TigerBelly - Best of 2019

Episode Date: January 3, 2020

The very best of TigerBelly in 2019.... except for all the rest. Thank you to all our guests: Andrew Santino, Michael Bisping, Craig Ferguson, Chris D'Elia, Sosie Bacon, Eric Stonestreet, Dillon Francis, Erik Griffin, Jon Reep, Nikki Glaser, Asa Akira, Jo Koy, Brendan Schaub, Dr. Drew, Geo Antoinette, David So, Bobby's Umma, Andrew Schulz, Theo Von, & Bryan Callen.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today Hello, slept kingdom. Hello sleepers the sultras papaya to you my friends It is I your court jester your flat face with no Dimensions, I just want to say we love you and we want to share the best clips of 2019 with you. So take a look at episode 183 Theo Vaughn and Slampy the Dwarf Oh, yeah episode 183 Theo Vaughn and Slampy the Dwarf, but did you don't watch Game of Thrones? No, I don't watch that kind of stuff

What do you mean? Just people fighting in the past and all of that Wait, I'm more like a historical document about the past Is it something that really happened? No, it's not Yeah, I don't watch that is a bit. No, it's not that kind of stuff, bro Maybe I'll read up on it a little bit. No, no, look at me. No No, I know when you know, dude, I'm tired do work. I'm tired too, man. What time is it? I know I Know my arms hurt too. No, no, you're gonna do a couple more minutes. Yeah, I am You're gonna do a couple more minutes while I grill you okay grow away, dude. I will do all right

Yeah, I'm tired of your shit wake up with the king us dudes fucking making burgers over here Yeah, you know what you like to do you like to distract me. I do. Yeah, I'm sorry No, I do Don't do that again either Starting a fucking hell of an afternoon in my ass I will say that yeah, what I'm saying is daylight fucking savings time in my asshole Yeah, but you know look nice tonight and then no, don't don't do that right now No, what I'm saying to you is this okay, this is this okay. Is that what I say that a lot, right? Yeah, I'm sorry

No, don't be apologized. It's not a bad thing. All right is It's a great show. I think you'd really like it It's like I in terms of pop culture. I think there's not a better show out there. What tiger belly. No, I mean game of thrones Oh, yeah, I haven't seen it. I know you have No, I'm not gonna let him do it. He's not gonna ground hog yet. Yeah, you have little different. I know what you're doing defense mechanisms that you do Right, and then you try to divert me and I go. Oh, yeah, okay, I guess it's like Jedi mind. I'm Jabba It doesn't work with me. Thank you're fucking shit. I didn't do it

You're not a dummy you're bright young you watch it Watch it. Yeah, you watch it dude guy. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Oh, what are these prescription pills on the table? It's fucking for my a panic attack. Yeah, well, yeah Yeah, I do I'm about to stroke out back off the tea. What is that on drug that they're always putting in Asian people's food? Back off the MSG daddy Yeah, they're fucking putting speakers in your car Sipping on soy sauce dude back Oh, that's actually good advice. You should scale back. I'm gonna scale back on the soy sauce. Okay. Well, right now

We're getting somewhere. All right, but I listen Right, you gave me a suggestion. I listen. Yeah, I'm sorry. No, don't apologize because there's nothing to apologize for all right You're gonna watch Game of Thrones. Okay, I'll watch it Every episode Yes, okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you said okay, and that's a problem. How many episodes are there seven seasons? Oh Ten seasons to ten seasons an episode And what's it about

It's about the past I got fucking shit to do man. No, no, you're gonna do it the more bonus belly with Andrew Santino You hit the nail with the nail The more that's on you the more you just and just shit the bed No, the point I wanted to make is that if you did if you did ever do a special would you take your clothes off? No Why do you do it now then to kill time? You genuinely do you pull out your penis because you're like I that's it. I've got nothing left

But could I say this My openers, huh ask any my openers. I don't I don't talk to your orders. That's fine No, seriously, I don't know who opens for you. But um my closing bit. Mm-hmm. It destroys The penis tuck go through the vortex Yeah, so the dick tuck get on the stool go through the vortex does club does destroy pretty good laugh What do you mean? What do you do you don't close with your dick every time though? No, do you get permission from the club? No, they don't they don't they're not allowed to give me notes. No, no, that well, that's not a note That's I mean, that's a lead. It's not it's a legal thing. No, I go. What are the legalities of the city?

You mean I you don't think I go in and say what the laws are Do you think certain races were allowed to get naked on stage like Asians? Everyone's like sure that's what I that's why I do it I feel like it doesn't apply to me the opposite on Instagram because let's say for instance Stevo can put as many naked pictures of himself and Bobby does even one that might suggest nudity It's out and you get striked and you get a strike against you I have two strikes right now. One of them was me naked, but my girlfriend covering my penis Mm-hmm that flagged liang'd but then I see like not Stevo, but other comics like on Eric Andre full on dick shot. He put his dick out. Yeah, he put his dick on Instagram and he was fine

I screenshot it right you got very you still have it for my memory. I'll be somewhere. Yeah, but um, it does have a Big very nice dick. Well, then you should be able to post it That's what I'm saying like if you have a nice penis you should be able to show it I think if you if here's the difference you either have a really nice penis You should be able to show it at free will or you have your kind of penis and you should be able to show it a free will If you have a regular penis, nobody wants to see what's my kind of penis The opposite of a really nice. No, but what is it? What is it? What is my kind of penis? That's fucking rude. You know what kind of penis your penis is. It's it's it works. It's a bit

It Your penis is a bit you want me to say it your penis is a bit I have a regular run of the mill penis. Your penis is it's a little tiny bit. It's hilarious. It's a little tiny bit It's not small. It's just funny. You have a funny penis. I'm not demeaning. I'm not demeaning. Honestly, you have a funny penis It's not small. It's funny things to make it funnier. You do. Yeah, it's more wrinkly the sack By the way, the hairier your pubes get and the more defined your little nutsack gets Yeah, I mean, it looks like you know how statues have very like bushy, you know like a you know Michael they have very bushy pubes and very smooth nuts and a smooth little penis of the little tiny head

Yeah, it that it's perfect. You have a perfect little funny penis. Wow. That's it. It's a funny penis And you should be proud that's better than you saying that I'm funny You are funny. I know but that's a nice compliment. Thank you. You have a funny penis. You have a funny brain Episode 213 all the man's doing all the man's off animals, you know Including my husband I have to including him so nobody say bad things for me. Yeah. Yeah. Would you say mom that George him is the ugliest guy in the room You

Why George That backfire what the heck why you know He starts to sit there and do nothing this guy All right, that's a Steven's a friend, right? Oh Fast friend. Oh Alliance alliance you have no idea here. You're in bed with right now. It's okay. I don't care a private life Yes, Steve. They're these guys and my brother's relationship is um I'm so deep. Yeah, so don't even bring them up. Don't do that. I don't like it deep

Don't say I won't say that I'm All right, I'll go you know, I look innocent, but I know everything About men and I know you're doing Episode 177 Michael Bissby and the Chinese I know you heard some things I said this is the only reason I'm here It is because your little fucking tag-a-belly crew I've been I've been misinformed. Yeah, what do you call you people the tiger belly? It's like sleeper. It's like Sleepers have been lied to yeah, what is the lie? Go ahead? Well, the fuck I saw this little clip do the rounds

Yeah, go sit in there and your little fucking office with your sicker fans I'm Michael Bissby. He just ignored me. Yeah, you didn't get a picture with me or anything That's not how it went down at all Shame on you. No, first of all Michael. I want to say that Don't stand up because it doesn't look any different to sit in that You son of a bitch Son of a bitch. It's like you leaned for Very funny

Very funny, but let me say go ahead. Go ahead. I'll tell you the way it went down. Give your version. Yeah, and I'll give mine Okay for the what are they called again sleeper sleeper. Okay, so Every once every once in a while because you know, Joe Rogan is a stand-up. He's a long time friend of mine I've known him for 20 years 25 years. Love him great guy But um, so a lot of you know, I'm a huge UFC fan. So who's that little guy from Sacramento? I like you're right off our father, right? You're our father, man He's nice guy. We hugged this and that but then when I saw Bissby and Michael you for the first time there I literally was struck. I was just like

Right and I try to come up to you and I said you were very nice But I said hey, man, I'm a big fan and you were you know, because when I walk I was at the grocery store and people come up to me and go. Oh, you're very funny and you want to be cordial, right? But I also If that person that said hi to me was Josh Groban, right? And this right, okay? And I blew him off, right? I bet that Josh Groban would probably be a little mad So he was at the comedy store where first of all, I don't know who Josh Okay, so I'm zero context

The offer I'm always at the opera. Yeah. Yeah Right. So my when Michael's business there He said very nice, but he kind of just walked away and I wanted some, you know, man Did you ask for the photo? No, I didn't really. Okay, but he did walk away already the different version of the story Already and here's the reality. Yeah. So and I'm not when I say this. Yeah, by the way By the way, massive fan hence why I'm here hence why I drove up from fucking Orange County Thank you. I did an audition and I waited for three and a half hours

530 I was half asleep Okay, yeah, just pounding some coffee now. I'm drinking this shite to try and stay away and I'm very happy to be here You're hilarious comedian. I'd never met you before. I know Hold on. I know we're getting to the point. Yeah. Yeah The long suffering mrs. Bisping that's at home. God bless her. She doesn't get out very often You know, she's got three kids. I travel a lot. I took her out We went out for a nice dinner and we went to go watch some comics And a lot of the time I'm not trying to say that I'm a fucking big deal or anything like that

But a lot of the time you stop and you take pictures and this and that and then after a while You got to say, okay, because I'm here with my wife. I'm giving her a good time And I've done about 10 pictures in a row. Well, she's standing there like a fucking lump of cheese Right doing nothing. So then after that, I'm like, okay. All right. All right, babe Let's go in and then you after that said I'm at now. Sorry, mate. We're done picture time is over Right, you should start doing now. Let me see something right so when you are not fair Sorry if I didn't put a random stranger before my wife I'm so sorry. You know, I know you're the great Bobby Lee and the comedy store is your house

And you're totally right. It is your house, but we've never met and that's the mother of my children Right, you're in a one and the way it's okay. I accept your apology. Get your fucking It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. English fucking paws out of my face right now You weren't to know Bobby. You weren't to know. He was devastated though. He called me immediately after He ran to the parking lot and he was like, you can't but you won't believe what happened. I just got hurt down by Mike Well for one right But no, but can I say say this please say this please go ahead. You did give me a photo I did. Yes afterwards. I remember I was standing at the bar with Joey. Yes with Diaz and I walked up because when you were talking to Diaz

You know that then I seized my opportunity and we took the photo You know what? I was just talking out of my ass, right? Just talking shit or whatever. Yeah, of course thinking that you're ever gonna fucking hear it It's okay. No, I'm just saying I just say I do it all the time. If I was held accountable Every piece of dog shit that came out of my mouth I'll probably be in prison. Yeah, you know or you know excommunication from whoever I know You know, I want to say this too is is that because never let the truth get in the way of a good story Right With a regular friend episode 185. He's Craig Ferguson. Nothing changes. Nothing changes. You know, she has a boyfriend

But when they talk, she will stop replying and say she fell asleep. But really she was with me I'm starting nursing programs soon. So my time will be devoted just to school And I'll be going to bed early giving her a time to do what uh, who knows what I don't even want to be with this guy You know what I mean? You've got enough information leave Wow So we we dingled angle in these things, but that's the truth. No, this is actually leave. Yeah Yeah, get out of the situation get another email. Yeah, there's

Find someone who treats you better He said should I confront her and The greatest thing I ever did to break up with somebody was make him believe that he had done nothing wrong Cook him a meal did the laundry clean the house and just got the fuck out of there good for you Yeah, I never no no retaliation. No confrontation. Just I got the fuck out of there. You have another email online Okay, thank you Gilbert for a couple months now. I've been dealing with a real toxic friendship I've been friends with this guy for more than two years It's my father

Whenever I hang out with him or our two other friends, I always end up paying for everything food concert movie tickets everything I still don't get any respect He makes fun of my mom's business of taking care of old people my literate dad and my dead dog Just to name a few things. I feel like Hey, your dog still dead I got a live dog. Hey bark mr. Scraps Yeah, could your dog do that? No Quit hitting yourself

There's the answer Same. Uh, yeah, how do I get out of the friend of it leave fucking leave. Is that it? And then there's 10 questions about guys saying I'm afraid to talk to this girl in my class. How do I do it? That's what we've been getting lately. It's a lot. Right. Let's put all those ones in an umbrella In a package ready to talk to answer all of them. All right You do it young young men afraid to talk to young women. Yeah Uh, that's hard. That's hard to be a young man to talk to young women. It's it's frightening. Yeah, but I can say this though um

I was that I was that guy as well growing up and I never talked to them And um, I was never with them. It did motivate me to do stand-up later and left it like I gotta figure something out You know, but um, I do regret all those things. So it's like, uh If you don't you're gonna regret it. I think right or no Yeah, I think that Um, I think maybe Look, I think we can all agree on something right like I'm By a long fucking way the coolest person in this one

Oh 100% yeah. Right. Right. Right. So why not? I'm very cool and and here's what what makes me very cool I'll talk to you No matter who you are the same way if you're Desmond Tutu, Kurt Russell or A gardener who's fixing a fountain You will get the same respect from me. Yeah Because you're a human being you treat human beings with respect and expect to be treated the same way I expect to be treated the same way. So if you're a young man and you're nervous about talking to a young woman

Maybe you could give her the information and say I'm nervous to talk to you I want to talk to you, but I'm nervous to talk to you because that's what you would that that's you given First of all, you you're being vulnerable But also what you're doing is you're treating someone with respect with information So look, I'm nervous to talk to you. Oh, and it's so endearing and that's that he's you're so right I know I wish I came up with that If someone what did I come up with that? What did you do mask? Yeah tries to mask it. Yeah, like putting on a

