TigerBelly - Ari Shaffir & Who's Poo Was It?

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

Ari Shaffir returns to TigerBelly and immediately demands the truth out of Bobby. We chat bombing texts, mysterious human poo, Byron Allen, Big Bang Theory auditions, peeing on cars, green room behavior, and Comedy Store legends.Limited Time Offer – You Need Fiber. Yes you! Boost your fiber with Huel today using my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code TIGERBELLY at https://www.huel.com/TIGERBELLY. New  Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show!Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn moreFor simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.him.com/bellyThat’s helixsleep.com/TigerBelly for 27% Off Sitewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm in rage. All I know is there's poo on my hand. In a place where there's never been poo really in the whole country. Ever, ever, ever. Quickly I went, it's human. Bukka-ke, good to see you. I'm the Palestinian one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's going on, guys? Nothing much, how are you? What's up a name? What are you drinking? Mote. Nice. The beverage of the Jew. Is that a real thing?

Yeah, when did that happen? Yeah, yeah. Straight from Jacob. There's a line that goes down. And he drank the fuck out of that. Really? And they love it, yeah. Yeah.

Who's this group? What I mean? I don't know. Who's this new crew? You don't know. Well, you know Gilbert. Yeah. George.

You remember George. Yeah. Right? This guy likes beetles. He doesn't know Alex. The girl right here is cat. She has a boil on her forehead. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that I like it. And what's the name? Ooh, I liked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's name your boil. What? Why have we got to name my boil?

Yeah, yeah. Hey, not boil. Yeah, yeah, let's play the game. Susan. Yeah. I was going to... Damn, but from the side, it goes way out. Yeah, it goes way out.

Fijito. Hey. Pahito? Fugito. Sure for fajita because it's all burned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fajito. How about little nipple? Like, little nipple, yeah, yeah.

What about you? Let's see, let me think. Yeah, yeah. How about boss bump? Boss bump. Yeah. Boss bump. Yeah.

Is that what you said? Yeah. Boss bomb, I like it. B.B. Yeah. Nanyahu. Yeah, yeah. And when you bomb it, you can't put in a lot.

It has begun. Here we go. The war between Rampi. The war between Ramses. were on pick nipple, picked the pimples, it would be over with it. It would be over with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry for bringing that up. I mean, well, yeah, yeah, because you know what she said to me Monday. Yeah. So we do a podcast Monday

and she texts me, did you not? Ramsey, check this up. I'm sorry. She texts me, I'm sorry, you bomb today. Oh. She goes, but, you know,

me, I'll do better next time. Oh. Right? And she meant to say, I'm sorry, I bomb. today. But I read it as you because that's what she said.

Hey, sure. Right? And I didn't respond to her because I had to ruminate about it two hours to see if I did bomb. That's so confident. No, I thought I did good. I thought I did good. And then she's like, I'm sorry that you bomb. That's what he says to get to Bobby? You just go, you didn't do well. Like, what? Oh man. I didn't. Yes, I didn't. Yeah, yeah. It was like six hours and I was like, really, he never messaged me back and then I reread it. And I was so mad. I was so mad. I was so mad. I I'm sorry. It was a tough crowd, you don't know. No, we had fucking Simon Hellberg on from Big Bang Theory.

It was a real pleasant. He did stand-up? No, he was here. Oh, Bobbs in this show. Yeah, he did this show. Which one's he? No, the one that looks like Jerry Seinfeld a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Like skinny. You have a long-faced, you. Long-Faced, you. Long-Fee, yeah, yeah, yeah. A bird. Which is what you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, why is it so long phase? It's interesting. I want to know, too. Sadness. Oh, I know. Oh, that one? Yeah, yeah, that one. Oh, I heard that guy tries to be like a,

I have that same jacket. I heard that guy tries to be like a hipster around town, like goes to all the art shows and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is a hipster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's 100% hipster, dude. Not allowed anymore. Wait, wait, hipsters aren't allowed?

Not once you've done this role. Oh. You're nerd for life. Oh, you think you're corporate? You're a corporate? A corporate nerd. Just nerd. You're a nerd.

You're a nerd. Except around cool people. That's an acting job. You call that an acting job? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would be on that show. You shave your beard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would I be on that show? Yeah. So you think that he's a nerd then? Here, I'll do my question on this show. Say anything to me. I've never seen this show, but I mean either. Well, hey, what do you think of the biology of this woman? Pie, 3.1.6.

Oh, you think so. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Laft track. Ah, right, right. Billions a dollar. Yeah, yeah. Let's do it. People love it.

People love it. Slightly smaller, big bang theory. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Ramsey would be on that show. Yeah, okay. As a tech. What is that even supposed to mean? You have a techie look.

Okay. Do you think it's a techie look or no? Because you can pass this tech. You need a, you need one of those like brown like knit ties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not techie in the sense that, you know those like complexes of the building, like meta and stuff in the Middle East? Okay. Yeah, you'd be in charge of that.

Can I just be in America or no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. You're in the desert. You're in terms of the water, keeping it cool the system. You know? Don't you have to cool those systems now? Those AI systems?

Yeah. You're the water guy. Start a lot of sentence with, in my village. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you could be a map. A what? Yeah, because Iran,

Iran, there's a lot of mountains and that boil. It's not a boil. Yeah, would be like a region of the map of Iran. Yeah, yeah. And your ears, Marmoo's straight. Your ear, like, right down your side is a Hermo Street

and that's the mountainous regions of you. Yeah, and the oil will be transpired. Yes. You'll pop it. Transper straight down. Damn, dad. Yeah, yeah. We're not trying to get political.

Biblical. Let's do it our way. We'll do it our way. What happened? What caused that? Oh. Let's focus on it. Mostly oil.

The U.S. oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or fucking wash your face. I wash your face. Okay. All right. Does that mean? Yeah. Is that mean?

It's okay. I'll text you later that you bomb. Yeah. I think I'm already bombing. But it's hardly noticeable. Well, it's never really good. It is. Would you have noticed it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Would you have noticed it?

Yeah, for sure. Right away. Not from behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe 400 yards away. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In night. Sometimes when you take a photo with a girl and they're like, this is my good side. I go, your good side is just completely turn around. It's the back of your head.

You know what good side? You're ugly as fuck. You ever do that? I don't say that. I just let them do their supposed good side. I've never had a good side. Do you have a good side?

Can I weigh in? Are you due now? What? The left side of your face is. The left side of your face. This is definitely the good side. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. And tilt your hair head to the right direction. It might be time for bangs. Side bangs. All right. Well, this is fun for me. It's fun. This is good.

Yeah, yeah. I love this. You do? This is great. Yeah, I thought we were going to get on the Palestinian guy. Well, let's go there. Let's go there. You want to go there?

Why do we have to be? Because I'm like China. I'm like watching from beyond. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hopic hearing. satellite images every once in a while. You want some satellite?

I'll give you some satellite. You know what I mean? But yeah, he has a lot of... You have a strawberry nose. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's a lot of holes in your nose. Yeah, I suppose. Thank you. I guess. Yeah. If you looked at his nose, there's a lot of holes. We kind of have similar noses. Yeah, thank you.

I'm not talking about his size. Mali and the juju. It's not about that. Because you guys are the same people. I think. Overall girth, yeah. Overall girth, big dick. You have I mean?

And same region, you know what I mean? But there's one different Palestinians and Jews is Jews shower on Monday. Palestinian shower on Thursday and then that's it. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah. So I hook up with a Palestinian on Friday. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, you want them Thursday afternoon. Yeah, that Thursday afternoon. Yeah, yeah. You don't do it on Tuesday.

It retracts pretty quick. You want to get that kind of right out of the show. Yeah, Koreans, we shower pretty much every day, maybe twice a day. I shower every day, too. Yeah, yeah. You do? Not your face. It's a body shower.

You deep to my body. Yeah, yeah, maybe use your face. I mean, do you use Korean skin products? Yes, I do. Is the skin product Korean for chicken? Yeah, yeah. Is it North Korean? She uses North Korean for skin products.

Kim Jo Noon makes really good skin products. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm kidding. Okay, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry for ripping on you a little bit, you know what I mean? But that's just all in light fun. It's okay. I didn't feel like I was going to get the target, but it's fine.

Yeah, I mean, you've got Target Master here. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are kind of historic, actually. Oh, I love segways. Wow. I love this guy trying to push. Do you love segues?

I love that. Yeah, yeah. When they're so obvious. The cat brisk. No one said historic. Oh, aren't you? Yeah. It's so good.

Speaking of lifelong conflict. I'm going to rid of it. So seamless. A big person being a helpless person. Tell us about the kids. You'd be a good publicist, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go this way.

They ask this, go this way. Byron Allen over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So your grandmother come over recently. What do you think of Byron Allen? I think he's one of the highest-level comedians working today. Oh, my God. I think if I'm, am I talking about influential?

Yeah. I don't know if anybody's. It's him and prior. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prior number two. Yeah. No, Byron Allen's one of those comedians that I've never seen. Never seen stand up.

At a comedy club. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Ever. And we've been in the game. Did he come to the 50th anniversary even? Yeah. What? Did he even come to the fifth anniversary? No, no, no, no. He's, and yet he's now the Stephen Colbert.

Yeah. What if he's, like, highly, he's like, only talk to people in a living room setting. With a shark tape. That's his way of connected to people. Oh, you think so? Yeah, he's like this. And then as soon as we sit down on the couch, he's like, hi, how are you doing?

You're a grandmother, don't you? Maybe the stage of comedy unleashed is like that. What's that called? Comics Unleashed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever do that show? I would now. I wouldn't then.

I like this. Then it seems so lame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's like prime time. It's retorto now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, but it's prime time. Is that a real thing?

Yeah. It's replacing Colbert. Yeah. Not in our hearts. It's replaced the time slot, yeah. Time slot. So he has two shows. Funny that you ask.

Yeah. Right? And Comics Unleashed are replacing Colbert. Yep. Starting in like two weeks, I think. In two weeks. Wow. Is that unbelievable?

A syndicated show of a guy that lives, you know, with fishes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Oh, that's me.

There you are. It was on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, back it up. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you did comedy unleashed? She was on it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It's so far to have to walk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you did comedy unleashed. Yeah. What, what did you do it? I don't know. So tell me, Kat, your name is Kat Bird. Did you ever have a chance to have a different name? Yeah. Yeah, applause, applause, yeah, yeah.

But, Byron, I... No, don't change the subject. Come on. You're segueying again. Oh, you're calling Byron now? You have to call him Mr. Campbell. Look at her clapping. As soon, hold on.

Look at her clapping like a fucking Yeah, yeah What the heck? Who's that? A panderer. Yeah, yeah. There's my own. Don't say that.

Don't say that. What? Here it is. You're in it. Yeah, yeah. I think we can probably. Yeah, yeah, there we go. We could take this down.

Did you buy that sweater for the show? Yes. Yeah. I washed my face. You go five hours early so the makeup could cover the... Yeah, they took her whole pay to do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was your experience on that show? It was really fun, actually. It's your first TV experience.

Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, yeah. But I did this butthole joke at the end, and it really shocked Byron. He didn't know how to compute it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can't compute a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it was a joke. You, like, open his ass up. Yeah. Yeah. And he could compute it. What's happening at? How did he set it up? Yeah, how did he set up a butthole?

Yeah, yeah, let me see, let's see the set of... Are you think you're gonna burn a bridge right now? I think that's what you're doing right now. I'm trying to remember. You can never burn a bridge with Biden and Alan Allen. Oh, that Campbell. I said Campbell.

Yeah, and his name is Alan. No one who corrected me on that. I thought you knew something I didn't know. Yeah, me too. Oh, you really? I assume you have authority. No, no, you do?

Because you guys have like a long history, you two. This one. This one is crazy. You really is Ryan Allen. I think we've really talked about our history a lot. Everything. Yeah, a lot. We've covered every meal we've ever had.

Yeah, yeah. So what's history would you be pretending? We were both door guys and we heard stories. Were you really? In my day, a woman door guy? I know never happened. It's crazy. I know.

I protested right. I heard that you like women. Doctor? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A pilot? Yeah, yeah. Oh.

We used to do this thing when you hear a woman pilot on me and. We do this joke. So he was like, hi, everybody. We're going to be cruising it. And I just go up to like press the button. As a joke. That's true. You were a door guy?

I am a door guy. She still is. Yeah, really? You know Miranda? I do, yeah. Pass the test, it's telling the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is history do you guys,

the door people talk about our history? We're both door guys. Yeah, you guys were best friends, and then you fought. I wouldn't say it was a fight that I hear about. Okay, the candy bar and the butthole. Is it a fight? It was a coming together.

Yeah, yeah, it was coming in the butt hole. What do you mean? Was there not, didn't you put a candy bar in his butt hole? Listen, you guys, the problem is you take some out of context. As if he hasn't. I know. As if he hasn't had so many candy bars up his buttholes in so many locations. What do you, Caroline Levin?

Skewing the. What do you do? You have an agenda? Yeah. What is going on here? Yeah. What do you mean by candy bar in the butthole? That was my segue into the Byron Allen question.

Okay. Oh, yeah. What did you hear about the candy bar in the butthole? I heard that you guys were fighting. About which side it goes in first? he wanted it with ways I said, I said,

Long's better, but do what you want You're not cruel Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, oh, this. Ari's best thing. I still have that shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You still have that shirt?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you stuck it in your own butthole. Yeah. Oh, I thought, I thought Harry helped you do it. Was there like a lubricant or was that just? Yeah, I raw dog it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My butt has a natural lubricant that it first.

Yeah, I know. What a picture. Like a frame matchbacker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't frame that, please. I still have that tattoo. I want that on my gravestone. Your fingers are so cute. Yeah, thank you.

What kind of candy bar was it? You have Weeman fingers. Holy shit. I never noticed it. Do I have them now? No, what's your doing? You stretch your fingers? No, no, do you just shrug your fingers?

No, I get what Chopin did. He clipped. Do you know that? No, no. Shopan, the composer or the, you know. Piannist composer. Excuse me? Pianist composer?

That's what I just said. You looked at me, though, for affirmation. Yeah, I just look at it. This is a crazy picture, by the way. Yeah, yeah, it's a crazy picture. But he used to clip these parts so he can be longer. Yeah, I didn't do that. But I'm just saying that so he could reach keys that other people.

