Threedom - Threevisiting: Third Time Shame on the Charm

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about returning lost dogs, kid birthday parties and play some more Threevia.  Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop

Lemonado. Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cindy Lopper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ-plus advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom. along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music included with Prime. When 12-year-old Jules stumbles into a time machine, an unexpected journey begins. Turns out, our planet looks different in the year 2100, cyclones, poison tides, and algios for breakfast. But how did we get here? And can we turn back the clock? Well, that's up to you. Play it safe,

or risk it all, as a member of the Midnight Rebellion. available wherever you listen I spoke up from luxurious nap 3rdam in the morning 3rdum in the evening freedom at supple time What's supper time? Yeah I ate 6

After evening What is the difference Between supper and dinner Supper I think used to be what People called lunch No There's no There's no

Would they ever I think it varies from place to place Actually They used to call it lupper It's an evening meal, typically a light or informal one. Okay, so I could invite people over for a supper party. Yeah, you could sit on the floor. Did you say slumber party?

A supper party? A supper party. A supper party. I would invite someone for a slumber party. I thought you said slumber party. And they brought their slumber party. And they brought their sleeping bag and I'm like, oh my God. What if you did that?

You're so embarrassing right now. But let's all get in your sleeping bag. Well, sure. You show up in pajamas with a sleeping bag. and everyone is dressed to that, well, no, they wouldn't be dressed up because it's a supper. It's in a formal. Short sleeves. But they, short sleeves. Short pants.

Yeah, short pants. Yeah. Short hair. Don't care. You have to cut your hair short if you're inviting to a supper party. That's right. It's part of the rules. I'm having a lunch party. I'm at a lunch party. You know what? After having Holly's birthday party, which was like a morning time thing. This is embarrassing. Who's Holly again?

Okay. She's my kid. after having we had our birthday from 10 to 1 or yeah and it involved bagels and fruit and whatnot and I was like and donuts and I was like this I would do this with friends like morning get together we have bagels could we add some like eggs and bacon and you want to do a whole breakfast you want to do the thing where you cook breakfast for everyone like during the pandemic I want to do motel breakfasts you remember that's right I remembered one thing you said I want to do motel breakfast. Yeah. Serial bar. Disgusting eggs. Yeah. Fruit loops in a...

Thin sausage patty that tastes like a shoe. Fruit loops in a plastic, like, jar or bowl. Fruitlets in a bowl. I was saying in a... Pretty petals, baby. In a, like, in a hotel in Arizona a few years back. Liar. They had a pancake.

Oh, make your own pancake station, man. Oh, you know what? I had been to a hotel like that, and that was really fun. You could also make your own waffles. I, but I don't want to. I know. I don't even want somebody else to make them for me. Right.

I'm past pancake and waffle age. Really? No, pancakes or waffles ever again? It makes me feel so bad. Yeah. It's so heavy. It is heavy, but I love pancakes. I love crepes.

What about half a pancake? No, you're talking. Is that allowed? I don't think so. I know they're round. I know they're round. What do you feel about pancake for the table? What if I ate out the middle of the pancake?

Have you ate it out? You just ate it out? Yeah, yeah. I proudly say that. I'm not ashamed. Wait, what do you feel up? You're not a soprano. What if I ate?

What do you feel like? Pancake for the table when you're out for breakfast. Pancake for the table. Yeah. Everyone gets whatever they want. One tiny silver dollar pancake. One big ass. One tiny.

Or one stack and everyone can grab a couple bites. Now, I'm on the record with I don't like to go out for breakfast. Yeah. I want to eat at all. You're in the congressional record. Yeah. I'm in the Library of Congress. I wrote a book about it.

Very slim volume. It's only two pages. That's extremely slim. But yeah, I like to eat right away. And the thing I hate is like if you're traveling with people and they say, oh, we have to go to this breakfast place. And then you all schlep over there. You wait in line for an hour. Oh, I don't want to wait in line for breakfast.

No, dear. You'll wait in line for lunch. Oh, I'll wait for lunch all day. I really won't wait in line for any meal at this point. I figured out, I figured out, by the way. I just feel like, what are we doing? Now, if you're waiting for a reservation, that's different.

It's different because it's on the line. Yeah. You're in the restaurant. They're like, would you like to go over to the bar and get shit, face drunk? That's fine. So if you go in and wait, you can't go over to the bar. If you go in a wait, you can't go over the bar. What?

Anyway, I figured out, by the way, the other day, why we were talking about why we eat fast. Yeah. I think it's because I'm always eating right before I have to do something. Like today. That is shoveling it into my mouth going. fuck they're going to be here, fuck they're going to be here. Now, you guys were 12 minutes late.

Yeah, you had, and I could have taken my time. It was one like six. It was literally six minutes. It was 12. Oh, but you're one of those guys where 10 minutes early is on time. Exactly.

Yes. On time is late. But see, you live here. And so you're always on time. Not really. I'm always, that's what I mean. I'm always shoveling food in my face going like, oh no, the guests are going to be here.

I got to get because I got something thrown at me. I had to walk the dogs today. Unscheduled. And so that... Usually they walk at what time? 11 or so. Then when their bowels and bladder are full. Yes.

Yes. And then this time, it was a delayed reaction. No, we cool up and I switched. Oh, she has the more... Bodies? Yes. Are you cool up? Oh, that's why this is going so well. Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. I didn't make a boob joke. Huh? That you miss your boobs? Do you miss them? No, he misses mine. Okay, I'm confused. Well, now he's a bit of them.

Yeah, he has mine. Yeah, so he must be happy, I guess. Oh, guys, I have a new... This is one of Scott's classic O-G guys. Oh, guys. It's time for an O-Gy's second. Is this a Lawrence Topics? I have a new found dog story.

Wow. Okay. So previously on three, I've had three. Previously on three. I've had three experiences finding lost dogs. None of them satisfying. The first one. By the way, I feel like this is the first time here.

I've never heard of you saving a dog. Saving. Okay. Let me remind you of the three times and you'll remember. All I've heard of is your cowardice in the face of lost dogs. You see a lost dog. What are you doing here? Where could it be?

Where's your odor? So the first time I was driving with Kulap, we saw a dog by the side of the road, got out of the car, picked it up. There was a phone number. No one answered. I left a message. Texted as well. I remember this a little bit. No one ever answered.

I said, we're over here. You know, I gave the cross streets. I said, we're here. Pretending to remember this now. About 10 minutes later, a guy's walking down the street on the phone. And in the middle of. the conversation and he kind of like raises his arm and I'm like is he waving to us this can't be the guy waving to us he's on the phone we but I get out of the car going like are you he grabs the

dog never gets off the phone that's right does a 180 just walks away that's that's completely insane yeah either not say thank you either a fucking asshole or a dog thief my I those are your option to be charitable I feel like he's he as a fucking asshole. I feel like the dog must get out all the time or something. Yeah, but it doesn't mean you don't know that. I know.

