TigerBelly - Asif Ali a Fresh of Breath Air

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

Comedian and actor Asif Ali joins TigerBelly and Bobby steals a kiss from him at The Store. We talk Indian Doctor closer, Internal Fartitude, Golden Gala thumbs, Hyderabad, meeting Brad Pitt, and Jamie locked in. Tickets here: Belly Laughs Festival Start your free online visit today at www.hims.com/belly. That's www.hims.com/belly for personalized hair loss treatment options.

Belly laughs for your belly. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho. Guys, in America, in Los Angeles, I'm doing a show called Belly Laughs with Hassan Minaj, Kumail Nanjiani, Margaret Cho, Bobby Lee, Joel Kim Booster, Sherry Cola, Asaf Ali, Andrea Jin, Jason Chenney, some other guy that I don't wanna even say,

but let me just say right now, right, Joe Wong, everybody, you, dude, it's gonna be a gigantic Asian festival of laughs and, you know what I mean? What time? It's gonna be July 13th is the show that I'm on, right? July 13th? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, July 12th is gonna be pretty good.

But the 13th? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The one I'm on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, January 12th is gonna be pretty good. But the 13th? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Hey, the one I'm on? Yeah, it's a big thing. There's a lot of people on it, and it's gonna be great, so. Go buy your tickets and go see The Slep King on the 13th.

Also, guys, we're doing a giveaway, so head over to our social media to see if you can win a pair of tickets to the show. Oh, here we go. You said, dot dot? Well I was just... Something like that. Yeah, yeah. Was that racist?

No, no, no, no, no. You? Yeah. You? Never. No, no, no, no, hello. Something like that. Yeah, yeah. Was that racist? No, no, no, no, no. You, you, never. No, no, no, no, no. Asif Ali.

Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. This is like We Are The World. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, you do Bob Dylan. Ready? Hey, hey. Asif Ali. Asif Ali, hey. Dot dot it going? How's it going?

I'm so happy to be here. I'm not done. You're not done? I love it. Okay. You brought your shitty brother here. He's a full doctor, by the way. He's a pharmacist.

He's a full pharmacist. That's not a doctor. Come on, he's Dr. Ali. I've known him for years too. That's Dr. Ali. Yeah, and he's always hitting on girls. He's always hitting on girls. Oh, it's incredible. He's living a life. I'll be with a girl and he'll come out of nowhere. Yeah, he'll be like, hi, I'm a doctor. I'm a pharmacist. I'm a pharmacist. Do you currently have a prescription at CVS? I'd love to look up your information. Yeah. Do you have your own practice? Don't include him. This is about me I know he's better looking

You don't need a mic You don't need a mic. See how easily he's just yeah, he's right there waiting So here's what's what can I just get out of the way? Yeah. Yeah, get it about you Well, I'll tell you what bothers me about you afterwards go ahead. Yeah, that's what this is all about Yeah, yeah, I have a huge problem. Yeah, I have to I have so you know what it's yeah And you're gonna love this your problems so lock in dude. Let's open with problems. So fucking lock in Yeah, yeah, okay. I Don't have any problems with you, bro. Okay. I know

Wow, dude, yeah, yeah amazing. Yeah. Bro, bro, wow, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an inside job, dude. Yeah. Okay, let's hear it. So my problem with you is everyone loves you.

That's crazy. I don't believe it. I mean, dude, you're the nicest guy. You say that, but you use it as an insult. You're the nicest guy in the world. A couple days ago, we were at the store. We had just performed, and we were in the patio patio and these two nice people were talking to me. Women? Women? Yeah, so what? You have a girlfriend? No. Okay. What if I was shaking when I said that? Yeah,

did you slide it? No. No? I saw you, I was, so I was watching you from afar. Uh-huh. And I was- That's so you. I was. And I was taking notes how not to do it. Okay. What was, I was being too nice and then I said goodbye to everyone. Yeah. And then- Because I kissed the Asian one.

Wow. On the mouth? No, on the eyeball. I don't know. What are you fucking talking about? Yeah, on the fucking mouth, dude. But you feel like an old school guy. Maybe you kiss on the neck, R&B style. Okay, no, no. You've never done that?

No, I don't do R&B. No. Okay. You've kissed on the neck, you open with a kiss on the neck. I don't open with a kiss on the neck. Yeah, yeah. Maybe like a cheek, but you're just going for it. Maybe that's how Indians do it. Did you know them? Don't do that.

What? We're only like three minutes in. Don't bring India into this yet. I already said dot dot. I know, but that's, that sounded Asian. That was Indian? That sounded Asian. Okay, anyway.

Okay, so then I... I was watching you to show me that sounds Asian. That sounds Asian. Okay, anyway. Okay, so then I... I was watching you to show me how not to do it. And then you immediately kissed her. No. How long did it take? It was a peck.

It was a romantic kiss. And did you ask? Yes, dude, what? I just wanted to clarify. Yeah. He was wondering. Yeah. He was wondering.

Because she had said I'd never kissed an Asian guy before it's impossible She said that yeah, so I go let's be the first. I just picked on this so it was a joke Yeah, yeah, it was a joke. It was a really good move. Yeah, but oh But that's how you do it so I left saying goodbye to everyone would you do you find any of them attractive? Yeah, which one the little Asian one exactly yeah, and what okay? I guess it's so cool. It's so cool. Basically. I kissed her too So you guys kissed because we were you know we're both a comedy star no and I didn't I had to go to the improv But why didn't you kiss her because I had to go to the improv, but you get a number

No, cuz he had to go to him. I had to go to the improv fucking lock in That's what I'm talking about don't give me he's that. He's locked in right now. Don't give him that. Dude, he's geared up. Alright. First of all, he's watching Ozark. He might be bricked up. He's watching Ozark for the third time because he didn't understand the first two times he watched it.

Oh god. Don't high five that guy. I don't know man, maybe he appreciates cinematography. Have you seen the Ozarks? Oh yeah, I've seen the Ozarks. It's Ozark. He's on season. Oh, Ozark.

I love the Ozarks. There's only one Ozark. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You want to ruin it? Because he's on season one. No, I. I love the Ozark. There's only one Ozark. Yeah. You wanna ruin it? Cause he's on season one. No, I don't wanna ruin it for you. I'll ruin it for you. But it's incredible.

If you ruined it for me right now, I'll tell you what's gonna happen. What's gonna happen? Many things. Well those stickers are gonna be inside your body. I don't know if that's a bad thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, let's go back to your attitude.

Okay, yeah. And then I said goodbye to everybody cause I'm a nice person. And you said, why are you doing this? You're on on TV like you want me to be an asshole because I'm on TV And this is what I wanted to argue with you about You expect me to be because I feel like maybe when you were coming up when you were on TV Because there's only three channels that you could be a real. Oh, you're the slam. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah

No, no, that's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. Panoramic or whatever. What are you fucking saying, dude? No, no, no, no, no, no. You piece of shit. You Lucille Ball. Your niceness is fake.

Your niceness is fake. I see right through it. And you're really a bad guy. Actually, I wanted to tell you this. People think I'm nice. I'm not that nice. I know you're not. That's why I'm fucking tell you this. I, people think I'm nice. I'm not that nice. I know you're not. That's why I'm fucking with you now.

Because the things that I talk about you to other people, you wouldn't believe the things that I'm saying about you. Oh, you sound like Trump. Flat Earther. You wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it. I believe. Flat Earther.

Okay, so you think I'm a Flat Earther? I think you're Flat Earther. I think you want to bring segregation back. These are things that I'm just saying on the road. I said it in Dallas, that's my closing. Segregation maybe. Maybe. But, so you're so nice, right?

I don't, I don't think that, yeah. And here, can I say another thing that you do? And I could be wrong. Okay. And I don't want to make you mad, right? It's impossible. But every time I go, I'll congratulate you on the show, you're like, oh, it's no big deal, right?

But it's your way of going, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm on a show. That is not true. So basically what it is, That is not true. It's him exuding like, oh, it's no big deal, right? But it's your way of going, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm gonna show. That is not true. So basically what it is, it's him exuding like, I'm on Delicatree streaming on Hulu right now. It's not a big deal, you know what I mean? I'm gonna fix the economy. But it's basically him going, trying to stay humble about it,

but it's coming across like, I'm a TV star, and I don't like it. I've had enough. That's not true. The way you did that to my ear, dude, was on the floor. Crazy. And also, I can do it to you too, okay?

You fucked. Let me hear it. Ooh! Feels good, dude. All right, so. Cheers to my friend. Cheers to you, my friend. To your TV show, your TV star.

I did it to Joe. Hey, man. We all missed it. He's locked in, he got Celsius. Dude, you don't need that much energy. Unbelievable, you're sitting down and you're getting geared up. Yeah, yeah, I bought it for you, yeah, yeah.

That's nice, that's nice. How much was this? What? How much was it? He wants to know the real questions, how much was it? $2, who gives a fuck? It was $100. What?

Yeah, so I went there and I, so I went to the Shell gas station. And I bought that, two packs of cigarettes. Who was working there? Be honest with me, look at me right now. What kind of guy was working the Shell gas station. And I bought that, two packs of cigarettes. Who was working there? Be honest with me, look at me right now. What kind of guy was working at that gas station? Be honest with me. Well, they're not working there anymore

because I called somebody. Wow. Hello, hello. Brrr. Brrr. It's cold in here. You know Bobby is too scared to go to the protest. I was there, Saturday, I didn't see you there.

I was there. Were you really? Where were you? I was in Culver City Oh, you went to the Culver City one? Yeah It was you and Steven Spielberg Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good guy. Yeah, right side of history and okay Yeah, so what I also want to say about you so you're cocky about your show I'm not cocky about my show. You're too nice. My thing is streaming

Everyone is it used to be this thing of where you're on a TV show, you could be like Bobby, you could walk around and tell people, hey, you piece of shit. Did I ever do that? And push them. You know what? You push me in front of a car. This is on fucking call for.

I push you in front, I push you in front of a car. My car. And you said, and you said, why do you think my cars have so many dents in them? Because I'm hitting people with my car. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The way we do it in fucking, them. Because I'm hitting people with my car. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The way we do it in fucking, you know what I mean,

the third world country. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to bring that vibe back. I always take sticks and I tap it against buses. Yeah, and you go, you wish, you say you wish. You fucking wish. Yeah, yeah, do you even know that reference? No, I don't know that reference.

Okay, well why'd you do this little thing like that? Because it just felt like something you would do yes and he's just handing god I love yes ending that I love you dude but anyway also another thing I found about you just now is that you're not a closer your brother look at me right now dude everything you could have a TV show yeah you know we're very funny comment by the way thank you very very much, but this guy's a closer closer. You know why medical school Did he not he closes student loans? And he knows how to close women

Okay, and he'll do it again some you're so lucky there's no women in here right now, and I think you do that on purpose Oh, yeah, I knew he was coming. Yeah Like a real sausage in here, so yeah, I think even addiction. I think, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him up. Let's make a real sausage nest in here so he has nothing to do. I think you have an addiction. I think that's something we can talk about later. Whoa! I think there's something going on with you. Like you were molested. I wasn't.

