TigerBelly - Andy Richter & The Bulletproof Set

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Andy is 1950s Oppenheimer. Bob is gonna crack the code. Khalyla wants OnlyHams. We chat butterfly knives, oxtail surgery, Conan, Olympics litigation, Mars, and triple locks. Tickets Here: www.tigerbel...lylive.com

Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Very Asian. Yeah, it's memorized it. It's easy But Lee It's like two cartoons on the book You look the same I don't age huh? You don't age it. Oh, you're like highlander. No, no, I do do what I use that I look it What you hate or do you like it? No, no, I don't care. It makes me feel like I'm professional. No, yeah, if I hear myself through headphones
Starting point is 00:00:30 it's not irritating. I was just hearing my voice out in the world. You have a real like 1950s, almost like a like a... Well yeah, it's the glasses. I didn't like that on my hair cut off for the summertime. Did I hurt your feelings when I asked that? Oh, no, no, I don't care. Shit.
Starting point is 00:00:50 But era. I am like, I have no, like if I saw me, I would think, I probably won't like that guy. No, no, no. He's two mid 50s, two white, two Midwestern looking. Yeah, but you know, what am I gonna do? Well, you look kinda look like what it was like Oppenheimer.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Yeah, yeah, Oppenheimer guys. That's the Caucasian city. I get it. Oh, the good old days, huh? Yeah, like Mad Men. Yes, yeah. Yeah, that, yeah. I don't, it's, it's these glasses too and I'm very limited these glasses are like
Starting point is 00:01:29 Yeah, you know, the vice principal glasses Rayban frames no these are Moskot so Moscow I think you're great. Thank you. No, and they're fit you're in the right room because Asians have massive heads. I don't admit I'm not Asian I check That's how you sure you're not Asian I am from Europe Oh, I always know that guy has an Asian vibe to when I got when I got to DNA testing It was funny because it was just like you know pick a country. Yeah, a little you know And it's her northern European country pick one. Yeah, a little, you know, and it's sort of northern European country.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Pick one. Yeah, a little bit. You're not mixed with anything then. No, I don't think so. I mean, you know how they, have you ever done those? Yeah. Yeah, you know how they're always changing? Yeah. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:02:15 Like, yeah, they're changing over time. They're changing over time. They discover more, but it's like, you know, I'm like less than 1% Greek and then all of a sudden I'm not. Oh, I just, you know what I mean? Oh, because over time it changes because I'll check back in and be like,
Starting point is 00:02:33 yeah, well, what did it say? And it's like, I'm a lot more Swedish now. I'm a little bit crazy. I don't know, yeah, I don't know. It's something to how, because they get more and more people's DNA. Right. And then, and they learn more, but I don't know For example you are 10% Japanese, but I hurt you so much
Starting point is 00:02:58 They're a there you're oppressors. Yeah, they oppress us for 50 years But I'm never gonna forget Pearl Harbor. No, what? Pearl, what? What is that, you're talking about? It was a sneak attack. But my point is that, yeah, I mean, could that be, then that could change then. You're becoming less Japanese through time.
Starting point is 00:03:18 So maybe five years when I, if I check back, I'm more. Yeah, I'm 100% more. If I'm more, I'm done. You're done with that. Yeah, I'm done. I I'm more, I'm done. You're done with it. I'm not gonna throw yourself off a bridge. Yeah, I'll be done dude. I'd rather be 10% Godzilla. Well that's Japanese.
Starting point is 00:03:37 That's Japanese. Is Hello Kitty Japanese? No it's the Taiwanese. Oh is it? No I say Japanese. It's Kitty Japanese? No, it's the Taiwanese. Oh, is it? No, I'd say Japanese. It's Taiwanese. Let's do a bet. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:03:50 Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. You're going to go Japanese. I think it was purchased by the Japanese. I'm going to go Japanese. Can I give you my reason? Little topic. As because Eva Air is a Taiwanese airline
Starting point is 00:04:00 and their airplanes have the Hello Kitty symbol on them. Oh, no. Well, that I think is a licensing thing. Oh, thank you. Thank you. It's the San Rio Company, which is Japanese company. Yeah, you're right. But whoever, but it might have been,
Starting point is 00:04:13 because like, you used your Taiwanese right now. You tried to correct it, Japan. We did it. There you go. We did it. Yeah. No Taiwanese fucking made that. Well, we could have this now.
Starting point is 00:04:25 That's unkind. Well, you have even to the Taiwan airport, it's everything's hella kitty. It's hella kitty, yeah. But I think that's sort of generally, like that hella kitty is all over Asia, as far as I can. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:04:40 You know what I just found out? Cause I know you should on Filipinos a lot for like, no, I've never shit on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You know what I just found out because I know you should on Filipinos a lot for like, no, I've never shit on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You should on Filipinos. You should on Filip.
Starting point is 00:04:51 You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip. You should on Filip.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Well, Andy, he shits on my people. The right price. Yeah, sure. Why not? I do private shows. The man who invented the yo-yo is Filipino. Yes., the butterfly. Oh, how does that, is that the only thing? No, also like, Bully saw like butterfly knives. I think there's a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:05:10 We have cool, oh wait, the yo-yo and butterfly knives are from the same guy. Not the same guy. I was gonna say what are awesome the guys. Where's the bio-pick-up that guy? So what's a butterfly knife? Bully song, it's the one that flips this way. It's really cool.
Starting point is 00:05:27 It's like it's got two pieces of metal that cover the blade. And then you unclip it and then flips. And that's like in the movies where they go, flippity, flippity, flippity, flippity, flip with a knife and then end up. They called that a switch blade. No, no, a switch blade just pops up out of the side.
Starting point is 00:05:42 This is two metal bars that go over the blade and are hinged so that you flip up like it's a Y. I need a fucking photo. Butterfly knife. So it's like, but there's no handle that. No, the handle is those two pieces of metal when they flip off the blade, then you clip them back together.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Oh, would you flip them up? Yeah, see, and then they flip over the blade to cover it. See this? Oh, there it is closed and open. Right, so the handle is the cover. Yes, it's actually like, Why didn't you say that? Yeah, Andy, why didn't you say that?
Starting point is 00:06:17 You're like, there's two other sounds. Everyone else here did. They're all just covering up for you. All right, yeah. Two metal cinderclose, I go up like this and then get you know about I don't notice they cover the blade Oh now I get up around on a hinge and they become all right, okay, sorry would they be the handle in front of the No, they're back behind the blade Jesus Christ
Starting point is 00:06:39 Readers I will let's do an intro yeah, and then we'll go back to butterfly Readers are I while let's of the show. I just woke up. Maybe 20 minutes ago. I did 20 minutes ago and I haven't eaten breakfast. This is my first red bowl here today. Last night I had a show at the Sikamadi story bomb so bad. What happened?
