TigerBelly - Are You Garbage? Podcast & The Human Centipede w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Kevin Ryan loves caviar. H. Foley loves crack. Bobby loves making rice. We chat hyper-oxygenated water, Dawson's Creek, 4th podcasts, coughing blood, and palm tree planting.  Go to prizepicks.com/bel...ly and use code belly for a first deposit match up to $100! That’s PrizePicks.com/belly and use code belly for a first deposit match up to $100! PrizePicks: Daily Fantasy Sports Made Easy!  

Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Keep it, keep it, keep it, it's a good look. I'm gonna sit on my nose. Yeah, like, your zits love your nose. Well, these guys were saying that maybe it's comedians and maybe comics. He always gets them a rouse. I get them right here. Right there.
Starting point is 00:00:16 It's just a rare that today I think. It's ugly dudes. Yeah, ugly dudes get it. All right. I think I was smart. I'm putting myself in the same category. Yeah, but not a good category. It's still you said category It's a beautiful No, it's you a fat guy. I'm a fat guy
Starting point is 00:00:37 My John though. Yeah, my John though, but the you know because we're ugly, you know They develop other things. Oh yeah, it's still not used to I'm funny. I was a fat kid. Oh wait, I see yours. Well, what are we doing here? You have a set on your nose? It's coming in.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Yeah, they in this sock. Yeah, it's like an avocado. You're right by tomorrow. Well, can I say something? I've seen uglier whites. There you go. All right, thanks. So that's a good thing.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Should've saw them as a baby. Yeah, really? Now I was a cute, I have saw him as a baby. Yeah, oh really? I was a cute. I was a cute told about six. What happened? Chicken fingers got in my Little from there. Got a little number five. Yeah, took a go. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah You actually have very model-less features. Yeah, you do. What's model-esque model? Oh, okay? You're very, very symmetrical. Model-trains, but you're putting it on. I like my train.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Like the caboose? There I say, like the golden ratio. The golden ratio. Yeah, when you pull it up, gilve. Yeah. Well, I mean, because I think you did this to yourself, no? Or is it genetics? What?
Starting point is 00:01:41 I don't know. No, I'm just going to, I theoretically should be attractive. I do see what you're saying Yeah, I destroyed myself to that's cool. I like that. Thank you. Yeah, I like that a lot. Thank you. What's this? This is the golden ratio facial aesthetics. What does that mean? Huh? I swear to God He has it. It's like how your eyes the distance yeah, visually balanced face. Yeah, sweetie sweetie. Yeah Kevin's here. Jesus. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I don't forget about you. I'm gonna see. I mean, we're gonna see. Well, you gotta, you gotta give him something, you know what I mean? I got the golden pimples. I got the golden, no, you're very cute.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Come on, let's stop it. We were joking, you know. We're sorry. Have you guys recovered from your onstage human centipede in Austin? Yeah. You were talking about that last night. I said, Bobby is the only person I would ever. That's so out of character for me.
Starting point is 00:02:29 No, you know what? Last night, it was, that was, you know, really nice to hear. Yeah, I would be the only person that, and you didn't believe me and you were like, what about this person? I'm gonna go billboard. No, you wouldn't, but it billed know that they won't do a human centipede with you.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Wait, so how did that go down? Who was the kaboos? Who was the head? So, who was the head? So I don't even know how that occurred, but we're damn- Let's look, let's look. Yeah. But that wasn't in my rider.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Let's go the pet, let's get start from the beginning. OK. The beginning is welcome to the podcast. You know, Bobby Lee, and then we got, are you garbage boys here? But you know, Kevin Ryan, Kevin Ryan, H Foley. Thank you. And you guys have become people,
Starting point is 00:03:33 one of my favorite people. And so we were in Austin doing the live show. They were already in town. We needed help. They came by and it was a great show. So much fun. We needed help. We weren't moving furniture. I know, you guys made it.
Starting point is 00:03:46 You guys made it. You guys still made it special. So fun. So fun. You guys made it fun. And so I guess one of the, it's kind of a game show that we do live. And one of the consequences of it was us doing,
Starting point is 00:04:00 yeah, but the thing I didn't understand, the winner had to do the human show. The winner. And those guys got to all make out. I know but to me it's a win when you do a human center You know Bobby lost on purpose So with those undies are like so then when we We're getting into the human centipede formation. I could see the fear in your eyes a little bit fear anger Raid get it all there. Yeah, that's not his speed. Yeah, and I was the fear in your eyes a little bit. Fear anger rate.
Starting point is 00:04:25 They were all there. Yeah, that's not his speed. Yeah, and I was the middle because I was being cool. Yeah, I think you wanted to be the middle. Yeah, you wanted to stop the game. I was the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you were the caboose.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I was the caboose. I think initially you thought that it was better to be the head of the centipede. You later found out that wasn't the game. No, I was aggressively moved along this He's about 20 yards ahead. I was running away. Yeah, and didn't realize I was just pulling you in closer Yeah, you were really chomping on his I was really chomping you were in there. Well, I'm you know my isner
Starting point is 00:05:01 I'm a method. I you know, it's I bite Where you sniff and dog butt before the show. Getting in the character. And then when you started moving forward because I could feel... I was running away. You're rolling away. I was crawling away. I was crawling with you. You were right there.
Starting point is 00:05:24 We went on my 20 yards together, that was a fun. It totally stood back. Yeah, you broke off. That's what I mean. I did it. My knee was bothering me. I couldn't keep up with it. I thought it was a comedy choice he was doing. Last night I complimented him.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I go, dude, that was a good comedy choice. He goes, my knees don't work. I guess he wanted to, I guess he wanted to, how would it was, but it broke down. I was shining it in there. Yeah. You were too fast for it. Yeah, you were too fast. It was Yeah, you fast. It was him.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Yeah, I really lead my charge on that one. But you don't like, um, man-to-man contact. No, it's not that. I mean, I don't know if you can class of this. Man-to-man contact is not a human set of beat in front of 2,000. Let's, like that's a good, good, good, good, good, good jump you made on mail. And you say, my father's hand.
Starting point is 00:06:04 I'll hug my uncle if I have to, but that's a little different. Yeah, oh I see. It was the crowd that kind of petrified you, I guess. No, it was, I mean, that's crap. Yeah, to have another man's ass or another man's face in your ass is, you know, that's one thing to do with your house for sure, but in front of everybody. Yeah, I don't know, it's just not my, not my cup of tea. That you're fun.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I love you so much and I love your comedy and it's so funny and zany that you were like, let's do it. I was like, yeah, you gotta do it. You gotta do it. Yeah. Let me ask you something. If,
Starting point is 00:06:34 All right, can I say this? That's such a great show. That's so good. All right, thank you. You know what I'm saying? That's such a cool, I love it. You guys are the Simon and Garful of the comedy.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Okay. Simon and Garful of the comedy. Is that a compliment? At the time, they were great. Are they both ugly? What happened to you? No, that's not what happened. Who's Simon, who's Garfun?
Starting point is 00:06:51 Well, that's for them to decide. Wow. That's for them to decide. I can't hit the false set up. Wait, you sing and play the guitar, right? Yeah. Wow. And you're a theater guy.
Starting point is 00:07:02 And a golden ratio. Holy shit. He's amazing. You got all of it. Yeah, I guess yeah You can sing that little little bit. I'll go tell us something now. I'm not doing that. I'm gonna embarrass myself Well, I'll do it. Okay, so I'll go you know, let's go let's go a divide a device I don't know I'm out I can't say a A-A-D-O-V-I-S. A-A-D-O-V-I-S. Every morning you greet me. Great.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Pretty good. All right. H-Foli. Beautiful. You won't do it. I'll do it. For you. Just that beginning part.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Can you put your nose on my ass while I do it? Get the gang back to you. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. I'll lay it on you. Go ahead. What would you do if I sang out of tune? What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:07:54 It would just stand up and walk out on me. Good man. I can't sing. I can't sing. I can't sing. I can't sing. I can't sing. I can't sing.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I can't sing. I can't sing. I can't sing. I can and I will try not to sing out of key. That's so good. Bobby now. That's so good. That's so much talent. The most powerful. Only for you, Bob. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:12 And your pimple. Oh yeah, it's still there. I haven't. Can we come Raul? Yeah, Raul's great. Yeah, Raul. That's a great. Raul Castro.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Why is it Mexican? Raul Castro. Cuban. Oh, Cuban. Okay. If you would want to, if we would want to would, if we went on a tour, the pimple. Oh, the pimple. Yeah. I thought we were giving folio statement. I thought the record printed.
Starting point is 00:08:31 I thought that was going to be my illuminati name. Where did the agent I heard he'd gone? I think he's the bathroom. Okay. You got a crew running around. Yeah, yeah. So if we were in a trip to Europe, okay? And the same thing happened to us, like it happened in the human centipede
Starting point is 00:08:49 where we get knocked out, we wake up in a lab and we're actually tied to each other, like, zone. Okay, we're centipeded. I think that's the premise, two girls are on a trip. Okay. Backpacking trip, they run into a German, crazy German, I don't know if you're German. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:08 And then, I guess they knocked out a Japanese due to. Okay. Which was crazy in the movie. Did you see the human centipede? Uh-huh. I saw a walrus. Does that count? I mean, I know that.
Starting point is 00:09:18 There you go. I know that. Bobby in the middle. No, but the front guy was. I wouldn't mind if Bobby looked like that. Wait, they're not, they're being honest. Oh, so if I was was I would have mind if Bobby looked like that. Wait, they're not So if I was her you would have screwed it away like that. Yes, I would have I would have backed up into Oh, you would have been torquing back there knees would have worked. Yeah, I would have worked very well
Starting point is 00:09:38 But check it out the Japanese dude is in the front. Mm-hmm, right? Which sucks for the middle and the the back's the front. That's a nice one. Right? Which sucks for the middle and the back's the worst. Yeah. Well, I know the middle's the worst. No, because of the back's not getting any pleasure. No, I'll tell you how much pleasure is in that one. Because I'll tell you why the back's the worst is because he poos through her. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:56 And then she has a pooth through her. So you're getting two generations of the pooh. Oh, are they so together? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. What do you think they're just putting a, you're going to escape just a little cotton thing that was wrapped.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The nice house though, they got to get a raw deal. But I bet she has the strongest gut biome. What do you mean? Yeah, she can handle it. She's got a variety of like super kombucha. No probiotics for her, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:27 But in the movie, he kills himself first. Really? I haven't seen it yet. You're never gonna see it, dude. You're never gonna see it. But he goes, hold on, hold on. You can first go. Well, that's a sacrificial killing, then,
Starting point is 00:10:40 because he wants the shitting to stop. And, you know what I mean? It's for the team Oh Yeah, what makes sense? I don't I mean imagine having a dead Japanese dude attached. Yes I don't think they cut him off. I don't think they cut him. I don't know that you watch the movie out of it I don't remember I don't remember anyway if that happened to us what would happen? You think I'd kill myself Sure, right? I don't have if I had to go to jail i would do i would be a black and i would let if we survived listen i'm gonna i'm being honest yeah we're not tough guys may in kevin
Starting point is 00:11:12 but if we the three of us were in that situation it wouldn't get to that point what would have we would either be murdered because we would be fighting back and get overpowered and killed but we would not let it get to that point would you get knocked out and then they would like the Mark Wahlberg of just human centipedes. Not on my watch. American. I'm at 9-11.
