Threedom - What a Good Little Son

Episode Date: September 24, 2026

Paul, Scott, and Lauren discuss a birthday party, Jaws, and dogs before playing Crazy Pet Return. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Unlock every episode of THREEDOM and THREEMIUM, ad-free, on cbbworld.com Grab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Listen and subscribe to The Dash wherever you get your podcast. Freedom. It feels weird to yell for some reason. It does. It felt wrong. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom.

Can we do it again and we just say freedom? Can we just say it? Here we go. Can we just say it out loud? Here we go. Just for one. Freedom. I wasn't ready.

You got to count us down. Come on, my man. Two, one. Freedom. I forgot to play it. You pranked us. Forgot. Come on.

Remember this time. Okay. Three, two, one. Freedom. Shit, I pressed it. But it was, the cursor was not on the play button. No, I'm becoming the cursor. Fuck you.

I'm the cursor now. All right. This time for real. All right. Three, two, one. Three. Freedom. Freedom.

I don't know how it's taking us 301 episodes to do that, but that's fun. That's fun. Now, that's a good time. I finally had fun for once. Me too. It's 8.30 in the morning. This is the earliest we've ever recorded. This is nasty.

No, a sleepy little creepy. I'm a sleepy creepy. I feel that, you know, we're in a tight pinch right now having to squeeze in. some records this week. So we're going to have a couple early mornings. Yeah. This is earlier than even predicted. Even, that's right. Got changed in the last second.

We predicted it would be about 3 p.m. And then I predicted 9 a.m. And then Paul predicted. We never checked our schedules between us. We just kind of predicted when all of us would show up. And it all worked? Yep. Here we are.

That's wild. That's weird when you think about it. Yeah. It's weird. Are you a sleepy creepy? I am. I was telling Lauren before you got here that. We had a private conversation.

off mic yeah and uh the details of which i won't go into here no i will um emmy uh woke us up at 3 and 4 a a m this morning wanting water which is something we're trying to wean her off of uh at night no at night we like say drink all the water you want before bed i was gonna say don't wean off of water you need it she needs to drink it every three days don't wean her water don't wait her water every three days um to survive yeah that's a bare minimum yeah that's a bare minimum yeah that's a By our minimum. Because on our... I bet water tastes good that third day.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. It probably feels... Like, you know how much you hate water when you go into a restaurant? You're like, oh, I guess I'll just have water, but... Do you hate water? What? I love water.

It's like in lieu of a meal? Well, no, no. I mean, in lieu of a... Remember when you were a kid, like the thought of just ordering water at a restaurant would be anethma. That was outrageous. Yeah. Like a Coke is... Coke is standard.

At that time, Coke was basically water. Yeah. At that time, all everyone was... wanted to be was a gangster. I walk in or a Coke. I hated water. I did that all in one shot. I just want to clarify, because I was in the middle of-

Clarify. That we're waning her off of water. Claire-Foy? Claire-Foy. So that adds. I just want to clarify-foy. On her birthday, she can no longer wear pull-ups to bed. So she's a big transition.

So she, in the middle of the night, isn't like chugging water and then peeing with bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. It mustn't happen. It mustn't happen.

It mustn't. So when is her birthday? You don't need to say it on the podcast. And on her birthday, she will no longer be wearing pull-ups. Is that what you said? That's correct. You know what? Then I won't either.

Paul? I'm a solidarity. You're not ready, Paul. I can make myself ready. Can you stop drinking in the middle of the night? Alcohol? Jack Daniels. You wake up at 2 a.m. and say,

Janie, I need my Jack. You didn't drink a Jack. No, not that one. I need to drink of Jack Daniel. Oh, come on. Did you jack me off? No. No, no, no.

I won't, I know. You know what, Jack me off is not a phrase we're hearing enough. That's funny. We need to hear it more. So if you're out there. We're not hearing enough. If you're a list of people do jerk off. Jack.

Because that's, it is jerking off. No, but Jack me off is funnier. Jacking. So I feel like I got to incorporate that. Jack me off is funnier than jerk me off. Yes. Yes. Yes.

But it feels like Jack me off in the 80s was hot. And then jerk me off became standard. It was. It was like I would say like 90s, 2000s. We were like it's jerk. It's jerk. We're done with Jack. And now I'm saying let's bring back Jack because I feel like I hear Jack way more than jerk.

Really? When you're screaming it in the middle of the night. That's what you are. How dare you? Why would you do this to me? It's my wedding day. Is he your wedding day today? No.

It's okay. He would be getting married today. Oh, I see. I thought you met you. It was your anniversary. It was just your anniversary, though. It was just our anniversary. Just our anniversary once again. But it was actually 18. Coop said it was 16. Now, were you offended when your betrothed told you online that it was 16 years? No, she, in fact, I was worried that I told her it was 16. Because earlier in the day, she's like, how long have we been married?

And I think I told her 18, but when I saw it, I was like, oh, maybe I just told her 16. It's nicer to misremember it as fewer years than more years. I guess, yeah. Because it feels like, we just got married. I just got married 16 years ago. Just did it 16 years ago. Just did it. If you're married and, you know, your spouse says, I don't know, we got married, what, like 30 years ago?

And you say it was 10. Yeah. Then that's bad. you need to go in for brain checking. You need to go in for brain checking. Checkmark, brain, yes. I'm so sorry. I have to refer you to a brain checker.

This is beyond my purview. I meant to tell you guys that Kulap and I were dining with another couple and their child. You had a four-way. Oh, never mind. Come now. Six-way? Come on. And we were leaving the restaurant and making our way to the exit.

and making a way to the exit. That's a great way to do it. That's a great way to do it. So we can read this restaurant. And I pass a table and I hear, excuse me, sir. And I turn around. I turn around. There's a nice couple there and they say, we're piss pigs.

Yes. Excuse me, sir. We're piss pigs. I've met some really nice piss pigs lately. I've met an Australian piss pig. Really? I've been meeting other piss pigs. I love them all.

Paul and I have been on tour and we've met a lot of piss pigs and they say it proudly and that's Stay in front of their spouse with no idea what it is. Yeah. It's very nice. I like when the spouse doesn't know. I like that too. I like when they say I warned him I was going to say this. Yeah.

And then they look like, oh, my idiot wife. I hate my dumb wife. Did you get that audition for my idiot wife? No, I wish. I haven't heard anything. Sounds like a good one. Who's going to be the husband? I feel like that was a joke on the comedy band-ag TV show.

My idiot wife? It was like the wife on my show, like, left the show to star on a network sitcom called I Really Hate My Dumb Wife or something like that. And I was like, that's going to be so popular. Good memory. What did you guys? What did you guys? This morning?

