Threedom - Threevisting: Ghosts Say Happy Birthday To Him

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

Threevisiting on the Tues: Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss Scott's self-confidence, poetry, and the dictionary before playing Five Second Rule. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I didn't know we were starting and I'm thrown. Oh, no. But I caught up during the song. You did. Yeah, you're here now. Yeah. The face that Lauren made when it started was like, thanks for the heads up, but fine.

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly how I felt. Right. Yep. That was your face when? That was that feeling one. That feeling? Is it feeling one or face one?

Feeling. I think it's feeling. Okay, because people are always making faces in the videos. It's hard because it's hard to convey a feeling without making a face. But you're like that's so true. That face when, whatever, I can't think of one. Oh, you know what it is? It's because it's MFW, which is my face.

I think, I thought it was my face when. I don't fucking know. Because it's always a face. My feeling. What? Let's look it up. MFW is a thing? I've never seen it.

I don't know about MFW. Oh, you don't know about it? Well, I do. Uh, my face one. What about, it's my face one. My face one. You're right. And my face one joined the fellowship and they went to throw the ring in the tracks of water.

Your favorite movie. My face one. My face when I throw that ring in the volcano. Before your people depart this plane. Welcome to Threatom, everyone. I'm Paul. I'm Lauren. I'm Scott.

And this is another episode. Did you think that we ended after the last one? Oh, contrary. We got news for you. It might have seemed. It might have to see. Oh, my gosh, she's having her baby. Billy Crystal.

It might have seemed like. It might have no thing like he did. Did he have a hot chacha? No. You thought that. No, he didn't have a hot chish. You do know. That is all that was missing, though.

Ha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. Did you know the rumor that's out there? Oh, shit. From like, you know, tabloids and such. Or I don't know what. From the blois. It might be. on Dumas.

I'm... What's the room? That Martin Short and Merrill Streeper are a couple. Yeah. I love this. I love it too. I love it.

It's old news by now. They're probably out and... No, they were just out to dinner snapped by the paparazzi. I had heard about it. They were sharing a single strand of spaghetti. A couple months ago. And eventually,

behind the restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that'd be a good kiss. You don't think that would be a good kiss to have a single thread of spaghetti in between you? I don't think so. You're crazy, Lauren.

You don't think Martin Short and Meryl Streep would be a good kiss. No, no, no. That would be a hot kiss. I think they'd do great together. Yeah. They must be going crazy. They must be having so much fun.

Do you remember when Martin Short was on Regis and Kathy Lee? Yeah. Kathy Lee forgot that his wife died. Yeah. He was so classy about it. He was so classy about it. He's such a very classy. She would ask, how is she doing?

How she doing? And he was like, or something about, she's great, isn't she? I think it was just that first. Yeah, yeah. Like your wife is so great, isn't she? And he kind of went, yeah. and then she pressed it and was like, so how's she doing? And he was like, well, you know, she passed away a year and a half ago.

That's really awkward. And that's why she's only doing commercials now. I love in those commercials. Yeah, she's doing commercials for like the vegetable pills or whatever. And then she's like, you mean peas? Take your pills. Crackenomas snap as a piece. Do you swallow four peas with a glass of water?

That should be good. in the commercial she's like looking through photo albums and there's one with hoda like a picture of hoda and her having fun oh great i'm like did she get clearance for that that is so odd hoda can i use your image in an ad for vegetable pills i love hoda i love hoda too i love hoda oh we love hoda come on freedom she's de lightful and then go on chapo what are you doing if hoda came on freedom it would ruin what we have because we would be so in awe. We would be such frauds

immediately because it would be exposed because she's like an actual conversationalist. Conversationalist. Yeah. She remembers things that people say. Personality. Yeah.

She doesn't forget stories. Yeah, I'm sure she doesn't. And repeat them over and over. She's never told a story twice. No. Well, I actually have a ghost story to tell you today. Oh, holy shit. Um,

I thought you're going to do a drop. Yeah. Light the fire. So I was giving Holly a bath the other night. And she goes, Mommy, there's a ghost behind you. Oh. No, that's not something you want to hear. Never.

From a child. No. No. In front of you? No problem. And then I was like, I said, what? And it's me. If you're a ghost, you'll be a friendly ghost.

If you're, me? Yeah. Oh. You'd be so. You'd be helpful. I would try to be. You wouldn't be just sitting there watching a jerk off. I mean, there'd be a little bit of that.

I have to kill time What else is there to do? Sometimes you're floating around and you don't know what you're going to see And then you don't just leave immediately Do you think if you're a ghost The floating is fun Or can you not feel anything?

It might feel actually really frustrating Yeah I think it would feel almost like I wish I could just Get down on the ground Yeah Stop drop and roll I feel like just not satisfying

Like it's not a full step Yeah You wouldn't be able to dance Ghost can't dance I guess They can at the haunted mansion. They do all the time. Yeah, beetle juice dances like a crazy person.

He dances like no one's watching. In the Broadway production, I bet even more. You don't have to bet because I've seen it. Can you confirm or deny? I was with Lauren Bowers. Oh, I heard about this. You were like sucking her. Her what?

I'm not going to say. Anyway, so. Sucking her kiss. Oh, thank you. Anthony Kedis. So I said, what? And then she was like, there's a ghost behind you. And I was like, what?

Like, I like truly, I looked around. I was like, what? And I just was like. I would be so terrified to turn around. I did. Like I turned around. Just a dripping wet girl with like, air. I asked her again what and she said it again.

I asked her again, what? I did. I'll put it to you again. What? What? And then I looked around slowly. Slowly I turned. There was a ghost-shaped soap on my shelf.

A ghost-shaped soap on a rope. It's been there for a year and a half. I got it for Halloween. Yeah, of course. Oh, you get out with your Halloween soaps. Yeah, absolutely. Sure. Yeah, you go around trick-a-treating.

People put soap in your bag. I just like don't even think about it anymore, but it was her first time noticing it. Right. And then I was like, oh, yeah. And I was so happy. I just gave it to her. and now it's in the tub. But I was like...