Starting point is 00:11:31 All right. Yeah. But like, I don't get it because, you know, we were like, we wake up and we're sown. Yeah. So how do we fight back? We wouldn't have gotten drugged because he would never take a drink that was opened. So he would have, he would have gotten out of his mouth. You got to get a pretty early in the morning.
Starting point is 00:11:46 You and I though, I'd have been fucked up. Yeah, by the way. Be a small center. It's the third movie. I didn't know it was the third holy shit. Holy shit. Oh, prison. Dude, it looks like the cover of the New Yorker.
Starting point is 00:11:57 The last person on that shit. As a writer, let's say that's what prison food too. As a writer, they're like, you know, we just do more. Yeah, just add them. So human said to be nine, you know what I mean, which is this whole country. The hands of cross America. It's not great writing, but anyway,
Starting point is 00:12:13 let's move on from the, but thank you for doing this show. Of course, thank you for having it. It was so much fun. It was so cool to see you guys, your fans are amazing. Everything was so charged up. You guys got introduced and they went fucking nuts. And thank you.
Starting point is 00:12:28 I also wanted to say something I observed from you last night and you weren't involved. Okay, because I don't know what you were doing. What do you, I think you're not, I know what you're alluding to. What? That I didn't take the tour with you when you walked around. Listen, age. Listen, age.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Get on Bobby. Listen age. Okay. I don't give two. This is not yelling at this guy. Uber, he's talking to you. You get to walk down the perfect guys. Starting to rub. This is our next segment.
Starting point is 00:12:54 It's called, are you classy? Whoa. So lovely. So lovely. That's pretty good. Since you guys ask people, are you garbage? You want to ask if you guys are classy. We have an assortment of items here. and we're going to tell you the price,
Starting point is 00:13:06 and you're going to say, is it worth eating and paying for that? Okay. All right. Okay, good. So, could we start where you eat? Well, can we just ask? Can I finish? Yeah, go finish the story first. Parading my life.
Starting point is 00:13:16 My life. Yeah. I don't even know what the fuck I was saying now. Hey, last night, the tour. The tour. The tour tour. I went with you on the tour. You don't give out tours. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, it's not that important, but
Starting point is 00:13:28 fuck it. Let's fix. Thank you, Harry. Asian Harry. Yeah. Harry Potter. Thanks, EJ. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Thank you. Kevin. This is how we knocks us out. Yeah, this is not. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, listen, I don't give everyone tours and for you to like not do a tour. I just, I just, I just, you guys walked away. I were scary and he bumped into somebody.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Yeah, yeah, of course. That's fine, but then you, I was telling you this ghost stories. That was a setup, dude. That was a super scared, dude. You open up a closet, a hallway, that was unlike the rest of the building. Like, proper, didn't belong there.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Look like it was built in the 1800s. And he's like, he opens the door and goes, go down there, I'm like, fuck that dude. You go down there. Well, see what? Have you seen a ghost in there? Yeah. What'd you show you?
Starting point is 00:14:35 I don't know what to stop. All right, what the fuck is this? Okay, so what are the rest? There's so free, just while you're talking eating and look at the prices of food. If we're gonna do the segment, let's just do it. Okay, yeah. Which, I mean, why, you giving them the prices of the thing?
Starting point is 00:14:51 Yeah, no, it's just deciding if you would pay that much money for it. No, but how about we eat it first and I thought that was the game. Oh, we can do that. Yeah, we, well, here. So these are macombo beams. What's that?
Starting point is 00:15:02 Are you guys gonna? Oh, sure, we. How? I don't like you to point out, get now. We don't sit with that. Dude's that? Oh, sure. We are. How? I don't like you two point out. Get out. We don't sit with that. Dude, you look like you belong in the monster family.
Starting point is 00:15:12 What is going on here? Yeah, yeah. What are these? I've never had them. Macombo Beans brain function and digestive support. This is almost $30. $27.98. Are we buying this?
Starting point is 00:15:23 I'll never get a Macombo beer again. I was in Amal. You wait that bird, I'm out. Is it bad? No, it's not very good, it's nutty. It's nutty, but it's like, I mean, out of all the nuts, that's the worst nut I've had. Well, it's got 30% fiber, so you're gonna shit your brains out, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:15:42 There we go, that's the worst thing I need. Okay, we'll just do it thing I need. Okay, anyway. We'll just do it through the show. Okay, let me know if you have a price. No one's gonna touch this. Okay, we should do the caviar, because I would 100% try the caviar on the crème fraiche. Let's do that right now.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Let's do that one. Let's do that now. That entire container is $299.99. That container? Yes, nicely. So we've got it. Every bite's about 75%. That wasn't in a fridge, right? It wasn't in the back of your car. $199.99. Jack container. Yes. We got it. We got it. Every bite's about 75.
Starting point is 00:16:06 That wasn't a fridge, right? It wasn't in the back of your car. Yeah. So I went and this is crème fraiche. Yeah. So I do this. Keep being a trial. I don't want to, but I'll do it again. This is a human.
Starting point is 00:16:16 And the little pancakes just what's supposed to go with it, correct? Yes, the beanies. The little crème fraiche. Yogurt. Good. That was yogurt. That's not much. Strawberry banana. This one here. Crème fraiche. Is it yogurt? It's a little crumb fresh yogurt good
Starting point is 00:16:28 Strawberry banana this one here fresh is it yogurt? Wait this one's all right, honestly, just do the cadwier by itself. It's amazing. I don't know if I've ever had a cadwier. Oh, you can't have it by itself. Yeah. How tasty that is. I'm gonna put some herb. Oh, I go hard on cadwier.
Starting point is 00:16:51 You good? You guys would take you like $100 hits of cadwier. Yeah. Alright, here we go. Okay. First time having cadwier. Really? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:17:00 You too. What do you think? Mm. Let's go and fish. Is that will pussy? It's good. Fishy. It's like Wil pussy. It's not bad, right? I never thought it would taste like that.
Starting point is 00:17:09 That's so fucking good. That's good. Really? Really? Wow. Seems like they're mad. That's all right. Well, first, I mean, I'm 37.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I should have had caviar. I know. I don't know how classy that is. I've had the orange ones on top of sushi. Ro, the wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's incredible. Wow. So what have all worked so well together?
Starting point is 00:17:28 What else have you had? I'm pretty good. Caviar was up there. I'm the mass. Have you guys had frog legs? Yes. Good question. I don't think so now.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I would try it. I'm a picky eater. I don't eat a lot of stuff, but I will try everything. Like for the most, unless it's like, you know, the balloon or whatever, but I will. You wouldn't try ballad?
Starting point is 00:17:50 Uh-uh. That's... No. I actually don't think I think you'd surprise yourself. It depends where it would have to be, but like... It's fucking... Hair up all. Yeah, that's what I mean. I only know it's bad from him. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:02 He's quite a picky eater. He's actually not as Asian as we would like him to be. Oh my God, that's so awesome. He ain't dead baby duck. He's not as easy eater. That's like entry. That's like entry level for Asians. But I actually think, I'm even George liked it.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Everyone else liked it. But I think you're, I think you're, I think you're, I think you're pretty Asian. I'm not doing it. Oh, what do you think? I think I got my eye on that.
Starting point is 00:18:24 The loop is a Filipino delicacy and an acquired taste. That is pretty hardcore. Yeah, but there's different levels, right? So you can have like the older where it already has a feather, feather, the bubble, the face, and the beak.
Starting point is 00:18:36 The feather, when you taste feather, and you crunch it to the beak, and then the skull, you bite a skull, and the eyeball pops into your throat. Imagine that, no. Price picks is daily fantasy sports platform. That's what it is.
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Starting point is 00:21:03 Hey everybody We go that's what we do we change the visual of it. Yeah, they could put on a cracker or something I would eat if they could all over Down and we put one of those like potato rolls, something in here. Minion goggles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Overall, it's cutin' up there. You know what, a little bit.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it like a piece of candy or something. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, and that's so insulting, I'm variation. You don't know how to cook rice. That's like also another entry level. But the emperor probably didn't know how to do it back in the day in the United States.
Starting point is 00:21:44 You have a rice cooker? I do have one. What's the rice ratio ratio of let's go with caloros Okay, I do one cup of rice. Mm-hmm. One cup of water. Do you rinse it? He feels very Rinse it right now. I rinse it three times. Do you really do I do do I've seen you cook rice? I Fuck that's so insulting. I know what I do. I'll make rice right now bitch you cook rice. I fuck that's so insulting I know what I'm gonna do. I'll make rice right now bitch. I'll make a right now bitch. Give me the fucking scooper. What's the rice finger show me? What do you mean the rice fingers? When you don't have measurements how do you know the water to rice ratio? I go cop cop. No no no no cups available just eyeball how do you do it?
Starting point is 00:22:22 With your hands? The rice. I'm not a caveman. Also, we're going to be cooking rice when you don't have a cup. I just did bare grill. No, it's a rice ratio. It has to be a certain, it's called a rice finger for a reason. I mean, do you know how to make meatloaf? That's it. Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Oh, that's the technique. It's always the first digit. Do you guys know how to make rice? technique. You do. It's always the first digit. Do you want to make rice? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You know that system?
Starting point is 00:22:51 No, I have a kitchen that I make it in. Exactly. I'm not out in the wilderness, guess it. I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Right, so that's something I'll make rice right now. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:01 I know the finger ratio just from my girlfriend's family. She's my girlfriend's Filipino product from all of them. Oh, she's from the way. Yeah. Have you had a balloon then? No, okay. Not yet. You would.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Not-I don't know if I would, to be honest with you. Yeah, a little baby duck. I mean, if I was starving, there we go. I'd eat the fingers, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. In a starving situation, yes, these guys would eat it. Yes, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:27 But if we end up going there to see her family, I, you know, probably would could. Yeah, yeah. Is she the love of your life? Yeah, that's all. Bobby, Bobby's been to the Philippines and tell them how great it is over there. It's so weird. He told us on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:23:44 We were in the podcast. We did it on the podcast. Yeah. And we were all grossed out. He shared a couple stories and I said, I'm never gonna. What I did? No. Yeah. It's a beautiful island.
Starting point is 00:23:56 A series of islands. See, we're talking about Balloot, not the island. Oh, yeah, Balloot's. Wait, you're married, Ray. I'm married, yeah. Love a family life. Love a family life. Love of your life. Love of my life.
