Threedom - Trying to See Ep

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss parking, rumors, and affairs before playing Threevia. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lemonada. Either you're a girl or a little boy. Either one. Have we ever sung the intro like where we go like, you start and you say the first three people say the first three of them, then two people say the second three times. Oh, that would be so fucking that. That would be like it's like crazy that we never done that, I don't think. That would be fire.

It would be fire emoji. Hey everyone. What's up? Hey, everyone. How are you? Welcome to Freedom. My name is Paul. My name is Lauren.

My name is Scott. And this is America's first podcast. It's not an America first podcast. No. We just want to make... We are one of the first. Like, okay, so let's think about this. Because there's so many now.

Yeah. It's like just with the ratio. Like when we came out versus how many there are now kind of thing. It's like we kind of... First, there was Alan Curry's lunchtime dish. Yeah. Then us. Is it Adam Curry or Alan Curry?

Alan Curry. It's Steph Curry. Oh, okay. Because who's the VJ? Adam Curry is the VJ. Yeah. He wrote Alan Curry's lunchtime dish. Oh, good.

For his alter ego, Alan Curry. Good for him. Good for him. God bless him. But there were only there, we were the first. And then we did about three episodes and suddenly another one popped up. Yes. Another podcast.

And now there's a million. Call me, Daddy. Call you, Daddy. Call everyone daddy. And we're hoping we're going to be the last podcast, honestly. I think there's a good chance that we're going to do. People are giving up for sure. We'll be America's last podcast.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. America last. Mm-hmm. But, um, but, um, but we want to, but we want to, but we want to welcome you to it. We're, if you don't, if you've never heard freedom before,

essentially it's three strangers trapped in a podcast studio. They, we haven't been let out. We have to figure out which of us is a doll. Yeah. Bless the baby. Which one of us sneezes all the time? We haven't been able to figure that one out. Which one of a sneeze is the least.

And it's different every episode. Yes. And we're given like a box with answers inside of it that we have to figure out how to unlock by the end of the episode. It's an escape room essentially, but we've given up pretty early on. Yeah, you listen to us, attempt and then abandon escaping. Yeah. So we could try right now. Do you guys want to try escaping today?

I mean, it's our 299th episode. Lauren, will you read the first clue? Yeah. So small. Yeah. That's the other problem is the clues are so tiny. Why are they so small? I think a little tiny person wrote them maybe.

What has what has its bait but didn't rest. What has its bait but didn't rest? This is good. Okay. I think I have a handle of it. What has its bait but doesn't rest. Go ahead. But didn't rest.

But didn't rest. What has its bait but didn't rest. Don't go too late. Forget the rest. don't go too late okay so what has its bait but didn't rest obviously a fisherman who got up very early and never never went to sleep here's what i think it is okay incredible mr limpid was he really incredible does he have his bait he fought in war war two hey hats off to the greatest generation he had his bait which was his glasses fell into the water and he went in after them and became a fish

he didn't rest and he didn't rest because fish always keep moving yeah they have to all they have to otherwise they would just sink to the bottom of Every single fish, yes. They can't just hang there. Yeah, they have to constantly keep moving. And then what was the rest of it? I was going to ask you. But don't be late, forget the rest.

Don't be late, forget the rest. So we're supposed to forget all the other fish because he's the main. Yes, he's incredible. Okay, so now how do we use that information to open up this lockbox where the key is? I think it'll become clear as we keep talking. I give up. Here, I'll read you the next clue. Oh, okay.

Oh, there's more than one. Okay. Well, it's kind of like, yeah, it's just no more than one. It's a combination lock. It's a combination of there's more than one and there's two. Okay. A two number combination lock. Great.

Hey, why haven't we just been trying every combination? How many combinations are there with two numbers? 10. No. 99? Thousand. That's a good question. You figure that out?

It's one with every other number. It's two with every other number. It's three with every other number. Then you go, it's vice versa, vice versa. Vice versa. So there's like a hundred, but that was the clue yesterday. And I feel like they were needling us like how many numbers. Like, why don't you just try doing every number on the?

Needling me. It looks but never sees. Mirror. It sits but never rests. Oh, man. My ass. There's 92 digit numbers. That's it.

No, the combinations. No, there's a hundred if it's, if you use the zero. We do. We do. Yeah. I don't like this one. In this house? You just, you ate it.

It was, it's not good. Okay. This is another one. Okay. Nail in the coffin, knock three times. Nail in the coffin. Don't come knocking. Nail in the coffin, not three times.

Okay. Close your window. Close your window. Draw the blinds. Okay. Never rest. What is the never rest of all of this? Like, what is, who, the people who are tormenting us who kidnapped us?

There's a lot of things that have that quality. Okay. That never rest, if you think about it. Yeah, perpetual motion machine. The back says perpetual motion machine. Oh, so is that the, we should have been looking at the back? The back of the first one says Mr. Limpit. We should have been out of here.

Yeah, but what do we do with this information? But I ate the three. You ate the third one. Oh, wow. Why did you do that? We're one away. I just didn't want to deal with it. All right.

Well, let's go through all 92 number combinations. Except for the zero, it's more now. It's 100. It's 100. Zero one. Why don't we just overpower the guards who feed us? I don't think you can. That feels very aggressive.