And now it's just a circle. All that's ghost edges sanded off. I was just like so relieved that there was some physical thing that looked like a ghost so that I do not have to feel scared in my own. Absolutely. You should put up ghosts all around the house so that she does it to Mike. Well, he, his birthday card, she drew ghosts in it. Oh, she likes ghosts. Yeah.

I asked Lauren yesterday, and I'm so glad I asked him to marry you? Yeah. And he's so glad. He's so glad he asked me because I said yes. And he always wondered. And then I said, that's all I needed to know. I'm not going to do it. Will you marry me?

I wasn't asking. Are you going? Yeah. I asked Lauren, what did Holly think about Mike's birthday? Because it was Mike's birthday. Yeah. And I'm so glad I asked. Yeah.

She thought it was her birthday all day. She kept saying. She also says when her birthday is, but she was like, At what point did she learn what a birthday? Because we were talking about this the other day. Was it the second birthday? Did she realize what it was? No, it's really from going to parties.

So it's kind of like the more part. I mean, it was definitely after. I feel like maybe. It was after two. Yeah. And like we went to, had been to enough birthday parties that like. I learned from parties.

That's what I just said. She has. Then they're singing it at school kind of regularly. Like it's kind of always someone's birthday. It feels like. Isn't that the fucking. truth, baby. It is always somebody's birthday. God damn it. It's almost like

every day. Like both days, I have to go to someone's birthday. Every weekend it's somebody's birthday for two days. The more she hears the song. What song? It goes like this. Now we went to two the other day. One was a fairy, like one was fairies in the park.

It sounds fancy. Like it was a fairy quest. The tale is old as time. How old was the birthday child? Six. Okay. And so Emmy just... How old was a birthday child? How old was the birthday child?

How old was the birthday child? This seems about six years old. But so Amy just kind of like watched, but it was, it was, I think, you know, the hosts got their money's worth, I will say, but I think it was a little long for a, it was an hour. Like they really wanted to make sure they got to that hour. And I kind of feel like the kids were losing interest. We're like, this could have been 20 minutes. Well, a lot of improv. Yeah, it's tough.

The kids. This is going to read 20 minutes. Well, when we sang happy birthday to Mike last night and she went, it's Daddy's birthday? We've been saying it all day. You drew on a card. Yeah, remember how I kept telling you, go say happy birthday to him. Ghosts say happy birthday. Ghosts say happy birthday.

He was saying him. But anyway, it's super cute. It might be because I make up the titles. This is Lauren's Baileywick now. Wait, did that happen? That you became the official title. She's the official title list of freedom. Since our transfer.

When did that happen? She has responsibilities now. Since we left. Since we've been gone. I mean, when was this disgust, I suppose? Scott begged me to do it because he said he was too afraid. I doubt that. I highly doubt that.

No, he begged me to because he was afraid to. You have not remembered a single thing we've done. That's not true. Oh, that's not true. He was really afraid to express his creativity by making up the titles and by having to write the summaries that he begged me to do it. And he said, you will not receive compensation. Scott, I want you to listen to a little song called Roar by Katie Perry because I think it will help you discover some self-confidence. Okay.

I'll try to do that. Can you put it on? Yeah, I'll try. Kidsop version. Okay. Roar KidsBop. Never, I want to say this to the listener. Never doubt our commitment to kids' bo.

First we have an ad for something called Kugali. No, from the makers of Kugali. Don't help them. Here, what do you think so far? How do you feel? I don't feel confident yet. Yeah, that's how I feel. Yeah, that's how I feel.

Would you do something with a bow and? Make a mess? Yeah. Did that happen to you? I guess, well, I don't remember not remembering it. Did you fall for everything? This song's stupid. It's just describing how I'm feeling right now.

Hold on a second. Hold on, give it time. Here we go. Okay. Nope. Okay, forget it. This song's... No, scum!

I never have... I'm never going to have confidence. We'll never hear him. What if Katie Perry was just like, and that's it? I used to be like this, and now I still do. I'm a loser. Bye. I watched a clip from American Idol reality recap, which I don't watch these days.

Someone sent you a clip. No, no, the Instagram. You found a clip. Somebody shared a clip, and I thought, I'll click that. Yeah, for all time's sake. To see someone sing well, sure. Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

it was moving it was amazing it was beautiful and then they all go that might be the next winner the wax winner that might be the wax winner that might be the next winner they all said that might be the wax winner um the song she's saying was a billy eilish song called the one from barbie the one from barbie what was that made for and she played piano does she sing like days no she just sang What was I made for? I do the worst clip on on Instagram, like the worst audio clip that people use a lot. Like, I think, it's like, I think I like this little life or something. I've only seen people making fun of it.

I've seen real ones. It's like people holding their toddler and like doing something. And that's from an actual song. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, okay. I don't know.

I don't know. Let me out of these handcuffs. It's someone called Cordelia. Let's hear it. From Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Cordy? Oh, wait. Here we go.

I'm not hearing what you're talking about. You can't hear the words? I can't. Is there a ghost in this song? They're just repeating them over and over again. What? You can't hear this. Honestly, I wasn't looking at.

I honestly thought most. Let it play. We have to. Let me describe. Describe. With light. Light. We'll get to get into the part where she says that.

No, I think it's no lyrics. Why does everyone sing like this now? I know. We're saying. It's like, why we do it. Wow, why are you pointing at me? Stop or is. It's fucking pointing at me.

It is like that now. everyone's like, I wanted to be so... I'm trying around. You broke my heart. I guess everyone in the 40s saying like, Floy like a eye-old. Yeah, but I think we've moved past the idea that everyone should sing the same tone. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Well, I'm sure I've talked about this, but I always wonder how people find their singing voice in that way. It's like where you're like, oh, that person. is a successful singer, but they sound nothing like that. They talk to nothing like that. They're doing almost like an accent. Yeah. When did that get put on?

Like Gomer Pyle. I don't know. You don't know? No. Like Gomer Pyle? And the day, Jim Neighbors. Jim Neighbors. The most classic example of voice don't match singing.

He talk like this, Sarge. What are you going to do? And then he would sing like this. Let's the music play. Don't get away. Sounds really good. What's that song? Let the music play.