Starting point is 00:24:06 She's German, Metter. With accent? Yes. It's more, she has more of a European accent than like the, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, but like when she gets angry, it comes out. Yeah, she doesn't sound like Ray Fines in there. Yeah, it's in the 40s.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Same haircut. In the 40s, you think she would follow, she's Jewish. So, oh my God. She's actually Czech. So, her parents, her family's Czech, and then they moved to Germany. What's this guy to do with you not being able to cook rice? Yeah, I don't want to.
Starting point is 00:24:34 I'm sure to switch the fucking turn the tables on. Yeah, yeah. Please don't call that out. You know what, well done, my friend. Thank you so much. I'm sure to go do a different direction. You're a love right? After rice. You gotta go to that. You gotta go love. Yeah, you gotta go. You're in love, right? After rice.
Starting point is 00:24:46 You gotta go to that. You gotta go love. Yeah, you gotta go. You ever kissed a girl, huh? Yeah. But let me ask you something, because you know, we were in love and then kind of fell out a little bit. I still love her so much.
Starting point is 00:24:56 We're like, I love her so much. My best friend. Thank you so much. I love her so much. But what I'm saying is that how long have you been in the relationship? Eight years? Eight years.'re still it's and you know what's great about it guys Guys just still what all moonlight and canoes. No of course not Nightmare all the time
Starting point is 00:25:16 Really yeah, what do you mean? I don't know. It just is but you love her right? She loves me. We're there for each other Oh, I wouldn't have it any other way. Really? Yeah. I love that. So when you're on the road and, you know, a titties flap, it will happen. There's no titties flappin' and his titties are flappin' at their feet. We do have a nice pool.
Starting point is 00:25:35 I should've said. But you have women that they don't go, woo, like that. What is this, a girl's going wild? 1999. And that's what you think girls do, they go, woo. I mean, sometimes after shows I have a girl going, hey. Really? No, we don't have that.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Also, my wife is, have you seen us significantly more attractive than me? To the point where it's like, I'm not landing. What I would just be able to land on the road in one night is not. We're paying them a better. Now I'm not doing better. And you know that you're gonna do better.
Starting point is 00:26:09 It's not a matter of that. It's love. I learn from you guys, man. Learn to learn. You learn to look too late, but it's okay, it's okay. No, it's not learning too late. It's never too late to learn. That's in a book or something.
Starting point is 00:26:24 It's not ever too late. Yeah. We guys best friends before you started the podcast? Yeah. This is our third podcast. We've started a comedy together in Philly. Yeah. And already said, only Utility It's Would Try Again
Starting point is 00:26:38 for a fourth time. And that actually worked. Yeah. Well, what happened the first time? We did it. We started a pod. We started, we were in Philadelphia together and we were down there for about five years and then moved up here and when we got up here,
Starting point is 00:26:51 you know, we kind of had the, in New York not up here. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, when we got to New York, we kind of knew that, you know, we were somewhat on our own and had to try to figure something out between us. But we guys without the puck, I mean, when you came into the New York scene. Yeah, we were friends in Philly. Yeah, we accepted into the New York scene, yeah, we were friends in Philly.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Yeah, we accepted into the New York scene right away, I would just have to struggle a little bit. Oh, it was just, I mean, no, it was just struggle. Yeah, everybody struggles. We started like, you know, the really shitty bar shows. For, you know, you're doing 10, 12 of those a week, just, you know, for two, three people, sometimes 40, a lot of times five, six,
Starting point is 00:27:23 you're doing that till 1 a.m., going home, working a day job, yeah, going out, you know, six, you're doing that till 1am, going home, working a day job, going out, changing into McDonald's bathroom to go do sets and stuff like that. No money, you know. But how long did that last? A couple of years, and then we were working in the city, different clubs. I was hosting a lot of New York comedy club. Got to meet a lot of people through that, through hosting.
Starting point is 00:27:42 He was doing the road a little bit, and the whole time we were doing another podcast together, just kind of just a bullshit in a round podcast. Didn't really pick up any steam, and then we started doing one just me and him right before, are you garbage? Called Hard Feelings, where it was just me and him sitting in my car, bitching about our days. You know, going through all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:28:03 And had about 50 people listening. Yeah, most of family and friends. Wow. But the whole time, we always kind of shitting each other about how we grew up, like, you know, you did this growing up, you did that growing up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's kind of where the idea came from.
Starting point is 00:28:15 And then we played it on the old podcast, once together, and then we were like, fuck, that was really fun, that was really good. And then right before the pandemic, we both were kinda like, hey, we should do that as a podcast, because it's us stripped down who are most natural for. Yeah, wow.
Starting point is 00:28:32 And then classic, our Bozo fashion, we started, dump all the money we have into it, which is like a couple hundred bucks. You know what I mean? We're like, all right, we're like, we're gonna do studio, we're gonna pay them to shoot it. I'll learn how to do the clips, I'll learn how to do all the stuff.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Wow. And then the world shut down. The world shut down. We had three, oh, it shut down. The pandemic happened in our third week of launching RUGAR. Oh my God. And I was just like, I remember why I was walking
Starting point is 00:28:57 with my wife and I was just like, I can't fail again. It was like one of those like movie moments. I'm like, I cannot fail again. I can't have another failed project. Like this fucking sucks. Wow. So we'm like, I cannot fail again. I can't have another failed project like this fucking sucks. Wow. So we just like doubled up in the pandemic. I wanted to check out the Hawaii.
Starting point is 00:29:10 It helped us. He was like, he was ready to fall. You got my stimulus check and I was like, oh, 1200 can't tell me. Well, you were gonna get out. No, I don't know. It was just like, what the fuck are we gonna do? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:22 So we just knuckle it up and we're like, let's do a hard feelings every day for a half an hour and let's do two episodes of our U-Garbage every week. And over Zoom. And like, so we wanted like all of these guests, like New York guests that we were gonna try to get the shulkses, the sodas, the normans, the list, like all those guys.
Starting point is 00:29:41 And it would have taken us 18 months to get them all with schedules, like if the world didn't shut that. But now they're all home, they all know us and like us from like working in the club. And so like we just hit up Shultay, you know, when he was blowing up and you're like, hey, you know my pot is there.
Starting point is 00:29:57 I can do it this afternoon. You do it through Zoom, all through Zoom. That's what everybody was doing. And everybody was cool as shit and we're awesome. And great advocate for us. And then was cool as shit, and we're awesome. And great advocate for us. And then you just saw the numbers go up.
Starting point is 00:30:09 So they started going up, and then after that, we kind of the world started opening up a little bit, and we had some steam, and then my wife, God bless her, she had $10,000 in her savings account, dumped it all into a studio, and then for months then- Is that the studio I went to? That's the studio you went to. Oh right, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:30:29 We just got a new one in March. Yeah, we just built a bigger one. A bigger one. We have offices and two studios, and a kitchen. Yeah, that's crazy. Congratulations. Thanks buddy, now we're here talking to you guys.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Which is surreal. Yes, it's- Why? I remember when you guys first started. We, I would watch you, I've always been a big podcast fan. So like, yeah, to sit here with you guys in, it's crazy, it's so fucking cool. Yeah, I mean Whitney was the person that originally
Starting point is 00:30:54 turned me on to you. She's been a big advocate, yeah. Very cool. You gotta know these guys. She was awesome. And then when Jeremiah and you guys were hanging out the door, yeah, we talked about that. I know, shout out to Jeremiah.
Starting point is 00:31:03 He came, you came and vetted out. out the door. Yeah, we talked about that. I don't know. Shout out to Jeremiah. He came and vetted out. Yeah. Yeah. Other fatter than at all. Those ones really ugly. Those aren't too, guys. I want to do it. You make that.
Starting point is 00:31:15 But I guess they'll do. And then you guys went to norms. And I came to norm. You came and you hung out. I got with you guys. And Jeremiah was like, Bob-o-ship, Bobby. Bobby might be coming and then he saw you get out of the car and he's like, Bobby's hearing.
Starting point is 00:31:29 He's like, he's vetting you. I've been asking him to come out to dinner with me for years and he says no. He's coming to put you guys through the ringer. I know. I know. We had a great time. Yeah. And I picked up the bill just saying.
Starting point is 00:31:41 No, you did. And we had $4 in your wallet. Yeah, I know you're like, I have cash. You go, I'll give you a cash and it was like three crores. I'm going to get $4. I'm going to get $4. I'm going to get $4. I'm't offer. No, you did. We had $4 in your wallet. Yeah, I know, you're like, I have cash. You go, I'll give you a cash and it was like three crore bucks a month. Oh really?
Starting point is 00:31:51 No, but you did offer to pick up the whole thing. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Of course. And then ever since then, we've been like friends. We've been pals. Yeah, and we love it.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Yeah, it's really cool. That's fucking amazing. And then we got to meet you at the show, which was awesome. Yeah. The show was great. I's fucking amazing. I know we got to go to meet you at the show Which was awesome. Yeah, the show was great I was so cool that you guys called us to be a part honestly. It's like yeah We like sounds cheesy, but like I it we were in the car like Bobby just fucking texted me ass us to the show We're like people were stoked to see you guys. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it was very surreal But I'm also observing people like let's add the store. People are just very aware of you guys and
Starting point is 00:32:25 You know really? Yeah, we're so obtuse. We have no idea. No, yeah people are like, you know, oh those are the are you garbage guys? I would hear people There's an open mic there too, so there's a lot of a lot of people. Yeah, so you could you you know I have some rumblings that you were there. I mean Yeah, we're I mean I don't feel that about yourself. I think it works, we're such idiots, man. It's not where we just stumble through everything. And you know.
Starting point is 00:32:49 That's kind of us, too. Yeah, that's what we're, if you're be yourself and it's, you know, I don't know. Like I don't know how we've been doing this for this long. I also don't know why people listen to me. Well, I think, I don't know anything. Here's what I'll say. Like I actually think you're doing God's work.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Like, even talking about just like how, like, even when you talk about like your addiction or every bit of that makes people feel a little bit less fucked up about their own life. And I think that's truly like a gift that's like a, that keeps on giving. Cause like, I think when we started Tiger Belly, that we didn't know what the fuck we were doing.
Starting point is 00:33:24 We thought we were just telling childhood stories, and they were horrible stories. But then you see people come to the shows, and they're like, hey, like, you were stabbed too. Yeah. Yeah, I know it. I don't realize.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I have an uncle, say for instance, who's like a murderer, right? A murderer. The colds, like so like a murderer, right? A man. The colds, like, so-called murderer.
Starting point is 00:33:48 But I love him. I adore him. When I see him, I hug him, Bobby, like throws money at him. He chopped his brother in half with a machete. With a machete. That's murder, yeah, that's what that is. That's what that is. I like it.
