They're very symmetrical. I would Harvey John's. Yes Yes, yes, yes, ma'am. I'm sorry. Did you say my name? No, I'd like to give you a one penny. Oh I too love the shapes of the $150 a month, but you've already made up your mind. And so I'm rich Wow That's how you play it and that is how you play it and you know, it's almost here is a little guy called shake Shack Wow, is that it for us? Do we all wrote down six words? Kind of felt like that was what was going to happen. Time to meet Tanya at the door. Time to meet Tanya at the door.

Hey, and if you're out there and you have a Tanya come into your door, go meet her. Yeah. Time to meet Tanya. I wish you all infinite Tanya's at infinite doors. We. Here's friends. Here's what I want to happen. Here's the deal.

I want Tanya to come to your door. Hey, I want to happen. Here's the deal. I want Tanya to come to your door. Hey, I want Tanya to come to your door. When I was a kid growing up in Scranton, Tanya used to go in. This is good. You got to do it on TVB, baby. Never. Okay. Do it right here right now. I loved it. All right. We have to go eat our big cylindrical hot dogs. I'm just thinking of myself, I guess.

But we'll see you next week and remember to call our phone number for whatever reason. It's la. Ha ha la input. Ha ha la input. Ha ha la input. Do do do do do do. Ha ha la input.

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