Threedom - Threevisiting: What Are You, a 3 Amigo?!

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss high school reunions and play Switch it and Pitch It. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Hello! Hello! Hello! And I am Lauren Laptopkins. And I am Paul Laptopkins.

And I am Lauren Laptopkins. So you're not... I'm Scott. Wait, which one of you? I am Lauren of Topkins. I am Lauren Lapkins. So you're not. I'm Scott. Wait, which one of you? I am Lauren. I'm Scott. This is my real voice. Learn what is your real voice?

This. No, is your real voice like a voice that you learn to do? My real voice is just what comes out. No, but I'm using it. No, no, no, but like is your real voice your Zatra jacket voice? And then you learn. Oh, and you haven't had, no, no, no, like is your real voice your zatch your jacket voice? And then you learn. Oh, you haven't had a, did you grow up with an accent? I only have an accent on certain words as you've experienced. I don't, I don't think I ever worked to not have it. And jacket. Is that your jacket is?

And, is that something? Um, and, uh, some things are a little Midwestern, but I don't really work to go against. But don't you sort of, you know, you just like what would your normal speaking voice be? No. Cause do you sometimes put on sort of more of a, I do think with certain people, I will find myself doing something like anyone just sort of being like, I'm so nice. I don't think you so much. You're talking to a black person, you're like, hey, man. I'm gonna respond to that.

Hey, my man. Hey, my brother. What's up? Um, but do you change your voices? Yeah, I think we have everyone changes their voices depending on the, we all code switch. All of us.

What is it called? Really code switch? Yeah, code switching is sort of like, you know, in the African American community, it's like the voice you'd use for work versus the voice you've been hanging out with. Yeah. Go see, sorry to bother you.

I do want to see that movie. I do want to see that too. It's good. Yeah. I grew up in the accent. I had to fill it up here, accent. Like what is that? You could call it.

Yeah, you doing Philadelphia's the only time I've ever realized what a Philadelphia accent. Like what is that? Um, you, you, you, you doing Philadelphia is the only time I've ever realized what a Philadelphia accent is. He'll do it in a second. But then since then, I've seen people on the news and I've been like, yeah, I've been like, that accent sounds weird to me. Let me look up if they're from Philadelphia and it's, that's what it is anytime I hear, yeah, right? Okay.

So do it. Oh, cause of water. So like, yeah, water. Um, so do it. Okay, so water. So like, yeah, water. Like your oes are like kind of. Oes, that's a big tip off, yeah. Like, is it just talk like how you used to talk? Let's get a coke and a hoagie and go home. You talked like that? I didn't, maybe not that severely, but yes.

Yeah. Okay, so like just say something else. Yeah, Mike, that's quite a nice bike. That's crazy. I love it. But I made a conscious effort to lose my accent. And how would you do it? Would you do it by watching eighth grade?

But how? By watching. Well, it's like, yeah, if you watch the news, you know, it's, and anybody on TV. Anybody on TV. Fake news, I got my fake news, Jack. And if you watch fake news, they're using fake voices. And I'm like, I'm going to do that fake voice.

I'm looking at a bag of sun chips and wondering when it's going to be put in the garbage. 100% whole grain more garden salsa. This is a pen. Good. But it is funny when you see someone doing like the news and they're you see like extra footage where they're just talking to the cameraman like, okay, they're like, hey, brother, we're here now. What's going to happen when the principal exits the school? And we will not know until we see which will be around 3 p.m. Of course, we will be waiting here for the moment, which is waiting until 3 p.m. for the principal act.

It's one o'clock and we have not planned this out very well. It's 1 p.m. And the principal from Paris Bueller is still inside of school. Oh no, what's that bring him up? It's the movie for the viewer. Drag him into this. Let's drag him in. Kicking and screaming, you got,

we're gonna talk about you, whether you like it or not. And that's your punishment. That's your punishment. Three people talking about you. I feel like on local news, the the anchors have to have like the broadcast standard speech, but then there'll be like the the consumer reports guy can have the local accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. And the sports person is always a little more like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the sports person is always a little more like,

I like sports. He just got like the asshole accent. Yeah, yeah. I'm just dumb jock accent. Oh, whammy. No, whammy is no way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, whammy is no way. No, whammy is the guy that beat that key. Yeah, because he memorized the pattern. I love watching that. I love it. I fucking love seeing them have to give all that my way. I love when it gets you. It's too much. I fucking love it. I think I learned to because everyone where I'm from is a surfer dude. So, hey, bra what's going on? It's all like this, and I grew up rebelling against that.

So I would intentionally say things in sort of mid-Atlantic. Accents in order to seem smarter than I was, and that's the news. And that's how you got on here. Here I am. And that's how we met. But you have done that we wouldn't have met. There are those people who have a different voice than they actually use, like Gilbert

Godfrey or whatever where it's like, then you, they're putting on a voice. And at what point is it real and not? It's so interesting. Yes, especially in comedy, it seems there are many people that you meet over the years who sometimes you just want to say just to talk normal. Right. You know, like I want to have a conversation with you. Just be the normal person. who sometimes you just wanna say just to talk normal. Right, just, you know, like I wanna have a conversation with you, just be the normal person.

Well, when I'm on my guy, sometimes I have to over and unsee because I will otherwise mumble, like I do in regular life. So, you know, and every once in a while, someone I just know personally will come do the show and I'll start off the show and I'll be talking. They'll be like, what's this voice you're doing?

You know, really? I put on a voice for the podcast, like just being more energized. Yeah, but I mean, that's just performed. But who would be on this, on, in this sort of setup that would be like, what's this guy doing? Well, someone who's never heard the show, but knows me and. But they've heard us show. Like, yeah, well, that's my point.

And they're a show business. What do you invite your old high school friends on the show? Well, that's my point. And there is show business. We invite your old high school friends on the show. Yeah, maybe I do. Don't do that. It's bad. Not entertaining. Hey, Lauren, are you going to your high school reunion or did you go or what? Actually, did we talk about this?

Um, it's possibly because my reunion was. Do do do do do do do do do do. Thank you. My tenure reunion was to. Can touch this. 14 and I was not in touch this. was do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do is this year, having heard a word about it. My, I mean, I assume there's a reunion. It's 10 years. I know, I know I think about it. There was one for my high school that I was not invited to. I don't know that I've gotten in a long time, a formal invite.

I've had delivered by a butler. Yeah, where's he? Where's Butler being? But my school, my high school was so big. I'm like, how were they gonna contact me? I don't know. What, how do people do it these days? I don't know, somehow my alumni association

has found me though. I don't, right. But. My 30th is this year, I haven't heard anything. Not people one, not people, maybe just. Do you want to go? I mean, like, we're living in a different time where I feel like I pretty much know whatever,

to some extent, I could find out what anyone's doing. I would like to go, but I don't know who would actually go. I would say 10 and 20. My mom once said something to me of like, they just get worse and worse as all your friends end up dying. That's darn it. And, but so that would be sort of it,

but I don't know, I would go because I still go down occasionally and see my friends from my school. So. I like all my friends, but I'd rather just get together with them. I would rather put on my own party and be like, let's invite the far- with this party be friends in hometown town.

