TigerBelly - Bonus Belly: Candice Thompson & the Coffee Beans

Episode Date: August 27, 2017

Candice is Tandice. Bobby doesn't want dynamite duty. We talk negging, inbreeding, Jeffrey Dahmer's menu, the sexual race card, and a white supremacist at the Old Spaghetti Factory.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You're going to have a stroke. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to another beautiful episode of Tiger Belly. Yeah, here we go. And we got, oh man. We've, I think, I've never been so angry having this guest. I'll tell you that right now. She's antagonizing me already. Really?

She's provoking me, guys. Provoking. Well, let's introduce the people that are in the room before we have our guest being introduced. We've got Kalyla. We've got Gilbert. We've got George. We've got my favorite white dude. Right here. He's my favorite white dude right here. What's his name? Jason.

We've got Jason here. He's my favorite, man. Fuck yeah, dude. Give me a fucking pound, bro. And then we got, um, fuck, man. We got Super Tan, Candy Thompson. This is what I like to call Tandis. Is it Candis or Candy? It's Candis.

Can I call you Candy? The people call you Candy? No. Oh, God. I have a little less respect for you. I got another bullet in the gun. He's not a candy. I'm not a candy. I'm not a stripper. For some reason, I'm offended that

that now he's like, you're not candy. And I'm like, wait a second. You're like Mexican Candy. Spicy kind, though. I like Mexican Candy. Hey, um, so you're, listen, you look tan as fuck. This is not even the, you know,

I can get tanner than this, too. This is not even the blackest I've ever been. Yeah. You look like when I, when you came in, I go, oh my God, it's Halle Berry. Yeah. If she was in a massive car accident. Like NASCAR, like NASCAR accident, where like five cars were on fire.

A pile up. Right. And she's like, ah, she's on flames, completely in flames, running in circles. Ah, you know, people are hosing her down. And then it'd be like, oh, there's Candy Thompson. Candy Thompson. Yeah. Candy Thompson, ladies and gentlemen. But, um, you think you're cute. I don't think. You know,

you know, that's what I love about your confidence. And that's why I like you. Really? Yeah, because you're confident. Really? Because, uh, you know, a lot of my opener, you opened for me for a couple years, you know, and you're very good. Thank you, Bobby. But, uh, not all of them have done the

Tonight Show like you have. I know. You make me proud in that way. Like, she used to open for me. I was so proud when you told me. I never saw it. I refuse to see it. I'm so proud of you. I've never seen it. I think I saw like a clip of it or something. Shine blocker. You know, I said it was a shine blocker.

Oh, yeah? You don't like other people getting attention, do you? Oh, really? It's called tough love. Have you heard of it? Have you heard of tough love? Yes, I have. Yeah, I'm going to fucking hate you into fame. Oh, I like that strategy. You know what? I think that might work because, and I've complained about this before, is that I feel like

I would have a television show right now for myself if my parents disapproved of what I did more and were tougher on me. They're so supportive that I feel like they'll love me regardless. So I feel like I'm not working as hard as I should be because of that. Do you always have a room in their house? Yes. Yes. Yeah, if I call, you know,

most parents would be like, oh, she's coming back home. Yeah. My parents would be like, yay, she's coming back home. We've been wishing for this for the past 15 years. I've never seen you also wear this kind of clothing before. You mean like a woman? Yeah, you're usually dressed like a woman. I know because I do stand...

First of all, that is not true. I do not dress like a homeless person, but I do dress more masculine for the stage. That's what I meant. Do you feel the need to do that? Like, what's the rules when it comes to being a female performer on stage? Man. Like, if you're an unattractive woman,

there are no rules. You can do whatever you want. But like, if you're even semi-attractive or have like a decent figure and a decent face, people get you automatically... I think it goes the same for guys, too. Like, if you're an attractive man, Bobby wouldn't know about this. But if you're an attractive man,

the crowd is automatically not on your side. Even more so if you're a woman, though, because they're already like, you're not going to be funny when the women are looking at you with their arms crossed because their man is probably looking at you. And so it's just an uphill battle from there. So I try not to show skin. And when I dress like this, I have a little tank top on,

I try to do this as much as possible because most of the time I can't when I'm on stage. Right, Bobby? Take it back. What? Take it back. No. We're having fun now.

