TigerBelly - Ari Shaffir & Adrienne Iapalucci

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Comedians Ari Shaffir & Adrienne Iapalucci join us. We chat Asian sameness, Maya Angelou quotes, dried squid, being free, Helen Keller bit, and 5-dollar pancake smells. Get 5 dollars off your next order at www.magicspoon.com/belly. Or look for Magic Spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store. That’s www.magicspoon.com/belly for five dollars off. Start your free online visit today at www.hims.com/belly. That’s www.hims.com/belly for your personalized hair loss treatment options.  The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at www.robinhood.com/gold  Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly

If I call you If I call you You and Ralph Ralph picking up is just like you picking up Is what I'm saying? Yeah, because he's more closer to you. Whoa, interesting. That's not true at all.

Why do you believe that? I'm way more closer to you. Because like the... Oh, the... Comedy level. Oh, so you're comedy level. Yeah. You don't think you're high enough columning level.

To call me back. I'm still an open micer. What? I'm still in an open micer. I don't think you're a... Really? I got open mics, barn mics. We're in Sacramento.

Ooh. You're wrong all the time. You're wrong all the time to me. Face is so big. So big. It covers the scream. The scream. Can we zoom out just a little teeny bit?

Steve Ayoki's coming. Is he coming? Yeah. What you've seen and hearing. Have you heard of them? It's not real right now. You know Steve Ayoki? Yeah, no, that's your uncle.

Is he an open microse still? He's getting quick. Wow, that's... Open micros don't say that to headliners. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, try it again. Okay.

You know Steve Ioki? Yeah. Who is he? He's a good DJ. And a good comedian. He's not a comedian. He's pretty funny to me. You think you can get more girls than him?

No, of course not. You can't? No. I don't know. I said it myself right now. Like your attitude lately. Oh. Do you read it?

No, not yet. You bought it for him? No, my girl. My Filipino girlfriend got it for me. Really? Yeah. There's an audio book, I think that'd be easier for you, no? I can read.

No, I know that I'm... So offended. I'm just saying, dude, that it's easier to listen to audio. I listen to audiobooks all the time. You don't want to hear yourself? Hey, my Filipino girlfriend, she's like, what you're doing? What you're doing? Oh, she's an accent, dog?

Yeah, she does. Do you have one? Oh, it's because I was hanging out. I was hanging out here. She's like, she called a Lola. What'd she look like, dog? I can't show you. You know, show me a photo, though.

I can't. Why? Because you're going to take her away from me. No, I'm not. Yes, you can. I'm not. Give me a photo. I've seen the girls you take.

Oh, you think she's hard enough that I'm going to take her? Yeah. Wow. She knows me because of you. Like, she watches Tiger Ben. Okay, I want to say something. I'm not an emperor and she's not a concubine. I mean, this is a free market situation, my friend.

He's making you sound crazy. Yeah, I'm not crazy, dude. Give me a photo. dude, I'm not a taker, I promise. No. I'm my scouts honor. Scots honor. Yeah, yeah.

You know, you remind me of? Who? The monkey man. I was, I was just watching my TikTok, but I can't. It's like a, like, it's a man dressed as a monkey, but like. Could it be a monkey dressed as a man? It's a monkey man. Okay.

Let me ask you something. What's up? Is it a superhero or a movie called monkey man? Oh, it's like a game. Oh, it's a game called monkey man. No, it's not called monkey man. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God, dude.

Oh, my God. Can't be. You can't be what? Can't even. You can't even what? I can't even, man. Deal with me right now? I can't.

I can't deal with you right now, dude. I called you back, but you never call me back. No. Oh, yeah, I heard that game's fun. Yeah. Did you play it? No. I haven't.

Yeah. Because it's a short game I heard, right? But you see the TikTok, right? Yeah, I've seen it in TikTok, yeah. He looks cuter than you. Because he has hair, right? No, you have hair, too. You ever wish you can grow a beard?

Oh, God. Here we go. What is that? Like a man child? You think I'm going to be... Because I was in Sacramento and they were like, hey, you're a young Bobby Lee.

Damn, he's the young Bobby Lee. That's what they said about you? Yeah. Who? People fans. What did you play? The punchline. Wait, Ralph played the punchline?

Yeah, he's a... He sold out every... I know, of course. It's a small room, though. No, it's not. Oh, yeah, it is kind of, yeah. It's 200 seats. But he sold out every week.

I mean, every day. Yeah, I know. If you don't, it's a problem. Yeah, it's a hard. It's a hard crowd. It was hard? It was hard. For you?

Yeah. Like, what happened? True. Like, it was scattered laughs. Like, I didn't get no pops, but, like, the right side was, like, dead. Mm. It's tough, man. But they love you.

How did Ralph do? Oh, he did amazing, like always. I'm not trying to glaze him, but, you know, he does. Well, you know why? He's a donut. He's a donut. He's not a donut. That's why he wouldn't glaze him.

I don't know, but the glazing, oh, the term glazing in TikTok is like you glazing, like, your friend. No, no, explain it to me. Okay, like, Gilbert, you know Gilbert, right? Yeah, I do know Gilbert. So, like, if he wasn't here, I'll be glazing him right now. Oh, yeah, but what is the definition of glazing? You've got to give the definition. Yeah, yeah.

Less examples. More definition. Like, the glazing is, like, hyping your friend up. Oh, you're hyping it up. Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like suck his dick already. Oh, right. So I don't, you know, Andrew sold out two shows this weekend. I'm not glazing him. You're not yeah, you're not glazing him.

Ewee. Wow. Wow. Wow. So you're right. So you're right. So, so Ioki's at four then? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought I was coming at one. That was what was prepared for Ioki. So, well, we got... This is better. I'm more relaxed now. Hold on. Will this help you? This is my Aoki impression. That's really good, Dad. Thanks.

So dope. Do you guys, are you guys on the road together or? You are a lot. We're going to Nashville together today, tomorrow, the next day. Thursday. Thursday. I'm going to pee. I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll hold the fort down. Yeah, you want to start? Yeah. Hey, what's up? Oh. No, go ahead. Make sure you introduce both our guests, please. Okay, okay.

What's up, guys? No, no, you can't start with an uh. Okay. What's up, guys? It's Tiger Belly. No, what's up, man? No, no. You got him to say that.

You're right, he's not my dad. Don't let him tell you. I'm not your dad. No. Do you even know who your dad is, though? No. Okay, so I could be. Daffel.

I don't have the same. Well, we do have the thing. If I did like a, if I knocked up a black chick, it'd be you. I know, but like halfway. No, I'm Mexican. I know, but me with a black chick makes you. Definitely not. Me with a light black chick.

A light black chick. A light skin black chick. Like a Puerto Rican. That's Puerto Rican. Yeah, but I'm saying we could have produced that. How old are you? Me, 28. You could be.

How old are you? Enough to be your dad. You're 58? Not your actual dad, but I'm old enough that I could be your dad. It's not whether I am. That's not what I'm talking about. Do your intro. Oh, what's up, Tiger Belly people?

Papaya Bros. We're here with Ari Shafir. Nice. Right? Yeah. He could be my dad. I could be his dad. I could be a Mexican Jew one day.

Huh? Okay. We have Ergiana, Luciano. That's, wow. Lugiano. I don't know, man. Adriano, Lugiano. It's actually not a bad name.

Try to get, Hyland. Adriano, Lugiano. She shot a security agent. That wasn't around, so my reading skills is off. Don't blame my dad. Okay. Who's this? New Stevie?

I don't know. We picked him up from the streets, dude. I don't know if it's working out, but... Hey, he's like, hey, 50 bucks is 50 bucks. Yeah, let me ask you something. Back in the 90s, Ari, if you were... If Pauly Shore called you. Yeah.

And, no, you called Pauly Shore. I know, Pauly Show called you. And you never called them back. Yeah. Would you get shit for it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I called them last week.

You never called me back. What's going on, buddy? It's a new school. My God. Is it... Adrian, is it in New School, you think? I think so. Me too.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He doesn't respect you, actually. I know. I know that's what it is. He's been like, I can't make it more obvious. I don't respect it. He didn't even learn my name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made up a name that's not even a name of anyone. I know. Agiano. Yeah, yeah. He didn't even know your name too. That's fine. Adrian La Balucci.

What are you talking about? It's his show. What the fuck you're talking about? Adriana Labelucci. Yeah, yeah, yeah. La Jalooji. I love it. Joint lob mic.

I'm not with that. Yeah. You don't know my name? No. It's a cool name. Wow, the vibe is already good. I love it. It's on fire.

Hello? Funny? It's here. Hello. Hello. So. These are fake. Yeah, I know they are.

So that's what happened. It's the new school. I'm over it. Why didn't you ask him? What did you ask him? What I wanted to say is, dude, I'm so sorry about the loss of Ken Flores. Do you know him or do you just assume you do him?

No, I know. He actually looks like him. I know. Dude, you could be Gallagher 2. You could be Gallagher 2 for Ken Flores. Were you a little happy when he died so you could... No. I'm sad.

There's a pause. There was a long pause. There's one more spot open. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was going to give you, you know... A known sister. Love. Well, I never called you before.

So I'm like, this is a good opportunity to call a guy. The first time your boss ever. never called you. Right. And that it was over like a death. And I was going to be like human for a second. Yeah, pretty much. And bond with you on that level.

And you never called me back. And the reason why he didn't is, this is his excuse, is because, you know, he's Ralph Barbosa's guy. They grew up on the same street together. Oh, really? Their best friend. Dallas? Yeah.

That's why he's here because Ralph was here and then he was over there. Because you're trying to get Barbosa in here. No, no. I've had him on ever since. And I met him. We fly him out here. You live here? Oh, what? Yeah.

Every week I fly him out here. Wow, he flies right here and you don't call him back. I know, I know, dude. I know. He could have been telling you that the flight was canceled. You could have just been like, you're fired. I know, I know, I know. I was just asleep and I woke up.

I went to Rouse room. And he's like, hey, Bobby called me. I was like, oh, okay, I guess he called me for the same reason. So I just don't need to call him back. Oh, he assumed. He's nervous around you probably. I think that is that what it is? I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah. Yeah. So let's start from the beginning. I mean, we're going to keep all that in. You got this now? You got this going on? It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Can I ask for something? Can I ask for a bad? Nothing matters. Later. Go ahead. Okay.

