Threedom - Threevisiting: You May Be An Redneck
Episode Date: June 23, 2026Threevisiting on the Tues: On the season 5 finale of Threedom: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about the news, play listener submitted "Oh No" songs, and play Celebrity Hunt. Send Threetures and emails... to threedomusa@gmail.com.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Lemonada.
Are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive and more creative?
I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project,
bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast.
My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft.
That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood.
Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness.
and good habits. Check out happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media. I'm Hussam Mnhaj,
and I have been lying to you. I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important
people into coming on my podcast, Hussein Mn Mnhajh doesn't know, to ask them the tough questions
that real journalists are way too afraid to ask. People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Is America too dumb for democracy? Outrageous.
Parenting expert, Dr. Becky. How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?
It's a good question.
An astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
I have never done drugs ever in my life.
Okay.
You must say?
No.
Okay.
We'd love to have you.
Listen to Hassam-Min-Hash doesn't know from Lemonada Media,
wherever you get your podcasts.
Three-O!
It's our last episode of the season.
Ever.
Oh, my God.
It's the last episode of the season ever.
This is the last time we're going to say freedom.
See it as long as you can.
Did you say it at all, Lord?
I said three-dum.
You tricked him.
You tricked me.
That was as loud as I could right then.
You tricked me.
That was as loud as I could right then.
That's like saying we're both going to streak through the cafeteria and then only I do it.
Well, that was funny though.
By the way, you still have to put your clothes back on.
No.
And the hospital cafeteria.
Yes.
Nobody was shocked.
With their colostomy bag hanging down.
Yes.
Aye, aye, y.
I walk in the three.
A colostomy bag hang low.
Swing low, sweet colostomy bag.
Finally at Lauren's limit.
You know.
Hey, welcome everybody to Freedom.
My name is Paul.
My name is Lauren.
My name is Gert.
And this is our final episode.
Isn't that wild?
Final episode of this season.
But it could be our final episode if we are not requested to make many more.
Yes.
And so.
And who does that?
Who requests that?
I think Colin.
How do people get a whole thing?
Colin Firth.
Colin Firth comes to us.
They send him podcasts.
He has isn't in postcards.
That's stuttering asshole.
Now that was just a character.
What?
In real life, he says that's a stammer.
I love Colin Fern.
Who doesn't?
Oh my God.
Love actually?
He comes to us and he says, if you.
He comes to us at night.
My strange visitor.
Yeah.
Colin Fur.
By strange Oscar nominated visitor.
Will you make more freedom episodes?
He needs it.
Will you make more freedom?
The clanking of chains.
Yeah.
He dresses up as a ghost for some reason.
He loves the podcast.
Undigested potato.
He's making a reference to a Christmas carol.
I know,
but I knew half of it.
I didn't know the potato part.
So you knew something was undigested.
No, I knew that the clanging of the chains.
Could be a blot of mustard,
undigested beef.
Oh, okay.
What's the potato?
Something of potato, yes.
Is it a eye of potato?
Is it a...
I have a toe of newt?
Potatoes have eyes.
Right.
Right?
Okay, I'm going to look up Christmas Carol potato.
Is this?
Look up Christmas Carol potato.
A witch's brew?
You may be, and you, redneck.
You may be Ann Redneck.
You may be an Eddick.
You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese.
A crumb of cheese.
A fragment of underdone potato.
A fragment of undone potatoes.
Here's the punchline.
There's more of gravy.
than grave about you,
whatever you are.
That's a burn.
For a ghost?
For a ghost?
Oh shit.
I think you're some food I ate.
It's a convoluted and burn.
You're covered in fucking graver,
but the ghost gets it.
The ghost knows what he's talking about.
The ghost knows.
The ghost knows what he's talking about.
Also, he's like on the defensive now.
The ghost knows what he's talking about.
Oh my God.
It's almost time to put up my Halloween guys from Paul
that once scared the hell out of me when they arrived.
It's almost time.
I really, I was going to do it today.
I don't know if it's going to happen.
Halloween guys?
Paul sent me like these.
I asked Lauren who are your Halloween guys and she told me
and I got little figurines of them.
They're like they're like Funko Pop adjacent
but they're like little statues with big heads
and they're all these horror characters.
Sex workers.
They're whores.
They're whores and sluts.
They're famous sex working horrors.
And I put them out and I look at them.
And I get horny.
There's like.
Who is it?
There's like Scarecrow.
Who is it?
Who I now am more.
Wait, Scarecrow from Batman?
No, no, no.
I'm mixing it up because it looks like that.
It's that one that has the candy.
Who's like a little candy man?
What the fuck are you talking about?
You know that bag guy who's like in a burlap sack and has like a big lollipop?
No.
It's a scary movie.
It's a real movie?
Yeah.
Is it one of the strangers?
Look it up.
What am I supposed to look up in order to look this up?
He did not have a big lollip.
Scary movie.
bag, candy,
candy, man, burlap sack, lollipop.
It's all going to come together.
Burlap sack, lollipop.
Okay, here we go.
Is it from the movie Trick or Treat?
It's from like...
Trick or treat?
Yeah.
I fucking called it.
And then there's like Freddy Kruger.
And then there's like...
What scary movie has a burlap sack head?
Trick or treat himself?
I saw someone dressed as that walking down the street around Halloween last year, but it wasn't
Halloween yet.
And I was like, you're scary?
Is Trich a scary movie or is it a kid's movie?
It's a scary movie?
That's a killer.
It's a sort of, it's a killer.
It's sort of comedy too.
Yeah, it's kind of like spoofy.
It's a fun movie.
Or like, you know, slap sticky.
Spooey.
It's spooey, doppy for your spaghetti monster.
When did it come out?
It wasn't long ago.
Are you, Curtis the maniac?
It was long ago.
I'm afraid Curtis the maniac will appear.
Curtis the maniac.
I'm scared.
Tell me, hush now, hush now.
But those are my scariest decorations.
My decorations tend to skew charming
A little cute.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they're still kind of cute because they're like little heads.
We're doing, I love a little head.
I love an empty heart.
Excuse me.
Can't lose.
I love a little head.
Just a little.
Just a small amount.
Sick.
There was a comic that I knew in Philly.
Sick.
Do you remember when the local news went from 11 p.m. to 10 p.m.?
My whole day.
My whole world change.
Wait, 11 p.m.
Did you just like when I was, when I was a kid, what would they do between 10 p.m. and 11.8 p.m.
You simply don't understand. Okay.
They moved the news.
Oh, I see.
11 p.m. to 10 p.m. What did you think he said?
Then it went from 11 p.m. and then it goes all the way to 10 p.m. the next day.
And they take one hour off to sleep. And they moved to do this. Yeah. Yeah. They moved.
Wait, so it moved from 11 p. Like when I was a kid, local news was six and 11.
And we liked it that way.
And we liked it that way.
We would schedule our whole day around it.
Six is like you're getting home from work.
Eleven's like, you should be asleep, dad.
Yeah.
Why are you watching the news right now?
Yeah, because he finally has a moment from peace.
But 11's too late.
It's not too late when you consider you have to get the kids to bed.
Then you have to wait for your fucking wife to go to bed.
And then the man, okay, let's watch what happened today.
This is my domain, my castle.
Let's see the current day's events.
I could watch the news.
I watched the fucking news.
the other day for the first time.
I watched live TV for the first time in a long time.
And I watched something at 10 p.m.
And at 11, the news came on.
And I could not believe how far it's fallen.
Like, the lead story was,
coyote attacked a dog in the back yard.
It's because they're doing news all damn day.
So they just need whatever they can get at that point.
And it was just like a video that someone posted on Twitter.
Local news in Chicago is the process.
I mean,
I mean, back when we were watching it was at least someone got murdered somewhere
or something like that.
but now it's just like a dog was attacked
and then they did all angles of it.
They what?
They showed it.
They showed it and then they like the reporter went out
and talked to the woman like did all, you know, all this just for like.
Did they talk to the coyote?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You should have interviewed the purg.
He's like, I'm not sorry.
I'd do it again.
I don't want to interrupt you for, for, I appreciate that.
