TigerBelly - Best Of 2021!!!

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

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Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today Welcome you came down with the gun With a banana and a little diet Pepsi. Oh, thanks. All right, you're cute, too You know who Michelle y'all is bro, hey, you know who the cowboys are I didn't yell at you you're listening to the best of 2021 Episode 290 Bobby's ex Sarah Highland surprise I always say like he's this is like my first like lesbian relationship Yeah, okay, and did you view him? Do you view him similar lit similarly as me where it's like I Find him attractive in all the ways that I don't find a regular guy attractive

Fuck I don't know you're talking about you don't Oh my god, this is why all right go ahead. So G can I just let enough with the question? He's like a lady No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but that's the thing but that he I like it It's good. Let's just put it this way. I understand what you're saying. Yeah, and if you were to like if you would like Go towards a color like it's it's almost he's a separate little he's a little into entity of yeah Like I that I will say that Bobby. It's not bad

It's not bad, but it's definitely different from like being with a fucking plumber from Arkansas. Like It's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good rainbow My neck is so should we stop with the questions? No, no, I want you to keep this question. Okay I want to keep the questions going, but um, I just have to add that Um with that explanation before I was a little defensive, but with that explanation I would have to agree with that. Okay, good. Go ahead with the questions. Not that plumbers from Arkansas are bad I just know they're not they're not no, you can't get canceled for that I'm just

You know, I'm glad it I'm glad it well the guy that I dated last before him was just big burly athlete Yeah, and I when I met him I was like why I couldn't explain why I was really attracted to him Well, you're also I remember your friends and family were going what the fuck episode 320 Rick Glassman goes full moon manic Hi, how are you? That was um, you're gonna think I'm poking funny you and I'm not I don't think you're a funny stand-up But the relapse thing the way you said it that's fun That's a joke and that's the kind of stuff you should do right jokes. That's inspired by reality

Right showing your dick and pretending to be angry. Oh Is that what you think my stand-up is? Yeah, and then I'm angry on stage. Yeah. Oh Interesting so, you know, I've invited you to do shows with me. Yeah. Yeah, and I wanted to do more, but I guess You don't want to anymore Bobby. Yeah, you've invited me to do two shows in five years Yeah, yeah, and both of those shows. Yeah, you talk about how great I am and you're gonna have me back right away And months and months to years go by. Yeah, until you finally have me back and all you do is say you didn't want me here You know, it's a joke. All right, and that's what I'm talking about and that's what you're doing. No, I love I think you're fine I love it. I think you're fine. I love what you're doing. I think you're so and what and you know what?

I want to be honest and truthful with you. All right, and let's start there honest and truth. All right. Give us a five Go ahead We're gonna start now five four three two Welcome to another episode of the truth podcast and being honestly open That's what our podcast about tiger belly. We have in the most greatest guy Tiger Tiger, I mean curricula salmon Sorry, sorry, babe, right We're not gonna I'm gonna keep we'll fix that in a post. Yeah. All right, send it to me

We'll send it to a post, right? We have a beautiful man. Okay, straight from the valley Do you live there, right? Yeah. Yeah, and he is honest and open a good guy Reglassman anyway, I want to say this this morning when I woke up I go, are we doing the podcast today and Clyde goes reclassmen and I got an instantly erect And it wasn't a sexual erection. It was like my life energy going into the fucking organ What's the difference between a sexual erection and your life energy going into your life force is different Yeah, because it depends on what you're thinking about. You know how sometimes you wake up with a morning wood

Yeah, that's life force. That's life force. Isn't that insulin? That's life. I don't know. I'm not diabetic. So I don't know But anyway, I had anything wrong with by the way, and we love diet. That's diabetics. It's yeah, we love diets Love diet. We love diet. We'd like both. We like and I want to say this. Okay. What a pleasure Thank you so much for coming And you know also we had a little time thing. I was to get in my haircut I go is there any way Rick can come later and you obliged I really appreciate that. Well blige doesn't that kind of sound like a golden girl that didn't make it a

Really funny joke and you're good at play with words puns We're very witty Let me ask you something. How many vitamins are there? Essential or non-essential. Well, I'm just saying I'm thinking like there's vitamin a right B right. Is there an eye? Yes, what's it? Lactose intolerancy. It's a lactate. Okay. Is there a vitamin M? Um, yeah, what steak because every time I take a bite I go. Mm-hmm

No, I have been trying to not eat meat. Yeah, I've been doing I had okay. Yeah, I've been doing okay So what do you know about vitamins? I didn't know much about it, but what do you think essential versus non-essential is? I feel like let me see is that this I feel like they're all essential Somebody true to somebody. Right. It's kind of like it's oh, it's five o'clock somewhere That is true. And thank you so much for saying that that's true, right Episode 326 Bill Burin. Does Bobby feel special? Yeah, that's the I do my maybes as well So this is my mind made. I like that. My maybe. Thank you. So maybe yeah, that should be the name of your next special

My maybe but I've never had a special Is that because you don't feel special? Oh, it could be I think that's it. Oh, fuck what he just said. Oh, he just said a real, huh? Really cut into it. Oh Shit that hurt Oh, you're right. Are you doing a monologue? I'm trying to stand No, just wait

I stand to see if a monologue will happen. Okay, right. So let's see if let me stand. Oh, let's do it again You want to go back to one? Yeah, um, what do you want me to take it from? From well, well, how did you lead me into it? Do you remember is that because you don't feel special? Whoa Ah, man. So oh, fuck I think you hit a chord there, man. Yeah, um so What's what are you doing dude? Don't fucking move when I'm doing a monologue. Oh, wow very christian bail. I'm doing christian bail

Huh? You know what? I'll hang out with you. I'm not working with you anymore. You didn't see say that something like that Something like that. Yeah, yeah. All right. I'm stand. I'm sitting down back down now. Okay. What was the problem there though? You're cut off. You were standing up. I was trying to capture your own Is that because you don't feel special Growing up I um glad you said that because growing up My parents didn't speak english and they never um talked to me about anything. I was abused and um I was someone touched my pee pee as a kid and stuff and um

Yeah, uh, I grew up feeling that I was like a piece of shit and not special And so I think that a lot of people asking me to do a special I think it's fear not fear. I think it's a reflection on how I actually feel about myself Cut That was perfect now. Listen on this next take That was perfect now do it again. Yeah All right. Yeah, okay. We got to that Yeah, are you the director here? Huh? Are you the director? Oh, no, I ended that whole thing. I'm just oh, I'm just me again

Sorry, I'm sorry. Oh, we're just moving on. I thought we just gonna move on Oh, I thought we were in the scene. Okay. My bad episode 289. Tom Segura and the hookup. Oh my Oh, Bobby, you've never seen this. You've never seen this Bobby? Let's look at his arm. Oh my fucking god, dude. He's never Oh my fucking god Oh my god, oh my fucking god He knew you broke something but he didn't see the video No, I saw Annie Letterman's one where she was playing basketball and she did a thing and I didn't know why that was the thing

Yeah, no, I've never seen let me say something right now Yeah, I swear to god. I'm my mother's life. Yeah, I've never seen that. I believe you. Yeah, I believe you Why did you do that? There's a freak accident, man. Oh my god It really doesn't it was yeah, it's rough. Oh my god. The can you watch that of yourself? I've seen it so many times now, you know, like Uh, yeah, that's why my nerves are fucked. You're actually dealing with a pain really well Yeah, well, I'm the one that said call 911 because they're all looking at me and they're oh, you're right. I was like call 911

But you you lost weight from it almost 30 pounds. Yeah, so that's a good thing Because you look completely different from that from there. Yeah. Yeah, and I had just beat Bert That's what nobody talks about. I just beat him and that that was after we competed So we competed we were doing fat guy dunk contest, which is like was Bert there Yeah, Bert's the one who took my arm and puts it down. Oh my god So we we competed and we're going, you know, we lower the rim to like seven feet And then we go seven and a half and then eight And then eight and a half and then on nine

He couldn't do it. I did it. So they're like, it's over. You win. Yeah Episode 309 miss pass first Asian friend Did you grew up with Asians? Uh, no, no, not until you guys came to our community. Oh, we came to your community. Yeah, the beauty supply stole Were you ever grocery stole we ever friends with Asians growing up? They didn't go to my school. No Oh, when's the first time you became a friend with an Asian? You I'm trying to think

No, no I'm not lord. I'm not being racist, but I really don't know no age Okay, so let me just be honest then can I may I be honest? Yeah I grew up with in the suburbs of san diego. There was no black people. How many did you have in your school? One and a half. I don't even know. I mean the white dude was really 10. I don't know. Maybe, you know, he was black But there are some suburbs in san diego that are super white so white So it's like the only real like black friends I got was from comedy Yeah, and then you just show up at a club and then like, you know, you see

I'm the first guy I met was this kid named kareem Right and he was this tall. He had a big fro And he just came up to me and he goes, what's up, man? And then he gave me he gave me a hug and I'm like I couldn't believe it. I was like, it's just like in the movies Then he spit on me And I tried to do the like I try to be like, you know, he gave me a hug and when we departed I was just like Like, you know, I did a thing with my body. Oh, wow, and I couldn't believe it was like I've been training there or something And then you and then, you know, um, I came to LA and then

Martin Lawrence's, um, road manager goes. Hey, Martin wants you to um Every time he plays the story. He just wants you to open right, so then it's like I'm like in the green room with Martin Lawrence and all these guys and I'm meeting everybody and it was just like, um It was just a magical fucking time. But also I didn't grow up with black people. So I'm just kind of learning Culturally, what do you look at me like that for? No, I believe I don't know why but you're looking at me like I'm going to say something Like I'm going to cancel myself

I'm not going to let you cancel yourself. You don't need to get out Episode 300 David Cho, Steven Young and the lord of bobby lee rings We're gonna do the handcuff thing Do the I really kind of want to do. I think I honestly think it's going to be a hit I will never I will laugh for the rest of my life if you guys actually do that It's going to be very inconvenient though I feel like there's going to be a lot of assault of things happening. First of all, I shit five times a day You don't have to go to the bathroom. You think I'm stupid

No, do you think I'm stupid? No What? What the fuck is your do you think I'm stupid? Kind of I actually kind of think you are Yeah, yeah, I kind of think you are dumb. First of all, thanks for your honesty. I listen to your show Yeah I've heard you on this show over the years. How long has this show been out for six for six years. Yeah

Yeah, your star fucking attitude you pitch this handcuff thing to anyone that comes on the show It's not special to me You go, oh, hey, I came up with this idea You offer it to every fucking person that's been on. You think I'm stupid. I don't think I'm dumb I think you know what I you know, these are things if if if stupid If Steven you came in right now you wouldn't offer that to him I wouldn't fucking offer that to him. These are things that you you don't say out loud, man You see it on the side like throw it hurts my feelings. George cut this part out

Why you just said I shouldn't say it out loud. No, we're keeping it in. We're not cutting anything George erase that from your fucking log Log, all right. Let me see something right now. Don't tell George what to do I didn't tell George what to do. Okay Thanks for doing it though, bud. Really good to see you. You're ending it now. No, I'm not ending Can I tell you how I picture this setup what? I don't know what's the accurate number of hours you play video games today Right now three or four hours

Oh No, three or four hours Skyrim. Yeah That's not true, babe. Yeah, whatever. It's hours, right? Yeah, it's a couple hours and um, you probably I don't know the visual I had and and don't Is that you're like Hannibal Lecter and you're just like porn jerking off video games coffee cigarettes, whatever and then Kaleila like wheels you in to the podcast room Yeah, I don't know if there's a clock behind me, but it's like yeah, that's not you know, let me finish like Why is this podcast end after an hour?

Why is the only bit unhelpful advice Like like you you could be bigger than Joe Rogan You could be bigger than like you could have the biggest fucking podcast and it's just like just fucking like Dial it in like let's just do the least amount of work. Let's do the least amount of work Like you could turn this into a fucking huge show. Yeah, uh, Dave come on the 300. What I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro This isn't my only dream dog Oh god, so what's your dream in Hungary your dreams came true in Hungary

No, but your dreams came true in Hungary. It did kind of what happened in Hungary. I did a movie So that's your dream, right? I'm doing a bunch of shit. I sold a sheet tv show. I do this. I do stand up You know what I mean? I I do two podcasts Right, I don't want with Andrew Santino as well. That's doing very well. Thank you, George Right, my point is is that I've got a lot of balls in the in the fuck I haven't been looking at george while I've been I got a lot of balls As I'm telling you this shit. I just see his head going like this. I see Gilbert over there. Yeah, they know it's true what

like In my whole life of knowing you I gotta get on this single camera sitcom I gotta I gotta be on this movie You've been on movies with the biggest movie stars on the planet. You have been on sitcoms. You do like I just want to do My all my dream is as a when I first signed up for For open mic. Yes back when I was 23 years old was I just remember going signing my name and going You know, I want to do it all

I want to try it all I want to do stand up. I want to act Maybe if I can do radio that'd be cool I want to do animation and I've done all of it and I still do all of it and nothing's gonna stop me because my dream It's all Encompassing all of it. So which one which one of all and I'll be here to say you did you have done all those things Which one of those things makes you the happiest? Doing the two podcasts, right and also I like acting And then stand up next

So stand up's the least Stand up for me is something that I always do, right? I did it last night for the first time in over a year Which went really well. It was so fun and I did it with um Um New new material. Yeah, I did four new jokes that um, wow It was fun and then um, no and I um Did with eric writing he has a writing yeah So it was fun and I'm gonna do listen dude

I'm gonna you guys gonna be offended if I ordered postmates to the house No, I thought we're gonna go for it afterward. I didn't know if you'd have food here So there's certain things that don't deliver to my house So I I checked here and I ordered I got I got some for I know what you mean You're right. Well, what did you order already? He's here right now. Can I get it? I'll get it. No, you keep talking. All right. What is it? Oh my god, you wouldn't when'd you order it before the podcast? I'll tell him some tell him someone's coming out. Okay Episode 293 Yanis Papas presents karate them A lot of Filipinos are physical therapists. I'm going back really. Yeah, a lot of nurses a lot of nurses

Medical field, yeah, it's an interesting fucking question. That's a group you don't want to be racist against because at some point They will be taken care of you Yeah, oh, yeah, what a fucking mistake that is that would be a mistake like my my my sister had a 27 year old patient and he was going into liver failure. He eventually passed but basically he had like a swastika on his Forehead and every single my sister is a tall very dark girl. She's very very olive skin Yeah, and he was calling her all sorts of names all sorts of names calling all the black nurses all sorts of names And they just kind of just grinned and bared it and took care of this kid That's how how difficult is that? Yeah, like if you you honest if you and our nurses

Yeah, and some and some guy was like fuck the Greek you fuck you guys are a bunch of fucking white monkeys or whatever and then The chinks and all that stuff. How difficult would that be to? I think you just fucking pitching a movie doc me and you karate we karate them We're like, yeah karate them. It's called karate them like we I like I'm chris tucker. You're fucking Jackie Chan. I like that movie. Well, you calling it karate them karate them We fucking karate them dude. We go through the whole hospital Fucking them up. Yeah. Yeah, very jeff. Yeah, that is I would like that premise Me you me you and Krista Stefano. Is he in it? No, no, I have to cast that. No, no

He's on it because I know his tv show is not gonna work out me you Kevin Hart, right? Yeah, and put Gabriel Glacier's in it. We're all nurses. Yeah A fucking kkk guy is our you know our patient, right? And he spouts out all kinds of shit I think there's a premise there. Absolutely, right? Maybe at the end we forgive him. I know what you did there I know what you did there. What okay? I pitched a great movie a buddy cop movie. Yeah, but you looked at me and you said Doesn't have enough star power Then you proceeded to say kevin hard and you just pulled up you said, okay Yanni's the guy with the idea because I can't sell it. Yeah, I can't sell it with just you

I know it and I know you're honest. I don't know You would have left history hyenas, too I did do that. I I apologize. Yeah, you did do that. Oh my god, even though you know, I'm the guy right and you know You would you're lucky you're still in the fucking movie. I'm looking still in this room. I know I was in my head. I'm like, you know, we've got to keep them and we'll give them a couple lines Yeah, let's bring in kevin and gabriel dude. He's totally fucking hijacked my shit You go sell it and you'd be like you like dude. I'll give you pay you off. Yeah, I'll give you produce No, I want to be in it man. I'm gonna fight for it. It's like fly. Stallone did for rocky

But you have to still read for it. Come on It's my idea. You can't just you can't take it. You can't replace me with gabriel glacius. That's fucked up You know what? Here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. You replace me with ali wang. No, no It'll sell bill. You know, here's what we'll do. Okay You and I will write it. Yeah both producers. Yeah I'll give you co-lead. Wow. Thank you. I'm gonna get ep credit because this was really my idea talking about my sister Right, you'll make you we'll make you love interest, but I want to ep and that's it I don't want to be on screen, but we will you'll have some sort of disability in the movie. Okay. I like it