Oh, I'm a failure today. That was the right answer No, no, you're doing great. Yeah, no Yeah, yeah, you be vulnerable. No, I just tell the truth. There's not so much be vulnerable It's not act vulnerable. Right. It's just like just be truthful. Yeah, just be truthful. Yeah, just be where you are Right, there's no magic line. There's no magic ball. There is a magic button, but that comes much later We don't touch but But the magic button is for way later on. Yeah, and you have to be asked to touch the magic. Yeah That's a different thing. It's a great button though. Is it now? Oh my god. It sticks out like that

Episode 175 And this is not a mistake. It's a subtle way of saying This is my house Oh, right, right, right. I didn't check. Can I add something? Yeah, what? Yeah, I'm around and I'll just put a z right here. Just take that and then kind of just do that Let me see it. Let me see it. Yeah, sorry. I'm around b and then the z. Let me see it I'll show you now busy There you go

That's a good one. I'm around busy and then can I put some sort of like I'm like a hashtag You're fucking I think it's so much So, yeah, sorry, I'm around z. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're on the treadmill. Yeah. I'm on the treadmill. Yeah, sorry Yeah, I'll say that. Yeah, it's better when you when it seems like you're just kind of like you're like, oh, I put a b in there I fuck it sent that I didn't check it. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're on the move Can I also say something else about you? But my rule is

Oh This is my bad We're going back to the fucking shit. Yeah If I'm down for a silly goose time, and that's it. Okay. Now if you leave your phone out unattended with no code on it Yeah, and you look the other way and I got a spot to have a fucking silly goose time If there's a fucking A moment in time where I could take this fucking time from a regular time and fucking raise it up to a silly goose time I'm gonna grab your phone and tweet out some shit. Yeah

And do you know why why because that's your ass You fucking left the phone out right you left the phone out now If I know the code and your phone is locked. Yeah, I won't do it Because you locked your phone like a fucking human is supposed to do it. I'm gonna tell you my code I don't want to know the code. I'm gonna tell you what anyway. It's two two two two two two two two. Okay Well, I'll tell you this what if you leave it locked. I'm gonna leave it locked. I still won't unlock it if you leave it unlocked I'll still fucking can I ask you a question. Okay. What all right? You think when geese is hanging out Yeah, and they're having a goofy time. Yeah, they're having a silly human time. I don't know dude

That's like some fucking 90s comedy When I threw it out there did I not I really appreciate that you did and it's good Yeah, you stood up and it's whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good one, huh? That's a good one. Dude. Listen to my podcast if you're listening to this after this go to fucking my podcast listen to my podcast Can I see something right now? Don't Don't down don't look down on a my podcast. I'm not looking down on your podcast. We have a little army going on here I think your podcast is great dude. We have a little army going on right now. All right

I sometimes I watch the clips on youtube of your own podcast. I do that little cult thing happening I get it right and my guys might not be as many as your guys Maybe it is but my guys are assassins. Okay, dude, and they're part of my slept If I'll be like lianna stark. Yeah I'm gonna wind up dead. I'm gonna wind up dead because you said that and that's not no way that we have little birds out there And my little birds do have fucking power tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet. They have artists. They're artists. Yeah, they're fucking hackers Okay, and they get into it. All right. So don't you They get it and don't challenge my I hear my friend when did I do that because I don't like your tone right now

No, dude, it's not I was gonna plug yours. We're all fucking friends here. I know we are but can I see this too? All right, how many times have I done yours? I have never had a guess Do you even know how his podcast works? I watch reviews yours. I watch clips of yours I watch clips of yours. I I'm a good guy. I watch fucking clips of yours He watches clips of yours. Yeah, I make on your next podcast. Thank you. I won't be on it But you're gonna open with listen to tiger belly. Okay And I will because I'm a good friend You will yep, and I will listen to that one whatever the next one is

Get up. There's a whole fucking thing I know I want to listen to the whole thing that okay I want to say I'm gonna say something else to you and I want you I want to look in your eyes. Okay Okay Not that there is one But if there was ever a war Between you and the ovan. Yeah If there was ever a war sure

You you have my assurance. Yeah, this is slap kingdom My people the papayas Will back you. I like that. You're the king of the north. That's very cool. You're the king of the north And my clan and my my people are on your team. Thank you. Fuck the rat king. Alas I love him as a person. Yeah, right. I love him as a rat king. But he's the guy who gets his dick cut off in the Yeah He's weak. That's true. Right. Yep, and then your john snow, right? That's yeah, right And he's the one that's like he's like, I don't know what to do

My sister was captured and then you give him like man up go get her your sister. Do what you have to do, right? You're that guy. Who are you? Yeah, what who are you? I'm uh, I'm dead in it. I'm little finger You're a guy. I died. You're a guy on a different show. Episode 189 sozio bacon is fresh. That's why I'm throwing it out there Because I you know, I know why it is because of my you know, the the tiger belly fans You guys are so 100%, you know, magnificent in call Magnificent. How do you say it? Magnificent. Magnificent. Or magnificent. It's magnificent, right? Magnificent call. Yeah. Oh, hey, man. Yeah, don't be like that right now. I like it

Okay, let him rise gilbert. Let me rise. Yeah I'm gonna be born. Yeah And then so, you know, I've been doing some meet and treats after the show and I've noticed something different I've been noticing um, every show. Yeah I'm so scared to say it. Why is clad? When especially when he's not scared to say it. He can't wait. Yes. So when some women they when they meet me Yeah, they burst into tears. Oh god He's really proud of those guys. They burst into tears when they meet me

And I was like, I don't know what to do. I was like, am I spitting all And this has never happened before. I just never happened before my life Dude, they they start like tears and I go, what are you crying? Did someone die? I don't know. I just nervous and they're like, just you know, because you don't do meet and greet, you know, and you're here Right and I and part of me is like, you know, don't cry. But the parts of me like, should I start a cult? Like maybe I'm at that level of like persuasion You know So, you know, that's just that's been happening and um, I don't really know how to

But every day every day every time I try to even if I argue about one little thing like, hey Hey, pick up pick up your underwear. Do you know that people cry at my show? I don't do it every day And I don't do it like that. Okay now Let's get into the back into the program. I just those are just little tidbits of information, you know That has occurred and um, and I just wanted to share it with You know the people some girl sent me a picture of herself crying While taking a photograph with you. So did she really? Yeah, I have the picture

And let me see this. Okay. I'm not lying No, she was crying. She was even in the photo. She was still like snot bubbles. I'm talking snot bubbles Okay, you're a phoenix, right? Dude. Anyway We have you know, we don't have a lot of returning gas. We have maybe two or three people that've done it more than once But this young woman coming here, um, very young and she's fresh and I don't mean that in like, you know I mean, you know, she's just a nice. We love her. That's what I meant Um, she's you know, killing it right now. We saw that show That HBO show she was very good in every scene. So good in that fucking movie. I'm in and you played us

That's hard 17 year old. She was you were so good in that movie Yeah, um, they should have done a second season because um, it was weird Yeah, anyway, don't say Episode 199 Eric stone street is Eric backstreet What was I gonna ask you about our vacation in the Philippines? Oh, yeah, you went to the Philippines those pictures I even took to did I message you? Where are you guys? Where are you guys? I was sliding into your girl's dms. I don't care Because we love you. I love you so fucking much. Oh my god. He actually honestly, I would love you so much

But you'd be one of those ones One of the ones where if I walked into You know, I mean my bedroom from the road, right? And you're eating her butthole Right, you're eating her butthole. Can you show me how they can? Yeah. No. Yeah, I would be like Oh He's really good at it. Yeah All right, dude, let's stop but stop and then we'd I'd walk you on to the hallway I got dude. I'm gonna let that pass right, but just don't do it again. Yeah, no problem. No problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, do you have any uh, do you have any uh, Kleenex? All right, what what wipes what wipes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah on your face. Yeah. Yeah, uh Wait, have you ever been has anybody ever walked in on it? You ever in having sex? No We have a ton of animals. We have six. Yeah, so it gets a little weird Yeah, I mean, um I'm not a I'm not a I don't showcase publicly. I'm not an exhibitionist. No, no, no, no. I'm not saying on purpose I'm just saying when you were a kid or Exploring your own. Oh my dad. Oh my dad. My dad. Um, because my parents bathtub

I think I've said this before my parents bathtub in their bedroom had such a strong Uh, you know, what's the um faucet? Yeah, such a strong water pressure water pressure. I used to as a kid put my penis Oh, like go on my hands and knees like this, right? Yeah I've got my hands and leaves like this Right, and then I would stick my penis in me on the faucet. I would turn it on And and and the way the water hit my penis it would make me erect Right. Yeah And so and I would I would jump off a little bit like this how close did you have to get real close a bit, huh?

To what the faucet. Yeah, you know, that's it felt good because of the distance between the faucet and my penis Oh, got you just that it was a perfect, you know, I think it was too close. It would the pressure would have been hurtful Yeah, right. He's talking about close to the wall. Yeah, because did the water just go between your penis and the wall It's a small dick joke. I know I was just trying to defend myself No, thank you. I was just trying to defend you really and then this is what I so one day I was doing it And this is what I hear Right and then I stopped jerking. Yeah, and I turned my head like this. Yeah, and my dad's going

Laughing laughing at me and he just walked out of the bathtub and we've never talked about it It's not one of those things your dad's still with us. Yeah, he's still with us mom too. Yeah, okay And um, I've never bought it up again. Well, yeah, I don't yeah. Yeah, because he's only left like that twice That time can I just say you were holding up three fingers right then? When you said twice you said he's only done that he's only left like that twice. Yeah, I have carpal tunnel. Okay, so No, I'm sorry. It's twice. That's still three. It doesn't fucking matter. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that's right All right, and the second time he did that is when I was in rehab and I told him in front of the whole Rehab that I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome and he laughed like that too

In front of everybody your whole family. My whole family laughed So this is a two and so people asked me how come you're so glum and moody? That's why Episode 178 Dylan Francis shoots to the moon. Don't worry. I got you Wow, she kept getting me drinks the whole night and then we were dancing and she whispered in my ear She goes, I want you to make my night nasty Wow Yeah, and then we went to some different bar that somehow I don't even know how I got into There was a bar mitzvah that had happened earlier. It was like a hotel bar thing in san francisco

We went into the bar mitzvah room and I sat down on the bar mitzvah chair and she gave me a hand job Wow Yeah, and then I never saw her again And then my cousin fell asleep that night in the bathtub and almost killed himself very weird night. We're currently we're sorry Drowning. Yeah, no because he got so drunk and he was no just cut that part She's it. My bad. You piece of shit. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I got a hand But people do that. I got a hand job and my cousin killed himself. My bad. My bad. Okay, I'm sorry Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry. Fuck your cousin. I got a hand job and then I never saw

Yeah, I never got her number and then the tennis rolled down in the movie. Yeah, right? You didn't even you didn't even do anything for her. She just wanted she just no because she went so her so after that Her friend kept being like whatever her name is. I'll just say her name's rachel rachel. We gotta go And she was the one that wasn't you know, the friend that wasn't getting anything Would you have been able to make her night nasty at 18? No, absolutely not I mean, the only nasty thing we did was I jizzed my pants on a fucking bar mitzvah chair Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah She was sitting on time. It was the most awkward hand job too. It was just like

Like there's definitely a better place to do this in carpal tunnel or something weird and cool and it's a bar mitzvah chair Nice calloused finger 13 year old was sitting here before And I know you're 18. Are you Jewish? Me now Oh I'm Jewish. I know the brook. Uh, Baruch. I I grew up in LA. All my friends are Jewish. So yeah, what are you? I never asked my dad's uh, uh, what is it spirit? Oh wait, self realizationist Oh, so I used to go to the self realization fellowship in malibu

Self realization list Self realizationist Let me say it again stuff Self see it again. Say it and I'll say it again. I'll say it. Why are you laughing at me? I don't I don't I have problems with words Why are you laughing? Don't laugh. I you're making me feel so conscious Yeah, yeah, but I I want to look really excited to say I want to say it but I want to learn Self realizationist Self realization list that you're adding too much babe. You're adding a realization list instead of ist

You're at it again. Self realizationist Self realizationist. Yes Yes, so it's episode 207 scorpion lashes with fat blood My face so flat Your face so flat. How flat is it? It's a pan It's flat as a pan and then we got this white cracker Casper motherfucker over here so much energy, but I know it was too aggressive. It was scary a little scary Yeah, that's what's better coming from an Asian guy because it's not as aggressive

So it don't sound so like Honky, you know what I mean? So all right, I take I retract that and then what am I supposed to he's always really nice to me my beautiful something I mean no In the beginning he says my beautiful something and then he progressively gets meaner and meaner Then he calls me bitch. Then he calls me all of that, but you got to wait till halfway through. Okay. So I have to call you Okay, Gilbert. I need you to remind me that winter call her a bitch Uh, bitch cute like Georgia call her a bitch call her

Now, um, this is like I feel like this is like this would be like if like whenever you met because when did you meet bobby 2012 So like in 2012 you're on tinder And like you see bobby, but my thing came up first and you swiped right on me Okay, now would you have to live into long beach to meet me at a coffee shop? Um, take a look at her face Hmm, let me see Open your legs. No, can I see the booty? Keep in mind that I was I was 27. Wait. I was 28 27. Okay. You wait. You were 27 back then Wow, 28, maybe I am Filipino don't crack, huh? Um, yeah, I know let's see. Okay. So he drove all the way to long beach

Yeah, I would have drove to long beach. Okay. All right check. I would have drove to long beach Okay, would you have had just woken up at 2 p.m. Um, no I would have had shit going on. Would you have shown up with a car full of Um, trash like a horror like hoarders. Okay. Okay. So are these the things you're looking for in the plus column? Yeah Is that wow found all of those? She was like, okay. Check the disheveled Needs a haircut. Yes, uh Car is full of bullshit. Perfect M.T. Red Bull cans, would you have had that? What was the appeal?

Can we like finally because he's not here? Can we what literally was the appeal because I don't get it when you're saying all this Like I'm waiting for you to tell me a story about how he was like, oh, he was so sweet and he brought me this But all men show up perfect on the first date. I think I found appealing that he was just so Like reckless and dirty and so utterly himself that I thought okay There's this is the worst so I can't it's gonna go up from here, but it didn't go up from there See that's what I thought I was like, oh, this is the extent of the trash or the red bull cans in the car And then it never went it just got progressively it deteriorated from there. Really?