Starting point is 00:07:35 What? I mean come on that material's bulletin. It was a bulletin. Let me see your name first. And then I'll answer your fucking question. Okay. All right. All right. So anyway, last night, it was rough. But anyway, I woke up today and I got sited
Starting point is 00:08:00 because we have a guest. And I don't like using, you know, there's some people say, I hate the words sidekick, but that's not how I view him. You know what I mean? I think he was, I don't care, by the way.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I'm fine with it. I hate it though. Oh okay. And for you too. I understand, yeah. I hate it for you. I get it. Yeah, and I would say co-host.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Okay. He was a co-host of the Conan O'Brien show. Is that what you said? That's what he said, right? Yeah. That's his name right? Conan the Conan O'Brien show? Is that what you said? That's what he said, right? Yeah. These? They say his name right? Conan.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Yeah. The Conan show. No, I worked with Greg Keneer. No, no, no, no. I think... What? You can do that. Greg Keneer's shirt is terrible.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Oh, I'm embarrassing with that event. Oh, my God. Greg Keneer did. Or he's like, I'm Conan. Yeah. Um. right here, dude. Or he's like, I'm Conan. Yeah. Um, so anyway, he was on there so funny and, um, Conan's okay, but, um, he was all right,
Starting point is 00:08:53 but I always, when I watch a show, I was just looking for to sing him and, um, and I can't believe that he's here today and, um, Andy Richter, give him a round of applause. Thank you. Thank you. That was a lovely introduction. So let's go back to the butterfly. Butterfly knives. Yeah. Yeah. What's up with that? Oh, that was actually our real, it's a really, it's a cool design for a knife. Yeah. Yeah. So they did also, what's the first thing?
Starting point is 00:09:18 Yo, yo. Ducking. Ducking. That can't be real. It seems a zero. I know. Yeah, look up in Ventura. This is like, what a great idea for a podcast. We just say stuff and then make someone... And you're out, whether it's bullshit or not. Yeah. I mean, just some part. You are the computer.
Starting point is 00:09:34 It's like Hulu hoop to me is very Americana. I would think so, right? Skateboards Americana to me. Yeah. Yo-yo same thing. Frisbee's. Frisbee. Yeah, Frisbee, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yo-yo same thing. Frisbee's. Frisbee. Yeah, Frisbee, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Yeah. Hydroflores. And our Dean Flores was a Filipino businessman and yo-yo maker who has been credited popularizing yo-yo in the United States. Popularizing. He patented an innovation to yo-yo's that you used a loop instead of a knot around the axle, allowing for nutrients such as the ability to sleep, you know, the little sleep feet.
Starting point is 00:10:04 No, so what he did was what A.C. Here sleep. You know the little sleep. Yeah. No, so what he did it was what A.C. was. Here we go. He did what A.C. was there. He was with you. It's the way he did it was right. He come out of it. So basically the car was invented in America, but A.C. was made up better.
Starting point is 00:10:14 Not quite. Is that what that is? Look, A.C. Because I don't think that he invented the other one. Okay, here's what I think he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He read that data. He saw craftsmen in the Philippines make some type of toy that mimic that look like the yo-yo change a couple things and made a patent, right?
Starting point is 00:10:28 Wait, wait, look, right down while working as a Bellboy. Yeah, okay, okay, all right, okay. While working as a Bellboy, Flora's a red and article about self-made millionaires who made his money by selling a ball attached to a rubber band. He's a thief! Probably like cattle bull. No, go away, keep going. Oh, here. At this point, he remembered the yo-yo previously known as the Bandalore, a game which has been played for hundreds of years in the Philippines. Bringing it all together, Flora saw a good market opportunity in the US and the ability to go into business for himself, but still, the Bandelor was made in the Philippines.
Starting point is 00:11:06 So, still the most you know. So it was a folk instrument. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. A folk instrument. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see it.
Starting point is 00:11:14 I see that. I see everything. Probably based on some sort of like, you know, skull crushing device. Like, you know, like a stone object. Right, I want to, I want my stone back, right? Crutch someone's skull. Yeah, I see.
Starting point is 00:11:29 Okay, so I'm gonna give you that. Thank you. To the yoyo. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hate it when they take back, like remember for many years when I was like, a black guy invented peanut butter.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That what people said? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it turns out he didn't, I think so it was booker T. Washington I believe I say no wasn't that's what they say yeah, but I think now it's like boy Yeah, I know it's like 23 and me they changes through time because more Swedish. Yeah, look. No, he's black It's definitely but that's Marisol's guilty of Canada panting a peanut butt paste.
Starting point is 00:12:07 But who invented it? Oh wait, wait, John Harvey keel, like the creator of keel, no, he's patented so. It's patented, yeah. Yeah, but what is patented? That's just whoever, who is patented? Well, I mean, you, does that have to be documented?
Starting point is 00:12:20 Someone who probably crushed peanuts. The ancient Incas, and that's text. Also his, old fuckers Or anyway, let's just give it to them. Yeah, let's give it to them. Yeah, yeah African Americans Yeah, you know That's your back bull proof set why he asked why did you bomb? Yeah, I was just gonna let that go. Oh, I got, I got, I got my laugh and I'm done.
Starting point is 00:12:48 I got you. I'll share with you, okay? All right, all right. So last night, so it was a Monday. Yeah, oh yeah. So Monday night and I get a call, yeah, you're up at 1145 on a Monday, right? And I, you know, I try to get out.
Starting point is 00:13:04 You know how you try to get out? How am I near it's or whatever, you know what I mean? I have the tires. Why are you saying this like a set? What? You're saying it like a set. Like what do you mean a set? The Monday.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Oh like a standup, yeah, yeah. Because when I talk to people that book comedy shows, I do it as if I'm doing, right, I mean, what is that about? You know why I love the city, you know, but I show up and I and show how to even start it You know, so I see a lot I couldn't even make it to live in 45. I know at my age I you know we're the same age. Are we the same age? I don't know. No, I bet I'm older. Oh, there's a fun, I'm the fun game. I'm 56. You're older.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Yeah, see? I'm 52. Yeah. But still, 11.45? Yes, crazy. It's crazy. And then I have to go to, I should set an alarm to wake up and be there, you know, like,
Starting point is 00:13:59 go to bed and get, yeah, you know, but it was sold out too. Pat. Yeah. In the bedroom, right? I show up and it's like everyone, yeah, you know, but it was sold out too. Packed, yeah, in the main room, right? I show up and it's like everyone, like Esther, Whitney Cummings, Andrew Santino, we're all in the bag and everyone did terrible. Oh wow.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Yeah, it was rough, but I was like later in and then once I, but you know, you see, check this out. A COVID monster, ooh. No, so No, so once, they were on state, I was in my mind. I was like, you know what, I'm going to be the guy. Yeah. They're struggling. But I'll crack the code.
Starting point is 00:14:35 I'm going to crack the code. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean, with energy, right? And charisma. charisma, right? Right. And I'm going to bust through. They didn't.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Also, I'm the only ethnic. Right, right? So I'm gonna give them that stuff. Sure. Oh, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- So, you know, they call my name, I come out, you know what I mean? Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they hated it. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Because they realized what I was doing. Pandering. Not only pandering, they're like, oh, he's doing the Ching Chong. Oh no. He thinks that that's going to be the way to our heart. Well, but we refuse. And you know what? Because you tried, we're gonna reject you more.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Oh, it's the audience collectively said that as a good, right? And two minutes in, because it's so hot, because of global warming and stuff, right? And my face is sweating, right? And when you get the light, that means you have three more minutes. Yeah, last night.