It's from my favorite Bobby Lee bits. What? Please, stand up? Yeah. No, I'm not going to do my stand-up on my podcast. I've never done that before. I was hosting. It's a bit.

It's a hosting bit. I'll remind you in 10 minutes. Let's get the show started. No, no, no. Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Ari, we're not doing this. We're not doing snick-snick-snicks.

No, we're not doing fucking... I forgot Snickers. Snickers, candies in the butthole. Dude, I was helping you. We're not doing any of that. I didn't do Mounds bar. I could have done Mounds. We're not doing any of that.

It's a different Bobby Lee, man. All right? It's a different brand. You know what you said last time when you couldn't do the candy bar with the butt? Even though you did? You're like, I work for NBC. I can't be doing this stuff.

You don't work for anybody now. Hey. Maybe he's grown up. Who's the biggest... Exactly. He doesn't want to do it anymore. I have a deal at NBC. What kind of deal?

A TV show. Clean it up and we can use you. Let me ask the meet to tell you this. The highest level intern here. Go get some candy bars. Go get a zero bar. No, E.J. Twix at minimum.

E.J. Anyone in the room, I'm going to show you power. Adrian's never seen this. I'm going to show you power. I can imagine. Yeah, she's got a page. I can imagine. She's seen it online.

So anyone in the room, right, that works for me. If you get a candy bar, I will never see you again. You will. EJ, no, I want to, you know he's full of shit. No, EJ, EG, I'm telling you right now, you want to, you want to, test me? I do believe you. Yeah, believe me. Alex, believe me, guys.

What is E.J. Samara, extreme Jew? No, he's Filipino, dude. That's like not white at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, let's start from the beginning, okay? Yeah, I'm not doing that. Why? That's, okay, okay.

Oh, no, dude. The candy in the butt thing? Yeah, yeah. Because look at, he made me, oh, he made me, oh, it was in the, oh, oh, it was in the, oh, It was in the old house. Was my nose bigger then? Yeah, yeah. It was six, how many years ago was that?

I showed this to Howie Mandel and he almost threw up. Yeah, yeah. He goes, why, what do you mean? Why would you do this? Yeah, yeah. And his daughter's dying, laughing. I'm like, for that. Okay, turn it off.

It's too much. I'm not doing that again. How was this up on YouTube? Six years ago. Six years ago, wow. 1,000 views. That's it. We did that for a thousand views.

I know. That's what I'm saying. No, no one cares. You guys could beat it today. You could beat it today. Put that back. We can beat it today. We can beat a thousand.

We can beat a thousand. You could get a million. Okay, stop. So. Do you have a steak or anything we could do? We could up it? We're not doing anything. We're not doing butthole with play. Caviar.

No caviar. No caviar. Okay. Can I have this? You can have whatever you want, Adrienne. Thank you. Oh, my God. I love it.

Yeah, we have all kinds of stay. We have water there for you, the Mountain Valley. We have any coffee that you want. Let's start from the beginning. We're going to keep all that in. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. Wait, wait.

Now's the time for my question. Go ahead. Helen Keller playing the Beatles. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not too dumb to do that. What is this? I used to do that. How do you remember that?

I remember great bits. Helen Keller playing a cover of the Beatles. Yes, I used to play the piano live. You know what I mean? And then Zach did it on his special. Like, he does it. Oh, that same way? Well, he doesn't do that bit, but he, you know,

he plays. the piano and something. In my mind, I was, oh, it's two hackies, I stopped doing it. Do it. Yeah, yeah. So this is Helen Keller. I'm excited.

Here we go. That's what I did. That's really good. You never heard that before? You never heard that? Yeah, and it would crush. It would crush, but then like... What do you go for your Hulu special?

That's a wrap-up. Dude, that's a wrap-up. That's a wrap-up, bro. That's a wrap-up, yeah. Into the credits? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Magic spoon, protein cereal. And treats.

And treats. You guys, Magic Spoon, you know, as a kid, what? Cocoa, all these ones, you know, frosted, frosted, you know? There's so much sugar, dude. Yeah. Have you ever had Frosted, Frosted, dude? Too sweet for me. It's too sweet for Papa, dude.

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Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. So the only thing that's getting me through it is that, well, it can live on clips. I know that I have clips. We should talk later about it's going to be great. Oh really? I'll help guide you a little bit. I did for her. He did. Oh, did you really? I went over material for months and months and yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw her a bunch. Okay.

Talked about like, oh, I think that's what I need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have that do today, but like, you know, but anyway, um, thank you so much. But anyway, we have Ari Sheffier and Adrian Labalucci, La Palucci. Appalucci. It says L on the I know. It looks like an L. It's an eye. It's an eye. It's an eye. I'm going to change it to what you said. Apalucci. The Dark Queen on Netflix. I heard it's great.

It's special. It's great. It's a special of 2024. Yeah. Is that coming from you or Netflix? It's definitely not coming from Netflix. So are you, so Adrian, do you see an effect on that special on your ticket?

Yeah, I'm selling like 10 tickets a show now. No. No, you're doing a little better, be honest. She's sold out in Irvine? No, I sold out. I did sell a decent at Irvine. Yeah, Cleveland. I sold one show out. So it's like, I'm definitely seeing an increase.

So you played the hilarities? Hallerities, yeah. Oh, don't you love that club? I love that club. Nick. It's amazing. Nick. One of the greatest guys on planet Earth. Did you get a baseball bat? Yep, I have it in my car.

Did you shove it off your pussy? Not yet. Okay, guys. It's in my car. Is this a clean show? No, no, no. Are we not allowed to... I forgot, I forgot.

The bat's made a wood. I shouldn't shove it up my pussy. Yeah, yeah. Because of the splinters? Yeah, yeah. Also, don't they... Isn't there like a glaze on the bat? I'm very wet, though.

Oh, you are? I'll wash the blaze right off. Do you still get wet or? Yeah. Oh, yeah. How wet? Like, very wet. Yeah, yeah.

Well, not such a word out of this road, I mean. I want to know how wet. You know, can I just say about the wetness, though, about it? Because I'm not a scientist or a doctor or anything. Do you think it's overrated? No, no, I love it. It's my favorite thing. We should bottle it.

But my point is, what? You think wet is a myth? No, it's a real thing. I've had it happen, you know what I mean? Sure. But what I'm saying is that sometimes it's like clear and sometimes it's like milky looking. That's not good. What is that?

No, it's good. The milky. You like the milk? Yeah, like a little bit. That's usually yeast. No, that's yellow. No, like when they're fucking on camera? On camera.

It's like, it's a movie. Okay. I thought you meant we'd just start out. No, no, no, that's not on. You don't open milk. You don't open with the milk. I would hope not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, vaginal, colors of vaginal discharge. Where we go? What's yellow green? Or yeast infection. Sexually transmitting. That's white. That's not good. White is healthy.

Well, white could also be yeast infection. Oh, that could be. That's what I give girls. I do gray. Bactual. That's fun. That's always fun. Vaginosis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't spell vaginosis. Yeah. Red is, um, that's a fun color. Because it could also be cancer. It's like, are you, are you a beard or is that cancer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. That's always fun. Yeah, you fucking girl.

Can you get vagina cancer? I've never heard of that. Can you what? Vigna cancer. Yeah. Cervical cancer right there. Can you get dick cancer? Yeah, but it's called something else. Yeah, yeah.

But it's not, it's, no, it's, I can, the nut sack, yeah. The sack, yeah. But not the dick part. Shaff cancer. Is there a shaft cancer? Hush your mouth. I don't talk my shaft. Yeah, yeah, that's really good. All right. Really good reference.

We'll cut that out. Adrian, are you seeing anybody? I am. Oh. It's a TikTok star. No. Yeah. And how did you meet this person?

Go to his boxing match? Yeah. He gave me his dick pills. No, so you met him on TikTok? Met him on TikTok, yeah. Wow. And he hit on you first? He hit on me first, yeah.

Wow. How did you do it? I just sent me a DM It was so easy And he goes, let's say He's like, I bet you get a ton of these And I was like, this is my first one Wow

Now we're in love That's your first one It's my first DM ever I've never gotten a DM RI Like a sexual DM? Never You're lying Yeah

I was like what You have right? Yeah She's a woman How many? A lot? Yeah someone told me That they watched my special

Three times The first time they watched it Because they thought it was funny And then the third time they stopped it to jerk off. That's a good compliment. I know. Yeah.

I don't think anyone's ever jerked off to me. But you haven't put a special out yet. Yeah, but I've been on good point. That's a good point. Yeah, but way too. Way to your special comes out. Yeah, it's got to be through your art. Everyone's going to be jerking off.

This is art too. What? This is an art form as well. Amy. Amy. Anyway. When your special comes out, girls are going to be fucking touching them.

Really? Yes. Why because I'm wearing makeup? Yeah. Yeah. Because you're funny. Yeah, but my argument would be, though, it's like I have, I've been on TV and something like that.

And then they're going to be like, forget this. It's not saying someone else's words. Oh, that's, that's, some homo's words. This is going to be a heterosexual's words. Yeah, nobody's going to jerk themselves off to a fucking sexist. No one masturbates to me on Magnum P.I. You're on Magnum P.I.? Yeah.

The original? No, the new one. Oh. You think I work with Tom Selleck, you asshole? I would love that. That would be very cool. No, man. Jerk off to that.

Anyway, um. I did 12 episodes. It was my favorite show to do. You go to Hawaii for that? Yeah. Those are the good days. Wasn't they canceled? That's you?

Wow, you were playing a Hawaiian, huh? You're versatile. You can play Hawaiian? You can play Hawaiian? You can play Mexican? You play Down syndrome? Yes. You could play Asia.

Adir him. Yes. You know, because Ari is not fascinated by Hollywood at all. I know he's not. That's one of the things I like about him. Yeah.

He has no respect. He has. respect of it. He thinks that when I do this kind of stuff that it's like dumb. But he's on your show. So he's like using your Hollywoodness. But I knew him before he was accepted in Hollywood. Exactly. He broke me out of rehab. Sketch actor who was shitting his pants on TV. I literally learned a lot for you. I actually learn more than I know.

I know. Do you respect people that have done stuff or no? Yeah, why not? See, that doesn't sound like it. But like respect them how? Like I'm not fascinated by famous people. I opened for Louis in Israel, what's his name, that did Pulp Fiction was there. Tarynxia.

I was so turned off by him, I left. Oh, really? Yeah. Wait, wait. Louis. C. C.K. Uh-huh.