And I was way. And by the way, we were on our way to something. And then I like, you were in black tie. You could have just let the dog go and it could have been hit by a car. It's true. But I do.

But I think we all understand that frustration of like that overtakes you where it's like, you're so upset with the object of the frustration, the dog. Yeah. That you forget common manners. Exactly. Yeah. That's how I felt. Sure.

Or he was just a total fucking lunatic. But so then the next two times were the same dog. And that's down. And that was the little girls. The little girls. And the dog is not that far like three houses away. But just kind of like standing there frightened looking. And I found the dog.

I took it up to the door. And they were just like, what? Oh. Get in here. You know, just kind of mad at the dog. and like and kind of gave me a curse for you like thanks and just like in the midst of like the mom going he told you not to let the dogs you know I was just like fuck why don't bother okay and then it happened twice and it was like third time shame this must be the charm yeah but they moved away they moved away

so I'll never know third time shame on the charm fourth time charm on the dupy well do you do Doobie Wob. So this time, I get a text from Kulaup and it says, can you come upstairs? And I go upstairs and there is a little tiny dog just shaking like a leaf in our bush up there. Right by where you guys enter. Time share that. A breadbox sized. That's pretty.

That can, you know, in a restaurant or a regular size of bread. In a restaurant. Bread box in a restaurant? You know, one that has like. I know, I know it's serious. So Little Tiny Dog is just shaking, shaking, shaking. Koolap is trying to coax it out, but it won't come out because too afraid. I sort of get on the other side and we're blocking it, but neither of us can reach and just too afraid to come out.

I swap with Kulop and I, and she's like, it's going to bite you. It's going to bite you. I go, no, I think it's okay. And I grab the collar and it's okay. And we get a leash. I put it on the leash. And after it's on the leash, it's like fine. This is all I ever wanted.

Oh, thank God. I'm controlled by man. What kind dog? I don't know. I'm not great. I'm not great at breeds. Yeah, probably mud. We'll just say mud, so I don't have to specify.

Mut is my favorite breed. I love it. I love it. So I call there. Little mutts drive me nuts. You have a bumper sticker? Type mutts driving nuts. What?

So I call the number. and someone answered the phone. Hello. And I'm like, hi, do you have a dog named Piper? And she goes, yes. And I'm like, oh, we have her. How many pieces is the dog usually? One.

I'm just kidding. What? I'm like, we have her. Everything's okay. She's just burst into tears. She's in Hawaii. where the fires are on vacation and has been like

scrambling trying to get a flight back like these both of these things happened at the same time. Oh my god. This dog ran away from the fires from Hawaii? It has that good of sense. It paddled on a boat. Oh, I thought it was here but it got scared of the fires there and it ran away. What if a dog castaway had like a tennis ball that was its Wilson? That's right. It's proportionately smaller. Yeah.

And it just kind of constantly chased it and finally chased it off the island. And what if it gave up on the ball? What if a dog gave birth to a ball? Oh, my God. This is a movie. It was a golf ball and it talked. And it said, Tiger Woods is my dad. So Tiger Woods had sex with the dog.

Yeah. The dog gave birth to a talk and golf ball. That makes sense. His semen at this point is golf balls. It's as big as golf. No, it's golf tees and it makes golf balls. That's like if you gave birth to a big sperm. He has high tea.

He has high tea. High Tiger Woods. Tea. High tea time. Hi tea time. Anyway, so she, yes, the dog was with her friend got away at the same time the fire started happening. And the friend came within like three minutes. And the dog had been missing for 24 hours or so.

Like all night. The last spotting of it was some construction people saw it being chased by coyotes. Oh, my God. That was hours beforehand. Had a harrowing adventure. Yeah, yeah. like adventure. Who are these?

How do we know this? How did they tell? People saw this happen. Going up and down the streets going, have you seen this dog? Have you seen this dog? And some construction workers were like, oh, yeah, we saw it just up down the street from us. So that woman was definitely very scared that her dog was eaten. Yes, exactly.

Eaten out, like Paul said. Oh, my God. Like a big pancake? Out of the center. Out of the center. Like a big pancake. Yeah. And then a friend of ours had we found, had Instagram posted about

the dog. So it was someone that we knew. Oh, I kept seeing posts about this dog. Probably not the same one. Okay, different dog. But anyway, so it was, it was, it was, and they were very, uh, grateful and it was, it was, it was one of the, you know, it's what you want out of this experience of like, you know, you take the time. Someone cares. Take the time out. Yeah. Someone cares about this dog. Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you this has reminded me. Hmm. I have had three experiences of a dog leading me to its house because it got out of the house and couldn't get back in. Wow. And you said, here boy, Leave me to your house. It was...

Show me where your mommy lives. Show me where your mommy lives. Shake where your mama gave. So the dog, in each instance, the dog came up to me and then started to like try to leave me somewhere. And... Like, like, it was kind of going, hey, over here. Like how a dog will be like, want you to get a ball that's under the couch, like, oh, yeah. Yeah, it would like kind of come up to me and, like, put its legs up on.

on my legs and then start walking and then turn back and look at me like to the chat right and we did the cha cha cha check step and like on that one commercial where's the dog dance yeah that's a lot of them and not the one i'm thinking of it's only one it's only one the one i'm thinking of one i'm thinking of one i'm thinking of a bontrae i'm thinking of a multiverse of commercials i'm just thinking of the the idea of a commercial i'm thinking of a golden retriever Okay. That is on its hind legs doing like a... I'm thinking of a black and white dog

that's like on a time doing kind of like to the left now, y'all. One hop this time. Two hops this time. Marengay dancing golden retriever? Thank you. No, that's just a video. It's not a commercial.

Oh, it's just a dog. That's just a dog that can do that. It's not interesting. That's just a sentient dog who learned how to dance human style. And wears outfits and... Not interesting. It's not selling anything. He's just doing it for you.

If it's not for Fabriz, I don't want to hear it. And there was one, so the first time it happened was like a little dog who led me back to its house and then I knocked on the door and... Hello? Yeah, I got off my horse. I'm not tied to house now. That's what you said. Yeah. I was just playing my tape.

Can I tell you this story? It's a tape. I just played a tape. You've been taping Paul this entire time? I have all doorbell footage accessible to me. All doorbell footage. accessible to me. And the owner was like, oh my God, how did you?

