Tiger Sisters - Reset your life in 30 days: 3 proven Harvard & Stanford frameworks for any age

Starting point is 00:00:00 Have you ever had to make a really big change in your life, like starting a new job or ending a relationship? Change and starting over is so freaking scary. In this episode, we're going to be talking about how to start over and how to manage the emotional highs and lows. Today, we're going to go through three powerful frameworks to absolutely transform your lives and, more importantly, your mindset. The first is William Bridges Transitions. The second is Carol Dweck's growth mindset. And the third is Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. At age 35, I totally restarted my career for the second time. And I broke off my engagement after an eight-year-long relationship.

Starting point is 00:00:43 If you want the roadmap for a total life reset, you're in the right place. I'm Cherie. I'm Gene. And we're the Tiger Sisters. If you're feeling stuck at age 29, 36, or whatever age, this episode is for you. And stick around because 15 minutes. in the episode, we're going to drop a five-minute exercise inspired by Harvard psychologists that could totally fast track your reinvention. And we'll be right back right after this break.

Starting point is 00:01:21 Hey guys, quick break to let you know that we now have merch on sisters matcha.com. We have sweatshirts and t-shirts that we designed yourselves. Go check it out. And please rate us five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. These ratings are so important for the distribution and survival of Tiger Sisters Podcast. Thank you for your support. And we're back. So one of the reasons why, we want to talk about this topic is because transitions happen all the time, especially when you're in your early 20s and 30s. I would say when you're coming out of school, so much of my identity, both professional and personal, was built around my career for better or for worse. And when something

Starting point is 00:01:58 big happens like a transition, I didn't really have the tools to handle it. So I'm so glad we're talking about this in this episode. The first framework that we're going to be talking about is William Bridges' transition framework. So William Bridges and his book Transitioned, says that change is actually external. So that's something like changing jobs, while transition is actually an internal process. So William Bridges actually outlines three stages. There's ending, neutral zone, and new beginnings.

Starting point is 00:02:27 I really love this framework, and especially how it names and titles each of the stages. So often people, including me, will rush to the new beginning and not even process what just happened, whether it's a career change, whether it's a change in relationship or a friendship. I think for me, since I'm such like I go, go, go type a person, I'm like, okay, how do I execute and just do the next thing?

Starting point is 00:02:50 Because honestly, that's what keeps me from processing, like a lot of the like hurtful or bad or sad emotions. But so much of it is staying in the neutral zone, reflecting before starting in the new beginning. One thing we wanted to do throughout this episode in every section as we talk about each framework is actually give kind of personal anecdotes. as like a version of like case studies, kind of like how we did in our earlier episodes, where for the case studies, we talked about different companies or brands.

Starting point is 00:03:20 This time we're going to talk, like use ourselves as a case studies. So for me, for example, I've shared before that at age 35, I ended my engagement after an eight-year-long relationship. So that obviously was the ending part of this framework. And as I moved into the neutral zone, I felt like really lost in a lot of ways because it wasn't just the ending of a relationship. It was like the ending of the entire sort of conception of my life and like all of the next steps of my life where obviously I was going to get married. We were going to have kids. We were going to, you know, live happily ever after together.

Starting point is 00:04:00 But only by actually being in and like slowly working through the mire of the news. was I finally able to emerge out to the new beginning, which is like now, like, this is my new beginning. This is so, so different than anything I've ever done before. But I don't think I ever would have been able to arrive here had I not gone through the process of like being sort of like feeling stuck in the neutral zone and like trying all these new different things, which we'll talk about in the later frameworks. And just like really being in it for sort of like quite a, what felt like quite a while. It felt like a long time to me because I'm also really, I think inherently impatient person. But I think that's why the neutral zone is so difficult. Because sometimes it can

Starting point is 00:04:47 feel like when you're in the neutral zone, not a lot is happening day to day. Yeah. Because like, you know, in my neutral zone, I'm like journaling. I'm going to the gym. Things feel slow. But when that compounds over time, when you're like super reflective, I'm like, oh, something worked. Something happened. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And okay, not to forget that I also, right before ending my engagement, had just left my job at Snapchat as head of product.

