TigerBelly - Bobby Lee Loses Control w/ Ivy Wolk and Lea'h Sampson

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Merry Papaya Christmas! It’s a wild holiday episode as Bobby Lee gets ambushed on his own podcast by Ivy Wolk and Lea’h Sampson. The energy is unhinged, the takes are reckless, and somehow it all ends up wholesome by the end. We chat about frozen waffles, sneak attacks, unfiltered dating stories, comedy beefs, Bobby disappearing to the bathroom mid-episode, MadTV vs SNL. Don’t let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code TIGERBELLY at www.monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That’s 50% off your first year at www.monarch.com with code TIGERBELLY. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.him.com/BELLY

Hey guys, it's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu. I promise you're gonna laugh. I am an immigrant. Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else. My Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu

and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply. supply. Hey everybody, Bobby Lee here. And I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special January 16th, 2006, January 17th, 2006. And it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater. If somebody asked you, hey, what's your first thought? If you had ate frozen waffles for breakfast?

What do you think it was? I'm sure that was delicious. But what is it? What is what? The frozen waffles? What is frozen waffles? I know. He stumped me with this question earlier.

What the fuck are you talking about? Don't say anything, Jaime. Ask Bobby the same question. It's frozen waffles. What is this? Oh, that's Leah's dog. Luna. Hi, Leah.

Hi, Bobby. Hello. She's friendly. Hi, baby girl. You okay? Where are you rushing from? Restaurant. I was working.

Did you shave? You have like, it seems like glue on the side of your face. Yeah, your whole face looked like glue. My whole face. Yeah, yeah, you look like a glue person. Oh, I look like a glue person. Yeah, yeah, so, you know, who's the judgeer here? Let me see what she's talking about.

There's a wall of glue in here. I was confused about what that is for. I'm obsessed with glue. Okay. Everyone has little picks. So that's, so you were, it was speaking with me. Thank you for being here. She's talking about the com that's on the side of the mouth.

Oh, yeah, the cum. Yeah, it's the cum. It's the cum. It is calm. You know what? Once a day, I do eat my own cum. You know what? Yeah, I run out of protein.

I'm happy. I'm surprised they can reach your mouth. That is. It's very impressive. No, I have transport. I transport it from my head. Anyway, let's move on. Okay, got you.

Yeah, we get, thank you, hello. Ivy Loke, Leah Sampson, Ivorak. What a pleasure. Hi, May. Thank you, you don't, you don't get one. Yes, I do. This wig is real hair, so I can actually use the headphones. Do I need to?

You don't have to. Okay. What? Yeah. Unless you want to hear his musical talent. Wait, can I get my vape? Ivy, what is your problem? Forvor?

Oh my God, you're like the fucking junkie. Like, let me have my damn vape. Okay. Mr. come on. Twelve step it over here. Let's go. 20%. Yay.

Good enough for me. You can hit it, Bobby, if you want. Okay, thank you. You're welcome, Bobby. Ivy woke, has no lips. Why your lips so thin? Look at you. That's madness.

Look at yours. Am I starting aggressive? Yeah, it's always the same thing. It's either my lips are too big or everyone else has lips too thin. It's pure projection. First of all. First of all what? You open your eyes when you speak to me.

Okay. Be respectful. Sir. All right. Ivy, I'm so sorry. It's like basically the same. I think I might have more top lip than you do actually. Our bottom lips are, I think, the same.

With the top lip, I think I beat you on that. I'm so sorry. It's okay, Bobby. I came in so agro. It's all right, Bobby. You actually, you look thin. Doesn't he? He looks sick.

Are you sick? Oh, unwell. It's, well, Zempeg. It's on Zempeg. Wait, is that Zempeg or Mets? Oh, you're on Zempeg. Oh, got you, got you, got you, it's okay. It's okay.

You're getting involved. If I've you woke, Leah Sampson, give them a round of applause. Thank you. I took a shower today. I feel good. Yeah. Yeah. A shower, Bobby.

It's this thing we're like, Leah, stop. What? I take showers, por favor. How often? Okay, every night. He's bilingual.

Every night. I'm not a morning shower. I do nighttime. And there's a guy in there behind you. Me. You spray up the cheeks and make sure the water runs thoroughly. Yeah. There's a guy in there behind you fucking your butt in a gay way in the shower, having gay sex with you.

When you take a shower, there's a guy having gay sex with your body in there. That's really a torsionate. Sometimes. Yeah. Right. Who's being aggressive? Are you implying that I'm gay? Faggit says what?

Cheers, sis. Cheers to the freaking weekend. We're never going to die. Leah, Ivy, you guys know each other before this or no? We've met before. Yeah. At the stand. Yes.

When I think we were both drunk as a skunk. Based on the conversation that we had, which was like rowdy in the green room one time. Was I talking about like how I hate white women and my mom is a bitch or something? I think we were actually. it was a daddy issue's conversation. That sounds right.

But my daddy issues conversations don't last long because he wasn't around that long for me to even be upset. The thing with me is me neither, but I always uncover mysteries as I go along. Yeah, and I feel that. Yeah, I don't know. We have met, but I just don't, there's so many white women that do comedy with that haircut.

And I just... There's many of us. Many. But you're different. You're a cooler one because of your Air Force. Yeah, I am wearing Black Air Force. She's having nigger energy today. Yeah.

I've been called soulful Yeah, yeah The skirt says nigger But the shoes say Fucking, yeah She's an ally Yeah, like you Thank you

Yeah You're like Matilda Like the Matilda like at the All Black school Yeah like if Matilda went to an all black And that did actually happen to me Really? I could tell

I did go to an old I was the only autistic person In an all black school Were you autistic or just like Talking too much I think that Being the only white person In an all black school

Made me more autistic than I was when I came in onto the premises. You're like, I'm just going to walk straight. Straight to my class. Straight to my class. Don't look. They're not, no, no, no. I kept my head down for sure.

They're black, they're black. And I had bangs then, too. Imagine being the only white girl at your school, the only girl with bangs at your school, and the only Jewish girl at your school, and everybody else is black or Mexican. I came home one day, my mom picked me up from school, and she was like, and I was like,

I'm finny eat a snack when I get home, and she was like, what did you just say to me? And I was like, I'm finny eat a snack when I get it. And she was like, it just doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth. It's just like, now you're gonna date a basketball player.

But I didn't know. We were taught Finno along with the alphabet, so. Yeah, Finna. That's one of them. That's very black and Mexican. Yeah. It made my life better. Yeah.

Y'all have fit and all. We have fitna. That's just kind of the correlation. You okay, Bobby? Bobby's not. Not just witnessing. And what? I'm an observer.

I'm witnessing. Is there anything? notes that you have any astute observation? I'll tell you this. I don't like it. Oh. Yeah. This is United Colors of Benetton at this fucking table. Yeah, we do have everybody.

Everybody forgets that brand. It was huge in the Philippines. They're bringing it back, I think. Benetton? United Colors of Benetton. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do. It was a good store.

You know what I mean? I got sweatpants there. Yeah. Yeah. You can get mono color, like the same color. It's a blank shirts. Blank. Oh, plain.

Yeah, plain. Yeah. That's right, Ivy. Ivy woke. Are you having a panic attack? No, I'm not. I'm observing. I'm present and I'm listening.

What the fuck is going on here, man? You'll come on the top right of your... I don't have any come on my head. I didn't want to tell you because I don't like helping men, but I just want to let you know. It's there. It's on an eye, bro. Yeah, it's right? Am I tripping?

The other eyebrow. Other one. You know which one it was. Okay. Because you... I just... I was shooting something. I had prosthetics on my face and...

Oh, he just brag. Okay. Mrs. Dalfire. Pop off. I'll show you what it looks like. Go ahead, girl. Show us. Okay, girl.

Is that shalack on your nails? Oh my god. You've got a gel manny. This is what I look like 30 minutes ago. Who's that woman next to you? Her name is Catbird. Is that your dog? That's my, Luna.

