Threedom - Threevisiting: THIS FROM BAT BOY?

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss baseball, gender biases in sports and play The Minister’s Cat.

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3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Bring-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding- listening to this on Instagram. That makes sense. I hope whoever composed that song is living a very comfortable. Welcome to the show, by the way. Scott Paul Lauren.

Hi. Welcome to the show, Scott Paul Lauren. I'm Scott Paul Lauren. I'm Scott Paul Lauren. And you have a stage name. I'm Scott Paul Lauren, of course. Not a bad stage name. Not a good stage name.

How about Lauren Scott Paul? That's pretty good too. Lauren Paul Scott. I don't know if the lady's name should go. Hi, I'm Scott Paul. That's pretty good too. Lauren Paul Scott. I don't know if the lady's name should go high. I'm Scott Paul Lauren. I'm Paul. I'm Paul Lauren. Paul Lauren.

Can I tell you it's a okay? Okay. We're in full disclosure. We're recording back-to-back episodes. That's what we do. We're standing back-to-back. Sometimes you think we get a little weird. It's bad because we did just sitting another one.

I think you and I Lauren are maybe in the same place because I got very little sleep last night. What happened? Oh, you know what, though? Well, hey, you wrestling with your conscience? Yeah. What happened? Did you murder me?

Did you murder me? Did you murder me? Did you murder me? Did you murder me? I stole stuff from my wife. What did you steal, like jokes? All her jewels. All her panties.

All her panties. And her underpants. I stole her jewels, Ruby's, some jokes. Was there underpants? Some jewels, some underpants. All her jokes. Stop making a plural. Sorry, I had to. That's a shirt.

That's a shirt, stopping a plural. I brought to you by, that's a shirt. Was there a panty raid going on? There was a panty raid. Remember when that was a thing? No, I couldn't read. No, I really, why did you sleep? I went to a Dodgers game last night Remember when that was a big Why did you sleep? I?

I went to a Dodgers game last night with some fun pals and you just kept thinking about the Well, I think you're back of the bad. I can't and there were fireworks after the game What do you make it to sound the horse comes out of the field? No rules against it? I think we're both punchy. I think we're both very so so you're scheduled four hours of podcasting in one day because I live where you went to one baseball game and you can't sleep. Yeah, yeah, because you couldn't stop thinking about how you wish you were playing on the team. Oh, that would be so fucking awesome if I was out there. I can't hold the balls. If I could be the bad boy who I'd be so proud.

I wouldn't be the mascot. I was a bad boy once. I tell you that. No. The Dodgers don't have a mascot. So what's the problem? You couldn't see because you know they don't have a mascot. Well, cause what are you gonna have a draft Dodger as the mascot?

What? The draft Dodger. Trump is the mascot. It's going to be constantly evading being grabbed. Just mubbed with bone spurs. I got bone spurs. Oh, that would be a funny mascot. It's like a mascot just comes out limping all the time.

Like, oh, I hate you. Oh, I hate you. Visions a little poor. I can't do anything fun because of my bone spurs. Why couldn't you sleep? And I'm moving to Canada. I can't, so I went to the game, had a great time with friends. We were sitting in a very lively section,

which when that happens, and you're seated around strangers that are also having a fun time, when they are the right kind of fun people, it's really enjoyable. Right. Because some people are just loud. They're just yelling shit. I also hate when you go to a baseball game when people are in polite. I don't to the to the to the

game or to the players. Oh, that that shit is so stupid. I don't like that. It's so stupid. And it's also that's not the kind of game that baseball. Yeah, when you're like yelling insults at a player. It's not an aggressive game in that way. That feels like a thing from movies. You feel like, come on! Isn't real long. That's what I mean. There's a certain type of fan who goes to a game and then tries to boo and insult people

as much as possible in the stands. Yeah, that's weird. Why couldn't you sleep? So we had a great time. Fireworks after the game. So I couldn't just sleep. Fireworks after the game. So I can just. Which adds time. Finally get home.

Janie is like already going to bed when I get home. And then I have the house. Did you drive yourself for the hell? No, she didn't go to the game. Oh, I see. So she has her own life. I'm so sorry to assume that. I've got everyone.

I'm not everyone. I can control with their woman. Cool up has been here for the past two shows just silently in a corner. My boyfriend lets me do whatever I wish. Well, when do you get married? Or he allows you to. So if he didn't let you, you would have done that. Yeah.

My boyfriend says I can have as much she does I like. Hey, it says I can have as many cupcakes as I want like it tell me I can then it's on me Okay, so wait, so you're rattling around the house some right no not rattling Well, you know, you put your night. I got on your little cap. I put my neck up my stuff in your rattling around the Code, yes, I'm haunting my wife and she's learning the JD And she's learning the truth. Jamie, you're a Jamie musical guest. Jamie. So that's fun.

So now I have the house to myself and it's nighttime. And I'm coming down from that time. That's the perfect time to be alone. I'm coming down from having a fun time. You know, watch whatever I want on TV. Yeah, that's where you're like too excited to go to bed. I'm gonna have a go as a one. Before I know it, it's fucking 2AM.

It's fucking 2AM too. I've watched, I've completed watching Star Trek Discovery. The TV show. No. Is that a, in real life? You watched them discover a new planet. I was invisible. It's part of the world. It's part of the world. Yeah, it was shaped like a wall. It was part of the ship.

I mean. And I had a couple glasses of wine and I was like, I wanted to keep staying up. Yeah, it's fun. There was nothing stop. I didn't have to be up early. Nothing stopping you. I love it. Thank God I went to bed when I did. Yeah. Because I fucking woke up at 7 a.m. I woke up at 3 a.m. What?

Yeah. It's weird. Have you been awake since 3? No, no, I went back to bed approximately 6 a.m. Well, that's where our story's different girlfriend. And woke back up at 8 a.m. I have to say, not because this is not an advertisement because we're on

Grand Paper Rose ad, but I got an one of our sponsors on Maurice Baitheev is the Hello Pillow and I just got mine. What is it? I slept like a fucking rock. It's filled with holes. Rock. It's filled with holes. Rock. Boop. Boop. Boop.

Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Oh, that's a rock. Last night I texted you pictures of Bob Seeger. Were you listening to Bob Seeger? I was. He took a screenshot. I took a screenshot and I texted you.

Yes. Down to our tour soundtrack. Soundtrack, yeah. Like rock. My dick is like a rock. When I see a Chevy. I want to fuck that. Damn, that is it.

Shep Ford, like rock like rock Ford that's how I L.A. Pellet me in a buckwheat and a L.A. Okay And I didn't from little Rascals and I did the titular little Rascals from the little Rattle Rascals and I didn't adjust all night

I wasn't like, get my pillow. So you're saying you went to sleep, but you're like a dead person. You woke up in the same position. Oh yeah, I really think so. I did that once when I had a Mercer infection. Maybe I'm ill. I had a Mercer infection on my fucking face.

What's Mercer? Mercer, I forget what it stands for, but it's a terrible, Wait, it's an acronym? Yeah, MRSA. Mommy, RSA. It's an infection when people talk too close on the microphone. Oh, it's MRSA. You have an infection.

