Threedom - Threevisiting: You'd Be Like A Rugrats
Episode Date: December 23, 2025Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about nudity in tv and movies, being a baby, and play a new Threeture "Off Script.” Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.c...om.Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Freedom!
I'm singing very fast.
Watch how fast I said.
Freedom!
I choked.
Freedom faster than I.
Freedom!
Set it faster than anyone.
I said it faster through him.
What?
I said it faster through them.
You didn't even hear me.
I was so fast.
Like, a flage?
Yeah.
Flaish.
Hey, Fleeche.
Featuring the Flesh.
The Flesh.
Superman, Batman, Aquaman, and the Flesh.
You know, Flesher did the original Superman cartoon, so you're not that far off.
Was it Fleshur?
Fleshman.
Fleshman is in trouble.
Like from Northern Exposure?
Remember that?
Flechman.
I don't.
Joel Fleischman, played by Rob Morrow.
I think it's Fleischer.
It's Fleischer.
Are you thinking of Charles Fleischer, the voice of Roger Rabbit?
Yes.
Please.
Moles.
Who are the body models for this picture of you and Reggie?
Oh.
All right.
Well, first of all, Sean Disson said,
Hey, I have a poster of Comedy Bang Bang in my house.
Do you want it?
And then he brought that over.
I'm like, what is he doing with this?
How did he get that?
I don't know.
It's like a promotional.
IFC poster.
It was our third season
where Reggie and Scott are dressed like
in like workout men.
You think you'd have some say on like
what your poster is going to be?
No. They told me what it's going to be.
This is the ad campaign.
I actually really like that you had no say in that.
I think that's really funny.
I mean, given what it is
that it has no connection to your show whatsoever.
Scott's head is on the body of a small
spelt man with a unitard from like a wrestling
to go singlet.
And like a 10% better body.
And, oh, yeah, it's just 10%.
And then the leg warmers, like hot pink leg warmers.
It's just funny that's what you're wearing.
And you were like, uh, sure, I guess it's okay.
I'm like, we don't care if you think it's okay or not.
No, I honestly, it's already printed, sweetie.
I showed up.
They took a picture of my head and then they had the models there.
And I was like, what's the-
So you met the models?
Yeah, I met the model.
And they were like, what's the concept?
I said, what's the concept?
And they're like, it's you and Reggie working out and the tagline is feel the comedy
burn.
And I was like, what?
Just that simple, idiot.
What does this have to do?
What does Byrne have?
Feel the comedy burn.
Get it?
Yeah.
Anyway, so now I have this poster of a couple of male models with me and Reggie's head
Photoshop.
It's good.
You should have that more than Sean should.
Why did Sean have it?
It's in a frame.
I know.
Yeah.
I don't know what's going on with Sean.
He's in love with you, obviously.
I guess so.
Or Reggie.
True.
Or both.
Or these models and not our heads.
That's true.
Oh, he covers your head.
It could be anything.
It could be anything.
And he finds the original model's heads and he puts them on.
you paste them on.
And then he realized
he'd gone too far
and he's like
would you please take
this poster off my hands?
He's like
please put me out of my misery
I have to go to therapy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway,
so I have a ton of like
my old posters around
because we closed our office
because of the pandemic.
And all this and then the podcast's
Earwolf closed
and so I have a ton of these things
around that I used to store.
Well,
Jackie Johnson just posted a picture
from Sirius XM
of all the art,
you know,
the decorated shoes.
The shoes from our friend.
Oh yeah.
All in a box on the floor.
She was digging for mine
and she said I guess it's at the bottom
because I didn't get to it
I should have grabbed mine
I know I want to grab mine
I thought about it so many times
I mean I want mine
so if anyone out there is that serious
and wants to grab it for us
or if you have any shoe
just send it to us
send us a shoe
to serious XAM
look into your house
if you see any shoe
box it up and send it to series
yeah not one of your shoes
send someone else's
look around your house
and find someone else's
that doesn't live in your house, one shoe.
One shoe.
Please no baby shoes never worn.
It's the saddest shortest, shortest story.
Oh, the shortest story ever told.
Shortest story.
Jesus weps, that's the shortest story.
Okay, well.
Why the fuck was he crying so much?
He's an emotional guy.
He had a bad life.
I mean, first of all, he's bored in a terrible time.
He knows that he's...
No internet, no toilet.
No TikTok?
No TikTok.
You couldn't even do a Jesus dance.
He would have been huge.
Huge.
It would have been huge.
Why?
He really would have.
He would have seen millions of followers.
He would have.
Instead of just 12.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He had that hanging over his head the whole time.
Like, and you're going to die to redeem all of humanity.
Did you know that before or was that a night before thing?
No, I think he knew it.
I think you know.
And then it just kind of like it caught up to him.
He's like, oh shit, that's tomorrow.
You think he knew and it kind of informed everything.
Yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think he started to like let it slip towards the end.
He's like, hey, idiots.
I'm not.
going to be here for very long get you get together yeah when i say very like but by the way his
he started be like and you're going to betray me and you're going to pretend you don't know who i am he knew all
of it yeah he knew all of it by the way his life expectancy he died at 33 read them to fill
his life expectancy was probably 34 it's like it's not like it was some great tragedy yeah he was
elderly you know what i mean it's like come on his life expectancy was some great tragedy
was he sick
He was sick.
That's the other thing is he was going to die in three days anyway.
Yeah, he had a cold.
And they were incurable back at that time.
Cold was fatal then.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, come on.
Cold was fatal then.
Bible times sucked.
Straight up sucked.
Look, you don't have bras.
You don't have.
Do you think the Romans didn't have bras?
They probably had some sort of cloth that was draped.
I bet they didn't.
They're freaks, man.
They were freaks.
Colligula?
They're just draping a cloth over themselves.
Caligula didn't have bras.
Caligula?
Calcula.
That guy was
bananas.
That guy was a freak.
We watched Caligula
at my friend's house once
and then
Bill W.
He lived with his
yeah, Bill W.
He lived with his grandmother
and his grandmother
came home in the middle of it.
And she came
and she had a conversation
with us and she was like,
blah, blah, blah.
