Threedom - Threevisiting: The Threedom Framily Plan

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Threevisiting on the Tues: The Pretzel Gang discuss the Steve Martin and Martin Short live show and confessions from listeners before playing Dwindling Timeframe.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! I don't blame you if you never started. That was a great. I know, but that's speaking of you never even started listening. I don't blame you, but you're a redneck. If you're within the sound of my voice and you can't hear me, I'm sorry. Guys, welcome to Freedom. Yeah, we're back. Can you believe it? After last week's episode? I can't. I thought that we were just going to quit. We're still dealing with the fallout from everything I said

was a lie. I just want to put that out there. Okay. And everything I said was what Lauren would have said if she were telling you truth. And everything Scott said was everything he didn't say when he wished he could have said it to the girl for the book. I wasn't 2020. Girlfriend 2020. What do you think I had going on then? Reveals.

Reveals. As far back as you could think. You're like searching for. I couldn't think for a year. During the pandemic, I had before pandemic doesn't exist. Pandemic gumar. My panther gumar.

Everybody got a panther gumar. Oh man, the wives understand that is I. And maybe we talk about this a lot, but the people who had affairs going on when the pandemic hit. I don't think we do talk about that. No, we've talked about it at some point, I would say that they must've been, you know,

shaking in their boots. Well, how do you- Slash bringing COVID back to their wives. Yeah, that's the thing. Or husbands. Do you keep doing it or is this a good time to go like, hey, baby, we gotta call this off. Hey, baby, I can't risk getting this

life-threatening virus from you. I can't risk getting this life threatening virus from you. I woulda fucked you with a mask on. Yeah. Yeah, didn't someone announce at some point, like you can fuck with a mask on, but you can't kiss. What? Someone. Someone. I was gonna name the person and then I found Foutchy. Dirty Foutchy? Cause he'll lie. And now I'll turn things

over to my alter ego, Dirty Fauci. Hey everybody, look, you can fuck, but you can't kiss. It's pretty woman rules. You get that now. I have not seen it yet. Oh shit. But I've heard, I know that's a thing. Okay, yeah.

You know that's a thing. I know, I know. That's probably the one thing you've picked up on. Yeah, anyway. Speaking of pretty woman, Gary Marshall is a very pretty woman. Yeah, anyway. Speaking of Pretty Woman, Gary Marshall. Is a very pretty woman. Gary Marshall, who directed Pretty Woman.

I just watched the movie Soap Dish for the first time. You know what, I've never seen it and everyone's always like, you gotta watch Soap Dish. I've never seen it either. It's not bad. There's some good jokes in there. Where? Tell us one.

Kevin Kline, fantastic. Knock, knock. Kevin Kline walks up to her and says, knock, knock. Somebody on the other side says, who's there? He says Kevin Kline. He Kevin Klein fantastic. Knock knock. Kevin Klein walks up to her and says knock knock. Somebody on the other side says who's there? He says Kevin Klein. He is so fantastic. Kevin Klein who? Kevin Klein from Soap Dish.

They said come right in, the movie has started. I recently learned he's married to Phoebe Gates. Phoebe Gates. Yeah. Yeah, great couple. There is one unfortunate joke in the movie. Okay. That does not hold up at all.

Well, there's gotta be. I mean, what year is it from? A brief moment of transphobia that I have to say is mercifully brief. Like, they don't linger on it in the way that a lot of movies, older movies would. Yeah. But other than that, it's a very good movie.

Yeah. So you like the- Very good, it's fun. You like the pairing of- So I probably won't watch it. It's a fine film. Honestly, it's going down, down, down, down, down. No, I. You like the pairing. I probably won't watch it. It's a fine film Honestly, it's going down down down down down. No, I think you would enjoy it. I think you enjoy it I just watched for the millionth time you've got mail the other night

I just put it on cuz it was on Netflix and I was like sure I'm gonna do some computer stuff if you've watched You've got mail for a million times. You should take any recommendation. I give you Perfect film. What? Start to finish. Perfectly terrible. Are you fucking kidding me? Speaking of trans folks, Dave Chappelle.

Oh well, he's simply an actor in the movie. He's simply an actor. I am not thinking about that. I'm thinking about the Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks pairing. Are you kidding me? It does make sense that Tom Hanks and Dave Chappelle would be best friends. Well, that part is random.

Okay, fine, not perfect film. Their chemistry was off the charts. You guys, I'm talking about the romance. Of course. You hate it? No, I don't hate it. I remember it being slow and boring. I didn't say it's bad.

It's not slow and it's not boring. It's actually very good. I mean, Shop Around the Corner is good. Well, I've never seen that old film. Well, watch that instead. I don't want to watch that. Yaloon? What, who's in it though?

Uh, everyone. Famous? Everyone who was alive in that year. Well, that's true. Every movie from those times. The population was much lower. And it was great because people got to go see the movie and see themselves on screen literally.

Like, that's me. But, but, but, but, but, do you like, do you like Sleepless in Seattle? I don't remember it. It's been so long. That's a perfect film. I can't do this with you guys. And Sleepless in Seattle was based on another old movie. Yeah, Night Night. I'm sure it was.

Up top. Night Night Up Top. That's a great one. It's another Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. I prefer Joe versus the Volcano. Never seen it. I've never seen that. It's great. Are they both in that? It's a weird movie, right? Yeah, I love it though. Are they both in Never seen it. I've never seen that. It's great. Are they both in that?

It's a weird movie, right? Yeah, I love it though. Are they both in that? They're both in that, yeah. Was that their first? I believe that was their first one, yeah. They've been there so many times, I love this. You should watch Joe Versus the Volcano.

I will watch that. It's John Patrick Shanley who did Moonstruck, which is a perfect movie. That is a perfect movie. It's one of my family generalese favorite movies. Yeah. Yeah. Your general family. Yeah, mom, aunts, grandparents. Theies favorite movies. Yeah. Yeah. Your general family.

Yeah, mom, aunts, grandparents. The idea of them. Sure. Yeah. When you think about them in theory. I think moon structure. You're fun sandals. Do you like these?

I do like them. You know what? I can't see them from this side. Boo. I recently lost them in my own home and I was going kind of nuts. You should put a tracker on them. Yeah, I think I'm gonna put a tile on them.

And then Mike can track them. Ragoo. Did you say something about ragoo? and I was going kind of nuts. You should put a tracker on him. Yeah, I think I'm gonna put a tile on him. And then Mike can track me wherever I go. I- Did you say something about ragu? Ragu? Mike can track me wherever I go. Oh, I know, dear. I didn't know. Found by sandals.

All I heard is Mike can do is ragu. Mike can beat his old ragu. I found my sandals in a basket of hats. A basket of hats! You thought it was a hat and you threw it in there? Or Mike thought it was a hat? This is it in there? Or Mike thought it was a hat. This is the title of your self-help book, right? I found my sandals in a basket of hats.

Well, let's break this down. Who threw it in there? And then what's the long subtitle? I know exactly what happened. Tell us. But first I need the long subtitle for your self-help book. But first I need coffee. To get through the title.

The title is, I threw my sandals in a basket of hats, colon, and other things I'm not telling my husband. Why didn't you want to tell Mike about this? No, that's what the person who wrote the book was saying. He's holding over her head forever. Because I sound like I'm nutso butso. This is not a memoir?