Pick her up. That's your dog? Yes. Again, don't eat her, but just pick her up and make her your friend. She's great. She's really sweet. Luna, shout out. Do you sleep on the same bed with Luna?

No, I'm black. We don't do that. Okay, what do you do? I put her. You put him in a cage and they fight, they fight, they fight. Is that what you're like? Dog fights, dog fights? What the fuck he's saying?

Michael Vick. I was trying to do a bit, but yeah, Michael Vick. Big on try. Beautiful and talented Michael Vick. Favorite athlete. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The generous and kind Michael Vick. Yeah, no, I have As well.

So you're saying that black people don't sleep with their dogs? No. What do you do with them? We don't have them in the bed. We don't do that. We don't do. Do you do mouth kisses? Absolutely.

We don't do the shit. Everything you do, we don't do. It's not, we don't fuck them. We don't put them. I don't do that either. We don't make fuck out of them. We don't fucking do anything of that. I've never made fun.

We don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Learn a new recipe. But we don't do that shit. Yeah, yeah. We keep it real cute. It's like a white girl thing, right? Oh, for sure.

It's. But I, I am only just now in my adulthood learning how to, like, be a friend to animals. I have classically, like, had this story in my head. head that I am bad with animals and that they like energetically don't like me I had there was a my roommate had a cat in like one of the last apartments that I lived in and I was the only one that stayed in New York for Christmas and I had to take care of the cat for a week and it sat on like the dining room table and we made eye contact and I looked at it and went I will never know you and then it just never touched me ever again you said that to the cat I said I will never know

you to the cat yeah and it understood yeah but now I'm trying to be nicer to animals you don't need to be. Oh. I always say if she wasn't a good dog, I'd to the pound. She's very good. She's very well-behaved to quiet. Thank you. Because why? Did I have your dog? To do what with? For what? For what? For what? Oh, for money? Okay, how much money

would I have to give you to have him? He wants it. He's looking at it. Because I have four dogs. You know, I love dogs. You have too many. Yeah, yeah. That's so many. I want property. If I give you $100,000. I want $100,000. I want, fuck all that. I want property. Okay, I give you 30 square. I want. I want, She's in need of a car. Can you get her car?

No, fuck that bigger. I want property. Okay, where? Idaho. Don't send her to Idaho. They don't have people like her in Idaho. They don't have talented, not at all. Not over there.

I didn't mean talented. Okay, what do you mean? I think she meant black. Black. Mexicans. That's what I thought. I was like, what? There are Mexicans in Idaho.

They have Mexicans in Idaho? Where did they come from? How did they get there? What is Idaho? It's a state. It's a state. Potato? Home of a potato?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a state. You can't buy my fucking dog. You can babysitter. Yeah, I'll babysit her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me about yourself, Leah. What's going on?

You live in New York? I live in New York. Do you stand up? I do. Yeah. It's funny? You're friends with Yamanika? Yeah.

Relax. Do you know her? I love her, but don't disrespect her name. Yamanika is great. All the three black women. Yomaniaka? Like, what the fuck? All the black women.

You're a friend of mine. That's her name, Yamanika. Yamanika. Yamanika's fucking fantastic. Kamala, Kamala. Yeah, Manika. Yeah, she's dope. She's great.

She's fucking keeping everything together out there. Yeah. She's a beast. You're gonna fuck or what? No, no. I did a movie with her last year, and I hung out with her for like a month. Yeah? Yeah, very talented lady.

Okay. How did you feel? Did you... What's so funny? Bobby seriously thinks that, like, no black chick will ever date him. Oh, I know that. That's very important. That's very...

Because the only Asians that black women tend to date are, like, guys that have swag. A gold chain, Asian, a tall, muscular. No, they date white women like you. The black women that date, thank you for being the black correspondent. The second one, the second one, they date, black women date Asian men that shut the fuck up. And kind of like what you're doing right now, but you're doing this thing where you look nervous. We don't like that because you can't be nervous. I'm not nervous at all

I'm not nervous at all you're giving very like fucking like COVID we need to give like Hiroshima like we need you to fucking be ready to fuck oh so don't do COVID do Hiroshima yeah okay Pearl Harbor on the pussy boss You want sneak attack

Yeah no straight attack Yeah oh you want okay straight attack Yes straight attack no sneak Yeah first of all I'm not nervous okay right I know how to play Hiroshima as well Okay well your arms are folded And you have, they're just gay.

But there's different kinds. I think those are, those are two times. There's many different times. Of what? There's the sneaky Asians. They're sneaky Asians? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ninja?

Yeah, no, they own beauty supply stores. Those are the sneaky things. And they watch you while you shop. Exactly. Your parents, they owned a plus size store. Yeah? Did they own beauty supply too? For people with bodies like yours?

You think I thought I said I lost some weight. The way you were like three weeks ago. I didn't say all of it. I didn't say you lost all of them. I think that you still have a little ways to go. It's not working, man. I'll be honest. Are really pinto bean?

I'm fine with my weight. I mean, okay. Well, as the most fit person in the room, I will say, you know, they say you don't age, you know. Yeah. You've looked old forever. You got a good look. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

This is he, look at him. Yeah. Hiroshima. How old are you, 54? You're 54. You're my mother's old. Aw. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Is she single? She is, yes. If I dated her, it would be weird? Yeah. Why? Um, just because I don't want you up in the house. Yeah.

I don't, I don't. Ivy, clean your room. Yeah. I don't. I just, I think. I can't have that happen. Why? Um, just because I think, like, ethically and morally, it just it...

You know, last night I ate your mother's butt hole. Oh. It's a nasty area. Yeah That's great, Bobby How would that make you feel? How would that make me feel? Probably bad and uncomfortable

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would say so But guess what? Three fingers, bud? In my mother's, in my mother's butt hole. No, just that's how we tap. Tap what? Our fingers. Their actual hands are fingers.

What? Oh, you and my mother. Yeah, whatever. Well, smell his fingers So you can detect if he's telling the truth. I've never smelled my mother's butthole. I'm not that white lady I'm sorry I the glasses fooling it

I've never even seen my mother's butthole have you not mine your I'm trying to say wait why would I see your mom's butthole but then I had to think about it yeah yeah yeah is she on dialysis no see I think that different people you either have naked parents or you don't have naked parents we've talked about this I had naked I had a very

naky mom I had a niki mom too yeah so I saw all parts of her but not Not her butthole, no. It's strange, yeah. I love my mother, but I've never seen it. But you had Naky Mom and Dad. Yeah. Right?

Yeah, but they never bend over. Seeing a butthole, there's work required to see a butthole. You like acting? I do. I really do. Yeah. I bet you're good at it. I am very good at it.

Yeah. How about you? I'm great. Yeah? What movies have you been in? She's here. Dead presidents? What?

No, actually, the Diddy documentary? That's just kidding. Check it out. shout out to 50 Sam for giving me my role as Do you know 50? No, but Wait, I like, I live by him. I love his energy.

I love that you should attack and conquer every enemy that comes your way. Is there new information on that document? I didn't watch it yet, but was there anything new that came out about him, about Diddy? I signed an NDA. I can't speak about it.

I didn't sign an NDA, I can speak about it. Do you watch it in time? Yeah. He has a guy to put on a chain for him that's pretty cool what do you mean like somebody oh not that you've seen it but somebody clasps his necklace like somebody there's a guy that follows daddy and he has to put the gold chain on him that's his only job is to put the chain on yeah it has to be the right one though if it's not the right one though then slight work that's out the door let's start from the basics

start over yeah let me get to know you a little better okay me yeah both of you yeah okay I'll start with the white one if I may as you should I'm over here Hi. As the usual. Ivy. Uh-huh. Monarch money. If you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season,

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But with Monarch, you can actually share, you can have a joint account with your partner or someone else. You can see all of your finances in one place and have no arguments about it. Guys, it's named Best Budgeting App for 2025 by the Wall Street Journal. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use code tigerbelly at Monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with code Tiger Belly.