I'm listening where you don't have to talk that much Okay, as long as like you have a daughter, right and then we always cut you off. Yeah, you go But that's shut up johnny. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. I finish or yeah, or we finish your sentences I like that. Okay. As long as it's explained you go. Do do do and we go. Don't call him that. Yeah, all right Yeah, yeah, like if the ride it'd be a good scene a funny scene if the bad guy's coming I can't say it. Yeah, and then he comes but then you fucking karate it you turn around karate. Why does it? Why wait, let me ask you something. Yeah Let me ask you something the movie's called karate

And I want why do I got a karate? No because you leave dude. It's not to do your asian Respect asian. No, you're the lead. There's no karate in there, man I have a bad story. There's no karate. How are you gonna fucking kill the bad guys poison? Poison you're gonna come working on a fucking action scene is that dude? We're trying to sell this in asia You're already taken an oath. No because the movie is this right? We think about killing him right, but then he's drugged out, right? And he starts popping out that there's some treasure or something. He buried some group of some money, right? So then we're like we can't kill him because of the fact that we want us

He he's talking about something that we can get Right, so our whole goal is to get it out of him, right, right? And then it becomes a road movie We we we break him out who plays that guy. Who's the racist guy? Oh god, that's so many good people. Yeah, we can get who uh Um per Fox Michael Rappaport Michael Rappaport. I play great. He's Chris DeStefano. It's like great to He is out. I'm trying. He's out. I'm trying to get him in with you. Yeah, I don't want you to cancel out You know what that'd be nice. Yeah Oh, here's what it is. Okay. Here's what the movie is, all right We have a guy kkk guy, right older guy. He starts popping off that at the compound

We they had buried in me. Oh golden. You know me Nazi, you know artifact. Sure That's worth a lot of money. Okay, right and so uh Hitler's dick mold The mold of Hitler's dick. Yeah, and how much gold it's like the head of it is a diamond piece Right, and the you know, it's like this, you know Um jade the nutsack is j. Oh, well, yeah, precious elements. Yeah and precious stones. Yes, you know, it's a Uh, Faber J. Um Faber J made it. Yeah, you know what I mean in the in the mid 1900s No, the balls are Faber J. What ball he had one ball. He had one ball one ball. Faber J

Opened like a Faber J egg. Yes inside. It was like a golden swatka, right? Wow Or the secret on how to get rid of all the jute That was I'm joking. My name's You're right. Maybe it's like described in golden letters and papyrus And maybe we have to get it to destroy it because the germans christofano Christofano is trying to get it to get rid of the jues. We're the good guys Right, we're the good guys

So we're trying to get to the secret to kill all the jues and destroy it. So this this golden artifact solid gold the sack one sack Is a Faber J egg that we open then there's a message in there, right that we're trying to get to to destroy Right to destroy. We also want to sell the object too. We'll go to pawn stars. We got to make a couple dollars Yeah, because that will be the sequel we we want to destroy but then we make money And then there'll be a sequel because it's still out there. So christofano plays The the lead no like the hitler youth Did the hitler youth that that runs the compound, right?

Episode 296 christa Stefano can't we got to stop with the clickbaity stuff. Don't you think? Like I don't even know. I'll be honest with you if fat Jonah. I'll tell you something, okay? Yeah, I don't even know what clickbait is. That's what I'm asking. What is kickbait? I can't even see it. I mean, you know, is it kickbait? What's clickbait? Because you say oh the truth from the hyenas are they gonna picture me with my swollen eyes? And then it's like oh, I want to click that but I didn't These guys. Yeah, but I didn't have anything to do with it. Here's here's my here's my contribution. It's gross This is shut up for a second. Here's my contribution to tiger valley

Mount valley water they sponsor delicious. Oh delicious. Did they promo code? Look at this. All right. It says stop that by the way I've never even seen this Here's it's nice to see yannis. Yannis get fat again. All right It's nice great bear. Here's my contribution. Here's my contribution to tiger valley. Okay So today I woke up right and I thought to myself. It's Monday. Do we have To do our podcast today Then the first question I asked is I go Hey, who do we have?

True and they go right. That's true. I always ask and they go christy. I go. Oh, that's cool. That'll be fun, right? I show up. We have a banter Right and then as soon as I leave this area I have nothing to do with anything. I don't know what to play this I don't know what you right. Do I have anything to do with editing? I don't hear music sound design. Bobby. I don't know anything about it Here's the truth. Here's the truth. That's the truth. No, but here's the truth. Here's here's the overall truth Let's let's be honest, right? Yeah, nobody cares either way. Nobody cares about the history I anus nobody nobody cares about tiger belly. Nobody cares about joe rogan

Nobody really cares. We pretend like we care for a minute But the truth is nobody actually really cares about anything. Yeah, except maybe you know, you're you know, I care about my child Like but the podcast it's like, okay after a while you don't care the thing that bothered me about this is I was like It was over like it was almost over and I'm like because now I'm not the kind of guy that wants to get on twitter and tweet back and start a wall I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that the only thing that I wish about that appearance And I'll just be point blank. Okay. So, you know, give the listeners what they want give you something You could you know potentially put up and let you know, let the fucking click baiters

Don't use the black guy picture for this. Let them. Oh, yeah, let you know, whatever whatever they want to throw up You know, if you want I can we can come in. Do you want me to bring in? I'll come in Like we'll bring more of it and you want to do we could do the you know the acting crazy right now. We could do my baby Oh, you're triggering So what's wrong with you? The only thing I'm gaslighting. I love it. No, I love it. I love it. Do you need help? No, that's No, wait, let me finish what I want. It's my show. Let me just stop pointing. It's what you need help. Yes therapy I have no idea what you're saying. Yes. This is what he does. Oh my god. Okay. This is what he does

Yes, now move on the thing was I just wish I only thing I wish the only thing I wish was the only thing I wish was Is that maybe is that maybe? Ya when you were talking about maybe Yanis could have just defended me Yeah, a little more because I think there's a narrative going around again just personal in our life I know the grand I know most people don't care. Most people don't know who I am. I'm very aware of these things I'm very aware But it's like the narrative is is that I left history I used to start a true tv show and that I'm a sellout and I went up to go do a podcast with

Sal Volcano and it's like these things aren't true. I'm doing a solo podcast called Chrissy chaos youtube.com Such Christy comedy Tuesdays 11 am Eastern time and then I also do a patreon.com such Christy comedy for all the extra bonus footage If you really want to hear the behind the scenes with Bobby Lee, you can go sign up for that right now Yeah, uh, and then we do hey babe Thursdays 11 am Eastern time. Okay, so so And and there was this narrative going on that I couldn't do histrionias anymore because Histrionias is so edgy and crazy and we say whatever and we go wild And now I have to be a cuck on tv and I have to be clean and a cuck with hey, babe And none of these things are true like just none of it's true true tv

Just let me tell you just so your fans know true tv hired me Because they said we like that you get crazy on histrionias We want to move in a direction of you know, listen if you yell the n-word which I haven't they're like that's no good If you assaulted somebody that's no good. Yeah, but they're like, you know That your your wild shit you saying that you know, the japanese need to get put in them You know how to get put in the microwave after you know, they dropped a bomb on pro harbor. That's fine You're fine You know sal the podcast I do with hey, babe and sal people like oh you clean cuck you're fucking clean cuck

The challenge to be clean on a podcast is insane That's why sal and I do it because it is so incredibly difficult for me because if you listen to christy chaos I say I just interviewed or a few episodes ago I interviewed my girlfriend's transgender uncle who's just in prison for 25 years He was talking about sucking off son to sam. Yeah, so we're going ed talking about whatever but with hey, babe Yeah, where we have to stay clean in the box. That's on purpose. So it's like a comedy Exercise for us and it's very difficult. It's a guess what and adds twice as much money So the you know, so it's it's really one of those things you thought you were getting paid for magic spood. Oh, no, baby

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. No, no, no. So so so these things are exercises. So just for any of the fans I understand most of the fans who hate me are always going to hate me anywhere who on the But the ones who are like, oh I would just like them to hear what the truth is But if you still want to hate me and call me sal and that's fucking fine, too All right, just one. Hey, dude, you had you I just have to fucking come clear the name day in court I need my day. He just gave it and I have a verdict. I'm the judge, right? Okay. Do you need a sharpie pen? Yeah, I have the verdict. Okay. All right

The verdict is this. All right. First of all, I just want to add, right Anybody that says you're a sellout by doing true TV Is so dumb because you like you think that this is all I want to do It's turn a mic on and I like doing it and it's fun, right? But I have other shit. I want to do other dreams. I have other dreams and I'm gonna do that shit, you know Episode 302 the Sarah Highland and the Stevie Weeby reunion So I make the story I'm like the story short So yeah, the the the female manager would like because I smoked back then and she would like make me walk

Like to the other end of the mall. Yeah And I was just like god, I can't do this. I just can't do this anymore You know, and that's when bob member when bob was living um Above the comedy store. Yeah. Oh, is that where it's Holly? Yeah. Yeah. We are quality together then Yeah, I'm your body when he lived over like sunset Junction. He lived in a really small apartment Over in Silver Lake. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's when I first met him. What are you saying, George? The dumpster. Yeah. Yep. No. No. No. This is post dumpster The the og dumpster is when all of us live there on the third floor

And remember bob booked that IBM Global the big one that the Koder not campaign. Yeah Yeah, did he think he was a big shot then when he booked it? He flashed me. I remember he showed me his check He showed you a check. Or is he dead? No We were on Melrose And he goes he goes and then you know, this is when he um Remember how bob loved diesels? Yeah. Oh, no Yes, we would go the diesel the diesel jeans

Because that was like 100 because I mean we thought that in high school You thought diesel was like the top of the line most expensive thing, right? Oh, he had every pair Yeah, every pair. So we're on Melrose and then he goes out of his pocket. He goes This is the way I do it, dude He goes like this. This is the way I'm doing it, dude. Yeah, that's bob. Yeah, how are you doing it? How are you doing? Yeah, this is you know what I mean? Does that sound accurate? It sounds it couldn't be more accurate I can't stand it

This is the way I'm doing it How are you doing? Something like that. I'm gonna put me in a rage. I can't stand But you know what it's god always gives us Like counters to those it's like a hundred thousand dollars. You know so much. Oh my god So let me not forget the trajectory That's when okay, so this is he we're in the dumpster and then he got that money And he moved like two floors down and that's what the apartment you're talking about

Oh, you just lived in that hole Yeah, we all lived at the dumpster. It's like us and like 10 skateboarders Just random people And then bob got the code or not campaign. Yeah, and then he moved down got his own spot fancy boy You you booked something too though at that time. You were in a starburst commercial. You were in a massive commercial. Yeah, the star star star star star burst That was a really funny. That was a good one. That was a good one You know how they're um rerunning like old ones that were successful back then that's one that they should do again

You like that? That one was a good one. Were you make the baby cry? Yeah. Hey jimmy come see the baby What was the accent for that? It was a chinese come and see the baby That was rich I don't know. I don't see the baby come see the baby come see the baby and I remember they hadn't like um because I kept missing my mark And then so they're like I had to like act like you know I'm doing my own thing and then I had to hit this mark and then Out of my pocket have a sour starburst And then put it in my mouth and then by the time I got to the baby. I had to like make the face

And then yeah, but you know that was hard to book because Every time I got I kept coming back for the callback There's another like young like asian kid. So I'm like, oh my god And you know how like shallow I got you know how shallow they were the whatever the people the um the casting people on the last one They brought another kid Like who didn't even go through the other auditions And then I overheard them. We're in front of the vista theater. Remember the vista. I do. Yeah, we're eating um cut lemons

And then I remember one of them saying Uh pick pick the other one. Uh, his hair is more like bruce lee's Everyone bruce lee and you Is that their only reference for anything? Is their only reference is bruce lee? I know but he's because I guess I had cypher's And so I heard that and I'm like This is how it works Wow

Oh, that was your audition. Wow. That was my last audition. That was like my whatever the last callback The callback. Okay, and then you booked it. Yeah That's how that's how I do. That's how you do it. That's how you know, I didn't make a hundred thousand dollars I didn't make a hundred thousand dollars. No, but you know, you were doing commercials. What do you say? I did I did like with aqua, right? Because bob got everyone either origin. He did We were all uh repped by aqua at one point. Were you two? I was here for like the six months You know who has to do gardo Oh

But everyone bobby always just pulls everyone I think into the same that everyone yeah I think his ex-girlfriend too. Oh, yeah Episode 308 eric griffin and kalilah's lingerie So it's like Knowing what happened in 1941 on a tuesday at 10 a.m. Is not gonna help meet today when I'm trying to you gotta Fucked up power. Well, what I'm saying you gotta be some mutants, right? Some mutants have a cool power like colossus is a cool one, but there's probably ones like yeah, there's one called dead girl Oh, there's dead girl. There's I think there's one called dead girl, but she's like from like

X-men z like some younger generation What did mojo do? She can't die. Remember mojo. He was just like a big fat blob. What did he do? That's not mojo mojo was a big the blob with the blob now go to go to mojo or x-men You remember the blob though. I know the blob. Yeah, the movie no mojo. I had an x-men card I have a whole collection. How do you eat mojo? A nerdy side of kalilah that we never knew about got stolen. Is there a mojo? Oh, wow, okay mojo

Oh, yeah, he is Yeah, what did he what did mojo do? I'd say he is Oh my god gild do you want to go through all no, that's all right. Sorry. I mean just one thing. This is riveting. Yeah There are powers powers and abilities go down Mojo is a powerful sorcerer the full limits of his magical knowledge is unknown He is also a master manipulator and schemer like a base like a new yorker basically Yeah, he's a new york. Why does he have to be a blob with that power? I know, but you know his card was very strong

That's how you remember it as a kid. Oh, all right. Yeah If I was an x-men I get fucked like I would get like Like my anus would turn into steel and that's it. Yeah I've said this before yeah, but it's like the fact that that's like you want that to be your power a steel anus So he cut off. So what what is the yeah? What is the point of that? That's why there's no point. So everyone has these powers right and I'm going like I'm angry and I got it I'm angry. I got it, but there's nothing I can do They would have to hold you up. You know. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a shield and then your anus would like block things

Or maybe they have a like a stick of plutonium We don't know what to do with it and they just don't get in here. I have a use for it No cigar night, you know you you Guys are hanging out having cigar You would bend over and we would just go click you would get it and we'd be like, oh, thanks, mommy Or if you got if you get shot, just turn your anus to the incoming bullet Right, but what if it hits my cheek? I'm down. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the one. Well, there's a lot of cheeks. So I guess It is like spread wide, babe. Yeah. Yeah

I also had this uh joke. I could never get work, but this was a bit I did Oh, so the other joke was the other power. I would have is um Um, I would control ants Would that be a great power? That's a great power. No, but watch so like like, you know Cable to the tax me. Okay, right And I go stop He goes, what are you gonna do and me going they're coming And we just stand there for like three hours and all of a sudden you can see these ants slowly getting to him

Well, you're not utilizing ants in the way that they're meant to be utilized. What do you mean? Can answer master builders, right? Yeah, so I would have them like, yeah, you can't have them on like a last minute basis They're not there to help you in that way They're here to there to help you set up traps set up other stuff build things Kala in Oh, there is an ant man. I know there's an but that's not what I'm talking about babe. Kala, right? The exasperation about this nerdy topic is so hilarious to me. I use they tell this one. Oh, you don't get it Have you not seen an x movie? It's like I've seen all of them. I know but you know when action starts

It's happening There's what so the guy that control ants. What oh the egg guy would have ants in his belt That is what you'd have ants in a backpack and he would just like open them up Yeah They would go get them. That is true. You just have them attached to you already. Why why are you still calling on to them? Yeah, where are they that you're like? All right, so magnetos up, right? He's It's the bending steel. Yeah, right? He's 300 feet away from bending steel, right? And I have a backpack for the ants

Giant red ants It's itchy as fuck. No, we you You're immune to it. You're like And I kick the back of my meal on Cyclops is looking at me like he does one of these. Oh this guy We brought that wait wait wait wait wait wait wait over and you brought that guy. No. No. No, listen Yeah, you're not on the field with Cyclops like no, you're who am I? You're at the mansion. You know what I mean? Like you're the gardener. You're making sure all the ants are Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not

Oh You really think that like they're gonna be like who we bringing with us. All right storm Cyclops Professor Xavier and then ant boy You're not on that list. I'm not on the list. You're not you're not you're not Yeah, rogue wouldn't even touch you to take your powers. That's true. That's true. That's super annoying. That would be true Yeah, what power would you have anything? I don't know Probably some nose power something like power smell. Oh, that's good. That is a real super power

I know but it would be like it would be terrible. You've never seen that before in the Have you seen that? No, that's interesting. No, but those are real things like super smellers are a real thing that Medical researchers use like if you are somebody that has a very keen sense of smell You are likely able to predict early onset Parkinson's and other major disease Right. So you're basically what you are, right? You remember on the mansion Right, and you smell like wolverine. I find and then you have you go Yeah, you have a tumor And wolverine's like really? She's a good doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah doctor

You're basically just a bloodhound. Yeah, you're a bloodhound and I always know when somebody farts and it's the worst Like people come with you. It's like I can't find my ham sandwich Right, and then you were like walking around the mansion. You left it on the you know, I mean, it's right there Yeah, right there like we would be a that that would be the terrible duo Sniffy and No, and no an iron hole iron hole. Oh, that's the anus thing. That'd be sniffy and iron hole iron Episode 314 Shane Gales of rice and men So when that shit happened to you back in the day, when was that a couple years ago two years ago?

