Threedom - Threevisiting: To And Fro

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss infotainment, toilet brushes and their new intern before playing Hot Bench. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajjani, founder of Girls Who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so-called midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building

a playbook for navigating midlife, one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so-called midlife is out now,

wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Coolop Eulisak. And I'm Soojin Park. And we're your aunties on Add to Cart, a podcast all about the things we buy, the things we buy into, and what that says about who we are. We're real life friends who love to talk about what we're adding to cart. Sometimes that means trying the latest snail serum to slather on our faces, or a sweater that screams one third ugly.

That's right, Soo. Each week we dive into honest, oftentimes TMI conversations about what's taking up space in our shopping carts and in our minds, be it products, trends, or something for our auntie book club. We also bring guests on the show and take a peek into their carts because the things a person buys or doesn't says a lot about them.

We like to think of ourselves as aunties to all, fun, slightly unhinged, and always ready to share some sage advice and a good product wreck. Add to Cart is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Swallowed something. I don't like to yell in my own ears. What? God, that would be so great if I could yell in my own ears. If my lips could reach back there. Here's what I do. You get off all day!

I take a length of garden hose. I scream into it and I bend it around to my ear. Do you remember the ear goggles? Do you remember the... were you around? Ear goggles? Yes. What is that? What are you talking about? They were a product that was sent to us by the way.

Hi, welcome to Freedom. Yeah, hi by the way. Hi, welcome to Freedom. Yeah, hi, by the way. Hi, by the way. We're doing a podcast. This is Lauren over here to my right. We're outside by the way. And to my left is Scott. This is Scott over here to my right.

And this is Lauren over here to my right. And to my left is Scott. Fucking assholes. What? Which arm am I on for both of you? Which arm? You're on my right arm. And what for both of you? Which arm? You're on my right arm. And what's my name got?

Say my name. I don't know. Your name is Paul of Tompkins. I've never asked you. Why didn't you ask me? Now it's gone too long and you feel... I've known you for 25 years. I'm finally figuring out your name.

No one ever says it around him. They're always introducing you on stage. This guy who has two thumbs and is about to do stand-up. He needs no introduction. Wait, who has two thumbs and is about to do stand up. He needs no introduction. Wait, who has two thumbs and needs no introduction and then they point off stage? This guy. It's still a synthetic. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Someone should do that. I mean look, we joke around a lot. That's not bad. That one actually works. We are outside by the way, in case you hear any ambient noise.

We're outside. A crow just flew over me. Is that an omen? Alan McCloud tweeted that crows are getting, no, was it Alan? Somebody, no, Alex Ferney tweeted that crows are getting too big. I have to agree. Crows are getting too big. Aren't they still laughing?

You're fucking two feet tall. Alex Ferney is the Alan McCloud of Twitter, in my opinion. Is it very specific? You know, I mean, like, if you see what he tweets, then you understand. It makes sense when you... What's weird is Alan McCloud tweets, but he's not the Alan McCloud of Twitter. He's not! I bet he feels bad about it too.

He's the Alan McCloud of the iCloud. That's true. He is the one and only Alan McCloud of the iCloud. If Alan McCloud is out there and he had access to all of our iClouds. That would be stressful. Alan McCloud's iCloud. I would trust him.

I would trust him with all that info. I feel like I could trust Alan, I could not trust Alex Ferney with that info. No, you would use it against us. Yes. I wish any of you knew who these two guys were. I do. Well, no, I don't mean any of you.

Oh, you mean the listener? Yeah, the listener. Oh, sure. We are outside. They know who they are. So the listeners? Yeah. You know who you are.

You know who you are. If you're listening to this, you know who you are. So the ear goggles were a product sent to us at the Mr. Show's writers' room. I don't know why. What is it? They were... Who's about to explain it, Lauren?

They were like... Hey, I'm just freaking out. They were like, you use... Fre Okay, I'm just freaking out. They were like, you use- Freaking- I'm losing my mind over here. I'm freaking out. I'm scared. She's been fiddling in her seat.

I'm fiddling. She's shaking like a chihuahua. So they were like, you use glasses for your eyes, don't you? Yes, we do. Well, use these for your ears. And they were basically like it was almost like having headphones but then they had plastic like half cups that would go behind your ears and point. So you could hear more? And point at like yeah so you could hear

things from across the room. You could hear things that you weren't hearing before? It was like having a megaphone up to your ears but why would you it's like first of all didn't PB Harwin do that well it's like you know holding your your cupping your hand up to your ear and saying like pardon me you know we used to wear them all the time and your ears just stick out and you go I actually did hear that I bet you guys thought I wasn't listening and it was just a weirdo I heard everything you said I can't tell if they were a novelty Item like haha you'll throw these away, or if they were trying to get these going

I love that novelty haha you'll throw these away That's how I all novelty items are made so you can throw it out. Do you guys still own any novelty items? I probably have a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably a few. I have probably Scott. Oh my god, reality recap. Yeah, someone on The Bachelor used a, one of those ring buzzers when she met The Bachelor. It was really funny. But I do have a WhoopiCushion in my costume box. In your costume? You're not using it for a costume. My prop box.

Yeah. You don't have one, I bet. I used to. I used to have a lot of props and a lot of costumes for doing costume. My prop box. Yeah. Prop box. You don't have one, I bet. I used to. I used to have a lot of props and a lot of costumes for doing live shows all the time. And stripograms. Yeah, of course.

My boom box was there. For your champions. I got rid of a lot of them, like, recently, I would say. Yeah, I was like, I'll just buy whatever I need the day before. That's what I was like, why do I have this pile of the worst wigs anyone's ever seen? But you know what? I've been in that situation where I was like... I know, where you can't find it. Yes, and it fucking sucks. You have a very specific thing in mind.

At the time I was doing enough shows all the time where it was like, oh yeah, I can use this wig. Exactly. I'll turn it around and do it this way or whatever. And now shows are over, so it's not an issue. Exactly. Entertainment is over. This is not entertainment, by the way. No, and we never said it was. We never said it was. We never said it was. Strictly not.

But we're moving into like info-tainment. I've got a lot of info. And health and wellness. I got a lot about vitamins and a lot about crystals I wanna talk about. Okay. Did you know William Howard Taft had to have a special bathtub built for him?

That's info. That's info. And it was attainment. Wait, why? Because he was a great big fat man. He was our fattest president. So he had a big tub made? He had a custom tub made

because a regular tub would not fit him. But back then everyone was so tiny. And they all took baths. Also back then, there wasn't enough mass production on the scale where they could go like, well, it'll justify us making 3000 of these huge tubs because there were 3000 people who would buy it. Wow. But they probably were.

There probably were, but they just didn't know. Like, back then... Everyone at Tammany Hall. Supermarkets weren't even around then, so it's like, where do you even go to get that kind of thing? Just regular markets. Regular markets. They weren't super. No, they were small.

You go in there and you'd say, do you have any potatoes? And they'd say, we just sold it. How good would you be on Supermarket Suite? Terrible. I'd be fantastic. I'd be fantastic. Do you be on supermarket sweep? Terrible. I'd be fantastic. I'd be fantastic. Do you have to know prices?

You do. You sometimes do, but you mostly have to fill in the blank. I stopped paying attention to that when I was 25. But with words. 25. 28. You have to go. I'm going to join the WGA.

It'll be like, this salad maker. Oh, fuck. I can't even. Salad maker. Hold on. Let me go back. What's a brand, first of all? It'll be like, this salad maker, oh fuck, I can't even think of that.

Salad maker? Hold on, let me go back. Okay, who makes? What's a brand, first of all? Craft. Chex mix. So you go like, rise and shine, it's time for my morning orange juice made by.

Sunkist. There you go, and you got a point. Okay. What, really? It doesn't have to be the one you're thinking of, it can be. No, that was what I was thinking of. Oh, that was, okay.

