Threedom - Threevisiting: Vampire O-Face

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss blood types, fake IDs and play What Am I Thinking? Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

Three, oh! What is that? And three, oh! Three, oh! Three, oh! That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh. I like it. What way do you think he's talking about?

When he's talking about? What do you say that? Go crazy. And grind your hips like that, do we? You don't think it's about eggs? I don't think so. How many songs do you think are about eggs? I would say 90%. I'm not.

We'll go, we'll go around the table. I would say 90% of love songs are about eggs. Bags in a woman's. What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? It's a woman's body. I want to make your eggs into babies. I want to make your eggs into sons. Manly sons.

Guys, I have a big announcement. Let's start the show with a big announcement from... Alan Baldwin changed his name. guys I have a big announcement. Let's start the show with a big announcement from Baldwin changes Instagram name to Alec Baldwin Insta and he announced it with a photo of himself and he says my new Instagram account name Alec Baldwin Insta.

No one and you don't have to tell us that you changed it. What was it because it was still fun? Do you, baby? Because it was because it used to be the A. the AB foundation and that's the charity or whatever. And he just wants to give. He just needs to distance himself from his charity. He could be an asshole. Who starts their own charity? Charity people. I guess. God, what a ridiculous question. Isn't it so self-centered? Well, what's funny is, I know, I've seen people,

like celebrities that started charities where that's like, there's already a thing for them. Yeah, well, that's what they say is yeah. It feels like his is, you would want to use his name because then it gets more immediate notoriety. You're like, oh, I know what that is. I mean, I know what they do. The A.D. Foundation, I get it.

I don't know what they do. I have no idea. What they, they're Alc Baldwin. From what I've read, they're already our charities where more of your money will go to the thing that you want. Basically what he's doing is the Red Cross. Yeah, he's like, he's taking part of it and not giving it all.

Well, no, the overhead. They're selling band-aids. Yeah. What? Yeah, the AB Foundation, he sells band-aids and AB blood. It's so strange. I'm just kidding. How's your charity?

You have to buy it. Hey guys. I was like, at some point I'll know what's a joke and what's real. Guys, what blood type are you? I need to know in case anything ever happens to you. You really want to know, is that okay to share? I don't know. Is it okay?

Before we do this, is this a good idea? I don't know. Does it become killer or something? I don't know. I don't know. I'm so confused. I something? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'll tell you how I could someone use this against it. Rather than you telling my blood type. Okay.

I will tell you the blood type of my Japanese pen pal from when I was a kid, because she wrote it to me. I wrote it to me. I did. Okay. I just said these terms, a fairer, equitable trait. I think we'll all do that. Okay.

Okay. My Japanese pen pal was blood type O. And she wrote me, I still have it. She wrote a very long... Althea son. What the fuck? Is that your name, Althea? No, I guess it.

I just told you. I can't remember. Dorethea. Dorethea son. Dorethea? Lauren, Allegra, but also it's not actually whatever. I'm going to explain anything to you people. Would anyone ever call you this?

No. So your Japanese pen pal called you Lauren? Yeah. Great. And I got her because my, I had a bunch of pen pals all around the world. My mom took me and my brother to the post office for like a tour of our kids. It's like breaking you. And it was very cool.

And then I signed up for a thing where you got to have pen pals. And so she was one of mine. And she wrote me, like her first letter was like kind of a survey about herself and she included her blood type. And that's the only thing about it I remember because it's that that's just so weird. But then she was the first person to send me. She sent me like cool Japanese stuff.

And I sent her a giga pet because they were actually really hard to get there at the time, but they were so popular. Right. Wow. And you never made there. Oh, they're probably in China, right? I don't know.

And at what point did you? I didn't look at the back. I just had a little monkey that was pooping itself and dying in it. Oh no. How long did you keep that in its own filth? Over and over again. How long did you keep the penthouse own filth? Over and over again. How long did you keep the penpal going?

Not that long with that one. I had others that I was more in touch with, but you didn't know their blood types. No. So she was actually my closest friend. Okay. So now, let's go. Now, Will each tell the story of your penpal and her blood. My Lauren Japanese penpal wrote to me and told me her blood type was A positive.

What? Is that a blood type A positive? I don't think so. It is. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, so what is it? Are there negatives?

I can't remember. Well, I don't know. I know it's like B. Yeah, there are negatives. B positive. Yeah, B positive. Oh, negative. Oh, yeah, yeah. B B. You like be positive. Yeah, be positive. Be negative. Oh, negative. Oh, yeah, yeah.

B B C. You could be a B. You know, it's always B. My life I'd be C closing. You could think that he on the set of Glingerie Galadon-Roska confused on the ABC. He was like, Alec, A Alec B bald. Yeah. C charity.

I mean, foundation. That gives me the idea. A bad one. 100% of it. See, charity. That's right. I mean, foundation. Hmm, that gives me the idea. A bad one. My blood type is the universal donor. Universal life-touch. I'm a universal donor.

What's that, baby? What's that, baby? Close. Okay, BA. Wait, is it, oh, what is that? I can't remember anything. Oh, is universal receiver, I believe. Oh, so you can get any kind of blood. But the donor that you can type that you can give to anybody.

I can give it to anybody. Anybody, and they'll take it, and they have to take it. Is it A? Nope. It's B. Nope. Is it A? Nope.

It's B. Nope. It's B negative. Nope. It's B positive. Nope. No blood type. Nope. A O. Nope. A-O.

Nope. A-O. Oh, negative. Nope. Nope. Is it nope? What, how have we not said it yet? Uh, that's what I'm asking you.

Wait, what have we, we've done A? We've done every combination. A is through them all again. A plus, A, A, A plus. A plus. A plus, A plus, A plus. A plus, A minus. A positive. A positive. A minus. A.

A minus. Okay, A. A positive. No. A negative. Stop. A. I'm supposed to just stop.

Let's go in order. A positive. No. A negative. No. B positive. B. No.

No. No. Oh, negative. C. No. Oh positive. Oh, oh negative. See? No. A. B. Positive. Yes. Oh. I feel sick. Yeah.

B. B. Positive. Hey, be positive. That's right. That's right. That's what I do if I'm bleeding out somewhere. Hey, be positive. Be positive. And they're like, he's so inspirational.

