Threedom - Threevisiting: This Was A Mistake

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Threevisiting on the Tues: On the first episode of Threedom, hosts Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus discuss what inspired their new podcast. In Lauren’s segment “HAHAHA Thatsreallygoodthats,” two people improvise a boring conversation while the third laughs and makes up an excuse to leave. Then the three hosts try to decide what the show should be called.

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Hello everyone! Welcome to the show! How many bank banks sounds the same?

We need a different intro. Yeah, we do. We're gonna start it. You started. Cause you don't start it. Hey guys, it's me. Go. Hey guys, it's me. Go. Hey guys, it's me, Lauren Lapkes.

And welcome back to another episode. Welcome back. Welcome back. But you do it. Hey guys, it's me, Paul F. Topkins. I hope everyone's feeling great today. I know we are, we're in the studio together, ready to begin. A great show that we all like to do because we like each other and we like you.

Fine. Fine. It has to be that intro every single time. Oh God, you'll never remember that. Hey everyone, welcome to the show. It's hard without a title. It is hard without a title. It is, but welcome. We're excited you're here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's hard without a title. It is hard without a title. It is, but welcome.

We're excited you're here. Yes. Here's this show is, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. Hello, I'm Scott Arkham, and you may know me from comedy day. Oh, I know. Let me start again. Hello, I'm Paul F. Tompkins, perhaps you remember me from there will be blood.

Also, I have the Megan Kelly story. The Megan. He turned off. His head just tilted down, pointed at the ground. Eyes are vacant. People know you from Bojack Horseman. Bojack Horseman. People know you from. You from Bojack Horseman. Billy Fruits. Bojack Horseman. People from... People from... People from...

Peter B. You played Mr. Peanut Butter one word. That's correct. Is Mr. and Peanut Butter one word? No. Mr. and Peanut Butter are two words. Peanut Butter is all one word. So two words not three.

That's correct. That's correct. And who is this young lady? Well, Paul Rodney. Well, Paul Rodney. Okay, Harvey. I'm Lauren Lab. The, wow. Okay, Harvey. I'm Lauren Labk.

Is it the giant rabbit? The hurricane. Boom. I'm Lauren Labkiss, and you know me from, or in just a new black. Sure. And you know me from Comedy Bang Bang. And I don't know what else you know me from.

I guess Jurassic World. Sure. Yeah, Jurassic World, you play the witch you know me from. I guess Jurassic World. Sure. Yeah, Jurassic World, you play the witch dinosaur, do you play? The witch dinosaur. Yeah, the dinosaur is wearing the pointy hat. Why is that dinosaur in a broom? They all have themes. I don't know if you noticed.

What was the Christmas boy in the Halloween? What if you're watching Jurassic World and then just suddenly in the corner of the screen, a dinosaur went flying by on a broom. I'd be so happy. Hee by on a broom. I could cattle. I could cattle. I could cattle. I would probably go, yeah, it kind of makes sense.

And then one character says, did you guys see that? And no one acknowledged it. Everyone's like, it's weird enough. I got dinosaurs back here. Who cares if you're on a broom? Who gives a shit? Welcome to the show, everyone.

It's hard to do this without a title. We don't know what the title of the show is. No. Let's explain first of all why we want to do it a show, but then we'll talk about the title and what we're gonna do about it. Yeah, we should explain ourselves. Yeah.

Explain yourself. Well, I will. Here's the thing. Scott, Lauren, myself. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna lie. We have a good time together. We do!

We work together. We play together. I'm just gonna wanna admit it. That's right, he's the Kermudjong. I hate you guys. Let's see, that's what he's like. And that's why it's fun. But we, I think probably this really started

when we were on the tour. Is that two years ago now? No. That year and a half ago. That year and a half ago. You're an half ago. Yeah. And obviously there was a lot of time. A lot of downtown.

A lot of downtown where we were hanging out. Well, you're only on stage for one, two hours at night. Two and a half hours at one time in New York. That was a mistake. Uh-oh. But we really had a good time together. And for an experience like that, where it's, it's, it can, it can't, it

verged on grueling that tour, where we were traveling a lot. It would be very easy to despise the people that you're spending every day with. Yeah. I can see why some people in bands break up immediately after that. Absolutely. And never speak to each other anymore. I've never thought I'd bid like that, but yeah, I mean, since. But we all really got along, we really enjoy each other. And we really missed each other after the tour and it's right And we missed hanging out with each other and sometimes we go

To places together and we go we went in vacation together The summer And we said why not actually do a show this actually also started when when we were doing the tour recaps Episodes started when we were doing the tour recaps episodes. Yeah, that's where the site did. We did them all together and we said, you know what? Each of our shows are very difficult to do. Yes. Yes. Both in booking and having to do comedy the entire time. Yes.

Yes. You have to be funny the whole time. Yes, and you have to book one, at least for you, at least one person, for our shows, sometimes three, sometimes four. And even not in just the booking, I have to hope that they could handle it. Because they have to improvise for an hour, and some people get very nervous. That's why you wear a t-shirt to every recording says, can you handle it?

Yeah. And then if they can't, they walk right out. And what do they think your t-shirts say, can you handle this like your actual Bobby? Honestly, most episodes of my podcast started them trying to figure out what my t-shirts about. And yet, it works every time. People love it.

People love your show. They love it. They love it. But we said, why not do a show where we just kind of talk to each other? We have time. People love it. People love your show. They love it. But we said, why not do a show where we just kind of talk to each other? We have so much fun doing this. Because also with comedy bang bang, we're Lauren and I are doing characters.

You're kind of doing a character. I kind of doing a character. And I'm having to do this kind of artificial sarcastic, ironic thing. So why not play like this dumb guy? Hey, post. And talk to you for a second. He's like a stupid idiot that doesn't get things.

And that's part of our relationship on comedy bang bang, which will not be part of our relationship on this show because we actually like each other. We actually like each other. Do you remember the TV show Carolyn Marilyn, Real Friends? No. Is it Carolyn? Marilyn? No. It should have been. And I think they'd still be on the air today if it was Carolyn Marilyn. and it's one person. What does we call our show, Real Friends? No. Carolyn Marlin.

He just said no. What do we call it? Paul, Scott, and Lauren, Real Friends. No. No. We're gonna vote a title. We're gonna talk about the title. We're gonna present title.

Scott, Paul, and Lauren, real friends. I like it a little bit. I remember. There was a show, there was these two are in Maryland. They were in Maryland. They were in Maryland and they were called the Mommies and I think they had a stage show or something. Yeah, I sort of remember the Mommies.

And then the stage show I guess was successful. Yes. And then they were given a daytime talk show. Yes. Where the gimmick was, they were actually friends. I want to look this up. Because everyone in show business is not friends. Anytime you're watching a TV show, a sitcom,

and they're like hugging and going, you know what, I learned, they hate each other. They all hate each other. They cannot stay in each other. Well, I think we're the only three that like each other. They actually like each other out of any show. But we're recording this so we know. It's true because you always have to say that your best friends with everyone that you worked with I think like we are like a family Every once in a while it's true, but so rare. Hey that reminds me could you bring back Clip?