Starting point is 00:15:48 That means good night. Bye bye, bye bye. And then so funny, I get off stage and Eric Riffin was next. Because how was it, man? I got, oh my God, it was so hard. And you could see in this face, that I got it. Oh, he's gonna be the guy
Starting point is 00:16:06 No, oh, that's great. He was the guy cuz I stayed If you watch him suffer It was so fun to see my friend suffer and he even was even worse. Yeah, right? So it was tired They're more tired at this point. Yeah, but it's also there more like you could tell by looking at audience, they're more, um, they're edgier. You know, they're more like Gothic. Oh, wow. At the comedy store, gothic, I think I'm saying it wrong. I don't know. I think my it wasn't the theme. Not I think that's the wrong word. I think
Starting point is 00:16:44 they're more like, you know, you know, just more like, they all look like David Grohl. Oh wow. Yeah, you know what I mean? They all look like, you know, we're cool. Yeah, yeah. We've seen it all. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:57 You know, LA. Sure. Some audiences, I live here. Get out. I do. No, I want you to get out of the town. Oh, all right. Well, how long you been here?
Starting point is 00:17:08 I've been here, well, in this stretch since 2001, what means stretch? Arrow. I mean, because I lived here before that for like, you know, a year and then six months, you know, like in chunks and so like, but I've been a solid Los Angeles residents since 2001. Yeah. And where were you before that?
Starting point is 00:17:31 New York City during the Conan O'Brien, late night with Conan O'Brien. Okay. So yeah, you were there for, let's go. Yeah. Because I started in Chicago and then kind of bitbopped back and forth from New York and LA. Oh, your Chicago guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Second city. In prop. yeah. The second city. In prop. I never did second city, because when I was there, it kinda had fallen into disrepair. It was like, it was, it was just, it wasn't like the interesting place to be. And within a couple of years,
Starting point is 00:18:00 actually Adam McKay, whoa, Adam McKay kind of turned it and he got in there and was like because they were just kind of resting on their laurels because a lot of the touring companies are just old like Nichols and May sketches you know or Boom Chicago is that one? No that's just another kind of second-city knockoff in Holland. But yeah, it just was kind of... You were doing like old bits and then like a little bit of improv, whereas there were other places that were doing all improv and more experimental people.
Starting point is 00:18:37 It was just more fun, more challenging, you know. Is IO from there too? Yeah, that was where I started. Improv Olympic. Improv Olympic, yeahrov Olympic. Yeah, although, yeah, now it's IO because the fucking Olympics, the actual Olympics, hot stood. What were you doing? The what?
Starting point is 00:18:56 Yes. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics.
Starting point is 00:19:04 The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics. The actual Olympics you can't say you're the Olympics. Which I mean, I'm like, what about all the fucking, every Olympic flame coffee shop I've ever been to? Yeah. Or the street name. Olympic. Olympic.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Or special Olympic. No, they were all supportive. Oh, they do all my, my path of the dollar thing. I thought they stole it. I thought they did it. They did it, they did it. I was, my bath of the toilet. They're the toilet. I thought they stole it. I thought they did it. They did it, they did it.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I was like, that's the referee. Yeah, it's not even as good. We're calling it Pepsicola. Yeah. The special Olympic just Pepsicola now. Yeah. I'm gonna try that one too. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Oh, so they suit and did they change it? Yeah, she was in Prov Olympia for a long time. And then it, and then it it now it's just I. I'm not like the, I don't know exactly. But I do know, but I do know that we had to stop being in Prova Olympic. And I think it was like shortly after I moved out of Chicago that they had to change the in Prova Olympia.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Whoa. And then Olympia Ducacas sued the shit. Whoa. fuck you. A fuck you, yeah. How'd you be called in? I met Conan because I became one of my friends from Chicago, Improv friends. Actually two of them got on SNL one year.
Starting point is 00:20:20 Melanie Hotsol and Beth K. Hill. Uh-huh. And I was in New York doing the real I Brady bunch, which was a show that we did in Chicago, reenactments of Brady bunches. It was a huge fucking play. I was Mike Brady, I was the dad. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:20:38 Yeah, I was the dad. Why is that funny? Spitting image. No, listen, it was ridiculous. I was like, yeah, by me. We did, we done the show in Chicago. It was very popular, you know, like a Brent pair for the theater. And then it was moving to New York and we are at the village gate there. And the guy that was playing Mike Brady wasn't going to go because he had obligations and Chicago.
Starting point is 00:21:06 So I was like, hey, I'll go. And so, you know, a $19 wig later, I was honey, I'm homing all over the village. Was it popular? It was really popular. Like it ran in New York. I mean, it's a very silly dumb idea, but it was the first one of those blank on stage,
Starting point is 00:21:25 or blank live. You know, like I know they had like point break out here for years. That's what I put up like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was the first one of those. Wow. When you're getting your first movies.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Yeah. And you're young. Yeah. Cause I remember those days too. Yeah. Like anything is possible. Yup. And I just, that feeling, remember that feeling? Yeah, because I remember those days too. Yeah, like anything is possible. Yep.
Starting point is 00:21:45 And I just, that feeling, remember that feeling? Getting a job, getting a job. I mean, still getting a job is great. Sweet, you know? Yeah, yeah. But that feeling is, and like you say, especially early on, when you don't know if you can do this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:02 And you think like, I actually might suck. And I mean, because I still think like, I kind of think I might suck. In a third day's when I don't feel so great about myself. So to have that, to be like, holy shit. I'm here. My first part in a movie was one scene in a cable movie. Remember that woman in Texas that hired a hit man to kill her teenage daughter's cheerleading rival?