Shannon. Is that who sang that song? Yeah. Let it play. Okay. Okay, we would like to. I want to hear the part of the song because I just want to. I want you to fucking hear the part.

I really close it. I don't give two shits. I think I like this little life. I think I like this little life. I think I like this little life. That's my phrase. if I ever have to do an Irish accent again. There you go.

Oh, I think I like this. The eyes of forge. God. Stop it. I Shrek. Shrek. I Shrek. Donkey.

She's never going to say it. I say this. I think Shrek sucks. Okay. I think he sucks. Like as a person? I mean, as an ogre. No, he's great at being an ogre.

But I do think he's not funny. He wasn't even like always an ogre. So it's kind of interesting. It's kind of one of those things like you should try things. I don't give a shit. He's a nice person. You know what? Shrek actually holds up.

He's a try hard and I hate him. Shrek actually holds up. And just because you're dressed like him today. I'm wearing a sweater? You have a plaid hat on. Wait, does he wear a plaid hat? He should. You just have a Shrek air about you.

Oh no. This is bad news for me. I've disturbed. I know that they did the whole thing with Chris Farley. Yes, I did. Oh, the whole, I didn't know it was the whole thing. The whole thing. And then they were like, nah, let's throw it away.

No, he passed. Yes. I don't think they did the whole thing. They did like three quarters of it. That much? You're just guessing. Why didn't they just go ahead? She said it so confidently.

Because they weren't done. And they had to start over. And if they wanted to do four of them, they're going to need somebody else. Why didn't they get somebody who could do a Chris Farley voice? I don't know. I would like to hear the difference. by the river. That's how he did Shrek.

Oh, God. Donkey! What are you looking up? You're looking at how much... He did about 85% eat my shit. Well, you said three quarters. I said 75. And you said, you're making that up.

There's no way. How come they wouldn't just... You didn't get it right. Well, I was close. Does he remember why I said he probably did 85%. No. You did. Don't lie to us, Paul.

You're under oath. He did about 85%. About 85%. About. So 84% probably. We don't know. We can't get the exact facts and figures. We won't know.

Isn't that weird we won't know until we go to heaven? I know. And then that's the first thing they tell you. We'll just see all the sessions. Chris Farley did 86% of Shrek. I think there was an S&L sketch that was all about that, which I found very fascinating. It was like someone dying and then St. Peter like taking them through. Oh, is Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealynlin?

Yeah, yeah. Like what's the eighth? disgusting thing. That was a very atypical sketch because it was very quiet. Yeah. But it was really funny.

It was like how many bugs have I swallowed in my life or something like that? Yeah. He's like, what's the grossest thing I ever ate? He's like, I can't tell you that.

You'll lose your mind. Right. He's like, it's like the thousandth and one grossest thing. Right. Yeah, it was really,

it was a funny. Yeah. It was funny. Yeah. It was funny. It was really fun. Restrained performance by Carvey,

the like of which we have rarely seen. They're great. Lauren, if you could if you could star as either Hans or Franz, which one would you star? Oh my God, I hate this question. Oh, wow. So basically, I think of them as being the same.

Oh, come on. What are you talking about? Hans and Franz are the same? One is Hans and one is fun. I would be Hans. The taller one. Yeah. That seems right.

Yeah. Just based on odds. I'm sure whoever I'd be paired with, probably be shorter than me. You're either a Hans or a Franz. Which one are you? I'm more of a Franz, I think. Wow. I'm definitely a Hans.

Yeah, I can see that. I'm giving Hans right now. It's Han season. It's giving Hans. We have to take a break speaking of giving Hans. Wow. So why? But when we come back, we'll have an exciting new story to tell you.

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Zaddy-D-D-Doto. Zaddy-D-Dot-O. I... Zat-D-D-T-T-T-A. You know how last week or the week before we were talking about our friend Ego? Yeah. Yeah. And this reminded me...

We got a lot of letters. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Just loving it. Just saying, like, thanks for mentioning her. Yeah. Please talk about her more. That was fun.

But, no, I sent her this the other day, and it reminded me of this thing we read about you that was actually right on the money. Oh my God, I know that guy predicted my pregnancy. Yeah. Remember we read like a weird article that was like translated to like.

No, I think it was like an AI article maybe. I don't know what it was, but it was like Lauren has baby. People ask this about Lauren lapis. Yeah, what is her pre? Okay, so here's one. And they said I was going to have baby in 2023. And I was like, no.

Which I didn't do, but I mean, I didn't get pregnant. Yeah. Here's one. Is Ego Wodum pregnant? A comprehensive. exploration of clues and fans eager anticipation of the SNL stars personal joyous news. That is so psychotic. Is Ego Wodom pregnant?

Ego Wodom born in Baltimore, Maryland. Oh, so nice of you. When you walk through the garden. Is a notable figure in the entertainment world. With her Nigerian background, she brings a rich cultural mix to her work. So true. Wodham completed her studies at the University of Southern California, earning a degree in biology and showcasing her divest.

her skills than a lot of like blah blah about her career. All right. And then after the career, no Ego Wodom is not having a baby. Why did you write the article? She hasn't said anything about being pregnant. So it's not clear if she's going to have a baby or not. Yeah. You could literally say about anything at all.

Here's why. The talk about Ego Wotum being pregnant started when she shared photos on her Instagram. People started talking. Where she wasn't pregnant. People started talking. and guessing about it because of these pictures of Bowen Yang's husband. What? They're saying that

she's with Bowen Yang. Oh my God. Since Wodom hasn't officially said anything about being pregnant, those rumors are just guesses based on how people interpret the photos. Cool. And then they show this picture of her and Bowen. I do think like 90% of the internet should be deleted. So if I'm reading this correctly,

yeah. So because of pictures of Bowen Yang's husband, people are asking if Ego is pregnant. No, they're translated so poorly. They show this picture of her and Bowen together and says, Ego Wodom is sharing her love story with her future husband, Bowen-Yay. Oh, her future husband. They're not just dating. They are engaged.