Starting point is 00:33:58 You're like, no, he's a real murderer. And broad daylight. And broad daylight. And like, I talk about like that weird feeling of like he's not here now. No, no, he's not you. Is it? No, he's free. He's free. Well, he, he was 20 years. He's been. But I've met him many times. Self defense was there more to the age rage rage. Yeah, it was right. It's money dispute here in the states. The Philippines. The Philippines. You'll love the point. The first year's Philippines prison. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Just like that. He has like kind of no remorse. What do you mean? He's like, I'll do it again. I'm like, the fuck are only 10 bucks. But, you know, like I would talk about how like, I don't know what it is in my brain where I still,
Starting point is 00:34:40 my only memories of him are love him being a loving uncle and as a child. So I have like my heart swells when I see him Mm-hmm. And I feel so fucked up over it But even like talking about shit like that people are like oh fuck like my life isn't as You know what I mean terrible as sure. I think it is. Well, that's we're all fucked up That's the thing we kind of realized too of like we were just telling stupid stories Yeah, they don't necessarily the saddest but but they're just like, ah, you know,
Starting point is 00:35:05 money was tight at these times, and this is what my parents would do. And it's more of like, we didn't realize it would resonate with this many people. Like, you know, we thought it was kind of like, just our type thing, you know, oh, this is what we experienced or whatever. And then so many people are like,
Starting point is 00:35:19 I also had that in this and that in this. And then once, like, the guests started coming to tell, and they're crazy stories, people were like, my dad did that, my brother did that, my sister did that. So all that shit. And it's more of like, we realize it's like, welcome to the party. Like we're not, we shit don't think you come on.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Someone's like, oh, I did that. We're like, ah, that's trashy, you suck, whatever. But it's like, it's more of like welcome. We also do that. Right. We're welcome to the party here. Not judging you. It's also interesting because, you know,
Starting point is 00:35:43 back in the day, we used to do radio. And it's not the same as radio. Radio, when a comic did a week and somewhere and they got, they picked them up in the morning, they would do their bits, right? And just their strongest bits. And then the DJ would say, hey, tell me something to set up some of your jokes.
Starting point is 00:36:01 And I always ate it during those ones. You know what I mean? Because it's like, that's just what I, this is not my skill set. Yeah. Right? My act is my act, right? And then once I did OP and some of these other shows,
Starting point is 00:36:12 it kind of, you kind of go, oh, the more free form. Yeah, and be more vulnerable, or you know, I mean, more of a real conversation. Yeah, sometimes I was saying the most fucked up things or whatever, it was just an open arena that it was more of my thing, you know what I mean? And that's what podcasting is.
Starting point is 00:36:26 That's not what we got Bobby Lee in the studio. He's a real crazy cat. He looks like we're at Bobby. Bobby tells about some of your hat. Yeah, yeah. I used to fucking hate that shit. Yeah, I mean, we never had to do it. Like, oddly enough, we're gonna do it.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Oh my God, you're so fucking lucky. And you also can I say is that I've been around since 1995 and so it's like I was around when you had six gatekeepers in Hollywood and if they didn't like you you weren't gonna make it. I mean you're talking about casting directors you know like I don't see it you're fine. That's done yeah you're. Yeah, you're done. And so even club owners, like clubs would go, there's three clubs in LA. If none of them liked you, that's it.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Yeah, you're just doing other things, you know what I mean? And now we're in a point where it's like, you can just go this way. I do think the seeds of that, the seeds of what's happening now, did kind of start in mainstream media, because when, you know know the technology started to get a little bit better or people were backed into a corner people did start making like their own end of small independent movies or short films or whatever yeah and kind of
Starting point is 00:37:36 pushed themselves through that which I think kind of is the same thing that's happening now yeah just in a different medium yeah I mean yeah yeah I mean you had the rise of youtubers and Vine stars and this and that. I'm saying even before that like look at Favreau. You know what I mean? They swing it. When they made swingers. It's like no one's gonna give me a big Hollywood movie. Let me see if I can get, I'll do this on a shoestring budget. Yeah, yeah. My favorite one of those movies is, you ever see El Mardiacci?
Starting point is 00:38:01 Mm-hmm. Have you seen El Mardiacci? Mm-hmm. You have seen El Mardiacci? You have you? I haven't. No one's seen it. Yeah. You've seen it.
Starting point is 00:38:10 I forgot he was here. Oh, who was here? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Good luck. Okay, good. I can. After he did short bedhead. What?
Starting point is 00:38:25 He did short bedhead with a sister, a brother and sister before that, and that was his first feature film. There you go. Oh, that's why he went to film school. That's why I'm fucking nerd. But anyway, Robert Rodriguez made this movie. And this movie cost 15 grand.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Whoa, yeah. How do we make that money? How? He's a selling shop to science. He did a blood test on himself. Whoa, yeah. How do you make that money? How? He has phlegm shots of science. He did a blood test on himself. Like, you know, they've given drugs and... Oh, he's just like a clinical studies?
Starting point is 00:38:53 Sweet cheese. Wow. Talk about, aren't it? What the fuck up now? I love it. I like it, but it's turning... It's sounding like you're talking down to us. And...
Starting point is 00:39:04 I want to college too, but I guess it feels like, it doesn't feel right, you know what I mean? But thank you so much for that information. His defense that you did try to out-holy-witness. But like, no one's all, no one's all I'm Ariachi, no one. No one, no one. No one, no one. None of you guys saw picture frames.
Starting point is 00:39:21 And see picture frames. That's true, that's true. My bad, my bad, I put out on it. But anyway, El Margitik 15 granda make and everything was one take. Really? Yeah. And it's such a great movie.
Starting point is 00:39:34 I'm gonna check it out there. And it made what millions through time, you know? And so I just, you know, and I love guys that go, you know what? I have this amount of money. I think Blair Witch was like, whether that was George Clooney, Tarantino, Clooney and his Cloonies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and this movie, um, you know, because Tarantino loves, you know, this kind of shit. Yeah, it's very violent this movie. Yeah, I really highly recommend watching it because you'll you'll appreciate like wow
Starting point is 00:40:18 our can be made for little money without a studio. Sure, and this and that, you know. But it's like, but we're so lucky because I was on my way out of Hollywood. And because, you know. Thank God this game was, I could still do this now. Yeah. You know what I mean? I can't do it. Yeah, I think it's, I don't think you're on your way out.
Starting point is 00:40:42 I don't think so either. Yeah. I know it just felt, you know, no, it's not that, I understand. think you're on your way out of Hollywood. I don't think so either. Yeah. I know, it just felt, you know. No, it's not that stand. No, that's not what I was an out. You went out, yeah. No, she just can't be out. She's out. Hello, do you still have documentary?
Starting point is 00:41:09 What? The kid is still in the picture. Kid stays in the picture. That's the right way. Bob Evans, right? Yeah. And the dude, I thought you were talking about the breakfast guy this whole night.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Where did I go? That character was also in the offer about the making of the Godfather and the guy who played Azmondi. One of the characters in the watchfather and the guy who played as one of the characters in the watchman was the actor that played Bob Evans and that he was fucking great. Oh, so I should watch it. Oh yeah, the offer's awesome, dude.
Starting point is 00:41:34 It is so good. Oh, I'm gonna watch the offer. It's on Paramount Plus, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounded like a plug by the way. He played a funniest in... Was that Bob Evans or the actor that plays Bob Evans? The actor that plays Bob Evans. Whoa, it looks. He played Bob Evans. Was that Bob Evans or the actor that plays Bob Evans? The actor that plays Bob Evans.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Whoa, it looks kind of like Bob Evans. Yeah, he was great too. Dude, look at him. That's great. That you knew Bob Evans is? I don't. This old school Hollywood executive from Paramount. And he dreamed lit.
Starting point is 00:41:59 Wow, I gotta watch it then. But also, anyone listening right now, watch that documentary, The Kid Stason, which he narrates himself, right. Just great. Imagine that this kid, this guy Bob Evans, right? Yeah. Like the first actor. It wasn't trying to act. He did some sort of like movie, but he was a L. March, not in March, what the, what the, the Madador movie, that I don't know. Yeah. And then he was a good looking guy. And he was at a pool. And they just turned into this Hollywood mogul. Yeah, Mary the alley McGraw.'t know yeah, and then he was a good looking guy and he was at a pool and they just turned into this Hollywood Muggle. Yeah, Mary to Ali McGraw. Oh, yeah, that's right from the love story. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he produced that movie
Starting point is 00:42:32 He produced that movie too. Yeah, then produced it then had to produce the godfather and had a string of hits. Yeah, oh my god What a great doctor. You'll love the offer Don't tell me what I'm gonna love Tell me the balls on this guy coming gonna love. Tell me what he's gonna do. A ball's on this guy. Come in your house, so what you're gonna love. No. Do you watch the offer? No. Yeah, you don't watch.
Starting point is 00:42:51 I'm not a big movie guy. Oh, man. You know, you don't. No. Because you didn't watch one thing. You know, you're too ugly to watch. No, that's what I was like. I was not saying.
Starting point is 00:43:01 I did that as a comedy. That's a calm. Kevin. That was a couple of coffee, please. Kevin, last night, last night didn't we have our moment? We had our, yeah, when you tried to send me down to the goddamn polter.
Starting point is 00:43:13 We had tried, as I was you were trying to do. I was trying to freak a mob a little. When you're gonna send him to the third and turn a lights out like a fucking bully. Well, dude, he opened the door and stepped away. He was like, you go in. You go in. So that's why you're mad that I didn't come.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Cause you didn't get the scare. I know, I was gonna scare the was like, you go in. You go in. So that's why you're mad that I didn't come. Because you didn't get to scare me. I know, I was gonna scare the shit out of you. Bast. Yeah, yeah. But when you like, I got news for you, I was already scared just being in the hallway. Really?
Starting point is 00:43:34 Yeah. Yeah. Why? Because right before we walked in, Kim Cogden told us that she had a creepy experience with the door opened or something like that. So she got chushed. Yeah, she got chushed.
Starting point is 00:43:44 By like, she was walking by a closet and nobody was in there and it was like, shh. Oh, I didn't like what Lisa triggered it either. What? We were all three walking on the hallway. You got upset about that. A little bit. We were walking, us three were walking on the hallway.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Please, Lisa. And she looks at me and she goes, out of the way. Hahaha. Love that Lisa trick. I love her. And I got approached to the side and she went, beeline to you guys. But he's like, what the fuck is this?
Starting point is 00:44:07 We had already had a conversation before that. That's why that's the RxG. Oh, of course. I don't like when anyone does this. Yeah. Like out of the way, little man. You know what I mean? The whites are coming through.
