Threedom - What That Mouth Did
Episode Date: July 4, 2024Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss singers nicknames, Jeopardy!, and yeasty popcorn before playing Press Conference. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail....com. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.com Grab some new Threedom merch at www.kinshipgoods.com/cbbwSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Excuse me.
What happened? You're excused.
I was late. Freedom!
I was swallowing and I just didn't get it out in time
and it was just kind of one of those
one of those things.
Reminds me of the great John Candy.
Yeah.
In an SCTV sketch where it was a sketch called
preteen world and they had a band.
I've seen that.
Yeah.
And he did that.
Well tell me about it.
They're singing a song about Chilliwack.
Gone, gone, gone, she been gone so long.
Sure.
And so they each take a turn in the band saying,
gone, gone, gone, she been gone so long.
Breakdown. He made this choice. And so they each take a turn in the band saying, gonga gonga, she's been gone so long, can we break down?
And he made this choice,
and this is what makes somebody a genius, I think.
He makes the choice to have to swallow some spit
while he's doing it.
It's so funny.
He's so funny.
It's so funny.
Also, that's like the best name ever
for a comedic actor.
John Candy.
Isn't that just great?
Yeah, it reminds me of when Jill Talley on Mr. Show ever for a comedic actor. John Candy. Isn't that just great? Yeah.
It reminds me of when Jill Talley on Mr. Show was supposed to just do a presenter at an
award show and instead she changed it to, I think maybe based on Dionne Warwick or something
like that, someone whose dentures were slipping while she read the copy on the teleprompter.
It was very funny.
It's just like,
does Joan Warwick have dentures?
I don't, maybe it was based on someone
who had a commercial for dentures at the time.
Like one of those old-
Martha Ray, the big mouth.
Oh, perhaps it, well, I think it was an old,
like R&B singer or something like that, but I'm not sure.
Who's the big mouth?
Martha Ray, the big mouth.
Okay, before Nick Kroll's big mouth,
Martha Ray was here.
This is a solidly legitimate question.
And big mouth is based on her?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's an old lady who at some point went through puberty.
She was a- We gotta assume.
She was an entertainer from the, I guess like the 40s.
Yeah. And she had a big mouth. And I guess like the forties. Yeah.
And she had a big mouth.
And I guess people call her the big mouth.
Our exposure to her was from this denture commercial.
Yeah, that's, you know, there's so many-
Let me see a picture.
So many incredible entertainers.
Okay, her mouth looks pretty normal.
So many incredible entertainers from the forties and fifties
and stuff that Paul and I were only exposed to
because they did terrible like diaper commercials
Yeah, adult diaper commercials or denture commercials. Yeah. Yeah, we had that with like I feel like
Not Suzanne Summers Sally Struthers. Oh, yeah. Sure. We all do
That's in my head every single day by the way you talked about that and it reminded me of a sketch I did that I really enjoyed that
was on the UCB show, whatever that was.
The CISO one?
Probably yeah.
Yeah that must be it.
And I did a commercial for a technical institute and listing all the things you could get.
But then I was just lipsyncing.
I recorded it in advance and then lipsynced myself doing it. So it just was weird.
Okay, let's play. I just loved it.
Let's play over under when it concerns Martha Ray's personal life. All right.
Okay. Okay.
What she got her big mouth into.
What that mouth do? What that big mouth do?
What that mouth did.
A son to Martha Ray.
How many times was she married?
Three.
Eight.
Oh, are you gonna go over or under?
I'm gonna go over.
Martha Ray was married seven times.
That's so many.
There is a point where you just go, let's just date.
Yeah, like maybe I'm not good at this.
Just be my boyfriend.
I bet there's stages to it where like the first three,
you're probably like, okay, this is the one.
And then in the middle, you're like, who gives a shit?
I'll just get married.
Well, they seem to want to.
These guys always want to get married every time.
Sure, whatever.
And then the later ones are like,
I'm really gonna try this time.
And I hope that this person is gonna try too.
Yeah.
Right, I think, well, her last,
how many years did her final, until her death marriage last?
Until her death marriage, let's see.
I would say she got married and died five years later.
Over or under, Paul?
Under.
Three years.
Oh my God, you know Martha, big mouth, so. I just have a Oh my god, you know Martha big mouth
So I just have a sense of her. Yeah, like if you'd seen these commercials, I think you would too
You could just tell yeah that one's a married seven times. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why she was called the big mouth
And you know, it doesn't say because this Wikipedia page says Martha Ray born Margie Reed blah blah blah
Nicknamed the big mouth and then has no follow- ups. We don't get enough nicknames out there.
People nicknamed themselves if they're a singer.
Yeah, entertainers used to have the greatest nicknames.
You had Old Blue Eyes.
Yes.
The Big Bopper.
Yeah, well, that was his actual stage name.
His real name was John Tilks Booth.
And that's why he changed it to the Big Bopper.
I thought his real name was T big bumper.
T big. But people, people in comedy, in podcasting too, we don't get these
nicknames. We call you the big mouth.
Isn't Joe Rogan, does he have a nickname?
Gagging on that mic.
Is it Joe? Does he have a nickname?
The little Weirdo?
Hey, it's me, the Little Weirdo, Joe Rogan.
He should.
Please send that to him.
What were some of the other famous nicknames?
Well, let's see you got-
The Velvet Fog.
Oh, The Velvet Fog.
That's a good one.
Meltermay.
Meltermay, I love that one.
Wow, that's beautiful.
That's a really good one. Did Tony Bennett have one?
No.
I don't think he did.
But here's what my mother would say
anytime she heard Tony Bennett.
I know.
He was always a shouter now, he can't sing anymore.
But that's not even true.
He sang until his dying day.
He sang fine.
No.
He was a shouter though.
Wait, he did pass?
Yes, Tony Bennett recently passed away.
Because he sang with Lady Gaga
and she had kind of like sparked his memory.
I find their...
Very briefly.
Well, but it was nice.
I find their friendship to be wonderful.
I love all the little monsters.
All my little monsters, flee in the boys!
Thank you Stephanie for introducing me to the little monsters.
That's really funny.
Flee in my friends in the red hot chili peppers.
In the shallow.
Give it away, give it away now.
Did he sing with the red hot chili peppers?
He presented on the MTV movie,
so that's my go-to.
Red hot chili peppers.
That's my go-to impression.
Flea and the boys.
It was like 1904.
Did he say flea and the boys! It was like, 1994.
Did he say, fleeing the boys?
It was 1994?
94, yeah.
It was 1904, he said.
1994!
Put another four in there? I'm right.
It was 1904.
Whenever we ask Holly what time it is, she says,
it's 7-8!
Please tell the story you just told us.
Yes, off mic.
Oh yeah, well, this morning we were...
Actually, we were watching... I'm Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Scott Oh yeah. This morning we were, actually we were watching.
I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
I'm Scott Ockermay.
I'm Lauren Loughgis.
We put on, she wanted to watch a movie this morning.
It's Spring Break.
So movies are okay during Spring Break.
She watched Spring Breakers?
I said yeah.
Let's see what they do in this movie.
And so she was watching Shark Tale for the first time.
Oh.
Did she love the lines I wrote? Yes, she could tell.
She was like, that's a Scotter.
But I, because I was, you know, sometimes we do a lot of the Disney app and then I was
like, let me see what's on Hulu.
So we watched Shark Tale, then we moved on from that.
And then we moved over to the Disney app and she was pressing the rise of the planet of
the eight.
They don't separate them.
They're all mixed in.
The rise of the Planet of the Apes popped up in many categories.
I think there's a setting that you can take care of.
I need to do this.
I was wondering that as it was happening.
I was like, there must be some sort of like, get PG-13 movies out there.
Once they added R-rated stuff to the Disney app from Hulu and everything,
they very importantly have a setting to take Disney app from Hulu and everything, they
very importantly have a setting to take care of.
It's very important.
It is very important.
And I-
It was important for the PR for like, hey, we're going to do this, but parents, don't
worry.
By the way, can we all just say Disney app?
Disney app.
But anyway, so she was like trying to press that and got it going.
And I was like, no, no, no, this one's, this one's scary.