She had a really deep,
gravelly voice and she was like this
and she was like,
blah, blah,
anyway, so I wanted to ask the thing
and she would look at the,
she would look at the screen,
this is in the middle of the orgy scene.
She would look at the screen
and when she would look at the screen,
and there would be nothing going on.
And then she would turn away and talk to us.
And then suddenly there'd be like some, some, you know, hardcore sex happening.
What were they cutting away to during the orgy?
They were like people's faces or Malcolm McDowell's face going,
aha, or what, you know.
So it kept happening five times.
We were crying, laughing at it.
And then she finally looked back and there was like some oral sex going on.
And she goes, oh, my God.
She's eating his thing.
Okay
I'm sorry
We have told the same stories 100 times
And you're sitting on
Oh my God
She's eating his thing
Yeah I kept that in the reserve
That's crazy
If anyone ever mentions ancient Rome
I'm gonna tell that story
I'll bring up the part where she ate his thing
Oh my gosh
It was so funny
How old were you guys at the time?
I was 19 he was 20
Oh wow
That's really fun
And I mean you know
I was kind of like
Would he watch this in your house while you're grap?
And he had the kind of relationship where it was like, you know.
Whatever I said, go.
There's just one more thing.
Oh, my God.
She's eating his thing.
Oh, my God.
She's eating his thing.
I don't think that's what she's doing.
I've never seen that movie.
I never have either.
I only saw it then, but I counted as having watched it.
But like in the middle of the afternoon.
I think you've seen it.
It's a weird movie to watch the middle of the afternoon.
When did it come out?
While his grandmother's doing errands?
What year did that come out?
In the 70s, right?
Wasn't it a,
was it a, who's the penthouse?
Bob.
Or like maybe very early 80s,
but yeah,
Bob Guccione produced it.
Well,
wasn't it a thing where they shot it
and it wasn't all that great?
And so they put like hardcore porn in it
in order to like.
That's a fix.
It's definitely one.
You almost did that in between two ferns.
I did.
You did one at it where you spiced in a bunch of porn.
From Caligula.
Yeah.
See where Zach is just watching Caligula?
It goes full screen.
Honestly.
That would be so funny.
Might have improved the movie.
That would have been great.
Yeah.
Did you ever watch movies you weren't supposed to watch?
And then you had to turn it off when your parents got home and anything like that.
But I'm trying to think if there was anything that was actually that crazy.
I think I was too scared probably.
I think I usually would do it at.
We also didn't have a cable.
Oh.
Well, you know what's weird here in L.A.
On like K-Cal 9 or whatever, they would show certain in syndication, they would show
certain shows that had boobs in him.
Benny Hill and...
I remember Benny Hill.
Paul Hogan show, I think.
Crocodile Dundee.
He had a show.
He had a sketch show or something like that before, which is how I got.
Oh, he was very popular.
Yeah, yeah.
And so my parents would go away and we would turn on these shows.
And it's in black and white.
And it's like, well, we're that desperate to see boobs.
But then, like, suddenly my parents would come home because they forgot something or something
like that.
And we'd turn the TV off really quick.
and then it got to be where my dad would like feel the TV
to see if it was hot.
And I probably have told this story,
but I remember watching kids in my friend's basement.
Oh, yeah.
And her older brother.
The movie kids.
Yeah.
And it was so fucked up.
And I just remembered, no one caught us, nothing happened.
I just, I was haunted, you know.
I had a great argument with a friend of mine about that movie
because he was talking to me about it and I hadn't seen it.
And I was like,
I don't want, I don't want to know about this.
Yeah.
Sounds horrible.
Well, and I was like the age of them at the time.
Like I was, like, in eighth grade or seven grade.
Yeah, I think it's way weirder to watch it.
What's the right age to watch kids?
I would say being the same age as them would be the best way to go.
What about one year?
In my mind.
One year younger.
So you can aspire to.
I was younger.
I was a little bit younger.
But it was like 17.
But I sort of think there's something gross about watching it as an adult.
Well, yeah.
And which is kind of where I was coming from.
I was like, I don't want to see that.
And he's like, it's like, it's actually.
you know it's like really rough but there's some good performances and i'm like i don't care i don't want to see it
and then we got we got like genuinely we were genuinely arguing and then it all came into a head where
he said all i'm saying is it wouldn't kill you if you saw it and then we both started laughing
that's funny i i i must have watched it when it came out when it come in the 90s right yeah so i was 25
that's that's an okay age to watch i don't remember anything about it i think it's a fine age to
Yes. At what age should one watch kids?
Well, you're getting older and it's about that time you should be watching a movie
Kid by Larry Carl. You have a quarter of a century.
I've had the talk with my son.
My boy, sit down.
He now knows what finger begging is.
Fire up the VCR.
It's only released on VHS.
Yeah.
To this day.
And then we also watched wild things in my friend's house.
That was pretty crazy.
Oh, sure.
Very horny movie.
It was a very horny film.
Horny.
I recall that.
I remember I recall that.
Did it make you horny?
Because you do see titaz and you see a penis in that movie.
You do see a penis although you see one in Gone Girl as well.
Gone Girl?
You barely see it in Gone Girl.
Gone Girl, the newer movie?
If you pause on it, you see it a lot.
Who's penis?
Benifleck.
I don't remember that penis.
Might have to rewatch.
Might have to rewatch to see Pinos.
He's in the shower.
Yeah, no, I actually do kind of remember it.
Wait, Hitz was in the shower too.
And you paused it.
Yeah, right?
Where else would it be?
I thought he was in a pool or something.
Oh, no, that's...
That kind of warps it a little bit.
That's color of night with...
Yeah, Bruce Willis.
You see his penis in it.
Pinos.
Or later, these guys got to show their dicks.
Peanus.
Pinaus.
They say it right.
Yeah.
Pinaw.
Show it the respected.
Well, I do.
And the only reason I know that is because I believe Neil Campbell wrote a joke about it in
the company Bing Ping-T-Bing TV show.
Yeah.
Sounds about right.
I remember, I saw Kevin Spacey.
Oh, my God.
Kevin, you talk.
Seven Spacey's penis?
Oh, really, congratulations, Paul.
Yes, I'm going to court.
Was this 45 years ago?
Kevin Bacon.
Yeah, Kevin Bacon's penis.
