Tiger Sisters - How to Know Who Your Real Friends Are: A Friendship Audit

Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, when I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth.com.

Starting point is 00:00:30 In communities across Canada, hourly Amazon employees can grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. Some of the most important friendships and longest-lasting friendships in our life are with women. Female friendships. Chimes. I don't think I have any childhood friends that go back to six years old that I'm still friends with me. now, but you know who I do have. Me, me, I got you.

Starting point is 00:01:05 And there are also some points where I was like, am I an alien? I was like, wow, I am so different from them. But my first thought was I was like, they are so different. But then I took a step back and I was like, wait, I'm the different one. I am someone who has a few close friends and I'm loyal to the end.

Starting point is 00:01:27 She's loyal babes. I'm loyal babes. What could I personally do to be a better friend? Damn. I'm Cherie. I'm Jean. And we're the Tiger Sisters. We are your Wall Street and Silicon Valley Big Sisters.

Starting point is 00:01:42 And we're a top 10 business podcast bringing late night sister talk meets boardroom strategy. Hi, Tiger fam. Today we're diving into the beautiful and messy world of friendship. As a culture, we often talk about romantic relationship. What's the tea on who we're dating, who we're seeing, what's going on? But honestly, some of the most important friendships and longest lasting friendships in our life are with women. Female friendships. Chimes.

Starting point is 00:02:10 Dittal-littling, ding, ding, ding, ding. Beautiful chimes. Female friendships can be some of the most beautiful and deepest relationships that you have in your life. Because they're there for the breakups. They're there for the career switches. They're there for the marriages, the babies, everything. And at the same time, female friendships can be very both life-affirming and complex. Today, we're getting into the good, the bad, and the messy parts of female friendships,

Starting point is 00:02:37 how we define a good friend, why girls' trips can bring out the best in us and are honestly very healing, friendship group dynamics, and advice on how to navigate the hard conversations so you can also be a good friend to other people. And don't you worry, we are giving friendship breakups a whole separate episode. that's going to be part two because that is a whole that's a whole thing that's a whole thing friendship breakups not for this one but for the next one yeah the next one this one is going to be mostly happy and like mostly mostly and don't worry we definitely have a mini exercise or two for you along the way so buckle up okay so let's start off this episode with story time story time so sheree and I

Starting point is 00:03:18 both went on bacheloretts this past over the last two weekends yes so let's start off with Sheree, tell us about your Bachelorette and what was your, what were your main takeaways from the Bachelorette? Okay, so it wasn't my Bachelorette. Yeah, wait, it wasn't where you made it sound like. Sorry, you're just always the main character. That's funny. So it's hard to, you know.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Guys, I don't have an announcement. It is not my Bachelorette. She went on a Bachelorette. Yes. So one of my best friends from Stanford's Business School is getting married soon and it was her bachelorette, which I'm so happy to celebrate her. Guys, no, I'm not married. I'm not.

Starting point is 00:03:54 Okay. And so it was this past weekend, and it was a group, a mix of people. I think it was around 15 women that represent different parts of her life. So childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, work friends, and then me, I'm a grad school friend. And Gina and I were just talking. It's so funny that we both went on different bachelorets so close to one another. And we just kind of have some like realizations where we're like, we're around so much. many women. There's so many like things we're like figuring out about ourselves and like looking at dynamics,

Starting point is 00:04:28 which is why we want to do a friendship episode. And also interestingly, different women, very different women, some of whom we've never met before, but our best friends with our best friend. Exactly. And so I would say one of my big, big takeaways is finding your tribe. So sometimes when you see bachelorette, you're like Vegas, 3 a.m., bus, club, another club. This couldn't have been more different for this group of girls. We were in Burlington, Vermont, in nature, being so wholesome. I think at 11.30 p.m., everyone was like, we love you, Bachelorette, because this is her personality, but we're like, we're going to go to bed and wake up early so we can go to a cafe and get coffee, you know. Wow, crazy. I mean, it was just not. She's so crazy. It was just so wholesome, which I love, because I feel like

Starting point is 00:05:14 for me, it was very much my vibe, but like so much of my life and also friendships, I've been trying to people who match my vibe. You know, like in college, I had that, you know, sorority and crazy partying and going out and clubbing and all that stuff. And it was like me trying to figure out if I like that, surprise, surprise. Like, that's not really my vibe anymore. But like, I guess it was just really nice to be a part of a bachelorette where I felt like this was totally so wholesome.