This one's for grownups. And she was like, no, no, no, this one's scary, this one's for grownups
and she was like, no, it's my favorite!
And I was like, no, we gotta turn it off.
You've never seen it before.
Never seen it.
And then we were kind of battling over the iPad
and I was like, we're turning this off
and I just took it away and then she was fine.
But it's like that.
She was fine.
She was, yeah.
Honestly, it's like if you just make a hard line, sometimes that's like that. She was fine. She was, yeah. It's honestly. All right, you called my bluff. Honestly, it's like if you just make a hard line,
sometimes that's a no.
And sometimes I've noticed Emmy,
you know, we'll watch one episode of Sesame Street
and then we'll turn it off and she'll go,
more, more, more.
And we'll say no, and then she'll kind of go,
ah, for 10 seconds and then we'll not remember
that she was upset.
It's true, it's good.
I remember every time I was upset. It's true. It's good.
I remember every time I was upset.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, it kind of sucks.
That was from three years old till now, right?
Yeah, I'd like to forget.
What's like the, what's one of them?
It looks like one of the most tragic ones.
Wrong ice cream.
Oh, that one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was two weeks ago.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
What's wrong? Ice cream.
Like you, you received a flavor.
They only had one flavor available.
I had a great ice cream yesterday.
I'm on a real ice cream kit.
What'd you get?
I had Jenny's ice cream.
Jenny's is good.
It was Texas sheet cake,
which is one of my favorite desserts in general.
Yeah.
She described Texas sheet cake for the uninitiated my favorite desserts in general. Yeah, she thinks it's great.
Describe Texas sheet cake for the uninitiated.
It is a-
There's thick bread in it.
Like a sourdough loaf?
Yeah, thick sourdough bread toasted.
Dark chocolatey cake.
My mom makes it in a cookie sheet, so it's very thin.
Why hasn't she made it for us?
Really?
Yeah, and then a chocolate frosting.
Why has she not brought this to any show?
I don't know, but I should make her do it when she comes to visit me, Yeah, and then a chocolate frosting. Yeah. Why has she not brought this to any show?
I don't know, but I should make her do it
when she comes to visit me,
because I'm gonna want that.
Girl, you're gonna want that.
I'm gonna want that.
If anyone out there is listening to this podcast,
I'm due in two weeks.
Also, hello.
I'm due in two weeks.
That's right, these are the last episodes
that we're recording before Lauren has her baby.
Yeah, and I want cake now. So you've described a Texas sheet cake, in two weeks. That's right. These are the last episodes that we're recording before Lauren has her baby. Yeah.
And I want cake now.
So you've described a Texas Sheetcake, it's just a-
It's chocolate and chocolate.
But the ice cream-
Chocolate and ice cream.
The ice cream was chocolate.
Really good chocolate ice cream.
And then it had like sort of a creamy chocolate,
almost like a-
Gooey?
Yeah, gooey.
Yeah.
Was it ooey gooey?
It wasn't ooey gooey. Just gooey.
But I think I'm going to need to get that again like really soon. Yeah. I think I need
to get it right now. Yeah. Yeah. It was really good. Should we stop this and just go eat?
Yeah. Should have done that so many times. Should we stop doing the podcast forever and
just eat once? Yeah. We should eat once. For every time we were going to do the podcast.
Yes. Every episode we've ever recorded, we should eat. Should eat. We should eat once? Yeah. We should eat once. For every time we were going to do the podcast. Yes, every episode we've ever recorded, we should eat.
Should eat.
We should eat.
We should eat.
We should eat 200 times.
I eat 200 times.
What are your hobbies and interests?
I like, I...
He's trying to fix his watch.
I watch the movie and I eat 200 times.
I watch the movie. Yeah. Are you talking about Rise of Planet? You got a problem with that?
You got a problem with that? You got a problem with that?
Oh man.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
That's my little song. I love that. It's very little.
They call you Little Mouth, right? They call me the Little Mouth. That's my little song. I love that. It's very little. Yeah.
Yeah.
They call you little mouth, right?
They call me the little mouth.
If you ever go to...
Harris Whittles used to do that tiny mouth.
He sings through a straw.
He sings through a straw.
Way to bum us out.
Reminding you about a great bit.
First Tony Bennett, now Harris Whittles.
What is this?
The Dead People Show?
You can't do that.
On television?
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't People Show? You can't do that. You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
On television?
You can't do that on television.
Please don't slime me.
I will slime your ass.
What if we had slime above you
and we've never deployed it?
And you decided long ago that there was-
First you were gonna slime me.
First you were gonna slime me.
First you were gonna slime me.
First you were gonna slime me.
First you were gonna slime me.
First you were gonna slime me. First you were gonna slime me. First you were gonna slime me. First you were gonna slime me. First you were gonna slime me. First you were gonna slide me. Never walked in a good shadow, of course. It's a slime ball.
But also you had a word, a secret word,
that I did not know about.
A secret word that David played and he pleased the Lord?
Yeah, Lauren, that.
I heard there was a secret word
that Pee Wee said and everyone yelled.
Rip again.
Another dead person, Jesus Christ! Let's talk about the original dead guy.
Let's talk about someone who's alive.
Who is alive?
Who is alive?
I don't even know.
Yeah.
Let's gossip about a lot of Harvey Weinstein.
What's he up to?
What is he up to?
Like on a day to day basis.
Do you, do you think like, wait, is he out of jail?
No, I don't know.
Is he?
Yeah.
He is still alive.
He's still alive.
He's still alive.
He's still alive.
He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. What is he up to? Like on a day to day basis. Do you think like, wait, is he out of jail?
I don't know.
I think he's gonna die there.
Do you think that he is sad there aren't plants in his cell?
Oh man! Give me one plant please.
Oh man! That just works for me.
Louis CK has access to all the plants in the world.
That's what they should have heard coming.
I know.
Louis CK didn't do it in a plant.
I think he also jerked off in a plant, didn't he?
I don't believe he did.
I'm conflating these two famous jerk-offs.
No. This famous jerk- off completed in a plant.
Who is, who is Lucy Gay?
I'm sorry, no.
Shouldn't they have just stopped Jeopardy when Alex Trebek died?
Oh, I think I see people should just stop jerking off in front of people.
I don't know.
No, they shouldn't because-
If we all do it, then it's normal.
Jeopardy?
Jeopardy?
No, no, no, no, no.
Here's the thing with Jeopardy.
Here's the thing with Jeopardy.
First of all, I really, really, really want to be on it.
I keep saying this places in case somebody-
You're on everything.
I need to be on that.
Why?
Because I like Jeopardy and that's actually one that's like really challenging in a different
way.
Like it's...
Yeah.
Usually you coast through these.
Well, no.
I mean, I killed Wheel of Fortune.
I mean...
And the millionaire.
And millionaire.
What can I say?
But Jeopardy is a different world.
It's a little more intimidating.
Well, would you do celebrity Jeopardy or real Jeopardy?
Well, yeah.
No, I don't.
You can fuck with real Jeopardy.
I mean, I could fuck with it when I watch it from home,
but I don't think that that's gonna really work
in real life.
I go in Jeopardy periods where I watch for maybe nine months
and I start to be really good and rattle it off,
rattle it off, and then I go years and years watching.
I thought Mayim was a great host.
Ken Jennings is great.
He makes sense.
There was that whole debacle when like the producer wanted to do it.
And that was so funny.
Those two weeks, will they ever repeat the series?
Was it like everyone just said, what the fuck?
And then he got fired.
That guy tried to Andy Cohen his way into hosting that show.
It really was like, aren't you a creep?
And he's like, yeah, he got me.
That was sad. Yeah.
Excuse me.
Sad.
Lauren has the pre baby burps.
I got the pre everything.
Got the PBBs.
Yeah.
But any who's.
What's the worst part of being two weeks out?
For me right now, it's that I can't breathe.
I don't think everyone has the same problem.
But my nose has been really stuffed as you
can hear for the last 10 episodes.
The baby's all the way up there?
Yes.
It's going to be a tall baby.
I'm trying to blow it out with my tissue.
Blow it out with my tissue.
And then, so when I lay down, it's very, very hard to breathe.
And so, but I figured something out last night.
