Threedom - Threevisiting: True Clomance

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss clones, gender reveal parties and unnecessary holidays before playing Hitting The Post. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey little darling, whoa, whoa. Wow, my name is not Scott Ackerman. My name is not Lauren Lapkus. My name is Paul F. Tompkins. Fuck.

And that's why this is the Paul F. Tompkins show. The Paul F. Tompkins show. The Paul F. Tompkins show. We're all named Paul F. Tompkins. That's why this is the Paul F. Tompkins show. What a beautiful world that would be. Wouldn't that be? Everyone was named Paul F. Tompkins, it was just the inflection told you what the

difference between each of us was. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I want. Yeah. Paul, would you want to clone yourself for any reason? Ugh, no. Not even to live forever? But I wouldn't be living forever.

You mean for like spare parts? Yeah, what situation would there be where you would clone yourself and be okay with it? Um, I can't think of any even if it was just like here's a you with Perfect organs all ready to go in case you have an organ that's already perfect. Thank you very much my brain That's right. My epidermis All they'd always get you that one your apodermis is showing Paul what if you have you ever wanted to be two place at the same time? In a multi-city kind of situation. I don't think that I have you don't

I don't want to be in one place at one time, but then that's not really, you're not being two places, your clone is being one place. No, but like what if you could be two places at the same time? And your consciousness, you could see both places at the same time, like in a split screen? Like a Dr. Manhattan? And you're operating on a higher level of being, and you are existing within two locations having an equally good time in both. I guess I would like to be a higher level of being if I am having a good time. Well, you're having a bad time in both.

Well, it's possible you get in a fight in one of them, but you're having a good time with the other. What if I like getting in a fight because I'm a messy bitch who loves drama? Oh my God. Do you have to tell me what it was? But have you had a fight recently like in your life? Like a fist fight?

No, like a fight, like not with like, not like an argument with Janie, but like just someone. Well, cause that's different. That's not really what I mean. Like, I mean, like Janie's the only person Paul's seen in a year, but like with a friend or someone in a parking lot or something. No, it's been, I think it's been quite a while since I've had any kind of like, you know, verbal argument with somebody.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's a silver lining to the pandemic. Fewer arguments. I think the pandemic, there was a period of adjustment at the beginning where it was like, Oh no, we need to figure our lives out while we're doing this. And the way we were living our lives is not the way we have to live our lives now. So it led to a couple of arguments where it was like, just like about day to day stuff, like, you know,

like people being like, you're not following the rules or that kind of thing. Or just like, what are the rules anymore? Like, we need to figure that out. Like, oh, if we're the only people we're going to see, what are the rules? Like, what are we doing here? So it led to it led to a couple of arguments. Oh, you meant you mean in your household, you know, like the world and the society. Yeah, we had we definitely had some tense moments where it was like, but but I will give us credit that

we recognized it instantly for what it was. Yeah where it was like, but, but I will give us credit that we recognized it instantly for what it was. Yeah. Which is like, we're not supposed to be seeing each other this much. She was, I just said that last night to Mike. I was like, normally we are apart like three months, probably total a year. Like we're, we're traveling and doing other things. Yeah. Just from all the time I spent shitting. Three months of shitting. You know, the amount of time you take shitting in a year adds up to three months. Three months of your entire life. And then six months per year of sleeping. You only really get three months.

It's not six months of sleeping. No. No, it's four months of sleeping, probably. But what did they say? You spend a third of your life sleeping? We have to do these fucking ads. Yeah, well it's a third of your day. We have to do these fucking ads.

Well, it's a third of your day, so. Yeah, so it's- Your day is made up of, your life is made up of days. Four months of sleeping, three months of shitting that gives you five months of like awake, non-shitting- Yeah. Go time. Then that's pissing.

That's true. Then what do you have left? You spent eight months of your pissing. Some of that overlaps with the shitting. And the sleeping. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Oh boy, right off the jump. Right off the jump. Right off the jump drive.

Lauren would you clone yourself? No, I mean, I don't know. It seems like clones are always dumb or annoying. And I'm already both. In what though? In Fiction? Like in Fiction, it feels like they're always like, the clone's always doing something either evil or annoying and you're like, oh no, he's gonna make over there

and do this thing and it's gonna look like I'm saying that. Say the clone doesn't have your memories or anything like that. It's like a true clone, like, you know, how they're cloning sheep and stuff like that. True clomance, of course. Hey, there's the title. But you know, it's like where suddenly,

like there's a clone of you, but it's a baby, right? Wow. And it's gonna grow up and have its own memories and life and all that. And baby. And its own babies, its own clone babies. But it is a clone of you. It's not like a purely, like it's not a child

that you have born, if you know what I mean. That's weird. Like baby. I don't think I would want that because then it's like you would, you would have such a hard time not laying your own shit onto that baby. Cause it's like, like, hey, don't do this because. If it looks exactly like me and I'd be like, oh no, now you're going to be making all the same mistakes and it'll be hard to watch. I'd be like, Hey, here's what happened to me in my life,

like physically, here are your challenges. Try to stay away from this. Oh, because you're like, because of- A lot of people want to beat you up. You have the same genetics as me. Here's what you're going to go through. Don't take off your underwear in front of anyone. Oh.

I would say like, if I were talking to myself- In front of anyone. Oh, I would say like if I were talking to myself, anyone at all, like myself in, in middle school or something, I'd be like, start working out and like, yeah, I'm like do things that are athletic and just, I would tell myself to get over a lot of the things that I'm kind of like, I, that took me too long to come around to. Well, that I don't think that I had any idea of how like the body worked in a kind of like, that took me too long to come around to. Well, I don't think that I had any idea of how like the body worked in a way of like, okay, so when I was growing up, I was razor thin. Like I had a super high metabolism.

Skinny as a needle. And then like at 25 or 26, it all slowed down and it was like, and I didn't know that this happened to people. And I was like, wait, I thought it was gonna to be super 600 pound man. And you got that documentary about you. And then every picture of me has been photoshopped. You and your twin were on those motorcycles. Every picture of me, my twin is just out of frame. But I'm on a motorcycle in every picture. If you've noticed. I would, I wish that I never smoked. I would definitely tell myself to stick to my guns

because I was not, in high school, I was like smoking is stupid. Then when I got out in the world and I was trying to be older than I was, I started smoking and I would tell myself, no, you're right, stick to your guns. Don't do it. But what if Young Yu was like,

this old guy's stupid, I'm not going to listen to him. Would you physically like slap cigarettes out of his hand? Like would you follow him around and? Wait, am I the old me or the young me now? You're old you. Would I slap? No, I'm not going to slap. What?

Okay. So I'm assuming the situation is the young version of me knows who I am. I'm not just some old man. Yeah. It would be hard to not put it together, I think. Yeah. Well, you know what, for me, did you look like you looked as a kid?

Like, I don't feel like I, I mean, I think in elementary school, I started to look like me, but like up till before that, I don't think people would say that was me if they saw a picture of me. I don't, if I, if- You look like you.

If 21 year old me saw me now, I don't think he would be like, is that me in the future? Yeah, it's kind of my point, I guess. Like, I'd still just think that was some lady. But I mean, do you ever look at somebody who people tell you you look like and say, if they hadn't told you that, would you say, hey, that looks like me? Man, I gotta who people tell you you look like and say if they hadn't told you that would you say?