Nothing. Too early. I'm raw dogging. I fucking treated myself and ordered a breakfast burrito. That's really nice to you. From this great place in my neighborhood. That's really nice to me. No, they brought it to me.

They brought it to you. The hub of grub. Oh, wow. That's fine. We're your hub for grub. That's a chef himself. Or herself. Bringing you the burrito.

Could you imagine just show up so angry? Can I get back to work now? Are you happy you have your burrito now brought to your door? You couldn't come over here. A trick. She's saved this one trick. But they can't do anything about it. Nope.

That's my favorite part. And I feel like people leave that part out too often. Yeah. It's that the person who hates the one weird trick can't do anything about it. And you can't stop you. And you can't. And they can't do it. I had a bagel if anybody cares.

I care. What kind? I had a plain Dave's Killer brand bagel. I've never had a Dave's Killer bagel. With plant-based butter. PBB? P-B-B. P-B-B.

Dave's killer. I've been into the cinnamon raisin lately. I bought the planes, not really for myself, but I had to eat it. And then I'm reading online, you know, they're adding some sort of bad ingredients because they're bought by some.

You know what? It's like everything is that. And I'm very exhausted. Yeah. Because I go, oh, I can trust this brand. And then they say, actually,

we're putting in some plastic soup inside there now. Plastic soup. melted down plastic or soup it's old army chunks. It's soup with plastic chunks We melted down some old army Yeah Wow

It looks like thick pea soup Yeah But it's Army men Like Armymen I also wanted to tell you guys That I went to See my mom The other day

Nice And she told me What a good little son She told me She told me a story That I've never told On this show before And so I had to relate

No fucking chance. The minute she said it, Cool Up said, is this a freedom story? I can't wait. I guess. What did you do with your eyes closed this time? What?

Oh. I guess when after the little mermaid came out, my sister had a birthday, a little mermaid themed birthday party. Absolutely. Classic. And I, my mom made a little mermaid cake.

I've talked about her cakes. So was it a, what shape was it originally? I wonder, yeah. There's a bell. It might have been the bell, where the fish tail is the, the bell end, as they say. The bell end.

The bell end. I don't know. The fish tails are right. Bell end. She may have bought a mermaid-shaped cake. That would have been a big. That would have been big. Occasion, I don't know.

Is it a cookie or pus? I don't know. But yes, she made a whole little mermaid cake with the red hair and the fish tail and everything. And they're cutting the cake. for the party and no blood spills out no you start crying no I don't kill her she's my silent wife you called the police I grabbed the knife and immediately cut her boob off very proudly ate her boom cut it off not that you cut out a piece that had that but you cut it off I said I know I said I know what piece I want was it

Was it 3D? It was 19. 19. Was it 3D? You were a grown-up. I don't think it was three-dimensional other than all cakes are three-dimensional if you're doing them right. No, honey, what I'm saying is, was it just a design on the cake? It wasn't a mold.

Yeah, I don't believe that she made them jut out or protrude out. Shut out. But you with your natural 3-D goggles built into your head could see the tits popping out of the cake. I have the meta glasses. I'll be eating that. Yes, which make everything. Did just one or both of them? Just one.

I just had one. She might have only had one based on how the cake was shaped. That's true. It's true. But I believe she had two. It was a full on just like straight-upil. I'm kind of picturing like if she used the bell. I want this Darth Vader curve of the profile cake.

Yeah. I want to see him walking. Darth Vader was a good profile, I think. You know what? There's not enough things like that. Yeah. We need more profile cakes. Yeah.

I have a lot of hot take. this morning. I would love a coin cake. You want a coin cake? Yeah. Like a profile? Oh, I see. Yeah. I thought you about the profile of a coin. No. Just the slitty little slide of a coin. My birthday theme is coins. And my cake looks like a quarter. I'm sure. That's perfect. Now, how was your sister? Uh, if I was 19, well, I would have been, uh, because it came out in 89. I must have been 20. She would be 12 at that point. Wow. Why? Why do you say wow? Well, she's a little kid. You wouldn't be 20?

What year were you born? 70? She'd be 19 at best. At best. Well, I'm thinking of the time after, the time it took after it came out for her to have a birthday. Oh, okay. Oh, you know what? You know what?

Great point. That's a really good point. And I'm foolish for even suggesting that you might have been a day younger. You were 20 when you cut the boob off made it. I'm foolish for paying attention to either. I was either 19 or 20. It would depend on how long it took. occurred to have a

gain an affinity for that, for that movie. How long it took you to get the knife to the cake? The confidence. I'm going to do it.

How much younger is she than you? Eight and a half years. Wow. Was he a surprise? To me. Surprise, surprise. Oh, the surprise

surprise lady. And then my mother's husband trying to make conversation, I think. You know, he's the one who, my mother's husband

trying to make conversation. Keep saying to me like, I listen to your blog, meaning the podcast. Listen to your blog. Yeah. I listen to your blog. That's good. Oh, my God. I drink your milkshake.

I listen to your blog. I listen to your blog. But he said he was trying to find common ground. And he said, so are you a big YouTube guy? And I said, not really. I mean, I watched Taskmaster on it. Have you noticed I don't pay for premium? If you listen to my blog, you would hear a lot of commercials.

But he's like, I go, are you? And he goes, yeah, I'm on it all day. I'm just, you know, I'm on YouTube all day. They just know what to send me, you know? Of course, everything they send me, everything they have on YouTube is interesting to me. He doesn't know about the algorithm, I think. Right. And then he goes, but I have a different, I have like a more like selective YouTube.

That's like aimed just at me. I go, oh, really? He goes, it's called YouTube premium. This is amazing. Imagine just living in the world like that. It would feel so special. It's just for me. YouTube premium, they said I could call it.

I mean, you can watch YouTube everybody else watches, but if you pay a little extra money, it's just for you. And they tailor everything they put on this thing. They only put on videos that you might like. Have you heard of the Manosphere? because it sounds interesting. Because that's what I'm really into these days.

Just for me. The Manosphere. Wow. Hey. The Manosphere is just for me. Wouldn't you like a Manosphere of your own? Where you're the only man? Do you think there's a ton of women who are into the Manosphere?

No. Like there must be some women who are like watching those things. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure there are some women that are whatever's wrong with them.

Yeah. Whatever trauma they've had has led them to feel like this is right. But I can't imagine that most, it's so, well, high value females, of course. Yeah, of course. They're into it with their high value males. Yes. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's so cool and aspirational. Would you consider yourself to be a high value female? No, I'm low value. I mean, I know I'm a beta. You're a beta cut. I love. There's a special. Oh, one is a difference.