What?
My doula told me to- What noise did you just make? I went last night. Oh, I My do it always did you just make what oh, I do. Let's hold me to sleep more elevated
Which I haven't been doing so I'm in story my ass off
I'm oh you got bunked I'm sleeping in a different room for like the last month. It's just right
It's too annoying. Do you think that Mike is afraid that you might just have the baby in that room one night?
Probably he'll sleep through it.
And I got, so I had Breathe Right strips before,
but I bought the cheap version and they kept falling off.
Lauren's mining these.
You got the Breathe OK strips.
Yeah, I got the, I got the breath right.
It's like a bad spelling joke.
Anyway, great last night.
I slept elevated and I didn't move around and toss and turn because when you have this
really big weight on the front, it's like, I can't get it.
You turn over.
Yeah.
It's like, you got to like, oh my God, it's just a whole thing.
Yeah.
So that's the, I'm just getting uncomfortable.
Are you looking forward to not being pregnant anymore?
I am looking forward to that part.
Wouldn't it be better if it lasted one month?
No, because you would not mentally be ready at all.
Really?
Good point.
I feel like I'm getting mentally.
Nine is too much, though, right?
They take it a little too far.
Right.
So what are we talking?
What do we want it to be?
But no, it's actually not true because like you have to get to this point of being really
uncomfortable. And then you're like, let's do this. And then you're okay with like the fact that
you're going to have to go through labor. And so it's got to be so bad that the labor is like a
relief. It's like a necessary, you just go like this has to happen. God, my body is being torn
apart. But wouldn't like five months like that's that seems like a nice compromise.
It would be it would be too soon.
Too soon. So six.
I think the amount that we are at is proper.
You don't think seven like like a seventh inning stretch sort of.
Yeah. Well, sometimes it was that when I go to a game,
I'm ready for the seventh inning stretch around five and a half.
If you're if your body was growing to the same extent in that amount of time and you were that uncomfortable
by that point, I would say yes. That's what I'm saying. It's like everything,
it's not like you're giving birth at five when your body is at the level.
It still sucks. I'm saying that it's just we compact it within.
Then I guess that'd be better. But it'd be more, a lot more shocking for the brain.
I feel like it takes a long time to really settle in.
I'm gonna abruptly.
It's because you know you have time.
This is kind of.
You're gonna abruptly spit on me?
I'm gonna abruptly spit on you.
Here we go.
Whip.
Ding.
So we're talking about babies.
Scott earlier was watching a video of some babies
and they weren't really singing, right?
They were being sung to?
This is my baby, by the way, and a group of babies.
A little less, a little less weird.
I would say 100% less weird.
I was gonna leave it to you whether or not to elucidate.
Right.
They were trying to get the babies to sing along.
Yeah, but they can't. Well, they don't really know English that well. They were trying to get the babies to sing along. Yeah.
Yeah.
But they can't.
Well, they don't know English that well.
Well, you know, I've been counting the words, she says.
We're up to 175 words.
Ooh, that's a lot.
That's a lot.
I stayed corrected.
You've been counting?
But they were singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat,
with, of course, the fun, if you see a crocodile,
don't forget to scream.
So they got to scream.
What? I've never heard that.
If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
And then they all scream.
Instead of life is but a dream.
You've heard that before?
Yeah.
Paul sings it every day.
It's his favorite song.
I've never ever heard that.
Well, you've heard it now. You know it backwards and forwards. I know that now well you know it
backwards and forwards but here's what I want to know here's what I want to know
does that song exist everywhere row row row you're both meeting in other
languages yes probably is it a universal children there's so many that probably I
feel like twinkle twinkle twinkle is yeah. Holly figured out that Twinkle Twinkle on ABC. You do bad that she shunt on.
Itsy Bitsy Spider.
She figured out that.
It's bad.
Twinkle Twinkle on ABCs are the same tune
because she mashed them up.
Yeah.
She did a mash up.
Yeah, she did a mash up.
She switched to one in the middle of the.
Twinkle.
Yeah.
So Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Alphabet.
And isn't there another one that has that same.
Mary had a little, no.
You know what I. It's not Bob-Bob Black Sheep.
There's The Wheels on the Bus.
Fuck that song.
Wait, wait, wait, no, Brown Bear, Brown Bear.
What?
Well, they performed the book in that tune on YouTube.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear.
On YouTube.
Holly knows that whole book. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do of our archdiocese,
John Cardinal Crowell. Wait, was his middle name actually Cardinal?
No, it's like a title is Cardinal.
It's a title.
And so it's sort of like, you know,
Thomas Earl of whatever the fuck, you know what I mean?
And he was celebrating his 75th, yeah thanks,
his 75th Jubilee or whatever the fuck.
And so they got high school students from-
They got Kit?
Yeah, the kid from Knight Rider.
Yeah, his favorite show.
They got kids from all the Catholic schools
in Philadelphia to form a big mega choir
and sing songs and hymns and shit like that.
And we also had to sing the Philadelphia tourism slogan.
Oh, what is this?
Which was on the commercial song by Miss Patti LaBelle.
Patti! Famous Philadelphia.
Patti! And it was called Philadelphia Get To Know Us.
Wow.
Philadelphia, get to know us.
See what people who believe in the power of each other can do.
Woo, woo!
Wow.
Get to know us, Philadelphia.
And Patti knew the words to this?
She was not there.
Oh.
She was the original singer of the song.
Oh, okay.
On the commercials.
Why do they?
And she knew the words to that?
You know that famous video of her.
Yes, of course I do.
My favorite video.
Where are my cue cards?
Where are my backup singers? Do you think a lot of commercials like that work and people are like of course I do. My favorite. Where are my cue cards? Where are my backup singers?
Do you think a lot of commercials like that work and people are like, I'm going to go
to Philadelphia.
I think they all work.
Really?
Because I think if people sing with enough pride in their city.
And gusto.
And gusto.
Con mucho gusto.
Then there's, then if you're an outsider, you say, these people mean it.
I gotta go.
Yeah.
I gotta see what the fuss is about.
All right. So you're going to go to Philadelphia? I'm going to go gotta go. Yeah, I gotta see what the fuss is about All right
So you're gonna go to Philadelphia? I'm gonna go now and see. Okay. Drew Carey show got so many people to go to Cleveland
Is that true? No
All right, we have to take a break
Hey Paul, hey, it's me and Lauren. Hey, I have a sock on the door. Oh, so what are you doing here?
Excuse me. Do you need the sock?
Don't be gonzy. Don't be gonzy.
Who is she? Just hide under the covers.
Don't worry about it.
Hey, we wanted to ask you, does anything motivate you to cook more than having...
Oh, no. Not a question about my motivations.
Does anything motivate you to cook more like having high quality ingredients on hand?
You know what? Get ready to be surprised. Nothing does. Nothing motivates me more for
that. And guys, I've been cooking a ton recently because of Butcher Box.
Really?
Really?
Yeah, really. I never thought I'd be able to make pulled pork all on my own.
I could pull it probably.
And you know, my parents didn't think so either.
No one believed in you.
We'll never do that.
No one believed in you.
But with Butcher Box's pork, which is raised crate free by the way,
I was able to make these incredible sandwiches for our famous barbecue.
Wow, you make your own sauce.
Well, we were all shocked you made them by yourself.
We didn't believe you. We started kicking your butt.
All my friends were shocked. I got beat up.
The one thing I've heard about ButcherBox is the big draw is the convenience.
Can attest.
Of it. Less trips to the grocery store, more time to enjoy cooking.
Plus, I also heard Butcher Box gives you curated tips and recipes
based on what's in your box, which, as far as I'm concerned, is super helpful.
Well, wait, the value.
That's how well the value it's incredible.
OK, you get these amazing cuts of meat that are hard to find at the grocery store.
And the prices are unbeatable.
High quality, humanely raised meat with no antibiotics or added hormones delivered right
to your doorstep with free shipping.
Paul, what more could you ask for?
Paul, how do we get this?
What if my parents were still alive?
Yeah, sure.
Sign up for ButcherBox today by going to butcherbox.com slash freedom and use code freedom at checkout
and enjoy your choice of bone in chicken thighs, Top sirloin or salmon in every box for an entire year plus get $20 off
Again, $20 off. Yeah Wow again. How do I get it?