The couple even posted pictures on their social media showing off their engagement rings. No, they did. Wait, did they? They have been a couple for a long time supporting each other every step of the way. It seems like they might be planning to get married soon and their friends and fans are excited to hear more about it. Yeah, that's true. I'm excited to hear more. I'm thrilled. There's way more.

I don't need it. in case you're wondering. You need a little more. Okay, fine. Two more. Two more, what? Sentences or words. Pages.

Words. Words, words, words. Ego and Bowen are an interracial couple, as mentioned in her hashtag. In one picture they are sitting on a couch holding hands. Bowen has a paper bracelet with the date 2, 321 written on it in blue letters. The photo was a fun moment after Bowen. 2.321 written on it in blue. letters. What could it mean? Can you put that together?

I don't know. Two, three, 21 written in blue letters. Well, so the numbers are spelled out. T.W. Oh, here's how it all started. The photo was a fun moment after Bowen jokingly proposed to her on SNL by going down on one knee. Bowen also shared a picture saying, announcements, I'm straight now. This is my girlfriend. Alongside a photo of them holding hands. And the person writing this was like, that's all true. That's great. Yeah, anyway.

Congratulations. I love journalism. But the one that we read about you was actually true. Everything they said was true. Yeah. Yeah. So some hits. You are married to husband and my castle.

Yeah. So I think that this must be true. I sent it to Ego and she just sent a gif of her nervously pulling her collar going. So it might be true. She's self-gift? Yeah. It's a power move. I like to do that.

Yeah. It was her pulling her collar. I think she was pulling someone else's collar actually. She was pulling someone else. Someone was nervous near her and they couldn't pull their collar. So she's always helpful. She kindly did it for them. Yeah, exactly.

Would you mind pulling this thing? The death kindly stopped for me. You writing a poem? I was remembering a poem. Have you ever written a poem? Oh my God. I wrote, oh, I wrote poems and song lyrics when I was in high school. Really?

Yes. You had to. I had to. No one had to. And I cannot imagine. I still have the notebook. I would be... The notebook too, Paul's lyrics.

I think I would cringe to death if I were to read it. Can you bring them next week or the week after? I can't promise anything. I can't promise anything. No. My poem was, one of my poems was published in a... And a collection of student poetry across America. Across America.

Okay, okay. So when you read student poetry, do you give it like more of a pass? Like, you have to. Yeah. Yeah. It's all about. I don't remember which. My favorite student poem, no more pencils, no more books.

No more. I wrote a poem about the glass menagerie or like inspired by the glass menagerie. Wow. Like an answer poem? Like fanfic? I don't know. I don't know if it was an English assignment or if I just showed it to my English teacher. But she loved it and she used it as an example for years to come.

She loved it. Wow. When did she stop? Was she like, boy, the shelf life on this. You know, I only know about it happening for like one to two years. Yeah, I really don't know. Who's one to two years? One to two years.

She's this woman who will do anything you want. For two years. Two years. And then she's done. It's a contract. And it's a docky sign and it's like a whole thing. I love docu-sign. God, Togu-Sin is one of the best things ever.

It's really great. You can do it from your phone now. It feels like it's gotten better. What are some of the best, some of the best inventions? DocuSign. Oh my God. Adobe Acrobat. Yes.

Final draft, will they make you buy a new one anytime someone else have a new... They're so hyped on this new final draft. Why do they make you buy it every time? You can't update the app

like it's like or the software. It's just, it's actually criminal. Yeah, it's criminal. So if I'm working with a friend who is, like, no, it should still work for you, the one that you bought.

You can't collab unless you have the exact same. You mean all the new features on the new version? You literally can't. You can't sync up. You cannot have the person collab on there with you. You used to be able to before. It's, I don't think you, I think you always have had to have the same exact model.

And then you have to buy another one. And it's like hundreds of dollars. That's bullshit. It's like Microsoft Word. How much do you make on your screenplay is like a million? Three million. It's a great investment. I got into it with the, the, whoever's in charge of the dictionary app.

This was the, uh, you got into it with them? The dictionary has gotten worse. Can you look up the word for fucking cunt? And that's you, bitch. Hey, are you talking to Paul? Oh, my God, Lauren. Lauren is in a mood today. That was Lauren.

I always think about this kid who listens to us now, and I'm like, I gotta bleep that. This is another thing we talked about in front of me. There's kids who listen to this show. Hey, kids, turn this shit off. It's not for you. If you're a kid listening to this, let me tell you about something called Toffee Faye, okay? This is a candy that was too good for kids.

I don't know what this is. That's basically a three to miss Toffee Faye Fis. It's a little round hazelnut cup. I think I'm allergic to hazelnut. With a little chocolate disc on the top. How little. What? How disc.

New phone. Who disc? Lately I've been getting itchy mouth when I eat hazelnut. So I'm like, I think I'm out. Gross. I can't do it anymore. So what are you doing that situation?

Do you like scratch your mouth? I have my dog scratch my mouth. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Because they're great at it. What were you going to say? Well, tell it to first finish about this candy. Toffee, their ad campaign was.

Toffee, Faye, it's too good for kids. Toffy Faye is too good for kids. And you know what? It was because it was a more adult kind of candy. Yeah. You know, I remember certain candies that that parents are, used to like that I would just be like, that's, it's too specific.

Was it always just like coffee? Flavored stuff? This was not coffee flavor. Toffee was not coffee flavored. Okay. It's toffee flavored. But as a kid, did you like toffee? Yeah.

Is it supposed to be like pig Latin? Was it sweet? I liked it. Toffee. What would that be? Fay Toffee. For toffee. So as a kid, though,

did it make you want to eat it? Of course it did. The forbidden fruit? No one ever let you? Nope. Shopkeepers would say, uh-uh. Let me see your ID, son. You know what I always thought was the grossest?

What? Sparkling water. I still don't like sparkling water. Really? Really? When I was a kid, I was like, I don't know. I don't believe. I know my thirst to be slaked.

I have Googled it and it does quench your thirst. I know, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't believe it. I don't know. Hydration is different than quenching your thirst. No, but it is hydrating. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Huh? It may hydrate you, but it's not quenching your thirst. Yeah, not like... It's like, I'm gargling with salt. What quenches your thirst? What's the thirst quenching? No, but the brand of soda. The thirst quencher?