Hey, that looks like me man. I gotta say hey, you look like this ugly person Twitter is the worst Happens in real life. That's the best Yeah But no, no the kid knows who you are You're you're let's even say you're the kid's dad like you've taken him on as a parent and you're sneezing at him and you're Show him what he's in store for. Yeah, but so but did you listen to everything your dad said? No So this kid wouldn't listen anything this kid wouldn't listen to you either Would you just tell him once of like oh,, Hey, by the way, smoking stupid.

But Scott, it's entirely different to have your dad say something, give you advice or whatever. Then your clone dad, then your future you, your future self to say, look, I've been there. Here's what you shouldn't do. That's so different because they're going like, but you're not all the things that happen to your body.

When you start doing this and all the things that happen to your brain and I'm all the time to try to quit and all the times and blah, blah, blah. And then you might go, I think if my future self told me not to do something, I might listen. Yeah. Right.

But you're saying it's not time travel. You're saying it's just a clone that is being raised from a baby. It's a clone that has the same DNA as you. So like technically nothing happened to you that you know of from smoking other than just, you know, you have no effects, right? So you can't even say- No, but I did. I did when I did smoke, you know, and it's also, it's a colossal waste of money and it sucks. Sure, sure. But I mean, it's all the stuff that we know about as kids, right?

Yeah. So we all know that kind of stuff and yet people still smoke. So I think it would be interesting if like someone got cancer from something and said, hey, you are one of the one in your or three in 10 people who is going to get lung cancer from this. So you need to stay away from it. Then I would go, oh, okay, great. Good tip. Well, that's you.

I'm saying it does I think it also depends what age you're talking we are arguing clone I want you to fight Lauren you and gonna be the fight or yes that's why you asked us about the fight is anyone had a fight recently do you want to have one now I think would also depend on the age at which you're telling the clone all these things that if they're 15, they're probably not going to fucking listen to you, even if it's you from the future. When does your clone listen to you?

I think maybe in the early 20s, maybe, you could get through to them and say, look, I have to tell you this now. This is the full truth. Here's what happened to my body and so you're going to have to take care of this. Exactly. Well, I think it should be earlier because it's like, hey, you know what? Here's how to wash your face correctly or here's how you don't get bags under your eyes. That's different though.

You don't get bags. You know what I mean? Yes, I think there's a lot of instructional things. don't get like bags under your eyes. That's different though. That's, you don't get bags. You know what I mean? Yes, I think there's a lot of instructional things. Everyone thinks when they're young, oh, that's never gonna happen to me. And then it does, right?

So it's like, hey, at around, you know, 45, you're gonna start getting bags under your eyes. So here's a way to take care of it before then. Which is teenage blood. Yes. And that's why you're here. Teenage blood inserted into your eyes. Yeah, And that's why you're here. Give me that blood. Teenage blood inserted into your eyes.

Yeah, you put it right in your eyes. It's an eye wash station, but it's all blood. It's all teenage blood. That's so cool. Lauren, what would you tell your clone? I mean, I do think exercise would be a big one. I think I just delayed that for a long time. And then I liked exercising once I actually started doing it

when I was like 30 and I liked the results and I thought it was, it felt good for me. And then I was like, why did I never do this? Like, I was naturally skinny. Yeah. And I mean, look, I still am, but I like having muscles and I, Lauren, if, if you could be one of those bodybuilder types who's in the string bikinis with a huge muscle, would you?

Yeah. And you know what I, you know what? I would almost have my pandemic, my current self tell my beginning of pandemic self some stuff. Cause I feel like that would be, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah would be, just like, Hey, don't abandon everything you know. And like, like, we already knew that. And it's like my feeling about I'm finally at a place where I'm, I'm Lodi. What does that mean? What does it mean? Heavily discussed.

What? Ignored heavily discussed ignored. I'll accept it. I'll accept it ignored I was I finally got to a place where I was like look you're just fucking doing the best you can you can't like of course there's a million things that I wish that I Had the I wish I had the emotional strength to do during this last year, but I just didn't. I just didn't, you know? And so I don't know that like I already knew all the things I should have done, you know, or that would have been beneficial for me. Yeah. And I mean, I just couldn't make myself do them. It's true. Because I

was like, I, if I could just keep do this and it'd be good. And I was like, can't, can't do it. Even like one thing I wanted to do at the beginning, I was like, I'm gonna learn how to do the splits. Cause a lot of people were posting like this, this like 30 day stretch thing to learn how to do the splits. And I was like, I'll do that. I did like two days and I just stopped. Well, you have 30 days right now, probably before you.

Of course I do. I'm not gonna do it. I wanna see you do the splits. Don't we wanna see it audience? Yay.'m not gonna do it. I wanna see you do the splits. Don't we wanna see it, audience? Yay! Get her to do it. But even just things like that where it's like, oh, if I just did this five minute thing every day,

I would have something to show for it. What is a five minute thing that you could do every day and still have something, you know what I mean? When I hear something like that of like, oh, if you do this just five minutes a day, this will happen. There's nothing, right? Even exercising, if you do something five minutes a day,

is nothing's gonna happen. Or even like something like, if you replace one bad snack with a good snack once a day. For five minutes. Like, but I mean like, just a simple way of doing it, where it's not like a full overhaul or expecting yourself to do a hundred different things, but like- But my point is, is you, you, like just a simple way of doing it, where it's not like a full overhaul or expecting yourself to do a hundred different things. But that's, but my point is, is you, you, like,

I don't think there's anything you can do for just five minutes a day. I think it's gotta be at least a half hour. Like you're practicing guitar or exercising or anything like that. Like it's gotta, you gotta take a half hour a day and then you can get better at something. But usually it's like hours and hours.

You got like the people who are amazing at guitar spent their entire teenage years sitting in their bedrooms, just practicing scales over and over and over and over and over, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's really just a matter. I think staying five minutes a day is just a way to get yourself to do it. And then once you actually start liking the thing

or getting better, you would naturally dedicate more time to it. Like when I started my piano app for two weeks that I did during the pandemic, which I'm really proud of for the time that it lasted, I was doing 10 minutes, but then it would grow and grow to like 30 or 40 minutes. I'm like, oh, so much time has passed

and I just was playing the song. And then I think like, oh, that was like, it felt like I actually did something and it was good for my brain. And then I just stopped, you, that was like, it felt like I actually did something and it was good for my brain. And then I just stopped, you know, because depression in our life. The idea is not you only do it for five minutes. It's like do at least five minutes.

No, there are things out there like exercising where it's like, if you just do this five minutes a day, you'll lose 30 pounds. And it's like, well, that's just. What is it? What is it? There's no way. Cut off one pound of your body

Um, I don't know I mean Scott, what do you want to tell your your clone? Yeah, I weird know about the eye bags I would Serious for you. I would say I would Serious for you. I would say If you don't have those eye bags you're gonna regret it buy some concealer it's preventative measures Now this is in a case where their personality is whatever it is This isn't like a person who's gonna undergo my own experiences and all that so it's just like purely a like hey You press your you probably like okay hey, you're, you're, you probably like, okay, so you're 15 right now, go hang out in the, in the, uh, the gym at your high school. And,

uh, uh, I mean, we all know more. Oh, also like, you don't have to drink like soda every day and milk every day. Like there's better ways to eat. Although we all know that stuff now way better than we did back when. Yeah, the clone would probably know that. Yeah, the clone would know all that. So it's just like, you know what? The clone would probably know that. You're... You're...