But like, you know, and by like the people you weren't exactly friends with, but we're friends of your friends and then you could have a whole thing. But do I really? Do people really want to talk to each other and hear what everyone's doing? I don't know. I'm curious as well, doing people don't pose everyone from my high school who I don't really know anymore, but I'm curious what their doing has a private Instagram. I'm like, let me see.

Let me see the big pictures of you at a bar. I just want to know. I just want to see your shit. I just want to know. There's a few, there's a tiny handful of people that I'm still in contact with at all from high school, not even regular contact, but that people that we have each other's info, you know, I've been terrible about keeping up with that.

And it's not, it's nothing personal. It really is just that for me, especially, it's so long ago now, and we have not been in each other's lives. But you haven't, you didn't do the 10 or 20, right? I've never been to wise. So I feel like because I went to 10 and 20, it's like, oh, now 10 years later, I wanna see what all those people are up to again.

Like I feel like there's continuity there for me. I guess I don't. Like I feel the same way as Lauren that, if I wanted to see certain people, I would see them, but the people that I kind of knew in high school or the people that I just saw because we had classes together, but weren't necessarily my friends, I just feel like I don't know what that evening would be. Do you know what I mean? I think what I'm interested in is knowing, I like to know how a story ends or how it goes

where it's like, I have an idea of this person from high school and then I'm like, oh, I would love to know what happened next for them. If they were really popular, whatever they were, and then like, oh, and now they do this job, and that actually makes sense because back then they were kind of into this thing. I don't know, I'm just curious how life goes.

I was very nervous. I guess I've been honest'm just curious how life goes. I was worried. I guess I've noticed this. I was really, I thought that's fair. Is that terrible? I just don't. I'm at a different point where I'm like, everyone's figuring it out at this point in my life. For like, it seems like people are starting to find

the job they were like, care about. And then that's interesting to me. But like, you know, you probably are like, who cares? I mean, the people that I went to school with, and it was a Catholic school, and I feel like, you know, you probably are like, who cares? I mean, the people that I went to school with, and it was a Catholic school, and I feel like, you know, people, I would imagine that most of the people that I knew and hung out with that were in the like expanded circle, you know, people are married and they have kids and they work at castations. They all work at cast. Pumping my gas.

kids and they work at gas stations. They all work at gas pump in my gas. I was very nervous for my, for my 10 because I was like, I just, you know, you think about it growing up and you have, there's so much media related to high school reunion and stuff. And it sounds like it's going to be something. And it sounds like it's going to be this thing and you're nervous about what people will think of you and all sorts of stuff. And I was, and I was working as a waitress in the cocktail bar when I was I'm just thinking of a song. I think I was working on Mr. Show but I had Oh, I love the dance. I was working on Mr. Show but I hadn't gotten an Emmy nomination yet. So you I was working on Mr. Show, but I hadn't gotten an Emmy nomination yet. So you weren't?

So you felt like a failure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but you know what I mean? Like when I went to my college reunion, I had gotten me Emmy nomination. Right. And that seemed kind of cool. Right. But for this one, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm working on television. But the coolest thing was there was someone who was one of the popular girls in high school

and whom I was friendly with. So for her. But didn't really so for but I didn't really know her all that well. And she came up and started talking to me. I'm like, so what's been going on with you? And she's like, well, I'm divorced. I don't have a job.

And I went back to school to try to get something. And I'm just here. And she was like so cheerful about it. And I was just like, that would a great attitude. Yeah. So and it just put me at ease. And like, no, I've a sense of it. And you're like, I guess I can share with you

that I've nominated for an Emmy. I mean, it's so comfortable. Have you tried working at a guest, dude? But the 20th was fun, too. I don't know. I would like to go to a 30th if they have it. I just don't. But I like people I went to high school with.

Generally, although I hated a lot of them, generally there are some people. I like people. Here's my fear. Shout out to Phil, him and his out there in New York. I feel friends with most of the people that I really like at that time. So that's also part of it for me.

So I'm like, my fear and this is because I think when you move away from home, you are, you're not as reminded of the stuff from that time in your life because you've, you've moved into it. You're not, you're not seeing as, you're literally not seeing as many things that will remind you of those days, right? So I had dinner with a really close friend of mine. So I had dinner with a really close friend of mine. And he, you know, we hadn't seen each other in years and I was back in Philly for a gig. And he was reminding me of stories. And I, you know, I you'd blocked blocked him out. I think that's really true for the people who who have not moved away or who've back there. Yeah. They remember more from that time.

Yeah. Because they're constantly me. Even though I was an hour away, I had forgotten everything about it to the extent where I was at my friend's house. My friend had a really big mansion out there in Orange County and he had a huge backyard party and some of our teachers were there, including this one teacher that I had feuded with. And I was nominated for an Emmy at that point and she came up to me. The reason I mentioned is because she came up to me. She came up to me and was like, so, hey, how are you? So I understand you were nominated for an Emmy. So I guess what I told you that day when I have that discussion with you after class,

really must have stuck with you. And I was like, I don't remember anything that you're talking about. I don't really remember much from high school. I want to wear you as well. That's crazy. Good for you. I'm afraid like if I if I went to a reunion, especially now, because it's, it's, I graduated in 1986. And it's so long ago.

Yeah. That I feel like my fear is that it would be like that dinner that I had where I just wouldn't, you know, remember, remember that I have or so, there's so like fleeting where it's like just scraps of things and if somebody's gonna remind me of something that happened and I'm not gonna remember, I'm gonna feel terrible and I think what I would rather do, I don't have an interest in reminiscing. So when I think about going to one of these things,

it's not to talk about what we did in this book. The old days, yes, just what we're just talking about, whatever, yeah. That's one more interesting in that, like just seeing how people have evolved. Sure, but I feel like, don't you, I would imagine other reminiscing is a huge part of these things.

Yes, but I don't only think of that when I think of it. I think for some people it is, yeah. But there's a lot of conversations where it's just like tell me everything about your life and you're just interested. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. There's a lot of that. Tell me about your life.

Tell me something good. Tell me about your divorce, sir. Yeah. Can you talk about how California knows how to party. Well, yeah, I move to California and let me tell you. I'm born. Born. I'm born.

I'm born. What if you went to your reunion? And that was what the first thing you said. Okay, so anyway, I moved to California. Let me tell you something. California. California. Little Santa.

Little Santa. As part of it is that there's the dance you're doing sticking your two fingers up in the air. It's like little guns. California! And those at a party! In the city! You have good old wats! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, I would love that. Which is me. I would love it.

I don't care. Oh, I couldn't pop by the best. I was a con-a-pops by the best of it. Where have I been in these last 10 years? I was a con-a-pops by the best. I will say though, not having any conversations with anyone from high school for the 10 years, other than like occasionally my friend Phil

will reach out on Twitter or something. And then I'll go down and see my two friends every once in a while. Other than that, like not having any conversation or any interaction makes me kind of go, oh, I'm interested in going to the same thing. Well, same, like I used to have Facebook and then I would see everyone.

And I'm like, And not being on Facebook, I don't really. Yeah, so I don't have anymore. So I'm like, well, I don't really know what anyone's doing. And I will, every once in a while, random personal pop of my head from high school and I'll Google them. Joe. high school and I'll Google them. Joe.