Butcherbox.com slash freedom and use code freedom. All right, get back in there, buddy
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Hey, hey, hey, huddle up guys. Come here. Hey! Come on team. Let's be real. Who has the time or money to eat at restaurants all the time? Me? Well that's right. You're an eccentric millionaire. I forgot.
If you've got a refined taste for food you know how expensive exploring your local food scene can get.
Plus it's hard to find the time and energy to try somewhere new.
Well, you know what? I actually heard about something that takes care of all this.
What is it?
Okay, Cook Unity?
Oh, yeah. It's the first chef-to-use service that delivers locally sourced meals from award-winning chefs right to your door every week.
And guess what?
What?
Let me take a guess.
Okay.
It's cheaper than other delivery options out there.
Yeah.
Yeah, how did you guess it?
I guessed it.
I guessed it.
Can I tell you something real about this?
Yeah.
So we started advertising with Cook Unity
and we liked it so much that now we pay for it.
He's off script.
They sent us free meals.
That's wild.
He's off script.
They sent us free meals and now we just pay for it.
He's not looking at the paper.
Wow.
You know what's good about it?
Well, let me tell you about my experience, okay? I was going to talk about what I like about it. I was blown away.
Does no one want to hear about my experience? I was blown away. Why don't you talk about what you experienced?
Well what I like about it is like the portion, anytime you order food from a restaurant you get
gigantic portions and then you just eat the gigantic portions. This is like good portions
that make you full at the end, but it's not crazy,
so you're not like gaining weight all the time.
You're sated.
Yes.
You're not gorging yourself.
Exactly.
It's really good stuff.
I like it a lot.
I personally was blown away by the taste and quality
of the spicy shrimp pasta.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a good one.
It was perfectly seasoned,
and the shrimp was perfect perfection.
We had some blueberry pancakes delivered the other day.
Yum.
Wow.
So it's all made in advance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't cook it.
It's, um, depending on your microwave.
You might heat it up.
You heat it up.
It's depending on your microwave.
It's like two or three minutes.
I do three because I have a less powerful microwave.
That's a little glimpse into my life.
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Your microwave is 10 watts.
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Thank you, Cook Unity.
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And we're back.
I know.
I know, I know.
Jesus.
All three of us know these things.
You don't have to tell us everything all the time.
Do you, Lauren, do you ever drink out of non-metallic receptacles?
No.
So it's got to be metal for you all the way.
Metal. That is it. Full metal. Any kind of metal.
Are you trying to become a robot?
No, I am not a robot.
Robots don't drink out of themselves.
No, but you absorb the metal. Robot drink myself.
Is it bad to drink out of metal?
I don't know, probably not.
Stainless steel.
You know what, I don't fucking care.
At this point, it's like everything is bad.
Everything's bad, so we should just give up.
Is that what you're saying?
No.
Let's try harder.
Let's drink more metal.
No, I'm having, I have two metal containers right now.
I don't usually have two.
You have two right in front of you.
I mean, you own hundreds.
I own-
You drink out of your car sometimes.
How many metal cups do you own?
Like how many like travel type things like this?
Bottles, cups.
How many like metal ones?
I think Coolop has one of these.
She does.
Maybe that's it.
No way. I haven't kept track of this. You does. Maybe that's it. No way.
I haven't kept track of this.
You don't have any water bottles that are metal?
I think we have plastic ones maybe.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Not plastic, but what are the things
where it's like you can put coffee in it,
but it's not. Felt?
Yeah, felt.
You can put coffee in it?
Yeah.
Ceramic?
Probably, yeah.
I have four Swell bottles. What are yeah. I have four swell bottles.
What are those?
I have one, they are metal water bottles.
Mm.
He always has what looks like wood.
Yeah.
I have, I would say 20.
Wow.
I don't know how, I would say I have five coffee cups
like this.
Five of those?
Not exactly, but this, same travel style. Right.
No, they're different.
Okay.
Mine are different sizes.
And then I have my Stanley, which...
Gotta have a Stanley.
I mean...
It's absurd and it does spill everywhere the second it falls over.
It's just like not a good model.
Then I have like probably five, I've narrowed it down to like five or six big metal water bottles.
And then I don't know what the rest of the eight are.
So you're guessing 20, but you don't know what eight of them would possibly even be.
That's still a lot.
That's a lot.
But then you can't get rid of them because it's like, it's still good.
Yeah.
I was, I was also gifted one from my hometown.
They get gifted all the time. My brother and sister-in-law gave me a one from Wawa.
Ah, Wawa.
Can I promote this popcorn?
So there's this popcorn. Sure.
This is not the world's longest ad, by the way.
No. This is part of the show.
There is this popcorn that I'm obsessed with.
We have not yet recorded the world's longest ad,
but we're going to.
We're trying so hard, but we keep stopping.
Yeah.
There's this popcorn that I really like called Bjornkorn, world's longest ad, but we're going to, we're trying so hard, but we keep stopping.
There's this popcorn that I really liked called Bjorn corn B J O R N Q U O R N. Peter, no, come on.
You can't do corn.
They did it.
And it's really good.
It has, and you can do it.
It has nutritional, nutritional yeast.
It's really fucking good, but I can only find it a way a row on which is I don't like going to because
It's a bit much. Yeah, is it is it nutritional yeast or do they just add the word nutritional to it to make you comfortable with?
Eating yeast nutritional yeast is like a cheesy sort of I know what how it's got nutritional fructose corn syrup
But everything is nutritional regardless Trader Joe'sader Joe's gives you some sort of nutrients.
An airplane? Yeah.
Trader Joe's go eat one. Find out.
OK, now sells Pequant popcorn.
And it is with nutritional yeast, and it's a very similar pecan.
I don't fucking know.
What's that word mean? OK, English major.
I honestly, I don't know what it means. I think it, oh shit.
I feel like I used to know what it meant.
Pecan't popcorn.
What are they doing then?
Why are they giving me this crazy name?
I don't know.
Cause they're trying to be like Bjorn corn,
but regardless.
Pequant means having a pleasantly sharp taste
or appetizing flavor.
Oh, okay.
And how is it pronounced?
It's a Piquant.
Piquant, Piquant.
Have it say it.
Piquant.
Have it say it.
Piquant.
I almost kept eating it.
Hey.
Here, it's a P with the E with a slash over K.
Look it up on YouTube so we can hear the ad.
Ah.
Ah.
Pronunciation.
Piquant, Piquant.
Here we go, Ready? Yeah.
Peek into.
Peek into.
Peek into. We were all wrong.
But see now this, this dictionary.com gives you the W.
It says P E K W A or a schwa.
Okay.
Yo Siri, how do you pronounce P I Q U A N T.
Yo Siri, how do you pronounce P-I-Q-U-A-N-T?
Are you fucking? Siri and you are not on good terms apparently.
Oh Siri, Siri, how do you pronounce P-I-Q-U-A-N-T?
Peekant.
Okay, this one says.
Siri's not talking to us.
This one says it's two syllables
and this is how they spelled it out.
All capitals P-E-E plus K-U-H-N-T. Peek hunt.
You're being a real peek hunt.
That is literally, what is it, peek hunt. Okay.
I'm going to see it with dictionary.com because Peekhunt's just, it looks like Peekhunt.
Peekhunt, Peekhunt, it looks like Pequins. Peekint.
It's got the QU.
What did you say?
Peekant.
Peekant popcorn.
Peekant or Peekwins.
Maybe I'm thinking of Peekons.
Peekante.
Peekante!
Yes.
Pace Peekante?
Mm-hmm.
New York City.
New York City?
Do you think New York City will ever live it down that they have such bad salsa?
The fact that they dared to have some?
I mean, come on guys.
I know you're a big city.
You're the city that never sleeps.
It has a nickname and we don't.
Come on, I mean, I know we have the pretzel gang.
We have the crocodile crew.
I thought you meant Los Angeles.
You meant us in particular.
We have many, I can't believe we're back on nicknames.
We have so many nicknames that we've given ourselves.
That we were saying that there's not enough nicknames yet.