Men's rights, sexual acts. Yeah, I'm a mens right sexual act, but that's, and I'm infected with it. What is it though? What were the symptoms? It looks, it looks, it looks, it looks like you have a spider bite maybe, or a blemish and then it just gets bigger and hotter. Like temperature hot? Yeah. Like hot to the touch.

Not like sexier. No, people are coming up. They were and hotter. People were feeling, I thought that Merceau. Can I touch that Merceau? Can I touch that Merceau? Can I touch that Merceau? I'd love to fuck the Merceau.

Can you guys have some sweet gals? This is very forb. Can I touch your Merceau? We'll get your story in a to your mercy will get your story to my head shingles to do a Roof shingles a lot of people I singles. There's nothing I'm Mercer and it was very hot can I finish with my So I was I was when I living in New York, I was working on best week ever That best time to have a crazy face in front of you when you're on TV. When you are on Best Week ever, did you always say this is my best year ever? Always.

They had to cut it out of every episode. In the genius, that's not saying it at dinner. That's not the time to do it. I said it at dinner and on TV. And so I had this, so I had this thing, this is before I realized what it was, and I came home from work. You're like, that's just cute. I'm really, I said, this is adorable.

And you know, he said, it's pretty cute. And I said, it's adorable, which is it, it is. So I thought I just had like a weird, like a blemish, you know? And I was, what they call like, poppins it. What they call poppins? It's a poppins? It's a poppin. Do we gooey-e-e-e-e bubbles? I thought I had it in OGAB.

So I come home and I'm really tired. And I said, I'm just gonna like take a nap and I went, put on Star Trek Discovery. Put on Star Trek Discovery. Put on your night gown. I painted myself the same as the wall and my stub of candle. I just lay down in the bed in my clothes and then I woke up the next day in the exact same

position. And that's when Janie said, I think you should go to the doctor. How many hours is that? Oh, I must have got home at like seven or eight. Okay. And then woke up the next day at 10, I think. Right. Like, Jenny said, I let you sleep. That's fishy.

I think you should go to the doctor. Yeah, yeah. And you said, fuck you. I said, women don't know. Women don't know. I like my MRSA. This is man sleep. This is man sleep.

This is man sleep. Man sleep. Man sleep. Man, man, man. Man sleep. Man sleep. all day. All days won't work. Yeah.

I can't believe you guys don't care. I was a Dodger Batboy. We'll get to it. Tell me about the shingles. I can't hear about every day. I want to hear about your shingles. I had shingles in 2015. I've heard this story.

Oh, yeah, I did tell it on Spontaneous Nation actually. I had shingles from... Which is, and if people don't know what shingles is, and I can feel it on my back right now, I'm not gonna- It's a herpes of the spine. You were working on her, are you there? Got it's me, Margaret. No, no, I was unclipped in a drastic world,

premiering, and like, there was a lot of press. Cause by stress sometimes. But yeah, I think it was definitely a stress because I had just gotten a puppy. There were like a lot of things happening in my life. Puppy's are supposed to make your life better. I didn't, I didn't, it was stressful. And I wasn't barely home, so it was like very stressful

with the dog. But there were just a lot of things it really stressful. And I wasn't barely home, so it was like very stressful at the dog. But there were just a lot of things happening at once. And I got shingles, but I was at UCB, and I was about to do Ascat, and I was like, I have a lump in my armpit. And I was like, oh, and then like Darcy Carden like poked it. We were like, we were kind of like, what?

And then like, that's a good friend to poke your- Well, yeah, I was like, is this weird? And then Matt Walsh was like, you should go to the doctor. And I was like, all right, you know what? You don't know, women. Yeah, women, women, women. I just, it was actually, I wrote about thank you letter after because I feel like it can be so easy

to not take care of yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was as if like a parent had said, like, oh, go get that checked out. And then I did it and it was, well, I actually didn't do it right away. And I went to, I had to go to work the next day and shoot the show. And I was like crying because my back hurt so much,

because it felt like someone was holding a hot pan against my back. It was just like, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, back. As a punishment. Anyway, this produced, I told this producer what was happening. And then he sent me to the nurse of the Warner Brothers Lot and they diagnosed me with shingles. And then I had to go get all these prescriptions. And then I still had to fly to New York and do like press live from New York. Exactly. It's Laura Lapques' shingles. I'm a teenager. And I did like the red carpet for Jurassic. I had shingles. Like all the pictures you can see. You can see it? No, I just know that I'm in great pain.

Right. And it was just a horrible experience. And then I honestly, when I talk about it, I can feel it like where it was. Ooh. And you can get it three times. I really don't want to get it again. Anyway.

I have only get it three times. I think you can, then it's like that. It's out of your system. You can get chicken pox. You can only get chicken pox ones. You can only get chicken pox ones. You can only get chicken pox ones, and you can only get chicken pox if you've had chicken pox. Right.

And then you can have three times chicken pox. No, because I had chicken pox. And if you have it the third time, then pumpkin head appears. Yeah, on your body. Pumpkin. What do you think? It's a, I remember my grandma had it,

and I was like, this is an old people. I have a, no, I have a. I have a family member who currently has it and I was trying to make them feel better by saying, oh no, I know a lot of people who have had it, like young people, you know, trying to make them feel bad about not being like, oh, I'm old and I have shingles and they were like, really? How weird for them to have it.

It's an old person to say. They judge me. They judge the people that I know. It's It's an old person to say. It's a big judge, he's the person. They judge the people that I know. It's definitely not an old person to think Seth Rogen had it recently on Twitter I saw. He mentioned it, okay, because that's the person I was talking about. I was like, when he told me I was like,

I had it in my head of like, oh, that's isn't an old person to say. He's like, oh, no, it's just like herpes in your spine. It's fucking weird. Yeah. He just figured out Instagram stories and I It's fucking weird. Yeah. Um. He just figured out Instagram stories and I'm finding it delightful.

Oh cool. Yeah. I'll get in there one of these days. Yeah, I tried it. All right, Batboy. Let's hear it. Yeah, so what happened on the field? Let's go weekly world news.

Do you the story of Batboy? I get it. Was that fresh? I've seen the musical. What? Was Batboy from the set? Yes. Yes.

I thought you were bringing up something from it. That's like five minutes ago. Okay, so what happened? Scott, hurry up. Oh, I'm late. Okay, so I've, by the way, I brought this up to you guys. I don't know how you actually felt about it, but I think if we ever, if we ever start to tell a story,

we've already told on this show, there should be a punishment. Yes, I'm speaking. I'm speaking. Sheaven will spank. Sheaven will spank. And it's got to be like, it's got a hurt. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, twice or more than once. Shevans banks Scott. Wait. Yeah. And we, because it's painful to watch someone gets banked. And because Scott likes it a lot. So, um, so I'm hoping I didn't tell this, but I've told you about how bad of a washer and dancer and pressure.

I've heard it, but I've told you about how poor of a baseball player I was. Because of 40 and a 40 for him. You lost all your money in a baseball. Yeah. You pulled out completely. And Rose, a moth flew out of your wallet. Yeah. Um, so. Card declined.