Don't be too hard on yourself. Your family has a history of depression. Don't... Oh, emotional stuff for sure. For sure. You know? But, because when you when I was a kid the only Kind of thing that anyone ever said towards that was one day you won't care about this It's like that doesn't do me any good now, but if I could if I could figure out a way to

to talk about Feelings like to teach myself skills to deal with my feelings You know, I'd like I would go to therapy sooner I would have to teach myself skills to deal with my feelings. You know, I'd like, I would go to therapy sooner. I would have, you know, so I would have developed like a taste for vegetables sooner than I did. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff like that. They're so gross, Paul.

They're nasty, those little porous response. I want candy. You know, but I spent years and years eating fast food every day and I, I don't know that I even spent years and years eating fast food every day. I don't know that I even regret it. I think it was fine. I do. You know that-

Well, if you were me, you would. That is one thing where it was like literally until I was 27, 28, I think I ate fast food every meal. And it was a burger. Oh, well, That's pretty extreme. It was literally like a burger and coke and fries for every single meal. And then I remember like- Not even the breakfast sandwich for breakfast?

Well, no, no. But you know what I mean? I would like cycle through Taco Bell and burger places like for every single meal. But see, it's so much more fun when they're a treat. Yeah. Well, now I don't even- every single meal. But see, it's so much more fun when they're a treat. Yeah. Well, now I don't even- My little nephew is turning five and he wants to have McDonald's at his birthday for everyone.

And then I thought I need to get McDonald's on his birthday so that I can have it too and feel like I'm there. Yeah, and he also wanted to buy a present for everyone who was coming and all his ideas- I mean, it's like my parents and the know, the immediate family, but all of his ideas were like iPad, like you want everyone to get like. Oh, I got a million of them. I'll send them. Oh my God.

You should, you know who would appreciate that? Children. Yeah. I, that was wild to me when I, when I started hearing about modern birthday parties, and I guess this started, when did this start, maybe in the 90s when people started having kids, that you would buy presents for all of the kids at the birthday party. That was like not, I don't remember that being a thing when I was a kid. But not like gift, like party favor bags?

I don't think so. I remember like sort of party favor stuff, but literally buying a gift like a birthday present for people who would come to a birthday party, that seems like a rich person insane thing. I think there might have been party favors. It might have been like, you know, those blow horn things and saxophones. We've had goodie bags where you're like, every kid gets a saxophone. Every kid gets a saxophone.

But wait, so like, do you know people But wait, so do you know rich people with kids who are having like full on, everyone here gets like a great gift? Yes, I've heard about. Tell me something that you've heard. It's just like- You have to say who. It seems so extravagant that the, first of all, it's a million people, right? And all the parents are there.

Yeah, that's, that's, that's a weird one to me. I feel and when I was a babysitter, famously, I always had to go to these events and things and or even just play dates after school with the other nanny. And it's like, normally you just get dropped off at someone's house and you play and those parents are kind of the point is that you don't have to watch and talk to another adult. For kids though is, is a lot of times an excuse for the parents to see other parents and hang out

with them. And it's wine o'clock baby. Let me tell you. That feels new slash rich people. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like maybe it's not rich people, but I see a lot of it on reality TV, which is why I have that idea. But I feel like when I was growing up,

the idea is that you get a respite. A respite? From the kids. That you get to be away from them. Yeah. And they go to a party for three hours, then you pick them up. But I think that's what I mean by some birthday parties. It's like, okay, the kids are all being entertained over here by the whatever. And meanwhile, all of the adults are just kind of hanging out, talking amongst themselves. And it's more like a split party,

if that makes sense. It sounds kind of fun as an adult. By the way, split party, I think that's something if you learned how to do it, we could have a split party over at your house. I'd love if everyone... So do I just get up and perform? Am I just getting up and doing the splits for you or is everyone going to do them? Then we watch the movie split and we keep it out of splits. What it should be is that we each have 60 days and when I extend the challenge to learn

how to do the splits. I will never be able to do it. That's why it's funny. And then we have a split party. That's why it's funny. And each person gets up and does the best they can. This was always an issue. That actually is really funny. It would be really funny. Everyone would take out a tape measure to see how close their balls were to the ground.

You have to, you will work on it. You stretch every day. So it's not going to be, you're not going to go to the hospital. It's not just slamming your balls into the ground. And you have to, you will work on it. You stretch every day. So it's not going to be, you're not going to go to the hospital. It's not just slamming your balls into the floor. Scott, are we nude? Yes. Well, no, you're inseam. You know what I mean.

You're nude from the waist down because we have to see how close actually your crotch is getting to the floor. Everyone keeps their shirts on. Yeah. Because some people might wear really baggy pants that are like sagging down to the ground. That's what I would do. And then it looks like their splits look better. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd wear my juiced-up riot pants. This was always an issue with me though in being in musical theaters is like I'm not very dexterous in that way. Like I have long legs, but they are not. They don't bend. They don't bend that way. And so anytime you would have to like.

Scott doesn't have all those. Anytime you would have to spread your legs and like stretch or do dances where it's like you're doing the splits or whatever, I'd be like, I just can't bend that way. And. It's fair, but for the splits party, you're gonna have to work on it every day

for five minutes for 60 days. Okay, so in 60 days from today, we're having the splits party over at your place? Yeah, and I'm going to get a platform built for it. So it's going to be, I'll figure out who the tallest person coming is, and then I will build a platform from foot to foot. Yeah. Foot to foot?

If they did a perfect split going straight down. So not the tallest person, but the person with the longest legs. And I think it should be an unfinished piece of wood so that it's difficult to, you can't slide on it. Cause you can't put, you can't say splinter without split. Exactly. So if, like if tall John's going to come though, his legs are probably longer than yours. Maybe. I'd love to go leg to leg with him.

You know, isn't it funny when you have friends who have like where your proportions are totally different like you're very different heights but then when you sit down you're the same height or whatever because they have a long torso. Yeah. It's always funny. It's so fun. Here's a trend. It's so fun.

It's hours of fun. Wait, is this Paul's trends? It's hours of fun. Paul's trends. You heard. Alright, so I'm going to go ahead and start. It's so fun, it's hours of fun. Wait, is this Paul's trends? It's hours of fun. Paul's trends, ya heard? Alright, someone put that to music.

Um, when baby showers started to become parties. Where it was not just like an afternoon thing where here's all the expensive baby shit that you need. When it became like, hey, come on over, we're going to have wine and we're going to dance and all this shit. And it's like, no, I don't I don't want another thing to have to like another mandatory thing that I have to do. I also think baby showers, they should just do away with it. Just give the pig, give the stuff.

Also, just just if you really need stuff, drop it off at the house. If you really need stuff, just- Drop it off at the house. If you really need stuff, go do like, you know, a one-day-a-week thing on a sitcom or whatever and just buy them yourself, you know? Like, or just do a guest spot on something. No, you should still be able to get gifts. Now he's doing it on purpose. Even if you have a guest spot.

Just sell some of your artwork. Do you remember in This Is 40 when it was like, Oh! Just sell some of your artwork. Do you remember this is 40? It was like, these people are like, these insanely wealthy people with vanity businesses and the dad needed money. It's like, what are we gonna do? And it's like, what are your lives? I don't remember that part of this.

Well, they had, yeah, Howard Brooks was Paul Rudd's dad and he was like kind of a deadbeat. And he was trying, he had our Brooks was Paul Rudd's dad and he was like kind of a deadbeat and he was trying. He had like an original John Lennon fucking doodle or something. And our Brooks like, why don't you just sell that and give me the money. Give me the money. He had and Paul Rudd had his own record label. McCoy.

Bone. Vinyl record. Beat me up. Ignore it. And she had what? She had a boutique. Leslie Mann had like some boutique that she had. Ohore it. Scott really lost attention. And she had what? She had a boutique. Leslie Mann had like some boutique that she had. Oh, right.