So are you going to say one?
So there was a committee.
Because if not, I have something I was going to talk about.
So there was a slow.
The local Fox affiliate, their slogan was when they made the move from, they were the first
ones to do what I remember locally.
They moved from 11 to 10.
And their slogan was an hour of news, an hour ahead.
Wow.
You felt like you were getting the jump.
You got it ahead of everyone else.
Yes.
But there was a comedian.
He's a very nice guy.
But he had a joke that was about that that was dependent on his.
speech pattern.
And it's the only way it worked.
He's like,
you know,
a thick accent.
He's like,
hey,
you know,
I'm watching Fox News
and they say they're going,
they're going to go earlier.
And they say,
an hour in news,
an hour ahead.
And I'm thinking,
it doesn't sound bad.
Hour in news.
An hour ahead.
So that you would be getting head for an hour.
Oh,
I got it.
I chuckled.
I churled.
Which it works.
If the phrase was an hour of.
Right.
An hour, uh, news.
An hour a news.
An hour of head.
I mean, would you like an hour of head?
An hour.
Would you watch an hour of news if that meant you would get an hour of head?
I just can't have this fucking conversation.
You can't.
Yeah, I can't.
Unless I bring it up.
If it comes out of your brain, it's okay.
It's fun.
I control the filth faucet.
If you say it's disgusting.
By the way, you are the one who started when he said a little head.
You're the one who...
You reacted as fast as I.
Sure, but...
begged me to tell that story, Lauren.
Don't forget.
It's on tape.
Please, please, we...
It's a little story about when the guy said that.
And then please break it down whether you would want an hour of it.
Talk about it, please.
But don't include me.
Just make it about that.
Head is for a man and a woman.
I know.
but you were looking at him.
Now.
It was about him and I didn't want to be a part of it.
Okay.
Why can't I have some fun?
You can.
Do whatever you want.
An hour is too much.
Okay.
Yeah.
What's the limit?
What is it?
High school?
No, it's like two minutes.
I'm just kidding.
So now you're in.
Wait.
Wait.
You had something.
Mm-hmm.
But I also have something.
Okay, well.
I have nothing.
I have one of our most revered segments.
Oh, well, I guess I sort of do too, reality recap, yeah.
Reality recap, yeah.
Well, because I sort of do, but this is kind of more.
Is this Lawrence Topics?
No, this is a reality recap.
Reality Recap, yeah.
It's, um, this is what you had before we said.
Yeah, because you were talking about that coyote eating that dog and that made me think
about how we, Mike and I have been watching.
That's a show now.
Two coyotes, eat one dog.
Coming up.
It's an hour long.
Perfect for a blowjob.
Perfect to watch what you're getting.
Perfect for a single blowjob.
We're watching.
The bear too short for a blow job.
I've always said that.
We're positively addicted to the show alone,
which has been pitched me many times by Manzukas, Mary, a lot of people I know.
So now people have to pitch you shows?
They're just telling me, oh, you got to watch this.
You got to watch this.
And it's come up enough times.
And then some of their friends mentioned it.
And this is about going to the bank and getting more.
like a small business loan.
It's called a loan, A-L-O-N-E, and then these people are survivalists.
They go and buy themselves to get loans?
Yes.
And it's really hard because nobody's negotiating with you.
Their grandma.
Grandma, help me get this loan?
No, they go.
He's a good boy.
He'll pay it back.
So we started with season six because the internet said that was like one of the most exciting
seasons.
Don't you want to start slow and then work up to it?
Because now nothing will match season six.
No, we just watch.
watching past that now basically.
I see. Season 6, it's on Hulu,
but people are
surviving alone in the Arctic
and for as long as
they can. And they're all in different
places. So what is it like 45 minutes?
Before they tap out? No, I mean,
these people go a long time. Some people don't
last long, but... Because they're not naked. They're clothed and alone.
They are clothed in alone. How clothed?
Warm winter clothes.
But like underneath, G-strings?
Yeah, they have G-strings underneath
and titty tassels.
and it's so
and that's mandatory
and so you only see that when they're changing
men and women they're closed
but it's really great and
one person wins at the end but they don't know
if they're being well so it's a group of people
they're all in separate places they have no idea
what's going on with anyone else and you're just trying to go
as long as you can go so do
when the when the second last person drops out
do they tell the first person like oh hey that person
dropped out or do they just see how do
They never tell them.
They go, no, they don't make them go too long.
They just go right when that person leaves.
They go over to them.
I think it would be funny, like someone drops out three days in and then another guy goes 27 days.
It honestly might be a couple days later because one of the things that happens is they bring out a member of their family to surprise them and say like you won.
Oh.
And that's always a surprise even though there's multiple seasons?
Well, I've only seen the ending of one season.
So I don't know.
But the surprise would be you don't know that they're coming because you don't know that you won.
Right.
So like you're hoping every day that that would happen to you, but it's probably,
it's probably not going to.
So you just have to keep working, shooting beavers.
So fucking, now we're on season nine.
We're not keeping working, shooting beavers.
Now they're in.
Oh, beavers.
Somewhere in season nine.
What did you think she's?
Beaver's like the, the, the, the Bolognaverse.
Oh, but the, wait, but the best part of the show, I just need to say one thing.
The baloney verse.
That's what they would call the world of the world of the show.
show alone is the baloney is b movie about bologna?
Yeah.
I started watching that recently.
So this is the first series in our baloney verse.
But, um, but wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
So they're all people who are like really good at doing this.
Like they've, they're either like a teacher of survival or they've lived like this in
different parts of their life or whatever where they have to hunt.
They only have a few tools.
They have like...
And wait, and they can do it?
They can do it.
They have bows and arrows.
Sometimes they have...
Boz and arrows.
Come on, man.
You can't...
It can't be every word.
Yes.
When it comes to a lawyer...
Is this our last episode?
You're trying to like squeeze them in.
Yeah.
Get it all out there.
So, anywho.
It's kind of great, though, because like...
So they're eating like this fucking stuff.
Great.
Like Alexander...
They'll kill...
This guy kills.
like a mole rat or something.
Like something really gross.
A mall rat?
Yeah.
Oh my Kevin Scott!
Now I'm doing it intentionally.
It's a tiny Kevin.
Yeah, no kidding.
It kills a tiny Kevin Smith.
And he cooks it up and he's like, he's like one of the most impressive guys.
He makes this amazing like shelter and he's like doing, he's like, he looks like the guy from
Stranger Things who like takes in 11.
I don't really, I haven't seen that show beyond for season one, but you know what I'm talking about.
He's now in Grand.
He's like, he kind of looks like him.
He's like just seems really like tough and like he's got a.
all together. And he eats this fucking like muskrat, whatever. And then he's literally two hours later,
like, oh, like, and it happens. Like, it started to become our catchphrase where this show is,
oh my God. Like, anytime someone eats something, like, this is so, because he's like, this is so good.
This is so good. And then an hour later, he's like dying of like food, like serious parasites in his
stomach. So he eats beaver for an hour and what happens? Yeah. Oh, Scott. Wow. How dare you?
Wow. No, he.
So every single person who eats something gets sick?
You start to think that that's what's going to happen every time because it happens a lot.
It doesn't always mean they go home, but like they feel so ill that they're like dealing with this and you're just watching them throw up for like a long time.
Jesus.
It's crazy.
So why are they getting so sick?
Is it because they're-
Sometimes there's stuff in there.
Like you can't guarantee that it's like a clean animal.
Like it's like they're doing their best.
Yeah.
They're not on a farm.
Yeah.
These animals are riddled with parasites.
And a lot of times it goes well.
But like they're eating squirrels and,
So gross.
Can they bring food if they want?
No.
Yeah, they can, you're allowed to bring one Thanksgiving dinner.
How long would you last?
Not like one meal?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I would be one minute.
I would bring 10 candy bars.
I'd eat them all.
It would be my 10 things that I would bring.
I'd be 55 candy bars.
I would.
I'd do them all in one minute.
I can see myself actually bursting into tears and being in being asked to go home.
Oh, asked.
And asking to go home.
You have to tap out.