And usually how did how did it feel? Felt it felt bad I'll be honest. Yeah, not great. Was it devastating though. I think it was just more Serial than like it took me a while to be like damn that was devastating because it was but like while it was happening I was like this is crazy because I wasn't I was doing like I was new. I was brand new in comedy. Wow, you know That must I moved to New York that year. Oh my god. Yeah, so you also getting that show You have to jump over a bunch of hoops. Uh, I didn't I literally did one audition In front of Lauren. Yeah, was was sat there. Myers probably not know

Yeah, I think the writers che and then some of the other producers and stuff And you got it. Yep. And then how long did you have it before they took it away? Not long I mean I auditioned like two weeks before they told me I was gonna be on the show And then they told me I was gonna be on the show The next day they announced it that day is I mean five hours in is when I started getting like Oh, this isn't gonna happen. You know, it was pretty quick. I mean honestly, dude, it's like I don't want to be completely sincere with it. Yeah, because I'm not emotional, but um, it hurts me Yeah, it hurts me. It's like

um Because I even when I got mad back in the day, I know how exciting that is Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, and I know how like magic like you just It's everything's otherworldly almost and you're like floating on air And then I can't imagine Somebody's you know, you're floating on a cloud and some guy going Pop right and then you are and you fall to the ground. I'm like, I can't imagine that. I'm sorry to that No, I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah, there was like a few days where I was like new york's incredible

I was like I was like walking around the city. I was like, wow my city And then like five hours later. I'm like, I hate this place. Wow. Yeah. Did you move back after? No, I stayed in new york. You stayed? Yeah And then how long did it take you to kind of like, um Start feeling normal again uh probably Like this year it probably took a year my god without noticing, you know, right? I couldn't tell you know how it is Yeah, like when you're like depressed or whatever. You don't really know you're depressed Yeah, until you're at not and then like, oh shit. I was fucking whacked out so true. Yeah, so so fucking true

Because you're sort of like surviving day today and you're sort of in a slump But it's not until you feel like the drastic Opposite of that that you're like, oh my god. I was a zombie My god, I can't imagine it. It makes you nicer though It does when you get fucking cancelled like that. Yeah, you're like very nice to everybody Everybody I was like, hey, it's really I'm so excited to meet you. Yeah. Yeah, if I would have got SNL I'd have been like shut the fuck I know fucking wait George. Do you remember how we reacted to it at that time?

Did we pile on or did we offer grace? Because I want to be genuine about it. I don't want to be like shame. We're fine with it But like maybe we did we say some shit about it? Well, I know that's what it was I know that I know that he looked up something that I said on h3. Yeah, and what did I say? You're basically we're just saying what you had just said now about it's a comic You didn't know what you found offensive about you could understand why people would be upset But you were saying yeah, it's a podcast you perform on podcast Yeah, I just you know, I just find it to be sacred

You know comedy be sacred. I just feel like you mean once we start on Canceling jokes and bits It's the end of our civilization As we know it, you know, and I just You know and also what he said was I mean Tony hinge clef literally said, you know, I mean One more time for the chink In a mic throughout a room. Yeah, I saw that

Is that when you're depressed I knew that was just gonna bring more pressure to me Oh, yeah, when his thing happened again, everyone was like it took Shane Gillis and Tony inch click Right, right, right. Yeah, but I yeah, and look level up though, huh Tony got a little wild Yeah, that was that was that was real wild. Yeah, he was amped one. Yeah, but again, that's another thing. I've said this before it's like You know, I've seen I've said things like if at the store If a gay comic brought me up the kind of things that I've come out of my mouth Like one more time for the whatever whatever I'll do it in the room, but not here

Yeah, and they give it right back to you and they give it right back It's like, you know, if I say something derogatory toward, you know, I mean a black guy or whatever Then he'll yell back and say something even worse about me, but it's all in love and fun Yeah, and the audience is laughing and um, yeah, I mean I just um Maybe it's because I'm also 50 now almost 50 now, you know what I mean, and I've I've seen it all

I know what's important what I feel like and what's not important and yeah, it's not. Yeah, so anyway, um Did you lose any Asian friends? No, I don't have any Asian Yeah No, no everybody no one cared Yeah, the comic literally no one cared in real life. No one cared. It's so strange. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure don't get me wrong I'm sure there were a lot of people that that did that did bother them, of course And again, I I also understood why they fired me. It's not like it's not like when I when I found out I was like, what?

How dare they I was like, yeah, yeah makes sense Yeah, makes sense. Here's a video of me using a slur. It makes sense. Yeah Yeah, but so but in many ways though And you don't have to answer this if you want to but it kind of Did something different for your career? Definitely in the sense that um I feel like when people say your name, it's like a legit comedy entity You know what I mean? Not just you know

Something that's going to be here one day gone the next but somebody that's like legit like like when I think of your name I think of Andrew Schultz Chris de Stefano guys Yeah, I probably don't know if they're friends with those guys. I am mark normand. You know, I mean those types of guys, you know, I mean and That's the vibe That you've done for yourself. I don't know, you know, and if you Didn't have the talent and you were just that's one thing but you legitimately have The talent I'm being real. I know. Yeah, and you know how I feel about compliments

You hate it Because I've been I've been seeing him all week and I give him He has been watching you. He gives me compliments every time when I see him. I give him coffee. He hates it But I'm just I'm no I'm very sweet. The first thing I don't give a fuck about you. I don't care if you died I wouldn't care of course No, he's being honest. I understand. I'm being legitimately honest with you. It's like I would be sad if you died No, but you know, I mean I'm being you know, I don't know what you're like as a person But I'm just saying in terms of like

How I perceive who you are How, you know, I how I know what other how other comics perceive you and how we how we talk about you And it's in in a in a good lens, you know It's like you're legitimate, you know, and I don't think that if two three years ago If you got an SNL that you would get the same kind of street credibility even It's almost as if you went through something You know, I mean that we you what are you looking at me like it might seem the wrong thing No, why what?

Because he does this thing where he has his pen in his hand and he's gonna write down something like no Wow, we're gonna have to edit that part. You know, I mean I think it's not that it's further from the paper. Don't fucking do that. He's all you've seen his papers race Episode 321 steby and Jeremiah and the school of shoulda coulda woulda So, um, there's some bad news from your voyage and your experience that I heard on the phone What are you talking about? Yeah, if you want me to get into it, I will please do. Um, you saw The coach coach branch. Oh, that was good news. We saw we so my brother hunted down connected Steve Branson or the his not only did we hunt him down. We went to the new wrestling facility. Oh, you're wrestling. Oh, yeah

He gives him a fan tour. He unlocked it. He unlocked it for us because the new coach was in Vegas with it at a tournament. Yeah. Yeah, so he had key like we went this is a two million dollar facility Is your name still up there? And by the way, can I go ahead? Go ahead? Okay? I know you guys have talked about how you used to wrestle powe and stuff. Yeah Steve is a celebrity there His name is everywhere. His picture Is everywhere up on the walls behind glass cases on plaques. What it's amazing. Look at me, Steve. Yeah Is that real? How does it feel Steve when you walk? I feel bad for him though

I got sold. Oh, that's the way. Oh, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What did you do, this is about Um, okay. Oh the way he talked about you, it's oh wait. Don't don't point. Just slow down. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. The way he talked about you degrading disrespectful Demoralizing yeah, yeah, he talked about you like you're still in rehab All right Bobby am I lying I got offended on your behalf, right? It was the way he talked to me. It was insane. All right, so let's go dude. Oh, he said coulda woulda shoulda He goes he goes he goes Bobby

He said Bobby graduated from the school of what I coulda and she said Dude it's crazy right so coulda woulda shoulda and you know what's the best part what we caught on camera so you can re-watch it No, we have it on camera. Yeah. Yeah, we'd vlogged everything. Did you explain to him though just dude? He doesn't he said he's like oh what it hurt. He does comedy. He's he said it like it was such a disrespect It's such a disrespect He goes I guess he's a comedian or something now. Oh We talked about it for like a half hour in his car like dude isn't that like he lives in his own microcosm like yeah It made me realize like that's his world was your relationship with him when you were explain the story. Oh, all right

So in my junior year in high school, okay, I Went to rehab and went to the McDonald's Center. Okay When I got what's so fucking funny, dude No, no keep going. I got out of the fucking big dolly. What the fuck bro. I love it. This is good. All right So my junior year, right? So my senior year. I'm sober now, okay? I got through the summer. I'd gone to a bunch of meetings and and me and my sponsor at the time Decided because I had to do so many credits in school to graduate that he said my sponsor was just like You you have to cut weight down to 105 you weigh 125 now. Damn. I don't think that's a healthy thing

I think we should more focus on the school work Maybe take the year off because you don't really like wrestling anyway or whatever. So I went at the coach brand center I remember it vividly Like a coach he's like 105 right we're getting ready I go, I'm not gonna wrestle this year and he got he looks at me like this and That's the last exchange. I've ever had with him. Oh, you're dead to him What do you buy but what do we buy buy? I buy Bobby. I have your back. Oh, you have my back. Yeah, there's more to life than wrestling. I know not in his eyes

I know and that's why he's a winner, man He produces champions, you know who graduated from the school what it could have should have with honors Bobby Lee Yeah, yeah, didn't Tom DeLong graduate from there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but he didn't graduate from that school He wasn't on the wrestling team. Yeah, the wrestling team was it's in a prestigious Sporting event at our school. It's so nice the new the new facility my Lila called the new facility is like a college Like division one. Yeah, like a real facility. It's probably still like number one. Oh, they're like nationally rank Yeah, it's crazy. They have a slammer's program now for kids Yeah, we got these there because Steve was there he let us have whatever we wanted. He's like, oh, yeah, take whatever you want

No, if we would have gone with you. Yeah, I don't I don't know You should go back. Yeah, but this is the thing you forgot to mention That he was mad because he was slated to wrestle varsity So that's important, you know, I was of course. I was going to our city 105 pounder. Yeah a senior I know he would rather me fucking do meth and drop the weight and go fucking wrestle my senior year Or did you would you rather me be sober which which I did and sober fat and sober dude Can I ask you this did that technically the coach can't say that he wants one or the other but we know which one he wanted Yeah, yeah, can I give Bob is good. Yeah, I get one. Yeah, okay

No, I wanted to say No, I'm not gonna say nothing. So this is not a birthday thing. No, no, no, I will open it in a second Okay, but is this gonna hurt me? No, no, it's not gonna rub it. This is all I respect It's not gonna be a short that says should I could have a university? You're most smiling you get that merch at the new merch at Tiger Valley I'm gonna go to work. Wow. Why'd you get him an XXL? He literally wears medium Bob do you want to say a message to the coach? Yeah, Bob give her a message right now, please give him a message

Dude, you gotta do tell me your credits man. We need a record. Tell them your movie credits. No, you gotta let the world know man Go ahead man. Go ahead man that Branstead or no. All right, man. All right. I'm okay. I'm kind of hurt All right, I'm kind of hurt. I think I can get through it. Why are you so why are you like, right? It's crazy. It's crazy, right, but can I I'll be honest with you? Yeah, it does burn and I feel it It burns in my heart. Damn. It's like a low burn on the bottom half of my heart And it's probably gonna linger there for a couple of weeks. It breaks me Okay, no, don't put your fucking hand out. Yeah, go ahead. Even grace. Can I give you a safe grace? Okay, before we left

He said a lot of stuff about you can see and the scissor bros up Yeah, but one of the things that I did yeah before we left. Yeah, I asked him I said, hey, do you have any influence on the high school Hall of Fame and He goes, I do know some people on the he knows the board. So this is what I said This is what I said Hello, brother. I thought of this wait, let me just get this straight. Okay, you're gonna be on the no Do you want to make me cry right now? No, no, no, really? Yeah, cuz if you tell me that I'm gonna be on the board and I'm gonna be in the Hall of Fame

I will start to cry right the scissor bros are gonna make that happen. Oh, you guys are gonna broker that deal I already emailed him already emailed them. It's gonna have a beautiful email with your list of credits Mm-hmm be considered. Yeah, we're waiting on a response. Yeah, this is real. This is real though He says he has influence on the board who are so funny. Yeah They're gonna be in the Hall of Fame of Poway Where okay, you know, here's where I'm not very help me babe. Where are you? Positive news the long is not even on it. Well, forget Tom It's but as we know with everything else

It's all who you know in that in that field and he has he's a pillar of the community there and I asked him I was like, is there any way like, okay? Yes, that being said This is the closest we've gotten I'm just saying it's gonna happen. I have my response to coach Branson. Okay with all the Okay, think about it. Please think about it. I already just did no really think it tells me to think about it All the time. I think it through before I do. All right. No, go Okay, call him coachy Voice of reason. Yeah Episode 279 Carlos Mincia, I made you mad. I'll tell you what I made you meet in Honduras

You you but that's because you didn't understand how scary that shit was I want to go to the beginning of this because Mark Honduras because I have to bring that up. Yeah We'll bring that later, but go ahead. It's a Honduras thing So Bobby has told some version of the his strip to Honduras and how it you know Somewhere like he was like floating on a river for nine hours All of that stuff, but he I think it's a little lopsided So I want to know I want to know how it started why you wanted to take him there. How long you guys stayed there? I I want well first of all like all of my openers, right?

Whether they say good things or bad things about me every single one is a much better comic today Having met me or having gone through that school of me Mm-hmm, then they did before because I don't get openers I get guys to work with me that I inevitably want to become headliners. It's not about opening for me You can if that was the case I would just go to every comedy club and tell them to book the openers and features. It's more about teaching them You know all the stuff that I learned and passing kind of that knowledge on but with Bobby it was because Bobby always complained about his dad and you know being an adopted person myself and having a father that I respect I

Always kind of picked people that needed parental figures to for some for some fucking reason I don't know what it was about me that wanted that but you know Steve Trevino had issues with his dad Bobby has issues with the dad Chris Stella has issues with their dad. You know what I mean? All of these guys have issues. You know I'm saying Joe Koy like you know all of these people and so I brought them in and try to help them out But also to try to help them as human beings and and what I wanted to teach Bobby by taking an Honduras was This could have been our life as immigrants This could have been us. This is where we could have ended up and at our best at our best We would have been the dude that owned the little tiny

You know five horsepower motor that took us up that fucking river like in in in to us Right to his story. It's like oh my god And they literally got a tree cut it down carved out the inside of it put a little tiny Five to eight horsepower engine in the back that went to the river Yeah, right so for us. It was like these guys are scared out of their minds They were like what the fuck is this? You know what I mean? It takes a couple of planes to get there even to the point where we're on a boat, right? Well now there's it's different, but yeah back then it was like we had to fly to

Sabah then we had to fly to Palacios then in Palacios. We had to take that five hour or six hour trip up the river Yeah, yeah, yeah That was real. I'm not exaggerating. That was real. Oh, no. No. No. No. This was rusty in the middle of nowhere And it's also in the boat ride. It's at night some of it, right? So it's like there's no electricity and imagine you're this is fucking, you know, you know some like Last of the Mohican shit. Yes. Yeah, it's yeah. It's like you're in a river You you look on the what is that and it's like a floating

Carcass of a cow. Yes, right. It's pretty scary. Yeah, and then when you turn off the motors you hear like No, you really do though You really hear you hear like all the scary shit that is in movies where you're about to get killed or something in the woods Yeah, like whatever that Foley guy does like I'm not kidding. Yeah, I'm not kidding like all that shit snakes everywhere. That's why what he did scared the fuck out of me Because he to him. It was just a joke. I'm a fuck with him. But to me it was like almost died dude. Yeah I was died. You don't understand. You can get you get killed here with that. So what happened was it's like we're in a village It's late at night and I'm trying to sleep

Okay, and I hear something that makes me giggle and what I hear is Carlos and see a laying on his back had my headphones on right? Headphones on outside on a porch some sort of porch Yeah, and he's singing. Do you remember what are you singing? I don't remember. I do was it a blink 182? No Was it bush? No, you were singing Senado Connor Yeah, okay black boys on both. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool Right, and so you were getting really emotional. I got it. I got it Right, so I decided to sneak out of my bed and to slowly you know creep up on him, right?