How did you get out? And thank you so much. And blah, second time, bigger dog, who was very enthusiastic, let me back. And then he was just a maniac. Here's my question. Why don't they just go back? Because they need you to be a locutor? They want to get, yes, they want to cushion.

For the confrontation with the owner. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to, you're not going to yell at me in front of him, right? He's just a stranger. And then the third time was a dog that lived right next to us who was coming up to me and then walking away and looking at me. I'm like, what is your problem? The gate was open, like the tiniest little bit.

Oh, needed the gate to me. And the dog was like, I can't get through there. I feel like I've told this story, but there was one time where Mike and I saw the most, like, cartoonish-looking dog where, like, it had two eyes going in separate directions and like a tongue hanging out. He was wearing a hat and a tie. It looked insane and it was just sitting there and like, I just was like, what's going on with this dog? It looks bananas. Are we in the Sunday funners right now? And we were like, are we supposed to do something about this?

And we like. How you approach all problems. We like walked out. Or anything you see. We walked around the corner. What about this plant? Are we supposed to do anything about this? We came back and it was gone and we were like, did we just make that up?

Like it felt so insane. Like I've never seen a dog that looked like that in my life. And you've never seen it again? I never saw it again. And it was just gone. And I was like, well... Sounds like a hallucination. It was...

Were you tripping on mushrooms? I was... It was tripping balls. I forgot. But Mike saw two. Mike saw too. So... Mike said too.

His also tripping balls. Yeah. And maybe he just saw it because I was describing it. It's funny that when you see a cat wandering around, you're like, who cares? But if you see a dog wandering around, like, you must be in trouble. I do feel like I think the cat knows what it's doing. Like, I'm like, either you're somebody's cat or... But my cat has gotten...

I had a rest in peace that got loose a handful of times. I had a friend whose cat came back after three months. It's too long. Yeah, that is too long. It's kind of like... That is always wild to me. Mike had a dog that ran away for like... It was then like taking another family and then like came back and it was like a year later.

How did it find this way back? I don't know. It got loose from them and then like came back to their house. I don't live with you. And then how did the, how did the family? I think this story's not adding up. It's not because I'm telling it badly. It's not adding up.

Why are you lying? Their dog ran away. was taken about it was gone for many many months years i don't know and it was taken about their family and they found out later that it was and how did they find out about the family let me just get mike on the horn and we'll get this cleared up okay so what happened was hi mike hey hey it's mike hey it's mic hey mike polly walnuts good to hear okay i asked you not to do that's better okay hey what's up hey lord baby i love you i love you let's talk later all right so mike this dog's Definitely talk later.

Okay, yeah. So Lauren was trying to tell the story, and she was failing miserably about this dog that you had that ran away, got taken him by another family. Then you got the dog back. How did this all happen? Okay, so I left the gate open. Okay, so it's on you. Yeah, I'm the gate guy in the family. You failed at your job.

Yeah, so one thing I had to do all day, and I was asleep at the switch. All day? All day. I was a great guy. Wow. He was a kid. Yeah, I was a kid. kid. I was three years old.

Yeah. He charged the gate. And this dog gets away and lives with another family for months and months and months. Right. And we had put up flyers everywhere. Like, have you seen this dog? You always said signs. Yeah. Well, I mean, what's the difference between a sign and a flyer, really? I mean, card stock. Carstock. Yeah. Just the quality. We wanted it to be assigned, but we only had flyer material. Paper. Paper, exactly. You didn't have card stock. Classic flyer material. Yeah. So what? Full color?

It's really long. Four colors. Four colors. Nice. But we could mix them together to make purple and all sorts of stuff. Oh, great, great. So within the rules of those four colors, you could mix them together to create other colors. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But nothing special, like pinks or anything like that. No, none take it. Purple's not special. Pink is special. Pink you need add white too. Hi, Barbie. Hi, Barbie. So anyway.

Hi, Ken? Huh? I was just saying. Who are you talking to? Some guy did Ken? Yeah. I ought to come over there and bust you right in the mouth. Let's hang up on him.

What? He did a Billy Joel heart attack. On the way out? He does that. It's kind of his thing. Kind of his thing, Samantha. All right, we have to take a break. Okay.

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And hello. Speaking of Samantha. Oh, yeah. Lauren, I was listening to the old with special guest Lauren Lapkis. Yeah. Where you and the wild horses did. Oh, yeah. That was a fun.

Sex in the City. It's so funny. That was fun. Thanks. It's really funny. How are you accessing that? I just still had it on my phone. I kept a few.

I kept a few episodes. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get at some point, get some backup of my old Patreon. Yeah, you got to do it. I know. I'm waiting to get the files, actually.

I'm waiting for some files myself. He's waiting for files. Do you have any compliments for me, Paul? Yes, Scott. He's looking around the room. I love being in this room. It's great. What is that huge stack of art books that are all sealed?

They're seal. Seal? Seal biographies? Yeah. What does that mean? Behind the scars. Seal wrote a biography of some seals. Um, no, really, what is it?

They're books. But why are they all new? Because they're new. Why did you get them? Because I bought them. So you bought a bunch of art books? I'm curious. What are they?

Are they art books? Are they graphic novel collections? There's one called none of your fucking business. You know, your privacy, surrounding your hobbies and interests. Dave. All right. I'll stop.

I'll stop right now. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. What'd you guys do this weekend? Oh, God. What did I do? I was in Portland, Oregon.

I did a varietopia up there. It was great. Had a wonderful time. The hotel ran out of hot water. What? Oh, no. A guy went door to door. Door to door.

Saying, hey, our boiler just broke. Oh. That sucks. Yeah. What did you do? I took a cold shower. Yeah, you guys. I was, I felt like there was enough tiny residual warm water.

Right. But really it was hot as fuck as well outside. Yeah. Right. So I made it through and it was relatively painless, but it did suck getting in there. It was also one of those showers where the showerhead is fixed. Like you can't adjust it. Yeah.

So there's no way to not get in freezing cold water. Yeah. There's no way to like turn it to the side a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. But I heard an interesting thing in the airport. What's that? Out of my way, you fucking, bitch.

I was so fascinated by it. I thought how interesting. There was a father and two kids walking through the airport. They were behind me, and I heard the little girl say, what happened to Henry? And the father said, what happened to Henry? Well, he grew five inches. He got a table saw, and he opened.

its own business. Excuse me. What? Grew five inches. Okay, let's break this down. So this was a child who somehow acquired a table saw and started a business? Yeah. I don't know.