No, take it back right now. It's all fun and games. You just said I look like Halle Berry. I understand that. I can't give it back. I'm the host of the show. Take it back. What's going to happen if I don't? I will be very agitated.

And you will see a side of me that no one in this room has seen before. Bobby, you've been here before. That really hurt my feelings, OK? I'm not ugly. Nobody said you're ugly. I'm cute as fuck, all right? No one said you're ugly.

When I go up on stage, women go... They're pussy juices. Ew. I can hear it in the audience. He was just telling me that he had two women one time. Oh, yeah. So... Yeah.

He's also had two men at one time. Whoa, Kalyla. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not threatened by that. Hold your horses there. They cancel each other out. Yeah. So you're single.

You were raised with a mother, right? No. Why are you saying that? Because I'm black? I just don't know much about your parents. I bet your sister... Well, if you watched my Tonight Show set... Refuse.

You would know. Won't. That her dad is the best husband. That my parents... Yeah, do it. My dad is fantastic. All right, good. I talk about that on stage.

That's great. I never watched it. He's been on the road with you for five years. I want to see this is what I do. This is what I do. If I'm still on the road with him five years from now, just shoot me. I know. I'm doing something wrong.

I know. But you're on the right track. You'll be headlining soon. I hope so. Are you headlining now? I mean, I am headlining, but not like... You know, I need to... I can't put asses in seats yet, so...

I mean, I can headline absolutely, but like, as a club in Minnesota gonna book me, I can't sell, you know, seats. With your demographic, all you need is like eight asses because they're so big. Oh, my God. I don't know what that meant. I attacked you. Stop. It didn't make sense.

I needed to attack you. But it still hurt. I know. I made... It made no sense, but still did it not burn a little bit. I mean, no, because I actually, it did a little bit even though it didn't make sense. Make any sense. But I want a bigger butt.

What? I want a bigger ass. You have a big butt, Candace. It's not big compared. Have you ever seen my sister's ass? You haven't seen... Her sister's ass is juicy. Juicy, juicy, juicy.

My sister, like, has a, and this is after she has a child. I mean, he's not a child anymore. Oh, that's why it's so juicy. That's not... It was like that before. I was. Yeah. She just has a really great body.

I don't find you... Like, I've never, ever looked at you when I went, yeah. I know because you're racist. Stop. That was a car stopping. Okay. Object work. Object work.

Yeah. Sound effects. Yeah. I'm the new public in San Francisco. Okay. So, listen to me. I am not racist. Do you think I'm racist?

Be real. You called me the N-word the other day. With a hard E-R. I did not. Yes, you did. Why would you say something? Oh, that's blasphemy. It's just not blasphemy.

I have love, though. Did I not do it? Did I not do it all alone? We have witnesses. You've been in front of Dean Del Rey. The fucking punk rock Hobbit. Yes. He'll never do this podcast, by the way.

He will never do this podcast. Because he wants to be on the podcast so bad, he won't be on it. Michael LaNoce will not be on this podcast. They ask every day. They will not be on it. Okay. Tiger Valley. All right.

You're right. I do remember saying it. Yeah. It's not the only time I said it. Yeah. Yeah. But I do it to get a laugh, no? Or do you think I do it through like Trump like I hate?

I mean, it's not funny when you say it. It's not for a laugh. But I know that you don't mean to be malice behind it. Oh, man. I feel bad. No, you don't. With all the stuff that's going on in the world, I feel bad about it. I think white supremacists are getting a bad rap, though.

Really? Oh, God. I know a couple that are really nice. Why does he do this every time you're here? He only does this shit. That's aggressive. No. I went to my friend Bubba's house once.

Yeah. He offered me a Paps Blue Ribbon. This is a black person? Yeah. No. It was a white supremacist. And he goes, here are my ropes. And I checked out his ropes.

And he was really nice. So, you know, I think just getting a bad rap. Bad rap. Don't you think, everybody? Crickets. Back me up. The crickets. How do you feel about what he did Tuesday?

Trump comes out. Trump heart. Yeah. He comes out with that Stepford wife, Google lady. Which one? Oh, Elaine. Elaine something. Elaine Chao.

Chao. Mitch McConnell's wife. Mitch McConnell's side ass right there. Yeah. She's a backwards Asian lady. But she's always Asian lady behind Trump. Yeah. She's got that like Stepford wise smile, right?