I'm not a beta cuck. I'm just a beta. Oh, you're just a beta. Scott's the beta cuck. I just serve my alpha. I believe in him and I'm happy to be his lieutenant. So great visit with the fam. So that must have been fun.

And how long were you there? Wait, when your mom told the story, was she telling a story like she thought it was funny? She was telling him more like, you're so bad. And did you say you ate the breast? Yeah, what word did she say? Teet? I think she said breast. She must have said breast.

Well, mermaid tits. She's definitely not a titty person. Yeah, but maybe mermaid tits have a different name. Yeah. Maybe one. Rermaid tits? Yeah. Mommy oysters.

Would fish? Probably mommy oysters. Would fish look good with boobs? No. Yeah, they would. Actually, I was just watching Shark Tale and the answer is proven in that film. Oh, yes. What?

There's lots of. There's a shock, by the way. I appreciate it. I don't get rid of times lately. that movie's got a lot going on. Is she hate watching it? She's like, I think Scott wrote that line. I unfortunately in animation they don't give residuals, so you don't need to watch it constantly.

I'm sorry. I will stop. I was trying to get you a little 10 cents here and there. I appreciate that. No, that movie has like a kind of adult plot line, at least the part I was watching yesterday. I don't know. But like he gets Will Smith's character gets famous and then like treats people poorly. And then the hot babe is coming and making the bad.

the normal girl feel bad. And I was like, what are you watching? I know it's Shark Tale written by Scott Arkerman, but what are you watching? I can't take credit. What is the plot of Shark Tale? Essentially a Little Fish claims that he killed a shark. Is that right?

That's the tale. Right. Okay. So that is what I haven't really ever listened fully because I try not to until it's the 50th watch of any movie. Yeah. But a shark does come when he's having a Hollywood style party at his fish tank and people and all the other fish are like,

you're going to help us right, but he's cowering in fear. And he goes, oh, right. No, I'm going to, right. That's how it used to be. But I think the one shark is trying to hide out or something like that. I can't remember. And so he goes along with it. I don't remember.

Right. There's a shark that has, it's a whole gay analogy or like metaphor happening where he's going like, he's going like. What does he want to do instead? I can't remember what he wants instead, but he's like, I don't ever tell my dad. not scary. He doesn't want to be part of the shark mob. My parents can't find out that I'm not scary.

Right, right, right. They'll disown me. And he's like, no, man, it's great to be not scary. And it's like this whole, like, coming out story. Yes. Right. Everyone's lying. There's a lot happening.

Everyone's lying. The shark mafia is portrayed by Robert Dienerow. Yes. And Martin Scorsese. Right. The cast is off the charts. It's off the charts. An incredible opportunity to work with all those legends.

And you did intimately get to work with them, I'm sure. A few. Really? Oh, I would think you would never have seen them. The guy who's played, who's he playing in Sparanois? Michael Imperioli. Got to sit in on his recording session. Christopher Maltesanti.

I was weirdly enough, I was Will Smith's, like, in a lot of recording sessions, the guy who would do it before he would do it. Wow. I'd love to see that movie. I would record the temp track. It'll be something like this. Flapping sounds. Yeah. So if anyone's interested, I'll record all of his lines.

Here's who I know is in that movie. Yeah. Will Smith. Yep. Robert De Niro. Yep. Martin Scorsese. Yep.

Now I've learned Angelina Jolie is part of this. Who else is in this? René Zelliger. Renée Zellweger is the normal. Jack Wack is the second lead. Jackamo Blackamo. Uh, and then a lot of the Sopranos cast. And, and,

Big pussy was in it. They changed his part, I remember, because he was in one part that was deemed too scary and didn't fit in with a plot, but it was the first thing they ever animated. And they would show it as a test thing to get people interested. And everyone would go, oh, that looks amazing. But then we just, we could never fit it into the plot and it was very violent. And it was a shark tearing a human being limb from it. It was a shark being killed by knives or something. knives.

Something like that. I can't remember exactly what it was. Anyway, I know you're interested in this because of your jaws love. Yes, I did. You just like hearing about sharks of any kind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you watch Jaws this year? Did you watch Jaws this year? I did not watch Jaws this summer, Paul. What the hell are you doing? I haven't watched it in a few years now. Is the last time when we watched it at the drive-in? The drive-in? No, I did watch it again after that.

The last time I watched it was for the Too Scary Didn't Watch podcast. And I, it hit different, as they say. In what way? Why? Well, I, you know, Quint is a great movie character. But not a good guy to know. No.

I used to find that character very fun. Which one's that? He's Robert Shaw. He's the captain of the boat. Okay. He's the guy who has the big monologue. Yeah. This time, this last one I ever see that damn on shock again?

I'm going to really hurt it this time. Oh, so you've seen this. Yeah. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, now listen here. If I had a shark ever come around again, see? People are upset that Foghorn, Leghorn is the villain in this Coyote versus Hacking. What? Why? He's a good character, they say.

Anyway, go ahead. I bet his legs taste good. Yeah. Foghorn, leghorn. Because he's so big? Yeah. He is huge for a chicken. You know what I'm saying?

Do you think you could eat one of his legs or would that be? You know, sitting? Yeah. He has BDE. Yeah. Yeah, I can't deny that. He really does. They're called Cox.

That's a good point. It's a great point. I was like, I was like, what am I? Look down here. So you didn't like Quint this time. You thought he was a deluded fool. He's a fucking asshole. What changed in you?

I think I'm just getting older. Wow. And you value your life. So many times. You know what I mean? You value your life so much now. I value my life more than $5,000, chief. Yeah.

Yeah. And do you feel for the shark now, too? It's just merely a force of nature. No, there's more to going on with that shark. You think that it's a haunted shark? Is that part of the book? That shark chases them. Isn't that part of the book where it's like,

he's not well. It's got some sort of mystical. No, the book doesn't go that far. No? The book doesn't go that far. I would say the farthest it went was in Jaws 4 where the shark like traveled to another country. He's paranoid.

He's got issues. He thinks that there's somebody else. The shark? Yeah. Yeah. That's why he's obsessed. We're going to do a little research on what the difference is between the book and the movie. This is very exciting for Jaws fans.

We're a Jaws podcast now, right? Yeah. Yeah. Three Jaws. Three Jaws. Three Jaws. All right. We'll be right back.

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freedom. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's QINCE.com slash freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Here's a big difference. Yeah. In the book. I think I'm reading this right now. In the book, the chief of police's wife, Chief Brody, and Matt Hooper, who was the Richard Dreyfus character, They have an affair. That's way better. Also, the mayor. There's not enough sex in that movie.