Well, yeah, you see how we live. I know, but how did you now? How did he surprise you? You know like like like so you thought okay, this is it It can't get any worse than this and you were like, oh my god So basically you're staying in this relationship to see how bad it can get. Yeah, I want to see I'm a masochist I want to see how how someone can beat me down with with with hoarder's trash. God I don't know if I would have came to Long Beach knowing all this shit Like I think now I want to like put trash in my car go on a date and when somebody's like, oh, I kind of like this I'm like bye, bitch

Okay, let's say you go on a first date with a woman like what do you do Are you impressed by the presentation of her seemingly being Perfect and like, you know what I mean? Like are you impressed? Yes. Yes. I I enjoy the girliness of Like like whatever your little girly things you're going to be because like honestly, we don't really care Yeah, like I you know, it's like you go on a date and let's say like, you know, you she's she's running late because she's like

Well, I'm fixing my face. It's like, you know, you know, you're fine You know, but then then they come out and then, you know, they got the big lashes, you know, you know I don't have lashes when you put them on. Do you have the big lashes? Not now, but You know the ones when it just like And so, you know, when they come out, they're like you go, okay, this is their effort. This is they think they're at their best Like this is like, you know, so you go, okay, you think you're at your best. This is what You're presenting and you go, okay. I like I like that. I might not like what's going on

But I like that you think that this is your best Wait, hold on. You don't like that. They're putting in the effort. You like that. They think it's their best. Yeah So fucking twisted Why are you even just thinking that deep into their preparation because as a comic you're always like going into like, you know, you know, you You know, this this could possibly be a joke that it's like, oh, but it's real life. So you like you really analyze I don't know. I just like so you go out with somebody and they you know They putting on this thing because I guess for guys, you're always waiting for the the the rug to be pulled from under you Because she's not always going to be like this. She's not always going to be nice and accommodating

But that's why I think the better The better strategy for any woman on a first date is to go midway To not put on their their full face To go half face. Maybe just some mascara half face not full face not full painting Because you're saying to me right now I was like, I'm not going out without some makeup on some but we want to look like the same way guys do Which is we don't want to appear like we've tried too hard So we want to look sort of casual and sort of like, you know, we kind of came we had two other

Two other places to be before we got here like athleisure wear or like sweats. Maybe not athleisure. That's a little bit But the reason is because we still want to be able to impress them on the night that it matters Whether it's in front of their friends or like the first time I ever went to the comedy store I had my full face on. I had I had these She was flying. She was flying. She had to play. There was like there was like music, you know She had like she had a whole thing cue the music You know what we should say before we even continue even further I gotta say to all the tiger belly people out there. Leave her alone. You know what I mean?

I've been over the whole fact that you stole my podcast Yoko No, no, no because like sometimes I look at the comments and I'm like damn these people are there. There's people that that's their life Yeah, but their life is to be like you that gold digger stole Think you know, and it's like no it worked out the way it was supposed to work out. Everybody's happy in the process I'm doing my own podcast. Bobby comes on my podcast. You know, he's literally the one of my dearest friends I consider him a brother. So, you know, I just want to like put it out there like guys. Let it go All right, you know, let it go. They're not gonna listen to you. I know they're not but that's why we're gonna start our own podcast

That's why I thought my way to get back at this motherfucker Episode 188 dane cook anywhere else. I can't talk anymore. Go ahead guys episode 217 john reef shakey shoulder Okay, so okay, I want to tell you my version and because I've embellished it as a comic So maybe you could correct me. Sure. Sure. Maybe we can find the truth together here I don't we I wish we could get jeff involved one of these days. Maybe we can call him. Yeah Yeah, are you guys good? Yeah, we're good Are you fine with jeff? You and jeff? I'm really good with jeff. Okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah, we're good. Um, I've done his videos He owes me

I uh, he was on my podcast once and I went to the laugh factor when we sat down and we talked Oh good because you guys that yeah, so anyway, so we they were inseparable him and jeff and so jeff jeff was on mad tv He did the first year and then he got let go which a lot of people don't survive and then the following year I got mad tv but he got snl right So when I we found out at the same time. So when I called jeff about mad tv, I called him I go I fucking got mad tv and he goes I got snl. I trust you and he hung up on me. Oh Which burn

Because he still won. Yeah, right. We both had good news, but yeah Right. Yeah, so um, so still so he would come to town. So he was he left for the season. Yeah, and he was coming back into town So we had a little bit of money because I was featuring and he was featuring So when he was coming in town, I go, you know, let's get a hotel room. You and I And get jeff here and we'll get some women And we had some money with some prostitutes Get a go to the holiday and it was a holiday and it was yeah, it was a house a travel lodge It was traveling with a travel lodge. It was a travel lodge

With a hot tub with a hot tub that plays a very big part in the story By the way, because it gets a little weird. Okay. So um, jeff flies into town and we pick up What was the paper la weekly? Well, yeah, well, they had you know, they have all those weird weird You can just grab but they're they're laying in front of the newspaper places Because there was no internet really no internet really back then. So no the way you would get off back then was in Street corners, you would have newspaper those boxes But in those would be these magazines or papers that have thousands of like numbers. Yeah You know, you know, you got one saying yeah, good time come

So we we're in this travel lodge It's two in the morning and we're trying to call, you know, I mean these numbers and no one's coming So we finally get this mexican girl, but she's taking a long time. So We all three decided to go to the hot tub in this travel lodge. Yeah, so we completely naked And we sent indian style. I remember yeah in this hot tub and I remember going This is gay, right? I think I must have said that This is all right. Do you remember saying that I have different memories, but no, no, no, why don't we do this? Correct me

Well, you're right that that that if that were happen, that would be gay, right? But you don't see that you don't remember us being in the back the lady hot tub first. No, that's absolutely wrong. Okay It was absolutely wrong because I the reason why we went in the bathtub in the first place, right? It was because we had to wait We're waiting for her to listen for hours. We were getting ready. We were getting while you watch your shit out You know, yeah, we have the water running, right? We're like, we're gonna get naked eventually, right? Why don't we go right? I refuse To your break because I think that that's true. What's that in the story? I think that my version is true that we went to the bathtub. I can't argue with you. Thank you because it's all

It's all fuzzy. Okay. Thank you. You know, there's a couple you blocked it up Honestly, there's spots. I remember and why we're probably blocked out. Okay. Yeah, because it's horrible. I had a great time No, you didn't it was horrifying. I mean, no, no, I love it now because we have this why we have the story Yeah, so then it wasn't horrible. I mean, it was self go ahead. Wait, wait, wait. I found out about mankind What's mankind about humans? Oh, I thought you meant the wrestler That's what we did we called man No, I mean what I what I realized is how selfish one can get

And the depravity the depravity and selfish is good So we show up and the door I'll show up. We're in the bathtub the door Knock whatever we get out I answer the door and there is first of all a woman that's That's borderline dwarf. That's right. Yeah, like five foot four nine like borderline And she doesn't say hello her first line out the door is I'm not gonna fuck you

just not When it comes to a prostitute, that's not that's not a hopeful first one. That's the last thing Right. Yeah, but yeah, so then we go. What do you do and he goes she goes I could dance and you guys can jerk off And we go, all right So that's what we did. Yeah, that's what we did. So I don't know whose idea we have to go ahead Yes, can you let me finish this story now? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm gonna finish the whole story I'm gonna finish the whole story and then you correct. I'll just sit here. You want to take notes No, no, you got you got mental. Okay, so

So somebody's idea was let's lay on a full-size bed Right, like sardines On your bellies or on your back? Okay, like sardines on our back, right? Right, so imagine us three completely naked like sardines. You guys are wet from the hot dog Hot dog, right? And we're wet, right? And then we're like we don't know how it's gonna go Because we don't know what to do because we don't we've never been we didn't know what was going on Yeah, yeah, so I guess it was Jeff or somebody that said all right now You come up on the bed

And you dance naked Above us. Oh, yes, right. Yes. So imagine three, you know, not fully sized human beings, but You know what I mean on a full-sized bed. Come on, right? It's tight. We're touching Arms, right? We're touching arms like and she doesn't Hey, you got a weird pace You're not on beat, dude Yeah, because I do rabbit stroke Anyway, then this poor girl has to imagine right three guys full-size bed, right on our back

She has to find the gaps In between our bodies so she can get a foothold Right because you know what I mean? It's on a bed or else she'd be dancing on your belly on our belly So she has to find a little hole And so it becomes like this, you know a rock climbing kind of a thing right where she's trying to figure out how to get to the top now We can't get hard or get a rhythm because of the shoulder thing. So Jeff does something That was so selfish. I can't even

He grabs her wrist And tells her to stay there Above him. Oh, yeah, right It's selfish beyond beyond Yeah, okay It's like you got hurt all over again You're bringing back parts that are making me mad again So fun, yeah

So now I don't know if this next part the last part is And I'm really trying to be honest with my comedy heart. Yeah. Yeah, because But this is where I think this is what happened You and I looked at each other. So we kind of got up looked at each other stood up stood up Went to the foot of the bed. Yes, right. Yeah, we started drinking off. Yes standing, right And we came on his legs at the same time He never knew but I told you to do that. Oh, you told me to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you looked at because I was mad

It's right right right right right right for taking over like he just look he got in the zone He's like, you fuck you. Thank god. Thank god. Yeah, he's like this is mine I didn't imagine it. So you were giving him stage direction while you were still jerking Well, I was angry because it's red face. I imagine this red face We were talking about Jeff, right? And he looked at me. He goes come on his legs. Yeah That's what I said, right? Yeah, to me. But why you know what? Oh, this guy from the south is really furious Like he wants to play league games, right? Yeah And when he came on his legs, we never told him and I don't think he knows do this. He knows to this day

I've told him. You have told him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He has a version of this I mean, this is all very good. This is all how I how I remember it now that you're bringing them back because I did block out some Shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about their stepping over us. That's true. I remember we had to make space. Yeah. Yeah, we need to take it I remember uh, the hot tub. I remember lining up I'm partying and Jeff making me upset that he's taking over the the situation He's now no longer saying this is all of us. This one's mine. You guys figure out your own shit And that was like we were like All right, and then we got up and I'm we start going. Yeah, and I looked at you. I said, I'm gonna come on his leg

You like Yeah, and we did. Oh my god, it's coming to me and I don't know in the moment He knew and I was afraid to tell him Right. We got one on him. We'll tell him later what we did. No, because maybe we don't he has a rage Yeah, yeah, yeah, right and and you know and Jeff and you're great. You're super talented. Whatever All right, you're one of the funniest guys one of the funniest guys on or in terms of like skill set Impressions. Yes. Yes. Yes. Characters. Yes. Yes. Look wise. Yes everything

He has everything Jeff was on he couldn't be couldn't be followed Well part of the leg specifically because I feel like below kneecap is more forgivable But if it's on the thigh, that's a little I was going for inner thigh Um, yes, he's got big-ass legs too. So oh, they're not even He has I'm not talking just white long freckly piece of shit legs But they're sick. I guess thick. Yeah. Yeah. So I was going for that. Yeah, me too. Probably got calf Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, he probably got more sweat Yeah, and anger sweat than more calm

Right because I was just like, yeah, so angry. It could have been blood Yeah, yeah, yeah, and yours doesn't have any propulsion had no propulsion. It's just right. We're talking 2001 2002 Oh, we had propulsion or maybe like I was jerking and like a shining thing was happening with like the elevator door It was like blood That's what I imagined. Yeah, but I remember all of that happening and after that I don't remember what how it ended. I know we ended up just paying her and she left Well, Danny's probably or We eat we eat

You probably went out and bought a bunch of food from yeah, we went with the green blood. I don't know. Yeah Uh, but yeah, oh, but this is funny. That was before you got last comic step. Yeah way before Episode 176 Nikki Glaser and the robots put the oil in you know It's a hard cover, right? So the oil just goes in and then you unscrew it and you wash it But the problem with that is is that you need to be able to squeeze the rubber Yeah, because it's so cavernous, you know, it's like

Yeah, you want to be able to give it right friction. Yeah So you most guys just take the thing out of the receptacle and then you use the oil But then it just it's all it's a messy business It's all over your leg And you're like I'm and then when you when you come you're facing look like you're enjoying it. Yeah. Yeah like that You come right And then with the oil and the cum and it's it's all over. There is an extra shame and guilt there Oh, you feel shameful. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're just lay there and go. What's I'm almost 50. What's wrong?

Yeah, do you have that feeling like When do you not have that feeling masturbating after do you feel shame after masturbating? I don't feel shame I I researched it because I was feeling it so frequently and it's called like post-coital depression post post-coital blues Oh, really? And I think it's almost like equivalent to like an adrenaline dump. So I always feel a little bit sad like even I mean any type of As as as long as there's a climax the afterwards is never just like pure joy It might feel like a release like but there's a there's or maybe it's just you know Since I was raised catholic and that's just forever in gray the shame, but I do feel a little bit sad

Do you feel the same when you come? No, I feel victorious. I skip around like Like it's the great like it's so hard for me to come that like when I do I'm like, I can't believe I'm sitting down the street and for a month When you come though, is it usually you do it do you doing it to yourself or is it a guy doing it? um, sometimes it's a guy, but it's it's gotta be like a certain guy because I like it's I'm not I don't sleep around If I hook up with my ex then he can get the job done, but generally it's myself and it's just Take so long even when you even by yourself because I didn't start masturbating until like two years ago. Like I just never did

I was because my a whole adult life. I was on anti-depressants for pretty like a lot of it Yeah, and I think that it's oh my god terrible because I was on zoloft for a really long time And I swear to you it was the most frustrating thing But as soon as I got off of it as the years pass it got so much better Yes, I got off it in like a month later. I was like I need to jerk I don't have never felt that I need to masturbate I've never understood just like sitting on your couch and getting like seeing a hot guy on tv and being like I want to go like I never understood that thing that girls do I would always ask my friends like when do you do it?