You know, they'd be like... Yeah, that is something. Quest your thirst. Quest your thirst. The thirst quencher is... Wasn't it an iced tea? Was it Fanta? Gatorade.

Oh. Gatorade. The classic thirst quencher. And you know what? That would quench it. Yeah. Yeah. That quenches and hydrates.

They know what they're doing. And this is not an ad. We got to talk. We're so late on this. But the Risa Ticot, Ticot, 52 part TikTok. I don't know what this is. I watch the whole thing. So it's about this woman.

It's a woman talking to the camera on TikTok. You watch one part a week? I literally watched them all within two days. And I did start doing double speed because I was like, I can't. It was eight hours. It was more than eight hours. This is it. It's a TikTok series.

This woman made about her past, her husband, ex-husband, who was a pathological It's called Who the Fuck Did I Marry? And so she's like, who the fuck did I marry Part 7? So, okay, so da-da-da-da-da. And she's like telling you this whole story. And in chronological order. In really excruciating detail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like there's like, and then we woke up and then we went to the store. It's like, you know, you're literally like. But the details are. Oh, no, they're good. Yeah. And then by the end, there's just one part that I just thought of from what you said where shit starts, he's a pathological liar. I said Gatorade?

Yeah. He lies about everything. He said gatorade doesn't thre quench. He doesn't throach your quench. And he has this like sort of, I don't know what happens to him. He like hurts his knee and he can't get out of bed and he's like losing weight rapidly. It's a very odd sort of like downfall area. God, I wish I had this, whatever it is.

Yeah. I could get out of bed. I can break your knee. And then he, she finally goes into the room. And lose weight. I won't give away anything about it. happening around that in case people do care. It's also been months probably since this has happened. But she finds that he's been like pissing in Gatorade and Powerade bottles. Like he's like only

drinking power rate. He's not eating food and he's peeing in it. I was not in the room. And she's like, what's going on? And then he has since released his own sort of how to be in bottle. And everyone's like, why are you putting your face on camera? Yeah. Because she doesn't use his name. No, she gives him a fake name. Yeah. But I bet like the hundred people who knew that he was married to her. Yeah. You pee in bottles. Yeah. And so he has to come out. He made up a whole thing that she cheated on him, but he's such a liar.

That's their one takeaway. And then his ex-wife also spoke. No, he was a cheater. Oh, but I thought you said he. No, but he said he caught her cheating. That's why the relationship ended. And she's like, you're a liar. No, this wasn't said in front of me.

The lies are out of this world, though. Have you known pathological liars? I've supposedly, but. Yeah. I think that I have, yeah. I have, but I don't. Oh, no. I knew they were lying.

I knew a guy that just, he refused to admit, he had all these stories that if you asked any follow-up question, he didn't have an answer for it and was like, well, just admit this is not true. Yeah, that's so weird. Hey, it's just you and me here. What is the peeing in bottles thing? Like, you know how Tina Faye talks about, like,

comedy writers all peeing bottles? I think that's specific to her friends. I really have never heard of people doing that. I heard that about a beloved SNL cast member, used to piss in jars and leaving in the office, and then the assistant would have to take that. So it's just an S&L thing because they all, they all are psychotic.

They're all psychotic and they're meant to, they also are like compelled to stay there all night for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's like a cult mentality. Yeah. Led by a weirdo. I'm trying to think if I've ever pissed in anything other than a toilet. What about a mouth?

Jesus Lord. I guess a shower. Lord is cracking up. I guess a shower. You never pissed outside? Oh, I pissed outside. Yeah, are you a guy? So outside, a toilet and a shower.

It is. One of the burks. I've pissed outside and never, oh my God, I was always, any time I've had to pee outside, like, for various reasons. I must have pissed in one bottle on a road trip. I'm sure you did. You must have. I must have.

And then a diaper when I was really young, like one day old to maybe about three or so. the other day just to see what it was like. I guess in the womb. I don't know what I was doing in there. I guess my piss is all over the place. Honestly, that time for me is like very hazy. Yeah, I don't remember much of it. Yeah.

So what is your early, do you have an earliest memory? And then I want to get back to dictionary.com. I remember coming out of the womb and being like, it's bright. It's bright in here. Let me back in. And then there were six more weeks of winter. You wanted to go back in? Yeah, Lauren.

Tell us about dictionary.com. You got into it. Yeah, so what did you do about that? So this was, I'm trying to remember what dictionary this was. It was not the Oxford. It was the dictionary app. And I really loved it. No, dictionary.com slash thesource.com has gotten terrible now.

And if they're a sponsor, I apologize. Has gotten terrible? What do you mean? No, it's like the Thesaurus.com you still list every. There's like half of the words. It's just the shrug emoji. They're just like, we're not sure. You figure it out.

Try to use it in context. No, now they only list a few and they're like, do you want to read more? Yeah. This was the American Heritage Dictionary, something like that. It was a great dictionary. The Heritage Foundation. And then they updated it and then they tried to charge you again for it. Charge again.

Oh, it was an app that you bought? Yeah. And they're like, hey, buy it again. Yeah. It's like, well, if the physical dictionary is updated, you'd have to buy it again. I'm like, yeah, but this isn't that. But I don't, but I wouldn't have to. You're making people. I would keep my old. They were charging full price for it.

Right. No. No. How much does they added like Riz or whatever? Is it like Microsoft Word? Now you have to have a subscription. Holy fuck. Man, Microsoft Word?

I'm going to say this on, on Mike. Oh, man. Remember who I am when I am. I go to use your app. Listen, Microsoft Word. Stop forgetting me and ask me if I want to sign up for a plan. $160. For how long?

For a year? I don't know. That's too much for Microsoft. Or you can get it for a one-time, a free trial for a month and you can get it for a one-time fee of $80. I don't know. There's different facts and figures out here. But I just think it should be free with your phone or computer.