No, it's a character. Someone else wrote this. A character wrote this. Yes, yes, yes's a care. It's a character, a character. Yes, yes, yes. The character of the character of me who is much sillier and kookier. Amelia Bedelia style. What happened to this? That's about so Amelia Bedelia. I was packing for Disneyland, which I had a wonderful time visiting

with my nephews and family. And I I was a grandma sand sandals and then I went, I need a hat. So I went into the closet where I have a basket of hats. A basket, is it a closed basket or is it an open basket? No, it's actually, here's what it really is. It's a free gift basket I was sent with some bachelor goodies in it

for it to promote some bachelor. And it's a nice woven basket. It's random that I put my hats in there indeed. But I do. And I was grabbing hats that I must have just put the sandals in there and walked away and grabbed. Wow. This is huge. Then for many, many days, I wondered, where are they?

I thought I'm losing my mind. And then I thought, I feel like I remember holding them when I was in the closet. And then I I looked in the hat basket many times, didn't find them. But then I went back and actually dug in there and there they were. I had an experience like that recently. And I was so mad, where I was looking for something in a drawer. I looked like I'm sure I left these in this drawer. Weren't there condoms?

weren't there? Your condoms. Yes. My condoms. Ultra thin, extra tiny. I'm sure. Extra tiny. I'm sure. Can I get some ETX-ty?

But they're so small, you usually can't, you can't see it with the naked eye, you have to use your hand and feel in the drawer. Yeah. And then, and this is, I'm gonna say, this was like last October. What date? 31st.

Ooh. Ooh. And then you think a ghost did it. Couldn't find these fucking things. And then what were the things? What were the things the other day? You don't wanna say. They were a bunch of tin whistles.

What? What are you, Amy Sedaris? What? She has all these little drawers where she keeps little things. A bunch of tin whistles? Yes, I, look, I have- Are you a Brooklyn hipster?

Is that something that they do? I don't know, it seems like something. It seems like they'd say- They'd have old timey bicycles. They'd collect their tin whistles. I am somebody that does variety programs. Oh. If anyone's gonna have a bunch of tin whistles, it's you.

Thank you very much, Lauren, for that. You're not like anyone else, you're you. I like this line of reasoning. Yeah. And so, okay, here's- What sounds do the whistles make? Whistle. Is it like the-

What sounds do the whistles, like a penny whistle? Like, yeah. Okay, so like, yeah, got it. They're the slide whistles, in other words? No, slide whistle is a slide whistle. Right, so it's a, do they have holes in it? Yeah, yeah, got it. There was a slide, slide whistles. No, slide whistle is a slide whistle. Right, so it's a, do they have holes in it that you can, yeah, okay, got it. Will you, Lauren?

I'm simply playing the track of you playing with your tin whistles. I didn't do a single thing. But you were doing a slide whistle. I didn't do anything. That's what got me confused. Here's what happened. That's what got you confused?

Yeah. Here's what happened. I didn't do it to weigh's what got you confused. Here's what happened. That's what got you confused? Yeah. Here's what happened. I didn't do it to weigh in. It starts with a death. Oh. My friend Neil Mahoney passed away. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Well, this is- I know, but I feel like I can't just say, okay. Tell us more. He passed away. I feel like it was like the beginning of COVID. Yeah, I remember seeing him at them. That was really sad. Yeah, and then we had a memorial service for him. I'm not gonna say service. It was a party. Actually, it was like when things

started kind of opening up again. Yeah, when the vaccine happened. Yes, exactly. Post-vaccine. And so I was asked to sing a song at the party and it was a song by the Pogues. I'm a bitch. at the party and it was a song by the Pogues. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. And I'm a bitch, so I said yes. And so the band was rehearsing at my house and the key of the song was pretty low for me. And I said, can we change the key?

The guy playing the penny whistle only had the one whistle. I said, I have a bunch of different keys. Let me go find them. How handy. Wow. Well, you think. Yeah. And then I went and looked in that goddamn drawer.

They weren't in there. I looked, I looked all over the place. Did you blame Janie? Yeah, of course. I had to look cool in front of the guys. Well, cause I bet Janie had like a little parade with some neighborhood animals and they each had a little tin whistle

and they were walking around and playing. That was her pandemic project is she would do animal parades. This is before squirrels could give you COVID. Yeah, because if you share a whistle with a squirrel, you're SOL. Some might say. You're the sun. You're the sun of law. The sun of law. You're the sun of law.

So I couldn't I could not find them and it was like, okay, well I guess we got to sing them this trash key. And then- Look at my phone. This guy got anything on there that can help you with the key? What? I beg your pardon? Like a Pennywhistle app?

Find it. You play the Pennywhistle into the phone. We're trying to find a key, right? No, no, no. He couldn't change keys because his Pennywhistle was in the key of the original recording. And I was so mad. And then the other day I found they were exactly where I... What?

Exactly where I put them. Here's what's up. Exactly where you looked for them. Here's what's up. Yeah. They were in the fucking drawer where I looked for them. Where you looked and couldn't find them. Couldn't I find them?

I feel like I dumped that drawer them. I could not find them. I feel like I dumped that drawer out. Let me tell you something. This is fishy. Please. Do you ever use the old phrase where you pray to St. Anthony. Don't shit where you leave. Of course, St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come around.

Oh see, I say Tony, Tony, turn around. Something's lost and must be found. What? That's what I was taught. St. Anthony, St. Anthony Tony, turn around. Something's lost and must be found. What? That's what I was taught. St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come around. Something is lost and cannot be found. I'm respectful to him.

Tony, Tony, we're good friends. I've had to do it a bunch. Tony, Tony, turn around. But Tony, let me tell you one that happened recently with this, because whenever I say it, it fucking works. It does. Maybe I'm being too formal. When I don't say it, it doesn't work,

because I don't do it, it doesn't work. Cause I don't do it. What? But, exactly. You're a thinker. But what happened was, Mike couldn't find his wallet. And we were spending a while talking about this. Where is it looking? Such a bad feeling.

Yeah. To not be able to find your wallet. Then I said, the key phrase I said previously, I walked back in the room and sitting right on the fucking coffee table. Like it was right there, but there was nothing else on it. There was no way we didn't see it. I think Tyler Henry, the medium put it there for me.

Do you think Mike's wallet and my penny whistle switched places briefly? But anyway, isn't that weird? What do you think of that? It's like, is your brain just not seeing you? I'm sure. Your brain is editing things out. Because you know what? Because it was not one thing.

It was several, it was like four tin whistles. I only believe in science and facts. And what I believe is, there's some part of my brain that's not accessing that because I'm thinking about it so hard. There's no, there's nothing like such as spirits or mediums or ghosts. There's no such thing as psychics.

I don't believe in anything like that. I think what's happening is, you know, how, you know, how if like something is messy in your room, yeah, you're bringing you use that sock to clean it up. The one on your day. You guys have ruined me. I wouldn't my mind wouldn't even go to that. But it does. What does that mean? OK, so you're in your dining always there you're on you're in your you're in your dining room and on the dining room table There's some mail that you've like left there

Yeah, I think table gets so out of fucking control. Yes, exactly So when you go through your your dining room you edit out of your field of vision because you don't want to be unhappy and Looking at it would make you feel unhappy. Because it's annoying. Because it's annoying. So your wallet was- I gotta try that. Your wallet was somewhere that you were editing out of your thing and you're not recognizing

it as a wallet because you're recognizing it as clutter. Right. Maybe. Oh, that's my theory. No, I think it's- You don't have to shit on it. I said maybe. I mean, she granted maybe. I think that's pretty- I think that actually- Call me maybe. Oh, that's my theory. You don't have to shit on it. I said maybe. I mean, she granted maybe.