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I'm going to order hymns. Oh, Hems for me because I'm a Hymn and I'm going to get Hems. Right, Bobby? Because I don't want to thin out my hair, baby. For simple online access to personalize an affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit Hibs.com slash belly. That's Hems.com slash belly for your free online. visit hymns.com

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which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See your website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Ivy, where are you from?

Los Angeles, California. And you moved to New York. You live in New York currently. Yes, I've lived there for two and a half Okay, and Boyfriend? Situationhip Right

Is this still with the old guy? Yeah How old is he? 38 That's old? Yes I'm 21 Oh, you're young

Oh, okay, my bad Okay, we'll get to it I didn't know how old was My bad, my bad My bad He's 30, he's 38 Classy Yeah, yeah

But classy You know what, Jaime You know, I'm trying to get We're gonna fuck right now So can you please? Yeah, yeah, yeah You don't want to fuck that guy You know, you'll come in two seconds with you.

I believe it. Why, have you guys together? No. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Do you think I'm gay? I mean, that's, you really think, because people think that I'm gay. No, you just do gay shit.

Like what? You move, you move, you're kind of, you move, I move gay. You move gay as a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You make gay niggas be like, yo. Yeah, yeah. Like, hey. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I shouldn't do that anymore. No. Yeah, no. What's that? I'd be like, hi. Hi.

No, it's when you'd be sucking dick and shit. That's the thing that'd be making people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think that sucked dick before? For sure. Also, Bobby is a gay name. Look at you. Look at your mouth.

It's still on your lip. Okay. You didn't wipe it off. Okay, okay. Bobby's a gay name. You should be like, I'm Robert. Okay. Let's go back to you.

Okay, let's go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is gay for immigrants to have American names. I think that's kind of goofy. I was born here, though. Prove it. I don't think I can. I don't know how to do it.

I don't know if I can prove it. I have your birth certificate. Yeah, yeah, she has my birth certificate. Why do you have his birth certificate? Because he dated for 10 years and he doesn't know how to keep paperwork. So I'm like, you know, mother hen. Yeah. So your parents did they get divorced early?

Yeah. Yeah. Did that break your heart? No. Oh. But was it your dad who was a big fan of comedy? Yeah. My dad, like, in the 90s, like early, early.

90s used to host for Joe Rogan and they would like go up and down like college clubs in Boston area yeah yeah yeah and my dad once watched Joe Rogan punch a guy in an empty crowd for talking during his performance that's about right yeah yeah and then my dad like I don't think ever did comedy after that ever again oh really yeah I think I yeah how long you've been doing comedy I've been doing stand-up for since I moved to New York so two and a half years that's amazing I bet you're funny I am Leah yeah yeah Um, boyfriend? Open eyes, please.

Yes. Um, no, no. No. A bunch of like, vikas. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. A bunch of victims and randos. Yeah.

Whoever just like, again, who's ever just nice to me and eats my ass and just like, is that like, is that like a key for a guy to eat ass for you? Why are you writing that down? No, I'm not writing it down. Like the second notes. He's like, and. Hi, me, why do you have glitter on your face? Um, I don't have glitter.

Probably for me. Okay. Well, it's because I did help you with the baggage. Yeah. Yeah. He did do that. You just flew in? Kind of.

I've just been carrying my luggage around everywhere I've been going because I've been around the block. You know what I'm saying? She was just waiting for a nice man too. Oh yeah, I literally was on the curb like a full-on prostitute. And I was like, no one can pick my shit. This is where the fuck? You guys have spots lined up?

Yeah. Yeah. Where? Different places. Yeah? I've been doing the Illesion. I've done a few at the comedy store. I'm doing Steve Fury's comedy confidential show with the where you read the thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Very nice. I've just been bouncing around. Yeah. I'd love to see you guys. I'm at the comedy store on Friday. Really?

In the belly room. Oh, that's a night. And I've been, I'm not, I'm open to do shows, but I want to, like, settle in first before I actually, like, committed to do a show because L.A.'s biggest. Are you living here now? I'm going to. Okay. We're trying to get her to stay.

I'm filming a movie right now, so that's why I'm out here. Oh, cool, cool, cool. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are so funny. Thank you for having a platform for, like, mental illness. Thank you. We're very unwell. And sickness and bangs.

You're okay. What is your name again? It's Jamie Garcia. Okay. Why did you change it to Jamie? Because she said the immigrant, the immigrant name is gay and weird and yeah. Okay, it's hymen. Yeah.

Like a hymen? No, say sexy. Oh, it's Hyman then. Yeah, that's going to get you. I had two hymonds. I had to get them cut into one. Oh, you're one of those. Yeah.

I had two. I had a septate hymen and I had to get it sliced into one. Who discovered that? A gynecologist. She was like, there's two here. And I was like, oh. And then now I'm happy. Wow.

Did it ever, like, were you like symptomatic at all? Yeah, it like hurt during sex because it was like two holes pushed into one up one. Yeah. You know, nobody got two dicks. Don't nobody got two dicks, but. You're like a Rick and Morty alien. That's crazy. I had two hymonds, got him.

Snip in the one. What is a hyman? I can tell you. Go ahead. It's a tissue that covers. Oh, wow. You're doing it, go ahead. Yeah.

It covers the vaginal. Some part. I don't know, bro. I don't know. I know it is so strong. Can you tell us? That was real. You're the fallopian tubes?

No, so that's inside. I don't know. The hymen's outside. The hymen's outside. The hymen is like it is like it's tissue that goes over the vaginal opening. And when you have sex for the first time, it like perforates and breaks open and it kind of just like like...

So you had a double wall? Yeah, I had two. That's what we should do with the border. I had two. I had two hymins for the pussy of one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So how do you break through two hymonds?

You just got a, I got it was put under anesthesia and they took like a scalpel and they just cut. Oh my. Oh my God. They circumcised you. Yeah. You were having sex with two hymins or just, you had one hymen broke and you had another hymen?

How does that look? When I had sex. for the first time my hymen split into two and then afterwards I would have sex and I'd be like this kind of hurts but whatever and then I had a gynecologist who was like there's two holes here and so then they

fixed it and now it's one hole but what sucks is I thought that during the surgery I don't know since I was under I thought like okay they can give me a labiaplasty while I'm down there a husband stitch or something they left all of like the extra bits so all of that like extra tissue, even though it's like cut into

one normal hole now, it's just still there. Really? Really? Yeah, it looks so crazy as fuck. But good for you. So I had that second one, the septate, they're the third one. The third one. Oh, the little two holes there. Wow. So the penis would went into one hole. Yeah, the penis would

go into one hole and then the other one would get kind of pulled. It was just too, it was too tight. Wow. And so. Okay, brag. Look at the one with like nine little holes. That would be crazy. Yeah. The kerbiform?

Brad Williams would love that one. Oh, because he's small. Yeah. Right. Yeah, this is why I call myself Jamie. Ew, this is weird. Yeah. So they cut it into one.

They removed that little middle part of tissue, but then they sort of like didn't remove all of it. And so there's like some stuff, there's tissue still in the opening, but it doesn't affect me sexually or. Pull up mine, pull it's somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know where. Yeah, yeah. Let me guess, let me guess what. Guess which was mine, Bobby?

You are, yours is the last one, the... Paris. Yeah, that's yours, definitely. Looks at it's a mouth and has teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yours is grizzly or what? Look at me. Is yours grizzly or what, dog?

What's grisly mean? What? Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? It's kind of cheese graterish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Dick goes in and comes out and, like, shreds. The skin is still floating around inside. Yeah.

I hope not. I don't like commitment. Yeah. So, yeah. Yours is, Bobby. Yours is the fembrick. That swastika pussy right there. That's you.

Yeah. Well, it looks like the wicker man. Right? Anyway, I don't have a pussy, Leah. You know? I don't want to find out. I don't care. Okay.

