Threedom - Wapner, Wapner, Wapner

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss cereal mascots, movies, and sleeping in the other room before playing What's The Movie? Get Threedom merch at comedybangbangworld.com/merch. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, is this an okay time? It's your girl Dylan Mulvaney and I am inviting you to my weekly cocktail party and my brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, brought to you by Lemonada Media. Life is stressful and there is so much darkness in the world, I think we could all use a little bit of trans joy. So join me every week as I interview some of my favorite A-list celebrity friends and gurus and of course the dolls while we sip and spill the scalding hot tea. So put your worries aside and join me at the

Dylan hour. You can listen on Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Love ya! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oh sure, is it on 420 this year? On 420 this year, that's so awesome. We have Easter, we have 420, and Hitler's birthday. Oh, that's exciting. Harris Whittles. Wow. Harris Whittles. Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles,

Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, Harris Whittles, come on and rock me Harris Whittles. God, if only that had come out like that, before he was born. Is he still dead? I don't know. I haven't checked recently. Because you guys are close.

Yeah, we were close. I think he would look me up. Oh, I would hope so. Look, if you're... I go to his grave and I deface it. I'm saying this right now on mic. Should I predecease either of you? Okay.

He's on mic, by the way, Mike Castle. On Mike Castle. Yeah, who's just in the room. Yes. And I'm on it's like a hop on pop situation. If I predecease either of you, which you will. That's not necessarily true. You might die before. Can we keep up the illusion? Should I predecease either of you and I later come back to life? Yes. I promise I will look you up. I will text you both.

Within what time period? Give me a week. Because I'm going to have a lot of shit to sort out. I'll give you six days. Because on the seventh day, I rest. Why do you rest? Because we're in the courtroom. Oh, good point.

Yeah. I rest my case, Your Honor. It's the seventh day. This trial's been going for six in a row. People don't realize this, that court cases have to end in seven days. They do. Every one of you rests. Yeah.

OJ that just kept retrying them over and over again. That's the one loophole. We rested, now we're ready again. We have energy again. Let's go, let's go. I feel great about this. Energy. Hi, Lauren.

Energy, yeah. Beyonce. Thank you. Welcome to Freedom. Thank you. This is Lauren over here. That's Paul. And this guy?

Well, process of elimination, Scott. That's how I like to be introduced, the process of elimination. I like the process of elimination. I like it more than the result. Yeah, I think the process is pretty, you know, it's important. It's an important step in terms of getting to the elimination. You gotta trust the process.

You have to trust the process. Yeah, I do my own research when it comes to elimination. Yeah, that's how I know how. How do you guys feel about a hand wash with a little bit of exfoliant in it? I think that sounds really nice. Where you wash our hands? Do you know what? I don't like it.

You don't? I don't like it. No, no, no, like where you pump it out of the thing and it has a little bit of a granular sort of texture. Grit. But then you take our hands and you lather them up. I'm not touching your hands. Please?

Will you please wash our hands? No. Please. What is that? Reverse Jesus? Reverse Jesus. My hand washes her. Because it's not feet?

Yeah. My foot washes her. Because it's not feet? Yeah. My foot washes her hand. Do you remember when Veronica she Veronica She washed her Lord's feet and then dried it with her hair? Do you remember when Archie did that? And everyone was like, can we just stop?

Let's get some burgers and shakes. Archie the comics? Like Veronica did it, Archie the Comics mug spot? Veronica did it, Archie did it. Oh shit. Daddy was up in that mug. I forgot about that. Up in that mug.

Jugheads up in his piece. What if Riverdale started with that? Hey Jugheads up in his piece. That can't still be on right? No. No, that was over. Weird. Jingle jangle was the drug that they liked.

Oh, that sounds good. We need to have more fun names like that. I like it. It's better than crack cocaine. My famous bit, what if crack were called crackle? Yeah, everyone would want it. Yeah, it wouldn't seem so bad. It's pretty cute.

He's a crackle addict. He's a crackle head. He's a crackle head. See, it's so funny. From a long time ago. I was I was having a conversation with someone the other day and they said, so I had to reach out to the Kellogg's boys. And it took all I could do not to say he means snap, crackle and pop.

They had to reach out to Kellogg's. Were you on a golf course? Who are you talking to that's reaching out to the Kellogg's boys? No, I was having a private conversation with someone in my life. I didn't want to mention on Mike, and it would have been rude to do this because this person does not know anything about comedy and is an older gentleman. Right. Was he your friend, General Mills? Yeah. Attention.

Is he ever going to rise in the ranks or does he just stop at general? Like five star General Mills? Yeah, five star he just stop at general? Like five star general mills? Yeah, five star general mills. He might be a five star general. Who is your favorite cereal mascot or which one do you think is the best? I will say when I was young, we had Chocula and we had Franken... Excuse me. We have Frankenberry.

Count Chocula. And we still have those. But wait, what was the third one because... Blueberry. It have Frankenberry. Count Chocula. And we still have those. But wait, what was the third one? Because... Blueberry. It was Frankenberry. No, it was, yeah, Frankenberry. Yeah, and also Booberry.

Hey, if you're gonna be a fucking cunt about it. Hey! Well, there was one that, and I believe it had to have been Boo Berry, that our store did not stock. That I knew about because there was a picture of it on the packaging. They were like, two's enough. I don't know whether they tried stocking it originally and that was the flavor no one wanted. And that was sort of, it had the sort of sheen of that, of like, oh, I probably wouldn't even like it because- Had the patina.

Yeah, I was gonna say patina, but then I was worried that I wasn't gonna be using it correctly and you were gonna make fun of me. But I was always fascinated, I was always like, oh, I want some of it because it was out of my reach because the one store that we ever went to didn't stock it. So it seemed exotic to you. It seemed exotic to me. And Count Chagula, honestly, that's the star of the show. You know, it always stresses me out when you're so, you know, at the grocery store,

how they'll have things that are like, they'll have like a whole shelf of stuff that's passed where you check out. Yeah. Like it's like on your way out. Yeah. But it's not on your way in. It's like only three. I don't like that. Mentally, I can't work with that. I'm like, I need that thing over there, but it's like, I can't cross the threshold. I can't, I won't remember it. So I'm checking out with them.

By the way, there are no actual rules at the supermarket. You know what I mean? You can do whatever you want. It's anarchy there. It's crazy. You can do whatever you want. You can just walk out with stuff. I'm scared to go in there.

Yeah. I have told you about, I had a friend whose father, I feel like I've told you this and I apologize, but would go in and haggle. So they would ring up the entire thing and they'd say, it's $120. He goes, I'll give you 80. Yeah, so insane.

And then they'd go, what? And he'd go, I'll give you 80 for this. And- We're not at Marrakesh. They would say like, okay, let me call the manager. And then the manager would come over and 50% of the time the manager would look at it and go like, all right. And then 50% of the time they go, no, he go put it all back.