This is just probably folklore, maybe not even true. Can you Google if that's true? You guys have the same nose. He also, yeah, we do. And also, he did that and he's Asian. He got the surgery. Yeah, yeah. Can you get off that back?

It's a juxtapism. I have a little person's finger. And I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. You for your body. You for your body. You guys, oh my God. You know what?

Sometimes I just take hule for a meal because you know what? My body needs it. You know what your body needs, bud? Nutrition. Am I not right, Luke? Definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When does the RTD save you? ready to drink. This right here is ready to drink. Breakfast, post workout, meeting, school drop off, errands, et cetera. You know what I mean? We're racing to the comedy store, right? You haven't had a meal. Guess what? What do you drink? Fuel. Exactly. RTD, right? Pick it up, dude. How does a complete meal you can drink help you stay consistent? I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because it's got 35 grams of protein. What else does it have there, Luke? It has seven grams of fiber, which is really good for your protein as well. and 27 essential vitamins and mineral. Yeah, what else, dude?

Me personally, I love that there's no artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors. And gluten-free, dude. Oh, that's great. Yeah, and here's the best news, Luke, right? It's under $5 per meal, bro. What? Is that insane? That's crazy.

Yeah, it's a complete meal you can literally, literally grab and go, go, go. Limited time offer, get healed today with our exclusive offer of 50% off online with our code Tigerbelly at heal.com slash Tiger Belly. New customers only. Thank you to heal for partnering and supporting our show. Clorna, you want to buy stuff. Easy payments. Clarna.

You guys, you know, looks maxing. We talked about it earlier. I have to say, and I don't want to put you on the spot, Alex, Alex, we need to max out your look. Right? So we're going to do some payments here. What's wrong with him? Describe his body. Shoes.

Well, he's shaped like a water buffalo. Okay. We can't help that, but yeah. We can't help that, right? But I think the clothing weekend, so we're going to go and we're going to buy you some clothing. Yeah. Right. And so I, you know, a vintage look, right?

Cool pants and some shoes. Well, so you could with Klarna, you could also money max because you'll be able to have more money in your account and do it in force, you know, small payments or how many small payments you need. Yeah. Yeah. So you'll money max on top of your looks maxing as well. Exactly. So you're doing both, actually. Yeah. Luke's maxing and money maxing. What else? There are Rams. I like that also it's really easy. It's just like four easy payments, you know. It's very nice and you know. Life is complicated. Yeah.

Klarna also offers value, transparency control and no surprises. Pay now later or overtime, whatever fits your lifestyle, really, to be honest with you. All right. So what do you think we should get Alex to help his Hobbit feet? Is there a Hobbit? You know how they say men's women's? Is there like mythological? Yeah. Is there like a hope for something? I have a really extreme wide feet. You do. You might need Timbs. I think we get them Timbs.

Because then you can also, you'll get a little taller. Are pretty tight, though. Yeah, they're tight. It's leathery. It's tight. How about a burke and stock? Oh, I like Birx.

Yeah, burks are cool. We'll do Burke. Let's do some burks right there. What size, Alex? Let me guess. Bobby, what do you think is side foot? The length, probably four foot. The width, 19 foot.

So four by 19. Four by 19th. What is that? Yeah, maybe let's go to Home Depot Bill them one Wait, zoom in on those pants That's what he needs You need that, dude

Okay, so we'll get them Yeah, yeah, yeah, that looks back With the burks With the burks Yeah, yeah, so get the whole thing With the burks Yeah, yeah, we're ski masks That's the first one right there

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at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon today. I have a little person's fingers And I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. We are sticking up to candy bars, but my fingers are now Chopin-like. Yeah. I would say they're regular.

I think losing weight, you know, I mean, that's what occurred. You lost weight in your fingers? Oh, maybe, maybe, maybe. When you lose weight in general, some of the finger mass, you know, I mean... How much weight do you lose? About 35 pounds. Yeah, so I think that maybe that was the case.

I was up chunko back then. Do you think you lose it off any other part of your body? What are you trying to imply? Is your butt hole as wide as it used to be? I don't think that's what she was applying. And I don't know why that you would go there. Well, a finger kind of looks like a wiener, so I was just wondering. Yeah, do you get a thinner dick?

Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah, but long. Okay. It clears out some of the, you know. No, no, I don't know. I don't know. The surrounding.

I don't know met a fucking water guy. Okay. I saw you in a news interview. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, the attacks on hormones. Oh, that's just look like me. No, no, no, no.

How, you just don't believe in any political party. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, yeah. What about you, same? No. Have you seen Home Alone? What? What the fuck?

That segue is insane. That was pretty great. Oh, you? He looks like Stern, Daniel Stern. Oh. Is that the segue? Was that the segue? That was it?

Was that it? God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you see people in the store with that mouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good segue. It was that you just dissing on him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, can you? Do me, do me, do me, do me. Do me.

Have you ever seen Ali Long? Just the person. Just an Asian person? Yeah. Pretty good. Okay. I'll come up with my... Hey, Rams, do you ever rip on us?

Do I ever rip on you? And Ari, yeah. I'm reframing from any rips on Ari. I think... Why, why? I just don't, I just... I'm not, yeah. You guys don't know each other?

I don't know Arii, no. How do you not know Ari Sharfair? You're not a regular store? You're not a dog guy, but way after you... He's a paid regular now. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Boyle Faye. Boyle Faye is not paid regular. In my day. We both do. Mitzie Short, she was never messing with a boil. Never. Get her off. What's going on with her head?

Don't let it pass. Don't let it pass. Yeah, yeah. I can perform in the boil room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is no boiler room. But anyway, I know the place inside and out. There is no boiler room.

There's a belly room, but it's for boils. Okay. How many different rooms are you fucked in the comedy store? Oh, shit, I'll tell you. Yeah, let's see. Main room? Back. Yeah, green room.

Both backs? That's... What's both back? There's the couch one and then there's the, whether just the mirrors are... No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. The second back. The showers? With the showers?

Yeah, because there's two doors. Where Argus hangs out? Because if you hear the first door open, then you stop. Yeah, where Argus hangs out. What he's reading the paper? Still funny, Argus Hamilton. He's killing it online. He texts me all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Does he really? About what? Just jokes and... Just testing the waters. He texts you, is it? He's still slinging it, you think? Oh, yeah, 100%.

Oh, yeah, yeah. With Bluetooth now? Wow. You think he sports it like in the 80s? Yeah, yeah. And he beats the invisible Mitzie. He's not around anymore, and this fist is growing too much. It needs to be whittled down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He used to be violent, too. I was really violent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean the story I think we can she's a bitch though so sometimes she deserved it Who? Who? Wait, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

He was talking about Argus no no no no well you didn't here's what your generation didn't you know I mean yeah do you guys fuck in there? No no no let's talk let's go back to what you said and then we'll go about what rooms we've fucked okay can we do that okay yeah okay What did I say mits is a bitch? Yeah yeah yeah she was such a god I know I know let's in a good way in a good way yeah yeah But you guys didn't experience that. No, we came chasing that and then they shut it down before we could. When were you that? You were in the heyday, the tip years? No, I was there like two years ago.

Were you getting tips still? They cut tips right when I left. What do you mean they cut tips? Who is that? For people to explain the tip thing. Okay. So when you do service jobs in America, people generally go.

No taxes now on them apparently. Here's a little something extra though. I take a dollar. And they're like, oh, thanks, buddy. That was, thanks for showing. I see. I appreciate it. But at the store, it's different.

No, none. Never. Never. Never. It's more than a dollar. Not when I was doing it. I know, but what they're getting? That's what I'm saying.

What they're getting? It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Maybe get a dollar a month. I know. But these guys, I'll go, hey, I have some guests. Can they sit in that booth? And they're like, it's kind of safe.

Yeah. Right? They're going to save for Miss. I got safe for who. Right? And they're like, we got people. We don't know yet. Yeah, we don't know yet.

Yeah. But it's like hundreds. There was. Hundreds? I'm not getting hundreds at all. The era right before me, they would leave with $1,500 sometimes a night. Wow. Yep.

Maybe we'll get. Dude, legitimately, $10, $10. We would come over $10. Split it, you and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get five, I get five. We had to resort just stealing from the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Straight stealing. Also, also, you didn't know, I think I told you this. You mean, maybe both of you in San Jose. But there was a time where they had this weird contract with us where they only paid us $25 a day. The time, the whole life. The whole time, right, right. So it was like, if you weren't employees, we're contracted.

Independent contract. Oh, I fought for that. I thought for you guys to be artists. I thought you're an artist. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's minimum wage is six. I know. So we would be there all day long, right?

door I mean phones sometimes then door straight through right right and you're there at till one in the morning you got 25 bucks for that a night shift would go it shows at eight so you guys get there at seven yeah yeah and you're there till two 30 yeah did you guys they used to like have to clean the roof and stuff oh yeah yeah yeah I used to do crazy things you had to do like man you know one time she goes you got she goes mommy I go yeah she goes you got to clear out the Richard Pryor theater and I go what we what we own a theater

Yeah, it was like somewhere on LaBrea. Yeah. Right? And it'd been boarded up for years. Right? And she goes, beware. She goes, beware. There are people living in there.

Right. So I'm like opening this fucking, you know what I mean? There's like like board. It's boarded up. But there are holes, right? But I didn't want to crawl in a hole. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I mean, yeah. So I just took a shovel. Like, you know, I mean? This is not in my job description. And I walk. It's black and all you can see is eyes. Like in a forest.

Black people? No, not black people. Did I say black people? Oh, you just said black. No, Peter Chen. That's a good note. But you would see eyeballs. I go, hey, guys.

You know, I'm in my 20s. Yeah. Guys, uh, please. Please leave. I just have a shovel. You know what I mean? You would smell things that were like chemical. Yeah, they're doing drugs.

Yeah, yeah, like crack or whatever It is. Yeah, but I used to do Crazy jobs, you mean? One day They hadn't cleaned the roof in many, many years. Yeah. They're like, I mean, you gotta go up there and clean the roof up. The leak. And also the leaves. Clean up. Right, and I'm like

literally, it's like fucking stacked with leaves. What time of the day are you getting there? Are you getting there? Oh, I'm at noon. Oh, my God. I'm there at noon, dude. $25? For $25. That was bonus. That wouldn't even been paid. I was like, I need you to come early.

Is there more money? Like, yeah. And now, you know, it drives me crazy. Ari is now they have this thing called... Rights. Right? Yeah, right. And friends and family.

What is that? Oh, you don't know about friends and family? Here we go. Is that when I was hosting? No, I don't think you... No, they didn't have friends and family. No, friends and family now is during open mics. This is crazy.

They get their own chunk of two hours. How long is friends and family? It's two hours. Two hours. Wait, wait, wait. Hot luck. Yeah, but they... all get to go up. When we were doing open mics, we still had to do the lottery.

Oh, wait, wait. So you're talking about employees? Employees always got a spot. They did? Three minutes. Yeah. Old man Lee. Oh. It's your little fucking fake stories. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You got, yeah, you got. I take my glasses off now. Wow. Old man Lee. Yeah, yeah. Hey, can I do some puns? You were to rush remember so you get out of here. Are there people that go up that aren't employees there that are still... I rest my case. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Friends and family. Who are those people? They're friends. Of whom? Of whom? Of whom? Of the family. Of whom? Of the family. Yeah. We didn't have that. We're like, what, Peter Shores, buddies?

No, like, if you're the host and you want to get your friend up in front of the booker, that's your little payment. No. No. No. Oh, no. I'm with you. Hey, as a paid regular. End it. Get them on the phone right now. Yeah, yeah. We're ending that.

It's been there for years. No. Yeah, yeah. It's over. They get their own employee Belly Room show There's an employee belly room show We got three minutes

And if she came in her eyes and goes Nah nah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah That's what we got Yeah yeah yeah yeah now Now that I'm on the other side Burn it all to the grass So you get paid right

Yeah you get paid right You get ample stage time now Right I've seen you host the big shows Yeah Wait you're a door guy And you get to host The big shows though

Like Leno Arsenau Hall That's independent That's not at the store. Wait, wait, wait. Was your reference of a big show two people from the 70s? No, no, no.

But then they'll have Tim Dillon. They're basically dead. Then they'll have Tim Dillon's. Reparlemans. Byron Allen. Flip Wilson. Corey Feldman.

Morts all. He's still alive. Whitney Houston. Yeah. Didn't do stand-up. Yeah. That joke did not hit. Yeah.

Yeah. Because she's dead. Oh, I see. Yeah. But we were doing Flip Wilson was a stand-up. Okay. Yeah. That was the Boyle talking.

That was the Boyle talking. Takes over sometimes. That's crazy. You guys get that much stage. And money. And money. So what do you mean they ended the tips? What do that mean?

They got into a... Look how much like Jew cares about the tip. Let's go back to that. There were people complaining, like, you know, like Yelp comments saying, oh, I got, like, I had to pay 50 bucks and I got a shitty seat or something. Hold on, pause. Because you guys abused it. You didn't say.

You go, you're not sitting there without paying me. $50 for that, $75 for that. I agree with you. We were flying a little too close to the sun. So that stopped. Stop the time. Yeah, we don't get tip buckets anymore. So what do you get?

Nothing? Well, we get tips. I'll be like, oh, if they're like, oh, can I save a seat for someone? I'll be like, yeah, but you just got to, like, give us, like, 20 bucks to save a seat. And then they'll get 20 bucks. And then we have to split it between five people. You're supposed to, if you hook me up.

Yeah, that's the thing. That's where they fuck up. Yeah, yeah. Don't be specific about the money. If you hook me up. It could be 100. But how about they give you five? Then you have to do it, but you don't hook up as much.

Yeah, yeah. Or you just go, come on, man. Yeah, that's good. Have you ever met Natalia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've learned so much from Mari. I learned to be confrontational at the, at the, at the airport. It's fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned how to be comfortable. You know, people go, I'm difficult at the TSA, right? Yeah. But I wasn't before I met him. And I realized, oh, you could run amok. Oh. Well, what do you do?

Well, you're conversational. Yeah, I just, I started, fuck, I don't like that. I'll give you an example. Yeah, um, after, after you, that you check your ID and you, you know, you give me your plane ticket, right? Afterwards, sometimes they'll go, um, where are you going? What the fuck are you?

What the fuck would I tell you where I'm going? Yeah, that. I love that. That is what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I feel like, sir, I'm just trying to be.