Like what I don't even get it Like I just never got horny for it But I was a I was a horned up bitch like a lot of times for sex Like I could get horny if like I was presented with a sex situation But on my own I never it never occurred to me and then after I quit zoloft I was like oh I get it and then I was jerking off like all the time Yeah, and it was great and then And now it's just a little bit more lucid to me

I just think I've my porn surges have become a lot more depraved and that's not helpful And then what kind of porn are you into besides robots? Um, like Like um, I really like where the girl is tied up. I love that Which is how many how many men my heart skipped in my body. Oh my god There's a Hungarian when I watch where it's like they do I am and 10 of them and they pin her down and they they basically Um compete for what it was gonna impregnate her. No, she wants it. Oh, she wants it. They don't pin her down like that They just she it's a cream pie one like some sort of like oh showcase like every time they they cream pie her the lady There's like an older lady who tells her this might be the one that gets you pregnant. She's like

Why is there a older lady in this because basically the older lady supervises this woman wants to get pregnant And so she has 10 men like 10 provincial Hungarian men Just like circle around her I'm into that. I'm not into the pregnant thing Like she's like you're fucking weird Calila. No, it's not weird. It's not weird at all I totally get it though. All my friends are into that shit the cream pie a big time of or like the pregnant thing Even if like you don't want kids like I did have a guy recently be like, I want to get you pregnant I was like, oh my god, that feels great here. Even though I don't want kids and I don't want to play in a family with you

Um, but yeah, I like I like tied up. I like lots of guys. I like um taxi What's that? Taxi porn? I don't know. What's taxi porn? What the fuck is taxi? It's always a check guy who picks up a girl. She's like, can you take me to the library and he's like, okay And then like they just have this you have to watch an hour-long conversation first. Is it real? No, but they act out. It's not real. It's not real, but they do a 45 minute conversation leading up to like Do you watch all of 45? It's like, you know, you know what I hate you do not like the build up You know what I hate? Really? I love improv. You know what I hate about porn when they try to like here's what

You know, what was the thing for a while was um, was it called surprise cream pie? Oh, I don't like surprise cream, right? But like but it's all rehearsed, right? Yeah, surprise cream pie is right, babe I know I understand that but the one that's why you don't really see it for real. It's always rehearsed So whenever the girls can't act, it's pretty bad. Right. So when the guy comes inside or she's like I told you not to come inside me and then perceives the bed over show it do that And it's like, oh you got to go to fucking Meisner school Because that's not real. You're that angry at the screen That's why I only watch porn where what I go I have a membership to kink.com because it's like all it's all girls tied up

It's like bondage. It's um, it's a lot. I like because it's I like Uh, when the girl is being forced to have an orgasm and she like almost doesn't want to but it's like a lot of Japanese porn Is like that where they just have all the gadgets around and then she's basically like Yeah, I like girls are like Nope, you got it. I'm sorry girl. That's rape too, right? No, no, no, she wants to but oh, I like the ones this is like You're gonna go crazy. My favorites are the ones where the girl has to ask permission to like she wants to and she and he's like No, you're not allowed to yet and she's like you too. He's like, did I say you claim you dumb whore? Sorry, like I like I I like all that stuff

I like because I like that in sex sometimes too like not every time but I like I like to be like choked and called a stupid whore Like I like to because I like to play like I'm a dumb whore because I'm like that's the last thing I am Right, but I really like to be one sometimes because I'm like it gives me like I don't know. I gave a blowjob one morning recently and I like I was like I need to start more days off being a whore because I had such a great day of like I was productive I was like in a good mood. I was like I just felt like a rogue whore going through all the day. I felt like I could do anything

I felt very empowered by it. It was just like I just like doing something whores to start my day And um, and that was what I learned about like that's what I wanted more in 2019 It's like I'm like I need to have more I need to do more like slutty things in the morning But that's so charitable to just give a straight blowjob to completion Like who is this person and do you like do you even like like him to get enough for that? Yes Okay, well, um, he was not going to be able to make me to make me calm I just like knew that when I hooked up with it like it was it was in the morning and I just was like I just was like you deserve this like I felt like good about it

And I was like I'm good at this And and it's the first time I felt because I'm not having sex right now like unless I'm in a committed relationship Or it's with my ex-boyfriend who it's like we know the deal So but with with guys that I'm like dating and stuff unless I'm like they're my boyfriend I can't sleep with them because it just I'll get hung up on them and then they won't like me anymore. It's happened too many freaking times So now I'm like If I don't have sex and like what do I have to get them off?

And like I used to just never give blowjobs because I would just have sex because that's so much easier than giving a blowjob Like why would I blow you if I could just lay back and get it? And like enjoy something too, you know, so I just but now I'm like, oh you got to get better at blowjobs again Because they're all you have if you're gonna hook up. So you're not you're not even allowed to receive anything like no No, um dry humping. No Fingerblasting nothing, but they're just not like so much. You know when you look up with your a guy and you're just like He just isn't gonna get this and it's just it would take a whole What if I guys what if I guys said I'm just gonna eat your vagina until you come but

That's not enough. That's how I say it. Okay, but this guy wouldn't eat your vagina. Okay, but that's not enough with the hand And I just Not in the mood to like I was like I I was more turned on to just do something to him than I was to receive and I was just it was the morning I wasn't in the mood for it, but I was like it was But there is something of a victory in knowing you can get someone I'm sweating. I'm like Do they take it away at some point and bring it back

They're not supposed to take it. The Ideally they don't take it with the court even you're supposed to have the in my in my in your scenario in my scenario They clean the baby in my scenario. They clean the fucking baby All right, they take it away right because I've never been in a situation like that before Oh my god, thank you Gilbert And um when they bring it back It looks exactly the same, but I know it's not it's a government Wait, it's my fantasy. Listen to my in my fantasy. It's a government switcheroo

Right, hang on, but I'll tell you why that's already not true. It's like us. Did you guys even at Kaiser? They put it a security lock on the baby's foot Yeah, they did that at my thing too. Yeah for that exact reason. They can't even you can't even take it like past a certain point inside the hospital or else all the alone stuff and like You know, you can't even explain your fantasy to people anymore No, that's all wrong. You can't fly. You're like, I'm so You fuckers. It's this cancel culture. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are such assholes I come in here and you know what you're acting a little weird right now. You're a little standoffing

You're just you we're beyond where we're at you and I you fucker you too go fuck yourselves I'm gonna come back in the room Okay, hold on. Where have you been? Just now there there have been multiple stories going around. What do you think happened to me? I think um Were you getting your tires changed? Yes? Did you get a flat tire? Yes Did you though? Yeah

You know what we told her and she like questioned us. I was like, I she don't yeah, he did but ask him when when we could go Okay, so That's the first I don't even know what's the funny and then Why why funny though? I want to laugh you're trying. You're trying. Why funny? Why funny you're trying to play it off like you were on your way here and you got a flat tire I did get a flat tire It's your lie. It's your lie Did I not get a flat tire?

A week ago. Oh, we could go right. You don't know about lying and then my skills Right because I lie. I know all about your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay So, um, I did get a flat it was last week But I did not get it changed until just now and then here's how desperate I got Because I don't even know if this is a factor But they go you're gonna have to wait three days because we don't have that brand of tire. Mm-hmm I go Put anything circular on 2013 three door Prius and they go three doors. Yeah one door and they go

Yeah, we have circular tires put that on I just drove over you came back with another spare No, no, it's not a spare. It's a regular tire. I don't know if it's exactly the right Why'd you turn away just now because I think I've just by food Something happened came out of your mouth. Yeah, that was really gross. I wish I didn't witness that Are you gonna throw up? No, I don't know what happened. No, but I saw This is what I see. I see this and I can see that And I go, did you just have a mini stroke? What the fuck happened there? I think gassados gassados almost came out Yeah, I don't know why

I'm gonna start over man walk in here Bad vibes We'll pretend that uh, you aren't here Episode 200 joe koi. It's a ridiculous How many times have you done tiger belly now? This is your second time, right? Yeah, how many times have I done yours? You you used to do Fuck you, man. I don't have you had your podcast camera. Where that's your Hold on. No, don't that's my camera. That's my how many times have I asked you? Yeah

How many times right here? What are you saying? What are you saying? Yes? No, you don't no, you don't all you bitch. What are you? What did you want? You want to know what he says? You want to know what he says? Yeah, what you want to know what he says what can you start it at 9 In the evening and I'll be there. It's true. I go because my pot starts at 11. He goes. I don't wake up He doesn't who does 11 a.m. The world bobby. Yeah, but not comedians. Fuck not this one does Yeah, it's like a vampire go. Hey, we're having a party. I go where you know my house. What time 2 p.m When the sun's out, we're vampires

People get up at 11 when they're like, I'm hot, you know, people get up 11. We're like, I'm on that new show called, um Tea bag on HBO. It's great at high they get up. They go to the gym at 10 in the morning They go get like a brunch or whatever Tea bag, I don't know. You're right. And the comics 6 p.m. We kind of get up Yeah, a little coffee you go to do a show. That's what a real comic does. Anyway, um, you can get up at 11 p.m All a and all you want but papa does not going to do that. Yeah, papa's going to remain a Comedian do you sleep at reasonable hours? Yeah, what time I go to bed at like, uh, four o'clock in the morning Me too. I feel like that's reasonable for a comic. Yeah, that's reasonable for a comic. I'm always, you know

Writing I would love what do you think of this idea as a show? We're because I you know, I pitched that show with me and david show Remember about it's called cuffed or art. Um, oh you're where you hide so like basically two comics, right for like a month Right is they have handcuffs. Oh, hi to each other. So they had they had to go to each other's gigs Yeah, they sleep on the same bed. Each week you you take someone each episode of someone new your cuff to someone No, and the first no the first pitch though, baby I don't want to fight. Oh, that's right. That's right. The first pitch was was just me and david for like the whole season And just like living attached to each other taking showers together. No, you wouldn't be able to do it. You and I

No How great would that be be amazing sleeping on the same bed together? You know, I'll do it. Let's do a sizzle Let's One week. Yes. No not a week Oh It would end in murder. It would end in bloody while you just be dragging my course. Oh, you'd be a dead guy Yeah, yeah, Bobby's dead because he wakes up at reasonable hour. You know, we got till 6 p.m That's why the show would be funny because

There are just so many fights that would occur Oh, so many things that I would have to do that. I want to like going to joe coys son's like Game baseball game or I have to go to like like hello kitty. Yeah, right Like yeah, I'm going to that fucking scent. You know, the yellow kitty hello kitty store. Sanrio. Sanrio. Yeah I don't you're trying to bypass what I tried to say earlier about offering. Yeah offering. Yeah This guy's the son of a bitch for lying I offered him to come on my shows. I remember vegas

I think it was treasure island or something. Yeah, and I remember very specifically this was like two years Yeah, so two weeks ago. He was playing Ontario and he goes. Hey, do sunday. I go. Okay, and then I never Went two weeks. I was at the wind Whatever the wind theater before we three sold out. How many seats? How many people that one was close to That was 6,000 total seats. Yeah. Yeah sold out So what we've learned today is this what we learned today is this we've learned a lot of things today, but we've learned that um That you know a relationship isn't a two-way street

You know sometimes when you have two people one's more generous than the other And so I think by the facts Of this trial and in this case, right? It shows that i'm the one that's being harmed I'm the one that gives and doesn't receive What the fuck? I'm the one listen. I don't think I don't think any I don't think any of your listeners got that

None of your listeners got that from this show not one fucking person that's listening. Yeah, they did got Because they're sleepers. They're my people that you're my fucking fans They're my fucking fans, too Okay, and they get me You know after you know, I'll tell you this my friend. I'll tell you this my friend. What right? What I can't do two weeks in Ontario, but I could sell out a weekend And those people that come to my shows. Yeah, they love me. They love you and I'm giving them a message It has nothing to do with you

What I'm saying to you people right is in a relationship one person Right is more giving sometimes than the other person and the other person right being an island an island gook Right being an island gook. They suck up the energy sometimes. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I've been to korea I've been to the Philippines too friend You want to talk about you want to say I've been to korea korea and I love What I love the Philippines and I love and I love the korean. I love your mud rivers and I love the fact That was her mind with her. That was a nice girlfriend. My bad, babe. I'm fucking dead. Yeah. Yeah the shit rivers that you Will go ahead. Tell me about korea

I love what you guys. I love you guys too so much the 33% of the country that you can I love the fact that you oh man, you're talking about that shit right now. I'm just Would you go to the Philippines and bobby? What you guys get to do You get this much. Yeah And then this much goes to golf courses and the air bases. Yeah, and then this goes to a guy That looks just like you. Right. He owns a northern part of him. Interesting So enjoy whatever that is that that area down there in the south. I want to see you guys travel together

I want to see you go to the Philippines with joe and maybe he can go with you. He would be missing in the Philippines I would see to it. You know what I love Okay, you know, here's what this is what'll help me. What? And I'm being real. Let's hang up each other and go to korea and the philippines. That'd be great. I swear to god That would be so fucking. That'd be so funny But the next time you do I'm gonna ask for a favor because you know, I've given you the tiger belly twice and you've given me none of your zero times

That I want a favor and my favor is the next time you do A gigantic show like a theater show one of your like stadiums. He has asked for it over the years. Bobby! I would love to do it. Where's my computer? Where's my computer? It's right here! There's this multi-camera this multi I have offered I have offered Every show that I've had I said Bobby just walk on stage. You don't have to ask You don't have to tell anybody just walk on

And and what do you say every time? Okay, no, you don't Does he say that he doesn't reply to he never replies You're a piece of shit. I know And that's okay. Yeah Which one's my camera? Is it the one behind me or the one directly in front of me? No, you look at that camera. I'll look at this one So

You tell me You tell me Bobby. Sorry. Tell me All right, so what I'm saying to you right now people. Okay. Listen to me right now. Okay. Tell me and you have the facts You've listened to this podcast from beginning to end and be right be honest and know in your hearts Know in your heart now listen to the facts. Okay, and don't do it for fun Right, you know going on his side going on his side would only be for fun. This Filipino, but you know, he's a fucking liar He's a liar this fucker. It goes around all over the world. It runs gigantic theaters, right? I've asked for fucking some promotional help about being on like your podcast