He'd walk out of the store. Put it all back is so horrible. I hate this guy. Yeah. Um, what's also wild about it is if the manager agrees to it, how do they calibrate that in the register? Yeah, I don't know.

Like I think I think it's purely just a hit the weird discount button. Yeah, random guy. What's your take on eating stuff in the store while you're shopping? I'm just curious. I just want to say my favorite cereal mask. I want to know. I actually did ask that 10 minutes ago of the haunted cereal family. No, I want to hear all my favorite was blueberry. 10 minutes ago. Of the haunted cereal family? No, I want to hear all about all of them.

My favorite was Boo Berry. Was it really Boo Berry? I thought he was cute and he had his little Norman Lear hat on. How was the cereal though? It was fine. It was quote unquote blueberry flavored. Every cereal is just sugar. Boo Berry monster cereal. What color do you want the milk to be?

Well now he's looking like a real snack. He's looking like a real snack I love that they added the last episode because he's silly But they because he was a ghost they had to put a hat on him because otherwise it just looked like like he's drawing Was this how he was No, this is the updated. No, that's the updated. Oh here he is. That's his Norman Lear. Look. Yeah Even that's a little more modern than I remember. Okay, let's go back another generation Yeah, now we're talking. That's exactly what I remember. Okay with his hands up like

He's like I think I want to eat that there is some but of course I loved lucky the lucky Charms leprechaun we love him Yeah, to can Sam. I liked to can Sam as well. Yeah, I think you know, I didn't like The tricks rabbit. No, you're fucking asshole. Hey, I'm just trying to eat breakfast. I don't need your machinations of whatever is going on with you trying to trick me. The thing that bothered me about those commercials was- This, by the way, is expert podcasting. Take a strong stance on something

you don't actually care about. I don't care at all. No, it's not good. I'd like to do ads for Trix. We're just asking questions. I was frustrated for the Trix rabbit. Yeah. Yeah. We feel bad for questions. I was frustrated for the tricks rabbit. Yeah. We feel bad for him.

They didn't give any explanation of why are tricks for kids. Why does he need it? He's on the fucking box. He may as well be a kid because bunnies don't live that long. Okay, actually coming around. Let them enjoy themselves.

That doesn't make sense. His life is so much shorter than yours. Let him have some fucking cereal. Coming around to this a little bit though, because it's like, so he always wants this serial. And they're saying silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. Stop. By the way, they're always calling him silly, which is like, it's condescending. It makes him, it's infantile. He wants it so bad. It's all he cares about.

In that moment. Well, so we don't know what he's doing the other 23 hours of the day. Honestly, he's having sex. That's true, he might have a, he's a bunny. With like Tony the Tiger? No, with another rabbit. I once, by the way.

Don't be absurd. Okay. I didn't actually, I think when they're all cartoon animals, they're allowed to do it. Peter Cottontail. Sure, he's having sex with a mall. Water's going down. There's a special Easter sex with them all the time. Water Ship Down. So there's a special Easter episode too.

So it's Trix Rabbit. Early. Do you think he lived in the same universe as Water Ship Down? I think he probably did. I'm not familiar with that. I was at Griffith Park once. It's a dramatic story about rabbits.

Oh. Water Ship Down, you should check it out. I don't want to. I was at Griffith Park. It's a good movie for kids too. The Criterion Collection. I don't think it is. The Criterion Collection.

Water Ship Down is a good movie for kids. The The Criterion Collection. I don't think it is. The Criterion Collection. Water Ship Down is a good movie for kids. The title just feels like something an old dad would. Well, I think it's a certain age, not like little kids. I think it's too much for kids. It's too intense for them. I think age is nine to 99. Isn't it about bunnies on a ship? Cause I'm scared.

No, it has nothing to do with a ship. Nothing to do with a ship. Okay, well maybe they should change the name to notaboutships.com. do with a ship. Okay, well maybe they should change the name to not about ships dot com. Why is Titanic not called big ship? But I was at Griffith Park. Oh, it's a cartoon? Yeah.

Oh, I want to watch this. Jesus! You think it was a live action movie about rabbits? Yeah. Like March of the Penguins over here? Okay, but this doesn't look suitable for children. Rabbit with a bloody tooth. He's covered in blood.

He just goes to the dentist. Kids' teeth fall out. Yeah. Who can relate more? He looks really scary. Okay, I'm going to put this on. I bet Halle will like this. So I go to Griffith Park.

I'm taking a walk. I'm taking a hike. And I see a rabbit. Like I told you to. I see a rabbit bouncing up and down. I'm like, wow, I don't think I don't know that I've seen a rabbit in the wild in so many years. Hundreds suddenly come out and they're just like,

following this person. This is real, yeah. I have never seen the, I've never seen it at Griffith Park since, but there were hundreds and hundreds of rabbits just like bouncing around. Oh, that's amazing. It was crazy.

I would have loved to have seen that. Yeah, it was quite a sight because I think I told you how our nephew like came out here with a checklist of things he wanted to see in the wild. And and he was like take me to them and Puma Peace and he was so disappointed when I said like Yeah, we don't know when we're gonna see these things. Yeah, we can't plan it out. They don't have a schedule, honey

Yeah, so I mean if I could see all those They can't plan it out. They don't have a schedule, honey. Yeah. So I mean, if I could see all those bunnies all the time. Bless the baby. Thank you. Maybe they escaped from the zoo up there. Yeah.

Did they used to have a rabbit enclosure? No, no, no. I think the zoo probably had hundreds of rabbits. Yeah, something went wrong. Oh no, Lauren's really taking this hard. Something must have happened in those... Rain Man over here is... Something went wrong. He's really upset. have happened in those. Oh! Rain Man over here is really upset. Something happened in those woods.

Definitely happened in the woods. Definitely happened with a deer. Definitely happened with Bambi's Hunter. Could you imagine if that movie came out today? Bambi? Yeah. Or Rain Man. Either one, I can't imagine.

Imagine if they came out the same day. Oh shit, who would win with a B.O.? Rain Man would get the most money at the box office. Bothell B.O.? Absolutely, no the side? Rain Man would get the most money at the box office. Absolutely. No doubt. Rain Man with the most money. Definitely most money. Definitely. Most money. I wonder if you could watch Rain Man. Definitely most money in the box office. Could you watch Rain Man now and be like, yeah, that's good. Or would you just be like, I think I watched it as an adult, but I don't remember.

Yeah, I think there would be some elements that probably do not go up so well. The mere fact that he can count pencils that fall on the ground because I think someone Nature's baby pencil can't someone in the world can do that Yeah, someone in the world can do that they haven't found them yet I think it's Robert De Niro. I mean Dustin Hoffman This would have worked better if I knew what I was talking about. Do you think that Judge Wopner was flattered

to have been included in the movie? I bet he was. I bet that was like a huge thing that he was beaming with pride. I bet he had a dinner party the week after it came out. He heard- Private screening. He heard word, like he signed the release or whatever.