How are you going to overpower them? I'm a pacifist, too. They do have loaded guns. You don't have any muscles. What about this one? Holds up arm. Drup. Oh, cartoons.

You crazy for that one. That's good shit. Yeah. Well, we'll get out of here someday and we'll stop doing the show. I don't care. But not today. Do kids today know Looney Tunes? I hope so.

I bought a bunch in the hopes that when my daughter is a little bit older, that she'll enjoy. You learn about racism? I don't know if... This is what... Not to do. This is what the woke mob says, you can't do anymore.

There's tiny tunes and there's the new tiny tunes. Yeah. They brought back. Which is a little more... I always liked tiny tunes more than Looney Tunes when I was a kid. But I would watch both. Animaniacs. Animaniacs.

You gotta love it. And, you know, she watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And occasionally we put on... I know we've talked about why can't Mickey Mouse cartoons be funny. And I totally did not know that the recent ones are really great. And so we've been watching those. I heard that somewhere else. Yes.

And they base the new ride in Disneyland off of them. And they're really great. That's one funny ride. And, um... The new ride's about what? There's a new ride in Disneyland. New ride is about what? New rides about what?

Oh, the one in Tucson. Oh, shit, I'm a new ride. Fucking got him! The Tune Town one. Yeah, yeah. The Tune Town one. Yeah. But, um, it's a little advanced.

It's a little frenetic, you know? So, you're in this car and it's Lucy Goosey how it's driving all over the place. Not just the ride. The actual cartoons, I feel like, are all. Yeah, they're kind of almost violent or like a manic. There was a run of Tom and Jerry's by a very specific anime, like, I don't know. They were different than like the old ones. I'm not sure when they were from, but I remember they were kind of eerie and spooky.

You bought all of Tom and Jerry? Whatever is out on Blu-ray, yeah. In the hopes that, you know, when she's five or whatever. No, it's nice. I'm thinking about physical media. And let me know when you get to the Dicky Moe episode of Tom and Jerry. Okay. That was their take on Moby Dick.

So I have a lot of homework from you. I got to let you know when I see something in episode three of Widows Bay. Episode four, darling. Shit. I got to watch that. I'm so excited about that. I love that show. Her friend Katie created it.

Katie Dippled, who's hilarious. She is extremely talented. She wrote the heat. She wrote, what's that one where Goldie Hawn and. Yes. And Amy Schumer. Yeah. She wrote that.

She wrote, but she's, most famous for being in the very funny Twitter post where she showed up to a Halloween party dressed as the Babaduke and didn't realize it was just a chill. More of a grown-ups drinking wine vibe. She's fully dressed as the Babaduke and everyone is wearing normal clothes. She loves horror stuff. She had a great, there's a great story too about a party she had where she, did we already talk about this?

I think I told it maybe. Yeah, yeah. Were you there? Yes. Where she had Coolup Filmi, surreptitious. And then they were playing it on the screen, like, found footage of, you know, like what a creepy stalker was filming you of the guests at the party. She had all their partners do it. So it's like just this footage of like how creepy.

And then the theme was like babysitter or what were the three things? It was like teenager, babysitter or like whatever other trope there is. And so you could dress like one of them. Right. And then she's playing that footage. It's like so funny. It's so funny. I love that show.

It's like it's absolutely right up my alley. I loved it immediately. Nightmare Alley. Scott? Nightmares are scary. Just punch each other. And that's not funny. No, just punch each other.

Okay. Ow. Two fists hitting each other. How do you like it? Yeah. You just hit fists. You didn't say where to punch each other. Okay.

It's a weird way to punch. And you're a weird way to punch. Borstie, boredy, boredy. Okay. Where do you fall on the list? Which Muppet would you want to have sex? I was going to say the exact same thing. Come on, man. No.

No, I'm never talking about that. Okay. Which, which, where do you fall? Where do you fall in the line of I'm running into the store? Are you going to pay the meter for, are you going to risk it? For the biscuit? Yeah. Okay.

So. It's going to be 10 minutes. It's on a popular, it's on a busy street. This occurs daily when I drop off Emmy to her school. there are two of the three days we go there a week are street sweeping days. Now, I have risked it multiple, multiple times. Now, our friend Nora, she does a thing where she doesn't even park next to the curb. She leaves her car like floating in the middle of the street and puts her hazards on, right?

And I've seen this many times. That's an interesting move. So I then park on the street and then try to rush Emmy as much as possible into the school and try to run back. Now on Friday, just this very Friday, I came out and found two parking enforcement officers in two separate cars giving both Nora and I tickets. Her strategy did not work. Wow. And mine did not work. No stopping means no stopping.

Right. We both receive tickets. And it's, you know, there's that theory of like, well, you know, the ticket was $73, right? And that's extreme. And they're all just insane. Yeah, yeah. It's Nunu Betancourt with just how extreme it is. I think 73 probably is for street sweeping.

But I think when you get a ticket at a meter, it's like 64 or something. Is it a new new? I got a ticket because I paid the wrong side of a meter. it was a parking spot where I couldn't, I don't know, I just went around and paid. And then it was like, oh, I guess I was supposed to pay that. So the theory is, well, if you could just park wherever you wanted and pay $73 a year. Oh, we talked about this. Would you pay it?