You have to call on your walkie-talkie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they would call you and they'd say you have to go home.
Like as soon as the chopper starts flying away.
No, I made a mistake.
You didn't tell me the chopper who's leaving?
I don't have a tent.
They have to build.
They have a tent.
They have a tarp.
They have to build their shelter.
They make it out of like, no, they're amazing.
You didn't mention the tarp.
Yeah, I would stay.
Yeah, I would do that.
21 days?
They're all chopping wood and making like log cabins and stuff.
It's like amazing.
But the season nine, the season six was they have to stay as long as they can.
And they went $500,000.
Oh, you didn't mention that either.
Oh, I'd stay for money.
Eight months.
Season nine, they have to stay a hundred days.
They have to stay a hundred days.
The first season six, the guy, I won't say, but the people who were there were not lasting.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
I could do it.
You should do it.
I should do it.
I'm leaving.
You should do it right now.
Okay, bye.
Wow.
He called my bluff.
Oh, right.
Well, Lauren, what is going on?
Uh, that's what I'm watching.
Do you feel like Scott was the person that connected us and now we have nothing to talk about?
Exactly.
Hi, everyone.
Did you miss me?
Who the fuck?
Scott?
Is it you?
I shrunk myself.
Why?
Squish him.
You didn't say not to?
You didn't say not.
I always say not to shrink yourself.
Yeah.
That seems like that's a lot of work for everyone else except you.
Sorry, but I did it.
But do I have to say not to do everything else that I don't want you to do?
Okay, listed.
Don't I want him to do.
Don't be gigantic.
Oh.
Good.
Catch.
Wait, that's your next port of call?
Gigantic?
Port of call.
So what's your reality right?
Are you done with Vanderpump yet?
We are.
I am.
I noticed you sent me a,
you sent me a video and it seemed to be from this season.
Yes.
We made it to season 10.
We made it, of course, to first we made it to a major milestone.
That's a Bitcoin.
Yeah, which was not quite the way Scott delivered it.
Wow.
Not a great impression.
Was I correct, though, that later they would make more out of it in the editing?
No, it's always the same thing.
It's always the exact same thing.
Yeah, they didn't like auto-tune his result.
That's a Bitcoin.
No, he just goes, that's a Bitcoin.
Yeah, I saw it.
It's still horrible.
I saw it.
I didn't know what you were, I didn't know what that means.
Because when Scott does, he goes, that's a bit coin.
Yeah, he makes it much more like.
It's like the child catcher.
So I'm wrong and bad.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, you're wrong and bad.
So we have finally, we know what Scandalvall is.
Thank God, because that's the only thing I know.
So were you shocked when Scandavall happened?
Well, obviously, we were going into it looking for signs of what it would be.
Right.
And which they then had to edit into the later episodes of the show.
Were you right?
I had two possibilities and one of them was right.
It was not specifically that person.
Oh.
So you knew it did not protect anyone.
You knew it had to be Sandoval.
The names.
I knew Sandoval was involved.
Probably because of the name Scandival.
That was my first clue.
And I was like, it can't be that easy.
Yeah.
And then it turned out it was.
Do your own research.
But I did call that he had an affair that was like an off camera affair.
Did you think it was with a producer or something?
I thought it was, I thought it was maybe somebody that we had not,
somebody that was not involved in the show.
Right, right, right.
But I knew it had to be something slimy.
I thought it was either that or that he fucked over his business partner.
Oh.
I remember somebody like he will never do that.
Made a thing that was like comparing it if you don't watch the show.
It's like if Obama was secretly having an affair with Joe Biden.
That's how close it was.
Or like if Bill Clinton had an affair with an intern or something.
Oh my God.
That would be insane.
An intern who was a great friend of Hillary Clinton's.
What if they were best friends?
But anyway.
That's as bad as kind of all.
It is,
so we.
So you're done.
We're not completely done.
We're halfway through the second reunion episode and then we'll move on to the third.
And then we'll be all caught up with America.
Yeah.
Watch other TV shows.
Really?
Yeah.
We really put the time in.
We would call it going to work.
We would say back to work.
I watched a TV show that I won't promote and I'll tell you what it was later.
But I was really enjoying it.
And then the ending of the season was in the middle of a.
climactic moment where, which is how the show had been working at the end of every episode, like, oh, big thing happens. Then you want to keep watching. And just ended. And then I'm like, I'm never, you're not going to, you're not going to get another season or it's going to be two years until I get to see what happens next. TV shows enough enough with the trying to tease a future season. Give me like some sort of ending. Then I will want more. But I'm like still like, just give me some sort of like and then this happened. I think like early on in Vanderpump, there was either like at the end of the.
second or third season, it definitely ended like a series finale where they're like,
it doesn't look good for us.
And then it all worked out.
But it was like the way they're reminiscing or whatever.
Every narrative TV show does that now where it's like they end a season without resolving
the story they've been telling.
Yeah.
It's like resolve this one story.
Maybe give a hint or something like.
Right.
Have something like, oh, there's more where this came from.
Yeah, it could go.
But it's better when it's more like justified seasons where it just ends the
story you're telling and then like the next season you can pick up on a new story. I've never seen
justified. Oh, it's so good. And this new. I haven't seen the new one yet. New one's great.
Ugh, what happened? Is it got a shiver. Are you all right? You got a shiver? Okay, we need to take a
break because Paul got a shiver. Let's get a blanket. Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep.
I mind my own business. I'm not peeping through your windows. I'm not installing cameras on the
grounds of your home. Oh, but the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really
enjoy keeping my money. And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be
weirdly expensive for no reason. Every month that was like, okay, here's your bill, plus
mysterious fees, plus charges we'd hope you don't ask about. And I'd be like, I guess that's
phones. Idiot. Eventually, I was like,
it doesn't have to be this way. And that's why Mint Mobile makes so much sense to me.
They exist to stop people from overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been.
Mint Mobile offers premium wireless plans
starting at just $15 a month,
and all plans come with high-speed data,
plus unlimited talk and text
on the nation's largest 5G network.
Now look, my dear friend, Matt Apodaca,
he's got a Mint Mobile plan,
and this guy's rubbing into my face
every time I see him.
He's always saying like,
oh, I was able to bring my own phone a number,
activated with ESIM in minutes,
and avoid the whole painful wireless store experience entirely.
Oh, I'm still getting reliable coverage, except now my phone bells are financially ruined my mood once a month.
And I'm like, okay, man, I thought we were friends.
Why are you talking to me like that?
I'm so jealous.
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Okay, we're back.
Why did you put a wallet in my mouth?
I just, I really wanted to make sure that you weren't going to bite off your tongue.
I was not going to.
I had a tickle in my ear.
I'm sorry, let me take two.
Because I wanted to see time fly.
Fuck.
God damn it.
Lauren.
Lauren's texting.
Because I wasn't ready.
Wouldn't be freedom if Lauren wasn't texting.
Oh, that's not true.
That's not true at all.
I'm always extremely present.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Welcome back to the show.
Welcome back.
I've just been looking at pictures of Sam from Trick or Treat.
That's his name.
Sam.
That's his name.
Sam.
Well, now when I put him out, I'll say, hi, Sam.
I may have mentioned this on the show before,
but this is one of those non-musical earworms that you get sometimes.
Is a friend of mine said out of nowhere, my friend, buddy Fitzpatrick.
And I think I've told this on the show before, but it's all, it's spooky season is
the promise.
It's all tell it again, sure.
It's spooky.
Spooky season is a pomice.
This is pretty spooky.
Is spooky?
Is that what that is?
I think so.
Yeah.
I've never heard spooky.
It's a very internet slang.
It's very internet slang.
It's giving internet.
If you're talking about Josh the stabber, you might say that's spooky.
It's a creepy spaghetti.
It's a spooky spaghetti.
It's a spooky spaghetti.
It's a spooky spaghetti.
It's a spooky spaghetti.
I understand now.
It's a creepy deep.
But one time my friend buddy said, out of nowhere, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Freddie Kruger.
Like he was introducing you.
And that was it.
It was like a British accent.
Who, where?
What's the situation?
Mr.
Freddie Coogan.