Like Encyclopedia Brown? Like table sawing for grade school kids? Maybe it was a guy who got that surgery where you get taller. Maybe, but I wouldn't say to be, if I were a father, I would not explain it to my child as he grew five inches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to give them unrealistic expectations. Yeah.

that when you're like 40, you just grow five inches. Yeah. So maybe he didn't grow in height. Something else grew in five inches. Like what? Hair. His hair is five inches longer. Say you take the back.

You go backwards in a guy who used to work with the father in their table saw business or whatever. Okay. So it's a guy he used to work with. Why would he grow five inches? And why is that necessary to the story? Wait, wait. How did taking that back? Going the back with the last.

With the last piece of information first, in other words. Like, he opened his own business. Oh, this is a guy that the father used to work with. Right. Okay. So then the previous. Oh, you're saying, why did he open with? He grew five inches?

Yeah. Like, how are those connected? It is the most interesting thing. I would just leave it at that. Right. Oh, he grew five inches. Daddy is at the end of the story? I wouldn't say like that.

I would say, he grew five inches. But I think there was something that needed to be explained about the rest of that. 100%. But the daughter seemed to have no further questions. He was fine with it. Yeah. He grew five inches, got a table saw, and opened a business. If you know, Henry.

That's just the update from when he was eight. You saw him when he was 28. We haven't seen him in 20 years. What happened to him? Well, he grew five inches. He got a table saw and opened a business. That's all you need to know. I mean, and this child was small.

So how old could Henry have been? Yeah. That the child would remember who Henry was. Right. Would inquire whatever happened to him. Whatever happened to Henry? Yeah. This feels like it's.

Also, what's the business that he was. you open with just a table saw? I don't know. Table saw here. What if it's a children's book? What if it is a boring children's book? The guy who bought one table saw. No, it's about like a little tiny little guy.

And it's like he has no. And he has no prospects. And then the story ends. And then the daughter goes, whatever happened to Henry? Well, he ended up growing five inches. Henry? He got a table saw and he opened a business. He got a table saw.

And he opened his own business. Whatever happened. And no, like, Henry who. Oh, no, Dad knew exactly who Henry was. Dad knew who Henry was. He knew what Heidi used to be and what Heidi is now. Maybe it was her invisible friend she stopped checking in on. That would be great.

I like that. She stopped checking the dad still sees me. Oh, yeah, we still hang out. It says you guys don't hang out. It doesn't mean I can't. I have to keep this up now. Jesus. So that's what I...

That was the most interesting part of the weekend for you. I didn't say that. Hmm. The show was a lot. lot of fun. Right. Really good time doing this. But it pales in comparison to the Henry story. Well, it's something that's haunted me ever since. Yeah. Yeah. Like Henry himself. Oh, no. I can see him right now. He continues to grow. And has a buzzsaw right behind you. I think my most interesting thing is that I went to a two-year-old's birthday party and it was very nice. And the cake looked like a recycling

bin full of trash because the kid loves trash. The kid loves trash. The kid loves trash. I love shit like that. I know. That reminds me of my nephew. It reminds me of my trash can. It's full of trash. And it's trash day. My nephew used to hang out with...

Is Guy? No, not guy. The business man. Oh, different one. Different nephew. You used to hang out with my... You don't often talk about a different nephew. Second tier nephew.

Second tier, yeah. Definitely below, like, fourth on the call sheet. Definitely below, definitely below. Definitely below. Definitely below Kai. Was hanging out with my dad. for a while like they would you know he would watch him and um his grandpapa they they went to the dump one day and they still talk about it he came back saying like I

want to work at the dump and they never forgave my father before but that's so cute and little kids really love trash like not all of them but a lot of a lot of little kids really get excited about the garbage track and do you think that's why Oscar is so grouchy because kids are always staring and stuff he's not into kids And it's like, I wish kids were not so interested in my life. That should be part of his thing. Yeah. I don't look it.

Would Oscar the Grouch help you count? Or was he just a guy who was like irritated? He would teach you about grouches. No, the count is the count. Sure. But you know how almost everything in Sesame Street has to have some sort of lesson attached to it? His was like, don't talk to assholes or something. Yeah.

If someone lives in a trash can, leave him alone. So I guess it was just like it was learning how to deal with things that make you grouch. or upset you? Yeah, or deal with people with the car grouchy. I don't know. I don't either. Maybe it was just like, hey, wouldn't it be funny if we just threw an asshole in there? Yeah. You got to have someone who's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I thought they were all assholes. The bet. No. Are you kidding me? Yeah, Big Bird, snuffel up, I guess. Big Bird is great. Bernie. Niceest people.

Burt's a little more angry, I think. He's quicker to, he's quicker to. Do you know why, though? Why? Because Bernie. Bernie. Bernie. Not Bernie.

Please Bernie, please Bernie. Don't leave me alone. No, but Bird and Ernie's couple of Porton. Yeah, that's their couple of portmanteau. Yeah. Ernie is a fucking asshole. Yeah. Ernie is?

Yes, he does stuff just. He's really selfish. He's chaotic. He's like, he's just a creature of whim. Yeah. And it's frustrating to, well, like one time he's practicing the fucking trumpet at night when bird's trying to sleep. Yeah.

Or are you sure it's at night, though? Because I remember this. It could have been during the day and Bert was like taking a nap. Still. You know what I mean? That's rude. But how are you to know if you're, if you're, roommate is taking a nap if the roommate doesn't say like by the way I'm in my room

how do we know that he didn't do that they share a room they have beds right next to each other that's true that's right yeah that's true that's right so anytime he wants to play the trumpet he's got a peek inside their bedroom and say I kind of think anybody who has a trumpet I would live with their people should check and see what is going on first before you start to toting on that thing you're not gonna you're not gonna absolve Ernie in this in this situation yeah he's he's wrong it's okay also he didn't even stick with the trumpet Yeah, you never seen play it again, do you?

It's not like then cut two, three years later. Yeah, he's really good at it. Yeah. Someone I know had a neighbor in an apartment building who would. Well, same. Okay. Oh, there's more. Who would sing all the time?

And she was a fantastic singer. Yeah, we had like an opera singer. Yeah, I mean, she was like a Broadway person or something. Yeah. So, but, which I mean is ultimately pleasant, I would say as far as loud singing goes, but just at all hours of the day at night, just like loud singing. Does your neighbor also do that? No, she, I mean, she, it was fine for a, like, I, I would never really get too upset about any kind of noise because it's, you know, one of the, you know, agreements that you make, yeah, when you're.

It's one of the four agreements, yeah, one of the four, yes. One is, you'll be impeccable with your word. Other people make noise. Other people make noise. Be on time. And never, ever fall in love. Oh, I see a good one with your son. I did three of those. Okay. You beat impeccable with your word.