I was gonna say. Wow, that was a happy accident. Somebody told Oh, that was what you were thinking of. Oh, okay. I was going to say. Wow, that was a happy accident. Somebody told me, somebody told me, I read somewhere. Somebody told me you had a girlfriend. Somebody told me Supermarket Sweep was coming back with Leslie Jones. Leslie Uggums. I would love RIP.

RIP, I think, right? Who's that? I think, right? I think so. Didn't she say something before one of our tour shows? Didn't her voice come out? Yes. Was that Leslie Uggums?

Where was that? It was part of, it was in Toronto, maybe. I don't remember. We talk about it in the actual episode. Yes. Sharp-eared listeners, if you're wearing your ear goggles, let us know. Leslie Uggums might still be alive.

I think she is. I'm researching this now. Thank you, more info. Yes, more us know. Leslie might still be alive. I think she is. I'm researching this now. Thank you. More info. More info for our Infotainment podcast. She is alive and she's 78 years old. God, I'd love to hit that. I'd love to see her though. What? She's beautiful.

I would love for her and Leslie Jones to do like color and commentary. Yes! You know what I mean? That's what supermarket sweep is missing. Color commentary and what's the other one? Play by play. Play by play, yes. That'd be great. That's what supermarket sweep is missing.

Who would do what? I feel like Leslie Jones would do color commentary. Yes. And Leslie Uggums would do color commentary. I'm not familiar with the work of Leslie Uggums. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding us? The most famous person in the world?

You cannot be serious! Who was that? Uh, you? No. Well, it was me. But I was- I swear your lips are moving. I was pretending to be someone else.

Oh, more of this infotainment. Can't unlock my phone. Okay. Okay, there we go. Can't unlock my phone. What are you unlocking your phone for? You looking up Leslie Uggams? Yes, I'm trying to look up Leslie Uggams. She was an actress and she was a singer. I saw that oh, okay

So you know I saw that but I didn't know what she's in she What was she in I don't even know like Deadpool. Oh, yeah, she was the old lady, but I haven't seen Deadpool Okay, wait Like the neighbor of Deadpool who's blind. The neighbor of Deadpool! Yes, Deadpool has an address. By William Shakespeare? 112 Deadpool Avenue. Our production of The Neighbor of Deadpool

will be postponed. Leslie Ogham's also famous for the famous June is Busting Out All Over. June is busting out all over. Oh, the, where's she, what did she do? Some awards show and she's supposed to sing June is Busting Out All Over. June is busting out all over. Oh, the, the, where she, what did she do? It's some award show and she's supposed to sing June is Busting Out All Over. She makes her way to the stage.

But the teleprompter goes down. And so she just essentially makes up words. Scats it. Like she is making, she's doing things that sound like words to the tune. And what year was this? It was in the future. A while ago. Cause you know that Aretha Franklin clip?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, not Aretha Franklin. Patty LaBelle. And she's like, I don't have the backup singers! I don't have the words! I don't have the words, honey! But she kept doing it. I loved it. As opposed to Mariah Carey, who just like, melts down. She walked off stage. Yeah, exactly.

She doesn't have what the Leslie Uggums The greats, the Uggums the Labels had yeah Yeah Absolutely Uggums is great Uggums is great. You gotta you gotta check her out check out her work Don't be put off by the first syllable in her name. She's great Lauren. Can I say you you remind me of Deadpool? You're very irreverent. Yeah. You wear a mask everywhere you go. True. I won't show my true side.

Your face is just a mashed pulp mess. Is that what his face is? Yes. Hey, yours. His face is a mashed pulp. He's played by Ryan Reynolds, arguably one of the hottest people. Now, tell me that isn't funny in itself. I guess that's funny. You think Reynolds, arguably one of the hottest people in the world. Now tell me that isn't funny in itself.

Really? I guess that's funny. You think Ryan Reynolds is one of the hottest people in the world? I think arguably people would say Ryan Reynolds is one of the top tier. People would say, I'm saying you would say that. I think he's extremely attractive. One of my first jobs was with Ryan Reynolds. What'd you do?

I did a bit on Jimmy Kimmel with him where I got to improvise with him for like a solid seven minutes. Really? Seven minutes? Oh my God. It was a long sketch. It's really funny. Did the whole thing air? Yes.

Seven minutes? Yeah, I think it was probably seven minutes, yeah. What part did you essay in this sketch? I played, okay, so the premise. Dumb woman. Yeah, the premise of this sketch is that I'm Ryan Reynolds' biggest fan. Right.

And I work at Jimmy Kimmel and I... And Jimmy wants to fire me. Oh, this is kind of familiar to me. So he has Ryan Reynolds come in to fire me so that I take it well. Yes. But then I go crazy. Yes, I have seen this. Yeah.

I've never seen this. I don't remember it being seven minutes long. It might be less. Might have been two and a half. Look, you know what? I'm gonna fucking find out. Look up Ryan Reynolds' lapkin sketch running time. Tell you what, if it's closer to two and a half. You know what? I'm gonna fucking find out! Look up Ryan Renner's lap to sketch running time. Tell you what, if it's closer to two and a half than it is to seven, what will you... Yeah, what happens? What happens?

I'll dip my toe in the pool. Who gives a shit? Let the punishment fit the crime! You dipped your toe in that sketch! Does the pool look good to you? Would you dip your toe in it? Would you hit that without would you hit this pool? It looks good to me We should we should do one from the pool How can I find for an hour?

Get all pruned up we should do one from taff's bathtub. Oh, I wish somebody's famous photo of the workman There's like four guys sitting in this tub, like comfortably. I would love to do that with the two of you. Just do one from a big giant bathtub. That's doing you sicko. Not saying nude. What if we do one in the shower?

That's OK then. I'll do that. You're gonna do one in the shower? We do an episode from the shower. We put on fancy suits. Oh, like our fanciest clothes? Our fanciest clothes, and we do one with the shower going. That's so funny.

God, you guys would love it. One time, um... Did you see the running time yet? I found an article about it. An article? From the old gray lady. Sketch, written and performed! Jeff Bezos' Washington Post.

I'm working on it, people. All right. Did you want to tell your story while you're... Now you put your phone down. We want to do multitask. Okay, when I was in elementary school, probably second grade, my friend and I decided we were going to swim

in her stand-up shower that had like a glass door. You know, it was like a shower stall. You thought thought like a cartoon you could fill it up in one go So we put a phone book over the um crack. What do you call it? Crack? No the part where the water goes out. The drain. Yeah the drain Oh okay So little with the drain And we started filling and it started we turned on the water and we're just like soaking the phone book And then we got in trouble

How far up did it go? One millimeter. It just made like a puddle in the shower. Yeah. But I really remember it. And ruined that phone book. Also, I couldn't swim, so it was a pretty bold thing to be doing.

So anytime you called anyone from that phone book, would they sound wet? Yeah, they always sounded soaking wet. Wait, did you? Do you remember if your plan was to fill it up to the top? Yeah, we thought we were going to swim in it. To the top though. Not just so you could float, but all the way up to the top to where you would drown. I think this has been removed from the internet, even though it was always there my whole entire life. Do you think Ryan Reynolds had it scrubbed? I can't find it.

Yeah he might have had it scrubbed. He's like I'm Deadpool now. I can't be out-funnied. I can't have people seeing me with this hilarious woman. I need improv partners like uh Salma Hayek, uh Samuel L. Jackson, The Rock. What was the movie? Did we see that movie together? Yes we did unfortunately. We saw the hate match wife's bodyguard. Right here. Yes, we did. From this business backyard. In this accursed spot. Well, you were where the screen was. I was sitting where you were. Yeah.

Yeah. And you were the screen. So could you act it out and we can reenact this? Oh, it's just, do you like yelling? I love that kind of comedy where she's like, look, what is comedy? Is it screaming? I'll do that.

Yeah, sure, why not? I found another article about it. Oh, good. We also watched Luca here, which by the way, we watched Luca because we were set to watch the green night and I had an accident with my projector and so it was kind of fucked up. He wet it.