Starting point is 00:05:45 We were, you know, having a boat day and exploring little art shops. and it was very, very nice and had minimal alcohol. Very, like, very social alcohol. It wasn't like crazy. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it sounds like your takeaway is there is a tribe for everyone. You just need to find your tribe of girlfriends. Yes.

Starting point is 00:06:04 And, like, my best friend from business school, like her group of girlfriends were very much this speed, which I appreciated. I would say another takeaway that I had is that on this bachelorette, I reconnected with another classmate of ours. And we talked about reading and books. Okay. Her sister is actually a book reviewer for the New York Times. So she's very into reading and books.

Starting point is 00:06:31 She's plugged in. She's plugged in. She's on the cutting edge of books. Totally. And I'm not even kidding. She's amazing. No, wait. I actually, like, I say that in Jess, but it's actually kind of cool.

Starting point is 00:06:41 It's so cool and so true. And so she knows, like, all the cool books from her sister. Okay. But we had a great conversation and, like, went very deep. into our lives and also talked about reading. And now I'm like we're talking about books and texting. Okay. So I think like once you meet someone and you're like, we really vibe, figure out ways you can keep in contact with them. And if it's around, you know, a subject like books and reading and fiction and recommendations, like that's enough to like keep things going. And it's like a thread that you can

Starting point is 00:07:11 like, you know, just hit them up on a Saturday and be like, I finish this book. You would love it. Or like, are you reading this book? I'm reading this now. Okay. I actually kind of do that because I have this one girlfriend of mine who I don't see that often, but the two of us both love Survivor. And I don't have that many friends that watch Survivor. I don't know why, but so I send her, it's like not only the best show in the world. I don't know why more people don't watch the show. I don't know why more people don't watch it, but maybe after this episode they will. Hi, Jeff Probes. Hi, Jeff. Hi, Jeff. Sure, you gave me a shirt with your face on it for Christmas. Yes, it's true. So every Survivor

Starting point is 00:07:49 meme that I see I like send to her. Yes. And I also, we went to a survivor watch party once. And that's kind of like the main thing that we do together. But it's great. I love it. It's a point to connect with someone when there's so many things you can talk about. Like you have your besties for life. You're like, we can talk about everything. But like if you do have like a topic or like a thing with a person, kind of like an inside joke, it's like a way to keep the friendship alive. Hmm. Okay. I think the takeaway is once you find a commonality, you can keep going back to that well. Like you don't exhaust that topic. No, because it's something that has brought you two together. Not you turning my story into a takeaway. Boy, you said these were her takeaways. I know, but you summarized into a

Starting point is 00:08:32 deeper takeaway. And then the last thing I'll say from this Bachelorette that really resonated with me is just kind of seeing my best friend and all of her friends from these different. And all of her friends from these different parts of her life, which I think is really, really special. She has a lot of history with some folks who have known her, you know, since she was six years old. And so I think growing up and having those threads and those people who remind you of who you are, and just like that shared history is so beautiful. And I don't think I have any like childhood friends that go back to like six years old that like I'm still friends with now, but you know who I do have. I got you. Me. I've known you since you were negative years old.

Starting point is 00:09:19 You've known me since I was in the womb. Since you were in the womb. So I'm like, I don't have any childhood friends, but I got you. So don't go anywhere. Yeah, I'll be here. Yes. Tiger Sisters full life, a life forever. This is a full time, every day, forever kind of thing. Okay, so stop trying to summarize. Fine, no summarizing. Wait, you can do something. Fine, no summarizing. What would you say? What would you say?

Starting point is 00:09:42 Um, I don't know, that one's a little harder to summarize. You're just saying it's nice to have people who know you from different parts of your life. Yeah. I think so. Thank you for that. But I do have like one of my best friends, her name is Isha. She knows me from our first job out of school. And so we've known each other for a decade.