And he's honest back. I think he's crying. Yeah, he's like really getting probably yeah He's really getting emotional with the song, right? Yeah, and I just I have emotional outlets music is one. Yeah Yeah, and I go Yeah, and I grabbed the head Top of his head, right? I thought he was gonna send me back home. I mean he what the fuck broke Yeah, he got fucking yeah angry dude, but earlier that day. I had gone to my dad's farm where they had just killed six Snakes like very like some one of the most poison. Yeah. Yeah, so that shit's in my head. Yeah You know what I mean? So I I did get pissed off, but I was pissed off because it was like joke about other shit

Don't joke that I'm gonna get fucking killed I literally thought I was gonna die. Yeah, like I literally and all fuck it bit me And then I look over and he's like You know what I mean, yeah, so then on that at that moment I said you fucking hurt me I'm gonna hurt you back Yeah, yeah, and she's what but I'm not a dick like that. That's not the kind of hurt. Uh-huh. He's a great great ping-pong player Thank you. Great ping-pong player. Thank you. That's I've ever played. Oh, I'm Okay at times, but I I said to myself by the time we fucking leave I'm gonna beat you one fucking game dude. Just one fucking game

I'm gonna find out how to play you not anybody else just you yeah, and Two days before we came back. I beat him and he was so fucking pissed Oh didn't play me anymore. I never played him. He is a pretty sore loser. There was a guy though I remember we were playing ping-pong in Honduras. Hi, man. What hi man. His name is hi man I'm playing you. Well, there was a guy that traveled from a different town to play me. Yeah. Yeah, is that who is think it was hi man Hi, man. Yeah, he had traveled You know me like took a horse by the way got on a boat Yeah, yeah, but traveled sounds like a big deal over there at the time because it was yeah, it was quote-unquote far

Yeah, how many miles was it here? It was like he came from Encino He came all the way from Encino. Yeah, yeah, but how far was it? It was more Sherman. Oh sure It was down the street. Yeah, so it wasn't that far it was far. I mean it but it's you know That's what I wanted you to see. Yeah, I wanted you to experience that that family. Yeah, that they are like that There's a village and they heard there's a great player and there was like, oh, let's go check it out You know what I mean? It was another thing that it was amazing was he did what I've always dreamt of doing in showing, you know Technology to people that they haven't seen it. Oh, right to blow their minds like are you from the future? Yeah I mean, so what he did he had one house that had a generator

Because a lot of the places didn't have electricity the town didn't have electricity. No electricity electricity at all There's there's one house with and he brought an Xbox Right for the kids. Yes, or we played that. What's that game Cal Soul Cal? Oh, that's that's so yeah soul caliber. I was on the dream cast Yeah, and the kids all the village kids would come in. Yeah, and play would blow their imagine Yeah, it blew their fucking minds like let alone they've never really seen a TV right and then all of a sudden you can play these and I had a solar panel set up So we could play during the day. Yeah, we had electricity

24-7 yeah set it up so that you guys would have somewhere to Turn on your computer stuff or whatever it was. So it was also the one and only place where I saw a pig die Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember how they killed it? Episode 282 Chris Catan in the upper middle. Do you miss those days SNL days or no, you know, I Yeah, I do because Because it was so well, you know the what wait you weren't in front of were you in front of an audience?

We did yeah, but it was like taped was a lot of don't be fun of us I mean you guys were like taped, right? Yeah, we fucking right hate that you would like edit this shit. We edited right Anyway Right upper upper Yeah But I know you were how what was it nerve? It was I do miss it Yeah, but not like oh my god, I miss it my decision leaving, you know, but it's yeah I do miss it sometimes because there's nothing like it obviously so because when we but it's so stressful that what if I were to go

Back there like if Lauren was all of a sudden like come back. Let's just be spontaneous Back and I and I was back in the cast for some weird reason. I probably be like this is not it's too stressful Yeah, very stressful. Yeah, because um, we would with us. I remember, you know, when we do a live sketch, right? We would do a take in front of a live audience, right? But then they would give us notes. Oh That's interesting, right? So they would cut you they would cut and then and then you would have a bunch of writers and

Producers don't say that line say this right after the scene, right? Yeah, so they'll give us part of the scene No, we'll do the whole sketch right right right they'd cut it right because we shoot it live, right? And then they would give us notes Jokes, you know, I mean quick edits and then you would do it again, right, right? But I can't imagine like somewhere. No because you guys just we have a one time. We have a dress rehearsal, though To in front of a live audience, but it's not It's not a live show. It's not the one that people are gonna see on television. Oh, we do have that Yeah, but we do have an opportunity to do what you did and see if jokes work or not

Like it's a two-hour show that we do and we already know there's gonna be a half-hour cut Wow Right, but we have that time to give notes and stuff But will you I can only I can imagine that in the beginning of each show You would be I would because for me if I was on because Be gone mad TV look felt like we're on community theater. Like didn't there's no stakes I didn't feel like yeah steaks were high and it came across that way. No That's the that's a real you by the way, that's me. Yeah, but I'm such a dick. Yeah No, but with I can't imagine I was think to when I was on mad going I wouldn't be able to do SNL because

Just the pressure of it. You know me. So, I mean, were you like the night before like sleepless because you were so nervous? No, I was more if you're you know, I was like if you're busy enough you won't be sleepless, you know Right, right and I usually had a pretty good show Lauren was giving to me So and he put my stuff in so he trusted me. Right. I was one of the luckier ones I was a little bit on the upper upper middle class Yeah, yeah, but no, he was I got a lot of my stuff. So it wasn't as bad of as Stressful as some others may have who's on your your generation on the show. It was it was one of the best I think it was will Tina Jimmy Seth polar

Rachel Dratch Great Molly Bill Murray Chevy Chase No Yeah, it was a good cat. It was a great cat. Oh, what yeah, it's a really good class will our net great Forte got so many wills. Yeah, yeah will Forte Forte. Yeah, not our net because it was like obviously the old school the beginning Right, right, and then there was the generation, you know the Eddie Murphy Joe Piscopo Yeah, that was a little weird that was a weird time

It wasn't like so that was like the not to be rude to the others in the cast But that was like the Eddie Murphy time. I think that's when I started watching SNL because I was like this guy is insane It's so good. Good. Yeah, and that's so fun to watch in comedy Just like seeing that guy that just lifted the bar. Yeah, and you're just waiting for everyone else to go up to that bar Now, you know, yeah, yeah, because he's like well Everybody's gonna have to compete with this guy because he's so good and then you had so excited that doesn't happen that often anymore It doesn't it just doesn't you know, you're waiting for who's the next hero, right? Yeah, yeah, that's another to be discussed And then you had the Dana Carvey, right John Lovett's

That general Phil Hartman, right, right David Spage, Snyder, Adam Sandler, right, and then your wave was great You know me so that's what I grew up to because when I came to my wave when I came from the Philippines at 15 We had a big television back home and we didn't have American programs Only in the first time your dad was like a fucking, you know, yeah, but then he lost he made some Gambling my oh my god, how did you know this just said he lost Something well, no, he made some really bad money moves, but he comes from old money My dad was a very it all his side of the family like Scrooge when I first came to the first came to the United States I hadn't really watched any SNL growing up because there's only a few American programs that made it back home

Gary Shandling made it back home. The other things Wimbledon tennis stuff like that. Yeah, those go hand-in-hand. Yeah. Yeah Episode 283 the super tally-ation we have some videos that we some people send in not too many but just telling a story Uh-huh from Valentine's Day because Valentine's Day is coming up and then you guys can just like I guess choose Who had like the most entertaining story and they only had 90 seconds to share go? Hey Bobby Kalilah George Gilbert so my story Valentine's story is was the reason why I think I hate Valentine's Day So I was like 22 years old I fell in love with this one girl and I went to go buy her a watch with a diamond on it

And I was like the first diamond that I've ever bought in my life. So You know, I'm all excited. I got get to the store and you know, I'm Pretty jazzed about it and then I come to find out on Valentine's Day when I give it to her that she cheated on me And we broke up on Valentine's Day So and the worst part was is that when I went back to the store to return it and I was just like devastated I went to go return it and then the same lady that sold me the watch was Person taking the return and she was just like oh, she didn't like it. I was like balling in front of this But yeah

That was my Valentine's I thought I thought the story was gonna go. Oh, yeah, the same lady said no refunds. Yeah I told you I told you already, you know, I mean Yeah, so what to me that's a happy story because at least he got his money back Yeah, back and you find out a cheater, right dodge the cheater, right and That that was a happy story. Yeah. Yeah. Have any of you guys been Cheated on on Have you ever been cheated on I don't think he ever has I don't think he's ever been dumb or do you secretly think you are? So you immediately end the relationship yourself

Because you're like quick like that. I Don't think I care. Oh Well, that's not good either. Yeah. Yeah, I think you're supposed to care about the relationship here. I don't think I would care Yeah, I don't care we got I we have been him and I have been rejected a lot But I don't think I I've been cheated on but I've never been dumped Because if I would know this back up it's a let's think about a relationship I was in. Oh, yeah, so one time I Was dating this girl named Amy For George has to keep bleeping and and I was

Flying to Italy or something for something not Italy for France to shoot of IBM commercial and I remember I was at a bar with a bunch of people and I turn around and I look down this alleyway and I see a guy Holding Amy's hand and she's like pushing it away and he's doing that like, you know like doing this Like pressing and she's like kind of like moving away from him like this. Yeah. Yeah, and I thought I Remember just feeling joy that it was over. Oh, why when she didn't do anything wrong, but you could tell that she was with this guy Oh, why do you feel joy? I don't know. Let's go the next video Okay, you're gonna you're gonna dislike that I remember the story about you and her that you told me

Okay, go ahead. You were about to leave for France or Germany or wherever the hell that IBM commercial was and it was at your final night together and You went to dinner with your manager and your agent and you didn't invite her and she she cried. Okay, so here's what happened, okay? This is the truth and I'm so I am so fucked the bum that you even remember that so now I have to now I have to redo this story So hold on a second. Okay, so what happened was I Booked this IBM commercial and I go I'm gonna have a dinner with my agent and my manager. I didn't invite Amy Okay, which was the wrong thing to do, right? And I wasn't leading for another couple weeks, right? So and then two weeks later right before I'm gonna go I went to her one man one woman show or something right and it wasn't at a bar

It was at that show where I turned the corner and she had because I didn't invite her to You know, I mean the dinner with my manager agent. She drifted apart from there and then she met a guy Right and I caught her with that guy, but you weren't officially No, it was one of those things that we were sleeping together all that stuff But we wouldn't really talk about what we really were. Oh, then you could didn't have to invite her through the dinner Then if she wasn't no at that point, I showed up because we were an item Okay, you're being a little bit with fuck boy and vague with your answers. Were you or were you not was it just a situation next video? Oh, I'd say about two years ago

A surprise LA trip for Valentine's Day event in the room Had some ideas what we were gonna do and then right before we were about to leave. She gives me my gift There's a little box and there are these Bud chocolates like it looked like marijuana, but they were chocolates, which is dope and then the second surprise was two tickets to see Bobby Lee on Valentine's Day at the comedy store and Me being a comedy fan. It was like a dream come true actually going to the comedy store and experiencing it and seeing the names up on the wall and Like even now I miss it even only being there once and I miss it, you know

But that was my Valentine's story Who's gonna go see Let's go, baby That's nice. You are Korean Elvis. You are the Korean Maybe you are Korean and you know what you are being you're the Filipino Aaron Sorkin That's a compliment, I know Maybe I am the Filipino Aaron Sorkin That was really nice that was really sweet I couldn't stop I could he looked so much like me like he could be a relative one of those face things

Episode 300 David Cho Stephen Yon and the Lord of Bobby Lee rings How did Lord of the Rings end the hobbits bow to the king and you're trying to make up this thing like I'm the king Right, and what did the king do? He bows to the hobbit. What is happening? What is happening? I bow to you, dude. Don't do it again, please. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I For audio listeners, they are bowing. Wow. I I'm not a newbie to this program I I haven't taken a drink or or drugs in 17, you know, you would say shit like that and I'd be like, okay

I'm happy for you. I'm telling you I'm just starting this because I would only say that if you kind of poked at me, right? You know, I mean like trying to trying to like teach me about some shit about recovery And then my defense would have been my defense would have sat down in this room. I don't poke you. You poke yourself Five it's a bow break bow break bow break guys Okay, why no, you get up first and then Clal do something just a bow break guys, but That Bobby shivering. It's crazy Episode 284 Maddie Matheson, you know, I'm glad you came on the show because I feel like you and I have a lot of similarities

Do you think? Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of similarities I'm like, but I really like you a lot. I like you. I didn't know anything about you Well, I've divulged more on this than my own podcast. So it's good. I felt I feel I feel it's a warm face and a nice person and You hear that warm face nice person. Nice person. Wait, wait, it's nice person warm face on your tombstones That's what I'll say I have a warm face nice. Do I have a warm? I don't know one of your adopted dogs will have a couple boxes You know, so you before you came over when we talked a little bit before because I want to just address this

So you went to Vietnam Yeah, you tried to eat dog. I didn't try to eat dog. So we were there. Yeah Yeah, and we were with this kind of at we had this French What are you called people expat? We had this like kind of asshole French expat that was taking us around Yeah, and and he kind of asked he was like, hey Do you want to see like the the dog market? Yeah, and we were just like No, no, okay Did I annoy you? No, I liked it

It's so weird that you it's so because I know what you do no because I did it so quickly But I saw you were indifferent with my conversation No, no, no, no, no You're like, hey what color your eyes? Excuse me Maddie that's not what I was doing Maddie. Oh, I saw I am so glad you called him out on that Let me just say, it's not just what you saw, it's what happened.

It is what happened, it's him. It's his art. What's the part in that? Fuck you guys. What's your part in that? I'll tell you my part of it, all right. I'm not gonna finish my story here. That's like a fighter checking the time.

No. Yeah. You're like, how long have we been talking to this guy? No, no, no, no, no. Unbelievable. All right, now since you brought it up, since you brought it up, let me be real with you. I'm a hard out.

No, no. Since you brought it up, let me be real with you then. In texts? No, Maddie, let me be real with you for a second, okay? Bobby, please. Since you fucking brought it up. Please. So when I thought to myself, right?

Yeah. I love this guest, right? Let's just go. I could do this forever, forever, right? So when, and then once I thought that, I'm like, what time is it? He's an ADD kid to be fair. Yeah, in my head, I'm like, what?

Two. Yeah, in my head I was like, what time is it, right? So I had a positive thought. I like this guy a lot, right? I wanna talk forever, right? And then the next thought, what time is it? So once I thought that, I just touched the phone. And that was gonna, through with my, what, peripheral vision.

Yeah. Right, look at the time. What? Right, so that's what happened, right? Yeah. So let me say something to you. Let me do a formal apology. What you just did there, doesn't bother me.

What you just did right there, doesn't bother me. I know what you just did. All right, so here, here. Oh, on his knees. Put the glue on your thumb. No, no, no, I'm not gonna do what you tell me to do. Fucking glue on your thumb. I'm gonna do what you tell me to do, right?

Okay. What I did there, right, was nothing. It was. But. You're on your knees. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Maddie, that you perceive that to be me being indifferent.

See, that's cast lighting. It wasn't a perception. It wasn't a perception. It was reality. It was a reality. You asked me a question about going to Vietnam and going to a dog market. That's a pretty intense subject.

Then at that moment, you're like. Okay, you're right. You're right. Maddie. Maddie, look at, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. Maddie. So I went to Vietnam. Don't go to Vietnam.

French expat. French expat. Dog market. Asshole, who cares? We go to this. Episode three, twenty-one. I'm gonna go to Vietnam. I'm gonna go to Vietnam.

Episode three, twenty-four. Judd Apatow and the Pineapple Express trailer incident. When I moved into town, I mean, obviously we had the reg, like guys like Carl LaBeau, I don't know if he's from that time. Yeah. You're like Carl, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm just fascinated. That's what, like when I see Marshall Warfield or something at the comic store, I always go up and say hi and go welcome back, you know. But really what happened at Pineapple Express? We'd actually love to know. It's like a running, a running discussion of your trailer. Or, I feel like you were disrespected in some way.

I don't take responsibility for any of it, by the way. We should run it back. I have people who are supposed to manage you correctly. But what happened? What happened? Episode one, I think was dedicated to your, the pain you felt. Of what? Pineapple Express?

I think so, I think we dedicated a whole episode. What pain? You shared pain and anger towards that. Oh, okay. Okay. They didn't have a trailer for you. That's what I heard you say. All right, all right, all right, all right.

But let me just say one thing. When I heard you say that, first of all, I want to be honest about it, because I don't want you to feel, I don't want you to feel bad about it. But I am a super people pleaser. There's nothing I want more than every actor or crew person to feel very respected.

So the idea that you showed up and they didn't have a trailer for you. No, no, no, you have it wrong. Everyone in the room has it wrong. Okay, here we go. That's your side. So I was a cry baby. Yeah.