So I wet my projector. Aw. He was so embarrassed and was like, Scott, it happens to every child. So we decided to watch something a little more low-maint that didn't need a good picture. And by the way, we just watched The Green Knight, and it would not have gone over well in the backyard. No.

Agree. So I'm glad we watched Luca. We had a great time watching Luca, and that was a fun movie to watch. And a good backyard movie. Luca operates... The video is now private. Private, too, Jimmy Gimbal? Oh, what?

Should I write to Jimmy? Was it? Hey, can you un-private this video? Good backyard movie. Luca operates. The video is now private. Private, too, Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, what? Should I write to Jimmy? Was it? Hey, can you un-private this video? Cousin Guillermo? What was the guy's name? Guillermo, yeah. Why is it private? Well, we'll never know, you guys,

until I do think it was nine and a half hours long. Just like those weeks that I spent having sex with that woman. Well, you're safe from dipping your toe in the pool this time. Ah! Wait, what the fuck? No, no, I think having sex with that woman. Well, you're safe from dipping your toe in the pool this time Wait what the fuck Luca Luca operates House of Gucci operates on the same principle as Luca Where it's Italian people although no, it's not not no because they're not doing an accent in Luca No, they're not're not. They're just... But they do occasionally throw in Italian words.

Yeah, yeah. But House of Gucci, they are doing Italian accents, but they also sometimes say Italian words. Do you float in the pool? Arriba derci! Do you float in the pool while you watch the movie? Did you say Arriba derci? Yeah, he did.

I let it slide. This time... We watched Good Burger floating in the pool once. Welcome to Good Burger, home of Good Burger? Yes. Good Burger? For my nephew's birthday. That was the movie he wanted to play.

That's fun. Good cover, good cover. And we floated in the pool and watched that. And it was a lot of fun. But movie night should come back this summer. You're always welcome. I'd love to come to a movie night. You never come, Lauren.

I haven't. Yeah, it's almost as if you've had other stuff to night. You've never come, Lauren. I haven't. Yeah, it's almost as if you've had other stuff to do. You know, with the... It's almost like you don't want to do it. With the Covett and the Bobby. Covett and the Bobby! I got Covett. With the Covett and the Bobby.

I got the Carana baddies in the Covett. And the eggs and the milk. And the dentist goes in your mouth and he's like boop it up. Bottom lip. So that's put it, that's put an end to Paul's energy. I'm just, I'm gathering your energy now to continue. Oh, okay. Yes.

I can't respond to these things. I need to gather my energy so I can get past them. Wonderful. I once had a fight with a, with a driver about Bill Cosby. Really? Pro or con? I was against. What?

Yeah. But I had to have a fight with this man. Why? How would this have come up? He was one of those types of people who just wanted to bring up stuff that would just get you. Like hot button topics? Was he like, hey, what do you think about this

Bill Cosby going to jail? Like that kind of guy? He was a driver on a film I was working on. He was a transportation driver. When you have made the leap from babysitting to movie star, essentially when you're on set and needing to go from location to location, they will have drivers there who drive you to and fro

these places because they do. To and fro. They, first of all, you should not be expected to drive yourself. But also, they don't trust you to and fro these places because they do- To and fro. They, first of all, you should not be expected to drive yourself, but also they don't trust you to drive yourself without having an accident and then causing a big insurance problem. That's all true.

Do you know what, this is a quick sidebar. I never thought about this before, but to and fro is just an abbreviation of to and from by one letter. Yeah, it's a lot faster though. No. Yeah. I mean, it saves- Wait, time me. To and fro. No. Yeah. I mean, it saves.

Wait, time me. To and fro. To and fro. Time me, to and fro. The ma, the ma almost adds a syllable. Ready? To and fro ma. Hold on, let me get my timer.

Okay. All right, ready? Lauren, three, two, one. To and from. Okay, 0.66 seconds. Oh, 666. Okay, and you have to do it at the same pace. Okay. Three, two, one. To and six, six, six. Okay, and you have to do it at the same pace. Okay.

Three, two, one. To and fro. I forgot to- You forgot to restock. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. To and fro. 36 seconds.

Yeah, it's shorter. It's so much faster. 36 seconds. It's so much shorter. It's so much faster. I love it. Let me, hold on a second. Let me try it again.

Scott. Yeah. You want me to do it? Start with to and from. To and from, okay, here we go. Three, try it again. Scott? Yeah. You want me to do it? Start with to and from. To and from? Okay. Three, two, one. To and from. 56 seconds.

Oh, you're faster than me. Point 56. Okay. I keep saying 56. It's a kill of 56. A full minute to say to and from. All right. Three, two, one. To and fro.

God damn it. You forgot again. Do it again. Three, two, one. To and fro. 40.45. Yeah, we love it. You forgot again. Do it again. Three, two, one. To and fro. 40.45. Yeah, we love it! Okay, we're gonna time you now because you're the one who's skeptical.

We love it. You're the to and fro skeptic. I love this. I'm the amazing Randy of to and fro. I love our language and how much fun. God, we love you to and fro. Okay, and. We love you so much.

Go. To and from. 0 point seven five seems like you were rushing Go to and fro I didn't stop Go to and fro I didn't do it Infotainment info infotainment. And go. To and fro. 0.7, you did it. 0.7? Why was mine so fast? 0.70 or 0.7?

Why are you saying fast? That's slow. We did 0.56. 0.70. Oh, 0.70. I thought it was just 0.7. What's 0.7? 0.07 I guess I was thinking. There you go! That doesn't make any sense. Jesus Christ. So hard to figure out. Oh your brain is so hard to figure out. Anyway you did a great job Paul. Well wait we all all this proved is that To and Fro is so much faster and easier to say than To and

Fro. It really does. Why is anyone saying To and Fro? And we love it! We love it! We love you! To and fro, we love you. Signed freedom. What are some other abbreviations that aren't that short but are shorter? Well, the famous Jerry Seinfeld one is July to Jewel. Oh, well, yeah, that one's down. It's not that famous, but I never really should.

I mean, in the sense of he had a big bit about it. What about June to Jun? Does that bother him? that might have been the Calendars like how much time are you actually saving? Like doing norm Peterson, no, there's an actor that I'm like the guy from Ferris Bueller. Yeah, you sound like Alan Ruck doing Norm Peterson. No, there's an actor that I'm thinking of that I sound like. You asked a question and I answered it. How much time are you actually saying me?

My name is Norm Peterson. That sounds more like Alan Ruck. A hot dog king of Chicago. Guys, if you could smile after you said it. If you could be Ferris Bueller for one day. Oh, I'd party in that parade. But not that day that we saw the movie. Oh, a different day.

But I don't know what to do. Where he actually goes to school. He goes to school. Ferris Bueller's day on. I'd probably have sex with a lot of girls. Was he a nerd, supposedly, in school, or he was cool in school? No, he was cool.

Everyone loved him. That's the thing is he was cool everywhere and he had no problems. Isn't that a weird movie? I love Ferris Bueller. Well, but he did have to get home before he was discovered. Yeah, but-

He just got a tight timeline. His friends had the problems. He had no emotional problem that he had to get over. Well, he had one friend who had problems. And then one friend was the girl that he had sex with sometimes. Yeah. But he was pretending to be her dad

waiting outside the school. That's a little weird. Isn't it strange to have a movie where a guy like, the setup is, hey, I'm cool and everyone likes me, and I want to do this thing. Then he does it, and the end. I'm sure there are more examples of this. Well, but it's also the tension of, is he going to get caught in one of his downfalls? Because everywhere he goes, it's like a thing you shouldn't do.

Well, and it's everyone's dream to have a great day off. Yeah, that's true. I could have said it better myself. It's a fantasy film. To go to the museum and see the- It's part of thing you shouldn't do. Well, and it's everyone's dream to have a great day off. Yeah, that's true. Lord, I couldn't have said it better myself. It's a fantasy film. To go to the museum and see the- It's part of the American experience. Like, how about Baby's Day Out? I don't think that baby has any problems,

but a fucking crane almost hits him. Do you know what that baby worked off? Mr. Magoo. Yeah. Well, no glasses. I wish that crane hit him. No glasses. Ferris Bueller has no glasses.