I'm like, no, that's my blood type. It seems like blood types were such a big deal of media in the 70s or 80s where it're like, he's so inspirational. I'm like, no, it's my blood type. It seems like blood types were such a big deal of media in the 70s or 80s where it's like, what blood type is he? I know, I didn't know until I was a adult. Wait, what? You know, because people would always be, you know, have gunshots or whatever,

we need someone with this blood type. I feel like on TV shows. Yeah, exactly. No, he was in battlegrounds all the time. Is that real? Is that real? Is that real? Is that real? Is that real battlegrounds all the time in the OC. I don't even know my blood type.

I have to admit, you got to know it. That's not because you got white snakes blood. White snake, David cover this. What an accusation. Tony contains blood type. I just pictured it as pure white blood. Hey, come on now. I really got to know it.

I can't remember it. Why the color or not the race? Why do you know it? Because when you're in an accident, people go, what blood type is he? Can they just check? A lot of accidents. Can they just check? Can they just look like they dip a finger in?

Maybe about this. Pretty sweet. Do you think blood tastes different depending on what type it is? Oh, I can guarantee that it does. Yeah. Like if you were, if you were a vampire, I'd be like, I got to have that O. Your O face. That's an vampire.

That's an O face. You're just like, O, O, O. Should we give that joke away to someone who's doing a vampire comedy? Yeah, we should give it away to someone who's doing a vampire version of Office Space. Yeah, well, but I mean, it's a funny reference to Office Space. If a vampire is drinking, if he's like,

he bites into somebody's neck, he's like, oh, positive. Let me show you an O-face. And then he needs to go. Oh, yeah, it's like an homage. And oh my. Oh my. Yeah, one of the people was like, oh, positive. Let me show you my O face. I need to do this. Oh, yeah, it's like an homage and oh my. Oh my. Let me show my O face.

Then he was like, a, a, b, b. Ha. Ha. Ha. I saw him just saying, I could say the dumbest thing you did. What if vampires could only drink a certain type of blood that they had or whatever, or but they could, but then they could do a, b negative.

Well, what if the universal giver. What is their fun with me? I was going to say, what if first of all, they were real? Yeah. Are you totally sure vampires aren't real? What if unicorns had to sharpen their horns against a rock? That'd be so crazy because as I know them now, it's just really pointing naturally. Wait, what is the animal?

Is it rats, I guess have to nons stuff or if they're teeth will just. That's not real Paul. How many times do I have to tell you? They're from Harry Potter land. They have to rub their what? They have to nons. They're rubbed their dicks against what?

They have to put on sweatpants with no underwear. Go on the subway. That works. They have to nons stuff because their teeth will keep growing. Or maybe that's beavers. Or both. Racer does. Glusty.

Have I ever told you this story about a rat? Oh boy. Let's see. Seven. You told me lifetime, you told me five rat stories. Is that true? So let's see that it's not true. I probably have five, but one of them is that when I was living in Chicago, my apartment building

had three floors and the washing machine was in the basement, but you had to go down like back steps outside, like, you know, on the building to get to it. And then you would pass by all the trash can. This was in Chicago. So during the winter, that was miserable, right? Yes. Goddamn. How was it during the summer? Really miserable too. So there was, there were like these three trash, I don't know, it was a big dumpster type thing or whatever it was, but it was just felt like. The way Lauren is miming all of these things,

trash cans, dumpsters, she's doing the dimensions. They raised to make it bigger. And so you had to walk past it and there was a type thing and like there were always rats in there. And so I was very, you could like hear a mouse, you know, whatever. And one time I was taking out the kitty litter and I had dumped the whole thing of the kitty litter into a trash bag to like start over.

And I like took the, is really heavy. And I took it downstairs and opened the trash and threw it like, thought I saw something, but you know, you always think there's a rat in there. So it's like, you just have to do everything really fast. And I just like, throw it in, and I shut it, and it was going, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

like I like, crushed it with the key litter. What? Okay. Okay. Oh. You sure he wasn't happy? It was like, like,

this key litter. It was screaming. What is this, Christmas? Oh, I never forgot. Wow. I had a rat in my old condo for I I thought I saw one one Franklin. Yeah, the one on Wow on Franklin. No, the one over in Toulouk like okay I know which one you're talking about that was an apartment. Okay. I Know rat was roommate

And that one no I thought I saw I saw, I walked into my office and I swear I saw a rat and then it ran away. I was like, I must, it was, I think it was late at night or something, I was like, I must be hallucinating or something. A rat would have stayed. But I was just like, I couldn't have seen a rat. And then like three weeks went by, nothing,

and then I saw it again. I was like, I definitely saw a rat. And so then it became, it became this thing of like, how do I get the rat? And I put out the glue stuff. Yeah, oh yeah. And I put out the humane glue stuff. I saw them in trapped in those on the dumpster thing

where they'd be like stuck to it. And all I saw were just footprints. I was like, oh, it's a big rat that doesn't get stuck in this. So I had to, I got a giant trap and just put peanut butter in it and- Oh, you mean like a trap trap? You like a snap trap. A snap trap and then just like waited, put it out there and then just one night at like four in the morning, I heard, whew! And I, and, and I cool up was over there and I was just,

and, and I think she doesn't wake up for anything. So I was just like, oh, that's it, yeah. And I, and, and I cool up as over there. And I was just, and, and I think she doesn't wake up for anything. So I was just like, oh, that's it. Okay. And I, and I went out there and there it was. And I got, I had a big garbage bag. It was giant. Like what? It was like, like almost a raccoon.

It was like so starting. Yeah. What are you doing? He's showing it as his biggest penis. So it's one inch. She eats it. Smallest rat ever. So I just, I had a garbage bag ready.