So my, my father used to go to this. Um, lawnmower repair store. I think it was. And, uh, movie once, uh, where there are a bunch of lawnmowers in there that were broken. Yeah, if you look at that, that'll be where it's selling. Side note, if you think you're gonna tell the story, without being able to get up to every two seconds,

you're flat out wrong. But he used to go to this lawnmower. Oh, my God. Is this right now? Did you see that? No, it's interesting. I don't know. I'm used to go to this to lawn. Oh my god. Is this right? Not interesting.

Look, look, look, look. No, of course it's interesting. Don't be sad. Oh, you're a baseball fan. Where I have a baseball. Well, this is I look. This is your dream. He's a baseball fan.

And this is my dream to hear. To hear to your to hear. Yeah, that's true. You're being connected to baseball. No, what I did, what I did, you would love to do. You're you're right. You ever want to sing the national anthem at a Dodgers game or something?

I would like to do that. I like to throw out the first pitch. I like to throw out the first pitch. Every time I go to one of these games, it's some like person I've never heard of doing it. It's like, fuck, we could do it. Oh, the people they get to do this. They can.

You see. But I feel like, do we just need the right. People think it's good to do this. Can you see? But, but I feel like, I think, do we just need the right? You guys, that was like, I bailed. That was like you planned that to hang me out to drive. I don't want to. Hang me out to drive. Cold work is.

But I, okay. But I feel like we just need the right publicist or something in order to do this. Anyway. To get to do this. Anyway. To get to the conversation. No. Okay. So I changed my publicist because of this podcast.

My dad went to this lawnmower store. They were having a competition, not a contest where if you feel, You can't. There's a beauty contest. He won the second place. They all lawnmowers are equally attractive to me disagree If there is grass on the wall if there's grass in the bag. It's worth two in the shack

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Do I make your hearty, baby? Do I make your hearty, mylar? Are you horny? Mary, do I make you horny, baby? From your favorite show, Brontorch, do I make your hearty, mylar? He has Brontorch. I've talked about Brontorch. I wasn't even like it, I said I did. Okay, so there was a contest. If you fill that a form, you could, they pulled from,

at the end of like a month or whatever, they pulled from this jar that all the forms are in. And if you won, if you won, you were able to, what are we talking about? I'm just up to, you would be, you would be the Dodgers Batboy for a game. Okay. So, and we knew people who like put in 40,

like every time they went to the store, they would put in a thing. And so they put in 40 of these. And my dad went once and he put me and my brother in. And they went, what were their excuses for going to this lawnmowers for over and over again? Check out the bottom of this lawnmower. It's like kind of acting funny.

And he knew lawnmowers, Well, I'll trick back tomorrow. So I won and I'm immediately like, Paul, do you? Uh, eight. And I, and I have just fear because, yeah, because I'm, I would have been terrified. I'm terrible.

I'm terrible at baseball. Part of it is, part of it is you get a dodged uniform. Yeah. And to keep, to keep. And you, is it bespoke? And you can still fit in it. You don't get a baby's uniform. What do you mean?

Oh wait, I can still open now. I thought you meant that. What? Where did you go with that? What? I'm saying because your body is as small as it was. What are you saying? Yeah.

I thought you meant, and you could still fit it. You could still fit it. Your body is as small as it was. I thought you meant you could still fit it. Small as it was. Your body is as small as it was when you were eight. But most of all, I'm scared not because of the responsibilities or whatever, but I'm scared that when I tell everyone, I told you about the cartwheel contest. I'm scared that you want spanking, still you so I'm saying I know I told you about this. I'm scared that when I tell people that I won this admittedly cool thing and this is what happened. Everyone would say, you don't deserve that you suck at baseball. Okay. And that's exactly what

happened. No, no. Everyone said, and I was, I was on a baseball team, you know, and they were like and I told them about it And they were like well, you're the worst fucking player on the didn't say fuck you're the worst player on this team You're the worst flippin player on this 50s team And they would say like well this person deserves it not you you know stuff like that So that did happen So anyway, but I just want to talk about the experience, because it was really cool, because I didn't do it like it. Okay, so in my mind, I'm sort of like, okay, so I got to run out there and get the bats

like after they hit the ball. You know, I'm like, didn't hear about like everything that I'm gonna do, right? So I get there and I find out that I'm the honorary batboy that my responsibilities are. We're like a judges' robe. That makes more sense. You know, wig.

Yeah, exactly. Woodson Churchill is like shouting at the gavill. You pick up that point of order. Gavils that look like bats. Yeah, there is in New York in Yankee Stadium, there's a section called the judge, the judges chamber. There is for Aaron judge fans. And they everyone has a couple?

They wear fucking, some people have big foam gavils and they all wear black robes. Okay, how about this? A t-shirt that says like beautiful script, honorary bat boy. And there's a picture of like a bat, like the animal. Yeah. Yeah, on your body.

And a boy and a bat. And it says, and there's a plus. And there's, and there's a bat boy. And it's a plus. And there's a bat point. And it's actually a I spybook and there's all kinds of stuff on it. So here's the experience. Before the game, get to go out on the field and go talk to every player on the team and get them to sign a baseball. And this is the 78 Dodgers who are the world champs.

So we're talking Steve Garvey. Oh my God. Do you have a yawn right into the fucking microphone? I thought you said, whoa, I was looking. I thought you went, oh, when I was yawning while I said, you were yawning while you said it. But I was still interested. I was just was yawning.

I'm tired. But we're talking Steve Garvey. Ron say like, Steve Harvey was there. Steve Harvey. He's like, he's like, say him a mustache. He would take a swing in a ball and then he would mug for like five minutes. Come on, he's great though. I never said he wasn't.

I never said he was. That's what? So, take a picture with all the players. Like professional pictures with a professional photographer, not just like, you know, my parents with their lame camera or whatever. Like a professional photographer comes over take Take pictures with everyone. There was also a Fuck your parents by the way

They're lame parents. They're stupid. Fuck your mom and hell So and then there was another one who another person who won who was a girl and I couldn't remember whether I can't remember whether it was a boy girl in a Yes, wouldn't that be fucking crazy if they're like now fuck now mate. There's grass on this field There's grass this field means anyone can fuck here To a stand the whole second there's grass on this field Just say one thing if I want to understand. Hold on a second. There's a grass on this field. Anyone can fuck you. I'll just say one thing if I want to see a world of crap. Mary, you listen, you listen, good. There's grass on this field.

Anyone can fuck you. It's grass blocks everybody. Hey, bird, there's grass on this field. My mouth full of blood. Who want to go fuck out of field? Mary, can fuck here, Mary. Oh, what do you lost all the money? What do you fuck out of field?

Oh, I tell you, there's grass on this field. Everyone's fucking. There's grass on? Oh, I tell you, it's grouser this field, that world's fucking. It's grouser this field, I wanna fuck it. Um, so that's before the game, and then during the game, now it was probably like right as the game. Wait, so there's a boy and a girl. There's a boy and a girl, but I don't know whether, I don't know what you are.