It's like, this guy's trying to fuck me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, all these gay TSA agents. Yeah, and so, sometimes I would travel with them and I'd learn. Yeah. I go, oh, they're not the police. No, they're security guards. They're security guards.

And you can see what the fuck you want to do. They're mall cops. They can't shoot you. They can't shoot you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned something, a little tricky move from you. What's that? Oh, then don't take your picture?

Yeah, yeah. You know that you can deny the picture? What do you mean? When you go up to the, when you go through TSA, they like go, hey, can you real quick look at the camera? You could just say no. But you tried that last time. I didn't know that.

They just go, oh, okay, and they just let you go. Yeah. So something that Brett Weinbach told me. Yeah, tell me about, oh, I love these rules. Yeah, so he goes, you can say, like, I got to leave my shoes on. And they go, no, you can't. And they go, unless you have a medical condition. Flat foot.

No. Sure. Bones for it. Athletes foot. No, why can you take his shoes off from athletes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to think a head. Oh, you got to think ahead, dude.

Yeah. So you have to, but they can't say. You're going to think ahead. Nice. Nice. Lee. Old Manly. Old Man Lee.

Old Man Lee. He's got him. He's got it. You just make up some Latin. Make up something sounds Latin. Like I can spell it. Malescan contagium. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay.

Sure. No shoes off for you. I'm a lot confusing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What would you say? Make up a word. Um, Spel lapu. Oh, you have salapapu. I have salapapu. I have salabapu.

What is that? So Babu is when my toes are all grown together. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, you have no right to ask me that. Oh, you have no right to ask me that. Ah, that's the answer. Excuse me, sir, why can't you take your shoes off? Um, Palluxin explosion.

Oh, you have to take the shoes off? You have to show us. Yeah, you've got to show us that. You said explosion and you're a pouncing. That's not great. Yeah, we're going to analyze your shoe. You don't want to figure out ahead of time. I'm really bad at improv.

Yeah. I really wasn't flying. Being a Palestinian guy saying I have explosion. I got bomb bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. My dynamite vest makes me itchy.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Just say, I have a bomb in my shoe. That's what I have. I'll bomb in my shoe. I'm bomb in my shoe. Yeah, I bomb in my shoe.

That's my cousin. So Brent Weinbach taught you that. Yeah, I'd say that. But sometimes when they're patting me down, if I got a fart, I'll rip it right there. And I'm like, I farted. You're smelling it now. I thought you can't go anywhere.

Keep smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, when they're patting you down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. Right in their face. You know what I say? I go, keep going.

They go, okay, we're good. I go, keep going. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, no, you're done. I go, keep going. Yeah, it feels good. I like it.

I like it, you can pat me down. Do you? Why? Because it's just a little, little massage, you know, sometimes you're not really that big of a massage. It's not a light Swedish massage. If I went to Thailand and they went to me, yeah, yeah.

I'd be like, what are you doing? I'll give you a dollar for nothing. Reiki healing. So what I used to do, learning from him, is I used to put gigantic portable plastic vaginas. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? So you used to buy plastic vaginas?

Yeah, just to put it into my thing so they will check it. And then they have to pull it out. And you're like, oh, do it. I didn't watch that one. I didn't watch. More than three ounces of liquid It's super sticky

You know what I mean And they have to hold it I go oh yeah yeah yeah That's for my I masturbate I masturbate with that item Put my penis into it And they put it right back And they close it right up

It's my favorite Please repack it But I learn all that behavior from you Yeah All that behavior Yeah which is Kind of sucks because When I'm I'm going through now

TSA with a girl with any, like my girlfriend or whatever, they have to do like three steps back. Because of me. They can't be with me because they know how embarrassing it is. You know what I mean? And I'm like, why am I behaving like this? They're just hardworking Americans.

And it always goes back to this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's pootrix. Yeah, I call him puttrick. It's actually patriots. Poochick, it's on my foot. I love what I have time when I'm going home and not to a gig. And I have time.

I'm like, let's see how far I can take this. I can get thrown off this and make the next flight. Yeah, one time they'll, like, Hey, your shoes went off. Like, it's not, it's because I gave her a weird look. My shoes didn't go off. Like, do it again. Like, we can't do it again.

I'm like, you can't test me again? Yeah, why? But why waste your time? That's the thing. I really always ask. I do it. But I'm like, why are we doing it? Why are we doing this?

You've never caught anyone. You've never caught anyone. Why are we doing this? At some point, she goes, sir, you have to. I'm like, get your manager. I went hard this one time. And then they go, sir, so I'm like, can I leave? What if I don't want to go?

Can I just leave? I go, no, you can't? I'm like, so you're detaining me? Like, you're taking my freedom now? Oh, wow. And they're like, sir, then I go, sir, do we need to call the cops? And I thought about it. And I go, yeah, call him.

Yeah, actually, I want to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you like that? Well, sometimes there's so many hours before you board a flight, right? Yeah, you had time to kill. It's for fun. You ever do the lie, but then you convince yourself of the lie? No, tell me, explain.

When you lie and then you. Which I do a lot. Yeah, I know you. Obviously. We all do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're one of the best at it, but you gotta tell you.

Tell the world. You gotta tell you. You're one of the best lies right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of all time, literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of all time. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's all, well, thank you. What's the best lie you think you have? I mean, like probably 20% of the things I've said right. He's Mexican. Yeah, yeah. I'm immigrant, dude. I don't even believe. Yeah, but when I say like, my foot hurts.

If I take my shoes on it off, it's, it's painful. my skin and then they go, can you just do it? I go, well, no, I feel a lot. I'm like, it's fucking painful, dude. And I really believe it. Or if I was late because of something, I was like, oh, I saw a murder. I'm like, no, I'm really affected by this murder I saw.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I told the cop, I was like, dude, this fucking bitch won't let me. He's like, be respectful. I'm like, is that legal? Do I have to be respectful? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can just tell this guy was like,

oh, this is he's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just want to shoot black people. Why is this my job? I understand that, but why don't you just go through? But I get it. What do you get? It's like, this is pointless, and I just don't want to be part of it. What's pointless about it?

They never caught anyone. They don't stop anybody. They've never caught anyone. Only two people have tried since 9-11, and they both got on the plane. Sometimes, yeah, they're 0 for two since 2001. Yeah. Yeah, it's all just a big racket. It's a racket.

Sometimes I'm nice to them, though. Why? Just because they look sad. Yeah, no, no, they shouldn't be. No, they shouldn't. No, I'll tell you why, because of the government's shutdown and stuff. they don't get paid and they... It's a shitty job.

It's a nice job to have to. I don't mind him as much now, but I used to hate him a lot. I know. I love them now. Like post 9-11. I had one nice guy. No, no.

That was... Good job, by the way. Thank you. Hey, hey, Ari. You good job on 9-11. The last time we worked together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good job.

Those five massage agents that were watching. Really nice. Yeah, what is going on here? A passport seemed to have not burnt. I first heard about 9-11 in August in that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, wow.

We're getting into really sticky territory. We get Shadow Band here. You're comfortable? No, I don't really know what's going on. That's the best. That's the best to take. That's smart. That's always smart.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Bobby teaches me a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah. You go on the road with him? Yeah. Yeah, we're going tour, what, tomorrow? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. These two are opening for me on my tour. Nice. Until September or something or October and then we're done. Yep. Hymns for your hair. Hair. And hair. Hair.

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What else, guys? Well, I've been at Bobby's house a lot and I've been sleeping in his beds a lot. He hasn't been aware of this. I just kind of come in and sleep in his beds. I noticed there's been a huge upgrade in the beds. It really just improved my sleep and everything. And I had a problem in my neck

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It does? A little box. What do you mean? In a little box? Yeah, it's like a box. It's tiny. And then you open it up and there's this giant beautiful plush mattress on the inside. That's so cool.

Yeah, you know all about it. I do. Yeah, I know you do. Because you've opened my boxes before. You haven't let me sleep over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Luke it is allowed. I know.

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Make sure you enter our show name after check us. They know we sent you. Helixleep.com slash Tiger Belly. I feel like you have. I've been to Australia before yet, but I've never gone, hey, where's the Dizredo do players? Yeah, that seems. No, they're out there for nickels. Give them a dolly.

There's no guitar center with that. Dizredo center. Yeah. Imagine going in there just seeing 15 guys on br-r-r-oh. They're checking it out. They never buy. They never buy it. These guys never buy.

They just put it back on the thing. And 15 guys are playing didgeridoo? You were just shit. Yeah. And they never say, George Harrison used to play this. You know what I mean? This type of didgeridu, you know?

Because you have those guitars, you know what I mean? Like, this is the one that Bob Dylan did. And then, yeah. Same color. Yeah, yeah. They never do that. But if this war continues, then they're going to be in a recession.

There's going to be a global recession. Yeah, but that's when people need to, Yeah, I feel like you're like acting too far. Guys can't be reading the news this way. That's what you mean. Thank you, Ari. Thank you, Arrey. That's like, what do you mean?

People are being affected. There might be this, if this, then there might be this. Yeah, that's called foresight. Nah, it's called foreskin. It's called foreskin. It's called foreskin. She's got a good point there. Okay.

Tell me, do you believe in that? Yeah, yeah. I think it's a myth. Yeah. I've never seen it. Are you surprised? Yeah, dude. Oh, okay.

Wait, I'm not sure, actually. Don't please. Oh, yeah, let me see it. It's a Snickers bar. Let me see it. Are you looking, Graham? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoa, dude. Dude, you need reduction on the testicle. I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, you need I need lessee's testes. Yeah, pull that out, please. You have? Take it out, take it out, take it out, please.

Do you have knee problems? Those testicles are huge, dude. I saw them. It goes, Burke Kreiser, Arish, In terms of testicle I've seen both. They look like a boil. The best photo I have

is you pooing at. Skangfest? Yeah. You were there for that? No, but I have a photo. I mean, it was passed around to everybody. It's one of the greatest photos ever made. Oh, I got in trouble for that.

Did you really? Yeah. Did you know when you pooed on stage? Is that an open or a closer? Yeah, it's hard. You can't open with that. You can't open with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, and now, I know what follows that. And now for my ruminations on, relationships. You ever notice? You ever just use a dryer or not the washer? Boys, come on. Yeah.

Do you close with it? Yeah, I close with it. Well, it opened to close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you get anxiety when you have to poop on stage? It's not like it's a... Yeah, I like... The rumor is you do this often.

Yeah. Wait, wait. Is that his... a closer every fucking time. I also like the insider actor studio, like style of question. So, let us a little bit about your process.

What are you eating prior to shitty on stage? I actually ate a lot of like Vienna sausages. I really had to make sure it happened. Did you take a laxative? I didn't take a laxative. It would have smart, but I did have like some sort of something,

like I was taking antibiotics before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, don't ask. and then a lot of Vienna ostracists. I want to ask. Why were you on an antibiotic? I don't know what the antibiotics were. I was on them.

For what? An infection of some kind. Okay. It had to be an infection. All right. What else do you run antibiotics for? Yeah, but if you don't know where the effect infection in. I don't remember it was two years ago.

Maybe it was from his foot, Latin foot. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's trench foot. That call back. I know bad. Yeah, yeah. Keep going. But that's why you like about you.

Backdoor shift today. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Patty. She's still work. She's not a paid regular yet. She's still working on callback. All right.

He's not like him. You know what I mean? You'll get there. You'll know about a callback. Okay. Because you were supposed to repeat exactly what the callback was. I know, but I didn't remember the Latin face.

That's what I'm saying. His bomb bastic, the chew, explosion would have been funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Anyway, let's move on from the infection. Yeah. ate a lot of beer sauce juice. Okay. And then I was like, don't take a dump today. Like, how hard is that? It was hard. but also I had to shove up my butt stuff.

That's so funny. Like what? Note. I was announcing my Netflix special. Oh. So I had to shove a folded up piece of paper up there. Oh. Yeah, I asked her a piece of paper and they brought me like hard stock and I'm like, this won't.

No, no, no. Big, paper. So you're doing magic. We're doing magic. Yeah. So I shit and then I pulled. Slide of butt. Out of the shit.

Slide a butt. Slide of butt. It's nice. I liked it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so how long was that piece of paper stuck up there? A few hours.

Wow. You felt it? I felt it the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you know you had to take a shit? Yeah, I'd take that shit the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to hold it.

You had to hold the poo right, yeah. By doing whatever that is. Yeah, yeah, angling. What did people say when you were pooping on stage? There's a sound they make. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let me guess. Can we all guess what the sound? No, okay.

If I saw it. Okay, yeah. I'd be like, oh, okay. All right. All right, what's yours? No, you go first.

Yeah. That's appropriate. Yeah, okay. What's your sound? Oh, I see. Oh, you would have vomited. I'm shocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a little shock. But it was, to us, it would have been, I love crazy. Yes, that would have been. Yeah, I mean, in my mind, I'm like, that might have been the craziest thing I've ever seen live as a stand-up on stage.

Yeah, that's insane. So I would have been like, oh, Shit. Literally shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So on stage was Jeff Ross and Tony Hinchcloth, two roast guys who were quick, and they both were later like, I couldn't think,

I wasn't even thinking, I was just a fan, I wasn't even thinking, oh, I wasn't even thinking. I'm supposed to make jokes now. God, you blew away roasters. I blew away roasters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask another question logistically? Like, so you.

Don't steal it, that's hack. What? Don't steal that move. I'll steal the bit. I'm not going to, no, no, no, no. You can do it tonight. I'll just, yeah, yeah. During the backdoor.

You're in Australia. But in Australia. But in Australia, it's a different hemisphere, so you're going to suck it in. You got to take someone else to dump and suck it. Yeah, you got stuck it in. So you finished your set, and then you pulled your pants down,

and was there, like, a few minutes before the poop came, or was it just immediately poop? It's a good question. That's a great question. Yeah, doing the rounds. I actually had some stage fright. And it kind of sucked back here a little? Was it you scared, or was your butthole scared?

My butt hole was like, this is something serious? Yeah, but you were fine. I was like, come on. It's like your mind, right? Like we want to get a bonus. Observing your thoughts, what Eckhart Toll says. We do that with our butt. Eckhart Toll would love this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We observe the butt. Yeah. Right, but that's not who you are. It's not your contract. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's something else. It's a muscle. Okay, it's very interesting. This is, right?