All right, so let me just apologize. I'm a little bitch baby. So you guys had trailers for me. Every time I was there, except for one day. Yeah. And that was the day when you guys had a lot of people just shooting that day. You had, I don't know, 30 or 40 fucking people

that are on the cast list. You know what I mean? The big fight scene. Yeah, it's chaos, right? Production is chaos, right? And you guys said to me, for one day, can you just stay here with these people? Yeah.

Which happens to be the extras. It's fine. Say that one more time, more believable. That's never okay. It was with the background. Background actor. The right background, in which I made very good relationships.

Still talk very. Never don't know what they look like at my point. So our numbers were wrong. We didn't realize how many people were there. And we didn't have the room for you. And of every person there, we thought you were the one who would take the hit. We could have done it to Ken Jong.

We could have done it. But you did it. We could have done it to Craig Bobbitton or Kevin Corrigan or Gary Cole. There were so many people there. But for some reason, they went down that sheet and they said, let's let Bobby sit with all the, with the extras.

Oh God. Atmosphere better. All right. So you're right. But I made a mistake. And I made a call to my agent at the time. And from what I heard, not from you, but from somebody else that was involved in production,

that he raised his voice and he was angry. At us. At not you specifically. But he called us angry. Yes. Right. And I go, why did you do that? You just made a big deal out of nothing.

In fact, I left that agency after that, not right after that, but like six months after that. My point being is, is that we made a complaint. And secondly, here's another thing that I did that I never said out loud. Reveal it. And I'm going to reveal it to you. And I want to call it.

You left the turd in the toilet. And the trailer. Smirred it all over the place. No, in fact, those to poo in the trailers is difficult. Yeah. They get stuck on the sides. You got to take a bottle of water and do your own fucking thing.

You're just like me. I just want to say this is why I like you. Because like the description of like cleaning the poo remnant off the side of the trailer toilet, like most people, you know, Mel Gibson's like cleaning off the side. He's just like someone will get that later. Right. Me and you are like, let me get that.

I can't. And there's no one. We'll never, we'll never, we'll never meet the person that cleans it. Or the whole production, but we will do that. Yeah, yeah, we will. I, you are lying to John through your teeth. He wouldn't clean it.

He would never. He would call me to come over and clean it. That's a fact. There we go. He is not his. He is not. This is 2007, Bobby. Okay, thank you.

Who cared more about that? And I just want to say something to you. Yeah. My, my girlfriend, I mean, right? Is is that when I do that, right? It's not because for me and my, I care about my environment. I care about whoever has to clean it after me and whoever maintains those trailers.

So I just didn't want them to see that I. I had pooed. He's also pooed in the back of our Priests. And I've had to select it. On a Frisbee. On a Frisbee. On a paper plate as well. And I've had to collect it.

Okay. But the key question is, where does it go right after? I threw it in the dumpster and this is information that I don't think Mr. Judd Apatow has to know that I pooed in my Priests. But was it because there was nowhere to go? I have. Well, during the pandemic, let's, here's a good example.

Let's get into this. Nobody, you couldn't just walk into any establishment and say, can I use your restroom? Everyone was like, nope. Our restroom's there. Thank you. So we were outside of my dermatology office and I was like, for the love of God, please do not poo.

He's like, I have nowhere else to go. Wait a second. But you can have like your pimples popped, but he can't poo in a public toilet. Thank you. Correct. So what I did, I was like. Thank you.

Nice one, Jeff. You know what that's about. It's kind of just a little side note before we even continue. That's why I love this guy, man. I know. Little details. Little details. Little details.

To back my back. I was actually going to offer you a compliment because this time around, he put down a Trader Joe's bag before he pooed on top of it, before that he would just bear back it. And go right into the car upholstery. This time around, he did think to put something underneath and then he packed it up himself.

And then when you put it. Yeah. I went to the nearest outside dumpster and sometimes they're locked, right? I didn't put it on top. I found one that was unlocked. Courteous. Thank you so much.

And I double-bagged it. No one smelled anything. Let's move on from it. Okay. It's funny because with poo, right? You have different phases of life where you feel differently about it. Yeah.

Periods of your life where it's shameful and the door locks and you clean up and you don't want anyone to know it happens. But then there's other moments in your life where you literally can just lift your leg like a dog and not care and understand living in the woods and just like, why do we care? Why are we ashamed?

You know? Give me a fucking frisbee. That's exactly what I wanted to say. I couldn't articulate it as well. In fact, I don't even know if I said articulate it right. I don't think you did. I don't think I did it right, but thank you so much for doing that, my friend.

But what did you do at Pineapple Express that you're ashamed of? Oh, God, I thought I was. This is your revenge thing. Now you have to reveal it. All right. So, and this is so shameful for me and it's so funny because the AD, right,

is the same AD that does a show that I'm on called Reservation Dogs on FX. And I apologized for her about this when I saw it, when I worked with her. So there was a scene where I got shot in the head by Seth Rogen in the movie. Oh, I feel so shameful. And afterwards, they go,

just lay your body down here because we need it for, you know, what do you call it? You know, the word? Continuity? Continuity. The bodies always have to be there, right? But there were some angles

where they were shooting wides and stuff. I just knew for a fact. I'm not in the shot. I'm not in the shot. We made you later all day. Right? Is that me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that this is considered a nice thing I did for you. Impactful. Impactful. Thank you for that. This really helped a career. So there was a time, like an hour or two in, a couple of setups.

I just stood up and I go, I'm not laying there anymore. Yeah. Right? And they're like, well, it'd just be better if you did. And I remember being kind of a bitch about it. And it's just something that I would never do now.

Like I would lay there for three days. How long was it at that point? How long? Like on and on? I mean, at the end of the day, probably 30 minutes. The question is like, do you look pretty? It's a relaxing thing to do.

Why wouldn't you just lay there a little longer? Well, that probably the fake blood probably gets all gooey. Thank you. This fly's stuck to it. But not only that, you don't understand that there's a metal plate in my head. What? Oh.

There was a metal plate in my head because they had to put an explosive on the other side of the metal plate. You're laying on a metal plate. Yeah. So when he's shooting me, right, there's an explosive, right? So now I'm laying,

not only there's sticky blood, but there's a metal plate into my brain. So is this the thing you're ashamed of that you got up? That I didn't sit there forever and I apologize. Okay. Well, that's actually not too bad. Those are two things. But you know how you know we were abusive to you?

And you've said this before and I disagree. Go ahead. Is that you got up and we're like, all right. You know, like we didn't, you weren't in the shot. Right. Can I tell you something that's like terrible about maybe the early stages of my career?

Go ahead. There is nothing I would have found funnier than to make you lay in blood all day, off camera, telling you you're on camera. I wouldn't do that now, but as a young person. So you fucking knew? No, I'm saying, I don't think that's what happened. That's the kind of thing that would have made me laugh.

Like Bobby doesn't even know he's not on camera. That is pretty funny. Like we did, you know, happy Gilmore, you know, with our friend Alan covered. Episode 288, the baby shower. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's George's day D circulated on the news. It's a baby came.

Oh God, he's dancing. He's doing Trump, Trump dance They're doing TrumpMac dance. Oh God. Your all shoulders. You're jerking off to have a cock rock Anyway, welcome. I didn't even know we were going to do this today. I was down here. No, not that I want to celebrate the baby, but I was down here. I was playing my video games.

Because I have so much to do tomorrow and this and that. And I was just like, today is my day just to relax. I'm still, I'm still, I don't feel that well physically. And I hear his voice, you know, come into the garage and I, my reaction is like, first rage. You know, like, what is he doing here? Does he have something to do with like some ads? Nothing new. Right. No. The rage is nothing new. No, no. If I expect George, there's no rage.

Oh. But if it's a surprise, George. So what's he supposed to do to unsurprise you? Not be here. No, whenever you have your headphones on, I always like just say something when I walk in to make sure I don't like shock you. And then a shock rage is going to be the way. What do you say? Do you make just a noise like a little whistle? Howdy, Bobby.

Yeah, yeah. He does something like that. And he goes, I do do do do do. Oh, God. Nine o'clock, nine o'clock. And then he then then the realization is like, oh, yeah, I think we are doing something. And then he brings in the balloons. And I'm like, oh, it's his baby. And then I said something really rude to you.

I really apologize. What did you say? I said something so rude. And when I said it, I'm like, why did you say that? It's like, who am I? What was it? I go, well, he goes, I go, the baby's not here. And he goes, it is coming, though.

And I go, well, what if it doesn't? Hey, Bobby. I know. As soon as I said that, I'm like, oh, fuck. That's so bad. If you, if let's say I was pregnant and you said that shit to me. Oh, my God. It would be like, you'd get jewels to stab me with her knives.

Well, no, it would be more than that. And then he did a, he did something. What I call the white man's patients move. Oh, what's that? W M P M. Yeah. And what he does is he wants to lash out. But what some white people do is they refrain from doing that.

And they coat the analyze. Right. So I could see him just kind of, he kept quiet. He was analyzing. How do I respond to that? And the, and his choice was no response. Right. And so then I went, oh, dude, I don't know why I said that.

I'm so sorry. It's a good move that you did. Because then we could have started a fight. Well, usually I try a little joke, which then you just pounce on. Like, let me, okay, let's, let's, let's, let's play that over again. Let me secure the job. All right. Bobby.

Howdy, Bobby. Yeah. Howdy, Bobby. Oh, shit. Oh, you're, oh, shit, the baby. Oh, yeah. That's why you're here. We're doing something.

Yeah. It's a special episode for my baby. Yeah. Yeah. So you got the balloons. Um, but the baby's not here. Oh, that's coming in like about a month or so. Yeah.

But what if it doesn't? Um, a lot of things don't come, but that's a slam. That's his deep slam. A lot of things don't come. Wow. That burns. You should fucking do roast battles, bro. I love that.

Oh, man, you, you're up there with Jeff Ross, a tell. I mean, it's just like burning. A lot of things don't come. Oh, fuck. If there was a crowd here, you would hear this. Oh, you would hear that. And I think just people stand in your face, Bobby. That's what you hear.

You fucking, you know what? I would have said something along the lines of like, you know, at least I don't want to shoot blanks. At least I got a full load. I don't want to ever go that get that deep. Oh, that's the only way to play with this man. Or at least I'm responsible enough to like, you know, do what's right and, and have a baby with, you know, my, the woman that I

love, unlike a guy, a 50 year old guy playing video games all day who has no, you know, something like that. That would have been like, oh fuck, I'm going to kill this guy. Yeah, but you would write and that would have been a good, you know what I mean? And then no podcast. No podcast. It doesn't matter.

Sometimes you got to win, baby. Sometimes in life, you got to win, George. And I'm trying to teach you that. So the baby's coming. Episode 290. Bobby's ex Sarah Highland. Surprise. Coffee shop.

But I also remember that was the first time I went horseback riding. Yes. With your family. Oh, I have a story about this. Yeah. So we went to Hawaii. We were in Hawaii and I had never, I have like no horse

experience whatsoever. I didn't grow up riding horses. Didn't grow up around them at all. But this guy goes, we should go horseback riding. He's like, I'm a horseman. He's like, I used to go. I used to go with Sarah to her hometown in Louisville and just ride horses all day for like months.

So he really made it out like he was some fucking cowboy. Right. Sarah, he couldn't even mount the horse. He couldn't even swing his tiny little legs over a short horse. And I, and this horse nearly trampled him to death. But it was the funniest thing. And then the amount of times you nearly, you almost got like bucked off because the horse just fucking hated you.

Yeah. I was like, this guy's a fucking liar. You didn't go riding horses with Sarah. She probably rode horses. I wrote the horses. I wrote a horse. Was that your first time though? A whole story though.

What story? Go ahead. Okay. What story? What story? I went horseback riding with the family. He was so aggressive. No, I didn't say he did ride horses.

Thank you. He, I didn't, you did. But you didn't tell them. What's the story? When Bobby, but no, the whole story is when. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Hey, guys. When we first went there, okay, so there's something about horses. If you don't know, so there's like normal sized horses for people. No, like, you know, like 15 hands. Yeah. Like big horses. But there's also ponies called Shetland ponies. I know Shetland ponies.

So. Uh-huh. Cute little bear. Where we went to ride, he did go to ride. We did. We went to Oldham County. Yeah. And you rode at Debbie's farm.

Debbie's farm, that's right. And so we went to go get the horses. You ride a Shetland ponies. No, no, no. Tell the story. Tell the story right. Go ahead. What happened?

Sweating. What is it? So, no, so we went, we're walking towards the barn. We're walking towards the barn. Yeah. Debbie goes, let me go get the horses for everyone. So it was me, my mom. So Debbie goes and she brings out one horse, normal horse.

Yeah. Two, two horse, normal horse. Yeah. Three horse. It was this baby Shetland ponies. Which color was that big? It looked like a dog. It looked like that.

Yeah, that's what it looked like. Yeah. That's what it looked like. It's so small. That's what it looked like. They used to do tricks like that all the time. And they used to laugh and laugh and laugh. They laughed.

Oh, God, I remember that. So how was your horse riding? No, I didn't actually go on a regular one after that. But that was a joke. Debbie brings out the pony. And then there's a 10, 15 minute laugh. Killed it again. Right.

And I'm like, I'm mugging. You know what I mean? Surprise. Surprise. Right. And then I get on a regular horse. Yeah, but yeah, I do remember that. Yeah.

And then, and then we were. What? And then we were. I'm sweating. Can you add a filter to this? Put the beauty filter on. Thank you. Black and white.

So yeah, we were riding. Oldham County. So the surrounding counties of Kentucky are all like rural. So we're riding through the woods. And every other tree. Is that where the hinge is? Every other tree. No.

Yeah. Remember that? Every other tree. I remember also they wrote an article about us. They did in the newspaper. My parents have it. And I hope this isn't. I mean, it's all like it's been.

Girl, it's been you, but they still have that framed. It's down in our basement. I still have a picture of the both of you framed up on our wall. Yeah. And I know that sounds really weird, but I really have like, you know, when I first met Bobby, one of the things that I was so scared of finding out about him was that his exes were, I mean, all women are wonderful. I'm just saying like, it would have been a red flag for me if his ex wasn't you.

Like when he told me about you when he says, this is Sarah. She's a comedian. She's funny. She's this. I was impressed. And that was one of the reasons why I felt comfortable knowing that, okay, like he likes these brilliant women. Like that's, that's what his past looks like.

If it had been some, you know, just hot chick with no substance, it would have been a red flag for me. So like I have absolutely no feelings about that, like at all. So I like hearing these stories because it's like Intel for me. It really is. I'm like, holy shit. Tell me more. I'll tell you everything.

I have to say, though, that, you know, if I look back at my life, if I wrote a book and I had chapters in terms of my relationships, there were probably three real relationships I had, you know what I mean? I think Sarah was a real relationship. Yeah. I think Christine was a real relationship and you obviously, you know, um, but, um, yeah, I, you know, I've, I, I think I, you know, there needs to be something specific that I can.

So if number one for a girlfriend, I have to introduce some of my parents. Yeah. My parents have to really like them. So, you know, I, um, that's number one. Number two, there's got to be, you know, looks as one thing, right? But there's got to be something like a bunch of other things that triggers stuff within me. But you always tell me this one story about when you were with Sarah in Hawaii and the

angriest you've ever been. I don't know if you remember. Okay. There's two Hawaiian stories with you. Okay. Remember that one time where I had food poisoning? Yeah. I ate a hot dog at, at the Grand Waalea hotel and then we're at the airport.

We missed the flight and I had diarrhea for 24 hours and she, I remember having her to carry me around the airport. Episode 291, George Lopez has a haunting because if there's a ghost, right? You know what I mean? It's not the upper half. Wait a minute. I have my fucking houses. There'll be, there'll be some ghosts.

The house is haunted. All right. Yeah. But you have a haunted house, George? Oh yeah. I had somebody come. That's another. Hey, so.

No, no, no. Did you guys? No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. You can't just brush off or. You can't just brush off haunted house, bro. It's our favorite genre is haunted house. Wait.

So right now the house you're living in right now is haunted. I had somebody come and clean it and I'll show you when I, when I moved in, there was a noise and I thought that's an old house and then I heard ma and I fucking shot up and I said, somebody, I said, someone's in here. I could go downstairs with a gun. Nobody's around. Then you hear noise on the other side of the house for years and you hear it and you're like, okay, you kind of make peace with it.

You know, you're like, all right, you know, and then people come over and they're like, hey man, I went into your kitchen to grab that stuff. You asked me to grab. And when I fucking could feel somebody behind me because I thought it was a driver and I looked back. There wasn't anybody there. So I fucking ran out of your house or the old or somebody will say they came to do one of these like door dash kind of promos and the lady was doing the sound and she told

the person that was with me. She says, tell George that I hear somebody talking. So if you can ask them to be quiet and there was I said, there's nobody here and the lady fucking saw somebody fucking walk by and then it, I'm going to show you this picture and then I'm not ready. I'll show you a video, but I'm going to show you this picture. So whatever you do, don't listen, if anybody has a fucking Ouija board, throw that motherfucker away today.