There's something going on. Do you want to be? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So these are three things. So that's the only thing you know about me? That's the only gripe you have against me? No, no, no. I have other gripes against you.

Give me another one. You have an animated show with Andrew and I was like, hey, against me? No, no, no, I have other gripes against you. Give me another one. You have an animated show with Andrew, and I was like, hey, all you say is, hey, there's a talented guy, he's on a TV show. And I go, hey, can I be on your animated show? And you go, no. Wow. And I go, I auditioned.

I had the audacity to audition for the show. I put myself on tape. I'm a humble guy. I'll put myself on tape. I will submit, I'll go through the proper channels, and I on tape. I'm a humble guy. I'll put myself on tape. I will submit. I'll go through the proper channels. And I go, Poppy, just maybe, you know, just give it a little nudge up the, you know,

you're the executive producer. You're the creator. Maybe, you know, use a little leverage to help a fellow Asian person out. Help the diaspora. Yeah. And who'd you hire? Who'd you hire?

Eric Andre? No, not for my part. Who'd you hire? I don't know what part you read for. Charlie Day. Charlie Day. Who is what ethnicity? White. How dare you? No, not for my part. Who'd you hire? I don't know what part you read for. Charlie Day. Charlie Day. Who is what ethnicity? White. How dare you? He's not? How dare you do that to me? He's not white? No, no, that's the solidarity. You hired a white guy over me. Is he not doing, has he not been on TV? He left. Oh, he left the show?

He's not on the show anymore. You're back in business, baby. Go, baby! And I fired him because of you. Oh good. All right, so fuck off now. Call Charlie, he's back in. He's back in. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You lost the job. And it was to be a caterpillar or something like that.

Oh, now you're, God, why, you think it's a kids show? I think it's a kids program. Yeah. With bad language. All right. I think it's nasty language on your kids program. If there's a lot of nasty language. So the reason why I said no is this.

I swear to God. I swear to God, I'll rip your little Indian fucking lips off. You're fucking stupid. I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking kill you, dude. Wait until my rep sees this episode. Coonjabby face. How dare you.

You know my family's from Hetharbod. How dare you keep throwing. Hetharbod? That's not even a place. Make it into a song then. Make it into a song then. Hetharbod, Hethbaud, not a real place. It is a real place.

What's the nearest big city near Heatherbaud? It's Heatherbaud. Heatherbaud the. Say Heatherbaud. Heatherbaud the. You know there's a lot, you have a lot of South Asian fans. I do. And they're pissed right now.

No they're not. Yeah they're watching this right now. First of all, I did fucking three shows in Heather Bob In the gold kind of fort You went to the gold kind of Shows in the fort nine seats wow Monkeys yeah, yeah how 18 total did how yes, I can air you dude so Heather Mahala where is Ramoji Film Palace,

which is a high tech city. Is that north or south, Hathorabad? It's south. What do you mean, it's south? It is south of India. Not of India, it's in India. It's south in India. Okay, can I say, when you look at India,

is there a north and south? Yes. That's what I'm asking. Is it the southern part of fucking- It's the southern part of India. Well, you understood, what's wrong with your hostility I'm so mad at you I don't know anything about Heather bod why not like why would I know I have you heard anyone let's do consensus raise your locked in raise your head if you've

heard in Heather bond everyone turn a Heather bud including my brother that easy though yeah but why would anyone expect him to know? Exactly, and I know things about him right now, but I'm not gonna say it. Charmin Arbos, you gotta come with us. I have that image. Would you come to Heatherbott? Yeah, if you and I, let's do four shows there.

Four shows at the Gold Cutter Fork. At the Gold Cutter Fork, yeah, yeah. I feel like if I went to Heatherbott, I would get no pussy. Impossible. Impossible. He knows, he's locked in, dude. Like, okay, so you've gotten some ass in Heatherbot? No, because I'm almost there with my family, but.

But when me and you go, that's a whole different story. You really think that if you and I went to Heatherbot, that we'd be like swimming in it? Swimming in it? Yeah. Swimming. How about a puddle? A puddle, for sure.

Dipping our toes in a puddle. Dipping our toes, absolutely, both 10 toes. Okay. Yeah. How about a puddle? A puddle. For sure. Dipping our toes in a puddle. Dipping our toes? Absolutely. Both 10 toes. Okay. Yeah. Now, do we have to pay for it? No. You think we can get it in the wild? No, no. Just off pure charisma and Hollywood appeal. At a coffee shop? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Okay. You guys would crush it. So what do they look like? You would crush it this way. Okay. Dude, we could shoot a movie. Would you be a movie with me? Oh, let's do a Hollywood movie for you. Can I tell you something that you would find this to be interesting? There's nobody is are there any actors with your same name? No, there's no like I don't like a Robert Lee.

No, not really. There was a general. Oh, the Civil War. Is that why you changed your name? No, how dare you? I'm proud of my ancestor. He's your great grandfather. Anyway. OK, segregation wants to bring it back. I really there of Robert. He's my ancestor. He's your great grandfather? Anyway. Okay, okay, segregation, he wants to bring it back. I, there is a Ossifal. Whoa.

Robert E. Lee, look at him. Let's move on. Everyone knew that, but I didn't know you knew that. This is what Celsius does, dude. This is the weirdest, it's going all over the place. He's amped up. There is an Ossifal Lee. The south lost.

Oh, I thought you were fucking, I thought you were doing a salute. Yeah, do the salute. Yeah, yeah, this is your thinking man? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were fucking, I thought you were doing a salute. Yeah, do the salute. Yeah, yeah, this is your thinking man? Yeah. Oh, okay good. Yeah, there's Ossifali. This is, when I do auditions and stuff,

or when I'm on set. Oh shit. You know by the director, they'll have like the pictures of everybody, like if you're doing a commercial or something, so they can like keep track. 95% of the time, when I walk by there, it'll be this guy's picture.

And that's you over there. Wow. That's you to the right? That's me to the right. It took me 15 years. Do you know the guy? No, I've never met him. But how cool would it be if we went to... Could you change your name? To what at this point?

What's your middle name? Let's do some examples. What's your middle name? You're not gonna like it. I'm gonna love it, I think. You're not gonna like it. Can I pronounce it? Yeah, you can pronounce it.

I don't think I can. It's Muhammad. Oh, that's standard. See? I knew you weren't gonna like it and I knew you were gonna act like this. It's like a Mexican named Jose. It's like, why can't you change it up, you fucking guys?

Okay, so then what? Like Muhammad? Change it to what? What? Give me an example. You can make any sound effect. Why can't that be it? Okay, let's hear it.

Alap, boom. That doesn't sound Indian. That sounds like Asian. It doesn't matter. That could be it. Alak-bung. That doesn't sound Indian. That sounds like Asian. It doesn't matter. That could be it. Alak-bung. They have a hard time saying Asif. They're going to pronounce Alak-bung? Yeah, yeah. No, not Alak-bung.

Alak-bung. Alak-bung. Yeah, there we go. But the problem is executives are not going to be able to pronounce that. Okay, right, right. Let's give it something easy. Or should we go fully white? I just did it.

What is it? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Why can't that be your name? I mean, hey, who's coming in? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Oh, I love, wait, I love, twerk. You think they would respect me more?

Because I want to have a name that people will really respect. It doesn't even, you don't even have to use letters. You can just use like a symbol maybe with, Oh, like a pebble or something. Like a, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's a great, that's, why can't that be your name?

He's offer only. Yeah, he's offer only, yeah. So I was thinking, should I take this guy out or be in a movie with him? Oh, Osafili, Osalifalikin. Oh, by the way, that's another gripe I have with you. When Bobby brings up- Oh my God, dude, what the fuck are you doing?

After you get, after you have a set and you have the honor to bring up a legend like Bobby Lee on stage, you know, you give him the credits and then he goes, no credits. Or if you don't do credits and he'd be like, talk about my credits. And then you bring him on and then he'll be like, yeah, give it up for As-salamu alaykum or whatever. That guy will. Never said that. Come on, man.

And then I have to say, well, alaykum as-salam, just out of routine in the back. I do it for everybody. Why? So if it's August Hamilton, I'll go, one more time for Agh-e-Mal-a-no. Or whatever. Well, what if somebody's there and they're like,

I want to put you in my animated show, but who is that As-salamamulaykum guy that was there? You think that's how showbiz works? I think that's how showbiz works. You think you clashed it because of your little set? No. And also, I'm making it, listen, do I not give you a hug?

You do give me a hug. Have I ever brought you up? Yeah, you have. Is my intro's good? Yeah, it's pretty good. Better than most? Better than most. Exactly.

So shut your fucking little poooojabby face off. What are you guys doing? Four shows, guys, four shows at the Gold Kunda Four. What are you guys doing right now? I don't like when this happens. We're trying to figure out, did you intro our guest? No, you hit it. Wow, this is the kind of fucking, this is my ninth problem with you.

You never introduced me on your podcast. I fucking knew this was going to happen. That you were going to have me on and then you you were gonna get distracted by my hot ass doctor brother, and no one could introduce me, because you're so obsessed with him, and all the girls that he has sex with, and fucking roasting my ass, because I'm a nice professional in my workplace.

Is his body count bigger than yours? ["Himms for Your Head"] Hymns for your head, for your head. Hams. Hams. Yeah, summer's hot. Hotter weather is finally here, boy. But don't let hair loss also make you sweat.

Regrow hair with help from hams. They provide access to personalized treatments so you can see thicker, fuller hair in just what, three to six months, bud. Six months. Yeah. Baseball season is in a full swing. Home run.

Be honest. Are you wearing a hat to support your favorite team, my guy? Yeah, check it out, guy. Are you hiding the thinning hair? I'm just thinning too. I'm hiding it. Oh, man. Tams offers access to a range of prescription treatments that are home run. Am I right, baby?

Yeah. For hair growth. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Starting to notice thinning hair? HIMS offers access to prescription treatments for regrowing hair in as little as three to six months, so you can see a fuller head of hair by fall. HIMS offers convenient access to a range of prescription

hair loss treatments with ingredients that work including chews, oral medication, serums, and sprays. Dr. Trusted clinically proven ingredients like finasterid and minoxidil can stop hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. And the process is 100% online, which means getting started has never been more convenient. No insurance is needed.

And one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. Plus, treatment options start at just $35 per month. Wow, start your free online visit today at hems.com slash belly. That's hihms.com slash belly for personalized hair loss treatment options. HIMS dot com slash belly. Wow. Individual results may vary. Based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride, prescription required.

See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Roasting my ass because I'm a nice professional in my workplace. Is his body count bigger than yours? Your brother? Probably. You guys don't compare? No. Who has a bigger penis? I don't know.