You know what every day someone from Brazil wants me to bring back Clips well, you can do that right and of course it's up to me and I'm the person standing in the way I want it back Well, you can do that, right? And of course, it's up to me. And I'm the person standing in the way. I want it back bad, you know? But there's only so much I want. I want it daddy. I want it daddy. Give it to me daddy. But no, our creators are very busy

with Will and Grace reboot. Uh huh. I did a, and I'm not one of them. No one wants that back. Yeah. I did an episode of, oh my God, what's the show? All my children. You know what?

I wish I did. I wish. Oh my God, I wish too. We all just do one episode of all my children. My mom too. As a family. My mom taped all my children on a VHS tape every single day and then recorded over it every single day.

And I have seen so much. Yes, she watched it, after work every day. She wouldn't just tape over once she hadn't seen it. She was insane. She was insane. She thought that meant that there would be a whole tape full of episodes. Just repeated over each other.

No, I watched so much all my children growing up. Do you actually watch that show? I've never watched that show. I watched General Hospital. Oh, okay. In the days of Luke and Laura and the ice princess and all this. Yeah. It was like they tried to make it, the soap opera became sort of like an action find.

I find it kind of like. Yeah, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that a soap opera could ever be as important as they were at that time? Because no one cares now because there's so many shows. I I well, I think that the fact that they're all kind of dying out is are they? Yeah, a bunch of them have have gone off the air I like it. I like that they still exist though. Yeah, and I hope they always do. I think that they will be more important I think they'll be our most important form of expression. I think shows will eventually be as big a sign felt again. Some shows? Yes. Oh, wait, Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

That's what I did in episode. Oh, okay. And it was an episode about after the Boston bombing. And so there was a, that was not good by the way. It was not good. And they promoted the episode, or it was like coming back that new season, they promoted it by putting these sort of space invader characters. Oh, yeah, just planting them around all over

cities and thought they were bombs. I remember that everyone's so dumb so this oh this episode was making fun of people being upset about that and so it never aired and Years later I had somebody on Twitter And years later, I had somebody on Twitter, a guy on Twitter was like, when will you release that episode? And I said, I'll never release that. And so then other people started writing me like, why won't people want to see it? I'm like, too bad.

I don't know why I was put in charge of this, but I'll never let it be seen. I love the way you interact with your fans, with them in quotes, because they're so often idiots who don't understand what you're talking about. Your fans are idiots. Like why would they like your comedy? I just think like, they're dumb.

Oh yeah. I don't think there's a, I think that there's a people that are fans and there's people that are like, I was told this account was funny. So they saw a retweet and then they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of context like, let them get it. Absolutely.

I hate watching people. I hate, I hate so many people on Twitter for the how they do it. You're going to find that Lauren hates a lot of things. As we did, onto her. That's right. Is that your takeaway? Yeah, the boy Lauren makes sure that says more love. We all had our own.

Because love more, don't. You're looking at upside down. I don't even look at it, dummy. I don't even look at it. Like you think you're wearing a t-shirt like more love. Come on, give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me.

Give it to me. Should we talk about the title? Yeah. You want to do that now? I want to call it by itself. I'm trying to do it. We look? I want to call it by itself. I'm trying to agree. We look, I hate to bring the off mic onto the on mic.

Okay, please do though. That's what this show is. The off mic onto the on mic. The least, if it's anything, it's the off mic. It's the off mic. It's the off mic. Slide into my on mic.

Like, we had talked, when we were on vacation, I think, which was the July 4th holiday. Yes. And it's now our seventh day around the same time. Don't say when, please. I remember everyone's birthday September 19th. No, why do you remember everyone's birthday? It's not the 19th.

No, it's October. No, it's September. It's September. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. No, it's September. It's September 12, because it's my friend Mackenzie's birthday. That's right. That's why, and that's why, too.

I was September 12, 2011. September 19. It was something else. Did you hit that year I'd planned a big birthday party. Like it was, I was still at age where it's like, I want everybody to come to a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you it's like I want everybody to come Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like I'm gonna have a plate plate Talk about I felt it falling apart

You were looking at me with supreme confidence. It was like rotation You know that rotation? No. Look up the word, rotation. You'll know when I'm talking. Oh, dear listeners, no, I'm talking about that. He gives me a look it up and then a dismissive wave. I get it.

Go do it. Do you remember, and this, I don't know whether, and forgive me if I'm being sexist right off the bat, but it seems to be a thing that primarily women I knew used to do, but when they were like... Be it like 9-11? Yes. So female. So female.

From like when they were graduating college till like 27 or something, their idea of a good birthday was having dinner at a restaurant with all their friends, like they would get all of their friends. That is a, that does feel like a female celebration. I don't know why it feels maybe just because I went to so many with Kool-April, I don't know. I've done a couple of those. But I feel like when I went around the time, when I was doing that, everyone that we knew

was kind of doing that, that was a very common thing. Maybe not the bar. Maybe not the sit down dinner. No, yeah. Yeah, I think that sit down. No, yeah, we always did bar birthdays. Right, right. We always did bar birthdays.

It's kind of, it's kind of. But that one after, like it was the day after 9-11. So I, yeah, everyone came because everyone was, yes, I was like, hey, let's say this isn't about my birthday anymore, and let's all just see each other. It was weird. It was still very weird. And did you get any gifts?

No. I've always been in replicas of the twin towers. Yeah, I was going to say you're, I was going to say you had a cake with a plane crashing into it. Come on, Lauren. That's not going to get out when I was doing a party pick. I wish I just had a lot of time too. That's not what this show is about.

It's not. We don't know yet. We don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe. Every episode. It's all 9-11 jokes. So for the title, you were saying we were ahead, we were at a discussion on the live fourth.

On July 4th, we had a discussion where like, what should be in the show? And we kind of pitched some ideas and how about this? This is simple, because the whole idea was to keep this as simple as possible. And we're like, great. Then we can keep it simple. She had head.

We'll be the new kiss. Yep. Which one do you want to be? The cat. And one of us will have to wear a double makeup. I'm the new kiss. Yep. Which one do you want to be? The cat. And one of us will have to wear a double makeup on the starband. I'm the starband. I'm the starband and the dean. That would look insane.

Both of those things on top of each other. They would ruin it, I think. Probably. It would ruin two great things. I love cats. They're so cool. They're the coolest. James Simmons is so great.

He's so cool. I love that he does his makeup. Do you think someone does it for him after these many years, or is he only, I know how to do the demon? The idea of putting that on over and over again is one of the most depressing thoughts I can do. Did you ever do theater where you have to do your own makeup

and you have six, like half hour at least, and if you're doing something even more complicated, you have to, I did kiss makeup for like one show that I did for about five weeks in a row. Oh my God. It was just, yeah, it's a lot. Yes, it's a lot. So can you imagine being him?