Starting point is 00:10:04 And through our careers, as we've both evolved, she's seen me through every part of that very intimately. Because we've had meetings together, you know? It's like weird when like one of your friends knows you at work. they know your work personality. Then you also have like your outside personality. And like if someone could know both of those. Is your personality even any different between your work and outside personality? When I was early in my career, yes. There was more masking, right? There was more like code switching. Yeah. Now, I mean, now it's a little bit different because we work with each other. But like when I was first starting out from school, like, yeah, me in the office was different than me like hanging out with friends.

Starting point is 00:10:38 Yeah. And so she's kind of seen me through the progression of that. And that's really, really lovely. She's seen you through many different haircuts, including the haircut that I gave Cherie during COVID. In 2020. Or I gave her the cutest little bob that was so short. If we find a photo, we can share it. I thought it was so cute, but she doesn't like it now. Well, you only think it's cute because I'm your little sister. It was the most deeply unsexy haircut of my life.

Starting point is 00:11:06 I felt it. It was crazy. I felt so bad. It was perfect for the time. It was perfect for COVID. because you could do whatever you wanted, no one really saw you, you know, but I just felt bad. No. Okay, anyway. But, okay, so you also went on a bachelorette with your very close girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:11:27 What were some of your takeaways? Okay, so actually there is a bit of backstory to this, so I'm going to go on a bit of a soliloquy. But I very uniquely went on two girls' trips in a row, one weekend after the other. Very uniquely. She has a lot of friends. What do you mean? I think it's very unique to go on two girls' trips in a row. That's true. But the only reason it happened is because this past weekend I had committed to go to my college roommates bachelor's, which was in Maine.

Starting point is 00:11:53 And then my friend from business school invited me on a girl's trip that was in Portugal the weekend before, which normally West Coast of Portugal is very egregious, I think, for a long weekend. But because I was already going to Maine, I was like, oh, Europe is kind of on the way in a way. That is some girl math. Yeah. But also, like, I was very much, like, when Gene brought this up, she's like, should I go to Portugal for the weekend? Which is, like, not in our repertoire at all. Like, that's not who we are. But I was just like, hell yeah. Like, go for it. You know what I mean? Like, yolo and enjoy and have some sun, talk to girlfriends. But also, like, going to Portugal for the weekend is like an insane thing. Yeah. But that's girl travel math for you. Yes. But so that's why for the purpose of this episode, I actually have two different girls trips to compare and contrast. And, you.

Starting point is 00:12:44 speak about. Okay, I have several takeaways that I have written down to share with you guys. So the first one is a very short one and it's not specific to girls trips, but it's more about trips in general. And one realization that I had is, I don't know if this is, this is not like the textbook definition between the difference of these words, but I've created a distinction myself between the words holiday and vacation. So I think based on my definition, we go on a lot of vacations, especially with our mom, where vacations involve going to a new place where you want to see all, you know, see all the things and go to all the restaurants and you have reservations and you've booked.

Starting point is 00:13:27 You're maximizing. You're maximizing. You're waking up and you have a schedule and you have an itinerary and you want to like hit all the spots. So that's a vacation. Very go, go, go. Which is very fulfilling in its own way and, you know, soul nourishing. But it's very tiring.

Starting point is 00:13:42 It's not a refreshing, I would say, versus what I call a holiday is what I did the last two weekends where for Portugal, we just went to my friend's house in the countryside, which was, I didn't even see a single city in Portugal. We just like went to this tiny countryside town that she lives in. and it was just four days of relaxing and very little activity where one day the main activity was that we went to the local spring to get spring water. Like that was like the itinerary item. We need to get water. We need to get spring water. And same for the bachelor, which was in Maine. It was just all very relaxing.