I think so. The same way it used to be. Wasn't it free? Or pages. Maybe you had to buy it like a package. Like Microsoft Office. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where you get all those like five. Pages. Pages isn't. Pages isn't word. It isn't all the features. Would you love the feature so much? Pay for them.

I don't want it at all. I use Google Word. Do you wish that you had Microsoft, but all the things were in a different place? Yeah. Get pages. Pages is just like nothing. Pages is like nothing.

Pages is fine. And it converts to. word. It dues? Pages is dirt on the bottom of the shoe. So you got into it and what happened? And the guy was like, well, all right. Who's the guy?

I had to talk to a guy. You had to talk to an actual person? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he like a little guy in glasses who is like the face of the dictionary? Fucking poindexter looking motherfully. Exactly. I stood over and was like, oh.

Give this to me nerd. I think you're giving it to me for free. He was like, all right. But yeah, the guy had to. The guy admitted. He admitted it? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

The guy admitted that, yeah, I guess that you have a point that, you know, we, yeah, we didn't print a copy of the dictionary. Then now you have to buy a new version. Right. And then eventually it stopped working. They were like, no, we're cracking down on these people. Really? Yeah. So many things.

I think that you should, when you're born, you should pay a bunch of money and then you get everything for free the rest of your life. That makes sense to me. Yeah. How much? like considering that all the stuff you'll have to pay for you know with inflation or Biden inflation rather like $3 million. So everybody just does a one-time $3 million fee.

And then you get food, shelter, but it's a good house or what? Yeah, you get everything. Yeah, and everyone's house is exactly the same. And everyone gets the same amount of toilet paper. This sucks. Maybe I'm a communist. I'm not good at it Everyone gets the same on a toilet member for your life

That can't be good Yeah Why did you just say this sucks In the middle of He didn't like what you were talking about Oh yes I thought you were looking at something you were saying This sucks

No I was trying to find the dictionary app But it's not there anymore So they just erased it? They took it from you I think they went out of business No I'm looking in the store They went out of business I guess Which dictionary went out of business

American heritage? I thought it was American heritage. I don't understand why that costs any money. A dictionary? Dictionary app. I can Google any word I want. Well, that's true. Can you?

That's true. I like having the app. Try to Google one right now. Okay. Buttlicker. Can't buy that in the dictionary. Okay. Who is Bill butlicker?

And who is he? He's a character voice by Jim Halpert during the episode. of customer survey on the office. I guess I could have written that episode. This is our crossover episode, by the way, with Office Ladies. Wait, on a network sitcom, they had a character named Bill Buttlicker. Yes. It's like a character.

No, he was calling on the phone going like, I think it's funny. Well, of course. Television is filthy. All right, we have to take a break. I love a good home refresh, but I do not love spending of a trillion dollars to make my space feel new. Sometimes it's just one thing, a better storage solution, a cozy chair, or that piece of furniture that makes you go, wait, now why didn't I do this sooner? Now, that's what I love about Wayfair. They make it so easy to find pieces that fit your style, your space, and your budget.

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It's three-cher time. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm about to lose control. I love my caffeine pills. I love my caffeine pills. Is that Kathy Lee's?

Yeah. That's her theme song. For little piece? Yeah. They play it. They play what she comes out of a thing. She eats four coffee beans. I love my caffeine.

I took my energy pills. She drinks them with water. She doesn't know what pills are. Guys, it's three-cher time. Yes, this three-ture time is when we play a parlor game. And if you would like to send us a three-cher, write to us at FreedomUSA g-mell.com. Yes. And we thank you for your submissions.

And for your service, assuming you've been in the armed forces. This is five-second rule. I don't know if we played this version of it, but this was submitted by tamer. So mysterious. I don't know. Anything tamer. And the object of this is to name three things in five seconds. So I assume we go clockwise.

Uh-oh. And the person says name three famous Jennifer's. And then the next person has five seconds to answer three famous Jennifers. If they succeed, they get a point. If they fail, the next player gets a chance to answer but can't use any of the ones that the first person. answered. Rinkle and time. Keep Madeline Langel.

Yes, and you keep alternating until someone wins a point. I love those books when I was a kid. Which ones? Rinkle and time. I don't think I ever read that one or those. I read one. I remember it being trippy.

Then I saw the movie. It was pretty trippy. Oprah is in the wrinkle in time. I guess I should see it. Zach Kalifidakis, your co-worker is too. That movie looked a little too theme parking for me. That seems random that he's in it, isn't it? Yeah, he gave me a free bluer of it.

As a punishment. for putting him in it. Yes. You put him in it? No. Okay, so five second rule. I play second. I go, blah, wow.

Let's not try to get too hard with each other. Let's ease into this. What do you say? I agree. What happened last time? You're all traumatized. Last time we were really challenging to each other and it devolved into a lot of tears. To a Lord of the Flies type of situation.

Yeah, you guys both were crying. We murdered someone. Calling me piggy. Okay. That happens in that, right? Yeah. Yeah. Someone gets called piggy, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Don't even worry about it. That's like a big part of it, right? Kind of the whole thing. He's the voice of reason and they murder him. No. And he has glasses. Yeah, he has glasses.

They break his glasses? He's fat and he has glasses. Yes. And then they murder him? Yes. That's a bad sequence of events. Agreed. Do they cut off his head?

Did we talk about this on this show that? I don't know. Gene Siskel had a problem with, one of his problems with the movie, The Lord of the Flies, was that the book, The Lord of the Flies, didn't exist in the movie.

What? What? So everything is like that. So that it's like, I think the idea was that. Did the book exist in the book? Maybe it was a, yeah.

The kids are constantly like, this is like Lord of the Flies. Because maybe it was a version. It was a modern version. It might have been a modern version. And he, for some reason, was like, how can you not acknowledge the book, Lord of the Flies?

I mean, it's like, what does he not get about it? It's a lot like, like, if you're watching a Batman movie. And you're like, why don't they just say there's movies about Batman? Yeah, or why, you'll, it's a world where like, in 1989, no one was excited about going to see Batman. That's what I think they should do in Godzilla movies. And I've said this online. I think the Godzilla movies now, they should say, they should reference Godzilla movies. Right, yeah.