No, I just whole like. I remember thinking, I forget what I was talking about with this of like getting a, if you were in kiss and you get a groupie back to your, you a groupie back to your hotel room, and then you're like, okay, I just need some time to take my bag off. And you're like calling out with the bed

and I'm like, you're still into this, right? I'm almost, oh, are you just like go down on the girl and then her puts herself black and white afterward? Yeah. I did reddle. I did dress up. Yeah, what's black and white and red all over? I did dress up as Ace Freely for Halloween once,

and then- That's true! It's good? I'm gonna- It's good. I'm gonna go ahead. I dress up as Ace Freely for Halloween, and then start making out with a girl at a party afterwards,

and she had the reverse imprintation of it on her face. Let's do just mashing your head against her. Well, she was a zombie too. I went to a Halloween party and I was like a dead prom queen and I made out with a guy who was a clown and it was disgusting. And then later when I thought about it, I was like, how gross must that have looked? It's so, I don't even know how we started kissing. When you think about it, like sex in general is so gross that people must really want to

have it in order to overcome just how awful it is. It's the worst. And the best, right? It's so weird that people do that. So for the title though, we wanted to keep it simple shithead. We wanted to keep it's Kish. Keep it simple shithead.

Kish comma S. Yes. KIS comma S. What if their name was Kish, keep it simple shit. Kiss, comma S. Yes. KIS, comma S. What if their name was KISS? They had a little pause in between the S and the S. Is there KISS supposed to stay after something? Well, they said Nights in Satan's Service was supposedly what it was, but the band never said that because, yeah.

But they were at the time, there were parents that thought they were Satanic. Yeah. It's just like a Scooby-Doo cartoon. But there are people who think Harry Potter is Satanic. That's true. Me. You are always forget that. He always forget that.

I always forget that. It's, but it's, which is crap. It is, which is crap, of course. It's certainly not. You must be a total slither in. Actually, I am. Are you? No.

I've never heard anybody say this. I am. I did. I don I never heard anybody say this. I am. I did. I don't care about Harry Potter much at all. But I did the Harry Potter quiz on Pottermore.com, which is the official. So I'm gonna have to care about Harry Potter at all. I did the official quiz on Pottermore.

I was listening to people talk about it. I was like, can I see what I- You go to Pottermore? I wasn't just Aaron Whitehead. No, actually, we've gone over, me and Aaron, just have talked about Harry Potter all the time and how much she loves it and how much I don't care. But I was listening to a podcast and the person

was talking about how they had done this online. So I was like, let me just see what I get. And I got slithered and I was really happy. I would have been psyched. Yeah, what are you? I think I was just, no. I can't really. I look down at them. I know enough to be insulted.

Like you know enough that it's insulting and I know enough to be insulted. We have no more ratings. There's like a V one. Griffindor. Griffindor. I think I was Griffindor, which is like that's the vanilla. Griffindor.

Yeah, you got into the pool. Yeah, yeah. Lufflepuff, slither and what's the other one? Viceroy. Vice magazine. Griffind yeah, yeah, a puff slither and what's the other one? Viceroy Vice magazine Gryffindor Hufflepuff. I said vertigo with that can't be a vertigo What is it Ravenclaw Ravenclaw? Did you know that you don't you know you pronounce the tea and throw it for you? I've been talking about this

I just told Paul. Lauren has an affliction. You know about it. But Voldemort doesn't, you don't pronounce the T apparently. Yeah. What do you mean? I've seen the movies. Yeah.

They talk about them all the time. He's full of Paris. Tell yourself that. I read the first four books and then I didn't read anymore. And then I saw the movies and I didn't really pay attention. I didn't retain anything. I didn't notice that they said it differently and I saw on Twitter that it was different. I saw the first movie in the first book and I read the first book and then I was out and then the movies as they went on started to look better to me they started to look more

intriguing but I just couldn't make myself do. I like the third movie. Which one is that? Harry Potter in the end. Harry Potter in the end. He just like that way you see more the end everybody Well, let's talk about this title What do you want to be I? Talk about this title. All right, okay. What do you want it to be? No. I thought you were in the middle of saying something.

I thought then we didn't talk about it again until yesterday. Right. Okay, initially we thought it would be called three dumb. Yes. And then we pronounced like three dumb but three people. And then we talked about all the different ways it could be spelled.

Because we were talking about the number three and then DUMB. And then we also talked about THR-E-E-D- R E E D O M right right and then that was pretty much it and Everyone we've then we were at Comic Con and we said hey, we have oh, we also had another title which was Lapkins man lapkins man that one's rough for me or Tom what was the other Tom Tom can Tom Tom Tom kiss or what was the other Tom Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom,

Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, That whole thing. We thought this is gonna, way do we drop this revelation on their heads. And they were like, people were excited about the show. They were excited. They were excited. Yeah, no one liked either title. So then that's maybe been something that's been standing in the way of us

even recording for a while, because we don't have a real title. Yeah, and it seemed like people weren't into it. No, it's just the title. So what we decided to do. I'm eating on the podcast, which one you wanna know? This is the kind of show it is.

What we decided to do is we decided to record the first episode and we have our trusty assistant Karin over here and she is writing down things that we say, although she's not writing a lot, I have to say. She's writing more than I thought. There's a lot of stuff. She's writing way more than I expected. She's got more than I thought. There's a lot of stuff left. She's written way more than I expected.

She's got a David E. Kelly legal pad in front of her. From Amazon. From Amazon. A lot of people don't know. He used to write his shows on a legal pad. He still does have his comfortable. Right. Writing on legal pads because he's a lawyer.

What's more comfortable than writing longhand? Entire Scott. I just saw a tweet from, I guess, the writer of Bill and Ted's Ex and the Adventure. And it was written, like he found the first pages of his script and it was all written on paper like that. And I was like, do people do that? Like he wrote it on paper?

I'm not trying to be funny. Well, I mean, you're accomplished. Well, Lauren, that's one thing if you're listening to the show for the first time. Maybe you're a fan of one of us, but don't know the other people, which seems insane. Where is it going with us? Lauren, Lauren is a little bit younger than us. but don't know the other one, all which seems insane. Where is it going with us? Lauren? Lauren is a little bit younger than us. What year were you born in?

Do you mind saying or not? Yeah, I don't mind. I don't lie about my age because I think that's lame. So did I until I crossed a certain barrier. Oh, honey, it gets worse. Yeah. I was born in 1985. So you were born in 1985, so you're a little bit younger than...

So it's saved to me. You're a little bit younger than Paul and I. A little bit. So... Just a script. I'm not saying I'm shocked someone ever used paper. I understand. No.

But as someone who wrote in the years before computers, in fact, my very first script, I wrote on a type of computer where it would only save 25 pages. You could only print it. And then you had to print it and copy it and then delete it all and then write another 25 days. That's nuts. Yeah, so I was writing at the time

when computers weren't around. Wow. You know, everything was like typewriters before that. Wait, so was that just really annoying to write on a typewriter? So you'd just be fast. I wrote plays on typewriter and you're constantly making mistakes and having to wide out.

Oh yeah. I remember doing that for papers in school. I remember writing sketches in longhand. I wrote plays in longhand completely and then I would type them later. That's cool. Yeah, it was really cool. Oh my God, when people saw you doing it

Looking at you go to a cafe and of course Do you think Frank Underwood was named after the typewriter? Absolutely Rates I feel like part of the story of House of cards is that he used to be a typewriter and then like an anthropomorphic typewriter Like a little toaster. I was thinking beauty in the beast Did the brave little toaster get I was thinking beauty in the beast. Did the brave little toaster get turned into a real person? No, but I wish he did. What if he did?