Like Joe. I'll Google them and. Let me type in Joe. Then I'll get nowhere though because their name is more common than I thought and I'll remember. And there's pictures of sloppy Joe's. Not Joe.

You motherfucker. You motherfucker. You motherfucker. You motherfucker. But it's like I can't do my own Sleeting to figure it out because I have no other word to search with it There's no world is Joe Joe

That's something I said or do just no, okay It's like what did I do that stuff? He feels like a reference to something. It feels like you're hurting my feelings. I don't know why. My friend wanted me to go last year to his 30th because he was a year above me. He was like, I'll pay for your ticket. Just come on down and I was like,

was it at the prices rate? Did you know all the people? Cause I knew I was friends with a lot of that grade. I mean, I was in Drew Carrey. Sure. You're a school. Bob Barker. people. I mean, I was in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in so I would have known people, but I just, I was, I don't know. Maybe I was busy too. It felt weird. Do you go to college, Scott? I can't remember. I went to two years of community colleges, meaning I, I did two years at Cypress College, but

then I also went to other community colleges because they would have plays that I would audition to be in and you had to enroll at the colleges. So I think I went to like four schools for those two years, and then I went to like four schools for those two years. And then I went to my acting school for another two years. And we would have reunions there. Okay. Did you graduate with some sort of diploma? No, because in the acting, even though the acting school was part of a community college, everything that added up would not have given me a diploma.

That said, Temple University offered me to go right into the master's program just using that. My almost alma mater, Temple University, when you say almost, what do you mean? Why did not, I did not complete my studies. All right. So you did go there? I went there for a semester. One semester.

And what were your classes? It was like, what did I, I had a, I had an English class, I had a philosophy class, I had a math class that I was sort of forced to take. Oh. It was, what was so weird to me was, I was looking forward to when I got out of high school, I thought, I'll go into college,

I'll be able to decide what it is to study. I figured out. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. But then for some reason, I was made to take a math course. And it was like a remedial math course where it was just a, can I test you on some stuff? Two plus eight.

Two minus one. Hold on a second. Both of them. It was the class was a series of tests. The first question on the first test was add six plus seven. Oh, no, no. I was like, why am I here? I definitely know this.

Why, what is this? I keep your teeth, pretest to sit down and figure out. I was forced to buy an abacus, but were they increasing in difficulty so they just wanted to see where your cut was? Like in a minor way, like I went to summer I went to summer school for chemistry in junior year. I was, because chemistry was... I never took it. What's it, what do you do?

You pour shit into other shit? Yeah, and I kept missing. I spilled all over the place. So much acid. But there was, there's math involved in chemistry, and that was my down, math was always my down. How much shit before and other shit? What is it actually?

Or you're thinking, or you're coming up coming up with what is made up of something? Okay. And then adding, doing like those diagrams where you would show like what elements are in something. Yes, there's all kinds of, and it is like salt is made up of the experiments. With the experiments, you know, whatever.

Don't cause that. Is that what it is? Not available. Is it salt in A something? Where? Look it up. And then the ACL. Google it, Chef. Is it something? Is it something? N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A-S-U-N-A All I cared about was drama. You just love gossip. I want drama. Oh, no. No, I close up with you. Get me out of here. I was liberty.

I failed. Here's the weird thing. I came in having taken AP courses in high school. So I didn't have to take any math and I didn't have to take any English. So and I went in going like I want to get in and out of here. So I'm going to take way more credits than I'm allowed. I think you were allowed 18 or something like that. And I would take 23 or something and I would have to go and get permission.

They were like, well, you're obviously smart because you've taken all these AP courses in high school. So, yes, you are allowed. And then I would fail like every class because my, my, I had classes from eight to noon, then I had drama at two, and then I had rehearsals at seven for whatever show I was in, seven to 11, right? So what I would do is I would go to rehearsal at seven p.m. and at 11, then stay with my friends in the parking lot drinking beer till five. And then go home and sleep for one hour, wake up, go to class for four hours,

then go home, take a nap in between drama, then take drama, then take another nap before. Before. So I was fucked up the entire time and I would often just miss class. I would just, sure. I was, class was entire time and I would opt in just miss class. I would just sure. I was class was the thing that I would just totally blow off. So I failed art history twice. I failed every single semester, just like bringing home F's F's F's the only thing that I did well on was economics, because I think it's related to

math, which I was good at. Yeah. So, and my parents were just like, we can't keep this going for you. We're not going to keep paying, even though it was community college and relatively cheap, 250 bucks or whatever, they're like, you can't stay at home if you're going to be failing. Yeah. We're going to kick you out, you know. So, but I never cared. I just never, I never wanted a degree.

My parents were always like, well, what if you need to teach? I tell you, my parents, my mom said to me in 2004, like, do you think you'll ever go back to school? I just had this conversation too. I was like, my mom's like kind of not serious, but kind of like, but you always can. And I thought, you can always be a teacher. I was like, I don't want to do that. Yeah.

Well, also I'm stuck in my field. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that don't want to do that. Yeah. Well, also I'm a sick adult in my field. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that.

I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that.

I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I wanted to do. And I was immediately recognized by the community as somebody who had promise. You know what I mean? Like I got good feedback right away that you're an original person and you have talent of party. Calabar, yeah. Those out of party.

But after, so after I had moved out to Los Angeles and after I'd worked on Mr. Show, I'd been a cast member on a sitcom. Like, I never, from the moment I started working, I never stopped working. And I was home for Thanksgiving one year and my sister asked me to think you'll ever go back to college. And I was like, no one year and my sister asked me to think you'll ever go back to college I was like no, I back to what yeah, so weird thing because I always did hold college in high regard Like I was like I want to have a sure and I care like my parents really made it so that I had to have a degree Yeah

And I but I also like you were their biggest disappointment. I had got a degree. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I graduated from college. I have a degree in English from DePaul University. Oh, but I don't ever fucking use it. I don't understand the words that I'm going out of you about. But I, like, I cared about that.

And I, and I, because they did, I also, that was part of it. But I was like, I would really like to have a degree before I pursue this. I was also pursuing improv and doing a lot of stuff while I was in college, but I didn't pursue a career professionally until I graduated. And I, but I think about it now. And I'm like, I don't only know where I stand on it because I have so many friends who didn't go to college. And it's fine.

And I also understood at the time that it would be fine if I didn't or whatever, it wouldn't be the end of the world. But I still like really respected the idea of it. And when I think about like, oh, having kids and being like, what I make them go to college, I sort of still think I would make them. But I don't know. I'm not sure a degree means that much in certain fields anymore. And I mean, and I anymore. And I agree.

And I agree. But I'm saying, like, if they were interested in pursuing like the arts, and I, there's a part of me that thinks it would be good to have that as a backup. I will say that I have a friend right now who is, has been working in the arts for 10 years and wants to get out of it and wants a certain job. And she's saying, like, but I was one semester shy of getting my degree and I would need this.

And so it has come up for her. Yeah. And I have seen it come up for other people. When semester and that has happened to a lot of the way they like, I actually need one more credit. So close. Yeah. And then I just like, you can do it, right?