Starting point is 00:05:17 And that was after working at Snap for over seven years and having worked in corporate for pretty much my entire professional life. So it was like a big, it was like multiple, like huge transitions and changes at the same time. That's really scary. Yeah, it was scary, guys. It was scary. And then I moved in. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:43 And we became roommates and we started this new venture together. Yeah, new beginnings. And we also want to give you another example of someone you might have heard of, Steve Jobs. The Steve Jobs story is pretty infamous. He was ousted by the board at Apple. He basically lost control of his company. He was kicked out and that was technically his ending. As the lore goes, he then spent years.

Starting point is 00:06:05 in the creative wilderness where it was the neutral zone, he was reflecting and figuring out his next moves. And then he triumphantly returned to Apple, which was his new beginning. It just underscores how the neutral zone can be a place for fresh ideas and for setting you up for your next starting over point. We also wanted to, in this episode, give mini exercises so that you could actually practice the framework IRL. So the one for transitions is to jot down. one area of your life that you feel like there is an impending ending or is like actually ending or has just ended and then write down how you feel about it and then next write down one possibility that could bloom if you actually fully embrace the neutral zone and we'd love to learn about what you guys write if you're open to sharing with us in the comments. After you finish this exercise we'd love to hear from you in the comments about your new possibilities and just a reminder this transition framework can apply to so many things. It can apply to career, romance, friendship, basically anything.

Starting point is 00:07:10 So it's a time for reflection. And up next, we'll talk about Carol Dweck's growth mindset framework. So I'm really excited to talk about this topic. I read this book a long time ago, and Carol Dweck is actually a professor at Stanford. So I hold this very close to my heart. In Carol Dweck's book, she talks about two different types of mindset, a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. And a fixed mindset is basically believing within yourself, either I'm going to

Starting point is 00:07:35 good at something or I'm not. A growth mindset is that I can learn something and with enough effort and perseverance, I can figure it out. And I think what's really important to distinguish is that some people ironically are like, oh, like I'm not a growth mindset person or I am a growth mindset person that actually goes against the entire concept of growth mindset because you're not one person or another. It's just a mindset. So anybody, even if you previously had a fixed mindset, you can adopt a growth mindset going forward. So the growth mindset to adopt a growth mindset. Yes, exactly.

Starting point is 00:08:10 But that's just something that I want to emphasize because like sometimes people are so like, you know, like sort of like been in their ways for so long. They've been in that fixed mindset for such a long time that they almost couldn't imagine themselves being a growth mindset person. But it's just a mindset shift. It's not inherent to your being. You know what I mean? People with growth mindset are able to push through obstacles.

Starting point is 00:08:32 Whereas people with a more fixed mindset, when they're faced with obstacles, they're like, oh, God, this is just another reason why, you know, X, Y, Z can't happen. Like, it feels like they're very stuck. And instead of seeing an obstacle as something that you can, like, go around or figure out, it's just an obstacle in their way. And so I felt a huge need to develop a growth mindset, although I didn't have this terminology for it in college. and I especially felt this when I was studying computer science. And because I was able to, you know, major in computer science, really tough it out and seek all the resources and study and work my ass off for it. I'm just like I was able to do that.

Starting point is 00:09:16 I feel like I'm able to do anything now. And it's like given me a growth mindset that like I can do hard things. And it actually kind of even more than that, I'm like I did. That was like the hardest thing of my life doing like, you know, all nighters and studying. It was a grueling major for me and I'm so happy I did it and I enjoyed it along the way. But I'm like, if I can do that, I can basically do anything. Yeah. And that is just like where my growth mindset is like rooted so deeply in my body that I'm like,

Starting point is 00:09:42 any challenge, I can figure it out. Yeah. You know, I so relate to that. I think that having a growth mindset is actually one of my like self-identified most defining factors actually because I feel like if I hadn't had a growth mindset, I never would have taken the path that I did because even honestly my first job out of school working at Goldman, I took that job like not even really knowing how to use Excel. I swear to God. I swear. I did not know how to use Excel except for like we use it a few times in these statistics

Starting point is 00:10:17 class like statistics and econometrics classes that I had to take. But that's different. Like then actually it's different than creating like a DCF model. Yes. It's actually it's different from actually using Excel in like a workplace setting where you have to. to do it as fast as you can and as accurately as you can. So like I sort of like threw myself into the deep end and like threw myself to the wolves in a way. And I was able to eventually like learn like to be clear, I was never became like an Excel whiz.