Starting point is 00:44:18 I think you're a blind. I love it. Wait, my mind, that's what it is. You're right. You guys are the whites. Yes. Wait, I have a question for you. We are.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Just because I was like a massive fan girl of this show, is it true that you went to either audition or be part of Dawson's Creek? Oh, yeah, what's that? Oh, man, that's a real positive spin on the real story. You're a Dawson's Curriculum Holy Shit. Oh, it was either you or James Vanderbake. It came down to the wire, then.
Starting point is 00:44:52 That's out like that's whispered down the lane. I waited on James Vanderbake once and ate the rest of his hammer. I believe that's the story in a variety, probably. Oh, man. No, I went to, I flunked out of college in 1995, and the last thing I did in college was, I had a theater class, and the guy that taught it was really cool and liked me. And he said, you know, when this unravels,
Starting point is 00:45:21 which I can tell that it is, there's a Repertory Theatre in the area that you should audition to see if you can go study there. And I did and my roommate at the time went to Chapel Hill and he's like, man, there's a real scene down there in in Wilmington, North Carolina. So we're filming Dawson's Creek down there. So instead of moving to New York or LA after graduating or after- He moved the fucking North Carolina. I'll be taking the North Carolina. He made it in show business.
Starting point is 00:45:48 You have one show. If they say no. I didn't, and also I didn't know that I didn't understand the process that just because they filmed in North Carolina it doesn't mean they cast it. He was just gonna show up and like knock on the door. Yeah, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Yeah, I'm here, guys. I look came of that. Nothing. And a eight month addiction to crack cocaine and like knock on the door. Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, I'm here, God. Yeah. I what came of that? Nothing. And a eight month addiction to crack cocaine and planting palm trees on the beach in the. Wait, what? Burning North Carolina.
Starting point is 00:46:12 I'm so happy. Really? Really? You really want another chicken? Yeah. Yeah. You start smoking crack. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Yeah. That's like the opposite of what to do, I think. Because I did. Any actors struggling with that. That's of what to do, I think. Because I, any actors, struggling, but that's, don't do that. I did, I did, I obviously, I did blow and down there, that's what they did, they, you know, there was like a version of free basing or,
Starting point is 00:46:36 it looked like crack to me. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It was crack. Does that feel good? Oh, it's awesome. Yeah, yeah, it's, I could only imagine. I never did crack, really. No, it's art. I could only imagine.
Starting point is 00:46:45 I never did crack really. No, it is math. Math, yeah. Have you done crack? What? No, that's not. Don't watch. You should have had a p.i.
Starting point is 00:46:53 A caviar, didn't you? When you slowly turn to care. Now you, no one's pimple. Have you ever done crack? You've got late types. I've got late types. I'm already in your store crack. It's true, my mom says about you guys. I can see you don't like crack things. You don't like movie. It's a crack. It's true. My mom says about you. Yeah. I see you don't like practical. You don't like movies and like I knew something about
Starting point is 00:47:09 it. Something about you. Like every year I I'm starting to feel like the minority because everyone has done crack, meth, cocaine and I've never done any of that. No, I never like an IPA. I'll tell you that. I would think calling up a call. You like beer? I'll go from a large drinking fact. Oh, that's great, that's great. And you know, that's wild too. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's crazy stuff.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Like George, ask him if he's done crack. Have you done crack? He's on crack right now. You never done crack. Not just smoked, okay? You smoke cocaine. Okay. That's in the family of. You never done crack. Not just smoked, okay. You smoked cocaine. Yeah, okay. That's in the family of it.
Starting point is 00:47:47 That's in the family of it. Yeah, yeah. Was it in powder form or was it in a rock form? Yeah, you did rock. Yeah, yeah. And then after eight months of doing the planting palm trees, I just was working as a landscaper and working in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Oh, I thought that was just something that you did. I was like, I'm gonna start planting pamp trees, the pamping on me. Yeah. All right, so you had a job doing that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was living in like a shitty apartment complex
Starting point is 00:48:16 and working at a restaurant, I had a seafood restaurant and working during the week as a landscaper, which was brutal. Wow. Yeah. But you still kept your jobs, no, or did the crack get in the way?
Starting point is 00:48:27 No, the crack never got in the way. It was crazy to be like a functional crack addict. What the fuck? I mean, I wouldn't say I was a cracked addict. I enjoyed crack cocaine. I mean, the PR spinners. It's crazy. I was experimenting with drugs.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Let's put it that way. And did you abruptly quit after that? I mean, what happened? Yeah, I mean, I realized that what the fuck are you doing down here? My brother was just moving to New York after graduating school. He was up there for maybe like a year. And he's like, get out of there. Come up, you can come up and stay with me.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Oh, then I ended up becoming cocaine addicts. In New York, they have it there too. Yeah, and then moved home and started comedy. But you guys didn't know each other at this time. No, we met in Philly. He was in high school, I think. Yeah. Oh, you're much older.
Starting point is 00:49:20 He's 47. I'm 47. And how are you? I was 37. Oh, it's a 10 years. Yeah, I didn't start doing comedy until I was 32. He's 47. I'm 47. And how are you? 37. All's are 10 years. Yeah. Wow. I didn't start to encounter. I was 32 in Finland. Wow. Yeah. And then I want to know, because what, let me guess. Okay. You're, you're starting comedy in Philadelphia
Starting point is 00:49:35 and you glom on to the best guys that you see. No. No. No. He needed cigarettes and I had cigarettes. It was like jail. It was. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. No. He needed cigarettes, and I had cigarettes. It was like jail. It wasn't, yeah. Oh, yeah. You hadn't seen his act like I got to get into this guy's. I didn't want to.
Starting point is 00:49:51 Yeah, he saw my act and made fun of him. Yeah, I still make fun of him. I didn't love it. He was real, so at the show that he used to run with like our friends. He had started a couple years before me. Yeah. And then I started coming around and there was this show.
Starting point is 00:50:06 It was like an open mic. It was like a showcase open mic. It was a really good and fairly because there wasn't that many opportunities. So there was this Thursday night show at this place called the Raven Lounge. And the first half of it, they would put up to 10 best comics in the room to keep the audience.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Wow. And then the second half, it was like, you know, they would kind of funnel through. And, but if you did well the week before, they'd be like, all right, well, you know, you try to get bumped up. It was real hard to do. And we were maniacs about it. We really tried to run like the best show.
Starting point is 00:50:30 We thought we were doing it. They thought they were running like the tonight show. Yeah, right. It was not like in arrogance outside of it, but we were fighting and like, you gotta do, you gotta make it the best thing ever. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:42 We were nuts about it. And you guys both ended up being in the first half. So he was running it. So he was running it. I showed up one week. And my first, I think when I first, or second time ever on stage, and did pretty well, like, considering. And he had saw something and then I week, the guy. His pimples on his nose. Hey, Rudolph, get up there and dump a bomb. Don't embarrass me, kid. Wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:51:14 So he gave me a bigger peeks in the audience. And will you, buddy, will you enamored that he or platter? Will you flatter the guy that runs a show? No, he was a big fat loser. You just heard the years leading up to when I met him. What do you think he was? He was wearing a sport coat and sweat pants. No, that's not even a joke.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Yeah, yeah. So I wasn't supposed to go, I done well the first time, like, well, considering the first time I was there. And then he was like, the person was supposed to go up and close the second, like, was supposed to headline the first half wasn't in the room. So they saw me, they were like, all right, this kid did good, we don't know him,
Starting point is 00:51:52 but he did good last week, just kind of go up there and I guess do the same thing you did last week. I didn't know, it was my second time doing comedy, I didn't know how comedy worked. So I wrote that five minutes and then that week, I just wrote a brand new five minutes. Oh. And just bum.
Starting point is 00:52:07 So, and I saw him in the back, put his hand in his head. Wow. But he gave me the speech before, he said, listen, I'm gonna need a good set out of you. Go up there, knock him dead, give him hell, kid. I was big on the speech. Wow. I loved the good speech and I ate my balls. And then I get back on stage for like a year after I was so scared and so embarrassed. Wow. I ran him out of the business
Starting point is 00:52:28 You'll never work in this town again People don't let me get a smoke. I mean early on those bombs you never forget Oh, I'll never I'll never forget him starting his head away and I'm being like yeah Oh, I don't know what I thought I knew what I was. It was in a packed room. Yeah. 50 people probably. Yeah, yeah. The crazy thing to me was back then thinking ever that I was even okay at it.
Starting point is 00:52:52 And like looking back on it. How bad you were. How bad, like I still think I stink, you know. Yeah, of course. But back then, if you knew how bad you truly were, that's what you have to have that certain amount of delusion in you. To keep going.
Starting point is 00:53:06 You're like, oh, that one was all right. That was pretty good. Let me think. I think I knew how bad I was, but I could see improvements to. That's also very big. I still have a bigger comment. Oh, good bit or great job.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Right, right. Like, that keeps you moving. Like, for me, it was like like when I was the first year, my only sign that I was kinda going in the right direction was you know, polish or and Carlos and see ask me to open for them. Yeah, that's great. And that's sort of like, oh maybe.
Starting point is 00:53:40 There's something. There's something there and they're like, you're green and you bomb every other time but there's something there. What? Yeah they're like your green and you bomb every other time But there's something there what yeah, and then you would you know, this is pre-mad TV right? Yeah, pre This is like when you got that you were like oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be here Right no really yeah, did you think that being Asian helped you out because Polly has an obsession with Asian people? I think that that yeah that did help right yeah, is it known that he has an obsession with Asian people. I think that did help. Right. Is it known that he has an obsession with Asian people?
Starting point is 00:54:07 I don't know. I don't know the man. Painfully addicted. Very, very. Yeah, and not in a good way. There's just something about, he thinks we're dogs. Well, wasn't he raised by? Yeah, I know, but he pets me like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:54:20 Oh, come on. You know what I mean? He'll pet me like a dog. Oh, good boy, good boy. You know what I mean? Yeah, and it's like, all right, you know me you'll help me like a dog Good boy good boy, you know me Yeah, and it's like all right all right anything some Chinese, but it's fine Because he sings a song yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he like we go to the Korean spa and it'll go Chinese people Are the most beautiful people in the world?
Starting point is 00:54:41 Sweet but they'll say it out loud in front of all the other Asians. Koreans. And they all look at me and I'm like, I'm Jewish. They do that. Yeah, but I'm sorry. No, but I'll tell you. So what happened was I started in 1995 and then all the locals in San Diego didn't like me at all, like all the older ones.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Because I realized they didn't want to help me in any way, and they didn't want to, they never went... We were the black sheep of the city as well. Yeah, that's why we started that show. That show. Wow. Yeah, I felt like half the community didn't like me, because I would do weird things.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Like I would get naked or... There was a human centipede. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would like, you know, sometimes like if I didn't wisdom doing well, I would like pull my just my bum out and I'll stick a candle or something and jam it in my butt hole during open micro whatever. Because they have these little candles at the toilet. It's a good bit.