I didn't want to pick it up or touch it or anything. So I did it like a dog poop bag where I grabbed it and turned it inside out and then tied up, feel it. and tied up the bag and then went outside to our dumpster put it in the dumpster and all that. How big would you really say like this? I'm serious. Like a loaf of bread? He's laughing because I'm holding up my hands just in normal rats eyes. Normal rats eyes. Yeah, it was about that. Yeah. That's crazy. From tip to taint, it was mainly about that. Yeah, and then I had a tail of course, but this I'm just measuring its tank here. Yeah. It was big. It was and I never saw another rat again. I don't know why that one. Your life in my

that was the only rat I've ever seen. Oh my God. Wait. Two things. One place I was living in LA in my backyard. I had an orange tree. And then I started noticing that the orange peels would be on the ground like fully formed But without an orange inside like it'd be like a round peel and like there'd be a hole So your magic tree. Yeah, and I was like, oh, what's he knows and then I one time was out there And I was face to face with a rat that was on the tree and there I learned that there are thing called tree rats Which is really just rats? Yeah, we like to be in trees and And they like citrus. And so they love orange trees. Yeah.

And then like these guys came and like chopped on every branch of my tree. And then like they just kept coming back. It was disgusting. We have a lemon tree and I worry about that. About tree rats? Yeah, but we haven't seen one yet. And I've heard it's really common out here.

Yeah, really. It was really gross. And then another place I lived, there were, it seemed all fine. And then like I found like a little piece of poop in like a cabinet in the wall, and I was like, that's not mine. I was like, I didn't poop in there. Is it mine? That's really small.

And they, I called it. What, yours are really big? I mean, they're not. They're the size of a pencil eraser. Um, and- I'm going to change your diet. Tell me what they're the sides of Well think about how dirty the show would be if you weren't here to mitigate

Am I mitigating anything? You guys holding back? Just looking at you, I stopped from saying, it really is us holding back. Oh my God. I feel like you guys are trying to be dead. No, because you've said some shit, I couldn't believe. I said it before.

Oh wait, I just want to say, I found this poop and then I told my landlord and they sent someone to come see and it turned out they're all these rats living in the walls. And they gave a lifetime guarantee they came and like set up, they covered everything. Who's the lifetime, the rats? Yeah. One day.

Yeah. No, they like put, they covered every little hole because a rat can fit through the smallest hole because they have their skeleton can smush. Yeah, they're fucking skeletons. Yeah, they like can really get really small, they collapse and they can. You gotta give it up to them.

You know what I mean? It's not sick though. They are fucking survivors. Rats and cockroaches, cockroaches. But then the idea of them, because there was a teeny hole, I mean the size of a, I don't know.

A nickel. Okay, you're dick. A nickel. The size of a nickel. A nickel. And they had come in that way. That was the only way they could have gotten in on. How did they get in?

That is so disgusting. It's insane. You don't feel safe because it's like, well, there's probably a hole like that right there. Well, they're probably crawling all over. We had ants at the place we're in now. The first couple of weeks, we had, I would wake up in the morning and kind of go like, oh, I feel itchy. I'd grab my phone. Oh. I grabbed my phone. of go like I feel itchy. I'd grab my

Oh, I grabbed my phone. Yeah, grab my phone, put turn the light on and just see ants all over it. And then I go and look at my pillow and Ants all over the pillow. Oh my God. So many ants. And I was like we have to move. Yeah. That's like a real. We just got here. We've been here two weeks. I am not, because we did not have ants in our old place other than one time when I did this thing on Jimmy Partos all night. Podcasts on. Where I made it. I was just letting it go. I did this thing on Jimmy Partos. I hear it late. Yeah, I really do. It's fine. I did this bit where I did a cooking demonstration. I had like a bunch of Crisco and Chococer up and all that.

Oh, yeah. And I got home and I just like, I was so tired because it was late at night and I just like put the stuff down on the ground or whatever. And just from that, wake up in the morning and there's ants all over the place. That kind of thing always surprised me. Like if I spill something and don't clean up and there's ants all over the place. That kind of thing always surprised me. If I spill something and don't clean up and there's ants,

like you were just waiting for. Yeah, you're, yeah. Where are you? So that was how close are you? Yeah. And you're just like waiting, just hovering, like, yeah, God, I hope they spill. But that was the only time I had ever had ants in the old place.

We just never had it. So I was like, if this is what this place is like, I cannot live here. But we found a really great person who came in, took a look around and was like, oh yeah, we can do this. And within a day, just, and he was like, it guarantees it for two years. He's like, you'll never see another aunt in here for two years. And it's humane with pets and all that. It was great. And then two years later, two years later, we did call, we did call them back because suddenly in our bathroom, there were a few ants. I was like, I haven't seen ants in here for like two years.

And sure enough, yeah. But those guys who, I mean, exterminators are like, so impressive to me. And they were just like crawling under the house and like, they're going right, and they bring out, oh, and this is the other part of the story with the one that Rads went through the wall. They pulled out a bunch of dead ones and live ones

from, oh, and they got a crown. And the guy that crawled under the house and then was collecting them. And he's just cool, and he's like, he was holding a bag. Well, he had a whole body suit on. Like, we did it. Yeah, and he was like,

and then they all came out. But he was like, he just came out like holding this bag and I was like, I think you know. I didn't even want to like look because it was just like a big bag full of obvious. I'm moving back.

Yeah. Well, they were dead, I think actually all of them, because he said just like a big bag full of obvious moving back. Yeah Well, they were dead. I think actually all the things that they come at nights. They probably are all dead They come at night. We have ants right now We have I will tell you why I'm yawning in a second. We have because you said night why I'm yawning in a second. We have that. Because you said night. We have at the end. Well, yeah. You're my bedcap.

Yeah, my bedcap, my stub of a candle. You threw up in the satch. We, uh, because we had, we just had another heat wave, like a crazy heat wave. Just you guys. In our neighborhood. So as everyone we know in our neighborhood, like the heat has. They get so hot that the ants come in looking for water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, but it's happened. We, like all of a sudden, they were just all there. Yeah. And then we got rid of them. And so that was like how I forget when that last heat snap was, but it was like a month ago or something. It depends on when you're listening to this. And then, and where you live.

And then it happened, and then it happened again this this past week, in a different room in the house. And so we're just, I hate the idea of things crawling on you while you sleep. When you're most vulnerable. They're not in the bedroom. If I think about that too much about just bugs being in the house, I would jump out of fucking wall.

Well, the fact that there are bugs crawling all over our faces all the time. Yeah, okay Don't talk about that, but they're microscopic. They're microscopic, but they're like They're leaving your eyebrows. I know Clean them all the garbage you have in there and they're like it's fiesta day for me All right, look we have to take a break. We'll be right back. We're back. Mary.