Have you? It's vampire movies that never mentioned Dracula. Like where they're all like, what is this? He's biting people's next. Well, yeah, when they're, I don't have a problem with that. It used to bother me and then I understood why they did it, like with zombies. Like where they wouldn't say the word zombie. Oh, I know.

They say Walker or whatever. Yeah. And I was like, oh, because they're trying to, they're creating their own universe where this is the first instance of this happening. Yeah. But we live in a society. We live in a society as... Have you seen? Somebody once said...

And maybe we talked about it. The videos of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, like, fighting. It's so good. It's so funny. It's so good. I highly recommend Googling that. I read the book about them recently. You read it to them?

I read it to them. I went to their gravesites separately. They are buried side by side. You just read it out loud. They might hear it. With their thumbs pointing up out of the dirt. Their wives are pissed. piss.

Okay, so are you guys ready? I'll start. I'm ready. I'll give Paul the... I'm just very quickly, and I'll look at this later, but I'm looking up. Did Gene Siskel actually say that about Lord of the Flies? Great. Because what if I'm wrong?

What if you were? What if we one time said something that wasn't true? So now this is hard because you have to name through things, but you also have to think of a separate thing to give to the other person, right? Yeah, but we can pause after you get it. Okay, but thinking of things is the hardest. Thinking of things is the hardest. Yeah, we could, we could, well, I don't know what.

I don't know how to fix this. All right, here we go. Ready, I'm going to Paul, as Paul is to my left. Yes, clockwise, classic. Paul name three comic strips. Lil Abner, gasoline alley, drabble. Great. What?

Lauren. I didn't know two of the three. Name three types of hat. Popper, Joker. What the fuck? Popper, Joker. What was the first one? Popper.

Popper. P-A-U-A-U-R. What is that? And Joker is a jester? Popper. Popper. Okay, it goes to me. I'm going to cry.

It goes to me. Okay, but can we check it real quick? What is a pauper? I don't know. I think you mean like a porpo? That was no first point you said. I guess I could have said like, well, I don't want to give me any ideas. All right.

Bowler, stove pipe, newsy cap. Wow. Okay. Okay. Okay. I get a point. Okay. Now I think.

Joker. Does it, because I got it, do I go to you? Or just, I'll go faster. I'm a COVID tester. I think Lauren has to go to me. Okay. Get it together. Popper.

Name three types of headache medication. Aleve, Advil, Tylenol. You do. Nice. Okay. Paul. name three things you would find in a tool shed. Hammer, bench, ranch.

Ranch. Ranch dressing. To lubricate your car. Lauren, name three models of car. Models? Five seconds. Volvo, Subaru, Volkswagen. Those aren't models, though, are there?

Not really. Okay. T-bird. Those are... Yeah, there you go. Oh, I see. T-bird. Jedda.

Okay. One more. Is Jeddah a model? Yes. Escort. There you go. Maybe they're five seconds, but we're being nice to each other. Sure.

All right. Now you to me. No you. No you to me? Name three carnival rides. Ferris wheel, uh, the roller coaster and the swing thing.

Eish, that didn't feel good. Nah, Mary go around. What is that swing thing called? Just the swings? I mean, I know the Knott's Berry Farm one is the dragon swing.

So I wanted to say, yeah. But, uh, I felt weird being that specific. I love that ride, the swings. I did I hit him.

When it's just swings, like in the air going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like those? I feel so nervous right now. I know. I really liked it a lot. Well, why don't you go on it?

There was a place called West Point Park. I can't remember how far it was from where I lived, but it was like a, you know. Between half a mile and 300 miles? Something like that. And it was like a crappy indie amusement park, you know, but they had. Yeah. What did you say? Indiana Jones themes.

Yeah, you read it. But they had, there was like a big sort of like pond, like a huge pond that was, you would go over it on the swings. It was very exciting. That seems scary. That's what made it exciting. Yeah. Danger is exciting. Yeah.

I remember going in the zipper. Very exciting. When I was a kid. Going to what? The zipper. The zipper. What is the zipper exactly? It's like you're in a cage.

And they like flip around. Like the cage is like flip around. Oh, I thought they were called the salt. We call them the salt and pepper shakers. Oh. Yeah. But I went, I famously at West Point Park went on that with my older brother. And I was too small to get on the ride, but they let me on anyway.

And so I wasn't. really secured in it. Oh no. And so it was just like throwing me back and forth. It was horrible. Yeah, I remember being really scared because you'd fall like face first into the cage part. Like your seatbelted in, but like you have your hands on it like, every time it goes forward, it's like it could just pop open.

I remember a Magic Mountain I went on something where it was like you're, it spins you around in a circle and the centrifugal force is such that they then lower the floor and you're just stuck to. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing was, they would always tell you like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you puke on this, by the way, it'll just come back right in your face. Well, I was going to say, it's like you always see those things of puke just like flying to the side and then flying back or something in that.

Yeah. I was on one of those as an adult and I tried to take a picture as it was starting. It would last long. And I got yelled at by the right operator. Really? Why? Because your picture, your camera could break. You're supposed to.

Just be standing perfectly. Yeah. You're not supposed to have like items out because it could hurt somebody. Yeah. Right. But it got over a loud speaker and I was ashamed. Mortified. I one time remember being on that pirate ride, the ship where it just like flies.

And then like it caught on fire. So we were like caught on fire. Like there was like a fire. And then we were like stuck like halfway up. Fired upon it? Probably. Yeah. Cannon or something.

And we were stuck like halfway floating. And we all had to like come off of it like carefully. But it was like so crazy. Jesus. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm ready to name things.

All right. Paul, name three. synonyms for sad. Blue, down in the dumps, in my feels. Lauren. Yes. Name three non-comedy podcasts. The Dullip.

I don't know what that is. This American life. This American life. Yeah. The Daily. I don't think there are any. Okay. The New York Times.

Does they have one? The New York Times. Yeah. You got it. Springsteen in Obama's. That's not naming anything. See, it's not as easy as you think as you were scolding me. I didn't scold you.