I think that's pretty- Call me maybe. I think that's generous. Be generous, Carly Rae. Hey, this is crazy. Here's my wallet. Don't call me Tony. Call me Tony.

Well, I'm glad he found his wallet. I'm glad you found your whatever the fuck these. Are you glad I found my sandals? No. Okay. I was pretty upset. They're my favorite. I'm glad you found one of your sandals.

Can I tell you something fun about Amy Sedaris actually? So the other day she was having an auction to raise money for a diabetes. What do you call it? Cherry. And it was a live, they were doing it live in New York where you could go in and bid on things. Yeah, just like Saturday night. Amy Sedaris. And then they were doing it.

A bunch of things. They did a live stream auction. Shotchkes. And I love her so much, so I marked my calendar for this. And then I couldn't wait. And then I was, I forgot and I was late. Why didn't you check your calendar? Well I knew I had it then I just wasn't paying attention to the time. I showed up 30 minutes late.

However I was very invested and I bought a piece. I got something. I was in a bidding war. Whoa with who? David Sedaris? I don't know a stranger but I and Kate Mccoochie was watching it so she was texting me like oh my god oh my god but I couldn't look at her text because I was in the bidding ward a stranger. But I, and Kate Mccoochie was watching it. So she was texting me like, oh my God, oh my God. But I couldn't look at her texts because I was in the bidding ward. It was so crazy. And then she also later won something really awesome.

But I got this really great painting and- Done by who? Amy Sedaris? Well, it's, it's, this is all just stuff that she owned. Oh, got it. And some of it was like thrifted, some of it was whatever. But this was a John Derry was a painting from John Darien, which is a store that I already collect things from.

But David Sedaris' partner, Hugh, had painted Godzilla onto the painting. Whoa. So it's like a sort of scene, an old sort of- Like an old painting from a thrift store that he then made a new thing. I love stuff like that. And I'm so excited.

I got it recently in the mail. I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to hang it up. I will post it in my story. Oh, it's arrived already. Yeah, it arrived. I just misplaced my fucking hammer and nail. Well, I know where they are.

Look at the hat, Pat. Look at the hat, Pat. Come on. That's where everything is. One hammer and one nail. The magical hat. What? But it was so fun to be part of an auction

with such fun things. She has such weird things. I didn't catch any when I was watching, but it went on for hours and hours and they had to continue at a different night. There was just so much stuff and so many people on the on the line bidding. Was she on Hoarders recently? And this is the way they're dealing with it. Yeah, I don't know why she's getting rid of all this stuff now.

But celebrity Hoarders would be a good show. Oh, I would love to see us about yourself. Well, didn't Martha Stewart? I think she did like an auction Thing I didn't haven't watched it. My mom was talking about this It's like she had like a whole barn full of items and then but then celebrities were like calling in and like getting things early like Yeah, that's fun. That's us. Celebrities like who? Julien Assange? Chris Kardashian. Snoop, probably. I know, she bit on some plate settings.

Chris Kardashian. You know. You know. You guys want to Kardashians every week? No. Every week. I binge them all every five years. I do watch that goddamn Southern Charm,

which is a terrible show. That's the thing. I don't know. I can't put anything past you, really. Or I wouldn't say yes, but need to. Penny Whistled News. Yeah. You know, there's you've got a collection of Penny Whistled.

You know what else I have? An ocarina. Of time. Sometimes called the sweet potato. Circle with holes around it. No, that's a pitch pipe, I think. OK, what are you talking about? I thought an ocarina was circular, it's not?

No. It's like an oblong thing, it's got a little kind of handily thing coming out of it. That's the end that you blow into and it's got holes. You're gonna say like a dick? He said the end you blow into, that got too good. It got too good. I'd like to look at what it looks like. I'd like to look at what it looks like.

I'd like to look at what it looks like. Please, Link. Please bring your ocarina around. Show me the ocarina. Show me the ocarina. Ocarina, ocarina. Okay, so this? Ocarina, ocarina.

It does have holes all over it. I mean, we'll give it that. It does. It's like a potato. It's not like a potato. They used to call it, they also refer to it as a sweet potato. Well, I could see it with this one.

Yeah. It doesn't look not circular. No, it does look not circular. How about this one? It's a Sailor Moon from angles. That was a straight up lot. From certain angles it does. But look at this one,

Sailor Moon, Ocarina, perfect circle. Perfect circle. What? That is it. The Manor Canaan. I can get 10% off if I type in my email right now. I can get 10% off if I type in my email right now. Ocarina, Ocarina. Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, Ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina,

ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocarina, ocar That was, I wish there was more shit like that. Like where Falco puts a timeline of Mozart in the middle of that song. Yeah, I wish he should do songs by other people.

That ends with him recording that song. Yeah. That's so crazy. What's he up to? It is, what is Falco up to? Is Falco still with us? Do you think he turned around? Uh oh.

Do you think he's? Da da da da, oh uh oh. Ba ba bow. The movie about Falco. Ba ba ba do do do. Also, I guess this still happens. Died in 98. Oh no.

1998, Falco died in the Dominican Republic. They should edit that into the song. Yeah. Died of severe injuries. Oh my Jesus. Received 13 days before his 41st birthday when his Mitsubishi Piero collided with a bus on the road

linking the towns of Via Montelleno and Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic. I can't deal with this. At the time of his death, he was planning a comeback. The prophecy was true. Oh my God. That was a long ass time ago that he- If we think he had to pass as predicted.

That he passed away at 40. That's horrid. Beat him. Well, I'm in my Falco year, 40. That's awful. Man, that's bad. I thought he would still be with us. I thought so too.

Enjoying the fruits of his labors. Yeah, yeah. Scott, speaking of be with us. I thought so too. Enjoying the fruits of his labors. Yeah, yeah. Scott, speaking of being with us, how was your birthday? It was. That's a great segue. Air tight. It was great and I'm with you. Great.

Did you do anything special on the day that you care to share with our listeners? Well, I forgot people were listening to this. Oh shit. I sprained my ankle the day before. Just like when you rode that horse? Yeah, but this is worse. Why?

Cause the day I rode the horse, it was fine. I walked it off, it was fine. Oh, it hurt more. It still is. You got a boot on? Not a boot, but a high shoe. He's wearing heels ladies. Bless you.

Sprayin' to playing pickleball. Oh, trying to be cool. Trying to look cool. Sprayin' to playing pickleball, do to playing pickle ball. Oh, trying to be cool. Trying to be, trying to look cool. Spring to playing pickle ball, do da, do da. Spring to playing pickle ball, make a broke all day. Everything I say you guys should sing. Okay. Everything I say you guys should sing.

Ba da da. Club had been trying to get me to play pickle ball for months. Club had been trying. See, you didn he turned on him. So I played pickleball, really enjoyed it for about an hour and a half I played. What shoes were you wearing?

Low, low-tops. Low pumps. But like, kitten heels. A nude kitten heel. The Louvitons, my dear. You, I hate it. You, were you wearing an athletic shoe? No, I was wearing a just a-

A leisure shoe. Well, a sneaker. A leisure shoe. A sneaker, but without a high back or side. And so the next day I was like, let's do it again and three minutes in rolled my ankle. No, and did you fall to the ground? Eyes went, ah!