Now let me tell you why I'm so tired and sleepy. Okay, tell us. And by the way, the second episode we do is going to be insane. So enjoy listeners of next week's episode. Yeah. For sure. My lovely wife had a commercial shoot last night. It was a night shoot.

Oh, the night shoot. And we also have a house guest who went out on a date. So I felt like, oh, I have the house to myself. And I had a total, just have the house to myself and I total Tell just king of the castle bachelor night. What'd you do? I played video games until 230 in the morning You do that. Yeah, I don't have I don't have I haven't done that a long time kind of games Violent games games of violence Violence gets women. That's fine. That's fine

I'm so surprised you like video games. I do. It doesn't feel like you would be into that. Everyone is always surprised. Because it's not like a 1940s or 1950s thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm not riding on a bicycle with one giant wheel. That's fun. So 230 and then did you just wake up at the normal time anyway?

Well, I had said in alarm because we recorded. Oh, coming back today. And so I got not as much sleep as much. What have cared for man, I got a ton last night. I was so happy for you. I was so happy and I took a nap in the afternoon right before to a two hour nap yesterday and then eight hours last night.

I couldn't believe it. Wow. Look at you. You're all caught up. I'm all caught up. Yeah. No need't believe it. Wow, look at you. You're all caught up. I'm all caught up. Yeah, no need to sleep anymore. Now, Jayne got in at 5.30 a.m. Ugh, I hate that. Slept for three hours and then woke up.

She woke up when I woke up. Did she have to go somewhere and she just woke up? No, she just couldn't get back to sleep. Yeah, so hard. So we were, I liked a binge watch sleep. Like cool up. You binge watch her sleeping? Yes. I just, I was just like watch eight hours of sleep in a row.

So she, so she woke up way too early and then before I came here, we watched, and I'm so mad about this, I'm mad at this state of our lives. We watched part two of the Southern Charm Reunion show. We know what this is. I don't watch Southern Charm, but it's in my wheelhouse. I just had to set a, I draw a line, you know, in the sand at a certain point.

I'm like, I can only do so much. I don't watch any of these things. And we started watching. What is it? It's a reality show. It's a reality show set in Charleston. We started watching it because of Charleston. And because we had an idea for a project that we wanted to set in Charleston. We started watching it because of Charleston. And because we had an idea for a project

that we wanted to set in Charleston, we're like, let's watch this to make sure to show for character and stuff like that. And so we start watching it and then we just ended up watching the whole thing. And we're now all caught up on five years worth of this garbage show. Oh, should you started late like you.

Wailate. Wailate. I always wonder about that with reality shows because it's kind of unnecessary. years worth of this garbage show. Oh, should you started late like you. Way late. It's way late. I always wonder about that with reality shows, because it's kind of unnecessary. Like you can just jump in and explain it all. I know, but we, I don't know why. But it's fun to know the relationships and like why I will hate each other.

Well, because we had watched it from, we watched the, when it premiered, and we instantly dismissed it. Because we don't watch the, what are the people like? What are, they're just dumb assholes who drink all the time and get in fights. I want to watch the original season of the Bachelor now and see how much it's changed over time

and become more like salacious and crazy. With the goober from the, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, remember the fantasy sweets in the first season, it was like, someone turned one down, was saying like, what are you trying to do to? Oh, wow. No. What? That's amazing. What are you trying to do? down, was saying like, what are you trying to do to be? No. What?

That's amazing. What are you trying to do? Yeah, they're like, why is this? Did you catch up? Is this, yeah, I think so, yeah. They're just like, what, this is some sort of trick you're trying to play on TV to me. Like of course I'm not going to.

Was this on the show? Yeah, yeah, she was like turned it down flat, yeah. Wow. That makes sense, because you just be like, you've never heard of this and it sounds gross. The dude in the first, have I talked to you about this before? Uh oh. What, with the whipping thing?

Yes, the whipping thing I have, great, yeah. Yeah, because you want to whip right. I want to whip. Put away the pen. And I've said multiple times that I think it's fine that he did that because at least he has a fucking personality. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. I guess so.

I just feel like all these guys have no interests or anything. Like they're all just like so boring. That's, I've, that to me is the top of the bachelor. The toughest thing about watching those shows, reality shows, whatever, is that the people themselves, I don't find interesting. Yeah. And the most interesting person on Southern Charm is somebody who I think was supposed to be

the villain on the show early on and has now become the hero. Has it now become the hero? And it's just been on long enough? It's like a soap opera. But also it's a person who started on the show when they were 22 and became a mother and now is a recovering addict and like is.

Well that's a huge transformation. Absolutely. Everyone else is exactly the same. They're exactly the same. Well, real housewives of New York is getting really good right now. Yeah, Roni. They went buck, wild, yellow, nighty, chill out. Well, because now Luann is sober and she was trying. She's in recovery. She went to the countess, Luann. She went to the blackface performance as Diana Ross. She got a lot of things that are not great, but she got and she got a DUI and then to the police that she was gonna kill them I'm gonna kill you let me out of here and Then she went to rehab and now she's like now she's back

But then like there's this other woman Durinda. I really want to do a character of Durinda because. Let's do that. Yeah, test this out. Let's work out. She's really, I really like her. She gets drunk and she's like nasty and like evil and just says, she has no sense of how drunk she is. So Luana was like, okay, she was being kind of mean to Luana and I was like, it's okay,

you're drinking, like, you know, maybe. And she was like, yeah, I the way I was like it's okay. You're drinking like you know, maybe and she was like Yeah, I'm not the one with a mug shot She's like I'm not the one with the mug shot. I'm I don't people do it right now I have to take it okay. You're doing good. No, but she's like I'm not the one with the mug shot I'm not the one who did that you did that you did that You're the one you got not though you go to you're going to rehab, gonna go to rehab. Is she just like, it's just like you.

Yeah, no, it's really close. I have to work on it though. It's better when I can just hear it. When you hear it, yeah. But anyway, she's just so evil and like saying on the stuff that was like, so she's like, you're not the countess anymore and like all this stuff. You're not the countess anymore?

She was a countess. That was evil. You're not the countess. Look, she was just chopping her down for no reason. Oh, okay. And Lou Ann left and looked back to her room. Hey, real talk, Paul. Yeah.