Honestly, that's what I would be doing
if I was on alone.
Because like sometimes,
sometimes they do a little funny thing
to the camera.
I'm like, all I would be doing is being like,
I would be doing.
Until I just died.
You're just a skeleton.
But you wouldn't be allowed to sing.
I was reading on Mark McGrath interview.
Wow.
About Big Brother and, of course, you know, because of the copyright stuff.
So Paul, you wouldn't be able to say two minutes later.
You wouldn't be able to do girlfriend in a coma.
You can make up your own songs.
It's true.
It's true.
Might be able to.
I think they may just come in case it has the same melodies,
another one they may just come in and go, don't, no singing.
Speaking of making up your own songs.
Yeah.
You have a new birthday song?
Yes.
So because we've all been waiting.
We were sick.
I'm open a chain restaurant.
Yeah.
First order of business, make our own birthday song.
You don't know the menu or anything like that.
This is sort of a thing that people do a lot,
almost like being like, no one wants to hear your dreams.
People like to go like,
the happy birthday song is not a good song.
It's like everyone's just singing low notes.
Don't you feel like it's like a thing that people are constantly saying now?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One of my favorite things about happy, by the way,
I like happy birthday as long as it's not directed at me.
Oh, okay.
It's offensive.
It's uncomfortable and weird.
It's offensive.
You can say happy birthday
whoever you want
Just don't say it to me
Yeah, exactly
In this house
We don't like happy birthday
directed at me
But everyone's like
Happy birthday
What is better than when people
start too high
That's the best
Happy birthday
Everybody's trying to get up there
Happy birthday
Yeah
Yeah it's great
You need to have one professional
Singer at every party
Oh
So here's this song
You know
Brian Jordan Alvarez.
Okay, this has been
ruining my life
because it's in my head so much.
It's in my,
but I love it.
Well, it's really funny,
but I'm saying,
you know what a song will not.
As of this recording,
there have been so many covers of it.
It's of course the song called Sitting
by his character,
T.J. Mack.
You know,
that name is so funny.
And I just want to,
you know what,
in case nobody's heard it,
I just want to play it for everybody.
Here, plug it in.
Plug it in.
Plug it in.
You plugged it in, plug it in.
Every plug you do.
Siri is the opposite standem.
Siren is the opposite running around.
Sitting is a wonderful thing to do because you're sitting.
Sidim is the opposite running on your head.
Sitting is the opposite hanging from a barbell.
Sitting is wonderful thing.
To do.
See the face
But you know
He's a
He's kind of like a nap
It's kind of like something
It is actually just
City
He has a
He has a Snapchat filter on
I love a good song
That ends with
But so many people are covering it.
I think maybe you posted today that was like
somebody staring off in a space.
He's been like for years.
We don't know what the last thing he saw was.
And then it was just like,
and then my whole morning was just that.
Yeah.
I'm singing.
I can't stop singing it so much.
He thinks it's the best.
It's incredible.
It's incredible.
I've heard it once.
I go mad when things get in my head.
I go mad.
I go absolutely mad.
Do you go mad?
We're entering your head.
things
Speaking of songs
Matt has sent us
Matt has sent us
Matt has sent us
Many song
Praise Matt
He sent us many song
You made a request
For oh no songs
Oh my god
People did it
So I was looking for a seamless
transition into
Speaking of songs
This is it
This is it
Guess what
We don't have access to these songs
What?
I needed to request access to them
So I just request access
I've just texted him, hey, give us access to these songs.
Come on, dude.
You're a producer?
It's a, it's a drop box.
Apparently they changed every setting on Dropbox or something.
So, uh, yeah.
We're flying blind here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If we can't access Dropbox?
I don't know what I'm going to do.
And what do you, I mean, we're, look, I don't want to give away our location, but.
Mars.
We're in a blimp on Mars.
But I will give away what day it is.
It's a Sunday afternoon.
Yeah.
Matt better be by his computer on a Sunday afternoon or else.
If he's not at home.
Do you think he's a mass?
You might be at mass.
You might be.
You mass?
If he's not at home waiting for us.
Now, am I wrong or did Matt have some news?
Let me see if I...
Lawrence Topics.
Matt has news.
Wow.
I think I saw this.
In a special Laurence topics, Matt Apodaka does a takeover.
Now, he got engaged.
I didn't even see this.
This was August 14th.
I need to put a like on it and I need to comment on it right now.
Now, Matt's engaged.
Yeah.
To us.
To the three of us.
Well, I didn't see it.
So he's engaged to the three of us.
Yeah.
There's a beautiful woman in the photo, so I don't know who.
That's the combination of the three of us.
He bought the ring from her.
Yes.
He went to the mall.
He got a composite made.
That's what you looked like.
Can you imagine how beautiful we would be if there was a combination of the three of us?
Yeah.
We were at my gym today with our daughter.
And one of our friends was remarking there has never been like a more clear
combination of two people.
Wow.
With her.
Yeah.
You know, it's just like very, very, very, you know, a lot of kids is like, oh, you look so much
like your mom or you look so much like your dad.
It's just a very like half and half.
Yeah.
Like Maya Hawk.
Yeah.
Exactly.
She's more.
No.
Okay.
Wrong.
She's more Oprah.
Uh-uh.
I didn't happen.
False.
I'll keep going.
We made it up.
Oh my God.
So I'm going to keep clicking on this and hope no.
We made that one up.
That one was fake.
Nope.
Didn't happen.
You fell for it.
False.
Stupid.
Idiot.
We got you.
You fool.
Yeah.
Scott,
what's going on?
What's going on?
You okay?
Hey, buddy.
You're okay?
I'm all right.
So you went to my gym?
You run around in the little ball pit or what's going on?
Yeah, I don't even bring it.
her any time.
The name of the place is My Gym.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know it should be our gym.
It's a little gym for the babies.
Yeah.
Who's the My in this situation?
Maya Hawk.
It's Maya Hawk's gym.
Maya Gym.
It's Mario's Gym.
But, um,
so you have,
do you have friends who signed up at the same time as you
intentionally or is this a coincidence that you saw?
Well,
we all,
there were some friends that we tested it out because you can take two
classes before you sign up.
So we tested it out at the same time
And then we went around telling other friends
Hey, test it out
And so now there's a big group of like five of us
I would say five couples
And me, I go there
Okay, you just like babies
It's my gym
Yeah, oh it's your gym
You just go to their workout
I get so mad
These fucking kids
Yeah
Just like goofing around
While you're on the rowing machine
Hey!
It's dangerous
Wipe that down!
Yeah
Yeah
That's great
So yeah
We went two days in a row
Because we missed a couple of weeks
So we did a makeup class.
So we've been two days in a row.
She gets very excited.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now when we go to the car, I think she knows we're going to my gym because that's the only place we ever go.
But sometimes you go into the vet.
Yep.
And then she gets it up so that she's not scared.
Well, no.
We have to start going to the dentist now.
We talk to the dentist.
Don't get it.
How to go.
I actually have a great dentist for you.
Okay.
I've heard negative stories from other places.
So I'll send you the information if you're.
So you have one good story.
to balance it out?
Well,
So you went despite all these terrible stories?
No, no, I went to the place that had a lot of positive stories from people.
But they had also, like the group that I'm in also recommended like this other place
that some people were saying hit or miss with certain people.
And then my friend went to this other place and had a horrible experience with her child
where they were like pinning him down and like wouldn't stop when he was screaming and stuff.
And her, they was very traumatizing for them.
And I, the place that I took Holly was delightful.
She had a great time.
She talks about it all the time.
Really?
She wants to go back.
She thinks it's great.
Like it was like they have a TV on the ceiling playing bluey.
So when the kid's laying back.
That's good.
And the parent holds the child.
But I could just put a TV on my own ceiling and play Bluie.
But are you going to clean her teeth?
You freak.
And then the dentist and his wife, it's like a husband and wife.
And they were like singing.
They were singing songs the whole time and like, well, he's cleaning her teeth.
I have a really funny video of it.
But she's just kind of like, huh?
And then like she got a toy at the end.
She was so happy.
Oh, wow.
So she.
Yeah.
She did not like the first time we brushed her teeth.