Starting point is 00:10:44 I was never even in the top 50% of people who are like good at using Excel at work, especially as an analyst. But I was able to still be a very good top performing analysts. and because I was able to do that, that's how I even had the courage to be like, hey, yeah, like, I'll be a product manager. Like, there are a lot, like, a lot of things I don't know about product management. Well, I don't know anything about product management, actually. But I feel like I have the inherent skill to be able to learn things quickly and work hard

Starting point is 00:11:18 and try my best and like all these other things so that like I will learn how to be an excellent product manager, just like I learned how to be an excellent, you know, financial analysts at Goldman Sachs. And then like same thing for like everything in our lives, even what we're doing now. Yeah. Like I've never been in front of the camera before. I've never like talked about my personal life and my experiences or like shared my learnings with people before. But I'm like, yeah, I can do it. Like I don't know. I don't know. I hope I'm doing good job, you know, up to you guys. Leave nice comments for Jean. We read every single one of them. If you like, you like, Gene being on camera. She's vulnerable. She's taking a lot of courage to be here. We love that.

Starting point is 00:11:59 Yeah, I'm still new to this guys. But I was just like, sure, I'll do it. Like, I'll just throw myself into it. And I think it'll be fun. And I'll be developing a new, a new skill and like a new side of me. And it's been really fun. And I'm, it's very rewarding. So I think all of that, like my entire career can be sort of chalked up to the fact that I had a growth. mindset that any of this stuff even happened. Yeah. And also what we're working on now with sisters matcha, our matcha brand that we started like last July, August. Like we have only worked in like digital products for our professional careers, right? So like we're product managers at tech companies. But now we have a CPG company, a consumer package good. It's like a

Starting point is 00:12:47 physical thing that we're selling. And it's also a consumable, which is so different. It's so wild guys. It's so crazy. It's a lot. to me. And also so fun. It's so fun. Yeah. If you if what we're saying kind of resonates with you and you're like you like challenges and you like learning, then like a growth mindset is a great thing to adopt so that you continuously learn more and also learn faster. Like in this last year we're doing completely new things and I'm having the time of my life. It is so fun and it's so scary too. Like on the other side of it, It's just like, holy crap, I'm doing things I've never done before. I don't know if I'm doing it right.

Starting point is 00:13:26 Yeah. I don't know if I'm doing like a good job of it. We don't know anyone in the industry to like help us. Like we're kind of just like figuring it out. Like you know how people are saying you're like building the airplane and flying it as you go. It's kind of what we're doing. But also like. I like it.

Starting point is 00:13:41 In addition to like not knowing, I'm also trying my hardest. And because I believe in it and love it so much that like I can try my hardest and give 120% with no regrets. You know what I mean? Because we're working for ourselves. I wouldn't give 120% if I were working for the man. You know what I mean? Like I just wouldn't care as much.

Starting point is 00:13:59 So I guess with the growth mindset, it's just like fulfilling so much of what I care about. And I'm so excited to have a growth mindset too. Yeah. And I guess the last thing I'll say on a more personal note when I am looking for a partner and like in dating someone romantically. Oh. Oh. We do say our podcast is about money, power, and love.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Yes. And so this is the love component. I will only be with a person if they have a growth mindset. Like they, because a growth mindset is important for work. That's kind of what we're talking about. But it's also so important for relationships. Instead of someone being like, this is who, like if we fight or get into an argument, like this is who I am, blah, blah, blah, like don't try to change me. Like I'm not trying to change anyone, but we should be able to grow together. If we're like going to be a pair, we need to be able to. move in the same direction and that can mean both of us being flexible and growing and learning together. I totally agree because aside from the aspect of where you're, I don't know, like if you're in an argument or something with someone who has a fixed versus growth mindset, I think it's just like your everyday interactions with someone. I feel like it's almost kind of like a person who's