I remember that part. Paul's ignoring me so he can talk about the entire plot of This is 40. I haven't said anything about the story. This is just the circumstance. Just all the circumstances. Most movies I feel like that are like that. People just have a mansion and there's like no explanation. Yeah, everyone's just rich.

Yeah, it's more fun. I get that it's fun to watch people be rich on screen. Like it's it's it's entertaining. I love watching people being rich on screen. Well, to look at some shoes scenery is, you know, is enjoyable. But then if those people have problems that I'm supposed to care about, it makes it very difficult. Yeah.

I just remember that beginning of the movie where he's like something about his asshole. Huh? Paul. Do you, do you guys bending over and like his asshole? Is this real? I don't know. He's like asshole over and over again.

Remember his asshole. His asshole. Do you guys remember his asshole? I genuinely think that was like a plot point in the first five minutes and then I don't remember anything else. I don't know. Wasn't the movie about a guy with his asshole problems? That it's called This Is For You? Do you guys know anyone who for real... You're looking up asshole problems?

Yes, it's a hemorrhoid! Yeah, all of a sudden there's a light that turned on on Lauren's face. Yeah, I'm like click, click, click. I wrote Paul Redd, butthole, this is 40. And then there's a video, this is 40 hemorrhoid. And he's got his legs splayed in the air. Like a split party. Yeah, it's getting ready for the party.

The first split party. Do you guys know anyone who seriously has had a gender reveal party? No. No, I don't. That seems to me like a person just looking for excuses to have parties. Yeah. I think so.

And I think, you know, it kind of connects, I think, to weddings a little bit where like people who are just living their lives. It's a nice day to get a lot of attention. And I understand it for that reason. Like it's a fun celebration to get together and have that moment and celebration bitches, but you definitely don't need pyrotechnics. Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's, I think it's, I don't,

I get why we're we're moving on from them in general, but I also think like, well, if you want to cut a cake that has a color inside, it doesn't really drive me crazy. As long as there's no fireworks in the cake. Yeah. I don't want to eat fireworks and frosting. I think that we've talked about this before about wedding stuff.

Like it's like party things are real. It's a real racket. Like they're inventing things so that they can sell shit. It's okay. We also need to talk about how the woman who invented gender reveal parties regrets it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Here's something I was thinking of yesterday.

Cause you got the wrong gender. Okay, so I think the yearly cycle that we're on. Is this Scott's yesterday thoughts? This is my yesterday thoughts. Yesterday, I had a thought yesterday. I think the yearly cycle that we're on... Is this Scott's yesterday thoughts? This is my yesterday thoughts. Yesterday, I had a thought yesterday. I think the yearly cycle that we're on for events is too short. Okay?

I think... You think we need more days? Birthdays, they've got to be like, you know, like, can we have them 18 months apart? You know what I mean? Like Valentine's day. Do we really don't have a birthday every year, but don't you, Scott, this is just, no, I don't, I don't agree with your yesterday thought because I think that it should be once a year because it's nice to feel the passage of time in that sense

to mark the passage. So one exception I was going to make was Christmas because it's nice to feel the passage of time in that sense, to mark the passage of time. The one exception I was going to make was Christmas because it's seasonal and you, like if you had that every 18 months, suddenly you'd be in the summer. I know our Australian friends, they all do it that way, but you know what I mean. We don't hear about that enough, by the way, don't you think? Do they ever complain about that? They never complain. They just sit there and take it. What's to complain about? They have sand on a surfboard everywhere you look. But I mean, do they find it annoying that it's connected with snow so much? I know. Well, yeah, that's the thing. But here's my point is like, okay,

so Valentine's Day, suddenly I got to think of something special to do. It just fucking happened 12 months ago. Give me a six, give me another six. Valentine's day is stupid. It's stupid, but birthdays too. Like suddenly I have to think of something to buy you. Birthdays are smart. Now Lauren, we live in Los Angeles and there's no snow.

I know, but I did grow up in a place where there was snow. Me too. It's a little chillier, Paul. You have to give us that. You have to give us that. You have to give us that. It's a little chillier. I like, I did, it did really grow on me, how people decorate for Christmas out here.

And it's like, it's very cute. The sort of warm air, but the Christmas lights. Are you a robot? Yeah. And I also, my biggest pet peeve in the whole world is that people don't take down their Christmas lights after Christmas is over and then they're hanging year round. And my belief is that if you're gonna leave

your fucking Christmas lights up year round, you better turn them on every night. Yeah. You might as well, right? Yeah. I want some joy if I'm gonna see these dangling lights every day. I would not mind if somebody in the neighborhood

had a permanent Christmas house where it's Christmas. That would be fine. Just lights are including Santa and snowman paraphernalia. All of it. Like you put up the Christmas decorations, they never come down. I don't know. I mean, you ever pass by Santa Claus Lane over there? Every day.

The 101 freeway? Really? You're going to Santa Barbara every day? Every single day. Oh my God. I love holidays. I love that they happen every 12 months. I like the tradition and I like putting up a decoration for every single holiday and taking it down the second

the holidays over. That is fun to me. But, but I think there's some holidays to do away with. Yeah. Like what? What are you getting rid of? Valentine's day, get rid of. Valentine's day, please get rid of it. It's so close after Christmas. Wow. It's a month and a half after Christmas.

45, 50 days after Christmas. Get rid of it. That's when we need it the most. Don't you understand? We're so low from not having Christmas and New Year's anymore and we need something to keep us going. No. Okay, well this is a true battle of the sexes here.

But it sucks. Obviously, Lauren, you like it. I want jewelry. Because there's a man going like, I love you. I don't get anything for Valentine's Day. I don't care. I do ask, I do request that we write cards. Even that is too much for me. No, it's not.

Well, what are the big holidays? Okay. So in order you have New Year's Eve. That's one that, look, it's right there in the title. Go ahead and have it every year. Okay, so you're giving us that. There's no presents to buy. It's just merely a celebration of the passage of time. We love it.

I actually like New Year's Eve and I like not going anywhere. Yeah. This is Scott's holiday roundup, by the way. This is holiday roundup. Okay. So then we have, then we go a whole 45 days or 44 days before, 45, yeah, before we get to Valentine's Day. And that's our next big holiday.

I'm not counting Groundhog's Day and stuff like that. No, that's not a holiday. I'm gonna say get rid of, I say get rid of Valentine's Day. Get rid of Valentine's Day. Lauren? Yes. I keep it, sorry. Okay, all right. But you're outvoted, so we're getting rid of Valentine's. Get rid of Valentine's Day. Lauren? I keep it, sorry. Okay, all right.

But you're outvoted, so we're getting rid of it. It's exciting at school, it's exciting, whatever, fine. It's gone. I think it's too nerve wracking for people. It is, but isn't that fun? It's like, those are memories. What? Those are memories.

Memories. Is... What if they don't like me? Oh, they didn't. Memories. I definitely have a few. What if they don't like me? Oh, they didn't. I definitely have a few. Are we are we counting stuff like President's Day and all that? Are we? No, no, no. Holidays that people celebrate.

We need the ones where you get off of work. OK, so then we go to Mother's Day. No, you skip St. Patrick's Day. But I don't. People do in Chicago. It's huge. Yeah. St. Patrick's Day can go to who can go. That can. I agree, because I don't think people do in Chicago. It's huge. Yeah. St. Patrick's Day can go to who can go. That can go.

I agree. I don't care what drinking. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I love drinking and I still say get rid of it. You could drink any day you want. But I do. I have a problem before Mother's Day. I forgot Easter.