Starting point is 00:55:40 It's a great bit. Closer, closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, hold on that is a rainbow. I'm saying that part. Yeah, yeah. But I would do weird things that are like that's not comedy, that's Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole net is a rainbow. I'm saying that pain. But I would do weird things that are like, that's not comedy, that's weird, you know what I mean? But I moved up here and I struggled for a couple of years
Starting point is 00:55:55 and then I got mad to be, but that was when the pain real started. Starting, being on that show, felt like I was doing open mics again. Mm-hmm. Really? Yeah, yeah. Why? They just didn't like me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:10 And it wasn't in my mind. It was like a real thing. It wasn't a fun place to be. The first, I mean outwardly you were flourishing on that show. Everybody thought, in my third year, yeah. The first couple of years, I was barely on it. It was a struggle. And I was like, I need to get out of here because I had to relapse.
Starting point is 00:56:29 I had a bunch of, I had 12 years of sobriety. I got sober when I was 17, and then when I was on the show I relapsed. And then it just started going down. So it was like a whole other nightmare. And then they wouldn't find me because I was the only ethnic guy on any fucking Fox show or Asian guy. So it was like, I was like stock.
Starting point is 00:56:49 You know what I mean? And it was hard. But then I got sober again in my third year. I started killing it. But it was never a point in any of you guys as a career where you were like, oh, I think I'm actually done here. Like I've given it all I've got. And I think I need to resort to a plan B. Cool, yeah, like just in the, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:09 In the city, just, you know, at this point I was doing like club spots, but like they were the guest spots or some paid spots and you'd go up and kill. Like I was killing in the city, and then I would walk out of the room, be like, it doesn't matter. Like, you know, and it's like,
Starting point is 00:57:24 I'm like, I walked out of there. There was 90 people in the room, be like, it doesn't matter. And I just, I'm like, I walked out of there, there was 90 people in the room, I killed no one even knows my first name. There's no like, how am I gonna go, and I was looking to be like, well, how are we gonna get on the road? If no one, how are people gonna come out and see you if they don't remember?
Starting point is 00:57:39 Like, just lives and dies in that room, which is great, and which is why I love comedy. Well, for a career, they have to follow you out in that room, which is great, and which is why I love comedy. Well, like for a career, it's like, yeah, you have to follow you out of that room. Yeah, you go, I would look at other comics, I don't go, how do you do it? Yeah, I don't know how to do it. But was there a point where you're like, okay, I think I'm done? Yeah, I was saying I remember standing on a street corner
Starting point is 00:57:57 with this with a buddy of mine Pete, and I was just like, it was like two in the morning, we just got done sets, and I'm like, I don't know what else to do. Like, I'm trying, and it's like, and this was the point where people started popping off, you know, not TikTok, I don't think it's the point, but like Instagram, and you're like,
Starting point is 00:58:13 that guy's doing this, and it's like, oh, what do I have to do? Like, the clips were a big thing, and it was like, I'm trying to do that, it's not really working, but then this person just got five million views on something, and now they have a hundred thousand things, and they're on tour tour and it's like,
Starting point is 00:58:25 I was just sitting there like, none of this fucking, none of this is working. But what keeps you going? Killing? Doing well? Like, do you like, I love comedy? And it's like, all right, you keep going, you chase that. You keep going back. And then, you know, luckily we, this kind of...
Starting point is 00:58:39 I think what it is is you can't live in the results. No, yeah. And it's a living the process. Right. And so I think that's what I convinced myself like. You just, you have to do it because you love doing it. Right. And if you expect things, that's one of your heart breaks.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Yeah. But I also said to the universe, I'm just not going to stop. That was another thing. And like I would have, not like real conversations, but like, you know, run it out. Like I have the obsessive head. so like, I'm running like, all right, well, like, I'm getting married. My wife is moving here from Germany.
Starting point is 00:59:10 I make maybe $3,000 a year off comedy. Wow. And I have a day job or a part-time day job, and it was like, how am I gonna make $50,000 a year doing comedy to support, we're living New York. We live in Manhattan with a wife. It's like, I a year doing comedy. We're living in New York. We live in Manhattan with a wife. It's like, I can't. That sounds.
Starting point is 00:59:29 So it was like, do we move back to Philadelphia and maybe I commute up? But it's like, I know guys that do have done that. And it's like, they come up two days a week, then one day a week, then two days a month, then one day a month, and then you're just phased out. It's like, I don't want to put myself in that position to like, eventually just give up. So it was like, you don't want to put myself in that position to like eventually just give up.
Starting point is 00:59:46 So it was like, but yeah, I mean, all of that ran through. I was going to be able to go to Germany and just make, I'll be the funniest guy in Germany. I was just going to make a bunch of Deutschmars. Yeah, wow, wow. You start eating it. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 01:00:01 I've been buried. Obviously you're in Japan. You're in every country. You're in every country. You end up running the comedy club in Belarus. 13 years from now. Yeah, I need a good set up. Wow, wow, wow.
Starting point is 01:00:18 No point. No, I had backed myself in this such a corner that I The first couple years in New York were brutal. We're yeah, we're I think anytime you move somewhere and you're struggling in any city It's there's no money not a lot of positive read and then when we you know kind of started working in the clubs You know, I was I was lucky enough like I said the host at New York comedy couple lot And then as that moved forward and I'd be doing that most weekends, I was able to stop waiting tables,
Starting point is 01:00:50 which I was still doing, and I think 37, 38. So when I started just kind of doing it full time, hosting full time a lot and working in the city, and then a little acting role here, a little acting role there, I kind of just told myself that I'm prepared if this is the way it is forever, I accept that, because I'm in it and I'm doin' it
Starting point is 01:01:11 and I'm love doin' it and you know, whatever it is it is. So that was kinda, it wasn't, I ever thought about quitting. Were there people who told you that when you started at 32, were there people that said, hey, you're starting way too late? Yeah, they were like, what the fuck are you doing? It was, I mean, these guys were 22, 23, 24. Yeah, I'm out of like 20.
Starting point is 01:01:32 They're family and friends that come to our shows and stuff like that and like, you know, you know, one of my buddies from high school or cousin would come and be like, what the fuck are you doing? You know? Wow. Yeah, wow, wow, but I knew I wouldn't fit in, you know, like, I was just terrible at being, I guess a person.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Was that the right way to put it? That's how I would sum it up. I was being a human, like, and that actually, being in New York and living that lifestyle, it gave me a lot of cover to, like, you know, not have a car or like, you know. It'd be a loser. You're allowed to be a loser. Not shit in on myself as well.
Starting point is 01:02:09 I don't have a car. I'm behind on payments. I didn't pay my tax. Like all of this shit that you're just like. Yeah. We're losers. My phone's getting shut off every month. Like that.
Starting point is 01:02:20 Yeah. But not, I mean, what was that? So we were at the store last night in the patio. I forgot her name. She's so She recognized you guys from New York. You guys oh my Kyla my Kyla my Kyla, right? I love her Yeah, but even when she saw you, you know, because she's deep in comedy She was so excited to see you guys. I just feel like you guys are a part of that We yeah, we've known I mean she's that same thing. You know, she was she was like Managing or working at like a club, you know, when we kind of started to get
Starting point is 01:02:54 spots and spots at clubs and stuff like that. And, you know, now she's killing it. She's torn managers, she's doing all this stuff. It's just there was, you know, a bunch of people that, you know, it happens in every say that started out together and now, you know, or rise in up a little bit and it's a good feeling. Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah, there's a key to just not quit. Yeah, I think that's what it's like, if you don't quit and you can, I don't know, I mean, I've been successful for like eight months, but it's the first time I'm having caviar. If you don't quit, if you just, I try to think of what are your garbage didn't pop off and what I would be doing and I'd go, what would you be doing?
Starting point is 01:03:30 We would have just kept trying. Cap, go, yeah, just kept smashing. I'm not gonna get it. Wow. 100%. You guys are best friends. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:39 That's so nice. It's so nice to have. I like, yeah. Yeah, but there's a deep sense of like camaraderie and a bond. Yeah, it's like very brotherly. Like we were talking, like when we were in awesome, like we fight like crazy. Like we're just dysfunctional is what it is.
Starting point is 01:03:54 Yeah, yeah. That's how we express ourselves is by me screaming at him and him fucking, you know, being a dick about something. And it's like, and then we get it out. We go, okay, that's just how we communicate. Is it the most healthy thing? No, but it works and, and then we get it out, we go, okay, that's just how we communicate, is it the most healthy thing? No, but it works and that's how we do it. Like last night, we're at this restaurant, all right?
Starting point is 01:04:11 I'm sitting there, mind and mind. I'm like, you tell me what you got to find about. Everything. Yeah. Every dysfunctional thing. I tend, I have pretty banning, I gotta list if you want me to go over. Yeah. Every dysfunctional thing. I tend, I have pretty banning a way.
Starting point is 01:04:27 I gotta list if you want me to go over. Yeah. Cause me and Andrews is this. This is the main thing. Is lifestyle choices. Sure. Okay. Like he's, I'm, he wakes up at seven in the morning.
Starting point is 01:04:38 He's very put together like very, he's very, he's very, he's very, he's very, he's very, he's very, he's very, he's up in Adam. Yeah. He's up in Adam, he does, you know what I mean? Uh huh. So we're out. That's a guy up in Ami. He does, you know what I mean, what's the back work out? That's a guy who's never worked. He does work out.
Starting point is 01:04:49 He does work out. And you know, yeah. And that's a purely dances. Yeah, he dances. Yeah. And then he'll be like, I did yoga and then it just his whole day is, I don't wake up to three.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Sharp guy. Right. That's what you're saying. So yeah, he's sharp. So when we're on the road and stuff and he's like, he's also, what, what're your own thing, baby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, but we've, dude, we like,
Starting point is 01:05:29 there's deep seated resentment. I could feel it on his head. It's inevitable though. When you work in like such a close proximity to someone for so long. Uh-huh. Yeah, and I got news for you. That ain't that bad.
Starting point is 01:05:39 We're not fighting about me not wanting to go to a museum. Yeah. Cleveland, we're fighting about crazy shit. Like money? No, like, though, like, I always assume the worst go to a museum. Yes. Cleveland, we're fighting about crazy shit. Like money? No, like, I always assume the worst is gonna happen. If I had to, and he doesn't like me, he thinks I'm a psychiatrist, but I'm like, it's he has very bad anxiety.
Starting point is 01:05:58 And he doesn't realize the effects of that in the car or on the team or when we're recording. It's like the other day he thought he had he thought he had what he had lung cancer. So he brings in first of all, yes, his doctor for chest x ray, they told him you don't need one. He gets the chest x ray. He then immediately shows up to the studio. He goes into like his little portal online and they had put they didn't they had posted the pictures of the x-rays for the doctor to review.