I think if you did, you'd be a lot cooler. Oh, you don't think I'm cool. For an old man, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm old guy now, huh? Sorry, for an old nigger, you're kind of cool. Yeah.

See, how I switched it to show how cool you are. Yeah, yeah. I'm old now, huh? I'm the old man on the block. Someone might call you unk. Yeah. What's onk mean, baby? It's like uncle.

Oh, uncle. Well, I think that unc is, someone said it's actually not uncle. It's uncool. No. It's unk, right? It's uncle. She got black air force. It's like usually, I mean, it started as,

It started as like how you, what you would call, like, in middle age to elderly black man who, like, has nothing to do and is kind of just sitting in a lawn chair outside. Unk is the dude that got the Air Force is the white ones. That's hanging out at the bar, Applebee's during happy hour in the corner buying the $2 shots. Not that I would know. But he's the one that's like, I'll take care of your car. Yeah. Yeah. But ain't got shit to do.

Yeah, he's a layabout. He's a lay about. He's a lay about. He's an elder male layabout. But now, yes. But I never hang out. in areas I ain't supposed to be anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a certain age, like, yeah, I ain't going to the club. Or Applebee's. Thank God. Yeah. I would be really scared if I turned around in the club and I saw this face. Yes, touching my knee.

Under some strobe lights. I'd be scared as fuck. I call ice immediately. I was like, this is Mexican, man. Yeah, yeah. Are you Mexican? No, I'm Korean. Hmm.

Oh, that type of age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't like the Koreans? No, because my. My mom, you know, it's funny. You know, I say black people can't be racist? Yes, they can. My mom is, like, literally a Nazi.

Which is, like, shout out because, like, you know, she deserves it. But, yeah, she talks so bad about, like, everybody. She's, like, Japanese think, she's like Japanese act like they're better than Chinese. And Filipinos are the niggas of the Asians. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I'm like. What are the Koreans, though? The Koreans are just in the way, you know.

Oh, we're in the way. We're in the way. What do you prefer? Money. Okay. Asians with money. Jews. Now, Jews is stingy with their money.

Yeah. Asians, too. But I feel like if you think I can make you money. I'm generous. Jews, if you make the money, they spend money. Give her $20 right now. No. Yeah, I will.

No, give me $200. The fuck? Oh, $200. Give me $200 right now. You want $200? I want $200. I'm being nice. So ridiculous.

Tundum, sister. Thank you, brother. Oh, my God. Run that shit. Thank you. All right. Now, give her 100 for being my white course. my white uh yeah

that is called the 19th Amendment ladies and gentlemen that is that was incredible good to it about me Bobby no no no any hundred dollars

you get nothing you get absolutely nothing yeah yeah yeah what's going on I want you to have it I'm happy yeah thanks for coming you're welcome I get the fuck out of here

I love 100 dollars that's her Uber money yeah that's how I'm getting home we didn't get her Uber We get her Uber Me too And her too I'll take a jet

I gave you 200 You know about slavery Can remember slavery And the Holocaust Yes You're Jewish now Uh huh Okay

Y'all got museums and shit I'm still suffering Okay Black Lives Matter just happened Where are you at Where do you want to be driven to Shit what are you trying to go What we're trying to do

No if we get an Uber Where are we going to take Where I'm staying Where? What part of town? First of all No, no, you got a wrestle first. First of all, it's my fucking show. I get to see what I'm awks, you know what I have a small, I'm ugly, I'm fat.

I have a smart, I'm gay, don't forget you're gay, you're gay, you're gay, right? So no, fuck you. Where do you want to go, bitch? All right, your mom's behind me? Oh. Why are you breathing like that? I got angry. Okay.

He's old, short breath. I'm saying. I have a small throat. I can suck you off and keep it. cool, like, it ain't got to be weird. Big teeth, small jaw. Yeah, yeah. Do you enjoy sucking dick?

I do. Oh, wow. If I like them. You're really brave. If I like them. You don't like it? If I like them. I don't either.

Sunday morning cartoons playing in my fucking head the whole time. Terrible experience. I'm thinking about my childhood. I'm thinking about the woman I used to be. I didn't have a childhood, so it's very easy for me to do it. Teeth hitting it the whole fucking time. I'm chomping. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just terrible. If the dick is ugly and weird shape, kind of. probably what you got going on it. No, she's a soldier. She's a soldier. Actually, give her $200. Give her $200.

For doing the Lord's work. Yeah, if I like him and if it's not, but if it's a weird dick, nah, I can't. No. I don't have a weird dick. I don't know.

Can I defend myself real quick? Whatever. No, don't whatever me. It's your shit. It's my shit. Go ahead. All right. I got the money.

I got the money. I got the money. I don't care. You got me. I get it. I want to defend it. I accept it. I have a crooked weird dick. Is it weird? Be honest. No. Thank you. Tell her. I used to what we say. Tell Leah. I'm 12. I feel like this is a sex offender situation going on. Yeah. What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? Me too. Me too. Yes. Yeah. And it's a prison to be around?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, with your, um, situation ship, like, what's the forecast? I mean, I feel, honestly, I feel like it will go all the way. that's what you're hoping like prison or something like Joe or I think I think my forecast with it is I'm too busy and hate dating so much that and same with him that I think we'll just stick it out

until we both get bored you are 21 for sure you are 21 for you are the old guy in the room may make a suggestion yes thing or say something wise right right now you guys are young stand-up comedians right

focus only on that get a career you can get dick anytime you want yeah that's why we do it okay yeah anytime I just don't want you to be distracted thank you papa

I want you guys to I'm locked in fulfilled yeah like there's no dick in this world that could ever detour anything no it's never that in no even if I got like chlamydia or something I wouldn't say it women who throw their lives away for dick

you're retarded and you're gonna die You're not going to last. Let's focus on making money. Let's focus on the light bill. You know? The light bill. You're going to deteriorate. Stupid bitch.

So stupid, right? Nothing can ever take my eye away from the money. Never at all ever. Yeah. I kill men. Yeah. Oh, you killed them? Like emotionally.

Oh, yeah. I just, yeah, so I don't even. I talked to a friend recently yesterday was like very funny stand-up female. She's like, I'm moving to Florida with my guy. Oh. And I'm like, all right, bye.

He brainwashed her into thinking that she's not funny enough to continue to stand-up. Because she probably is funny enough to it. Well, they justify it. They go, well, there's stage time in Florida. Ah, yeah, it's called A-A. Like, it's fucking sure. Yeah, yeah. The fuck, no.

God bless. Yeah. Well, after a show, let me an info so I can talk some sense into it. Yeah, yeah. That's really dark. That's dark as fuck. I mean, but the good news is he's a. billionaire.

That's why you... See, that's where you fucked up. You didn't start out with that. I called her a dumb cunt. Yeah, what the fuck? That was so rude. I'm so sorry.

You didn't say that he could like save her whole entire life. Oh, so you would quit? But yes, absolutely. For a billionaire? Yeah. And then he surprisingly would die some way and then I'd get back on stage.

I don't know if I would quit comedy to win over a male billionaire just because men are so finicky and I'm already so bad with them that I know I'd probably only be able to keep his attention for like three weeks. That's why cyanide works instantly. Oh.

I get it. So smart. I wouldn't do it, but, you know, he got some enemies, a baby mama or something. Fucking, you know, his, what,

lawnmour guy. I don't cut, I'm just looking. Have you ever mowed a lawn? Yeah. The strength you used pulling up my luggage, yeah,

that was. Well, tell me some of your jobs before comedy, and we'll see if you're, McDonald's. That's Mexican. That's Mexican light.

McDonald's T-Mobile. Oh, that's Mexican's five. Okay, I lied. Metro PCS. Oh. I share an address. Dominican? Yes.

Fucking Dominican. No, there's Mexicans in Metro. Oh. They're hell of Mexicans in Metro. I share an address. I share an address. My apartment in Brooklyn, I share an address with a Metro PCS. They get my mail.