I don't know whether there's a boy girl and a girl winner. Wolf. A boy, I'm saying I don't know whether there's a boy girl. I don't know whether there's a boy winner and a girl winner. Wolf. I'm saying, I don't know whether there's a boy girl. I don't know whether there's a boy winner and a girl winner. I don't know whether they took like, it was two separate jars or whether the two people they picked happens to be a boy.

That's a joke. So I, so here's the cool part that I think you like, before the game, they announce and are honorary bat boy and you like before the game they announced and our honorary Batboy and Batgirl for the game is Scott Ocarman and this chick and They didn't name her What if I still remember to off scotch and Tiffany Bradson and you never forgotten like I wonder was she is We're who's Tiffany Bradson and we got to go out to home plate Mm-hmm tip and they said tip your like they said, tip our caps and wave it everyone.

And I was so fucking nervous for that. Yeah, that's cute. And but I went out there and tip my cap and I imagine everyone's just like, fuck you! This is 1978 when that was cool. Very cool. But then I got to go into those like, sort of like seats

by the dugout that are, that have the private food and all that kind of stuff. And got to eat whatever the fuck I wanted for three innings. And then no one could see, because it's private. Yeah, no one can see what a fucking pig I am, what a little piggie I am. You have a little piggie!

I love the fucking shovel food in my fat mouth. And then for three innings, we got to be there and then they were like, okay, we gotta take you to your real stage. Get out of here. And those were in the second level and it was kinda like, what the fuck? Can't be down on the first level.

But still, amazing. Oh, I already saw it title. But you would got so used to it. Your name was chosen out of a jar. Suddenly you're like, why am I not on the ground, flim? Oh, my God. Paul spilled everything.

Why don't you just bagged a wipe it up? Holy shit. Well, it's already wet. Why not? It's true. I don't like it. I can think of cupboards. So anyway, so we get,

this is an afternoon day, it's a day game. We get back and my dad is like, hey, you want to throw the ball around? Cause we had just moved into our new house, which was right, three houses down from a park. And he's like, you wanna throw the ball around? And I know, I know this is more for him than for me, because I'm terrible at baseball,

but I'm like, yeah, I sure do. And I go and we're just, and I'm trying to throw the ball, and I'm like, yeah, I sure do. And I go and we're just, and I'm trying to throw the ball and I'm like, you know, terrible at it. And then these two, we had just moved into the house. I had no, no one in this neighborhood. These two kids come over and see me wearing the uniform and they're like, Hey, why are you wearing that uniform? My dad's like, you guys want to throw the ball around? And so we like all throw the ball around. And so we like all throw the ball around. And they're all like, oh, this guy sucks at baseball. But, but they became my best friends for the next

five years until they moved away. Well, that's a lovely story. I never changed. I'm really worried near the end. I never would have met these kids if I hadn't been wearing that Dodger uniform. And they were like, like, wondering why I was, I worried near the end. I never would have met these kids if I hadn't been wearing that Dodger uniform. And they were like wondering why I had this like exact Dodger uniform. And then we wouldn't have met today. Yes, exactly. I do believe that.

Wow. Because one of them was my best friend for years and years. And we used to do things like fake radio shows and stuff like that in this bedroom. Absolutely. And I think it led me to here. So anyway.

So you really wouldn't have met. Mm-hmm. So, you know, who cares? Who cares that I suck at baseball? Well. And if this was a traumatic experience for me. It bothers me a little bit. That I'm at baseball?

I'm good now. Let's play one-on-one baseball. One-on-one. You each have to pitch for each other and they have to be good pitches. And I'll keep score. That's right. Yeah, okay.

Because you're a girl. Oh, I can't keep score either. Have you, because I'm, I watch, I'm gonna say because I'm white. Because I'm white, I feel like I'm better. Sound was awesome. Lauren was drinking endure. To my giant drug. That was the sound of me being

exactly the white privilege vortex. Seaman. Oh, semen. Yeah, I'm having a one gallon of semen. Fucking freak. Do you know it's impossible to drink at all in one sitting. A gallon of semen. Well, that's what they said. But I was right. Here's what Rod Stewart. Well, that's what... Here it is. Ron Stewart's about to go to the hospital. I was always told, you can't have up 10 soul teens in a row and you can't have a whole piece of cinnamon and an expo. And you can't drink a whole piece of cinnamon and a spoon.

I do can't drink a whole gallon of can at one. And I've proven them all wrong time and time again. You can't fold a paper in half more than twice. Five to twice or one to buckle my shoe. Oh, you love rhymes. We need to take a break. We'll come back. What was I gonna say?

I don't know. I'm fascinated by it. Because I'm, because I'm, because you're white. No, you're watching something. But we gotta come back to it. We'll come back to it. We'll come back to it. All right, we'll see you on the other side of this

And we're back. Hi Paul Because I watch I watch I watch bait because I'm white. I watch baseball on the computer. I watch baseball via the MLB app. MLB app app. And do you have to, sorry to get into the tech community? No, please, I accept your apology. Do you have to subscribe to like direct TV and then they'll give you every gamer

or the direct TV package or something? Oh no, my brother, you have to get your own. Okay. Here's how it works. I have cable packages direct TV. That's how we get our television and all that shit. Which is why I mentioned it. Yes. Why didn't you do a Facebook through a specific...

Okay, stop. I've been to your house and have watched TV. Okay, Scott, I didn't know that you memorized our cables. That's the first thing that I... Excuse me. Yes, miss. Oh, you have to pay to watch baseball specifically there. Well, I there's local game. There's certain

It's weird. It feels like it should be on like streaming on a certain channel all the time. Well, that's your generation You think everything should be free and here's where we come to. I'm saying is I think that if it's a baseball game It should be free because I could stuff all upon it and it's so boring and nobody cares. Here's where we come to it, is that because of the deal that the league made with, whatever fucking conglomerate with Comcast, I guess. I love Comcast. If you love Comcast. It's my favorite.

If you love Comcast, you can watch The Dodgers. I love how every field is named like in Chicago now, it's US Cellular Field. It's such a drag. Why don't come to the news? Just keep denying it. Own it, but call it something cool. Even the Sears Tower being the Willis Tower,

I found annoying, and then I only realized this year that Sears, the company owned it before. Right, yeah. I was like, I like it when it was a Sears Tower, and that's like me saying like, I like it when it was US Cellular Field. Exactly. What am I holding on to? Yeah. I agree though. I wish they think the Empire staple he was That's where the all the basketball assignment Michael Jordan are

Do you guys remember I don't know? Oh back in the day at least on Chicago the local commercial for Empire Was that you would if you call and got, you also got a free basketball sign. Michael Jordan. How much did they pay him for that? How would they have been for that? Well, they're probably printed. Like it was like, you just got a Michael Jordan basketball.

Oh, oh, not signed by him. It was a Michael Jordan home. When he was a carpenter. Where is it? He did it to me. Why did I make this shitty deal? No, I can't remember if he was in the commercial or if it was just a cut out of him and then commercial.

Oh, I bet he got paid even for the cut out. Yeah. Yeah. Greedy fuck. I love Michael Jordan. Sure you do. You're from Chicago. Of course you have to.