Easter. I think Mother's Day and Father's Day Mother Day combined. Not combine them, but they should be a week apart. I think having them concurrent Sundays. You have to go visit your parents two weeks in a row? No, thank you. You don't have to do that. I think Easter, I think we jumped ahead too much.

I think Easter is good because Easter is like you have an excuse to see your family in the springtime and put on a nice outfit. By the way, by the way, here's my, here's my other opinion on this for kids. It can be once a year, stuff like Christmas and Easter and stuff like that. Cause a lot of these holidays are for kids. You know what I mean? And we also kind of lumping in things that aren't really, that's why I think Easter should go back to being solely a religious holiday.

And it should not have. So if you're not religious, you can't celebrate it? If you're not religious, you can't celebrate it. But it shouldn't be also. And you have to take a religious purity test? Yes, exactly. It shouldn't be so corporate, like about, like how, you know, how, so commercial,

like how we're so like. Yes, exactly. Bunnies and eggs and everyone gets a present, okay. All representation should be Christ on the cross or rising from the dead. Great. So, okay, Mother's Day and Father's Day, make them on the same day and they are exactly six months away from Christmas. So that you only have to visit your parents twice a year. I have an amendment.

Okay. Make Mother's Day and Father's Day on a Saturday and Sunday. So they each get one full day. You go home for, if you, if you visit your family, you go home for a weekend. No, I have a, I have a pitch. Mother's Day and Father's Day should be decided on by the individual families because not everyone has a mother or father and we don't need to make it a national thing where everyone feels bad about themselves.

And instead if you want to celebrate that you go every year in our family, we do Mother's Day on July 3rd or whatever. And then you just have that. Okay. To add to this, make it on their birthday. Because America's our father. So the next day is America's birthday. Exactly. Make it on their birthdays, their mother's and father's birthdays, because they get two days. Or once you become a parent, your birthday is now Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Yes, exactly. And then you have to celebrate your birthday six months away from Christmas so that it's like June 25th. June 24th and 25th, the moms and the dads get those, and they have to change their birthdays to that. So then it's just you are making making those days actual holidays and then your birthday is what changes. Yes, exactly. You change your birthday to that. So then a gigantic portion of the population will now all have birthdays in June.

Yes. And what a wonderful month to have a birthday. You can spend it outside in the park. All right. Saturday. But in Australia it's the dead of winter. That's true. We have Independence Day, July 4th.

I'm going to say, I'm skipping ahead to Memorial Day. I think Memorial Day is more- That's in May. That's in May. That's in May. So what- No, we don't care about Memorial Day. Memorial Day also, by the way, too close to Mother's Day for comfort. I'm going to say Memorial Day is more, is a more important thing to observe.

And because it's so similar to 4th of July in terms of you like switch the fireworks over to Memorial Day. I'm saying kind of fold them into each other or get rid of, or, or we move Memorial Day to the 4th of July and we celebrate Memorial Day on the 4th of July. This is better. And so it's not- Veterans Day, Memorial Day, President's Day,

4th of July, all one day. Yes, because like the 4th of July celebrations that you go to that are like official ones, like I used to go to ones on the National Guard base that my dad was stationed at, they fold Memorial Day stuff into it, where it's not just like, hey, we're all proud

of our country. They're all let us now remember our, you know. So just make that one thing. Any of those sort of America, America holidays should all be one day. Right. But see, here's, here's where it gets really hairy because now we've got a huge dead zone between July through October. Good.

We need breaks. So far, but let's see what happens as we keep going. We have Labor Day. Because guess what? Labor Day is not a holiday. Labor Day is a day off work, fuck that. Nobody should be, I think it's a day off work and nobody should be celebrating it.

You shouldn't have to do something on Labor Day. You should just enjoy not having to go to work. It shouldn't be an activity day. I'm going to say this, Thanksgiving too close to Christmas, move it up. No, but it sees, yeah, move it up a little bit. What about Halloween? Halloween is perfect where it is. October 31st. I can't think of a scarier date. I would say put Thanksgiving in September. Okay. What about when, when Halloween is too close to, uh, uh, daylight savings day though.

And so you have those weird Halloweens where it's light outside. But that was always fun when you'd have Halloween, when you go to a party on Halloween night and the next, it would be daylight savings at 2 a.m. and so you gain an hour. Yeah. And also kids have extra time to go trick or treating when there's more daylight. So you think Thanksgiving in September, what changes? Like the food is seasonal on Thanksgiving.

It's still fall. The food can still be the same. The food's the same? And would the food grow everywhere in the world, you know, the same? Like all those vegetables and pumpkins and stuff? It's like we have fucking genetic engineering. We can have that all year round.

Wait, man was not meant to play God. But he does it. That's true. He wasn't meant to do it. So September, you're saying like after Labor Day, we have Thanksgiving. Then a month later. No, yeah.

Labor Day is just a day off. It's just a day off. Then we have Thanksgiving. Then a month later. No, yeah. Labor Day is just a day off. It's just a day off. Then we have Thanksgiving, then a month later we have Halloween, and then we get a nice 55-day break until Christmas. I don't know. It's not bad. I like it.

Yeah. Okay. I think to have that break in November would be really nice to not have to worry about anything. You also, then you all, it's also not like jamming up two family holidays so close to each other. I think we just get rid of Thanksgiving altogether because many reasons related to history, but also the food's not even that good.

I like the food. I like the getting together with family. I think we need to rehabilitate Thanksgiving and make it about, first of all, Columbus Day needs to go away. Columbus Day needs to go away. Thanksgiving needs to be a celebration of indigenous people where we all, we gather with family and we are thankful for the fact that we exist here

and we have to also acknowledge that we reside on stolen land, et cetera, et cetera. But it should be a celebration of the first people in America rather than just like the sole focus is America. How do we celebrate the Indigenous people? You want it to be as big as Fourth of July fireworks, like something like fireworks? Or how do you, you know what I'm saying? Like it can't just be a moment of silence. Cause that feels like you're just having your own holiday and like giving a cursory nod to it.

Well, I mean, Memorial Day, what are people doing? Like you can turn on the TV and see, you know, moments of silence in various places. People are firing cannons and shit. But in real life, people are like grilling outside and shit. You know, so I think that I think that there is many Native American traditions that we could research that we could. Oh yeah, like what? Bring to the truth.

I don't know. Oh, you said that we could research. Okay, I apologize. Like what? Let's hear your research, Einstein. Okay, Einstein. Okay, look. I think that would be, I think there should be a yearly observance and tribute to Native Americans.

We could call it even, we could even call it like, instead of Thanksgiving, we could call it like history day, where we, you know, like, where we honestly reflect. Yeah, you know, like where we honestly reflect. Yeah. You know, history, like past, present and future day where we think about the past. We think about the present with our family and then we give a nod to the future when we're all going to be gone. And our descendants will rule the earth.

It sounds too Christmasy. OK, that's there's already I know there's already a movement to rename Columbus Day Indigenous Peoples Day. Yes. But I'm saying get rid of Columbus Day. I think all together. Well Google Calendar did that. Oh really? Or at least they added it. I don't know if it also was renamed Google Calendar got rid of it or they actually it's yes Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day Wow Give it a Columbus Day. Look at Irish people Italian people. I'm both of you I don't want to Patrick's Day and I don't want Columbus Day get rid of Columbus day. Look at Irish people, Italian people. I'm both of you.