Starting point is 00:22:31 And her mother, classic story. Yeah, that's one of my favorite murder. There were like two or three main for TV movies about it. And I was in one called the allegedly true adventures of the Texas cheerleader murder mom. Whoa. Which was pretty legit.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Holly Hunter. Holly Hunter started. Whoa. And he's fucking phenomenal. And look it up and see. And Michael Richie, there's a famous old 70s movie called Smile. It's about beauty pageants. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:23:01 And he had, like a big old cult hit. And he was, he's an old time 70s director, he directed it and he did a lot. So it was really cool. So I was in, yeah, that's it. Wow, awesome. And my first scene was with Bo Bridges and Suzy Kurtz at some like grade school out in the valley
Starting point is 00:23:20 that they turned into a sheriff's office. Wow. And I, you know, I was like at home with my girlfriend and gotten my little pickup, my Toyota pickup truck and drove, I felt like I won a contest. Yeah. Yeah. I always remember the first scene. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Like, you go from the trailer, right, to the set, that nerve, I don't know about you. Oh, I have no idea what. Yeah. And I went to film school. You know, like I made a ton of movies. I did on a ton of sets with commercials because I was a production assistant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:53 But I still don't really know. I don't know what I'm gonna make TV shows either. Yeah, I mean, you know. Summer, you're walking, there's someone's bringing you there. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know, my lines anymore. Okay. Well, I was, I played like a, and I remember when I got cast,
Starting point is 00:24:10 Michael Richie, when I came in, he was like, yeah, cause it was a quick montage of three different deputy sheriffs giving, cause Bo Bridges plays the supposed hitman who's her ex brother-in-law or something like that. He's kind of a loser. And he records her trying to hire him to murder this woman and nobody at the Sheriff's Office wants to hear it. So it's a quick cut of three different Sheriff's Office going like, yeah, I got the tape, thanks, click, you know, and yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:39 And so I was the youngest one. And the director was like, oh yeah, a younger guy, that's a good idea. And then I read, he's like, great, you got the part. I was like, oh, that was fucking easy. Really, like really? Oh, okay. So I went to a table read, sat next to Holly Hunter
Starting point is 00:24:58 who could not have been more sweet and wonderful and because I was thrilled to meet her because she's, you know, has she done so good? Has she done raising those Arizona already? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, oh, okay. And so she's just very friendly,
Starting point is 00:25:16 which was very exciting. Reminded me a lot of Amy Sederas. Yeah, there's Amy's a friend of mine. And so I just, I've just really liked her. And then, so I showed up, I got on my gear, my, you know, Sheriff's gear on. And then a prop guy gives me a rubber gun in a holster and gives me a whole like number I speech about,
Starting point is 00:25:37 this weapon is not a real weapon. It's a replica weapon, but still if you are caught playing with it, pointing it, handling it in any way way other than directed on camera on script, you will be ejected from it. I will make sure you will go home. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, I won't touch the rubber gun, dude.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Yeah. And then I go sit at a picnic table outside with other, with other sheriffs, you know, like, like extras and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sitting there and I'm chatting with the guys, you know, I'm kind of, you know, trying not to be like, it's my first day. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:10 And Holly Hunter walks by going into the, to the set and she walks by and she sees me and she goes, oh, hey there, you, how are you? You coming to play with us? And it was like, you know, boner sound effect. Because these other guys in this, these other sheriff's guys in the, at the table are like, whoa, wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:26:37 So then I went in and I did, and I seen with Bob Bridges and Suzy Kurtz. Oh, well, amazing. And then, and I had, and like when they, they shot down first, obviously. They shot, you know, they shot their side. Yeah, well amazing. And then, and I had, like when they, they shot them first obviously. They shot, you know, they shot their side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You shoot, you know, you move,
Starting point is 00:26:51 for people that don't know, you move with the camera and you start with one actor and then you, you move to the other side. So, both actors end up off camera, seeing lines for each other. Right. So, they did some actors don't do it. Some don't.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Al Pacino probably doesn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. Robert De Niro doesn't do it. But then there are other people, really big people that you are surprisingly, you're like pleasantly surprised how cool they are about. Yeah. You know, they could be done, I've worked with people,
Starting point is 00:27:21 they could be done for the day, but they're like, no, no, I'll stick around, I'll do your side too. Yeah. I got in trouble once. I'll do your side too. Yeah. I got in trouble once because I was Jennifer Fisher's opposite. Yeah. I was off camera. And she screamed at me because while she was doing it, because I only had two words.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Yeah. Right, so I just kind of knew it. Yeah, yeah. And while she was doing it, I was like on Instagram. Oh boy. Right. And she's like, hey, hey. I go, wow. I just say, yep. Yeah, man. And you go do it. Right. And she's like, no, I need lock eyes. Right? All right. Oh, my bad. And then I like, I
Starting point is 00:27:56 remember like for weeks apologizing. Yeah. Yeah. Is that rude? Uh, I wouldn't do it. I think you would do it for those. Yeah, I wouldn't be on my phone while I'm doing do it. I think you wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't be on my phone while I'm doing off camera. Even if you do the last memorized, memorized, memorized. Yeah, I don't think I would. If I could see him, now, I can't do that. Would you have been mad if I did it to you? No, I wouldn't let it stop.
Starting point is 00:28:18 I wouldn't have kept going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have been like, what a fucking dick. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, I don't think I would do that. But then again, it also depends on, you know, your familiarity with the person. And if you're off camera and you can't see it, nothing stopping you from looking at your Instagram down low, you know what I mean.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Like if you're behind the camera sometimes. Sometimes, sometimes. And you're just saying the lines so they can hear them. No, you could see me. Yeah. It wasn't good. Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes. And you're just saying the lines so they can hear them. No, she could see me. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:48 I'm professional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how did you be Conan? Oh, well, sorry. LAUGHTER Um, I met Robert Smigel through my friend Beth, Kael who was on SNL. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:01 When I was in New York doing the Brady bunch. And then we just hung out a little bit. Then when I was in LA doing the Brady Bunch, he came out because he was working on the ill-fated Hans and Franz movie. So that was his SNL. He was in a role on SNL, was a producer on SNL, and that was his summer. We hung out a lot. Then Conan got the job.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Robert was his head writer executive producer, reached out to me, said, which just is, you know, a show like that starts and then it's like, who's out there doesn't have a job that's funny. And I was one of those people and I submitted some stuff and got, and I was the first writer hired on the show. And but Conan and I met at Junior's Deli here and we figured out that we had actually been
Starting point is 00:29:51 at a party at Bob Olden Kirk's house. Well. Because Bob and Conan did shows in SNL together and I had been on teams with Bob's improv teams with then Bob's fiance. So I knew Bob that way. And we'd been at Bob's house with like 12 other people and just didn't register it.
Starting point is 00:30:13 So they're, you know, and we hit it off very, very much at juniors and he, you know, Robert and him both told me that he called Robert and said, hire the guy and Robert was like, let's see. You know, they hadn't seen me right, you know, Robert and him both told me that he called Robert and said, hire the guy and Robert was like, let's see. You know, they hadn't seen me write, you know, I hadn't seen anything. Yeah, yeah. Packet wise, and they're like,
Starting point is 00:30:32 Oh, so you sort of as a writer. Yeah, yeah. I had done, that was another thing. It's like so much stuff that gets thrown at you. It's stuff that you don't know. You know, hey, write a packet for a late night sketch show. Yeah. Like, now I bet fucking kids are reading articles
Starting point is 00:30:47 on the internet about what to do, and they're learning it probably in college. But for me, I was like, oh, gosh, what would I like to say? I think it's almost better that you don't know much about it. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too, especially in comedy, because you want a spark, you want originality, you want somebody that's
Starting point is 00:31:08 thinking about what hasn't been done. Yeah, yeah. And also to anybody that gets too big on, and I found this when I came out here and started working on sitcoms, and there's just a appreciable difference of like, And there's just a appreciable difference of like, of just, there's a lot more protective attitude towards people's careers out here,
Starting point is 00:31:33 where they're like much more careful, where it was more just like, have fun and fuck around was always what we would do in late night. I like that too. Oh, it's so good, but then I, I fuck around guys. I get down in a ride and through on a sitcom and it's like a lot of Oh, it's go good, but then I fuck around guy. I get down in a ride and soon wanna sit calm
Starting point is 00:31:46 and it's like a lot of stuff, but like, well, slow down, you gotta understand the structure. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I've seen sitcoms. I know how they work. Set up the bit and there's an A plot and a B plot and there are about 22 minutes long and then you fill them with jokes, which if you were better at,
Starting point is 00:32:04 you wouldn't worry so much about stuff. Yeah, like for me and Matt TV, the night before I auditioned, I got my managers like, listen, they're not really seriously considering you, but I, that's a good look. That's what she said because they're like, they're looking for a white guy.
Starting point is 00:32:22 You know how back then they, you know what I mean? Right, right. But you could not get a white guy on TV. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. They had to really, really search. Yeah. And so the, and I go, well, what is it?
Starting point is 00:32:34 They go, it's a sketch show. And I go, I don't know how to, I've never done sketch. Yeah, yeah. I really barely know any of the improv rules really. Right. It was stand up, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I guess, so that night, I just kind of came up rules, really. Right. I'm a stand-up, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I guess, so that night,
Starting point is 00:32:46 I just kind of came up with six things. Yeah. Just, you know, I don't know if this is like what they do, and I came in, and I think that helped me, in a way. Yeah. Was the show already on? I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:32:58 Yeah, I came in on the seventh season. And had you been watching it? No, I barely knew what it was. Yeah, yeah. I knew it was like SNL, but like I knew it was like SNL. Right. But I didn't know much about it. Yeah, yeah. And I, because you were not home on whatever it was.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Yeah, probably that. Yeah, and also, yeah, I mean, just, was it Saturday? Yeah, it was Saturday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I went in there, they were, like, the cast leader was kind of like, oh. No, like not in a confused almost. Like, why are you here when we're looking for a white guy?