He directed her special. Oh, he did? And he produced it. You did? Amazing. He put out all the money. He didn't even know if he was going to get it back.

He put up all the money. I wasn't even going to pay him back. Yeah. He didn't know that. Wow. Yeah, I believed in her. So Louis and the Tarantino, why didn't you say hi to him?

He was just like, talking and I found him annoying and I just walked away. He's the greatest director of all time. But I don't care. I'd rather talk to someone that's nice. You're still going to be good in conversation. Yeah, I found him in a way. Oh no, it could be a baboon I would try. No, no, no, he's talking about,

like, what's your next movie? I would have tried to do it. No, I was talking about how he likes. What do you mean? That's me. You're a suck up to Hollywood. Fuck you. Even when someone's being like dumb, you're like, oh, I love you. Yeah, like Michael Bay comes. He came a couple weeks ago.

and I brought him in... When Carrie Mitchell calls, you answer the call. He was now referring to what? Tell him. Sex and the City? The reboot? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He saw me in that. He's been saying that. Honestly, I liked you in that. Thank you so much. You were the only thing I liked in it.

What's her name? Carrie what? Carrie Mitchell? No, not Carrie Bradshaw. Carrey, yeah, yeah. I'll do it again. Yeah. When Carrie, thanks for your meeting me. When Carrie Bradshaw calls, you accept the call. Is that close to it?

It's similar to that. But the way you say it, though, dude, it burns a fucking hole in my soul. Straight, legitimate impression of what you did. Yeah, yeah, okay, can I say this, though? Sure. You think that they're like, say it like this? You don't think that they're like to say it like this?

You got it? Guy, I hate you, dude. I love you so much. That's a testament to acting, though. Thank you so much. Yeah, because I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Yeah. I think you

Yeah, I don't think you would Because if you walked out A Taratino Imagine him giving him no His story was so offputting to me He was talking about porn And how he liked this girl And porn and how he got to fuck her

And I was like, who cares? You're like a millionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah He gives a shit. Yeah, but if I said that story He wanted us to be like impressive I was like, if I said that story Would that impress you or no?

No. Okay, but I would never tell that story No, but that's what I mean Like I was not impressed by him at all He was talking about something That was like unimpressive. But if I said that I did that to AOC Would that be impressive?

Yeah. That would be impressive. Let me name some women to see if I would be impressive. Did you? No. You could get her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's cute.

Yeah. You should. Oh, yeah, yeah, I would. I would, but there's no way she would. Why? More like A. O. Lee. I think, I mean, I don't think I'm too. I'm not, what?

A. That's good. I think I'm too in the middle for her. What do you mean? Like politically? Like, I kind of made me lean right in her opinion or whatever? She was a bartender. Oh, that's true.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What about if I said that I had sex with, Um, um, um, what? I'm excited about this game. Uh, Helen Mirren. Yes.

Now? Yes. No, no, no. No, no. No. No. Now. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. If I jammed her bones is the body? Is she still alive?

Is that she? Is she? Is she old? Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if you went down on her.

Oh, I thought she had died. Um, no. What are we looking at? The claw game. Wait, wait, wait. Going down on an older women like that. Hey, Ari, who is then? Who's what?

Helen. Helen Keller? No, the other one. Yeah. She's some fucking old bitch actress. Don't say that, dude. She's a dame. She can play the Queen of England now.

Yeah, she could. And she's a dame and she's talented and go fuck yourself, dude. She's a dame? Yeah. What does that mean? Woman? No. A woman of the night?

Don't people get knighted? When some people get knighted, women is a knighted, female knighted? Isn't that one? Oh. Back in the day, though? So you'd be impressed if I did that. Yeah. That's a pull, bro.

That's a pull. Now, I've never. Don, eight older, you know, I mean, private parts. Do you think they taste the same? I think as long as it's clean. I think it does. I think it probably tastes and it's a bit curdled, but like a good blue cheese. No, no, no, no, no, that's not curdled.

No, do you remember stickers that used to smell back in the day and then you go back years later and has, like, less of a smell? I think that's what it probably is. But you still have to scratch it? You still scratch it? I smell a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's faint. I think it's a fainter smell.

Yeah. You both seem like people that don't wear a perfume or cologne. I do. Okay. What are you wearing? Juliet has a gun or something. Oh, that's not cool. You don't wear anything.

Do you? Oh, yeah. What? What do you wear? I have thousands of bottles of perfume and cologne upstairs. That's all I spend my money in. Yeah. White rice.

I gave you the white rice. Wait, that's really a cologne? It's a real cool. No, I give him white rice. Can I put some on right now? It just rolls around. Do you have white rice on you? No.

Can you go get some from his room? I wonder what it smells like. Yeah, well, go upstairs and by the kitchen, by the kitchen, if you go by this kitchen, the table, there's a few in the middle of the table. And get about four or five. Yeah, and if you see a candy bar. Yeah, I gave him white rice. Attribute to Vietnam's cultural symbol of livelihood. You know how I feel about the Vietnamese, so I had to give the way.

I hate them. I love them. You're the first, you helped me realize what an Asian was. What do you mean? Korean. I could never pick out the Asians. I saw you and Margaret Cho when I saw similarities in your faces. What are the similarities?

This is so... Wait, what are you Korean? I don't like the way you said that. But yes. I think of them all the same. I know, but there's not... I went like that because I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure which what you were.

Maybe change your unsure face. No, my unsure face is always that. No, no, change your unsure face because it's a little... That's also my rape face. Because I'm unsure. I can't change it. I can't change it. So, um...

So when you see a Filipino... hence and a Korean right? It looks Mexican Yeah, right, but do you feel the same when you look at a Korean and a Filipino? I don't know. You don't have any opinion about it? I don't care either way. I'm not like upset. You're not upset about it. Would you penetrate

somebody that? Yeah, I like brown. Oh, that's great. That's amazing. You don't like brown. I don't mind him. I've never seen you with brown. He doesn't mind it which is like saying... With any kind of brown? I've never seen you with brown. Do you count as a brown? No. Yeah, yeah, I'm brown.

That's one of the reasons I moved from New York. Yellow. Oh, hey. Nice. That's Dallas coming at you. Damn. No, I had sex with a black girl that was like British and very whiteish. Remember that girl?

Balado. They call him a lot of? Alice. She had the makeup here. She had like gauges in her. Ooh, she had a ponytail. Do you have you done full? Full lot.

Black. Yeah, of course. Bro, that's all she dates. That's not all I date. She never dates whites. That's not true. Trader. That's not true.

Trader. I'm dating a white name. It's up note. What did you say to me? It's like interracial dating. It's like when you dated a Korean and everyone felt like this is interracial. That's what I felt like? Yeah.

Why? It's just like I've never seen you with one. Yeah, but I did one. Well, that's proof. Hence, you know what I mean? He knows. I had dated a Korean. You know her name.

Yeah. Patty Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might have been related. There's no way to tell. Yeah. And that was... It might have been the same person, to be honest.

Do you find that Korean girls like you are a white girls are more attracted to you. Which girls like to them? I feel white girls like me more than Korean girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here we go. So that one's called. We got the Woody Office of Daddy.

Yeah. There we go. We got Stora Skuggan. Oh, moon milk. Moon milk. Moon milk. Yeah, yeah. This is W. Hotel.

No. This is Seoul. Yeah. See, where's the white rice? He has the white rice. Tokyo. I gave it to him. I didn't like it on my body.

And uh... That's not like that's like a dead cool. That's a bullshit one. But anyway. Yeah, so do you want to spray one on? Yeah, what do you think?

What was my personality? I think moon milk. That's moon milk? Yeah, yeah. I think these two right here are too Asian for you. Too Asian for me? No, the two bottles there are too Asian for you.

What would Lawrence wear? Who the fuck's Lawrence? Lawrence Hart, number one commercial agent in Los Angeles. I can't believe it. He's the best. He's the best. I heard that name is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lawrence Hart is the number one commercial agent in Los Angeles. You're doing another one. Yeah. He still technically reps to me, Lawrence Hart. Me too. Yeah, yeah. I love him.

What's his agency again? Aqua. Aqua talent. Aquat talent. And you know how many fucking clients I brought him? A lot. You bring him a lot of money. I probably have his rosters from me probably.

Yeah. I used to just go, you want a commercial agent? Just randoms. Any of the weirdos of the comedy store? Oh, yeah. Guess what? You're never going to work in acting. But there is a lane for you.

And it is IT guy and his Coca-Cola commercial. Yeah, yeah. Like Kevin Christie. Yeah. But he can act. He can act, yeah. He's been in stuff. But all the freaks and the weirdos,

yeah. It was like, oh, we get commercials is all your thing. Yep. I didn't spray on any today. You work cologne. Did chicks like it? If it smells good. It smells good, it works.

So it's like my natural scent. Oh, what is it? It's strong. Yeah, yeah. My natural. Yeah. You're autistic, too, so you're really smelling it. Yeah, I'm really smelling it.

Well, I go to a place called the scent room on Larchmont, and I like to experiment, go down there. Do you know what I? Do you ever make your own scent? I wanted one called, I wanted to make one called the bird flu. Mm. You could make billions of dollars. What would the bottle be?

Have the bottle be just a blue bird that's dead? And the smell, it's just my own unique smell, but it called it bird flu. What do you think? I like it. You think so? Yeah, I don't mind it. maybe two versions of it and they just sell that.

What's the one version? Maybe a male, you know how they have angel for men, angel for women? Maybe the same similar to men, but make the female one a little sweeter, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then to make the male version a little bit more oakier and woodsy. Do it opposite, reversed. You think I should do reverse?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I don't like my natural scent. I never have. Cover it up. Yeah. What do you feel like you smell like? I think I smell like squid. Not because of squid games.

Not because of squid games, but I think... That's racist. I'll tell you why. That's super racist. You think I'm being racist against Koreans? Yeah. No, I'm saying I. I'm saying all Koreans smell like squid.

Whoa. I'm seeing the Korean. Yeah, yeah, what I'm fucking saying is this, okay? Yeah. This is to what I'm saying, dude. Growing up, right, I didn't spit on you, dude. That's offensive. I'm smelling squid now.

Okay, yeah. When I was growing up, my mom would hang squid all over the house. Okay. Okay. And I know that smell. I'd wake up with it. Squit are very smart. Very intelligent.