Fucking kidding me. I promoted that give me nothing and then last week you're going to have a Netflix special Can you can I do tiger bell? I go? Yeah, I'll clear Monday for you. You fuck. Thank you because I love you Thank you. I sold I sold four arenas out in Hawaii And it was a fucking Netflix. You don't deserve it sometimes. It's trending. You don't deserve it sometimes All right, anyway Anyway, what do we have time? Oh that was an hour No, can we get through this unhelpful advice? Yeah Yeah, okay. We have actually a couple of patreon questions. Let's get some patreon questions, but um, I love you so much. I love you so so fun

You really are my air. No, I do you and I are going to do something one day You are my inspiration. You're my inspiration to life and that's not coming. I'm not being funny. Yeah I I want you to know that and I'm documenting it right now. Yeah. Yeah, I tell everybody you're the You look at all my tweets about you. Go fuck yourself, man Man, you're episode 195 Brendan shop is a location shame me, huh? No one walked in. I just said what was the question? Are you were you shocked at the condition at which we live? No, no, be honest. It was right in line. Be honest. Why do you keep laughing though? Yeah, so are you laughing now when you no you are coming at me

I think it's I wish I could do my podcast out of my house. So I have to Yeah, what I'm saying is you No, why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? That awkward laugh. No, what I think is because this is a successful show and I think it's really cool Is that you guys do it out of here which usually I'm used to doing going to studios and stuff like that Which I think it's No, I'm saying it's cool that you built this

This is studio. I made a studio here. No, it's cool. All right. No, listen. It's just now. I didn't know Oh They're like Bobby's just waking up. So kind of piped down. I was like, wait, he's he sleeps in the studio Did you think you were coming to a studio? Yeah, I had no idea. Oh, I'm like, oh, he slept. He was working all night So he slept in the studio. Wow. I like the work. I like the work. Yeah, people sleep here at night You know, yeah, my family from the Philippines sleepier nights. Yeah Really push the tables back we vacuum and we put all my stuff. It's like almost out in here There's literally three beds here. Yeah, yeah

Get the hell out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't smell it. This is fantastic. Yeah It does have a funky You son of a bitch you did it again. No, what no, I like it. No, you know, I like the funk. I like the funk like funky cool Yeah, funky. Yeah, like, oh man, this is this is awesome. This is ethnic in here in a good way In a great way. You fucking ask your deceiver man. In a good way, you know, you're a trickster, dude So how many people live here total? This is not some sort of fucking human trafficking business or anything. I gotta figure things out, man. I don't know It's a week we live here with six animals and then when her like, you know, island gook relatives come

To visit the nine of them ten of them sitting here Episode 202. Um, so Andrew Santino goes today. So we're on the show, right? And Andy goes, don't look at the notes All the writing staff wrote you all these jokes. Don't look at them. Time out. Time out. Time out. Give me a little bit of credit We did go through jokes with the staff, but even they were like, you guys just fuck around make it your own Yeah, they were trying to make us feel like it's don't feel like you're supposed to get these things out That's what they kept saying. So we were like, all right and to be honest You were honest

They read you a couple jokes and you didn't like them and you were like, I don't know if I want to say that Not in in their bad jokes. Just like he doesn't he was like, I don't know if I I did one of them You did one. I know it ate it Yes, but I did one that they wrote down. I said it was not even a joke really wasn't a joke It was just kind of a like a an opinion or something. That's what I did. I ate an opinion I when we left the two producers were outside. Yeah, and I said to one of the girls I said, can I get a to-go box for all the shit? I just ate inside of there because I ate so much shit I'm full from bombing. Yeah, and I'd love to take some of that to go. Yeah, and I wanted to cry in the car

See these panel shows so hard. It was like Chelsea. Yeah panel shows or I'm not that kind of comedian I just I can do podcasts all day long because everything I'm saying is grounded in some sort of Truth and also I'm not necessarily Not everything coming on my mouth is a fucking punchline. Sometimes I say real things sometimes it's awkward sometimes Whatever it might be, but I don't have the pressure of saying a punchline every fucking 15 20 seconds and there was a What live audience? It was a live audience dynamically changes the movie right dynamically makes you go Well, I should say this quick enough so it gets a laugh and also Throw it to them a little bit. Okay, that of this. We're doing this together. Yeah, it's so hard, dude

It's always been our so people that do it well props We today didn't do it well ester actually landed a couple of jokes. He did better than all of us by far I did the work. I did so bad here the first joke come out of my mouth Bobby and I sit in the chairs. He's big puffy yellow chairs. Yeah, he's sitting right next to me. Oh, yeah Yeah, on purpose. They put us right next to each other. Yeah, because they know what we do Yeah, right away. I go look to the crowd. Look at the bobby's feet. Don't even touch the ground Crickets 90 No one even smiled. It wasn't even a cricket. It was almost as if you some you would kill the human being

Yeah, like I had a baby. I had a baby and I slid its throat out of the audience of everybody, right? Yeah, yeah, I drank the blood. Yeah, I almost when he did that joke. I almost said I don't know him I absolutely they booked out. I don't know him like his his little feet were swinging above the carpet Well, it was hilarious. Bobby's feet don't even fucking touch the ground. Yeah, yeah, nothing and then he says I don't even remember that bomb though. You're your retort bomb. It was so bad. I forgot what it was. It was a bomb on top of a bomb Yeah, I said something like, um, you know, I'm just my ethnicity is is what I said, uh, you said my God damn it. John John, he's so high. Oh, fuck. John. Is this how we're gonna play today?

Do you and your your drug using again? Look at his eyes. These drugs. Your drugs right now John, are you drugs? No, honestly, John. Honestly, be honest with me. Are you drugs? Did you smoke marijuana before this today? You swear to God Oh, you're just asian then He's just asian guys. That's what I read. That's what I read But you know what Asians don't make mistakes like he just made little tipping over or something It's very unasian of you. Take off your mask, John. Here's a white piece of shit Here's another thing that I had a problem with in the beginning. I want to hear the bomb on top of the bomb

What was it? He said something about oh, that's my my my ethnicity makes me this way something along those lines He just thought he was gonna get a laugh by shitting on my bad thing and it also didn't work It not didn't work. It looks like I killed two people. Okay. Let's give our worst bomb Here's our worst bomb that should have been a good bomb. Okay. Okay before you go into that though I'm going to tell you how I know it was bad is when they because what happened was they introduced us before the show started Right. They say so. So well, I want you to say, um, welcome Andrew Santino Bobbi. I'll name everybody. Esther Pavinski ladies. I'm going to tell you what the crowd did Okay, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Esther Pavinski Bobby Lee Andrew Santino

People's faces were like this. I mean, who are these people? What comic warmed up the group? It wasn't it wasn't that It goes up there. It's not the comic. It's one of those famous comedians on earth of all time, right? And they show a reel of his And no one's laughing. It's like this guy. Are they just comedy fans or just like here's what it is It's a it's a skewing of super super young people And people that kind of aren't you know, they don't know they don't know I don't I just don't think they I think they're like excited How I did a Hollywood today, right? They don't know they're not in they're not enjoying the moment Right, you know that stupid friend enjoy the moment. They're in it, but they're not enjoying it. I did a Hollywood, but they don't

I did a Hollywood today. They didn't pay attention to any of us. I didn't they're not in it. They're just there You know what I mean? Yeah, they're also dressed like almost Like they were on a show like somebody dressed them like when you see an audience and they look great like From like they all went to h&m Yeah, but a brand new outfit when I was in high school. I was an audience member for the Sharon Osborne show Because my friend was like a pa on the show and I dressed to the nines that you're supposed to I was looking at the cameras like 17 years old I didn't give a shit Vivica a fox was on there. I didn't give a shit. I just wanted to make sure that I'm guessing it was probably yes like that these young people they want to they want to look sexy in case the camera catches

Yeah, yeah, they don't give a fuck about our stupid and then Bobby and I Bob there's a okay. There was a there was a video of a Japanese Drill where they you might have seen this on the internet where this Japanese stop John. That's not funny John that's not funny. He did the Japanese. Does the Japanese did the Japanese cover? Yeah Okay, I'm gonna say you're on my last nerve You're on my fucking last nerve Okay, so here's what happened. Yeah, here's what happened. Don't do it until we see cells. Sorry. Yeah, they play a video Of a guy in a in Japan in a in a lion's costume

Fluffy who escapes the zoo and they taze it as an instructional what happens when a lion escapes And they show it to people lions are watching sitting there watching it happen, right? They set up this video and then they say What's the joke whatever whatever and then Bobby says this is my so my joke was Was it just set up a joke first of all my first joke was to Bobby. I said was it hot in that suit? Right, right? Yeah, and then you said what I say uh No, because

That's not me. That's something something and then you said I bet you if this got played in china if yeah, if this was in china, they would have ate them They would have ate them Right nobody even laughed. No one laughed No, it was like dude. It was like this What yeah, yeah, and I said and I said but No, no, he said if it's in china. I bet you would ate him. I said no because that's a lion not a dog Right

Let me say something right. That's good. I know we got nothing. It wasn't just nothing, right? It was like um my feelings got hurt. We did sandy hook I'm sorry, but it's a bad tragedy and I should be better joke But it was almost as if yep We're two incels and we went to a movie theater and went crazy. Do the laugh we did when we both bombed together when we looked at Here, I'll do it. We'll do the joke and then we'll this exactly We had to look at each other because we were embarrassed afterwards This is what I go um

Yeah, if that uh, if that guy was in chat dressed like that in china, they would have ate them. No. Well, that's a lion Not a dog Oh my god, that's what happened it got we got nervous laugh. Yeah We want It was so and then meanwhile I mean surround sound nothing Jesus, you know those, you know the sensory deprivation tanks where he's supposed to hear That's what it felt like. That's what it felt like. It felt like I was like

In emptiness and blackness floating through space and I this is the first time I'm ever going to say this but I bombed hard But he bombed a little I did I fucking did right. So it was when I walked out. It was at least like at least I wasn't him Right Because I was because what you told me Right when you're driving because we had sushi after that when you were driving the sushi thing. What were you thinking? I thought I was gonna crash my car. Yeah, me too. I thought about crashing my car

Me too because I thought about if I crash this at least That'll be the headline not comic bombs on test. It'll be sad comic It gets in tragic accident. It won't be comic bombs. The worst of three bombs Right, not only did everybody bomb. I was the worst bomb. Yeah, the ester's sword. You know what I am You know what I am? I'm a kamikaze pilot and I miss the ship He's the little face right right into the ocean. I didn't even hit anything. He just killed yourself. Yeah What ester did was She became calm. He was calm. Yeah, she cooled it off. She cooled it off. Yeah, she was very like when I'm talking on those shows

I could feel I I can always feel a stopwatch Episode 186 Dr. Drew and the cold jerky. I think I've grown by being in this relationship with her because I hope so I have because as a comic for her sake. I have. Thank you. Okay. Dr. Duke Pinsky. It's all good If Pinsky's your real last name, it is Jewish. It's Jewish ish ish Um that I usually when I'm with the inner relationship I'm 50 in oh So this made you made you go all the way. It's not yeah, it's it's also like whenever I'm dating somebody I'm all like

I'm gonna get out of this. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, this will you know run its course, right? But with her I know I'm really in love with her because I just know that I'm committed We've been faced with like Things that at least at times look like life and death and you like feel that yeah, you know I really and sometimes it has been scary. I bet yeah But I do want to ask you though when someone does go through something I mean mine maybe doesn't sound chronic, but something that alters their life a little bit It did have an impact on

um his Sexual feelings just in general because it's scary. It's it scared him. Yeah, like it almost took him out of that He's gonna break you Uh, that's I don't think we're gonna bring this off. I mean, but you did you did is a perfect person Um, okay. I gotta get real here Yeah, I think through The experiences with the hospitalization because when we were in saboo when she was first Had had had it. We were in the hospital for like two weeks

You know in the Philippines in the Philippines and then by coming here Her getting her ablation operation and then also constantly having to call the ambulance, right? They're in and I think it's tied in with um, my pornography addiction Right with the combination of the two affected I find her extremely Attractive I love her so fucking much. Is that is that part of the problem? What? Your the intensity of your feelings. I don't know. I don't know. I have you know, I got a thing Yeah, oh my god, please tell me more because I feel like that happens a lot in my life

Where people get too involved with you too intense Yeah, like where the love almost turns into something more than because I well intensity You know people confuse intensity for love and they can get sort of overwhelmed by the intensity and the intensity They can either get addicted to or overwhelmed by or aversive to And intensity is something that you sort of have to watch out for Do you have how your boundaries do you have slippery boundaries? No, I don't you good Here's another thing also is is that I never really lived with anyone So

With her health conditions With this podcast because we're in business together With we're constantly around each other. I think that might yeah, we're a little too like we that's she's the only person I see I know but All right, but I feel like that. I feel like you know, I know your history now and I feel like there's some couple layers of stuff something I agree with you with the porn the porn get in the way. Yeah, the porn's what you're retreating to not to deal with whatever else going on Yeah, I mean and then here. Let me I'm a ticket. I don't know what you're alluding to. I don't know either

No, because I know you're a complex guy and you're very complex. I'm layers. Yeah. Yeah, you've got a lot of trauma Yeah, I'm Dr. Trauma too. Yeah. Yeah, so something's coming back. Okay. Here's what I know for sure. Okay That Six animals three cats three dogs. Just listen living in such a close I saw the the the gate, but yeah, yeah, we have a lot. Okay Three cats and three dogs, right in this two bedroom place. Yeah. Yeah With the health with the porn, right? Also. Here's another thing just here. Here. Yeah There's there's little room in my apartment between the dogs and the porn

Maybe I see, you know, I was sitting. Yeah, and then Also, and you generally you have a little bit of a process addiction. Generally, you know what that is what like Process and you said it or you've alluded to three different things that are what we call process addiction One was the bejeweled or whatever we're trying to drill Video games and video games all part the same thing and then you said, uh, oh social media Yeah, yeah and now porn so it's all process. It's a lot. Let's process. You may have to go cold jerky That's the name of the episode cold jerky jerky. I've never heard of cold jerky What I I'm being funny, but I mean cold turkey on all your devices and things

Episode two three. I feel like I'm an action star three Oh, why what happened? What happened at h3? Should we pull up a video? I feel like I wasn't too fast too furious. What were you thinking bobby? What what was going through your mind? If I want to go through the doorway clean, right I would have taken out either ethan Right. I know I couldn't get ila. I couldn't I couldn't have the angle, right? But I got taken out him or one of his fancy cameras. Well, should we play it just for the audience?