If Jamie woke up every morning. Oh, wait. So we're watching this thing. Oh, okay. I remembered the thing that I wanted to say, because of Jamie, because she got in so late, she woke when she woke up. She still had kind of the residue of makeup around her eyes.

So one point where we're on the couch and she's explaining something to me about this show, and I look over at her and she just, she looks like she's been awake for a week, like she, just watching this show, like you, because she's mad at him and what, but he's doing the same thing that she's accusing him of, And she just clicked in the same way she been like pouring over the show. Who bruised the banana? What's that? Who bruised the banana?

That's something that my friend said when I worked at Marie Calendars, we had. There we go. We used to be. It's not Corleone, is that don't care? What is that? Oh, wait, not Corrie out. What was the court? I'm a cafe Corrie out which

I'm not a big Corrie out of business. That's not interested. Someone just sent it to me they went out of business. Oh, you're working there with it and have enough help. 15 years ago you went to my high and dry. So when I worked at Marie Calender's we used to be able to do whatever we want. It was the craziest. It was my first restaurant.

Like, why would you take a look and create a pie as a shift? Yeah, I was taking home the pie. Throw macaroni to each other. No, they, they like managers would disappear with girls in the private rooms and make out with them. The managers would put up, we would stay there till five in the morning, drinking.

They would put up a champagne room. That seems strange. But they had, you know, those like off the beaten bathrooms that it would have a curtain sometimes where if you had one out of a private dinner, or whatever, you wanted to kill somebody. So like managers would put porn on the big screen. Go buy the mattress.

What? Yeah. That's sick. Like they would close the bar, they would put on a porn video. Why, who do I want to watch a porn like that? It's so crazy. It's not a group. It's not a group activity.

It's so weird. So, do you guys want to come over to my house and watch some porn? It's great. But we used to party there. We were all friends and we used to party there all night. But I'm in party. And we used to party.

And then we suddenly had a new manager there who got transferred from another store and she hated me and she was the one who caught me drink because she didn't, she wanted to whip us all into shape or whatever. And you were like bad? No, I was a good waiter and you wanted to be well people. You're like please mummy. I need whipping. My bum wants to be right. Do I tell you the eight off Hitler thing? What? Oh, what do you do now? Do something with this guy. No, we had these things at Marie Calder's where they had the muscular dystrophy association,

I think, like had these shamrocks that you could buy for a dollar and put your name on it, and it was to raise money for it. Absolutely. And so, and we posted them all around the restaurant. I think I know where this is going. So we put, we put up the said from the wonderful heart of it. And we just put it up in the middle of these things. And everyone's in a rare while someone would see it,

and come over and say like, look, what is up there? What are you doing? Ain't off Hitler, that's not a rare while someone would see it. Sure. Come over and say like, look, what is outfit? What are you doing? Ain't off-hiddler, that's not a funny joke. What is that doing up here? You're saying a customer. A customer. And we go, oh my God, that's so crazy. Okay, I have to get a manager to,

but we'll take this down, don't worry. And then we just leave it. Yeah, I can't take it down in front of you for someone. No, I'm not authorized to remove any of these. You know what they say say eight off Hitler, because what if it's just a coincidence? And everyone deserves to have their sham lock up on the wall.

It's a game, the doll. That's right. So, so yeah, we would do stuff like that. So maybe I wasn't all that great, simply, but, but I mean, we were all buddies and we were all like constantly partying there every single night. And so she came in and she was, she was really upset with us about stuff like that, I guess.

And she started enforcing all of the rules that we none of us ever followed. But the irony of it is then she had a crush on a regular customer who would drink there every night. Just a regular old customer. Yeah, just because it had a bar attached. When you're a server, everyone else is just a regular old customer. I mean regular Literally every night Oh, of course I do

Because it was a bar You would get people would be there every single night and be in the exact same spot And she's I went to a bar with him, George went and the minute he walked in, everyone said, and it was a bar he'd never been to ever shout it. No, and he waved, sat down and someone slid him over a beer and he drank for free all night. But he's not paid for, he, I think he said he hasn't paid for a beer since that show. It's amazing. So she fell in love with this guy and so then she would get super drunk every single night and, and then be like drunk after the bar would close and be like, what is he

like me? And she'd be, and, and so one night this happened and she had just mascara running down her face like black mascara. Fuck. But she was wearing a yellow sweatshirt and yellow pants. And my friend walked over and said, who bruised the banana? And it's just stuck in my head. But you said it is, I really would know.

30 years. Like, who are you gonna tell that story? I know. But it's just something I say at any time, anyone has makeup running down. Even if they're not wearing yellow, it's the bananas. That's a funny line. She must have been how old?

She was pro. Okay, I was 18. She must have been 35. Oh, that's only, that's only, that I thought. She seemed really old to you. She seemed old to me, but she was probably only 35. Anyway, she, she got me in the bartender because... You didn't invite her to do the play. But I was drinking one night after the bar hit closed.

And I mentioned that I was class of 88, and she was like, how old are you? This would have been in my file. And she's like, how, what year? And then suddenly the bartender, she disappeared, the bartender came over, poured out my drink and said, you're underage, and I didn't know that and poured out the drink,

and then we both got fired that night. Oh my God. Yeah. I had my 21st birthday. I like the bartender trying to sell it. That was the situation. I know, and I call. Oh, I'm gonna dump this out.

Excuse me, young man, you've deceived me. And I took to my credit, I called him and I was like, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to, and he was like, fuck her. sorry, I didn't mean to, and he was like, fuck her. I should look for another job anyway, because the whole place has changed, the culture of it. Oh, the culture of it. But the culture of it was crazy.

Like, then I went to another restaurant job and it's insane what we would do. What were you gonna say? 21st birthday. My 21st birthday, I had my party at a bar that I'd been going to for like three years. I had parties. And so they, and they were all like, how old are you?

Yeah, and then they're like, oh. Did you have a fake ID? No, but it was one of those dive bars in Chicago where like, it was one name with all older people. It was like, yeah, it was like, it was not a place, but then they started checking IDs at a certain point, but. We had the whole, hey, come on, what's me? The whole fake ID thing for us.

You would say what? We knew the guy, because it was like all improvisers who would go there and all my friends were over 21, so I was just like, come on, and sometimes I'd get in. And there was maybe one time where I didn't get in, but I loved being under it in a bar. I love the freedom of it.