They're dried. They're not a live squid just like in my house. Oh no, I'm just saying. I was saying in general. Yeah. Yeah. So they would dry squid so it's like all. Get it like that.

That was my fucking house. Wow. Right. So you would like, and I would wake up with it. So I always thought that I smelled like that. Gotcha. So I would go get back in the day like truck car.

That's what I was. Cool water. Cool water. Yeah. Back in the day. That's the best man's calum. Yeah. I thought your car was the best and cool water is number two and that's it.

What about curve? Old Spirv. Curve was good. Angel for men was okay too. That came around. Oh, you know, I don't know any of those. Issymiaki. Do you remember that? No.

That's when like maybe 15 years ago when, you know, like the Japanese were getting into the game or whatever. They're like, I'm going to get Yisimiyaki, dude. You know what? You know what you smell like? You know what he smells like? You ever been around like five-day-old pancakes? The greatest interjection? ever in a conversation

That's actually better than squid I would take pancakes Who's around five day old pancakes Who at day two doesn't go Oh these got to be thrown out You never smell five day old pancakes? I have not That's what you smell like sweet

But you know not Pancakes could be sweet That's actually not bad That's better than squid Anyway Adrian I want to say I never So the first time I met you do you remember

before we have our at the comedy seller at the cellar yes and um yeah I was a little nervous I know and I was like why everyone loves you

I know but I would you know it's not my room yeah I know but that's how I feel about like rooms in L.A it's not my room either it's not familiar you know what I mean the crowds are a little different maybe

do you think yeah yeah less actors and so excuse me less actors in the audience okay more like tough guys in New York yeah it depends

the comedy seller now can be pretty like European. It depends. It can be like a mix of stuff. Wait, so you're there, you're meet her and what? We're at the bar. We're at the bar. What do you drink?

Was that the night where Louis and Chris Rock were there or no? Yes. I think it was. Yeah, yeah. So there was the, you know, that main table back in the, you know? Yeah, the comics table. Yeah. But you were so shy.

So I went up to it because in my mind I was like, oh, I want to go hang out with the big comics table. And I went up and I see Mark Merrin and I'm like, oh, I can, do it. He's a friend. But then I see that Louis and Chris are there. And Mark looked at me as if don't come. He played the status card. So I think Mark did this.

Really? I think in my mind. Louis would have been really nice. So I went, and I went the other way. Too nerve-wracking. Right. So I sat next to you, I think. Yeah. Yeah. And you were so nice to me. Yeah, I'm pretty nice. Yeah, but no, but nicer than, what? I had her prickly demeanor and. I think I also

could tell you felt uncomfortable there and I've been there before and I know what that feels like. Right, I think that you did. When I was new there, instead of going up straight through the, I would go downstairs through the hallway and then upstairs so I could come out right by the comics table so I could like quickly glance and pretend to go the other way. Because it's too embarrassing to go right there and then turn around.

Right, if you walk there. And then like, wow, you have a system. Yeah. Student people I didn't know. Yeah. They're comfortable. And I would think you would never be uncomfortable anywhere. So uncomfortable always.

Wait, now is there is there a table there that you would be uncomfortable going? Where? I know. No, no, the seller, but like the people. I know one of the cellar. Where? The black table. Oh, I like the black people.

Or Monroe and Derek hang out. No, I like hanging out with them. They're loud, but I like them. Yeah. I also, for some reason, and is this wrong of me? And I feel, the last time I did it, it was, I felt ashamed. At the cellar?

Yeah, can I tell you what I did? Yeah. What did you do? For some reason, when I'm there, I feel like I have to bow, do a slight bow, in a double handshake to Michael. Shea. Why?

I don't know why. I don't even think he would like that. I do it every time. Can you show us on Ari? Yeah. So what I do is I'll be talking to everyone in the right. And then I'll be like, you know what I mean? You know, people that I know and whatever.

And then I'm like in my priff, he's at another table. I'll be Michael Jay. Yeah, yeah, right there. Yeah, there's a hoodie. Right. So then I'll do, and I'll kind of walk and I go, I don't think you should do it. And every time I walk by, I go, you know, I always say something like, Put your hand.

I gotta say hi to you. Oh my God, that's so embarrassing, Bobby. Don't do that. You don't have to do that. Are you sure? Are you sure? You don't have to do that. Be more respectful.

You should not do that. Unless you're fucking with them and keep doing it? Right. No, no, no, I'm not fucking with them. You have to keep doing it now to make it seem like you are fucking with them. No, I got to stop doing it. And then he came to the comedy store.

Because he probably doesn't like it. And he came to the comedy store and I did something even weirder. What did you do? I did something even weird. Okay, here we go, one more time. So, yeah, yeah. So he was in a circle by the kitchen, right, and I waited patiently. Right?

What are you looking at, dude? Looking at you. If you slam me right? No, you're not in this scene. You're not in the sketch, dude. I'm watching. You're outside. Close your eyes.

Yeah, you're the bartender. Yeah, you're the bartender. Yeah, you're the bartender. Okay, right? We're back. Right, so I waited patiently until he was done with this conversation and go, excuse me, sir, Shea, you can go up whenever you want to. You know, the club's open to you.

You said that? Yeah. Oh. And he goes, no man, I'm just hanging out. I go, okay. And I walked away. If I'm Michael Jay, I'm like, wait, do you still work here? Why did you do that?

Did you buy the club? What? Why did you do that? Because in my mind, you know what I mean? Because every time I see clips, you know, he's doing the weekend. He's doing the weekend update on SNL. And I'm trained as being a mad TV person to be their bitch. Oh.

Right? Oh, okay. So every time I'm around any of them, I go, excuse me. Amy Paula. Stop doing it. Would you like to, you know what I mean? Oh, right. Yeah, I just, I was conditioned to do that.

Conditioned. Right, so when I see Michael Shaggo, should I? So I think I'm going to change it by going, I'll change it. Go ahead, Michael Che again. Ready? Wait, am I talking now? Yeah, you're right, yeah. What up?

Is that better? I mean, it is better. It's horrible, but it's bad. That's all I want to know. Is it better? Is it better? Yeah, yeah. You've started the progress.

So there's no one that you give respect like that to. That I bow to? Not bow, but I'm Korean. So it's not like a full, but it's more of a, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like a courtesy. It's our wave. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. I walked away from Quentin Tarantino. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You have no. I would just say hi, but like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. With Robin Hood.

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Go to Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I met George Carlin, I had to get him a sandwich from Greenblatt's. He's doing the store. And I was like, here's your sandwich, Mr. Carlin. It goes, first of all, it's George.

Relax. That's cool. That's cool. And he gave me 20 bucks. I'm like, no, the store paid for it. He goes, I know. I'm so glad you said that. I was working the back door when he used to come.

And one year he goes, what's your name? And I go, oh, happy Lee. And then, like, he didn't say anything for the next week. Yeah. But the next year, I was working the back door again. And he came up to me, and he doesn't stop. But he goes, Mr. Lee, and he just walked by. And he was in his name.

What a respectful. I always remember that. Also, I mean, Lee is, like, a pretty good shot anyway. Like, even if he's wrong. It's a gamble. Yeah. He might not have known he was just being racist. Yeah.

He was trying to insult you. I accidentally got it right. Right, right. Well, in my mind, you know what he remembered. I'm sure he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

And then you remember when Mr. Sanchez for fucking any Latino. Yeah. Do you remember when Pryor's to come in back in the day? No, he was gone before I got there. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. He was in his wheelchair and he'd go up. He would bomb so bad.

You know what I mean? What did the audience do? I mean, he gave him respect. Obviously, Richard Pryor. Yeah. You know, but it's like, um, wow. He had a booger on his nose once. I remember Freddie, like, wiping the booger on state.

You know what I mean? That's respectful. Yeah, very respectful. To eat it? That would be respectful. You don't respect prior? No, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You got to respect people like that. Yeah, but also at the same time, what a chance to fuck with somebody. Put a spoke in his wheel. Right, right. Or stick dirt in his mouth? Stick dirt in his mouth.

Yeah. Put a bugger on his nose. Yeah. It's not even his bugger. Maybe that's what Freddy did. He goes, let me get off, but really stuck one on it. In middle school, there was a guy that had in a wheelchair,

and his mouth was constantly open, right? And he was like, I don't know what the disability is, but kids used to put fucking dirt in his mouth, right? And I used to dig it out with my fingers. That's actually very nice of you. But then I would put skittles in it. That's nice. Yeah, it's better.

Better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the same thing. It's still bad or it's better. It's like your Michael Chee thing, bad but better. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like, you know, do you guys think that you're, as you get older, you're improving in sex? I think you kind of just become more who you are You care a little bit less I would say maybe yeah There's not a move that you do that you're like Oh that's pretty good or whatever Not every move works on everyone

You could have a move that works with one guy And then you do it and he's just like oh That does nothing for me That's true As you get older you're better at reading it You're better at reading it Yeah so I don't have just one move I have like 30

You have 30 moves Well yeah maybe not He has 30 moves That's a lot of movies That's a lot of moves, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe 10 moves. Let me, you fucking bullshitter, 30 moves. Maybe 10, dude.

Maybe five moves. Give me five moves, Ari. All right. Number one, missionary. Yeah, yeah. Number two, cowgirl. Number three, reverse cowgirl. Number four, doggy.

Standing up, holding them up while I'm standing. Okay, I'll give you that, standing. One leg up standing. It's still standing. That's still standing. They're both laying. Oh yeah. When you're waving, standing, is that a different move?

On the side? A waving standing. On the up standing. Right? Thumbs up standing. All moves. You're standing, asshole. How about this?

I'm above. Spit in the eye. Spit in the eye. That's not a move. You're making it up there. In the eye. That's cold fucking. It is a move, I think.

Yeah, yeah. I like him dry. I think it's illegal. I like him dry. Okay. Punched him in the rib. Punch him in the rib. There I go.

Mr. Sanchez. Garcia. Garcia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know those things. Like 70 sex positions. Yeah. So you know 50 of those.

Bobby, are you dating? Nobody. Nobody. Yeah, yeah. You know, I find, um, I'd, what? Go ahead. Go ahead. No, you got, you're gonna say something rude. Go ahead.

No. I can tell. It's gonna be serious. Be serious with me. We've been friends for over 30 years. Over 25 years. 25 years. Let's be friends.