We don't have individual nicknames.
Well.
No, and we never will.
No.
What should we call them?
I wanna be Peacunt.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's the craziest thing you've ever heard.
I would never wanna be that.
No, I don't want you to be that.
No.
What about the Pe piquant something
you've another literative keyword?
I did the newcomers live stream recently.
And on the live stream,
there were so many piss pigs in the chat.
I was so happy.
And I had to explain to everyone what piss pigs were.
Fantastic.
And were they revolted?
They were loving the show.
And they just kept saying,
piss pigs.
And then people would be like piss pigs, piss pigs,
piss pig here, piss pig loving this.
They really love being called that.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, they picked it.
Yeah. I guess if for a reason, they were, you know,
good for you guys.
Yeah. The majority wins.
I wouldn't have done it.
For a reason.
Yup. For a reason.
The majority wins for a reason. Yep, for a reason. The majority wins for a reason.
So now Lauren, that's a travel mug.
Sure.
I consider to call something a travel mug,
it needs to be at least 50 miles that you travel.
That's more of just like.
So you think this isn't like something,
I'm traveling from my house to your house.
I know, but like a travel game of Scrabble,
that implies you're on a long enough.
Like a travel game of Scrabble.
It implies you're on a long enough trip
to actually play a full game of Scrabble, right?
And that to me, that's like a short hop,
skip and a jump.
You think travel is measured by games?
Yeah.
Hmm, okay.
Well, little do you know,
I played 30 games on the way over here.
What did you play?
Wordle, Dordle, Codurdle.
You played all these while you were driving?
Yeah.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
I would never do that.
I hate to drive around you.
No, I would never do that.
Hey, can I tell you something I noticed?
Yeah.
And I never thought about this before.
He's thumping.
He's thumping. Sharpies. So Sharp this before. He had something. He had something.
Sharpies, Sharpies.
So Sharpies, there's a box of Sharpies here.
Are they really sharp?
Oh my God.
I sliced open my finger.
Oh no.
But you know, like a lot of times you will see products
that will be described in English
and then maybe in Spanish.
Sure.
Sometimes French if you're in Canadian. In maybe in Spanish. Sure. Sometimes French if you're in Canadian.
In Canadian.
Yeah.
Sure.
But we're here in America.
Yeah.
And Sharpie is, this is listed as black slash noir.
Noir.
Why is French the language of Sharpie?
That's a good question.
Thank you.
Are they putting on airs?
Ooh la la Sharpie.
Ooh la la Sharpie. I feel like that's a parody of ooh la la Sharpie. Ooh la la Sharpie.
I feel like.
That's a parody of Ooh la la Sassoon.
This is a, I'm about to say I might cut.
Okay so this is very important.
Okay think about whether or not you want to say it.
Think about it first.
While we tell you about the Ooh la la Sassoon commercial.
I won't say it.
Yours is a commercial for Sassoon jeans.
Because this is going to work for me later. Where they sang a song.
Ooh, la la, Sasson.
But then there was also a doll named Ginny.
Right.
Ginny doll, I had that.
You had the Ginny doll?
Yeah.
Was she wearing her Sasson jeans?
No, but is it the same doll?
I don't know.
I had a Ginny doll that was, it's like.
How many dolls could there be named Ginny?
It was this stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they made one that wore Sassoon jeans.
And so there was a special commercial to introduce that
that went, ooh, la, la, Sassoon, ooh, la, la, Ginny.
Let me see.
I don't know about this.
Look it up, Scott.
Yes, this is the Ginny.
I don't take orders from the likes of you.
Wow, this is my Ginny doll.
Would you take advice?
I think I still have it somewhere.
What if you looked it up?
Is this the one you're thinking of? It's more of a hypothetical question. I don't remember what it looked like. I just remember the song. I love my genie doll. Would you take advice? I think I still have it somewhere. What if you looked it up? Is this the one you're thinking of?
It's more of a hypothetical question.
I don't remember what it looked like.
I just remember the song.
I love my genie doll.
My genie doll had a-
It's for girls.
It had a case, and I still have it somewhere.
Pink, because I keep everything.
Pink rectangular, you know, box with a handle on top.
And then you open it up.
Oh, so you travel with it.
And yeah, and she has a stand.
50 miles.
Inside, and then all her clothes.
She has a what inside?
A stand that she's attached to, and you take her off.
And then all her clothes have little tiny hangers
on the other side, and then a little drawer
for the shoes and the brush.
I wish we had a stand that we were attached to.
We could just like sit down wherever we wanted.
We could make that happen to you.
Do you know, I ordered an item of clothing recently
and it came with a little tiny wire hanger.
Oh, cute.
Well, that's the thing.
I kept it because it really,
I, there's nothing I can do with it.
That's just cute.
Can you even hang the item on it?
It's a mini.
No.
Like a miniature.
It was a regular size clothing.
Why include this?
I don't know. I feel like there was something that was hanging on it. Be honest. It's a mini? No. Like a miniature? It was a regular size clothing. Why include this?
I don't know.
I feel like there was something was hanging on it.
Be honest.
You didn't purchase a really tiny shirt to wear?
Yeah.
I thought it was, you know, it's like thing where you think you're buying a cheap office
chair, but it turns out to be doll furniture.
Yeah.
That's what happened to me with clothing.
Yeah.
We were just talking about this, I think me and Nicole, that it was Emily Heller.
Did you ever see, like, I think it was during the pandemic,
she ordered a welcome mat that was like AstroTurf
and it said welcome on it.
And then she received a printed picture of that.
That sounds familiar.
And then the guy was like, that's what I'm selling.
Right.
If we're gonna...
There's no trickery involved.
I thought people would want a picture of a welcome mat.
If we as a society are going to insist upon ordering everything online and having it delivered to us,
then I think that we, it should be fine that we fall for stuff like that.
Take a few losses on that.
Why?
Because, I mean, that's what we trade in for the getting rid of the experience.
Why do we have to do that?
Because.
No, I disagree.
Wait, no, you disagree?
I never agreed.
You agreed, you were like,
yeah, we should take some losses.
I was saying what you said.
But you're saying if everything is a brick and mortar store
that we have to go to.
Then we would see the items in person.
Right, and then nobody's allowed to be unscrupulous.
Exactly.
But if we're ordering from online,
people are allowed to be unscrupulous.
Yeah, and we should just like go, you got me.
What about a store where you, that has brick and mortar,
but also online ordering?
If you see the item in the store,
like a Walmart, yeah.
That's tricky.
Thank you.
I think that-
What are you gonna do?
I think that we should not allow those.
That should be illegal.
But see, you know, if I will be very happy if there was a store
that was like all welcome mats.
Yeah, the one of that.
And there's like hundreds.
Oh, my God. As you go in the door, it's like, get out of here
instead of a welcome mat.
Or it's just like a picture.
I could like spend hours looking for the perfect welcome mat online,
or I could walk into a welcome mat store
and have a great day.
Yeah.
And maybe find something I wouldn't expect.
Find something that's-
Maybe you wanna just have a great day?
Yeah, sis.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, you never know what's gonna happen.
We were gifted a welcome mat that's-
Gifted a welcome mat.
Yes, can you imagine?
It's honestly a strong choice for somebody else.
Well, this welcome mat says, hey y'all.
That's because Janey's from the South.
That's cute.
And we really.
What if welcome math said, welcome going in,
but then it tracked who stepped over it.
And when the people were leaving,
it did facial recognition software and
it realized that person was leaving and it said goodbye.
It's essentially feeling upskirts.
But instead it just...
Maybe that's like a side benefit.
Wait, wait, wait. You fucking creep.
It does facial recognition, recognizes that person's leaving and then just says goodbye?
Why doesn't it just say goodbye?
From like...
When you're going into a house, it says goodbye?
No!
That doesn't make any sense.
You're putting a welcome mad steward out of work.
Why doesn't it say their name if it's going to recognize your face?
You can personalize it however you like.
What's the point in it recognizing your face if it just says goodbye generally?
It's like then why doesn't it just have a sensor that someone's walking?
It doesn't need to recognize your face. If the E.T. Ride at the end of Universal Studios E.T. Ride can say,
goodbye, Joey.