Well, I was watching. Roy Shider. There's zero. That's what I'm saying. Richard Dreyfus need to kiss. Oh my God, I ship them. I want Richard Dreyfus and Jaws to kiss. Wouldn't that be nice if Jaws coming out here?

And then his lips slowly. I was just trying to kiss you. Why are you so scared? You didn't give me time to purse my lips. Come on. Another difference is the mayor, who famously left the beach. is open and and that little Alex Kittner boy got eaten up in the book he is he is

indebted to the mob yes the shark male yes he has a shark tail mob that's your mom these are better subplots there's like no subplots really in this we don't have time there are and you know what I think it's good you like not having them it's a good adaptation because that stuff it did not need to be in you imagine in the book can you imagine a scene in the movie Jaws where the mayor goes over, he's like, oh, I'll pay you, I swear. I would like that. Please. And I would like a part where the people who are having an affair are like doing stuff.

What stuff? Playing Yat-Soo? Whatever they want. Whatever they're nice. Maybe when they play Yatsi, that's part of the foreplay. Wouldn't it be nice if in the movie there's a moment where it stops down and says, why don't we ask the characters what they want to do? I would love that.

There hasn't been. And then it's a live feed to their home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they're in character, no matter who. Yeah. A true choose your own adventure movie. I know that Clue had three different endings depending on where you would see it.

But there needs to be like a true choose your own adventure where the audience gets to vote and the majority rules. And then they have to go shoot that. And they come back a year later to watch the end of the movie. You know how Choose Your Own Adventure books had like probably 150 different variations. Did they have that many? I wouldn't think it was that many, but turn to this page. But then they had two endings.

right either one where everything was shitty and everyone dies I believe so or one where like everything was good but like you know you could just shoot two endings and then but then a million different things wasn't there wasn't there wasn't Netflix what we wasn't there wasn't there was a Netflix black mirror yes okay forget I loved black mirror is that you still they're still making them yeah yeah yeah well it was blowing my mind when it first came out oh my god somebody put a dot on the side of their head and then their eyes ago white. Oh yeah. I forgot that one.

When they had memories. They do that. They go back in their memories. They're like, oh, there's a number of episodes that involved the dot on the fire. Or like when you can play your memories

on the screen for other people. Yeah. That was cool. Yeah. Yeah. Or when that, when my politician boinks the pig.

Yeah, he fucks that pig. Mm-hmm. That was crazy. You went through with it. Yeah, he did. Some,

I, here's something that happened me the other day with Emmy that I wanted to tell you about. Emmy is our daughter. The award show. Our daughter. Yes, you and me.

Yes. Paul. We're her two dads? Talking about my two dads. So I'm watching her. Way to make a living. She's drawing or something and I watch a clip of Curb Your Enthusiasm on Instagram. Sure.

Because it's the Dave Einstein or, uh, Super Dave. Yeah, Super Dave's. when he visited the Seinfeld set when they're doing the Seinfeld reunion. And I'll play it and I'll, I'm just absentmindedly playing it. And I'll, I'll tell you the reaction. Jerry, Marty Funkhouse. Hey, Marty.

How you doing? How you doing? Good. Want to hear a joke? He doesn't want to hear a joke. We have a read-through. Yeah, we got to... Let me just get right through it.

Okay. A woman's very afraid of the size of her opening. What is she afraid of? The size of her opening. So she goes to her mother. She says, what am I going to do? I'm so big down there when I marry Harry. He's going to do.

divorced me. Her mother says, don't worry, sweetheart. It runs in the family, do what I did when I married your father, go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there, and never know the difference. Oh, my God. So she does? They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o'clock.

He's gone, but there's a note on her pillow. Says, my darling, Harriet, to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so loud, I'm surprised, didn't wake you up. The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, will have dogs and children. Oh, this is not so bad. Oh, yeah, this is great. But you finished a fucking joke already.

When the five o'clock dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossamer of your loving your arms, your loving husband Harry. That's nice. P.S. your cunt is in the sink. Okay, you told you joke. Let's go. How good is that? He surprised me.

It's great. I had no idea it would be that revolting. Ladies and gentlemen. So we watched this and I'm like, oh, and she pauses what she's doing. You never stopped at. There are so many points. So many points. That you could have stopped watching.

I didn't know. When you were the word opening, I would have said, oh, I'll watch this. I think I'll. But she turns to me and she says, Daddy, I say yes. She goes, what's revolting? That's so cute. Oh, okay. Disgusting.

Awesome. And did you use the cunt example? It's like a liver cunt. dogs love them. Do you remember the liver snaps commercials? Yes. Oh, yeah. Livasnaps, dogs love them.

Do dogs really love liver? I mean, they like liver. Yeah, I bet they do. They like anything. They like anything. Yeah, if it's food, it's on the table. They're on the shit. If it's on the floor, it's in my mouth.

That's what dogs say. Including my own vomit. Yeah. I'll eat that. Yeah. Why don't they like vomit so much? I don't know. Maybe vomit tastes good.

We don't know. This is turning me off of dogs. You were so turned on by dogs recently. You were telling me. When are you getting your dog? In the future. You do think you will? I do think we will.

Do you think you'll be like in your 60s? Is that when you imagine it? Maybe. Could be 70s. As like a nice companion. Well, like maybe do you want to die first? Would that be nice for your dog? I don't want to die before a dog.

Is that why you're waiting so long? So my death bet I could say, see you wait. hell. Yeah. I would like to die before Janie. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. So would I. That's nice. Like in front of her? Yes. You and her feet. I die before you. Suicide by cop.

Yeah. Well, that tends to be the case. That tend to be the case. Women. Yeah. Women, right? Women be out living longer. But, yeah, I mean, just a nice little companion for you as an old man.

Although you'll be having to bend over to pick up poop a lot. So you've got to get it before that's going to be. Oh, I'm not going to walk the dog. You're not going to walk the dog? Oh, the dog. That's women's work. This woman's work. This woman's work.

This woman's work. Is that Kate Bush? Yeah. Yeah. And Maxwell. And watching me. I always feel like somebody's walk is me. This woman's walk is me.

Yeah, I see, but I see old men with dogs who they seem to be managing. Yeah. I think it's nice for old men. It gives you exercise. I know a handful who love their dogs. I love to see an old man with an old dog. Yeah. And they're both just like ramboing.

Rough, rough. I have friends who adopt senior dogs frequently. That's a hard. Isn't that a lot of hard? No, it is, but I mean, it's very nice to do it because otherwise they wouldn't be. Yeah, they give these dogs like a nice final years, you know. Yeah. So nice.