And then he's like, oh man Yeah to have his name mentioned, right? Like I I don't I will not sue you I Joseph up to hear my grand the out of anyone a judge. You don't want to piss off a judge He goes he'll rule in his own favor. Now. He must be dead, right? Yeah judge Wapner. I hope so I don't know anything about what you speak. Judge Wapner. You don't know who Judge Wapner is? I don't.

Justin Hoffman's character in Rainman loves Judge Wapner. He loves to watch the people's court. Do do do. Yes. Does that ring any bells? Do do do do. How about that? That also rang more bells.

Do do do do. Wapater, Wapater, Wapater, Wapater, Wapater. That's why they cast him. That's why he walks in because his robes made that noise when he walks. Yeah, he had a corduroy robe. And his name was actually Smith, but he sounded like Wopper, Wopper, Wopper. Yeah, but he's like, I gotta change this shit.

This is too good. Hey, I'm onto something here. Hey, this sounds like a- In the biopic of Judge Wopper. This sounds like a name, a name no one's ever heard of. What if- It could be my name. What's that sound? It sounds like Wopper, Wopper, Wopper.

We gotta direct this. Hold on a second, what did you just say? Whoppin' or whoppin' or whoppin'? That gives me an idea. Every scene is exactly like this. Every single scene. My idea is that should be my name. There should be a court for the people.

What? What did you just say? I think I have a great idea. Big girls don't cry. I haven't been a bailiff in a while. I'm a little rusty. Hold on a second. I was just talking with someone about those moments in movies

where they went, like in biopic movies, where they're discovering a famous song that we know. What if it's like this? We did a big pitch. Yeah. I have to say, I give the Bob Dylan movie a lot of credit for not doing that. Never does.

Oh, they don't do it. They never do it. No. It's very tricky to watch someone write a hit song that you know. Yeah. It sidesteps so many of the problems of biopic. I know a lot of people are saying like, oh, this is so rote. Like I've seen all this before.

Like I really I could not believe how many things. Well, I heard because it's more a slice of life as opposed to his. And also takes place in a small concentrated era of time. So it's not like his entire career where he gets, you know, how everyone. And now I'm famous and now. Every biopic like ends with like him getting an award, him or her.

Name one where a woman gets an award. I think what's love got to do with it, didn't it end with her like. No, I think that movie Nighad did. I like Nighad. I like that too. I thought it was great. I'm like, Annette Benning swimming like that?

She was so great. Dude, that's real. Yeah. I picked her for best actress that year. Well, you should have. As fans of my other show now. You should be listened to more often. I should. Thank you so much.

And who won that year? Who cares? You know what? I can't argue. If we can't remember, it didn't happen. Who does care? But we parodied that cliche on the 100th episode of Comedy Bang Bang, the TV show, where it was, I think my character would overhear things on the street and turn it into hit songs. And then did you come up with your theme song? No, it was, we were all in a singing crew

called the Four Singers. Mm-hmm. It was the episode where we all talked about how we met each other. Who was it? You? No, it was me, Howard. You were there, and you? Me, Howard Kramer, Baron Vaughan,

and I think Mike Hanford. Nice. Yeah, it was fun. It was fun to do. I'll dress up in 60s clothes. Tawny is in there. That's cute. Where she says, help, someone's kidnapped my baby.

And then we turned into a song. Someone's kidnapped my baby. And she's like, no, really. That sounds funny. I mean, at the risk of being immodest, I must agree. Where can people watch that? YouTube. I don't even know.

You can buy it. It's on AMC Plus. Who cares? Anyway. Some might. You're saying who cares a lot today. Yeah, you really are really very, very, um, what's the word? I truly realize that nothing I say is of any importance.

Jesus Christ. To you, nor the listeners. And that just happened during the break between two episodes. Uh-huh. Wow. We had Shake Shack. I, oh, thank you for that, by the way. I wanted to publicly thank you.

Scott bought me lunch today, and that makes up for so much that happened with this snack situation. He's playing you like a fiddle. Huh? Hear me say, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. The world's tiniest fiddle, which we're playing for you,

cause we pity you. No, I had a hamburger and fries, and it was a delight, and I appreciate the lunch. Shake Shack's good. It is good. It was good. We would love for them to sponsor us. Oh my god, please.

Oh, I'd love it. Can I talk about sponsors? I have a story, but I'm going to wait until after the break. Actually, you know who should sponsor us? And they might be listening now. IMDB Pro, because they are following us all on Instagram. They love what we're serving and I wanna promote their website.

Are they following you individually as well? I believe so. Yes. Yeah, what's going on? No, someone has to promote. IMDB Pro get out of here. IMDB Piss Pig is what I think the P might stand for. And didn't they write back to you, you said, did you hear the episode? And they said, yes, we did, dear.

Yes, we loved it, dear. Yeah, so they're all listeners. Are you fucking kidding me? No, it's happening. Everyone who has an IMDB page Yeah, so they're all fucking kidding. Oh, it's happening Everyone who has an IMDb page listens, that's what I'm saying. I am DB pro listen Hear me roar. I want to do ads on this podcast for your web. Yes, please give us a free subscription 150 bucks a year. I want to change my picture on there. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh you need to do that I mean you need to do that. I'm saying if you don't have a subscription, you get a membership. So when we come back,

I have a story about a sponsor. I don't know what your picture is, dear. What's your story, dear? When we come back, let's take a break. Okay, Bill W. This message is sponsored by Greenlight! Who taught you about money? Was it your parents? Your school? Nobody? Let's be honest, most of us learned about saving and budgeting way later than we should

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Sol, the gummies that we got? Yes. And they also have sent us drinks. Yes. Yes, that's right. Okay, so this is a company that has been sponsoring us and they sent us some free samples. I've been having the gummies at night, which has been knocking me out. That's been good, although I've been on cough syrup recently, which just does an even better job.

You know what I'm taking to knock me out? What's that? Those American thighs. Chumbawamba. American thighs. Knock me out with those American thighs. Is it like an American gladiator squeezing your head with their thighs? Yeah, that would be so awesome.

Nitro just wrapping his legs around my neck. Yeah, around my neck. This is the sound that his knees make it's not a fart Okay Oh, that's cool up leaving Really who cares okay, so anyway they care about anything they've been've been sponsoring us and they gave us these drinks, right? Yes, they did. And they say like, instead of having, you know,

a ton of glasses of wine, A ton? Have one of these, there's no alcohol in it. Hey, you fucking drunk. Instead of drinking a case of wine, why don't you have a can of this? Very similar to the ad copy they sent us. So I have been doing that.