Well, you did Ouija in that house? No, no, no. But it's black magic. Ouija board. It's funny. You could get one at fucking CVS. Target. It's fucking black magic, man.

Don't fuck with because you're calling people that are having gotten to where they belong. I know. I've seen the movies, bro. You don't remember one. It's not the exorcist, bro. The fucking exorcist says, hey, father, you have any change for a cast? If you're calling your father, a fucking demon will take his voice and say, it's me, but it's a fucking demon.

So careful who you call because those motherfuckers will, I don't fuck around either. They'll come and they won't go away. George, I have one question for you. You are a relatively wealthy man. Why the fucking move? You're still there. Fucking move. Yeah.

No, no. Fucking move. Okay. Let me tell you this story. Let me tell you this story. So, you know, I always wanted to live in Los Feliz. Right? Yeah.

So I fell out of escrow in a house that was up there and then, you know, we're driving and this guy's driving, it's like two hours on fucking, you know, because it's working in San Monica and I looked on Trulia and there's a house, perfect fucking Los Feliz, like a perfect house. Like you go, oh my God, call this lady. I said, hey, bro, can you get me in there? She calls. She goes, tomorrow we're in there at one o'clock.

I said, there's nothing earlier? No, no. She goes, George, they have it like every 15 minutes with a 15 minute break. Like everybody wants this house. So I said, oh, fuck them. Why even go? She goes, hey, just go look. So I go in there with beautiful pool things in there.

Now you go upstairs, come down. The guy goes, what do you think? And I said, God, it's great. And he goes, you want it? And I said, what do you mean? Do I want it? Like what about all these fucking? He goes, I'll call the guys that owner, call the owner.

He's a doctor. He goes, he's a huge fan of yours. So I said, hey, this was in your house. And he said, oh, fucking George. He goes, hey, tell him he gives me the full price. He can have it. And then there was like 50 fucking offers. Wow.

So I paid the full price and I got it. And then, you know, you do some work to it and in the fireplace. So my name is George because of, I was born on April 23rd and at the general hospital over there, my mom wanted to name me Anastasia, who they thought my father was and my grandmother is like, fuck him. You're not naming that motherfucker somebody that disappeared. So my grandmother goes, what's today tells the nurse, what's today, April 20, what's the day?

It's St. George Day. So she goes, George, Edward, St. George. And I told the dude that I, the contractor, I said, hey, man, can you fucking clean those fireplaces out? Because they look like they haven't been cleaned in forever. And when he calls me back, he goes, hey, when you get home, look in the fireplace because there's a Conquista door tile in there. And it's a tile of St. George from the 1920s.

So you almost feel like it's, I mean, you know, it's not St. Christopher. It's not, you know, the beginning of Waterloo, it's a fucking St. George tile from the 20s. So I made the mistake of calling people, especially one who had just recently passed. And that's when a lot of the activity came, a lot of the banging and a lot of the orbs and a lot of the bullshit. But then it was in the hallway. I'll show you a fucking video. There's a fucking person in the reflection of a picture that's moving in the thing.

But I took a, I took a picture. I felt, here's, you can see kind of a shadow, I'm gonna show it to you, but you gotta see the shadow. Okay. So when I'm in bed, now all of a sudden, all of a sudden there's more things happening. More, you know, like you just, you're like, I feel like somebody's over there. So now it started to happen on the right side of the, where the bathroom's over there and I would go like this and I'm like, so I took a video of that right side of my bedroom and

I didn't see any orbs or anything, but in the picture, not a mirror, the picture, I see the square and I go, what the fuck is that? And then I pulled it open and it's a fucking green face. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. It's a green face. Green face. And I said, I said, I said, I hired this lady to come and fucking take him out. And she did.

How was she? Would you say he got the green guy? She knows, no, they know, they know, fucking, yeah, the green guy's gone. The fucking dude hanging out. The mist is gone. Yeah. There was some crazy. I have questions.

Did we do the cleansing in the hippie way or the Catholic way? Um, I think, no, I think they did it the hippie way. With the sage, because that shit don't work. You got to fuck it. I'm sure they're on their way back. But no, no, listen, I know they're on their way back, but, but, but, but when you see that you're like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah.

You got to try. The only reason I'm telling you this is because when I was younger, my dad's boat had to be exercised, like they had my dad was agnostic. He didn't believe in shit, but it turns out like they had like a haunted steering wheel in his ship. So they, it was a family of five living there and the priest had to exercise it. And the next day, the priest died. Okay.

Wait, is this of a peacock and then when my dad like went through a depression, he grew his beard out and he slept on the couch for like six months and he wouldn't speak to us for six months. What I'm saying is this shit is real. No, I know. I believe in this shit and it freaks me out and I want to make sure that not some like young hippie business with some say, I get it. I get it.

Yeah. But for right now they're gone. But, but also fucking move, bro. But also, but also when you have things of other people, like I have things that belong to people who were famous. Part of their fucking spirit and their energy is with those things, even things that are just collected from people that they, you know, you see. A, a, a robe and you're like, man, that fucking robe was my dad.

Like I just, he wants to wear this robe and you have the robe. You have part of his energy, his, his self and you know, you leave things. That's why, you know, when someone dies and you, you know, everybody's sad and then they go, look what he left and you look at something that belonged to him and you fucking just, you're destroyed because that's them. Their essence is their essence. That's them. That's what they like.

That's what they did. Do you feel as though these people or these entities living there were they of the, uh, um, um, friendly variety? You know, in the beginning, but then in the last six months, I call somebody, the spirit and the fucking showed up. I'm telling you. And, and since that time it's been, it's been more like, I'm like, what the fuck was that?

And then that, that shit and the fucking orbs and the words and the fucking mist in the hallway and the middle of the night, you're just like, this is fucking insane. And I just, I just had enough. Like, you know, in the video, I saw something that I, that I didn't see before. And when I saw that, I said, this is, this, this is fucking way past anybody's fucking tolerance level. Like there's, there's a person in the reflection of this picture that's wearing white. That's moot.

That's moving. And I'm like that, that fucking man, that's it. I didn't want, you could have been in your girlfriend or something. No. I'm puto. No. The, the, the, no, no, it's a fucking thing. And the thing is not a mirror.

It's a picture. It's a picture. Like this is not, this is not a mirror. It's a picture. So that fucking face leaning in like this. Yeah, yeah. That's, you know, they go, hey, George, that's not a fable, that's a fucking, no, anybody that sees that's gonna be like, that's a fucking face.

Yeah, I saw a face. So now you go, okay. But for, for whatever anybody believes in that house, it's from the twenties and shit. Like, you know, it's so. Yeah. Yeah. And it feels, it feels different. It feels different.

And settled. But, but of course, I'm sure it's going to be a process. But yeah, all that, all of that shit that, that, you know, it's, and I live alone. It's a big fucking house. And you hear these fucking noises, man. You're just like, it's, and I, you know, I went as, as a funny as a kid, I was afraid of everything, afraid of the dark and all that bullshit. But you think as an adult, I'm almost six, like, all that's gone away, everything that

it, and also for that kid that, like, when you start to believe in yourself and believe your, your worth and believe that, that regardless of, you know, somebody, you know, hey, listen, Bukaki videos, you know, then you go take a shower, you're brand new again. It's like, you don't have to walk around with fucking dry fucking crema, you know, if you ever, if you ever get to that, that's going to be a beautiful quote by the way. When you, when you get to, as long as you have a fucking life, you have a chance to fucking change everything, right? Even there are 50 loads, you know, but you do have a, so as long as like, you know, kids

that are depressed and all that, there's, there's, there's opportunity to be better when you're alive. It's over. But, you know, and so all the shit that I had as a kid is gone, like all the things that scared me, all the insecurities that I had are gone, wishing people like a Buddhist, you know, practice Buddhism, but that came from like just seeing the signs, man, of like, there was a Buddhist temple in San Fernando and my grandmother would see him and it's the same time like Harry Christians, Buddhist, you know, they don't want anything.

My grandmother would go, she goes, I'll beat you fucking good, Harry Christians, I said, grab the Buddhist, I took that shit. They walked by and said, they don't want anything, the Buddhists don't want anything. She's like, I everybody wants something and you just hear that fucking voice every day. And then I moved to Sherman Oaks, it was a Buddhist temple in the corner, had a, I bought a place in Hawaii, it's a fucking top of the hill we get there to go get something to eat, fucking Buddhist temple there. So in, at the dark time of like the divorce and all that shit that you still have to go

work and you go home and you're alone, fucking brutal, man, thinking it's a fucking Vicodin's and I'm fucking four locals. Listen, you don't need fucking Vicodin when you're drinking a four local. Those motherfuckers, thank God they don't make a baby, just go find them. Yeah, yeah. So people, they gave me some dessert for Christmas. If you want to kill yourself, there's wet, but you know what, I didn't want to fucking go out like that.

Like I, you know, and then I started to look at the principles of like not wishing anybody harm and, you know, of, of trying to just be better and, you know, and it just, and I went and met the Dalai Lama in Boston, I fucking went over there and it shook my hand and we talked and spoke at his 80th birthday party like five years ago and stayed connected and it's changed, it's changed everything about me, man. Like I, I don't trip off anything. Wow. And I'm happy to be alive and even all that bullshit that's, that would, that would be

like it. Yeah, there's a fucking Mexican state in the middle of the street. I don't know, yelling something like George Lopez. Like I can handle that shit because I've, I've already seen fucking different variations of my life. You can handle ghosts. Yeah. And I understand them.

Like I don't, but I won't, but I won't fucking call them anymore. Like don't call them. Yeah. Yeah. There's no come. Episode 301. Joshua Tree special part two. We meet the parents.

Is it weird? I mentioned this to Bobby earlier that George used to live in that trailer back in LA. Which the silver one? The silver one. Yeah. And he fucked two and a half women in there. Two and a half women. Yep.

So was one of them a little person? No, no, it just wasn't. Wait, two and a half in one night? No. No. 12 years. So, uh, that's, that's, Trailer has an interesting story. My dad bought a steam engine.

Let's hear it. Bobby, shut up. You know how to make any story sound boring. Just skip ahead five. No, because if you say it's an interesting story, it better be interesting. It is. Look at the trailer. I know, but I want to see what comes out of his mouth now.

The provenance of that trailer. I love that word. My father is big into steam engines. He was president of the steam automobile club of America. And so he just travels the nation looking for a steam engines that people have. So he found that one, that like that was the trailer for the steam engine, but the problem is he put that trailer on top of another trailer and it was all too heavy. So the tires were going to pop on the way back to Michigan.

So he said, just leave that trailer and the front yard. So then that was like a month or two before Bryce moved out to be my assistant and maker. And we were like, that's a perfect, we're going to make Bryce live in the front yard and, you know, we'll establish the pecking order of everything. We're fine. Just every month, keep, keep beers in the fridge. So then you should be a storyteller on calm. I'm about to fall asleep.

I'm still intrigued. I think there's a third act. There's a third act. So then we went and did one, one trip for like New Year's and Bryce just unloaded all of his stuff into my room and I was so mad. I was like, Bryce, you motherfucker. If you're to make my room dirty, I'm moving to the trailer and you'd have to stay here and pay rent.

Oh, I see. And then I saw like this, like this. No, we're not flagged. I saw a little smirk on Bryce's face. Like that was exactly what he wanted. So I lived in the trailer for like six months. Well I was a senior producer at maker studios and it looks really cozy. I mean, I don't, what's their bed in their bullet hole through it.

There is a hole in it. I don't think those are bullet holes. Those are just rivets that fell out and we've got a nice little sunroof. It's beautiful. I like it. And what Doug told me, I have like electricity in it. I got electricity in it. I did everything.

Can I buy it off of you so that that could be Jules's house when she's in college? And Doug said that that was parked underneath the grapefruit tree. So like if you had girls over, you just hear giant, is there an interesting story about your Ellen John glasses? Yeah, you copped my style when you went to bought Gucci's in Hawaii. I copped your style? He said he did the lenses first with color. Then Hawaii, you're inspired.

No, no, no, no. I would go more Mitch Hedberg, but you know, you can call it what you want. Oh, it is very Mitch Hedberg. It's got a Hedberg-y. Yeah. Yeah. Episode 325. John Cho, the Star Trek Future.

Dude, you don't even know how many times I saw the Star Trek movies. And you were fucking in the, remember, you guys, remember, no, no, remember, you guys were both shooting down, you and Kirk, shooting down the thing, right? And they were drilling, right? The red stuff, the matter, right? And then you, you put your parachute, right? And then you landed on it and remember he was slipping, ah, right? And you had your sword and then they came out of the little compartment and you fought

him like this. Yeah, I want you to do another, an entirely new podcast where you just describe movies. I should, it will be a hit. It's like audio books, you know what I mean? But you just... Here's another Star Trek. When you were told to lead, you were the captain, right? Remember?

Yeah. And then you had to do that one speech. Yeah. I remember that too. Here's another thing. In the third movie, right? Just telling him his secrets. No, I'm going to tell you.

But you were so athletic. I'm going to just tell you more how athletic I was, right? And in the third movie, I remember, remember you were captured on that, in that, you know, on that planet, right? And then that lady had the thing in her head. Remember, she had the thing that opens up and you were there, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And here's what I also liked about the movie. They made, because of Sulu, they made your character gay, gay, I like that. I love that. I remember, I just remember, there were discussions about Sulu's husband and I said, because it could have been a different species, could have been a Klingon or whatever. And I said, I was like an Asian man. And there was a little bit of difficulty because we were shooting that scene in Dubai. And there were cultural problems with cast, getting an East Asian man and one that would

be willing to be depicted as gay. Wow. So we ended up using our, one of our screenwriters for that role. But I requested an Asian man because I was like, if we're going to go gay, and this is just my own trip, I was like, I want it to be super like heteronormative in the future. Like this is, so there's no like a weirdness about, because I did know like being older, I've known a lot of gay Asian dudes who don't want to touch Asian dudes, you know. And so I was like, I want that in the future, there, there's no hang ups.

This dude's thinking about the fucking future over here. Bro, what if you got a call to be his husband and what, so when, when I saw that, I've seen that movie 1000 times, but when I saw that part, every time I see that part, I go, imagine me, imagine, because Pike, what's his name? Chris Pike. Chris Pine. Chris Pine. Christopher Pine.

Captain Pike. Pike. Captain Pike. Oh yeah, but who's Kirk. What's his name? Christopher. Chris Pine. Right.

Major movie star. I love him. I love him. Right. But there was a moment where he gets off the ship, he sees you guys and you guys walk off with your daughter. Right. Imagine if, just for a split second, if it was me and now the audience, the audience,

imagine the audience, he would go fucking crazy. The audience. Freeze. Don't you think? Don't you think? The audience would have gone crazy. It would have ruined the movie. You would have ruined the movie, but it would have been amazing.

It would have been a great piece of, piece of casting. But dude, I'm telling you right now, I honestly, I love, I'm a big Star Trek fan, bro, and I love those movies. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I'm going to stop fanboying, dude. Yeah.

So how'd you get into Star Trek? How'd you get into Star Trek? What? I don't know why, because I wanted to put you down a little bit. Oh, wow. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. You know what I mean?

I'll tell you how, dude. Yeah, go ahead. I'll tell you how, dude. Fuck, dude. Can I tell you how, dude? All right. Because I don't think that I loved living my, I love my life, but it's like the society I live in, I don't particularly like, you know what I mean?

It's free. I have the freedom. I love being an American, but because of all the stuff that we've talked about, right? I think as a kid, I've always wanted to see a different future, you know what I mean? And Star Trek always provided a future for me that I could live with. Like for instance, multicultural, right? There's no, there's no. You're talking about the original series, right?

No, I'm talking about next generation. Next generation. Okay. I'm a big next generation. I like the original as well, but the next generation, it's all about just growing and helping each other. I don't know. I just glommed down to that idea, right?

That we could all just kind of move beyond this Trump shit. All the shit that we had, it's backwards. I have the same feeling about Star Trek, and it was born in the 60s, and it was this vision of post-war America of like, we could be the city on the hill. We could be a great nation, you know, and we're going to be diverse. And obviously, it's of its era, so there's a white man at the helm, but it was this really inclusive idea of what America could be, because it's set in space, but it's about America and what we could be if we really stuck to our ideals, or rather lived up to

our stated ideals, you know? It's so also important to see people like Sulu and Ura, do you know what I'm saying? Is that right? Ura. Ura. Ura. Ura. Ura.

Ura. You know? So to see an Asian, you know, I think Chekhov is – what's Chekhov? Mexican? What is he? Russia? Chekhov seems Mexican. Yeah, oh la!

Is he Russian? Russia, I think so. Yeah. It's just all that stuff. Oh, what's… Let's help funny! Then you got Chekhov. The original Chekhov looks Mexican, like if he….

Oh, why? It doesn't… Don't… No, if you… honestly dude, and if you went to…"I don't want to be stereotypical, but… Polito… Mos, I don't know. I'm sorry.