Yeah.
And then I showed her that I would do it with my own brush.
And I would go brush, brush, brush, brush, brush, brush, brush, brush.
And then she would smile.
And so now she likes it.
She gets very excited when it comes out.
And she brushes her teeth.
But so I'm trying, we're trying to do that with a dentist.
My mom was telling me the other day that I just hated any dentist or doctor or anything.
But I was wondering this, Paul, do you feel this way?
Oh, I'm on the spot here.
Because we're the same age.
This is the reason I direct this.
It might be the same.
It might be the same thing.
I'm open to hear what it is.
But I feel a lot of literature when we were kids and a lot of TV shows.
Like they had a lot of stuff about the dentist and the doctor, like getting shots and getting cavities drilled.
Yeah.
And it instilled like a fear of these places.
Yeah.
When really you're just going to get like, you know, your teeth cleaned or stuff that doesn't really hurt all that much most of the time.
Yeah.
But I mean, but then as a kid you do get cavities and then it fucking sucks.
Yeah.
And you go to the doctor and you know.
But I never, I actually never had a cavity until I was 27 or something.
Well, good for you.
Well, good for you.
So why was I so afraid where I was like, my mom would have to bribe me?
Well, some people just get scared of the tools in your mouth and all that stuff.
It's kind of like, it's kind of creepy.
It sucks.
Yeah.
I don't like going.
Yeah.
But I, um, I, I remember as a, we had a dentist as a kid who did not.
I remember him drilling my.
tooth.
Drill baby drill.
And it hurts so much because I don't think he gave me anesthetic.
Oh.
I think maybe he was going to and then maybe I fought against having a needle put in my
mouth.
I don't know, but I do remember.
Or maybe he did and it didn't take.
I mean, all I can remember is the fucking crazy pain.
Yeah.
Of having my tooth drilled into.
It's horrible.
It was insane.
My mom had to get a root canal and she was pregnant with me.
So she couldn't have any.
Oh, no.
Booze.
She couldn't wait.
Nova King.
Nine months?
I think it was essential.
That's fucking rough.
Yeah.
That's rough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How far along?
I don't know.
It's just a story I've heard that just was what it had to happen.
To make you feel bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it works.
Yeah.
Every time you see her.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I just lick the mic.
I was sorry.
So, but Holly liked it so much.
She talks about it all the time.
she's always like dentist and like we have like little flossers that we that they recommended for her.
Well that's the thing is are they like the disposable ones?
Yeah it's like a plastic.
So they say that we have to start doing this now.
I know which seems so extreme.
I'm like as a kid that.
Cool up is like well you have to do it because I won't be able to do it.
And I'm like I don't know if I just show her me doing it once she'll go.
Oh.
The dent.
And honestly I mean you don't have to go to this dentist but I just felt that it was a really good experience.
I hear a lot of negative.
You don't have to go to this dentist but you can't stay here.
People just have like and I'm in this like.
Facebook moms group and like the stories of the dentist can be so horrible that like this one is all positive and my experience is really positive. So that's all I can say.
Okay. There you go. It's it seemed early to me, but then. Yes, we didn't take her until she was two. But because this New York Times article, the old great lady, it said it said it said four months after they get their first teeth and Emmys had. Yeah. Or by a year. I exam at a year. We haven't told me yet.
But what did you know those videos of like the baby having the glasses put on for the first time?
Yeah.
And then they always.
And they always smile.
Yeah.
I would love to see one where it's like, ooh, ugly.
I'm like, oh.
My parents are rugs.
Wrips them off.
I don't want to see this stupid world.
Yeah, but it feels like a lot of the stuff is happening a lot earlier than I ever knew it to.
Maybe they always were recommending things that early, but people just didn't do it.
I'm like, when I was a kid, you didn't go to the dentist until you were at least.
school I feel like I don't feel like I was going well we were talking about that with my mom and my mom
you know just all the stuff we're doing she's like yeah we never did any of that and and you
slept in the crib with blankets you were on your tummy you know all this and she goes and you're still
alive yeah the stats weren't great out of luck yeah she goes yeah you're right your dad's
the one of the guys he was in vietnam with their baby died while he was in vietnam and he couldn't
go back and all this kind of so it's like yeah mom babies fighting you
Vietnam.
I know.
Well, they, it was that important.
It was the time.
Also, President Nixon.
President Nixon.
What if David Bowie in that tongue had done a President Nixon impersonation?
President Nixon.
Oh, President Nixon.
You think that's David Bowie's President Nixon impression?
Yeah, probably.
What do you think David Bowie's President of Nixon impression would be?
I'd like to do an impression right now.
This is the American president, Richard Nixon.
Sounds like a ghost.
Woll. Crook.
Wohl.
Warhol.
You know how he says?
Andy Warhol.
The song Andy Warhol, he's like, it's Warhol.
Oh, I guess I didn't know that.
I guess I didn't know that.
During the intro.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Freddy Kruger.
Freddy Kruger.
He's just playing a piano.
With his knives.
Once again, Freddy Kruger.
Do you think it's easier to play piano with knives than it is with fingers?
Yes.
That's the cheat code.
Why wouldn't it be?
Yeah, obviously.
Knives are thinner.
Yeah.
Well, also playing with...
So they can get in those cracks because most of the really good notes are right in between those keys.
Yeah.
And we are able to get those.
Because our fingers are too fat.
Yes.
If you play with forks, you can play so many more notes at the same time.
But use a spoon because you'll want to get every drop.
Yeah.
Obviously.
Oh, Matt, Matt has...
Tagline.
Matt has written something.
New link for the Oh No songs.
Yay.
And I click on it and here they are.
Are we ready?
I'm.
I'd love to hear.
Here we go.
This is by Cole Mapstone.
Cole Mapstone.
I don't know what these are.
I don't know why.
That's good.
That was really good.
So on the show, he sang it.
And he said he wanted people to add music to it.
So it can replace the current, oh, no, no, no by the Shangri Laws.
Okay, got it.
All right, this is by John, this is too long.
Johnny 2K.
A.K. John, I don't know.
Come on, man.
That was sort of unexpected.
Now, imagine that being played over a toddler dropping an ice cream cone.
Yeah, yeah.
Do we have another one?
Oh, yeah, we have probably five more.
This is submitted by Joe.
Okay.
This is by Joe.
Just to get on YouTube.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
No.
No.
Honestly, that would be very funny on a video.
It's kind of hopeful.
That's just me chatting.
He kept in a little bit of the chat.
He kept in a little bit of the chat.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now this.
This is submitted by Philip Emmiot.
Oh no
short and sweet
I like that
I like the little higher pitch
This is submitted by Lauren
Lauren you didn't
Did I learn pro tools or whatever it would take?
It's really unsettling
I feel like you're in the bathroom
There's something bad
That was exactly the phrase that was in my mind
unsettling
intentional take by Lauren.
This is submitted by Zach.
That's my favorite so far.
I'm amazed by people,
you know.
I know.
Is it more?
Last one.
Submit by Matthew Brown.
Here we go.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
No.
You have your white stockings on your healed shoes.
Matthew Brown, by the way.
Because you're in like the.
Marie Antoinette moment.
Oh, well, you're the Marie Antoinette moments.
It's got a vibe.
And this is you're wearing white stockings on your heeled shoes.
You know, you're going like this.
I go like this and you have your powdered wig.
Yeah.
Did you ever see the great?
Puttered wig.
It's a puttered wig and you're wearing your white stockings with your heeled shoes.
And these are what we call the Marie Antoinette moments.
Hey, all of those were great.
Those were great.
Thank you so much.
Good job, everyone.
Matthew Brown, by the way, parenthetical, a composer.
Oh, pardon me all the hell.
So some people are just hobbyists.
Some people did for work.
Yeah, no, that was a professional.
Somebody over here.
Something over here. Something over there.
A little bit of this.
Little bit of that.
A little bit at this.
Well, that was delightful.
Thanks so much.
Thank you, everybody.
Paul, do you have a new song for people to work on in between seasons here?
Well, it's a good question.
What's used to?
I mean, beyond that, what I hear a lot of,
you've got a friend in me with any two creatures together?