And the dogs are so sweet. And, you know, and they show a video of like the dog all of a sudden gets like a burst of energy and is hopping around. Yeah. So nice. Yeah. It's good stuff. Adopt. Don't shop.

That for all your food. Do you feel like, do you feel like, I'm guessing it? Do you have to tell your food is up? Has worked. But the phrase adopt, don't shop. I think it has worked in terms of like a message that people kind of like have. But it should rhyme. But, well, it does rhyme. No, adopt and shop.

Do not. Okay. That's pretty. Come on. It's close, but it's not good. Would it be more popular if it rhymed? Yes. Do you feel, and I think the answer is yes, that there are far fewer examples of dogs being sold now.

Like, you used to like you go to a pet shop and get a dog. Yeah. Now we know don't do that. But so they kind of stopped even offering that at pet stores, right? Do you feel like you ever see that? I didn't know that. I feel like that. I can't remember the last time I was in a pet store.

I feel like that's falling off. I've been in pet stores and there are no dogs to adopt their, or no animals at all, really. Sometimes like Petco has like reptiles and fish and hamsters and gerbils and birds. They don't have kittens, though I always want them to have kittens so that my kids can go play with them. Yeah. I go to a zoo and I say pick out anything you want. Yeah. That's nice.

And then you slay it and bring it home. Slay? I didn't want to say shoot. You bring back a giraffe. That was the original title of Shark Tale, Shark Slayer. Wow. Too violent. And we thought that was the, and we just, like it.

It was like a year that it was called Shark Slayer. And then Jeffrey said to everyone, we tested the title Shark Tale. And it was, oh, versus Shark Slayer. and it won by 87%. So we're calling it Sharktail and we were all that stupid. Shark Slayer is terrible. It's just a very scary name. It's terrible.

Yeah, but we're all used to it. So we were all like Shark Tail. That doesn't mean anything. Right, right, right. I have to say that I am growing an affinity for... Your wife. Welcome to Freedom. Paul went to sleep.

I almost did. Parrots, because they're... No. No. They're disgusting. You're a freak for saying this. Look, I get that. No, I had a neighbor that had a parrot.

Actually, I don't know if it was a parrot. I guess I never really saw it. Oh, it could have been her like in a psycho situation. It might have. That would be a great reveal. But it would go, every minute of every day, forever. And it was an apartment situation where I just, she had her one.

open. I had my window open. Oh, it's a clockwork. It was the most annoying shit on earth. Did you tune it out at a certain point? Yes, but then the pandemic was when I got annoyed again. Yeah. Because I was hearing it. I'm all forced to be here. I'm home more. I'm not, you know what I mean? I'm before I was in and out. The pandemic annoyed me too. Um, I am not. My main concern was the parrot. I'm not saying I want a parrot. Good. I'm saying I appreciate how psychotic birds are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me laugh. No, and I like when, like, parents will be like, but fuck your mother.

Like, they always say the worst thing they ever heard over and over. How do they know? Why? You know what conversation would that ever come up? They're making it up. Yeah. I have to get my parrot to learn this. They're cobbling it together.

I have to get my parrot to learn that. But fuck your mother. Fuck your mother. Come on. Come on. Now, if the bird every minute said butt fuck your mother, would it, how long would. That I would like. That I would like.

There'd be lots of video content. I'd be doing a lot with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at a certain point, you'd still get annoyed by it. I'd go over and meet it. No, yeah. But I think. Then you get annoyed when it stopped.

Yeah. Say, go fuck your mother again. Is your bird still alive? Yeah. What happened? My best friend. No, yeah. And they used to idle their truck next to my window too all the time.

It was so annoying. Amazing. They said multiple annoying things they would do. It was just like, can you stop? Hate these fucking people. Yeah. These people. Now, you don't live, these are old neighbors.

That's a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. Long, long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. Mm-hmm. And now what are your neighbors do? Yeah, now what?

Lots of stuff going on with them. Lots of stuff going on. But we can't go into that because we don't want to pinpoint your location. We don't. But I have a neighbor. who I think I've mentioned I'm I find scary and he has is this Herman muster you told me about your neighbors the monsters okay so yeah no when do we when do we get heman yeah he um he has been he has these really big shoes really black shoes yeah yeah just terrifying he actually

does have that vibe though he's kind of a Frankenstein sort of guy where i feel like he got hit with a pan did I say that no he just has this sort of like he reminds you of Frankenstein like he's when I when I I think about monster. The monster? I'm kind of going, yeah, that's actually kind of a vibe because he's kind of...

It's kind of a vibe. He's kind of just like lost in the middle distance. Lost in the soft. You know? And I've read a police report on him, which is why I'm afraid of him. Now, the only one of your neighbors

that I've met is Marilyn and she's gorgeous. Yeah. She's like a pretty young lady. Yeah. But she has a weird family. Mm-hmm. Well, that's what I'm gathering

from what Lauren's saying. A little vampire. Or Bat Boy. What? That's what I... This from Bad Boy? Yes, this from Bat Boy. Anyhow.

How about your neighbors? You love them? They're so good. Oh, I can tell you. Oh, no. Permanent marker. That seems like an Emmy situation. M-E.

Permanent marker. Rubbing alcohol might take that up. On the little fight board. Okay. I'm always afraid my kids are going to do that because they're obsessed with drawing on this dry erase board on the fridge, but then I'm like,

I think they get it all over the fridge, of course. Of course. And I'm like, if you permanent marker this, mommy's going to be mad. Do you know what gets out permanent marker is impermanent marker? You just have to undo it. Yeah. And what did she write? FNQR, P-A-A-D.

Sounds like a Wheel of Fortune final round. I have been activated. She did write her name, though, in full. Command received. F-N-Q-R. I have a neighbor story. Okay. Yes.

So our neighbors have these two dogs. they used to have one dog was different they had this old dog little dog named Maggie little white fluffy dog but like with the red around them you know what I mean when they get so old

white dogs get that right in their eyes and stuff white dogs can't jump they can't and she hated everybody when bark at us all the time and then they got a puppy I don't know what kind of dog it is but it's sort of a Wymore on her looking dog, but blonde. You know what I mean? Like a golden sort of color.

Sounds beautiful. Yeah. Daphne. She's very sweet. Wow, these names. Then Maggie died at some point. No. That's got a hurt.

Then they got Otis. Okay. Otis. Who was a full-grown dog that I think was belonged to a relative and then now is theirs. Lots of real names. I want to hear about a buckles or a, you know, glitter. I have a story I'll tell you off mic. Okay.

This is exciting. It is exciting. And so when Otis came on the scene, then there was a lot of barking. Otis was younger. And so he would bark, he would get Daphne to bark. Sometimes I'd hear them whining. And then I learned you have to go outside and see what they're winding about because sometimes a ball will be right outside their gate.