Which is good. Couldn't you know, you got a cigar? No, you got a cigar. These you get close, you do get a cigar. Is there a limit on when you are able to complete? No, I think you can do it at any point. Like a few. No statute of limitations.

You can go, but. I actually though, I will say there are so many subjects that I have no knowledge of, like chemistry for instance, I don't know how it works or what it is. And a lot of history and stuff that I occasionally will peruse a local colleges courses and say, I think it would be kind of fun to take a course. I think what stops me is writing a paper. I just don't want to write a fucking paper

about it. Yeah, I already hate writing my scripts. Yeah, it's like a good work. I'm a bad student in that if it's not something I'm completely fascinated by. Yeah, I can't make myself pay. I just want to go somewhere where some I'm not like ADD. It's just like I don't I become so wrapped up in the idea of like I don't want to be here. I don't want to be listed. I just want someone I want to go somewhere where someone tells me about something interesting and I go, oh wow. And I like leave going, wow, that I didn't know that anymore. But I guess that's books.

I didn't know that anymore. That's audio books. I didn't know that anymore. My mommy never ever understood my career or supported it for a very current to be in any way. She was like the kind of person where I would say, are you, are you proud of me and she would say, I'm proud of all my children. Oh, all right, loophole.

But she, and I was loophole. Her name was loophole. She lived on the second floor. My name is I live on the second floor. I am not proud of you. She after I lived out here for years and went back,

she, and it was, it was like at this point, it was clear. Not only is this what I'm dedicated to doing, but it's working out. It's like, I'm actually, you know, fine. She invited me. She suggested that I take lessons from my uncle. She gave me a great invitation. One that you know know Joe Spence?

Yeah. Joe Spence is an old friend of my wife, Jani, and my wife. My wife. Oh, my. A friend of my wife. She told me that one time he was. So not related to poor at it. She had her doing William Shatter.

She had an evite from him. An old friend of my wife. My wife! That's, that's for it. We're having volume of the stairs. My wife! She got an e-vite from Joel, and she opened it up, and it said Joel Spence has invited you to go fuck yourself,

and she was the only person that was in the way. Okay, that reminds me of something I may have told in the show. Wait, my mommy story. But hold on a second, you can make it. But I want to think about it before you use bank. Yeah, I think it's very hard. Because that's how hard you're gonna get. I'll think about it.

She told me, she suggested that I take lessons in piano tuning from my uncle. Tuning, no, because yeah, you're on. And I said, why would I do that? She said, well, to have something to fall back on. Because piano's popular. That's wrong. It's fucking time. Yeah, no, there's so much popular, so much more popular than show business.

I probably do better out here than he did back there. That's true. He actually did very well for himself. So don't worry about him. He did. I will say my, my father said something nice to me once Which was I think he came out to a cafe courty. Oh, I've talked about it on the show And he

He's very he was very upset with me. I loved it Stop it. He's begging us to go eat there He wants to walk in and he his signed headshot on the wall. And it says I used to work here. Anyway, what? He says I used to work here. He was very, he was very... And they just have all their former employees

doesn't matter if you've ever done anything. They've never used to do anything. That would be great though. Every single employee. Yeah, I'm paying. I pay for everything. Everyone, everyone. On your first day, you get a headshot taken. They have a photographer on call 24 hours a day.

On your last day, they make you sign it. Or as you're ready, I used to work. Even if you're quitting in a half-throw, it's not a bad idea. I would like to go somewhere where you could see everyone who'd ever worked there. Do you really see that problem? And just I used to work every single picture has.

I used to work every single person. Cause if you get a pie, I'm gonna click or it's on over. I'm just imagining that would be great. Mm hmm. Okay. So he came to visit me and he was always very strict with me and very disappointed. So water on you to wake you up.

Yes, but very disappointed in my studies and how I am with money. And he, Are you exiled to economics? Yes, but so he came to visit me at the restaurant once and have lunch and then he said, you know what, I used to worry about you, but I realized that even if you don't make it

in show business, I realized people like you, you do well at your jobs and I just think you're gonna be okay. And I was, yeah. I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah, absolutely. My parents believe in me.

And so they were like, you're gonna make it no matter what. No, they didn't, I don't think they always thought that, but as I've developed, you know, a career and I've to the point where I know I will be okay, they are like the supportive of me and not trying to tell me not to. My mom or once my will say something like, you know, if you always want to do something else,

you always can't. Because I think she sees the stress of it as being, like I've learned not to tell her most of the ins and outs. Well, no, but like, no. Like where it's like, I don't want to talk about every audition because then it's like, oh, did you hear about that audition? And it's like, well, no, I never hear about any audition. It's just like, you don't.

Right. They don't understand that. That's a very specific thing. Yes. Is that you have to stop telling people about auditions because they don't understand. They can't, I mean, on the one hand, yes, it is. It's cool. It's like, it's a series of job interviews.

Right. And if you don't get the job, then the normal, in normal thing is in the life. The normal circumstances. Well, you want that job. Yeah. Yeah. So you don't ever hear if you don't get the job, then the normal, the normal thing is the circumstances. Well, you want that job? Yeah, yeah. So you don't ever hear if you don't get an audition. And then I have like other things where it's like you're waiting to hear about something. And I'm like, I'm personally stressed waiting to hear about this thing. But if I tell her that, then she's going to be stressed.

And then she's like, did you hear yet? Did you hear yet? And it's like every fucking thing. No. Just shut the fuck up. To know that I feel as crazy as you do, but it's better just to give you some good news when it happens. But I think the part that makes me want to tell her is the part that I'm like, see, I

always have some hope going. Like, even if I'm doing, I do all my little things that keep me going and I always have something flowing. But like, there's, but there's like, there's always a big hope that's kind of there. And like, oh, the big hope is. I'm just saying that. Dolores, Lapkeshill. No, but I'm just saying that there's like California. I'm trying to make a point.

Which is just that, like, there's potential, like, oh, I'm waiting to hear about this thing. And it's like, that'll keep me going in my day to day life. But like, for me, that's good. But for her, that's more as important. It's like, it's like, for me, it's like, there's always some positivity circling. good. It's like, for me, it's like there's always some positivity circling, like there could be something, then maybe it'll go away, and then something else will be the thing.

It's not a life for people who like structure things like that. And I know where you know what's going to happen, what kind of money you're going to have. Like, planning, all that kind of stuff. It's very difficult for people to understand. Yeah. I think a funeral. My, the opposite of which though,

is I would tell my parents about things to make them feel better about my life where I would be like, oh yeah, so, you know, this script I got, I made the deal to write this script and they didn't end it up not making it, but you like I paid this much to do everything's cool and my my mom would just go like I don't get how your career works, but I guess it's fine. I'm trying to explain it to you Because you wanted something to point to I feel like with her friends to be like look my my son's show is out or moving I here's where I totally understand that is because when I would have to like with her friends to be like, look, my son's show is out or moving. Right.