Excuse me.
My apologies to hometown boy, Kevin Bacon.
That's in wild things.
And wild things, but he was on Instagram
and he was putting on, he did like this quick montage.
I love his Instagram.
I love his Instagram.
I think he's so charming.
It's very wholesome.
Yeah.
But he did like a montage of all the, the t-shirts he got from productions.
Oh, that's funny.
He was like going through a box and he's like,
let's see what we got.
It's one teacher.
I love that he saved them all.
Sometimes you just want to keep that.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet like some of them he threw away after talking about them.
But he would like, he would like, this movie was like some movie about a dog or something.
He's like, this is a great movie to watch with your family.
It's really fun or whatever.
I wish I had this kind of free time.
And then to make videos like that would be nice, wouldn't it?
You could find it.
You're like, it's my Instagram hour.
If you do, if you film yourself wearing one t-shirt a day and then you splice it all together.
And I make one video per year.
yeah so wait time to do that so he said this one's a good one to watch so then he put on wild things and he said
we laughed all the way through making this movie that's so funny yeah i thought that was great
i love that they had fun and he sings with his daughter and he sings with his wife it's all very
his daughter who's in the uh commercial with him yes about the electric car yes and i knew that because
i follow him on instagram i was his daughter and then he was a very nice man when we did the tv show together
and i think i've told this he did CBB he did CBB he was a
big get so we made the season premiere and he was very he's he's very he's kind of a very intense
talker well he's one of the hottest people on earth possibly oh my word oh my word he's very reserved
and you know i have to spend six hours on a couch with these people and have small talk and i was
talking about his band and music and stuff like this yeah it must be hard it is it actually was
one of the more difficult part that actually is challenging but
cool people you're talking oh yeah a lot of interesting people and and but he was just very very quiet
and very soft-spoken and then we he's like do you want to rehearse and so there's this bit
uh kevin town it's in the show and it's very funny and we rehearsed it and we did one reading of it
and he goes funny stuff he was like the most effusive that that he was all day and i was like
we got it but then he turns it on for the camera he keeps his energy low but he does have that he does have that
Like a lot of intense actors have that thing where they barely raise their voices above a whisper almost.
And it's because they're film actors.
Yes.
It's interesting.
That is interesting.
I don't think so, actually.
And I love Kiras Edrick.
I don't think it's interesting.
I don't think it's interesting.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
It's not your fault.
Kira Sedgwick, great film.
Make sure I'm getting it right, heart and soul.
Do you remember that movie?
With Robert Downey Jr.
Yes.
Where he's a ghost.
Yes.
No, their ghosts.
Their ghosts.
And they're trying to make someone.
He's all they love.
Yeah, he's a little kid, and there's this bus accident where...
Robert County Jr.'s a little kid?
Initially.
He's a kid initially?
And then...
Oh, my God, we have so much in common.
All the ghosts.
And he can see that.
And then he...
From kid to ghost.
They find him later in their life because they're trying to kind of tie up loose ends.
And he's...
Wait, so they can move on, like their own loose ends?
Yeah.
Okay.
And so he helps them go around to all the different people.
It's a really sweet movie.
And it goes around to all the different people that they need to like,
connect with.
Do they play the song in it?
He resolves it.
They play Walk Like a Man, if that's what you're talking about.
No, heart and soul.
Oh, no, they actually don't.
Who are the go-hosts?
Oh, I'd have to look.
Is that chopsticks that I'm singing, or is that heart and soul?
That was Heart and Soul.
They go together like Heart and Soul.
The movie must have been so upset when Big stole that song from them.
Yeah, but they didn't need it because they actually came out later.
Heart and Soul, so Heart and Souls, pardon me.
It's got Charles.
It's got Charles Groton.
What, now you know?
No, I'm just saying you can't just pluralize a movie.
How does it have such a low rating?
It's a good movie.
It's Charles Grosan.
Charles Grosdardt, Alphrey Woodard, Kira Sedgwick, Tom Seismore.
They die in, rest in power, King.
They die in 1959 when the bus they ride crashes.
The Four Continuous Ghosts.
Cool, I worked with him on a funnier die video.
It sounded like a great guy.
Wow.
It's a great movie.
He was born the moment they died.
And so they're like, that's why they're like immediately attached to him.
Wow.
That's very cool.
It's really cute.
I got to see that.
You know what?
You should put it on Scott hasn't seen.
If you haven't seen it.
Would you do that episode?
How many am I booked for?
When's the last time you've seen it?
Oh my God.
When's the last time you've seen that movie?
I saw it during the pandemic again.
Because I love it and Mike loves it too.
It's a movie we both loved as kids.
And so we put it on and we loved it again.
I rewatched the Star Trek movies recently.
Yeah.
that I hadn't seen since they were in theaters.
And the,
which, by the way, I've not seen the final one.
First,
uh,
here's the thing.
They were all better than I remember.
Really?
I'd want to see that.
But I was waiting to do it in air order.
So I was,
I was trying to get plow through deep space.
You had to abandon that project.
Can I say one last thing?
About heart and souls before I moved on.
Please say one last thing.
I remember I saw it in theater with my friend.
One last thing.
About heart and soul.
She's eating his thing
Oh my god
My friend and I went to see that movie
And we were like eight or something
And then we came home and the movie
The song Walk Like a Man was like a huge song in the movie
And we spent the whole night calling the oldie station
Trying to get them to play it
That's adorable
It's one way to hear it
And they wouldn't play it
Couldn't get through
Couldn't get through to the oldie station
It's a pop-in station
Did you just listen long enough
And they played it for sure?
Probably
Yeah
So Star Trek First Contact
is the one Alfry Woodard is in
And she's fucking great in it
She's an amazing ass
She's so good
I stopped in my
I stopped it
I think generations
In my rewatch of everything
So I still have
Two or three to go
Two
No you got a bunch to go
No
Generations was the seventh movie
I think
Yeah
Yeah
And then there's
First Contact
Insurrection
And I think
I think you have three more
Okay
It's not a three more
interesting um all right well maybe i'll watch these who knows i think you should all leading up to
picard picard picante what's that what's picante yeah well it's a type of sauce type of hot sauce
okay i knew that much well then why did you ask darling because i wanted to know if you had any
grape of pawn yes let me roll down my window and there you had you had
Pekante, but that's not going to help me with my dip in the news.