He's Mr. Magoo. He's a total Mr. Magoo. Everyone- Who else? Practically everyone in Ferris Bueller, by the way, is a total Mr. Magoo. Everyone, practically everyone in Ferris Bueller, by the way, is a total Mr. Magoo. I think everybody in the Fast and Furious franchise, they're all Mr. Magoos. They're all Mr. Magoos.

How many people in the world drive in those cars like Mr. Magoo would? Oh my God, it's terrifying. But if you have contact lenses and one falls out, are you a Mr. Magoo? Oh, this is a good question. This is a trick, Lauren. Is this a poll, because even if you have contact lenses at all, you're a Mr. Magoo because no glasses.

You're right. OK, wait. We have a new intern and he hasn't done anything yet. I'm so annoyed. Which one is this? Satan. Oh, yeah. You think maybe he's busy. How busy could he be? Check out our Instagram, our new our new intern. He hasn't made a real post yet.

Freedom USA. People voted. People voted, but there was Bernard. And then Kimberley and then Satan. Kimberley and then Satan. People voted overwhelmingly for Satan. Yeah, it was without contest. It's so weird, but he's so busy,

he's like tempting everyone all day, every day. That's true, maybe he's too. He's out there with chocolate cakes constantly going like, hey, do you want some of this? Do you want some of this? I think you mean Devil's Food cakes. Devilish to have a chocolate cake. Isn't it sinful?

You're not allowed to eat that. I want one. Of course we all want one, but to eat one is against God. You know what? Devil's Food cake isn't offered enough. No, it's not. They'll go double chocolate.

I don't know the last time I've had one. That's not the same. It's not the same. I loved it when I was a kid. Devil's Food was my favorite growing up. Same from the box. Yes. Yeah. I'm gonna make that up. Same from the box. Yes. Yeah.

I'm gonna make that shit. Restaurant roundup, by the way, when you were serving like a big fancy dessert, if you didn't say it was sinful, the table was guaranteed to say it was sinful. Oh, this is sinful. Are you serious? Yeah, every time, 100% of the time.

So you were supposed to say, here's a sinful dessert? No, you're not supposed to say that, but like when you would deliver it, people would go, whoa, and you gotta go like, yeah. And if you didn't say, like, if you were not like, yeah, it's sinful, isn't it? People would go, this is sinful. Now, was that a phrase being used a lot of the time,

or do you feel like? Or was this a religious restaurant? Religious restaurant roundup yeah I did work at a religious restaurant manna station we've never talked about that one we have talked about it briefly okay it was part of the roundup but we didn't get into it as much as you i guess i guess it's okay it didn't have as many stories we could probably move on christian yogurt christian yogurt place

right christian yogurt fired after six weeks. Religious yogurt. Yeah, real well it had the yogurt part of it. This was 1985, so yogurt was very, very big. Yeah, huge. Now yogurt meaning fro-yo or? Yes, fro-yo. So they were popping up everywhere and I guess they were a relatively cheap way to start a business and with a lot of like,

markup on how much you would spend to make this. How much was a yogurt? $2? Yeah, it would be like, back then it would be like even $1.50 or whatever, and you would probably spend 25 cents on everything. That's a profit. Shark Tank would like that.

And people were like out the door usually at whatever the popular ones were around. So this guy said, okay, well, I'll start, I'll start a frozen yogurt business, but he was so religious, he was part of our church and gave me the job because my parents asked him to. Right. But he was so religious,

he couldn't fathom starting a business without it being religious. Like in having to appeal to Christians, right? Don't a lot of businesses have a Bible verse quoted on the well, in and out or bag like forever 21, it would say John 3 16 on the bag. That's such a good Bible verse. I didn't know that. That trend that Bible verse transcends like religion. Why is that on bag? Absolutely, absolutely.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son that whosoever should believeth in him should not perish and have everlasting life. It's good in any context. You don't have to be religious. No. They put on Forever 21 bags and you like throw all those clothes out in a week and they just don't care.

You turn 22? Yeah, wow. You should start going on your 21st birthday. They'll ask you here. A lot of people go on their 21st birthday like, I got to make this last. Yeah. Wow. I finally 21 is what they should have called it. That's disgusting. That's disgusting.

Anyway, so we started this Christian Christian yogurt place where it was like you could go in and buy Bibles. But was it a franchise of an existing place? No, no, it was his own creation. OK. What was it called? of an existing place? No, no, it was his own creation. Okay. What was it called? The manna station. Much like we are God's own creation. But what is manna station?

Manna from heaven is like a miracle that happened. A miracle, as our friend, Tal Jaim is saying. When Moses and the Israelites were wandering through the desert, at one point, 40 years later, God was like, here. Yeah, it's like, hey, let's give him a break. I'm gonna make food fall down. So he was saying yogurt is like from heaven.

He was saying like sustenance. Sustenance is from heaven. I come in and get fed. It wasn't just yogurt, too. It was like I think they had some food items and you should never do that and stuff like that should never do that. Yeah, it should just be yogurt place. Just be the yogurt place.

Serve food as well. No, it tarnished. I mean, it's just be. If you're a yogurt place, do not serve food as well. No. It tarnished, I mean, it's like too much, and I'm a prime example of that where it was like anytime anyone had to order anything other than yogurt, it was like, how do I do this? It's stressful. Yeah.

Because there would be things like creme brulee or... Baked Alaska. Chateaubriand. Turkish delight. Turkish delight reminds me of, what's it called? The Lion, the Witch and the Beast. Shad-do-briand. Turkish Delight. Turkish Delight reminds me of, um, what's it called? The Lion, the Witch, and the Vulture.

Yes, and we used to watch that in school in my drama class, and we would watch the PBS version of the play. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then they had the Turkish Delight. And I always thought that sounds good. Good to me. But then when you see... It sounded good to me as well.

When you see Turkish Delight, you think, hmm, kind of you think, They complain about it in the movie Belfast, which by the way is really good. I can't wait to see it. Yeah. I want to see so many movies that are so, look so good. I want to see The Lost Daughter, I want to see Coda.

Lost Daughter is great, Coda's great. Coda, the two we watched this week that we really liked were Coda and Belfast. That's what I want to watch, Coda, and I don't even know anything about them, but I want, I heard they're good. Yeah. Two picks to click. Where. Coda? And I don't even know anything about them, but I want to... I heard they're good. Yeah. Two picks to click.

Where is Coda available to view? Hold on a second. Apple TV Plus. Were you fired for bearing false witness against your neighbor? Yes, of course. I said that my neighbor fucked me. And that was false. You fucked him. Yes. No, I got fired because, well, basically I,

I feel like I've said this on the show before, but I hated doing windows. That was part of it. The worst. Doing windows? Like washing the windows, right? What did you think you meant? Like manning the drive thru.

Like fucking the windows? The drive thru the whole yogurt shop. It could happen. TcbY. So I hated that. I hated like mopping the floor. These are things that like I hated at home too. So it's not like I just hated it at work.

The worst part of jobs like that, I hated it at retail when you had to clean up this other space like uh-uh. Yeah, like hire someone else to do the cleaning. Yeah, make that somebody's job. I'm here to do the extreme-ing. That's right, the extreming. But. I cleaned many people's homes though as a babysitter, I will say I was a fantastic babysitter

and then I cleaned. Was that part of the job? No, I love to clean. You love to tidy. I like to tidy. You wouldn't clean, you would tidy, right? I'd clean, I threw out moldy food, I would do a lot of things.

No, no, no, no, no, but when I say clean, the distinction for me is like taking out a spray in a rag and doing a window and shit like that. No, I wouldn't be cleaning windows. That's what I'm saying! But I would clean up the space. You would tidy. Well, not every babysitter does that.