Starting point is 00:14:26 And it just made me realize that there is a distinction between what I've defined as vacation versus holiday. And I do think it's important to have some time during the year to have the holiday. Yeah. To not be going to Europe and then going to see, you know, 50 different historical sites over the course of three days. I think it just depends on the person and what they enjoy and how they like to reset. I think someone's, this vacation definition could be someone's holiday. It is not ours, you know, like we like to do a lot of things in our work. life and we're very career-driven and we're like go-go-go-go so that like when we're on vacation

Starting point is 00:15:08 if we're still go-go-go-go that's when I'm sometimes like I need a vacation for my vacation that's where it comes from where I'm like I woke up at 6 a.m. then I'm at three museums you know in this one day and I'm like why am I tired I'm like that's why you know so I think having a more holiday vacation is like definitely something we should both lean into more yeah and I would implore I would think that a lot of people who are, you know, part of the Tiger fam and watch Tiger Sisters are probably pretty driven and ambitious. And, you know, if they go to a new place, they want to make sure they see the sites, etc. I would implore you to consider also doing a holiday, not just a vacation. I think it's also having abundance mindset too where, like, if I'm going to a place, I am going to

Starting point is 00:15:55 come back here. Yes. So that I don't, I don't have to do all of the sites, all the touristy things, because I can split it up. I know not everyone has the freedom and privilege to say that, but I'm like, at this point, I've been to Japan four times for both work and pleasure. Whoa. But I'm like, now I don't really hit you all the head of that one. Flex, flex. But then, like, you don't have to, like, drive yourself crazy because I know I'm going to go back many more times that I want to.

Starting point is 00:16:21 Yeah. So I can do the things and then also, like, find the small ways to holiday as well. Yeah. She's like, I'll be back for this habachi place. I'll be back for this standing sushi bar for show. For show. Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice.

Starting point is 00:16:41 I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh. Then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG private wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com. New from Nespresso.

Starting point is 00:17:09 Blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function, and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight. Our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning.

Starting point is 00:17:32 Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. Quick pause, Tiger Fam. We've been using granola lately, and it's been an absolute game changer. Granola is an AI-powered notepad that helps you stay present during your meetings, and you can look at all the notes and transcriptions after the meeting ends. It's actually so useful, and you can use it for so many instances. But the one that actually me and my girlfriends were talking about this weekend is that you can

Starting point is 00:17:58 actually use it for interviews. Wait, that's so true because an interview is one of those instances where you actually need to be so present. Right. So with granola, you can actually still take notes in the interview like you normally would if you want to, but granola is securely transcribing the entire meeting in the background and it turns it into these really useful notes when the meeting is over. And for an interview, I love that you come away with transcription and notes, but you're not sacrificing the need to be fully engaged the entire time. Yeah, that's my favorite part too, because in the meeting or in the interview, you can be curious, you can ask better follow up questions, you can actually follow their line of thinking and dig into it more.

Starting point is 00:18:38 And so it's actually just your normal meeting, but with superpowers. Yeah, I've just been in meetings where, like, I'm talking to someone and I'm, like, typing at the same time. And I'm, like, kind of like, half listening, half typing. And so I think with Grinola, because you have the transcription, you don't have to. to be doing so many things at the same time. So if meetings are eating up your day, granola is a no-brainer. You can try it totally free. Just head to granola.a.a.coma slash tiger sisters to get your time back. Try it for free at granola.a.ai slash tiger sisters. Thanks guys. Now back to the show. Okay, I have another takeaway, which is very heartwarming and emotional.

Starting point is 00:19:24 So what I realized is one of the powerful things about girls trips is getting to spend a lot of time together and tell each other your stories, like some things you've heard before, getting to know each other better. And one of the things that ends up happening is you kind of can observe each other very deeply and you can start to see how your friends perceive you, which is a really, really beautiful thing. And it's something that I found both myself doing and receiving. So for example, I was talking to my friend who was hosting us and I was kind of just like reflecting on her life journey. And I was like, friend, you are such a fearless person. Like, I don't know if you know that about yourself, but, you know, you have lived so many lives in your one life. It was something that I had observed about her and I was happy to share it with her. And she was so touched by that, even though that's probably something maybe she knows about herself,

Starting point is 00:20:29 but to hear it from a friend. Yeah. And hearing it from a friend who loves you. These are girls who you love and they love you. Yeah. Like this is like real friendship. None of that like fake undercutting weird stuff. Yes.

Starting point is 00:20:42 And then my other friend who was there was kind of saying all these things to me that were very much. like I realized that she was dreaming big for me. And she would say all these things, she'd be like, oh, so are you going to, are you going to get into acting? Are you going to become an actor? Are you going to be, she was like coming up with all these dreams for me that maybe I had secretly had for myself, but it's kind of embarrassing to share with people. But it's so cool to have a friend who proactively will have those dreams and aspirations for you and share them with you. Yeah. So it was just like a really beautiful weekend.