The guy in that commercial was the guy who starred in the original House of Cards for the Babesee.
Wait, the Great Poupon commercial?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He then went on to star House of Card or House of Cards is so old.
My grandmother farts down.
All right, we have to take a break.
I think the commercial was first.
Goodbye.
All right.
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Uh-oh.
The fashion police are here.
Can you hear those sirens?
Yeah, I can.
Boy, they're here to lock me up for what I'm wearing.
I can get you out of this situation.
On bail?
Even better.
I won't have to go to fashion jail in the first place.
Full exoneration.
Oh, a pardon?
If you listen to me.
Fashion pardon?
You'll get a fashion pardon.
Okay, I'm listening.
It starts like this.
Cold mornings, holiday plans.
This is when you need your wardrobe to just work.
That's why I'm all about, for you, quince.
They make it easy to look.
sharp, feel good, and find gifts that
last. I have gotten some quince. I'm not
wearing it right now, which is why I think the fashion police
are here. Yeah, you should be wearing it. I will
say quince makes the essentials that every guy
needs, right? Mongolian cashmere
sweaters for only, guess how much?
$50? Yeah,
exactly, $50. I got it. Italian
wool coats that look and feel designer
and denim and chinos that fit
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By cutting out middlemen and traditional markups,
Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at,
if you're a math fan, a fraction of the price.
Do you mean like five-fourths where it costs more?
No, no, no, the good one.
Oh, the good fractions, okay.
It's everything you actually want to wear built to hold up season after season,
after season, after season.
I got some stuff from Quince, Paul.
You're going to be very proud of me.
I got the Mongolian Kashmir Neck sweater.
Nice.
I'm a big fan of that.
It's great for when you want to feel cozy, but still look, you know, at your best.
I wear it all the time.
And honestly, I would wear it even more if my wife weren't borrowing it all the time.
Girl, I hear you.
My wife keeps stealing my quince items.
I have a wonderful soft cashmere hoodie that I got from them.
And she has claimed it as her own, which is honestly very aggravating.
My wife has also been going into our bank accounts and stealing money from my own.
bank account that I have kept secret.
And I'm really concerned about that.
My wife has literally taken food out of my mouth.
Oh, no.
Like, I put a forkful of food on my mouth and she's taking it out of it.
That's the right amount as far as I'm concerned.
That's how I eat food by the forkful.
Exactly.
Anyway, get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince.
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And we're back.
And, yeah, we are back.
Sure.
And I was thinking the other day because Kool-Up's sister wasn't
down for a couple of weeks.
Duda, doda, doda.
And she has a, she has a boy who is now going into junior high.
A very strange and.
A very strange enchanted boy.
And she was.
Yeah, we know a lot about him.
This was, yes, Kai.
He, of course, was doing this.
The entrepreneur.
The sneaker head.
He, I believe, is no longer interested in both sports cards or sneakers.
I love that.
I love when kids move on.
Yeah.
Now just focused on basketball.
Okay. And so much so that the baseball team really wanted him to play this year because he's really good. And he was like, nope, I'm concentrating on basketball. So. I like that. He's a very focused young man. Anyway, but this is Kulap sister's first time meeting our Nepo baby. And she was, I was saying, do you miss your son being this age? And she goes, yes, because it goes so fast. And I was like,
It feels like it's taking forever.
No, this is the phrase that you'll hear over and over again.
The days are long, but the years are short.
Right.
Wow.
That'll get you.
And honestly, Holly's approaching two, and that's shocking.
Yeah.
It is really weird.
It goes fast, but it also feels like every day is the longest day of your life.
Yeah, because it's like it's just hours of doing like nothing.
Yeah.
But, and here, so then it led me to my theory, which is I think, because we all miss when
people are babies, everyone should, when they wake up, be a baby and then they grow to be
an old man in a single day. And then they go to sleep and they wake up and they're a baby.
Why should everyone do that? Oh, I thought it was a good idea. Well, then I'll open the question
up to both of you. Well, you know what's great about it. It's a lot like that riddle of like
who crawls in the morning. But Scott, you know what's wrong.
with this and I'm just realizing that.
If everyone's a baby who can take care
of each other. Well, no, it's like the beach and old
where everyone's a baby for like, you know,
like half hour. So we're all like screaming our heads
off and like being ignored and like
needing something. But then you're beginning
and ending your day in a diaper. That sucks.
I think we should all
be
wake up 25, go to bed
59.
Add 10 to that? I'm in.
Okay.
he said it he wants to eat that thing you don't want to be younger than 25 well I think you want to be
able to rent a car the first thing I want I kind of want some I want my brain to be done developing
that'd be nice well here you think your brain's done developing mine still got away to go do you go back
to your 25 year old brain well I don't know if you're going back to your baby brain I would
assume right I think you should I think we should all have the opportunity to have our our the brains that
we have now in a baby body just to see what it feels like. Why is horrible? Because you can't
you're you don't you can't do anything. No, you can because you have your brain is developed.
So you'd be like a rug rats? You'd be like a rug rats? Yeah. Getting up doing all sorts of things
telling you. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I think I will miss because she's so cute right now.
Yeah. But it just like takes forever all day for it does. You know, because she's not doing anything.
I know. And you got.
I'd have constantly, constantly give attention.
When she starts crawling, I mean, you're going to have all these phases that are going to
reignite, you know, the excitement.
But what I'm saying is, is like, I will miss that cuteness all the time.
You'll miss when she was a little dumpling that she is right now.
Yeah, because I have a friend who was like, oh, my God, I miss that age because now it's just like,
she's just constantly asking me for stuff.
Can I have this?
Can I have this?
Can I have this?
Can I have this.
Honestly, that's kind of where we're going right now.
Really?
We're getting into a lot of like more, more, more, more.
You know, how do you like it?
How do you like it?
More puffs, more whatever.
Afro puffs?
Yeah.
That may be hungry for puffs.
Oh, she, we had these, I bought these random sour cream and onion puffs.
I don't even know what they were, some sort of simply veggie.
That's so random.
I didn't think she was going to like it.