I'm over. I'm defending. I know nothing. I know nothing negative basically about him. The times I have for it stuff, I'm like, I'll forget that. Yeah. Mission accomplished. Yeah.

So you watched baseball on your, yes. MLB app. Yeah, because you can't watch, you can't watch Dodger games on local TV unless you have Comcast. Yeah. There's just, there's no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But occasionally won't they be on like Channel 5 or something or are they no longer?

If they get into the postseason, I think everyone's like, we're giving you a game. Also, there's the thing where if it doesn't sell out, then they black it out. Well now it's blacked out no matter what. Yeah, but you know what I mean? Like where they want to sell tickets to the local games. Yeah. And if they don't sell it out,

they won't show it on TV because they're like, well, you assholes should come to the game then. That's so much fair. They also will not lower the prices of tickets. Think about people who literally can't go. That's the thing. Watch it. It's a hospital. It bumps me out. But you love baseball. Yeah. Well, that, but are you a fucking job that does not allow you to like go to? Yeah. Are they all on the radio? Yes, you can listen to the radio. Listen to the radio. Look, you know, there's also. Hey, if you want to be a step more boring,

you can listen to it on the radio. What couldn't know, there's also. I know. Hey, if you want to be a step more boring, you can listen to it on the radio. What couldn't an old person also describe it to someone over the phone? I will. Yeah. That's free. He's going up. He looks like he wants to hit the boat. Nice young man. What country is he for? They're all wearing the same clothes. I don't know who's who. Um, he actually the radio broadcast of Dodgers games is better than the TV broadcast. Oh, I bet. Yeah. Because the weird thing about rate baseball and the radio is it sounds

exactly like it did a hundred years ago. Like it had when you're a sick boy in the hospital. It's so, when you're sick boy in the hospital and you have pleuracy and you're waiting for a rich man to adopt you. That's right. You can't do pleurals. So you say, I like ice cream cone. So I love grape. So I want, I love grape. Can I have grape?

I watch V of the MLB app and so you see the same. If you're watching a game live, you can't fast forward through the ads. And it's the same ads over and over and over and over again. That's like playing words with friends. You get the same. Have we talked about this? If you, yeah, I would be like, Shevin is ready to spank me. He's got his paddle out. No, um, sometimes we will watch basketball, basketball, basketball, basketball, subscription thing. Like, yeah, I'm sure he's exactly. And they black out the commercials and they just put like, Oh, yeah, just put like NBA on the screen.

Yeah, because those commercials are not being paid for. I love it. It's supposed calming moments. You just sit there and be like, because basketball games are so tense in the early, in the early part of the whole time. So I'm like, oh, solid basketball games are so tense. In the early part. Because I'm bored the whole time, so I'm like, oh, silence. Really?

What are you not bored during? This is a good game. What is Lauren not fucking? That's the only time. That's the only time I perk up is when I'm beautiful. Here's what I'm curious when I want to make clear. I'm not really bored. I actually can enjoy basically anything.

I like watching basketball. I like watching baseball. Blah, blah, blah. It's the company that you key. I actually can enjoy basically anything. I like watching basketball. I like watching baseball blah blah blah. It's the company that you key. It's the company I came but I have fun with my company. Oh, Mike Borsu. No, Mike is fun. Oh, I'm saying that's why I don't care I'm on TV. Yeah, but you could do you could do anything. I don't care what it is, but I'm just saying I can complain You can do that too You can do anything these days. You put your mind down. I don't know if I would enjoy that the next day, like you just complaining about what we did the previous day.

I don't actually never complain. I'm actually just wonderful. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know it. Okay. I don't complain. So you're watching... I can play about various things.

Here's a tale of two commercials. There's one commercial that's very adorable. This is Dickensian. Where it is. There's one. I'm ripping this off from Dickens. Right. There's one commercial.

There's one commercial. There's one commercial. There's one commercial. There's one commercial. There's one commercial. There's one commercial. It's very precious for Amazon. Excuse me.

Oh, sorry. I'm farting. Sorry. I'm farting. Sorry. I'm fart. Excuse me. Oh, oh, oh. Sorry, I'm farting. Sorry, I'm farting my mouth. Go on, Pulse-ass. This is the worst. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. This is the low point for me. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Did he very well and started? Oh, did not! To be fair! I made a noise. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Did he very learn started? Did not. I made a noise on accident.

I used to get from real. Okay, tell him to commercial. I'm sorry. Commercial is very adorable for Amazon, where a dad is what it's like this girl gets this little girl gets into baseball. So she's like on the sidelines ball. She's watching a game. Ball rolls over near her. They say, Hey, can you throw that ball over? She throws over and they're like, Oh, she's got, she's got a good on. She got game. Next you see her, she's on the, the pictures mound, but she doesn't have the right equipment. So the father is making

notes of things. Jack Stratt first. Yeah, it gives a rejax rap put on her head. And very smell this. That's right. And he says you're a girl. Get in the kitchen. So first he makes he makes a note that he has to buy her a glove. Then he makes an odious to buy her cleats. Why does he have to make these notes? Of course he has to buy her a go. What are the basic ones? You know, she's for base. He's entering it into the Amazon search bar. So I guess then you do have to write it down. I didn't really think of it that way.

Think of it that way now. Now I get it. It's an Amazon commercial. So then by the end of the commercial, did you say it was an Amazon commercial? Yeah. Okay. So then by the end of the commercial,

she's asleep, she's in a full uniform sleep in the back seat of the car. I thought she's still on the field to sleep. He's taking too long. A full uniform asleep in her bed with her MRSA. It's a nice time to change. I'm in the commercial. I'm a little girl. I'm in the commercial. I'm a little girl.

Two separate thoughts. Now you guys are in the commercial. And you're a little girl. What came are we playing? Is this a feature? Yeah, it's called little girl commercial. Okay, so she's in there. No, she's not in bed. She's sleeping in the back. She's in the car. The dad looks in the mirror. We see she's got a big trophy next to her. They have just, you know, she's no champion baseball player. Right. The dad is very proud.

He makes a note to buy a trophy shelf. Very true. Right. That is darling. I'm crying. Other commercial. Yeah. This is the flip side of that.

It's the opposite. There's some mom. It's no. It's not. It's a little bit more. It's an old man. It ends. She makes note to buy a little bit more. And an old man. It ends. She just makes it up to my grave stuff.

And it's actually that same people in the future. It's a sequel. Yeah, it's a sequel. She's like alleged to put flowers on. Coffin. Hey, Amazon.com, backslash, coffin search. You said coffin made me cough. Your search is over.

So this commercial, it's like a dramatic sports voiceover, John Fesenda style. No statue will be erected in her name. This is Halloween, this suit. Oh, this is Halloween, Mary. Oh, hello, pumpkin king, Mary. Oh, bird, it's Halloween. Oh, Skelling. This is Halloween. Jack Skelling did not have a my watch, Mary.

Why? I'm just mixing everything up. That's what I want. So this woman is running. She's in a business suit. She's got like a name tag on. She's running. What kind of shoes?