They all do. She looks like she binds her feet and walks on his back. You know, and does like, I'm a concubine. You know what I mean? I mean, she is the worst kind of Asian because I'm going to say something right now. Yeah. When fucking somebody, when fucking somebody is saying that, oh, they're trying people on social size and all that shit, you shouldn't be next to him if you're a minority.

He's surrounded by them. He's surrounded by them. They're all fucking cowards. I'm watching CNN to seeing all these, there's black people that are sticking up for him still. So I'm like, yeah, but not a lot. There's enough. Well, the worst of those two chicks that are the YouTube girls.

Oh my God. Oh, I know you're talking. Yeah. Yeah. Those get away. There's something to be said about taking the opposing view and knowing that there's money to be had. Of course they don't mean anything.

Yeah. It's just like Alex Jones. Like, I think admittedly in the past, he said that, you know, this is a character that he portrays in order to make money. I think that was revealed in his like custody battles with his ex-wife and his divorce dealings. It's he, she confirmed that no, that's a character that Tommy Lahren same scenario. I understand that it's a character or whatnot. But when you're a Sandy Hook denier.

Yeah. You're perpetuating just something that's so awful and hateful. I mean, these poor parents that lost their child and then some fucking assholes going, it was a hoax. They're not really dead or they never really existed. Where are they if they're not dead? You know what I'm saying? Like they're saying these people are not dead.

They were just actors. But then where are they? Well, maybe they didn't exist. Maybe his point of view is like, how do they not exist? I know. I mean, I know. Well, I know. I'm not.

I'm not one of them. I know. I saw the Sandy Hook documentary. I mean, my heart goes out to all that shit, you know. And you know how recently did you see his last videos of him chasing that dude down? He was he was on the streets. I'm trying to. This is Alex Jones.

Yes, Alex Jones. And one of the guys like threw coffee in his face and he made a big deal out of it. And he was like, that's what you call like an alt left, like radical, blah, blah, blah. But he planted that guy. He did his own false flag. That's why I don't trust anything in the media anymore. And it sounds terrible. And I'm not like fake news like Trump, but it's like everything is manipulated and I'm

skeptical about everything that I see. Yeah, that's fair. But I don't I'm not saying I don't believe these things happen. Yeah, that is 100% fair. But when you when you see when you hear Trump say what he says, you have to take that at face value. You know, he he has shown his colors. Of course.

He's not changing. We knew what he was. But in my opinion, the the reason why I think I am the way I'm right now. What in how is that? I'm so depressed about it. But you were depressed before. I know, but I'm like ultimately ultimately on the precipice of something very drastic because I I'm so sad.

I think about it. It's terrible. I 24 seven. It's terrible. Now imagine if you were like a black person or a Jewish person. Okay, stop, stop, stop. It's even worse. Stop.

It's fucking you're you're a fucking you're a race that he hasn't even said shit about. All right. Can I just say something? Hey, fuck not. Yeah. Listen to me. Okay. I want to be clear with you.

All right. The KKK. We're on the list too. Of course you are. But you're like 12. I know. We're still on there. So when you go if they take over and you die off, the Jews die off after they kill the

Mexicans. Yeah. And all that. Yeah. So you'll be next in line. I'm not saying you're not. Yeah. So I'm just saying, imagine what it would be like.

What I'm saying is, is that I can feel you. I feel you. I feel you. No, we're, we should be equally depressed. That's fucking bullshit. We're both minorities. I don't know. What do you mean?

I hate when people try to out oppress black people. What are you doing? Right. What are you doing? Not in America. No, you can't. Not in America. Yeah, I understand that. I understand that we were never shipped over here and made slaves,

but we did have Chinese people here building the railroads out of our own choice, which is dumb. Right. You know, back in that day, you had three jobs in the old West railroad, railroad. What was another? The next thing. Laundry. And says laundry.

No. Yeah. They would wash it. I know. But that's like way after like you guys still do that. I was like oils and like snake oils and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I would do. Opium. Yeah. Opium then it's the choice between because because Chinese people had dynamite duty. Right. So there they told the Chinese guys take this 19 sticks of dynamite and go blow a hole through that fucking cliff so we can build a railroad through it. And the Chinese guy would go, okay, okay.