Oh, yes. They just have a simple need. Yes. The classic I need this ball. Then I learned you have to throw it and run away because if you throw it and stand there, they will bring it back. Throw it and run. Yeah.

So they turn around like, we never got a chance to thank him. Make them think you're dead. Yeah. I fall down on the ground. So they got into this thing where they were barking a lot. And Otis was the ring leader. And Otis would bark viciously at me. But one time Otis, I walked outside and Otis was just there on the street corner.

And he gave me like a little bark like, like, hey, he mentioned to me. He needed help. Then he walked me back to the gate. which was open a crack. So cute. And so I had to open it and let him in there. And then once I did, he turned around and started barking at me. No good deed.

So Otis barks a lot. Then we heard silence for the longest time. Oh, no. We looked out there. We did not see Otis. Otis has passed away. And then the thing that really cemented this was we heard loud crying next door. Oh.

We're like, Otis must have done. die. A couple months later, Otis's back. Huh. Where was he? No idea. No idea what that person was crying about. Interesting.

But Otis took a vacation. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah. Or maybe he went to prison. Yeah. He did his time. He's back. He went to dog prison.

I love that. We love Otis. We love Otis. Glad you're back. We love your constant barking. Yes. All right. We have to take a break.

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Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. And we're back and usually at this point in the show we do a three-cher. But I wanted to ask before we did that,

is there any kind of update on little Richard Cherubi what's happening with him? I was afraid you were going to ask this. First of all, I didn't know Hag Claims 8 also worked as outgoing. Yeah. It does? This motherfucker.

He's been calling people? Yes. He's been calling everyone who is called. He's sort of now spamming them. Oh, no. Trying to get them to help him with fake scenarios. I mean, he's texting. He's calling.

He's impersonating us. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He always says he's us. And saying, hey, it's your friend Scott. I love my fans. Listen, I really need your help. No.

I mean, I do need help. And people are falling forth. I'm getting lots of messages of people being like, I sent who I thought was you $5,000. It was Little Richard Cheruby. And I can't get the money back. And I'm like, I can't help you.

I have nothing to do with this. The thing is he insists that you wire the money. Once he gets the money, he then calls back and says, it was me, Little Richard Cheruby, idiot. Oh, rubbing your face in it. He also needs validation and attention so bad

that he's willing to reveal that he just... More than the money. It's like the Batman villains or whatever. Oh, okay. If you blame the crime on the Riddler, but you know that the penguin did it, then the penguin will get so mad and say,

I did it. If you blame it on the penguin, you know the riddler did it. No, no. This is if you know that the penguin did it. If you know the... And to get him to expose himself, you say, oh, the ridler must have done this. But what if you know the riddler did it? Do you do the opposite?

Yeah, you tell him he didn't do it. Okay. Riddler, you didn't do this. He starts to say, you're gaslighting me. Batman? The ultimate gaslighter. Yeah, I hit... I killed that man with a hammer on the riddler.

You know me. and my M.O. I hit people with hammers. I love riddles. I will beat you to death with a claw hammer. But, okay, so that's too bad. So if you're out there and you get a call from any of us. If any of us are asking you for money, don't give it to us unless it's Paul.

Okay. Right. Because I also am asking people for money. So you are doing that. I am doing that. Yeah. So you are calling people. But if you give me money and you don't get a call back, that was from me then.

That was me. You'll know it's LRS if he calls you back. You'll know it's PFT if he doesn't call you back. That's right. So and if your phone's not ringing, it's me. Who will bring him to justice? God, Richard Cheruby. I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill him. I thought we were done with him. We had apprehended and killed Little Richard Cheruby or so we thought. So we thought. And he fakes his own death. wildly motherfuckers on earth. He's slippery as an eel. He really is.

He's as slippery as an eel. He's a slippery as an eel. And I want nothing to do with it. Yeah. I can't stand him. So that being said, it would be great though if had claims aid. If he were to be rehabilitated and we could be friends again.

You always look for the best in people. And I don't know if it's worth it here. Now, I know you and Little Richard Cheruby were classmates. Yeah. And you were the best. You were inseparable. We went to Eton together. Eton.

You both were voted as most likely to. who was it? Remain friends forever? Yes. Yeah. And I've been trying to keep the spark alive, but he's not making it easy. He's not making it easy. It's tough when you have a vote like that, like when you've gotten a superlative

and you feel like you have to live up to it. Yeah, of course. People are counting on you. Yes. People think you'll be best friends forever. And if you just drop that just because he's a little annoying or he killed together. I do a yearly check in on all the people that got superlatives in my yearbook. Yeah.

Are you still this? Do you still have the greatest smile? Do you still have best eyes? Are you still successful? Yeah. Are you, you were likely to succeed. I think,

I was looking back through mine and there was like hottest. Like things like that. You shouldn't be voting on stuff like that. There was one page that was like a collage of like people. It was all people being asked who their crush was and they said. Wow. Like what senior do you think is the hottest or something?

And then it's like freshman sophomore. I'm all saying names of real people. Would you get the year book like a year or a week? Sorry. In advance of you grad. Was there like a week period where everyone knew the crushes? All the crushes were laid there. Because you got to get signed.

I feel like that's the kind of, that's the kind of thing that would happen. That would never happen now. You would never have a page like that now because that's like, that's like gross. Yeah. But we did, we thought nothing of it. Somebody stole my yearbook, my senior yearbook. With the signatures? I had a few signatures in it that got stolen.

That sucks. And then it never turned up. Nobody ever returned it. And so they they gave me a soft cover. like extra yearbook. That's nice. It was like a test printing or something like that. Yeah,

like the yearbook galleys. Wow. You still have it? I still have it, yeah. Got all my sigs. I lost mine and, uh, classmates.com had that period where instead of connecting you with classmates because

Facebook became popular, they would, uh, they just reprinted all the yearbooks. So I have one of those. Yeah. And it has like signatures from people, I don't know in it because they copied.

Oh, wow. Because they copied someone's. Oh, wow. That had signatures in it. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Well, Hagclaimdate.com is the famous website where you can leave us a voicemail. We are going to play some voicemails for you now. No, we're not. We're going to do a three-cher.

Oh, God damn it. What the hell are you talking about? I thought you were leading up to the... No. I said we're playing a three-ture. Why would you bother mentioning Hag Claims 8? Because I wanted an update on... Little Richard Cheruby? Yeah, of course. Well, why don't you pay attention to the newsletter? We put out a newsletter? I didn't have idea. We put it out every half hour. I have some recipes for it. I would have been begging you for content.