Yeah, I think you need a girlfriend. I know, me too. I want you to have a girlfriend. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. Just like hot young chick. I know, me too. All right.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's be serious. You turn it into a joke, dude. Okay, yeah, yeah. You don't get comics. How are you gonna get a girlfriend? What do you mean how?

I've done it before. You did it a decade ago. But you still did it. I still did it. And also, you know, I've been seeing women since you try it out. You try it out, right? It's like it's a trial period and you kind of go,

you know, it's not going to work. Okay, can I give you some advice? Oh, my God. Well, hold on, let me drink this, let me finish it. Okay, and I mean this sincerely and not hurtful. Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish this, please, thank you. Could this advice help me too?

No. No, damn it. Because he's aged and, like, I'm still young. What is wrong with you today? You're so confrontational with me. No, I'm saying, because she's going to give you advice, but I don't know that. You can apply it to you, too, though.

Just applied to you, listen. Back in. Yeah. By the way, I have a new Netflix special out called America's sweetheart. We're going to do that later. Thank you so much for promoting it. Okay. Go ahead.

Okay. Can you stop taking girls to Hawaii? No. And take them to Ohio. Offer to take them somewhere undesirable to see if they really like you. That's a good idea. If we're going to do that, let's go somewhere even worse then. Pittsburgh.

Yeah, Pittsburgh's pretty bad. Dayton, Ohio is pretty bad, though. Yeah. How about, will you come with me to Dayton? Corpus Christi. It's so muggy. Absolutely. I want you to take girls there.

If they're willing to go with you there. That means they really like you. Okay. It's not a free trip, it's responsibility, and they're willing to do it. They want to spend time with you. So, hey, baby, what's up? Are you good? What you doing?

No, what? Are we good? What? Are you, Mark Marin? Hold on, just that how I talk. Okay. I'm sorry, start over. Let me get in the mood.

Fuck you, dude. That's how I talk. Wow, confrontational. Yeah, dude. It's not the way to endure yourself to chicks. No. Yeah. What's up, baby, baby? No, that's better.

It wasn't, though. It wasn't. It was a lot better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how you bring. Have you been to corpus? You just say, hey, you want to come away with me this weekend? And then you take them to a little.

And they're like, you don't tell them where they're going? No, you got to. They have to know what they're going to ask. Otherwise, they go, oh, I would not. The outfits that they bring. Okay, fine. Don't they bring outfits? They can bring one out.

Yeah, how about that? Like, hey, I'm going to Corpus Christi this week. Do you want to come? Why are you going there? I'm working. I'm doing a show. You want to come there. No.

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't play Corpus Christi. Okay, you just want to go there then. No, it should be not working. It's got to be like, this is a vacation. Oh, right. So would you like to go on vacation? Can you just say, let's go there.

Let's go to Corpus Christi. And they go why, and then what do you say? I want to spend time with you. I want to spend time with you. Yeah, then she'll why can't we go to Hawaii? Who wants to go to Hawaii? Too many distractions. Oh, that's right.

Everyone wants to go there, that's why. Hey, go ahead. There's a Korean restaurant I heard about there that I want to try. That's what the fuck. Something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Find out all cool things to do in corporate and then make that. That's why you're going to.

You like eating craw dads? Sure. Yeah, yeah. They have a crawdad bowl. I've never eaten one. I've never eaten a crowdad bowl there, dude, and it's raw. Yeah. And vegan.

Yeah, yeah. There's a protest going on. There's a protest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're saying a suite in the residence in. All right. Oh, even do all of it low.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't even say that really nice. And the food like canes. We're just going to eat it cane. I don't know. Whatever, yeah, regular food. Let's get you a girl that likes you for you.

Yeah. And then take her to Hawaii after. Yeah, when she proves it. When she likes you and you guys are having a nice time together and you're in a relationship. It's funny that you brought that up because you listened to a private story that I told you guys and you guys brought that up. I would not have brought it up. It's very interesting. I was intimate with you.

I was not going to break. In an intimate space and I go, this is what's going on with me. Wait, you're actually not who told you. I'm not who told you? No. Yeah! Yes!

I would never share something like that. Who was it? It had to be you. I don't think it was. It was not. It wouldn't have. Would they tell me who it was? I can't.

All fair. We'll bleep it. We'll bleep it, but tell me who it is. Do the mouth thing. Just come back. Yeah. Because I want to see if you're lying. Betray.

They betrayed so you can be betrayed. Yeah. So who was it? Maybe it was already. I knew it You fucking asshole I wouldn't have said it on air I know what I'm saying

I was like he's going out No no we're not cutting that out We're not cutting that stuff We didn't say it now That's it That's good So what I'm saying is I tell you You fucking cocksucker

I was like No no no Intimate story that happened to me And then you share it with I'm sharing an intimate story About my friend Who's going through it And I was like

I just feel bad for him He didn't say it in a bad way He generally cared about you I know but what I'm saying is But here's what you did Yeah, yeah, you brought it into the atmosphere. Honestly, I thought everyone knew. No, not everyone.

So Lewis Gomez brings everyone to Jamaica, and I thought that was your thing. Okay, let me ask you about Louis Gomez. Okay, he texted me today. Oh, whoa. I know, is that bad? I could go on a two years. All right, so he...

I thought that was a known thing. I've never, I've never even... I've talked to him once in my life. Did he say, what's up with Hawaii? And it goes... He's like, do you have a good place? I can start bring up my chicks too. I'll be cooler.

That'd be so cool. He goes, Hey dude. Sounds like Lewis so far. Pretty good? Yeah. You available? That always scares me.

Oh, Skangfest. He wants to do Skangfest? No. Oh. To do mine and Big J's podcast story. Story Wars at the comedy store. It's fun. Yeah.

What is it? Oh, so you come with like, they give you a topic, like Halloween, and then you're like have a few, like, one minute stories about Halloween, and then they take out all the details, and they say it,

and then you have to guess who story it is. and then I'm interested on it. So if it was fun, yeah, if it was like, I was walking along walls, I don't know, like I was in a museum, that never it gets rude. Like it would never be her, she's uncultured, she'll never go to a museum. Oh, that's a fun, that's fun.

Even if it is, you're like, what the fuck's that supposed to be? If you wanted to do his own podcast, I'd say no, but that's fun. You look like you've been doing a museum, by the way. I could do, yeah. You look like you've been in a museum together. He doesn't look like he's been doing a museum.

Yes, I have. Which one? Doing landscaping? Yeah. Also, why are you working today? I don't know, I'm supposed to be off, but he caught me in. You know, today, what it is, today is? A day without, a day without, uh,

Black History Month? No, no, day without, oh, yeah, that was a big one. The day without a Mexico? No, yeah, day without immigrants. Immigrants. The day without immigrants? Yeah, so today, um, everyone, you're not an immigrant.

Not working. You're not an immigrant. No, even Hispanics. You are an immigrant. That are helping, you know what I mean? Where were you born? Where were you born? I can't say that.

No, you just say, whatever you don't know. No, you don't say, what do you don't know. A rasa. You're born in Mexico Yeah, yeah Were you born to Mexico? No Oh, you're born in America

Yeah You're not an immigrant I know So you're abiding Day without an immigrant You don't have any Oh, that's right Yeah, good

Yeah, yeah, yeah Where to abide Yeah So it's like, oh So I thought it was all Hispanics But I guess it's not I mean you gotta support your people

That's what I'm saying I think people are doing it To support their What about the Chinese immigrants Too many of those Am I right? Yeah I'll give you that one

You don't get enough credit For fucking up this place Yeah, yeah How about wait till I get off the elevator Before you get off the elevator before you get on. How about that? That's also black people though.

That's also black people. No, when black people do it all their own speaker phone on their phone. I'm about to get on the elevator. This white bitch trying to get off. You can't have my fucking way. So,

I want to say something about you guys that's a little observation of mine. Okay. And I think me and Andrew Santino are, I don't think that we're as free as you guys and I'm going to tell you why and it's changed

let me finish it's changing the way I perceive you know what I mean my own life and I want to change my ways and my behavior and the way I look at life based on you guys okay all right so am I clear about this

okay so I think the cause of my pain in my business is my deep link with Hollywood I've talked to you about that And I would look at you guys And there's more of a freedom, right? And whenever I think

You know what, fuck Hollywood If I don't work again, I don't work again It makes me so relaxed And my shoulders get loose And I just feel more bouncy and free, right? But when I think about like When I'm watching like a trailer And I see Josh Pack on it

Or you know what I mean Or somebody that I know, you know what I mean? I go, oh, I don't know those You don't know Josh Peck? You don't know Josh Peck? Is that you? No.

No. How do you know? I don't know Josh. He's a Disney star. Anderson Pack? No. Nick. Nick.

Fucking Peddoh. No, no. You don't know Josh Pack? No. He's a podcaster here in LA too. Of course he's done this. He's done our podcast. What's he wearing in his teeth?

Those fangs? Those are real. Oh, that guy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. But he was also in Oppenheimer. He's killing it right now.

He's doing a different thing. He'll never do anything as good as Josh and Drake. Let's be honest. Josh and Drake was good. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, so, um...

Look at that fat piece of shit. Hey, if you tell that guy, hey, you're gonna have a long career. They'd be like, you're not gonna have a long life. Yeah.

Josh, I'm sorry, Brian, let me give you the exact... I'm watching TV or a movie or something and then I get back into like,

what about my shit, right? Yeah. But I look at you guys and I go, you know what? I think that's probably the path that I should be taking. I think you should do that.

Do what you're doing. And then just create your own stuff. You're a big enough person where you can create your project. You don't need other people. You know, what Theo and Dave Spade are doing is fucking great. Here's what you should do. They funded their own movie. Here's what you should do.

You could do that. Do your own stuff. You should do. Get Santino, he's got business sense. You've got Panache. You know comedians. Make your own sketches of some point. You can star them.

You can be just in them. You can just make something crazy out of the box with no rules, not trying to please them housewife from Arkansas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just doing your own shit. You should also have a cartoon. Hollywood come to you. Yeah, it's a cartoon.

Do a cartoon. Yeah. Make a lot of money. Yeah, fuck that, dude. You're making a fun. Just do your own stuff. You're a big enough name or people will come to you. But I listened to an audio book last night.

I didn't finish it. Maybe 30 pages in. Who cares about that? I'm going to tell you about it. Now it's all about a problem. Yeah. I listen to self-help book. Braving the New World.