And then a lot of them died. Yeah. Because it's the most dangerous thing. I'm going to do opium. If I'm Chinese, I come here. They go, what do you want to do railroad dynamite or opium? Yeah. I don't think I'll get high with them.

Bobby would dynamite. I'd suck your dick. I don't give a fuck. What would I do with opium? I don't care. My opium then would be even extra special. It's like the cowboys. He sucks your dick too.

Opium then would be a crap. I didn't ask for it. I didn't ask for it. It's just the part of the package. You know, he forces you off. Yeah. So build a kid. Everyone would be going to my fucking opium then.

You know what I mean? They can fuck me in the ass. I don't give a fuck because I'm not doing dynamite duty. Gotcha. No DD. No DD. Nobody would touch you. Yes, we weren't enslaved.

We weren't oppressed like African Americans. You have it historically. You're also not currently oppressed like black people. We're currently oppressed. We just work harder. I just said it. I don't even mean what I'm saying. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I let him inside. She started it. I let him inside me, Candace. I pray for you every night. Thank you. I know you. I pray every night.

I'm like, I don't know how she does this. How she does this. Candace, we were just joking. Okay. I know. But I'm just saying that. There's truth in every joke. Oh my goodness.

So you think that Asians are elitist? Uh, yes. Wow. I work lift. What? I work lift. Yeah. He works lift.

Yeah. But we look down on him. Well, can I just say something right now? You have to put things into perspective. And if you think that Koreans specifically had it good. We were oppressed by the Japanese for a very long time. We're talking about America, Jack. I'm just saying Jack.

What I'm saying is that my parents did not have. I'm talking about your parents. Yeah. What I'm saying is history. We're talking about today. Let me say something right now. Fucking out. All right.

Say it. All right. I was working at construction when I was in my early 20s. Okay. And you were getting paid. Not much. Not much. I was digging ditches.

And let me say something right now. There was two guys. There was a white dude that worked for this construction company. And I did. We were both runners because we both had trucks. Right. So what we do is we go to like lumber yards and stuff like that. And order order wood and stuff for this company.

Right. Cause we had trucks and we'd bring it back. What my point is, is this one lumber yard that this white dude usually goes to. They sent me because he was sick or something. And the guy came out and he goes, what happened? Where's the American one? He said that to me. And I go, what do you mean?

Poor thing. No, my poor. Did he whip you after he said it? Were you whipped? I don't think so. Candice, you have the same reality as I do. My ancestors were. My ancestors were boiled alive by fucking Japanese.

We're talking about America. I'm just saying it's history. It doesn't, where it happened. I know that. You fuck nut. I know that. All right. First of all.

Why are we having this? Let me say something. Let me say something. First of all. You doing construction is a terrible idea. Okay. I'm going to say something. Candice.

I'm not going into any building that you built. Hey, ugly Halle Berry. I'm going to tell you something. All right. Listen to me. Okay. You and I have more things in common than you know. Did you know that you and I were strictly on Jeffrey Dahmer's menu?

Oh, I know. I thought he liked black boys. He started with high boys. High boys. High Asians. Yeah. He ate black dudes and two Asians. He didn't do black women, did he?

No, but in terms of race. What I'm saying is that we should have that as a bond too. Is Jeffrey Dahmer. We were both under afternoon. The serial killer bond. We were on Jeffrey Dahmer's menu. Body parts were refrigerated. Yeah.

Together. You're right. So we also have the movie rush hour. That is true. Okay. So there's a lot of things. Posts. Right.

So we can really celebrate you and I. You're right. I guess. Okay. And you're an American. I'm an American. We're both fucking minorities. I'm sure you had it worse than us.

Okay. You're right. But trust me when our president says that white supremacist, there's some fine people on that side. I know. It fucking devastates me also because I know. All right. I know about it.

All right. So it devastates white people. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. I don't know. Yes. It does.

If you see the rally. I don't necessarily know. The chick that got killed was right. 300 of them and I get to be lumped in just because I'm in the room. You get lumped in all the time, George. The chick that died was white. I know. But I know.

I just want to see more GOP people. Of course. Just sticking their heads out. There's like 30 of them out of how many? Like there's a handful. I think Jeff Flake. Why haven't all of them? McCain.