You got a friend in me.
There's that song that's kind of a new song.
Just dropped an hour ago.
When they're going to down with a do, babe.
I'll play it for you.
I'll play it for you.
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
Wait, here we go.
Oh, yeah.
You know, have you heard that one?
I have heard that one.
All right.
I haven't heard it.
It's cute.
It's a cute.
I like it.
It's a fun song.
When I put it on Holly, he's like, yeah.
It seems like something to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Does she scream to music?
Is that?
She likes certain.
She'll dance and now she's really into like shaking her booty.
It's kind of a funny thing.
Well, thanks so much for those.
We're going to take a break.
And when we come back, the final three-ture of the season.
And maybe ever.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't go backwards.
Oh, no.
Oh no, no.
We'll be right back.
I am one of Mochanui.
On July 10th.
Maui, you will board my boat and restore the heart of Tefiti.
And here we go.
The journey begins.
See her line up to the ocean chose you.
Let's go save the world.
I got you back, chosen one.
Disney's Moana.
Boat's neck.
His name is Haye.
His name is Yum Yum.
When he goes in my tum-tum.
In theaters July 10th.
Twizzlers keep the fun going.
Yeah, I know.
I just stopped whatever you were listening to to tell you that Twizzlers keep the fun going.
Well, irony isn't my forte, but twisty, chewy, yummy Twizzler sure is.
So think of Twizzlers as a little palette cleanser for whatever's queued up,
which, by the way, should be coming very soon.
Like any second now.
Okay, Twizzlers, time to keep the fun going.
And we're back.
And very quickly,
Here's another song that people can work on.
Okay.
If they want to, this is to replace Randy Newman singing,
you've got a friend in me.
Not to replace Randy Newman.
We love that Randy Newman is still with us.
No, I don't have that power.
I don't have that power.
But if I did, let me tell you something.
There would be a lot of people.
What's going on with that short people song?
What about it?
What's going on?
It's coming back around.
I'm just wondering what, it's obviously a joke,
but I'm like, but why?
Like, I just am curious why he wrote that.
like a, I think it's a satirical take on like we keep finding new reasons to hate people.
Oh, okay.
Yes, a satirical take on bigotry in that it's just a random thing.
It doesn't make any sense to hate people for these, for these reasons.
Yeah.
And he's saying, what if you just hated short people for being short?
Yes.
And he's right.
It made people hate short people.
Yep.
Well, he describes them with like beady eyes and like.
Yeah.
They got tiny little voices going beep, beep, beep.
that's a burn
all right
oh no I think they have tiny little cards that go
be be tiny little voice going peep peep
oh
Lauren's loving it
great great song
all right so this
this is a song that would replace
you've got a friend in me
yes
and people would put it
retroactively into toy story as well
I mean
I would like that
but I'm not I'm not asking money
to go that far
That's hard to do.
But there was that kid who edited Toy Story 3.
To me, it looked like the toys died and showed it to his mom on Christmas Day.
What?
Can anyone get home?
No.
It's so funny.
You know where the part in the middle of Toy Story 3 where they're in the trash compactor or whatever
and they're about to burn up?
A kid, they rented it from Blockbuster or whatever.
And then they watched it one night.
And then the mom didn't have time.
She's like, we'll all watch it tomorrow.
So they edited it where it just fades out right as they're about to burn up.
And it goes to credits directed by.
And then they filmed her watching this.
And you hear the mom say like, that's the ending?
Why would they do that?
And they keep bringing it up and they keep filming her.
She's like, that was a weird movie.
They all just died at the end?
What?
That's so strange.
Have you seen this thing that I posted that's like girls asking their boyfriends,
how often they think about the Roman Empire?
Somebody else.
I saw somebody else post that.
It's so funny to me because like all the guys are like once a week.
Every day.
Every day.
And now every other day.
It makes me scared because it's like, have I been thinking about the Roman Empire and I'm not aware of it?
I have to ask my dad because I bet you he'll say every day.
Are the guy?
I just feel like it's going to be every day.
Are the guys just saying that to seem to seem not like they're not.
No, like they think about it.
They're like, I thought about yesterday.
Why?
I haven't thought about it in.
Have you?
You don't think so?
Because maybe you have.
I mean, maybe every time I think about Jesus and how much I love him and how he died
for his sins and stuff.
I also think of aqueducts a lot.
Sure.
Yeah, of course.
And I think I do think about rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar's.
Yeah, of course.
I like how he would dress up like a beggar one day a year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do that too.
Me too.
Yeah.
I dress up like Caesar dressing up as a beggar.
Yep.
Where I have a little crown.
Yeah.
And I put makeup over it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you stand by the freeway.
I colored, see, colors my hair.
So do you sing this song.
All right.
So this will be an original song that people can use.
So it's like if you have two babies that are friends,
if you have a baby and a dog that are friends,
it's like always these.
A baby and an aunt.
If you have,
if you have like a dog and a crazy dog and a cat that,
although there are videos of kids saying hello to bugs,
which is really funny to me.
That's cute.
Yeah.
It's really, it's adorable.
It's so sweet.
Hi.
So if you have two hats that are friends.
Fuck.
Two hats next to each other.
Sentient hats.
No, they don't have to be sentient.
Pixar hats?
Sentient.
The secret life of hats?
What do they get up to when we're not around?
Well, that's what we don't know.
And we can never know unless you turn on a camera on them.
What if we did a parody of cats called hats?
And it was all about the different types of hats.
Like a cowboy hat.
And a be beanie.
Oh, I think it would be terrible.
Baseball cat.
As terrible as cats?
What if we did this?
Yes.
I think it would be worse than cats.
Would it be like the actors are wearing a hat and they're representing the hat?
Or is it big hats that move around on stage?
Well, that's Lidsville.
Yeah.
Yes.
Welcome to Lidsville.
Did Lidsville?
They were all big hats or it was just the one hat that he fell into?
No, they were all big hats.
They're all big hats.
Yeah.
Wait, I'm sorry, what?
There was a Sid and Marty Cros.
Or Lids is what I'm thinking.
You're thinking of Lids.
So let go backwards and that made sense to you when he said that's like Lidsville.
It's like, oh, yeah.
Welcome to Lidsville where everything's hats.
Forget it, Jake.
It's Lidsville.
Lidsville was a sit and Marty Croft joint to people that brought you
Charles Nelson Riley.
That brought me what?
H.R. Puff and stuff.
Oh, okay.
And it was about...
A kid goes into a magic store.
There's a big giant hat in a closet and he falls into it.
And he gets transported to Lidsville.
Is that what you were going to say?
Which is a world of people, beings that are hats.
So it's big hats.
So like I said.
The idea has been done.
With arms and legs and eyes, googly eyes.
How close were you to finishing your screenplay?
I had written like 99 pages, but it was really rough.
But the last page ain't one?
And it's called Capstown.
Yeah.
It was called No Capstown.
And there were no giant hats.
I think you're safe.
Okay.
But that's, but it's still derivative.
But every character keeps mentioning there are no giant hats anywhere.
They're not about a murder on a train.
Yeah.
By the way, there are no giant hats on this train.
Can I say that I will, those Kenneth Brana, Hercule Poirot movies.
Yeah.
You're happy to take them over?
I will, yeah.
If you get started.
Similarly, mustache.
Summer down now.
They're not good.
They're not good, but I will watch everything.
Have you watched the new one?
I haven't seen it yet, no.
The one genius thing was it looks like a horror movie and then suddenly he shows up with that
twirly mustache.
And you're like, oh, shit, it's all.
Can you sing this song that you're going to sing?
Yes, here we go.
Okay.
I like you and you like me.
We're just the bestest friends that ever could be.
And so people may say we're not even the same species, but I say I like Reese's species.
Whoa.
There you go.
So it's a branded?
Put that through the hopper.
Yeah.
So you're not the same.
by Reese's pieces.
It doesn't matter that.
Some people say we're not the same species.
Yeah.
I'm not answering whether we are or we're not.
I'm just going to say I like Reese's pieces.
Lauren, exactly.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter what species I am.
I like Reese's pieces.