Starting point is 00:15:10 a default no versus a person who's like default yes. Yeah. Right. Like or even just like a default maybe. Like you know what I mean? Just like not a hard no. Yeah. Which is just a different. more fun to live that way. Yeah. Like I recently, should I tell a personal story? Oh my God, I'm scared. I'm like terrified. I don't know what's going to come out of your mouth.

Starting point is 00:15:32 Okay. If it's not good, we can cut it. But no, this is just random. I recently was supposed to go to this Broadway rave with my girlfriend who loves Broadway. As one does. As one does. And we like found this Broadway rave. So we were like, LOL, like this is hilarious.

Starting point is 00:15:51 And then my other friend was supposed to come. She couldn't come at the last minute. So I was going to go from a date to this Broadway rave. But since we had this extra ticket, I just asked my date. I was like, hey, like, do you want to come to this Broadway rave with me? And, like, this is not a person who I think has, like, ever, like, not a Broadway person, not a theater person at all. And he was just like, yeah, sure.

Starting point is 00:16:17 Yeah, that'll be fun. And then he went and he had, like, the time of his life. Is that growth mindset or does he just like you? Or does he just want to spend more time with you? I thought it was growth mindset. Well, I'm glad you told. Maybe it's a combination. It's a combination of both.

Starting point is 00:16:32 Wow, my long-eye accent is coming out for some reason because I'm embarrassed. It's a combination. And I'm glad you told that story because that was a safe story. I didn't know. I really didn't know. What kind of stories? Did you think I was going to tell? We won't go there.

Starting point is 00:16:48 Should we keep it in? Should we keep this in? That's for subscribers only. Just kidding. We don't have a subscription service. But anyway, should we? I wanted to say on the love part, another personal anecdote is that I have two friends who are married. And they were telling me more about their relationship and a mantra that, like, they share is they ask each other after a long day.

Starting point is 00:17:15 They both work. They ask each other, like, how can I love you better? Whoa. Yes. Yes. Who day? Tell me later. Beep and beep.

Starting point is 00:17:25 And they're like, you know, happily married, recently married. But like that's something that's been a fixture of their relationship is that they ask each other that. And I love the story or just even that mantra because like I aspire to have a relationship like that where it's so rooted in growth in like how can I be better. Not that I'm doing anything wrong, but I just want to like continually grow and be better and like love you better. I think that's a very beautiful thing. It's so intentional. It is. I want that.

Starting point is 00:17:55 I want that for me. She's, yeah, she wants the book. She wants the, you know. You know. Yeah. Yeah. How can I love you better every day? How can I love you better every day?

Starting point is 00:18:06 Don't answer that. Okay. And before we move on to the next framework, just a really quick mini exercise for you guys to do is one, identify a limiting belief that you have. and then two, rewrite it with a growth mindset approach. So an example of this, we talked about it in one of our previous episodes, but I learned this at Stanford, and it's basically manifestation but better. One of my professors, Joel Peterson, he has these mantras,

Starting point is 00:18:36 and they were based off his previous limiting beliefs. So for example, one of his limiting beliefs is that he thought he was a very emotional person, like he let his emotions get the best of him sometimes. So he turned that around and instead of having his emotions control him, his new mantra or how he talks to himself as he says, I am not my emotions. So that's just one very quick example of a limiting belief that you might have and one way to turn it on its head. Now try the exercise on your own.

Starting point is 00:19:10 And let us know in the comments what you write down. I feel like a teacher. The last framework we're going to talk about today is a concept popularized by Stanford called design thinking. This framework called designing your life helps you cut wasted time by allowing you to quickly test your ideas. They have a book and also a class at Stanford where they teach this to students. I didn't get the chance to take the class at Stanford, but many of my friends did. And the four parts of this framework are as follows. The first is curiosity.