I'd like to shake his hand for his bravery. I want to have a movie. I want to have a movie a few years ago. It was the slowest thing I've ever seen. It's a movie. What? You're playing a game. That's a reference to it. Only we know. Oh great. I know it, but I can't explain it.

Oh, I know it now. Oh, I know it now. I know it now. I know it now. I know it now. The Grand Little Toaster is a movie. It was one of my favorites when I was little but it's you said just it was boring I just rewatched it. Oh

Tell me move anything that I've rewatched from like my childhood is basically so slow that I can't believe everything you used to like is garbage Yeah, even up to like a week ago. Okay, hold on No, I love oh, I love like all my old stuff But I when I rewatchwatch some of those shows, it's like no sitcom could go as slow as like Al Fwent. Yeah. You just couldn't have- It took a little while.

Yeah, it's crazy. When you think about it though, everything is so quick now, supposedly, like when you watch old stuff, but it's gonna get even worse. Like how fast are sitcoms gonna be in the future? Here's what's weird though. I'm rewatching episodes of Star Trek,

the Next Generation, because I did a podcast where it's about rewatching that show, and I hadn't seen it in years. And so I watched an episode from the first season and it was bad. It was a particularly bad episode of the show. But then I was like, I really liked the show. So I started just kind of skipping around episodes

that I remembered and watching them again. And it holds up pretty well, but there are certain episodes where they have these gigantic ideas and they're trying to get to them so quickly. And it's like, you needed more time to talk about this. There's one where Scotty from the original show, James Doham.

James Doham. Be me up. Of be me up fame. Look at my shirt, up me beam. So he goes through some wormhole or something. Up me beam is pretty good, by the way. I notice girl. No, me beam is not bad.

We're gonna have to discuss who, by the way, we're gonna have three of us are going to hear the suggestions later on in the show and we're gonna talk about what our favorites are. Okay. And then perhaps title the show. That's right. Yes.

So he ends up on the present day enterprise. This is like hundreds of years in the future now. And they're like, wow, this is amazing. I look at this dude. Yeah, remember it from be me up fame. First they're up maybe they'll point their teachers. It's a tough day for us. We're allowed to their teachers. It's a tough day for us. We're allowed to wear the-

So they spend like the barest amount of time being amazed that this person from not just their history, but like unnoted, what would to them be a notable historical figure? That would be like, wow. Like a general Lee came. Not maybe not for everybody. So they spend like a minute on that like I this is amazing to see you and then go better get you better go better go better go better go better go better go better you get you no amaze you better go get your arm taken care of you

you broke your arm in the room. That's a fucking wormhole. You're right. You go to every single time. That seems impossible. Doesn't it just suck you in? Genderly. Genderly.

Genderly. Genderly. Genderly. Genderly. Take you into the person mentioned. It's a real woman's thing to get sucked through a wormhole and break your arm. So he gets, he goes sick bay and he starts talking about on my enterprise and all this shit.

Is that what he said? I went to, he went to sick bay. Sick bay. Oh, got it. He goes skipping. I thought that was like a futuristic start tractor. What sick bay? The sick bay isn't, well, any ship has sick bay.

What do you mean? It's like the doctor's office. It's like the principal's office. It's like the principal's office. Oh my ships are your honor. But for doctors. Any ship has sick bay. That was like a fake sentence. It is true though.

Any ship has sick bay. It's not a bad thing. Any militant. Not a bad title. How about sick bay? So anyway, the rest of the episode is him feeling like he's an old useless man because he can't help on the new enterprise.

And everyone is rude to him. People are like, uh, yeah. Could you, do you mind we're trying to do something here? It's nice to meet you. Please get the fuck out of our business. Because his science is old or. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

And he wants to tell stories and everything. So then the, are they in the middle of an, like, an emergency situation? Yes. Then he shouldn't be telling stories. No, he shouldn't be. So then the, are they in the middle of an, like, an emergency situation? Yes. Yes. Then he shouldn't be telling stories. No, he shouldn't be. That's the thing is that the plot of this episode becomes how sad it is that we don't value our old people and how old people feel, you know, out of the way.

But it's like, maybe you should have just had a generic old person on the show and not like a famous person from a couple of centuries in the past. That's a lot like that studio 60 episode where the old writers come back to the studio. It's actually the exact same. It turns out they're great, right? It's the new people that suck. Right, yeah, yeah. Look, tell you why don't we take a break?

Because we want this to be a short, we want this to be a relatively short show. We don't want to do these long episodes. We want to derail one story per second. Wait a minute, are you still alive? No, I was dumb. It took forever. Oh my god.

Do you feel like you needed more time to tell that story? No, I didn't need more time. I was given too much time as a result of all the detours. Got it. It was a very, it was not even a story. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Here's my panic about this before we go to break.

Yeah. My panic about moments like we go to break. Yeah. My panic about moments like that is, oh no, this has no payoff. This is just an observation I'm making. Oh, I know. Wait. This has no payoff. And now I feel like, what a great, great title. I have a question that was made just happen. Yes. When you said I'm shocked, were you quoting something?

I was quoting you. You said it like a second earlier. I don't even remember him saying it. I just remember you saying it. Well, because it it like a second earlier. I don't even remember him saying it. I just remember you saying it. Well, because it sounded like a story from my past, it's only you were quoting some of my past and I was like, really?

Wait, you know this story? Wait. Wait, is it related to a story that you can tell in our next second? Okay, tell you what, we're gonna take a break when we come back, we're gonna hear this story about Lauren being shocked about something or about someone saying I'm shocked Okay, there's got someone shocked. Okay, but this is very exciting. It's just shocking. Yes, I did

We're gonna be right back. We're gonna come back with more up me beam right after this More of this has no payoff. We'll be right back after this. This has no payoff is good Alright everyone, welcome back. This is Scott. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren. And Lauren before the break teased an incredible story triggered my Bm person by me impersonating her triggered by Bm person triggered by BMW. Hello everyone, this episode has been triggered by BMW. So when I was little, when I was in like fifth grade, we would rollerblade my friends and I or my brother and I would rollerblade to this candy show. Well, it was a double. Never your brother and your friends?

No, always separate. But I probably mostly went there with my friend and we both would roll over there. And it was this deli that was really a sandwich shop, but it was the- Don't you tell me, owner, that's a rave. But they had- So it was a deli, but secretly a sandwich shop. Where it's going is the part that doesn't line up with it is that they had a- So are most delis, they don't sell sandwiches.

We know in New York how they say a deli and they kind of mean like a bodega. Right, right. Okay, go. In Evanston, Illinois, it was literally a deli and it was a sandwich shop. And there was a glass case with candy behind it. And so we would go there with our change that we had saved to get candy. I never had a sandwich there. And I would go and then the guy who worked there, for anyone who's from Evanston, it's called

Al's deli. Shout out to Evanston, Al's Delhi. Al is the dad and then his son, whose name I never got, but I did interact with many times my childhood. Al Jr. Worked there and he was this kind of buttoned up sort of guy with like sort of like he had on a apron over his button down. You mind glass. If I'm correct, maybe some glasses, I might be making him into more of a...

The coin dexter. Sure. But he would have to go pick out all our candies and we'd have like, it's probably annoying for him because we would stand there and be like, I want one sixlets and I want, you know, one... So you would mix it up and he would charge by the pound, but you would say... No, they were just little individually priced packets. I got it. Bolt candy.