His buddy. What's his buddy's name? McCain's buddy. I like. Jeb. No. The guy from Lindsey Graham. Oh, yeah.

Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham. I think Romney now is out. Yes. You know who is Mark Marco Rubio? Yeah. He's been fucking tweeting the fuck saying his name in the tweet saying this is wrong. And I think more Republicans need to stick their fucking heads out and go.

This is fucked up. Absolutely. But I mean, they're cowards. It's the same people that are standing behind him while he's making these speeches and not doing anything. It's just like they're not going to. I'm not expecting them to. But the secret.

Can I hear? Do you want to hear a secret? Yes, please. That 35% of the country packs him. His supporters. Yeah. And that number is fucking scary. I know.

Did you? The only thing is that you're surprised by this, whereas like I'm not. I don't think any black person was surprised by this, whereas I think you you genuinely are like, I can't believe that I'm like, we knew this was going to happen. We knew like 35. That's actually a low number, I think. Yeah. I would tell you the spaghetti factory story.

There's many in San Diego. One of the white supremacist. There's a white supremacist. Oh, you should. Make sense. You're told you to pull your pants up. No, no, no. This is a long time ago.

So there's this guy named Jamie Kaler. Look him up. He's an actor. But back in the day, Jamie Kaler lived in San Diego. He was in the Navy and Jamie Kaler had a sketch group and he saw me at an open mic. I was 23 years old and he goes, I have this whole couple of lines. Was this before or after the construction job? This is after.

After. Yeah. He could now afford spaghetti factory. Yeah. And then there was a spaghetti factory. He nuts. He was getting paid for his continued box. And I never, he paid me for the show.

He could pay me like 40 bucks to do this like sketch show. And I had a couple of lines, but I've never been paid for doing comedy at that point. So I went, you know what? I'm going to go to the spaghetti factory because that was a big meal. That's like me going to Morton's now. It's a big deal. Yeah. Well, Morton's not really a big deal now.

They have one. Are they still open? They have one in Montclair. I love it. That's it. It's my favorite. The manager of specials with the mizathro cheese and the mushroom meat sauce is my favorite. Anyway, what happened was.

Brought to you by Morton's. I was, so this is, so I was sitting in this restaurant by myself, right? And a busboy walks up to me and he was Jewish and he goes, Hey, I will let you know that the table next to you is going to cause a problem. I go, what problem? He goes, they complained to me because they think that I'm white, that they don't want to sit next to this chink, right? So I go, what do I do?

What do I do? I got the managers, he's coming, but something's going to go down. He just received you. What? He's received them. What do you receive? No, they, they go, they said, can he move because we don't want to sit next to him. And they go, no, they go, then they go, can we move?

And they go, you can move out of the restaurant and they got kicked out. But when they stood up and looked at me, they did not look happy, right? So I stayed at that spaghetti factory until it closed. I stayed there for two hours until it closed and I had them walk me to my car. You thought you were going to get lynched when you walked outside? Where was this? In San Diego. San Diego?

Dude, San Diego is number one conservative. Yeah. It's a military town. Yeah. I never got any pussy there. All right. So think about it. Me not getting a pussy?

They must be. Oh shit. That's racism. No, think about it, guys, he ain't getting pussy in San Diego. Yeah. Holy shit. That's not conservative. That's just good sense.

That's just good decision making. That hurts, but that really hurts, but my point is this is that when that happened, it really opened my eyes, you know what I mean? Because I always thought that like me not getting laid was because of my ethnicity. And it's, it's true in LA. That's when it started happening for me, the racism there in San Diego is why yes, because when I kind of LA like chicks were like, Hey, let's fuck out of be like me. I've never heard anybody play the race card when it came to sex, you know, like that's

just very interesting. Like I wasn't getting asked because of my race. That's you. What you think I'm making it up a stretch, Bobby, when you were younger to Asian girls like you, you don't know what it's like, you fucking asshole, you can't pull the race card on a whole city because you weren't getting late. I think there are probably some other elements that came into play. You just said you just took two white guys at a restaurant.

You know what I'm a big fan of right now? Who? Tone bell. Oh my God. Why does it have to always get to them because she just provoked me. Did I? Yeah. Well, what?

He is my favorite. That doesn't affect me. Okay, good. That just means you have bad taste in comedy. I'm team Candice all day. You know, I know she loves you. Call. I love you so much.