I don't want to take Patrick's day and I don't want Columbus day. Get rid of both of them. Sorry. I think on that note. And then rehabilitate Thanksgiving. Is Scott frozen? Scott froze. Well, we have to take a break anyway. So we can. He froze incredulously. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Anyway, if you are anything like me, even the tiniest, tiniest iota, you care about where your food comes from. Especially when it comes to quality cuts of meat.

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checkout survey and let me spell it for you it's L-E-C-T-R-I-C ebikes.com. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. Hope you enjoyed the holiday talk. Was it holiday talk or that was Scott's yesterday thoughts? I don't remember. Wait, I want a recap.

I don't remember. No, yesterday's thoughts was a separate thing. That was a separate thing? Yesterday, I remember. I don't remember. Yesterday thoughts is a separate separate separate thing. Yesterday. I had a thought yesterday and it wouldn't go away. Lauren, I don't think you need to hold up that cord. Really? I don't think it's doing anything. I think we're hearing you through your computer mic, I think. Yeah, really? Yeah, that's part of the wait. You could have told me that a million years ago. I tried to but then you talked about your system.

Well, hold on. Is this part of the show? Is this better? No, tap it, because I don't think it's working. No, it's not coming through. No, no, no, we're not hearing shit. Yeah, we're just hearing it through your computer mic. Hold on, hold on.

I'm holding. This should not be part of the show. No, no, no, people like this, Scott. No, let's cut this out. No, let's cut like it No, it's exciting. Is it exciting? Yeah Conversation while Lauren figures this out if you had three heroes and they were getting together to do their heroic business Yeah, and then one of them had a Earbud mic that didn't work. Wouldn't you be fascinated? Hello?

No, no, why isn't it doing it? By the way, the listener is not hearing any change because she's recording herself through an actual mic It's the one that we're hearing her on so she sounds great to you. I'm echoing now. Oh, no, it was oh no Oh, no, it's fine the way Can I tell you? That that that people have to stop using that song? I know I know. It was used, I don't know what song it is, but it's used in so many videos and reels

and things like that. It was used to perfection in that Gordon Ramsay prank that we talked about. Oh yes. The timing of it was perfect. You're not going to beat that one. Send us your videos of you doing the Gordon Ramsay prank on Gordon Ramsay. Sure! Wait, on Gordon Ramsay. Sure! Wait, on Gordon Ramsay?

Yes. He falls for it every time. Send us your videos. Perhaps this time, the egg will disappear. Or, I guess, on your parents or whatever. I'm genuinely confused about why it was not showing the egg. Don't worry, Lauren. Send us videos of you smashing eggs on your parents' heads.

Yeah, or any videos of you doing anything. We want to see any video. I'm starved for entertainment. There's not enough videos online. We need videos. We need 30 more videos online. To make our quota. Oh, no.

I was thinking of something, I was thinking of something that when we were talking earlier about, about what my parents would say to me. Okay, so when I was growing up, they, I guess were, they did not like the way that I was eating food or something. Cause they would say like, your table manners are horrible. And this was the carrot that they were dangling,

not the stick of course, but they were saying like, what's gonna happen when you get older and you go out on a date and you have terrible dinner manners like this? You won't get that smash. Yeah, they're going, You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash.

You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash.

You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash.

You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. You want a smash. fork and a knife. It wasn't like, you know what I mean? It wasn't like I was chewing with my mouth open or anything like that. It was purely the-

But how'd you hold him? Well- Like this? Like you'd have- Yeah, just double burden it. Just double birds. Because maybe you looked really down. I had it taped to my middle fingers.

Like Edward Scissorhands. Edward Silverwarehands, sure. No, it was, I mean, I don't know. It was probably like, you know, I mean, first of all, I held a pencil and a pen in a different way than most kids did. Same with me. And I've actually been called out on it from between two firms. Same with me. And the teachers tried to cure me of it. And my point was I was always drawing comics and comic books and doing the word balloons

really tiny. And it's easier to do that if you hold the pencil or a pen like this. That was my excuse too. And really? No. Okay. I held mine weird and I remember someone like, some like teacher's aid, like trying to like grip my hand and like make it go.

And I was like, yeah, I still just hold it weird and I don't care and I have good handwriting. Yeah, who cares? Well, I have terrible handwriting, but I hold my, I'm right-handed, but I hold my pen like a left-hander. Right. Yeah, I do it like this too. We're all holding our fingers,

but I do it like this too when I want to write really small. When I, when I'm doing cursive, I can do it, you know, the other thing, but like writing really small, it's easier to do it like this. I actually do it like this. I can't, oh, interesting. What? And people, if you watch Between Two Ferns, which maybe, Scott, you've seen it.

Too many times. It's Paul's movie. There's a part where I'm writing with a muscle. Paul, by the way, had a really funny line in the Between Two Ferns movie, and Zach made me cut it out. I just want to say that. Because he was jealous?

Just no, because it was- Was it the Abraham Lincoln one? Yeah, it was maybe too off color or something and Zach said, no, that shouldn't be in the movie. But that was my first choice. And he made me cut it. What was it something that's like, I'm sorry, we have to take 500 points away from Roger because Abraham Lincoln was in fact assassinated.

He did not die in his sleep. Just something like that. Yeah. And somehow that was a hot button topic for Zach. So, but I think it was that, or maybe that one made it in. I can't remember, but whatever. Oh, I might've made a JonBenet Ramsey joke. Oh, I can't remember, but yeah, but whatever.

Oh, maybe it was that, that she didn't die in her sleep. I don't know. Anyway, but, but. Anyway, but. Anyway, I'm hilarious. Yeah, hilarious stuff. A fun day hearing Paul Riff, back from commercial. Paul Riff Tompkins. Paul Riff Tompkins, of course.

My day was your 10 seconds of screen time. Hey, I got zero seconds of screen time, so what are you gonna do? That's your fault. You're complaining about not having screen time? Everyone was saying I should put myself in it and I was like no one wants to see me. Well then what are you complaining about? What are you complaining about?

Everyone was begging you to be in it. Please Scott, please be in the movie. Please put yourself in the movie Scott. You can do it. You're the director. You can be in it if you want to be. Who's this character? You can be the wipe across the screen between every scene. That would have been just Scott. Whee!

Just me cartwheeling across the screen. With that noise. Saying whee. Every edit. Every time it goes from one character to another. There it goes to the reverse angle. Wee! Oh, will someone please take one scene from Ferns and do that? Wee!

between two Ferns movies. And do that. Whee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! But okay, Lauren, have you ever been on a date and someone had terrible table manners

and it turned you off? I remember going on a date with someone who had anxiety about ordering. And... Like they're like paralyzed by choice or by the menu was too fancy. Oh, wow. And I found it somewhat charming because they were older than me and I was more poised in the situation than they were. Looking back, I think that later became, it later became a problem for me. I'm picturing like somebody that is totally at ease talking with you at the table.

And then when the server comes over, they're just sweating buckets. I'm trying to remember how it went, but it was kind of like that. It was like more like just discomfort. And later it became an issue because it continued to be a problem any time you'd go out to a restaurant?

Yeah, but also I feel like it was one of those things where I eventually taught him. And I feel like my younger self thought that was cool in a way that my older self doesn't find interesting. Right. Where I would rather be with someone who was comfortable. Well, it's because of shame anyone for their. No, no, no. But I understand it's like if you there is a there's a sort of thing where it's like,

and I don't want to shame anybody either, but it's like if you recognize recognize you have an issue, but you're not, you're just not doing anything about it. You're just saying like, this is my problem. The end. It's like you can, there's gotta be something you can do to mitigate it a little bit to make it so that it's more comfortable for you yourself. I don't know. I want to give a shout out. My point is more is like, yeah, it was more indicative of other things than I was able to tell at the time. Right. But it's like red flag, you know, it's like not, it's not things like that aren't always a red flag, but in I feel like in this case it was a red flag. I want to give a shout out to all the people who have guided anyone in life through a first-time experience

that may have been uncomfortable for the other person, but did it with patience and taught them something that they didn't know in a way that didn't make them feel stupid. And that's what I did. How about it? Yes. And I was great. And I was a great person. Other than Lauren.