She's avoiding sensible shoes. Okay, so like a low heel. Okay, her like like dance shoes. Like joggers, low heels. Okay, got it. Probably easy spirits. Okay, do spear pumps. Got it.

Looks like a pump, but feels like a sneaker sure So she's running get to it. She's got it. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh this from bat boy This from bat boy. What's wrong with bat boy? Baby what's wrong with with bad boy? TFBB. What's wrong with the bad boy? What's wrong with the bad boy? What's wrong with the bad boy? It's me, I thought boy. So the voiceover is saying, no, there's never gonna be a statue of her. She's never gonna be in the Hall of Fame.

You know, basically it's this, it's a commercial for Sheraton, I think, where this woman works at the hotel is running to get this baseball glove to this little kid who forgot the glove in the room or whatever. Oh, yeah. Like, so commercials where that kid falls in the pool and the person like, or they drop their stuff and I'm on the pool. They call the emergency with the child is drowned. But she's a hero.

She's not in the Hall of Fame, but she's the unsung hero of getting gloves back. Of the Marriott. Yeah, but it's, what's so weird is, the tone of the commercial is basically, isn't it so funny we're treating this woman so seriously? Like a sports hero? Yeah, yeah. And the other one is like hopefully,

little girls can grow up to be sports heroes if they ever get the rules. Yeah, like there's nothing like little girls can grow up to be sports heroes if they ever can. Like there's nothing like, like, with, yeah, girls are a lot of play sports. Yeah, exactly. But the other one is like, facetiously, like, oh, in this crazy universe, like, we're in our treated like sports heroes. She's sliding, like, as if, like, that's a thing that men do in baseball. Yeah.

But it actually contains the phrase, she was just a woman who cared enough to whatever. But the long haw. It hanged just a woman hangs there for such a long time. But it's so weird, like as you're watching sports and there's this idea that it's like, well, she's never going to be, no one's ever going to give a shit about her. She's just like a lady. I don't like it. Like she's a hero, but you know, not like a real hero. It is weird that all of those sports are only men.

Well, you know, I went with, not even one. I went with Ria to a game a year ago or so. And there was a, she did on me. And we full. No, she, there was a, there was a, I a I think she was like 12 13 is I don't I guess older than that. Yeah, no, she was 12 or 13. This was last year.

Yeah, person at the game. No, there was a there was one of those and traditionally I'd always seen them as like, you know, teenage boys. One of those people who during when they're warming up and throwing around the field, what is it? What's the girl? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she warming up and throwing around the field, what's the term for that? The ball girl. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she was throwing, and she, you know, she's supposed to go get the balls and throw on, but she was throwing so fucking far. Yeah. Like, so much farther than, like, almost as far as the professionals in the game. Yeah. And I was like, well, she should just be playing. Shouldn't she? I mean, like, shit, like, you know, I mean, in a couple of years, like, shouldn't she just,

why is there not been one woman baseball player? It doesn't seem really weird. And it's like, baseball isn't a strength sport. I mean, the batting part of it. No, of course, you have to be sure. That's why all these fucking people juice up so much. What if that impossible for a woman to be able to hit a home run? Yeah.

So, like, at least a, you know, ground-to-roll devil. Well, extremely athletic person, it just seems weird that that- for a woman to be able to hit a home run. Yeah. So at least a, you know, gravel devil. Well, extremely athletic person. It just seems weird that besides that there's baseball players who do, you know, who compartmentalize, who do these one things like I only, I'm a designated runner. Yeah, exactly.

You know, I only do this one fucking thing, you know? Yeah, you think that like with basketball, it makes more sense in the sense that like some people are like then going to be like the men are like seven feet tall And it's like that's a whole different riding with acting like best actor and best actress Definitely men are better and stuff and better at being like faking a characters and stuff Well, there are there are of course women baseball players and there's a there's a national There's a national team. There's a there are, there are, of course, women baseball players. And there's a, there's a national, there's a national team. There's a, there's two, but we're just women. There's a team.

Yes, there's a men's team and a women's team, US national team. Um, and, but it, when I went to a Philly's game, to see the Philly's play the Dodgers recently, and Jayny came with me for this game. Finally. We were, we were watching the game. And in between she said, oh, look, the ball girl is throwing to the right. I think I was. No, no, there, it's way more common now.

That's great. It's way more common. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wondered if traditionally throughout the years they were ball girls and I was just not aware of it. No, I don't know when it changed. I'm sure for the majority of baseball, they were boys, but I think that is bored.

I'm not thinking. But here's the thing. So she said, oh, look at that. And so it was either, I think it was Nick Williams, the Philly's right fielder, between as they were, you know, as the earnings were changing over when the Philly's would take the field, they were throwing the ball back and forth. So she's by, you know, like first base and she's throwing the ball back to him. And I never, either who's on first, neither, either this was something that did not happen often or something I never noticed

before. And I forgot to look the last time I went to a game. See if I have, but they, they did it every time, every time the fillies took the field, they would throw the ball until it was time for the, the, the ending to start. And it made me so happy to see. Oh, yeah, I mean, he's so happy to see. No, I love it. And I, I, I just wondered when I saw it, I was like, well, that's great. She's got this love of the game. What are they raising her to be though? Just a fan. Well, yeah, that's a ceiling. Like, and that's, that's great. She's got this love of the game. What are they raising her to be though? Just a fan. Well, you get so feeling like that's so weird about it. There is no there is no ability for a woman to be on a team like that where everyone sees this game and everyone. Exactly. To be on it, to be on a major league team and to get that exposure, to play in that level, to play at that level,

make that money. Yeah, exactly. That's not fair. Yeah, but that make that money. You got to love the game enough, you know, to go out there and get, play wherever you can. Also, they don't let people, definitely it's cool that the people you do it in different levels. They don't let people like me who are bad at it play either.

It's like, I don't get it. I mean, you got those two best friends out of it for five years. That's true. We need to go to another break. Okay, I don't care. Okay, I don't care. Okay, I don't care that you don't care. That's right. I love it.

I... Stop. Stop. All right, we'll see you. Whoa. What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? We're back. Hi. I like you. I like you. I like everyone.

Can I? Let me say this. Yeah. This is sincere. Okay. I'm happy to see you guys. I'm happy to see you. I love doing this show with you.

And I'm so happy to be back recording with you. I am. Second that emotion. It's got. Will you give us a quorum? Guys, I'm uncomfortable with these feelings I'm having I don't like to express them all that much, but I love you guys Paul you and I have seen each other more recently then I feel like

Spring's together For the memorial day holiday. Yes, it was fun You were in by in but I'm available. I was somewhere. Oh, I was in New York or no, I don't know where I had to get my barbecue sauce and my York. This is the anti New York City barbecue Barbie us all for No, no, no, they saw some Mary is it all made from New York I love the moment. It's God is just doing it

I'm talking who cares what you guys have to say? Look, tell us a feature please. I want to have a game. Oh, shit. What do we got? Feature time. I went online to search for party games. First party games took me to a lot of fucking board games.

I was like, oh, then I realized, parlor games. Parlor, much better. Yes. Much better. Because that's before things were invented. And people had just, people had just fucking fill time.