Yeah, so just for reference everyone Oh, oh timing. Oh, you can find that bobbyleadlive.com For more information there, bobbyleadlive.com. Oh great for the audio audience. So without further ado, bobby and colila, please enter Yeah, right now I That looks so legit hard dude my right leg got twisted in a bunch of metal It did I had to pry it out

It got lodged between the doorway. We could have died. You could have wait. I wouldn't know for real if you had You knew that you were going to do this Because I wish I would have been warned. I would have prepared my body very interesting prepare your body Very interesting. What does that mean? For impact. My knees were out like this There is no Prepared preparation for impact in show biz We do it. You know, you know why you're right. Why? It's because you know when you get into a car accident the ones who get hurt more are the ones who tense up

That's what I'm saying before impact and the ones who survive better are the ones who are asleep in the car Tony Ferguson absorbs punches He gets punches when he gets punched The reason why he doesn't get hurt is because this is what they say the commentary My friend Joe Rogan and my other friend Michael visiting What about the other guys the way you said You know, they're my friends. What are the dominant crews? Never met him. What about john anac? Never met him Any who your friends any hole any heat?

Any who I don't know what I'm saying now Um, what he gets Tony Ferguson the reason he because what he does is when he gets punched He he he moves with the punch. So his he absorbs the punch so he doesn't he doesn't grab all the impact He doesn't take all the impact. He flows with it. That's what I do in car accidents. That's all I'm saying Well, we float all right. What float real well today. Do you know why I really did that wall? Can I be honest with you? What was the what was happening if we get hurt? We don't have to do it Oh my god, were you trying to hurt me? No me If I hurt myself enough, I would have been like, uh, I can't do it right now

broke Right and they're like they're gonna be like really and even if It came out on an angle like this I would even go do something more even more or just to pop it out a rudder I gotta look it's vibrating whatever and we would have gone. I really was trying to get out of that But it turned out to be good. Oh, I love Ethan That was an easy podcast those guys. They're the nicest people in the world. Yeah podcast has been uh Real fun and um as of late episode 206 david geo and the age and so far man

Well, they made they made the mermaid black. Oh, you be sebastian. There we go. Oh the Korean crab Korean crab Korean crab. She's not flounder. Is she she's seagull aquafina. I think oh, yeah, dude. Good for her Yeah, that bitch get everything dude. Yeah her management. She's killing it. Yeah scuttle. She's scuttle She's killing it. I feel like she came out of nowhere. He's killing it Uh ken jung's killing it right who else is killing it Randall's killing it Alley wong's are you sad? You're killing it too, dude. You have tiger belly Wow, look at that dead silence

That's true I have one of the most popular podcasts out there, dude. You're fucking you know what? It's funny because um, I go to alley and I would I sit over there there? I go Can you do pot tiger rally? She goes I can't tell you what she said, but basically it wasn't no Can't tell you what she said, but no But she goes on ellen and then ken jung I know it's not yeah, and then ken jung I asked him to do tiger belly and he's flat out said no way

Is it no because they're busy or because the they're afraid that I'm going to bring up things From the past which is what I do. Yeah And people want to run away from their past, but I know things about the people That can never say out loud. I really wish you would though. I know I want to know Oh, but I know things about all of them. It's like he's trying to tell you with his eyes right now the secrets Where are you wiki? Yeah Time traveling, you know You know, but you know, I have tiger bell and people come up to me and they go

Oh, you you you're doing it Right big time with tiger belly And without tiger belly. I would have nothing I think I mean think about what you know the tiger belly We've thanks to these guys in the room. Give them a round of applause Okay, even this room What do you guys I like he said round of applause for them. He went come on guys That's it two claps. Well applause for everybody, you know, what do you guys think about everyone crying about a black little mermaid?

Oh, were people actually upset about that? Yeah, they're like not my ariel hashtag not my ariel. That's pretty funny. Oh, really? Well, who do they want to cast for it then just basically a red-haired headed Uh pale skin white girl the fuck cares is a fucking. I know I do Oh, you want that? Bob even never even seen the little mermaid. I don't care. It's just based on this though. Okay. No, annie What when they made black annie? What's what's annie? Annie was a hard knock life. Oh

Annie was a musical with this red-haired white freak right freak of nature. She was pale That's why I said that and she sings and she's an orphan. It was I saw the Musical the movie. Hmm. That was a good one. Yeah Are you talking about the new one? No, the new one that was One of the worst movies ever made but that's not because annie was black. It was because he probably had shitty writing and everything else I don't know. You're right, but they're shitty writing. They're definitely casting hers. I mean, it's just but I know But I'm just saying though. It's like if they like if they made superman black or filipino No, no fighter man great Filipinos. I have a problem with that though. That should no

I just don't think that like you know, you know, it's like why do all superheroes have to be fucking white? Because I want my mermaid black. She's not black though. Well now. That's a new generation. Ariel is white, right? Ariel is a fictional character. She's not real. It's not based on a real person. You know, she's half human half fish, right? Yeah Oh, that's true. That's true. Well, I guess I mean if you Well, mermaids are what what what what culture is that a part of? They're they're a part of Celtic or some shit or what like Greek. What is it? Yeah, we'll say no No, no, no, it's a Danish is it or Denmark because they have Copenhagen They have the I guess I guess that would be somebody's standpoint

But the original idea of a mermaid is actually from pirates who use their mistake Manatees when the kelp would go over their heads and at night the sailors would be drunk And we've seen so many black manatees. Come on. My god, stop it. They're white manatees That's your next special Other sided things I could really give a fuck less is a cartoon. It's an adaptation who really cares And there's really like no one more attached a little mermaid than me And when I found out the news, I was so it didn't please me. It's like, yeah, wonderful. Great I would love a Filipino super. I'm gonna say something. We do have one there is one. There's a new one

I think marvel just uh came out with a Filipino superhero Put down in a gate. Okay. So marvel's newest superhero is a Filipino woman and her name is wave Yeah, she looks pretty badass. Well, let's see what she looks like. So water Oh, she doesn't look Filipino at all though, she looks latina. She doesn't look white. That looks like Selena Quintanilla What's her full name is she a mutant to what is she she's part of the aqua world in Marvel I think that's tight because this new generation is gonna grow up and be like oh shit that looks kind of like me no Bobby imagine you grew up with an Asian Superman you'd feel like you can do some shit Asian Superman would be so fucking funny dude well they did bright burns and why don't

we do an Asian Superman we striper why why would you compare it to bright burn is that it was the story of Superman but if he was even an anti yeah right so yes I was Superman so now Asian Superman would be different than regular Superman I know what way yeah well first of all like give you a lot shorter that's for sure but you're tall as fuck what are you talking about yeah but I'm a Korean though that's different but as Asian Asian you don't have to do the Clark Kent glasses look like everyone else anyway right because you wouldn't have to put that right because you'd be at whatever the newspaper that he works at Clark Kent even though if I wasn't wearing the glass and they're like you look like Superman yeah but so does Jack Chan down the

jack down the hallway looks like I'd why is it in Asia his name is Jack Chad thank you by the way yeah we're tight that way but yeah so he wouldn't have to do that and then would lowest lane would have to with lowest lane have to be white or shoot would they make her Filipino anything should be Filipino any other Asians fine all right so oh so it's all Asian cast here so I would play Clark Kent I'm out of this company like it's no listen so as an Asian superman that's actually works what lowest length Mexican right Genevieve so Genevieve's Mexican and she is in the car and then who is now Lex Luthor white or what yeah definitely Michael Rosenbaum yeah I don't think I've ever looked at comic book superheroes and thought

about their ethnicity though I don't think I've ever done that I just thought they were just well cuz that's what you grew up seeing though yeah but I never thought like man I wish she was Asian so I could be a superhero I just thought you didn't even know you had that option though I don't give a fuck man if there were if you could compare and you're like oh shit this guy looked so I think that's why I have a place in my heart for I love Lucy because she's Mexican no her husband was Cuban yeah that's true I would speak Spanish I'm like oh fuck I love that oh really I didn't feel that at all like Superman was still dope because he was Superman like I didn't feel like I could not be Superman because he was white I think it might be different for a

girl though but especially because we had a lot of Disney princesses okay and like well one of my best friends she's black and she never I could ever feel like she had she could ever be a Disney princess yeah and that's something that she actually harbors in her heart oh shit like resentment what about Jasmine from Aladdin I connected with her hella hard no Pocahontas oh yeah you guys got Pocahontas you look like Pocahontas actually you really do yeah legit what the fuck we're talking about me or talking about my black friend I don't know who's Pocahontas are you bossing all over here am I supposed to defend you or what what's going on episode of 192 you don't you don't agree with a date to a fucking Fox party and she leaves the table and goes to the

president of Fox go I'm an I'm a comedian too that's embarrassing that's my headshot right and she's like who the fuck are you yeah and I dragged her from the table and I go I'm so sorry right now Greg this is not how you make it yeah yeah you get an agent and you do the tonight show you know and then eventually people ask you to do shit did you ever watch the episode where Joe Rogan was talking to Brendan Shaw are you Joe Rogan fan I love Joe yeah so he that when he told Brendan to not be in the UFC anymore oh yeah all right remember that that was intense that was really I was like comfortable yeah and then what did Brendan say he took it really well if I remember but yeah Joe was just kind of like I saw you last fight and I don't think you have this like I don't

think you have this mentally I think was the gist he was saying and it was really tough love but it came across as the good kind like it seemed like very good loving life advice to his body and obviously it's like things have gone very well for Brendan's sister and also yeah that's that's a very costly sport too you know where it's um it would it would warrant that kind of conversation where you're like hey dude your life's on the line maybe consider not getting your brain bashed in anymore so I just got goosebumps when you said that hmm because I didn't realize that that conversation had happened I don't know Brendan Shaw from UFC I know Brendan Shaw as a comedian and he's good he's good huh right he's getting better he the other day he pulled up in his brand new Porsche

you know I'm being this is just listen why are you cackling me all right he pulled up to the comedy store and you know usually comics when they pull up the comic store you can't park there only the best park there like I parked there Rogan parks there you know Delia we all get to park there but Brendan just went right in got out of the car and they all you know God they you know like he's a part of it and in my head I do know that Brendan was a fighter I never saw any of his fights but it's so crazy to think that he reinvented himself yeah by doing something else and Joe probably saved his life and that's when you when you said that I got fucking goosebumps and Joe probably also saw a bunch of other things that he was capable of doing because I I bet you

anything if it was a guy who didn't have a lot of other types of potential yeah and it was just this like raw fighter and it's really all he had going you know you'd be a little bit more um cautious to tell him to stop making a living yeah yeah but he probably saw Brendan as someone funny and you know good on a mic and all these things that he is now I don't know why and I and I'm sure Joe's gonna hear about it because I'm gonna say this now but I can I'm so still so intimidated by him in a in a way when I see him he always says hi he always hugs me one time he kissed me in the cheek right I've heard him talk about me on his podcast like people give me clips yeah I hope I saw Bobby Lee there and I said killed it in the you know so there's no I mean we're friends but there is

just some because of the fact that you know it's either he's an alpha male and I'm not or he was a headliner when I started but there's something going on psychologically that when I'm around him I'm aware that I'm around him I'm not like that with Dana Carvey or anybody else like anyone big it's him and Mark Maron is the same way I is it alpha or is it just that he's very comfortable on his own skin I don't think yeah I don't think he's necessary he's a very know-it-man he's a very brilliant intelligent guy he's very smart yeah and I think maybe you think he's always gonna have something back to say to you if you were to like misspeak maybe no that's not what it is either do you have someone in your life that you feel that same way about where you're like whoa um I

don't know why I mean he's a peer of mine but you have that reverence like I've had it yeah I don't have it that I can think of right now but I've definitely had it yeah okay good um yeah like looking up to somebody and I think it was it was uncomfortable at the time to be that sort of in awe of a peer yeah but then I resolved it yeah I think you just have to you know love yourself and love them right you know it's getting better I'm not saying I mean because before I couldn't say anything yeah like 15 years ago I would be like oh yeah okay but it's so funny that you say that because you guys have such like you've had bonding experiences with Joe when you almost got killed at the strip club together I know I know I know I know I heard about that yeah I've had that's

Chris you were and it was you it was him yeah it was you that's a good story well it was you not that you were inadvertently generating the the danger yeah and Joe was like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Joe was like they have guns and you're like I don't give a fuck I know that part right but I know but you know I first of all can I just say this I was 20 I'm 47 I must have been 25 years old when that happened episode 208 here you show that you is me okay Johnny Neutron here hey what's up shaba shaba do be do yeah hey what's up let's turn it on hey what's up shaba do be do to you man back you're on k-rock 93.9 the bridge the ridge Johnny Neutron here good morning whoa the traffic out there on the 101 is you know let's start uh let's just keep that in there uh thank you for

being a friend travel down the road and back again your heart is true you're a pal in a confidant stop right there I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done my dad died my dad died whoa come in I can't use it I haven't been able to use it whoa too soon it happened yesterday too soon all right go ahead babe you would see the biggest gift from me and the card attached would say thank you for being yes sir Johnny Neutron here on k-rock 101.1 on FM listen um you guys are confidants and I didn't even know what that word meant until that song I never used it but you're confident well everyone in this room is a confidant except for one I'm going to tell you why oh wow because um some FYI yesterday what's it say it's Monday or Tuesday