Starting point is 00:21:19 to have time to do that. And then also, I think it's such a privilege to have the ability to spend extended time with your girlfriends. Absolutely. Because something really comes out of it when you're spending multiple days together that would never come out if you're just having, you know, a dinner or two. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:40 So if I'm going to summarize, if I'm going to go the takeaway. The takeaway is your takeaways. You can. Well, I think the extent. time thing is so true where like if you can go on a trip with your girlfriends it's like it's not just one evening it's like the evening the morning the lunch like doing thing and like also like going grocery shopping together it's like the things that happen in the monday going to the spring together to get to get fresh mountain water i think doing trips if you can like overnight stuff um really deepens

Starting point is 00:22:13 friendships in such a more meaningful way than like a dinner every month or something like that And then I would also say, too, I've realized with my therapist that I am someone who has a few close friends and I'm loyal to the end. She's loyal babes. I'm loyal babes. Okay, she doesn't get that reference because it's from Love Island. I'm loyal babes. I'm loyal babes. But like, I think I see a lot of people with like a lot of different friends and they have like 20 girlfriends.

Starting point is 00:22:47 and I'm like, love that for you. I kind of secretly want it because like it looks really nice on Instagram to have like a whole ton of like girl group gang stuff. But I'm like who I am is like I find my people who dream big for me and like really wish the best for me. And once I find that person, I'm like, you're my sister for life. Not this sister, but you're my sister in Christ for life. Like and then I really, and I would say like I sometimes make a joke.

Starting point is 00:23:15 I'm like, I think I have like maybe five friends. or like really deep, deep friendships where I'm like, these women care so much about me and see me so deeply as I see them. Yeah. How would you categorize me? Like how I see you? No, I mean, do I have just a few friends like you? Are you about to cry?

Starting point is 00:23:35 No. Oh, it's hot in here. I thought you were crying. Are you about to cry? No. Let's see. How do I see you? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:23:46 You have to work through therapy on your own. I can't answer these questions for you. Okay, okay. How do you see yourself? I think I, I think both. I think I have very deep friends, but then also, like yesterday you were like, you have so many girlfriends. Yeah. And I was like, I didn't think I did. I think you do have a mix of both. The thing is, I can't really do casual. I don't do casual in any form of the word. Can I share one last takeaway? Sure.

Starting point is 00:24:12 Okay. So the last takeaway that is a little bit bit bittersweet, but I wanted to talk about it because it's, incited this like feeling deep inside me that I think maybe some other people have but it's hard to talk about is that for the bachelorette I was actually the only woman I was the only girl in the bachelorette who is single and the majority of people are married and have babies well they're all married except for the bachelorette who's engaged and um all but one of the women had kids and so naturally a lot of the discussion centers around their kids because that's, you know, like their life. And that's what they're really spending a lot of time in. And that's what they have questions about. That's what we want to discuss. And I guess I just am not really in that situation a lot. I don't really hang out that

Starting point is 00:25:08 often with groups of people that have children where that becomes the primary topic. And so I just don't have this feeling a lot, but it was very much, like, there were points in the conversation where I obviously had nothing to add, like I had just nothing to say, and there were also some points where I was like, am I an alien? Like, yeah, it was just so different. It was just really, and of course, nobody meant anything by it. Like, they are all absolutely wonderful, beautiful, kind people, I just was like, wow, I am so different from them. But my first thought was, I was like, they are so different. But then I took a step back and I was like, wait, I'm the different one. So I think it's easy when you maybe live in a big city like us to not feel that I'm in my mid-30s

Starting point is 00:26:09 and I'm single and I don't have kids and I'm not in a serious relationship now, so I'm not necessarily on a track to do that anytime very soon. And I never feel bad about it, really. But in this instance, when you're kind of in it for multiple days in a row, you really, really, really feel the otherness. So I don't really have, well, I guess my takeaway is that it is really important to what I've subconsciously done is to build friendships with people who are in a similar life stage as you. Because I think, you know, for a weekend, it was beautiful to celebrate

Starting point is 00:26:53 my friend and hang out with all these people. But if it was my every single day where I was the only one that didn't have kids, I would feel, I think it, I would start to feel bad. You kind of chip away. Because you just feel so different. Yeah. And then the thought spiral is, well, what's wrong with me? You know. Yeah, let's stop that thought spiral. No, I don't have that thought spiral, really. Her eyes are glistening now, guys.