Starting point is 00:33:24 No. That's actually what happened. Yeah, no, no, she was just like, oh, that's an interesting way of doing it. Oh, oh, when you were finished. Oh, when I was doing it, like when I was actually doing my thing, right? Do you remember or character? Yeah, you're, yeah, I mean, I did stuff like,
Starting point is 00:33:40 it wasn't the bits though, but I would do stuff like, leave the room for a while and then sit there for a second. Is he coming back and then running back in as a character? Just doing weird things, you know what I mean? Cause they're like, oh, that sounds fun. Yeah, yeah, like, weird, you know what I mean? And it works.
Starting point is 00:33:59 So I guess, you know, not knowing sometimes does help. Yeah, yeah, did. But what you did cone in, you did pilot first? No, I mean, he had the job, and then it's sort of like, you do, I started in June, I think, and the show aired in September. So we had a pretty good, long time to ramp up and get stuff pre-tapes done and get some comedy
Starting point is 00:34:28 written up. And then we had, I think we did about 10 test shows. What did you do right after that? I came out here and I got a deal to do a sitcom called Andy Richter controls the Universe on Fox and a guy named Victor Fresco created it I kind of you know in talks with me and And he I met with a bunch of people. I was gonna do a sitcom
Starting point is 00:34:57 I knew you know I knew the way it worked that when you came from when you were off the market for a while and you were on something legit That you're all of a sudden from when you were off the market for a while and you were on something legit, that you're all of a sudden. Like I would see it so much with people like Rob Cordray or Matt Walsh who were on the daily show. They were correspondence on the daily show then leaving the daily show and then it's like,
Starting point is 00:35:20 here's just deals getting thrown at them. We love Matt. So I knew, oh Matt's the best. He's done our show. He's another one that is, we did improv back together back in. What a great guy. What a good guy. He's so talented.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Just the best. We just text each other filth. Like he just, he just, he talked to you about bread to like yeast. No, no, he just texted me to, he just, he just, he just, he talked to you about bread too, like yeast. No, no, you love, he just texted me today. He just texted me today. He just texted me today. He just texted me. He just texted me.
Starting point is 00:35:50 He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me.
Starting point is 00:35:58 He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. He just texted me. You know I got four ribs removed. Just began to facilitate better self sucking videos. I'm in no shape to chant.
Starting point is 00:36:10 So that's our retext. Who came up with that whole, is that a myth that people did get their ribs removed? I don't know. Well, supposedly Salvador Dolly did it and supposedly Marilyn Manson did it. I remember the Marilyn Manson thing. But was it just like an urban legend?
Starting point is 00:36:25 I don't know. I just, I mean. I'd like to get to the root of this. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Like, what do you like? I mean, is this something that you would do is like if you could, get your dick.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Bottom ribs removed, and supposedly you can then, you know, get the self-budget. Flip your legs over your head and suck your own dick. I'd have to get four removed. Four? Yeah, four or five rubles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They take at least that much.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or all of them, almost. Right, right, right. All ribs and spine. Yeah. Yeah. I would need to just give you one cross the heart. Yeah, take them down and go.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Whatever's gonna keep the structure of my body. I like the structure of my body. Body. Yeah, yeah. You need an extra vertebrae to kind, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no book oh, yeah, I Can break yeah, so you just make ox Hill to the Top right right yeah, I want this replaced put in whichever one Yeah, yeah, it's up to you. Yeah, um, you could have to suck your own dick. Yeah, I know what I suck my own dick I never had that fantasy. I don't think I yeah, yeah, I mean well the taste would be okay I think yeah, I mean I'm coming, give the taste of your own come.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Let that second. Everyone, everyone, let that, I have. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Once? Yeah, once or twice maybe, but it was a long time. I can't, I can't, nine times. Nine times.
Starting point is 00:38:00 You know the number every time. Yeah. You're diary. It happened. Yeah. This is number every time. Yeah. You're diary. It happened. Yeah. This is the last time. Dine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:10 You think you don't make yourself come though. What do you mean? With your mouth. I don't know. I mean, it doesn't hurt. It's up to you. No, not the sucking part. Not the sucking part.
Starting point is 00:38:23 I'm gentle with the sucking part. It's annoying. No, it's the sucking part. Not the sucking part. I think gentle with the sucking part. The annoying. Is the annoying? It's the bending. Yeah, the bending. Yeah, yeah. You got extra six ox tail implanted. Yeah, I think I would have to get triple locks.
Starting point is 00:38:36 What was that? And I don't know one could walk. Yeah. You're just, because you can't once that, once you get caught during that, it's over. But also, in showbiz terms, that's a retirement plan. When everything else goes south, you are the guy that can suck his own dick
Starting point is 00:38:54 and you work, you don't stop work. You're all over, you're only fans of count. You're all over. Yeah. I wanted to start an only fans account called OnlyHams where I took her a feeder relationship, like a feederism relationship. What's a feederism? Well it's basically like you and me for instance, right?
Starting point is 00:39:13 Like I'm 135 pounds now, but my goal is to be like 500 pounds. And so you basically just feed me and it's a thing we have. Whoa. Right. And then we, it's like cakes and stuff. Like but it's only Hams have. Whoa. Right, and then we, like cakes and stuff. But it's only hams. Oh, yeah. Oh, you see that.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Yeah, and you get me snake river farm hams and different kinds of hams from like different, I thought. I'm like, yeah. I'm all these things. I'm just like, so many jerks off today. Yeah. What's so many jerks?
Starting point is 00:39:39 Three people? Yeah. I bet you more. I bet you more. But that's like that, I mean, I don't even know what it's called I just see it going through a social media theme that y'all Y'all
Starting point is 00:39:51 Have you been on chatterbait? What's that? Okay, it's basically live feeds of a basic anybody right? Yeah, I found myself Hitting the send token button button like a hundred times, and this woman was just squirting her milk on screen, and I was transfixed. And I mean, the amount of tokens I gave her, and there were seven people in her room. It was just me and six other people,
Starting point is 00:40:18 but I gave her a lot of money for her milk. Question, question, question, question. Can I ask a question? Yeah. With the press a question? Yeah. With the breasts, right? Do you have to be lactating like you have to get birth before that machine. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:32 You can't do it now. No, I can't just squirt milk now. Is there milk in there? Eventually, it has the potential to create milk. But there's a milkless milk. You think there's dormant milk? You're asking if there's dormant milk. Yeah, or maybe like a batter or something,
Starting point is 00:40:45 or like some sort of powder. No, it's like a milk powder. Like a milk powder in there to pop. It gets, the production gets kicked into with hormones that you get when you're pregnant. All right, although there are. There are. I will say, there it, I mean,
Starting point is 00:41:04 without, I'm just saying there are, in the world, who have never had children who will be like, you suck on that thing hard enough and milk will come out. Right, for women who adopt children even. Yes. Whether you can use your press feed. But yeah, like so, I'm just saying it can happen.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Okay, good, yeah, yeah. Only milk though. Well, what else do you want? Butter? Hahaha. I can be. Rem friends. Imagine if you're a baby. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:31 You see who you get milk. Yeah. You get pure butter. It's crazy. How happy would you be? Oh my God. Yeah, fat would take over your eyes. Hahaha.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Like this baby drinking nothing but butter. Yeah, yeah. Is that the baby? It looks like you have two kids, right? I'm not a child. Like this baby drinking nothing but water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a baby, it looks like you have two kids, right? Yeah, I have three now because I just got married in June to a woman that had a child and I'm so cool. So she's now my stepdaughter but I'm going to adopt her and she'll be my daughter. How old was she when you met your, if you don't say?