Here's where I totally understand that is because when I would have to, you know, get a new apartment or something, to have to explain on a form like how you make a living. Yeah. It would fill me with so much stress. Like no one's going to believe this. Like when you see on paper, it looks like crazy. Ridiculous. You just show Bing's statement. Just when you see it on paper, it looks like crazy ridiculous. But do you just show bing, statement just bing?

Because I feel like that's what I always am led to. You have to say like, you have to see how much money I have. For more employer. Yeah, the last time I had four employers. I never had one. It was just, I never really, I never put an answer. I never put an answer. Yeah.

Because I'm like, I have, they can explain it. I used to do that to you. But no one's calling them. If you can say like, I have this much money, I can pay this, like whatever it's like. Yeah, how much money do you have? That's all you learn. All right, we need to take a break.

We'll be right back. We need to take a break. We'll be right back. Hi, we're back. Hi. I'm just locked me out of a desk. Well, that's where you go during the breaks. Mommy, I swear I haven't figured out.

I go inside. Scott Ocrawman's asshole during the breaks. Oh, Mommy's and daddies. Mommy's and daddies, well, I'm done with those. Mommy's daddy. Yeah, when do I? Poor Paul. Sorry about that.

Okay, no, Mommy, no. It's life. It was Father's Paul. Sorry about that. No, Mommy, no. It's life. It was Father's Day or Mother's Day. Is it difficult or is it? No, it's not. It's not for me. I mean, it's a combination of, you know, they've been gone for a long time

and our respective relationships. Like I was close to my mom and my dad. My dad was so remote. She sounded great. You know what, I mean, she was not easy. She was not easy, but she was, I know that she loved me. You know what I mean? We had a lot of great times too.

She was close too. I was gonna say it, but I helped that is I wanted you to have a chance. That she would say, she could say that easily. She could say that she loved me. But yeah, we had, there were good times with my mom, but she was not easy, but my dad was so quiet and remote that it's like, he, it's like he's the same now

as when he was alive. Wow. It's really, I mean, it really is like that. I would call him twice a year. I would call him on Father's Day, I don't it really is like that, you know? I would call him, I would call him twice a year. I would call him on Father's Day and on Call Him on his birthday. And it was always like an awkward conversation. Right. So it's almost like you don't have to do those anymore, which is kind of nice.

Kind of, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting thinking about those relationships. I don't know. Just thinking about people going into like someone who just like it's like thinking about those relationships. I don't know, just thinking about people going into, like someone who just, like it's like thinking about somebody having a baby and then being like,

I'll be a very detached father. Like, you're just like, I know. It's not a purpose, I'm sure. A different too. What was expected of you has changed so dramatically over the years. Well, I also don't know what changed,

like because my mother and father did not have a good relationship, they must have had it for a while, must have been okay. But growing up, I don't remember, I never saw them exchange any affection and they effectively stopped speaking to each other, you know, when I was very young, you know, and they would like, when they had to to talk about, you know, whatever about the house, they would talk to each other, but it's not like they would strike up a conversation, you know.

I remember them doing stuff, we would all do stuff as a family when I was little, but I think like definitely by the time I was in, say, like eighth grade, they were done, you know. Right. Separate bedrooms and- Really? Yeah. yeah, yeah. Which I was-

Some people do that for- For a- Some people do that for the safe- For snoring. Yeah, and like, and I, well, first of all, I knew a couple who did that a while ago and they had two separate rooms, but then, and like, they were decorated totally differently and they had their own style.

And then I was just reading about the son a blog, talking about people's like marriage advice or whatever. And I was like always have separate rooms. And all these people were talking one one person's quote was all about how they sleep in separate rooms for snoring. And my person was autistic. And then they have very specific things that who was that? Who was that? Was that you, Paul? That was like weird. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch I got my reasons. I got my reasons. Anyway, so they have a lot of sensory issues. So that was, you're not sleep next to somebody. But I think it's interesting. I mean, obviously, your situation was different than those, but to think about it, people doing it so that their relationship will work is interesting.

Like, but yeah, it sounds like it was more like, I don't want to be. So it was like, why would we, do we need to do this? Well, I didn't think it divorced. I don't want to be like, why would we do we need to release it? Well, I didn't think it divorced. I think it was because of religion and because of it was just, I think for my mom was like, well, what would I do then? Where would I go? Yeah.

You know, all these kids and everything. You know, I just don't see, I think it was probably like logistically, how would this work? It's just such a big can of worms when you decide to do that apparently. That, no, it's just... Is it like in separate rooms? No, getting a divorce is just like, it's the unknown.

So much of it is the unknown of like, we gotta split up our money, we gotta get two separate places. It's just so much that's, I think for some people, it's just like, fuck it just I'll just see this one out Yeah, and I don't know my dad I don't know if he ever lived on his own, you know what I mean? I think he went from You know his parents house to the Navy to marriage, you know, yeah, yeah, um sort of my parents. Yeah, my my I mean my mom I think that she married to get out of the house, you know boring mom

Yes I think that she married to get out of the house. You know? It's boring, mom. Yes, no games. What's that marriage show or I'm not doing anything? Sign me up. Yeah, but I, as far as like being a detached dad, I can't imagine like having a baby and not always wanting to be like, oh, I love you, I love you. Yeah, hugging it and kissing it.

Well, but that's babies are a different thing then when someone develops their own personality. It's like, I don't know what to do with you now. Yeah. Talk it, sassin' back. Sassin' back. Sassin' back. Don't you sass me. Sassin' back.

Um. Sassin' back. No, but I know, yeah, I mean, you know, I love that. I think about that Odin Kirk joke and his act a lot about how his son is his worst roommate. He's ever had. But the trouble is he loves him more than any other roommate. He's like with old other roommates. It's like, God, this dick I live with.

But for him, it's like he he sucks it. I love him so much. But you know, it's just, I just can't imagine, like not every day of that person's life. But then I guess life just gets in the way where you're just like, oh, I gotta do this shit. Right, in your stressed out or what? And especially with parents, I think with fathers, especially because I feel like my father was sort of like this

where it's just like, you know, You're expected my father was away for months and months, you know in the national guard You know, it's just like I go go take care of shit and you take care of the kids. You dad would take trips, right? But he took trips for fun. Did he have a nice fall? Yeah For just like weeks at a time every few years. Where would he go? He would bike across like Africa or like Vietnam and do all these like, he's a psych... Shit.

He's an avid cyclist. He comes to do it in Atlanta all the time. He has a bike at my house. Really? Yeah. That's cool. It's like weekly. It's like really nice. That's so cool to have something that your mom doesn't do

and is not expected to do and he's just like later. Yeah, and my mom, sometimes it was dresser out, but they also traveled together and enjoyed going on crazy trips like Morocco, or somewhere interesting and living. My dad is very into when he travels, like living as close to being local as you can. Really, so not being in a hotel or?

Well, depending, I mean, usually hotels, but like not being fancy, it would be. So we went to France when I was in high school and my brother and I shared a bed. And we were both like, oh, we're like so mad. And like, pillows, and we're like, oh, thank you. I don't wanna get horny. I don't wanna get horny.