Should we do it on the air right now? Have you ever seen your brother's penis? Oh wow. Do you want to? We'll blur it out. Yeah. You guys never do a spa and go, oh that's my brother's penis. No, we're waiting for you to offer. Okay. Can wow. Do you want to? We'll blur it out. Yeah, yeah. You guys never been to a spa and go, Oh, that's my brother's place. No, we're waiting for you to offer.

Okay. Can I give you an intro then? Yes. Okay. This next guy- I think good though, like I'm, you know what I mean? So people get really impressed with me. Look at my face.

Don't make that face! Hold on, hold on. Someone's calling me. Who's calling you right now? Oh my god. Shantino, hold on. Oh, pick it up. Okay. Can I intro you?

I have- I have As safari right now on the pod Hey, man. Oh Come on why would you do that? Yeah, yeah Yeah of all the brown guys, probably if not definitely the least funniest. Come on! Exactly, that's what I was about to do. I was about to do his intro and that's what that was my intro.

Andrew, my reps are going to see this. Okay. Yeah. And honestly, honestly, awesome, honestly, don't come around the store anymore. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Also, Andrew, Andrew. Andrew, Andrew, why can't I be in the animated show? Andrew, he apparently auditioned. I be in the animated show?

Andrew, he apparently auditioned. Did you listen to his audition? I didn't. I did. I did listen to it. No. I have a two-word response for you, Asif. You stink.

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you after this. Bye. Bye-bye. Okay, bye. Yeah, there we go. The truth has been told. Hey, man, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you after this, bye, bye, bye.

Yeah, there we go. The truth has been told. Hey man, I can't argue. All right, so this next guy that we have stinks. He sucks, you know what I mean? He has a show on Hulu. Yeah, yeah, he's now about to get banned from the Comedy Store.

You know what I mean? No, let's be real, okay? He's probably one of the funniest rising comics out there. He really is, he's a part of our group. I'm a part of the group? Oh, we love you. We love you in the club scene. And I'll tell you something, his show,

Deli Boys on Hulu, is a fresh of breath air. A fresh of breath air? Wow. That sounds mean. It's a fresh of breath air. That sounds mean. Yeah, yeah. And I'll tell you, you know, I don't know what that means.

Don't tell me. Right? The Deli Boys. The Deli Boys. Yeah, yeah. On, what does this say? On Hulu right now. Hulu.

What does Onyx mean? Onyx is the production company. Yeah, yeah. So Deli Boys. I'll tell you how I discovered Deli Boys. Okay, please. If I may. You don't know the first time I discovered it?

No. You were there. Oh. You know? Okay. What? I don't know. You don't know? I want you to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was at that Asian gala. Do you remember? Gold House. The Gold House gala. Did you get invited this year? Shout out to the Gold House. Yeah. I wasn't. Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Is it because you were doing thumbs down? What's thumbs down mean? You were doing thumbs down, doing certain speeches? I did thumbs down on this. Wait, what? What happened? Now you didn't do it on mine. Whose thumbs down did I do? You did it on somebody else.

You saw me do it? I saw you do it. I looked at you. Yeah, yeah. Somebody was performing. Sometimes I'm in a big gala or something and people are getting awards, right? I'll just go. What did you do it to? I don't remember, but I'll just do it. And it was one of the fun times. I have to see every watch.

Everyone has to see me. Sometimes I'll stand like oh. And they're like, we can't invite this man. Okay, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. But it was fun. The one year I did get invited, I went.

We had a great time. Well, I didn't. I wish I could say the same. Why not? Because you know what table I was in. You were at the comedian's table. No, that's not the comedian's table. You, Atsuko.

And others. Okay. Okay. And I was like, I'm going to go to the movie theater. I'm going to go to the movie theater. I'm going to go to the movie theater. I'm going to go you know what table I was in? You were at the comedian's table. No that's not the comedian's table. You, Atsuko. And others. Okay.

Okay. They asked me to. Let me ask you this. That's the table I was at. Which is a great table. That's a good table. Come out and bow. But it's not the table.

What is the table? You saw the table. My table? That was one of them. Yeah I know. The elite. It's pretty good. Yeah the elite table. And then there was's pretty good. Yeah, the elite table.

And then there was another table with Steven Yew and Michelle Yao, all those people. You weren't gonna get at that table. Yeah. They weren't gonna have you at that table. And this is what I wanna talk about, this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That energy.

No, no, no, the reason why. That energy is why we're here. No, no, no, no. The reason they don't want you. What? The reason they don't want you at that table. Is because I'm a loser. No, no, no, it's not because you're a loser.

It's because you would get everybody else to do thumbs down and they cannot have that many pictures. Or get John Cho to do a picture. Yeah, they can't have Michelle Yeoh doing thumbs down. Yeah, who did I thumbs down, do you know? I don't remember, but it's someone trying to be funny, I think. I also want to say.

But I also love that about it. Ask Safali, give him a round of applause. Come on! Woo! Woo! And that's beard. Hey, thank you! Have you tried growing a beard?

Yeah, it's too patchy. But this thing you got going on is good, the little goatee tail? What is this about making him feel better? I like making people feel... Like you have a nice goatee tail. That's the nicest I was talking about. Oh, you hate that. Tell me something physically about myself that's negative.

I think you have a perfect body. No, no. No, I just wanted to that's negative. I think you have a perfect body. No, no. No, I just wanna, let's do an exercise. Perfect fashion and you have a perfect body. Let's do an exercise if you can be critical. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Of you physically?

Just physically first. We can go into my fucking personality, we already did that. And we'll go back to it. Like physically because I don't know if you can. Okay, I will tell you something. All right, go ahead. Okay, I feel like you don't prioritize your own health. Wow, pretty critical.

Wait, why? Because I feel, I'm getting an applause break, dude, that's so cool. The doctor. The doctor approves of this. Well, what is it, whoa. It's bedside manner. This is new news to me.

I feel like you're not exercising as much as you should to create longevity for this podcast. Look at all the people you employ. What happens if something happens to you? Dude, this is not what I'm talking about. So you're... Okay, what you're saying... He's getting serious. Something happens to you. What are they gonna... How are they gonna feed their kids? Do you guys have kids? We're not talking... I love how... He has kids. Do you have kids?

I have a wife. He has a wife. Dude, how is he gonna feed his wife? So you think that when you see me backstage, I'm sloth-like? I don't think you're sloth-like, but the way you sit, like... Yeah! Regardless of the chair, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just shows that, you know, maybe your back is going to give out pretty soon.

No, no, no. My back is strong. Your back is strong. Yeah, yeah. I can plow. You can plow? Yeah. This sounds like my brother. This sounds like something my brother would do. Not with a fucking cattle, or. Your back is strong. Yeah, yeah, I can plow. Yeah. You can plow? Yeah. This sounds like my brother.

This sounds like something my brother would do. Not with a fucking cattle or whatever or bull. Yeah, yeah. But with like a mongoose or something. You're plowing women. Yeah. This is a response you've gotten? Let's go physically about my face and my body.

I just said that. No, you're not. You're being very like real. Real and helpful about it and giving me life advice. What I want is a real critical view of just my face. Yeah, I'll give you one. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Hype me as I'm. Okay. Tell him about his new haircut. Okay, I think your new haircut doesn't suit you. I think you look like a fucking idiot. Okay, see, you're not good at it. No, no, no.

You don't really believe that, that's why. I don't, I think you're a cool guy. Can I go in on you? I don't know. No, no, no, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet. Okay, can I go in on you? I don't know Okay, how about this you so you're used like you're built like a marshmallow there we go You thought about that for a second. I like it. You like it. Yeah. Yeah, is that something you're going for or you just like that? It's rude See now we're getting somewhere now. I'm getting angry. This is good. Okay Okay, okay, you're built like a marshmallow. I feel like people look at you and they just laugh at the idea of you they're not even

excited to see you they're just like oh the idea of you that's not a physical thing it is they're just like oh this guy yeah yeah okay that hurts go ahead and when they take a picture with you they're like can you believe it okay can you believe it like like driving, like when someone takes a picture of like a car accident. How many photos have you taken on my behalf? On your behalf? Yeah, has a fan ever go, can you take a photo of me?

All the time. Exactly. But it's always preceded. So fuck off. No, it's always preceded by them doing a horrific Asian accent and then you having to tell a white frat guy to not do that and then they feel bad and then I take the photo and it's a kid just like

completely reeling. I know! That's my fan base! That's your fan base. They don't know any better! They're from the sticks, they don't know any better. What percentage of your fan base would unknowingly vote for you to get deported? Oh 50%. Yeah, 50%. But I love them all. Yeah, we love them all. Slept Kingdom. Okay. Okay, now it's your turn. Go on, go in on me. Well, I mean, it's like this. It's like, you know, let's say pose. So excited.

This is what God did, okay? Oh, not God did. Yeah, yeah, I wanna make two brothers. Okay. Okay. I'll have two canvases. Are you twins? Right?

No, we're not twins. The same, so exactly. They're not, look at them. Oh, right. So basically it's this it's like God went like this. I'm gonna use the same pieces right for the face Yeah, but I'm gonna arrange it in a different way in a better way, right? Yeah, so he took right So he took your brother's alley kind of like Ali. Yeah, Ali's Anyone okay? No, you took time. He took time, yeah. The eyes, this seems correct, right? The nose, everything, the lips.

Yeah, the chin. Yeah, let's go fucking Kardashian. He's got real DSLs on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The hair, everything, right? Yeah. And then, and then somebody went to God and goes, God, there's a tsunami, we gotta, right?

And he had the other pieces and he went, ugh! Rush job. And he went, what? Rush job. Is it rush, what? Rush job. Is it rush job? Yeah. He put the eyes too close to each other. Yeah.

You know, he, the noise too pointy, witch-like. You know what I mean? Is he an actor? Or is he? Don't do that! Don't do that! He's the actor! He's the actor!

You decide what you want! I'm the actor! As if you're so cute, I don't even, I'm just. Who's the actor? I'm the actor. I'm like, you're so cute. I'm just. I'm the actor. I'm right here. He's merely a pharmacist who fucks more than, he fucks at a clip that people think that he's living, he's living the life that people think that I should be

living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm wake up in the morning. Leo range, Leo range of fucking. I'm studying. I'm trying to become a better actor. I'm trying to be a writer. I'm trying to do things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. I wake up in the morning. Leo range, Leo range of fucking. I'm studying, I'm trying to become a better actor, I'm trying to be a writer, I'm trying to do things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he goes, I, I'm a doctor. And then Indian girls love him too, Indian, Pakistan girls love him, because they're like, he's, he has, he comes to events, he comes to the Bobby Lee podcast, he comes to Tiger, and then, and then he's also a doctor. That's a girl's dream. You're around all this cool stuff.