Monday yesterday my dad died I'm so sorry Bob interesting that you would say something like that because that's interesting that you would say something like that because um I'm just going to give you uh just some facts okay my dad passed and I'm going to tell you Mike Halloran Natalie Matt Blake Gilbert Galone Steven Newn Stone Street Giovanna from the Gets Kidding Kids Gets Kidding whatever they're called Gets Kidding Kids Kid just kidding news I mean my brother I don't know my brother I'm with my brother oh yeah he spent Benji Adam everyone Ike Bernholz Nick Rutherford my ex-girlfriend Christine Saratiana everyone who even the exes even exes and the only one that didn't leave me any kind of comment or message

is George that's I had friends I haven't talked to for 30 years giving me comments but you haven't done anything explain yourself Instagram and text is in in every format you didn't reach out at all did my family reach out to you yeah your sister you're not helping your mom not trying to help kill everyone why would explain yourself um well I haven't had that much tragedy in my life so I don't know how to react to these things so I try to imagine how I would feel and I would probably just want to not have to respond to anybody and given our relationship and how much you don't like talking to me in general oh I was thinking there's the hammer you probably extra not want to hear from me whoa no that's not what it is that's not what it is that's not what it is okay I just want

what does that sound what is that what sound is that I left my phone on yeah but what noise is that it was two queefs it's the minions beep beep beep oh beep beep oh it's cute and very relevant thank you anyway so you did and it's fine I get what you're saying but let's just start from the beginning well we already know we already did that we already did that so um I haven't done this podcast in a while a month a month and a half because I've been out so I've had a crazy um I went to Montreal for two weeks I went to Hawaii for about a week and a half and then I got came back for a couple of days and then my mom called Monday last Monday to say you got to come now and um I know if you don't want to hear this turn it off but I want you to keep it on so we can

get the numbers stay on but listen okay this is not going to be a funny episode this is going to be trying I'm going to try more real about it okay and I'm wearing my sunglasses because my brother bought me these and they were over $50 and he's never bought me anything that's amazing women's sunglasses I don't know but he went to Costco to get it oh I don't think there are any $50 sunglasses in Costco babe he's a liar we know that too so we can do some research on that after after that but I don't want to do that now okay so um so Monday my mom called I was at here's what happened Monday I wake up and I had to go to all things comedy so I went to all things comedy to meet with Mike Bertilini what's his name Bertilina whatever and we had a little meeting and then I

go you know what I'm hongo I'm going to go to a doghouse for chili dogs delicious because my body craves it sometimes I order it get some cater tots as soon as the meal hits my get it from the thing my mom called saying you got to come now so I called Kalyla she got me a plane ticket and my brother we flew over there and we thought that he was going to die right then and there but when we walked into the hospice he was very cognitive alert and alert and there he smiled when we walked in he said our names when we walked in we kissed him we started crying it was crazy and um um so then in my head I'm like he didn't look as sick as my mom made it out to be she was just freaking the fuck out on the phone so when I saw him I'm like oh he looks like he

always does like he's there he's talking but then the lady came in she said yes so we just put him off we're not feeding him anymore and um no more water well that's you have to explain why that sounds cruel when you don't explain me no let's just start at that no context there's a there I mean yeah the people can fill in the blanks right it's like he has infections a lung infection anything that comes to his body that's solid right is going to turn into that's going to feed into the infection and he's not going to be able to digest the food and it's going to come through he's going to vomit it all out and he's going to die that way because he has infections on the stomach because he's been feeding him through his stomach it would just add a lot more distress yeah but when he said that

my brother goes I have a question what do you mean you fucking can't feed him oh like he said like no you're not fucking but he was like kind of like shocked by it yeah he's like yeah he's just and I kind of pull my brother back and go dude just it's just he'll have an infection and then he's like there's nothing you could do I go and she said you can bring him to the hospital and get him antibiotics and try to do it that way but you're only going to prolong his life for another seven days right so I go all right and then that's when it hit us and then by Wednesday when you know he just we just started losing him like he there was nothing behind the eyes and my brother Steve spent just days at night till three four five in the morning there just sitting next to him

because he didn't want my dad to pass and no one be in the room which is like a credit to my brother um and if you're listening to this I'm sorry it's depressing but this is it literally just happened so yeah you had a weird couple days there the the conversations you were we were having were really weird between Monday and Wednesday why why he would go back and forth between calling me and be like babe this is the most depressing shit ever you would love the new athletic wear I just bought and then you would go into like kind of to a half cry and then like be like like excited about the new leggings you're like a year ago I saw Joe Coy with his family wearing these like Nike leggings leggings the tight kind but what he does what they do

now the kids is they put shorts over it so the leggings are exposed babe so you get no just listen they've been doing this for like 10 years I've never noticed it before I'm learning I never noticed before Joe Coy we're learning we're learning thank you Gilbert we're learning okay so I bought this combination this camo pants shorts tight leggings and when I was talking to you I was in remorse and I was feeling sad but then I would pop my eyes under my new fucking vibe from my waist down and I was excited about it so I just expressed to you that I love this new leggings I know it sounded senile because I was like in and out of crying freaking out but that's the truth baby and that's life that's what happens when you're um in that situation you know so the week

I'm just going to finish it so the week went on and then by I mean I imagine didn't feed him since Monday so now come to Friday and he there's just no moisture in his mouth he's staring at the ceiling is at times and then closing his eyes and sleeping for 20 hours and then Sunday um it was like seven eight in the morning and I was sleeping and I heard my mom downstairs and it was um a sound that I don't ever want to hear again and it was I just couldn't my brother and I were in shock my mom was crying screaming get up he's he's dead or whatever we get in the car we race there and I don't know listen I want to say this to the hospice that my dad was in everybody in that hospice deserves

a medal and if they had penises at Stockholm but they're women and that's that's sexist and that's being aggressive yeah so I can't save the vagina thing right so you get what I'm saying yeah but my point is is that they were so good we it's 24 hours you can go slip in and out there's a little vending machine it's really nice very nice area place and um we walk in and the lady said he just took his last breath and my brother and my mom collapsed in sheer devastation I've never seen anything I mean and I did not cry I cried Monday Tuesday Wednesday but then when it actually happened you know I had these fancy sunglasses on that my brother got me at Costco

and um I just stood there absorbing what was going on it was like almost like I was in shock and then my uncles and aunts all drove from San Diego so they came in and this uncle Chunghae's dad my mom's older sister's husband who I just did the movie with Eric Griffin Chunghae's husband EJ me and Eric Griffin and Sean Austin and Al Madge were on this new movie so they're so the my uncle who I don't I've never talked to in my life growing up he was the doctor and he comes in the room and he full-blown goes all right I wrote something he pulls out a two-page poem or something yeah wow and he destroyed he rocked the room out really yeah so from as soon as he opened his mouth it was just tears galore I mean and I didn't understand what he was

saying but he was going you know saying in Korean you taught me that golf that one time you know where we couldn't know where to go so you let us stay at your house for three months just all these things and my brother that's when I did weep because it was a powerful poem then I go let's go have lunch and they go we want to go back they drove stayed for an hour we went to In-N-Out that's where they wanted to eat I go there's a fancy place called fucking what's that place that Maastros right there five-star hotel a five-star restaurant no In-N-Out so I went and bought everyone In-N-Out they drove away it's been a blur since then until you guys came up here it's been an absolute blur I don't know what's going on it's just because there's still a lot

of crying in the house and just sporadic yeah your brother just texted me saying your mom's in shambles oh fuck man episode 213 you know Bobby Lee's oh my god I know a lot of songs yeah but don't ask me singing you know yeah well I'm sorry mom I love you so much and I um why are you sorry about that no no I'm just in general I just feel sorry for what we're going through but every whole family going through the same thing right yeah I don't think I'm processing it right though no you are a little bit late and I mean you are going slow like a stupid and I will look at in eyes you know and then we start crying even now we start in looking eyes and if I like water the eyes he started crying but he never saw his emotions you know

don't bother up you gotta get it out I honestly I don't know what's going on I uh I think about it every night I think I and I sit I'll sit down the edge of the bed and analyze like what what am I feeling what is why am I and I just don't know I've never been here before I don't know how to feel I don't know how that's my first husband I lost yeah so how do I feel you know I didn't know that's why you know right after he to death I first cried because you know I didn't expect that you know I thought he I realized he never gonna come back to me you know that's how we go through all together yeah yeah yeah it's been hard yeah I mean we had up and downs you know one time I hate him I'm gonna divorce him after his kids growing up you know

but then you guys growing up wow he treated me so nicely yeah so I just didn't divorce him and we live up to here yeah yeah I mean I think that um when we the kids moved out of the house it got better for my mom because he relaxed more maybe no pressure the pressure yeah but all the discipline I do you know all the education I did he didn't do nothing he's just making money yeah you know but everything else I know even moving I have to pack everything even little items he just you know come in a new house yeah hello you know that's what I did for that's what she's doing now I'm sorry it's the same thing I got my dad not me yeah yeah get it done babe why I get it done because I my tolerance it's the way it's the way um oh so he did that too yeah every time I that's my job

and raising kids they that's my job clean the house that's my job no I hire the cleaning lady yeah yeah yeah but then but I gotta watch her to do it you know yeah so uh and he never involved any school you know curriculum your curricular activities no yeah because I follow them you know like tennis tennis and and soccer and softball and what is even wrestling we never fucking played softball we never fucking played softball mom we did wrestling and oh yeah that's a big thing for I love you that was weird you guys just bonded that's nice no because I uh look like him I watched his movie like 10 years ago yeah he reminds me of yeah I want to I want to say this mom that I guarantee you that that guy which guy oh just saying that guy is this guy

maybe you know but he's a lot older twice older than he is twice also in the future I think he's are you in your 20s right or 30 30 yeah maybe we might have to show him my mom the video no don't I just want to show her what she'll be disappointed in me all right I wasn't skating he used to be really fat look at this oh good he's be really fat but there's a video of him saying that's what I have to do I have to lose weight yeah yeah video no no by looking at it when you wait it's a lot heavier yeah yeah so I'm uh uh having a once a day mirror yeah so I have a lot you know intermittent fasting wow your body's kind of squarish now it's weird what it's a good or bad it's like spongebob like yellow squarish good good okay thank you good job you call your mom

spongebob that's good I don't like a sponge but why he's a square I know that's what I'm like s you're like an s yeah yeah yeah yeah I know you have curves curves I know oh whoa what is going on here hey uh lip service you lip service yeah yeah lip service yeah episode 221 I know that peasant eyes when white people do your peasant eyes you've done it to me right when I asked you to do something you give a pause like you don't want to do it and you look at me with peasant eyes like I'm a peasant right and then you'd realize oh I'm higher up than you in this environment but it is natural instinct stop the peasant eyes George all right you white forget the page you know also not so can I say this I'm in therapy right now

and I understand things I understand things very clearly to me and it's a lot about the white man okay my I've had struggles with other Asian comedians can we say that yes uh can we say that can we say that over the years and in therapy you know there was a lull in the conversation I don't want to throw that out there I go what do you think of you know Cambodian comedians or whatever you know come on man come on man or whatever easy I'm not going to go down there and she basically said um that minorities in especially in your field you know especially the time that you started there was no opportunity for Asian comedians so the few Asian comedians that are out there are fighting for the little scraps that the white man gives us back in the

90s no auditions we got no roles no one would write for us so imagine or even stand up comedy clubs would be like they wouldn't only put one Asian on a lineup they're never two right so you end up battling each other yeah so you end up resenting each other when at the end of the day your resentment should be towards something that you can't defeat which is peasant eyes and that's where we're going that's what you learned from yeah that's what I learned from therapy and I and I told my therapist I might not say her name but she's very qualified and I said very qualified I spent a lot of money she's the best in the world uh-huh and I said um I talked about George a little bit oh wow and he says watch she said

watch him no she didn't she said reverse give him peasant eyes so there we go can I see what yours is like oh don't ever see that again I don't like that but anyway I've learned a lot and that's so you know I learned that in in therapy you know and I've learned a lot about my self-hatred and that stems from my childhood and my trauma with my dad and all that stuff but I think in the next last section of Bobby Lee's live which is we're in that the final chapter this is the final chapter no the chapter's long this is like 30 pages it's gonna be great no we were not in the final chapter I'm toward the final chapter though this is like three chapters before the none there's no way I want this to be the final chapter the chapter the long chapter

I think you're right smack in the middle of your own what like I would have a play there's three acts I'm in the third act a movie three acts I'm in three I'm in third act yes or beginning third I'm beginning the third act let's just see that hi let's move on from it Kyla thoughts on third act I'm not gonna fight him on this in this third act what what do I want to do and I want to go out in a blaze of glory when I mean by that is I'm not going to shoot up anything or like explode please no I want to um I want to end my life on Jovey song feeling healthy physically emotionally I want to love myself I want to look in the mirror and go you know what I like you

because I've always hated myself I'm the I'm dude even when I'm on this show game on and the writers they come up to me and you go you're killing it out there I got that out you're kidding look at my face like I always downplay my face are you telling me on my building yeah and I rip myself apart and I've been doing that all my life and I'm not doing that anymore I mean I'm still gonna do it because I don't know the tools to get out of it but this next check the next act is gonna be an act of healing but um not right now I think I mean in the act in the book or in the movie where it's pretty dark I I read somewhere last week and it blew my mind that in a lab rats perform slower in a maze when they're expected to so if

you take two rats let's say um two equally two rats with equal potential equal intelligence and you put them in two separate equal mazes but you tell one person that this what are their names matter so rob on the left his the person who who is watching the rob rob right believes that rob is going to perform well in this maze that's what he's told the other person is told that bob is a slow rat and does not perform well even though those two rats have equal potential now that belief of him being slower actually makes him slower so you have to believe in people you have to believe in the potential of the other person so that they perform well so it's it's like like when you do with george you do have to show him love and support and tell him you believe in

him or else he will underperform oh no it's the cure to his peasant eyes yes you're gonna do great and you're a winner you do look in the mirror you're a champion oh does that mean you have to change your paradigm of how you used to be like uh you set your expectations low are you gonna now like look at you talking in the in the asking questions in the new space I love it really really inserting I have confidence in the more skin 2.0 yeah yeah um yeah what's the outcome of the question no like so you always you told me like advice the bobby Lee advice has always set your expectations really low you're never gonna get it you're gonna fail so when you get it you're surprised no so what do you do that's the wrong way I think it is