So you're fine, but your butt holes freaking out. Can one of you guys go to my car and get, I got a present for you guys? If it's poo, I don't want it. It's poo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like your presents. I don't like the lifted back thing. I don't like your presence, though? What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You love my presence. My presence and my presence. I like your presents. Your presence, though? They think the poo in the handle. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the poo in the handle? Oh, they don't know. Oh, you don't know about the poo in the handle? Have we talked about the poo in the handle? They don't know, though, which is crazy. Yeah, how do you know about the poo in the handle? I've never heard it before.

No, what is this? You guys have a little, like, the poo. You got a poo fetish. He's one of my biggest mentor was. I was talking to you in every other. I wonder it was poop mentors. He was, he was like, he was like, hey, whatever you saw in Carson, this ain't that.

That's not, no, no, we're at the level. This is the commerce store. Yeah, we'll go to the edge of it all, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do dark shit and then go to Mr. Pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that place on Fairfax? They, Bobby used to tip more than anybody, and then when we came in, they were like,

it's all full, they see Bobby, they'd be like, Bobby, and they'd be like, right this way, and they're like, get the fuck out of here, Bobby Lee's here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They clear tables for you. Yeah, yeah. Bobby lives for that.

I think you love that. No, it's because I tip well. Yeah, but I mean, I think that moment, you live for that. But even then, though, but even then, I didn't have the money to do what I did in anyway. Yeah. Yeah, you could spend all of them. Remember I for, I owed you four grand?

I do remember that. Yeah, I paid you back. You did? Yeah. Yeah. But that was before the, after the violence. After the violence. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're not going back to the violence. We're not talking violent. Yeah, we're not talking violent. We want to talk about the... When I think of you, I don't think of the violent years. I think of the mentor years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pre-violence.

Pre-poo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he loan you four grand for? Frant or something? No, no, no, I was, I had relapsed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had relapsed, and I was burning through mad TV money. Yeah.

And I burned through all of it. Really? Yeah, and I needed $4,000 to pay my mortgage. A pill dealer. What? You forget for a pill deal. Yeah, I was a pill dealer. Yeah, but I was in debt.

I got you guys this because discussion is actually perfect. Oh, my God. What the fuck? What is it? Oh wow. Wow, very cool. And that's for us? That's for you guys.

Yeah, yeah. It's dirty. It's dirty on the back. It's dirty on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, are you sick?

Did you get me this because I'm getting old? Is there poop in there? Hopefully not. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no. Is there poo in there? I check, no. Okay, good, good, good. That's a good employee.

That's a good, that's a good. That's a good. That's just outside boss. That's just like, pollen. Yeah, and you bought that specifically for the podcast or me? For you? Yeah, why? Housewarming.

I never got your housewarming. Oh, okay. Oh, that's really nice. Just in case you're out of the deck and you don't want to go in, but you got to take a poo. I think that should be over there. George, can you put it there, please? Thank you. So is that a squatty potty?

No. No, no, no, there's no. It's just like a transportable potty. Yeah, that's just the potty. Yeah. Wow, that's so cool. Thank you. Really nice.

So do you have to get rid of your own poo in that bowl? Yeah, well, you can have a... Well, like, you can get rid of it through time. It's more of an opener's job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It turns into fertilizer events eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of fruits and vegetables.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so the poo story. Please. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just there. It's going to be there. Well, we've talked about this before. What do you think?

Should we say it again? I mean, you should explain it to them. Because of education. Education, new audience doesn't know. New audience doesn't know. So I made the mistake. It's a three-pronged. It's a three-pronged one.

I made the, I did the mistake of peeing on his car. How many. Whose car? Jim Painter. Oh, so Jim Painter was a comic. And I made the mistake of peeing on his car. Okay. Back up.

There's a key back up. Wait, wait, wait, there's more? Yeah, you got to keep back. All these where you like get to the end be like, oh, wait, we'll cause it, what cause it. Oh, there's cause and effect. Pause. Yeah. Oh, I see.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I thought he was the beginning. No, yeah, no. He was not the beginning. All right. Okay, okay, back up, back up, back that up. He was blessed.

In Escondido, there was a man who thought he could take advantage of a defenseless child. Forward 20 years. Bobby likes to do a nation. That was in Minnesota. Yes. It was in Minnesota. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where's Escondido? Near power. Yeah, I was, you mean the molestation. Yeah, that was in Minnesota. Yeah, yeah. You had to go on the road to get it? No, I lived in Minnesota. Oh, what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. For 10 years. Okay, he likes doing hugs. Occasionally he would take his dick out. Like, like jackass gay. Yes. Yeah, jackass gay. Jackass gay, jackass gay.

Wait, but you just took your dick out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're saying that you learned that from me? Yeah. Mentor. Whoa, whoa. The master. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm the master. Yeah. Yeah, that's my favorite bow, dude. It's like a Templar. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't do that. Please don't do that. I mean, I think that's an exaggeration. I think that was always in you.

Oh, you brought it out of him, but that's what a real master does. You had the power all along. Yeah, yeah, it's like you, you hang out with like-minded people, right? And it's always in them to behave in this way. Maybe that's what brought Joe drew you to me, because you weren't, you didn't help every, every door. Another thing that you did was when you first started doing comedy, you mimicked some of my styling. Probably, yeah, yeah. And if I would get a wristband, a sweat band,

you would get a sweat band. Well, the difference was you were a skater and I was a poser. Ooh. So I had. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I was scared? Skater. I never skater. Poser.

You can skate. I can skate a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can. But you were a poser. Yeah. So I would. Oh, yeah, that style was so cool, toy machine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I would wear toy machine zero. You know what I'd wear sweat bands, skate shoes, like the new Jeff Rawley's, right? Oh, yeah. The wristband. Yeah, yeah.

So cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine taking fashion advice from Bobby, and I did. I was like, this guy's so stylish, I want to emulate him. Also, on stage, you would hold a mic in a certain way that was like my style. Yeah, that's me, Ari, back in the, look how tan I was there. Wow. I like that.

Oh, yeah, there's a wristband. There's a wristband, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I stopped wearing it because you started wearing it. Oh. Yeah. Who is that guy? That's a guy by the name of Paul Hughes.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good show in, like, Vegas. Vegas. It's funny. You guys chose the least stylish photo of Bobby I've ever seen in my entire life. He's just wearing a...

Still raw denim. Raw denim. Still great. Still raw denim. Is that really raw denim? Yeah. Still raw denim. Look at the knees.

Oh, you look at your little face. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So, chubby. When the fuck was that? I don't know when that was. Where was this? 2003. Yeah, that looks...

What the fuck's Getty? Why does Getty own my image? I have no idea. Michael Schwartz. Oh, he used to be around. This is at the ice house. At the ice house. Oh, I see.

And Paul Hughes, apparently. apparently is giving me comedy tips. Like, how dare you? How are we all so close to each other? I have no idea. Well, maybe you're a little gay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'll learn from you, Bob. Okay, so let's go back to the... Okay, so now he likes doing some gay stuff, and he knows there's limits. Can we just go to pee? Let's go. So you try to give Jim a hug. You're like, Jim, give me a hug.

And Jim was a very kind of... He was like, I don't... I'm from, like, rural. Like, I don't play that at all. Jim, give me a hug or I'm going to piss on your car. And that's when Jim was like, well, in my culture, if I ask for a hug, I want a hug. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And I think in many cultures it's that way. Yeah. For a long time it was. For a long time. In some cultures, they kiss on the cheek. We do it all day long. Men do, right? Yeah.

So it's like, to me, it was a cultural denial. Denial of culture and just like. And racism. And racism. And racism. Double cultural denial. I like how you turn pissing onto somebody's car into like a hero's story. The hero's journey.

Well, there are consequences to one's action. There's consequence. You have to comply. In fact, that's a universal law. This actually reminds me of a story of the- You attack Iran. In behalf of Israel. You're the Israelis.

He's the Palestinian. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Do what I say or you get it hard. Now we're stuck in a quagmire, right? And these are consequences of one's action. Also, to back you up on this, we've all done that, said something. I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't

You had no choice now. Yes. You will never get respect anymore if you go, okay, I'm going to put that. You have to double down. It's like a Hattori Hanzo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your dick is a Hattori Hanzo. It must.

Yeah, exactly. It must say, yeah. Let me tell you something, dude. It was manufactured in Japan. Yeah, yeah, by a samurai, an ancient samurai. FYI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, did you know that?

I did not. It's new news. No, yeah, yeah. No, my penis is, though. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a new hanzo. Congratulations.

Because it doesn't like women? Because Japanese culture doesn't like women. That's not even true. That's not true. I have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that was... Patio shift now.

What? Patio shift now. She's moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not working there anymore. You work at the laugh. Yeah, you're a laugh factory. You're a laugh factory now.

You're a waitress at the laugh factory. The laugh factory door guys are not. No, no. Anyway, so then I pee on his car. He was very upset. Very upset about it. Although, can I make an argument of peeing in one? car. Please. And this, by the way, this was on the front bumper.

Exactly. Like, it's not in the car. Right. So what I'm saying is that, you know what I mean, it's a minor? Minor infraction. Infraction. Beyond that. How about you? Beyond minor. You drive through worse, probably in L.A. every single day. Boggs, you know what I mean? Wait, but was it in front of him? Yes. Of course. It has to. You have to lock eyes. And his friends. And he locked eyes. You have to lock on. His friends. So you just in, in front of it. And with a smile. And he said, do not do it. And what type of car?

Beat up old car. Beat up old car. It doesn't matter. Okay. Now if it was a Tim Dillon car obviously I would not do it. Of course. Let's do it tonight. Have you ever pissed on a rolls rice, dude? Let's go Pucket on his car. But his car is so nice. What's that faggot going to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He hits one of his rich

canes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does have many rich canes. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, um, Let me think about that. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah. He deserves it, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's the number one flaked on me. He's the number one flaked on me. Yeah, yeah, a couple weeks ago, he fully flaked on me. And so maybe he doesn't deserve a little pee on his... I asked him to do my storytelling show, the one that's out, and he was like, yes, I'll do it. And then I'm like, ever was like, Tim Dillon's doing it? I'm like, Tim Dillon said he's doing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like a week later, still like a month out, he goes he's not doing it. Everyone's disappointed. Like, it's better he told us now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was always going to play. He canceled on me day of.

That's hit, that's Tim Dillon. That's Tim Dillon. How many times have we booked up on the show and he never even showed? We were just sitting here waiting for him. I think three. Yeah, three times. Dude, I've gone to my studio for my podcast in New York. He goes, oh, sorry, buddy, the flight.

I couldn't get on because I'm like, right now, dude. What are you talking? This doesn't make sense. You're supposed to be here. I'm in the Hamptons. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's all over across the other side of the country.

I don't think I'm going to make it. You don't think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're in the hampton, you're never gonna get here. Anyway, so that's a great proposition. Okay. And let me consider it.

Ruminate. Let me ruminate, consider, you know what I mean? Let me take a dump on this. Yeah, yeah. Take a dump on that, please, please, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so I pee on his car. Yeah. He's mad.

Obviously. He takes it as not just you peed on my car, but also that was demeaning on purpose in front of my friends. In front of his friends is kind. Added detail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tim Dillon didn't get passed by Mitzie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not real.

It doesn't matter. That's not real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they didn't get past by Mitzie. Right? And you didn't get passed by Mitzie. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? Kevin Christie was the last one. What? Kevin Christie. And who got Kevin Kisses treating the comedy? You did? I did. Who did all the art for my new storytelling show?

Kevin Christie. That's right. Right, because of me. Because of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got us all together. Yeah, it's all a circle of life. Yeah.

It's like the Lion King. Okay. So what's this? You said Sam Trippola, you hit his car. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hit his car.

How did you think you were going to get out? What was the angle on that? You also relapse. I had relapsed. I had relapsed. Oh, you were a drunk driving. No, I wasn't drunk driving, and I purposely did it. You saw Cambodia there.

What's like a different thing there? Why is your face shape like this? Well, sometimes I have Cambodian looks. It looks like V from Vendetta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I get angry, I turn Cambodian, do it like Pol Pot. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, um. You look like, who's the guy It was a horror movie where he played a witch building dolls? Oh, Nicholas King. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look how, what a fat piece of shit, Tripoli is there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look at this. Wait, who's got the camera?

I don't know who has the camera, but... And who's filming for the other, there's two cameras here. Exactly, I don't know what the hell the thing is, but I had to pay $5,000 for that. You smashed into his car. Yeah. Anyway, let's go back to the saga. So you saw,

he was mad and you're like, shit, I might have gone too far. But let me ask you something. Yeah. To the judge. Please. Thank you. And I only peed on his bumper. Yeah.

In the front. Only bumper. Yeah, only bumper. So now, do you think that what, what consequences do I deserve there? Can I ask you a question? How long have you been a paid regular at this point? Me? Yeah.

Since before we got there. Which means he was always a paid regular. I mean, I've always been one. Elder. I'm an elder. Elder, yeah. Can I ask? Can I ask?

I'm the Ayatollah. Judge Roo. Yeah, if you want to go back to war terms, I'm the Ayatollah. And because you use that word? And he's not Israel. No, he's like Congo. How much water did you drink? What?

How much water did you drink that day? Good question. I don't drink a lot of water. I don't remember being exceptionally long pee. Thank you so much. That's my defense. But see, if it's not a long pee, it's a smelly pee because it's dehydrated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh. Extra yellow. Extra yellow. It's kind of chunky. A longer clear pee is less damaging than a although can I say that I'm a yellow person

if the insides are yellow. Yeah. It makes it yellow work. Yeah, it's an optical illusion. It's an optical. It's actually clear. Yeah, it's clear. It was actually clear pee.

Is that why you wear those yellow tint of the glasses so you can't see Bobby? Yeah. Yeah, he can't see me right now. He's only listening. Yeah, so what I'm saying is that what do you think now with all the evidence that you have?

Not guilty, dude. No, no, no, no. We're not the embarrassing. We're not to have to have a story yet. The defense calls more details. Exactly. So Bobby says, okay, and just said, I thought you were like,

I went far. I can see you're angry. Whether or not I was wrong, I'm going to be a gentleman about this. Tell me if I'm wrong. And I'm going to take you, Jim, out for a sandwich at Jerry's Deli. Okay.

Sandwich. We were poor. Bobby was the only one buying us meals. Different Bobby. Different Bobby. I always buy people's meals. No, I mean like, buy nicer stuff.