Wait, hold that. Braving the New World? Yeah. Have you heard of that? No, I've heard of it, but I never listened to it. Yeah, yeah, well, I would see if I got it right. Hold on, sorry. And so what does it tell you?

It would be less concerned with, like, Hollywood? No, I think it's, yeah, it's called, yeah, it's called Braving the Wilderness. Okay. Yeah, and, um. Is your dick out, bro? Is he peeing? Yeah, his dig is out, and he's peeing in the thing. I like Ari.

The head of your dig is so big. That's a good thing, right? Yeah, it looks very healthy. I just, I don't know what that. What is that? He's peeing for it. He's peeing right now. Look.

I'm not looking, but. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make you gay. No, I know. Because he's white. If you looked at like a brown one, you're gay. Oh, yeah. I like Ari.

Did the bathroom's right? He's not a pussy. What? I like Ari. He's not a pussy. He's not a pussy. Oh, shit. Yeah.

I like a pussy in Hollywood. Oh, shit. I like this guy, too. Oh, it's Bray Brown. Yeah, go up to. I do love him. Oh, my God. Go up to.

Go to Jaime right now with your penis out and just walk toward him, please. No, no. His attitude is out of control. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah, yeah. You want to fuck with my friends, dude? You want to fuck with me, dude?

There's always a dick out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Anyway, can you zip that up. Is that the point, man.

Come on, Jaime. Yeah, yeah. That's where in Nashville, his ass was bleeding so bad. It's immigrant pro. Test day, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Today's episode is brought to you by Mountain Valley Springwater. If you're looking for something to piss into, the head of the thing is really fucking

wide. Mountain Valley, look no further. Can you turn that off? Yeah, it's off. All right. Let me say something. That kind of behavior, though, why do you do that? Because we all reacted.

If we stop reacting. Yeah, stop reacting. Because it's, it's, it's, you've been doing that for years. I have been doing it for years. Yeah, yeah. Pooing on my car, all that kind of stuff. Come on, guy. You should have on his car?

No. No, I shit in a bag and gave it to someone to spread on his car. Oh, shit on his car. Who spread it? Jim Painter. Yeah, Jim Painter, yeah. Justified. How much did you pay him?

Nothing. Nothing. Oh. That was one of the worst nights on my life. I have to be honest, your friendship is scary. Dude, I just realized I've learned a lot. My sense of humor is really developed from you. Pooping on stage, pissing in bottles.

I don't poop on stage? Dude, you, you piss on cars. I'm trying to change my ways too, though. Yeah, well, learn. Free. I want to be free. You're right. Be free.

Just be free. Like when you were poop, when I had that photo of you pooping on stage. We see it. What? That's Gangfest? Yeah, it's Gangfest. I have that photo.

How'd you get it? You weren't there? I was there that night. You don't know, I was on Skink Fix that weekend. Yeah, he was. Really? Yeah, I was there.

Yeah, I didn't run into you. That room was so hot, too. And everyone was like, it just smelled like shit. The whole fucking night. And what was there with Bargazzi. Oh, yeah. Bargazzi brought me there. Bergatsi's the only guy, probably in history ever,

that has done Skangfest and hosted Estadel on the same week. Yeah, what a six-day run. And Bert was there, and I was there that night. But, you know, when I look at that photo, I go, there's a freedom that you have, and I think I just need to do that then. But that's pretty crazy, because you're pretty fucking free.

Yeah, I would think you're pretty free. You seem like you do whatever you want to do. I'm not as free as I want to be free. This reminds me the time in private parts, the Howard Stern movie, where he tells his wife, like, I think I'm going to start going for it. more. And she's like, you've not been going

for it? What do you want to do? I do like you do whatever you want. Yeah, I think... You should definitely do a cartoon. No, we are doing one. You are? Yeah, me and Andrew sold one to Hulu. Amazing. Yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah, let's move on from that. Fuck that. I don't want to... I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. You shouldn't do it. Yeah, yeah.

Because I know that you're going to London. What's your ultimate dream? I just want to have a fan base and tour. That's all you want. Yeah. To be able to play places, pack it out, and that's it. Total freedom. stand up, mic, stool, crowd, do whatever else you want. Fuck the stool.

Fuck the stool if you want. I think that's what it is. But that's what you have. I know I have it. Right. Yeah, I have it. You got to focus on what you have. Maybe I'd like a...

Yeah, that's what I think that's what it is. I think that's what it is. Focus on being grateful for what I, you know, do right now, listen to the wilderness book. Yeah. You know what? Yeah. Tell me about the book because I love her.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about it. Well, um, there was, There was a Maya Angelou told Bernay Brown be a tree planted by a river

do not move ever Ooh, I love that. Yeah. What the fuck does that mean? Black women have the best quotes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do not move. What? I kind of just beat who you are. Maybe I said it wrong. I got what you said. Yeah, yeah. I think

maybe I said it wrong. I don't know how it's possible. You made Maya Angelou sound dumb. I know. You find out what the actual quaghan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I got what he was saying. She got it, you fucking asshole. We didn't don't move.

It means just be who you are. Just commit to it. Yeah, like what, what? Like a tree planted by the river. I shall not be moved. It's the same shit. It's a same shit. So I said it wrong.

Let me say, like a tree planted by the river, I shall not be moved. It's better. But does that, now do you get it? Yeah. How is it my version different? It's word choice. I know, but it was the first time I heard it last night, dude.

You're fucking break, dude. Yeah. You're really hard on Bobby. I know, he really has. He really has. We razzed each other. Oh, I know, but you used to say things to me that was so out of bounds.

It's insane. But anyway, you're not talented, and you're dumb. You know that. You're dumb, right? Wow. We're fighting. You're fighting. You're really dumb.

You know that, right? Go fuck yourself. And I would walk away, and I would like to think about it for like a week. Because if I'm fighting with you, I'm going to say stuff, not even if I believe it. I'm gonna say what will hurt you the most.

I know, you were like that. That's how me and my family are. Really? You say the meanest things. Yeah. So you grew up with a lot of trauma and some hostility? Yeah.

Yeah. What? My mom does stand up. Your mom does stand up. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Which one are you drinking?

This one. Okay. There's your ears. Oh, my. Yeah. I find that there's two. I feel like you're not in our camp. What?

I think you and I, suffered a mass amounts of trauma. He's really autistic though. I don't think you developed I think he also had really loving parents and stuff too. I have trauma I just moved past it. Yeah what's your trauma? I'm not a fucking bitch. The fucking Holocaust? What? I just don't bring it up. Just move past it. Yeah but

sometimes like if you grew up around a lot of trauma you just kind of internalize it and that kind of forms who you are as a person. Like give me one little ditty that we don't know about. Nothing. Nothing happens to you. It always involves other people. I didn't get raped like Like a fucking bitch. But even getting raped is nothing. Yeah, yeah. I didn't get molested.

That's almost nothing. No, I shouldn't say like a bitch. But nothing like that happened. Okay. All right. But someone said something bad to you. Like, do you. No.

Doodoo. No, one time I was making it like one of those Make Your Own pizzas. And like, you know, they give you the ingredients. You got it all there, spread the cheese. And then I got distracted. I left it in the oven too long and it burned. Right.

Oh, that's what it was. I remember being a kid in telling my mother had dropped dead. And then she said, you first. Like that's how I grew up Oh, that's cool You're trash Yeah Oh, that's pretty cool

It was like eight Yeah I was so young That's where I learned to be like that I one time was looking for like Something in the fridge My dad was like it's right there I'm like you're crazy

It's not there I goes don't ever say your father's crazy Don't you ever say that I was like okay Yeah One time I went Different upbringing Yeah different

One time I went Good morning daddy You go Do look at me That kind of style That's worse Yeah, yeah. That's pretty worse. How about you?

Me, one time I asked and he'd say, no, wait, Ijah de so pincha marty, which means like son of a bitch to your mom. And then what happened? Oh, because your dad wasn't around. Yeah, my mom was around. Aw. And my mom hit me.

What does that mean, though? Her dad's a bitch. Yeah, mom's a bitch. No, her dad's a bitch. My mom's, oh, wait, my mom's not a bitch, but I said that. Her dad was a bitch. Your dad was a bitch.

Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God, dude. You flew him out here for this? Yeah. Did you put him up in a hotel? Oh yeah. Motel. Hotel.

Hotel. That's not that bad though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there is. It's bad. Should have said, don't tell. Don't tell. Yeah.

Anyway, do you like L.A. or no? Yeah, I don't mind it. Could you live here? Maybe. She thought about it. We thought about moving here. I don't know if I'm going to move here. You thought about it.

I don't mind it. I think it's an easier lifestyle. I think it is easier. You have to be, yeah. Like New York City, it's just like, you're just mad all the time. It's just disgust. Your apartment's always breaking.

down they're not doing anything about it. Yeah, there's traffic in here too, but like, New York City is just, you're constantly mad. You get hitting the foot by a rat on the way home, and you're like, touch my fucking foot. It's just like- You get into a fight like 7-11. It's just you're fighting all the, especially in the Bronx where I live in. I'm just mad all the time.

But, um, everyone's like that. I mean, I don't, why do you live, because of the stage time? I grew up there, I kind of don't know better. Oh, I see. I've lived there like, I'm like institution. What is it when you're institutionalized? You just like have been in there too long. Yeah, it's a hard way.

Like I come here and I have to like control my anger. I have to not act like an animal. Really? I have to not act like a goddamn animal. You seem pleasant even then when I met, I talked to you. Yeah, it's probably acting. She said she went to Portugal and everybody there was like, hi. She goes, what, what?

It was just weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you drink? No. Are you sober person? Mm-hmm. I got her high one time. In the program?

Are you a program sober or no? I'm a program person. You are? Yeah, I got a multiple program things. You've drank? Yeah, but like there's a lot of different stuff. I go for like food. I go for shopping.

Like there's so many different things I can be addicted to. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. I got her high one time and somewhere. Well, we've had a good couple of times that we've smoked and then. And she was just convinced. Because then we were in a diner talking. And I was like, you know, in New York or? Somewhere in Texas.

Texas. And I was like, before all the motherships, it was like 10 years ago. And I was like, who would you not kill in comedy, but who would you have never have existed? Oh, yeah. So you can wipe them away. So no one misses them. No one goes.

So you did this. Well, I like this game. Does it have to be a personal thing or just in your... Whoever. Yeah, sometimes they're just like, eh, they're just lame. Oh, God. Okay. You have one?