That's true. Let that be known. Okay, but admit that you were tidy. I was tidier. But sometimes I'd wipe down a counter. She can't even say it. She can't even say it. Can I wipe down a counter? She can barely get it out of her mouth. Wiping down a counter is cleaning, I think. There you go. Suck on that, fuckhead!

Anything next to a sink, that's not cleaning. What? That's still part of tidying. Because anything next to a sink has to be wiped up. You know what I mean? That's just part of life. When was the last time you cleaned a toilet? Uh, 20 minutes before you got here.

I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I mean? That's just part of life. What was the last time you cleaned a toilet? 20 minutes before you got here. I'll take out the old, you know those scrub brushes that we get, the ones that self-clean. I love that one. Yeah, yeah. I don't know this magical brush. Oh my God.

Well, cool. Is it from Narnia? I learned about it. Yeah. It's called a Lumi. It cleans up all the Turkish delight. The new Turkish delight toilet brush. It's called a Lumi. It cleans up all the Turkish delight. The new Turkish delight toilet brush. It's called a Lumi toilet brush

and it uses a UV sanitizing light so that you don't have all the nasty little poopy on there gets dissolved by the light. And they're always sold out. Let's see if they're available. Why don't they shine? And this is- I only bought two.

I have three toilets. I only bought two and I should have bought three. This is akin to why don't they make the whole planet out of the black box. But why don't they shine UV light on everything? So nothing is ever dirty. And- I agree, the whole world should be purple. My new thing-

Does the UV light just show up what is filthy? It sanitizes it. My new thing is, is why do you have to use coasters, make your table out of everything that the coaster is made of. Have you talked about this or was this on something? I don't know, but it drives me crazy. I like coasters.

Why? I do hate, I hate rings. I hate rings. Do you know what? What about the Lord of them? Okay, well, hold on. We have a nice wooden dining table and one of my great pleasures is to polish it every week.

Oh. What do you use? Pledge? I use some Pledge wood spray, yeah. Yeah. I have something you could polish if you were interested. Is it wood? Yes it is. Oh my god. Can I just say breast milk stains everything. It's the weirdest thing. Let's test it. Let me bring out some household items. Are you trying to make me sick? I feel a bottle of breast milk. Disgusting. And it leaks over the side and there's, and then you put it down on, I put it on my wood floor.

There'll be a white ring on the floor that I will work with. I have worked to get it up. Bring Paul over to stain this shit. He loves polishing shit. Our table is covered with breast milk and I clean it every week. Not even yours or Janie's. No, people just drop by. Oh my God.

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okay we're back and during During the break, we heard something about the Lumi toilet brush, Lauren? Lauren, this is earth shattering news. And it almost feels like... Toilet correspondent Lauren Lapidus. This is part of Lauren's topics. We have now debunked what I thought was true. Now, it appears to me that Lumi brush was available on Amazon.

This is debunking toilet topic. It appeared to me that Lumi brush was available on amazon.com. debunking toilet talk. It appeared to me that LumiBrush was available on Amazon.com. After clicking said link, I found that there is no LumiBrush on Amazon.com. Now, where is the link to Lumi? Their website does not seem to exist anymore. What?

They are always sold out. Now, all I see here is the Kickstarter for the Lumi. I don't see the website. Kickstarter, this is a scam! We could not find it. I'm extremely upset. This whole loomy thing, how high up does this go? They put a laser pointer on a toilet brush

and you fell for it. When Cool Up talked about this on the ad to cars, I had to get it. Now, what I found was they had no social media presence. What are you worried about? There's four fingers pointing back at her. Oh, that's media. I like it. Stop it. I like it. They had no social media presence. What are you worried about? There's four fingers pointing back at her. Oh, that's true. I'm looking at their Kickstarter.

This toilet brush had no social media presence? What toilet brush doesn't have a social media account? They had a $5,000 goal and they've made $78,559. Oh, and they're just calling it. So were they selling them as part of the Kickstarter? I don't know, but I have two of them. Yeah, we got, we have two, I believe. Yeah, and I lick it every week and there's no germs.

Well, you have to before you kick it. I lick it before I kick it. You don't wanna get a ticket. Wow. Click it or ticket, guys. That's one thing, this New Year's Eve, by the way. Kick it before, lick it before you kick it. The one that's coming up in 11 months.

And ticket or click it, ticket or ticket. Make sure that you're safe out there driving these, because it's very perilous out there these days. It sure is, what with COVID? We got the COVID. Who knows if that'll be around in 11 months. But I mean, this news. Here's what's happening,

and I've heard this from a lot of people, including many friends of mine that I know in real life. People are getting the booster and then they're freaking out behind the wheel. They're just going nuts, kicking their legs. And they're sucking in COVID. They're kicking the steering wheel. They're kicking the steering wheel.

It's a lot like they're in the- They're punching, trying to make the airbag go. Here's what people don't understand. When you get the booster, you know, they poke a hole in your arm. That's where the COVID gets in. Yeah. Yeah. If they don't put the band-aid on fast enough

Yeah, suddenly it's like a coven whirlpool. Yeah Like my three-tailed cream Just kidding we're kidding. This is fire. We're but we're not a comedy podcast. No, we're an infotainment podcast We just gave out that info team. No, this was payment. Oh This is not info. Got it. We're good at this. I think. We just gave out bad infotainment. No, this was tainment. Oh. This is not info. Got it. We're good at this.

I think we're great at it. I'd say so. Guys. Hi. Wow. Sounded like I had something. You know, we mentioned, I knew, as soon as you said it like that,

I was like, he has nothing. Yeah. We mentioned strippers earlier, stripograms. Yeah. Are you going to be a stripper this year, finally? Absolutely. Yeah. We mentioned strippers earlier, strip programs. Yeah. Are you going to be a stripper this year? Finally? Absolutely. Good. You're gonna live your dream. That's right. I'm a dream.

You're gonna live your dream. Dream job. If I went to a strip club and then there were some pretty ladies doing a dance, then you came up. Which did happen. By the way, I don't think that I was the person who gave you all the money. You absolutely were. Really?

Why do you think you weren't? Because Cool Up thinks that it was another person. Yeah. I could see him doing, actually, you know what? Oh, you're right, maybe it was. That makes sense to me. Yeah. That seems like a thing he would do.

No, I think you're right. Yeah. So then when you said you absolutely were, why did you say that? I absolutely was, why did you say that? I absolutely was. Sure it was you? I guess. Well, no, because I still sort of think it was you.

She wanted it to be you. It could have been. It could have been. But no, I could see Mark doing that. Maybe we both did. Yeah, I think you both did. That sounds reasonable. That's a compromise.

But I was going to say, if you came out next, I don't know what I would think. Coming up next. It's a co-ed strip club, where it's like... No, they don't even tell you. No one announces anything about it. You think you're gonna see pretty ladies. I do, and then I do, and then you come out. Who...what scenario would this be?

What do you mean? I feel like that's not... You got a job at a strip club. But I think that strip clubs are either men or women. Are they co-ed yet? I think that there must be, right? They should do something that are co-ed you know, I think there must be Should yeah, we should open it, but they were They were excited that you were a well-known man who wants to strip man, so they were like

Besides you at the strip club Look at that well-known man the way It's got a weird body for a stripper Look like this guy. I Think it'd be very fascinating Okay, so here's go try to make it happen at Joe Mo's trying to do a Chris Farley thing Here's something that that we were talking about this summer in this very pool with some people Okay, so- Was it the thing that I was trying to bring up?

No. Which was? What was it? Which was what? Did you think I mentioned strobe-o-crams as like a conversational jumping point? Yeah. Well-

So you think if I bring something up, it's to give you guys topics. Oh my God, you just reminded me of something. Okay, so- I'm serious. But I'm gonna talk first. So like, when- What is it, when, in my roommate reminiscence. I like that we stay in the moment

and there's no looking back. In my roommate reminiscence. Roommate reminiscence. My second roommate. Roommate reminiscence. I've talked about five parties, et cetera. Rent, hired a stripper. 5,000, 21,000, 600,000.