Yeah, now you're he saying, you're, wait, wait, wait, let's get this correct. Yeah. Do we get this correct, right? How many meals have I bought you, Ramsey? I've eaten like a king because of you, Bobby, but I think the point-

No, no, no, I'm not done. Okay. All right? I am not done. You're not done. How many meals have I bought you? I'm not using it against you because I'm happy to do it. And I've always done that through the history of time.

Maybe four or five. Okay. Do me. Do me. To me. How many meals have I bought you? Hundreds. Okay, thank you so much.

Me. Thousands. Okay, so here we go. What the hell? What you mean? What the hell? What you mean? You're new.

Right? Become a paid regular. And I also don't want to pay for two. Economy's tough, man. It's economy's tough, dude. All right. I got to pay for your friend too. So, um, so, um, all right.

So the bizarre, no, that's not a good thing. That was a big, that was a big get. That's a big get. We couldn't afford that on our own. Yes. So did I buy him, did I buy him juries? Well, extra detail. Yeah.

As soon as you, and this, you'll play like this. Yeah. You're like, Jim, let me take you out for a meal. And then me and Aaron Cater. No, no, me and Mike Black. Yeah. In Mike Black, we're like, we're like, can we come? Yeah.

Even though we weren't part of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a big meal, too, if Mike Black's there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That was five people. Five sandwiches between us. Yeah. Five extra people. All of them. Fixings, fries, steak fries. Steak fries, yeah. All of it.

I don't chins. You know what? You don't chins. You don't chins. You don't chins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an old-timey word about I'm not cheap.

Yeah. I don't chins. Yeah, yeah. That word will give you rickets. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And so then we finished a meal. I paid.

With Jim Pater. Obvious. But let me ask you. You ask you this. Pay for me too. In the dinner, you think that James Painter was rummining about revenge. I think he was in the process of forgiving you. I think he was letting it out and he goes, he's expressed remorse.

That's in his head. And I did. Yeah, right? And he goes, he did this for me. I actually desperately need a meal. I love it. Okay, great. And then Mike went to take a dump.

He takes dumps as soon as the meal's over and whips him out fast. It takes a lot of dump. It's got to be a lot. We went to pee. And then we're like, let's go back. back to our cars. We drove separately. Bobby parked over there. Jim parked over there. Yeah. And then I believe a fib is about to happen. Oh no. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I feel like the current. Oh no. No. I feel like. Order. Order. Order. Order. Order. The defense has the floor.

Oh, no. All right. All right. I can finish this story knowing the rule of comedy. I think right now. So Bobby's like, are we good? And Jim really feels it. Yes. When you get a real apology to someone, you do. You get that moment of like that was I see you mean it and I'm okay with it I of course I was hurt but we're done and hopefully that behavior will never happen again you don't say that but that's what's going on your mind. We're getting ready to leave Bobby goes over to his car and on his way to his car waiting for Mike Blacks who were across the street and down just a touch and then Bobby pulled his dick out and pissed all over Jim's door and then jumped in his car and drove off Bobby

That's tough. That's really tough. He'll find a way to get out. You'll find a way. You know me. Yeah, yeah. I believe. Bobby.

I'm not done. It's not done. Objection or no? What? Objection or no? Object. What's your objection? I object.

I don't recall that. Dude, you nailed it so hard. You're so well-played. Number one, I don't recall it. Right? I really, because he would, to me, it's like, once I mend with a nation. Yeah. Right?

I cease to the negotiation. And that's who I am as a person. That feels very... Excuse me? Repeat that. Once you mend? No, what I'm saying is like once I negotiate, right, and I apologize to a nation, right?

That I did something wrong, right? And we do a settled agreement, right? I don't go back and rip it up. Okay, can I tell you something else? Don't put your hand up like that. That's a good leader. That's like a good leader. That's like a North Korean kind of agreement.

But now you're also a comedian. So now imagine if you get Benjamin Janjan Jajal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Yasser Arafat, is he still the guy in charge? I don't know, I haven't known. He's been dead for 40 years. Oh, what?

I'm just finding out right now. It's okay, it's okay. We'll mortim later. And what's say they made a big peace deal? I made a big peace deal. And it's like, oh my God, this is like crazy. And now they're in front of the cameras and they're going to shake hands.

And it's going to be this massive moments of everyone, nations around the world looking. But you're a bingges de Jhanz and you're also a comedian. You're a comedian. So, Arafat goes to shake your hand and you know this is peace but then you go, nope. Syke. You get him with the psych.

It's because it's funny and you know it would be funny. So you're torn in two directions. It's the itch of getting the laugh. And you've got to laugh for me, buddy. I know. I think it was so. So here's what I'm saying. It's a high level move.

That's my defense. Okay. It's all right. Number one, it's, thank you for helping me. I don't know. He's defense. You're a prosecutor and defender. I was like, wow.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe one day, actually. So what I want to say to you as instinctually as a comic, right? We make this fake deal, right? You know what I mean? And we're cool. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, right? And then I pee on his car again, okay?

It's so funny. It's so funny. And I don't think you've planned it the whole time. Yeah. I think you saw an opportunity for a joke and you're like, oh. Yeah, yeah. And I did have to pee. And the pee was also just white.

Okay. Okay, so that's good. That's good. Fresh water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's calm. On the door. On the door.

All right, so that's what, is that the end of the P sequence? Okay, so now I'm standing, so you both, yeah, so end of the P. Yeah, go ahead. So, witness. It wasn't premeditational the P. I don't think the second. Yeah, yeah, so is there a difference between attempted? Attempted murder or premeditated murder.

Yeah, if you were like, hey, Jim, go over there. I want to show you something. And that did, that's different. Yeah, yeah. You saw last second opportunity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was instinctual. Heat of the moment.

Heat of the moment. You walked in on your. wife with somebody else. Exactly. I happen to have a shotgun. And then you peed on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that... What? That's still open mic. Okay. Don't pee on me, Bobby. I don't do that anymore.

He's a different guy now. Yeah, I'm a different guy now. So, um, I play by the rules now. Yeah, you know what I mean? Before you could afford it like a fucking beat. I think you'd pee on my car if you could. No, I wouldn't. Really?

No, no. I've had many opportunities. True. The instinct's there. The instinct's there. And the drive is there, but the motivation's gone. Now you know, the-wise man. Yeah, yeah, I'm an old man Bob.

Yeah. Okay. A wise man Bob. Old wise man Bob. All right. So with that, so, Judge, with that in play. With that new in place. With that new, like, it was just an instinct.

I'm a comedian. I had to do it for, I'm not doing it for James. I'm trying to make him laugh. You did? And it made him laugh hysterical. the price of a laugh, right? What is that worth to you? But also, I-

Judge, what is that worth to you? Depends. I mean, yeah, it's, it's worth a lot to me, but in the moment I'm thinking of myself as James. As James. Ah. It's tough because in that moment... I'm not mad at you.

Yeah, he, yeah, there's no beef between you and him. You know, you're... Well, the beef is on our belly. I understand that. Imagine... My complex belly. When you hear the second half of the story, you know what I mean? Wait, this isn't even the second half?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's, this is the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prequel. This is a new hope. We're not at the fucking J.G. A.B. movie yet, okay?

This is episode four, okay, of Star Wars. There's the Clone Wars before, and then we go, you know what I mean? Okay. So here's the thing, okay? Okay. Is that what's really astonishing about this whole setup is he had something to do with the second half. So, so, oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I forgot something in the first half. No, no, no, no, you can't say it. Why not? First half is over. It's inadmissible. It's written. It's, yeah, it's, it's, it'll help me. It'll help me.

Well, it whispered during my. Here's a thing. And for more stories like this, check out Ari's new storytelling. As they whisper this, I just want to be clear about something. You guys are the jury here. Okay, okay. And I'm going to. All right, so here we go, here we go.

Okay, go ahead. So during the very first pee, before it happened, Bobby was standing over his car, and he goes, give me a hug or I'm going to pee. I believe I'm going to pee. I believe I remember me going, Bobby, if you make a threat and don't follow it through, he'll never respect you. Pushing it. Accomplice. Accomplice.

But that still doesn't help him in the second half of the story. It doesn't help Jim. It doesn't help him. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're trying to say that Ari should be on trial and not you. I'm the victim. You're the victim?

You're the victim? I'm the victim, dude. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a real victim in this and you're going to like who it is. Wait, is it a real victim in this later? Where is Mike Black during all of this? Mike Black is right?

He's still eating. He's still eating. He's taking leftovers off people's place. Yeah, he's still at the restaurant. Stakesbots are clear themselves. So as he's going, putturing off like fucking the Jetsons. That's when Mike Black comes out to what he's clearly seems like, ooh, there's something. Like we're walking on friends with a, escalation.

Breaking up with a girlfriend. And you're like, oh. Oh, oh. He feels it. There's some anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jim is livid. Did Jim's live it?

What's my... Shaking, dude. What's Mike's... Mike goes, what's going on? Okay, good. Peaceemaker. Jim is shaking with rage. I've never seen it before since.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't control his body? But it's white rage. And can we talk about that? White rage? It's the most dangerous. It's the most dangerous rage. You know I mean?

It's edamite rage. What? And that's something that people have to Google. Uh-huh. Yeah, but... I mean, I know I'm a judge, but yeah, I get it. What's edomite? I'm pretty, you get it.

Esau, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Anyway, let's just move on. Okay, I don't want to get... Let's strike that from the record. Yeah, expect that from the record. But it's, some of my friends have white rage. And the rage is, they, like, I'll give you an example.

White people, when they serial kill, they have to do extra. You have to eat them. They have to use the skin as lamb shades. You know what I mean? They have to do extra stuff, right? You don't just punch your friend, because you're wrong, you say, I'm going to punch you every time I see you. Yeah.

It's, it's, this is what I, I'll, it's an old Russian reference, okay? If you hit me with a feather, I'm going to hit you with a tank. Yeah. That's white rage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds Israeli to me, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they opted it from the Russian, right?

So it's like, James, this guy, this character I'm saying, right, has that mentality now, right? It's like, you hit me with a feather, I'm going to hit you with a tank, and I don't think that's fair. Okay. I mean, I think it should be eye for an eye like the Bible. But I don't like iPhone because if the person who started it went up to here, so he's ahead. Yeah, but he started it by not hugging me.

That's one way to look at it. It all starts with gay stuff. It's one way to look at it. It's the only way to look at it. Elder paid regular comes up to you, wants a hug. Kind of his place. He's like, I don't do that gay shit. Come on, man. What part of the comedy story is this lot?

Lot. By the door. Well, first it was all over the lot. And then it was down sunset a little bit running. I was like Bobby. He's going to be able to catch up to anyone. May I say something else? I'm going to, yeah. Just by just that fact alone, right?

He's not a paid regular. I, yeah. This is. But he is cars in the line. This is a huge problem. That feels like a very, it's a huge. This is, you've gotten a car accident

and that guy doesn't have insurance. You go, why are you even on the fucking road? Or a license. Yeah, why you were late? It was late. No. There's no defense to it. Late, at some of these we were allowed in there,

but it's not the rule is this it wasn't promised to us 3,000 years ago it was when it's late we just kind of took it this wasn't something was promised

I'm okay my defense is this okay what is his card doing there in the first place this is evidence that it's really important yeah yeah

it's ego it's like I have connections you know what I mean like I bought all the senators oh you know I mean interesting Interesting.

Oh, oh. Yeah. He's corrupt. Absolutely. All right, so now this is the main part of the story. At the end of that. Okay. Jim, Mike Black comes out.

Can we just move on from that chapter? Well, let me tell you what I saw. I saw a seething Jane Painer, unable, the who we want to seeer, just gone. And I was like, worried myself. I was like, whoa. I was like, are you mad? And he was like, I'm so mad.

Like, it was like, he was breaking his brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, are you going to get him back? I was like, yes. And now, in Jim's mind, it went, it went, piss. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, all right.

Yes, I didn't see that part. Yeah, you were gone. Yeah, because I just drove on. It's fun with friends. Yeah, with a cackle. Yeah. With my infamous cackle. Okay.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Driving into the night. You know what I mean? Little do you know he's planning your murder? Yeah, I didn't see the rage part. Yeah. Right? Yeah, the trembling.

And I was like, shit, I might have to talk this. I was like, right? Right. Yeah. Now, let me tell you about, right, white rage. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And let me tell you about how.

He's going to tank you. He's going to tank you, right? The precision, right? The planning. Can I tell? This is what he told me, though. I was like, what are you going to do? Like I was worried.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, I'm going to shit on his car. Okay, so. Tank. Shaking. Yeah, the tank. Taking. Yeah.

So let me ask you, Judge, if I may, right? Does pee go straight to poo? And that's a philosophical question. It's a great philosophical question. Yeah, yeah. Two peas. Two peas. Yeah, does two peas?

And aggression. Versus a lot of poo. It's not like, oh, shit, is that your call? I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. Oh, what you're saying is you didn't save the poo. An aggressive. You didn't save the poo.

Hold on. Yeah, wait. He saved the poo. Please refrain from asking the defense any questions in this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will ask the question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it your poo?

Counselor. This is where you're going to, this is where you're going to be interested, especially. Okay. So a few nights later, possibly the next night, possibly down the road. I think a couple of nights. A couple nights later. Because you had to surprise me.

Yeah. You were on your, you would say you would be on my... I was still, I was still on my words. I think it might have been the next day because of the details of the poo. Oh, there's a... Okay, so here we go. Like a sandwich in there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, it's worse. The car's in the parking lot, everybody's... Bobby goes off to Sky Bar or his standard, I forget. Yeah. I don't know, you went off... In fact, I was younger, I would do the clubs. He wasn't drinking, but he was like out, going out.

Going out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With... A guy? Yeah, in my class. Who? Aaron Cater. Good friend.

Good friend. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Palestinian. I like this. Yeah. And also, Judge, I've always loved the Palestinian. And that's, and throughout history, I have.

Okay. Okay. As you can see from this court today. Yeah. So he's off. Jim's wrapping up. We're all working. Jim's saying goodbye.

And I go, hey, hey, hey. Again, this might be my fault somewhat. Lots to be revealed here. I know. I mean, it's a crazy case. know this so it's it is your fault I mean someone I mean yeah yeah yeah what do you mean so the the lot's kind of emptied out yeah whatever it's like late night it's like 1 30 already and he's like our two and he's like I'm leaving I was like wait Jim yeah look whose cars

that oh oh I'm reminding him with the what car was I driving then I think it was silver yeah it was a GTI I think okay yeah yeah I had a Volkswagen GTI okay that's what it was Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it was. Nice car? A little mighty car. I think it later got impounded because he didn't pay parking tickets. The only car I've ever seen

get totaled from parking tickets. You know that story. We'll revisit that story at a later day. Okay. We'll do a part two of this. Yeah. Okay.