It's been great. And I, but the thing is, I haven't tried the drinks. Mike likes the drinks a lot, but I'm more of a gummy gal. So I've had one, I've had one drink multiple nights and been like, I honestly, I feel good. It's substituting for drinking, which feels good, but I haven't felt anything. Sure. Whatever. So the other night, I think, you know,

maybe I'll have two of these. And I sit down to watch the Beekeeper. Now is that the sequel to Bee Movie? It should be. Yeah. In a lot of ways, it is. It's when George owns the Bee. It goes Bee Movie, Beekeeper,. It's when George owns the B. It goes B movie, B keeper, B loser.

George loses the B. So I'm watching the B keeper. By the way. The second James Bond. Obviously. I had my second one hours ago. And I'm watching the B keeper and I'm like. Well, how, you have one then hours later you have another one? No, no, I had two kind of in a row. Okay.

But this is slam slam. Six o'clock. Not you shotgun to soul. I didn't charge. We drinks. You poked it with a pencil and you just slurped. But I had to in succession. You put a pin in there. My favorite TV show.

And two in succession and two in full house. So but then then hours go by, hours go by and I'm not happy. I turn on the beekeeper. Okay. I watched something even before the beekeeper. I think like a half hour TV show or something. Then I turn on the beekeeper. Full house. I'm watching the beekeeper. I'm in the third act of the beekeeper. I don't know what this is. Crucial. It's a movie starring Jason Statham. Statham. So I'm watching The Beekeeper. I'm in the third act of The Beekeeper. Okay. I don't know what this is. Crucial. It's a movie starring Jason Statham. Why did I know any of those things that you know? So I'm watching The Beekeeper and Jeremy Irons is in it.

Okay. And I'm, you know. Hello, Beekeeper. I recently worked with him. Oh, did you? TBD, it hasn't aired yet. Oh, okay. He was delightful.

I really liked him. Very weird role where he, as an English. Lauren, is that your jacket? Yeah. Is that your jacket? He was the head of the CIA. Sure. For a number of years. So he's doing an American accent. No, no, no. Okay.

He's the former head of the CIA as an English person. Sure. In the world of The Beekeeper, all things are possible. So I'm watching The Beekeeper and I'm like, looking at this Jeremy Irons scene, I'm like, it's so weird that Jeremy Irons has agreed to do this TV show, which I've been watching for the past 20 years. And then suddenly I go, Oh, no, I'm high. Wow. Wait, you're so high that you forgot?

What? I mean, I gotta have some of these drinks now. Yeah, and that sounds pretty great. Okay. I can't, I can't even connect. But I have to clarify, the first two acts of The Beekeeper, I watched totally normal.

Right, you knew it was a watched totally normal and knew as a movie was able to retain it. Suddenly in the middle of the third act, I slipped into being high and was like, I was like, well, what happened? This was hours ago I drank this stuff. Oh my God. Anyway, that's a ringing endorsement.

Yeah. There you go. Oh yeah. Get a couple of those, watch the Beekeeper. I took one of the Sleepy Time gummies and I think that's what it is. At least it does it for me. And-

It's like the 3MG? Yeah. Yeah. And- This will go for Sleepy Time. I fell asleep at Holly's bedtime with her. It was like, it was 8.39 o'clock, but I just got up and went, you know what?

Good night. And then I slept till 7 a.m. And that's been great. I've done that a few nights this week where I just went to bed when she went to bed. And there's something amazing. I always wanna like do my thing and like, well, correct me.

I always wanna like do my thing and like be on my computer and like looking at shit that doesn't matter. We know you love to do your thing. I do my thing and be on my computer and looking at shit that doesn't matter. Lauren, we know you love to do your thing. I do my thing. But instead I went to sleep for 10 hours or something and it was great. I have had a situation this past week where my- Was it Mike the Situation from Jersey Shore?

Was his name Mike? I think so, was it? The Situation? I thought it was Joffrey. Was it? Uh, the situation. I thought it was Joffrey. I thought it was Reginald. No, you're thinking of Game of Thrones. So Jamie had been sick all week. We got back from that cruise and she, like within an hour of the home, she, no, no, no. She had like a, she was land sick. Yeah. Regular old land sick.

She had, um, like a sore throat and then was kind of like a strep sort of virus thing. And so she slept in the guest room. Where's your guest sleep? We pulled up the sofa bed. We kicked the guest out. Oh no. We said, sorry, this is one of those situations. We can't have a guest anymore. Do you have a fully stocked fridge in there? Yeah, of course.

And the guest is like this sort of shadowy figure that you don't really know what they look like. It's sort of an outline of a man. We just refer to him as the guest. We think it's a man. Yeah. So, there was the weird situ, it was a weird situation where for a week

we slept in separate rooms and Learned to love it when well That's the thing is like when if one of us is out of town like if she's out of town and I'm sleeping in The bed by myself it feels weird But her just being in the same house in another room Was coming and sleeping in the bed and me sleeping in the bed by myself. It's kind of nice Oh, we Mike's been sick this week a little bit and he was just coughing. So he moved to the other room. That's it, she was coughing so much.

You know what? That was gonna keep you up. Yeah. And so then what I found is sometimes I sleep better because I'm trying to be too polite while I'm sleeping. You know what I mean? Like if I ever roll over or whatever. Please touch your tits.

I told you you're sleeping. Madam. When I please touch your tits? I thought you were sleeping. I'm mad though. When I talk in my sleep, when I get pervy, I try to be as blind as possible. Rolling over from one side to the other, occasionally like you'll nudge the other person. And I'll be like, oh I hope I didn't wake that person up. And then it kind of wakes me up. I try to do, I do that thing where... When I say that person, I should just say

cool. I was going to say, it was kind of weird how you were leaving it open to be like multiple people. We know how we're constantly editing ourselves to take people out of stores. I found myself doing that. I don't know why. When you also lose my house, when you touch that person in your bed, I try to person wakes up a little bit.

Do you do that for that person? Do you think where you try to roll over like in place, where you like incrementally like shift your body. So that you're not... Not taking up the input. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They should, you know, the California King, which is what we have.

I met him. Yeah. He's amazing. Yeah. God, he's so tan. He's so tan. And he's amazing at surfing. But it's a lengthwise bed. Yeah. I always wondered if it was really worth it. It still is. Yeah, I always wondered. It's still the same

width as it came. It is for me because you're tall enough that it matters. So I love it. But you got to make that width longer too. Yeah, I agree. I think it should be wider. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think the width should be longer or wider? I think that the width should be wider and the lid should be lidler. How did the word width last so long? I know, let's get rid of it. Length. Length though. My mom used to say length.

Length is that way. I think some people say length is the word. Or like heighth. Heighth. I've heard people say heighth and that's weird to word. Wait, what? Or like height. Height. I've heard people say height and that's weird to me. What's that? What's depth? No, what's height?

Height. People say, I know what it is, I'm saying like, why are people saying that? Because they're dumb. They're stupid. They're putting the H, not like us. Because it goes H-T and they're going, oh, it's like T-H.