And then I, I need to need to get shocked hearts. He would say, I'm shocked. But he had no expression and he never had any fun as far as I could tell. But that was his joke. But that was his joke. And so we always would quote him. And then when you said that, I thought,

wait, was he quoting something? And that was funny to him? But then no, you were just quoting me. I was just quoting you. And I probably said it like him because of him. He did, you said arm. So wait, is this the only time that Al Jr. did a bit was if you were the shocker?

That's the only thing that he ever said. He would say it every time, I'm shocked. I remember the first time that I ever figured out that del's would make you sandwiches and they were good sandwiches, too. Figure it out. I was 17 years old and, you know. Oh, just like any regular Deli.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I grown up and my mom had made my lunch and made sandwiches and they were always the same, the way she made them and my mom just made them. When you saw other people eating sandwiches, you're like, my mom made that. Yeah, I figured, you know, made them and my mom, you see me going. When you saw other people eating sandwiches, you're like, my mom made that. Yeah, I figure, I, you know,

but I never, I never, or they made it at home. Yeah, I think you had to go to a restaurant or something to buy a sandwich done some other way other than making it at home. And so I remember my friend, we went into this deli over next to the tasty freeze and he was like, oh yeah, you can buy a sandwich

and it's like $2 for a foot long sandwich with like just incredible deli meat. I've never, I've still never done that. Oh, I've only ever sucked on chili dogs outside the 80s for this. What's that from? Check it out. Suck it on chili dogs.

Suck it on chili dogs. It's a freeze. What? Oh yeah, it's on melanchev. Suck it on chili dogs. Suck it on chili dogs. That's how he gets all. Suck it on. Sck it on, chili. He did it. Sock it on, chili dogs. That's how he gets off.

Sock it on, chili dogs. We're insulting. Hey. We're insulting. Welcome backstage. Do you want to be sucking on my chili dogs? Sock it off. We got plenty of chili dogs to suck on.

He just takes polarites of girls sucking chili dogs. Really suck on it. Make it soggy. Welcome back to the episode. Paul is getting some water. We don't well we don't know what the title is. That's true. That's true. Could be up me being. That's very hard to say. That's to her. Up me being. Up me being. No payoff. No payoff. I just have no pay off. We got it. We'll tell you. Yeah. I got some good ones. You have some good ones. I have some good ones.

I feel like I did. But what if Karin didn't write them down? Did you write them down? I wrote them down. Oh, and physically I wrote them down. Oh, you did? On your phone. On my phone, my telephone.

That's great. This is gripping. So, no, this is gripping. I'm holding a bottle. Shocking. So one thing that we were going to do is, we were just going to talk about things that happened to us, us of course and things from our past and things from our present Maybe things from our future. What are our hopes? What are our dreams?

I feel like I'm gonna be in a grave. My name will be on it. Are you gonna be cremated or are you? That's a good question. I don't know. I think about it a lot. I want to be cremated. I want to say I'm the oldest. I just want to say I think about it too, but I've said it for 20 years. I want to be cremated. I think graveyards are weird.

I usually want to be in a casket so that everyone can come and look at me. Look at your shirt. More love. But I think as I've gotten older, I'm more comfortable with the idea of cremation because it's kind of pointless to keep making things they just go underground. Yeah. I used to think I wanted to be buried and then

after my parents died and I never went to visit either of their graves and I realized like at the grave like as they were being buried like I'm never coming back here. Really? Well yeah because I didn't feel where are they in Philadelphia? They're in Philadelphia, yeah. I didn't feel a sense of connection to that spot. Well, you could still, I knew that they were gone. And you could still have like a plaque or something

if you were cremated or a bench. Here's what's weird. My dad was cremated and he was buried next to my mother. Wow. His ashes were put in an urn and then a box and then buried. Wait, a box, like a coffin-sized box or just a box? No, no, just a box. A tasteful box.

But he's taking up a coffin shaped space. Well, pretty much, you can't stick anybody else in there. I know, that's the weird part. You know, we're just gonna run out of space on this earth. Well, we definitely will. Actually, every time I drive into New York from the airport, there's that really big cemetery, you know I'm talking about?

Where you see the skyline right behind it, and it just makes life seem so stupid. Like you just see like all of these tomstones and then the thin sky is great for you. It's like, hey, dummy, this is coming for you. It's like you're all going into that. I hate that stretch so much. It's so weird. It is. It's real weird.

But every time I see it, I'm like, wow, everything's so pointless. Yeah. Well, that's what this show's gonna be about. The pointlessness of- Anyway, catch Lord on Crashy. You was our be-home on HBO. I don't like how pointless things are in my mind.

I mean, that's kind of my whole approach to life. I feel that way about- I feel the way about the ocean. The idea of the ocean making you feel small or space making you feel small, I actually find that comforting. Really? It's that I'm just like a tiny speck feel small. I actually find that comforting. Yeah. That I'm just like a tiny speck in the... Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I started like a dog that, you know, It kind of takes the pressure off. A dog likes it's crate. It likes to be cramped. Dog loves it's crate. You should, I'm gonna send you this video and everyone can go Google it. It's called Optimistic Nihilism and it's on YouTube

and it's this whole little thing that kind of like expresses that idea in a way that I really like. In a way that's, and how is it comforting though to know that nothing you do will ever matter? Because it's comforting, it's comforting to know that that's just the deal. Do you know what I mean? And it's the same for everyone. That we've made with the universe. That's, we all just happened to be here and it's, you know, we're all going through the same stuff. We're all, we're all going through the same stuff. We're all having

these feelings and it's very, I feel like it connects me more to the world than it makes me feel like a minuscule part of it. So then what is the point of everything? Yeah. Fuck define how to do. Well, is it the effect that you have on other people? Is it the, I mean, that's the, yeah. I think so to some extent. I mean, that's why I like doing podcasts and stuff,

even though it can feel like it's pointless sometimes. Because you're like, why are we doing one? But the idea that you could make someone's day better is nice because there's no point in anything. So if you're going to be sad and feel bad, maybe you could laugh a little bit and then it's better. It's not just entertainers who do that. So it's not just entertainers whose lives are worthwhile.

Well, no, I don't think, I mean, why do you want to? Anyone can do that, so it's not just a entertainer who's lives or worthwhile. But, you like anyone can do that for other people, and it's not just when we're doing podcasting. No, yeah, I meant like why do I choose the specific activity? Right, right, right. Why is it meaningful? But of course everyone's life is meaningful, and that's also the point.

Right, all lives matter, I understand. That's what I've been trying to say for years. And I'm wearing shirts that say that. That's why I don't understand what's happening in our world right now though because it seems like everyone's just doing horrible things for no reason. We're all going to die. Why do you have to take away everyone's healthcare? Why do you have to make it so women can't have abortions? I don't understand. Well some of some of it's money because money everyone wants more money. No regards.

It's dumb too. Yeah. I mean, I want it too, but I mean, I was talking the way everything is that I wanted. I was thinking about Aaron spelling the other day and forgive me if anyone who knows Aaron spelling or their family is out there. But I was thinking about like all the money that he made, right? And supposedly he doesn't give it to Tory spelling.