And then fell to the ground. And then I had my phone on because of a text I had to get. And it started beeping immediately. I'm like, ow! And I went over and picked up the phone. Ow, ow, ow! Because you had to see the information. I did.

I'm gonna send you this text and you need to see it live. Well, it was something that I needed to. So you did need to see it, but the timing worked out poorly that you were. Yes. I'm in pain, but I also gotta see this. Ow, ow! I want to milk this pain, but I also need to.

You look like you're Robert De Niro milking. Do you milk me, Greg? I wanna milk the pain, but I wanna answer my texts. And then did Cool Up carry you to the car? No, I thought it was gonna be fine. I thought I might get back out. Oh. And then I was like, I'm gonna nod just in case.

And now it's been five days and still is. You need to go duck, duck. I need to go duck, duck maybe. And then so for your birthday, were you sad because your ankle hurt? I was sad, well, we ended up not going into town or anything, we were out of town. We ended up not going to the town because of it.

Oh right, because you went to a special location for your birthday. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Langley, Virginia. So you kind of had to the town because of it. Oh right, because you went to a special location for your birthday. Yes, yes, yes. Langley, Virginia. So you kind of had to just chill in your hotel. At the pool or whatever and then we ate dinner at the hotel. Did you do rice? Oh, I did, yes.

Rest. Inclination. Ice. No, I is ice. Custard. Everybody. I don't think it's rice. It's rest.

Rest. It's rice. Ice. Inclined. No think it's rice. It's it's rest rest. It's right. Ice in class. No, it's ice. No, it's right. Custard. What is this guy doing? It's not. It's right. Everyone. Rice, rice, rice, rice, rice, and a. Yeah. And that should do it. I did everything except for you put right.

Striction. Yeah, I did. I didn't really have anything to constrict with, so I did all of that. But I have been... Couldn't take off your t-shirt or whatever, wrap it around there? Huh? Then I'd be nude from the waist up. Tear it into strips like you're on a desert island? That's too bad you hurt yourself.

It seems like you hurt yourself when you go out of town. Yeah, but it was really... That's your move. It was really nice. I was with some great people and we had a nice dinner and it was very nice. Aw, good. I'm glad to hear that.

Yes. I'm so glad you had a great birthday. You deserve niceness. And then Paul and I, and Janine Gula. Yeah, the old broads. We went to, we talked about this on a previous episode of What We Were Going To Do,

but last night we went to see Martin Short and Steve Martin at the Hollywood Bowl. No, I loved them. And was it fun? It was very fun. It was a ball. It was great. It was absolutely fun.

So do they do a show, just the two of them? How does it work? Well, see, they used to do shows separately. They, I've seen Martin Short do his show, which was like an hour and a half by himself. Is it singing? Is it? He would do singing, he would do comedy,

and he would dress as Jiminy Glick. Oh, good. We always watch Jiminy Glick when we need to be cheered up or we need to watch something quickly. And he interviewed a... We want to watch something funny before, but I would put on Jiminy Glick. He interviewed a local television anchor,

and then I think he did, I'm pretty sure he did Ed Grimley as well. Oh wow. Yeah. Full costumes. Yeah, full costumes for all of that. So he did like an hour and a half show and then Steve Martin also would separately do

an hour and a half show mainly of music, I feel like where it was. I like his banjo music. Yeah, where it was mainly banjo stuff but then he would, you know, like talk in between the songs. And then they were like, I think music. Yeah, it was mainly banjo stuff, but then he would, you know, like talk in between the songs. And then they were like, I think they had to,

or they got the opportunity to do a show together and they just kind of combined it where they each did less time. And then they also wrote a bunch of jokes about each other. Yeah, I've seen them kind of do that on something on TV. Yeah, Netflix, they had a Netflix special. Yeah, that was good. But it was, it's really good because they can do less. And then they seem to be having a lot of fun.

That's so fun. It was really great. It was. I mean, and it was like densely packed with jokes. Like, yeah, it was fast, fast, fast. They were not pausing for the laughs all that much. It was it was great because each one was hitting really well. Yeah.

Which like you would think they would pause for last, but no, they were just like like, I mean, like every joke, I think I laughed out loud at every joke, which is, you know how rare that is. That's impossible. Yeah. And it was like, I could not believe it. Like there was, there was like no joke that I was like, Oh my God. I love that.

One of Martin shorts was well, uh, Steve Martin is a lot like the movie Deliverance. It's all fun and games until the banjos come out. I unfortunately don't remember that movie, but I have seen it. I have never seen that movie. I saw it for some reason. I saw it and seen it, but I know what the reference means. Yes. I'd love to know.

Does it have guns in it? Yeah, it's about guns. Sure. Sure. Guns of the flesh variety. Going into... Peanuts's about guns. Sure. Sure. Guns of the flesh variety. Yes. Going into. Love guns. Love guns.

I don't know the reference. That would have been one where I went. Was that kiss, love gun? Love gun, yeah. But see, you got every joke too. See, that's big. I got every single joke. I got every, oh my God, when they.

When you said you laughed at every joke, you're actually bragging that you got every joke. You're actually bragging. It's a big brag. The funniest part though, the funniest part was that... I didn't think anybody would pick up on that. In this...

I thought it was the perfect crime. When Martin sure does Jimmy Glick in this show, he does it as like a ventriloquist puppet that Steve Martin is controlling. Oh, that's hilarious. And Steve Martin asks him about various celebrities and they put the pictures of the celebrities up on the giant screens.

And it's like, what about this guy? And then, oh, I think that, you know, whoever, you know, Kim Kardashian, oh, I think she is whatever. But for some reason he puts up a picture of Elon Musk and it is the lowest res version and it's on these giant screens. It was so fucking funny. I was laughing so hard that they could not get a high- Hollywood bowl. Or was that intentional? No it's not. Well it's not intentional here's because later

on they do like a Sarah McLaughlin thing and they show pictures of uh uh puppies on the screen and there was a low's puppy up there. I was like, well, they're not trying to slam that puppy. Got him. I'm just like, there have to be better pictures of Elon Musk out there. Oh my god, it made me fucking die. That's really funny.

It was bad. Like, to see it blown up on a big screen like that. That is so funny. Just like the first one from Google Images. That's also a great joke. Exactly. And then the question I from Google Images. Exactly. And then the question I have is, how did Janie's picnic baskets work out?

Worked out very well. Worked out very well, yes. It was like charcuterie boards. Yes, yes, yes. But how did you know about this? I had private texts with Janie. Whoa. Yeah. Where she was asking your help or?

No, it was about something else. And then she mentioned, I have to go get this picnic basket. I have to. Well, she said, because the- We didn't force her. Well, no, the was about something else. And then she mentioned, I have to go get this picnic basket. I have to. Well, she said because the force her well, no, the I did. The timing worked out where she had to get on a certain day because they were closed on July, et cetera. But it was good.

Yeah, it was good. I mean, there was a little bit of drama. She got attacked by a bear in a hat. Yeah. Wearing sandals. So, yeah, there was like a littler bear with him wearing a tie. Pick a Nick baskets. Yes.

Yeah. Right. I've heard of this. Oh, I've heard of this. I've heard of this too. Oh, I heard that story. They don't harm, they just want the basket. All they want is the picnic basket.

They're actually very friendly. Nice. Contempt for authority though. Yeah. Which I don't like at all. When they, weirdly enough, when Steve Martin started playing his first banjo song, I started tearing up for some reason.