You don't wanna actually touch someone. I was like, probably 15, he was like 18, or just like my dad would be like, being cheap and doing like your kids. Well, it's the French way. And I'm like, no. And then we went to Italy. We would go on these cool trips, but then I'm,

you know, kind of just do it like on the chief. Yeah, but I mean, I still like think that was cool. I don't know how many. I'm sure that you have more interesting memories about it, though, because. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I'm sure that you have more interesting memories about it though because Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, we went to Sienna and my dad knew his friend was a chef who led cooking classes and it would go on a trip to Sienna every class. So we were going to Italy, so we went and met up with the class and stayed at this, it's in the countryside of Italy

and stayed in this really cool like villa or something. But it was so hot, we slept at the windows open and my brother and I were sharing a room and then he was covered in mosquito bites when we woke up like, well, it's like, oh, somebody said they didn't really get me. Like I didn't know. Oh, those pillows you put up.

It was smart. No, but I don't know if we were sharing about it at that point. That was just one time. But one time. One time. He was covered in these welds. It was crazy. But we made pasta with this class by hand.

And then I ate a cherry off a tree. It was the first cherry I ever had in my life, because you know, I have all these weird things. I never ate my whole life. And I like, I've never had a blueberry. So I was an adult. I'm sure I've told you. I don't think I do that.

Spanking? No. She's good. No, what? She said it or what? She said it, but she professed it. So she's okay. Okay. Thank you. The ruling coach kept it referee. I was trying to think, but I'm pointing out three in my head. I had, we would pick cherries off the tree to eat with our homemade pasta. And I had my first cherry that way. And it was like the best cherry I've ever had my life. Oh, wait, by your name. I know, I simply fucked it.

I popped it's cherry. And I have a lot of great memories from those trips, but my dad likes to be a ventrith. You know, one of the best trip memories that I've had was in coast. Tremaries. Tremaries was Costa Rica. It's also memories of the movie Trevoror movies tremor movies tremor. Well the series tremor in Costa Rica, you know, we were we were up in the club forest and

It's very relaxing and of course we got a massage Ecclesiastes. Yeah, all that kind of stuff But like one when you're looking through the activities of stuff you can sign up for, one of them was come help out in the kitchen. And it was like, I was kind of like, what? And close like, yeah, I want to do this. And so we signed up for it. And you go and the people in the kitchen were like, make and lunch and they were like, here, let's show you how to make a Rose Compollo.

And you know, they just like teach you how to make this thing. And then you make it for like the people who are dining there. And that's, I mean, it just felt like, yeah, stuff like that is that you wouldn't expect, no, I want to relax. I want to have fun or whatever. It was like one of the more memorable. Yeah, I think that's cool.

That is cool. And then we just like smushed our hands together and people's chicken and we're just like, oh, gone, I'm hurt. I would've liked to lick my hand and touched the jaw. We also were on horses and we'd never ridden horseback before. Why? We haven't horses in the kitchen.

What do you, what do you, what do you, a three-amigo? What do you, a three-amigo? You, a three-amigo. Why are you a three-amigo? What do you, one, two, three? Get off. Very dangerous horse trip, but we were like, we've never been on horseback before. Is this cool? Is it going to be easy? They're like very, very easy. Then we're

traversing across streams and shit. We're weird thing to say very easy. Yeah. The most natural thing in the world. Not on the show. Thank you. But it was very, it was very, very fun. It didn't seem dangerous as much as we were like, should we be doing this? I never felt like I was gonna be thrown. I feel like I'd like to try that again. I did it at summer camp, I was on a horse. Yeah, but I've not really had it like a strong desire to do it.

I haven't ridden one since I was in high school. Yeah, it was fun. You guys do it as a thing. I remember being nervous. I've been the last time I did it, I was probably like 15 and it was on like a trail. But it's so high up, like I feel very high up when I'm on a horse, that's what's freaking me out is that I'm gonna fall off it or something.

Well, I just don't wanna be, yeah, I don't wanna get like Christopher Reeved or whatever and I was sort of like worried about that, but it was fun, I don't know, you know? But I guess. I'm on a little horse. Yeah, well these might have been. I've been on a mini horse.

These might have been slightly more little than normal. I've been on the mini horse. I've been on the mini horse. I've been on the Pumble Horse. I've been on the Pumble Horse, do da, do da. I've been on the Pumble Horse. Do do da, do da, do da. Oh, do da, do da, do da.

Do do da, do da. I've been on the Pumble Horse. Do do da, do da. We have to take a break. Goodbye. Goodbye, break. Goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Ha ha ha. Can you fuck and believe yes, I do believe that we're back We're back We're back

Okay, who has their feature? Was it you Paul who was it? Oh, no, no is me. Oh, that's right We're gonna do we're gonna read we're gonna use one of our previous times Who got speaking a three and you guys? Look up here look up here. That was funny We are going to redo one of our ones from earlier in the season. We're going to redo Switch It in Pitchet. Oh shit, fan favorite, I think.

We all know how this is played. Oh, no. No, it's not a flat shit. But does California know how to pitch it? OK, so this is where we, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you. We are going to say to a two of us will say, two of us will say to one person will give that person a title of a TV show or a movie. Let's do movies this time because we did TV show last time. So this is, this is, we'll give you a movie title and you have to, you have to do the

opposite, do a title that is the opposite of whatever title it is. Like every word is its opposite. And then you have to pitch that movie to us. Sphere, for example, would be cube. Exactly. Thank you. Perfectly said. But you can't pitch the movie cube that already exists. Well, gleaming of it, of course.

So we're doing movies, not TV shows. Let's do movies this time. Okay. You are that right. Okay. So do we start? You are. Who wants to see one of the pitch stars?

Yeah, we definitely have to start at some point. I want to be pitched to. You want to be pitched to? Oh, okay, why don't we do? Scott, you're the best at it. So why don't you pitch to us? Okay, so you guys do a title. Hi Scott.

So, um, when we said you have a movie, well, first we have to give you the thing. Movie title. Oh, Oh, movie. Well, first you guys got to give me the thing. Movie title. Shit. What's a movie? Okay. So Paul, we know, we know you're bad at this. What's a movie that's ever been made? Top gun. Top gun. Okay. Bottom. No, I have to do I come up with the, but I was going to say bottom. Okay. Yeah. Really. What's the opposite? All right, guys. Hey, thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for seeing me. Thank you so much for seeing me.

Thank you. What's studio is this, by the way? It's amazing pictures. Amazing. Amazing picture studios. Picture studios. I'm Martin. Thank you, Mr. Allison.

Thank you for meeting us at 5.30 pm on Friday. That's OK. I figure you probably have one last decision to make before the end of this video. We have three minutes. That's okay. I figure you probably have one last decision to make before the end of this video. We have three minutes. Okay, great. Well, I'm here to pitch a great movie called Bottom Sword. Bottom Sword.

It's a gay film. It can be. We're open to queer content. If that's what you're into, it can be. Well, don't just change on my account. Tell me exactly what it is. We have a queer eye for the film guy you got a queer eye in your

where are you? I usually say rass whole wrong She likes to wrestle assholes Listen, that's so funny. Is that so funny? Can you use my name like a Scientologist? I like that? Yes, meanwhile Mark was it? Martin. Martin.