Like Tory spelling didn't get any of it, right? Wow. So that's nasty. Or maybe she gets like a tiny, tiny sliver or whatever. She has $1,000. How terrible would that be? It's so much. All right, it's time to read the will.

Toriel, 1000. That'll be worse than nothing. That'll be a catch. Now get at it. It throws it at her. No, but I mean, what's the point of making all that money, like more money than he could ever spend, right? Yeah.

And I bet he loved the work. And that was maybe more important, you know? But why make all the money if you're not just gonna give it to your loved ones? Like what? I know, I don't understand. Like I was thinking about that with Jay Leno recently, you know, we were talking about how he doesn't spend his.

Doesn't touch the tonight show. He doesn't? He said't touch the tonight show. He lives he said this many times that he lives off of his stand up comedy money. He never touches what what what what he just puts it in the bank. Be a person when what good would you go when was last time he did stand up. He doesn't all the time. He would do it. He never stopped.

He never stopped. Yes. Yes. He would do it. He never stopped. He would never stop. Yes. He would leave the show. Okay. I would leave the TV during the tonight show. Yes. He would leave the tonight show on Friday afternoon, do a whole weekend of shows, come back to the tonight show.

Damn, he worked hard. He works really hard. But my address that way. Rolling up the sleeve. Yeah, I wear a full denim. Canadian Tuxedo. He's a hard worker. But my thing is, yeah, he's made a lot of money,

he's never touching that money, but is he touching it now? What is he doing with it? He doesn't have kids, like what? Yeah, that seems weird to not enjoy it or to give it not to people. I just say, I didn't, I used to, those Star Wars prequels, I was like, Matt at George Lucas, like a typical nerd,

like you ruined it, you ruined it. And the day that he sold Star Wars to Disney for a billion, right? And he gave it all away to charity. So awesome. Yeah, I was like, there you go. That's what you do. That's what you do with your money. If you're not going to give it to your kid.

And he has a lot of kids. He's a doctor. A lot of kids. How many kids do you have? 15. I love adoption. I don't know how many kids. I don't know.

They're all Star Wars characters too. It's like the cantina there. They're just doll. No, he's adopted a lot of kids from other countries and stuff like that. But that's, I don't know. So, I think that's true. I feel that way. I'm not rich like that, but I like to feel like I can. You're almost rich like that. Look I like to feel like I can. You're almost rich like that.

Look, I almost have billions of dollars. I feel like I'm in a place with my life where I can afford the things I like to do, and that feels good, but I like to give my family gifts and my dream is to be able to pay for my family's homes and things. That would be like, that's really one of the most important forces. I'll pay for your family. But I feel like it would feel so good to do that. My Christmas gift for you this year.

Okay, great. If you want to. Would you take that? Yeah, you're giving it away. But you were in a hurry. I'm your house. I don't own a house. This is an interesting concept.

When I was growing up, we did a thing called polyanna, which is also a secret Santa. It's where me and Mike, because I come from a family of six kids, and so we would, the kids and the parents would, eight in the house. Eight in the house. Eight is enough. Eight is enough.

And we would, were your mom and dad gonna bone? Ever. Thank you for, were they gonna bone and then they saw, saw the show, was it enough? And they're like, that really hits home. Put it away. I would see you, that really hits home. But I know why I'm so happy. I would see you.

You're so delighted with yourself though. No, I'm not delighted. I'm UC very happy. I'm not delighted. I'm delighted in the sense of almost every word I said wrong. Usually I'll get one wrong, per cent. True. But almost everyone.

It's a real hat trick. We'd, you know, it's like Secret Cento, you pick a name and then you had to buy that person a gift. So what if we did think where we had to buy to this family skitties? Oh, that's, I would love that. People we don't know. It's just as hard as buying something for someone you know.

It's easier. It's easier, I would think. You just know that general facts about them and you could be like, what's something fun they might like? And that would be easier than being like, I know everything about them. They're gonna have this reaction. I honestly, the people who listen to conversations

throughout the year with people and their family, and then know what to buy them in December, like they make mentor notes. I love that. I can do that with my wife. Really? What have you bought your wife? Oh yeah, I have an idea of it.

Like you want a history? Yeah. Everything. Well, I was something she said thing. What have you bought your wife? Oh yeah, I have an idea. Like you want a history? Yeah. Everything. Well, I was something she said and you like kept track of it in your head and then did it later. Oh, I'm blanking now. There's been a few things though where she was, and let me tell you something,

the payoff is so good. And anytime someone's done that for me, I can't believe you remember that. Yes, it's the best. Yeah. One thing that I remember, the place where I proposed to her was a place where she took me to her hometown for the first time. And we parked at this place and she said, I always thought that would be a good place

for wedding reception. And I remembered it years later, that's the spot where I proposed to her. Wow. Did you have your wedding reception? That's so good. We did not, because it was fun. It was fun that place. It was fun that place.

We already did some there, whatever. We actually looked into it, but a friend of the family offered their home. Oh, that's right. That was a huge release. Yeah, that's cool. She's still the man at $10,000. She's still demanded $10,000? Yeah, in cash.

Yeah, up front. Really? And then she locked the doors and pretended he was hollowly and she turned out all the lights $1,000. She's she's still demanded $10,000. Yeah, in cash. Yeah, a fun. Really? Oh, front. Really? And then she locked the doors and pretended he was Halloween. She turned out all the lights. My wife. Yeah. Oh, your wife demanded $10,000. To marry her. To marry her. It's a reverse diary. Everyone's going to worry. Don't reverse diary. Reverse diary. Reverse diary.

Yeah. We found it. Reverse diary. It is like a reverse diary because we're just telling each other instead of writing it. Right. You know, that's where podcasts are like reverse diaries, in a sense. Yeah, you're right. I'm a reverse diary.

You said that like, like we haven't been saying it for the past five minutes. I said it like that's the title. Right. It really does. No, you guys were saying that it for the past five minutes. I said it like that's the title, right? But I'm extremely dust-y. No, you guys were saying that could be the title or whatever. I said it like it announced. Okay, okay, I get it. What I was gonna say though is one thing,

one thing, let's just go to a break. We don't want this to be too long. Let's go to a break. What time is it? Oh yeah, yeah. Let's go to a break when we come back we'll have more of yeah. Let's go to a break. Let's go to a break. When we come back, we'll have more of whatever this show is. Reverse Diary, Up Me Being, This Has No Pay Off, whatever it is.

And we'll talk about titles in the next one. We'll be right back after this. Hello everyone. We're back. This is Scott. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren. I hate saying my own name.

I hate my name growing up. I just was tripping out of my name the other day in a text where I was somebody and I was like, that's really my name Paul. Doesn't it feel weird? Do I seem like a Paul? It's almost like Paul. It's almost like that. You know what I mean? Paul? It's weird. I hated my name and was always like, no one named Aukerman has ever been famous.

Oh, last name. I hate, yeah, I will, I hated both. I hated my first and last name. I was like, I really couldn't stand it for a while. And then then I started realizing well like Arnold Schwarzenegger is a dumb name. And he made it. And so, I don't know, I felt better after that.