Did you have a fake ID? No, I never did. The only, because the only places I ever got carded in Philly were places that I didn't want to go to anyway. It was always like weird, bad, vibey places. But I went with, wasn't in the city for a long time. Yeah, because it seems like in the city,

like in Chicago or Philly, you can get away with more. Well, yes and no, though, because some places are more strict because like it's, it's more of a problem if they go against the law or whatever. The first, also, I love the idea of bars that cater almost exclusively to underage clientele. Because the first time I got drunk was at a college bar

where there was no, they like, the top age there would have been 21 if that, but everybody there was like my age, maybe a year older, and this was like just a year out of high school. And I got shit faced drunk for the flight. Before then, I had a beer, you know what I mean? And said, no, no, thank you. I will not take another.

Oh, I was very. No, I'm full. Yeah. I'm full. This one lasts me for a while. Yummy, yummy. That was yummy for my tummy. Thank you, but no thank you. It was 12 ounces of beer How old were you when you got shit faced? I must have been

18 17 or 18 when I was 17. I got shit face for the first time and I we were drinking Like ice cold pitchers. Cold pitchers. Doon doon doon doon doon. Please pitchers don't hurt. And they did hurt me. I got so drunk and I threw up in the bathroom of the bar and I got dragged out by my friends like arms draped over their shoulders with the toes of my shoes dragging up. Classic. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With birds flying around your head. with the toes of my shoes dragging up. Like classic.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With birds flying around your head. Oh, yeah. And then I was hung over for two days. Oh, God. Like I stayed in my friend's dorm room and I couldn't move for a day. I hate throwing up in public.

No, and I hate being that drunk. I've only had that happen a couple times. But it was both after I was 21. I think I felt like, now I can really do it. Like, so I was hiding my drinking in the bar. Right, yeah, yeah. But I, yeah, I know I remember a couple times. I was really do it. Like, so I was hiding my drinking in the bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, yeah, I know I remember a couple of times it was just so horrible, but I would hate

to have to experience that again. I got drunk at at Brian Pussain's New Year's party once and we walked to a Denys and then I just like threw up in the Denys bathroom and then just passed out in the stall for an hour. It was just so gross. But on fake IDs, we used to have fake IDs and we used to like, you know, all of our friends who, you know, they're old IDs, picture IDs. So was a guy who

kind of looked like you. Yeah, we would try to make it look like a fake ID. No, no, I never had a fake ID. No, yeah. Okay. But I once went to an El Torrito with my friend Tracy who gave me his ID because he had he had just turned 21 and got a new one. And but I, and so Irito with my friend Tracy, who gave me his ID because he had just turned 21 and got a new one. And so I went with him and I was trying to make myself look like him because he had a big bottom lip so I was like going like, Oh my God.

Putting on my bottom lip and I always remember the bouncer goes, no, I want your ID, not his ID. He was there. He was there. I don't know what we were thinking. As if faces are that vague. I don't know. And then I was with him.

I was constantly being pulled over by the cops. I think I told you. And I was, didn't know that you could say to the cops, no, you can't search my car. That's how they get you as they say. Do you mind if we search your car? Like it's an order, but they're really asking you. So I was like, yeah, yeah, sure.

And I was constantly hiding the ID under the seat or something they would find it and go, excuse me, who's ID? Why do you have someone's ID? And it was like, come on, guys. My friend lived in the car. Yeah, oh, God. I'm so glad I'm old enough to drink too excitedly.

He's like the best. I can do it every what? Throw up all night from drinking. The last time I threw up from drinking was after my, it was Thanksgiving after my mom died. And I was at my cousin's house because I was the tradition of years we go over there. First it started where we would trade off one house,

one year old, be their house, one year old, be our house, and then when we both have big families, six in my family and seven, eight. These were the duplex neighbors. Is this spanking 10 territory? No, these are not the neighbors. No, these are different neighbors. No, they had seven.

My neighbor's right next door. This is on my dad's side. Okay. They had eight, and we would, and it was just the fact that you were talking about how many siblings you add. That's pretty spanking and territory. I know you guys want to see me get spent. It's never going to happen. Yeah, that's never going to happen. Get them someday, right? All right.

She haven't just winked and flew. Of course. His signature nod into the microphone. And I used to look forward to it every year. I loved it. She haven't just winked and flew off. He, of course, his signature nod into the microphone. And I used to look forward to it every year. I loved it. I loved my cousins. We had a great time. And it was just like it was a huge celebration.

And it just, it's celebration. It's a celebration. It's a huge celebration, bitches. And then, and then, and later years, it just got to be too much of my, because I remember my mother's saying one year, because it was a pain in the ass, deaf to cook for so many people, and even with people bringing things, it was so many people.

Oh yeah, because you got at least the main protein. You have a main protein? I hate it when people call things proteins. It's like, what are you gonna use for your protein? Yeah, I want just come to someone to eat, what I want to eat. Leave me alone, alien. I need a protein. You need your protein. Yeah, I want just come to say I'm gonna eat what I want to eat. Leave me alone, alien. I need a protein.

You need main protein. So my mother said this was supposed to be like when people grew up and started their own families, they would have. They would do it. Thanksgiving's, yeah, not a stay like everybody's still coming and they're adding people. Oh, God. It was insane, but it was, it was, especially when we got older

and we would see the little kids now act the way we acted, they would just lose their fucking minds, like just literally running around and screaming. Yeah. Um, so the last time I was, I was over there, not the very last time, but this was like the second or last time, um, was right after my mom died and I stayed there drinking with my cousins on that, because we would, as I got older, my mom died and I stayed there drinking with my cousins on that because we would, as I got older, we would just be there until dawn drinking beer and

talking and, and like they would get down to like a few people that would, that were willing to commit it. They were committed. They were committed. Um, and then I just got wasted because I was, you know, going through an emotional trauma. And were you recognizing it at the time? Yeah. It was, you know what?