Right. Also have stability. Right, but guess what he doesn't have? Your talent. He's not in a sense of humor. girl's dream you're around all this cool stuff right also have stability right but guess what he doesn't have your your talent he's pretty fucking no no whoa whoa whoa what you were you trying stand up at one point I was I was yeah yeah that's sad yeah yeah I don't know this is love huge fucking yeah I don't I don't know do The game backfires. Okay, now we're on the same side. Here's the sad part. Okay, now we're on the same side. Here's the sad part. The sad part is this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know if this is love.

We had a huge fucking mistake. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know if this is love, right? Yeah. But you're a pharmacist, you're making pretty good money, probably six figures. Parents are proud of him. Your parents are super proud of him, right? You're getting a lot of ladies, right?

So many. But then you look at your brother, your younger brother, correct? Yeah. Yeah, and he goes, hey, wait a second, my younger brother's on a TV show? Mm. Right?

He does talk like that. I know. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And he's killing in front of all these people, getting all this attention. Yeah, why do people like him? I'm going to kill it too. Yeah.

Yeah. And it didn't work out, did it? No. Why? Why? Fundamentally, he's weaker. He's weaker, yeah. He doesn't have the strength as you do.

Mm. The internal fortitude. Well, you need internal fortitude to do stand up. Let's try that word again. He's weaker, yeah. He doesn't have the strength as you do. The internal fortitude. Well, you need internal fortitude to do stand up biking. Let's try that word again. Let's take that back again. Let's take it from the top. And action. Wait, wait, wait, first of all, let me say something.

I've never had anyone on this podcast give me a line reading. But that's why I wanted to be on your show. I'm a real actor. I'm a real actor. I don't even know the line that I was saying. Give me the line again. One more time. Internal fortitude.

Ready? Internal forwarditude. Come on, no, no, no, not forwarded dude. was saying. Give me the line again. One more time. Internal fortitude. Ready? Internal forwarditude. Come on, no, no, no, not forwarditude. Say action, you didn't say action. You said internal fortitude. Internal fortitude. Say action, I'm gonna. Rolling.

Rolling. Speeding. Action. Hey Frank. Yeah. You need internal fortitude. Hey, I love that. What do you think of that?

That's actually really good. And you put it in a period piece. By the way, I watched your short film. That was like 1980s New York. That was 2029. No, that felt like Bronx. Raging Bull. Like yeah, like Scorsese kind of thing.

I watched your short film, Death and Ramen. Can I tell you something? And I thought you were great. And this is the first time in my life I've read the comments. You have no idea what you're doing? I've read the comments. You're still, yeah, go ahead.

And I was like, I was hoping that there'd be some sick ass burns in there. Because that's what we go to the comments for. All of the comments, there's not one negative comment. It's all just like, they're all like, oh my God, Bobby. And this is also kind of like a diss too. They're like, oh my god Bobby, you can act. And it's like, yeah you've been here for, you've been acting for 30 years, and they're all like, oh my god Bobby keep going, like you were like in a Make A Wish program or something, they're like, keep going man, you can do it. They think you're on the edge. Do your fans think that you're going to jump off a cliff or something?

Why, right now? I feel like jumping off right now. Yeah, because the comments, they make it seem like, hey man, if you don't say nice things, he's gonna kill him. No, here's the deal, okay? But it is very good and you did a great job. You have no idea what you just stirred up. What did I stir up?

You unlocked something. Unlock what? You unlocked a door that can never be shut again. You're a very talented guy. No, no, no. And I'm gonna tell you the door that you had no information about. What happened?

I'm gonna tell you what it is, okay? So the director of the short, you know, I did it for free. Yeah. Okay? That's huge to get something in your caliber. And I thought I did a pretty good job. You did a great job, yeah. You deferred payment.

You deferred payment. I deferred payment. And Matt Jones also did a great job. Matt Jones did a great job. Who played your mom? I forgot her name. Oh, that was the one funny comment in the comment section. It was like, Bobby did a great job, but I just wish? I forgot her name. Oh that was the one funny comment in this comment section was like Bobby did a great job but I just wish they had casted Andrew as Bobby's mom and I was like come on. That's a funny joke. That's a

funny joke. Can we go to the controversy? Yeah let's get into it. Yeah all right so during this production of this thing you know I mean yeah the director was just like you know I mean I can't wait this is a movie this and that. Oh he wanted to make it into a full length. A full feature length. Okay. And then I was at the Renaissance Fair with my friends. You do that? Yeah. I did twice this year.

Oh, cool. I've never been before. I'm not judging you. I just think it's dumb and a weird thing to do. And I think it's kind of like downplays all of this real like I'm a closer type energy. You know what I mean? Okay. Andrea Jin. I take it back.

I take it back, that's very cool. Yeah, it's a fun time. It's a fun time. Okay, anyway, that was the day. And Andrea Jinn goes, because her, something that she's seeing is a part of the business. Classic.

And she was saying, oh, so isn't it weird that they didn't cast you in the movie? And I go, what? Yeah, she goes, they got a gigantic budget and then I found out who, they recast me. Are you serious? Yeah, and so then we talked about it on Bad Friends, we did a spell. Oh my God!

We did a spell on the guy, right? And then all of a sudden, there became a little war between agencies. It was a really tough thing. And in retrospect, I want people to watch Tiger's movie because I think he's super talented and I get it. I get why he recast me. I don't. He's a better actor the guy they got. No that's not true. He's from White Lotus. I disagree. Yeah hold on. I have to itch my head. Why, you can't have that on camera?

Yeah. What is this? What kind of image are you trying to protect right now? It was super hurtful when I found out, but in retrospect, I felt like I overreacted, and I think Ty Tiger's super talented, and I hope that the movie is a success. Can I disagree with you? On several counts?

That's why I'm here. I don't think that whoever they cast is better than you because you already did proof of concept, you already did the thing, you played the character, you are the reason he got funding. So if you did bad, he wouldn't have gotten a budget to make the feature length movie. So you inherently are good enough to make the movie. Could it be this though? What? The direction's good, we just didn't like the lead.

I don't think so. Okay. Well there's so many arguments that can be had. I can guarantee you, you are more famous than the person that they hired. Okay. And what is Hollywood now than a series of collections of famous people and projects? Okay I'm going to say, first, I have to be honest, it was hurtful. Of course. And I was a little angry.

I'm pissed right now. I overreacted. And I'm here making my peace with the director. I don't think you should ever make peace. Please, you're making it hard! I don't think you should make peace. I'll ask if you're making it hard for me to make peace. No, Bobby, I think what you should do instead

is take this feeling, and instead of just being like, whatever, it is what it should do instead is take this feeling. Yeah. And instead of just being like, whatever it is what it is, this guy's better than me and that's what the world is because that's how you feel like this business has treated you for all these years. You feel like that they've beaten you down and they've made you feel like you're not worthy and you're not worth it. You should use that energy and use all these people whose families that you're providing, you know

You're putting this guy's wife through Medical school or whatever the fuck his wife is doing his kids are how old are your kids? Do and for two and four you're putting his kids through school right now. No, no, no, and I want you to know this I want you to know this by because I'm sick of this shit. Okay, you need to take this energy and you need to make Your own shit. You need to make your own Make your own shit. You need to make your own movie. You know that thing you're not in? I made that. Yeah, but that's a cartoon. That's a cartoon. I have four things, that's why I'm not that mad. I have four things really good happening. Huge pro- I can't tell you. Why can't you tell me?

Let me audition for these things. I have four really good things in the fucking, in the oven. In the pipeline? Yeah, and they're real legit great things. I'm very excited about it. I just don't like, you know what I mean, I don't like being bamboozled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And tricked and used. Well, I have a short film that I would love for you to be in. I would do it. I would literally do any short with you. Oh, really? Really. Even if we shoot at the Goldkinder Fort in Hetherbud. Honestly, if you had a good, I love doing shorts.

Okay. If you ever, If I had a good idea, you would be in it. I would help you write it. Wow. Let's do one. This is the promise. Let's do one.

It's on camera. And seven ekis can produce it. Will you pinky promise me on this? Okay, deal. All right, that's a deal. So what would you do in this situation? I would be absolutely livid. I've given you my time. I've lent you my name and my celebrity. If I was as famous as you, I wouldn't even do a short film without

asking for 100% control. Yeah. Of like if I'm not getting money. And Matt Jones, you're gonna replace Matt. They replaced Matt too? Jones, you're gonna replace Matt Jones. They replaced Matt too? Oh, you think they're gonna only replace me? They can't tell Matt? Yeah. That was a reveal. Because I think replacing the lead to them is an easier way to secure funding,

and then everybody else. Look up the guy, we don't wanna say his name, but look up the guy that did replace me. Glenn Powell. No, not Glenn Powell. That would be unbelievable. The general. They got Glenn Powell?

Cindy McCain. You know, I auditioned for his part in White Lotus and I didn't get it? Yeah. Oh. Which I get. Yeah, so once I looked him up, I'm like, okay, I get it.

Why, just because he's a hot guy? What? Can we get him on the pod? I like him. Hey, hey, wait, wait, what's going on here? Turn around, look at my brother for a second. There's hot people around you, dude. Be appreciative of the one right behind you.

I don't know. Have you ever spoken to him? No, I don't know. He lives in England. So you have the internet. What are you talking about? Like you have to send a letter or something? What are you talking about? My doves don't fly that far. My homie pigeons just don't have that kind of range. What do you want me to do?

I want you to send him a DM right now. No. Internal... Diarrhea. No, what is it? This is what I would do if it was me. Internal what? Internal fortitude. Okay. Oh yeah, fortitude. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, come on. Action. Will we do the thing again? Yeah, internal fortitude. Oh yeah. Hey Joel. Yeah? You need to have internal fortitude. That's so good! I can't say it, I don't think in a regular voice.

Okay, try it in your regular voice. I'll say it. Okay, okay. Let's do a scene where like... That's what we're doing. No, no, no, but what's gonna be in the scene? You want lines too? No, no, we're gonna do a scene where like... I want you to have lines.

I'll have lines too. You play Joe. Oh, okay, I'll play Joe, okay, okay, okay, yeah. And we're just regular guys, we don't have to be in the mob. Yeah, I'm gonna be like, let's, we're in a Minecraft team. I don't know how Minecraft works. No, no, no, this is, no. We're playing Dungeons and Dragons. We're playing Dungeons and Dragons, okay.

I don't know how it's played. I don't know how it's played either. Why are we picking things that we don't have to do the worst abrupt things of all time? Let's try, let's try, say action. All right, action. Why, I think the dragon goes into that lair, and I think there's a magic spell on it.