I get theirs. And there's a soulful white boy that works at the Metro PCS, but also at the deli across the street. Only white guy I've ever seen working at a deli. It's crazy. He's addicted to have. having a job. He has like a chin strap beard. He's always wearing Playboy Cardi merch. And all he does every day is because there's no customers at the Metro PCS. He sits on my friend Stoop and he drinks

40s all day and just leaves them. And so I have to kick them to the side when I get home. And he just sits there all day and he watches videos on his phone of other people playing video games. And he works in What makes him soulful? What makes him soulful? The 40s? Yeah. The 40s drinking like a 6 year old black man that was in prison for 20 years? Yes. Yeah. Yes. That's very soulful. Do you, You don't date black men, do you? You seem like you would and should. I've been into black guys. Black guys have been into me, but it's never lined up in that way.

Like, I've never, a black guy that I've liked has never liked me back. A black guy that likes me, I've never liked back at the same time. Where the type of black guys are like you? Nerds, like, comedy guys, dork. They jack off to, like, was it Centi or was it? It's Kenai. Yeah, that kind of shit. It's black guys that like experimental jazz music.

It's black guys that like, yes, it's black guys that like anime. It's black guys that like video game. And you like the black guys are like NBA player. No, actually. I like the type of black guy that likes comedy and likes music. Gay. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Well, give the other ones a chance. I like a guy in like a nice, like a big oversized denim jacket who is going to come up to me at a party and be like, let's talk about the new ghost face. album, you know, which has happened to me before, apropos of nothing. Black guys literally come up to me at parties and they're like, I want to talk about Memphis rap with you and I just have to be like, okay, this is the next hour of my life.

And I always have something incisive to say. I always have something incisive to say. And they're the ones they would fight for you. Yes. I have a question from both of you ladies. I'm learning a lot about you too, guys. Pretty hot. I'm just kidding.

Now, have you ever been with a guy that, you guys hooked up with guys and after that have you told the guy well the guy he fell in love English I'm trying to

girl such a racial evening with you all so the guy's like damn I'm in love with you now my pussy

have that a half damn I'm in love with you now girl my sister I don't think I've ever made a man

in love with me after fucking him I have genuinely trash trash pussy, the only person that would like my pussy is a raccoon, I think. Really, it's, I've never, I've never had that happen. What was, is that what, is that a full question?

You tell me, no, baby, you can't be falling in love with me. Like, have you ever told a guy? No, falling in love so I can rob you. I'm gonna fuck. That's not my problem, you bitch. Like, you fall in love with me. I don't think anyone's ever falling in, no, I think people, I don't know about my pussy, though. I don't have, like, shopping spree at Ross' pussy.

I don't really have, like, fucking take me to, like, Chanel. I have, I have, I have, I have goodwill dressing room type shit yeah on a Sunday morning yeah it's crumpled in the corner on the bench yeah yeah I'd be chilling what if what's your experience with that hyman

what about David well David Buster how many bitches have you said hey yo bitch the pussy's so good and she was like no shoddy who are you get off of me I had a one night stand you had a one night stand yeah a couple days ago wow and like she told me baby my pussy too good you

she said it but she's like well because we're about fuck and then you're such a virgin go ahead he's lies this fake story I have sex I have sex prove it I have underbite

yeah and no she's like my pussy's too good for you and like you're gonna fall in love so you know don't find in love with me because there's somebody else

is that what she said she was in a relationship she wanted you up to your house she was lying she wanted a ride to work That's really what she needed She doesn't have a car It was in her apartment

It was in her apartment Behind it is one of those Like real sweet romantics Like he sends soup He sends flowers Yeah He's like he's our sweetie pie Do you whisper to the pussy

Like through your under bite Do you like You want taco bag? No I don't eat pussy I don't eat pussy like that Oh No like I don't just eat random pussy Like it has to be like

Good pussy you know I have to I have to fall in love with the girl You don't have Bobby, say 6-7, please Right Bobby's so confused Let's move past that But yeah, Bobby take over

I can tell you're a good person Oh, thank you Yeah, you have good person Like wait Yeah You help old ladies across the street and stuff Because he has like all sisters So I know he's got like lots of sister energy

Oh they beat the fuck out of you No they beat the fuck out of each other not me Mexican women are so important. I dated a Mexican girl in college, and I sent me into psychosis. Full-blown psychosis, I was like, somebody's always knocking at the door. And it was just because I didn't have that Fifi in my life anymore. Mexican women are really, really important.

My mom said that Mexican women, small like donuts and fabuloso. And I love that sense. It's a very nostalgic scent, though. Yeah. I can get behind that, like, laundry, old school. like laundry detergent scent. That makes me feel like warm, fuzzy. They get up at like seven in the morning on a Sunday and they're cleaning music loud as fuck.

Yeah. It's like, I'm home. Yeah, I love that. They blast like Anna Gabriel, all like the hits and stuff. Oh, so good. I have no idea what's going on. What are the thoughts? Sexually, what are you thinking about when it's happening?

When you're having sex? I try not to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you fuck? What do I fuck? Yeah. Who do you be fucking on now that it's not her any? Right.

Oh my God. Also, way, like, gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful, amazing women. Amazing. Yeah, but you're, like, really gorgeous and amazing and smart and awesome, and you have amazing bone structure. Thank you. I'll take away. I agree.

I mean, I, you know, yeah. I mean, yeah, I miss her. Oh. Oh, here we go. Bring it. I might as well make it weird. You all made us the bartender at showing peaks. Now we got to listen to you.

Are you guys friends with exes at all? Fuck no. I have one ex that I am still friends with because he was a really good, nice guy, but the other two, I don't really talk to you. No, fuck. I think they're dead and I hope they, well, I wouldn't hope they are, but if they are, it's fine. They loved you. One of them's a guy now, which that's frightening and I don't want to contend with that because that was the Mexican girl. She's a guy now.

I don't want to have a Mexican twink in my life. I don't have space for that in my heart. Well, my first love was a pedophile. The other one took, yeah, I was just like, I don't like kids, so it was never going to work. And then the second one, it depends how rich the man is. What are some wholesome things on your mind, Bobby? Let's start with you. You know, I'll be honest with you.

I apologize, ladies. I'm a little lost. It's okay. Grandpa, let's get you to bed. I don't think what, let me talk. You've talked more than me. No, I haven't. And it's my fucking show.

Go ahead. All right. I'll tell you right now. Tell me now, then. No, you go first. You keep doing this. It's kind of making us uncomfortable. up for each other.

Okay, my best. You know what I mean? Yeah. There we go. I feel safe. Come on, hello, kitty. The diminutive Asian is back. No, I, I've had a busy week.

I came in. I don't think I'm in on your wavelength. You guys are super quick. And in my mind, I can't catch up. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, because we were women. He thought we were stupid. No, it's fast.

It's witty. It's fun times. Zippy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm a little behind, but yeah, yeah, I'm just observing. How are you, Bob? I feel great. Wholesome, I said, wholesome. What are some wholesome things? You want to talk about, let's talk about Christmas and what that brings. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, well, I love it.

My grandma, my grandma was found dead in her apartment a week ago. Was she really? Yeah, she was discovered dead. My grandma, who had she been, how long had she been dead? I don't know. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wait, no one checked up on it?

Rest in peace, Barbara. She was in psychosis. We weren't talking to her. Oh, really? Did she live out here in LA? She lived in Long Beach. She was in psychosis. Lots of a good way to go.

How long was she dead before they found the body? We don't know. Oh, wow. It could have been weeks. My mom and I are going tomorrow to go clean out her apartment that her corpse was in. Do you think she left doing? Who found her? She didn't have jack fucking shit.

My grandma was a problematic-ass lesbian who was banned on Reddit for being transphobic. She was on Reddit. Yeah, my grandma was a prolific Redditor who was banned for being transphobic. She was an ornery lesbian. She spent the last few months of her life in psychosis, but overall, she was a very troubled woman

and then she was found, she was found dead. Oh, no. So that's... Devastating for the family? Uh, do you shed a tear? Yeah. Okay, good. I'm so sorry. Do you have memories of, like, grandma as a kid, or was she always kind of...