Sorry, let me finish. Lauren accepted. But you know, like, like for instance, like, I remember the first time I ever ate sushi and the person I was with said, oh, okay, well, you take the wasabi and you mix it up. You know what I mean? Like anyone who was not like, you've never eaten sushi. I know it's not what you're talking about. Okay.

I'm just making it clear. I didn't. I thought that I, no, no, no, I thought it was what you were talking about. So this is actually helpful for me. Okay, I'm just making it clear. Well, I didn't. I thought that I was saying no, no, no, I thought it was what you're talking about. So this is actually helpful for me. Okay. But I agree that I had I'm lucky that I had some people be very patient with me over the years because I was a late bloomer about a lot of things just like I didn't know about how to do shit in the world. And I had people who were very kind and friends who were extremely patient with my personal issues like that I'm sure I did not express well or whatever but people that were

that were very empathic or empathetic I should say. Right. They're not they can't read minds. No, they're not Raven of the Teen Titans. She didn't read mine. She was an empath. She was an empath, meaning she felt emotions. She's like Deanna Troy. Emepaths feel the emotion the other person is experiencing. Let me say this about table manners is that they're largely just made up. You're not doing anything rude if you hold your knife or fork in a certain way. Exactly.

A big one is elbows on the table. Who gives a shit? That's just like an- Elbows on the table, that was a big one, yes. But elbows on the table is like, who cares? First of all, adults do it all the fucking time. Yes. It feels like Victorian.

I have my elbows on the table right now. Yes. It's like a thing that rich people convince. Whatever makes your body comfortable. Yes, exactly. You're just naturally gonna do that. Everyone does. You shouldn't look too at ease at the table.

You're supposed to be sitting with your back attached to the back of the chair. Yeah. Hands on the side. Well, I also feel like some of this is growing up as the son of a military person, you know. Oh, sure. You know, cause I had like making bed, you know, who probably. Oh, sure. You know, cause I had like making bed,

you know, a certain way type of thing. Got a bouncing quarter off it. Do you think you would be like that with your kid, Scott? Exactly, literally. It was like bouncing quarter off of it and stuff like that. Do you think you would be like that with your kid, like being like, he was tried not to?

No, because I don't care about stuff. Why should they? Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I mean, if stuff, I mean, look, I had a very messy room when I was a kid and a messy desk, all my teachers, like basically anytime I was done with something,

I would throw it into a pile and then it would just sit there for months and months. That would drive me insane. Yes, if I were to go back and do stuff again, I would probably do that differently. You know, one thing I was thinking about is I would probably learn to ask more questions about people from other backgrounds. Like I had a Japanese friend who I was thinking about the other day when I was eight through, you

know, high school or whatever. And I was like, you know, I never really dug in deep about, you know, him coming from Japan and what it was like was life was like. I was just more concerned about my own stuff. You know what I mean? I feel like a lot of kids are like that though. Yeah. Yeah. I guess, but I know. I should be arrested. Yeah. You're a bad guy. But kids don't always know to that it's okay to ask them things too. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes kids feel self conscious about asking some I think if I, I think if I were ever

to be a parent, I would say like, Hey, learn to be interested in other people's lives and ask, ask questions instead of talking about yourself. That's a good, that's a lot of that's good advice for a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of adults. yourself. That's a good, that's a lot of, that's good advice for a lot of people. Yeah, for a lot of adults, yes. Yeah. Yeah. But I think also it's tough for kids to ask questions because that's a thing, that's a, there's a certain curiosity you develop as you get older

and you have more lived experience that makes you more curious about other things. Does that make sense? Yeah. That you, because you, you know, you're so familiar with your own experience by that point, by the time you're, you've lived on earth for a certain amount of time, that you become just naturally more interested in other things. And Mars for a certain amount of time as well. God willing.

Splitting your time. Please, Elon, please. I wanna go. Please, Elon. We love you. Take me to Mars and take me to the moon. Take me personally. Did you see Grimes? Did you see me personally. Did you see Grimes?

Do you see Grimes' alien scars back tattoo? Yeah. Hey, whatever makes you think, Ping. She got an entire back tattoo of alien scars. Alien scarves? Yeah, scarves. Yeah, you remember the movie Alien where the alien had a big fancy scarf around her neck

like Jane Fonda? Did that dance? Yeah. Alien scars like an. Did that dance? Yeah. Alien scarves like an alien scratched her up? Yeah. Why? Why? I don't know.

It's pretty fun, right? Scott loves it. He was like, whatever floats my boat. Whatever floats my personal boat. Speaking of boats, we have to take a break. That's... A break in the water? I didn't do it, Paul. There is no segway. There is no through line in that segway. We do have to take a break. That's, oh. A break in the water? I didn't do it, Paul.

There is no segue. There is no through line in that segue. We do have to take a break. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? Well, with 24 seven US based live customer service from Discover, everyone has the option to talk With 24 seven US based live customer service from discover. Everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the discover customer service team anytime. So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800

discover to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card, call 1-800-DISCOVER to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply, see terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss,

we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between. And nails, we talk a lot about nails. Now, community is everything to us at The Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection

and the strength that comes from supporting one another, and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on The Deep Dive from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts. wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back and guess what gang? It's time for one of our amazing three-chairs. Amazing three-chairs. Paul, you picked this out, didn't you?

Paul, you made, Paul, this is your choice, right? This is my choice, but it was submitted by a listener who stole it from someone else. This is submitted by this is called hitting the post and it's submitted by John Com dot who credits Dave Schumke from stop podcasting yourself for the idea. And I texted Dave and said, Hey, can we do this game of yours? And he said, I don't know what you're talking about, but okay. And then I showed him the description. He said, Oh yeah, I think we did that with comedian John Doar. And then he said it was fine for us to do it. John Doar, super nice guy. John Doar, super nice, super funny. Okay, here's the game. One person

chooses a song and plays it from their phone without saying what it is. Another person has to improvise over the beginning of the song like a radio host right up until the lyrics start. The closer the improviser times the natural end of their monologue to the beginning of the lyrics, the better. If the improviser steps on the lyrics, they lose. So this is that thing that DJs do where they... They're always trying to figure out like, what's the latest I can talk until the lyrics start talking.

Yes, no one wants them to do this, but it's fun for them, presumably. I used to, by the way, because I used to like to tape record my own DJ shows when I was young. Of fucking course you did. I used to tape songs off the radio. Hey, Popeye here, wanting to play a song from Looney Tunes.

We got a message from Popeye coming up right in a few minutes, but first. But I used to hate it when a DJ would talk over a song because I wanted the song clean. So I would, the best was when it would be like. So you could talk over it. So it would be like, kiss FM. And then the song would start clean

and then go all the way to the end. That was like gold whenever I would get one of those. Yeah. All right. So I have a song. I've put my iTunes on my phone, Apple Music on random. So I have a song. So who wants to be the DJ on this song?

I'll go first. You'll go first? All right. Here we go. I'm going to hold it up to the mic. And here we go. Ready? Three, two, one. And that's when it up to the mic and here we go. Ready? Three, two, one.