And it'd be like, yeah, sure. So I've done it multiple times and I've only paid $73 for the privilege of parking. But then today, so I just got this ticket on Friday and we'll end, you know, there's absolutely no parking today and I round the corner multiple times and there's nothing anywhere. And so I had to park it. Anyway, so I had to park in an alley and say, Emmy, I just have to drop you off and she hates being dropped off. Sure.

Because she. They want the full goodbye. The full goodbye. And she just started crying and I was like, honey, there's nothing I can do. I need you to be a big girl. And I took her in and just tears and I ran back out. And then full line of cars behind me going, man, man, come on. Come on, asshole.

Anyway, so it did prohibit me from parking in the wrong this time because I just got a ticket. So it works. The system works. Because also, I wouldn't say that you've been doing whatever you want and then you did that for $73 because, like, you've had stress around it. I have. You haven't just been like, whatever. Like, you're going and going, I really hope I don't get a ticket.

Well, you know, one day I was driving and I saw Bruce Valanche. I just saw him the other day. Did you? What t-shirt was he wearing? I don't know. saw him at the restaurant Mother Wolf. Oh, yeah. That's a great restaurant.

It's delicious. But I saw him coming out of, I was driving and I saw him coming out of a business and he went to his car, which was parked next to a meter, took a ticket off his windshield and very flamboyantly tore it into pieces and threw it into the air and then went into his car. I mean, what a fun act to do for the people watching you. But then they're going to get you. Yes. You also just littered.

Right. So I gave him a citizen's arrest for that. Good. Did you put him in your farm? Yeah. But I mean, that's... Have you ever done a citizen's execution? Yeah.

Yeah, they're fun. It's really fun. It's really fun. Bruceville Lange is a pretty fun star sighting. Yeah. Like Mary and I were together and we were like... It's like... They were like...

Elbling each other. Yeah. Because it's just a Hollywood legend who has a very distinct look. I haven't seen Angelene in a while. Nor have I. I once was in a Taco Bell drive-thru in back of her. Wow. What do you think her order is?

I'd like to think she lived Moss that day. But like we don't, where's the next Angeline? You know, where's our next? Where's the next delusional person? Where's the next Dennis Woodruff? She's going to retire at some point. It makes me so mad that they made a mini-series about her. Yeah, wait.

What a waste of everyone's time. They did? It was a full show. Yes. Yes, our friend Jess Jordan, you know she watched it. I know she watched it. Did you watch it? No.

I'm curious, no. Look, the only thing I'm curious about with her, and I believe I haven't talked about it on this show, but the rumor when I first moved back here to Hollywood was that she had a very rich person who was her sugar daddy who paid for everything, and that person was rumored to be Donnott. What? Mr. Limpid himself. And I just thought that was so hilarious, the idea of him going, well, I am Jeline, why don't you come over here and suck a little Mr. Knott's? No. How disgusting.

It's not true undoubtedly, but at least it was. Undoubtedly? Yeah. How do you know? It's funny because I heard that it was a sugar daddy and it was years later that I heard the Don Knott's part. I think that was just one person who told it to me and then I have talked about it forever. I love stuff like that.

Yeah. Fake rumors. A little color, you know? Look at all these rumors. Look at them. You know? Yeah. You know, look at them.

One of my favorite rumors is about Bill Maher drew up with two airline bills. We have to take a break. We're back. The thing is, the rumor was that he jerked off before every show. We're still. And they would use two of those little airline pillows. To be his hands? Use your hands.

I guess. I don't know. It's like one of those things. That's funny though. Instantly, when I heard it first, I was like, yeah, sure. And then when you think about it for two sexual, where would he be constantly getting? And also, those are like really kind of scratchy. They're horrible.

They're horrible. But if you could have hands that turned into pillows at will and then back into hands, that would be good, right? No. Why? Because then you would never want that. You just sleep like this? I already do actually.

I sleep with my hands under my pillow. I do sometimes as well. I do sometimes. Oh, so you making fun of me feels great. Sometimes they might leave. It did. I don't know. It could be the exact same as you and it still feels good.

Isn't that funny though we all learn that sometimes we sleep with our hands under our pillows? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love going to bed. You know, I refuse to do it for like sometimes I just won't do it. And I get in and I go. That's the thing.

This is so good. Why are we sitting? Why am I? I like, every once in a while I'll remember like, oh, yeah, I could read for a long time. Right. I could just lay there and read. I could read one sentence as long as possible, one long run. Just keep going back and reading the sentence over and over again.

The book, Ducks Newberry Port, I believe it's the title. It is one long run. Who's what? Where? How? When? Shocking no one. Yes, I hear it's great.

A certain person told me about it And said it was great I don't know if I could do that I don't know if I could read that book I couldn't I tried to read it I tried to read it Paige Turner Really?

Yeah Because people are trying to get to the end of that sentence Yeah I'm going I didn't start at the beginning I just like I just opened it And it was reading And that's how I read books too

Yeah Kind of like how Scott sings Sure Sure thing What number is this number three Sure thing Of what Yes this is number

Of segments of the show? No. Recordings today. Oh, yes. This is the third episode we've reported today. Is this our 300th episode? No, it's next. No, it's the 299th.