She's always, was, she was always somebody who was extremely kind of volatile and strange. liked her though because I can I can sort of um pal out with an ornery lesbian you know I can sort of I can chop it up with a bitch like that I can chop it up with a girl with borderline personality disorder just fine so I liked grandma but she was troubled she was I found my grandma dead and I think it's because I watched Harry Potter because my mom was saying that Harry Potter's witchcraft and the one day we actually go see Harry Potter I come home and she's dead so I think

you know we went from like the holiday spirit well that is awesome that's family Family, I want to talk about my family. Gingerbread, pumpkin spice. Ginger, you know, stockings, you know what I mean? It was right to fucking death. It's about purple pussy. You live some, you lose some. Let me tell you about my grandma then.

Go ahead. On that note. So, my grandma died a month after her son killed her other son. That's a rich fact. Yeah. I think she was actually pretty, like, in good health. and I think she died of a broken heart. So, yeah, she died because of, like, a family murder.

And that murderous uncle is still a part of our family. And Bobby's met him. Did he ever go to prison? Yes, for a long time, 17 years. Do you think he's rehabilitated? Absolutely not. No. Dude's rock.

Damn. That's that Spanish side. Any New Year's resolutions? My grandma. My grandma. Wait, Bobby has an even sicker grandma story. Now tell yours and tell the truth. Go ahead.

tell that story over and over again, okay? I can tell you about mine. She just put the Christmas tree up. Oh, abuela. Here we go. This is the wholesome shit. Did she die after? No, she don't know. Bobby, please tell your grandma's story. I want to hear it.

And then she made hot chocolate. Oh, she did. Yeah. Wow. We got a normie. We love a normie grandma. You guys use that kind of cinnamon. What's that called? Cinnamon. She's talking about horchata. Canelo. Yeah, like that horchata cinnamon.

Perro a cinemone. Yeah. What is that horchata cinnamon thing that? I like it. Onchata? It's really good cinnamon. You should try atolle. What?

You should try atolle. I want to try it. Yeah. Atole? Atole. Yeah, yeah. What is it? It's like hot something.

Yeah. Okay. You're a man with no information. Yeah. Well, I'm learning. Big few words. Yeah, yeah. There we go.

What is that? Hey, guys. It's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu. I promise you're going to laugh. I am an immigrant Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do

is point at someone else My thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers Terms apply That wasn't my call If it was my call, terms would not apply But it's not my call, terms apply

It's like, look at your cinnamon Okay, just look at it He's giving us nothing Okay, is that it? Atolle. Can you read the description, please? It has a, me or the girl? You, you, dude, you.

We're tired of working. Go ahead. It has a thick, creamy, port-a-day. No, read-a-oh-ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah. Coal is a traditional, say, start there. A traditional? I have somebody.

A traditional, warm, corn-based breadbridge popular in Mexico and Central America. We got through that. And it has a thick, you know what I'm saying? Thick. Creamy. Watch me again. I will fucking kill you. I will fuck your dad. I will destroy your whole lineage.

I will purpose to get pregnant. Say that line again. Say that line again and do the same thing. It has a what? It has a thick and creamy. I love what he does this after. He's like, yeah, yeah. So I'm a bitch.

Whatever that pee is. Porage. Orange. Like a porch? And like consistency. And it's beloved by comfort. food. It's beloved pie. There's no buy. That's not. Dumbass. There's no buy.

I see it. Comfort. Comfort food really loves it. He's like, now I beat women. Finish it, please. Often enjoy during what? Breakfast and holidays, like the day of the day or Christmas. Yeah. Okay. You also eat like chumperado and stuff. Hey guys, it's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu. I promise.

you're going to laugh. I am an immigrant. I am. Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else. My thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus

for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply. Yeah. Yeah. We have it in the Philippines too. It's like chocolate porn.

Any New Year's resolutions, guys. He's simple. Become better. Get my money up. I want to make... Period. I want to make $200,000 next year. Period.

Oh, that's a good goal. Period. I want to make $200,000 next year. I'm going to... My goal is to have $500 million by next year and have a... That's how much money you want? What would you do with $500 million? I would kill Tony Hinchcliffe.

You don't like them? It's a pernicious maggie. Don't cut that He's a weasily gay guy with too much power And I don't care Have you ever met him? No and I don't want to I don't want to

I don't want to smell his fingers I'm scared That's so funny He is I don't like that Well with that money I bail her out of jail Once she kills him

I will use some of the money To bail you out You're very charitable I got you girl I want to just not kill my dog Like just survive You could make her live forever With $500 million

Low key I know there's a way which in Mexico. No. Whatever. You can clone. You're useless. You can use that money

if you get a clone. I think it's 80K per clone. Tom Brady just cloned his dog. I think Barbara Streisand did too. She did as well, yeah. She cloned like three of them. Yep, she did. That's crazy.

And she confirmed that they are not the same. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like you can't remember it. Duh. The personality, yeah. Yeah. But I'm going to make a movie. You're going to be in it?

Yeah. What's the part you think? Convenience store clerk. Literally I was about to fucking say that, but you're black. You're going to do blackface, and you're going to be, you're going to be in blackface. Can I do that, too? You're already doing it.

Yeah, welcome to 7-Eleven, dog. No, you're going to be a woman. You're going to have the, the blonde bang, like, uh-uh, all the, whatever you all think. Just give it to Ms. Pat, let's move on. However you all think you're going to get it. But New Year's resolution? I have no brain powered for a resolution. Okay.

Yeah, so keep myself, my baby, my family. happy and alive and safe. Okay, that's good. Taking over the world. You're going to take over the world. What's yours? Take it over the world. Do better.

His was do better. Do better. 200,000. What's yours, Bobby? Figure out something else to do, I think. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I want in on that.

A new hobby or something. Yeah, me too. But I feel like you have so many interests, like weird ones too that I feel like you could tap into. Yeah, maybe, yeah. I've been roller skating by myself. Okay, my dog's not going to die. That's fun.

I love roller skating. Yeah. I'm really good at. I grew up doing roller derby. Really? Oh, really? Yeah. Wait, did your,

Long Beach is a really big roller derby community. Yeah, but I did it out here. There was this place in Atwater Village called the L.A. Derby Dolls. It was like this big warehouse with a bank track and a flat track and I was a competitive roller derby player.

Is that why you were a lesbian with the girl that's not, yeah. Are a lot of roller derby girls lesbians? Here's the thing is they look that way, but a lot of the girls I grew up with doing derby turned out to not be gay at all. Some of them are now. but the majority of them know.

You just, you, it's because you get it out of your system young. So you do roller derby as like a child or like a preteen or a teenager. You present gay for most of that time. You run and slamming to puss just continuously and then you like, homoerotic activities. Don't like this. And then you turn 18 and you're like, okay, I don't have to experiment now in college or anything. You know the flavor already.

Where are you roller skating alone? Glendale? At a park? No, moonlight. Moonlight. Oh, yeah. I've shot something at Moonlight. Yeah, yeah.

I grew up going there. It's one of my favorite places in all of them. I've been going to Moonlight, but I shot something at Moonlight Roller Way. Amazing. It's really fun there. I go by myself, roll around, and then there's a part of like, what am I doing? But then I kind of like it. Wait, that's so cool.

Are you kidding me? It's amazing there. What else are you going to get into? I ordered some tennis rackets. Maybe start doing that again. Oh my God. Do you want to do pickleball with me? That's not the same sport.

It's not, obviously, but I don't have tennis skills. Yeah, I don't have pickleball skills. But if you have tennis skill, you have pickleball skill. I promise you. It's like the easier version of it. Yeah, okay. Let's do it. You'd be great.