Starting point is 00:27:18 They're not. But I guess for your Portugal weekend, those women are more similar life stage to you, right? Yeah, even though we're all the same age. So it was funny, that weekend was actually, it was really funny how fluidly we moved between talking about skin care or. or this is how I set up my LLC and I also set up an S-Corps and this is my lawyer. You should talk to this person. It was just really free flowing.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Like it could have been an episode of Tiger Sisters, Money, Power, and Love. Right. I mean, I would say kudos to you for going through both weekends and coming out with really thoughtful reflections. And also, like, I guess. Kudos to me. Kudos to me. But also, like, my first takeaway was find your tribe. and you're like, this bachelorette is not exactly your tribe at the stage in your life,

Starting point is 00:28:13 which is, I think, a good thing to realize and adjust. And I know it's just a bachelorette, but it's a good thing to know about yourself. Yeah, even though they're all beautiful, wonderful people that I would love to be better friends with. Individually. Yeah. But as a group, it's like, ah, y'all are mothers and talking about your kids. And I'm an alien. Hey, Tiger Fam.

Starting point is 00:28:35 Take five seconds to subscribe to the Tiger Sisters podcast. When you subscribe, you are notified every single time a new episode drops. And if you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, please rate us five stars and leave a comment about this podcast because it really helps people discover our content and it helps us to continue to make the show for you. If you're listening to this on Spotify right now, take this opportunity to turn on the video. Thanks. Now back to the show. Okay, I have a bonus takeaway. Okay, let's hear it. I've never talked so much on a podcast ever, guys.

Starting point is 00:29:12 Is that true? No, I'm just kidding. Someone analyze our airtime who speaks more Sharia, Gene. For sure, you. But, okay, one other takeaway I had is that during The Bachelorette, it was actually put together by my best friend, the Bachelorette sister, her younger sister, who is two years younger than her. And it was so funny and lovely and heartwarming to observe their sister.

Starting point is 00:29:39 sisterly dynamic together, even though it is very, very different than our sisterly dynamic because they're so close in age, that they have a lot of that, like, cute sister bickering that comes from being so close in age. And it just made me, it made me realize by watching them, I was like, oh, this is why people say they enjoy watching our sisterly dynamic, because it's just something that's sort of ineffable. Like you can't put your finger on it. you can't capture it, you can't define it. It's just the sisterly dynamic of having grown up with each other your entire lives. Yeah. Where it's fun to be a part of it. Like I enjoyed just being with them when they were interacting.

Starting point is 00:30:23 Oh. And I was like, oh, this is so cute. Like I felt like I was part of their family. Yeah. And so I think that might be how sometimes people feel when they're watching Tiger Sisters. Yeah. And even the fact that we call it the Tiger fam. Right.

Starting point is 00:30:35 Like it's very, um, I got like, like a slice of that, or a taste of that for the first time for myself. For sure. I mean, it also goes to show that there's so many different types of family dynamics and sister relationships. Like what you see on Tiger Sisters is one of 100,000, I bet, of like, how, you know, age comes into play and, you know, how you've grown up with someone. It reminds me of Ashton and Alex Earle because their sister dynamic. I mean, they're much younger than both of us.

Starting point is 00:31:05 And... Excuse me. I said both of us. And, but they're closer in age to each other than we are. But, and it's very public. But some of the fights that they get onto that they post on TikTok are so insane where they're like full on yelling at each other and like it's crazy. Like, Jean and I don't really have those fights.

Starting point is 00:31:23 And if I'm like, if I say something with an attitude, she'll be like, you're being so mean. Like I see what Ashton and Alex do. And I'm like, that's mean. I'm not mean. Yeah, but she has an attitude, guys. Yeah, I'm the younger sister. I'm supposed to have an attitude. So, well, what about me?