I don't know, I think if you move this over here with the cape, I think that'll have more of a return. You know, you gotta have, But it's my turn. You gotta have a little bit more internal fortitude. Honestly, you think I need internal fortitude Boy, we got to take that back again. Should we do a different location fartitude? You said fartitude? I did. Yeah dude, I'm Let me tutor you no, let me tutor you don't tutor. Let me live with that tutor you You see action you make up of improv. I think that's the way. Okay. I don't let me tutor you don't tutor. Let me live with that tutor you you say action you make up of improv

I think that's the way okay. I don't even know what the improv. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay and action Bobby it's been three years my god. I've been writing you letters You know what what? Lethally lethally. Yeah, I need more internal fortitude. That was good Oh good, That was good. That was good. I think it's just you need some emotion behind it that doesn't really get something. Or let's do a real emotional.

Let's do another one. Okay, okay. I'm pregnant. Dave, what? They said it couldn't happen, but here I am. You need more internal fortitude. That's good. It's the emotion is key. It's the emotional for me. I can't say it regular Yeah, you're so good. Can you say it?

Let's and action. That's the best. We're doing our first lines first. Yeah, we're doing our first lines What do you want me to say? Should we arrest him? Well, just try to figure out the two things that we were saying and put it into a thing But after we talk and then just say internal for at some point Action this is our fifth house we're looking at I mean this is a new real estate agent But honey listen what we have to do. Yeah is get a place. I'm sick of living with your in-laws. Okay. I'm sick of it Wait and also this is a whole lot hold on sir Sir will you stop? Listen, I got... Hold the fuck on.

Hey, I got other buyers. What are you saying, sir? Sir? Anyway, let him talk, let him talk. I have other buyers trying to buy this freaking house. This guy's drunk. This real estate agent is completely drunk. Anyway, what are you saying?

What are you saying? I got other buyers that want to buy this. You have other buyers? Yeah, yeah. I have a speech impediment. Are you going to buy this house or not? Am I going to buy this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway you gonna buy this house or not? Am I gonna bind this? Anyway, so-

Stay the line, honey. Stay the line. You guys are giving me internal fluids. Wait, what is the word again? We're gonna have to recast it. We're gonna have to recast it. Did you really forget? Did you really forget it?

No, yes, kind of. It's internal, we'll try it again, we'll try it again. Wait, what's it again? Internal. Internal? Fortitude. Fortitude. Yeah, but's it again? Internal, internal fortitude. Fortitude. Yeah, but we're gonna let the scene bleed out.

Yeah. Because I don't want you to be thinking about the word. I want you to just come out and organically, all right? And then just have it organically. Another, another. It's gonna be a different scene now. Yeah. Okay, here we go.

Five, four, three, two, action. Sir, I bought this ticket online. And I'm gonna need you to calm down. Okay. Okay? Just because I work at the DMV does not mean that you can disrespect me like this. Sir, I know, but I've been waiting in this line

for three hours. What number does it say? 3,642. Yeah, we're at 26. Oh my God. We're at 26 right now. Let me talk to your manager. Okay, I'm gonna get my manager.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on, Mohamed? Wow. Wow. That's your name? It says Cliff on your... I have to let it ride. We have to let it ride.

Well, anyway, Mohamed. We have a friendship. We have a friendship. It's like our pet names for each other. Anyway, what's your name, sir? Cliff. Oh, you're Cliff. What, do you have his name tag on your shirt?

It's a fun bit that we do at the DMV. Oh, I see the Mohamed on your shirt. Yes, it's a fun bit we do here. He's number 26 and he's pissed. Yeah, so I'm $3,226. But online I they said Anyway, so so I'm it take a five Mohamed. Oh, yeah. So what's the problem, sir? You are? Out of control. You're becoming internal fluid

You really forget it Get out the chopper the father dude get to the chopper Get out the chopper, the fatitude. Get to the chopper. Dude, dude, dude. Did you really forget? Bro, bro, bro. Did you really forget? You can't do this to yourself.

You have a family. They're watching this. Yeah, yeah. You have to do it. You don't have a family? Of course. Internal fortitude. Internal fortitude.

You got it, bro. So think of this. Think this, okay? Let's try to get his mind wrapped around it. Yeah, I feel like I'm your tutor again. I know. So, um. For a guy that just learned how to say it, this is incredible, Steve.

Hey, fuck you. And this is how information gets. So just think about your insides. Internal. Internal, yeah. All right, so you got that right. So think of Fortnite. Fortitude.

Think of fortitude. There you go, like a fort with attitude. Yeah, okay. Fortitude. This is gonna be the last improv we do on internal fortitude, ladies and gentlemen. I promise you, okay? No, the people at home love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we go, rolling and action. Listen, I know you wanna be the a capella, the lead. Yeah, I'm the a capella lead. I feel like my tenor brings the sort of, you know, the je ne sais quoi to our group. It kind of is the glue of the acappellic group. Yeah, but like, um... And I know I'm a freshman.

I know I'm a freshman and I don't have seniority here. But we have a kid here, Toto, who can say that complex... Did he just make a noise? Yeah, yeah. Did Toto just make a noise? Well, he's vocal exercising. He's vocal, he's warming up. He's a native and he's vocal exercising.

Okay. His name's Toto. Okay, so, but the thing is, is I is I yeah I feel like I should take his spot. Anyway. I feel like I deserve his spot because I'm a better. You do Muhammad? Yes. Yes I feel like okay I feel like this has come up before and I feel like the fans and our audience prefer me. Anyway so Toto sing the acapella that we were that it was amazing. acapella that we were, it was amazing.

Yeah, sing that phrase that we love to do. Yeah. Fucking lock in, Toto. This is why I think I should take your spot. I'm sorry. I have inter fortitude. That's close enough. Get to the chopper now.

Because I'm so happy. I can't believe you do this several times. This is crazy. Every Monday. Every Monday. This is crazy! This is crazy. It's literally embarrassing. Why? Like I'm blushing. I'm so ashamed. Cause he did Arnold Schwarzenegger. Literally embarrassing. Why? Like I'm blushing, I'm so ashamed.

It's because he did Arnold Schwarzenegger. Schwarzo what? Slusher. Whoa, don't ever say that actor's name. You said inter fortitude. I said internal. Ooh, sassy. So say it right now.

Internal fortitude. Very good. Wow. Okay, so he's the opposite. We're never gonna say that. He needs no emotion. We're never gonna say that term again for the rest of the podcast. Okay, just at the very end. Yeah, we'll do it at the very end. At's very good. So he's the opposite. We're never going to say that. He needs no emotion. We're never going to say that term again for the rest of the podcast.

OK. Just at the very end. It's the very, yeah. We'll do it at the very end. At the very, very end. Yeah, we'll sing a song with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So I will say the thing that does, it does make me mad, that you weren't consulted ahead of time of like, here's the healthy way to do it. Would be like, hey. OK, this is the good argument. This is the good argument would have been like, hey, I am doing this as a short in the interest of using this as like a sort of pitch

to make a feature. And I would love if it was you guys, but I know how the system works. And there's a reality in which that in order to get funding, I might, I may not even be able to direct the thing. Okay. So we don't know who we're gonna be. The whole thing about me doing the movie

is the whole pitch of me doing the short. Oh. You know what I mean? So I would have never done the short if it was something else beyond it. Okay, if we did a short film together, what would it be about? What would you like to do with me?

Any of those improv scenarios. DMV, DMV? No. I think what would be really cool for us to do? I think the opening shot is this. I just envisioned it. We're in the desert. We're in the desert. What? It's not an Indian thing.

I just feel like it's going there. Exterior, Heatherbond. It literally is a... No no we're in like, Like Nevada or something? No, no, like Joshua Tree. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. And we're digging a hole. Oh shit.

The opening scene. Okay. And we've been, we're sweating. We've been digging. Yeah, we've been digging. The thing's that we're fighting. And it basically, you're not here, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? Yeah. And I have some sort of map. Uh-huh. Right? I go, you're not here, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. And I have some sort of map. Uh-huh. Right? I go, you know what I mean? The cliff that looks like a dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

This retreat, right? Yeah. And that's the opening scene. Okay. Right? We found the map. Uh-huh. You were given it to, you were given the map.

Yeah. When your grandfather died as an inheritance. But we didn't know it was a map. Basically he gave you a little wooden kind of horsey toy thing that you liked as a kid. Uh-huh, uh-huh, a little totem. And all your family members got like real money and this and that.

So I was mad about it. So you and I are getting high one night, right? And you're like, fuck, I got this. And you threw it, but inside was this map. That's like signed by my grandpa. Yeah, and he goes, he goes, it's some ambiguous thing that we don't even know what it means yet.

Dear Muhammad. No, not even that, like, yeah, whatever your name is. John, let's just call you John. Okay. Let's just go. No, I'm not gonna go racial on it. I feel like once I said desert, you were out. No, no, no, I'm in, I'm fully locked in now.

No, I'm locked in. Jungle then. No, no, no, I'm in. I'm fully locked in now. Jungle then. No, no, no, I'm locked into the desert. I'm locked into the desert. Alright, alright. We're in Joshua Tree, right? Is this a comedy? Hey, don't do that. No, is it comedy or drama? Actually, you know what? We should do something that's like... drama.

Because I think our people need to see it. I got another premise then okay, okay? Like see I want us I want people to look at us and be like wow I thought I knew them But now it's I don't even know like they're completely there. They're artists. I'm here. Yeah, it's it's this okay You're down on your luck. You live in Phoenix fuck where I go fuck right your wife left you two kids, right? I live in Long Beach. Yeah, you and I were friends growing up, still best friends. One day you call me and you go, I don't have any money to get back to Long Beach, I wanna stay with my parents.

So I drive all the way to Phoenix to pick you up. It's now seven, eight p.m. and we're driving. When you go out from Phoenix to LA, there's a remote, where there's nothing. And then we see a light above us, right? And it's a really aggressive aliens that are trying to capture us for probing. To what, in what end?

What end are they probing us with? Be honest with me. Your first thought, was it a butt probe? Well you and I will be on, in the short, we will be on our stomachs. On all fours? No, we're going to be on our stomachs completely naked on a metal, like futuristic sci-fi

kind of table. And there are probes sticking out of our butt. Okay? And you think that someone's going to be, you think And there are probes sticking out of our butt, okay? And you think that someone's gonna be, you think our reps are gonna be like, yeah, get them on the new season of some intense drama. I'm just throwing, I'm spit balling here, baby. You give me a premise.

Okay, okay, here's one that I think. You have one? Yeah. Or let, let, let, yeah, yeah. No, no, you go first, I want to hear yours. No, go ahead, we want to hear yours. All right, you guys are two. Yeah, you go first. I want to go ahead. We're here yours. All right You guys are two roommates 30 years old Okay, so we're gonna have a lot of fucking make CGI like the Irish. How do you know?

I'm 55 now. How do you I'm 37? Yeah, you look 30. Yeah, that's what I said But I want to I want to I want to look like I'm 20 in this short that we can have some leeway You know, they're making new James Bond movies Well, who you know what you are do what I realized you're a climber. Oh, yeah I look like I'm 20 in this short. That way we can have some leeway. You know they're making new James Bond movies. Who? You know what you are, dude? I just realized, you're a climber. Oh yeah. You're a climber, right?