So is this song exclusively then not for two human babies?
No, it could be.
Because the people who say they're not the same species, they're just insane people.
Can I say you were talking about Reese's PCs?
Yes, I would.
was on your show.
Yes.
Stay of Humpkins.
And my whole life I've been bothered by the Reese's P.C.
People, but right now I'm actually going, what am I so upset about?
That's cute.
It is cute.
You know, what do I care?
It's cute.
Why are you up in so much?
It's so hard.
Life is so hard.
Why do I care?
Life is so hard.
We should all just get along with each other and not be annoyed by anything.
There's so many worse things than saying Reese's.
Oh, it's really bad.
Even though it's really clear that Reese's is.
And it's like.
And pieces are two normal words, whereas Reese's and PCs are not too normal words.
And you have to be an idiot to get that wrong.
Okay.
But when you think about Robert Blake shooting his wife, is Reese's PCs that bad?
Yes.
Honestly.
Like, those are really different scenarios in which both things are really bad.
If Robert Blake were to shoot you for saying that, I would acquit him.
Oh, come on.
What about Open Humor who was like, I created the bomb?
Why don't do it?
But if he said Reese's P.C.
I would bomb him.
I'd be like that's kind of cute.
Thank you, Lord.
I'm all over the place.
My opinions are all over the place.
Should we play a game?
Yeah.
This game is called Celebrity Hunt.
We haven't played in a while.
We haven't played in a while.
Now, the way it works is one person will say a celebrity's name.
We all say hunt together because we're on the hunt.
And the first person is forced to say a celebrity's name?
Yeah, at nice point.
None of us want to do it.
No, no, no, no.
We love playing the game,
but nobody wants to be the first person to start.
It's really a tough position to be in.
Yeah.
But then the next person has to say a celebrity
that starts with the last letter
of the previous celebrity's name.
That's right.
And it's a celebrity not a fictional character.
Is that true?
That's true.
That is true.
I don't think we've ever come across that issue.
Can we do fictional characters?
No.
Why?
Bitch?
Why?
Bitch?
No, shut up, you fucking asshole.
He can't do fictional characters, bitch.
Mr. Freddie Kruger.
Hello, bitch.
Mr. Freddie Kruger.
He's doing that much.
Or was he just in one movie?
I don't know.
He said, hello, bitch.
He started to get...
That's really funny.
Freddy's starting to get a little too...
He was a little too full of himself.
I would like to count the B words.
Don't trust the B.
In apartment 23.
I would love to count them in each movie and see.
You know how they count the F words?
Of all time, or just Freddie Kruger?
Just Freddie Kruger.
Okay.
I would love to see, like, stats on, okay, in Nightmare and Elm Street, he said it once.
In two, he said it three times.
Do you think that's not look upable already?
I bet it is.
Let's see.
How many times has Freddie Kruger?
First, lifetime, and then individually.
How many times has Freddy baseball games?
Kruger, you're looking up.
It's like baseball games.
And I sit there with a scorecard.
Yeah.
Oh, here's one.
I will say here's a super cut of him calling it.
That's what I want.
I want to hear this.
Here we go, right?
Front time, bitch.
Jesus.
I've been guarding my gate for a long time, bitch.
Didn't we just say that?
Oh, Appetit, bitch.
Come.
This, bitch.
Pick a pet for the lover, bitch.
What?
His voice is too deep.
By the way, his makeup.
Let me see him.
His makeup gets worse and worse with each passing movie.
Like, they spent less time on it.
That's it.
Yeah.
All right.
I liked it.
I would say if you're making a super cut also, like, let's balance the sound levels.
Try.
Yeah.
Please try.
Come on.
I want to just play it for my friends about it being like, loud, quiet, loud, quiet.
Like, by the end, it looks like Tommy Lee Jones' two-face levels of makeup,
or it's just like slap something on for 45 minutes.
I'm really familiar with that at this time.
It's so phenomenal.
But you know the story that they had this elaborate makeup plan for Tommy Lee Jones.
Like it was going to look awesome.
Yeah.
And then like on the day he was like,
no, you're not putting that shit on my face.
What?
And so they just slaps like a plastic thing on his face
that took 45 minutes to glue on.
That's wild.
They were like, now this is going to take four hours.
And he's like, absolutely not.
It is, it is crazy.
When people spend like half, like six hours in the makeup chair,
work for like two hours and then like five hours taking it off or whatever,
it's like.
If you're a cling on and then you have to.
go there and then all you get to say is. Or a Ferengi? Oh. Or a Ferengi? And all you get to say is,
I like Gold Bras Lab. Yeah. Ferengi are like space Jews. Please. That's not okay. Okay.
I'm just saying it's not okay. No, it's not a. Frangi are not okay, right? The depiction,
I mean, the depiction of them. Ferengi are not okay. Um, wait. Can we just go into the safety of
celebrity hunt? Please. Celebrity Hunt.
So somebody will say a celebrity.
Then the next person has to say the name of a celebrity that begins with the last letter of the previously named celebrity.
And you only have a second.
Well, we drone the word hunt.
That's right.
And is there a rhythm to it?
I don't remember.
No, you just got to keep it moving.
Okay.
You got to keep it moving.
We got to go, go, go, go.
Is there a rhythm to catch?
You don't get the ball and then you sit there for five minutes before you throw it back.
That sounds fun.
Do you want to play?
That sounds fun.
Yeah.
Where one person holds the ball for five minutes.
That sounds so relaxing.
Let's do it.
All right.
Who would like to start?
I'm going to start.
Okay.
All right.
And then which way are we going?
Scott.
Cloca wise.
Cloaca wise.
Yeah.
Where the egg comes out to pushy.
Anne Hathaway.
Hunt.
Yanny.
Hunt.
Edel Dazee.
Edina Mendel.
Hunt.
Lorenzo Lomas
HONS
Sylvester Stallone
Hunt
Eric
fucking Stoltz
Hons
Zane Billy
Hunt
Can you really
go backwards
Oh come on
On Z or an X you can
You can
On Z or X you can
I'm just saying right now
because that's really hard
Yeah okay
Okay
So Zane Billy
Okay
Okay
We can't do this.
Come on.
You're out.
Hunt.
You don't have to be out.
Let's just keep going.
All right, fine.
Yeah.
Yasmin Bleath.
Hunt.
Harry Anderson.
Hunt.
Natalie Wood.
Hunt.
Hot.
Doritos.
No.
What the?
Doritos.
Your rule is you can never get out.
Danny Doritos.
But you also don't do any real.
Danny Doritos.
Go.
Hunt.
Danny Doritos.
he knows.
Hunt, Samantha Morton.
Who's that?
Hunt.
She was in Broken Arrow.
Nile Horan.
Hunt.
One direction.
Nevia.
Nevia.
Ending with an age.
No, no, no.
The hand cream?
She's a mononym.
Nevi.
Nevia.
You don't get to.
You're out.
She's a professional wrestler.
You didn't even know.
You're out, you're out, you're out.
This motherfucker is like, is there a pace to this game?
He's out.
He's out.
You can come back.
Okay, I'll come back.
I'll come back.
You can come back.
No, I'll come back.
No, no, no, no.
Where should I go from?
No, no, no.
Age.
Just, yeah.
Age?
Yeah, clearly from Nevada.
Herman's hermit.
All of them.
Shannon Bador.
Ha!
Ha!
Who's Bador?
From Real Housewives.
Is it with a?
R.
Richard Roundtree.
Hunt.
Elijah Wood.
Hunt.
Don Rickles.
Hunt.
Susan Sarandon.
Hunt.
Hons.
Nolan, Croma, Christopher.
Hunt.
Robin Williams.
Hunt.
Stephanie Powers.
Hunt.
Soupy Sanders.
Oh, my God.
Sales.
You're so close.
I was close.
I was close.
So weird to hear you say that.
It didn't seem right.
That's a cross between soupy sales and Colonel Sanders.
Exactly.
I would love to see that.
We're like soupy sales.
I love to see that.
Instead of making soup, he made chicken.
He makes chicken and.
Instead of soup.
Yeah, which he did make.
Yep, every day.