Oh, and he's back in the hole. So now, bottom sword. Bottom sword. Okay. It's about a person in the Navy. Oh, the truth. Admiral. An Admiral in the Navy.

And it's very American. And he's a real hot dog. You know, he likes to take American as hell. Yeah. So he's the first hot dog to achieve know, he likes to take the American as hell. Yeah, so he's the first hot dog to achieve the rank of Admiral. Of course, yes. He's the first one to watch. He's the hot dog in a stick on a fork. Is this animating?

He's on a fork and he's... Is he on a fork and a lawn? And then a raccoon comes over and tries to eat it. Oh, maybe it escapes. Is it CGI or is it played by Hulk Hogan? This is definitely played by Hulk Hogan. Those are the two bad choices. Along with Edward Norton. He's the most hot dog. Edward Norton played by Hulk Hogan. Along with Edward, Northern hands.

He's the most hot doggan. Edward Norton hands? Yes, Edward Norton hands. Just his hands, we're going to put green screen all over the rest of his body and use just his hands for the hands of the hot dog. Which are green. Which are green, yes. And then we're going to CGI completely everything.

Also the buildings are CGI, but Hulk is real. Hulk is real. And Hulk Hogan is real. And this- That's what I meant when I first saw. Hulk is real. Hulk is real. I mean, in real life, he's real. He's so close.

Yeah, he big hit. He big hit. So basically these ships go off and they race each other and it's very cinematic. His cinematic is fuck, guys. And then at the end- Oh, religion. religion, which religion? Scientology.

You said Scientology like it was a bad thing though early. We're saying I just noticed the moog girl of a Scientology. Thank you, Allison. Yes, thank you, Scott. Okay, well, and at the very end, the hot dog takes out his sword and he, Why does he have a sword? He has a sword because he's in the Navy,

obviously it's part of his, in the Navy, like the YMCA. He's an Admiral. He is, he's in the Navy obviously it's part of his in the Navy like the why I'm saying He's an admiral. He's gay as hell Power bottom and he takes it off and he shoves it up the bad guys Bunghole and goes hey bottom sword. Okay, so we're gonna talk about this. Okay Look we already have the other movie where the guy ends with the big guy shoving I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah, I fall asleep. Okay, good. So many two so let's guys you're awake right now and I can hear a lot on our plate. So I think the answer is a big fat no

Followed by just getting the answers. Yes. Yeah, I did it. It's I love to tease now Of course that was a prank and I get 500 points. That's right Very good. Okay. I'm ready to pitch. You're ready to pitch. Okay. Paul, do you want to do it?

Or do you want me to do it? Let's confer. Oh, confer. Mm-hmm. So we've already used Top Gun. That one's out. Yeah. Other than that.

Wide open field. How about... Should we stick with Tom Cruise films? Oh, we can do that. Do you wanna do a Tom Cruise themed? Yeah. There's Mission Impossible. The Last American Virgin.

What's he up there? Is he? Is he in the Last American Virgin? Shevon, Google it, Chef. He's, he's, yeah. Okay, it does matter. Let's just say that anyway. What's a no, what's his what's that sex romp comedy that he did when he was a risky business? No, he did he did another

one of these kids losing head or so like. Yes. Was it losing it? I think it was losing it. Look up his early films, Chef. In Google it, Chef, if you will. Tom Cruise Filmography, what are his early movies? I would say it's in his first, it's aftertaps, but around the time of risky business, you're typing way too many, losing it. Okay, it's losing it. Let's just do the last American version, because I think it'll be okay. I'll go ahead and clear it up, losing it, though. Okay, great. All right, the last American Virgin. Hello. I'm in the right room. Yes, you are.

I know. What are you looking for, yeah? Yeah, I'm looking for the bathroom. Oh, great. Oh, great icebreaker. Of course I'm kidding. You should on our floor. Okay, so.

Diarrhea, too, like, running diary. Okay. That's hard to clean up. I have an idea for a film. Of course, hope we can ignore the diary on the floor. I have an idea that I think would be great for your studio. All right. Well, you know, our studio is a very specific studio.

Very niche. Yeah, so that means nice. Yeah, we only do movies that are either under $1 million or above $700 million. So which one of? It's under, what was it? It was under $1 million or above $700 million. Under $1 million. Under $1 million. Under $1 million. Under $1 million. OK, good. Yeah, I was saying? It was under one million or above 700 million. Under a million.

Under that'll save us some money. Okay, good. Yeah, I'll say hundreds of millions. Well, we will spend hundreds of millions on advertising. Yes. Oh, okay, he could. So this film is called the, was it, I'm sorry, the first, I don't feel good. We're all going, no. Did you do your diarrhea? No, I'll pulse it. I don't feel like I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I the first Mexican slut. Oh, great title.

I mean, I'm I look at if you can fill up 90 minutes, just based on that title. Oh, well, that's my, you sent me out perfectly for my little joke I like to do in my pitch. Sure. So I'm just going to open a window because it's really right.

I just can just be a bit more professional. I ignore that I did that. Oh, okay. Okay. So we apologize. That's a bold thing to say, but you're, you're meeting with the meeting on your terms. I like I respect it. I'm a week.

Yeah. Okay. Thank you. So it's not should we do mommy? Well, listen up. I'll put your hands in your crotch and hold up tight. Done. So it's about Jane the Virgin from the TV show Jane the Virgin.

The first, but it's a Mexican. Is that what it's about? It's a spin off. Oh, and so you know the plot of that. So this movie is a spin off of the TV series. Yeah, it's okay. I don't know. It's never been done before at least. This is a first. The plan is to be as offensive as possible. Oh, so that's why you die, Reid. Oh, well, yeah, that sets up an important part of the film. Oh, the window now. Okay, you want to soak it up? Now that I understand it's a bit. You know, on Jane the Virgin, she's accidentally impregnated. Of course.

Yes, I watched a re-episode. Yes. Now on this show, it's exactly the opposite. Oh, she's intentionally impregnated. Intentionally impregnated. And by many men, yes. She's actually not impregnated by many men. Okay, so she uses condoms or pulls out.

Yes, she pulls out her vagina out of the dick. And of course, this is something that, excuse me, I'm sorry, you were distracted. And I was distracted by my assistant, Shevin. I don't feel safe here. I thought I saw ghost. It was just Shevin. It was so sorry.

I need to just speak up because there's a woman in this era right now. I want to Weinstein you. Is that a weird thing to say? No, it's not. Keep in mind, I'm also a woman. So no, you're not. Wait, is it obvious? Let me just cut to the, I was doing it disguise.

Let me just cut to the chase here. You're wearing a good old lady wig. Yeah. A pants suit. Yeah, we're, yes. No, you're holding a cane that says, I'm a lady on it. Yeah.

Let me just cut to the chase here. I don't think I want to help. He's still starting to do the chase here. We need content. I don't think I want to give it to you guys. This sounds perfect. No, no, no, stop. Stop.