5,000, 29,000, 600,000. I watched Tic Tic Boom and I liked it. Tic thousand, tic-a-tic thousand, tic-tic-tic thousand. So they hired a stripper, I can't remember why, but she came and- I can't remember why. But I can't remember why, but she came and... I can't remember why. But I can't remember if it was an occasion or whatever.

I can guess why. To see some tinnies. Was it Tuesday? So I think two came over I can't remember and then one was like, my I Have Parties roommate was trying to go like, hey stick around and party with us, you know, after she was off the clock and she's like, oh yeah, you know, I have another one I have to get to. This is my first experience with this, by the way.

I have another one, I have another show I have to go get to. Yeah, it's 5 PM right now. But I'm going to come back afterwards, right? She's like, but maybe I'll come back afterwards. It's like, oh yeah, okay. Now that's a total lie. I have parties. It's a total lie. I have parties.

It's a total lie and it's a line I have come to figure out. Oh yeah. That they give of like, you know, as to not go like, no, I can't stick around. And then they won't get hurt by you. Yes, exactly. Yes.

Physically. And how did you come to figure out that this was a lie? Trial and error? By getting older and smarter. So every time they said that, they never actually did come back. Which, by the way, she was a cashier at a place when we were in there once and we were so embarrassed that we just kind of like... And she was the only cashier, we couldn't go to another line.

Was she dressed the same? Did she recognize you? I don't know that she recognized us, but we were so embarrassed. It's those boys from the party. I can't believe they saw me. We're the horny guys. We also buy things. Ha ha! You never came back!

We kept a candle in the window. We look like losers. We put a yellow ribbon around the tree in the yard. And our necks. But then I was talking to... And we jerked off. I was talking to some women who hired a male stripper. Okay. And he said he was going to come back and they said, please don't.

No. Yeah. Practically. He said, I'm going to come back later. He was like, can I come back later? No, that's scary. What the fuck? And he like gave him the card and was like, call and got one of their numbers or whatever and was like, hey, and was texting like, hey, are you guys still partying? Can I come back? And basically, I'm still nude. These women, these women were like done with him after three minutes.

Of course. Essentially. You see him grind on something and you're like, we got it, that was fun. So I wonder if there's ever been a female stripper who's come back to a male party, or some females who've been like, yes, please come back to a male stripper.

I'm gonna say no to the first, and maybe to the second. Possibly to the second. Luann Dillis-Supps on Real Housewives of New York City. The Countess? Yeah. She's brought up a stripper that appeared at a party that she wasn't even at on another show. And she was like, he was really good looking. I really like him. Yeah. So she would want him to come back. I was going to say, because you said strip-o-gram, and we'll eventually get back to

what you wanted to talk about. We'll see. It reminded me that in high school we had this thing called val-o-grams. What? And it was a valentine's... Okay, let's try to guess. Oh, spoiled. You would give kids Valium. It was a valentine's thing. So you... there were a couple things that happened.

You could hire, or basically it was like... You go up to the table and you say who you want to send to. And you would pay and the student would have to like, And then you would, I don't know, Deliver it. You would pay and the student delivers. Which is really, They would sing or something like that.

No, they would just come in and you'd get handed out all your lollipops that you got. I hate showing this. And yeah, I know, but you kind of like it too, you know, cause you want one. Yeah, if you're well liked. But I just remembered that there was also this love quiz you could take and it would tell you

who your best match was at school. Ew, weird! And you get a list and I got a list and we were like, oh my God, not that guy or whatever, you know? That's very weird. That shouldn't be something that is, I can understand the school trying to raise money

so doing the first thing, but the second thing is strange. How old were you? I was probably 17. Still not good. I wish I had that paper. I bet old were you? I was probably 17. Still not good. I wish I had that paper. I bet I do somewhere. I always save everything. I wonder if you could look them up now, maybe they would be good matches for you. Actually, Mike was on my list. Whoa!

Paul, tell us about your stripper. So yeah, what do you want to say? When I worked on Kelsey Grammer Resents the Sketch Show in 2004. Drop the P, Kelsey. It's more accurate. There was this very nice young lady who was, what was her job?

Was she like our script supervisor maybe? Was it Judge Judy? Very nice young lady. Her name was Judge Judy. What was her job? She was a judge. She was presiding over us. She presided over the sketch show.

Have you guys seen Hot Bench? Hot Bench? Hot Bench is crazy. What's that? It's a... Is that Steve Harvey as in... No, it's a court show with three judges. Hot Bench?

Hot Bench. And I can't figure out why there's three judges. Is that what makes it a Hot Bench? I don't know why it's called that. It's like moving, it's moving, it's moving. But it was- And is this like a sort of daytime TV show or a nighttime TV show? It's daytime.

And it was- Is this something you're pitching? No, it was on and we were trying to- Is this a three-chair? Kulap and I were trying to figure it out because we got- It's called hot bench. We got dropped in, you know, five minutes into it, so the premise was already explained.

And then we were watching and we're like, why is this judge talking now? Why are there three judges? Like one basically like decided we thought and then two more got to talk. So we're trying to figure out and then why is it called Hot Bench? And we couldn't figure it out.

And then we got had something to do. We never saw the resolution. How about this? How about this? Many popular court shows are on TV. How can the genre improve? How about using a three judge panel? That's the concept of Hot Bench

created by Judge Judy Scheinlin. After hearing each case, the judges discuss it amongst themselves before rendering a verdict. The jurists are experienced civil litigator, blah, blah, blah. But they should have that in real life, considering how bad some of these judges are out there. Can you imagine three judges trying to come to some sort of consensus if it wasn't for money?

What about- What, they get money? Well, I mean the ones on TV get paid I'm sure I'm sure so it's like worth it to them to not just roll over sometimes to be like I don't fucking give a shit judges should be two people Judges should be two people. I've always said what about strip programs So this young lady by the way hot bench What about Strip-O-Grams? So this young lady... By the way, Hot Bench... Hot Bench will be our feature today.

I have an idea how to do it. Okay, good. We were confused by it, we didn't know what it was, and then we watched, I don't know if you guys watch How To with John Wilson. Great show. I love that show. Is there another season? We're in the middle of the second season. It's so good. Oh, I've only seen season one. I loved it. And we were watching this week and suddenly he pops up

on Hot Bench. What? It's like, and we're like, Hot Bench! It was the most perfect. We had just found out about it a day before. We were so confused by it. Wait, on how to they showed that clip from? They showed him in the past being on Hot Bench.

Did he create it? No, I don't wanna spoil it for you. Okay. So this young lady who was a very... Fine young lady. She was a fine young lady. So this young lady was a fine young lady. She was a very fine young lady.

She was kind of like, had a sort of meek, quiet demeanor. Like she was very nice, but she was, you know, sort of like, you could say she was like bookish, you know what I mean? She did not look like somebody... Glasses, low ponytail. But if she were to take off those glasses and shake her hair out, she'd be even uglier. She was a lovely young lady,

but she was not somebody that you would think, let's hire a stripper for her, but it was her birthday one day. And so after work, they- It just happened to be her birthday one day. Well, that happens to everyone. It just happened to be. That's day. Well, that happens to everyone. It just happened to be. That's crazy.

Yeah. That's insane. And so, some of the crew hired a stripper for her. And so we were in the canteen of the studio. And everybody was there. A studio had a canteen, meaning a bar or something in England? It's like a cafeteria kind. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and they have drinks there too. Oh man. For after hours. We should have a canteen here. What? It's fucking great. So if I serve drinks during the show, would you guys drink them?

Yes, I would. Yeah. Why would I not? Are you going to do this? I could. All right. See you for the next episode? I mean, I think that's what's been missing.

That's pretty fun. All right, sure. So they hired the stripper, and she has to, of course, sit on a chair while this guy grinds on her, and everybody's like, woo! This is mortifying at work. You could tell she was like trying to be game about it, And she has to, of course, sit on a chair while this guy grinds on her, and everybody's like, woo, and everything. This is mortifying at work. You could tell she was trying to be game about it,

but would prefer this wasn't happening. The guy went on for so long, and it got so raunchy. You could feel it go out of the room. Whatever sort of hijinks people were enjoying. Did Kelsey Greimer come up on stage and be like, oh, right, this is enough. He could not have been further away. Physically.