She loves you so much. When you guys break up. Yeah, I know. You guys going to hang out? You're going to what? And she's going to betray you and she's going to tell me everything. All the new girls you date, who you're bringing to the comedy store. You don't think Candice is on my side?

She's just going to turn into Littlefinger. Oh, Lord Baelish. Baelish, yeah. Little Baelish here, huh? Can we talk about that? Yeah, we can talk about it. Really quick. Who is Candice, though?

What? Who is Candice as the character and the show? We've talked about it. Who do you most relate to on the show? Aria. Me too. Yeah, you're not Aria. What do you mean?

I can fight? No. Yeah. You've got to find out after this. Yeah, but with that body, we know what, no matter if you change the face, I go, that's Candice. Look at the body. I'm confused.

No, look at her tits. I'm confused. I'm confused. You have a nice breast. I think you're very pretty. Thank you. I'm confused. I'm confused.

Fucking yeah. I think she was very beautiful. Thank you. I know, but you have to slam it down a bit. Oh, yeah, I see. Okay. No, you don't. And that's why, oh my God, I hate men because of that.

Can I tell you? Yeah. You get this a lot, I'm sure. Men automatically think if you're an attractive woman that they have to take you down a notch, even if they've never met you, even if they do know you and know that you've been a nice person, they still feel the need, and I'm not saying every man, but it happens frequently. You get, it's called negging, and I talk about it on stage. Negging.

Yes. It's called negging. Bobby's a nigger. Yeah. I'm a nigger. He can't give it up. What was the first neg you gave Kalyla? I never did it.

All the time. He calls me Stanley Tucci. That's true. What? Why? She doesn't look like Stanley Tucci. I know, but late at night, when your eyes get adjusted to the dark, you go, Tucci? Yeah.

He can't. What? Absolutely not. I still don't understand what that means. He still does that. I don't think that I've ever walked out. I've gotten dolled up, say, for instance. I don't think I've ever walked out of the room and him say, like, wow, like you look

really pretty today. Oh my God. I can't imagine. I can't imagine. I can't even imagine him saying that. Shut the fuck up. But also, I don't require it because I just know who he is. You know who he is.

I'm a bad guy. Is that what it is? I'm evil. Nobody's saying that. I don't need it. I also don't like guys who over-complement me anyways. Oh, that's, yeah, no. I agree.

So I'm okay with this. You got to keep her on a leash, bitches. All right? You can't give them the food. You got to fucking dangling from their face. If I fucking say, every day, you're beautiful, she's going to leave. She's going to leave. She's going to leave.

She can say, say it every day. She said, every once in a while, would be nice. You look beautiful, baby babes. Thank you. Thank you. All right, there you go. That one, she has to ask you for it. It doesn't count.

He does say it on the podcast. So you watch Game of Thrones. I do watch Games of Thrones. Yeah, yeah. Games of Thrones. What did you think of last Sunday? Oh my God, I watched it. Spoiler alert.

Last night, you mean? Yeah, last night. Last night? Oh, I watched it twice already. He bawled after the death of Viserion. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it. That was terrible.

It was terrible, but what was really emotional about it was Danny and Jon Snow's little interaction on that poem. He cried. I cried to her in that poem. Oh. I'll tell you my queen when he says that. Oh, and he's in the bed and she's taking care of him. He just wants some auntie pussy.

That's why he said it. Some what pussy? Auntie pussy. Yeah, that's his aunt. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. You know, I wish that they had revisited. I remember when they first revealed that he was a Targaryen, it was in the baby.

He was a baby. It was a quick scene that I had actually forgotten about because I watched the whole thing all over again in the whole series because I knew I was like, I know I've forgotten so many things. Yeah. So I rewatched and I was like, I forgot he was a fucking Targaryen. Yeah, but it'll be cleared up when they're doing a past episode. They have to.

I've never. They hired an actor to play the Mad King. Yeah, they're going to. They're going to do that whole thing. There's a character for Rhaegar, too, so the dad, the dad of Jon and the brother of Danny. Yeah. So I think that someone more incest is coming.

I have never supported incest so much in my life. I mean, this to happen. I mean, I'm I'm for this one, but I'm not for the Lannister. No, because that's this is accidental incest. They're not aware. Yeah, but why people do incest? It's not that weird. Oh, that is true.