Yeah. You imagine living back then? That sounds better. You were just waiting till it got dark to go to bed. Yeah. You're just like, God, I pray for the darkness. I miss those days. I pray for the darkness.

I would love to live in the time with no electricity and I would die at 30. I wish you died at 30. Fuck you. That's the darkest shit anyone's ever said. What? The fact that I am past that point makes it less dark, but not cool. Not cool, not cool.

All right, I apologize. I'll take it and I actually I'm not even gonna. I apologize. I don't want your post. There's one. You don't want my post. You don't accept it. Look, I like life. I wanna live want your post. There's one. You don't want that post. You don't accept it. Look, I like life.

I want to live a long life. I like life. Life likes me. I love life. I love life. I love life. Speaking of Scrooge. What?

There is a game that song is from Scrooge, the musical version of a Christmas calendar. Oh, I didn't know. I just went along with it. Love. I didn't know. I just went along with it. I just went along with it. I could have done stalemate. I just didn't know it. Mary.

Because of the Tonys? No, I guess probably, but I don't know on purpose. Did you watch the Tonys? I did. Then it's because of the Tonys. Okay, well that's the only reason I have thoughts. Did you watch the Tonys? And then it's because of the Tonys.

Oh, were you just somehow dancing all night? Yeah, I was singing about my currentaries. What, were you just somehow dancing all night? Yeah, I was singing about my current life. Okay, parlor gig. I could've turned. Turn. Well, you know what, we almost, we kind of did this one in the last show.

Then don't pick it. But don't you wanna hear what it is? Why, he did it. He did it. It's called Sing Song Ping Pong. Oh, I like it. It's very racist. Oh, Decide early on what type of songs to use decide who goes first with that person singing a line of a song Preferably the chorus always easier

The rest of the group then think of another song featuring any of the words currently. Oh, this is solo ball of stuff It's hotspot. Oh, well then goodbye It's an improv game called hotspot, which you've adapted to be solo ball of. Well, we perfected it. She fucking exposed you as a frowd. You're a frowd. I am. I cook your penis frowd.

I cooked a penis frowd. I cook your penis frowd. We can play it. Why can't we play it? Cook your penis frowd. I am the penis cooker. Why can't I cook your penis frowd? I don't wanna play it. Why can't we play it? Cook your penis fraud. I am the penis cooker. Why can't I cook your penis fraud? I don't wanna play that.

All right, fine. Don't you like my character? The penis cooker? I loved it. I cook your penis fraud. I'm scared. Okay, new game. New game.

Scott, I didn't mean to offend you. By what? I don't know, saying that was an improv game. Oh, you can't offend me. Oh, I can't? No, I don't care what you say. By what? I don't know, saying that was an improv game. Oh, you can't offend me. Oh, I can't. No, I don't care what you say. No, I will try. Oh, that was a real foot up.

A real foot up try. I'm getting evil. She was doing evil, Lauren was doing evil fingers, but she also raised her foot in the air. Like the devil himself would. Like old-screwed. The devil's a man. Why?

Well, the devil wore a product. You're a man could enjoy that task Of roasting people in hell for a trance Because a woman who want to go shopping in the middle Like read the paper and roast people in hell All right, future time dude don't make it. Speak of scratch. Take a shot. This is...

Remember to get her into your heart. And you can't stop heart. To make it. To better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, no! No. No. No, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you did. I did? Spank him. No, you did not. I didn't tell me. You did a lip sync to Hey Jude.

In, uh, in, uh, in drama slash art class in junior high, one of our assignments was do a lip sync, you know, no one do a lip sync. You just got a piece of paper. It's a do a lip sync. Do a lip sync. Your teacher scrolled on the board and

chopped do a lip sync. Why? We have an Alexa in our home. Uh huh. Alexa do a lip sync. Two a lip sync. Your teacher scrolled on the board and chopped do a lip sync. We have an Alexa in our home. Alexa do a lip sync. I told I said a reminder because I needed to leave the house by certain time. And so I said Alexa remind me to leave at 615. And okay, okay. It's a man. Like a girl.

Okay. Like at 615 the thing says here, okay. And so there, like a, okay. Like at 615, the thing says, here's your reminder to leave or whatever, but it also sent a reminder to my phone that said, here's your reminder, leave. That's so rude. It was scary. It was so aggressive.

Do you like having Alexa? Yeah, it's okay. Hey, there's sponsor, I love them. Oh. It can be fun. Here's a thing, because you can tell it, we haven't hooked up to our lights. And so you can.

I do love that feature, I've seen that. Oh, yeah, I wanna do that. And so I've made a couple of light recipes, which are fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, we have colored, we have those Philips Hue bulbs. Oh, cool.

This is all very bougie and So I I set up a thing where I would turn all the lights red if I say red alert. Oh cool But the you pretend you're in a submarine. Yeah, so so cool I'm trying to do like a dude green and you pretend you're in a jungle. Yeah, cool. That's right But sometimes this yellow you put on sunny, not what sucks is actually knowing outside. I really tickle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But the thing is Alexa will say okay afterwards. So like if I say Alexa, red alert, she'll go,

okay, and then the lights are red. Oh, that's not as good. It should be like, it should be like, it should be like, Alexa, red alert, and then it clacks and sounds. Busy yourself, honey. Okay. No. I don't want the clacks. No, no, no.

I just wish it was no. No, no, no. It wouldn't respond. Like just turn the lights red. Do you know what I mean? No. I'm so hand-dizzy. No, no, no.

I'm talking to my phone. No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. You're making me go cook bananas. I'm going a local in the Cabesa. Can I tell you my hey, dude, these guys are just making me go cook bananas. I'm going a local in the Cabesa. Can I tell you my hey, dude, sorry. Hey, hey, yes.

You're a command to do a list. I commanded to do a list. Is that where we left off? Yep. And everyone, you know, we're all like 12. Why didn't we call this show tangents? We're all 12 or 13 because it's boring. Or the hanging thread.

The hanging thread and then someone gets hanged. Yeah. Yeah, effigy. We're all like 13 year old kids and none of them, everyone's forced to take art or drama. Yeah. So, you know, no, these people are like, I don't want to do it.

No, I mean, they'll do it, but they're not. They're just. That was really tough. They're like doing a big rudging or whatever. Yeah. Anyway, so I come in and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna do Hey Jude. And you're like, oh, I love. And I, I, I, not only did, you forgot how long the song was. No, I didn't edit. Oh, smart. And I, not only that, but then I also lip-synced an introduction where me as Paul McCartney, I did a Paul McCartney spoken introduction.

You recorded yourself? I recorded myself. Where I'm like, who, hello everyone. Before I sing the song, thank you for watching the Beatles. I love. And Papa has a few words to say. But I was like, do you remember John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

Oh! This is in 1982, two years after. Oh my God, it was so sad. And, and, and, and then I lip-sick to hate you. And I think I was wearing a costume and no one else did. I was assuming you were. I was 30.

15. That's 13, 13. Yeah. That you? I was 13. That's 13. 13. Yeah. That's tough. That's good shit, man. Man, and it killed it. Did it kill?