Okay. We do want to say... Now, what segment are we in? We're in number two. Okay, thank you. The poo of our segments. The poo of our segments? Is that the time?

No, it better not be. So the first segment's pee. The second segment's poo. And the third one's diarrhea. Over the bra? Is that what you consider a third base to be? No, come on. I know what third base is.

First base is looking at each other. Oral penetration. Oh, my God. Disgusting. That's disgusting. I like fucking. Bloody, doherty. Shout out to Glowdy.

Oh, you know what? I finally am using my VPN, which I've had for a while. Oh, okay. Congrats. And I'm watching a. show. Speaking of Claudia Dillard, she's in this show. It's called New Zealand spy. Oh, fun. And it's a New Zealand show. It's very funny. Cool. Paul Williams, Rose Metafeo, Joe Thomas. Wow. Abby Howells. Paul Williams from a Muppet movie film. No, different. Different guy.

Young man from New Zealand. Love that for him. Yeah, it's fun. Do you think they ever Freaky Friday at each other? One hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did believe it. I got, I got it. I got it. I was seeing people posting about it on Instagram.

And I was like, I got to see that. And I wrote to Rose Metafayo. And it's like, how do I see it? She goes, VPN maybe. And I was like, oh, that thing I have that I've never used. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I know what a VPN is. I already knew that.

Oh, she's the one from that show where she was dating the celebrity. Is that the thing? Yeah, Starstress. I love that show. Yeah. She's terrific. She's great. She was going to do

Comedy Bang Bang and I did the most research I have ever done for any guest I watch all three seasons of her show her entire season of Taskmaster an entire season of Junior Taskmaster and she dropped out the day before. No! Oh, that's too bad. You looked like an idiot.

I looked like a fool, Rose Meta-Fail. Now you're a Rose Meta-Fail expert. I am and just waiting for her to return to the United States. The only thing he doesn't know is what it's like to talk to her in real life. I know. But I feel like that with all women. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

But then I also was trying to see episodes of more episodes of... I thought you were trying to see Epstein files when he said, trying to see Epp. You're trying to see Epp. I'm trying to see Epp. See, I'm trying to say Epps. I'm trying to say up. Trying to see Epps. Trying to say up.

Because I wanted to see more episodes of Guy Montgomery's Guy Mawydon's Geimont spelling bee, which I shared with... You love spelling bee. related things. I sure do. I sure do. Guy Montgomery's Gaim of Spelling Bee

is something that I got to do. He started it during COVID. He'd do it over Zoom. You just have people on and, you know, do a spelling ring. I love it. Wow. It was really fun.

That's fun. I did it a couple times. How did you do? I did not do well. Was it like a live broadcast kind of thing or like amongst friends? No, it was on YouTube. Uh-huh.

Yeah. But I don't think it was streamed live. I don't think so. Mm-hmm. but um then it became an actual TV show and there's a there's a handful of episodes that are available on YouTube um it's really funny it's such a simple concept yeah it's really funny what are the words like are they hard or are they like well there's hard for a celebrity there's there's three tiers there's three tiers of words there is the the cowards cup which are the

easiest words okay what kind of words are we talking with that like logo you know what I mean like simple So you want to see me try to spell that? Sure. You're going to try to say it or spell? It's not how you say. Do you understand the spelling bar? Logo. Okay.

Logo, logo. So you're out. Then there's the people. Daryl Hammond and Bill Clinton thought. There's the people's purse, which is like intermediate words. Okay. You could probably do well with, but some might be a little tricky. and then there's the bucket of bravery,

which are definitely hard words. And you get to pick which category you want? I don't know what I would pick. It's a really funny show. I highly recommend. That's great. Let's do it right now. Let's try to,

let's give each other words to spell. Okay. Okay. Okay. Logo, Paul. Logo. L-O-O-L-O-O-O-G-O. Shit.

Scott, your word is serendipity. Serendipity. S-E-R-E-E-, N-D-I-P-T-Y, serendipity. You skipped. That's incorrect. Oh, what I skipped? You skipped another I.

You spelled serendipity. It may as well. Serendipty. Serendipty. That's how we spell it in Arkansas. This is a real case of serendipty. So you're out. Okay.

Lauren, Paul, you give Lauren her word. Lauren, Paul, you give Lauren her word. Lauren, your word is. prejudicial Okay I'll have to ask you to put your phone down Prejudicial P-R-E-J-U-D-U-D-I-C-I-A-L

Prejudicial Correct Very nice Your word, Paul is It's hard to think of words Diameter Diameter

Diameter D-I-A-M-E-R diameter. Correct. Paul, you give Lauren her word. Then do you... No, I'm out. Oh, you're out. I can give it.

I can give it if you want. Okay. You want me to give you a word? Sure. Atari. Atari. Okay. A-T-A-R-I-A-R-I-A-R-A-R-E.

Very good. Proper noun. Do you want me to give both of you words? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Paul. Encyclopedia.