And that's when the Hantau Competition's going to take off and everyone better be there because it's only one Fourth of July happening this summer. Next year, we go back to the 18 months rule, as everyone knows, so I hope we all have a great time saluting the flag. I, myself, will be celebrating with my family and friends on the beach.

But before we do that, this rock song from the alien band coming live from you. From me to you. Sometimes I think about the only way Not bad. I'm gonna share it with you in LA That was a little longer than you thought it would be. It was longer.

That was Ambrosia, Life Beyond LA. That was fun. Great song. Now I wanna be the DJ. Okay. Who's the rapper? Hey, Mr. DJ, put the kids on the- Do you want me to do-

I'll do the song if you want. Okay, I'll do the song. Oh, okay, sure. Oh no, I was gonna do the song. Oh, you got it, okay, cool. I couldn't tell you were singing I couldn't tell if you know I'm I but I think I need to pick a song that I don't but I don't know if It starts quickly or not, but I guess that's kind of the point right? That's kind of a point. Yeah, so just okay Hey everybody more tunes coming your way, but first, don't forget, our contest is still

going on. You have to be the 18th caller to win that Xbox One. Ah, you went over. I went over. I lost. Close, close though. Close. And of course that was Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz.

Yes. Paul, do you have a song for me? Yes, I do. It's a fun game. OK, here we go. I could hear that perfectly, by the way. Oh, good. I don't know. I don't know whether mine was soft. Yeah, me too. But I don't know.

And all right. Paul is picking a song. Yeah, I unfortunately have a lot of sound effects in my library Is that what you like to listen to I love That's why drive time heaven I love to drive with the PCA Different types of machinery Okay, uh Shit all right it all right something that's not a sound effect

I feel I'm singing a lot of songs. I'm afraid that you know them, okay Doesn't matter. You know them so well. Okay. Yeah, so I know them so well that I'll be able to cut off. Yeah. Here's a good one. Here we go. Alright, here we go. Hey everyone, just want to tell you I am guilty of a murder and this happened approximately 25 years ago and coming up after this I'll tell you where they're buried. Seems like you're still...

Really good. Nice. Hey, hey, hey. Was that Against the Wind? That was Against the Wind by Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band. where they're buried. Seems like yesterday. Nice. Really good. Nice. Hey, hey, hey. Was that Against the Wind? That was Against the Wind by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Bob Seger, okay, let's do another.

Our buddies on the road. Lauren, this is you, right? Yeah. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. All right, here we go, and. Yes, my husband did leave me. Pfft. Oh, he starts singing immediately. That was Frank Black Fast Man.

Okay, it's Paul's turn. Okay. What's up everybody? I had those night terrors bad again last night. There were bats in the room and I could not escape. Now you know what you have to do in that situation? You have to stand up and you have to yell, get away bats, get away, get away. And now here is a song you've all been dying to hear. It's a song that I love and a song that I dedicate to all bats who

are real, not the fake ones from my terrible dreams. Yeah, I think I count that. Yeah, that was good. I didn't know that counted as lyrics. What song was that? I think it's all That's Gratitude by Big Red Machine. I love this song. Wait. Oh, yeah. Big Red Machine is great. Hold on. You know this song? Yeah. It's good shit. Yeah, me and my wedding party, we danced down the aisle to this instead of just walking like assholes.

Alright, Scott, are you ready? That is a good wedding song actually. It would be pretty cool. Alright, here we go. We're ready to go. Here we go. Well, I better not fuck this up. All right, Scott, are you ready? That is a good wedding song, actually. It would be pretty cool. All right, here we go.

We're ready to go, here we go. All right. This song is a dedication from listener Jenny Beth, who writes, hey sister, you're my sister and I wanted to let you. All the time. I wanted to let you. All the time.

I thought that would go on a little longer. What song was that? That was called, that was a song by Dick Curless and that song was called, that song was called I Can't Find It Anymore. All of Me Bel belongs to you. All right, let's do one more round because this is fun. Yeah, I really am enjoying this game. All right, so Lauren, you ready? Yes.

Here we go. And of course, the winner of our contest is named Dick Curless, the number one guy to win this prize. He gets a $50 gift card to Best Buy. We're going to be sending that over to you via email. So watch out for that Dick Curless. I preempted it a little bit, but that is scorpions pictured life. Dick Curless is just a name that I'm excited about.

OK, Paul? Yeah. Hey everybody, don't forget I-17 is closed for a big party. That's right. My parents are celebrating their 75th anniversary. They have closed off the highway and they're gonna have an old-fashioned bath. There's gonna be four kegs. The end. Oh. highway and they're gonna have an old-fashioned bath there's gonna be four kegs oh that is the dream to close off the entire highway yeah right to celebrate your 75th wedding anniversary 75th wedding anniversary all right, Scott, you ready? Yep. OK, I got to make sure this song has words. Song has words, a lot of instrumentals and sound effects in Paul's. I don't like the human voice. OK, all right, All right. Okay. Okay. All right.

Here we go. All right. Any second now, it's going to happen. It's gonna happen. Okay. Here it comes. Nope. Nope.

It's not coming. It is in fact retreating. I'm like, sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry.

I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like in fact retreating. I am like seeing all these songs that start with lyrics right away. All right. Let's just see what happens here. All right. Here we go. Hey everyone. Just wanted to let you know that every time I look in a mirror I can't see my own reflection, plus I really lust for the taste of blood. I think there may be something wrong with me. I think there may be something wrong with me.

Sweet dreams. Was that Elvis Costello, Sweet Dreams? That was Elvis Costello from the album Almost Blue. Almost Blue. That was fun. That was a blast. Thank you Dave Shumka. Thank you John Tor.

Who submitted it? I can't remember his name. I can look it up for one second if you want. It was John Comdot. John Comdot. John Comdot. Who owns Comdot.com. John Compromot.

He has the P-tape. I hope he has JohnComdot.com dot. John com dot. Who owns com.com. John Compromat. Yeah, I hope he has johncom.com. I hope he does. If he doesn't, Squarespace can help you out. Cause that's fucking good. I hope so too. Promo code bangbang.

All right, listen, we are freedom USA on Twitter and Instagram. And we appreciate you listening. Thank you for sending in your ideas for Three-tures. I think you can send them to freedomusa.gmail.com, unless that's wrong. I don't log into that. I don't either.

Here, why don't you give the information while this song plays. Freedom USA gmail.com. And remember, if you wanna give us a Three-ture, just send an email to freedomusa.gmail.com and remember if you want to give us a feature just send an email to freedom USA at gmail.com Ah, no, sorry another one Hey everybody don't forget Freedom USA at gmail.com. Oh man, can I touch a late start? I can honestly do an entire

episode. I want to try one. I want to try one. You want to try one? Okay. All right. Here we go. Ready? And And if you want your game to be featured on freedom, be sure to send an email to threedomusa at gmail.com and Josh will read it. And then he will pass on the ones that are worth telling us about. We are protected by Josh in this instance. You are not emailing us directly. We won't know what you said,

unless Josh wants to tell us. A little over, but that was good. Wonderful. Guys, thank you so much for listening. And guys, thank you so much for doing this show. It was fun. We'll see you next week. It was seasons in the sun. We'll see you next week. Goodbye forever.

Goodbye. What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common? They take your money and you can't get it back. 16 grand, somewhere in there. Gone. There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole. Welcome to The Dough.

I'm X-Maya. We're diving into the stories surrounding the moola baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The Dough is out now wherever you get your podcasts.