So he goes, and I'm reminding him of his promise, of his pledge. Who? Jim. Oh, you're a proxy. You said you were going to do something. I see your proxy. Well, well, well, Bobby's not even around.

Yeah, yeah. No one's around. The blot's almost empty. You have to poop. Thought you were a real man. No, the real question is, who's... So he said... Can I ask you a question?

Yes. May I ask you a question? Right, Judge. It's... Yeah, I'll allow it. I like your moxie. I'll allow it. Whose...

Poop. Who was it? Okay, that's a fair question. That feels like a board game. Who's poop? He said... Guess poo. Shit.

Oh, my God, you're right. Bobby's car's there. I just took a dump like an hour ago. Oh, Jesus. I wish I had known. I. Surrogate. I, yeah.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. I like that. Let me just. That's a good slogan. That's a very good slogan. Right, right? And it's a universal slogan, right? And I really enjoy it.

But if we go back to story number one, right, I did it all that for you. What do you mean? The laughs. You did. I know. And I got a strong of it. You've got a pastromby sandwich on of it and you got a good cackle out of it.

Right? What a good cack. Right. So for you, right, to use the enemies, right? Yeah. And supply them with missiles. Out of your butt. You're right, right?

Is to be questionable. It's USA's logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Bobby, but would you do the same thing? No. If I, if you wanted to shit on someone's car and you goes, I just shit an hour ago. Let me tell you something.

And I go, let me help you out here. Let me have you out of a jam. No, I would never do it. so to speak. I wouldn't do any of this behavior in the last 15 years. This is before that though. I know, but I'm a completely different kind of person.

Somewhat different. What do you mean? He's asking you to revisit those times. Yeah, in that headspace, you're not completely different. You're somewhat different. What do you mean by that? I mean, when you saw disposable toilet,

you don't go, come on, man. You put it in the shot. You're not completely different. You're not completely different. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, I haven't changed comedically. Right. Right.

But in terms of like social norms and behaving in public. Right, right. And because, you know, I've done corporate shows and this and that. You know what I mean? I'm not going to act amok on the set of sex in the city. Yeah. Right. Right.

I still can't believe he took that role. I know. That's another day. Yeah. Okay. So what I'm saying is that, you know what I mean? I've changed in that way. But Kerry Bradshaw says, me, me, you go.

That's one of my lines. Yeah. Drake from the record that can't be used against Bobby. Thank you so much. Thanks for meeting me. When Kerry Braschaw says, come, you go. Anyway, you're great in resdogs. Legit, you're great in rest dogs.

Okay. Yeah. Have you seen that? No, no, stop for second. I got to defend this right, right? Yeah. They give you lines to say. Yeah.

Right? You think I'm in any power, right, to do it any differently than I did it? Yeah. Because when you called me and Santino and said they're offering me this, we both said, why? Don't do that. Why would you waste time going to New York for some dumb fucking has-been show? And you go, I think I've got to do it.

Okay, anyway. Okay. So let's go. I thought you had a defense. I didn't have a defense. I didn't have a defense now. I will now be, we're taking that into effect. We're taking that account.

That's a point of my... It's a point of course. Okay. I wanted to strike it, but you let it go. All right. Here's the deal. All right, here's a deal. I'm at the sky bar, right?

Enjoying my friend with my Palestinian friend. Aaron Kater. I have Christian Jewel, by the way. What? I have Christian half Palestinian. Yeah. And also I have many types of friends. Okay.

Okay. Jews, Palestinians. Fats. Yeah. Fats. Yeah. I love the fats. He loved the fats.

Yeah. And I love the skins. You do. The skinnies. Yeah, yeah. And I love the boil people. Okay. You know what I mean? They're my favorite people. We're indigenous.

Yeah, yeah. We're indigenous. Anyway, let's go back. Okay, all right, so now Jim Painter, let me just take over now. Jim Painter, right, has already, you know what I mean, done the number two. No. No, he hasn't. No, he said he already took a dump.

Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Right. But this coward. Yeah, and this liar, right? And this deceiver, right, goes, oh, quite, I'm sorry. Sorry, Jim, here's a little thing. I haven't pooed yet. I haven't pooped from yesterday's sandwich.

Right, right? And he has one of brewing, right? So the poo that's being used in this terrorist act, right? Was supplied by you. Was supplied by you? But you supplied the ingredients in the poo. You supplied the paycheck. Oh, wow.

Positive effect. I never thought of that. That was Jerry's deli. That was Jerry's deli poo. Yeah. You fell out your own poo. You would have ate anyway. Yeah.

I would have eaten nothing. No, no, that's insane. You would have eaten something the day before you had at dinner. Right? So you would have eaten something, nothing. Yeah, but you would have still had to poo? Yeah, fair, fair, fair, fair, that's fair enough. Because you're a human being.

Yeah, but if anything had green in it, I would have already pooed. Whatever, whatever. That's some dmantics. I don't know what he ordered, you know what I mean? And that's, you know what I mean? That cannot be allowed in that. Okay. I'll allow us strike.

All, yeah, I'll strike. Strike that. I'll strike. Yeah, yeah, yeah, strike that. All right. So he decides you. Yeah. Right?

Now, this is what I heard, and I don't know if it's true. Okay. Okay. That you had pooed into a paper bag. Nope. No. It's crazy. Plastic bag.

Oh, yeah. He's an environmental. Pink doc. Yeah. I forgot. It was a pink dot. It was a pink dot bag. It was plastic.

He's not an environmentalist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But I was reusing. Yeah, you're reusing. Right.

And you took a spatula. Oh yeah. First I put, no, first I put it like over the toilet seat and I, oh, actually great, we have something to act out. Okay, great. No, no, don't take your pants off though. Okay. Okay. If this is the seat, if this is the seat like this. Exhibit A is being entered into. Yeah, have a plastic bag in here or? I'll go look for one. Yeah, look for a plastic bag, please. If we're going to do it, we're going to do it. I'm having a difficult. If we're going to do it, let's do it. Yeah, if we're going to do it, yeah. How about a tough time really imagine what this is going to look like. It's important. It's perfect that we have this.

right now. Yeah, this is so perfect. Okay. Ex-Ebant A. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need, I see, for my defense. Okay, nice. Yeah, we found me. Okay, fantastic. Fantastic. Okay. Okay. I need pops for my defense. Okay. Okay. Why do you need a lunchbox? Yeah.

All right. I guess we're going to take a... Just hold on with a second, okay? We're taking a brief recess in this moment as we... To get evidence. As the attorneys full their evidence in here. Can I piss real quick? Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Um, okay. At this point, there's no way you can sigh with it. I mean, he's making it hard time, but here's the thing. I'm a judge. So all I do is sentence. This is the jury. Am I part? What am I exactly?

I'm bringing the jury. Oh, I am? Everybody here's going to vote and I'm going to sentence. Also, just as a jury member know that, you know, tomorrow we're going to Detroit. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to get me food?

So I can be objective. Okay. Yeah, I would like to. But you're still a jury member, but. Are you going to buy me dinner? Oh, yeah. Oh, this is, depends how you. There's still a jury tampering.

Yeah, yeah, I'm tampering the jury. This is not. I'm tampering the jury, right. You're about to get disqualified. I'm just so, Kat's going to write a teller book. You got plastic already. Is already taking a shit on your car?

That's a possibility. When we move on, you'll see how insane this is. I can't wait for the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know this? Have you heard the story before? Never heard the story. Oh, this is real.

I've never heard this story. It's a real story. Okay, okay. Okay, here we go. Here we go. We got the plastic, we got the toilet seat. So this is pink dot. Great store.

Still there. Yeah, I mean, late night sandwiches, etc., etc. Yeah, really solid. Okay. So I put it into like this, the toilet, and then cup this here and that here, and I had to hold on with my hands, and then I pooped it.

Okay, so what is the apparition? And then, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get some way to it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, and then I got up and I, carefully. Yeah, we understand, yeah. Yeah. Heavy. Heavy.

Yeah. Heavy. Pastrami. Yeah, pastram. Yeah, pastrami poo. Yeah, this is not, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

No longer necessary. This is not the judge. This is Ramsey asking. Which bathroom did you poop in? Okay, so it might have been rebuilt. That's important. That's important. It's important.

It was rebuilt a little bit, but where the women's bathroom in the hallway there is there, that it was a men's bathroom right then or maybe co-ed, there might have been two co-eds right there. There wasn't that hall long way in like that. Right by the

But it was right there, yeah. So you were walking through the hall with just a bag of shit. Yes. But, it's 1.30 in the morning, too. Okay, okay. So there's no audience. There's no audience.

There's no audience. There's no audience for a while. Like a little bit of schizophrenic was on stage and people throwing chairs at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Someone got that passed in the 70s. You know what I mean?

But it's like, it's also, everyone's gone by 11 p.m. midnight by that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you got your poop in your hands. So then I gave it to my friend, Jim. James Bainer.

Okay. said, here you go. Yeah, here's some uranium. Do with it. As you will. You can enrich it, you can turn into a bar. Yeah, you could use this fertilizer? Yeah, fertilizer.

You could do whatever you're up. Yeah, for your crops or whatever. Big dump. It was a big dump. It was a big dump. Yeah, yeah. Not a crate, not the best ever, a big of that, but on the upper, let's say 80th percent of it.

May I use my props, please? I have some exhibits. How did you place it? Where did you place it? It's great questions. Yeah, and this is my, All right, so. Okay, so in the moment we're all getting an exhibit C here from the...

Exhibit C. Oh. Okay. Exhibit C, please. Exhibit C, entered. So I'm going to do it like this, okay? I'm going to do it like this, okay? Okay.

So I'm having a good time with my Palestinian friend. Okay. Wow. Relevance? Yeah, yeah, it's relevant. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to allow it. Yeah, you know, right?

Right, and I say, goodbye, brother, to my Palestinian friend. Islam al-a-a-a-ka. Yeah, no, not even that. I turned him like, we're equals. Like everyone else. Right? And I give him a deep hug because... A deep hug.

I'll tell you why. Because when friends and you want to bond with people, I don't know what your generation does. Like back then, we would give hugs. Okay. Give me a deep hug. I go, safe passage in your journey. Wow, that's great.

Because if he had acted in a Muslim way, he goes, I'm just like Jim. Don't fucking hug me. Yeah, right. He went off on his journey through the straight. All right. Okay. So now I'm opening my car door, okay?

And this is the car door handle. One of those that go like this so you can go from the top or the bottom. No, no, it was a click up. Click up. Oh, no. So in the click up, there's a later poo in the click up. So I don't know if you know this, Judge, but when you stick your front, fingers in the door handle, right?

It gets into your fingernails ASIP. I mean, you're pushing it right in. You're pushing it right into the fingernail. If you saw poop on the ground, you had touch it, you would touch like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you wouldn't dig in like that, right? So I'm digging into the poo. There'd be no reason for him to pause. Right, right, right. Right, right. And I click up, I pull it out, right?

And now my hand is filled with his poo. Sandwich poo. I'm not done yet. sir, okay? Please. So in my panic and in my disgust, I know what it is.

Yeah. As one does. You know it's poo. You know it's poo, but there's a little guilt. Okay, keep going on. I don't know who's. I don't know who's. I don't know what's going on now.

I'm going. All I know is there's poo on my hand. In a place where there's never been poo, really in the whole country. Ever, ever, ever. A bird couldn't have, a bird curtain, you know what I mean? A raccoon to shoot it up.

Dog, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean. And nowhere else, who would have flattered? Quickly, I went, it's human. It's human. It's human. Yeah, you know. It's been weird how people know there's a human poop and dog poop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just know. You just know. So I went through all the animals, all the scenarios really quickly in my mind. Right? And I go, it's human, right? And can I just say this? And I don't know why I knew this. Yeah. I knew it was Jewish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Matsui. I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I do immediately, right, is I go straight into the store with my left hand. I thought the store is closed by now. No, no, it's open still. So you have to do, like, shake it off? I have to knock on the door. There's still somebody there. I go to the bathroom. I wash my hands. I go, do you have any napkin? Someone pooed. Someone pooed inside the handle of my car. Right? And in my mind, while I'm washing my hands and whatnot, it's a painter. It's cool, yeah. Yeah, it's all coming to. Yeah, you started like, like, what's the, um,

Who would have, what's it called illegal stuff? Oh, the house. No, who would have cause to do it? Who would have motivation? Motivation, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you're like, who would? I went through that too.

And you're like, Caroline Ray. I've never got anything, yeah. I went through it all, yeah, yeah, yeah. Margaret, no, I don't. Who would have motivation? Oh, yeah, Judy Cianciado. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Steve Cravitz, I mean, all the names went through,

right? And it went to James Bainer. Like, a lot of people don't like me, but who would do defecation? defecation in the handle. And such a short term too, right? Because of the day before. This was about 23 hours ago.

23 hours. That I pissed twice on this guy's door. I'm feverishly washing it off my hands. And it's in the nails. It's in the nails. I get paper towels. I wash them all off, right? And then I have to go get some sort of like spray.

And I don't know where the sprays are. I'm looking underneath a bar in the main bar. There's no poop spray like that. It's like bleach. You need to find bleach. And how do you even get it in there? I found something where I sprayed it. I took the towels.

Did you ask a homeless guy to help you clean? It's not done. That's part two of the story. Okay, okay. Number two. This is number two. So I get it all off. Do best I can.

I'll do the rest when I get home, right? What's your mood at this point? I mean, the worst mood one can be possibly in. You mean, I have, I'm. You're banering out. I'm in rage. Because to me, P doesn't equal poo. And I'm your hand versus a car.

Right. It gets worse, if I may. How could it? I have another exhibit, please. Are you all alone at this point? Are you all alone at this point? I'm all on my lonesome. So no one's even benefiting from the getting the laugh.

So it's just cruel and vindictive at this point. Yeah, if people were laughing, right, it would have to laugh along with that. You'd have to laugh along with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. You got me. They're long gone.

You got back at two? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We left. There we were left. May I do Exhibit 2, please? Exhibit, please enter. Exhibit D. I wish they had cameras.