I think I'm sure I've told you this, that he came. Was always very far away. He came to London for the pilot. And he was in the pilot. He always tried to be on the exact opposite end of the earth. And he did it. He came to London, he was in the pilot,

and then when the series got picked up, we went to... Just got a telegram that said, fuck this. Not even that. We went to London and we lived there for a couple months. And then when we came back, the day after we flew back, the morning after we flew back, Transatlantic Flight, next day, have to get up at 6am. It was like a 7am call to shoot sketches with Kelsey.

Some of which we'd already shot without him. Like with one of us playing the role. Because they couldn't decide which ones. Kelsey was gonna be in, whatever he would spark to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness. I want to be in this. This one speaks to me.

I'll replace her in that one. I think this, I like this one where I'm lying down in the bed That's the dream. I always love wait is that the end of your story? That was the other story It was that it just got really uncomfortable. It was grim to watch it. It was bad. Yeah, like the TV show grim It was like this guy was a fairy tale. It was one hour. It was wonderful. What of Prince Charming became Prince Charmless This is like a Twilight Zone. Once Upon a Time Meets Twilight Zone. I thought it was like a Dateline. I was trying to do like a Dateline.

Meets Dateline, of course, yeah. Do you guys love Dateline? But why did he get so raunchy? And for how long? Do you love Dateline? No. My wife loves. Do you love Dateline? My wife loves. I don't watch it.

I enjoy Dateline. Oh, that's the guy I was imitating! The Dateline guy! Why would you say this? Oh, you're right! The white haired guy! No, Keith Morrison? No. Keith Morrison, the other guy. Oh, John Quinonez?

Oh, it's one of the Mankiewicz. Oh yeah, that guy who's like, But why? But why is this something that you would be interested in doing? No, I can make sure I have. That's exactly who you said Dateline popped in my head. My wife went out to dinner with him one time, Josh Mankiewicz. Yes, I've heard that.

Josh Mankiewicz. Why did she go out to dinner with him? She's a big fan. She and our friend Casey started talking to him online and like joking back and forth. You told us this. Yeah, and he was like, we're going to go out to dinner. They went to Jar. Hey, let's go to Jar.

They had a lovely dinner. That's the kind of stuff the pandemic is stealing from us. Yes, exactly. I would be going to jar every night with a different dayline person. I go with Josh Minkowitz 20 times. I have COVID. I have COVID. I have COVID.

Look, by the way, if you've seen the video of the police woman giving her superior officer a lap dance at a party, it's also very comfortable. What? She got disciplined for it she like well i thought it was a party and and but it's just mortifying to ever have a stripper at work to ever have a stripper in a work environment just don't do that no put it in somebody's house put it in somebody's house where no one can report it all right we have to take a break but why All right, we have to take a break. But why?

Hot chocolate, spending time with family, gift giving. These are some of my favorite things about the holidays. And you know what's not? And please don't spread this around because it's personal for me to you. Spending too much money. That's where our sponsor Acorns comes in to help. Anyone can use Acorns. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. That could

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or family history of colorectal cancer. False positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy in high risk patients. The Kologuard test is available by prescription only. And guess what everybody? Get out your champagne and your party poppers because it is time to relax your rectum and we're going to do a three-cher, everybody's favorite. Now this feature was submitted to us by a TV show called Hot Bench.

Wow. Judge Judy Steinlin technically submitted it. Here's how it's gonna be. One person will be the plaintiff and the defendant. Great. And the other two people will be three judges. Now, one person is one judge, and the other person is two judges

that don't agree with each other. I love that. Okay, and we're gonna go clockwise with it, right? Yes, as we always do. So yeah. Paul doesn't like clockwise. I do, but I feel like I can't, I'm looking at the clock in the air,

and then when I look down here, I lose it. It's so ingrained in me now from playing- Put the clock on the floor. Every board game- Beautiful mind is happening to me. Every board game when you're young is clockwise, so it's like, I don't even think to suggest counterclockwise anymore.

It's just like, oh, clockwise. But you know what, why don't we just say, go to the left. Clockwise. I think saying clockwise is really confusing when you're a kid. I remember when I didn't know how to tell time. Do you?

Oh, yes. Andy, Daley and I share a thing that we did not learn how to, both of us did not learn how to tell time until we were in seventh grade. Oh, that's pretty late. I think I was in fourth, third, maybe no, second or third grade, I think. And this is back when there were clocks. There was nothing but clocks. Yeah, I mean clocks.

So you would just look up into your circle with lines. You lived in Big Ben. I did not know how to do the math of the clock. Yeah, it's not easy. And people tried to teach me and I just couldn't get it. I think I would get anxious about it and I couldn't get it. And then for seventh, and when I was in seventh grade for Christmas, my mom got me a watch and I looked at it

and I instantly could tell time. Whoa. It just all came together. It just was like It was a magical gift. Yeah. Somebody threw a boomerang at me, hit me in the face, and then it hit me in the face again. When it came back to your face? It went around the world. It's supposed to go back to the guy who's throwing it. Exactly. Instead it went around the world and hit me in the face again. How long did it take? 24 hours. Wow, and you just stood there? It moved as fast as the sun? I was looking around to see who did it. Yeah, for 24 hours. Wow, and you just stood there? It moved as fast as the sun? While I was looking around to see who did it. Yeah, for 24 hours.

I guess the sun doesn't move. Yeah, for 24 hours. Does the sun move? Does the sun rotate? Oh my God. I don't mean is the sun moving around us. I'm saying, yes, we're all moving around the sun, but does the sun actually rotate?

Yes, when you look up in the sky at night and it's white, that's the cool side of the sun. Why don't you stare at the sun? God damn. Stupid shit. All right, so who's gonna do what on this first one? All right, I'll be, you guys be the judges. I'll be the plaintiff and the defendant.

Okay, and which, which? Okay, and I'll be- And you judges, one of the judge, you have to give me, so Scott and Lauren, you each have to give me a something that the plaintiff is plaintiffing about and why the defendant is defensive. Got it. Okay, so the plaintiff is plaintiffing about and why the defendant is defensive. Got it. Okay, so the plaintiff.

So are you gonna be the two judges and I'll be the one judge? Sure. Okay. The plaintiff is, I want you to give that then. Okay. Please, I'll rise. Please, please I'll rise. Please.

I'm rising. I'm rising as well. I don't want to rise, but I will. You don't have to, dear. You're the judge. You don't have to. We get to just sit our fat asses right here on the bench. I just wanted to talk. The one judge didn't want to rise, but the other one did.

Yeah, that's what I got, too. I'm still mad at you, by the way. Joe. Okay. Hi, sir. You are the plaintiff. I am the plaintiff, that's correct. And it says- I'm still mad at you by the way Show Okay, hi sir. Yes, you are the plaintiff. I am the plaintiff. That's correct, and it says You know we don't address the bench until Right very good. So sir you're the plaintiff wait the other two didn't weigh in so that means I can do it I would refer if you had that in but I like that you did majority rules So you can see what I have to put up with.

I can't, but I can. So Mr. Rogers, are you the famous Mr. Rogers? No, I'm alive. Can you see him, judge? I'm Aaron Rogers. You are wearing a sweater, though, instead of a suit jacket. It's cold in here.

I think it's nice. You don't have to disagree on everything. Okay, just because you're the plaintiff and the defendant. I like the sweater. I don't have to disagree on everything. Okay, just because you're the plaintiff and the defendant. I like the sweater. I don't. And you don't have to disagree on everything either. Okay, not okay. Just... anyway. So it says here, Mr. Rogers, that you're suing the defendant.

Mr. McFeely. No relation. You are a mailman though. Yes, but still. You're suing him for not delivering your mail, and your mail specifically. That's correct. He would go to other houses. I would see him do it through my window.