I think that um nothing's personal and I take everything personal so my therapist is like nothing is personal yeah and then you know you gotta find the joy and you're there's initially why we do what we do there was joy there what it could have been 20 years ago or whatever I might have lost it but I need to find the joy again you know but um I don't know what to be exactly you know I don't have the answers for you my friend I my friend Meg I'm sorry my friend Meg reminded me of something she's like sometimes you have to remember the original dream you're probably sitting in it oh oh no that I know fuck you just hit it in the fucking you know when he's Puerto Rican in the barrel I don't know I don't know about I don't know about

can we try can we try a couple different variations yeah yeah yeah you hit the baby in the moon my friend Meg said this okay my friend my friend Meg said that um you should go back to remembering your original dream you're probably sitting you really bake those ginger snaps and stuff that I like that really good episode 226 Andrew Schultz most of these shows can get 100,000 people to watch I know so it's like it's insane here I go to the when I went last night to your first of all Santino called me today and I go he was singing on the phone yeah he goes you know the white dudes they did the bop bop bops you know he was doing that wipe and I hung up on him and then I really did I hung up and then he goes you're fucking asshole and like so then I go I go why you're

in good mood he goes um I just you know I had lunch with you Sunday I'm excited about art thing and last night dude I had the best main room show I'd ever seen it was electric dude I wish you were a part of it it was so good and I go who was on it and he goes sent I lied that I didn't I wasn't there um I don't want you I got caught in a fucking lie right here man oh my god I got caught in a lie he's been trying not to lie as much too I wasn't even gonna catch on to that I wasn't gonna catch on to it either I just realized it just kept going that's a part of my thank you yeah yeah so yeah I saw you last night don't triple bro tripled out but that's why so anyway he goes uh what was the best main room show I've ever done stupid as shit right like I'm a fuck if you

saw me oh do I do it all the time no but the lie is so arrogant because it's like he needs to know that I was there like the lie the lie serves you not me right go on go on so um and he goes he goes he goes I love it most most lies are for the other person right like most lies most that dude most lies are like no you look skinny in that outfit or something like that right because you're concerned about them but you're you're a lie was like man he'd be heartbroken if I didn't watch that I apologize man I apologize man yeah this episode 224 so there's something I want to share with my podcast um fans listening and I want to share with you because you're a close friend of mine is um when my dad died in August I relapsed and I just want to say that because um I know that a lot

of people um listen this podcast and knew that I had 17 years of sobriety and knew and you know a lot of people ask questions about how do I get sober or how do I get my brother sober and um I relapsed I just got out of an institution um I've been all of that it's not an institution yes it is that's like a college bro or an FBI that's what it looked like a holding facility holding bureau yeah that's investigation so I have 11 days um sober I've been going to meetings I'm my I'm dedicated to it again but I just wanted to share with you out there because um I was super sad about um my dad passing I couldn't handle it and um I just had a tough two or three months um I've had um that's why these podcasts these new ones since I've been out since I left

Saturday out of this institution and um and um you know you were you're the first guy all right was there a girl before me no there's a girl after you there is yeah but you're the first guy thanks man since I've been out that I'm having on this thing because um I just needed somebody that um that knew was very funny but also somebody that I want to be this podcast is funny but I also want to be kind of real about shit you know I mean I not everything has to be ripping on each other and making fun of each other's dicks or whatever your dick is fine brah oh it's not that great I know I mean it's good but it's like it's it's intermiss you know but visually it looks like it's kind of a sweet potato you have that sweet potato the shape is

weird huh the shape is weird no the shape I feel like it's pretty hardy I feel like it's a little too hardy you know looks fully edible yeah but it's fully edible like you'll see like yeah sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and it'll have like toothpicks in it some kid some kid will have said it by the window yeah you know like it's uh yeah and a science fair yeah my dick is uh my dick is not a fresh product yeah I mean it's been through several wars oh it's aftermarket right if you look closely there's two purple hearts on it because it's uh survived two wars been through a lot oh really yeah it's decorated brah I thought it was supposed to be twins but it's like really premature maybe oh you think that's my you think that's my underdeveloped twin out of my dick brah

maybe I could see you bro get a little bit of hair installed on the top you did but baby it works right kind of it works very well thank you oh that's awesome you guys are beautiful dude yeah and um I've also been dealing with um since it's been since I've been you know I've been I've always been obsessed with like trolls what kind of trolls just on my Instagram oh not the dolls yeah yeah yeah yeah really yeah I was I was always obsessed about how people felt about me or you there obsessed about um if so and so got this thing you know is successful that has nothing to do with me I used to take everything so personally you know like oh fuck uh you know some fucking loser just said that you're not funny and you should quit doing comedy and I

would lose sleep over it but I'm not doing that shit no more yeah since I've been out I'm not really calm you know to say just little um little things that I'm I'm gonna change this time around brah you know yeah do you get sensitive about stuff like that no man it means a lot to me that you say this kind of stuff me yeah sometimes I feel like it like I mean sometimes I feel like it's a little hard maybe probably to get to know guys like us you know I feel like sometimes I feel like it's hard to get to know you sometimes like not in a bad way yeah I love you you know you're like probably the most lovable person to see um you know I just but then I think I recognize a lot of the same things in myself like it's just hard to get to like I think we're just hard to get to know

sometimes here's what I realized about Bobby um he uses his full transparency and full blast honesty to keep people at a distance from him it's actually a defense mechanism to say hey here's all of me so don't come to me asking anything else so there's no way for them to really come close to him and ask him anything anymore yeah like the grocers are like in the parking lot kind of a little bit it right Kyla what just like you know what I'm saying like um I don't know I'm saying yeah it's like I didn't know what that meant I was trying really thinking deep you never go to the market yeah and all of he's got all this stuff out in the parking lot yes exactly right yeah yeah he's like yeah he's like can't you see like you know everything here's everything yeah yeah I know it's

so funny because I think that like uh I'm not making this about me but I can notice as you say that I can I've noticed in myself sometimes like oh man it feels like I share everything why do I not have some of the connections that I feel like I should have yeah that's exactly what the fuck I'm talking about where it's it's such a it's it's kind of like a paradox right because you are seemingly connected to so many people who are influenced by your words but don't have that true connection for yourself in real life or day today yeah that's uh and it's really isolating and it can really kind of wear on you over time well when I was you know at the institution stop calling hit that that's the FBI holding cell bang out bang out uh was it a state side where was it

Arizona oh wow yeah so um one of the therapists asked me just because I had to I had to list down who my circle of friends and loved ones are and it's got to be people that I share with that love me and that I that know you know that you have an intimate relationship even dudes right um Kalilah and my brother was on it that's it and then he's like you don't have any friends I go I have a lot of like um acquaintances and comics that I like like you Andrew I had lunch for the first time with Andrew yesterday because when I got out I'm gonna try to make an extra effort to not get to know you as a comic you know me but get to know you as a dude you know because before all this you were just a kid you know I mean you were born in this world you were all the

same species were connected you know but so I mean different species uh different species yeah you know a dog and like a goat a dog and a goat sometimes play in the field that's what I I'm the dog right yeah in that but um yeah so I'm gonna make it um here's another thing that I'm gonna I'm gonna meet I'm thinking about not even going to the comic store as often because when I like a place that brings out like the bad it brings me because there's a couple of women really there are regulars you know there that for some reason or another they'll either say something or behave in a way that is not I'm not delusional about it it obviously directed at me wow and whenever I go there I feel like shit about myself what are you what are they saying

specifically just like belittling things if they do belittling things you know I mean and they do things that um will say stuff about me or to me or I'll hear them on stage say stuff about me but that's that's everything to do with them that has nothing it has nothing to do with me but it's also um you know I would have to say that my relapse had to lot to do with hanging out there in the wrong environments really yeah wow and um I also have to say this about the comedy store um that it's not the same you know it used to be a place where you could show up and if you got good enough you get to go up but now it's um names and that's it and that's not what that place is supposed to be yeah it's supposed to be a college it's supposed to be a school where

you learn to do it and um I don't know I haven't made a complete decision about it but that's just kind of why that's why I haven't been around you know I haven't been around because um I need to figure out what I want to do you know um I even thought about not doing this for a bit when I was in the in institution I can yeah I can feel that man this gets hard this podcasting gets hard sometimes man yeah because you put you know yeah so well I start to become like there are times like this year I didn't know if I was like myself and what if I was a character of myself if I did like at times I didn't know what was going on we're like you know and you want to be there for everybody because you feel like the people that listen are there for you but but sometimes

like I just didn't even like I was just like what am I even gonna say like I just felt so just kind of empty almost as a just not as a person but just as and it's didn't like a self pity thing I just felt like man I'm on this train and there's no real way like people are going to be upset if I don't do it just and a lot of the stories that someone was in my head you know like because really people will be supportive no matter what you know yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what I ultimately that's why I'm going to continue to do it was just that bro it's it's it's I'm trying to I know that this character that I do isn't essentially who I am it's a little bit of a mask yeah right and um sometimes I would wear this mask out into the world right and then when you don't take off the

mask and see who you really are you get lost bro you don't know who you are because I have masks where I wear in if I go to an AA meeting you wear a mask yeah almost in everything in everything in every social thing and I think what I want to try to do and maybe it's just because I just got out of the but I am brah it's too hot when you say that I love the fact you've been institutional yeah man you need to be black bro go for two more months and get black that's what I want dude yeah I remember I wanted to stay there for a year bro actually when I got out Saturday I don't know when he came back on Saturday he cried the whole plane ride home yeah he's like because you know you you start to kind of connect the dots about your life and you're very clear

because you're sober in this place and you have all the support and now you you're on a plane to go home with all the things that have either made you happy or sad and you have to mitigate that on your own and you're not so sure that a week's worth of the help is going to kind of has put you on the right path or not or if it's enough or can you can you manage so that that it's it's scary yeah it's real scary that's all you went there for a week yeah and Friday there was this dude in my group there I'm not gonna say his name it doesn't matter I know okay I'm gonna say anything can I guess one person no you don't say yes or no all right go ahead I'm just gonna guess um let me think

I'll tell you this no you get it right if you get it right I'll give you 10 billion dollars Jesus you 10 billion dollars he's rich episode 222 like this man Brian Callan and I have learned I have learned to deal with you bullies whoa over the years how do you do it what I go along meet me up on the last podcast for real for real that jughead that meat puppet that you you call as a he's very strong very handsome I know a perfect dick buddy no I know I do better what does it look like it's yours better than delias because I've seen delias it's fucking perfection so okay I'm gonna have you ask are we on yeah how about this I don't think I've ever seen your penis actually can we go to the bathroom show up to me you're gonna see it 10

hot dude it's gonna be 10 hot what right now he's at ease when he's 10 hard all right like a military uh-huh full metal jacket yeah right yeah and then your dick what does it do this is salute your dick oh he's the general makes noise that's what it sounds like it breathes oh yeah I have lungs well you have lungs from your dick and I can feed him peanuts wait this is an elephant oh killing it don't say shit until I say your name friend too soon go ahead five four three two one do it again I hate it five four three two one welcome welcome to another episode of tiger belly Kalilah Gilbert uh-huh Jason um guys as you know I'm going through a really hard time in my life um so I you know we moved to this new place very nice facility and I wanted to guess

I'm like what guest I can get the redneck I can get the redneck I can get trailer trash the Yovan right but you know his dune buggy is broken okay I could get the top the Leah whoa that was some fighting words I have compliments for you all right it's gonna tend I could get to the very top of the peak of the golden mountain when it comes to comedy there yeah you know you know you know you know if you see um if you watch a game of thrones and you look at um what's the place the seventh what's the place where Kingsland Kingslandings landing and uh you know Cersei's on the top that's the Leah oh okay some of us me I'm the people that got killed by that green your baker's boy yeah your podger a podger whatever I'm not I'm gonna die thank you I'm the baker's boy okay and then there are people that are

like in the you know middle ground you know I mean and there are people above that as well but um see he's not she called delete no she called the queen Whitney she was gonna do it today but she had other priorities probably Chelsea Handler but um I go I need because I'm in a very sensitive I need a rock yeah yeah I need foundation you can't build a house on sand I need girth I need um honestly I need authentic comedy you know I mean not fake shit all right the stuff I need a movie star wow right because because stop stop stop stop right because when I saw the Joker right what are you doing what are you doing when I saw the Joker my friend what is that right I saw Brian Kown's acting yeah it showed this part of his face for 10 dude that's not cool this is not a

tenth of a second no see that's not right anyone like this it went you know I mean and that was it no I don't but in that little no Oscar no I don't fucking Oscar man yeah so anyway so I wanted a movie star yeah you know I wanted somebody in the movie the Joker perfectly somebody who had lines and a scene and a character yeah but I couldn't get that oh come on I couldn't because the thing is that I don't know walkie oh man walkie wasn't a bunch of my scenes Brian honestly I want to say this on years ago um when I was really bummed about my career and you try to help me out you really are a nice guy and I remember one time when Ari Shafir threw that ice shards on the Natasha Ligeros face you remember that and you and Dov David have got up

and and confronted him yeah right you're a real man you're a man of honor yes you're a man of strength you're the most honestly between you and Delia intrinsically funny you've got and he would admit it too you're the most intrinsically funny guy I've ever met um you're fake as fuck what your piece of shit as well why did you take it away you took it away yeah yeah yeah um Brian Callan give him a round of applause everybody he's the host of a fighter in the kid and he's got other things on a new tv show on abc called um bryans in jim trunks nope it's called school school right and it's great before that yeah and then complicated apes guys you want to watch if you want to laugh and learn I get it so that apparently that's what the what is it like laugh learn in number one

comedy special of all time stupid right to the old walking down the street feeling so good to me I think that's all we got thank you guys so much thank you guys so much Bobby whoa those were a lot of clips I wonder who had to edit that but guys honestly from the tiger belly team here no socials but by to you we really love you guys you guys are the sleepers you're the slept kingdom we really appreciate you and we can't wait for what 2020 has to bring me hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the abazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go

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