Encyclopedia. E-N-C-Y No. Am I out already? E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A? E-N-C-Y-C-L-P-E-D-I-A. I don't know what that's from. I never thought about the two C's.

I know. But they're there. Wow. Cyclo. Cyclo. All right, Lauren. Cyclo, of course. Your word is figurine.

F-I-G-U-O. R-I-N-E figurines. Figurines. Paul, your word is, your word is bandicoot. Could you use it in a sentence? Hey, look at that bandicoot. Bandicoot, B-A-N-D-I-C-W-T, B-O-T, B-A-O-T, B-A-O-T, correct. Lauren, your name is, your name is Lauren.

Okay. Your word is a-ordal. Is that a word? I guess so. A-O-R-T-A-L. Correct. Speaking of New Zealand, A-O-R-D-L. Paul, your word is scumbucket.

S-U-M-B-U-C-E-T. Correct. Skumb-Bucket. Okay, I'm going to move up into our third level, her-k-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-M, pronouns. Lauren acquiesce. Okay, acquiesce. Do you like looking to spelling words? Maybe.

A, C-Q-U-I-E-S-C-E. Correct. Paul, bureaucracy. bureaucracy B U-R A C-R-A-C-R-A-C-Y bureaucracy

Incorrect Lauren is our winner What did I miss? You missed the first D maybe it's B-U-R-E-A-U I want to do one more to see if you win conscientious

Oh, that's hard C-O-N-S-E-E-S-E-E-E-E-S-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-S-E C I-E-N-T-O-U-S. You missed the last I right before the O-U-S. Fuck. Fuck!

Everything! Words like that are so hard because it's not that they're hard to spell. It's like you get lost. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I've been saying. I'm just following, my brain's just on, you know, autopilot at that point.

You know, the next word is dilemma, which I always thought, I always thought it had an N in it, though. Yes. Dilemma. Until the movie, the dilemma came out. And I looked at it. I went, oh, yeah, that is how you spell that.

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Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Seed Mint Mobile for details. Grip and grappling? Do I tell Jady about your affair? And I don't know what. Oh, so sorry. I'll cut this. Make sure you cut it. What do you do? I think we've talked about this before a long time ago, maybe. What do you do? Yeah. I think it depends on how close the friendship is. In that movie, they were very close. Yeah.

I don't think I could keep it from someone I was very close. Would you go to the person and say, look, man, I know you're doing this. I would probably, I feel like that'd be the best way because it gives them the chance to admit it first. Yeah. So you're not. So you're not the one blowing up their whole life. I guess in my mind it was always like I would give them, I'm going to give you three days. If you don't do it, I will.

Yeah. And then they're like, I'll kill you. I do. Yeah, maybe three hours. I do have a suspicion about someone in real life. In real life. And I determined that I didn't care enough to ever bring it up. Wow.

I mean, I care enough to know more, but that's because I'm nosy. I feel like I was talking to somebody about this the other day, like affairs. It's, it's just, I can't get my mind around it. Like the idea that you are, your, I guess as an adult, right? You are lying to someone for that long, making plans and stuff for Nigel. Yeah, I think if you're, if you're, if you've been like together a very long time and your whole, like, I think the part where it gets crazier to me is like you have kids, you have a schedule. Yeah, yeah. And yet somehow you're finding time to go do that in all of the.

that. But it's just like, don't just get out of the marriage then. Well, of course. You know what I mean? Like the moment you're, you start making a plan of like, all right, we'll meet here at this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, no, just just. Yeah, but there must be people we know doing this for a month. There must be people we know doing this right now. Probably. It stands for reason, right? Yeah. I love, I love to think about it. Because I feel like a human, a human, a human being, thank you. Sure, sure. A human doing. I can understand you get caught up in a moment.

Yeah. And something happens and you're like, I should not have done that, whatever. But to go from that to like, hey, let's do this again. Yeah. And here's where we're going to do it. Here's our stories that we tell, you know, whatever. Yeah. I just feel like.

The years-long ones are so nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like for a month, I can be like, oh, it started out as like a thing you did at a party or whatever. And then it's like, should we keep this going? It started out with the kids. Oh, did it look like this. We are saying for a little bit, bleep, blah, bleep, blah. All right, we need a second.

We are back. And it's time for, I guess, there's no other way to describe it, but a threacher. Yeah. No, you nailed it. Man has attempted to describe this using other words before they've been unsuccessful. Up till now. and unsuccessful up till now as well. Dood, doda.

What about right now? Unsuccessful. Still unsuccessful. Duda. Duda. Do da. Duda. What song am I saying?

I'm starting in the middle. Doodoo da. I don't know. Campden races, obviously. No. What about this? Called it macaroni. Well, this one.

Well, that's the end. Racist sing that song. Duda. Racist. Oh, race. I think he said racist sing that song. Racist. sing that song.

Camp Town Rays says sing that song. Let's play this little game. We have your... It's a three-cher and it's called... This, by the way, is our 299th episode. This is our last episode. Holy shit. We're going to take a little bit of a break until the fall.

And... Don't cry, you guys. It's okay. Please stop crying. We're going to take a couple of months off. But we're going to... going to, so anyway, we're going to be back

in September with new episodes, but we're going to, and we're going to have our big 300th episode is the first one back in September. So that'll be, and you will not believe what we have planned for it. Oh my God. You're going to want to mark off your calendar.