Starting point is 00:42:03 A year and a half. She was a year and a half old. She was a year and a half old and she's three now. What also in her eyes your dad. I'm daddy. She calls me daddy. Yeah. Oh, and Yeah, so it's you know, it's I have 22 17 and three. Wow That's amazing. It you were married before then. I was I was married for 25 years I have a 22 year old son who's at USC study and art. Amazing. Got a semester left there.
Starting point is 00:42:30 And then my daughter will be a high school senior, she's 17. Wow. She lives with her mom. And then you were with her, or 25, married 25 years. Yeah, you know, her and I were together for 10. We're no allow, right?
Starting point is 00:42:42 You still have a relationship with her? I guess. No, I mean, we're still working on it. It's head ups and downs right right I were like There's just not a lot of communication outside of okay logistics and things Oh, go go and I you know Well, it just I just like everything just given it time. Yeah He's really worried that he will never fall in love again
Starting point is 00:43:04 And I think that he's wrong like I think it can happen at any time. Yeah, he's really worried that he will never fall in love again. And I think that he's wrong. Like I think it can happen at any time. Yeah, I feel like I'm not. Did you feel that? I don't know. Like what? After your marriage, you think you'll be able to find somebody or, I mean, it would vary, you know, like something. There are there were definitely times where I was like, yeah, I could live alone. I'm not necessarily built for it, because I do a lot better when there's other people around just in terms of getting stuff done, because when I'm on my own, I can do nothing.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for a long time. I mean, so we lived together in this house. Yeah. And she walked upstairs today and There's like a smell. It's just I cannot believe the state that this house is in When I left it was speaking fat. Well, my mom still comes to clean. Yeah, what? My mom is his baby is basically a collar. Yeah, he calls my mom Trouble it's like fucking but you only call her when he's
Starting point is 00:44:08 bringing a date home. What? And that's what she doesn't like. Like, he calls me last minute. And I know it's because he's, you know, you're either bringing a girl over or whatever. Oh, you're the only one. But the house is just in the like disrepair. Yeah. I mean, everything, I don't know who's chewing the walls. I ate cereal out of a cat bowl.
Starting point is 00:44:30 Just do this. Leave the other bowl. I couldn't do it. I don't know who's. But your walls are chewed in. Who's chewing the walls? We don't know. I chew walls.
Starting point is 00:44:39 The dogs are with me. No, no, no, wouldn't be the walls of chewed it. What the fuck are you talking about? The corner of the molding, there's like, it's just, it's just, There's no mold. That's the date's clawing to get out. That's the date.
Starting point is 00:44:49 They're crawling along the faceboard. It's a little better down here. It seems to rise. No, no, no, no. It was a stay. So you don't want a stay. It was a stay. But, it sure there's a lock on the floor,
Starting point is 00:45:06 but they want to be in there. It's for their protection. So about a year ago, I was offered this thing that you did, and I came close to doing it. Oh, right. Right, so I came close to doing it, but I'm like, I don't know, it seems weird. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:45:23 And it just, it turned out, I said no. It's just the one they shot in Australia. Yeah, it was the Mars show. Yeah, yeah. So they offered me it, right? And the moment was okay. Money was okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:34 But I'm like, I was, I was told it was a survival show. What's the premise? From what, this is what my man, you know, Abby, she just doesn't have to describe things. She's just like, all right, so they made Australia into Mars. I go, oh, the whole country. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:53 But yeah, large chunks of Australia already looks like that. Well, that's and yeah, and where they were had apparently doubled for Mars a number of times. Wow. Yeah, like in various movies, they go out there because it's like just fucking dirt and it's red. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:10 And I mean for as far, literally in an airplane flying over there, as far as you can see, there's nothing, nothing but red, flat earth. Wow. Yeah. And then she goes, you know, and you're competing with other contestants to survive celebs. celebs, right?
Starting point is 00:46:29 And I go, I'll lose. Yeah, you blood sugar. Yeah, yeah. I think you said that, my blood sugar. Yeah, you become hypoglycemic pretty fat. Yeah, but then, so what was the experience like?
Starting point is 00:46:42 Well, I mean, I came in later, and I don't know whether that was, they had already started shooting, and then I got a call on a Monday, or an email on Monday morning when I woke up, and it was like time sensitive, and then Thursday night,
Starting point is 00:47:02 I was on a plane to Australia. Wow. And it was good money, you know? Yeah, yeah. And my first two questions, well, I mean, beyond how much is the first one. And then the next one was who else is there? And like, I saw Natasha Legero was there.
Starting point is 00:47:21 And so I was like, okay, you know, and then some of the other names I was like, because it's like a lot of athletes and stuff. And I was like, okay, they got good taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and I talked, and somebody called me from there, and I liked them, and I was, and I mean, you know, I was like, oh sure, I'll do it, you know.
Starting point is 00:47:40 And I wasn't thrilled to be doing a reality show, you know, but What do I care? I looked at it as I know my job now is to make television shows And I have hosted game shows, you know, I've done all kinds of different stuff And I'm like, okay, I'll I'll go be funny on this show. Yeah, and then and the whole Winning or losing deal. I'm gonna give a shit about getting any of show. Yeah. And then the whole winning or losing deal, I'm gonna give a shit about the end of the year there. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:48:09 And also too, I didn't have to, because they didn't, and this is a, this is a fault of the show, they didn't put any cash prize on winning. Oh. There's no incentive to win other than two weeks away from your family. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:25 And you get a patch or something. I don't know. But here's my question, though. Yeah, I think this is the reason why I didn't do it is because because in my mind, I'm like, oh, they're going to be in the desert or somewhere. Yeah. The combinations will be rough. Were they rough or not?
Starting point is 00:48:38 It was, I mean, you're sleeping in a dorm. They took over like a community center and they made it like a space station. Yeah. You know, a... Hab is what they called it. It's like whatever. You know, Mars station. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:55 And you're sleeping in a dorm with other people? Yeah, yeah. But the bed was... It was like you had basically like a sleeper birth, you know, like a... With a curtain at close. Yeah. Well, then there was a microphone in it, which when I found the microphone on like my second day there, and I had never, you know, I had farted in there, but I never, you know, I never like, you know, had a secret phone call or anything in there. And they never told you about the microphone. Oh, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Oh, I saw the microphone and it wasn't like particularly well hidden. It was just like, if you did look up in that corner while you're laying in bed, you can see like, oh, there's a mic up there. Whoa. Like all clever, I said to somebody else, Lance Armstrong, it's like, hey Lance, just so you know there's mics in there and he goes like, oh yeah, and he points,
Starting point is 00:49:39 and it's just a bare wire hanging out at his. He just like, just ganked it off. Yeah, so bicyclists let's out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's amazing. I just watched that documentary on the tour de France. And I don't know why everyone was in blood-bulping.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Like that should just still be allowed. Well, that was his, he said. He said, yeah, well, that, I mean, that's kind of, it's insane. Like they could be allowed to do all the steroids That's what I kind of feel like like with when they were hitting all those home runs all those beefy Roided guys, I was like let them take them till they like grow an extra arm It's exciting total fucking freak show, you know sure their hearts are gonna pop
Starting point is 00:50:24 Wow, so it was a pleasant experience that it was fun their hearts are gonna pop. I don't know. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. Wow. So it was a pleasant experience. It was fun. It was fun and I got into it and, fact, I think that's where I get kicked off was on last night. Yeah. But I did lose. How do you get kicked off?