Okay, we're going to play crazy pet return because we've been talking about pets. I was thinking that. But you know what? I have to ask you a question, Scott. Please do. I sent to your home a copy of the game password. Oh, was that you? I had no idea who that was from.

And the note attached said, Thank you for being a friend. So thank you for being a friend. Well, it was probably the receipt. Oh. And the receipt attached would say thank you for being a friend. I mean, this solves a mystery. I thought it might, I thought it was either a listener or, but it came to the house.

So it couldn't have been. The gift receipt said. Paul listens. For three churs. Oh, I did. And I thought we could do password for a three chers. That would be fun. The gift receipt would say for three church.

I did not see anything like that. And then I thought maybe it was the company or something that sent it to me. So this is a good, I like this. Thank you for solving this. You got it. Thank you for solving this mystery. It's great. Thank you for solving this mystery.

Do do, do, do do do do do. Sit who said. Do. Boo. You know, this rubber band reminds me. This is a thick rubber band. Shh. That's another one.

This thick rubber band reminds me of my cat growing up. What did it? It was right on the table. It was right on the table. Who's leaving there? My cat would eat rubber bands. Oh, no. Yum.

And then scoot her ass on the ground trying to get up. And then one time it was like a rubber band like this. And then we had to like pull it up. Was she like screaming? Don't throw the rubber band to me after you say that. She was a great cat. Was she screaming when this was happening? That's terrible.

Wow. Well, this feels so good. But you have to be really careful because it could snap off. Snap off. The rubber band snap off the Really nasty. Nasty. Nasty stuff.

She was a great cat. All right. We're going to play crazy pet return. This was originally submitted by Robert Troost. Truist. Truest. Thank you, Truist. Thank you.

One person trying to return their pet at the pet store because they know something's wrong with it. Two people work at the pet store. The other two. And we have to send you what the pet is and what the issue is separately. So pick up your phones. and prick up your ears.

Take up your burdens. Lauren, why don't you do pet, and I'll do what's wrong with it, and Paul will be the customer, and we will write to each other. You're writing to me. The type of pet. Yes.

Whoops. I wrote the problem with it in the two field. Sorry, wait. Who's who? You are the customer. I'm the customer. And you're trying to. So I don't know anything.

And I'm trying to figure out, what is the animal? What is the problem? Yes. And here we go. I've just sent it to you. All right. Did you receive?

I got it. Fantastic. Here we go. Hey, so can I ask you to clean the sunroof window? You can't ask me? Okay. Will you clean the sunroof? window. No.

Bring the ding ding ding. Oh, customer. Hey, your phone is ringing, sir. Do you mind picking it up? Bring the ding, ding, ding. We don't allow phones in here. Sorry, I'm just walking into a pet shop. Okay, okay.

We're going to call me back because I have a real problem with that. I have a real problem with that. I'm really upset about last night. I understand. Okay, because you do not treat me like that in front of my friends on my birthday. Do you mind them on speakerphone? You do not treat me like that in front of my friends on my birthday. We don't allow phones in a store.

If you hang up on me. I'm not going to hang up on you. Don't you ever yell at me in from my friends of my birthday. You're a bad man. You're a bad man. You're a terrible boyfriend. The only reason I yelled at you is because you were bleeding. Oh, my God.

And I was trying to get your attention. It's called a period, Philip. Out of your eyes? Yes. Out of your whatever. I'm hanging up on you. You better fix this whole situation with that pet or I'm going to kill you. You got it.

I love you. We don't allow phones in the pet store. It rattles the pets. Could you, do you mind putting it in a yonder pouch? I'm kind of stressed. Put your phone in this yonder pouch, please. Put your phone. Put your phone in the pouch.

I can't record this. Why are you going to record them? I record all my interactions in retail. I'm sorry, sir, no. Is this for your YouTube page? YouTube. We don't want to be part of your content. You're not on my YouTube page.

This is for me to remember the things that I've bought and the things I didn't buy. Why don't you just write it out? Do you have the original video from this store? No, because we made you put your phone in the yonder pouch. Oh, I remember this place now. Yeah, exactly. Here. How can we help you today?

Here you go. That's a kangaroo pouch, sir. Put it in this yonder pouch. Why were you? Okay. We sell kangaroos here. We sell everything. Put him in a cage or something.

Throw him on a glass. He won't. Fegar pardon. What do you need? What do you need? Well, I need satisfaction because the pet. Go down to the rolling stones. You can't.

They can't get none. Get no. You can't get no here. The pet that I bought from you for you, obviously it was going to be surprised. You bought it for us. That's so sweet. A bud of pet from you for you. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry that we were treating you so poorly. That's so sweet. Five-fi. Five-fi. That's my movement. Five-fi. What does that mean? From you for you.

Can you see it on my sweats? Oh, I thought it said juicy. Is it part of your YouTube? YouTube page? I don't have YouTube. What is going on? You guys sold me a pet that is defective. Oh, this one?

Okay, I only sell effective pets. Look at this guy. Look at them. Sure, what's going on? I mean, I'm trying. You're saying this is acceptable? I'm trying. Where is it?

It's not normal. Look at his legs. I can't see them. The legs, the legs, sure. You can see the legs. Sorry, where is the pet? I can't see it. That's right here.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a log. Okay. You thought that was a log? Yeah. Well, that speaks to the poor quality of the pets you said. No, it speaks to how well it's working. You guys, this chameleon sucks.

Yeah. Okay. Why? Look at him. Because. What's wrong with the cameo? I can't quite tell. He's, he's, he's, he, look how he's walking weird.

Yeah, he looks, he's got something going on. He's a little droopy. Yeah. Yeah. He seems down. He's depressed as shit. Why? Why?

Because you are terrible. No. That's not how depression works. It's not. Son? It's because you are terrible. Oh, no. My wife was right.

My wife. He yelled at her on her birthday. Okay. Barat. Hey. That's my chameleon's name. Try coming back in as Bruno. So he's down, but why?

he he because he's not healthy well he probably doesn't get enough sunshine yeah he probably doesn't because look he's he's so pale yeah but I feel like at some point he's going to perk up at some point yeah yeah it's almost June

in a couple months he's too cold yeah but I mean you know you just got to write these things out him yeah He doesn't have skin. It's, you know, we're in the hardest time of the year. We're in the hardest time of the year. That is defective.

Yeah. So you agree. It's been, it's tough, you know. It's tough. We all feel it right now. We all have it. Seasonal depression? Yes.

Disaffected disorder, of course. Seasonal, sad? Sad. Seasons. So convenient. That worked out that way. That it's sad. Yeah.