No, with your eyes, you did. We did ice gold you both of us, yes. I was just trying to like... God, what's a podcast? I know. Serial. You're wrong about. Okay, well, you made up the category, so obviously you're going to know a lot.

I made up the category. I don't know. Neither of us gets a point. No. All right. You can ask me. Call me out. Yeah.

Name three. Hmm. Name three. Numbers that are not three. Three. Name three places you find a fire that would make sense. That you would find a fire? Is that what you said?

Yeah. The stove, a beach, a building that's on fire. Makes sense. It makes sense. Point. I feel like it.

It fits. You must have quit. Paul, name three celebrity trials. Oh, O.J. Simpson, Faddy Arbuckle.

Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes. What happened with Fattie Arbuckle? Oh. Look it up. You didn't hear. I knew you're a fan. Lauren,

name three nicknames for Edward. Ed. Ted. Ted word. I mean, it's technically, if you call it, man. Sure. Would it would have accepted Eddie. Okay.

Good to know for next time. Name three desktop apps on your computer. On my computer? Oh, he can't do this. Pages. Safari, iTunes. Wow. He fucking did it.

He's obsessed with pages, though. He's obsessed. Test with pages. See, we were already talking about that. That's why you wanted Paige Davis on the show. Yeah. I love her. And Stephen Page.

Yes. From Bar-Nagued ladies. And Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin. God. The three of them collaborating? Three pages? With Hitler. They could.

You know, why with Hitler? Because collaborators. How do you get in there? Oh, I see. Yeah. I see. All right. Name three people that were born before 1900.

Charles Dickens Jesus the Christ Abraham Lincoln You got them All three of them Thank you You named the three Lauren

Name three people Born after 1900 Michael Jackson OJ Simpson Must to quit Cato Cairn Okay Okay

I just had one in one way Oh yeah Name three branches of real housewives? New York, Orange County, Beverly Hills. Hey. Nice. Name three more.

Potomac, Atlanta, and New Jersey? Yeah. Oh, okay. Name one more. D.C. That was brief. Salt Lake City.

We have that. This is too many. Name one more. No, I mean, now are you just saying city of Chicago? No, no, Miami. That's a lot. last one. Miami, Scott. It's the last one. Just name the last one.

Say it. Miami. You did it. Okay. Would you like to go with me to Miami? That was Eugene. Oh, name three famous Eugenes. Oh, Eugene V. Debs. I'm going to say Eugene Cordero. I think it counts.

And I'm going to say Eugene Oregon. Yeah. That's famous. Yeah. All right. We have two more. You have Paul. You get to do one. and Lauren, you doing... I'm ready. Jesus Christ.

Name three types of cough drop. Three brands. Ludens, halls, and ricola. There you go. All right, last one to me. Name three tissue brands. Kleenex. All right, Paul, a chance to steal.

We are tied. Scott. Mm-hmm. Kind of embarrassed. you can get that one. Shame on me. Puffs. Yeah.

It's toilet tissue, but Charmin. You just said tissue. Okay. I think we all knew what I meant, but you can have it. You can have it. And Paul, you're the winner.

It's seven points. I won the game with seven points. Yay. I feel great. I'm on top of the world. Again. What did I get? Four.

If you would like to send us a three-cher at 3MUSA at e-mail.com And if you would like to call us, leave a voicemail, give us a little prompt for a conversation. You call us at the website, the famous calling website, Hague, claims, 8. And if you want to hear... Dot com.com. Dot com, sorry. Sorry.uk. We have not yet figured it out.

And if you would like to hear ad-free versions of the show, sign up at CBBWorld.com. And thank you to Lemonada for hosting us. And also Apple Podcasts premium is where you get those. Oh, okay. I'm not aware that that's a thing. We keep talking about it. This is just what I've been told. It's like, or it's Lemonada's Apple.

I don't know what it is. Lemonade's Apple. They've never given us. Ginziquat. What it is, but you can hear those somewhere. Oh, no, not ad-free episodes. The Three-Mium is what I'm talking about. Oh, okay.

Then it's not what I was talking about. So, Paul. I apologize. And I'm mad enough to it. admit it when I was wrong. You apologize? I apologize. I like it. But the 3m stuff is at CBB World and whatever the Lemonada Apple Podcasts. Yeah, 3Mium is where we discuss your voicemails.

Yes. And we release the old episodes every Tuesday that we call that three visiting on the twos. Which is fun. It's so fun. And I want to thank my beloved co-hosts. What's happening? Doing another episode. This is my final one. Oh my God. Scott steps down from freedom. Okay, can we still use your house? Yeah, you could just move in.

Oh, that seems like more work than I want. And did you hire someone to replace yourself? Yeah, it's cover your own shift, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I've hired you to replace me. Okay. And then you have to replace yourself.

God damn it. Should I do your part? Yeah, why don't you replace me? And now you have to find someone to cover your shift. Okay. Maybe I could replace you? Is one of your dogs available? Woof, woof?

Okay, that works. All right. We'll see you next time. Bye. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-meat products for always 375. And get life brand pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready with a whole world and more.

Have you ever watched someone you love struggle with something really hard and had no idea how to help them? I'm Stephanie Whittleswax, and I certainly have. My show, Last Day, started with a question I've been asking myself, ever since I lost my brother Harris to a heroin overdose. What could I have done differently? That's what my new book is all about. It's called Last Day, How to Stop Losing Our Loved Ones to the Opioid Crisis. I'm going to read you a little preview. I hope you enjoy it.

We hear about the opioid crisis so often that we've become desensitized to it. It's a headline, a political pawn, a collection of tally marks that stand where our loved ones should. should be. Overdose deaths in the United States can be broken into three phases. Doctor prescribed Oxycontin, starting in the 1990s, heroin taking hold in 2010, and fentanyl, which surfaced in 2013 and spread like wildfire in 2016. The Sacklers, who owned the pharmaceutical company that developed, produced, an aggressively marketed OxyContin may have lit the match, but our broken system allowed it to burn. Since 1999, this preventable tragedy has claimed more than 800,000 lives. My little brother was one of them.

Thanks for listening. Get your copy of Last Day at bit.ly slash last day book or wherever books or audio books are sold.