You beat, be impeccable. You were always on time. Uh-huh. You made a lot of noise. What was it? Other people made noise. That's one of the rules. You other people made noise.

You other people made noise. And then you didn't fall in love. I never fell in love in my life. Oh, is that Riley, Riley. Riley, Riley song. Oh, which one? I never find. And I never found.

Why do you imitate her like that? I can do the worm. I can do the bun. The fruit. Yeah. I can do that tiny, but I never found enough. It's like that. Yeah. I think I nailed it.

Yeah. There's someone in my neighbor who has a Riloh Kylie license plate, like a vanity plate. Wow. And is it Riloh Kylie? That's a deep. The whole band? I mean, yeah. Yeah.

It's all of them in one car. One guy in it was on Salute Your Shorts, which was a classic. show on Nickelodeon when I was kid. Wait, okay, so what's her name? Jimmy Lewis. My old band leader? She was, she was a child star. She was. Trooperley Hills, right? Child actor. Were they all child performers?

I don't think so. I think he was maybe even added to the band later. I'm not sure. I think all four of them were in it. Okay. But I don't think it was about that. I'm not quite sure. They were also in about that? All that? It's about that. It's about that. About that was the sequel all that.

Yeah. About that. About that stuff. That was all that, but about that. Was there a show called a bag of chips? No. There should have been. We should create one.

It's a really missed opportunity. What if we create a show? About a sentient bag of chips. Yes. And it goes and visits the all that set. A bag. A bag of chips. It's about a living bag of chips.

The show is called a bag of chips. What are you looking at, Lauren? My water bottle cap has something in it. A message? Yeah. Oh, my God. Eat a pancake out, you dumb ho.

Oh, my. No, it just had a little bit of, you know, something in there that I'm not too excited about to see, I would say. Oh, like a spider? Just a little bit of dirt or something. I'm thinking, Lauren, I'm thinking about something you said earlier that you celebrated Holly's birthday from 10 to 1 or something? Her birthday party. Her birthday party. Yeah.

But it is funny to think that for a kid, their birthday is only that amount of time. Pretty much. They're not aware all day that it's their birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a long time. Yeah. going to a birthday party next month that starts at 9.30 and I was like, no, thank you. No, thank you. No, I'm like, no, I'm like, this is great. I'm like, yeah. 9.30 a. Yeah. I'm like, what, what else are we doing? What time do you typically wake up? At least seven, if not earlier. Scott, same question. It has to be seven at the latest. Yeah. Seven at the latest. Yeah, because of what was that? But, uh, because of like nap schedules. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this morning, oh, it was, it was, it was my turn.

She started babbling at three, which woke me up. It's a bit early. A bit early. She went back to sleep, but I couldn't get back to sleep. I finally got back to sleep at five, and she woke up at 6.30.

More babbling, I presume? No, like this was true, like, I want out for a half hour. Yeah. I think the celebrating a birthday all day, that's fine, but lately people talking about their birthday week, their birthday months.

Children. Come on. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. This is my birthday month. And they use it as an excuse for like terrible behavior as well. Yeah.

Well, because they can do whatever the fuck they want. Well, this is straight out of Vanderpump rules. Really? Okay. Tell us. People in the early in the mirror. In the first few seasons. A cautionary tale.

In the first few seasons especially, there's a lot of episodes that center around people's birthdays and how important they are. And these people are in their late 20s. Well, this reminds me of like, it's a, it's the kind of thing. And Kulap had a few of these when we were dating of like up till you're about 23 or something. Like you're, when you have your birthday, it's time to invite every single person you know to a restaurant. I think past 23. I think that goes up until a few years before 30.

Really? That people still do that. Yeah. And now it's like when people do that after 30 for just like a random birthday, not like a mile. Stone? Right. What are you doing? Come on, man.

I don't want to go to the Eden Dead grill. I didn't do, like, I didn't do restaurants. It's always there. I know. No, I would always, that place was really popular. I would do, like, um, bars, like just a bar night. That's fine. And then I would, I, for my 30th, I had a big dinner with like, that's okay too for a 30th.

Yeah. But like, but, but what I'm talking about are these ones where it's like invite every, everyone you know to a sit down dinner. Not everyone knows each other. Yeah. Oh, that's demented. No. And then everyone has to figure out how to split the check.

because everyone is broke because you're 30. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. My 30th birthday, I remember, spent at the drawing room, one of the most hideous bars in all of Los Angeles. I'm trying to picture it. It has a sign that says open at 7 a.m. Oh, yes.

It's on Hillhurst. Right. Terrible place. Open at 7 a.m.? Is that a joke? No. No. There's a great bar in San Luis Obispo that's open at 6 a.m.

And everyone who would graduate from Cal State would like essentially, it would close it to and open at six. And everyone would try to keep drinking past two on their own in order to have like the first beer at 6 a.m. On the night they graduated. That's gross. Why? Yeah. I guess. What a curious thing to say, Lord.

I guess when I'm asked like that, I don't know how to answer it. And so I guess there's nothing gross about it. Somebody once pointed out that there are people. that work night shifts that for them, they would go. It's like how to wind down. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's interesting.

Because I'm going to go sleep all day anyway. Yeah, you finish your work day at, you know, 7 a.m. Then you go to a bar. I mean, you're just completely flip-flop. Yeah. Also, wait. So in New York, is it 4 a.m. The bars close?

I can't recall. Oh, my God. Some of them, I think, stay open until 5? Can they stay open until 5? But then when, when, like, why is there even just one hour that something's closed? Good question, man. You know what I mean? Everything should be open 24 years.

Yes. Every business. Every business. Everything needs to reset. Everything needs to reset. Henry. Yeah. Henry.

A message to you. Henry. Do you. Do you do. Morse code? Yeah. Yep. Nice.

He knows. He knows it. He knows what I'm saying. Cool. Cool. I was just listening to a podcast about Braille. The 99% 99% invisible.

I'm not very popular. I'm not a listener, but now I'm a fan because we listen to a couple episodes today. Great. And it was really interesting. I'm not even going to try to explain Braille, but I would recommend the episode. I think I get it. No. You don't know.

It's bumps, right? It's bumps. There's a history of those bumps, my guys. Oh, don't want to hear it. Okay. I'm just glad the bumps are there. I don't want to know how the bumps are made. It started as acting, right? Yeah. Reality Recept. Yeah.

really quick. Reading on your face that you're disgusting. Reality recap. I was on bitch sash last week. You did another podcast. I thought we agreed we were going to appear on any of the podcasts. You know what? To drive our numbers up.