I might as well be T-H. You know what I mean? There might as well be that. I put the letters in whatever order I want them to be. My mother, I'm sorry. I don't know if my mother said length, but she did say strength. Talk shit about your mom on my strength.

Strength is definitely not a fun. She's giving me strength. Drag her ass, Paul. When she was mad, she would ask God for strength to not beat your ass. No, she did not. She hit me one time. One time.

That I remember. Maybe other times I forgot. Hundreds of times you forgot and then buried. Maybe I made myself forget the moon house. What did you do? I broke a window and what made it so... Did God open a doorway? When God opens a door, I break a window. Yeah, I think that's how it goes.

Here's what was happening. My brother, my older brother was, let's put it out there. He was torturing me. He was, he locked me out of the house. Oh. And I was running back and forth. Oh my God, I don't know, like. Eight.

Eight, nine, something like that, yeah. So you were already in that house. There's a front door and a back door. I'm running from the front door to the back door to try to get in. But of course he has less distance to cover. Yeah. So he can easily just be there. It was like a fucking cartoon. Like a coyote, the road runner. And so I was banging on the, the,

the window of the back door and my fucking fist went through. That must've hurt you. That you know what? It didn't. I was very lucky because I could have been. Yeah, you could have seriously injured. Yeah, but I was not. I think I had like a little jerk off hand too.

I would never. Scott would never use my jerk off hand. OK, all right. All right. I'm sorry. OK, you can tell which one it is because I have a special glove. You were miming about it. Yeah, you have a driving glove.

Yeah. Oh, my God. You can tell which one it is because I have a special glove. You were miming about it. Yeah, you have a driving glove. Yeah. Filled with lube? Simply packed the rafters with lube. So, my mother came home. Oh no. And when she... Were you hoping she would never come home at that point?

Why? Oh, because I broke the window? Were you having trouble? Were you having a moment like... Were you like, oh, I hope she'd never come home? From a Christmas story? Where you're like, oh no. I think in my, in my mind, I was like, She'll understand this is his fault. This was an accident. I didn't mean to do this. And here's the circumstance lit up to it.

Well, before I could say any of that, she slapped my little face. Did someone tell her that you were the culprit? And that's I think she asked, probably either my brother immediately said he broke the window. Or brother immediately said he broke the window or I said I broke the window because. Swap out.

Swap out. That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. Did she ever apologize? I don't think so. I think when things like that were brought up later, like I remember one time saying, her saying, I never told any of my kids to shut up.

And I was like, actually, I don't remember time you told me to shut up. Her response to that kind of thing would always be, well, I guess I was a terrible mother. Oh, come on. That's a famous phrase. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's a better way if you- Do you look forward to saying that someday? Oh, I already say it. I'm not allowed to copy. Well, I guess I should just kill myself. All you moms and dads out there, here's the other way, dude.

I'll be your mom and you be, oh, Paul, you look so wonderful today. Thanks, mom. I guess, I would never tell you to shut up about anything. You actually did tell me to shut up once when I was a kid. You know what? I apologize for that, Paul. I don't remember it, but I believe you, and I apologize.

Well, thank you. It was a pleasure doing business with you. Did that do a lot for you, Paul? It really did. That role play cured me. I have to call my therapist and say, you're fired. Why didn't you think of that therapist? Did your therapist ever have you do role play stuff?

No. Might even dress you up like a little cat. Like, looking to apologize for stuff. I don't call that roleplay. That's how I show up to the session. Okay you're a furry. We have never mentioned that on the show. Have we not talked about this? We've never talked about it. No, but big time furry. Anytime you hear him on mic he's dressed up. Yeah he dresses as a character. Do you want to talk about that? Yes, I do. This time I'm a kangaroo. This is my most challenging outfit to date.

It is like a, it's called Captain Kangaroo, but you're not that guy. You're a kangaroo. No, I'm not the man who called himself Captain Kangaroo. No. Disgust me. You happen to be a kangaroo who made the rank. I have achieved the rank of captain.

So I'm a kangaroo in a uniform, got a little hat on. And kangaroos are kind of known for being like ripped. Yeah, no, you can see I've painted abs on. Yeah. Kangaroo abs. And the Sistine Chapel on your back. Yes. That's from like all the stuff he's been through. Yeah. He got a big tattoo. Yeah. But you can see that I'm also in there on the Sistine Chapel. Oh, I see. Oh yeah, as a kangaroo. So it's God, there's Adam. And then there's his kangaroo saying, what's up, guys? That's great. So word balloons for everyone.

Yeah, everyone. It is like God. God is reaching out his finger and going, I'm not touching you. You can't touch this. And then in it. Yeah. So I love it. And in my pouch, of course, I have I have my lunch. And a little Joey and a little Joey from Friends. Well, doll, voodoo doll.

And I poke it with pins. Why are you poking him? Because somewhere Matt LeBlanc is like, oh, oh, my. Because I don't like the character. Reminds me of one of my favorite shows, episodes, which is criminally underrated. One of your favorite what? Favorite shows, episodes, favorite show episodes, which is criminally underrated. One of your favorite what? Favorite shows, episodes. Favorite shows, episodes.

Oh, episodes. Starring Matt LeBlanc, and it's wonderful. You shouldn't name a show that is an aspect of the show itself. Yeah, like what do they call each one they put out? Like, this is a series? Episodes, episode one. Yeah, come on guys.

It's too hard, already off the bat. I can't wrap my mind around it. Did I ever tell you about this pitch? Okay. This pitch. I'll tell them. Okay, so I went into a pitch meeting once, by the way, sequel to this, I'll give you the wrap up after. So I go into this. Yeah, please.

That makes more sense. I go into, I go into- By the way, sequel to this? You haven't even told us what it is. Sequel to what? You fucking lunatic. I'll give you the wrap up. I was trying to figure out whether- sequel to what? You fucking lunatic. I'll give you the wrap up. I was trying to figure out whether. You're so out of pocket right now.

I'll give you the wrap up later. I was trying to figure out whether. Oh yeah, well how about you do the first part first and you do the second part later. Some stories are better told in media res. Okay. This one I determined. It's revenge is a dish best served cold. It's no reservation.

No takin'. So I go into a pitch meeting once with a show idea and the person, That's smart. Yeah. And the person, Yeah, I never done that. I say, I say where it's set, which is a town in Illinois, I think. I think it was like Skokie or something like this. Right near where I grew up.

Okay. So I say like, Mining my childhood for material I see. So I give the one-liner, like it's's it's a show where a person does this. Nazis want the right to march down the street. Yes. So I say okay so the town is Skokie, Illinois and the guy goes, Illinois, and the guy goes nope, nope, won't work, won't work, no that town's too big. The town, this couldn't happen in there. Anyway, thanks for coming in. What? I was like, what?

And he was upset because I picked the wrong town. I'd never been there. I just was picking names that random. But so what? You could just pick any other town. Just pick any other town. You tell me the town. Yeah, exactly.