Is it not? I mean, because of the South kind of expected. Yeah. You mean like the hillbillies back? Right? I mean, the Appalachian Mountains, they don't do that. I'm from Georgia. I saw it all the time.

Yeah, yeah. So when it's when it's like white people, it's like, that's what they do. It is what they do. Yeah. That's what they look like. George. George is like 20 generations of inbreeding. Look at that fucking face.

Look at his eyes are so crossed together. His skin is a human. It's like about to fucking burst into flames. Look how pink it is. It's like that. It's like that sword. Yeah, this is a weak, weak human being. The sword.

The Lord of Light. The Lord of Light. The Lord of Light, yeah. God, look at your face. Jason's over there. You know him. I like his parole right here, Jason. He's my main man right there.

Casey, Jason. Casey. But, um. Yeah, no. So we were discussing, do we think the dragon is going to breathe fire or ice? Ice. I think ice too. Yes.

I think ice too. Yeah. And I also think, and I might be wrong on this, but this is just me because I want this to happen. But I kind of feel like he's going to recognize, even now he's an ice person, whatever that's called. Me too. He's going to recognize his mother.

I think so too. Not at first, but it's going to take a moment and he's going to be like. Because he's not a human and he's not a regular animal. He's somebody who was. Who? The dragon. No. You don't think?

You think he's far gone? You think when they turn, they turn? Yes. I think so too, but I think there might be hope in there. We're holding out hope. Yeah. No, no, no. That's his mother.

It's not him anymore. I know, but maybe it's a little bit in him still. Okay, fan fiction. Like if you watch, like if you, I don't know, the first couple of years of The Walking Dead, I think there was a one where some farmer, some farmer had his family members in a, in a barn that was all locked up because they were all, he thought that they were going to turn. But good.

Well, like, they're going to find like a. Yeah. A potion and antidote. Right. Yeah. But it's, they don't know. They don't know. And that's a given.

Right. He's a white walker and he's going to kick some fucking white walker ass, you know, believe it. The soul crushing. No, I know. Yeah. The redhead. What's his name?

The one I like. Oh. I like him too. Oh my God. Oh yeah. If they don't fuck Brienne. Oh, they have to. You would.

They have to. She's not an unattractive. Brienne. Yes. I think she's beautiful. Yeah. I think she's beautiful. She's huge.

Yeah. She's a huge bitch. But she is also not unattractive. She's a pretty face. I'd rather fuck Macaulay Culkin. But if you actually seen her like in real life, Gwendolyn Christie, she's beautiful. She's actually a very beautiful woman. She's very tall.

She's very. Oh yeah. She's beautiful. Are you being. Yeah. You're the same type. You're the same type of people. If like Andre, the giant had a sex change.

You're like, she's beautiful. Sweetie. He had agro Magali. That's different. Is it? Is that the technical term? Yeah. Brienne is just a big tall woman.

She's just a huge bitch. Yeah. Jesus Christ. She wouldn't fuck you neither. Yeah. Have you ever stopped to think about that? Yeah. I love when men are like.

I don't know what just happened. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she wouldn't fuck me either. You're right. She wouldn't. She'd look at you and be like scoff. I'd be like, you think I would ever have sex with that.

But he's from House Lee. You don't know about House Lee? And that's why you're here. You mean I heard about the lawyer? That is why you're here. I have a question. Here. We should do a survey.

Who do you think? Do you think that more women would fuck Bobby or more men would fuck Brianna Tarth? I think that more men would fuck. I mean, just because number one, she's a woman and I think men don't care. It's not fair. She's on a TV show. How about this? So are you?

No, I'm not. I'm not anywhere near. Oh, wait. Are we talking about her or are we talking about her character, Brianna? Lady Brianna Tarth. I always just know her as Brianna. No, the actress. In the armor.

In the armor. I still think she'd get more ass than Bobby. In that world, no one would fuck me. First of all, there's no Asians. They'd be like, what the fuck is that? No, the children of the forest. Children of the forest. Were they Asian?

Well, the actress was Asian. So we're one of the first people in that world. Yeah. You're a forest person. Yeah, I'm a forest person. Oh my God. Cute. I'm cute.