It's like ping pong. But, like, you know, he's really athletic. Like, he is so good at every single sport and it bums me out because he's so agile. Oh, look, you being shy. You guys are amazing. Thanks for, I mean, I wish I was more alert today, you know. Well, I was back and be ready, big. No.

You know what? I would have you back individually. Yeah. Yeah. Together? I don't know if I can handle it. It's so fast Don't you think?

There's just so fast We're just chilling On and on and on And I can't You know Every thought that I have I let it pass And then it's too late

You know what we can do This might sound dumb But like Like You know what can What? You know what could Us three do?

What? No nothing like that Chill out sister Bobby You and I are out of this We could do like A reboot of Mad TV What do you think?

Wait, you had Mad TV questions. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I just wanted to generally talk about it because I do love Mad TV but what is interesting to me about Mad TV is that it made no cultural impact. And that's, my sort of like thesis around Mad TV

is like it ran for so many years and yet culturally it holds no water at all and I just wanted to know like how that. A lot of great talent came from that. A amazing amount of great talent came from that. Well, because it was on basic cable, and I know that because I would watch it. It was a network TV. Allegedly, but I would.

Jordan Peel came from there. Arty Lang came from there. Began came from there. Uh, fucking Alex Erie Spearsie. Eric, Ike Baranholt. Ike Baranholt. So many amazing. Me too.

Bobby, the main one. You were there. Came from Nat TV and Bobby was there too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ears I was on it. Like you told him about memorable. like sketches and shit. From Mad TV.

Bitch, yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, one, the, the, I'm not, the, the, people my age have not been mad TV. Yeah, but, my age have seen old, S&L. It's not, but that's true, you're right, that's true. It's so hurtful. It's like, you know, I used to watch it, but it's, no relevance. I can't tell you an S&L sketch I can be honest

I can't tell you an S&L sketch And it's been around for 100 years I can't maybe one or two But I can tell you some fucking Mad TV sketches for sure I think for a certain type of person Mad TV means more than S&L did Because it was

It was a more irreverent And edgy sense of humor Yeah I think that's why it was way more fun To watch for me at that age Yes Yeah I think so for somebody like me Mad TV Listen I fucking got

an audition, all right? I'm an open micer, all right? I show up, right? I get the job. This was, what, 100 years ago? This is 2,000. It was 100 by 100 years ago. 25 years ago.

No, you weren't even born yet? No, yeah, yeah. So while I was Ahmed to be, you weren't even born yet. Yeah, no. Okay. I did eight years, right? You don't think about cultural significance or any of that shit. I think about that.

I know, but the thing is that you show up. Everyone can't be a white woman with bangs, okay? We all can be a white, lesbian, kind of lesbian, Well, thanks. Being a young comic and getting paid every week and being on TV was a big thing. For sure. You don't think about the other thing.

Yeah. I view it as family. Okay. So this weekend I went to a Christmas party and Michael Hitchcock was there. And then Arden Marin was there. And then today I shot that thing and Jen Espinal, the makeup artist

for Matt TV did my makeup today. Oh my God. So it feels like family. So when I run into these people... She did the prosthetic? Yeah, she did the prosthetic. Yeah, she's good. Yeah, she's good.

She does Adam Ray stuff and whatever. But my point being. is that it reminds me of home, but I don't think about what the significance culturally. Okay, but also let's say this, like real shit. Mad TV by far is fucking legendary, iconic

in the history. That's not what you were saying. Yeah, no, at all, no. Can't tell your mind in your face. Top notch. I think, here's I think. I say it's in living color. Mad TV was, oh, we sleep on this one. Sedger the entertainer. Remember he had a fucking sketch?

That shit was so fucking good. No diss on SNL, but I think Mad TV and all that is way... I love Mad TV. Okay. I really do love that. I have YouTube. I watch the rewens.

I love it. I've seen it all. I love Mad TV. It means a lot to me, but I think it's something where... People my age don't know about it, and I'm wondering, like, why that is. Because they weren't born.

You were zygote. You were sperm. Yeah. It's like people your age don't know what a carousal phone. They don't know what... They don't know any. I guess so. I've had two or three very significant

for me sketches. They were always putting you in a wig. Yeah, I know. But, you know, thank you. They always made you put the wig on. But the Korean scientist one was, right? Yeah, that's a good one. And then I had report. The holla. No, not that. Oh, that was funny to me. I love the 24 hour with the John Sino one.

Yeah, yeah, the John Sino ones. And I also had. I love the Mad TV sketch where they kill Ashley Simpson. Yeah, yeah. That's me as Connie Chung. yeah yeah yeah Mad TV was also special because they got about celebrities I think SNL always had to sort of protect the reputations of most celebrities because

they were such a big part of the show but Mad TV was really really skewered celebrities in a way that... We had Ryan Reynolds what are you talking we got the best ones as well That's before he was like Right that was before That was before Bobby

Now he You know is extremely famous but that was before. I mean, you know, but you guys didn't have to adhere to like politeness towards celebrities as much as SNL did.

That is true, yeah, yeah. And so they could do stuff like murder Ashley Simpson and have a running joke on the show where Ashley Simpson is being molested by her father and that's just the whole gag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt TV was great because it came on at the time

where after Matt TV, the booty videos, the hip-hop booty videos came on after. Yeah, it was great. It was like a combo. It was like, well, Watch these minorities and white people do wild shit And then watch the black shake ass And it was just really cool

When I was eight to watch that Like underdogs while you were on the show? Did you feel like you guys were up against? I mean, we felt the weight of S&L, right? Because they were the show. We felt like their stepchild of that show. Really? And their ratings were better than ours.

And we felt like they're bitch, yeah. And it hurt every day. it was painful and we got no advertisement no billboards no publicity we got no backing from the network so maybe this is why to go to my point earlier and mad TV is not something that exists in my generation's cultural consciousness because it wasn't pushed as much see we discovered it I asked you why you got defensive and then you just answered the question we found it yeah yeah it was easy We got to it. It's not something

that I ever think about though You know what I mean It was just a segment of my life I've been in other sitcoms I've done other movies I've done other things I always whenever I'm doing something I always think about

How it will play in the culture Yeah But imagine this right Being on a sketch show Network show Right With to you The best

funniest people Yeah Right And they were And you get to show up And play with your friends Yeah Right

And at the end of the day that doesn't exist anymore. A network show where you have your own parking lot and all that kind of stuff and it was a magical time and I will never forget.

I promise you you'll get to a point because I've been asked by a legitimate network to go do you want to do a sketch show and I said no it's not my interest but once you get legs because you're still young

you will be in an opportunity where they're going to go do you want to do it Because it's going to come back around. I'm sure it'll happen eventually. I, like, don't think it'll never happen. I don't think it'll never happen. But I'm saying, like, in the 90s and the 2000s,

it's, like, lobe people who were new could get opportunities like that. Because people took a chance on them. And because it was zeitgeisty and interesting to have a sketch show or have something like, even, like, girl code or guy code on MTV, or it was, like, just comics shooting the shit and talking. I don't know. I think it's just, it's harder. And it's like, the stuff that I want to do.

You're fucking 21. I know, but I have big ideas. Bobby, I have big ideas. Is it so wrong? I didn't reach, I didn't, I didn't get mad TV until it was 30. And I've been doing comedy. Really? Yeah.

How old are you? I'm 54. Right, you're old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. I was 30 when I got that show. What were you doing before that? Struggling as an open micer.

Having the dreams, things that you're saying now, those dreams, I was like, how am I going to do it? So I have to wait until I'm fucking 30? I don't know when it's going to happen for you, but I'm going to say that you're very young, right? It will happen. Well, I think also, like, you're in the era now. I mean, you're doing the hand thing, too, now. Yeah, well, I can.

I'm a black woman. I can do it. They wanted to kill her people. They just weren't in Germany at the time. In this generation, it's like you can be on instant social media and get mics like that and get shows like that and pop off versus like when you had to be in the streets and you didn't have social media. You didn't have all of that.