Mr. Geography expert. Anyway. Anyway, I found out he died last week. And I was happy. You sound demented. That's crazy. Oh my God. That's crazy. Look, look, I'm not saying it'll get it.

I get it. But you sound demented right now. No, no, no. That's crazy. What a horror movie. I'm not saying it'll get it. I get it. But you sound demented right now.

No, no, no. That's crazy. What a horror movie. I'm not saying it'll get it. I get it. But you sound demented right now. No, no, no. That's crazy. What a hearty laugh. Because we all have these pitches, I'm sure, where something like that happens. I have a similar story where I think

it was the last commercial audition I ever went on. Because I was told the director requested me for this audition. Oh yeah, of course, status. So I go into the audition and there's two roles in the spot. One is the character that's going to be the character for all of these spots. And the other is a guy who has one line.

Like I think one word. Yeah. And so- Dominoes. I should- That would not be a bad word. Yeah. If you could only say one word

and you said the product name, not bad. No, it's an honor in a way. Yeah, I'd take it. Yeah, to say the titular line. Yeah. What it's all based on. So, um, I think, okay, this, to get a series of commercials like this would be fucking great. Yeah. You know, so I go into the, um, have you prepped the other role? Yeah, of course. Of course. Of course. With all the lines,

because that's what I was told that I was doing. And so I get there and the casting, one of the casting people comes out and says, all right, so when I call your name, you're reading for this part. And she calls names, gets to my name. And it's for the smaller part. And I said, actually, I was told that I was reading for the other part. And she went, well, now I'm telling you that you're reading for this part. I hate this run of everybody. And it's like, that's so condescending. The thing about if you don't know, the thing about commercial auditions

is they treat you like garbage. They really any pretentious. You have to like, yeah, any pretentious art is gone. This is strictly commerce. So it's like you are just a dumbass. Oh, yeah. They you're dumbest yes and they talk to you that way yes so i was and people and people like fucking giggled and stuff and i was like these other people fuck i'm a grown adult so paul this is my question but here's the thing okay okay she died honey yeah she died like a year later she died on vacation in some accident. I can't believe what you're saying.

I did not. I did. I did not guffaw. Yeah. But there was a tiny part of me that was like, now I'm telling you, you died in an accident. Oh, but wait, I had to go back. So I do the fucking audition, say the one word. You're like, where's the- I call my agent, I'm like, they made me do this. It was like, no, no, no, that was wrong. So I went back in and she was there again. She would not look at me.

Like she wouldn't come over and say, hey, sorry about that. That was our mistake or whatever. Oh, cause she was proven wrong and she didn't even look at me. Yes, she would not. And I waited to go in. I fucking stared at her the whole time. Like, when are you going to make, where are you going to make eye contact? She would not meet my eyes. Yeah. So you're saying you didn't feel good about it.

There was a tiny part of me. Well, there's a giant part of me. So I'm saying I get it. I get it. I totally get it. We've all had these weird interactions with people over the years. It's very rare that someone who has wronged you in some weird way dies within a year, within a timeframe that you're like, I'm kinda glad that person. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

No, but I- Lauren, you gotta have one of these. I actually don't. We look like psychopaths. I don't have one. You have to have had at least one in your- May they all rest in peace. You murdered them. No, I don't have one. You have to have had at least one. May they all rest in peace. You murdered them.

No, I don't have any. Actually, I just don't have anything like that. I recently did chat with a friend about someone from a long time ago that we knew who had passed. And they died a long time ago. And she was telling me a very negative story about this person. And I was kind of like, whoa, it's weird to just hear a very negative story about this person. And then I was kind of like, Whoa, it's like weird to just like hear a really

negative thing about someone. Well, I've sort of been like, sad, you know, sad that this person died forever. Like I'm like, that's really sad. And then it was like this really mean story. And I was like, Oh, that's not good. You know, it's hard to like reconcile the unsavory bits. Yeah. I never had any other interaction with this person, but it's always been one of these things that stuck in my craw for years of like, why would, why did that person have to act like that?

Like forced you to leave. Yeah. You know? And so when I saw a news story the other day, I was like, you know what? It doesn't feel good, but it does. Yeah. I think you thought it did feel good. It does seem like you thought it felt good.

Yeah. All right. We you thought it felt good. Yeah. All right. We have to take a break. Do you say data or data? Well, at my house we say data or data. Do you say data or data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data data? Data or data data data data? Well at my house we say data and for the longest time I thought paying a fortune on my monthly data plan was just normal. That was until

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Also known as a three-cher Scott. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, I'm so proud of you I know it and I've always known it You've always known it. Yeah This is just knowledge common knowledge that I have that you have that we all have we all know these things Okay All right. I don't know it but I'm just gonna go along with it. Yeah, just go along with it that you have, that we all have. We all know these things, motherfucker. Okay. All right. I don't know it, but I'm just gonna go along with it.

Yeah, just go along with it. Yeah. To educate you, dear? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, several years ago. And then married. For some reason, I've noticed it more than ever. Oh, well, we didn't weep, hitch. Oh, why didn't we get married? We have a three-chart to play. I do not know who initially sent this in. Whoever you are, hats off to you.

We thank you. And we played this once, I think, a long time ago. Sounds like it's great then. And we enjoyed it. You know what it is? It's further down the list because they're in alphabetical order. Oh, what is it? Zither?

And that connects with the game. Zither, the game. Zither. What's the movie? Describe a scene from a movie, but in a way that it's hard to guess Okay, so obviously we're talking about famous scenes Famous scenes from famous movie famous films seems that you would know of course you've seen this Okay, of course, but you describe this famous scene in a way that makes it a little hard to guess what scene it is. Okay. All right. Let's try it. Now. No promises. Are

there points? Yeah. The points are if you suck at this, you lose. And if you're great, you win. That's right. Okay. I love that. Shall I go first? Yeah, do it. Okay. Hit me. Let me think of a scene from a famous... From a famous film....movie. That we probably have seen. Yes. Yeah. Now this is where it gets tricky. Yeah. Because I know probably some movies that you and I have both seen. Sure. I know some movies that you and I have both seen. Mm-hmm. But do I know movies that all three of us have seen? But these have to be common movies that everyone knows that it's reasonable to assume that we've seen. Yes, okay.

All right. I think I have it. Okay, I'm just gonna go, before you even say what it is, I'm gonna say Jaws. Wrong. Okay, wow. Schindler's List. Have you seen Jaws?

Yes. We also together. I thought with you. Well, I forgot about that. That's one of the only films that you know that we've Well, I forgot about. Both seen. And I was in my car, forgive me.

You were texting us Jaws trivia the entire movie. Well, I could have been doing that from anywhere. By the way, this is, we were both in the theater and Paul was outside in his car. Yeah. Jerking off. Jaws trivia. Yeah, I'm sending it to you. Alright.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. That's stupid as fuck. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. That's stupid as fuck. Stupid as fuck. So do we have to buzz in or do we just say it? Does the game start at any point?