Many will be shocked, others aga. You're going to want to take the day off to listen to this episode. Not that it's a day long, but it's going to be special. No, you're going to want a good buffer of six hours before six hours after, six hours of anticipation, of course, beforehand and six hours afterwards just to process what you just heard. You're going to want Michael Buffer to say, let's get ready to rumble.

Yeah. Because you will need to be alerted. And Michael Rooker there to say, let's get ready to Booker. That's right. T.J. Hooker. Sure. Slyding across a car. That's right.

Hood. Didn't he do that? Yeah. Or was that Adrian's med? Probably Zmed. I bet it's med. Yeah. Do you remember Adrian's med?

When if we did this thing that were? We're going to do you remember Adrian's no I don't know who that is I don't know who that is. Did you ever watch dance fever? No dance fever no it's kind of sucks that there aren't like disco dancing shows on yeah these days just because disco isn't popular enough there can't be disco dancing shows? We had like MTV the grind that's true was that the last dance show? Did that look like sexy dancing to you where you like I can't wait to grow up that's the baby yeah and grind against someone American bandstand can't still be on right no it's sole train

No. Can we do this? They're all dead. They're all dead. It's called three via. Okay, we're going to do. We do this occasionally, guys. It was created by Nathan Diffy, the wonderful artist, and Pisspig. And he has composed trivia questions about each of us that we potentially could know the answer to.

Questions, by the way, that we've talked about on this show. Yes. That's the important part of it. Things that come up on the show. And you know us. We can't remember that we've ever told certain stories on this show. And we repeat stories constantly. And the other thing you know is that you love that about us.

You love it. That's why you listen. It's why we listen. To hear the same stories. And here we're adding another level is we probably have done these questions before. We have twice at least. The same questions twice? Yes.

Okay. Now. Even though we did get new questions, we have not accessed those yet. I don't know where they are. The goal here is for us to remember the answers to these questions. Yes. What will probably happen is we will get the exact same ones wrong that we've gotten every single time. Absolutely.

Okay. And we're going to score each other and we're going to see at the end of it how well we did. That's how scores usually work. Occasionally you could be tracking it during the game as well. I think there's a great encapsulation of scoring. Who should like to go first? I'll go first. Okay.

All right. Question one. These are questions about Scott. About more than I. And are we going to buzz in or? Oh, you need to be writing it down on your own notes app. Oh, that's how we did. Because it's not about who gets the answer first.

It's about just knowing the answer. That's all. Okay. So if you're able to write down your answers, let me know when you have that ability. And we will begin the quiz. So we'll call, we're going to do all your questions and all my questions. Yes, exactly, yes. So are you ready, Lauren?

Yep. All right. Question number one. You didn't ask if I was right. I knew you were ready. You gave me a, just sense of I'm ready quite a long time ago. All right. Okay.

I once made out with a woman at a Halloween party and got makeup from my costume all over her face. What or whom was a woman. I dressed as. They are writing down their answers now. Okay. And question two. In high school, I pretended to be interested in joining the army in order to get what from an army recruiter. Okay.

Paul is in. Lauren is thinking about it. And... Oh, I remember it now. Oh, she remembers it now. By the way, the more specific you are, I will not dock points if you're too. specific if you're too specific and you get the general idea wrong and you get the specifics wrong but i will i would love it if you were very specific all right when i was a kid scott or i

had to get stitches in my face after attempting what dangerous stunt after attempting what dangerous stunt paul is still typing furiously with his thumbs interesting style i do now i i type on my phone with all my fingers much like a typewriter that's also an interesting interesting style. That'd be crazy. You're an interesting guy. You're a really interesting guy. Really interesting.

All right, two point question. I once boasted my address was so secret, almost nobody knew it. Name the two very cool, not at all evil organizations that did know, i.e., they sent mail to my address with my name on it. You get one point for each you name correctly. Boy, I didn't know the answer to this. We've been doing the show. How long now? Six.

It feels like two decades. I don't mean this episode. I mean. Um, we've been doing this show since 2018. Is that right? Yeah. That's wild. Eight years.

Wow. And yet only 300 episodes. Yeah. We're lazy. All right. The lock it in question. Okay. First, I'll read the question.

What does that mean? I'm going to say. Okay. First, I will read the question. If you think you know the answer, you can lock it in by writing it down and putting your pen or pencil down. You may not change your answer once you've locked it in. If either does not lock in an answer,

answer, I will read a hint. If you answer the question correctly before the hint, you will get two points. If you answer it correctly, after hearing the hint, you get one point. Answer incorrectly, you get nothing. Okay. I've been locking these in. I know. That's kind of how we've been playing the whole thing. Okay. My former roommate, the I have parties guy, had what food-related nickname? All right. I'm locked in. You're locked in. Do you need the hint, Lauren? I need the hint. This round food is often associated with New York City. Okay. Damn it. I was going to to put that. Okay.

Were we supposed to have the nickname or just the food? The nickname. But they're both the same. Oh, oh, I thought it was like part of it. Okay. Oh, okay. That is my five questions. Let's run through.