Starting point is 00:19:41 The second is prototyping experiences. The third is reframing problems. And the fourth is radical collaboration. Hmm. So this framework emphasizes action and taking small experiments over like endless thought exercises and pondering. So one way I applied this framework in my own life is that after I finally left Snap after working there for seven years, I wanted to try out a bunch of different things that

Starting point is 00:20:07 basically I'd never done in my life. Like I was kind of trying to figure out what I want to do next before I decided to start this company with Shuri Sisters worldwide. And one thing that I have always loved is fashion. And like basically at every point in my life where I could do like take on a job or like a new career. Before aside from the job that I actually ended up doing, I looked at many different like roles in fashion. So finally I had this opportunity to like work in fashion. So what I ended up doing is I took this unpaid internship where I worked at a place called the Albright Fashion Library.

Starting point is 00:20:43 in LA where I actually worked as a stylist and it was like one of the most fun and like fulfilling things I've ever done. And it's not like it was like particularly glamorous. Like I feel like, you know, 20% of the time my job was to like rearrange the like massive shoe closet. So like it's not like I was, you know, like doing like a super high powered like job at, you know, a Parisian Couture house. or something like that. But it was just so fun to be able to be in the industry and finally test out this hypothesis that I had had for like 20 something years of like, do I actually want to work in the fashion industry? Or do I just want to be, you know, like a participant through sort of like consumption and enjoying it? So that was something where, yeah, like I basically like

Starting point is 00:21:38 invented this internship for myself where I work there one day a week for the whole whole day. It shows to me how action-oriented you are. And kind of to tie together this framework with the first framework that we talked about with transitions, I think it's really important that after doing some reflection and you know, you're in the neutral zone, figuring out what you want to do next, you were able to test out this new beginning with an internship. It was like a mini test to see if you liked it or not and to see, you know, what your next moves would be after you gather information from the external world. So I think it's so cool that you are able to, you know, reflect and then figure out your next moves. Yeah. And then also like create this opportunity for myself.

Starting point is 00:22:27 A lot of people in general, I think, feel very paralyzed. I know I often do if like I'm stuck and I'm like, I don't know what to do next so that like having this design thing. thinking framework allows you to break out of the paralysis and be like, let me at least test something and try something because I know with the growth mindset, I will learn something no matter if it goes well or not. I might fail and that's fine, but that means I'm learning. Yeah, I love how you tied those mindsets together. Yeah. That's very nice. Thank you. Well done. Bravo. Okay, so now it's time for the mini exercise. So the mini exercise for this is to think about an area that you want to pivot. And then next brainstorm two experiments you can do. They can be like really, really tiny

Starting point is 00:23:16 experiments. They don't have to be massive. But think about two experiments that you can do to actually test out the pivot. And if you want, you can share your pivot or you can share your experiment in the comments so that you can have some social accountability. We'll be reading them. Yeah. And if you leave a comment about it, we will read them and respond to them. Ooh, yeah. So should we wrap up, Shari? Yes, we should. To wrap up, we talked about three frameworks today. One, the William Bridges transition framework. Two, Carol Dweck's growth mindset framework. And three, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans design your life framework. So you can think about these individually or you can try and

Starting point is 00:24:00 combine them, but we hope this was really helpful for you guys. Yeah, and if you found this helpful, help us reach one million by sharing this with your friends, and also obviously like, comment and subscribe, and rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. It's a long list, but you know, you can do all of them. We believe in you. Thank you guys so much for supporting our podcast and for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Hey, everyone, quick break to share something special, Sisters Macha. We've launched limited batches of ceremonial grade, single estate, single cultivar macha, straight from the family farm Shari worked on in Japan. It's pure, authentic, and crafted with intention. Head to sistersmacha.com to grab yours before it sells out. Make matcha your daily

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Tiger Sisters - Reset your life in 30 days: 3 proven Harvard & Stanford frameworks for any age

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Tiger Sisters - Reset your life in 30 days: 3 proven Harvard & Stanford frameworks for any age