It does that.
When do you put your name in?
As you're going in.
And if you have a weird name, it says, goodbye, friend.
By the way, our cameras for our door and stuff like that, they...
What do you mean, stuff like that? That's a little hazy.
Hmm.
Women's skirts.
Three cameras for three doors.
Okay.
And they, and Cool Up programmed them with like everyone's faces to say like when we
get text alerts of someone's at the door, it'll say who is at the door, right?
Oh, God.
And it works 75% of the time.
A monster is at the door. right? And it works 75% of the time. A monster is at the door.
That would be so funny.
And Scott's fumbling with his keys.
A murderer is here.
But 75% of the time it works,
but it is taken to, it does not recognize me.
And it calls me by my mother's name.
Oh my God.
And says, Linda is here.
And I realize, okay, we probably share some.
But she's not here that often.
And she's like a totally different height than you.
Well it doesn't gauge how often someone is here.
It should!
It should, you're right.
That's how it should gauge who you are.
But it's most likely you.
Especially if you live in a fucking house.
It just looks at our faces and kind of goes like,
eh, looks like Linda to me.
Wow.
I think that one I see.
It's so emasculating. Jesus. Sometimes I come in here and I'm like. Am I in there? Wait, you, wait. Yeah, I, it looks like Linda to me. Wow. I think that one I see. It's so emasculating.
Jesus.
Sometimes I come in here and I'm like.
Am I in there?
Wait, do you remember last week I was like.
I don't remember glass week.
Glass week I was like.
I remember Heart of Glass.
I came in here and I was like.
By Blondie?
I didn't know Linda was gonna do the episode
instead of Scott.
And then Scott started like crying
cause he was so upset.
Yeah. And then I was like, oh he was so upset. Yeah.
And then I was like, oh, it's Scott.
Linda would never cry like that.
But Scott was also wearing a housecoat.
He had his hair in curlers.
And he was screaming, Scott, go to your room.
Going to my room was great when I was a kid.
Oh, I loved it.
Let me stay in there.
I like going to my room now.
Yeah.
Send me to my room.
Yeah, I wish I wasn't here. Can I go to my room now. Yeah. I love, send me to my room. Yeah, I wish I wasn't here.
Can I go to my room?
Do you think you would like to continue sleeping
in separate bedrooms?
No, we both have said it, we miss each other.
It's like, feels kind of like,
but it's like I go to my quarters
and I have a whole system now where I like put my iPad,
I got my stuff and then I get all settled in my nose strip and my, you know, my farting
boy.
But on your nose guard, I beg your pardon.
Kulof slept in the other room for about a month when the baby was young.
Yeah.
Because she wanted to, she was feeling like she wouldn't, she was going to sleep through
the nanny cam sound and so she would sleep in the adjoining room. And yeah, it was very weird.
Like, good night.
I know it's weird. She's weird. She's a weird person.
The only like positive is that you have your own space where like,
you're not going to like pull the blanket. You don't have to consider anyone.
How many blanket poles is too many per night?
Um, two.
You think two is too many?
I think one is-
I think you get one blanket pole
if you're going to readjust a situation.
Yeah. Yeah.
Two is like, no, it's already over there, dude.
And any more than that is like,
now you just want the entire blanket.
Yeah.
I'm here too.
Some people sleep with two blankets
where they each have their own blanket.
That is the Scandinavian style.
That is true.
To me, that's the equivalent of being in separate rooms.
Why?
Because there may as well just be like drywall in between.
If we're not under the same blanket, I can't hear you.
We encountered that when we went to Iceland.
And I got to say I didn't really like it that much.
Yeah, it's a different vibe.
Iceland? No, I loved Iceland.
I wanna go to Iceland.
It's great. I've never been.
It's a very cool place.
We should go together and do a three of them episode.
No.
At the time we went, it was very cheap to go there,
but I don't know if that has changed.
Yeah, I feel like it was cool.
Like it was like just becoming cool.
And people were like, oh, it's perfect.
You go from New York, jaunt over to Iceland.
See the black sand beach.
Where's a place you wanna- The hot springs.
You wanna go that you've never been to.
Italy.
Just went two years ago.
It was great.
Mike has never been and I have been
and I really wanna go with him.
Yeah, shove him in that fountain.
Yeah.
I'd like to go to Japan.
I love Japan, obviously.
Yeah, it was great.
I've talked about that many times.
I always wanna go back there. He went last year with. Yeah, it was great. We talked about that many times. I always want to go back there.
He went last year with a friend and had a great time.
I remember that, yeah.
Who was the friend again?
You don't know.
Can you give me a first name?
Jesus Christ.
His name was Aaron.
Thank you.
E-R-I-N.
Nope.
It was Darren Aaron off.
They call it Aaron. All right, we have to take a break.
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Let's take a moment to talk about something we all face from time to time, comparing ourselves
to others.
With social media, it is so easy to look at someone else's life and think, wow, they've
got it all figured out.
But let's be real.
That's often just the highlight reel.
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you think you should want based on someone else's life.
It's about discovering your own path and
starting to live your best life. Now I love therapy. I recommend it to everyone, especially
when it comes to setting healthy boundaries and re-centering yourself. I think everyone should
have a support person that they can talk that stuff out with. If you've been thinking about
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That's betterhelp, H- l p dot com slash freedom.
And we're back and I am. Yeah. Get, get by that mic. I was eating my pea kind of popcorn.
Um, it's called it's what the name of it. And so I'm a little, that's what it's
called. That's what it's called. That's what it's called. It's what the name of it in so in the last says. That's what it's called, mom. That's what it's called.
That's what it's called.
Citizen Kane.
Do you know that sketch?
Yeah, of course.
Classic. Yep.
Classic Kith.
This is, it's time for a threacher.
A threacher is a game that we like to play.
This is freedom and we're doing it today.
We like to play a threacher now.
And if you don't like it, you're a big dumb cow.
Yeah, you cows.
This one's called press conference.
Yeah, I know.
Two of us.
Oh!
We know.
One person will be giving.
We know!
Lauren, this is the last time
you're gonna laugh at me this much.
I know.
What about the next episode?
Cause we're gonna take a, Oh yeah. You won't be pregnant know. What about the next episode? Cause we're gonna take a,
Oh yeah.
You won't be pregnant anymore.
No, the next episode, we have one more to go.
Do we really?
Yeah. Today.
Oh, that's true.
Today.
Today.
All right, so one person's gonna be giving
a press conference, the other two of us will agree,
we'll text each other about a celebrity.
And we have to agree to text each other.
Good luck.
We can't go back and forth with like,
no, not that one. Are we to text each other. We can't go back and forth with like, no, not that one.
We're going to pick what celebrity they are.
And then the person has to guess who they are from the questions that we're asking them.
It makes sense.
It makes sense.
And it's fun.
And it's something that we enjoy doing.
And it's something that you enjoy listening to. And if you don't like it,
I want you to put it in a framework
of the larger ills of society.
And then is it really that bad?
So I'm gonna text Lauren someone
that Paul is going to be.
Yes, I will be the celebrity.
At least for this game.
Oh, Paul, what if I texted you to her?
What if I texted you to her? What if I texted you to her?
That would have been good, but you just ruined it.
Lauren.
My one shot at being a celebrity.
Did you send me someone?
No, I haven't, because we've been talking.
But now I'm going to, and here we go.
Auto-correct, not your friend when you're trying to send names.
Auto correct is not your friend folks, not your friend.
There we go.
Here we go.
And it's not auto friend.
What's that?
Learn.
I said, okay.
Okay.
And here we go.
Excuse me.
You. Yes. Hey everybody. Great to see everyone here. Behind the podium. And here we go. Excuse me. You.
Yes.
Hey everybody.
Great to see everyone here.
Behind the podium.
Thank you so much for being here.
And I just want to say, I'm here to answer your questions.
I know that you have them.
So please go ahead.
Okay.
Yes, you.
Yes.
Hi.
Hello.
I wanted to ask about, you know,
when you started playing guitar.
Oh, you know, when I was young, I, I just always have loved music
and I thought this would be a great way to, you know, meet the opposite sex.
So you mean women?
I mean, I said what I said.