All right. But I casually brought up, welcome to Plathville, a reality show on TLC. And neither of them had seen it, Casey Wilson and Daniel Schneider. And that set them off on the thing where they basically realized how amazing the show is. And now they're doing a podcast all about it, which I think people should check out if you like to show. Is it a sister-wife type of show? It's a family in Macon, Georgia. No, it's less common.

It's Cairo, but it's spelled like Cairo. Wow. Georgia. Cairo. It's really small town. And the family is very sheltered and religious. But then the kids, you're basically catching this family where like the kids are getting to be teens and some of them are venturing into the world. And some are, you see how naive they are.

and then you see some of them trying to be a little bad and then one of them still really religious and like praise in a closet for all of them and then what was the hand movement you were doing you were like whipping just sort of stuff she was doing in there and then over time you see that the parents then get divorced

which is like it's happening more recently and it's so insane and now the dad went from being this like sort of like Babaduke figure no what? Bobadook figure what? Who's the tall guy? Who's the tall guy?

Shane in the baseball. He wears a top app. From It follows. Why can I think of that? Why can't I think of? Who's the tall guy? Lurch. Wishmaster?

No, that's the scary thing from the spaghetti. Fantasm guy? The scary thing for the spaghetti? What's the creepy pasta? Chef Boy R.D. creepy pasta. Oh, Kevin the murderer? No.

The one that I referenced so many times and I can't think of it for some reason. He's really, really tall. The slender man. Yeah. Who's the tall slender guy? He went from like Slender Man vibes and he's like really creepy and so he's like smiling. So then now he's like buff as hell. And it's like kind of hilarious.

So I have to catch up because they're all more caught up than I am now. Remember when that happened to John and Kate plus a guy and he started wearing Ed Hardy everywhere? Yeah. Oh, man. Anyway, so it's a fun show. If anyone's looking for something crazy to binge. Yeah. All right.

If you're looking for something crazy to binge, that is Lauren's wreck. That's my wreck. Welcome to Plathville. Yes. And their last name is Plath. And so that's why it's called. That's what, oh, okay. I'm sitting here going like, what the fuck is this?

Where's Plathville? What is it? I thought they lived in Cairo. And how do I get there? Yeah. How do I get buffed like this guy? Yeah, I'm curious what he's up to. Hmm.

To get buff. Where is he now? I heard he grew five inches. I already got a tail saw on a whole business. All right, we have to take me. Good. Okay. And we're back.

Guess what? That's what? Shit. Yeah. Oh, also. I didn't think you would. guess it. I'm sorry. Also, chicken butt. That, mm. I can see that

coming. Yeah, sorry. Who was the origin of that? Guess what chicken butt? I think it just is funny because it rhymes. It's fucking stupid. It's insane. I mean... I hate children. Yeah. They can't do comedy. You don't think what's up chicken butt

is funny? It's not what's up chicken butt. That is funny. Okay. It's guess what? Chicken I don't know why I just that's not what's up what's up what's up if you if somebody says what's up and you say what's up chicken butt that's funny that's so funny guess what what what's up no guess what that's funny that's funny what's funny what's what's up what chicken butt no yeah disagree funny no disagree honestly one of the funniest things I've ever freaking heard all right we got some more three via it's time for a

three-cher if you want to submit a three-cher write to us at Freedom USA at Gmail.com. Yeah. Just do it. Just like throw caution to the wind. Yeah. Live out loud. Tell your family you're off the grid for three hours.

Do this. Does everybody have the three via questions? Oh, no. Where are they? Wait, we have to do something? If you look at the link where it says, you scroll down, says new three via, then there is a link to the specific questions. There's a link that's a link.

Page is trivia on. On the link with all the data. Got it. Got it. Got it. Three via docs here. That's your talk.

Yes. And then it'll say Lauren's questions. So we can't look at those. Scott and I can't look at those questions. Paul's questions. Okay. I can't see it. You guys can't look.

Scott's questions. Lauren and I can't look. Is it a link in the email or it's a link in the document that you? It's a link in the document. Isn't that interesting? Is it down at the bottom? Or? It's where?

It's included in the paragraph about three via. It's on page one, two, three, four. Hey, you know what? I'm going to go to page four. F. Yeah. Oh, he's doing it. There you go.

Three via. There it is. That sounds like a drug. I mean, you can't, okay, first of all, Paul, this is a 28 page document. You can't just go like, oh, it's in the document. I need a little more. Motherfucker, do you think I went down to page 27 in this document? How would I know what you do with your own time?

Because this is not my own time. This is freedom time. This is a freedom time? Which sucks. What? Paul! Freedom time is different than other time. I need you guys to get along.

Do you though? No. Right? You like to sit back there and watch Roebuck. Yeah, you're the one stirring all this shit up. You're like the Joker. Okay, wait, do we need paper? I don't think ink so.

I think the ink so? How do we do it before? I think people would just write down in their notes app their answer. Sure. I have a whiteboard here. Okay, great. Good for you. Okay. All right, shall I kick it off?

Yes. I'm opening my PDF of questions. Oh, three Vod's here. Here it is. All right. You just found it? Yes. Are you ready?

I had zero info. These are, these are trivia questions about me from things that have been said on the show. Okay. Okay. Question number one. Paul's mother was the receptionist for her brother's business. What music-related service did the business provide? write down your answer.

How are we supposed to know any of this stuff? Because I know it. You do? Yeah. What music-related service? Okay. Yes. All right.

Question two. Paul taught us all that the Glade plug-in jingle, plug-it-in, plug-it-in, is actually based on a real song called Rub-It-in by Billy Crash Craddock. True or false? Nope. Oh, there's more. Craddock recorded a follow-up to Rub-in called What?

Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Question number three. Paul once told a lie about his father doing an impression of a famous actor and being dead. In order to get a special inscription in the actor's book and a book signing, name that actor. I do know this.

But I feel like I knew this before freedom. That's entirely possible. Because anything that I've heard. Because we know each other outside of the podcast. Anything I've heard on freedom, I will not remember. Yes, because you're busy interrupting it. I'm busy interrupting it Oh my

Are you seriously thinking? You are trying to say I don't I'm the only one who interrupts What? Thank you for inferring that I don't know Well, you don't interrupt yourself This is good point Yeah

This is a two point question Paul once told a story about watching A Double Feature with his friend Scott argued that watching One and a half unrelated movies on DVD in your home does not qualify as a double feature. I don't know where one and a half comes in. I watched both of these movies.

Either way, can you name the two movies Paul and his friend watched? You get one point for each correct answer. I'm correct about that, though. You can't call it a double feature if you just toss on two movies at home, right? Why can't you? I mean, you can. But I think double feature is a special term reserved for a goal. Going out to a place.