It was one of those experiences where I was like, I know what's going on here. And I'm going to keep on going. Yeah, yeah. This is what needs to happen right now. And what, but the difference was, is that Janie and I were together by this point. And so she had gone back to Cali. To, no, she was still in Philadelphia, but we were staying at my,

her brother and sister-in-law's house because he coincidentally married somebody who lived in my old neighborhood. So she's back there and she had stayed for a good long while. And so I was gone the entire night and did not communicate that to her at a certain point because I stopped looking at my phone, then did not plug my phone in. So the next day I wake up after having like thrown up and was in a horrible, horrible state and you know, plug my phone in too late.

So by the time she was able to reach me, it's like my cousin's husband knocking on the door saying, hey, your phone keeps buzzing in the living room? Oh, it was also plugged in in a different room than I was. And she had been worried, said she had no idea what happened to me. And it was bad news. And she still references it.

Does she, does she hold that over you? Or like, don't do that to me again. She, she did for a while, it was like, is this gonna be like that time? Like, no, this is not gonna be like that time. Yeah. And it's like, has it ever been like that time since then?

No. Okay. No, it's one of those stuff. You had a very specific experience. It's like a reason why you were like, yes, we would have the same exchange every time where I would say, it's not gonna be like that. That was extraordinary circumstances. Exactly. Why you were like, yes, we would have the same exchange every time where I would say it's not going to be like that. That was extraordinary circumstances. But where we were both same thing by road, is this going to be like that time that you say they're all like, no, it's not going to be like that time. Getting back to my question about

Janie. Yeah. If she if she woke up every single morning going, ah, would you still be with her? every single morning going, ah! Would you still be with her? For how long? It's just that noise. It's just that. For how long? Oh, how long long?

Meaning how long it may be in that noise? Like it may be in that noise? Yes, it never stops. Your whole life. Yes. Great. What would it answer me for you to say no if your whole life equaled yes?

Why would you even ask? Well, it's like does she ha haunt me after she deadness? Oh no, it stops right when she dies. Yeah, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. You're pot committed. All right, we need to take it.

Why did you ask that? I did, popped in my head and I just didn't want to leave that thread thing. Jane was thinking about doing that. I thought you were asking it like, that happens to you. No, no, I thought about it this morning when she woke up on the alarm, like if she had just screamed because of the alarm after three hours of sleep.

No! No! I was like, what if she did that every morning? For God's sake. All right, we need to take a break. We'll be right back. We're here. It's time for a feature.

Lauren, what do you got? Featured. Okay. So we have a tweet from Tyler Barnard at StraightLawgan. Tyler the KIA. And he suggested the, what am I thinking game you used to play on Comedy Bang Bang? Yeah. We've played that a long time.

And Scott just explained it to me, but it also sounds like the improv game mind-meled, but the idea is each person starts just a thing to the word, then at the same time, we go three, two, one, and we all say that word. And we keep saying a new word, trying to get to the same word at the end. Where we say these, and the word, and three people couldn't play at the same time,

or just say, okay, so. So we're all gonna say a different word. At what point does it just get absurd? Actually, no, you're supposed to play, I think two or three, but I think in a circle, you could do two, and then you get it down, and then that person can play with someone else.

Like, okay, if it was like a human, and I'm, but we can do it with three, just like, right? Okay, so we're all obviously gonna say a different word in the first word. You don't know that? Although we have said the same word occasionally because we're looking at something like me and go up and be driving and we'll see Hill and we'll both say Hill. Do you do it while you're driving?

Yeah, we would do it while we're driving. Oh, that seems like a bad idea. Really? I should drive completely. You shouldn't talk while you drive. You shouldn't think of a word. I forbid people to speak to me in the car. So we're all going to say a different word, but then the next word that we say is

we're trying to find the either commonality or a word that's directly in between or a word that reminds us based on all three of the words. If I said chicken and you said man and you said. I say chicken, you say man, chicken. And you said egg and then we all tried to say and I would say farmer and you might say chef and then we'd be like, okay, what's a farmer chef?

What's in between a farmer chef? Yeah, so we're, and so we'll have three words to deal with. So we all think of a separate word, and then we say three, two, one, and then we say the word at the same time. Okay, all right, for this, hold on, let's see. I'm gonna think of a word. I'm gonna think of a word.

It's all about our phones to think of a word. Yeah, I got mine. I got mine. I got mine. All right mine. I got mine. It's the same. All right. Ready? And three, two, one.

Blues. I said blue. I said pen. I said drugs. Blue, drugs, and pen. You said pen. Pen. Pen.

Okay, ready? Not from the South. Blue, pen, drugs. Okay. Two minutes later. Blue, pen, drugs. All two minutes later blue pen drugs I blew pen and drugs three two one one I said heroin heroin Walter white

do we really say drugs yeah, I said drugs Okay, we're still learning heroin Walter white and drugs Okay, all right all All right. Ready? Three, two, one. Bad. What did you say? I said, math. You said breaking bad.

I said bad. You said bad. So breaking bad and bad. Very close. Breaking bad and math. Can we do more than one? Well, because it was like a thing. Can we do more than one?

What word at a time? So if they go together. If it's a thing like Bugs Bunny, you can say, B'll be what we're gonna say. Bugs Bunny is a thing. He's looking like a snack. I don't like to bend him over. I don't want a fuck Bugs Bunny. Oh, you look super funny. All right.

Okay, so breaking bad, bad, and myth, what is the commonality of all of that? Okay, ready? And three, two, one. Brought it to you. I said show. I said dealer, you said Brian Cranston. You said show.

Yeah. Okay. Ready. Let's the commonality of that. Okay. Three, two, one. Mary Hall. Mary Hall. I said Aaron Paul.

You said knock in the middle. What did you say? AMC. AMC. I want to send back. I didn't know what channel that was on. It might be too hard to do with three people. Okay.

Let's start over. We that was our test. That was our test. to do with three people. Okay, let's start over. That was our test. That was our test. We're getting really crazy. Okay, let's say it can only be one word. Okay, but you need to be able to say things like breaking and then we would know what I meant. Okay, all right. Okay. Yep, all right, ready? Three, two, one. She said you didn't say anything. All right. So Lauren and I are playing. Okay.

She and Sunshine. Okay. Sheaf and Sunshine. Okay. Okay. Ready? Three, two, one. God. Okay. God and lifeguard. I see. God. Interesting. God and lifeguard. I see God. Interesting. God and lifeguard. Okay. Okay, ready? Yeah, I guess you can't think too hard of it. Three, two, one angel. Okay, Poseidon and Angel. Okay. Three, two, one mermaid. Greek.