OK, I'm just I'm a modern person.
That's the opposite of I'm alive. What you are. I'm a modern person. That's the opposite of what you are.
You're actually not.
Shit!
I don't know if anyone told you this.
Yeah, I mean, you're coming to us from heaven via Zoom.
You don't have any questions about heaven?
You just wanna ask me what I'm gonna play guitar?
I'll amend my question.
So what's the criteria of getting into heaven?
You have to be a good person.
But good according to whom God to God.
So God's rules, like everything in the Bible rules, not mine.
God's rules.
What's one of your favorite, you know, you, you have a way with words.
Thank you.
Um, what's one of your favorite just phrases out there, you know, maybe from
out there.
Um, you're known for your way of words.
A way with words.
Two roads diverged in a yellow world.
Well, I think he...
Maybe, perhaps.
The songs?
Well, one thing I would say, though, you do have such a way with words.
Are you upset when people miss hear your lyrics?
Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
There's a really famous one.
I know. Excuse me while I kiss this guy. Yeah, exactly.
It's excuse me.
I'm going to kiss this guy. OK.
OK. And what is your name?
My name is James Hendrix.
But you could call me Jimmy.
I will not spell the way you think.
Okay, what if I think it's J-I-M-I? Then you're right. What if I was trying to text that to
someone? What would it auto correct as? Pee-cunt. Oh, okay. See, that's how we play. This is textbook
press conference. That's how we play. All right, Lauren's going to text Paul, someone from me.
And I'm Paul.
Someone's going to text Paul, someone from me. And I'm Paul.
And she's on her phone right now.
She inhaled very deeply through her nose, which is very stuffed up currently, but she's
still able to go right into the mic, which is wonderful.
Just want to make sure you can all hear.
And I gave you a person.
Questions, questions, questions.
Hello, hello, over here.
Hey, famous person, we have questions. Hello, hello, over here.
Famous person, we have questions.
Excuse me, excuse me, I just woke up.
Can you talk just a little bit lower?
It's 5 p.m.
Did your kids keep you up all night?
Yeah, as a matter of fact, they did.
And so I just woke up at 5 p.m.
Is that all right?
All my kids, you know.
Yeah, I mean, it's hard to be.
Somewhere between one and two.
It's been very well.
Who are you? Why are you talking to me?
What's your outlet? I'm David Gregory.
He's from Deadline Hollywood.
I used to be the host of Meet the Press, but now he's from Deadline Hollywood.
I recognize you. Yeah, now from Deadline Hollywood.
And my politics anymore.
My name is.
Slim Shady.
And I work for?
No.
My name is, I can't talk.
Okay, I'll take over.
Please, David.
So obviously it's, you know, being you and the people like you, it's not easy as you've
elucidated in your most recent work.
Yeah.
It's, I'm a frog, right? I don't think so
I think you're a person. Oh, okay person to me. I just sometimes I sing it's not easy green
You can't me. Yeah, I don't think you do that. I mean just to myself. Okay, you have your business
How how why would you think I don't do that? Because I know everything you do because you've been in the press a lot lately
Yes, and so we've all gotten to know you
You have just a you know, you have a you use your art to express you have a question
Do you ever feel competitive with your husband
This is really a sore subject between us.
But yeah, I am competitive.
I mean, I'm an actor.
And he's a prince?
No, and I don't think you would call yourself.
Do you think you're a frog again?
I think I might be.
I mean, yeah, I think people don't think of you
as an actor these days.
You of course have a rich history of doing that.
Rich history.
But not how we think.
This is news to me, but you are a news outlet,
so I should be thanking you.
I don't think it would be news to you.
It shouldn't be.
Well, it was.
Well, you're hurting my feelings right now.
Can I ask you, when your work goes unrecognized
by certain bodies, is that frustrating for you,
or are you just glad that the work itself
is gonna be recognized? Are you trying to say that,
am I upset because I haven't won Grammy of the year
for record of the year, whatever?
No.
Album of the year?
No.
Oh.
I don't think.
You were adjacent to a song.
Yeah, but that would be very surprising
if you won a Grammy at all.
Mm-hmm.
Interesting.
Thank you.
Because I feel like I could.
I try to be an interesting reporter.
Well, I mean, you're David Gregory.
David Gregory!
You try to be an interesting reporter.
Um, do you think your next projects, to be an interesting reporter. Well, I mean, you're David Gregory. An interesting reporter.
Do you think your next projects, you do a lot of projects focused on the female perspective.
Yeah.
Do you feel like your next one will do that?
Or are you going to do something fun?
I'm probably going to do something pretty cool
next time, like sci fi, maybe.
Really?
Yeah.
And just I'm so tired of the female perspective.
It's quite a departure for you. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah'm so tired of the female perspective and all that.
It's quite a departure for you.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, departure.
It's gonna be like departure.
What's departure?
Isn't it a movie?
Departed?
It sounds like it could be.
Or you think of the Departed?
Maybe.
Look, honestly, whatever movie it is that I'm thinking of,
I'm gonna try to do something like that.
So a prequel to the Departed called Departure.
Yeah.
No, a sequel to Arrival called Dep. No pre sequel to arrival called departure.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Where the aliens leave.
I'm happy either way.
And they're like, goodbye.
Thank you.
Will you involve your husband?
Look, my husband, who's more famous than me, obviously.
I wouldn't say that.
I mean, come on.
I'm sorry. I just woke up.
I knew it. We were out partying together last night.
It's true. Um, look, can we stop talking about my husband?
Do jumpsuits help you on set?
Great question. I think they sometimes help. They sometimes get in the way. But jumpsuits
are what it's a big part of what I do. Right. If you're on set all day, sure. I see how it would be
comfortable. But let me ask you, speaking of sets, you must be very proud that in your big movie that
you use all these practical sets when
in Age of Green Screen, all these Marvel movies and everything, you're using like a real 3D
constructed set.
Yeah, three dimensions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you have a question?
Sorry.
Or you were just telling me?
I was just wondering if that helped.
My question is, does that help you understand who you are?
Well, I'm obviously a film director.
Uh huh.
Yeah, of course.
And I wear jumpsuits.
Yeah.
And I have a husband.
Yeah.
And I was adjacent to a song.
Uh huh.
And you don't think that I can win a Grammy for some reason?
No.
No.
Jumpsuits.
I think that song won a Grammy.
It did.
Which song?
The one where it was performed at the Oscars.
Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two songs performed at the Oscars.
Yeah, that's right.
From the same movie.
From the same movie.
And this year's Oscars, I'm trying to remember.
Yeah, right, right, right.
I feel like you would remember that.
Cause it was kind of a big-
I feel like it would be very present in your mind.
Yeah.
People kind of thought you were snubbed.
No, I, um, I think, I think it,
one of the reasons is because, uh,
I'm a female director who directed
a movie called Barbie, right?
Yeah.
I don't know what the jumpsuits is referring to.
What do you wear on set?
Everyone was-
Didn't know that.
I've never looked down.
I like to look at people right now.
Oh, so you get dressed, but you don't look down
at what you're wearing.
Someone dresses me.
Oh, okay, like Barbie herself.
Like Don Nappy.
Okay.
I liked my analogy.
I think Barbie made the best one.
I thought it was connected to you.
No, I don't like Barbie.
What's your name?
What?
I thought it was stupid.
What is your name?
I thought the movie was done.
What is your name? Greta Ger is your name? I thought the what is your name? Why are you? Okay?
I didn't know the jumpsuits thing. She wore like jumpsuits on set. Yeah, so that's like it was so important that
It was in all the pictures of her director for a lady. Isn't that a
actually a pain
Yes, I know they're fun to wear.
They are fun to wear.
I mean, you're wearing like sort of a jumpsuit.
But it has to.
It's a dress, it's totally different.
Yeah, dresses like a jumpsuit,
but with the legs.
I don't have to like take it off entirely
to go to the bathroom.
All right, Paul.
That's what I'm talking about.
Paul, you're gonna text me who Lauren is.
If you insist.
I do insist and you will be punished if you don't. Oh, if you insist. I do insist, and you will be punished if you don't.
Oh, interesting.
I guess I wouldn't say that's the one thing
everyone should know about her.