I think I took myself a hold of I think I took myself keep it in but you know I mean check off stop Mexican Let's move on don't have to look it up. I don't know what you're doing episode 294 No Me angry today, huh? All right. Do I go to an helpful guy? Oh, I don't actually okay. Let's sit in this atmosphere fucking Foot shavings. Are you still angry that call you uncle Tom? It's also not uncle Tom. I don't think in the Asian community. Yeah, um, what's it called? Uncle Chan? He's Uncle Chan What's the I don't know, but I um

No, I don't think that I am you know, I don't I don't follow Asians blindly just because they're Asian, you know I think that like there's like you know, um Korean zombie I always root for you know, there's like that You from Manchester United Park, you know, I mean, you know, I mean Jisun Park Jisun Park. I think yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I loved him. You know me. I followed him I love Korean movie guy from Tottenham. I love him as well. I love and yeah, I love him as well And when he scores against Arsenal, I that's the one thing that I don't I don't I don't get pumped about that

I have to ask you a question about Arsenal. What is this thing about a super European League? We're in Europa. We're in the semi-finals. No, there's something else They started this like super European League thing that Arsenal is a part of I think it was just news today It was weird I don't know anyways, but so it's like is it am I you know, you know, there's certain Asian stand-ups that I don't like and there's some Asians ones I love and I identify with You know, someone like David Cho. I know that, you know, we have, you know, we have certain issues with him You know what I mean? All positive ones

I um I look at David and when I see David and that every in the first time I ever saw him Um, I say I I said to myself It's almost as if We're cut from the same cloth You know, is there a part of you that like resents some part of the Asian community because they've told you that you cannot be this Sort of like who you are. No because you know, I had Asians say that to me You know, and I go, you know, I can only be

me I can only do the kind of comedy that I do. I remember trying to do observational humor Like Sebastian was doing it. I was like, maybe I'll try. Can you try? Can I can I hear some? What would be an observational? I just look around the room. Oh, man. No, we can't be around here But it's like, you know, um, maybe Andres uh I mean, it's like flying. It's like, you know Flying crazy. It's like, you know

I was at the yeah, I was in the emergency exit as a row right and the flight attendant goes To me, you know, are you uh Can you in in case of emergency? Can you help you're right? And I and I go, yeah, right? And then when she walked away, I was like, fuck no, I don't know why I don't know how to do it, man. I don't know how to do it I don't know how to do it. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, um You know when there's turbulence on the plate

There's turbulence on the plate, right? More flames. You know, I you know, I um buckle myself. I was gonna go to the bathroom and and she's like, um Flight attendant's like, you know, excuse me. So you got to sit down. I go, you're standing You know, I bet you we were on the log in the lake, right? And we're trying to balance. I'd be able to balance better than you Flight attendant, don't tell me what to do. You know what I mean? I mean, if she can do it, I can I don't know how to do it I don't know how to do observational here. That's pretty good. I'm pretty good. Yeah. I'm speaking up on spot, but uh Oh, that's funny. What else is more observate, you know, I Like the plane theme. I didn't know you had so much plane stuff. No, it's like piece. That's the common Like all hacky road comedy. It's either planes relationships

Driving that's the all you know, everyone can relate to I just don't know how to do it episode 327 tony hawk jason ellis. You're gonna love these guys What I got a skateboard in the car. We can get you there. We get you there There is no way you dolly right now. You definitely get you to ollie. Yeah, you can teach me how to ollie in five minutes Yes, there's no way you can't I do guaranteed but guaranteed video of you doing an ollie the boards in the air and you land Back on the board. Yeah, I need some other footwear there, but Yeah, okay, show us We need it that doesn't work without a skateboard. Okay, but let's see how bad it is. That's not bad

Okay, it's not bad, but you're just you're slow. See you're gonna get a pop. Yeah, there's there's a there's a snap That's closer. That's it. Yeah, and he looked at this while he was doing it. Yeah, that's how easy he could do it I contact you have no under that hurt so fucking bad unwared. There's everywhere my ankles two knee joints. I'm fucked There's no way I'm gonna learn. Oh, and I'm old. I'm 50 now. I'm 50. We just got your timing better You're right. I did learn I did grow a little bit. You're no longer a poser sweetie. Congratulations. No, you know what? She called me out. Hold on. Leave it out there. Leave it out there. You called me out, right? But since I love you And since I love you and since we're lovers

Put it here Sorry, man. Yeah, but I've never reckoned so I'm my wife like that Yeah, I don't put her here. I'm not gonna do that. Well, I love you and we were lovers and put her here Okay, pal You probably also I'll see you tonight. You probably also never lied to her about being a good skater Wait, you said you were good. Yes when we first met How good did you say you were? It's all over his home. Oh Oh, you were like claiming. Yes

And you got to an Ollie Put it here You started it, Bobby. You started it. I understand that but can I just say but does this count? Wow? I know personally Probably a hundred like pro skaters Just listen to me here. Let me just defend myself. All right. Here's the argument. Including news as I could tell. Yeah. Yeah, thank you And I um, I also have I grew up in San Diego. So I grew up in the environment of it, right? And um, so I understand the culture. I understand the sport like I understand the history of it

You're obsessed with it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm obsessed. You know, I'm obsessed with you, right? Yeah I'm obsessed with it. His brother is also a great skater. My brother can Ollie and quick flip. He'll flip He could do a pop shove it all that kind of stuff. But um Yeah, I don't know how but anyway, let's move on. Okay. I don't I am a fucking poser. You know what? I'm not you don't want to fuck it. I'm a poser I'm a loser and I'm a poser. Can you roll on one? Excuse me. Can you roll down the road on a skateboard? I was just trying to I'm trying to lead you into a good thing here. If you can okay, then you can skate. Hey, fucktard

I never had anybody. Yeah, fucktard. That's that small say that It doesn't feel good, does it? It doesn't feel good, does it? It doesn't feel good. You're coming across crazy stuff right now I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I never had anyone say that they couldn't back it up Yeah, you're right. I can't back up. I'm my bad. I was too aggressive, but can I just say that? Let's calm down. Let's get back to forget. He also fights MMA. I get it. Let's just go back to, you know Let's go back a little bit and I want to say the reason why I called you that Was because I felt like earlier. I was trying to um Make you feel better about your life and whatnot. Yeah, I said, oh, but no, just listen to what I'm saying

All right, and I was I unnecessarily And I was all this stuff like you're there with the other Canadian so you belong I was trying to do all that and then you did that and then you showed your vulnerability That's right. He didn't back and he did not back me up on. Thank you so much, Tony I understand I understand what he's saying. I don't think it deserved fucktard But I understand Okay, I think fuck card was too harsh. I think yeah

I did it twice. I apologize. All right. Can we forget that that incident ever happened? All right. Can we move on? Yeah, thank you episode 299 joshua tree special part one the closing statement She did she I love it when she does the kid voice when I wake up Oh, my little she goes go. Oh my little fat daddy, you know Daddy with the pudgy. Yeah With the pudgy legs is up now. Oh, he's so cute. Let me take a photo or whatever And I do this groggy little walk to the dog or whatever I might do She goes, can I make you some coffee or whatever? I know I got it

Uh, right. I said, I got it. Did I not have to say that? Yeah, you did. So I made it myself, right? Then she goes You want me to cook you up something and I go, you know what don't worry about it Don't worry about it. I said and she goes, no, let me cook you something So I go, all right, because I said, are you hungry? He goes, I'm starving So I said, yeah, but then I said, don't worry about it. Yeah, so then she goes, um I can either make you um some rice eggs and bacon or I can make you um

a bagel Bacon and eggs. So I go I'll take the bagel, bacon and eggs. Now listen now. Here's where the bagel thing came across. Okay. Here's the diversion. Here's the diversion. Okay is For three or four months We've had one the same. We always order the same bagel. This is a deep. This is yeah So we ordered we always order the same bagel, right? It's a Thomas bagel everything. I think it's the best, you know, I mean store-bought bagel you can get all right

So there we go. There's a plug and so in our house, right? I have this thing was I already I remember I told you where when I was six years old um My aunt if you didn't finish the cereal right With the milk in it and everything she'd put the soggy milk And the cereal back into the box and then you would add the next day you would have to eat that right? Good So I have this weird, you know, I mean thing and sometimes, you know, their family reminds me of that

Wait, a non-wasteful people It's disgusting. No, we don't do that. I know but it reminds me of it Let me just finish my fucking testimony. I don't throw meat. I know. Let me just throw my I'm gonna finish my testimony. Good to hear you. All right. Don't argue back. Okay. You're right. All right I'll say my piece after thank you. Okay. Did she get a rebuttal even she said her testimony. She gets rebuttal I didn't even know I was testifying That was a testimony. Would you like a rebuttal after her rebuttal? Yes. Okay. Fine. All right, even rebuttals. All right So every okay, let's do it. I do my testimony. She gets a rebuttal. I got a rebuttal. That's it. That's it

All right, and then you be the judge. Okay. You get closing statements. Yeah. Yeah. That's our closing statement. Okay So in my head, I'm like those bagels have been in the fucking that refrigerator for like five months Okay, right So all I I know and they look like the same amount because I was counting it right. It was like six, right Right. So I looked at the fridge. I got this the same bagel And so I'm like, I don't want to eat that bagel, you know, it's old And it's because of that. I have this weird thing, you know, so I just basically go. Um, what bagels are those? Right and she guys she goes brand new. I just bought them yesterday or whatever, right with her snappy snaps

So I go, all right. Fine. I'll eat it. That's all I needed to hear I was being kind. Oh, that was it. I was just asking, you know, I mean, I just needed some information Okay, could you address her job? The joclynch you did? Was there a job? There was no joclynch. Okay. You mean there was actually a smirk But it wasn't like, you know, I mean, uh A kind it wasn't a facetious smirk. Okay. You mean it was a smirk of joy. There we go. Okay. So it was just like I love you You know with this up here, I love I love you so much right

And then so she can't get it to work Can't get to work stove to work Uh, right. Am I not right? Correct. I gotta call Gilbert. That's what you said. No, I said, um, I'm gonna wait for Gilbert I'm gonna wait for Gilbert. Okay. Good. Let's just get the facts out there. And what did I say? I'm fine I didn't go. Oh Make it stink of it. Yeah, right so then Juliana it was her fucking sloth the attitude

Moses slots into the fucking room Right and you go and you ask julia if she can help juliana goes to stove and she lights it It comes on and you proceed to cook, you know, I mean my bacon and eggs, which was very appreciative I see you put toast and then I'm watching antique roadshow on my youtube In my videos and then when it was done, it was beautifully set on a fucking plate with the two bagels Perfectly toasted by the way, right great a Egg eggs exactly the way I stacked the eggs on top of the bagel. Nice. I put the bacon on top of the bagel I want to make a sandwich. I'm a breakfast sandwich guy. All right

And so all we have is water There's no orange juice, right, which is fine. Which is fine, right? I'm not just saying I'm just and I the night before I had coconut Just coconut water water. I had it last night In my head. I'm like, you know, I just don't have I want something kind of like I want to die coke Right and all I asked was did you happen to do we get die coke? Now

Why can't I ask that was there a jog clinch then no, you know what there was what was there? What was there? I love you The eyes everything with the smirk the smirk. I love you so much I said like that a lot more smirks and junk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said with my spark as I go Is there a die coke? Flirt you could oh immediate she attacks machine there I say flirtatious I had die coke at the house, but you didn't bring it in the car to bring it over here like some sort of like you know me hostile

You know what I mean? You know me thing and I'm like, whoa, but still Wow, wow, I love you almost flirting right right almost like very flirty, right? Mm-hmm. So then um, there's more. That's what's not done. Oh Go get your about so then I'm like, I'll get you know what I'll get some water I got some water right and I have now have the sandwich built and I go And I just you know in my mind. I'm like don't even ask this question Because if you ask it, it's going to be a big to-do

right And it's going to sound like you're complaining right, but also, you know I like my breakfast sandwiches with a little bit of spice excuse, hey Fucking excuse me All right I apologize that I like spices You know me in my foods

So I go there and I said I quote Would there happen to be? Were there with the smirk? Were there happen to be the right right some some form of hot sassarania maybe via salsa Tavasko or whatever right art bark and she proceeds to open the drawers To look for it and all I said was Usually if the house has it my dear

Right, it's usually in the cabinet You know me and then she made some sort of remark like no sometimes in these houses Sometimes in these houses, they have it in the drawers or whatever whatever right so I go you got her About it. Don't worry. You got your bottle. Don't worry. I'm just taking note Please take notes. Yes, so then I go so then I go I said Don't worry about it Sweetie. Wow. Don't work right

ate the sandwich delicious, right? Did I not say it was delicious? Right? I drank the water You quenched my thirst. I'll tell you that right now and water always does a job Okay, it always does a job and then after I was done I um Um Was very sad. Oh in fact, you know There was one thing I have to apologize about And the one thing maybe I I did I fucked up a little bit I I still had a little bit of bagel

You know, I mean like maybe a bite size on the plate, which I was savoring Sometimes when the he's a slow eater. Yeah, I'm a slow eater and sometimes a celeb king, right? likes to savor moments And that you know, that's anyone listening right now me right now, right? It's always great to save her moments I hadn't had breakfast yet. She had a breakfast. Yeah. Oh, wow. So she without asking it's just fine. It's not rude, right? But she grabs that last I did Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

You're a fucking liar. Well, we'll get to you queen. I don't first of all, can that be reprimanded? Oh, her interruption can that be a rapper? I'll say this because I didn't I will say this. You have to take her testimony Okay, I will say this I will say this Claude you I apologize due to the rules you will have to take that back But you can say it you can say that right away as soon as you are on the mic Well, I can't not help having a reaction to I'm gonna keep oh my goding. Oh my goding is fine She retracts the first word she tracks the cursor. Thank you

She can say it later. So she without asking grabs the last piece, right? It sticks it right, right, which is you know, you know, when you're saving a moment, right that She's allowed to do that. She's not said anything. That's fine. Oh my god She's allowed to say when you're saving a moment, right? And somebody tries to take away from that moment You know what the great thing the best thing what I should have done was say you go ahead take my moment But I didn't because for me, right? I have um Mental to stomach ratio. I know exactly. Um

What part of my stomach is filled? And there was In my stomach There was that exact amount, right? Yeah in my stomach. It needed the nutrients the last puzzle. Yes, exactly It's a puzzle. Thank you. Yeah, right. So I go get that fucking thing. I know I don't say that I go no my dear I said You may not have that last piece. And then what else did you do? That's it. And I you didn't immediately swallow that But then you also and then I just spoke. Thank you. So I knew it. I knew it

I knew you worked at you club and I know that you're my lawyer I know you're my lawyer and I know that's why you're second command, right? Yeah, you're my first in command, George Yeah, yeah, if you don't help me out Iroboto I appreciate it Are you done? Are you done with you? I'm not done. I'm not done. It's called filipino and filipino crime. What are you doing? I'm not I'm really you know what it is. You're the kind of filipino that looks down from the filipino from the filipino You're Filipino-American. I get it. I get it. It's okay. You think you're like some kind of like a richer version of I bit to the barrio Mm-hmm. It's not done. So um tag a log is how you say it, right?

Tag a log. So what I want to say to you my friend is um my closing statement No, not my closing statement But my the last bit of testimony I want to say is and then I said thank you so much looked around the eyes And I said thanks for making me breakfast Appreciate you. Interesting, right? And then I think I moseyed onto the couch to just do live out my the rest of the day Okay, and um, that's the end of my testimony episode 322 aquafina

Be that bobby. You're the kindest person. I know what's up Did you meet norah aquafina? How are you? Hi, it's my niece. Oh Hey, listen to that. She's the podcast with bobby. No idea what's going on. Nice. Let me ask you Is that what you're gonna wear to do Jeremiah's podcast? Yeah, you're in pajamas. All right. Cool Come on in. Come on in for a second. I need to talk to you about something. She's standing in the middle of the fucking room She's in a podcast. Yeah. Yeah Number one. I've been gone for three weeks when I saw you today I know but you I know but I want to hug. Yeah, but you didn't greet her happy birthday

Oh, oh my god. Wow. I don't know what's your birthday. I'm so happy birthday I don't see you through it. Okay, that's why Give her the keys. Give her the keys You better stand in the middle. Oh, they're right here. Do you want these? One last thing though. One last thing. One last thing. Yeah, have you been using the car? All right Just stop. Sorry. Sorry. No when I went into the car earlier, right? What did the thing say?