It would have been you at some point. During our fighting times, I would have been like, Bobby, get rid of them. Even some people are just annoying in conversation. I'm like, ugh, beat it. Why? Because I did nothing? Yeah, you did nothing.

But I'm saying, it's not. now anymore. Now I'd fight against it. I did nothing. Fair. Fair. What do you mean? You still see? That's the thing. That's what I see. There's still two percent in there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still believe that I had a hand of way. I was way out of line. Way out of line. Yes. I'm not denying that. You assaulted me. I'm not denying that. There's no excuse. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. For nothing. Yeah, yeah. What is the thing? I wasn't just Travis Bickle walking on the street beating people up. Close enough though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this over your ex-girlfriend still. Yeah, yeah.

But anyway, but I let it go. I'm just saying it was not nothing. It's just a detail. It's like not nothing. A detail that you wanted me to break into Ron Peterson's fucking no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like I'm Ethan Hunt or something? It's not, you still have the password. What? You still have the password? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

3.1 million views. That got 3.1 million views, and there's poop got out of 1,000? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Anyway. Okay, let's, yeah, so, who would you wipe off? Okay, so anyway, so she got in her head that I was gonna wipe her out. No, that wasn't it.

What did you get? I thought you wanted me to say stuff and you were gonna like tell people. I thought it was like a big thing like that, yeah. And then I got really into my head about it. And then I also thought you were gonna rate me but I had to say murder because I know you don't like fat chicks.

It was like a full thing. So I kept saying the whole night you were gonna murder me even though I felt like you were to rape me but I couldn't tell you that. I would convince her that I'm not gonna murder but then it would like wash over that I was So she was in a good mood.

And she'd be like, oh, we're gonna. Remember we were going back the wrong, like a different? Yeah, I missed a turn. And she was like, why are we going this way? Are you gonna kill me in that hotel? I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not gonna kill you. Because of course you'd say that.

Yeah, that is, yeah, that is. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, that is true. And I go, I'm gonna jump out of the car. I'm like, who is it? Who's the dead guy you're gonna kill? I locked my, we were staying at Airbnb. I locked my door too.

Because I just see her coming in and just staff. That was real. Because she's like gonna be like, it's gonna be, You, not me. I would never do that. I would have just taken a step. I don't think either one than would kill you.

We just locked the doors. We just locked the doors. So who's the person you want wiped out? Oh, man, there's so many. Even people I like, but I'm like, they're annoying. Get rid of them. Because they're not dead.

That's why, I'm afraid to say them when I want to say. Because I don't want them to be wiped out. Right. But it would be. You just don't want them in comedy? I just don't want them to exist. Okay, you want them dead.

Yeah. Yeah, it'd be like people who hog conversations in the green room. I'd be like, get rid of them. Yeah. Or they sit like this, you know what I mean, with their foot up. Beat it. Never existed.

And all the comics sit around them. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. Like they're like, oh yeah. What? Who's like that? You throw it out.

It's a bad game we're going out. Yeah. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. Because everyone else has a way bigger following them. We can bleep it out. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun.

You could put this like this and bleep it out. One time me and we were in the Vulcan green room, the precursor of the mothership. and we went in there and Rogan always has these big guests in and they come late night. We're like, why are they in the green room? They're not coming out.

And we saw one of the Weinstein brothers, one of the smart ones. And he was sitting on the floor on his side like this. Like a model? Yeah, with like his feet up. Like Tom Stelick and that whatever. All right.

And then me and Shane and Tony were in there and were like, oh, talking about like, why is this homosexual? Yeah. Sitting on his side. And they were talking about like journeys and fucking smart stuff. And then we were just testing each other

like pictures of like herpes. Yeah, yeah. Like, Shane, Shane, Shane. And he'd be like, as I'm talking about like quantum physics and then he'd be like Shane and be like, Tony, Tony, Tony. Okay, I got one.

Yeah. Is it a pet peeve and I might go crazy next time. I hate it when you're a comic. Yeah. You don't have a spot somewhere but you're in the green room

just hanging out. What if it's someone you like that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. No, I wouldn't fight anything. I'm not. I'm not done. No, I'm not done. I'm not done. All right. Here's a comic that hasn't done spots in that room for 20 years.

And they say what? Right? A comic that just sits there all night long. They never get, they're not good enough to get spots. And they're just there. It drives me crazy. They just show up. Yeah, yeah. Where are you going up? Like, I'm going to throw it to beep, beep this name out. I don't have no idea who that. Do you know who that is? Yeah. Yeah, she goes to the comedy store, she sits in the green room all night long.

The green room. You bring a picture up before, I just want to stay there. Yeah, she never has gotten a spot there in 25 years. She got a few spots when I was started. Oh, maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she would never get spots on it. No one wants her there, and she's sitting there writing and just being a part of it in the green room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she wants to be a part of it. It's sad. It's really sad. She got into a fight with dice once. Yeah. She goes, you're a husband. He goes, you're a never was.

Whoa! That's a good one, dude. That is a good one. Yeah. You can't even find a photo online, right? We don't know how to spell her last name. Yeah, she's never made it.

She doesn't have a following and she'll just be in... There's a lot of those people. She'll just be in the green room, in the main room, just writing. I was embarrassed to go to the comedy store if I didn't have a spot that night,

either there or at least I had done a spot somewhere else. Exactly, dude. I know, but now we're being cocky because we do get spots now. But even Bonapur as a regular, I had at least had to do an open mom. I feel bad about it, but you know, another one is, there she is again. Oh wow, that's...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks like Madonna now. Yeah, yeah. Madonna could actually stop doing stand-up. Madonna could stop doing stand-up. She's always... If Madonna was, like, she's at the comedy cell. Yeah, I'd be like, you don't belong here.

She was, she was at the comedy sale like two months ago. This is another one. I don't know who that is. You don't know, look up... You'll go like, honey, I'm here. I go, what's up? He's like, can you try to help me get on? And I go, Steve.

I want to say, I can't, why can't I be real and go, just no chance? Just don't come here again. Yeah, it's embarrassing, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, will you guys know when it's done? That's the problem, you never know. No, you do know.

I think I would know. You would know? Would you know? When I was on the road with Louis, he was like, you have to tell me when I should quit. If it's like, if people are. I was like, don't you want like Chris Rock to tell you? He goes, no.

He goes, I want you could tell me. The lower. The lower. The lower. Chris won't tell me. There's never a time for him. I know, but he's, you got to tell me. He's past the, I think he's past the line we can do it forever.

But what if he stops making sense and he's just. Yeah, yeah, like senile. I think he meant, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not what I mean. What I mean is like it's not going to happen anymore. Oh, that's different. That's different. Well, you're still telling jokes.

You're still there. I thought you meant like you've lost. Somebody asked me, I was doing a, like a screening of my new special America Sweetheart on Netflix. Yeah, which is very good. And so I was doing Q&As afterwards. Some guys like, hey, is there an age or it's too late to start stand up? And I was like, how old are you?

You just started? He goes, yeah. And he goes, how old is he? 38. And I go, that buddy, it's no chance. That's not true. I'm like, you can do it as a hobby. No, that's not true at all.

R. He hates it. That's not true at all. I went to someone past the 80s and tell me who you think. What do you mean? Go ahead. If you're going to use an example. Of somebody that.

80s and beyond, not before the 80s. Go ahead. That somebody started later? Dean Delray. I already know what he's thinking. Dean Del Rey. Yeah. No, let's have a response.

He makes a living. He makes a living. He does make a living. Yeah, yeah. Which is the goal. Exactly. Okay. Yeah.

It happened once. I win. Yep. Thank you. Yep, you're right. Let me see if I can think of another one. Someone that started later in life. Yeah, but you can't say Rodney Dayefeld.

That's what everybody says. Yeah, I'm not going to use him. What I'm saying is, here's what I'm saying is that you still don't know. Right. Right. Right, it's possible. It's just very... It's like a hot chicken allay that's also cool.

Yeah, that's a possibility. It's a possible. Yeah, it's possible. Anything's possible, right? And I encourage people to do it all the time. Really? Comedy. Oh, you're ruining stuff for everybody.

No, it's not. Tell everyone's a quit. Tell them all to quit. No, I'll tell you why no. This is... Argus told me to quit. This is dark stuff right here. I love it.

I love it. You know how hard it is, right? Yeah. That, like, the probability is so slim, right? So who gives a shit? Oh, right. Oh, so we're actually being nice

and being like, you shouldn't do this. Yeah, I'm being the weird one. You're being a piece of shit. I go, struggle. Enjoy the pain of years. Yeah. You know what I mean? That is dark.

Yeah, we're like start a life. Yeah, yeah, not you. Not a good. No, live a great gray life. You deal with it. You have a gray life. What do you think, Jaime? What do you think, Jaime?

Keep doing it, Jaime. Why? Oh, yeah. Keep going, Jaime. You're going to make it, Kimei. Oh, thank you, man. You probably will. You're young.

How old are you? 28. Yeah, it's still pretty young. I'm only a year in. I saw Jaime go up. Bad friends did a show in the main room. And I honestly thought you were going to bomb. And everyone was like, oh, no, he's good.

You did well. Oh, thank you. So I was impressed. Where do you grow up in Dallas? Mesquite. Mesquite? Yeah. The city.

is that name of a place? Yeah. Dude, imagine him. That's key comedy? Were you asking? Where do you go up on stage? Oh, that is comedy club. Or hyenas.

Hinesas, yeah, that's good one. Like him and Ralph grew up on the same street. Best friends as kids. They had factory jobs together. And then when Ralph got into comedy, he decided to do it right after him. Would you have followed him into anything? Yeah.

That's what's cool about that. Like they worked at a tire shop. That's where they worked. We worked at a tire shop, yeah. No, not a tire shop. Just like a, engine. So if he was breakdancing you would be a brain cancer? Yeah. That's so fun.

Those are boys. I love that. I love that. I love that's very cute. You love Ralph more than you? No. That's obvious. That's obvious. You know what I mean? I've only been nice to you and you treat me like shit. It's fine. Yeah. Why are you so mean to Bobby? I mean to Bobby. I'll call you back. Call him right now.

It's okay. It's okay. Just get it over with it. I was being vulnerable to do that. And, you know, when I, when Ken died, it, um, Ken Jung? No, Ken Flores. Oh, thank you. Oh. Oh.