No, but it was just thrown out in other detail.
No, it was great.
There was one thing, Jesus.
But you said it so much like, this will give it away.
Paul knew what I was talking about.
I know what she was talking about.
It did come up.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Hmm. I guess I'm not talking about. It did come up.
All right, let's see.
This ain't Texas. Guess my jumpsuit dar is off.
I don't know if you're gonna know who this is.
If you don't, let me know.
Who me or?
Oops, I forgot what was going on.
Did you send it to Lauren?
I don't, I don't know.
I would never have guessed who I was.
All right, send someone different to me.
That's good.
It's actually good to know.
Yeah, we didn't go down a rabbit hole of.
This ain't no Texas.
Oh, I have a video of me
doing a choreographed dance to that.
What choreographed? Like her and Cool Up. Did she choreographed dance to that. What? Choreographed?
Like her and Cool Up.
Did she choreograph it herself?
I think Cool Up just started doing it.
That's cute.
I'll show it to you.
Fuck, who was it gonna be?
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
I have not received it yet.
Okay, Scott?
I'm trying to give a little play by play for the listener
who doesn't want us to just be there in silence while this happens
All right, wonderful
Excuse me. What is the question question?
Yes you hi, I'm
Joe Newsmax from Newsmax. Okay, I started the channel. It's I've never heard of it. You've never heard of the channel
I think you have you've been on it so many times
Okay, I'm Joe Trader from the fearless flyer
Okay, I feel like there's a disparity between the serious
magazine Yes, it's a newspaper. I
Don't know what how they got they got access to this press circle
But I think Trader Joe Joe shoppers don't read?
They don't want to know about the news?
I think they probably do.
I just, it's very strange to be, I mean, we're a legitimate,
we're a network.
And your name is News Max?
It's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.
Who am I?
It's my grandfather's name.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Oh, I feel like a jerk.
I'm sorry.
His name is News Max?
No, just News.
We added the Max.
Oh, you added the Max.
Like HBO Max.
I mean, everyone knows who you are.
Thanks to your family.
You know, you are...
You're very famous right now,
but I have to say, we love you here at the station.
Okay.
And we're wondering what your next step is.
Probably gonna run for president.
Really? That would make sense.
Wow. Because I'm Ivanka Trump.
I don't think you are. How strange of you to think that.
That's really weird.
Okay. What a weird thing to say.
Especially for you.
But I'm Kate Middleton.
Okay, this is such a weird press conference.
Are we allowed to ask questions or?
Are you just gonna say nonsensical things to us?
Please, we're serious reporters.
Sorry, I got a little stoned before this.
Hey man, I don't blame you.
Okay, so-
I mean, there's rumors that other people
in your family do that a lot.
Yeah. AMA.
Okay. Yeah, great.
The American Medical Association,
what would you do about national healthcare?
Are you for it or against it?
I'm for it.
I feel like everyone-
Really?
That's weird.
Well, I just thought that,
but I actually, when I really think about it,
I'm like, I'm not.
Oh, that makes sense.
That makes more sense.
I think only people who are really rich
should have healthcare.
Okay.
Yeah. What do you say to people- Because you work for it, right? Yeah.
Yeah. It helps my pockets. Yeah. What,
what do you say to people who criticize you for being born into wealth?
You know, I feel like what they don't understand is how great it is.
And so I had no, they don't understand that. Like they don't get it.
It's like I had no control over it, but it was so lucky and awesome. And so that
means that I get to do whatever I want. I think that's what people's criticisms
are. What are they mad about? Do you feel like your brother and sister overshadow
your presence on the campaign? Wow, that's a great question. No. Some say that you're the stealth brains behind the whole operation, behind the scenes.
Some people say that?
I think so.
Am I a woman?
These are weird things you keep saying.
You're not.
You think you're Kate Middleton, you think you're Ivanka Trump.
If you need an answer to that question, no, you're not a woman. OK. And here at Newsmax, we have opinions about that.
But we ask the questions here.
Ask me more.
At the fearless flyer.
I don't think my brother and sister overshadowed me.
I think I'm very capable of making my own stamp.
But you're not named after your father.
No.
You're not a junior, in other words.
Does that, do you wish that you were born first
so you could be the firstborn son?
I'm okay with my place in the family.
Okay. Okay.
And?
As Eric Trump.
What?
I thought you thought you were Kate Middleton.
Did I get it?
Yeah, I thought you were insane.
You did get it.
Yay, Ivanka was a good guess.
It was.
Ivanka was a good guess.
It was a really good guess.
But wrong.
Yep, and that's how we play the game.
Good job, everyone.
And that's called press conference.
I'm thanking whoever sent that in.
Yes, there's no intel on who sent that in originally.
We played it so long ago, probably in the first season.
You got thanked already.
Yeah, you got thanked already.
What, do you want another thanks? Shut the fuck already. Yeah, you got thanked already. What do you want
another thing? Double thanking you know, we'll never double
thank anyone except the people that we already have. Listen, if
you'd like to send us a feature, sort of game like that that we
can play right to us at freedom USA gmail.com. That's our email
address. If you'd like to leave us a voicemail, why don't you do
that at a website? I know, I know, but it's a
website called HagClaims8.com. HagClaims8.com. Leave us a voicemail.
And we're going to listen to those voicemails and answer your questions on our Thremium episodes,
which come out every other Wednesday. That's right. That's on CBB World and also Apple Podcast
Premium. And speaking of CBB World, all of our previous episodes are over there,
ad free episodes of the current episodes,
everything's over at CBB World.
So go sign up for that.
If you don't want to though,
and you want to hear old episodes,
we release one a week.
It's called Three Visiting on the Two's.
Those are on Tuesdays.
Enjoy those.
Enjoy them.
You gotta hear those.
Enjoy.
You gotta hear those old EPs.
They're exactly the same as these. We're on tour. And we tell the. Enjoy. You gotta hear those old apps.
They're exactly the same as these.
We're on tour right now.
We tell the same stories.
We're on tour right now, is that correct?
Yeah, Paul and I are on tour.
Paul's having his own Varietopia tour.
That's right, my live variety show, which is a lot of fun.
And of course, Scott has the Comedy Bang Bang tour, which I'm also a part of.
Yes, and we're out there.
We have, we just completed the first leg of it and we have three more legs to go.
Wow. The tripod.
That's right. We still have a tripod to go.
The little stool.
But being of stools, we better have nice chairs this time.
Doubt it.
Who knows?
I do. We better.
I tried last time. Remember those shows we did in New York?
And I put it in the writer of what type of stools
that we had to have.
And we got to the theater and they went,
oh, we don't have those.
It's just the kind of thing we're dealing with.
I understand, I understand.
But go look at cbbworld.com slash tour.
Go look at that website.
Go look at pauletonkis.com slash live.
And you know, next week is gonna be
the final pre-baby episode.
Wow.
The last time Lauren will find me this amusing. Yep. It's really a shame.
I'm sorry. It's going to go away. It's going to go away.
You're going to pop out. We're going to catch it.
And I'll be next time you hear me, I'll be tired. Next week.
You're going to be tired. No, but next time they hear me after the next one.
Yeah. After the next one. Okay. This next one, you're going to be really super jazzed. This next one. I'm still going to be how I am right
now. Okay. Yeah. You're jacked into my popcorn. Super jacked while you were pregnant. Jacked.
My abs are shredded. Your baby belly is so small. It's really weird to see like the outline
of the baby. Yeah. Actually, against a flat stomach.
Who was like, had a really strong abs,
and then like their baby was carried mostly in their back.
Ugh.
And it's really painful to deliver.
That's fucking.
Yeah.
Ugh.
All right.
We'll see you next time.
Bye. Bye.
We love you.
Bye.
We love you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common?
They take your money and you can't get it back.
16 grand somewhere in there.
Gone.
There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole.
Welcome to The Dough.
I'm ex-Maya.
We're diving into the stories surrounding the
moola baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we're talking about it
all. The Dough is out now wherever you get your podcast.
Hi, I'm June Dayanne-Rafiel and I'm Jessica St. Clair and we would like to
invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive.
From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss,
we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys.
Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get
ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between. And
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