Cause it was meaningful to you. I don't know, something about nostalgia for my youth or something, I don't know. Yeah, I think I would cry at that for no reason. It hit me right before the show started, like, wow, this is momentous. Like these guys are, these are people that- Oh, well, just get the two of them.

These are like two people that got me into the life that I have now. And the fact that they're still performing, doing great shows and together, it's like, that's a lot. Also, they showed clips beforehand of just a wide swath of their work. Oh, fun, that's so cool. It's been since the 70s for Steve Martin beforehand of just a wide swath of their work. And it's- Oh fun, that's so cool.

It's been since the seventies for Steve Martin and really the eighties that we have been aware of Martin Short, but it's just like, they've done so many things and had, I mean, Steve Martin's career is so crazy. The amount of things he's done. Yeah, that's true. But just the amount of things that he's done is so massive.

Yeah. Yeah. From a young age. And then he still had like 25 years where no one even knew where he was, who he was, where he was working at Disneyland, you know, and that's Berry Farm. It's like so crazy. 25 years. Yeah. When did he get famous? Well, he wasn't. Well, he wasn't working at there. He was. No, but he was a baby during some of that. You're counting. You're counting baby.

So when he was a baby, he wasn't famous. Yeah, when he was a five year old, he wasn't famous. He was famous at six, but then started not being famous again at seven. He took a break to work at Disneyland. He was all washed up at seven. Yeah. No, but it was just crazy to see like, oh yeah, all those movies and all those SNL appearances and all those television shows

and all it like, it was very overwhelming. And I think he's also one of those people where he's had white hair for so long that he seemed older when he was younger. Like in Father of the Bride, he has white hair. But he's not. And pubes. Presumably.

Well, we don't know. He might've shaved them. Mercifully, they don't show them in the film. Do they say it at the very end, like at the end of the credit? I think it also his pubic hair. He pulls. He pulls the waistband of his pants down. Very right for the credits.

I can't imagine how creepy that is. Say OK, so he was 45 and father of the bride. Wow. Which was two years ago of a bride. Or it was the bride. Yeah. Wow. Which was 31 years ago. Of a bride. Or it was a night, yeah, 31. No, it's, I mean, his book, by the way, Born Standing Up.

I've read that. I mean, for him to be selling out, you know, Universal Amphitheater and big, is that an arena, I guess? I mean, it's, and then to have then 40 more years of doing incredibly diverse, weird things. It's like that's the dream. That's so cool. I still haven't sold out the Universal Amphitheater. Well, I don't count that as part of the dream because that will never happen.

But I think it's the do your dreams are only reasonable. Yeah, my dreams are absolutely things I can accomplish. I had a dream the other night that I was like being possessed by this demon. Oh my God! And it was like, it was so real, but it was like I was very aware of it and I was going like, are my eyes turning black? Like I was like asking questions.

Hey, are my eyes turning black from this demon that's about to possess me? Oh no, I'm being possessed. What's going on guys? Are they, do they look black? Are you clocking this? Does my voice sound like my voice? We have to take a break speaking voices.

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Baa, we're ba, ba, ba. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Bibbidi bobbidi boo. We almost talk like minions. And let me tell you something, Scott. I listened to the episode of Scott Hasn't Seen. Yes, about the- About Despicable Me.

Depic, Depic-able Me. And it made me want to watch that movie. I haven't done it yet. People say it's hilarious. Yeah, I liked it. I liked it a lot. Some of the moments that you were talking about sounded really funny.

Yeah, I enjoyed it. Check that out if you haven't heard it. It made me want to watch the sequels, which I have not done yet. But yeah. Yeah, how many are there? Well, there's Despicable Me 2. There's Despicable Me 3, there's Minions, and then there's this

new Minions The Rise of Gru, I believe. So many films. The Rise of Gru. People love those little guys. They love those little guys, but they're very cute. See I have not been exposed to all of the overexposure of the memes and stuff like that. I've only known, I mean yeah, I see the ads every once in a while, but. I feel like I've learned a lot about minions

without knowing anything. Yeah, what, I mean, what is there to know? Really? I know they don't speak English. They speak Minionese. They don't speak the Queen's English. They were around for the rise of Gru. But like, the language they speak is like a combination

of a bunch of languages, right? They call it Minionese, but yeah, I believe it's... I know that they were around for the rise of Gru. That's cute. Like, they were there. They were a witness to the ascension. Well, they knew about Gru. Yeah, they watched him rise!

Well, how could they not? Took over the whole town. Do you think that song will incorporate the song...that movie will incorporate the song Rise by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Press? I actually know for sure that it will. Thank you. Is that the... Is that the... Do you think that song will incorporate the song, that movie will incorporate the song Rise by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Press?

I actually know for sure that it will. Thank you, for good faith. Is that the bwam bwam bwam the notorious B.I.G. sample? I don't know. It is. It's the General Hospital song, right? Yes. Where it's like bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam.

And when there was a non-consensual sex scene between Luke and Laura. Luke and Laura, yes. And then a laser in an underground thing. The Ice Princess, the Cassadines. Man, that was huge when we were kids. What movie? General Hospital. The soap opera.

Oh yeah, when you said Luke and Laura, I thought it was from a soap opera, but I thought it turned into a movie, so I was confused. No, it was, General Hospital was fucking so big that even I heard about it. My mom watched all my children. So I'm more familiar with that universe,

but the General Hospital universe, I do know Luke and Laura. It was 1982 probably is when it just like exploded and like there's that song, General Hospitaeal. General Hospitaeal. That's just a song? Yeah, it was all about the phenomena, because everyone was like people...

Like a pop song? Yeah, a pop song that hit the top 40. Everyone was watching it, everyone was talking about it. How were people even seeing it if they were at work? My mom would tape it on her VCR. And then watch it every day. She would tape it again on the same tape. But you forget that soap operas were designed for the stay at home mom. Yeah, but I mean, if but it had to have been so big. But I remember Dallas was also huge at the

time. Falcon crest, not as huge. Could anything be as big now? Is that I don't think so. I mean, I guess a lot of opportunities, but but, it feels like there's something that everyone's excited. Like Game of Thrones, I feel is the most racist thing. But that's not the same as- But even stranger things, like which is huge, a million people you know are like,

oh, I don't give a shit about that. But I feel like soap operas, because that's more rare for everyone to be interested in that. Like it's a very specific style of television. Yes. It is weird that this, this dumb thing that is just designed to like make housewives have a TV on,

then suddenly everyone's talking about it one year and then no one talks about it ever again. There has been discussion about designed to make housewives have a TV. How about like Susan Luchy from all my children, right? Luch Luch Five trillion times for Emmys but never one. That's right. that is designed to make housewives have a TV on. Well, how about like Susan Lucci from All My Children? Right. Lucci, Lucci. Who has not made like five trillion times

for Emmys but never won. That's right. She finally won. She did? She finally did, yeah. Good. Thank God, we finally stopped talking about her. I'm relieved, I'm relieved.

And then she dropped dead on the stage. Yeah. She went up, she put her hands on the trophy, and then she died. Yeah. But you know, I guess what's kind of fun is- And she became a trophy. Because of our internet, you know, I guess what's kind of fun is. And she became a trophy. She became.

Because of our internet, you know, that we all share. We can find your. Oh yeah, if people don't know, we all have. The three of us. We share an internet bill. Yeah. We're on a family plan. The Freedom Family Plan.