Yeah, I don't mind my name, but it's like I'll often be like, wait, my name's Lauren. Like it just feels weird. But I like the name Lauren, but I don't necessarily. What do you make people call you? Bum bum. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum connection from all of that. Did you decide not to be called Dorthea or? No, I was never called that.

It's just my first time. That was really weird about my brother too. He was a bird. A bird junior. Well, he wasn't even a bird junior because to be a junior, you have to have the exact same middle name. Oh, right, or like George W. Bush. Yes, exactly.

So, but I, from what I know, he was older. No one ever called him bird. They just called him by his middle name, Greg. I guess to differentiate, but that wouldn't be the same thing as you though. Yeah, but that is something I feel like happens where people like pass down the name but then don't call them the name.

Right. It's an interesting group. Was yours passed down? Yeah, yeah, my great grandma is Dorothy. Then why the twist? Greek version. I mean, I don't know. Did you know her at all or no? No, no. She was dead before you were born. Yeah. It sounded harsh the way I said.

I knew my great grandpa, but that was my only great-grandparent that I knew. I knew one great-grandpa. I only knew my grandmothers. I did not know my grandmothers. They died before I was born with my grandfathers, yeah. Do you know your grandparents? I did. Do you?

They're gone. We're all dropping like flies. Okay. And the old fam. On that note, here's my second I wanted to introduce. And this is not going to be a recurring story. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious.

I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I're all dropping like flies in the old fam. What on that note? Here's my second I wanted to introduce. And this is not going to be a recurring segment. Is it one time only game? Yeah, we're going to be doing segments on the show that we surprise each other with. So it's order for it to not just be one long rambling conversation. Anyway, Lauren, what do you got?

This segment is called... It's called. It's a girl like it. It's. This segment is called, it's called, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that like you would so you would you got it so no one ever even tried so what the game is that two of us will improvise a boring uncomfortable conversation and the third person will laugh and find an excuse to leave the conversation oh it's like a game yeah all right okay and who which one do you want to be I want to be in the conversation I don't someone else has to be the person leaving okay I'll be the person leaving okay so Paul and I be the person leaving. Okay, so Paul and I, you were all talking together. So we're all talking to you guys,

so are Paul and I talking first and you approach or just talking about you? No, we're all talking, but you just kind of want to leave, but you don't know how to get out of it. So you're going to do a flight, laugh and leave. Okay. But nothing really funny will happen to make that possible. Okay, great, great, got it.

Yeah, and actually, the traffic that I encountered was so horrible. Where are you coming from? The West Side. I was going to the East Side, but it was just so long. Is this the same route that you take all the time? Yeah, I've always followed the map. Oh, no, I wasn't a joke.

It was funny. What's funny? I just thought you were saying like, oh, I always follow the map, the dummy, I should just follow my instincts. I thought you were making a joke. I'm sorry, guys. I got it.

I always follow the map, so sometimes the path will change. The path does change. I have to go over. What a rude guy. Oh my God. So rude. Why didn't you just leave? That would have been better. I have to go over.

And the lab. So did I not win? You didn't win. Okay. Okay. Now you win. Now we'll find out. We'll all three do it.

Okay. All right. I'll go next because I don't feel the confidence that I'm going to win or anything. All right. So we're all talking. So I noticed you have a rainbow tycliffe. Oh yeah, it's some national coming out day. No, I'm not, but I have family, friends that are

and today's national coming out day. So that's a great. So how long has happened around? I don't know how old it is actually, I'm not sure, but I, yeah, it's a... Probably a while. I would imagine. Probably not that long actually.

Yeah, I mean, it might be something that has been going on for a while that we're not aware of, that we've only become more aware of recently. Yeah, you know, since people, you know, it's not. That's great that, I mean, the whole reason to make something a day is to make it, you know, just have more awareness. Exactly, so.

What's so funny? I can, it's not really. No, no, I thought you were saying something else. I missed it. Oh, what did you do? I was a good pig. The whole point of having a day. Oh, I gotta go. What?

I win! Okay, now we found a loophole. Oh, okay. Wait, one more round. One more. Pause, go to do it. Okay. So, where did you go last weekend? I was, actually I was in town.

I don't know. You were in town? Yeah, maybe my Instagram. I tried texting you. Oh, well I would still get it even if I was out of town right? Yeah, well, that's true. Oh my god, I'm so.

Wait, what? Actually, yeah. I get it. That was a good spot. That also seemed like an extremely personal cover. Where were you? I did not. I texted you. I was in tell. That was fun. I ignored you. That was good. Good game, good game.

Good game, good game. All right, let's slap hands. Good game, good game, shake hands. Good game. Good game. All right, we're just about wrapping up. Should we do the titles? Yeah, let's do the titles.

All right, Lauren, good segment. Thank you. Karin, our assistant has been writing furiously writing down titles. She looks to have about 20, 25 in there. Do we want to announce what they are? How do you want to do a pass it around and each say one or one person say them? Why don't we each do five for each two

for a list from the list? Okay, we'll pass the pad around. Are you going clockwise or counterclockwise? I'll leave that up to you, Scott. Let's go clockwise. All right. Have you texted clockwise or counterclockwise? I'll leave that up to you, Scott. Let's go clockwise. All right. Have you texted whomever you were texting? Yes, I did.

It was an email and it was important. OK. I'm reading one title. You're reading five. Never mind. Wasn't listening at all. OK. Title number one.

Pause though after them so we can discuss. OK. All right. I'm fully down guys. I'm fully down guys I'm fully down. It's okay. It's cute, but I'm even just 60% a test tomatoes A test balloon Can you handle this? Do you care, I think? Yeah. Paul Scott and Lauren, real friends. No, ma'am. Was that five?

That was four. Oh, um, Carolyn Marilyn. Nope. Oh wait, there's one more, more love. More love. No. That's sweet. Okay, you sweet, but no. So far, the first one. That's sweet. Okay, you sweet, but no. All right.

So far, the first one is okay. Yes, okay. Uh, buh buh buh buh buh. Three dumb, which we've discussed. We ended up with writing down titles we already have. All right. And in parentheses, on the? No, that's on the next one.

Oh, I see. Okay. There are two options. Oh, I see. Okay. There are two options. Oh, I see. Off mic brought into the on mic. Ah, off mic brought into the on mic. It's, what about off mic? Off mic, not bad because no one would ever call their,

unless their name was like Jerry off. I, my show's off mic. Or it's kind of like Hamay's tale. I'm willing to bet that there is already a already a thing called off mic. We'll do a search, but not bad off mic. Okay, here we go. How about this one?

All 9-11 jokes. Jesus. Corinne, we can do it. That's bad. That one's bad. Look, look, look. We throw them all out there. And we said it.

We said it. We can't act like Corinne made that up. No, no, no. That was a joke. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it. I'm not. And we said it, you know, we said it. And we don't like it. We cannot, like, her in made that up. No, no, no, that was us.

All right. KIS comma S. Keep it simple, shithead. KIS comma S. So stupid. Welcome back to KIS comma S. No one will ever find it. On the app. What if they're looking for a kiss? They're looking for kiss. On the app. What if it looked for you? They're looking for kiss.

On the app. All of our subscripts are people who mistakenly thought it was gonna be a podcast about kiss. About kiss. And we heard my hand. Oh, you know. You did. I spent it.