Starting point is 00:31:39 You're the older sister. No attitude for you. But I'm like, that's like what they do. Like the screaming yelling type of sister stuff. Like, Jean and I don't interact that way. And I think if I did, that would be super crazy. I should try it out. Like, no.

Starting point is 00:31:56 Maybe I should try it out. I should try it out for once. Okay, so Tiger Fam, before we get to the end of this episode, we do have a mini exercise, obviously. Because as you're listening to the conversation that Gene and I have on friendship, our takeaways, we want to turn the camera back to you and help you guys reflect on what friendship, especially friendship with women, female friendship, what it means to you. And if you're in a place where you're kind of questioning your friendships or thinking about like what do these friendships mean and how do they

Starting point is 00:32:29 evolve, I think this is a really good place to start. Okay, so I think some questions you can ask yourself. And this could be of a girl group or a, an individual one-on-one friendship you have is... Wait, so this mini exercise is called The Friendship Audit, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. So the first question is, do I like who I am around this person? Okay.

Starting point is 00:32:48 When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh. Then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need. need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com. Where some see heroes and

Starting point is 00:33:20 others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Yeah, that's a really good question. Let that sink in. Like, who are you truly?

Starting point is 00:33:53 Are you being yourself? Are you being 80% yourself? Are you being 10% yourself? Because the more misaligned you are with your true self-personhood around a person, if you do that for a long time, you're going to go crazy. How can you tell if you like who? You just feel bad when you're not being yourself around a certain person. Unless you're a really good actor and you don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 00:34:19 That's how you want to live life. I don't know. That's just like not how I do deep friendships. I'm like we need to get to a point of understanding and deepness. Like I feel like in college I was pretending a lot. And I didn't realize that until later. But I was just like, this is not really who I am. What were you pretending to be?

Starting point is 00:34:36 I guess like go out and party a lot and be a sorority girl. And I was doing it because that's what the group was doing. The crowd was doing. Right. And that's friendships are really important to me at that time. it's not really who I am. and then I felt kind of like a jolt. I was like, this doesn't feel good. Okay. Okay. I another question to ask, which I think is so important, is can I tell them when I'm hurt? Hmm. I think this is so important.

Starting point is 00:35:06 a friendship, especially one that you really care about. If there are things that are like annoying you and there's like three that kind of add up and you haven't told this person, these pinches become a bigger crunch. So that's kind of the terminology. They're called pinches, which is why, because they're small. But then they turn into resentment if you don't tell the other person. So this actually reminds me of a story that my best friend, the Bachelorette, retold to me this weekend, which is that, so she was my freshman year roommate and our third best friend lived down the hall from us. But we also had a bunch of friends in another dorm room. So she would spend a lot of time there. And she told me, she was like,

Starting point is 00:35:48 yeah, remember that time in freshman year when you and Carrie sat me down and had a conversation with me and said, you know, I think you're spending too much time in the other dorm room. Like, we don't get enough time to hang out with you and we really miss you. And I have zero memory of having this sit down with her and this like intervention. But when I think back on it, it must mean that we were really comfortable as friends for us to have this sit down, pull her aside and be like, you're not spending enough time with us. We really miss you. You're hanging out in the other dorms you much. Yeah. And it's just thinking back on it, it's really sweet. I mean, if you can't talk about the small things, you can't talk about the big things. So I think it's definitely a two-way

Starting point is 00:36:33 street. Also, if they bring something to you, also how do you react as well? So I think that's also really important. Okay. Another friendship audit question is can we celebrate one another without keeping score? Oh, yeah. I love to celebrate. I love celebrating with friends. You have to celebrate your friends. I love it so much. I love it so much. I love it so much. I don't know. There's no room for any of like the petty stuff, the petty shit and like trying to one up one of each other or. or dunk on someone. Like, I don't have any room for that in my life. Amen.