And she wanted to eat half the, I mean, she just was like more, more, more, more, more.
More, more, more puffs.
But I do like that she can communicate a little bit.
So it's, that's fun.
Yeah, she texts me all the time.
She does, yeah.
Yeah.
She always grabbing my phone, trying to talk to everyone.
Oh, wait.
I thought those were from you
when I said
blably blah blabing
yes
sounds exactly like you
yeah it's true
do you like
do you FaceTime with
relatives and stuff
we don't really
like we're not a big
face timing family
but we have done that
from time to time
but people do say that that
is it doesn't count
a screen time
apparently because they're engaging
with a person
I would agree with that
yeah we just don't do it very often
in my family
but I should do it more
because I want her to know everyone's name.
She knows, like, my dad's, you know, grandpa nickname.
She needs to go to cheers.
And, um, yeah, but so it's really cute because she, she says, she says that with pictures.
She needs to go to the reverse cheers.
But I needed to learn everyone.
Actually, I had an idea that I was going to get, I was going to print out or put up on the fridge, pictures,
current pictures of everyone.
Like mugshot style.
Yeah.
So that you can say their names.
Yeah.
Yes.
Well, because.
Because Tall John's daughter was saying Holly's name from her Christmas card.
And I was like, we don't practice people's names that way.
So I should do that.
Flash cards.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
Do you think the, real quick, just the subject of the Cheers theme song, which is you.
Right.
Yeah.
Do you think everyone knows your name, but do you know everyone else's name?
Or do you walk in there feeling bad because it's like, oh shit, I don't know their name?
I never got this person's name.
Oh my God. Isn't that the worst feeling?
Yeah.
What do you do when you're in that situation?
Just play it off for as long as possible to you leave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have done that.
Oh, hey, you?
It depends on it.
The thing that fucking sucks is I think because of the business that we're in,
sometimes you will see somebody that you spend a significant amount of time with.
Yeah.
And you knew their name and you had a good relationship with them.
But so much time has happened.
Yeah.
So much time has passed.
And it's like,
I know exactly who you are, but I can't remember your name.
Yeah.
And it feels terrible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know.
I know.
And you're so close with them for like a year because you can like work with
someone for one year.
Absolutely.
Every single day.
Yeah.
And really enjoy their company and yeah.
And never see them again.
Yeah.
And it's such a terrible feeling.
There are some places, there's sometimes where it's like, I know I met this person recently
so I can say, I'm so sorry, will you please tell me your name again?
Yeah.
You know, I'm in the situation now where I do a show.
every other month at this venue and it's just enough time to forget to forget the name
every single person but know the face yeah yeah that is tricky and there's some people where
I think what happens is there's sort of an assumed we know each other's name thing so no one
ever says it yes and then you never can say it or they like if if you're working at a theater
or something where someone comes up to give you some information and you don't get their name
because you're getting the information.
And then later you're like,
I wish I had asked what their name is
so that I can know that.
I know.
Honestly,
what used to help me a lot
was we had a mailing list
when I first started comedy.
Yeah.
And I just got everyone's,
and I would email them flyers for my,
not email them,
mail them,
flyers for my shows.
Snail mail?
Snail mail.
And so,
and we'd print them all out,
you know,
and so I knew every single person's name
because I was used to looking at them all the time.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
And I was talking to Jenny Lewis from music about that because I was on her mailing list.
I was on her mailing list.
And so that's how she knew my name for so many years.
Wow.
And she brought that up the last time I saw her, she's like, oh, remember our mailing list and how you were on it and all that kind of stuff.
So, yeah, mailing lists are a good way to go.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, I think Instagram can be very helpful with that.
But then sometimes someone has a name that's like a weird version of their name.
And then you remember that.
speaking of being reunited with people who haven't seen in a while last night you have a son
i had it turns out it's been a while last night i had a long dream that we were we were shooting the
second season of dag oh got there like the first season was the year 2000 right and then it's
2023 it's like we're going to do a second season it honestly could happen the way things are now
with the reboots and all these things.
No, I think that happens with popular shows.
No, but I mean, it's, it's,
I feel like people just pull out an old format and go.
But here was, this was the best part was that I forgot,
it had been so long since I played this character.
I forgot that my character had a prosthetic left hand,
which was in the dream,
because he didn't.
Oh,
in the dream it was like,
in the dream.
That's right.
I forgot my character has a prosthetic left hand.
I thought you were remembered in the dream and I was like, wow, that's.
And the hand,
the hand is not a hand.
It is,
uh,
the head.
of a head of a ear and nose hair trimmer.
That's gross.
Like the guy you get up.
It's like Inspector Gadgety.
Yeah, like this little tiny thing.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh yeah, that's right.
I forgot.
I love it.
I had a dream.
I'll tell this.
I had a dream.
I did.
You're committed.
I did Carl Tart and Lamar Woods's Gossip Girl podcast.
Gossip Kings.
Uh-huh.
Gossip Kings.
And so I had a dream that I was.
Which I always mix up with.
with, what's the other one?
Gilmore Girls.
Gilmore Kings.
And then they had that podcast.
They Gilmore Boys, yes.
Was that what it was called?
Yeah, it was just,
Gilmore guys.
Gilmore guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did that one.
But I mixed up the shows, whatever.
I did that podcast and we'll get,
we'll get to you in a moment.
Okay, sure.
Thank you so much.
I did the Gilmore guys podcast,
and I had watched that show,
but fell off of it.
And so I had not seen this episode.
I've never seen any of it.
I found out live,
was one of the, it was a live show too.
It was a live episode.
Found out while I was on stage
and had to adjust some things
in my prepared marks
that it was one of the most beloved episodes.
Oh, no, because you didn't like it.
I hated it.
Oh, dear.
I absolutely hated it.
Well, naturally, it's not really for you.
Yeah, no offense.
And I had to really,
your name isn't Gilmore.
You're not a young little girl.
Although, neither are the hosts of the show.
Well, that's the irony of it all, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's ironic, don't you think?
Mm-hmm.
Don't you?
But yeah, I really hated it, but I had to, like, sort of hold back.
I didn't hold back in my, what was the Gossip Kings?
Yeah.
Because I just didn't understand it.
But anyway, so I...