And watching and paying for one ticket price. For something that is billed as a double feature. Yes, exactly. All right. And I have no idea what these movies are. Question number five. This is the lock it in question. First, I will read the question.

If you think you know the answer, you can lock it in by writing it down and putting your pen or pencil or fingers down. You may not change your answer once you have locked it in. Oh, wow. If either player is not lock in an answer, I will read a hint. If you answer the question correctly before the hint, you will get two points. If you answer correctly after hearing the hint, you get one point. Answer incorrectly, you get nothing. Okay.

This has come up before. I once said that I didn't think my name suited me and that it should instead be what. I know. Because this happened to you before and I didn't remember last. It'll keep, it'll keep happening until you remember. I need the hint. Please give the first name, the middle name. initial and the last name.

Oh. You got nothing? I got nothing. Would you like the hint? I locked it in. You locked it in? Yeah. Okay.

Would you like a hint? Wait, so I can still guess. If you have not locked it in. I've not locked it in. Then you can get a hint. I can only get one hint or can I get all the hints now that she's already locked it in? You only get one hint. I get one hint.

Okay. Give me that hint. It's the first name of a famous menace, the middle initial of a famous fox. And the last name of a character in the board game. Clue. I might be thought. I can't wait to hear what you think. Okay, a famous fox. So like, Vivica A. It's not that. All right. And then characters in Clue, you got plum, you got mustard, scarlet. They're all colors. Grap. Is that a clue color? Mr. Grape? I'm just going to go, okay, got it. I'm locked in. All right.

Here we go. Question number one, what was the music-related service that my uncle provided? Piano tuning. Piano tuning. That's correct. Is that what you said? Yes, I did. It's correct.

And I get one? I get one. Number two, what was the Billy Crash Crowdock follow up to rub it in? Pull it out. Eat it out. You're both incorrect. It was you rubbed it in all wrong. Oh, my gosh.

Who to whom did I lie and say my father did an impression of this famous actor in order to get a signature? Adam West. Peter O'Toole. Peter O'Toole is correct. Okay. Adam West, good guess. Thank you. I did work with him on a pilot one time, an animated pilot for something called Super Adventure Team.

I remember that. Dana? I feel like I do too. Dana Gould and Rob Cohen created it. Adam West did not do the series, but he did do the pilot. And I got to hang out with him for a day. And it was absolutely delightful.

Cool. He's now dead. That happens. Two point question. The double feature. What were the movies in the so-called double feature that I watched? Hard days, night, and help? No.

Can you imagine? I don't know. That's not a bad double feature. I've never seen them. I guess it would be. I just can't imagine Paul doing both of those. Why? Because you'd be like,

oh, look at these fucking guys. I don't know. Okay, gremlins and jaws. No. Okay. These were movies that I had not seen before, and they were coyote ugly and Battlefield Earth. Okay, so it's much sillier than I thought.

Okay. This is the lock-it-in question. What is the name that I've, feel I should have. And Scott, what did you say? I said Dennis R. Plum. I said Thomas J. Peacock. The two of you somehow managed to get it. Dennis J. Peacock. Yes. Who's the J. What Fox? I have no idea. Michael J. Fox. Oh, so it was an actual Fox actor. I think it was like a cartoon. So was I. That's why I guess R. So wait, should I get one point for that or no? No. Okay. That's tough. Right? Neither is get it.

or what? Yeah, I think, let me see. Are we two? What are the lock it in rules again? Because Lauren locked it in first. I did. If you answer the question correctly before the hint, you get two points if you answer correctly after hearing the hit.

So you answered partially correctly, you get no points. Nothing. Sorry. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. I hope you're keeping track of the points because I was not.

I was. I have one. I have two points currently. Okay. I'm going to do the questions next. Okay. Lauren is going to do the question. I have two points. Paul has zero and I like it that way.

Mm-hmm. Lauren has one. Okay. Question one. When Lauren was a teenager, okay, when I was a teenager, I had three run-ins with the same police officer. Are we sure this isn't the same thing we had before? I don't know. Keep reading. On our third encounter, what keepsake did the officer give me? I remember this. I remember it.

and I'm happy to have remembered it. I really feel like we... We may have done these before. We might have. But it's interesting. I'm still wrong every time. Yeah. I feel like we haven't done years before.

To me, I think these are things we've done. But whatever. We're playing again anyway and everyone can just eat a pancake. Who does I? Who do I think is the hottest Simpsons character? Oh, I don't remember this at all. Huh. Hot as Simpson.

When I said, I actually went, what did I say? So you don't even remember. No, but I mean, I do. When I saw it, I went, yeah. Hot Simpson character. Wow. I'm trying to think of any of them are hot. Just don't think too hard.

Okay. Okay. For my seventh birthday, my parents, which is really my mom and my uncle, threw me a party with what unusual and boring theme. Hmm. Unusual and boring theme. Unusual and boring theme. Okay.

Question four. Two point question. I once surprised my grandma on her birthday with a box of chocolate covered strawberries, but she did not appreciate because they were too big and there were six of them. According to this story, there are two gifts that my grandma always loves receiving. Name them. You get one point for your entire dancer and rest of them. answer and rest in peace my grandma.

Mm-hmm. Um, man. Okay. Okay. And the lock it in question. Lock it in question. First, I will read the question. If you think you know the answer, you can lock it in by writing it down and putting

your pen or pencil down. You may not change your answer once you have locked it in. If either player does not lock it in an answer, I will read a hint. If you answer the question correctly before the hint, you get two points. If you answer correctly after hearing the hint, you get one point. Here's my question. You said if neither locks it in, you'll read the hint. Now, she had locked it in.

I think it's okay if one person locks it in. Answer incorrectly, you get nothing. Here's the question. I was once offered opium by a guy with what clothing-related nickname. Okay. I'm locked in. I need the hint. The hint is it's probably where he kept his opium.

Okay. All right, ready? All right, ready. Question one. What did the police officer give me the third time I had an encounter with him? A trading card. Correct. All right, great.

Who's the hottest Simpsons character? Otto the bus truck. I guess Otto as well. It's Bart. It's Bart. I was like, it can't be Bart. But I was a child when I watched that show. Ah.

But now you're an adult. You put away to charge things. For my seventh birthday, my mom and my uncle threw me and party with what unusual and boring theme. Your uncle. My uncle was always my gay uncle. Tax filing. Dirt. Manners.

It was an etiquette party. Were you walking around with like books on your head? Yes, we were. And everyone was dressed in a nice dress. That's so funny. Two point question. What does my grandma, what do my grandma always love receiving? There are two gifts.