Do you remember the Framley Plan? Yes. We're on a Freedom Framley Plan. Well, why aren't we all on a Framley plan? So the bills and spending our golden years together, we should all be splitting our utility bills in our separate homes. We should all be splitting our phone bills so that I can look at who you're calling. Am I in your top five?

Top five. Oh my God. Those little circles. Who have you ever called like in your top five? Top five, oh my God, those little circles? Who have you ever called? Like in the past month? Who have I ever called? You wanna know? Yeah. Like a legitimate call. Everybody read your calls.

Okay. Like outgoing calls. Like who are you calling? Freaks calling you doesn't count. We only have reasons, right? I called a company, I called Mike because I wanted to tell him what happened on the previous call that I had right before that.

Previously on our call. With a company that I had right before previously company that I was coordinating some Catering with oh, what are you catering dear? I don't want to talk about it. And then I called Who's this that I called who is this? Oh, I spoke to a Serviceman and I spoke to my friend Dan who calls me all the time. We talk on the phone. I have a few friends I talk on the phone with, do you? I don't anymore.

I have zero friends that I talk to. I've got my friend Dan, who's also known as Big Dipper. He is a rapper. Oh sure. And then my friend Arden Marine, we talk on the phone. Really? Yeah, that's a lot of my recent calls. And then all the other ones were at Disneyland

and we were like, where are you, where are you? My last call was last Wednesday to schedule a haircut. Your last call was last Wednesday? Wow. I literally have like five today. Before that, June 21st. I don't even know what this number is. Wait, you never call.

No, I don't. I only call. How do you get out of this? I only, look at my, I'm every day, every day I'm talking on the phone I I'm only calling like businesses. I never I'm never never going to chat. How do you do just once you've sent? Well that I don't know Scott okay, and I couldn't even tell you if the other call that I mentioned was made by me or received by me, yeah, I

Yeah, because it shows a little picture of a phone with an arrow pointing out if you made the call. Oh, that's cute. Let me look again with that knowledge. Oh, got it. Okay. So I called. I literally can't believe you've had, you've made like two calls in the last two weeks.

See, that's it. Honestly, it's one call. And do you get spam calls? And then the previous call, I made one call in the last month. No, I made one call. And do you get spam calls? And then the previous call, I made one call in the last month. No, I made one call last week. And then the last call that I made before that was June 13. But see, I do some things that are kind of old school. Sometimes I'll call places to pay my bill. Not like, like a call at my podiatrist, because like they emailed me and I'm like,

it's more annoying to send this. It's my in the mail and do all this stuff I'm gonna call them and look at my wrist I'm gonna call and pay over the phone and then I did that for this other like framer that I use you're weird but I don't think that's weird everybody's talking't have corns or a bun. When are your wiki feed score? It's a 10. Yeah. Is it a 10 still? Yeah. Wow. Congrats. Literally perfect.

Let me see those again. No. Let me see those again. Okay, I called Coolop today from the car because the garage clicker was no longer in the car and I had to leave. And I said, can you click me out? Stuck in the garage clicker was no longer in the car and I had to leave. And I said, can you click me out? Stuck in the garage? Can you click me out?

Can you click me out? Then I called my coworker this morning and we had a nice catch up regarding- You did have a call. Regarding some business stuff. I didn't make a call though. Oh, you're only speaking about making calls. And then two days before I called my mother.

Nice. And then we're going back into June and then co-op. But that is June. Oh, and Ryan Gall. You spoke to him on the phone? I spoke to him on, I called him at the very least. Do you know who pocket dialed me recently? It was Mike Mitchell.

Mike Mitchell of Doughboy's fame? The Spoon Man? Doughboy's. Spoonie. Doughboys. Spoonie. Yeah. Spoon Man. Spoon Nation. Really? He pocket dialed you? Yes. Let me see if I still have the. I've mentioned this so many times. Yeah, you have.

I told you that Matt Walsh would stop. Would butt dial me constantly. Yes. And I would hear his conversations. And then his boat would be like, hey, Scott. I just wanted to call you. Hearing the conversations is crazy. I've accidentally recorded voice memos. Or like, you know, when you press the audio keyboard,

it starts typing what you're saying. Oh, yeah. And then like a long paragraph just appears, and it's like all the shit that I was just saying. Dangerous. Arden and I use voice memos a lot. Here's my- Where we send a voice memo back and forth.

I was doing that with, instead of texting people, I was doing videos. I was recording myself as videos and then sending that. Listen, here's Mike saying hello. Hello? He called me. He sounds so lost. Hello?

Hello? He must have seen that the phone was ringing and he picked it up thinking that it was. No, like it was answered, like it went to your voicemail and so it was already like one, two. He was like, did someone call me? If you're hearing this, please tell Mike to get his shit together.

We have a listener voicemail about this topic. If you're hearing this, tell Mike to get his shit together. If you are hearing my voice right now, tell Mike Mitchell to get his shit together. We have a listener voicemail about this topic. Okay, let's hear it. Yeah, sure. Let's hear it since we're talking about it. I'd since we're talking I love to listen yeah I'm give a shit

hi it's Garrett from Oregon hi I texted my friend Darren I don't know thinking he was my wife and said hey let's make an excuse to get out of going to the Dave Matthews concert with Darren no I was standing in Darren's kitchen and I looked up and his phone dings and he looked at me and it was really awkward. Do you have any stories where you accidentally texted the wrong person? The more embarrassing the better. That is so brutal.

Standing in the kitchen. In the same room as the person. Standing in the kitchen. That's so bad. Of all rooms. I think I have told the story that I had, somebody did that to me about me. They were picking me up and did that to me about me. Oh. Yeah. They were picking me up

and then they wrote something about me. It wasn't exactly, it wasn't like that, but it was- It's this bug in the fucking room. It's been attacking all three of us. I opened the- Paul did this to all of us the other day. He did? Yeah, you texted all of us, didn't you?

And you said, oops, that was meant for a different thread. Yeah, but it's different when it's like actually about you. I know actually about I know it wasn't about like I don't know that I've texted I might have I might have done that once before Like where you feel you get scared that you didn't your whole body is like yeah pulsating. Yeah. Yeah, it's terrifying The best we ever had was we had because we had... Best I ever had. Best I ever had! Janie and I were calling, thank you!

I was next after that guy, karaoke, and I can't believe they hired him. No, that's Queen, dear. Oh, I'm sorry. Journey, famously, it was a guy, like a karaoke. That's so great. And they hired, it is, isn't it? You know, it's just like American Idol,

but skipping all the steps. It's just, you just, you nailed it? You know, it's just like American Idol, but skipping all the steps. It's just, you just, you nailed it. You got one voice. It's like that guy. There you go. You were on your phone. So Janie and I, Janie and I were arranging, I wasn't listening.

Come on. We were arranging a car to the airport. I think it's a service called Wings. It's like, it's like Uberanging a car to the airport. I think it's a service called Wings. It's like Uber, but specifically for the US. I've never heard of this. Tony Shalhoub is in the back. Kill the Nat.

Kill the Nat. I've never heard of this. Wings? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so this guy. That's what Red Bull gives you. This guy we hired. Oh yeah, it does.

You could text with him directly and he texted Janie, you know, the time I'll be there, blah, blah, blah, this is what my car looks like, everything. Then she got another text that was like, oh yeah, she's been looking great lately, you know, obviously on a steady diet of D's nuts. And she showed it to me, we fucking howled laughing. And then he wrote back like a minute later and said, hey, sorry, that was, that text wasn't for you.