Well, of course.
You're coming in and watching one episode of Gossip Girl.
So what are you going to have possible?
My memory of that show is doing, like, occasionally goofing on clips from it for Best Week Ever.
Oh, goofing on clips.
I remember your segment.
You remember?
Goofing on Clips.
Now it's time for goofing on clips with Paul Liff Tompkins.
Sounds like a smash success.
It really was.
It was the only segment that ever wanted Emmy.
Oh, my God.
For best segment?
Yeah.
They never did that category before or since.
Oh, crazy.
Yeah.
Wow.
I didn't think it would make such a clear sound.
Did you just open a chip in a bottle?
I literally did not think that sound would come out of my mouth.
You're not supposed to open those.
I don't know I can do it again.
Yeah.
It was so high pitched and perfect.
Yeah, it was cool.
It was perfect.
It was perfect.
Well, we haven't recorded.
We loved it.
We can play it again whenever we want.
Make it a drop.
I think you guys are talking over it a little bit, so might be kind of a weird drop.
I do have buttons for drops here.
You do have buttons for drops.
Oh, my God, we need drops.
I got buttons for drops.
Wait, wait, wait, that would be so funny.
If like a billion episodes in we start having drops and they're like us saying like,
she's eating his thing.
And you can't tell like, are they saying that live or is that an old recording?
Can I?
Because it's just us.
I want to plug my friend show, the Smith sisters live on Sirius X-M, my friends who are
Three sisters have this show, and it's so good if you want, like, Pop Culture commentary.
Three Sisters, like, Chekhov once wrote about?
Yes.
Wow.
It's great if you like pop culture or you want to know what's going on, but you don't want
to, like, keep tabs.
And I think they are so funny and they tell you, like, the daily stuff.
It's every single day on Series 6th album.
It's also on the app.
And it's really fun.
And they have drops and they're really funny.
And, like, their producer just puts them in.
So you never, like, they don't know what's coming.
Right.
And that's, I love it.
Speaking of Chekhov.
Yes.
An Oscar red carpet moment that I did see was.
you're talking to Jessica Chastain
and she said at some point
I'm doing like they asked her like
what should people be looking out for or whatever
what are you doing next and she said
I think this was the play she goes
I'm doing a play called the Three Sisters
and it's like a play called three
and it's not the three sisters
well that might not be that was not the point it's not the Batman
it was that she was not the point
the point was me making
that she's saying like a play called as if we don't know what the fun it is yeah yeah she's
dummy it down for us or she doesn't know what it is i'm doing yeah i don't know i'm doing checkoffs i'm doing
a play called night member for christmas maybe you've heard of it the nightmare oh my god
can i finish my dream i'm doing a play called minion get a finish get a finish get a finish get a finish
yeah finish okay so this was i had already taped it but i was dreaming about it so i was like
going to the taping, and I saw the host, and it was not Carl, and he turned around,
it was Harris Whittles.
Oh.
And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so happy to see you.
And then I realized, I went, oh.
In the dream, you realized?
In the dream, I went, oh, this is a dream.
Oh, that's sad.
It sucks.
Yeah, but that, but sometimes.
Yeah, he made fun of me.
Sometimes in a dream, you can realize it's a dream and then use that to your advantage.
How?
Like lucid dreaming.
Yes, where I can just go on.
a roller coaster with him.
You could just ask him a question or something.
Why is it always?
How is hell?
Why is it always?
Sorry,
purgatory, Paul.
Purgatory.
Purgatory.
How is it?
One other thing I wanted to bring up.
Because we were talking about songs that make us cry.
Songs to make us go boohoo.
In a previous episode a long time ago.
Oh.
And I would, yeah, we were talking about that four years ago.
I remember, well, okay, I wanted to say something because we were talking about Christmas 10 years ago on Christmas.
We were talking about nightmares just a second ago because night remember for Christmas.
Nightmare for Christmas, never sicker.
Nightmare before Easter, never feaster.
Never feaster.
But I turned on, I was like, oh, you know, I saw this on Broadway, but I was like, oh, I'm going to listen to the soundtrack, which I'd never listen to, which is the spring scene on Broadway soundtrack.
And I just turned it on in the morning.
This is before Kulap even got up.
Did you mean to turn it on?
I did.
I did mean to, yeah.
Okay.
So it wasn't an accident.
You didn't have to apologize in song.
No.
Okay.
So I turned it on and the third song, it's 7.30 in the morning and I'm weeping,
my father's house.
Oh.
Yeah.
And I did not expect.
I was just like, oh, yeah, let's listen to a little Springsteen here in the morning.
And then I'm just like, uh, because he has a monologue.
in the middle of it, which is...
You're going to play it?
I can play it if you like.
But it's making me think of that song.
Looking to my father's eyes,
my father's eyes.
Fucking to my father's eyes.
Is that Elton?
Is that...
Fucking Jew?
No.
Is that Eric Clapton?
All right, here's...
I don't know how long this is, but...
If I saw you in heaven.
I don't know if we're even going to get to the park.
Wait, we'll just skip it.
to the part. Would you know my name if I saw
you in heaven? Would you know
my name? Well, because it was a little bit.
Oh, shut up. I hate that fucking
well then no.
I can't.
You want me to skip to the monologue part?
This is a song about his...
This is a song about his father
who he had a very difficult relationship
with. Contentious might say.
I'm going to skip, I'm going to skip ahead
a little. And I stood on the porch.
Borge.
All right, you're not the audience for this.
have you ever done him i did you fucked him i covered i covered the song of his i covered uh thunder road
oh i meant more doing character oh thunder road never done him as a character but i love that song it's like a
song that i never really knew the words to thunder road thunder road i think that's it you nailed it there you go and it's a it's a really it's a really
lovely song i really loved it anyway i would suggest i got emotional listening to it by the way it's on netflix or spotify whatever
You can watch it.
Thunder Road?
Yeah.
Thunder Road is on Netflix.
It got a whole show.
That's why they raised their prices.
Yes.
No, but that show is really good.
You should watch it because it was not what I expected to be where I was like, oh,
it'll probably come out and just like, you know, sing acoustic versions of his songs or whatever.
But no, it was like him telling the stories behind the songs and everything.