We're admitting exhibit D in two. Okay, and here we are. Oh, boy, here we go. This is Exhibit 2, please. And I just use, you know, this is the quick, the only prop that I could find. Sure. I'm sorry, right?

So imagine me, I'm in my car. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. There's a piece of poo now. Is this so. That she said, there's a piece of poo now, right? on my window.

Okay? No, when you see a piece... Let me ask you, Judge. If I may, may I ask you, Judge, right? When you see a piece of poo on the window, what is your first instinct? To try to remove it in some way, shit. And how would you remove it in a vehicle

if it's in your front window? A little tiny piece of poo like that. I like that big. I suppose at the time, I mean, you're in your car or you're out of your car? I'm in my car facing out. The door is closed. I would probably try to get out, find a napkin.

No, no, no, no, no. You would use the windshield wiper. You would use the windshield wiper. I see, I see, you at the time don't even realize it's poo. You're saying. I know it's poo. But it's like, it's like a spot. I'll tell you why.

I know what poo looks like. Yeah, okay. Okay, all right, all right. Was it human? It was a human poo. You gotta think it's gotta be related to the other poo. Yeah, it's related to the other poo, but to me, it's like, you know what I mean, like, shrapnel poo, if I may.

Yeah. You know what I mean? From the door. Unrelated, just during the splatter. Exactly. Yeah, one drop fell off, right? So what I do is I use the windshield wiper. Yeah, reasonable.

Reasonable. Lo and behold, all the poo is on the windshield wiper fucking. Packed in. Packed in. Packed into the windshield wiper. Right? It's just in that bar of like tan that's just below. Yeah, yeah.

So now what I'm doing is piquing the whole window. Both windshields. Look, both wipers. I'm plowing the whole window, right? It's black. A dark black brown. Window. All right.

So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Under the weight of the poo, the witcherab is like, we're not made for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Okay, go ahead. I have questions. Yeah, question. Okay, so who, okay, so you managed

to get the poo off of the clicker, right? Enough off. Enough off for me to go home. Okay, yeah, yeah. And so my real question is, who was the placer of the poo? That's a good question. That's a very good question.

I think it really matters. I can answer that without even knowing. You mean? Only one handles their own poo. Yes. And that's an old Korean proverb. Yeah. I like that.

One does not handle others' poo. Insane. Okay? Right? There is no way that James Painter would be like, oh, I'm going to handle your poo to do this windshield wiper. Right? So it all comes from

the mind of this gentleman to my left. Yeah. So you not only supplied the poo, you placed, you did the actual crime. Okay, let me retort. Floor is yours, you can rebut? Do you think I believe in honor? Not really. Oh, no, honor has nothing to do with it.

Oh, yes, it does. Okay. And when my friend makes a vow to shit on someone's car, that mouth, that vow matters, and he must be the shitter. If not the shitty, the shitter. He must place. Mm-hmm. He must place.

Right. I hand them back. So there's an old movie called Yo Himbo. Yo Himbo, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And he's a Ronan samurai. Right.

He goes into town and he plays both sides. Because there's a town that's at war. I'm Yo Himbo. Yeah, you're a Yohimbo. Yeah, you're a Rona. I'm going to watch it now. Right? Yeah.

And he's trying to play both sides. But what ends up happening is both sides catch on. Yes. And they both go against. That didn't happen in this. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying, though. But he is playing Yo Himbo right now.

Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Can I, can you use the movie reference? Yes. Go ahead. It's from the accused. Okay. I'd like to call in another exhibit.

Okay, go ahead. Exhibit B for me. Okay, go ahead. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So he's the placer of the poo.

Well, this is what's in dispute. We don't know. In this moment, we are. Oh, you know. Oh, we know. Hey, Bobby, I do, but I'm going to let a defense happen. Okay. Oh, he is going to make something out of cardboard.

So we had the top of the top of. Of a paper, you know those paper boxes with like all the papers? Yeah, yeah. And for like printers. So the top side was rectangle. Yeah. And we took one of those off.

Yeah. And I gave my bag of poop. Yeah. Yeah. You look like a boy. He also had a lot of pimples. Yeah, okay. And I gave him what became a spatula of sorts.

And I said, here you go. That's why I heard spatula. It was a handmade. Spackle. Spackle. Yeah, but I heard spatula in my head. Yeah. Because obviously I'm going to investigate.

after a crime. Of course. Because you know, I have that fucking gene. It's your right. The FBI gene. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I need to investigate, right?

So I heard spatula and I remember bag. Okay. I didn't know it was a plastic or paper. I handed it to let him have his honor and his revenge. And he. And into the handles. Oh. And into the handles.

Okay. And then. Windshield. Windshield. No, no, no. No. No, no, no, you did, no, you did, I heard you did, I heard you. I'll be honest, I don't remember, I don't remember it.

Yeah, yeah, I heard you did windshield. I definitely suggested windshield. No, no, no, no. I definitely said that's not enough. You did windshield, dude. I definitely said that's not enough because what did you get to the past. You did windshield. Yeah, I believe it.

For rumor and through witness and through investigation through my FBI techniques. I don't know enough to deny that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know enough to deny that. I heard in charge of windshield was Captain Shafier. There is a cleverness involved with that. It's very calculated. It's calculated.

It's the plant of the tiny poop to get to the bigger poop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now what I have to do, Judge, okay, is I have to drive down Sunset Boulevard. Right? 2 a.m.? 2 a.m. It's dark. It's, it's, there's nothing. It's, there's nothing. It's, how can you even see? You can barely see. You can barely see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I could have died. Yeah, no, no. Okay, but I'm now rushing to a 7-Eleven. It's like you're in a snowstorm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a mud-stores. Yeah. A mud-stromy mudsclays. Pompeii. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the lava. Like the movie volcano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a disaster movie.

It's a disaster movie, okay? I'm driving to the nearest on sunset, right? 7-Eleven, okay? Yeah. I pull in. Because probably isn't their first rodeo, honestly. What? 7-11.

7-11. 7-11? Yeah. Yeah, well, 2 a.m., this happens a lot. Another shit, another shit windshield. So I go in and I grab all their paper towels. I buy all their windexes and all the things I need to use, whatever it was available there at the time.

The little bottles that they have. And I walk up to a homeless person and I go, yo, if I give you $20, can you wipe all the poo that's on my front window? You had to tell them of his poo? You could tell them. Why surprise him? Why he's down? Yeah.

Did you even have to say human or dog? No, I didn't have to get specific, you know what I mean? $20, you must have been like. No, he was, no, he was like, nah, dog. What? No, he goes, nah, dog, a hundred for that. Equivalent, by the way, today to $200 probably. Exactly.

But also, but equivalent in homeless to $20,000. Yes. Okay, I don't know about those stats. Fair, fair, fair. I know there's inflation involved in all that stuff, right? I was not the judge. But that's not, you know what I don't think that should be in play. It's fair.

Right? But I spend $100. Back then money. That's a lot. To get a homeless human being, right? To clean my windshield. He did a very good job, by the way. I think it's generous too.

Very generous, right? Yeah. And he said something like, man, that sucked. Or something like that. And me, I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for doing it, right? I went home and I started saving my cum. Oh, we're going to the next thing.

Okay. Okay. Interesting. Now, is this something you do not know about counselor, the cum, or what's this reaction? You definitely know about this. What? Yeah, yeah. We know about this.

So you don't think P equals poo, but poo equals cum? I didn't know what the next level was, but I was not going to lose this war. What? Yeah, yeah. For months, I was saving my cum. How? That sentence is wild. In a freezer.

Judge. In an ice cube tray. And so how many trays did you have in your freezer? What? It took me only two little compartments to fill those up. I do not. Yeah, yeah. Two little compartments to fill.

If you have an ice tray and there's like 16 little cubes in there to make an ice cube, I fill two cubes. That's two months worth of ejaculate. Yeah. Two trays? What? Two trays? Not trays, just two little squares. Two cubes.

Two cubes. So is one cube, one ejaculate? One full? No, no, no. That's like a quarter of ejaculate. I would freeze it and ejaculate in the same. It's a layered. Come ice?

Yeah, what? Come ice? Come ice? Cumm cube. And then the calculation, and this is where I knew this would be difficult to pull off. I was going to put it in one of your drinks

and one of James's drinks. Right? And then... I do what, like a toast to piece. Yeah, toast to peace. Yeah, yeah. You would drink my cum, and I would say, you just drink my cum.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So, but in my mind, and this is where I'm a morality, and my ethics kicked out. There it is. I said, I should end this war.

I think Poo won. Wait, hold on. Ethics and morality or fear of another one-upping? What would be the one-upping after come? I mean, think about... The emotions would have to guide me. On that.

What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, feel that. Okay. Right. I mean, when you told me, you did that. Immediately that's for me. I'm feeling.

I almost cried. Yeah, I'm filming. I'm filming? Oh yeah, yeah. How? Hold on, all right. You just heard about this right now, or are you heard about this?

The tray, yeah, I'm just hearing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were to drink the cube, some of the cube, it would have melted definitely into the... It would have been... Some would have melted already, and then you'd be like, no, I didn't.

They're like, well, look at the melting ice cube in there. One's clear and one's not clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see the difference between ice and cum ice? Yeah, yeah. Water ice and come ice? You see how it's shape different? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'd be like, no way. And that is a lot more. Yeah. There would be a consistency of, I don't know what the consistency of unfrozen come is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be challenging? Yeah, it'd be challenging. Yeah, I'd accept that this might.

Yeah, what would that? What was the next level of that? That's what the fear is and that's the equation is what happens after the cum. I think pubs or is that? No, no, that's less. That's less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I eat that now.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I would say, I would say, what? Pubes are gross because it's been near your cum. I'll tell you where my mind went. I don't know if this would be it, but my first thought, I'm gonna fuck your mom. Oh. Wow. Wow. But like that's a hard pull. That's a hard pull. She doesn't like you know. She doesn't like yeah. She lives far away. It lives far away. I don't have gas money. Yeah.

But it all starts from a gay hug and it ended with gay cum. It ended before the gay. Yeah. It ended it before gay come. But I'm not gay. So you would jerk off. And on top of that, my cum is not gay. Like you would. But you wanted someone to drink your cum. But you wanted someone to drink. I didn't. Let me. If it comes gay, it becomes gay, Let me ask you, after Poo, what is it then? It's come. And then what's after come? Come is a nuclear warhead. That's the nuke.

I think that's the nuke. War is over. And the war's over. That's a WM. Because also, nobody wants to just go, now I'm going to make you eat come. That's like, that is equalized. Equalizes nothing.

And you also create global escalation. You can't, if you do me, yeah. A hundred percent. Am I not right? If you come cube me, I can't just come cube you back. No. No, no, no. No, you have to go further.

Yeah, you have to go further. And I don't think there is anything further in the realm of what we're doing here. May I call him to witness something? May I call him to witness something? Boy, for when he said, P should equal P. And I said, no, you have to want up it. And he denied that. He just said, come should go more than come as a retaliation out of his own mouth.

What did I say? He's using your words against you. He basically said that your eye for an eye thing that you said earlier. You just negated it by even trying to come into the ice tray. That's his argument. That was pretty slick. And I have a question. I still don't get it.

But Bobby didn't do it. Bobby didn't do it. He didn't do it because he felt that way. But he negated. He was going to do it. I was doing it. And knew that I would have had to do something even more. Because I'm a philosophical man.

Yeah. You know what I mean? As everybody who jacks off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not ride this escalator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're philosophical as everything. And I thought to myself, I couldn't figure out what the next level was.

So I stopped at what I was doing, right? Because I was too afraid. because of the next level could be violence, like a real violence. Which in turn, which in turn happened anyway. There was. And I were like, and this is for the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? And knowing what I knew then, I didn't know this information that he can get violent physically. Right? Yeah. Because the violence happened afterwards. It reminded me that face the song.

What? Wish that I knew what I know now. Oh, yeah. I think that's what he meant. I think that's what he meant. But anyway, so what is the judge's who's guilty, Bobby or Ari? For this entire escalation.

Is that a fair proposition? Yeah, what's the charge exactly? I don't understand what the charge is that this is all... Who's at fault? Who's at fault? But the cause and effect, he was molested. We're not going to start... We're starting at the gym painter.

That guy was just attracted to a hot guy. Now, you can't blame that guy. Who is to blame... Okay. Maybe this is a question. Maybe this is a question. that we're asking. Who is to blame for the poop on Bobby's car? Is it

Bobby or is it Ari? Okay, okay. Oh, if you frame it that way? Wait, hold that. I'm going to say Ari. No, no, no, no, no, no, we're not framed it that way. Not frame me that way. Who's responsible for this thing? The whole fiasco.

Yeah. Can I pause right here before you give an answer? James Painter. Can I do a promo? Please. Right here. Oh, yeah, go ahead. I have a new storytelling show out with stories like this. We did this. That nice.

23 comedians telling stories just like this. Yeah. The highest level to comedians who had the harshest past. Yes. In fact, you never asked me to do this. You did that this is not happening. And I did ask you to do this. I know you.

And you said, no response. Yeah, no response. No response. Oh, that's so cool. Great. You would have been right there over the tea. You would have replaced, you would replace Nate Burgazzi. Okay, good.

So what a lineup and when it, what a lineup. and where does one see this? Ariashafir.com, you can get it. Each episode's five bucks or you get them all for a dinner. That's awesome. Amazing. Thank you.

Yeah. How many people are in one episode? About three to five. Okay, good. I'll do the next one. There's not going to be another one? I might have just been finished it off. Look at these guys.

What great lineup? Shane Gillis, Nick Bargazzi. You could have done the poop story on this. I've done the poop story on it on my, On my old show, this is not happening that has zero relation to this show whatsoever. That was a storytelling show featuring comedians at a strip club. This is a host of my Ari Shafir. This is Ari Shafir hosting a storytelling show at a burles club.

Completely different. Anyway, check that out. So let's go back to- Okay, so now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the recess. Sorry. Who is the blame for the whole fiasco?

It's the blame for the whole fiasco. Yeah. Okay, let's go one by one here. I guess I'm going to start with Cat Bird. No, start with George. Oh, you want me to start with George? Yeah, yeah. It's interesting.

The defendant is ruling the judge. Wow. Sort of a Saddam Hussein on trial. Can I present? You've done a great job so far. Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

All right. Let's start with George. George. I think throw the whole case out. Everybody got what they deserved. And it was perfect. Unacceptable answer. You have to pick one.