I actually don't think I want to work with you. Well, because you even feel so disrespected. It's refreshing. So, I'm not interesting. Perfect stop stop. I actually don't think I want to work with you Because you made me feel so disrespected So I'm on interesting so When you are interesting you did diarrhea on the floor twice And can I the pitch should be fair you also seem like a bitch That is true. I am a bitch and I am right here to you. I'm not listening to the patriarchy anymore I want you both go fuck yourself and I will take my idea to the studios Everyone wants to listen to me, so thank you very much. I'm my diarrhea. a patriarchy anymore. I want you both to go fuck yourself. And I want to take my idea to the studios where everyone wants to listen to me.

So thank you very much. I'm my diary at Greta, on the way out. Oh, well, her diary is gonna greet us. On the way out. We really do that meeting. We really did. We need movies. We haven't bought a single one.

How did she see through my disguise? All right. Oh, your turn to pitch. Oh. Paul, your turn to pitch. I'll write my turn to pitch. Lauren, do you have a movie or? Yes, well, I can put the other one, but so to do. Okay, my idea is risky business. Risky business, risky business.

Okay. Hey, thank you so much for meeting with me. I really appreciate it. What's your name again? My name is Paul. Paul. Shevon, you didn't tell us Paul was coming. You said it was a woman named Rita.

You slut. I to be fair to Shevon. In the, when I was in the way the group, I was wearing a full woman disguise and a name tag that said Rita. Okay. No problem. Sorry to call you a slut, Sheldon. Okay, no problem.

That's why I'm dripping with sweat because I hardly changed my clothes. Oh, okay. In the, like the 30 seconds. So did you trick your way in here? Did we not, I mean, we're, no, no, no, this meeting is on the books. I just tricked Shevon.

Oh, okay, that's funny. Oh, so you're pitching us a film. Yes, I am. And what's it called? It is a drama. It is called safe pleasure. Safe pleasure. Yeah, I'm interested.

So it's like, so, like, it's safe. So it's like, yeah, safe, safe, all of these things and more. It's every, it's safe. So like see. Yeah, safe. It's all of these things and more. It's every, it's every pleasurable activity you can think of with safety precautions highlighted before everyone happens. I see. So I'm thinking of Frisbee golf.

Do people like it in movies? They love it. Then it's in there. It's in there. Yes. Before anyone does any physical golf. I don't like playing it because I imagine a Frisbee hitting me's in there. It's in there. Yes. And before anyone does any of this. I don't like playing it because I imagine a frisbee hitting me in the nose. That's right.

The bridge of my nose. So people are wearing helmets like medieval soldiers that have that, you know, like a little metallic guard that's like, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, I like it. What's another activity that people enjoy? Well, in my life, riding under a horse who's running, you grab on grouping around to its little hair. You'll like, you keep fear of horse. Yes. Yes. That's in there.

And it hears the twist. The safe twist. Mm-hmm. The people are on top of the horse on a saddle wearing a helmet. I love this. I love this. I don't know. Something my kids love to do, which is to grab at both at cars. We are absolutely. That's fun. We are main protagonist. There's several protagonists. Oh, okay. Raging from main to the least. Okay. But you love them all equally, right? No. you love them according to how much screen time they get. Oh, okay. Yes. And so our main protect.

So we're told we love them based on how much we see them. Someone's whispering in our ear that we love them because we're seeing them more. How do we know we love them based on their amount of screen time? Absence makes the heart grow colder. So the less you see the people, the less you care about. And is there a disclaimer at the top of the movie that says that or like a- It's just sort of subtitle. Like if you saw Birdman, the full title of the movie is,

Safe Pleasures, Absence makes the heart grow colder. The less you see any of the characters in the movie, the less you care about them. Thank you for seeing the movie, Birdman. I put a stoppy right there. Yeah. I love this guy. I love this guy. I love this guy. I love this guy. I love this guy.

I love this thing. I love it. You want to be with him? I want to be with him. He is my dream boat, man. I want to be at a boat. I'm at a boat, T-Pain. I want him.

So my friend isn't doing so well. I want him. I'm losing it. I'm friend of you. I want him. Are you empowered to make decisions by yourself? Yes, I am losing it. I'm friend of you. I want to please, Kim. Are you empowered to make decisions by yourself? Yes, I am. And with that said, I need to kiss him before I can.

You need to kiss him? Like a full on kiss or like a pet? You think I want to skip pet if I'm begging you to kiss my co-worker? Oh, I like this a lot. I'm taking my colds off now. Just grab his face. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. You've got a deal. Yeah. Here's a check for $1. Yeah, dollar option on your idea. But we're going to explore it. We're going to develop it.

Okay. For you. For you. Listen, I have to tell my mommy exactly how this meeting went. So what is like a thing that will impress her when I tell her what's the you. Exactly. Yeah, I don't think she's going to be impressed by that. I'm going to say who it was.

I'm going to tell all my friends about this story and they'll be impressed. I'm going to tell them about this story. I'm going to say I've got a great story. I'm not going to tell you. Can I tell her we're in development? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You have to sign this NDA, so you can't tell anyone anything. It's a very strict NDA where you have to tell all your friends that you're dead. And you also to sign this DTM as well, which is a don't tell mommy. Don't tell mommy and you can't tell mommy. And actually solves a problem for me. It also stands for downstairs. For down to masterate. And oh, I'm always. So, but we're going to put no bituary in the New York Times. No, but it's like never died. I don't know who hasn't died. Okay. So no bituary. So it's a waste of paper. It's a waste of paper hundreds of pages

of. But it's so much What would you rather read when you wake up in the morning and all these people died? Or people I have a guy am I signing both a thing that makes people think I'm dead, but you're also putting in No, but you're just confused people Okay, we haven't the ND8 so that people think you're dead and then the no-bitch We're clear set up if they're willing to do the reason to go through thousands and thousands of pages Can I also ask you all we're signing things because you sign my DNR?

Yeah, what does that stand for? Do not resuscitate. Yeah. Oh, are you sure? Yeah, yeah, I mean, no problem. Like if you so if you guys die, it will not resuscitate you. Yes, I have a DNR, but it stands for don't not remember.

And it's just a way for me to forget a bunch of stuff for my life. Like a sense. What have you forgotten? Well, that's what I'm not sure. Yeah, we'll see. It proves it. Will you sign this G and R? It's a Guns and Roses album. Yes, of course. I've never met any of the members of Guns and Roses. Dear Paul Axel Rose. Yeah. Let me down. Oh, you still got it. Let me sign this, dear Paul, keep rockin' signed Duff. Thank you. All right, I think this is the first Guns and Roses movie, branded movie.

Yay! Yay! Aw. That was fun, everyone. Another sex, that's all right! That's what I bet you bet you bet. That's fun. Guys, we gotta go.

That's the time we have. We've had fun. I've had fun. Lauren? I've also had fun.'ve had fun. I've had fun Lauren. I also have fun. Oh Fun until next week. We hope that you have fun doing whatever you do. We love you. We love you Oh, and by the way, I want to thank I talked about this on a previous episode I'm giddishfully the way fair company with their wonderful song drop the mic. They sent me the MP3. I want to hear it as we go out. Oh, fuck yeah.

That's what it is. Wow. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, even know what you're gonna come to sell. I'm not a feature! Hey, fair, try not to tell me! Let me get all the way to the shopping cart before you tell me the thing is no longer available. Hey, that's a glitch. I'm not a feature! Bye! Hear love!