I love it. So anyway, we don't take pets back for that reason. Goodbye. Wait. Hold on. You are the weakest link. No. You are the weakest dink.

There's other, the strongest dink. There's also, hold on. What? There's more? There's more. Yes, he is depressed. Yes, it's seasonal.

And June, he'll feel better. Yeah. Because he's not doing well in school. Oh, no. And then summer vacation. Yeah. How's he doing? What classes is he not doing well?

French. Oh. How do we have to take French? Well, we're going to France to live. Vue levo Coucher of me. Do you know what you're saying? How are you? In a certain way, I guess.

Not in front of my chameleon. I thought it was our chameleon. He's barely even reacting. He's so damn depressed. He's so depressed. So he's a chameleon and he's depressed. Here, we'll give you your $5 back. You've already figured out what it is

and why I wish somebody would let me know. Dave. You continued. No, because somebody said that's it. We did.

Dave, you gave him his $5 back and let's flush that chameleon. Why don't I flush the $5? Why don't you flush them both? Then we all win.

Well, you won't have the five dollars. Okay, sure. And you won't have the collusion. Flush. Flush. No, I changed my mind.

The end. The end. Much like Aesop's fables. I thought you wanted to add another thing. No, everybody's staying in character. I do see what you're saying. I mean, look, we're all really good actors. We're all in a method.

Yeah. We work at a pet store now. All right. Do you want to, let's do another one? Do you have time? Don't you have to run? What time is it? It's 947.

I mean, you do one one real quick. Okay. Quick one. Okay, I'll be the... Quick one while he's away. I'll be the customer. Okay, Paul, I will text you the animal. Thank you.

I'll text me. I'll text you the problem. The problem. And Here we go. I say that because I've texted you, the animal, but you have not texted me the problem. So I'm just saying here we go in order to fill up time

and to make sure there's no dead air on Freedom, the Podcasts. Freedom, the podcast, where three people enjoy each other's company at 8.30 in the morning. Freedom, the podcast. The minute I get this, here we go. Hey, do you mind grabbing a ladder for me? Not about it at all. Dingling, won't you play with my dingling? My dingling.

Hey, we don't know if I got a talk in here. It's me, Father Cyrus. Welcome to my eyes pets and more. Oh, great. Well, I have something to return. What is it? It's in this little case here. Why are you returning it?

I don't think I could, I mean This big, this big cage mine Oh, oh yeah What's in the little case then? That's my wallet Why do you give you a wallet I want to talk like you Why?

I want to walk like you Talk like you Ooh You see you Miley too Anyway You sound like what's her name From Big Brother

This Hey everybody The tail The tail on this So long. Julie Chen. Tail on this.

It seems as regular length to me. I mean, I can see why you think the one thing makes you think that the time is longer. From Big Brother. You sound like Jordan for Big Brother. Is it because the legs are too short? Hey, what's going on? We don't call them legs. Stumps.

We don't call them stumps either. Arms? No, of course not. Of course not. Feet? No. Toes? No.

How can he have toes and our feet? Is it a snake? It's not a snake. Are you crazy? It has appendages. Of course it has appendages. It's gray. Yeah.

Grayish, yeah. Yeah. Its tail is long. As long as it needs to be. Sure. Tail is short. Which isn't very long. I wouldn't say short.

I mean, it's such a, it's more width-distance thing. And it's furry. No. Not really, no. It's a wide tail. It doesn't, I don't think it has a tail. Is it a platypus? It does.

Does it? Yeah. I think so. Oh, yeah, it does. It has a tail. It's not a platypus. You don't know anything about that. Is it?

Should it be in water? Ouch, you bit me. It loves to be in water. Ah, it bit me. That's going to be a bad bite. Ow. It's a sharp. Right through your arm.

Right through my arm. Right through my arm. Two places. Ah. Listen, you came in like a wrecking ball. What's your problem? I just can't have this anymore. We're closing up.

Excuse me. I wanted to return this. We're going to have a party after the... Right here in the USA. Yes. This animal with its weird eyes... I think that's mean. Just because they're a little obscured.

Now, you have to look it up because you're so unfamiliar with this animal. No, he's gambling. I'm on Polly Market right now. He's doing gambling online. On what our government is going to do. It's... A mammal. Yeah.

It has fur. No. It has skin. It does have skin. I do believe it's a pinniped if that helps. Whoa. A pinniped. Check out the big brain.

What the hell is that? Brain, check. Well, above all, my problem with it is physical. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll admit. He's got a physical problem. Obviously looking at him. He's got open wounds.

That must be. from you. Yeah. I poked him. What? Poked him. A knife. Yeah.

Okay. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got mange. No, he looks fine. He looks fine.

I mean, look. How would you tell me a hint? I don't, I don't believe that something like this hurts. No. It's just different. That's all. It's just different.

It's just something. He has three legs. We don't say legs. What does he have? Three is the wrong. It's three claws. Three is the wrong odd number. He's got one leg.

No. He's got five legs. There we go. Five claws. Three is not the wrong number. No, I think if you look at, I think normally... Is it a scorpion? Normally four.

Is it a scorpion? See? Why did you just tell me the animal I'm trying to guess? Yes, five of the thing that he... Claws? No. Pinchers? No.

What is an animal Finns? Closer. Clippers. There we go. Five flippers. Dolphin. No.

Seal. Ouch. It bit me again. All the way through my arm this time. That looked sick. With those walrus. Oh, yes. My walrus has five flippers.

That's correct. You've solved the puzzle. Thank you for making it so clear. Yeah. We did it. We got to go. recording's all goddamn day. We want to say,

Paul and I want to say we're going to be in very soon, as a matter of fact. Huntington, New York. Huntington, New York, which is Long Island-ish on October 6. Medford. Medford, Boston area, October 7. And Troy, New York, October 8.

We're getting there in a big horse. And Mary and I are going to be in Toronto on October 3rd. That's this. No, it's not. This next week. Please get tickets. We're going to be in Chicago, November 5th.

And we're going to be in New York at the Bell House on November 4th. I wish I could see these shows. I wish you could see it too. I wish I could see it. We will be at the Bell House on November 14th. So it's Toronto, October 3rd, Chicago, November 5th, New York on November 14th. and you can get tickets at the link in my Instagram, but bio it has all the links.

Please come. All the piss pigs have to be there. You simply have. If you're listening to this and you live in one of those cities and you're a piss pick and you don't come, you're not a piss pick. You would be a fool to miss this. Yes. That's it for us.

We'll be back with episode 302 next week on. Freedom. I'm sorry. Freedom. Reaching your audience on Spotify with display ads is easy. Use your existing creative and launch your first campaign. campaign in minutes with Spotify Ads Manager.