Starting point is 00:50:39 I mean, what is the rule? I mean, it's like every week there's a challenge. Oh, there's like a vote. There's like a vote. Like, yeah, they choose a mission commander and then a who can be sent home if the mission fails. And then the mission commander selects a, I think it was called like, you know, mission specialist. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Which is your second and command. And you guys stay back in the, in the Hab while everybody goes outside, which they would film us like in our spacesuits, going out the door like into the parking lot of the community center where we were stationed, and then drive 45 minutes out into the desert, get into like a little fake set of the thing,
Starting point is 00:51:23 and then come out of the fake set. Yeah, wow. But there's a 45 minute drive in between and putting on all and hooking up all the space suit shit with most all cameras. There's also, for the first two days, especially like the first time, my helmet was fogging up, and I was like,
Starting point is 00:51:47 you know, and whenever anything like that happens, I'm always like, way to go, you fat fuck. You're like, you know, like just that the self-hate happens and meet like up on sweating. I'm like, no one else is sweating fat, so way to go. So I couldn't breathe in this helmet, and it's like fogging up, and I'm looking around
Starting point is 00:52:05 at everybody else. And there's this not for me. Yeah, and I'm like, what the fuck is that? Why am I like? And then the first thing we had to kind of jog up a hill and I got to the top of the hill and started to get I felt like lightheaded, but I didn't say anything. And then the next day we shot for a little bit and it was the same thing. later I get in the helmet and we're about to shoot a whole big mission And one of the one of the talent exit or talent, you know like producer people I was like, oh my god, your helmet is all fogged up and I said yeah, it's been like that and she goes like Wasn't your fan on oh And I was like
Starting point is 00:52:45 Oh, and I was like, and I was like, and I was a Andy I know I was breathing my own carbon Midwestern I don't want to be a bother But yeah, so then something they come and they work on it. And in fact, I think they switched out packs. And they put it on and the fan came on and I was like, oh my God. Like, yeah. They were all complaining.
Starting point is 00:53:13 I was like, because I'd worn it for two days without when it came on, I was like, this is a dream come true. You people are crazy. You know, I was just so happy to have the air movements for you. That kind of happened to be, I was doing borderlands. Yes, I remember that and so me crying crying Your head hurt. Yeah, yeah, so so it's a space movie. Yeah, right and I You know there's hundreds and hundreds I'm a space soldier sort of like a stormtrooper Yeah, right and but they didn't do fittings. I have a very big head for my you know
Starting point is 00:53:43 I mean I think he's based on my phone. I think what a fucking helmet on you and didn't do a fiddle. Oh my god Like a space helmet. So now we're in the desert right hundreds of us dress the same way as I am Yeah, yeah, and they're trying to put the head thing on my head and they're just trying to jam it It's not working. He has a mongolite head You know, I mean I didn't say that. I know, but I'm on the walkie. Gary got a mongolite head. I'm on the walkie.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Gary got a mongolite head. Right. And then, so they were so desperate, the wardup just took the padding off. Oh my God. Because there's padding in the neck. Oh yeah, yeah. And then once they took the padding on,
Starting point is 00:54:20 they're like, all right, they stuck it in, but in the helmet. It's poking in your head. There's metal also in the front, right? And it's like metal shards. Yeah. Oh. Against my head like this, right?
Starting point is 00:54:32 Yeah, yeah. Right, and I couldn't see, right? And I spent 12 hours like that. Yeah. I remember FaceTime, and you know, and you had all these random bruises. You're all swollen. Yeah, it was, I never said anything.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Yeah, yeah. Normally in any other circumstance, I'm like, I can't do this. Yeah, I'm gonna die. Yeah. But because it's a movie, I'm like, I'm gonna go through the page. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:54:55 It was fucking weird. That's weird, though, that in a feature film that's got that level of effects and costuming that they wouldn't have a fitting. I mean, I meant fittings for like a golf shirt. I mean, it's a body they did, the body felt good. It did the body fitting, but I think the helmet, they did it just in after thought.
Starting point is 00:55:18 It does have after thought maybe. I have that same type though, like when I get a really shitty massage and the pressure is too much, I'll just withstand the suffering. Yeah, yeah. Like I can never say anything. Remember when, what was it?
Starting point is 00:55:29 I think it wasn't a haircut or was something where someone plucked your mustache off and you just let it ride. Oh yeah, that's great. Like on set, like someone ripped your mustache. Oh yeah, well that was rude. Oh okay, but you didn't say it at that time. No, at the time I didn't do it because normally
Starting point is 00:55:44 so what happened was, because you can't say it at that time. No, at the time I didn't do it because normally so what happened was because you can't say that to Tom Cruise No, I was on set somewhere and I was it was a no mustache. It was a nose hair Oh, and some lady comes at just yank set on my nose and it hurts so bad no warning no warning Oh, yeah, that's right and like doesn't they go action You know me and it was like anger, but it's also shut the fuck off. Yeah. You don't want to be the guy.
Starting point is 00:56:09 That makes your eyes water too. Were you like crying? You know. That's actually a trick to make yourself cry. And I think it's a trick. Oh really? Yeah. I just like nose hair.
Starting point is 00:56:19 It's a mental. Oh do you? I've never had to, I mean, I've only had the comedy cry. Yeah. So I think I don't, I think I've used, they put the drops on my, Oh, the drop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:33 And I've never had to like cry, cry. I don't know if I'd be able to do that. I was on a movie and I saw Anna Ferro's do it. Oh, really? The mental? Yeah, yeah. And she was so believable. Yeah, yeah, so good.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Yeah, and with the blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. so believable. Yeah, yeah, so good. Yeah, and it looked the blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a blower. There's, it's a big hunk of menthol that's kind of, you know, that's like, kind of almost like salt, like rock salt, and it's got a hole in the middle, and the artist blows through it.
Starting point is 00:56:58 So the menthol gets, it's just like menthol exhale straight into your eyeballs, and it works really well. It's probably not COVID safe these days. But it does, it is like, it's just like one of those, like it's kind of stuff that is just an added bonus to having worked in show business, like all these little details of all these little things and like fucking wigs and moustaches.
Starting point is 00:57:21 I'm always just like, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. You think that's, like if somebody wins an Oscar after the menthol thing, yeah. You think that's, you think they should take that away? But do they still have to say thank you to the menthol? Yeah. I say thank you to my menthol.