The Halloween costume. Yes. I put Dracula. I put Ace Fraily from Kiss. Paul, you are correct. Damn it. I would have also accepted just a member of Kiss, but... I bet you would.

Okay. Well, hell yeah. I wouldn't have gotten that either. All right. In high school, pretended to be interested in joining the army in order to get what from an army recruiter? Free lunch. I also wrote free lunches.

The answer is eight free lunches, but I will give it. Eight free lunches. That's worth the meeting. That's what I guess I said on the episode. Wow, I don't remember that. And did he take you out for the lunches? All of them. And in the very last one, he was like, you're not going to do this.

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When I was a kid, I had to get stitches in my face after attempting what dangerous stunt. Biking with your eyes closed. Riding a bike with your eyes closed behind sunglasses. I was going to put sunglasses. I'll give it to you both. Okay, great. Okay. I just wanted to include that detail.

Because it's like the no one even knows your eyes are closed. Two point question. What is, what two organizations did, um, knew my address? Scientology and the Republican Party. You get both correct. Wow. I did not remember this. I said IRS and the DMV.

Two evil organization. Um, all right. The lock it in question. Um, you get two points, Paul, if you know the answer and you get one if you know the answer. Um, what? You got the hint. What is the, what is, what was my, uh, roommate's best friend's nickname?

Bagel. Oh, I said pizza. Did you? Yeah. It's, I mean, I get around food. I mean, that's why the question is written so well. Thank you, Nathan. All right.

We are at Paul. I thought I for sure got it. Paul has five points. Lauren has four and I have zero. I didn't, didn't terribly. Who wants to go next? Me? Sure.

That's fine. me. Okay. Question one. When I was a teenager, I had three run-ins with the same police officer. On my third encounter with this police officer, what keepsake to the officer give me? Classic story. All right. I'm in. You locked? Who do I think is the hottest Simpsons character?

Oh, shit. I know I always The hottest The hottest Okay I'm just going to go with that I know this mic stand Number three

For my seventh birthday My parents threw me a party With what unusual and boring theme Oh, fuck. Really it was my mom and my uncle. Unusual and boring theme. Shit. I can't believe I forgot this.

I can't believe I forgot this. I'm mad. Mad of myself. Okay. I'm in. Question four is a two-point question. I once surprised my grandmother on her birthday with a box of chocolate-covered strawberries, which she did not appreciate because,

they were too big and there were six of them. According to the story, there are two gifts that my grandma always loves receiving. Name them. You get one point for each correct answer. Loves receiving. Okay. I'm in. You can put two things.

Yes. Everybody ready? Yep. No. I'm sorry. Yes. This is the question five, the lock it in question. First, I will read the question.

If you think you know the answer, you can lock it in by writing it down or you can not change your answer. If either player doesn't lock it in, it can read the hint as before, okay? Okay, here's the question. I was once offered opium by a guy with what clothing-related nickname? This one I got a lot. I need the hint. You ready, Paul? You're locked in?

I'm locked in. Hint, it's probably where he kept his opium. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, you guys ready? Yeah. All right, ready. Question one.

What did the officer give me on our third run in? Trading card. 100%. Okay. Who is the hottest Simpson's character in my opinion? Bart? Bart? Yes.

Okay. Wow. What was the theme of my boring and unusual birthday? Interior decorating. The bank. Manners. Manners. How do I not remember that?

It's so hard to visualize what that would be. I can show your pictures. Please. Okay, two point question. What were the two gifts my grandma always liked to receive? I said cash and yarn. I said flowers and tickets to the opera. $100 in cash or a Walgreens gift card.

Do I get half? You get one. You do. Okay. Lock it in question. Where did the guy or what was the name of the guy who offered me opium? Pockets. Yes.

All right. You get two and I get one for that. Okay. So after two rounds, Paul, you have 10. Lauren, you have four. You did pretty poorly in that round. And I have three. Wow.

Okay. All right. But I believe it's still anyone's game, at least for me to tie even, because this is worth one, two, three, four, five, six, seven points. Okay. So I could also win. You can win. I have to get them all right. And I can tie.

If you get them all right. Let's do this. Let's do it. Question one. Paul's mother was the receptionist for her brother's business. What music-related service did the business provide? Sorry, say that again. Paul's mother was the receptionist for her brother's business.

What music-related service did the business provide? I'm locked in. Okay. I'm in. Question two. Paul taught us all that the Glade Plug-ins jingle, Plug-It-in, Plug-It-in, is actually based on a real song called Rub It In by Billy Crash Craddock. Craddock recorded a follow-up to rub it in called What?

Okay. This isn't really about you. No, it's about Billy Crash Crack. It's really not. Okay. I think I'm guessing the same thing I guess last time. That's what I would do. Question three.

Paul once told a lie about his father doing an impression of a famous actor and also being dead in order to get a special inscription in the actor's book at a book signing. Name that actor. I have no memory of this. I'm in. Okay. That's a classic one from Paul. I don't remember this story. Yeah.