It's a very, very moving show.
Check it out.
All right.
Okay.
Check it out.
You know what?
I don't know much about him, really.
So I'd be curious to see that.
that. I hope I can see it before Netflix
suspends my account again because
they're suspending it every day. Because you're sharing it.
Well, I know I get a text every day that says
your account has been suspended
and you better, you know, I follow this link
and then I give some money. Yeah. It's very similar to be.
And then I go check and my horses turn back on.
And then the next day, another again. And I'm like,
all right. I get it again. I get these calls,
these messages on my phone that say 2.1% finance
Yeah, when they start in the middle
of the sentence, learn to wait
for the beat.
Thousands of dollars.
Yeah.
Like, do they...
2.1 billion in...
Do you think you're tricking me?
They're relentless.
There's way too many.
The energy people are relentless.
Honestly, wait, Biden needs to get rid of
spam callers because he was in the process
of getting rid of...
They're too smart.
There's no way to get...
There's no way to get rid of any...
Like, back in the day,
this stuff was manageable when like everything was a landline
or whatever.
Now, there's...
The horse is out of the bar.
Well, I'm sure it's just automated computers.
The worst thing I had to deal with back in the day was those, like,
someone asking you if your refrigerator was running for instance.
I mean, like, you get that thing in the mail that was just like a circular.
Right.
For what is this?
Who is?
And that was, I was like, how is this legal that this, that were sent this?
Nobody wants this.
Because it's like fake discounts or what is it?
I don't know what it is.
Wait, are you talking about junk mail?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, they paid the post office to.
deliver it right yeah yeah yeah but there's a list you can get on my post my postal worker
you and I disagree you love junk mail I love it really yes you're because you like to go to the
trash can yeah I love the trash can what's your favorite kind to go probably circular
I like when you get the ones that are about the fruits and stuff at the grocery store sometimes
I call it the circular filing cabinet but it's just the circular is just about the fruits
yeah circular it's just about fruits okay
I my post my postal just about fruit new fruit discovered my postal worker no whoops that was a strawberry bonaple
my postal worker told me how to get off this list the list is life and I think it's something like
you didn't say fucking Jew come on man yeah it's a red come on man oh no wait what is it yeah oh my god
I thought it was no I'm going to say the wrong thing so I'm just not going to say it but there's a
There's a website to get off of the junk mail.
www.
www.
Rickroll.com.
Yeah, I think it is that.
And then you go there and then you watch the little thing.
And once you've watched it enough times, you get off.
We've been together for the low.
That's a good way to use the Rickroll.
It's like you have to watch this five times in a row.
The whole song.
We've been together for so long.
All right.
We have to take a break.
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I think that we're back.
I am not so sure, but I'm looking around and I see us all here.
I'm here. I'm here. I'm really, really here.
See? She sang. Is that a parody of the nightmare before Christmas?
Yes.
What's this? What's this? What's this? What's this? I don't know what the things are.
What's this? What's this? I'm standing here in piss. I pissed my pants.
I do know one thing
And it's piss
All right
This is a funny word
I'm standing here in piss
What's this?
I've never seen Nightmare before Christmas
Oh it's good
That's a one that's one you're going to want to check out
But
You're going to want to catch up to that one
You could honestly watch it next Halloween or Christmas
So honestly
You're going to go in a watch
Whichever one comes first
Make it a double feature with kids
Ew.
Kids.
What's this?
What's this?
I'm standing here at Piss.
The kids are in my piss.
Oh, Paul, do you have a three-cher.
I do, honey.
It's called.
It was submitted by Robert Truist.
Truest.
Truist.
He spells Robert with two bees.
The rain's really coming down out there.
Is it?
Oh, my gosh.
Wet weather.
I think he's a robber.
And he put a T-Ost.
on the end to throw us up the scent.
Great.
But this is called off script.
Okay.
One player opens a wiki page or some other article and starts reading it.
I think you meant aloud, but he wrote, starts reading it loud.
Well, let's see how loud we can do it.
But at a certain point, at a certain point, they start freestyling,
pretending they are still just reading the contents of the article.
Oh, that's fun.
The other two players have to interrupt the reader the moment they think the reader has gone
off script.
Bonus rules.
Bonus rules?
Bonus rules are things that we hate.
Other players decide the article subject for the reader to read.
Players get one guess.
If nobody guesses correctly, the reader wins the round.
Do you want to do random Wikipedia?
It's a random.
Yeah.
How do you do it?
I don't know.
I just looked it up.
I don't know either.
Special random.
Special random.
Okay, I got one.
Okay.
And then you'll tell us how to get there.
And you'll start?
Yeah, I'll start.
All right.
Napoleon Bracey, Jr.
Oh, God, you're fine.
Okay.
Because I'm a Napoleon Bracey Jr.
I know all about.
I'll know exactly when you go out there.
Him.
Napoleon Bracey Jr. is an American politician.
He serves as a Democratic member of the Alabama House of Representatives,
where he represents Mobile County, Alabama.
In May 2017,
he opposed the bill
for the Alabama
Memorial Preservation Act
which would make
oh God
which would make it harder
to remove Confederate monuments
in Alabama
he argued
people that sponsor bills
like this
don't care about me
and why should I care
about them
because I think
I think you've got up
I think
at one point
I think
I think it was right
And your voice is heard different.
No, no, he did say that.
He did say people don't care about me.
People that sponsor bills like this don't care about me.
He did say it.
And that's the final word of the article.
Wow.
Well, then I miss, I missed.
Okay.
Should I do one?
Yeah, you do one.
Okay.
You do one.
This is the Wikipedia for Smarty's tablet candy.
I don't know what it's called.
Tablet candy!
Okay.
I'm going to try to focus.
What a gift to find out.
that as a term. I love that.
In the United States,
Smarties are a type of tablet candy
produced by Smarties Candy Company,
formerly known as CD Candy Inc.
Since 1949,
smarties are produced in factories
in both Union Township, New Jersey,
and New Market, Ontario.
The candies...
You're smiling, so you're going off.
No, I'm not. The candies
distributed in Canada are marketed as
Rockets to avoid
Don't look at me
Is it going to see
my eyes not moving
in the same way?
Is this a bonus rule?