It starts right now. So um, are you in character? Oh, okay. Yeah, there's this This guy was having a... I was gonna fight with this guy. They were like... They're really going at it. Raging forth. It gets...

It gets physical. And... Olivia Newton-John. They're just like... They're really going at it. Call of the Wild. Creed. Call of the wild. You know? Creed. Call of the wild.

And they're yelling at each other and... Minions. No. Good fellas. One guy is kind of, he's really kind of keeping his cool, but the other guy's really emotional. And then the guy, the coolest cucumber guy, cucumber who is-

Veggie tails, veggie tails. Who is dressed- I thought you had a ponytail. Your hair is sticking out the back of your ass. Cause why? Cause my hair is sticking out the little thingy. It looked like it was a ponytail. A tiny ponytail.

Paul, if you grew a ponytail, yeah, we would support you. No, don't. No, I honestly. Promise me if I grow a ponytail, you'll tell me to cut it off. All right, keep going. So the guy, I should point out

that the guy who's being really like cool is dressed in a weird way. And- This is Dracula. No, it's Farage. He's kind of scary almost. And- What about Bob?

So they're like trying to hit each other with these sticks and- The night's tale. The one guy- Oh, what's that movie where he's like, pray it on. The cucumber, the coolest cucumber guy. At one point he starts talking about, he starts making these intimations about the other guy's family and it starts to really hit home with the other guy.

And he's like, fuck you, fuck you, no way. And the cool as a cucumber cucumber guys like, dude, you know, I'm right. And this makes the other guy crazy. He's screaming. I really don't know. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. No, I don't know. Two separate things. Is this the exercise? Well, and your mother sucks cocks. The coolest cucumber guy cuts the other guy's hand off. Oh, hand off. Oh. Hand off? Yeah.

It was the movie handoff. What was it? Cutting a guy's hand off in a movie, this has gotta be the story of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. The origin of Captain Hook, my dear friend. No. I can't think of any other movie where someone's hand gets cut.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the Empire Strikes Back. That's correct. Whoa. The climactical scene. The fighting with sticks. The fighting with sticks. And he's like, he doesn't say, Luke, I am your father. He doesn't even say, Luke, I am your father.

He's wearing an outfit that's kind of scary. You keep saying, cool as a cucumber because cool Luke, cool hand Luke. No, because Darth Vader was not yelling and Luke Skywalker was. Okay. Darth Vader's just like, hey, join me.

It's gonna be great. James Earl Jones could yell? Yes, because he yelled in Field of Dreams. What'd he yell? I don't wanna do that. This is my Field of Dreams. Leave me alone.? I don't wanna do that. This is my Field of Dreams. Leave me alone. He yelled leave me alone a lot.

Get out. There was a lot of that. He should've been in Get Out. That would've been great. I think they tried to get him for that. They're like, will you please just come to our movie and say get out. Reprise your famous line.

We named it Get Out because we wanted you to be in it. Come on. And then in a dramatic reversal, he said, I'm leaving. So now, you know what's what's what's interesting about the one you picked is just even a few mere years ago, Lauren wouldn't have known what you were talking about. Exactly. That's what made me even now. She didn't know what you were talking about.

I do know it so well. But you know what I'm referring to now that I've revealed it. You're like, you can see it in your mind. It all made sense. Splinter in the mind's eye. Alan Dean Foster. Okay. Foster. Someone else's turn. Yeah, not mine. It's mine. Thank Christ. Okay, go ahead. There's, uh, hold on. I'm just like, that's not a good choice. Filing that away from later. Put a pin in that one.

Okay. Everything is green around them. So you would describe it? Everything is green around them. There is a large crowd. Is this the making of the Avengers? That is formed. And when and in the middle, brown.

A bug's life? This is not like an incredibly stupid person. When the man runs out to the center or maybe the woman runs out to join him in the center and they share their lips pressed against each other. Okay, everything around them is green, in the center is brown. We have to have at least some clue. This is so similar to how he was doing it.

I don't know about that. I mean, I got to people being in it way before you did. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. We don't even know if it's a people. We don't know if it's a people. Tons and tons of seats with people filling them around this green and around this brown. So it's some sports thing.

Okay. And the city in the center, a man and a woman joins him. Bull Durham, or vice versa. Oh, no, she stands in the middle about to cry. Fever pitch. No, she stands in the middle about to cry. Fever pitch. And he comes down. A league of their own.

And they share lips pressing together for the first time. Field of dreams. Her first time ever in her life. First time ever in her life. Virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin. Hey, okay, dude. He's a robot. My alert went off.

My alarm went off. So excited about it. And the crowd goes wild. Never been kissed. Yes. went off. I'm so excited about it. And the crowd goes. Never been kissed. Yes. Thank you. See? Green on the round them,

brown in the middle, obviously. What does that mean? There's like, they're on like a baseball mound at the end and then they have it. I've never seen. What? They do. You guessed it.

You want to do the Scott. You said that to him. I didn't guess it. I've never seen that fucking movie. No, he guessed it. He guessed it it! I never see that fucking movie. Why would I see that movie? Why did you see it? How did you guess it?

I'm smart. The virgin part of it led me to Never Been Kissed. How did you remember that that was a movie? I said she had never been kissed. I try to remember everything that ever happens in my life. It is interesting. Well, I said she had never been kissed. I try to remember everything that ever happens in my life. I would say I'm like 30% successful.

That's not bad. Yeah, there's a good odds. I like those odds. All right, let's see. Coming up on ol' Scotty, huh? That's you, baby. All right, here we go. You think you got the stuff?

So I watched this movie the other night. Oh, nice. It was so- How high were you? I had two 12 ounce drinks. That's how high I was. So this beekeeper. So it's such a good movie.

It's about this family who gathers around a table at dinner and they're just having the funniest conversation and it's like two boys and a little girl and they're just having such a funny conversation. Signs. It's just so charming. It's like a divorced, it's about this divorced mom and her clan. E.T.

I guess. Yeah. You didn't let me get to penis breath. That's all he wanted to do. You couldn't let him get to penis breath. Come on, man. I haven't seen E.T. since it came out. Oh, it's good. Yeah, it's still good.

I gotta watch it. Watch the. It's a good October watch. Watch the walkie talkie cut. Or summer. Walkie talkie cut. No. Can you get the original anymore? Why did they do that? Yeah, they've, they've shelved the walkie talkie cut. I think I actually own the original. Oh really? Oh yeah, that, that was stupid. I've never heard of that happening. We made a mistake. It was dumb. It was a little extra to go with. It was a little extra. A little extra. Yeah. It was a little extra. Why are you being the most extra ET walkie talkie cut? It's giving extra terrestrial. Uh oh. Guys, I think we're,

I know what that means. At the conclusion of this episode, Lauren is, uh, nothing gold can stay. Just moving our arms, trying to get the feeling back after being completely still for two straight hours. Well, yeah, you always do this thing where you're like, I'm gonna not move my arm for two hours and see if I can do it. I don't move any part of my body when we're recording for the whole time we're here.