One. It wasn't her. It wasn't her. I can actually tell you it wasn't her. You know, it was Mary Ann She took the car for three days and didn't fill it back up. Wait, wait, wait Fuck face. Mary Ann took my car for three days. Yeah, she took her daughter to disneyland though. Be nice. Oh disneyland One last thing one last thing one last thing right you represent the family you kill it on the podcast And it's a franchise baby. She's gonna kill it. She's all right. You're gonna kill it Don't make me look like a fool by jules drive safe. That's hilarious Episode 288 the baby shower Anyway, go ahead video. All right. Our first video is like me or like dorge. Uh, first, uh, first is jack shrine

Nusotros papaya. Nusotros. Congratulations, George. Thank you. They said you couldn't do it, mate. They said you couldn't fuck and look at you now Well done. Um, I was told to leave a message for your unborn son Something that he could look back on when he was a little bit older and see about his dad so I thought I would Share with him so you don't have to the magic of how babies are made so You see some

sometimes when a man loves a woman very much he brings her eggs and tomatoes from his garden and sometimes Just sometimes that woman likes those eggs and invites him in as opposed to kicking him out of her fucking house uh But sometimes she invites him in And allows him to play with her stove and

Say Just right not too hot Not too cold And you definitely don't want her to be turning the heat all the way down either But sometimes if you bring her just the right amount of eggs and just the right amount of Homegrown nightshade fruits You turn the knobs of the stove just right

Loudly chuckle at everything she says and just the right tone That's how babies are made Um, I hope this has been helpful Again, congratulations, george. Uh, they can't take this away from you, mate. Love you. Uh, keep up the good work and uh, and all the best I love you. I love you. Australia. I hate this guy and love this guy so much Probably right. He sounds South African to me. Oh, yeah, he did the uh, good old stove analogy george. Yeah, that's Uh, it's a private link. Yeah, private link. Is that that we have one more one more. How do you feel about this? That was really sweet. I like that. I like it. Yeah, he cares deep cuts deep cuts

This guy looks like george. Oh my god another george A lot of george is all my dog. George and andrew sentino's baby There we go, yeah George we were asked to leave a message for your unborn baby to listen to when he's older so I would just like to tell him a little bit about when When you uh, when you finally got jessica Um And what a big upheaval that was and how we're also happy that you finally

Finally got her and had to and you got to have a baby with her Uh, just amazing amazing really we're also happy for It's not just it's not jessica. Um Congratulations george That that's about right buddy. That's about right. That's about right george. Look at those people that look like you love you, man Uh, that's so good. He's english. No, everyone's not from here international That's so you know, it's it's so strange to um get have that You know how lucky we are that you know, there are people

Around the world that watch this. I don't know why they do But they do and we should be Um blessed by it I want to get emotional about it because that really hit me You know in the right place, you know, I I feel like we're doing this in a vacuum and people

Enjoy it. I don't know why I'll never know but you know, I'll keep doing it and um, I think you're very lucky george. I think that You know, I'm lucky to have met you I think that um It was god's will To have him you in my life I think that you changed my life in an incredibly positive way

um, I don't think that I would have The business that I have without your contribution I think that um This woman is very lucky to have you and vice versa That you're gonna have a really happy life and um, congratulations Thank you, baby. Sweet. Let me try Episode 300 david show steven young and the lord of the bobby lee rings So so I've come on the show so far

And I've been trying to explain to bobby like Why we're not better friends and just basically my feelings towards him And it seems to be getting him like angry as you can probably sense right now I wish I was here earlier And I have more context and I and I actually I want to kind of Explain to bobby right now Why you're here right now? So, oh, yeah, so steve steve came to my house a few nights ago and we talked for hours

about you Hours it's so uncomfortable. I can't even No, it's not So uncomfortable. I can't even fucking believe it. So let me ask you You just told me I'm so fucking uncomfortable. I can't stand it. But can you for a little bit because he's here I can you be open to hearing what we have to say. Yeah, you okay. Can you be open to hearing what we have to say? No matter how uncomfortable it makes you go ahead Oh, here we go bow number eight. They've been bowing the whole time for respect. Oh, okay. Oh, that's you don't have to

Oh Um, I like that bow, that's a new bow All right, so oh listen, that's my dad Is this your um All right, okay, so You know what you're uncomfortable. No. No, you know what I'm gonna do. I'm what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do this I'm gonna take them my earphones on and you're gonna close your eyes. No

I'm gonna listen like oh wow Oh, wow Bullshit, maybe close your eyes. Mike. Mike. Maybe close your eyes Maybe close your eyes. No, don't close it. I don't want to look at mine. Is this a sabotage and I love it Go ahead. You think this is sad. I don't know what it is. Let's just do it. Okay You think this is a no, I mean I go or do you want to go? Do you go first man? I've been talking to this guy. All right. Okay. Okay. It's mad when I tell him how much I love him I um, can you can you hear me? Okay, is this good? Everyone's good under Mike. You want headphones? Oh, no, I'm okay

Oh, okay, really? Okay It's not that intense We were just talking and you know Dave Dave is great because if you know if you have an idea he pushes the button and then we're just on to the idea But basically we were just talking about you and how Underappreciated you are

And we wanted to come tell you that like That's what you talked about. Yeah What? Okay, I'm genuine genuine Like like we were we were talking about because I because I know you're doing a bit sometimes too It's like sometimes I listen when I listen to tiger belly the fun bit that I hear you do is that uh, nobody respects you or your career and

That's not true That's not true. Especially for me. Yeah Because I massively respect. I know you do. Yeah I mean, I don't know that you but I you know, it's it's funny. It's like Let me get back in here Wait, what happened to the listening part? I just listen to it. Can Mike may I respond? No, I didn't I didn't get to say what I You've been talking for fucking and that's true. That's true. That's true. I want to hear more. I want to go ahead I

Yeah, can I respect your father? Here I got you dad No, I got him. I'm gonna hold him So we start talking about tiger belly we start talking about you and um It's just uh You know, we could you know, we could talk about the handcuff stuff this and that but the the pain I feel of When I hear you go into like man, I went into this pitch meeting. I didn't get the thing

I used to be on the show called mad tv like It's a show from like 20 30 years ago And and I just sit there and I go what you heard what Steve just said I and I go I wonder if bobby knows What he means To me and then I say that to Steve and he goes. I wonder if bobby knows what he means to us And it's like

I have it all. I'm fine. Oh, no, I'm thriving but it's like Everything you've ever wanted everything that's like like Do you know what you mean to me? Do you know what you That's why I asked you are you open to here and you said you're gonna sit not the way I thought I was gonna go You walked into cafe 101 and and and you do the beta either there's a warlock there with nail polish you do the whole thing and I

never Ever in my life thought I would meet you And and I never thought I would meet you again, which is why I was like this is my chance Right and you say all this shit you changed my brother's life this all that you changed my life you changed my life And I I I want you to hear it even though it makes you uncomfortable like See, why do you got to do that? I don't know why I did. Why do you got to do that? I was sneezing All right, that was a sneeze. I mean, are you taking in anything that we're saying I am that's why I closed my eyes

But I'm absorbing it, but I get it. I get I can't hear even I I get the the cringe of this thing but You know, we even talked about it. I was like, I don't know if I maybe I should just call him personally But then, you know, this is more Yeah, showbiz, baby

Hollywood, baby, but but truly Bobby You're like not you're I think you know this but sometimes it just feels nice to hear it Like you did it When nobody else could You did it for us. Yeah, we bow to you and people don't fully know Meet him. I don't I know because I I'm gonna tell you why this is did that feel foolish? Thank you

Don't laugh we we you you did it but but it's serious, but it's No, I don't turn it into a joke. I'm not don't turn you did it. You did it. I receive it. You did it Receive it I've I've absorbed it inside of my body and I'm going to say something in return and I'm going to be as Authentic and as real as I can be okay Number one It's the realization that

It really doesn't mean that much at the end of the day. It's like I have everything that I need Okay, honestly, I do I have a house I have some money saved up. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have friends My mom's still alive. My brother's with us and he's he's thriving as well So that's number one number two is I really believe That I am owning up to who I am not just as a human being

But also as an entertainer. Okay, and I in this last year It's been very fruitful for me. I'm working all the time and things have been great and um Anyway, I'm going to new york to do something else. You know what I mean next month, you know, I got sex in the city Right, so I'm doing that and I'm doing You know and I'm so For me when I hear you guys say that right? It's you know, um It really means a lot because obviously I love both of you I think you both are

Incredibly talented and I really do appreciate it and I almost got really emotional emotional there, you know, and I have I have defense mechanisms and I Yeah, you're doing it. I Can I just finish? Because that's your thing. What I don't want to yell Don't I love you. You know when I yell at you and I go tiger belly could be the biggest show and and that's like me That's you're right. That is that's that is old Dave But today I just accept you as like you don't have to be on sex in the city

You don't have to do any of that and so I didn't say that just for you to see what I'm just saying that look You're getting angry again. I'm not getting angry. I just I just want you to really understand what but you know You know what happened to me on the drive here Yeah, I was like I need to download some bobby so I listened to bad friends your newest episode And then the beginning of the episode you were just recounting how much work you had and then I almost turned the car around Be like fuck. He doesn't need me to come over here and say this shit I was like this is fucking non-stop, what the fuck Yeah, yeah, no you you things and I you didn't need me to I just just to be clear

Yeah, this is awkward for me because I know you don't need this and this wasn't me This is not an intervention or us coming here to be like you feel down on yourself No, no, it was for me. It's just like we sat there. I've talked to you in a while Yeah, and so now I get to like tell you in a time when And I don't want to shrink you down to just asian-american, but like in a time when asian-americans are getting a spotlight Just on that lane of what you've done for the community beyond Separate from humanity, but what you've done for that specific community Massive and people don't get it. I and that's kind of what I want to say is less to you

And more on this program. I don't think people fully realize what bobby lee did For asian-american. So this fuckers this fuckers at my house We're having this conversation at my house and I'm like I wish I was better friends with bobby so I could call him right now and he would pick up the phone And we could tell him on person and I said, you know what? I would what steve's telling to me is like making me emotional And so I'm like I want to tell this to bobby, but he's never gonna pick up my call

I should just go on tiger belly and tell him And so here I am now and you're getting and you're getting you're getting and And so we start the show and he goes oh without dvd. I say there's no tiger belly. There's no fucking Us without you. There's no us without you. That's true. That's true. I'm Bruce Lee. There's nothing There's a void. There's nothing There's nothing about this, you know, and then there's bobby lee on mad tv and you're like, oh, there's hope Yeah, there's a light at the end of the tunnel what you meant to me a young me what you meant to a young steve Yeah, you know what's great. I want you to hear that

100% 100% I hear that And I remember an episode of tiger belly where you tell the story about you guys wrote a korean barbecue And you're talking about how like You are you self anointed yourself as a korean something parks barbecue. Yeah at parks and then you fucking ate it and that's because It's the shittiest raw deal to have to anoint yourself in your own mind to the worth that you Inhabit and that's kind of the function that i'm trying to

To serve here with dave is like Let me just give it to you. Like you got it. Like you did it And you did it for us. You fucking did it. You did it for us. Um, I don't get asked to um do the um, yeah psa's we don't want you I you know, I get together with steve ali wong dave chang and we go we don't want this guy here You know, can I just tell you something? I care about it. Yeah, and I think I have a voice and I want to say, you know Stay, hey, man. Stop the asian violence. Say it now But you know what though what i'm saying is your existence is more powerful than you realize to

Like in that you just doing this fucking show is more stop asian hate than anything Yes, like you just being here and being your thriving funny fucking self is like, you don't What were you gonna say? Don't hurt me. Don't hit me. Yeah, you like it when people hit you You're really offended but that's but your existence is the protest and your existence has been the protest Since the beginning of your career and that's kind of the validation that we're trying to put out there for you Again, not that you need it, but just for the knowledge just like sitting here. It's like brucey. That's not me There's this asian waiter guy. That's not me and then and then there's this guy This guy with the he comes out and I go, okay, you know, I got really I got emotional and I you know

The first the third day I was on mad tv a producer called me into his office and he said Sit down and I sat down he goes When you auditioned I didn't want you on the show. I don't think I don't think that you're talented I don't think that you're right for the show He's a producer on the show and I know Really and he goes yeah, it's just like the owner of the show really likes you and a couple of other guys But like I just you know, so basically he was saying like me and my my writing staff that the people that I Probably gonna write you things, you know, he said don't take it personally

We just you know, and I remember turning around Walking out of that room in just in like in the verge of tears right going Oh, this is even when I get something. Yeah, it's there's another Hurdle and there's another wall I have to climb Yeah, and this that one was one that was like so high up right because I had to change His mind and when you don't have the opportunity on the show Right, you don't get a lot of screen time and parts written. How are you gonna hit the ball? Right? So it's like it was it was

You know, it was tough You know and I stayed on there. I just just showed up You know, I showed up and it was hard. I think you didn't just show up though. You took several years of fucking beatings And yet you thrived like they put weights on you and you still thrived and

You're out here now thriving independent of that Yeah, and I wonder like You know, you could take the weights off too What a concept. Wow Wow And that's not an intervention point. That's for me like as someone that

Launched off of your trailblazing and your shoulders I can say there's a point at which I was like, oh cool. I could take this off I put this I kept this on and it became a thing I justified and now I could take this shit off And then you're just like fuck. I'm good like I can do it Okay, I just you know You know, I don't know what this is But um, what do you mean? This guy comes to my house. No, I know. I know what it is. I know. I'm just saying I I know what it is

it's just um I wasn't expecting this and um I you know, I appreciate what you guys just did And this is the first time in my life where I I Agree with you in the sense that like Yeah, it was hard and I did do it and I and they didn't want A Korean guy in the show. They're like we want to we need a white guy because

They you know, and then they they tested me and Taryn kill them And they're like we want the white guy, but we'll bring the asian guy just as an experiment, right? My point is is that everything was kind of difficult and um And I just I always knew like when I'm at I'll be honest with you when I'm at a comedy club and I'm stacked up against all these white and black guys and this and that I know That I can carry my weight and I know that I will be as funny or funnier that all of them Right. I believe that you are I know I believe that you know, I've seen it. I've I've I've done it. You know, I mean I've seen it

So all those it's hard to say because it's like how do you toot your own horn? Yeah, yeah, howdy. It's it's just a difficult thing to do, you know, and um I um, I hear you guys and I really really That means a lot to me and I really appreciate it. You know, I think that this was a um, we appreciate your hard work Yeah, it's it's really good. We see you. Yeah. Are you getting emotional? I am because I think that I don't know just like We've been together a decade And when I met him, he was so broken and he was so down on himself and

He was just so like lost and he was still like looking at these gatekeepers of hollywood thinking like Hand me something. Have I not done enough? and I've just always been like On the sidelines like desperately trying to tell him like he's worthy But I'm a nobody. It was just a nurse, you know, and I'm just somebody that loves him So to hear it from you guys, you know, like established people like It means a lot to me because I feel like that reverberates more in him than his body than it would coming from

You know, somebody like me who just loves him for whatever chaos comes Whatever form shape that he comes in, right? and so That means a lot to me hearing that Your words and your acceptance of the fullness of bobby as he is Is the most powerful thing that he can have like straight up my wife is Like she takes me she sees me when i'm taking shits

You know what i'm saying? Yeah, yeah, and she's still here. Yeah, so like Fuck everyone else. I've seen it. It's powerful shit I But I all that to say like I believe I'm not here to tell you anything like you already know I'm just here to tell That's why I think this public forum is cool because it's like cool every motherfucker that didn't realize that bobby lee like Set shit up for people and us and took Man, I mean, I know how hard it was and still how hard it is

Is for me to navigate this industry and you did it when nobody was there Nobody and we do the the you know, whatever it turned into a bit. We're doing the bow joking thing. That's not a joke That's not a joke. Yeah, I know it's not Now I know it's not I don't want to cry anymore Why not? Because it felt good It felt good. It was a release. I felt good about it and release

um, you know I um people need to pay respect to you. I know and we did that We did that and I I honestly From the bottom of my fucking heart. Thank you too for doing that I've never that I never dreamt That people like you guys like guys. I really respect. I really do Like in terms of I like I go this these guys are younger and I can't even believe that, you know, sometimes, you know I can't believe that certain people like me. Whatever. It feels good. You know, so it's like

I want to say thank you for doing that. It's you know, so much respect there and I believe you and I um I'm never gonna forget it I'm never gonna forget it. Oh shout out to tia karara. That was another one. I really oh Oh You're not the only one You're not the only one

But you know what the distinction that I make that you did was You didn't try to fit within the prism of what asian america was supposed to be at that time and you frequently Continuously broke it Even when the community itself didn't want you to break it like that, but that's a lot of that's fucking balls And it's a lot of work so much work That's why when he says you could put the weights down now. Yeah, I yeah, it's like when kalayla shares and like just hearing her that makes me emotional like that because it's like that's

That's your woman man. She loves you and um It's it's like uh Doesn't make more sense now because we've been battling before before the post mates guy got here No, it's like I I love you so much That when I feel the way that kalayla must feel all the time being It does make me angry because I'm like I wish you could see yourself the way I see you And like this fucking guy shows up to my house and we're just doing a bobby lee fest

I'm like, let's tell him. Yeah, let's just tell him like why are we saying it to each other? Yeah, he should hear this shit and It really means a lot man Happy new year. Let's all trust my bio to you my friends Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wandry plus in apple podcast

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