I was talking to my cousin about our other cousin who is, she's been on a weight loss program. Our other cousin? Yeah, whatever it was. It was like one of those lies that's so convoluted. Right, right. Well, that was like my friend. It's about his cousin.

Then he texted up. Well, because he was trying to make up a different story. Yeah. Then he texted a picture of a bag of nuts. So maybe Google that. Well, actually, that kind of is next level and kind of funny. It was so fucking funny. Literally, he's nuts. But my friend said, oh, I meant to send that to my husband,

who she was in the car with. And then it's like, well, that doesn't make any sense. You know what I mean? It's like, okay. And I just said, I know that you didn't mean to, but that's okay, we can move on. But that's fine. It happens, it's embarrassing.

I have more trouble with email where it's like you think you're responding to an email. You have said that you've sent. I've talked about this, but where like Gmail was confusing to me for a while where I... Gmail is gonna be... I thought it was emails, but that's Gmail's? I didn't even know how to log in. What's next?

H-mail? Come on, man. I wish they would do the whole alphabet. I could have Z-mail. Oh man, that would be so long. You're willing to wait for that? I think it'll happen pretty fast. Not in our lifetime.

We have to go back and do A through D. They're gonna start with A-mail? They're gonna A-mail, B-mail. Well, they gotta go A through D. One of these guys has gotta sound funny. They skip over E, that's already been taken care of. A-mail, B-mail, C-mail, D-mail, E-mail, F-mail, G-mail, H-mail, I-mail, J-mail, K-mail, L-mail, M-mail, N-mail,

J-Mail, K-Mail, L-Mail, M-Mail, N-Mail, O-Mail, P-Mail, Q-Mail, R-Mail, S-Mail, T-Mail, U-Mail, V-Mail, W-Mail, X-Mail, Y-Mail, Z-Mail. None of them are funny. But we made sure. We did it. V-Mail sounds like female though, so it's kind of funny. If it was all women who are female, yeah. And men are female. Valentine's Day. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. If you guys could yodel, would you? Yeah, absolutely. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Say yahoo. Yahoo. Can you please play another voicemail? Why? Because I want to hear more. I like that one actually. Okay. That was a good one. Thanks, Garrett. Yeah, thanks, Garrett. Hi, Lauren.

Hi, Paul. Hi, Skylar. Oh, she loves Lauren. I have a confession. Me the least. Oh. I... This is my confession.

...for my friend's address a few years ago so that I could send her a message. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sky. I have a confession. Me the least. Oh. I asked for my friend's address a few years ago so that I could send her a piece of baby clothing for her new baby and I never sent it because I wasn't sure what to write in the note I was going to send with it. This is for your baby. I wonder why this person wasn't sure,

because it makes you think. I was thinking about your baby. Maybe they had a fraught relationship, she felt weird. Maybe, maybe the baby was a mistake. You could just say for so and so and put the baby's name. This is for your baby.

It could be that simple. Love you. Yeah. I want- But I understand the parallelization. Yes, of course. It's easier to do nothing Love you. Yeah. I want... But I understand the paralyzation. Yes, of course. It's easier to do nothing when you really think about anything.

But it's not just harder because look, she's still thinking about it. My niece... Forgive yourself, dear. When my niece was little... Donate the item, dear. Go into the light, dear. What?

It's time. It's time to rise in heaven, dear. That means your time here is done. When my niece was little, she sent me a, it was like a flat Stanley type thing where I had to like take a picture with it and then send it on and then I didn't do it. You never did it.

You ruined it. I fucking, I ruined it. You threw it in the trash? Oh no, it stayed in my home for a long time. And how old was she? Oh, no, it stayed in my home for a long time. How old was she? Oh, my God, like eight. And she ever forgive you now. It was never brought up again.

It was never, ever realized you were the one who ruined it. Now she's 51 years old. Can't make any sense at all. You should you should forgive yourself, Paul. Oh, I have. I forgive yourself, dear. Off I go. Once you forgive yourself, you can finally die. Your business is finished. Exactly. The only thing you had left on your playlist to deal with that flat Stanley guilt.

I don't know. I have had that happen on the receiving end and I've also had that happen on the giving end where I say I'm going to do something and then I don't do it. Yeah. And then I feel I might remember later and be like, oh fuck, I never did that. And then I don't want to say it. Fuck. But I've had people say they're going to give me a gift and I'm like, oh, I'm going to

give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift.

I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to give you a gift. I'm going to do something that I don't do it. Yeah. And then I feel I might remember later and be like, Oh, fuck, I never did that. And then I don't want to say it. But I've had people say they're going to give me something and then it never arrives. And I wonder what happened with that. It's okay. But it's okay. It's okay.

I guess if you said you were going to send it and you didn't, that's where you maybe say, Hey, I just never sent this. Oh my God. I can't remember because it was, I think it was before I even had a computer. So I would not have had email. I think it was mailed to me and I don't think I ever responded or maybe I responded and said, yes, I'll do this. I don't remember. I did this for a cool up sister. Did a great job. Did it in front of man's Chinese. Wow. That's really exciting.

Everywhere. It was the best. Everywhere. And now I hogged it. she has a kid of her own who couldn't care less about Flat Stanley and his flat business. Yeah, he just wants shoes, shoes, shoes. He has his own business to worry about. Shoes, well he's out of the shoes game.

Shoes, remember that video? Over it. Shoes, yeah, Kelly. Shoes. Shoes. You know the person? Well, that's his alter ego, Kelly. The character.

Yeah. But you don't know him. I have met him, yes. Oh, so you do alter ego. The character. Yeah. But you don't know him. I have met him, yes. I see you do. Oh. Shoes. Shoes.

That was a moment in time. Yeah. You know. 2009. Shot in the brain. Has that comedian character person ever received money, money, money from in the shoes video? I should hope so. I hope so.

Because everyone saw it. What about the honey badger person? I hope they got rich. Yeah. What about the tricks rabbit? I hope he got rich. He didn't even want money. He just wanted that fucking cereal.

It's driven insane. Yeah. Well. What a bastard. Let's go to break. Why wouldn't they let him have, I don't know. I don't know. They just, they pay.

Do you think, before we go to break, do you think anyone's ever fed a pet rabbit trick cereal out of like, oh, rabbits like out of a sense of justice or a tiger frosted flakes? Well, he was allowed to have them. Okay. He I mean, I don't know that he ever did. Tony, the thing is, is it misleading? Like are is there suddenly are there animals dying because kids are like oh this tiger likes

frosted flakes let me feed and then they die because of it. I don't I don't think so. Okay. I mean because I'm why are your kids feeding tigers anyway this is a bad kids shouldn't be feeding tigers. Kids if you're listening do not feed the tigers. I don't care what country it's in. Yeah I don't care if you're emailing food to tigers. I don't respect your customs. Don't email food to tigers, but I'm saying there are certain cereals where the mascot is not allowed to have the cereal. It's, and they're being a mascot against their will. Like would someone feed a cuckoo bird, Coco puffs? Yeah. Well,

that just makes them crazy. Yeah. He was cuckoo for it, but that's why he couldn't have it. Wait, he he wasn't allowed to have it. I think people try to keep it from him because he had a condition. You know, he's under a conservatorship. Exactly. Free cuckoo bird. Let's go. I had a lot to say. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your wireless bill. Ouch! While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless

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This is an ad by BetterHelp. June is men's mental health month, and my guy, it's time to talk. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to provide, to keep everything together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. Men are also less likely to seek therapy than women, which means depression among men often goes underdiagnosed. If you're a man and you're feeling the weight of the world, the strongest thing you can do is ask for help. Talk to someone, anyone, a

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a roaring fire. And their hamburger phones. Father with his pipe and slippers, mother baking seven pies. The little baby in his bassinet rocking back and forth at breakneck speed. And now it's time for a three-chur. And this is where we play a game and we call it a three-ture, but it's a game. And this time-

But it's a three-ture. But it's a three-ture. Yeah, but it's a game. It's a game, but it's a three-ture. Well, it's a game, but it's a three-ture. Sure. Yes, but we call it a three-ture, but it's a game. But it's a three-ture.