Yeah, you have to pick one. Interesting. Who is to cause? Yeah. Who has caused all of this? What's the exact? What's the exact question? Yeah, what is?

Yeah, give me the exact question. I think the problem with the question is we're worried that we skew the jurors. Bobby had poop on his windshield. Who is, whose fault was that? How did it get there? Whose fault was that? And I got there, by the way. And I got there through comedy.

But also, was this not comedy? It kind of was. The windshield wipers? It's an assault. Because there were no witnesses to the comedy event. So therefore, hence negate. Calls, I get a question. Calls again to question.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're pulling a prank, ideally you want to be there for the payoff. Yes. Yeah. The next morning, I was asleep and this happened. I wasn't there for the payoff. Sometimes you just have to hope that it happens,

trust that it happens, woke up to a answering machine message. Back then we had an answer machine. Yeah. I had missed a call. Yeah. Please leave a message. And the call was this.

Let me do it. Okay. Oi, I'm Ari Javier. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you're doing you. You do me, I'll do you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my back, my back.

My back. My back, my back. Leave a message. Boop. Ari, I know it was you. Now, this I'm finding out is in between the handle and the, and the,

I know it was you. I could see the pieces of pastrami. It could only be you. I'm so mad at you right now. And right then he's saying, I'm so mad at you right now. And I will, and then this happened.

And on the phone call, he's going, and I, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's discovering it on the phone with you?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's in old boy? It's when he realizes. Yeah, yeah, when he realizes the horror. A breaking. When he realizes the horror. All right. So with that and play, that didn't help you. Yeah.

What was that for? That didn't help you. That didn't help you. All right, so now with that in play, George, let's get this over with. It's way too long. Ari's fault. The whole way through.

Thank you so much. And Gilbert, please. Actually, I like this. Who's in charge of this whole fiasco of comedy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ari. It was hilarious. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. You've changed the charge, but I'll take it. Alex? I think you started all of it, Bobby. There we go. One for Bobby. The dissenting view.

We have one more vote left. Yeah, Kat. I'm going to go with... I would never have noticed your pimple, by the way. Yeah. That was Bobby called me. Bobby, because I'm going to go with Ari because Bobby is taking me on the road this start. We have a biased jury.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And Judge, what's your final verdict? It's a tough one. What's a jury? We have a biased jury. It's a difficult situation.

It's a prank. It went awry. There was comedy involved. I found the situation deeply human. As human, by the way, as a one state solution, which I believe is the only answer. With all equal rights for everybody? Yeah.

All right, side note. Okay. I also want to say. West Bank is Best Bank. Yeah. I also want to say, Devontre, other people can also go on the road with me. I don't like that you're using violence. No, I'm not using violence.

I'm just saying, I'm giving you hypothetical. He's buttering me up, and I don't like it. Exhibit C. Exhibit C is that, you know what I mean, there's a so many people that have been asking me, please may I open. Sandy Panto just. Okay, okay, okay. All right, so what I'm saying.

I just let's have a rule. We shouldn't, we shouldn't let this go. I'll take back Palestine. He takes back to Vantre. Yeah, yeah. Here's the thing. Because I thought about this. It really is.

It's hard. He has real nose. He has a lot of pages of notes. Just do it, man. This is a two-hour podcast. Oh, their guests coming. I'm so hungry. I know.

I'm dying right now. Let's go. Let's go. This is on you. Hold on. Until the windshield wiper. In the moment that the windshield wiper went off, I have to give it to,

I have to blame it already because it escalated. to a place that it didn't need to. A double escalation. It was a double escalation. Like a double tap on a school. Like a double homicide. I'm blaming Ari and it has nothing to do

with the fact that I opened for you. It's the windshield wiper. Thank you so much. There's a maliciousness there that is no longer funny. You're pretty fucking hilarious. All right, give Ari Rufuio Roshafia. Thank you.

And I also have a special on Netflix as ever. I just want to let everyone know that we ended the podcast, but then now, after our podcast is done, there's mingling that occurs, and there's new information that arises. We're friends in real life, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this is a new piece of information that we can probably put on Patreon, right? That is very interesting to me, all right? So after the incident occurred, and this is probably during the Ice Cube incident that I pulled back on, right? I can't believe. What happened?

that you, okay, anyway, what happened? Okay, so Duncan Trussell, comedian at the time, was the talent coordinator at the comedy store. He was the guy that booked the axe at the store. Yeah, which really is just taking notes from Mitzie. We were talking about how there's no repercussions,

and I was like, oh, yeah, oh. Okay. So, Duncan said on his own, Mitzie found out about this, and she was very upset and wants answers. Mitzie never heard about it. Is Duncan just... I would argue, though, that she did.

Because it is... Something where I would say to Mitzie, because I had a direct line to her about like, yeah, yeah, this guy just shit on my collar. I don't think you did, because when I was punching you, you didn't even call her. Oh, that's right. So.

Good point. Good point. Okay. Continue. So he goes, we want to answer this. And Jim wrote a note, a letter to Mitzie through Duncan. So please give this to Mitzie as my explanation. Okay.

Now, Mitzie never heard about this in any way. Yeah. The only reason I know about the note is because it didn't get to Mitzie. And the note said, I wanted to leave that night. He just ratted me. Ari wouldn't let me as if he's a fucking nine-year-old. As if he's not a human-grown adult with his own. Sure, okay.

Freedom. And he goes, R-I wouldn't let me. Ari's shit in a bag. Ari then put the shit on the car. Now, listen, I'll give you a we shit. we put the shit on the car but I believe I shaded it and gave it to him and then he put it

but now the reason why the information that I knew was because of the letter because of the letter but that was him lying to get out of stuff I see because he's acting like he didn't do anything in this because I get it he might get in trouble in this situation and have to really like knock its spots

okay okay so he's trying to save his own ass yeah and he gave that letter to Mitzie but to Duncan through Mitzie Duncan, at that point, call me and goes, I got a letter you got to see. Okay, here we go. Yeah. And he gave me the letter.

Yeah. And I said, well, don't tell him that I got this. Yeah, yeah. What's going on? I have this. I don't know. They called me back. Oh, they got new info.

Yeah, yeah. That was new information. Go real quick. The setup is this, okay? Let me just read it really quick. It's real quick because you missed it. I'm so hungry. I know you are.

I understand that. But you have to, you're very important to this, okay? Here's the thing, okay? And I'll give you money to eat. He's known for that. Yeah, yeah. My wallet upstairs just wait, okay? So here's some chips for you, and they're called, I don't know.

Anyway, so real quick, right? Duncan Trussell used to be the talent creator of the comedy store, right? He calls Ari and goes, Mitzie. Calls Jim. What? Calls Jim. Oh, you say that then. But, I mean, it wasn't me.

He called Jim. He didn't call me. right he called Jim and goes Mitsy found out about this and she's really mad about it right and so what Jim Panner did wants to know what happened. Yeah

Jim Pater did is write Mitsy a letter that Mitsy didn't even know about she didn't know about the poo there was some trickery happening on Duncan Trunson's part he just wanted to hear about it is that it? He just wanted to keep it going Yeah yeah he's stirring the pot I get it stirring the pot I also have to say this

though real quick too is that I had a very close relationship with Duncan Trousson. Right? So there's communications going on with him as well. So Jim wrote a note saying, I didn't want to leave or he wouldn't let me. I wanted to leave or he wouldn't let me. He forced me to do it.

He's shit in a bag. He put the shit on the car. He might as to say we put the shit on the car. But that's why I think it was him because he was lying. He was ratting on me. He was lying to get himself out of trouble. Which now, if you think about it, too,

he's a rat. He's a rat. Right? Yes. And so the P. makes more sense. That you're saying it's just... You pee on a rat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I instinctually can see a rat. You can see a rat. Yeah, and I can feel a rat, right? And what does one do when you see a rat? You pee on their car. You pee on their car. You pee on their car.

You poison them with piss. Yeah, yeah, you poison them. Yeah, yeah. So Duncan shows me the letter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Jim thinks Mitzie's involved. He's like, I gotta save my own skin. Yeah.

We've all been there, a young comic, you do what you got to do. Yeah. So Duncan gives it to me. And I was like, print that out, and let me have it. Yeah. And I saved it. You saved the letter.

I saved the letter. You still have the letter. Do you have it with you right now? Not right now. Okay. I will have a letter of it. But I don't want a doctored letter. Oh, no, no, no.

If I have a picture, I got a picture. I can look and maybe. Wow. Okay, wow. I saved it because here's the reason I saved it. Why? Because I printed out two copies. A year later.

Now you're a rat, which is the number one thing you cannot be at the comedy. A rat. A rat. A rat. So we're going to La Jolla. You and James. Me and James, Rick Ingram. Yeah.

We had those, you know, you go Wednesday and stay Wednesday. Of course, yeah. So we did that. We had a great time. We had a blast. Yeah. I arranged the lineup that night. Yeah.

So that of the three of us, we're going to head back Thursday night. We're all broke. Of the three of us, Jim would be the last one on. Of the L.A. comics. Okay. Rick Ingham gets off stage. I was already on. Rick Hickick gets off stage.

It's like a 10 person. Can I just say this too? Right? At the time, Rick Ingram was still almost unfollowable. Really? Yeah.

There was a host, though, but yes. He's very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's crushing, crowd work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, Rick gets off. He's like, I thank you, everybody. You know, he just gets off.

They bring on Jim. I gave a note to the bouncer there, the door guy. Yeah. And I said, hand this to Jim when he gets off. And it's that letter, folded up with the red lettering on it, that says rat.

Wow. Is a year later. Oh. Wow. And then I told Rick, I'm like, we're leaving. You can come with me or you can stay here.

I don't care. Dude, that's incredible. By the way home. He just left us. And Rick's like, what, what? Yeah. Wait, but before he got on and did this out? He's on stage now.

He'll be on for seven more minutes. The door guys, like, present this to Jim when he gets off. Yeah. And then we're in the car and we're going. Yeah. Rick's like, I'll go, but can you tell me what? I'm like, on the five, I'll tell you.

Yeah. I presume there are two rats in the story. Oh, yeah. Oh, the plot thicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe, and this is, and I hope this isn't interfere with our relationship, right? But I think you are as well a rat. In what way?

In the way of like you pushed him on to doing the, A rat means telling on. It does. A dirt bag. A snake, maybe. Oh, you're a snake. You're a snake. Snake and rats are dead.

I'm sorry. I'm not bad. You're a snake. You're not a rag. Wrong year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a rat. You're a snake.

Yeah. What am I? What? You're a worm. I'm a worm. You're a worm. I see. Rats, worms and snake.

Yeah, what do worms do? I'm a cockroach. I'm a cockroach more. I never die. I never die. Yeah, okay. I survive. Survive.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a survivor. I'll go on and on and on. So we left. And then Jim got off stage. Same thing. Hey, all right, everybody. Hey.

And then the door guy's like here. He goes, oh, what's this? And he's like, rat. And then he opens it up and it says, dear Mitzie. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I need to tell you, explain to you what happened. He goes, hey, where's Ari?

And they go, Ari's gone. And he goes, and he read the whole thing. He's like, where's Ari? He has no ride back to L.A. He's in San Diego. Diego. Wow. Wow. No money. Yeah. So we arrived back at the comedy store. Yes. With about an hour and 50 minutes. We get right back there. Yes. We're hanging out in the parking lot. Yeah. And then we're talking. Freddy's there. A bunch of people are there. The

manager comes out about 20 minutes after I got there and goes, hey, I just got a call from LaHole. Did you leave Jim Painter there? Didn't even tell anyone. Yeah. And everyone's like, what? I'm like, rats get what rats get? And that's so true. So true. Where is this guy now? He comes on Monday sometimes. Wait, is he that? Is he the, ha-ha?

Is he the ha-ha? Is he the ha-ha? Is he ha-ha? I don't know. He influenced more of us more than almost anybody. He was so funny. And he had to make the decision you had to make. He goes, well, I want to get Ari back now.

And then he had the same realization you told me later. There is no. And then what will happen? And he goes, I'm not a question. for this ongoing fight. Was he also coming? I'm gonna let it die. No, but it's also the resilience of the Jew.

Oh, that, in that way, I'm- I'm-the- moral of the story. I think that's the moral of the story. The resilience of the Jew. The resilience of the Jew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's it, that we never did it again. Yeah, he never did it.

People start saying it was a year to the day. Yeah, yeah, I think you're a Mossade agent, did. I mean, I saved that letter for so long, and I'm like, I know what I'm gonna do with it. I just have to figure out the time. Because we're headed down once Because the discipline to wait a year, you mean, shows conniving. Crazy discipline.

Yes. Discipline. One time we were headed down there with Jim, but Mitzi was going that day. It was like, I can't do it because she's... Oh, right, right, right. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are there?

A photo of him, if she remembers him. He comes around on Mondays. I've seen him before. This is kind of, it's not the greatest photo, but it's all that pops up. Wow. But there is this. He does this older. Yeah.

And he does this thing now after every punchline, he goes, uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, I see. Okay. So now I just, I just... He has a hook. I, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Burger. He's working it out on burgers. He's working it out. He's working out. Okay. Well, God bless him. Yeah. There's no, there's no animosity,

pure peace, you know what I mean? He got his? Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you a question, Ari? Yeah. If you had the cum ice cubes. Say, don't spray it. Yeah.

If you had the cum ice cubes, would you have the foresight to be like, this is too much? Or would you have done the cum. If I had a tray of two cubes of ice cubes of ice cubes of Ice Cube. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Had she been, he said, had you been in Bobby's place? And I had gone And it wasn't just like I thought I'll do it

But I had been doing it And I'd say so that's work wasted If you don't use it Sure Two months Yeah So you're coming on top of frozen cubes At some point

Oh yeah Yeah A little lunatic It's probably like when you Fallin Jello Would I have used I was so mad I believe I believe I might have

It depends But I also might have been like They're gonna I might have thought Yeah you were mad Because if I drink your cube Yeah what would you have done You were ready to stop it

Poop on the window. No, I would have gone to Mitzie. Yeah. You'd be like, I don't want to live like this. This is not what it is. I'm going to go to laugh actor improv. I think I had that weight. I can't be here anymore.

Yeah, I can't be. Yeah, yeah. And I think that there would be a regional effect. But you wouldn't, you wouldn't have been afraid of the next step, would you? Yeah, no, I would have to have been afraid. Yeah. You have to end it. You have to end it peacefully.

Yeah.