Starting point is 00:57:37 But that's all stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to, first, can I just say this too? You were amazing here today. Oh, thank you so much. And it was a pleasure. Thank you. It was fun to be here I'm being real and it was like good chemistry Thanks. You're so like of all. Thank you. Thank you adding information I like talking to funny people. Yeah, it was fun and welcome back anytime you want all right, and is there anything you want to plug? You cleaning this house before I am back. Um, well, I have a podcast called The Three Questions.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Amazing. That's on the team Coco, uh, uh, network and I'm, you're going to be a guest on it. I would love to. I'm gonna call up your best friends on it. Ronda Rousey. Oh, yeah, Ronda. Yeah, yeah, I love her. What's your beef with Ronda Rousey again? I don't have a beef with her. I don't why people keep saying that. I don best friends on it. Ronda Rousey. Oh yeah, Ronda. Yeah, yeah, love her. What's your beef with Ronda Rousey again?
Starting point is 00:58:26 I don't have a beef with her. I don't why people keep saying that. I don't have a beef with Ronda. Yeah, because she, she will beat you up. She's, I mean, she won't really. She actually, I love her. She was on, she was on stars on Mars. And I had met her.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Oh, she was. Yeah, she was on stars on Mars. And I was, I knew her from, because she'd been a guest on the Conan show. Conan was the first show she was ever on when she was doing MMA because all of a sudden she was, you know, in the public consciousness. And, and that's, so I'd met her and I liked her, but I didn't really know much about her
Starting point is 00:58:58 and then when I got there, she was just, she's like, I called her human pro-zac. She's just like a super high energy. And, you know, with all of her all, like the athletic people, you know, like, lead them in workouts and then be like, let's wrestle and all just super positive, fun, fun, fun all the time. Yeah, just fell in love with her.
Starting point is 00:59:20 She's the best. She's great. Yeah, I've worked with her too and I love her, okay. Yeah, I don't ever do that again. I don't have a beef with Ron and Ross. I hope not. You should have her on here. You think she'll do this?
Starting point is 00:59:31 Don't you have a beef with the rock? No, you did. Amazing. Yeah, no. Anyway, Andy, thank you so much. Give him a round of applause, everybody. That was fucking great. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:43 Yeah, the three questions on Team Coco. Yes. And it's like this. You know what I'm saying? You doing an office or something? We, Conan has a studio. There's a, and I mean a lot of it's by Zoom. But there's Tosu in a studio.
Starting point is 01:00:01 There's my wedding picture right there. Oh, that's a beautiful dude. Thank you. Whoa's my wedding picture right there. That's what I think. Oh, that's beautiful, dude. Thank you. Whoa, you're all right. My wife, Jennifer. Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Starting point is 01:00:12 I can really let myself go now. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I mean, if you imagine if this is me, like, really keeping it tight. Now that I can let myself go, I can finally stop putting such ridiculously high standards on my physicality. You also had Tony on Hawk. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:30 He's the best. He was. He was on this too. I was really surprised by him and that's my dog when I got her supposedly full grown. 54 pounds. Now she's 110. Oh my God. What's her name?
Starting point is 01:00:42 What's her name? She's a border collie great pieranese and and that's her now. Oh, German shepherd. Yeah, she's a big snow dog. She had big those big snowy paws. She's sleep a little bad with your no. No, she's her hips aren't good. So it's hard for her to now to get up and down off of things. And she's not that old. She's going on five. But she sleeps in the room and it's like a big black dog sleeping across
Starting point is 01:01:13 whatever walkway in the dark. Oh, wow, yeah, yeah. You really have to, you know, like careful. Yeah, to get up and take a leak, I take my phone. Just, I don't turn the flashlight on, I just kind of, enough light so I know I don't Step on her hat or trip over her because she does lay in the she you know
Starting point is 01:01:35 The our kitchen isn't that big and it's like I think I'll take a nap here It seems to be where everyone is yeah, you know, yeah, you could have been a stand-up. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you I You rhythmically though. You're very stand-up. You, yeah. Thank you. I, um, I, you rhythmically though, you're very stand up, you rhythm. Thank you. I, I may, uh, I, I, I just, I came to the, I tried, you know,
Starting point is 01:01:52 and would do different kind of things. And I just came to the conclusion that I don't like doing it by myself. Ah, you know, I just think it's more fun to have another person that is fun. Yeah. Yeah. And so I just, like I say, I tried it.
Starting point is 01:02:06 Actually, when I decided no more, I was, it was during the sketch fest in San Francisco, and there was a night at Cubs of Conan Riders who were stand-ups, because we have, you know, some great stand-up comedians that worked for us for years. And then stand-ups that had been on Conan. And I was the MC of the stand-ups from Conan night. And I was supposed to do, I don't know, 10 at the top.
Starting point is 01:02:36 And like, six minutes in, I just was like, you know what, I don't really like this. And that room though? Yeah. Is it hard? Is it though? Yeah, is hard. Is it hard? Yeah. You know how I never play Hobbes?
Starting point is 01:02:49 Oh really? I don't play it. Because every time I play there, something devastating happens. Oh wow. Not only on stage, but it's a big noisy room. Yeah, it's for sure.
Starting point is 01:02:59 That's where Ken Junk physically assaulted me. Yeah, that's right. At Hobbes. Over what? Oh, of my space. There can only be one. No. That's right. At cops. Over what? Oh, of my space. There can only be one. No.
Starting point is 01:03:07 I mean, time. Time. Yeah, it was calm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, what? Yeah, he's physically assaulted me. That's their tour back there. The Kims of Comedy.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. And he really swung his little arms. That's really bad. Wow. And then I've had other bombs there. And I just, you know, maybe I should try to get much better now, but I just that room.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah. There's something about it. I've done shows there that were like game like a couple times. I've been in like Jimmy Pardo does a match game. Love him. Yeah. And I've done that kind of thing there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:46 And it's been much more fun than being on stage alone. Yeah. But I was, I just said it. I don't like this anymore. And I was like, okay, well, thanks. And I think it was a pardon and churla was the first up. And it was a bit of a scramble because I was like, sorry. I cut it short.
Starting point is 01:04:02 I was excited. I don't like this. Well, stand up when you're losing, you lose a loan. Yes. And I think that's suffering. Like last night, what happened to me? Yeah. I was up there, but we all lost.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Yeah, see that's so, I always, because my philosophy about doing comedy was you kind of have to not care. And you know, it's like you have to, which is just means you have to kind of be fearless and try whatever and not get in your thoughts about, oh my, coming off. You know, you just have to kind of exist
Starting point is 01:04:33 and be funny and live in it. And if you're doing it by yourself, it's way harder to when you're done go, you know. Well, I still had fun. Like, no, I didn't. I was in there. You know, if I'm out there with two or three other people, we still had, you know, we tried and we were in it together.
Starting point is 01:04:50 But when it's by myself, it's too hard for me to not care. Right, right, right. Yeah. I mean, when you're doing, like, because I've done stuff with like Jordan Peele, some of these guys, and you're not, if you're not on, right, you know they are gonna be. And they also know how to lock it up for you. Yeah, see what I tell you.
Starting point is 01:05:10 You do it for each other. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, anyway, I love you. Thank you so much, Bobby. It was really fun. And bye-bye. Bye, everyone. قواني اي مكبلولي قولو بايا مادم قبل بمبولة قولو بمبولة
Starting point is 01:05:27 قواني اي دولي قولو بمبولة قواني اي مكبلولي قبل بمبولة قبل بمبولة قبل بمبولة قولو بايا مادم قبل بمبولة
Starting point is 01:05:38 قولو بمبولة قبل بمبولة you

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