Did it kill, and I got an A. Oh, congratulations. Great. I was on my fucking way, bro. That's right, bro. And I'm here. And you get A's here every day. If you hadn't done that, you would never have met you guys.

That's right. Exactly. All right, do we have a feature? We have a feature called, now this is a long time reference of mine because I saw it in the movie Scrooge, the musical version of a Christmas carols. Guns to do for yourself. That's Oliver. Guns to do for yourself.

Part of the family. We've taken to you. So strong. It's clear. We're going to get a long, fun city of self. Well, in. Guns to do. We're going to get a long, fun city of self. It's clear. Boom. Where? Going to get a long-distance city, a shelf.

Well, in a constant half-puzzle-five. I'm gonna find a car. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, what about us? What about us? And what about us? Consider yourself at one of us. I thought it was at home. I was about to sing at home. Oh, I know. Sorry. I knew everything you were about to do.

What's the game? Thank you, Uncle. I am the penis cooker. For how old? I am the penis cooker. This is a game called. Lauren, do you have a penis so we could chop it off and eat it. Yeah, that's the main thing I wish I had that. How many, is that what penis envies do women wish they had penises that could be chopped off and cooked?

They look so good on my dress. I'm certain that. Suck it on, chile it off. Have you ever seen a penis in thought that looks delicious? Suck it on, chile it off. Oh honey, it's sucking on chile it off. Oh, I honey, it's sucking on chili. Oh, I like it. All right. This is a feature called the minister's cat.

Oh, this is a reference for you. The minister's cat. Okay, interesting. This I've used this as a reference as a moldy old game that then dumb old fancy people would play. Oh, interesting. Okay, but now we're going to play it in now We're going to play it because we're those dumb people. Let's play the Ministers cat all players sit in a circle done the first Say it's easy for

The first player describes the Ministers cat with an adjective beginning with the letter a For example, the Ministers cat with an adjective beginning with the letter A. For example, the minister's cat is an adorable cat. Each player then does the same using different adjectives starting with the same letter. Once everyone is done, so the first player describes the cat with an adjective being able to letter B, this continues for each letter of the alphabet. And do you have to say the other one again or no? No, I think you just have to keep it going. It's not a memorization game. Okay. Okay. And the ministers cat.

The way I remember seeing it in the movie was people were clapping the sentence. The ministers cat is an awful cat. The ministers cat is an important cat. The ministers cat is a cut. Okay. You've lost the game. And my respect.

Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. But there's a whole lot.'s, there was too quick. Because it was too quick because I'm still fucking talking. Holy shit. Pulse fucking mad.

Fucking very mad. In an alternate variation. It's really mad. Pulse mad right now. Go to my part. He lead it. I didn't really realize that. In an alternate variation.

In an alternate variation. The first player describes a minister's cat with an adjective beginning with a second with the letter B and so forth going around the circle. In a certain variation. I thought that was already something you said. Okay. No, no, no. First ones A, A, A, A, A. This was like a certain variation. I thought that was already something you said. Okay. No, no, no. The first one's AA, AA, this was like a question.

It's like a question. Oh, got it, got it. Yeah, and so on. Oh, that's why you said Kant, you were wrong. Oh, you said A? Yeah, I was with this today. Yeah. Oh, I wasn't paying attention to it.

You sure weren't. No. In a further variation, each player must remember the adjectives which have gone before adding his or her own, his or hone his or hone his or hone hone is for her own. Yeah. Yeah. It's a contraction. He's a apostrophe. He's our home. Adjective beginning with the next layer of the alphabet. So the fifth player might say the minister's cat is an adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant cat. Oh, that's tough. Okay. Let's try it where we just do a a a b b b c c c c

Can I see the card? Wait, there's more? Yeah, this is crucial. Close your eyes and mouth and went to sleep. So yeah, you look like you're doing this. I do that. You've been asleep for 15 hours. What?

Yes. Merse. Oh, Merse. Merse. Merse. Merse. That's what, Merse. Oh, Merse. Merse. But that's what I was looking for. Thank you.

Was that a John Stamos? It was. But first Elvis. The first. I said, but John Stamos. Oh, Mike. But first Elvis. But first coffee, but first Elvis.

The first Elvis. John Stamos. The first Elvis. He sort of was. In all variations, the of players out of the game if they are unable to think of an adjective or if they repeat one previously used or can't remember the adjectives

which have gone before in the last variant. Okay, got it. Okay. Players may clap in unison or speak in a rhythmic manner during the game, setting the pace for each player to speak his line. If a player falls too behind the pace while thinking of an adjective,

they may also be declared out. Got it. Got it. Okay. Let's do it. Do we want to do AAA or ABC or ABC? Well, you said you wanted to do AAA, so let's just... Okay. Do you want to hear this other weird thing?

Yes. Okay. I don't understand this. On the second and 16 rounds, an alternate sentence can be used. Mother's T-Service was brittle. Mother's T-Service was broken. Why would you care? I don't know. I guess instead of the minister's cat. I don't want to talk about a minister's cat.

Yeah, it's not religious. He's people. But you're a mother. Fucking let's do it. Okay. All right. So we're going to do start a little slower. A-A or ABC. A-A. Okay. A or ABC. A, A. Okay. No, now having the arms is bad. This is now having arms is bad.

Okay. I'm going to tell you what. He's talking about the arms on his chair. I'm going to set the pace. I'm going to set the pace. There we go. The Ministers Cat is an ANT-C cat. The Ministers Cat is an antagonistic cat.

The Ministers Cat is an awful cat. The Ministers Cat is a burly cat. The Ministers Cat is an ANTHY Cat. The Ministers Cat is an antagonistic cat. The Ministers Cat is an awful cat. The Ministers Cat is a burly cat. The Ministers Cat is a beautiful cat. The Ministers Cat is a big cat. The Ministers Cat is a childish cat. The Ministers Cat is a contancress cat. The Ministers Cat is a Calico cat. The Ministers Cat is a Dainty cat.

The Ministers Cat is a Dangerous Cat. The Ministers Cat is a Dumb Cat. The Ministers Cat is an elegant cat. The Ministers Cat is an Easy Cat. The Ministers Cat is an dangerous cat. The minister's cat is a dumb cat. The minister's cat is an elegant cat. The minister's cat is an easy cat. The minister's cat is an evil cat. The minister's cat is a friendly cat. The minister's cat is a frenetic cat. The minister's cat is a fat cat. The minister's cat is a greasy cat. The minister's cat is a gregarious cat. The minister's cat is a Fuck you. The minister's cat is a handsome cat. The minister's cat is an ignorant cat. The minister's cat is an idiot cat.

The minister's cat is a doveeal cat. The minister's cat is a jolly cat. The minister's cat is a kitschy cat. The minister's cat is a callico cat. No! Lord, man. Lord, what a feature. Yeah.

What do I get? You got it. You got it already. I feel pretty good. Well, guys, that's all the time we have. That was fun. The Ministers cat. I can't believe I finally played it.

After I played it. Years of it being a reference for me. And now you die. Yeah. No. No! Who's on Diveball? No!

No! Don't ever die, boy! No! You're our daddy! I'm the lie! Yay! Bye!