Why do you think I'm here, dude? Yeah, yeah. Interesting. They told me that if I was on here, I would sell maybe four to six more tickets on the road. You might. And I'm holding them to that. You might.

And I'm holding them to that. No, no, no, let's hear it, let's hear it. So, you're roommates in LA. Yeah roommates in that were cool roommates in Los Angeles, and this is a comedy short Okay, and you got a two uber drivers your uber. He's a lift and what's my character's name in this? Zack oh, okay. I'm back on bar. Thank you. Thank you Jaime and John Now work on John working tight. Thank you Jaime second John is a working title of the of the movie okay Okay, cool, cool, cool. And yeah, just Uber, just trying to make a buy.

You're in love with his sister. I'm in love with his sister? Yeah. Oh nice. You would be. Yeah, and what's he? Huh? Is he gay? What's going on? He's not gay, he's straight.

All right, so I'm Lyft driver, he's an Uber driver. I'm in love with his sister. What happened? And the whole day, y'all trying to like... You're trying to get with his sister? You're trying to fuck my sister, dude? In the move, in the shore. Most of the place takes in at the Uber station and at the X airport. The parking lot?

But I never pick anybody up? Yeah, you guys are terrible, and you guys never pick up. And my sister's just in the car with me? She's like my co-pilot? No, he's talking to you, but like, hey, what's up with your sister? Just two guys in a car basically talking. No, two cars, two guys. And we're on the phone.

And you guys are just hanging out trying to get picked up, get some rides. Oh my god. Do you want to do it? Go ahead. You want to do it? Your pitch. Okay, so this is my pitch. This is my pitch for a full movie. This is my pitch for...

I like this idea. Me and my friend, we're going to make it, so... You better. And... Who? Ralph. He won't do it. Yes, he would.

Okay. That sounds like a fun... Ralph Barboza. Oh, very cool. I'm a fan of Ralph. I love Ralph. That's awesome. I think what we need to do... I think what we need to do,

I think what we need to do is something that makes our people go and our fans go, I didn't know he had it in him. Really dramatic. It's crazy, just fucking insane. I think it needs to be something like, you know, you kill someone Right let's you feel the whole already the vibe in here you kill someone yeah

and We think that it's because it was like an accident But throughout the course of the movie five minutes five minutes we find out at the end of the movie that you actually killed this person on purpose because they fucked you over financially a long time ago. So we're roommates. We're not roommates. How about this? Okay.

We're roommates. Yeah. What was the premise before? The premise before is that you killed somebody. Yeah, I'm giving you the context now. Okay, okay, okay, I hear you. What? Go ahead. Yeah. That's what we're going to do? You murder somebody.

No, but I wanted to be... Credits roll down. What the fuck are we doing here? No, I wanted to be that person that you killed's husband. Oh, so I killed a guy. No, no, you killed a girl. Wait, what's going on? You're gay in this. Wait, okay. Yeah, that's even better. That's even better. Drama. You know what's so fucking fucked up?

What? That wasn't even a joke on my part. I just assumed it would be, you'd be gay in it. Why is that? I don't know, it was weird. Just something about me? Dude, that was weird. Fuck, that was that was crazy what I did. Yeah. I just assumed that your husband I killed. So you have a girl in it?

Why do you say like that? Like it's impossible that I would ever have a girlfriend or a wife. I don't think anyone watching is gonna be like... Is gonna expect that I would ever have a girlfriend or a wife? Yeah, I don't know. What is this? Is this why you didn't cast me in your animated series? In Kelly Boys, do you have with anybody? Yes, I have a fiancé.

In it? Yes. I have a fiance. In it? Yes. The whole season. Cut it out. Cut it out? Yeah, second season cut it out. Okay, say it to the producers. So I killed your wife? You killed my wife. So you want to act too?

Yes. So it's a conversation between you and I? Yes. So I'm at home, you knock on the door? Yeah. Okay. And you thought you got away with it. I go, hey, what's up? And then I'm there to kill you.

How do you, so I go, you knock, I answer, hey, what's up, Don? And I go, hey, are you? Am I what? Are you John? Yeah, dude. I work with your wife. Did you get into a, no, no, this is after you killed my wife. Yeah, dude. I work with your wife. Did you get into a...

No, no, this is after you killed my wife. Yeah, but I worked with her. That's how I know I know your wife. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Fair enough. Or husband. We'll decide later, but... And I go, and I go, yeah, it's been a while. How are you?

Yeah, all right. And I have some drinks here. I just wanted to see what's up. I was in the area. Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, dude. I don you? Yeah, all right. And I have some drinks here. I just wanted to see what's up. I was in the area. Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, dude. I don't know you that well. What are you coming over with drinks? I was just in the area.

I just wanted to say hi. Yeah, anyway, I'm doing something. And then you try closing the door and I put my fucking foot in the door, dude. Foot's in the door. Right? Right. Door stops. Right.

And I go, I need to talk to you. All right, come in. You're not scared In the movie you'd have to be scared that I'm like holding the door. I'll tell you why because in my mind I'm trying to act cool because I already know I killed your wife Right, so I would just try to pretend but the audience doesn't know that you did it on purpose yet They're on your side because they think it was an accident that I'm overreacting. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, dude What you put your foot in the fucking door for what's wrong with fucking talk to you?

Get on the get do it outside. You're coming in Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, why you put your foot in the fucking door for? What's wrong with you? I need to fucking talk to you. Get on the, get on the. Can we do it outside? You're not coming in. Get on the ground. Oh, I see. The probe in my butt? Probe is coming back. I'm an alien, I'm an alien.

And I wanted to take you back up like Joshua Tree the whole time. And I have a car antenna in your butthole. Let's just do the movie you want to do. Okay, alright. I'm just laying naked on my back. You're not laying naked on your back. And you're just like on top of me.

I'm on top of you. And that's it. That's the movie you want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. Anyway, you can be in it. You can be in it. You want to be in it? Can I be the alien? That's actually really good. You do kind of, he does kind of have like a men in black alien look to him. Let me, be honest with you. So if there was a movie, Jaime, and it was like...

Look how good that is. Oh my God, you just did that. Eternal fortitude. Can I say, I put your name and said comedian and it made you look like your brother. It made me look like my brother. Wow. Unbelievable. Trust no, you got a chat?. It made me look like my brother. Wow. Unbelievable.

Trust no, you got a chat? That was good. That was really good. Wow. Wow. So Jaime, if, are you paying attention? Yeah. Yeah. So if Paul Thomas Anderson, you know who that is? Yeah, PTA. Yeah.

You know, people doubt you, but like, you know a lot. Yeah, you do know a lot. You know a lot. I watch a lot of movies. What's a couple of PTA movies? Yeah, give me a couple examples. Liquorice Pizza. Oh, good one.

Magnolio. Wow, that's amazing. There you go. I watched it two times. I couldn't get that right. Magnolio's a great movie. It is. Yeah, yeah.

So Paul Thomas stands for calls and he goes, hey, man, I got Brad Pitt, you know what I mean? Scarlett Johansson and Jaime, we got Brad Pitt, you know, I mean Scarlett Johansson. Mm-hmm and Jaime we're big fans Okay, we have you're gonna we have wrote a I wrote a character. You're a gay guy. He's panic guy Okay, you just what like an yeah, but you also sell star maps on Hollywood Boulevard. Okay. Okay. Yeah, and then Um, I don't know if you know this gay actor named Asaf Ali Yes, I'm aware. Yeah, so we cast him.

I'm aware, you just. Yeah, yeah, and Asaf Ali, you know what I mean? He plays a character named Mohammed in it. Okay. Right? His name is Cliff Mohammed. Because we didn't wanna offend him. You didn't offend anybody, you know what I mean?

Peaks you up. Anyway, there is a very highly charged sex scene where, I mean, listen, we'll go to your agents, we'll figure it out. We'll get an intimacy coordinator? We'll get an intimacy coordinator. We'll make it very safe for you. But you're gonna be completely naked.

There will be one point where, in Asafi, Asaf. Asaf! Asaf Ali, you're not here. You're right. Asaf Ali requested this, not here. You're right. Asaf Ali requested this, that he wanted real insertion. Okay. Oh my God. And we're like, I don't know, sag, we called sag.

You know what I mean? And they were cool with it? No, they said no, but he does want to at least stick his genitals between the cracks of your cheeks. Not all fully in, but it's gonna be, we're doing a wide and we'll do a close up. It'll be really quick. Will you do the movie? Is this kinda like Boogie Nights? Yeah, it's kinda like, we're doing a wide, and we'll do a little close up. It'll be really quick. Will you do the movie?

Is this kinda like Boogie Nights? Yeah, it's kinda like Boogie Nights. Okay. Yeah. That's your first question. If Mark. He wants to win an award. I can sense it.

Yeah, I can sense it. He's like, can I get it? Will I be able to get nominated for an Oscar? Then I'll do it. Good line of question. Yeah. It's like, but yeah, it's award, yeah, yeah, yeah. If Mark did it, then I can do it too. Okay, so you would like to. Wow, this is a real question. Yeah. It's like, but yeah, it's a war, yeah, yeah. If Mark did it, then I can do it too.

Okay, so you like- This is a real actor. Wow. This is a real actor willing to dedicate- No, no, it's me calling you on Paul Thomas, right? What's up? Hey, hi! I'm like being like super excited, you know what I mean?

Because it's Paul Thomas Anderson. Yeah. Hey, hi! Hey, what's up? Hey, Paul, how are you? Huge fan. Love your work! Anyway, I'll see you later, man.

Your energy's up. Yeah, I have your stuff saved on HBO Max. And I bought the physicals. You wouldn't do that. I love your stuff. You wouldn't do that. Nobody belongs in the Criterion Collection more than you, my guy, PTA.

Was just talking about you. Love you, Paul. So what's up? How are you? You would do that? Hey, you ever come by the Comedy Store? I know Bobby. Yeah.

We should come by. We could hang out sometime. Well forget it then. No, no, no. Paul, Paul, come on. No, no, I'm done. Paul, come on. Let's talk. Okay. You know Jaime? Dude, I love Jaime. I've worked with him before. Jaime Garcia?

Yeah, he's a cool guy. Yeah. He knows Ralph Barbosa. I don't know if you know that. I know. Yeah, cool guy. Well, Ralph knows him. Oh, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, Ralph knows him. Very cool., I'm just you know, the next Eastside Morales. Damn not easy. Yeah, you know, you saw Morales Yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah, he's actually gonna be there. Tom didn't want to do another mission impossible, but Jaime's that the next villain in the next time in the next one. Yeah in the next one damn So, I mean, I love that you're telling me just like Hollywood information, but I wonder. Because I was trying to sell you that you're. That I'm working with him. I'm locked in, PTA.