Starting point is 00:37:07 Hey, guys, it came to my attention that some of you don't know, we have a matcha brand. What? A matcha brand? Yes, like, some of my friends were talking to me, like, wait, you guys have a matcha brand and it's called Sisters Macha. Gene and I started it in October 2024,

Starting point is 00:37:22 and it's something that means a lot to us because I lived and worked on the farm where we source the matcha from. This Macha brand is our baby, and we are so passionate about it, and we really love everything that has gone into it. There's just so much love and passion that goes into our company, and we want to share it with you guys. We source from a small family farm just an hour and a half

Starting point is 00:37:44 outside of Kyoto called Wazuka is the name of the town. And it's absolutely incredible. We've visited the farm. We've worked on the farm. And we're so excited to bring it to you. So you can find out more at sisters matcha.com. That's sisters matcha.com. All righty. Now back to the show. Okay. Two more friendship audit questions. Can the friendship survive different seasons of life? And when something goes wrong, do we get curious or defensive? That's a really high bar. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:12 That's a high bar. Yeah. For both parts. I think so. Especially the first part. Different seasons of life. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:20 I mean, one of my best friends just had a baby, and I'm so thrilled and happy for her, but we're moving into a different season of our friendship. I mean, of her life because she has a kid now. But, like, of our friendship, too. And I'm actually really excited to see where that goes and how that goes, you know? I mean, I only see good things happening of it, but I'm like, now we get to hang out with her and her kid. I'm like, that's so cute. She made this thing.

Starting point is 00:38:44 Yeah. That's very generous of you. Yeah. And lastly, and maybe most importantly, what could I personally do to be a better friend? Damn. Yeah. Okay, that one's like a bonus question. Because that's a lot.

Starting point is 00:38:59 I mean, I... But for a good friend. Yeah, for sure. I want to be an amazing friend to someone, especially because my circle is so small, I have a lot of time for those people. If I had 25 friends, I don't know, I'd be like a mediocre friend to all of them. She is truly an amazing friend. She's always writing handwritten notes and note cards and sending flowers, buying random gifts on Amazon and websites and making gift baskets for them. I love it.

Starting point is 00:39:29 She's a really good friend. Because I have a very high bar. And also my friends do so much for me in making me feel supported that this is how I love to give. And like once you're in, I'm la la la loyal. It's I'm loyal bibes. No, I like the way I say it. Okay, fuck.

Starting point is 00:39:45 She invented her own meat. But that's just how I do friendships in my life. Yeah. Which I think is a segue into friendship breakups, which is why they hurt so much more for me. Because once I let you in and you're in, you're in for life. So I think in our next part two of this episode, we're going to go into kind of the difficulties, the challenges and the heartbreak of friendship breakups.

Starting point is 00:40:09 Yeah. Who here has cried unconsolably from a friendship breakup? Me. You have? Yeah. I didn't know about this. Oh, well, maybe you'll find out next episode. So you were crying in this.

Starting point is 00:40:21 I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Yeah. So stay tuned for part two where we talk about the flip side. I hope you guys enjoyed this friendship episode where Gene and I were reminiscing, giving our takeaways, and it was truly so lovely and beautiful. Yeah, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend, share it with your family. Do not forget to subscribe and follow because that is really, really important to keeping Tiger Sisters alive and growing Tiger Sisters. And also, subscribe to our substack.

Starting point is 00:40:51 We have a new newsletter. It's tigersisters.substack.com. It's linked in the description. And I would say if you're watching or listening to this episode and you have some questions about female friendship in this part one, please feel free to leave them in the comments. We'll take a look and hopefully bring in some of your questions and your concerns. Oh, for part two. And answer them in part two. Yeah. That's why I love these two-parter episodes because then you can leave questions for the next one.

Starting point is 00:41:18 And I love this topic. It's so beautiful. It really is very heartwarming. And I'm very excited to put a stake through that heart when we talk about friend your breakups. Love it. All right, Tiger fam. See you next time. Bye.

Starting point is 00:41:33 And here, the Mona Lisa, gazed into Mona's eyes in perfect health, with no undiagnosed problems and her optic nerve in excellent condition. Anyone here got eyes like Mona? Mine are brownish. Not enough people know about their eye health. That's why OCT scans are included in every standard eye exam at Specsaver's locations. Should have gone to spec savers. Book an eye exam today.

Starting point is 00:42:03 I exams provided by independent optometrists. Contact your local spec savers for details.

Tiger Sisters - How to Know Who Your Real Friends Are: A Friendship Audit

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.