Yeah.
Bonus rule.
You don't have to look
at the bar.
Distributed in Canada
are marketed as rockets
to avoid confusion
with smarties,
a chocolate candy
produced by Nestle
which owns the trademark
in Canada.
Rockets are small
disc-shaped
check.
Okay.
Why does you know?
Why did you know?
Why?
I don't know why.
You have to let it go on even when we know.
I know, I know.
Because it's like, because I want to hear.
Yeah, you want to hear the stupid shit.
Okay.
You want to hear the stupid shit.
Okay, go.
The Great Molasses Flood.
Whoa.
Also known as the Boston molasses disaster was a disaster that occurred on January 15th,
1919 in the north end neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts.
A large storage tank filled with 2.3 million U.S. gallons of molasses,
weighing approximately 13,000 short tons.
burst and the resultant wave of molasses rushed through the streets, rushed through the streets
and avenues, storefronts, and homes of 1,000 people killing 21 and injuring all the rest.
The screams were heard for two towns over.
Many of the gurgles of the people who had inhaled the molasses were, quote,
Quote, chilling and scary as fuck.
Okay.
You haven't started riffing yet as far as I'm the turn.
That's a long, boring one.
That was good.
Okay.
Scott?
Okay.
I have to re-random it because I can't even pronounce this.
Okay.
Randoming.
Here we go.
Chandler C. Cohagen.
Chandler C. Cohagen.
April 24th, 1989 to December 9, 1985
was an American architect
who designed around 200 buildings
in the state of Montana,
including the current Montana governor's residence.
He almost...
He almost.
He almost designed 201,
but he said,
I'm too tired.
Shut up.
Okay.
Okay.
Cardboard.
It says it say around 200 buildings, or do you make that up?
It says around 200 buildings.
Cardboard.
$19.
Cardboard?
Cardboard.
How did you get cardboard?
I wrote it.
How do you randomize it?
You go to, uh, you don't want me to do cardboard?
You go to special colon random.
Special colon random?
Yeah.
I think if you search that or.
No, it actually worked.
I just did random, yeah.
Great.
Okay.
So how do I do it?
Okay, so boop.
I'm going to random again because I can't pronounce that person's name.
William W. Hay.
William W. Hay, October 12, 1934 to October 27, 2022, was an American geologist, marine geologist,
micropalientologist, paleoceanographer, and paleo climatologist.
as well as paleo-doctor and paleo pediatrician.
He is best known for his work,
resulting in the discovery of many different fish
under the sea as well as within the hearts and minds
of the adults and children.
children he worked with those
his ability
touch.
William Winne his best
known
his discovery of something
very much known to man, chocolate.
Wait, he discovered
something very much
known to man.
He was the first person to turn a
cacao bean into a chocolate bar,
thus resulting in the mistakes
created in the Willy Wonka
universe.
So Willy Wonka was real.
This is wild.
Unbeknownst to his family, he created a new technology resulting in the making of skyscrapers.
When his family found out they were noticeably mad, but allowed him to continue his work
as it was funding their school payments as well as bills and electricity.
Academic career.
He received his BS in biology and his MS in Mrs.
Anyway, that's where I went off.
In MS. DOS.
All right, this is Eddie Stewart Steele.
Jeanette Eddie Stewart Steele,
5 October 1890, July 1983, was a British chemist.
She submitted the first PhD thesis at the University of St. Andrews
and worked there for the rest of her career.
and several roles,
including university assistant,
lecturer,
warden of the women's students' residence,
secretary to principal James Irvine,
head,
butterface,
and King Lady.
She was instrumental in creating soda pop
that everyone likes.
She invented the root beer float
before the invention of root beer.
She also invented ice cream by accident
when she was trying to invent
a new form of surgical lace.
One of her students, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
became the creator and destroyer of Sherlock Holmes.
Another of her students also created Sherlock Holmes,
but after Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
These two students eventually met, fell in love,
and got married.
And guess who did the ceremony?
It was Eddie Stewart's deal.
Wikipedia pages don't have guess who.
She dressed up like a priest and everybody thought it was so funny
because women were not priests in those days.
They mostly were wives, mothers, and the first PhD thesis submitters
at the University of St. Andrews.
Eddie died of complications due to a broken leg,
which went all the way up to her brain.
And the crack started at the foot, traveled up the shin, turned at the knee, thigh bone,
yes, pelvis, stop, don't make any comments.
And then every single rib, bing bong, bing bong going from left to right, then up the neck bones,
and then skull.
People could hear her scream from two towns over.
She fell down and everyone came running.
to help her. But she waved them off saying, no, no, no, everyone has their time. And this is
mine. I lived a good life. I got to do a thesis and dress up like a priest. I'll never forget
any of you. And she looked at everyone's face for a solid two minutes. And then she went back at the
beginning and said, now tell me your names one by one. They did. And she smiled and said,
it's time for me to go a citation needed
then she flew everyone saw her soul
rise up out of her body it winked at everyone
one by one and then went up to heaven
but then came back down and said I missed you
and then winked at Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
she has survived by her great grandchildren
who all look exactly like her
and according to some sound like
her too um and no more is known about her except that she went to heaven oh wow all right so that was
her wow incredible that's yeah wow for sure i'm proud of all of us fun game fun game fun game thanks robbert
if you want to email us to suggest a three chair or just to tell us you love us you could do so at
through m usa at gmail dot com if you like to call us and tell us you love us uh or ask for some advice or
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eight people yeah fun and if you and that's how you remember that yeah and if you want to hear ad free
episodes you can hear them at stitch or premium or CBB world and if you want a three visit on the
twos on Tuesdays we're re-releasing our previous episodes that have been behind paywalls for too many
years we have been checking Reddit in the past week we have not seen any votes in the poll as
whether or not.
Oh, yeah, we're going to be a great.
Reggie Miller should be made.
And no one has updated us either.
No one has updated us.
Yeah.
We've been checking.
Radio silence for over a week.
Yeah.
So please do vote in that poll and then update us.
Yeah.
And we love you, Piss Pigs.
We love you.
Lauren, any last words?
Any final words?
I really love you.
I'm sorry.
I was talking to Mike.
Yeah.
All right.
See you next week.
Bye.
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