Starting point is 01:06:29 He's now, and it says linear or whatever it is, negative, negative. He has four lists of negative, negative, negative, negative. That's all bad news, Bobby. And now he has all of us, and our interns going, do you see anything in that upper corner? What do you see there? What do you see there? Oh, what do you see there? What do you see there?
Starting point is 01:06:45 Oh, what do you see there? Okay. We're five hours and I'm going dude. It's okay. Yeah. I'm like, hey, you have all positive feedback. It just says, make it in my, it's all good. And he's still like not.
Starting point is 01:06:55 And then I lose it. Then I lose it. Cause I go, I've given you my patient. I don't have a lot of it. I've given you my patient. This is in like a six hour recording day and we got things going on. Where we're doing three episodes,
Starting point is 01:07:06 we got all this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if the doctor calls in the middle of the episode, can I answer? I go, fucking, no, you cannot, because this is like, no, they'll call you when they have the results. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:15 So then he goes, one last thing, he's like, what do you think that, and I, I'm losing. Like really bad anger, I go, shut the fuck up. It looked like something. It was nothing. Look at a spider web. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Yeah, that's what the lungs look like. Yeah, he's going to the spider web instead. That's what the doctor told me. Yeah, yeah. What I didn't tell them which person off too is when I left, I asked the technician, I was like, does it look bad to you at all? All for a test he didn't need.
Starting point is 01:07:40 Or maybe quit smoking. Yes. But you know, wait a second. He just got a clean. Really, real rich of him to even give you any advice on this because maybe about a year ago, he was on his... Two years ago. Okay, but when, remember when you're coughing a blood?
Starting point is 01:07:56 Yeah. The amount... And you told me that, I'm sorry, in a week later, I was coughing a blood because I had a really bad cough. Really? And I was freaked out. Freaked out. He was freaked out. He was on his hands and knees maybe three times a day. I was in the blood because I had a really bad cough. Really? And I was freaked out. Freaked out. Freaked out. He was freaked out. He was on his hands and knees maybe three times a day.
Starting point is 01:08:08 I was in a parking lot over there where the John Buduces and the Starbucks over there, not Maldr. And I remember reading their business. Ha ha ha ha ha. Error. I coughed up blood on a tissue. Yeah. And I sat down and I literally went, I was convinced. That's went, I was convinced.
Starting point is 01:08:25 That's it. I was dying. Every movie we've ever seen, every little house on the prairie where fuck the general store owner, and yeah, yeah, yeah. He was done by the half of the episode. I think the movie contagion, fucking opens that way.
Starting point is 01:08:40 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah, I thought I was gonna die. I had just gotten the chest X-ray and just gotten, went to the E&T and had my a cat scan on my throat. And then that happened. If I hadn't done that order,
Starting point is 01:08:53 because I had a really bad cough, I would have fucking freaked out. You did find me to cut you, sorry. Yeah, no, but I think that, so the same thing where it was like, he was constantly like calling me, saying, what's wrong with me, what's up? I'm like calling me saying, so what's wrong with me? Which I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with you,
Starting point is 01:09:07 but he wouldn't make the appointment with his doctor. So that's the real and it's real. And so I made the appointment. And fuck that. Fuck the reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd rather be. Let's just ruin everybody's gay.
Starting point is 01:09:20 What the fuck? Yeah, yeah. Made the appointment, did all the things on our way there. That's when I finally snapped. Because he's like, he was still constantly talking about it. I'm like, look, we're doing everything for the supposed to be viewing. Like, now I have no answers for you.
Starting point is 01:09:36 And that's where I go with him. And I, like, I, I have bad anger. And I, I call him names. Are you fat fucking idiot? What the fuck, every fucking time with you? I've never heard that. And that's, I call him names, are you fat fucking idiot? What the fuck, every fucking time? I've never heard that. And that's, I need to work on that. Like, can I ask you something?
Starting point is 01:09:50 Yeah, go ahead. Is this right here? Yeah. So, but to me, I go, you need to, to me, I get frustrated because your problems are everybody's problems. No one's ever came in and been like, my doctor said this, my landlord said that, my doctor said this, my landlord said that,
Starting point is 01:10:06 the accountant said this, my cousin said that, like everybody handles their own business in house. You know what I mean? He's got to get everybody's opinion on it, which is fine, but when it gets too crazy, I snap. And then I'm the asshole. Yeah, but you ever think about the devastation when they do tell you're dying?
Starting point is 01:10:24 What? What? What? How many times did that happen to you? No, obviously, you watch people, you watch people get cancer. Yeah. And people get their doctor says it has to say couple of bad news.
Starting point is 01:10:37 You know what I mean? Of course. Yeah, it's petrifying. It's petrifying. I don't know how. Do you not think that there's some like, yeah, to me that is some sort of relief. I was just like, okay, you can get out of it.
Starting point is 01:10:50 Like it's, it's, I also think, I'm not afraid to die necessarily, I guess. You're not. Fuck you, man. I mean, I'm not, I don't think I'm as afraid as these two. Yeah, yeah. If they were like, okay, you have six months ago, oh, obviously that would fucking suck
Starting point is 01:11:01 and I'd be devastated, but it's like, I would go like, okay, like, I wasn't gonna be around here forever type thing, I have a go. Well, I mean, I know it's inevitable. Sure. Everyone here is gonna die. Right, I just sometimes think about like,
Starting point is 01:11:12 and the worst time, here's when the worst time, when I'm out of it, they go to bed. Oh, yeah. I'll be a brutal sleepy and then I'll go, you're gonna die one day. Five hours brutal. Real, yeah. Yeah, I get that too. Not you? Uh-oh. You're gonna die one day. Five hours brutal. Real. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:25 I get that too. Not you? Uh-uh. What are you talking about, fucking? Dead hands, Kippie. Yeah. Yeah. I go, hey, that's pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:11:35 It's an escape from all of the anxiety. What are you escaping to? Like, that's a thing. It's like, I'm gonna follow you in the hell. You're gonna be coming back. Yeah. Kippie, you sit hot in here. Yeah. How sad it would be if you went to heaven, you went to hell. I'm looking follow you in the hell. You're not gonna be able to do anything. I can't be come back. Yeah, yeah. Can't be sitting hot in here. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:46 How sad it would be if you went to heaven, you went to hell. I'm looking to you, Brian. I need a part, yeah, well, you know, after the wheels fall off of this thing, I'm gonna need a vacation. Oh, I see, okay. No. I'm gonna have an anoint everybody.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, okay, so you're the only healthy guy here. No, oh no, I'm not. No, I'm crazy. I've been to 60 doctors in the last three months. He hasn't, you've got an effect on the mental. Mental. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:12 No, I'm not. He's crazy. I'm crazy, I just, that doesn't, I think I've come to terms with that more than I have in the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're older, so it's just, we're closer to what I think. Right?
Starting point is 01:12:24 I mean, you're not even 40. I'm going to be 40 next year. You are? Yeah. Wow. What is that? Isn't that crazy? Met me when I was a 27?
Starting point is 01:12:35 I know, I know, I know. That's insane. We don't need to do it for so long. Decade a Bobby. A decade of me. The pain and stuff. The pain and suffering, the weirdness. I'll rip it down. So many weird things. Definitely taking of me, the pain and stuff. The pain and stuff ring. The weirdness. I'll read that down.
Starting point is 01:12:46 So many weird shit. Definitely taking a couple of years off your life. Oh, 100%. Oh, there you go. What the fuck? Yeah. I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah, I like how you guys were just friends and friends. Yeah when I met him. But here's the good news. He's 17. The good news is this is it's never gonna be, you're not gonna ever go back to those days of struggling. Yeah, I don't hope, yeah. I don't think so. I don't think so. That keeps me up at night, but you won't. But you know how you said that like, you know,
Starting point is 01:13:22 we have like our heads down or whatever, that is our, that I mean, that's not, probably not as strong as in him, but in me, that is my constant, constant fear, especially at 47. Now, you might not be on fire. Sure. Right. But we have to make a living. Yeah. It's not going to be standing in front of a living for the rest of your life now. I'll see you open this comedy club in Germany. I'll get you in there for a weekend. And you know, because, you know, I've been around for so long that I'm like,
Starting point is 01:13:49 there were so many times where I had that fear, that it's gonna end, it's gonna end, it's gonna end. When I first met him, he was really in a bad place, but he was still making my money. Yeah, now it was at the lowest, and I was still making decent money. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, so don't fear that. I. Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:05 So, don't fear that. I kind of look at this, you know what they say? I feel like fearing it keeps it away though. That's, whoa. Yeah, I'm thinking negatively. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it always be in like you have something to prove. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:24 Sure, yeah, I mean that's, yeah, but I don't think, I mean you have something to prove. Yeah. Sure, yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, but I don't think, I mean, having something to prove to myself, to my peers that I, you know, that I, I'm good at this and, you know, talented, I have that. I'm gonna ask a personal question. Sure. Did your dad have the same hair? Uh, he was been, yeah, probably when he was my age,
Starting point is 01:14:41 it was probably similar, he's relatively bald now. He's bald now, yeah. You fear that, or? No, I'm, or no, I'm you know, I'm going bald I'm aware of it. No, I don't see it but Man fucking guy I tell you We were talking about to get in the transplants, but I don't I genuinely don't care But I know I can give you a list. I can't say that right now. I was so many people like this. You put out no don't I mean I know I can give you a little I can't say that right now. Oh so many people like this People out no don't I mean no I'll talk to you
Starting point is 01:15:08 Everyone knows who you talk about I'll tell you the ones I have transplants. Okay, Oprah Winfrey. No Are you sure fear The craze get an American America is gonna give us money He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back.
Starting point is 01:15:25 He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back.
Starting point is 01:15:33 He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back.
Starting point is 01:15:41 He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get his money back. He's got to get it's on. A lot of people get it done. And the other guys like Bill Burr, like, fucking. Yeah, I don't care. I'm not, my brand is that I'm a fat idiot who drinks and smokes beers, or like, or drinks, beers and smokes,
Starting point is 01:15:55 and I don't care. I'm like, it would be so un, out of my character, to care about my appearance of the point to get surgery. Yeah. And I, like I said, I got a hot wife, she doesn't care. Yeah. Who am I trying to impress? I'm not going to be Ronnie Chang.
Starting point is 01:16:09 I'm who I am. I have a question for you guys, though. Suppose you were your wife and your girlfriend, and suppose I, when we were dating. I started to lose the top of my hair. What's the vibe? Like, what are the feelings? Are you saying, hey, you should probably get hair transplant
Starting point is 01:16:25 because I can't have a bald wife? No, I would ask you to please do a scenario. So, Robert Rodriguez, huh? Is that okay? That's a little more about the beginning of it. Okay. But what do you think? Like, I mean, I have friends, like genuinely,
Starting point is 01:16:38 I have friends when they got off birth control or where they're having some girls get hair loss to do a lot the thing, right? But we really kind of like, I would do a lie. What would you say? Like what if I just lost the front right here, Bobby? Okay, just a circle that's missing.