So it's like. You're now to make yourself. Yeah, like it's, I mean, a lot, and I mean, I think it's great. I think there's a lot of people that are excelling in comedy in a short amount of times I do think it's because now they have a platform to be seen that people can see them

and you know I feel like that happened to me like I social media really was the thing that made me be seen I was still I've been doing the shit but you know what I mean so I mean yeah I think it's gonna happen it's a cycle it's there's no formula to this shit it happens it is what it is it goes and goes but please fund my

projects my name is Leah Samson What's your Venmo? Say your Venmo to the camera. Yeah. Can you put... Aren't I cute? Yeah. You're a...

God, first, you're a Christian? I like God. I believe in God. After all this shit you said. Well, he knows my heart, girl. He knows my heart. Or go to official Leah Sampson and follow her, please. And we also have...

Woke Mide Virus 2. Woke Mime Virus 2. Is that real? The wolf mind virus too. Yeah. Follow Ivy Woke on Woke Mewke. on woke mind virus too okay

and ladies what do we learn today a lot Jaime recap it recap what we talked about yeah Jaime you do it

men are shit men do better bring back sketch comedy and rollerblade girls are gay why did we talk about that oh

roller derby yeah roller derby okay okay anything else yeah I learned that you were

Korean yeah what did you think he was Tired? Asian. Tired. It was such a delay to actually.

I was exhausted. That was good. I like that. So it was true. It is true. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap it up, Bobby.

Anyway, guys, what a wonderful program. We've learned so much today on this program, Tiger Belly. How many episodes have we done? Oh, my God. Over 500. Over 500 episodes. You know what I mean? And I've never had guests quite like you guys.

Oh? Or I was baffled and speechless and bewildered. I couldn't get anything in but I really enjoyed it It was very entertaining You guys are very funny, very fast I was trying to let you speak No

And I was not really enjoyed I know I know And maybe you should get Be on medication I don't know I'm yeah Honey if they up my dose My pussy will atrophy

Let's go Okay Anyway I love you guys Thank you so much Give them a ron of applause Everybody Thanks everybody

Owokani I'm a ma'u'u'lli Ow, what's that? You hear that? High hat, yeah. Okay, go ahead, I'm in Kalala, come on. Hey, I'm sorry, is that too loud for you? Hey, guys. Welcome to Tiger Reilly. Hold on. Hey, Kaila.

Hi, Hyman. Thanks for coming on my podcast. Are you the captain of the ship? I'm the captain for now. What's going on? Where's our real captain? I do not know. He's, uh, he's at, ask a question he's not prepared to add circle.

I don't know. Maybe ask him what he had for breakfast. Oh, yeah, what did you have for breakfast? What time did you wake up today? I was at the comedy store last night. I was out late. Okay, skip that question. Um, I woke up.

That was not a question I asked even. Oh, did you get late last night? I woke up today. And I ate waffles. Oh, can you hear it? Yeah. I don't know. Cloud, you don't have to listen to it.

It's fine. It's pretty good. I woke up. And I ate some frozen waffles. But not frozen. You know what I mean? I don't. Well, you have a kid.

I don't eat frozen waffles that aren't frozen. Okay. Do you buy egos? I don't. Have you had one? I know what an ego is. Have you eaten it before? Yeah, they're okay.

They're okay? What do you get, home style, buttermilk? Just make your own. Charberries, chocolate. Oh, my God, why are you so angry about Egos? I love Egos. Oh, clearly. If Ego offered me a deal, I'll be the face of Egos.

Let's get that going. Guys, Egos, if you're listening, I meant. Eat Egos. Do you know these two girls? Have you met them? I met Ivy. Have you met, have you seen her, like, doing stand-up and stuff? No.

What about Leah? Leah. She's from Texas too. She's from Houston. And you helped with her luggage. Oh, yeah, I helped her luggage. What a glamorous life she lives. She lives out of her suitcase.

She does? Yeah. Well, it's because she was in the, down the driveway, and I helped her. I actually don't know if she's from Houston, but I know she's from, like, the south. I'll ask her. But, yeah, they're real fast and they're real quick. So I really need you to come through for me this episode, okay? Okay.

What do you want to talk about? that's not what I was I'm going to need you to come through like don't ask me what to say okay okay so like last night I was with this chick she told me that we can be dating she said she wants to date but she thinks I'm a man whore but then she said that she thinks I don't have it in me to be a man whore like a cheater is that a compliment or is that like a this oh I see what you're saying is she saying okay like you don't have it in you like in what way like you're just nice of a guy yeah or that you're not cute enough I don't know you tell me she said

yeah you tell him you tell me you're a lady I think that any guy of any like ugly fine whatever in between can be a manor but not me no you can no she said

I don't think you can cheat on me you don't have it in you it's a compliment it's a compliment right I took it as offense because like what do you mean I can fucking cheat on you if I wanted to I hate that I like it at the same time

I can cheat on you if I wanted to right I don't think that's what she wants to hear either so don't say that I didn't say that what went through my head I was like I think she thinks less of a man of me like she thinks I'm less of a man I don't think so

I'm a man I'm a man yeah guys he's a man I'm a man in bed I was like ooh yeah he's listening to in his goddamn man. What are you on today?

He's on the cold bruise. How many bruise we talked in? I love those cold bruise. What are you doing for Christmas? I'm going to be here. With who? I'm myself. Doing spots.

Oh. Maybe there's an invite for someone. I'm not taking strays this year. Huh? I'm not taking in any strays this year. I don't have it in me. Normally I take in strays. Do you have it in me this year?

What's a pet peeve for ladies' my age that should be illegal um dating wise yeah um illegal um immigrants what oh what you say that's a pet peeve for girls immigrants immigrants no we're good with immigrants me no i don't know i have papers um you have papers yeah your whole family has papers yeah it doesn't matter they'll still come for you because ices just out to harass just like my ex she keeps calling me she's still calling you

she's harassing me wait what are we on what are we what's the update on that tell the truth man that is the truth the truth is he's not over her what's the update on your ex I

the last time I talked to her I was like hey are you for real do you actually have a pin pal and then I was like I told her like hey don't you get are you ever going to get tired of collect

call from prison I don't know I got it. You get it? Yeah. And what did she say? She said, shut up. Is that what the word pen pal comes from, like the penitentiary?

Oh, I never thought about it that way. Or is it just the pen like a ball pen? Pen pal. No, it's just letters. You're right. This is just letters. Oh, okay. Because you're writing pen.

Yeah. You can write with pencil. Pencil pal. Pencil pal. You write in pencil? No, I don't write. I have this graphia. Oh, I've seen you draw.

scribble we're your notes at and someone was like that's not the superman s that's a susy that's oh yeah no that's a super essay s what's and then super essay super essay and then someone said that oh yeah and you know what i have a i have a interesting thing that i noticed about you oh um this can't be good you tried to draw i think at least now i've noticed you keep trying to draw a cube and i think you were caught wrong. Can I teach you how to draw a cube? Yeah, but... You've tried, like, 16 times on the page, and I kept looking at you. I was like, he's getting one line wrong.

Explain it. Is he not doing the typical... And then you connect it? I think you... Okay, let's watch him draw a cube, and you'll know what I mean. And I kept wanting to correct them, but we were in the middle of a pod. I'm like, hey, you... Let me see. Yeah.

Okay, draw the square first. Here, hold on. I'm going to get my... Wait, sit next to Kalila. Okay, yeah. Oh, yeah, film it. There we go. Okay, draw. Go ahead. Draw the square first. Wait, I can't see.

I have dysgraphia, disclaimer. What does discraphia for people that I don't know what that is? Just poor handwriting. Well, it's a learning disability affecting writing, causing issues with spelling, legibility, and spacing, expressing thoughts coherently, stemming from difficulties with motor skills. Okay. Oh, you got it. That's the first cube you got right.

So he was doing it wrong. He was doing it wrong before, right? When nobody was watching. Hey guys, it's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu. I promise you're gonna laugh. I am an immigrant.

Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else. My Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply. Thank you.