It was a hard hit. Wow. I heard I felt it through the table. I smelt it. I put it in. I put it in. I put it in. Oh, oh honey it gets worse. Oh, I like that.

Oh honey it gets worse. Oh honey it gets worse. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That was about of course age when we were discussing age. How many did you do? Two, three, four.

Okay, this is my fifth one. Okay, here we go. What? That's one. That's one. Okay, that one's out. With what? With a question mark?

Okay. I'm sorry, was my line read not obvious? We have to do another one of these. All right, the next episode is gonna also be us trying to figure out the name. Uh, okay. I know it now. I'm, I feel like we, at one point there was better things. There was deliberation between who should do this, Karina Kevin.

What? I volunteered Kevin and Karin said, why should it be Kevin? Yeah. Let me add it. Yeah, let me add it. What is one, or keep going, because maybe I'll get it.

Okay, she made Kevin call out sick today. Yeah. He's not getting paid. He's on pretending to call. Yeah, I texted. All day. Pretending to call. Pretending to call.

Bring, bring. Mom, I'm calling someone. He's not well. Up me, Beam. Of course, we've discussed. Of course. Go better you get you. Oh, God. That's more of what we're talking about though.

I like it. Any ship has sick bay. The sick bay. The sick. I hate it. I don't know what it means. Is it a room, is it an area? It's like the medical facility's on a ship.

Okay, you did tell me that I just didn't hear you. It didn't retain. I've done, okay, this is five, genderly. That just gives the idea that we're going to do something that we're going to do. That's very good to talk about gender issues. Which we never will, never. I'll never. I going to talk about gender issues. Yeah, which we never will. Oh, I'm never.

I'll never talk about it on. Um, where did we leave off? Generally. I know, but I couldn't find it. Um, I'm shocked. Oh, I'm shocked. To generic, I feel. This has no payoff.

I mean, so far. Honestly, I love that one. Pretty good. Or just no payoff is another option. I think this has no payoff sounds more like a title of. Yeah. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs.

Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Let's try it on for a size. Hey, welcome back to Sucking on chili dogs. No, why did you do it? S it on for size. Hey, welcome back to suck it on

Shall we know why did you do it? I don't know we can always just play that clip of the song instead of saying suck it on chilly dogs welcome back to something Oh Everything's so pointless I don't remember that being said. It's my life motto. Oh, that's right Okay reverse diary It's interesting, but I don't think that's what. Ha, ha, ha, I have to go.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,. Do you, Lauren? No, I don't. Okay, can I read mine? Hold on, let me write down the ones that we thought were okay. Put a checking mark next to them. Yeah, I'm putting a checking mark. Checking mark. Checking mark. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Put a blue diamond like Julian Assange presext to his name on Twitter. This is like Scott. Okay, yeah, I know it's sad. Okay, I got like Scott. Okay. Yeah. I know. It's sad. Okay. I got five here that we sort of responded to.

Go ahead. Okay. What do you got? We have three of them. We have lapkins, man. This is a play on the three amigos. Loose trace friends. I like it's clever.

Uh huh. Friendos. Right. Work friends. Work friends into the. No Right. Work friends. Work friends into the, no, just work friends. She's work friends, I like work, that was funny. I guess, right. Triple dip.

Triple dip, I like drippled dip. I got the drippled dip. Triple drip, the magic number. Which is three, of course, that's good. Tri-clops, triscotts. We. That's good. Uh, try clops. Hmm, try scots. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it.

We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it.

We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it.

We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. I had a feeling they might be reflective of how this was gonna go. Okay. Will you just let me speak? Yes. You've had your turn. And this one I came up with while we were recording, this is frustrating. Okay, you know what I'm saying. So you didn't have fun, you say? I got a great time, you guys.

What was your second one that you said? The last three. You've had your turn. You've had your turn. You've had your turn. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. OK. Now, let me, let me, I'm not sure about the other ones before that.

Why should we trust you? You're singing dry erase marketer right on paper. But the fuck at you? This guy's the town lunatic. The town ludicrous. Oh, I'm glad to be here. Every town should have a ludicrous. The town ludicrous. I like to be. Every town should have a ludicrous. Which you got in that bag.

Chris Bridges. Every town should have a Chris Bridges. Okay, so here's what we have. I'm fully down, guys. Sounds too generic. I feel like I've like, hey, I'm fully down, guys. Yeah. Off mic. I like it, I'm fully down, guys. Yeah. Off mic.

I like it, but it's probably already done. This has no payoff. I love that. Love that. It's stuck on, chill it out. No! No! All right.

I have to go. Not bad. It's tough, it's not bad. It's not bad. You've had your turn. No, because I almost sounds meme now. And antagonistic when we're really about fun. Yes.

I sing. So the off mic exists as a podcast. We just found out. Okay, so cross that off. Cross that out. Okay, so we have. We didn't know that about with Raised By TV until it was too late, so.

Oh no, really? Everyone's telling me on Twitter, but guess what, it's all too late. It's all happening. What are you gonna do? We're keeping it. And it was cleared with those people. Oh really?

So they're not doing it any longer? They're doing it, but they're just they are aware of us and they don't care. They don't care? I guess. I don't know what they said, but it was cleared up. So everyone's stopped telling me that. Okay.

Do you know there's another raise by TV? Okay, you know what? You can't. You're turn. We're between these two. This has no payoff. Okay. And, ha ha ha, I have to go.

I still think this has no payoff. It's very clear. I like that one. Here's my reservation about it. Is I feel like it's... Self-deprecating? Yeah, it's too says. That's true.

Because it doesn't have a payoff, it's fun. It's fun. What about... Also, what podcast has a payoff? What about the ultimate payoff? What about the ultimate payload? Yeah, I would rather make a gigantic promise. Yeah.

And tell people this is worth listening to. Yeah, the ultimate payoff. The ultimate listening to. Yeah. The ultimate payoff. The ultimate. That's good. I like that. The ultimate payoff. Okay. I like that.

It's very confident. The ultimate payoff. All right, so it might be that. You know, because you're listening to it. Yes. What would be really funny is it's none of the who's which is also possible. And people are like, no dummy it. Yes. What would be really funny if it's none of the hosts. Which is also possible. And people are like, no dummy it's this.

But we don't know that yet. Guys, I think we got to wrap it up for this episode. We're gonna try to do this every week. And we're gonna try to, who knows? That would be the hard part. Well, we're gonna do it. We're gonna try to bank a lot of them. So we may not be topical, but maybe we'll be talking about what, you know, that's what

we want to do. We want to talk about just whatever comes to us. Great. You know, whatever is affecting our lives. And you'll love it. That's right. As of this recording, you'll love it. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as the president.

And I'm feeling good about it. Let's give him a chance. Love the guy. TV guy great TV guy All right any parting words a parting such sweets are of course has the immortal barred one said Anything for either of you guys do it. We should have a sign off, huh? Yeah, I'm the sign off We have a sign off, huh? How about the sign off? We do. And we go three, don't.

Signing off, signing off. Signing off. What? Signing on, signing off. Signing off, signing off. I'm here, signing off. OK, this is signing on, signing off. We'll see you next time.

Thanks, bye. you