I look at my window all day long and I would see him go deliver mail to the other houses and not to my house. Okay. Now I must be getting mail, bills, anything. Okay. And what is this, what kind of wreckage upon your life is this? Well my services keep getting shut off. Services, what services?

What do you mean? Gas, electric, water. This is very bad. This is really bad. I actually agree. Your honors, if I may. No, we haven't gotten to you Mr. McFeely. Haha, you fucking asshole.

We're still talking to Mr. Rogers here. Hey, objection! The judge can object? And overrule? Oh no. So Mr. Rogers, do you have any evidence that you are not receiving mail? Yes, I have not received mail.

Sounds open and shut to me. Can you show us how you haven't received it? You can't prove a negative. Yes. So, Exhibit A, I have brought my mailbox. As you can see, it is empty. Whoa! There's not a thing inside.

That's crazy. Not a drop to drink. Let me blow through that, see if there's a... Pfft, pfft. Oh, and the air came back and hit me on the other side. It certainly is empty. Wait, but one little piece of mail fell out. What?

I told you. It's a letter from me, but one little piece of mail fell out. What? I told you. It's a letter from me. A mouse! What the fuck? Let's open this up and read what it says, Mr. Rogers. Alright. I'm unaccustomed to public speaking, so just know that. That's okay.

Is it too tiny? Well, do you realize cameras have been on you this entire time? If it's too tiny, this judge has a magnifying glass you can use. Here you go. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you very much, Your Honor. Why do you has a magnifying glass you can use. Here you go. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you very much, your honor. Why do you have a magnifying glass as a hat? How come I don't get to read it? It's my mail.

Have you seen Emily in Paris? Emily in Delhi? Yes. I don't like the first season, but that might have just been because of Coven. Okay, we're not talking to you, Mr. McFeely. I feel left out. Read the letter, sir. All right, read the letter.

Here it is, here it is. All right. Read the letter. Here it is. Here it is. Dear Cheese, I love you. I love the idea of you. I want you to be in my tum tum tummy. You're all I dream about all day long. My favorite food? No.

My reason for living. Please, please, please, Cheese, Cheese, Cheese, come and be inside me so I can be the happiest little Micity Mouse in the whole wickety world. Love me. Alright, Mr. Mouse, come up to the bench. Please approach to the bench. Scuttle, scuttle, scuttle, scuttle. Did you write this to Mr. Rogers or to the concept of cheese?

I wrote it to the cheese. So, Your Honor, therefore it is not my mail. I have not received my mail. I'm suing you! Me? What? This is a present suit with a suit? This is inception suit. Doesn't cheese live inside your house? I mean I have cheese in my house. How much cheese do you have in your house Mr. Rogers? 40 pounds? 40 pounds of cheese? I object! Overruled! See this guy's nuts. Hey that doesn't mean I don't deserve mail. Over rules. See, this guy's nuts.

Hey, that doesn't mean I don't deserve mail. Why do you have so much cheese, Mr. Rogers? In case people come over. How, when are people coming over to your house? How often do you have people coming over to your house? Well, people are coming over all the time. These are the people in my neighborhood. Okay, so like name the people coming over.

I don't know, they're like the people that I meet when I'm walking down the street. Sure. They're the people that I see each day. Yes. Hmm. Well, like the mail carrier? The mail carrier is a person in my neighborhood.

Has he ever? In my neighborhood. Has he ever come by? In my neighborhood. Has he ever come by to one of your parties? Oh. Has he ever left you something, like a gift at one of these parties? Have you thought it was a gift? I am.

I'm ashamed to say I've never invited Mr. McFeely to one of my parties oh why is that sir can I talk now all right mr. McFeely approach the bench thank you your honors mouse listen well how do the mouse get next to us I thought the mouse was... I'm a judge! I'm wearing a little judge coat! He's got a little judge coat, he's got a wig on. Okay, he's cute, I'll let him. I have a little wig on! I'll allow it, I'll allow it. I'm hungry! So, Your Honors, I wasn't trying to not deliver his mail. What happened?

He would get mail, right? Right. And my job is to deliver it. Right, okay, we're with you so far. I haven't gotten to speak enough. Who are you? Who are you now? You're one of the judges.

You're one of the judges. Oh, okay. He put a hole on his mail six years ago and he never took it off. He put a hole on his mail? A hold. A hold? What are you, a Courtney Love superfan? You hear what you want to hear?

I guess so. He had his mail. How am I going to live through this? He had his mail held and he never took the hold off. Sir, Mr. Rogers, stand up. Did that happen? I am standing. I've been standing this whole time.

I'm not very tall. You're standing, really? Yes, this is as tall as I get. Wait, you're not still growing I Am technically still if I were to invite you back here in a year. You would not be taller Oh, no, I'll come back in a year. I'll definitely come back one year Mae, John, Joel, Og, Sep, Oct, Nov, Das, Jan. All right, next up on the docket is Mr. Rogers for a visit?

Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to check back in with you guys. I remember you. Whoa, he's seven fat tall. I guess I had a spurt and yeah. Oh, you are so tall. Yeah. You're like a giant now. You're like a regular Dikembe Matumbo! Uh-uh, no I'm not! Stop wagging your finger at me!

Hey, remember a year ago when you won that lawsuit and we awarded you with 800 pieces of mail? Yeah, I remember it was January 6th, and then later that day, I went to see some sights here in the Capitol. Oh, no. You're one of those? Edzid. All right, so I think I think the judges really came to a decision. I think that was it. I think that might be it. There certainly isn't time for more.

Well, we'll probably play that again. We'll definitely play that again. That was hot bench. That was hot bench. Sent to us by Judge Judy Scheinlein. 2022 is going to be amazing. Oh my God. Guys, we want to thank you for listening. As we mentioned before, go to that Instagram, wherever it is.

I don't even follow it, but you guys should. You don't follow the 3M Instagram? No, I have a very specific social media rule, which is I follow whatever accounts, when you sign up for one of the social media accounts, it says, can we find out who in your mailbox has one? Right, right, right. And then I follow those people and I never add anyone else.

Really? Because otherwise I'll just spend all day reading every single person I know's social media. So I'm not taking on any more new Twitter clients. Oh my god! Clients! Well, I'm not taking on any new Twitter clients. I'm very sorry. If you want to be one of my clients, I'm all full up. I'm obsessed with Twitter.

Have this social media by the time that I sign up for it. That's my only advice to you. But Freedom USA, go follow it. That's right. Freedom USA on Twitter where nothing happens and FreedomUSA gmail.com if you would like to send us a feature like Judge Judy did. Judge Judy, thank you so much. And then also if you want to hear this show ad free every week the day it comes out, you can do that either on Stitcher Premium or at cbbworld.com. And if you never have, do check out Leslie Uggum's, search Leslie Uggum's, June is busting out all over. You'll have a laugh. And then Patti LaBelle as well.

Yes! What song did she do? It was a Christmas song, This Christmas I think it was. This Christmas, yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Search out both of those, have a laugh. She still crushes it even while she's saying She's great at it also check out that video of that guy singing along with the thank you for being a friend the Golden Girls theme song Ryan Reynolds and Lauren Lapkus doing a two and a half minutes a private video We're talking to Jimmy right now. If you can hack into that. If you can believe it, it was at least six minutes. Jimmy, watch your video. Tell us how long it was. We know you're listening.

Jimmy, you come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding and you watch, you make a video private. He's Italian. He likes to watch the videos. What are you, House of Gucci? It's me, House of Gucci. I gotta go. Okay, bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues

facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Are you in bed by 10? Can you feel your hormones raging more than ever? Do you wake up every day wondering, is this it? Guess what? You're not alone. Welcome to My Soul Called Midlife, a weekly podcast hosted by me, Reshma Sajjani. On this show, we're going to expose the con we've been sold about middle age,

figure out what the fuck we want from our lives, and how to get there. We'll have help from guests like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Supreme Court Justice Katanji Brown Jackson, and Alana Glazer. You can