Yeah, so we called your agent. We know you wanted to do a full insertion gasing. And here's the thing, here's the thing. I feel like that was taken out of context. Paul, listen, Paul, listen to me. I love you, huge fan, I feel like that was taken out of context. Paul, listen, Paul, listen to me. I love you, huge fan. I feel like that was taken out of context. I said that I wanted to fully immerse myself into drama.

I think they misunderstood that. I fully insert my. Well then you're not gonna get the judge. Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul. Come here, we'll do it. No, no, no, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul. I'm willing to do two things in this industry. I'm willing to take steroids and I'm willing to do full insertion, if that Paul, Paul, Paul. I'm willing to do two things in this industry. I'm willing to take steroids

and I'm willing to do full insertion, if that's what it takes. If I'm willing, you're promising me a SAG Choice Award. You know what's so funny? If it's a big director like Tarantino, Spielberg, like one of those kind of guys, I don't think there's anything I'm not willing to do. You would suck someone's penis?

If it was like a really Oscar worthy, you know what I mean, movie, like okay, it's stacked, right? And I get to really be this character. So you wouldn't do like a Nora because you're like, I don't know what this is going to be. I never saw Nora. Oh, it's a good movie. Okay. Of course, you would have watched it. Yeah. Give me another example. Like, let's say, let's say once upon a time in Hollywood. Love that movie. And they're like, there's a scene where you're in the cult and they're all like trying to seduce Brad Pitt

and through the screen door, they just see you just, just blowing some dude. Do you have any lines? No, other than this is good. Other than, wow, this is good. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wow, Taster than I thought. There's no way.

Do you know why? Do you know why? Because that's- And Brad Pitt goes, his movies, he takes his sunglasses and he goes, not for me. But the reason why I won't do it is because that scene could get cut, and if it does get cut, I suck dick for no reason. No, but what if Tarantino gives you- You know what I mean?

That memory of recently- No, but what if he gives you a copy of it? Oscar blow? What? What if he gives you a copy of it for your reel? For my reel? No. Because it's not going to look like I'm going to be... Because it's not color corrected? No, it's not color corrected. There's no sound.

Yeah. The ADR is fucking... Bad. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hear people in the back being like, yikes. Yeah. And who am I blowing? That's a big deal. That's a big deal Okay

What if it what if you were blowing like? Austin Butler. Yeah, awesome Butler and you see Austin's face in Elvis What if he was in Elvis and he was like and he was going to suck my dick. Oh, yeah Shows his face. Yeah, sorry. What's this? This is our Paul Thomas Anderson movie. This is a great, unspoken. It's like getting you, but it looks nothing like me. It looks more like your brother.

This is a poster you could pitch to your reps, and they'd be like, what is this? Wow. This is cool. He's willing to get out there. Did you just say my name, and it puts it out like that? That's insane. And I'm feeding it so much of your credits.

And it's not having it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, that's how the industry sees me. A nondescript Indian dude. You're new. You're new. How dare you, dude? I've been around.

So yeah, Austin Butler, if he's in it, I would do it. You'd suck off Austin Butler. I would probably do it at a party. No, you wouldn't. I don't know, dude. No, you wouldn't. Dude, if I said to people, I go, you know, years ago, like my grandkids.

I sucked off Austin Butler. You're like a... And you're kind of bragging to them at your grandkids party. And they're like, who, dad? You know... Who granddad? Yeah, before we blow out the candles on the cake. Austin Butler, Elvis.

Austin Butler, Elvis. Oh, yeah, yeah. I blew him. Yeah, yeah. And he would make a wish. You'd be like, oh, we didn't see it. You know, I had my wish come true. Yeah, yeah. I blew him. Yeah, yeah. And he would make a wish. You'd be like, oh, we didn't see it. You know, I had my wish come true. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, it's between him or Glenn Powell? Oh, yeah, Glenn Powell. Which one would you pick? I don't know Glenn Powell. Yeah, you do. What? Come on. You know the guy.

Maverick. Maverick. Twisters. Twisters. Oh, Glenn Powell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that, by the way, how someone knows that they're famous to you?

What? Is you'll say their name in that kind of tone. I don't get what you're saying. Of like, Glenn Powell. Like they're like, oh, that's how someone knows that they're a celebrity. Yeah. Because you never say my name like that.

No one's ever said, oh, Asaf Ali. No one's ever said that. No one's ever said that, yeah. Fuck. No, they have, dude. No, they haven't. Dude. Hey, I have a question for you.

What do you think I should be doing in my career? You're so fast today. What do you think I should do with my career to like really take it to the next level? Because you've been around and you've seen, you've seen people come and go. What kind of, I should be doing in my career? What do you think I should do with my career to really take it to the next level? Because you've been around and you've seen people come and go. I need some real advice. What should I be doing to take my comedy and also my acting career to the next level?

And be honest with me. Be brutally honest with me. I'm going to be brutally honest with you. Brutally fucking honest with me. Okay. And I'm going to fucking take it. Because I feel like everyone's lying to me, but I know that's one thing about you

is that you will tell the fucker. So I'm gonna be completely and utterly honest and no comedy or whatever. And if you interrupt me Jaime during this. I swear to God, Jaime, lock the fuck in, dude. So a couple weeks ago I had a dream. And it was just a normal dream. It was a dream about me, I remember

walking through the crowd in front of Mad TV when we had a live audience and they would cheer and then I would then go into, it was frantic because I would go into makeup and sometimes you're in sketches where once a sketch is done you have to run back into hair and makeup and change characters and stuff like that. And I remember it was a happy dream, right? And then when I woke up, I had a thought.

I said, you know what? I wish I appreciated that more. Because during that whole time, I thought, what's next? And sure, I got different kinds of jobs, but it was not as special as that first one. I have so many fond memories of it and I really wish I took advantage of it and really appreciated it because it's like, it'll never be like that again. That kind of show business is done. And so I wish I would have been more

grateful about the things that I had. You should be really happy that you're on Delhi Boys right now. Because we don't know, maybe second season, maybe not, who knows, I hope that there's a second season. And even if it ran for five years, there's nothing that's gonna be like that in your future. It might be higher, more money in a project or with more elevated actors and this and that, but it's never gonna be the same. This is it.

You should be on top of the world right now. Can I tell you something? Thank you very much for that. Don't leave. We have to cut that out. Every time he takes his hat off, we have to cut it out. I think that's beautiful. And can I tell you for the first time in my career, I've been acting a long time. The first time in my career. You have? How dare you? How dare you do that to me. Yeah. I've been on Shrinking. Whoa. I've been on Mandalorian. I've been on WandaVision. Okay. Oh. I've been on this podcast which I will say, I know it sounds like a bit, but.

You've never done this podcast before. I know, but this is, this is it. Yeah. This is, I'm enjoying this right now. This is your last time. This is my last time, my first and last time. Yeah, yeah. And honestly it's all I need. I'm kidding, you're, this is so fun.. This is my last time, my first and last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, it's all I need. I'm kidding, you're so far. I feel like when I was shooting, because I've been on lots of shows, and you've been on lots of shows where you feel like you're the only one, or where you're like, oh, I'm the only Asian person,

or they brought me in here, and you kind of doubt yourself and go, did they just bring me here because they needed to fill some sort of diversity quota, or do they actually think I'm, whatever. And so this show was the first time where I was like oh shit I'm like the lead of a of a of a of a show on Hulu yeah and it's all

South Asian people amazing and even from the pilot we were all looking at each other and being like both in front and behind the camera there's so many like so much diversity we were like like both in front and behind the camera there's so many like so much diversity we were like dude we have to like even if this pilot doesn't get picked up this is like insanely special and we really have to like you know enjoy it you know and we did that the entire season I cried I've never cried at the rap for season one I like fully cried doing my little. Joy. Joy. And so appreciative. And I'll tell you why you should feel joy. Cause you have no talent.

No, I'm kidding. No, you're so talented. The reason why I think you should have joy is because this type of show is harder to be in. Yeah. A comedy, 30 minutes, single camera, it's violent. So it's got some R rated elements to it. Would you be in a comedy, 30 minutes, single camera, it's violent. So it's got some R-rated elements to it. Would you be in it?

Dude, fuck off, you're never gonna ask me. Bobby, look at me. Yes, I would do it, 100%. I would 1000%. Yeah, me and Jorah Butler, not Jorah Butler, Butler. Austin Butler, the one you're gonna suck off? Yeah, I wanna have that scene. But dude.

That's actually. That's amazing, dude. Viva la tension, that's so good. Dude, that is so good, dude. Wow. It's so good. It's so scary how fast AI is developing. Is it at the Comedy Store?

It looks like the main room. But isn't that scary how fast? It's terrifying. It's absolutely terrifying. A year from now? Oh my God. Cause you know what I saw on TikTok like a couple of weeks ago is like how,

like remember two, three years ago there was that Will Smith AI, where he's eating spaghetti. Yeah, so bad. It was so bad. But at the time I'm like, whoa. Yeah. Right?

Look how fast we've gone. In two years, what the fuck? It looks real. Yeah. It's insane. I mean, we might, I don't know if we're gonna be out of a job. We probably will be.

No. Yeah. I heard that what they're gonna try doing is just keep the movie stars we have and just digitally keep putting them in movies. Like a movie star will just license their image and you'll have Mission Impossible 98 because they're like, we have enough footage and whatever to like do Tom Cruise

and we can just put him into things and then have other people just being the auxiliary people around him. So we can. My God. Yeah, so then actually breaking out and developing talent will become less and less. I hope I'm wrong, but it seems like that's.

My God, scary, scary. But they can't replace this. They can't. I don't know. They can't replace this. They can't replace the human feeling of the movie. The human feeling and bits and like this is... I've been watching some AI shorts that are like comedy.

Some of it's funny. Really? But it doesn't feel real. It doesn't, yeah. If the joke's good, it'll work. No, I mean, like in this kind of setting, like three people just shooting the shit? I don't think, I think that's the last thing you can kind of do. Okay.

Okay. Wait! None of those people look like the people in the show! You could have just used the actual poster from the show! Why do I look like that? I put the actual poster. Why do they make you two feet tall? I don't know why. I think that's what the internet thinks. The internet thinks you're two feet tall. And this is why we have to make a short where it's all, all the camera angles are low and up.

That way we all look really fucking tall. You pitched this? I did not pitch the show. This guy, Abdullah Said, wrote it. So you read for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got hired, yeah. Amazing.

And he used to work at Vice. He did drugs, yeah, yeah. And I got hired, yeah. Amazing. And he used to work at Vice. He did drugs at Vice, which is how he came up with this. Wow, amazing. About like brown people in the mob and selling cocaine and all that shit. It's so fun, it's so cool.

It's my favorite thing I've ever done and I'm so stoked to like continue doing it. Hopefully. They don't show you numbers, Hulu, right? They don't show you anything. Yeah. They don't show you numbers, Hulu, right? They don't show you anything. Yeah. They don't show you anything, they like having control. Hopefully, you know, my animated show will get picked up.