Okay, let's start over.
Soupy is a wild nickname.
We're going to go.
We're going to go counterclockwise.
Are you talking about your diarrhea?
My doctor's.
areas hard and published.
All right, here we go.
Ready, I'll start.
Evan Dando.
Hunt.
Oh.
Well, I was supposed to be me next.
I said we're going the other way.
Oh, okay.
Good.
Yeah, good.
That's too bad.
That's what, yeah, that's why you didn't say anything.
But I was just saying that so it's clear.
Orlando Bloom.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Madison Gawthorn.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Nevea.
You can't repeat that.
them.
What?
Yeah,
can't repeat them.
Okay.
Nermal.
Hunt.
That's a fictional character.
He's a celebrity.
Not a person.
But he's famous.
Oh.
Um,
um,
Lauren Holly.
Hunt.
Eve Saint Laurent.
Hunt.
Tiramisu.
Oh my.
Fuck you.
I'm just thinking of desserts and things to eat.
We shouldn't.
You do this right before lunchtime.
So true.
I always think of cheer a me to sue when I'm hungry.
What's for lunch?
Chiramisu?
Okay, you're out again.
Hunt.
Okay, wait.
You.
Okay, Danny DeVito.
Hunt.
Oliver Hudson.
Hunt.
Neil degrass Tyson.
Hunt.
Nick Nulte.
Hunt.
Evan Rachel Wood.
Hunt.
Diane von Furstenberg.
Hunt.
Gregory Hines.
Hunt.
Stanley.
Stanley.
Hunt.
Edgar Wright.
Hunt.
Tina Turner.
Hunt.
Hunter.
Hunt.
Robin Wright Penn.
Hunt.
Um,
Natalie Imbrulia.
Hunt.
Anthony Anderson.
Hunt.
So many ends.
We always run into this.
Nick Lachay.
Hunt.
Yvonne Orgy.
Hunt.
Hans with an eye.
She's from insecure.
Yeah, man.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Uh, uh, is the, is he, is he?
Azalea. Hunt.
Anna Paquin.
Hunt.
More ends.
I'm sorry.
A lot of Neal's, a lot of.
Neal Armstrong.
Hunt.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Burlante.
Greg.
He is somebody.
It is somebody.
It is.
That somebody real.
Yeah.
Answer the other.
Sure.
Celebrity Hunt, Greg Prelanti.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Ila Fisher.
Hunt.
Rita Redner.
Hunt.
Robert Redford.
Hunt.
Diane Keaton.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Nann.
Nannin-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n.
I'll give you a name.
Neal-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n----.
Neil Long.
Neil Long.
Neil Long.
Hunt.
Gina Gershon.
Hunt.
Neovar Dahlos.
Hunt.
Sam Shepard.
Hunt.
Dame Judy Dench.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Hunt.
Oh, that's the way you win.
Yeah.
Oh, and I won?
Yeah, you won because you said Helen Hunt.
Yeah.
Once you get to Ellen, you win.
There's no way out of it.
There's no way out.
There's no way out.
We could have gone forever.
Listen, if you'd like to send just three church or,
write to
three, no,
write to
Freedom USA
at gmail.com
and if you'd like to call us,
leave us a voicemail,
ask us for advice,
give us a conversational prompt
or just compliment us.
You can call us at
Hague Claims 8.
It's great.
It's great.
And Paul,
do you have live shows coming up?
Man, do I ever?
Yeah.
When are people hearing this?
Thursday.
Thursday, tonight.
The Neighborhood Listen live.
If we're doing it a dynasty typewriter, it's going to be in person and live streamed 7.30 p.m. Pacific.
Me, Nicole Parker, Brett Morris, and our special guest, Mitro Juhari.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
I can't wait.
We're going to be doing, for the show, in costume.
We have created looks for these characters.
Are you going to be Sam from Trick Art Treat?
We're all going to be Sam from What?
Trick Our Treat.
From Trick Our Treat.
That'll be good because we'll be able to see her faces.
Exactly.
At the end of the night, we take her back.
And everyone just like has guessed which one is which?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you guessed correctly, you win the bags that have been on our heads for an hour plus.
Free COVID.
Free COVID.
So that's this Thursday.
Then October 9th.
Wow.
Let me tell you something.
A special thing is happening.
That's like a Monday?
I think so.
Why do you know the days?
Because I know something's happening on the 7th.
Okay.
Oh, there he goes.
That's how he figured it out.
He figured it out.
He figured it out.
Super ego and wild horses are once again joining forces.
We're going to do a show that we were going to do right before lockdown.
And it is an improvised murder mystery.
And it is called Whom Has Done It's going to be really exciting.
This will also be live in person and live streamed to the world.
Yes.
You can get all the details at Paul F. Tompkins.
com slash live, including Varietopia in Brooklyn.
Late shows, still some tickets left, but they are going quickly.
Nice.
You know, I'm doing a bunch of random shows lately.
You just have to follow my Instagram to see what they are because I don't know off the top of me old dome piece.
But I will say my friend Art and Marine is on tour on the East Coast this fall.
And she's got a show coming up in Philly, which I wanted to promote.
It's in October.
You have to go to her page to find out what the heck that is.
but she's really funny.
And you should go see her.
She's doing New York dates,
a couple other towns.
But I know Philly is coming up soon.
Oh, okay.
I was wondering why you were you were targeting that one specifically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's coming up.
It's coming up.
It's coming up.
It's coming up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have nothing.
Great.
Oh, come on.
What about all your other podcasts?
Well, I started,
Adam Scott and I started the Springsteen show.
Right.
So you can listen to that where it's called you springing,
Springsteen on my bean.
What was the face you made when you said that title?
Do you like it or you don't?
like it.
Half and half.
Did you guys have, I mean, you have to vote on these, right?
You have to work out.
Yeah, unfortunately, we each have one vote in the.
No, is that true?
Yeah, and we're always tied.
You know what?
I'll just say because I looked it up.
Hardin's at Union Hall 921.
She's at Philadelphia City Winery 1012.
City Winery.
Then she's in Bethesda, Maryland on October 13th and City
Winery in Boston on October 18.
Doing the whole city winery.
You just got to go see her.
Why didn't she do it in New York City Winery?
She did Union Hall.
in City Winery.
Okay.
Okay.
Can you call Arden tell her to switch?
Yeah.
Anyway, just promoting my friend.
That's very nice to you.
I'm not doing that.
Uh-uh.
No.
Although I do want to promote Arden Marine.
Just in general.
Just in generally.
Yeah.
I saw her in what women want the other day.
Really?
I haven't seen that since I've known her.
Oh, okay.
Oh, sure.
It's always fun when you get to know someone.
Yeah, watch the whole thing just for her one line.
Yeah, I would love to.
What is that line?
Is she one of the people who's like thinking something
that he can hear? Yeah, I think so.
I can't remember.
I'll ask her.
Well, that's going to do it for us for this episode of Freedom.
Can you, this season, too.
Hopefully it's not the series finale.
It better not be.
And if it is, we'll miss you guys.
We ended on at least a plug for Arden Marine shows.
I know, isn't that random?
But hey.
It's like we finally fulfilled our purpose.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I was done promoting my own things to the point now where I must promote
others.
Yeah.
Must promote others.
So you understand the rules.
If you want the show to continue,
you have to send physical postcards
to Colin Anderson.
Yeah.
He loves him.
By the way.
Who wouldn't?
I would love to get a bunch of physical postcards.
Oh, my God.
Not really.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Your friend, though we're different.
Everybody says that we get along.
Hey, you're my friend and everyone else can go to hell.
That's what I said.
Go to hell, hell, hell.
Everybody go to hell, hell, hell, hell.
If you're not my friend, go to hell, hell, hell.
I don't like you go to hell.
Nice.
Oh, no.
Okay, we'll see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
Very much.
One of those media strategy people
clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets.
Yes? Good.
This is for you.
Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different.
Locked in.
Loyal, invested.
They're called fans.
Fans don't just listen to music.
They feel seen by it, like it belongs to them.
So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to.
And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo.
So, are you ready to talk to fans?
Spotify Advertising.
You're among fans.