Oh. God, you're so good. So, um, when Ken Flores, I was in a fog, a haze. I needed someone to, like, talk to, you know? And I called you were the first person I called. And you didn't pick up. So then Ralph, picked up and I needed somebody

to like connect with and stuff because it was like it was shocking because two weeks before that I had done a show with him in the main room and he talked. I heard he was really funny. I never met him. He was a beast. It's pretty sad. Yeah. It's a little sad that like everyone talks about how funny he is but they don't you know you don't do it until someone's like gone. That's what you know what?

No one he told me about him until after. People like did you hear about him like I don't know who that is. I never heard about him until he passed away and then I look some of the stuff of he's really funny. Well I had two shows at the store and so they had to do a fill in the main room. And so they used him as a filler for me.

Right. And then when I went into the main room, I did something cowardly. I saw him on stage. And I go, you got to put somebody else between us. That's a Bobby Lee special. Yeah, it's a Bobby Lee special.

I go, why I go, I'm not doing that tonight. That's how good he was. One of the funniest people of all time and the weakest mentality. Yeah, why? Shut up! You're like, I can follow that.

I can follow that. I'm the tree by the river, dude. It will not be moved. But are you one of those trees? I will be not be moved. moved. Whenever you're one of those trees that burns in the LA fire.

Oh, that's true. Wow, yeah, I got to move then. I got to move then. I'm going to one of those Lord of the Rings trees. Bobby, you need more self-esteem. No, here's another thing I realized last night in the book, right? Is that I don't know if I got to get this quote right, but right.

Sorry. I belong nowhere and I belong everywhere. Ooh. Okay. And what I realize is that I do belong in all the places that I feel like I don't belong. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm gonna, it's so cheesy because these are little revelations had last night, right? And I'm going to, why don't you white your face like that?

I'm sorry. Okay. I think he's being emotional. I think you're being like bullshit. No, no, it's just like itching. Okay, you're itching your face? I believe that I do, I do belong everywhere that I think I don't belong because, like, Saturday, last night, no, the night before Saturday,

Andrew did two shows in San Diego. And one of the shows I went and did a guest spot. What is it? I fucked it up. You were only free when you realize you belong no place. You belong every place. No place at all. The price is high.

The reward is great. Yeah. I got to be honest. I don't know what the fuck that means. Either do I really? Either do I really. It sounds like one of those smart sounding things. I know.

This is one step above Live Laugh Love. I know. But, um... Live Love is pretty good. Yeah. But I lock into you belong every place. Right. Like if you went to the cellar and sat down the table,

everyone would have embraced you. And you know, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, when I bow to Michael Chey and stuff like that, like he's giggling, right?

And he's being so cool to me. Yeah. Because I think he thinks you're being. I'm doing, I'm doing a bit. You know, at the end of the day, I'm doing a bit.

You know what I mean? Like, excuse me, sir. You know what I'm? That's the thing, you're one of the people in comedy that everyone loves, except Ari? But like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he loves me. I love, I'm joking. I know we love you. Family. Yeah. But it's like, you're right, I do belong everywhere. And I, um.

Oh, this is good, the meaning of freedom. I like this. Which will read it to me. I'm a big freedom guy. By saying you belong nowhere and everywhere, the quote implies you're not limited by the need to fit into a specific place or group. That allows for a greater personal freedom.

Yes. I think you're like that. I really do. I think you got, New York comics are more like that than LA comics, maybe. Maybe because we don't really have the industry there. Yeah, yeah. That's what made us.

So, like, I never came up thinking like I'm going to be in Hollywood. I just wanted to do comedy. I would love to. But maybe if I grew up here, I would have had that in my head. Yeah, we're like, I don't mind being in a remote. But I don't want to. I could put you in a TV show right now. I already know who you'd play.

A dumb come. No. I mean, she'd be like the, she'd be like the, she'd play your mom in a movie. The mean, the mean principle. Ooh, the mean principle. Don't you can't see her in like a smoking instead of like Yeah yeah yeah

You know like a Malcolm in the middle kind of a show Where she's the mean and they're afraid of her The cashier that doesn't make eye contact with you Yeah yeah I mean there's so many things you could play The whole time You know I guess I never came up thinking that I just wanted to do stand up But you know what it's so funny about you

Is I think it's gonna happen She was about to do a show with Louis before everything happened I think it's gonna happen Wow I do That would be nice I just want money I know but you don't get into a Netflix special And then all of a sudden

then get nothing. People of Hollywood. You kind of do. Really? Is that true? I don't know. Yeah, you kind of get nothing after it. It's nominal games.

People of Hollywood should put Adrian in something. If you're like making something, you should be funny. I promise you right now, I'm telling you something. When I was on the head or TV, I got so many people on that show. Randall Park, Ken Jung, before they even got things. You know what I mean? I will put you in something. All right, Bobby.

Yeah, yeah. I will. And then I will leave Ari for you. Yeah. Now, if there's a comedy war Yeah. Between New York and L.A., who would win? I mean New York.

New York. Are we talking about physical? No, comedy-wise. Oh, New York. Also, New York. We got good guys out here. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You do have good guys out here.

There's also way more comics in New York, too. But no, I'm saying, you can't be 300 versus 80. I'm just saying, you're putting like 50 against 50. Top 20. Top 20 versus our top 100? No, top 20. Why top 20? You're saying top, like top two.

It's like, shut up. Well, then what, make it arbitrary, make it $3,000 then. New York, then we'll also win. New York comedy has more great. I know what I'm saying, top 20 versus top 25. Top 25 versus. I think the problem with doing that is you're just getting all the famous. There's none of data points that way.

I think you're scared right now. Jim Gaffigan, David Tell. That's David. Colin, Colin. The rest of you guys here can suck a dick. David Tell. He's the best. Yeah.

Colin Quinn. Okay. Good. Mark Norman. Louis. Normand. That's good. Sodor. Samaril.

All right. Stav. All right. You win then. What do you guys have? The people we just talked about. Bill Burr's not good? Yeah, no.

Hers great. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, he's... Chappelle, I guess. You guys got Chappelle? Who got Chappelle?

He lives in Springfield. Yeah. He's Ohio. He's in New York. He's a New York. He's more New York. He's more New York. He's not either, probably.

We have Arsenio Hall. Nice. We guess we just lost Shane. We would have had Shane. Yeah, yeah, you lost Shane. But he's nowhere. now. Yeah. I love Arsigno Hall. Do you know him? I don't know personally.

No? Do you know? Who? Who? Who? Stop doing that, dude. Anyway, so they got two specials. I don't like this, what you're doing. They have two specials. Is that racist? I heard Arsenio Hall. You want to hear a story? Yeah. I don't know if it's true or not. This is what I heard. No, no. I don't want. I know what I know what I know what the story's going to be. Oh. And we can't air it because it's something Mitzie said.

Nope. it's not something Mitsy said because she said something crazy about him. Nope. Nope, but I want to hear that. I'm not going to tell you that one. I'm not going to tell you that one. Okay.

I heard, I'll tell you that one. You can believe this later if you want. But I don't think it's weird. I heard he had a heckler. He was in his day when he was coming up before he had the show. But he was still like a, he had some heat.

And some heckler and he goes, you better shut the fuck up. And the guy wouldn't shut up. And he goes, shut the fuck up or I'm going to do something about it. And you know, the door guys are like me and you. We're like, I'm powerless. Yeah.

And eventually he got so mad he fucking cracked a bottle and ran at the guy. Harris Pete had to hold him back from fucking stabbing the dude. That's not a bad story. It's not a bad story. I love that. Yeah, I'm not going to tell my story then. Wait, I want to hear your story. My mom was bad. I want to hear it.

Ooh, I want to hear it. Did he fuck Mitzie? No. It's so good. That's crazy. He is that strong. That's crazy. Yeah, he's so strong.

Anyway, let's plug your specials. Also, we're going on the road together. We're going on the road. Nashville. We're going to Nashville. This won't be up by them. Atlanta and Portland are going together. Sean Berg, Illinois, we're going together.

We're in Portland. You're playing. Portland is at a theater somewhere. Okay. Didn't you sell one of your, you got like a second show, right? Yeah, we added a second show there. Well, you got it a second show. San Jose.

San Jose, what? Improva. I love that room. That's great. That's a great one. Florida, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary. Look at all those days. Oh.

Damn. And I'm done for a year and a half. And then you're going to be gone? He's working a lot right now. He's going to go to New York. I mean, London. First, I'm going to go travel. Oh, backpacking and then London.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Adrian's got a bunch, side splitters. Yep. Also Chicago. Mm-hmm. That's with you. Portland.

That's with me. House of comedy, Rally Improv, Lovity Live, Duke Box, Pittsburgh Improv. Yeah, Edmont. Oh, that's me too. But she's got a new special out. That's great.

Called the Dark Queen. Produced by me. This guy is. Directed by Louis. This guy is believed to me the most out of anyone in comedy. I love it. Don't you love it. If you can't take me and Louis ZK

putting our stamp of approval on it, enough to fucking press play on Netflix and watch it to the end, and I don't know what'll get you. No, I've heard only great things about you. Well, thank you. Bobby, be my agent. You got to do a versus deal. That's insane. Do you have an agent yet? No.

You got to get a versus deal. Well, I'm not getting a versus. No, this is what you do. It's simple. It's you get guaranteed a certain amount of money. Yeah, but I'm not. not getting enough people in the seats, I don't think. She's defeatist. She's looking for a reason why she can't.

Yeah, yeah, that's what you're doing. That's got to be saying. You're doing a Bobby Lee. Yeah, you're doing a Bobby Lee. Yeah. I also need to work on myself. Here's what I won't work. Here's where I won't work.

Here's where I won't. It's like, maybe when Louis came to see her, he goes, let me see the set so I'll know how to direct it. She goes, if I do about, he's not going to want to do it anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's like, why do you go to that immediately?

Because that's how I grew up. My family is so negative and awful. that's how I grew up. You ever see a positive person? You're like, what the fuck are you doing? They'd be like, Lou's going to see me and he's going to want to direct two specials. And you're like, who?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, who's that guy? It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate that guy. Yeah. Just to close it off. That's right. Like a tree planted by the river, I shall not be moved.

Give them a run of applause. Go watch Ari's special. Watch yours. No, watch Arias too. I seen him work it out. The best specials of 2024 and 2025. I watch his, I watch him work it out and it's so fucking funny, man.

Bobby, you'll be the best of 2026. Yeah, baby.