I think it will. And then I can go to the Hulu party. Is there a Hulu party? Yeah. Is there? For your consideration, Emmys. But is there like a one general party that Hulu has? No, because it's all under Disney,

so it'll be a Disney party. So like for like the awards season, Disney will have like a big party, and then you know, You went to what? Hulu, FX, you know. You went? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you see stars?

Oh, yeah. How many? Everybody was there. Wow. Everybody was there, and they were all asking about you. No, they're not. They're like, where's Bobby? And you were at home giving a thumbs down.

Yeah. Do you talk to celebrities there or no? Yeah, I've gotten, I've gotten... Who's the most famous person you talked to? I've ever spoken to. At a Disney party. You don't like these questions? No I'm curious. That's a good, that's a good question. Who's the most, well we shot next, we shot our show in Chicago so we shot right next door to the bear. Wow. So we became friendly with all the people that work on the bear. So when you shot in the city, did they put you up at a hotel?

Yeah, no, they give you like money, they give you like a dividend to be like, hey, put yourself wherever you want. Where'd you stay? I stayed in Logan Square because I went to college in Chicago. All my cousins live there and I did a comedy when I was there. So I got to live in the neighborhood I couldn't afford to live in, which was Logan Square. Wow. Yeah, it was like the hip Echo

Parky part of Chicago. And I loved it. It was awesome. Okay. You Airbnb did? No, it was like one of those long-term, you know, like those furnished kind of cool things. I love it. It must have been so exciting.

I loved it because I got to kind of relive. It was like time machine of like, oh shit, I remember being broke here and doing open mics here. And now I'm here in the neighborhood that I always wanted to live in and I'm on a fucking TV show. The Bear's a great show, but that's not what I'm asking. I'm saying at a Disney party, it's a good show, but they're not super like celebrities.

They're pretty fucking famous. Now they are. Yeah, so that's, I'm talking about this now. I'm talking about like, you know what I mean? Oh, like in general. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Come on, man, hurry up. I'm trying to this now about like you know, I mean, oh like in general. Oh, okay Okay, come on man. Hurry up. I'm trying to think of the most famous person I've met. I know I know I know I know I know I know Okay, the most famous person I've ever met

Tina Fey, but I've worked with her before I did the pilot with her so never met her Brian Tyree Henry from Atlanta Brian Tyree Henry from Atlanta. You've never met a Denzel. I've never met Denzel Washington. He looks like a Brad Pitt. Yeah, yeah, like the top, top, top, top. Actually, one of our co-stars, poor now who's in Deli Boys,

she was in this movie, Wolfs, with Brad Pitt and George Clooney as Apple TV show. So she invited me and Sagar to go to the Wolf's after party. And so we're like, hey, we're gonna say hi to Brad Pitt. Let's say you're Brad Pitt, right? And so me and Sagar are standing right here and like, fuck it, let's just go say hi to Brad Pitt.

We're just standing here because he's having a conversation and we're being polite. Hey, we'll just wait till he's finished. And then be like, hey, we're on Dele Boys with Porn, we just wanted to say hey. And the movie was great. Literally as we're about to take a step a security guard walks right in front of us yes and goes what are you guys doing here yes

exactly this is a private after party which to get in you had to be like no invited triple vetted yeah he goes what are you doing here yeah and we go hey we're you know we're in a show with nun. We just wanted to say hi to Brad just to congratulate him on, and he goes, you're not doing that. Yeah, of course you're not. Oh my God. Of course you're not. And got like, and then we felt another security guard behind us. Exactly.

Like I felt some strong man's chest on my back. Yeah. He goes, you're not doing that. And we're like, is this racist? No, it's not racist. We go, what is this? And it felt very racist. If I'm Brad Pitt, I'm a big star,

like a huge movie star, I'm at my own private show. There's only like 100 people in the room. And I see you and your brother on the outside, I don't know you, I wanna especially, I wanna have my own little walkaway. Get the fuck away from me. Okay, be honest with you, did you think that he thought we were there?

You look like help. We look like caterers. If he doesn't know who you are, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the vibe I put out, that I'm just in catering? I don't know, but how close were you to him? Literally this far.

Handsome? And I got, stunning. Just by him being right there, it's enough for me to go, okay, I did it. That I met him. I didn't meet him, but I was, if I'm that close to him, I was in proximity. I can breathe him.

Yeah, I breathed him in. I want to breathe him. It was a fresh of breath air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, and he smelled good. Yeah. So was Clooney there?

No, he left pretty quickly. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so he left pretty quickly But I would say that's the closest I've ever been to somebody that fucking famous. Yeah. Yeah I'm trying to think of like I'm just do is there anybody Oh Harry Styles. Whoa, I did a movie with Harry Styles called. Don't worry, darling So I got to hang out with him on set and he's such a nice guy and he invited us to his concerts and stuff and It's fucking incredible But um, I think I worked with him, huh? Where was that shot in LA? Don't worry Tarlo darling Don't worry, darling. Come on, man. Let's take it from the top. That's you. That's me, dude

There were Indians in the 50s. How dare you? About the 50s. It's it's you're plugged into a different society in your mind. Yeah, look how hot I look Yeah, I don't know man. I don't know man Yeah, you just you just have it in your head that every Indian dude is in catering Are you are you're fucking you think every need to do is I love Indians and when they're serving you no no as a peer How dare you how dare you dare you dude fuck you fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. I love thinking of Anne Warren. This is in turn, how dare you.

How dare you, dude. Who's this? That's Florence Pugh, the incredible, one of the greatest actors of all time. That's me! Why do you keep thinking of not him? How dare you! He's like Chad GPT over there.

One of the greatest actors of our lifetime. Oh, you don't have a beard there. You don't have a beard there. Yeah, when I'm trying to get fucking serious, I get rid of my beard. What movie is this? Don't't worry darling. Don't worry, darling. Okay, very good Harry's like Harry Styles Florence Pue Chris Pine Did you meet him? Yes, you nice. I've mutuals. I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan such a great guy He told me some things about what do you do? Good? I mean he's he stands look at my outfit

You were you and let me see if I can find you in this That's you. That's fucking me. That's not you dude this? Let me see if I can find you in this. That's you? That's fucking me. That's not you, dude. That's me. Nick Kroll was in it, Gemma Chan, Olivia Wild, Kaper Lant. Come on, man. Douglas Smith.

Come on, man. That's huge. What are you doing on this shitty podcast? I didn't know it was around fucking royalty around here, dude. You just never respect me. What a bragger. You just never respect me. First of all, you asked me to brag. No, I you asked me you asked me to brag oh you don't want to be this guy Rose Hall you're a climber dude you're a climber you're a boy at me again you

see what happens you're climbing on me okay ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you had honestly that pharmacy laugh that's a pharmacy laugh tell him tell him that you do this ask for your prescription. Can I have my prescription? Do your laugh be like hey, I have hemorrhoids Hey, can I have my prescription? I need I have hemorrhoids. You have hemorrhoids. Yeah Okay, let me let me go get it Now he's trying to act professional, but usually you'd laugh. Yeah And he's seen famous people too that he can't say. Oh, yeah

laugh yeah and he's seen famous people too that he can't say oh yeah comedians too famous comedian yeah okay real in pharmacy lines mm-hmm yeah we all need it no no no but for things that you don't think oh rectal hey what something like that yeah rashes mm-hmm yeah yeah so now what do you respect me now do you respect me now I've always respected you no but I didn't know you were a part of the elite my bad yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm different. Okay, so- But I wanna do a movie with you. We're not doing anything.

We are, we are! Now I know it's fake Hollywood bullshit. It's not fake Hollywood bullshit! Let's go to his socials. It's real! Let's go to his socials, please. So, um... No, these are all bad dates.

Chicago is like, this is not gonna even be out by then. When does this come out? I already did Charlotte I did Dallas we hosted you like Dennis I love Dallas I'm telling that weekend I called you what's up July 9th oh July I'll be in um I'll be in um, I'll be at Just For Laughs In Montreal, so come out You'll be at Just For Laughs too? Oh my god, dude, we're gonna have so much fun. Are you gonna be at Just For Laughs? No. Why not? One, two, three, we're closing it out. Okay, we'll close it up. I start feeling obedient just for laughs but no one will laugh. No one will laugh.

No one will laugh. No one will laugh at you. Even though I did the part, I thought people would come out but in fact, they think I'm a Z and sorry. Bobby just wants Kumail on the part. We had him already. He's the better one.

He's the better one. He's got the better part. Russell Peters too. Have you ever had Hasanusson Minha? No, no, no, never heard of that person. He would never do this. I know he won't. I know.

He won't be anybody you want. I know, I know. He just disrespects you. He thinks you are a bad guy. I know, I know. He just disrespects you. He thinks you are a bad guy. I know, I know.

He just disrespects you. He thinks you are a bad guy. I know, I know. He just disrespects you. He thinks you are a bad guy. I know, I know. He thinks you are a-O-O-KAY I can't get him. He suspect you. He thinks you are an L.A. clown. Goat face shout out to goat face shout out to Fahim and Aristotle. Wait, is that you? Yeah.

Why can't you believe that I could ever not have a beard? Well, I saw Goat Face. You were in that? Oh my god. You piece of shit. What's so funny? You've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of work.

Who do you think the fourth guy was? You've done a lot of work. Done a lot of work! Who's the fourth guy? He's done a lot of work. What's Aristotle like? He's a fucking weirdo. He's such a great, he's such a talented actor. He's a great actor. Weirdo. Weirdo?

I guess everyone's weirdo. He's like a serial killer-y kind of a... No, you haven't opened him up. You haven't opened him up. I love him. He's done Tiger Belly. Yeah, he actually was shooting a documentary. Anyway, I love you so much. Thank you so much for having me. I don't know if I feel the same.

I love you so much. It was an amazing part. I have been so looking forward to doing this and seeing how this group of visuals. You had a good time, right? I had the best time. It went papaya, huh? It went papaya.

It went papaya. It went papaya and we love this. And I just want people to watch Deli Boys on Hulu and- Watch Deli Boys on Hulu, watch Goat Face on whatever. Don't watch, Goat Face is done. Yeah, watch- Comedy Center doesn't even exist anymore. Nighttime Darling.

No, no, no, no. Nighttime Darling with fucking Yimmy. Watch Don't Worry Darling. With Lorde and- Lorde is not in it. Whoever you're doing it with. Not with Lorde. Yeah, these fancy people. Florence Pugh and Harry Styles. Yeah, whatever, dude. Chris Pine. And then, you know- and whoever you're doing it with.

Florence Pugh and Harry Styles, Chris Pine and then you know and go see me at Just For Laughs. Just For Laughs. Go to Just For Laughs. Go to ha ha ha.com Please go laugh at that. I'll see you so soon. I love you guys. Bye! I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo

I'm a cabaloo I'm a cabaloo