Greek and mermaid. Okay. Greek and mermaid. All right. Three, two, one, wonder. One in ocean. One in ocean. One in ocean. Okay. Three, two, one. Wunder. Wunder in ocean. Wunder in ocean. Okay. Three, two, one. Whale. Whale. We did it. Okay. The wonders of the ocean. Of course are the whales.

Okay. Now let's try it again with three. Are you ready for this? Are you in Paul? Do it? And then we'll try three as the final round. We'll do you two on the me and Paul. All right, so me and Paul, ready? You got a word? No. I'm sorry. Do what I did, look on Twitter and just look for words.

Do what I did, work on. I just thought. Look, it's a thought. Oh, we've talked about it. I mean, like, you just thought and you thought, son. Well, I'm looking at a big yellow thing. Okay, ready Three two one Horse and science. Okay

What's like in between horse and science? Whatever you think up from Make no sense. I know it's okay. It. Just whatever that leads you to think, okay. Ready? Three, two, one. Veterinarian. Right. Okay. Frankenstein and Veterinarian.

Oh, that's good. Okay. Ready? Like I know what it is. Ready? If there's not a right answer. All right. Frankenstein and Veterinarian.

Ready? Three, two, one. Operation. Doctor in operation, okay. Doctor in operation, ready? Three, two, one, have the toy. You both picked so crazy. Wait, laboratory in epitome, come on.

Ready? Three, two, one, Operation. Operation in Scar. Do we already see Operation? No, no. Okay, Operation in Scar. Three, already see operation? No. No. No. Okay. Operation and scar. Three, two, one.

Stitches. You cheated. You cheated. Okay. New round you and me, Paul. Oh no. Try again. Why is it so terrible?

Okay. Ready? No. Here you're mind. Look on Twitter. Just look at anything. You're just going to be the think things that are in the room. But you can't think of anything that's not in this room.

Well, you thought of the sun, like that's hard to think of. It's a puppet. It's hard to think of. Okay. Three, two, one, space. Space and... Funny. Funny.

Three, two, one, space balls. You're good, see? Space balls. That's the funniest space thing that exists. It was the most obvious one. Plus space was already. Let's do three. Let's do three.

Let's do three. All right, let's do three. All right, okay. Let me look on Twitter. But see, here's, I'm wondering how much does, how much do you think looking at the person has to do with it? Do you think anything or nothing? I don't know. I don't think it's helpful to focus. Yeah. I don't believe that we're sending a psychic message to each other. Don't you? Well, maybe that's fun. Okay. Split your eyes and two direct.

Split your eyes. Okay. I'm looking at both of you. Wrangles. Boy, you ain't okay. Okay. All right. Ready? Got one? Yeah. Three, two, one. Lizard. Lizard vegetable. I said, Lizard too. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You did. We both thought that I was going the other way. Oh, because of Rango.

I didn't know what Rango was. This is spooky. Now tell me we're not sending psychic messages. That was crazy. Wait, so Lizard and Vegedible. Okay. Lizard and Vegedible. All right. Ready?

Three, two, one. Three. Salary, green and lettuce. Okay. Lizard and vegetable. All right, ready? Three, two, one, Sallie. Sallie, Green and lettuce. Okay, three. Three, two, one, two, one, two, one. Cucumber, produce and round. Cucumber, produce, round.

Ready? Three, two, one, two, one, two, one. Orange zucchini and pickle. Orange zucchini and pickle. Ready? Three, two, one zucchini and pickle. Ready? Three, two, one, salad. Salad, I said salad. What did you say?

Salad, I said supermarket. Supermarket salad. All right. Three, two, one, but I was gonna say sweep. Buffet, lunch and sweep. Okay. Buffet, lunch and sweep.

Ready? Three, two, one, shake it. Shies. Shakeies. Janitor. Shakeies. Janitor. Eat. Shakeies. Janitor. Eat. Shakeies. Janitor. Eat. It's not it now. It has to be now. It's right. It just works. No, it just works. Shakeies. Janitor and eat. Shakeies. Janitor and eat. Three, two, one. Pizza. pizza pizza hungry and What keys keys on the night? Wait, what was it pizza hungry and keys? Okay pizza hungry and keys Domino's door and

I'm going to one wait don nose and door door and uh Three to one Lock manager order lock manager order three to one close Phone phone you both said phone phone in close Three to one Catalog catalog Amazon in flip Okay 321 Amazon catalog catalog Amazon and flip. Okay, 321 trampoline.

Oh, you can say that I said buy and tramp like bisexual. Oh, okay, and trampoline. I accidentally said buy buy and trampoline. All right, ready? Okay, 321 order present bounce order present order present. Bounce. Okay. Three two one Christmas. I didn't say anything. Chuck and Christmas. We're still going. Check in Christmas. Okay. Three two one.

Present. As a car. Grandma presents in poor. Because it was bouncing the check. Grandma presents and poor. Three two one car. Where there's original. We're never going to. We have to. It is a original car and gift.

Was that right? Yeah. Where there's original car and gift. Ready? Three two one. Candy. Lone. We said candy.

We both said candy and you said Lone. Candy Lone. Candy Lone. Okay, I got it. Candy Lone. Three two one Allowance penny and what? Allowance penny and box

three two one I said pig you said pig piggy bank and coin purse stuff box My cocaine What the fuck? My cocaine. Look, it's not happening. It's a billfold. Come on.

Piggybanken coin purse. Come on. We got it. Focus. Okay. 321. Money, wallet, and pillow. Yeah.

You know, why is he... Like, I'm the crazy one. He said, pillow. We just have a side of a problem. He said bill. You're looking at me like what his brain doesn't work What was it what wallet pillow wallet and money will Okay, okay Money wallet and pillow ready You're ready? Money, wallet and pillow. Ready?

Three, two, one, Lisa. Per savings and Lisa. Per savings and Lisa. Okay. Okay, ready? Three, two, one, and eight dollars. Three, two, one, and eight dollars. It's a freedom for a local.

All right, we gotta call it. That's it. We'll see you next time on three to time the death. Four 30 p.m. Bye. Time to death! Ha ha ha! 4.30 p.m. Bye!