Except your thumb on that phone. That's just to make my Shake Shack order. But you didn't have to cut me up. You didn't have to make my Shake Shack order. But you didn't have to cut me out. You didn't have to make my Shake Shack order. We thank you for listening. We love our listeners and we encourage you to keep being that. Here's what we love in this world. Our listeners are number one.

Number one. With a bullet. Number two, to eat and drink because it keeps us alive. That's right. Number three, putting on our mask in the case of an emergency before anyone else in my party. Number four, to slay your enemies and hear the lamentations of their women.

Number five, to never move your body or arms when recording. Number six, pastries. Number seven, our spouses. Number seven, our spouses. Number eight, our children. Number nine, parents living in debt. What, parents living in debt? Living in debt? Living and dead.

Oh, I thought you said living in debt. A little too close to my situation. I love my parents living in debt. A little too close to my situation. I love my parents living in debt. Now I'm the one who has money. But we love you and here's what we do to show it. We have a special website set up just for you. Oh my God. That you can go hang out in.

Yeah. It's like a playground on the internet. Like minded people can meet and discuss the issues of the day. It's called HagClaims8.com. Now, you can't contact anyone else who's on this website while you're on the website. But you can know that other people may be on it at the exact same time. You can call around your friends and go, are you on this website that I'm on? Speaking of calling at HagClaims8.com, you can leave us a voicemail, which we will read

on our 3mium episodes and answer. Ask us a question. We'll do more than read it. We'll play them. Yeah, we'll play a voicemail, give us a conversational prompt, ask us a question, whatever it is. Those are on Wednesdays, every other Wednesday, and you can get those either at CBB World or at Lemonada Premium. And speaking of CBB World, you can get every single episode we've ever done ad free there,

including the ones that come out every Thursday. Those are ad free over at CBBworld you can get every single episode we've ever done ad free there including the ones that come out every Thursday those are ad free over at CBBworld and On Tuesdays if you don't want to bother with all that we re-release episodes older episodes We call that three visiting on the twos and you love it for some reason you do and please for the love of Christ See my show on tour varietopia go to paulfthomkins.com slash varietopia, go to pauloftomkins.com slash varietopia for tickets.

I'm going all kinds of places. And this is coming up very soon. It's coming up very soon. Come out and see us live. It's a really, really fun show. You gotta go see the show live. It's always very fun. It's so fun, because Paul F. Tompkins,

usually here's what I know about Paul F. Tompkins. Occasionally he comes here. I think once I saw you driving around. I remember that. And then every other minute of the day, he's at his own house and he doesn't allow people to come to him. Correct. But for these shows and these shows only, you're going to, to other places. And people can come nearby their own houses and see you

in person. That's right. Like how I did? Yeah. Watching you drive around that one day? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is incredible. What an opportunity. Well, I mean, I was, I was in a car myself. It wasn't like a Fast and Furious situation where we were like trying to stop a nuclear submarine or anything. No, we were letting it go. Yeah. We were actively allowing it down. We were like, we're not gonna stop it with our cars. No, we tacitly approved of it. Yeah, all we have are these cars. Like, you're in a Mini Cooper.

Well, we're gonna speed up to that and get it. And you're in a Beetle. Yeah. In your Beetle Bug. I'm in a Beetle Bug. You painted it like Herbie the Love Bug. And I'm in my PT Cruiser. Which you also painted like Herbie the Love Bug.

Anyway, so this is it. But it's like a guy who I call Herbie the Love Bug, so it looks like a man. A man dresses above. Thank you for telling me that because I could not guess. Yeah. But this is a rare opportunity for you to come see Paul and it doesn't come around all that often. So here's how you check out where to get tickets.

Go to paulftompkins.com. Slash. Varietopia. Sure. That'll give you all the cities that we're hitting. We're hitting over 20 cities this year. Of course. And you can get all the cities that we're hitting we're hitting over 20 cities this year, of course and You can get all the ticket links there. Yeah, this is great

Meanwhile, I am still writing astonishing spider-man and you can check that out And I'll be popping up in surprise places from time to time you surprised me the other day You'd been hiding here for how long three weeks. Yeah Fortnight and a half I smelled you before you popped up and said surprise. Stinky stinky. Anyway, thanks so much for listening. Like I said, we love you. And like I said before, goodbye.

And like I said, bye. This episode of Freedom is brought to you by Booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com, Booking.yeah! It's officially spring, which means we've finally come out of hibernation mode and we're traveling around the US much more frequently. Whenever I'm traveling in the US, I like to check out Booking.com. With their wide variety of stays, Booking.com makes it easy for you to find and book the right stay for you, no matter if you're looking for a cozy vacation home, a five-star hotel,

or a cabin in the woods. Spring also marks the beginning of baseball season, which I couldn't be more excited about. And guess what? Booking.com is the official accommodation partner of MLB. When I go to a baseball game, one of the best parts is when the whole stadium sings a song we all know and love together. We have an extra special version of that song for you today. Take me out to the city, take me out to a rural part of town, buy me some room service and a cute little teddy bear.

I don't care if I ever return to my home. So it's book, book, book your next hotel. If you stay home, that's a shame. So it's room, hotel, beach life for me on my next great stay. Oh, how perfect was that? The right stay can make you a fan of any US city. Book today on the booking.com site or app. Booking.com, booking.yeah.

Booking.com wants to help make you a fan of any US city with a chance to win $1,000 in booking.com travel credit. Head to the booking.com Instagram page at booking.com and check out our sweepstakes post for more details. No purchase necessary. Eligibility requirements open to US residents 18 and older. Promotion period from March 26 to April 13, 2025. Where to find full official rules? All rules are available in the caption of the sweepstakes post. Hey everybody. That includes me. And me. Thanks for listening to this week's episode.

If you want more of me, Paul and Lauren, and I know you do, you should join us over on the Lemonada Premium on Apple podcasts. That's what it is. Where subscribers get exclusive access to our 3Mium episodes. In each Thremium episode, we take your calls and listen to your voicemails and we answer them. You can send your emails to

FreedomUSA at gmail.com, send your voicemail to hadclaims8.com and listen to your questions be answered by your pretzel gang on Lemonada Premium. Subscribe to Lemonada Premium today by clicking on our podcast logo on the Apple Podcast app and then clicking the subscribe button. Who's this guy? I don't know, but I like him. Sir, sir, could you please? I think he's a little crab.

Hey, Paul. Sorry about that. Who was that guy? Someone took your place for a minute. Yeah. That little crab. And we liked him better. Why do that crabs do that?