And this time we're gonna play the one where- We can't remember what it's called or who submitted it. No, and we don't care. We don't care. Well, at a certain point it becomes part of the care. We're going to look back to our record. Part of the show. It becomes public domain. Yeah. Whoever submitted this, you've already had your little moment of glory. Now it's time for you to go and have it.

So my last remaining day, they set my name on three of them. So this is the one where we do a scene. The first, it's two minutes long, then it's one minute long, then it's 30 seconds. Love it. Then it's 15. It's called, Dwindling Timeframe.

Dwindling time frame. Dwindling time frame. Dwindling time frame to you. All right, so, I'm afraid to you. All right, so, and there's no, there's nothing about these scenes, they're just scenes. Yeah. They're just scenes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I don't think anything inspires them. That's it. I think we just make it up as we go along. Yep, 100%. All right, starting now. Hi, guys. What? Just say it. Something's going on, obviously.

This is too hard for me to say. It's just- I know what this is about. What do Just say it. Something's going on obviously. This is too hard for me to say. It's just- I know what this is about. What do you think it's about? Because I don't want to do the whole thing where like, I then say what it is if you don't know what it is. Oh no, I know what it is.

What is it? Someone stole the cookies from the cook cookie jar. The cook cookie jar? Yeah. The one that looks like a cook? Yeah. Well- A cook cooking. Like Guy Fieri.

Fieri. Fieri, sorry, yeah. I have a cookie jar in the shape of Guy Fieri. So you're really upset because there's cookies missing is what you're trying to say. I used to have 97 cookies in that jar. It's life-size. I know obviously we all live here.

But now there's 96 and a half. Well, we're each allowed to- Someone 96 and a half. Well, we're each allowed to. Someone ate half a cookie. Well, they shouldn't have done that. I wanna know, well, no, they wrapped up the other half. They obviously cut it with a knife because it was a clean even cut. And then they wrapped up the other half of the cookie.

What is this witch hunt? You know what? I'm also looking for a witch. Okay, Dilman. Yeah. You've been on this like ever since. OK, Dillman. Yeah. You've been on this like still, though, ever since. You went through that sort of like embarrassing thing at the office. You've kind of been on this.

Yeah. Where you're like, I'm trying to point the finger at other people. It's like we're not. Howard, how did you hear about the office? Because everybody. Dildo heard it from me, Pickleton. I can't get into this, but Pickleton did tell me because he was there, obviously the day that you fell into the trash can face forward, your legs were flailing about in the air, kicking in the air, peed upwards.

PP well down, but it went up. PP goes sky sky. And then when you pulled your head out, when you try to get out of the bin, your hair got caught on all the gum at the bottom of the bin and you ripped out the center of your hair. And you should have pulled your head out of your ass. So that being said, I know that you were embarrassed, but you're trying to have dominance at home. I've never known your name was Pickleton.

What was that, 12 minutes? How long was that? Now we do six minutes. No, literally. That was two minutes. Two, okay. Now we gotta do the same scene in one minute. Great, I don't remember anything.

Me neither. Great. I wasn't really paying attention. Hi everyone. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, oh, what happened? Tell us what's up, so it's obviously wrong. Why do you look so serious?

Not Joker related. There's something wrong, but I'm gonna tell you. Just say it, what is it? Wait, I know what it is. What is it? Someone stole the cookies from the cookie jar. Yeah, that's right. My Guy Fieri shaped cookie jar.

Fieri. It has huge human size as we know, since we all live here. Life sized, giant cookies. I have 97 cookies in there this morning. But a bitch ain't one. Someone took out one of the cookies, cut it in half with a knife.

Okay, we know what you're doing. I know what happened at work. You had that embarrassing situation where everything- How do you know about what happened at work, Dildo? Dildo, I know because Pickleton told me and because he saw it happen at work. So just because- What do you think happened? You fell face first into a dumpster. You had your legs flung, you peed up, and because he saw it happen at work. So just because you fell face first into a dumpster,

you had your legs flung, you peed upwards, you pulled yourself out, and your hair got caught to the gum at the bottom and it ripped out in the middle of your head. Why would you tell her that, Pickle Man? Why would you tell her that, Pickle Man? It's Pickle Man. Was that it?

Oh, shit. Didn't get to it. Skibidodododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododododidididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididid embarrassing situation at work, and you wanna assert dominance, but I don't care, because Pickleton already told me that you fell head face down into the dumpster, you're peed straight up, and your hair got caught to the gum in the bottom. So that's why that happened. Yes, Dillman. Why would you tell her that, Pickle Man?

It's Pickleton, as you should know. I never knew your name was Pickleton. It is. All right, 15 seconds. Here we go. And, hi guys. Someone stole the cookies from the cookie bar? Yes, the guy, Fieri, Shady.

Oh, you're trying to have a third dominance because you literally had an embarrassing habit at work. Big giant cookies, 97 cookies, guys. You fell with your head face down, peed straight up, had your gum, pull your hair out, and then you're trying to tell us what's going on. Dildo! start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails.

You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. You're trying to start dominance because your head fails. Okay, here we go. Hey everyone, cookies. Okay. Yeah.

Right. You're trying to start dominance because your head Phil face first. I'm stirring your teeth. Who told you that? Pickle. Really good. Perfect. Perfect. All right. Three seconds and okay. He's Tildo Pickle. All right. One second. And.

Dildo. What was the law? I was a long essay. Oh, no, I press I press three again. Now we now we do one. Yeah. Oh, my. Just hit it on the.

River there. I hate it. Sorry, that ankle. I just hit it on the chair. I hate it. I'm sorry that was spiked. All right, here we go. Dildo. Pickle. Oh, man. Ow.

Oh no, Arnie. I'm sorry you really made me laugh because I didn't know what was going on. It's been back. When we were on tour that time, did you break it or did you sprain it? You broke it. Oh yeah.

You walked around on it for a while. Your ankles got a lot of problems. All right, well, but a foot ain't one. We gotta go. We gotta go into the light, dear. Thank you all for listening. We are Freedom USA on Instagram, Twitter, and freedomusa gmail.com.

If you wanna send us anything. And please call us at hahalainpoo, you figure out the numbers. And it's on our Instagram. If you want to hear ad free episodes or the archives, go to Stitcher Premium or cbbworld.com. And may God have mercy on your souls. Yeah, he won't though.

No, not the God that I know. That dude's fucked up. Well, goodbye. Parents, we know the childcare crisis is not just another headline. It's a daily struggle playing out in millions of homes across this country. I'm Gloria Riviera, and this is No One Is Coming to Save Us. This season, we're demanding a childcare system that actually works for kids, parents, and educators. We mean, pre-birth to five, full day, nearby, easy to apply. No one is coming to save us.

Season five from Lemonado Media, out now.