Okay. Number four. It's a two point question. Okay. Paul once told a story about watching a double feature with his friend. Scott argued that watching one and a half unrelated movies on DVD in your home does not qualify as a double feature. Either way. That sounds like a classic argument.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I still stand by. Yeah, you're wrong. Either way, can you name the two movies Paul and his friend watched? You get one point for each correct answer. No idea. Look, the argument is a double feature is like something programmed by someone, not just someone taking things off their shelf.

Anyway, all right. These are not even on a shelf. I'm going to guess at the two movies that you. probably owned I just made a guess okay I'm in okay five question five

the lock it in question if you think you know the answer you can lock in it by renting a town okay you may not change your answer blah blah blah here we go Paul once said that he didn't think his name suited him and that it should instead be what please give a first name

middle initial and last name I knew this was coming I think I actually got it I think I know you always get this one no I don't think I got it before I think I actually got it I think you did get it before actually. Well, now it's really locked in there and I hope I'm right. I can never remember this one.

I'm sorry. You want the hint? Yes, I want the hint. It's the first name of a famous menace, the middle initial of a famous fox, and the last name of a character in the board game clue. Okay.

Okay, I'm in. All right. All right. Paul, let us... First question. Yes, what are the first questions? What music-related service did my uncle's business provide? Piano tuning.

Singing Telegram. Lauren is correct, piano tuning. Thank you. Damn it. I've lost the game, by the way. Wow. Let's see how badly. Yeah.

What was the sequel song to Rub It In by Billy Crash Craddock? Rub it in, parentheses again. Rub it out. You know, you're both close in a way. But the answer is you rubbed it in all wrong. I honestly think this question should be changed because it's not about you. But I love the answer. Next year, try it again.

You rubbed it in all wrong. Okay, great. Let's lock that in my brain. Got it. And piano tuning was the first one? Yes. I've already forgotten. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great. All right. Who is the famous actor that I told a lie to to get a special inscription? Who did you guess, Lauren? Jack Nicholson. It's Peter O'Toole. Scott is correct. Peter O'Toole.

Mack Nicholson. I don't know. That was wrong. Question four. But yeah, the impression part was what kind of? The double feature. What was the double feature? Can you name one or both of the movies?

I said Star Wars and Jaws. I said Jaws in Lawrence of Arabia. Okay. I was at my friend's house, so these were not my movies. Oh. And they were just on cable. What? That's even less of a double feature.

They were on some streaming service where we chose them. Oh, okay. Yes. The answers were Coyote Ugly and Battlefield Earth. That's insane. You're not supposed to remember that happened. And then the lock-in question. I once said my name suited me and that it should be instead what?

Dennis J. Peacock. Okay, the hints were name a famous menace. Famous menace, the middle initial, the famous fox. and the last name of a character and the board game Clue. I guess Phantom E. Mustard. Menace? You went with Phantom.

I thought it was so obvious. When you were reading the hints, I was like, oh my God, he just gave him the whole thing. Phantom what? The Phantom Menace. Phantom E. Mustard? Where's the Ego from? Wiley Coyote.

He's not a fox. He's close it up. That's almost as good as the jaws mix up. And the last name? Mustard. Phantom E. Mustard. Yeah, that's what I thought my name should be. Lauren is correct.

Dennis J. Peacock. Okay. Did I win? You didn't keep track of my points. I did. You didn't get any other than you got two for. I only got two. Damn it.

No, you got, sorry, you got three because you guessed it before the hint. Oh, nice. So the final tally is I have four points. I obviously don't listen to either of you. Lauren has seven and Paul you have 10. You did very poorly in that round, but you, in the previous rounds, you did enough to... The most you can get is 10.

No, the most you can get is 14. Okay. But I should have written down all the interests. I don't know how that's true. To my own questions. I know, you should have. But a lot of people don't know. I didn't think about it.

Well, that's great. I enjoy that. And I will continue to only get four points for as long as we do this. Should we, I mean, should we ever look at the new question? or should we just keep it those same questions? Well, it'd be fun to have new ones too. Because I mean, where are the new ones sent to us, though? We don't even know how to get it.

Get in that email. Yeah. That's your project. I'm sure they're linked in the dock, whatever. We'll find them. Anyway, that was a lot of fun. We are taking a break. A sabbatical.

Until September. Before then, I believe we'll probably still be doing what we did before, which is releasing old live episodes that we did together. until September and we'll be back in September. Now, do we want to plug anything? I know the first jaunt of our tour is over, but Paul and I will be in the UK and Ireland later this month. That's right.

I have Varietopia coming back up. In September, it will be... Let me guess, the 27th. No, September 6th. I think that's Labor Day weekend. That's right, because Jay Leno hit on you. And then right after that, we're going to Denver and the Denver Nuggets. And we're going to join.

You should keep an eye on my Instagram for information about Mary and myself going on tour. So come see us out in the wild and we will see you back in September. Yeah. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for listening. Thank you. We appreciate, especially like the people that have been with us since the very beginning. Thank you for continuing to listen to this show.

I know how it is with podcasts, even podcasts you like. you can sometimes get out of the habit of listening to them. There are a lot of choices when it comes to podcast these days. Too many. And we thank you for choosing freedom. We do thank you for choosing freedom. We really adore you guys. Thank you, Piss Pigs.

We'll be back in the fall. Until then, goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

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