Starting point is 01:16:53 Right here. But it's also like I think you or my wife or most women would want to rectify that somehow, whether it be a week. But let's suppose I was like, you know, it's just, I don't care. It was a friar talk. Yeah, friar took some the way to go.
Starting point is 01:17:04 I'm experimenting with a new look. Oh, I would came back to Germany, I don't care. What's the friartuck? Yeah, friartuck's the way to go. I'm experimenting with a new look. Oh. I would keep em back to Germany. I don't know. What would you do? I would say, pick a look. I agree with that. Pick a look.
Starting point is 01:17:16 I don't like this weird thing where you're doing like a fucking Ron Howard. Yeah. Right. So what I'm saying is that, shaving all off like Sanato Conor. But if it's like this, but long hair on the sides what I'm saying is that, shave it all off like sonato corner. But if it's like this, but long hair on the sides. I would kill for that cut.
Starting point is 01:17:29 Yeah, that's fine. That's killing it. That's okay. That's not a, no, it's bald on the top. Oh, I didn't see the, oh, the top's bald. I forgot. I forgot. That's gonna be me in two years.
Starting point is 01:17:38 No, no, no, that will not do. That will not do. Yeah, yeah, you gotta shave it all off. And then we could do like it. You look like you're from the future or whatever. Matrix. Yeah, I see, I see. Matrix is it up. Yeah, yeah, you gotta shave it all off. And then we can do like, you look like you're from the future or whatever. Matrix. Yeah, Matrix is it up.
Starting point is 01:17:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're not doing, yeah, pick a style. I would be supportive of whatever issues, like I want to get a hair transplant, I'd be like, okay, I would go, you gotta do, you gotta pick something. Yeah, I'll support that. But fucking pick something.
Starting point is 01:17:59 Yeah, pick something, yeah, yeah. But if she was adamant about it, I would just say she's sick to people. Yeah. She's not sick, you just tell people. No, she just can't. I'm just kidding. I'm not saying that she was crazy.
Starting point is 01:18:13 No, no, both, maybe. Yeah, but I'm- Wait, you would tell people that I was going through chemo? No, I think if you just say sick, everybody can assume. And you get a little sympathy. Yeah, you would get sympathy. Yeah, I was,
Starting point is 01:18:24 age 13, age 14, age 14, age 14. Yeah, you will get sympathy. Yeah, I was age 14 rock age 14 Bobby's a good guy I mean right Anyway, just don't do it. I think pick a look is yeah Pick a look. Yeah, not the chemo excuse. I don't think I don't know if I would do that Yeah, well, let's double down on it. What if your wife picks up a bag on the side of the road? Okay. And it's like an IED.
Starting point is 01:18:53 IED. What is that? IED's intra-uteroen device. That's right. I know that. Yeah, it's one of those. IED. It explodes.
Starting point is 01:19:00 Yeah, it explodes. She loses her arms and legs. You're still there? Of course. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of loses her arms and legs. You still there? Of course. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. And even with the hair thing,
Starting point is 01:19:09 you get to a certain age and you know, I assume your marriage, that's not about that stuff. You're, you're, you're, there is something lacking from there and her that she's lost that as well. That's a primal need. You know, okay.
Starting point is 01:19:21 I would be open for conversation. Listen, I got no arms and legs. I'm not late. I don't care. Yeah, yeah, what am I gonna do? Yeah, I I'm trying to figure out how to play Xbox with my face That's what I be wait hold on so we have the no arms and legs Yeah, who has no arm? I don't know you turned it to Oh guys I want I'm saying I said if I had because I said I would one. No, you said no What I said I said girl on the new turn to you. I'm like oh, I guess said, I would want, no, you said no. What?
Starting point is 01:19:45 I said, I said girl, and then you turned to you. I'm like, oh, I guess the bit's changing. Oh, it's, I'm saying I would want my wife, if I couldn't fulfill my wife sexually, which I can. Okay. All right. So where's my camera? I can do that.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Yeah. Fucking bring me in the clean like this. Yeah. I would want her, I would allow her, I would at least have a conversation of like, I want you to feel fulfilled. So I would expect the same conversation to happen. Right.
Starting point is 01:20:13 That's all I'm saying. That's cool. But I think what her question was, would you stay with them and take care of them and rehab them through all that and go through all that? Yes, I said yes, and then maybe after a few years there'd have to be some sort of conversation of let me go get my wiener away.
Starting point is 01:20:26 Yeah, that's not crazy, what do we talk about? Yeah, yeah, like your wife's arms and legs got blown off and you're not gonna have a conversation about the physical aspect of your relationship. I just don't want to see your wiener moist. Sure. You said, Watt, it gave me a visual that I didn't let in my mind
Starting point is 01:20:45 I'm the leader of the mind because she doesn't have arms and legs is me you can't have relations with her I don't know we're not there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. I'm just I'm Don't know I love it. I love it. What are you gonna what about you? She chose a look no arms and the legs That's a look she's choosing that. Oh, she chooses like she grab the idea on purpose Wait, hold on that's all different. God. What about you? What do idea on purpose. Wait, hold on, that's all different. God, I'm gonna take. What about you? What do you mean?
Starting point is 01:21:08 I mean, would you take care of her, like, hold her in your lap? Would you like make love to her? Would you be, you know what I mean? Like, for the rest of your life, you're married to this person. It just would depend. What is that?
Starting point is 01:21:22 No arms and legs? Yeah, you said that. Yeah. If she wasn't enough fire, then yeah. What do you said that, arms and legs. If she wasn't in a fire, then yeah. What do you mean, what is fire of a change? That's a weird call. Just a whole new. But this fire took on her arms.
Starting point is 01:21:34 And like this, you know, I mean, you know, the one people have been in a fire. I mean, I think that's where I was. Epidermis is more important than limbs. That's your thing. If her limbs are just gone, but the rest of the body look like it was, then yeah. Sure.
Starting point is 01:21:52 So your line is burn victims. If you look like Harvey Dent, yeah, two face, with the eyeball sticking out, you know what I mean? It'd be scary. She's... What was this conversation? This is the craziest conversation.
Starting point is 01:22:09 I love my wife, that's all I've ever, I love her, let's do her forever. All right, let's move on, let's move on. Let's go, move on. Let's see, guys, it's not an arch criminal. Oh, you guys, I'm just a good tie. Yeah, I mean, that is, I'm just a good tie. Yeah, I mean, that is, is that the,
Starting point is 01:22:28 anyone, anything you guys want to plug? We're all over the road, the state trashy tour. We're doing a bunch of shows, DC, Philly, Pittsburgh, Toronto, we just had a third show in Toronto, a four show in Chicago, it was tickets, that could show in Philly at the Fillmore. Buffalo, yeah, all right there. All right, and Philly at the film or. Buffalo. Buffalo, yeah, all right there.
Starting point is 01:22:45 Um, all right. And it is now in Philly. We're doing two theater shows at the film or the first one sold out on the 21st. There's take the film or. Yeah, it's a great room. It's a great room. I'm really excited for us. That's amazing.
Starting point is 01:22:56 It'll be really good. And your family comes out to that and stuff. Yeah, some people come to see that. I mean, your mom and dad. Uh, my mom will. My dad probably not. Okay. He doesn't have My dad probably not. Okay. What?
Starting point is 01:23:06 He doesn't have any arms or legs. No, what? I want you dad go. He died a year ago. Oh, sorry, man. That's all right, buddy. Yeah. But your mom will go?
Starting point is 01:23:15 Yeah. Okay, cool. It should be proud. Huh? You think she'll be proud? She's proud now. Yeah, they know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:23 I'm made. They're proud. Yeah, they were always very cool, very supportive. How about your parents? Yeah, yeah, they'll come. I don't talk to my mom, I don't talk to my dad and my step-dad passed away last year. I'm sorry, man. My mom will go, my mom, brother, sister,
Starting point is 01:23:33 a bunch of cousins, I have a huge, huge family, so they'll all go. We eat like, when the pastings of your fathers happen, were you guys there for each other? Uh, my dad. What do you guys like? Oh, they're for each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:23:50 So then you would listen to this like long damage for a week. Yeah, I'd have a little more patience with them. I'll go, I'll go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, yeah, that's super sweet man. I just you know, I'm proud of you guys. Thank you so much I feel like I'm friends with you guys forever. I love you. So what do you think? Oh, yeah? Well, I was a bond right? Well popular videos right there Bobby Lee. Oh, hey, there he is Yeah, there Bert and who else is the other ones? Louis CK. You're in good company. Oh, that's oh that's and Joe Joe list Oh, he's oh Joe and Joe list is there. Yeah, it was on that one I've never met Joe list. Oh great guy. Oh, he's. Oh, and Joe and Joe. This is there. Yeah, I was on that one. I've never met your list. Great guy. Yeah. I've only had great things. Oh, great, great, great comment.
Starting point is 01:24:31 We couldn't have good work for me with him. Of course. He just did a short with Ryan. Oh, Ryan. Oh, my God. He did a short with you as well. Oh Ryan Sugimoto director. Yeah, and Sugimoto directed in him in a short, but not the same short. I was it. No, clearly not a real dude. Well, sometimes I might be a loop and go, oh, that guy. Yeah, great actor. Yeah, yeah. John Ryan Sugimoto. Yeah, John Ryan Sugimoto. Very talented. What a name. Yeah. So check thank you guys out on the tour dates. Thank you. You guys, please comeumoto, very talented. What a name. Yeah. So check that out on the tour dates. Thank you. You guys, please come back here.
Starting point is 01:25:07 Of course. Love it. Love you guys. Thank you so much for having me. Did you have fun? Oh, you guys made me last so hard. It's such a blast. And you know what?
Starting point is 01:25:15 I'm going to end this way. I was a little agresso trying to make fun of you guys, stuff like that. And I feel like I'm a bully sometimes, and I apologize. I did not sit at all on the outside. You can make fun of me too. I'm fine. I would never do that to a friend, you know. Make fun of a bully sometimes and I apologize. I didn't know. You don't have to. You can make fun of me too, I'm fine. I would never do that to a friend, you know. Make fun of a friend?
Starting point is 01:25:28 No, never. Say something to sparing about me. Uh-uh, I love you. I can't. So you get us canceled. I give them a round of applause. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys.
Starting point is 01:25:39 I'm a couple of years. I'm a double-blown boy. I'm a double-blown boy. I'm a double-blown boy. أولي أولي أمام أدوم دوات أمبولة أولي أمبولك يا إيطوي شكول أكي أمبولك يا سلام
Starting point is 01:25:49 أدفع أمبولة أمام أدوم أولي أمام أدوم أدوم أدوم
Starting point is 01:25:57 أدوم أولي

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