We got one point for each correct answer. I said money and teeth. I said flowers and candy. No, $100. or a Walgreens gift card. But yes, money counts. Money counts, yeah. So money and a Walgreens gift card are the two answers?

Obviously she doesn't want candy if the chocolate cover strawberries were too big and four six of them. Yeah. I thought it was the amount. Like if you give candy, like M&M, she'd be like, oh, wow, there's 100 of these. It didn't work that way. Okay. And then the guy who offered me opium, what was his clothing-related nickname? Scott?

Jorts. Pockets. Pockets. Pockets. He's like, My friends call me pockets because I don't have any, I believe was the thing he said to me. Right. Fucking asshole.

Didn't this come up recently? You probably. All right. Okay. So I have three total. I so far have one and then we're going to do. You locked it in though, Paul. So you get two for that last answer?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So how many do you have, Paul? Two. I think I have three. Yeah, I have three. Okay. So we're tied at three.

Lauren has one. Yeah. So Paul, you need. to get an answer correct, otherwise all hell will break loose. We will be tied unless Lauren gets more than two. Okay. You guys ready? Yeah.

All right. Question one. Scott once made out with a woman. Yeah, right. True. At a Halloween party and got makeup from his costume all over her face. What or whom was Scott dressed as? Shit. What was Scott dressed as?

This can't be right, but it's funny. Okay. Okay. Question two. In high school, Scott pretended to be interested in joining the army in order to get what from an army recruiter. Okay. Okay. Okay. Question three. When he was a kid, Scott had to get stitches in his face after attempting what dangerous stunt. I mean, this is obvious. Okay. Okay, two point question. Scott once boasted that his address was so secret, almost nobody knew it. What?

Name the two very cool, not at all evil organizations that did know it, i.e., they sent mail to his address with his name on it. Oh yeah, you got one point for each you name correctly. Could you read that last part of again? Name the two very cool, not at all evil organizations that did know the address. i.e. they sent mail to his address with his actual name on it instead of the alias. Very cool. Not evil. Is that sarcasm? I think it's, well, I don't want to say. Okay. Okay. All right. Paul, are you... Is there a fifth question? Of course. Of course, dear. Okay. Some of you were wrapping it up. Okay. Let's wrap it up, guys. All right. The lock it in question.

Scott's former roommate This is incorrect So I won't read this part of it But Scott's former roommate Who was roommates with the eye of parties guy Had what food related nickname I'm locked in You're locked in

All right Lauren Do you want the hint? Yeah This round food That's what I was thinking Is often associated with New York City I mean that just gives it away Yeah, it's actually I was going to guess

Okay All right here we go ready Question one. Scott once made out with a woman at a Halloween party got makeup from his costume all over her face. Whom or what was Scott dressed as? Pennywise. Pennywise.

I said, The Joker. Incorrect, Ace freely from Kiss. I would have not. That's right. Yes. Okay. In high school, Scott pretended to be interested in joining the Army

in order to get what from an Army recruiter? I said, a sticker. A gift card. A hand job. What? No, eight free lunches. Free lunches? Eight free lunches, yes.

He took me out. Oh, I remember. Because he would go like, let's go to lunch and talk about your future. And I kept stringing him along eight times until finally on. On the eighth time, he was like, come on, man. What are we doing here? I was like, yeah, I'm not. Dating, I guess.

Eighth time. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot. The army was short, one person. Yeah. That's how desperate. Really got to close this deal. Okay, question three.

When he was a kid, Scott had to get stitches in his face. after attempting what dangerous stunt? Riding a bike with his eyes closed. While. Wearing sunglasses. Yes. But sunglasses doesn't matter. Your eyes were closed.

That's the stunt. True. But the reason I was doing it is because no one would be able to tell my eyes were closed because I was wearing mirrored sunglasses. That's even dumber. But I'll give it to you both. Thank you very much. That's fair. All right.

Question four. Two point questions. Scott once boasted his address was so secret. Almost nobody knew it. It's not a boast. It's merely a fact, but okay. Name the two very cool, not at all evil organizations that did know it, i.e., they sent mail to his address with his name on it. You get one point each.

I'm going to say the FBI and the Catholic Church. I said the bank and Scientology. You get one point for Scientology. It's Scientology and the Republican Party. Lock it in question. Scott's former roommate, the I have parties guy had what food-related nickname. Paul, you locked it in. Yes, I did.

And what is your answer? Bagel. Bagel is correct. What? Pizza. What? Pizza's round and in New York. I thought it was obvious, but you are right. Pretty good nickname.

Wow. Pizza. Hi, pizza. I know. I was going to put pizza first, and I said, that doesn't sound good nickname. And then when you said that, I guess I was right. Pizza. All right, do you want me to say what the final totals are?

Yeah, I do. Mine is two. For Tide, for second place. Scott and Lauren both have three points. And first place, Paul has six points. I'm the champion. Wow. Wow, you got three apiece for each of us.

Thank you, Nathan Diffey, for submitting those questions. My buddy. Speaking of Nathan Diffy. Speaking of him. You can see his great artwork when I promote my shows because he does all my show posters. And the latest one that he's done is for. for Varietopia at the Bell House in Brooklyn. And of course, we'll be selling those posters at the show.

But that is October 14th and 15th, 10 p.m. The early shows are sold out. The 10 p.m. shows still have tickets. And also November, November, I'll be in Charleston, South Carolina, with Varietopia. And that show still needs to be sold out. So why don't you go get tickets to that? And then let me tell you when the date is. That is the 17th, the 17th, Friday the 17th of November.

Charleston, South Carolina, first time doing Varietopia there. Go to Paulifthtomkins.com slash live for ticket links. Great. And you can follow me on Instagram at Lauren Lapkis. And that's where you'll find all of my show updates. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I don't really care. Hold on a second.

We've got to tell people. What? We were going to do a super-go. Wild Horses show right before lockdown. Yeah. We were going to improvise a murder mystery. We didn't get to do it. The other day, I was like, what the fuck?

Why don't we do that show again? We're going to do it finally. Oh, my God. October 9th at Dynasty Typewriter. It's going to be an in-person and live-streamed show. It's going to be a lot of fun. What? I can't wait to do this.

So go to dynastitytytytytytyty.com for tickets to either the in-person show or the live stream. Incredible. And October 31st. Is this going to be scary? This is very scary. I need suggestions for a father-daughter-daughter Halloween costume. So send these to Lauren and she'll pass them on to me.

Oh, the road. The road? Yeah. The road. The road? Oh, I thought you meant just like a blacktop road. Yeah. Why don't you go as the street?

Yeah, you should just be the street and lay down in traffic. Oh. All right, bye. Bye.