Powers, I guess. Yeah. I want to say this really quick about the show. I'm ready for Tyrion to die. Why? I'm so upset by him. I'm so upset. Because he has a morality now.

The only thing that's bad that's happened is because of Tyrion. He did send them. Season one through six. So smart. So calculated. Yeah. First time ever. Stupid.

Yeah, no, I agree. He's a dwarf and that's why he deserves a die for one fuck up. I'll tell you why that's actually. Didn't say that. Yeah, that's what you said. I'll tell you why you're wrong. Everyone, Gilbert doesn't like dwarves. Are you?

I'll tell you why you're wrong. I'll tell you why you're wrong. He makes one fuck up, but Baelish makes a thousand. He's fine. I hate Baelish though. From the very beginning was always an underdog. Somebody who was striving to be, not even striving. He was just, you know, kind of left to be the outcast.

He has a fight. Yeah. And when you have nothing to lose, you become the hero of every story. Now he's at the top book. Sorry. He's at the top with Danny and he has a lot to lose. And I think that it's easy to make mistakes and have actual losses when you're at the top.

That is true. That is also true. Realistic. When they bring a white walker to seriously, she even gives a fuck. No. No. Thank you. I thought that was pretty stupid.

Do you know why it's stupid? Because she doesn't, she has the mountain who's a zombie. That's not surprising to her. It doesn't surprise her. She's going to be like. She has a Frankenstein. She right now has lost all of her children. She fucks her brother and her cousins, everyone.

Right. She's a fucked up lady. She's pregnant now. I know. Allegedly. Allegedly. She is, she's on a suicide mission. Yeah.

She doesn't care. She wants to burn everything. She wants to die. It's also her fault that they're all dead. The kids? Yeah. All her kids are dead because of her. Yeah.

Yeah. That is true. I think that we have a certain president. Trump. I wouldn't give him that much credit. He's not smart. No. He's not smart.

Yeah. Thursday actually knows politics. Right. And she knows how to win. She knows how to manipulate people and get what she wants. Where Trump is just. I don't know. She has that whole map on as her floor.

Yeah. That's pretty. I don't think Trump knows where the United States is. This guy is under. He thought Frederick Douglass was still alive. So I'm just saying. He's not a smart man. He's not a thinking man.

He doesn't want to say the word heal. It's about that. Oh yeah. Wait. Oh yeah. He tweeted. He tweeted. Was that when he tweeted?

I tweeted Kofife? Kofife? No, no, no. Just this week. He had said that something about the nation needs to heal. You know how you tell a dog to heal and obey you? Yeah. Like oh Freudian slip.

I mean he also he said he was saying either he's trying to say precedent or president and he spelled it. I think he said set the president precedent. He's trying to set the precedent. Yeah. He put president. Yeah. That was a classic.

Classic. You only do black guys. I for the most part that is what I have dated. I'm trying to branch out. I love that answer. I'm trying to branch out. Ian Edwards. I did date Ian Edwards.

Yes. I love him. He's still one of my best friends. Tone bell. Unfortunately, yes. Yes. That is two. I've only dated two comics.

Yeah. And then what are the other African-Americans you've dated? You don't know them. Kevin Durant. I'll just put it out there. Of course. Cosy Bryant. Yeah.

Shaq. Ooh. Cornell West. No, I'm kidding. Aww. I've never seen you date outside of that pool. I've never seen her date anybody. You were not there.

I didn't know you when I dated Ian. I didn't know you when I dated Tone. That was so long ago. Yeah, Jason. You know what I'm saying? Oh, wait. So I did go out the white guy. Uh-huh.

A couple of weeks ago. Cos I met him on an app Coffee Meets Bagel. Have you guys heard about this? Never. It's Asian-owned. I know. You told me about this. It is.

It may take a long time. Fun tank. Yes. Nerds. We are nerds. Is it another dating one? It's a dating app. So how is it different?

It's different. Okay. And it actually is, like I think it is a better one. Because it makes people take it more seriously. Because, you know, on Tinder and on Bumble, you can just swipe right and left on people all day without getting, like, penalized. Yeah. Or just if you, I was found myself on those, like, just when I was bored, like, oh, let

me go to the toilet. It's a game. Yeah. On Coffee Meets Bagel, every time you want to like somebody or reach out to someone, it costs you, on the women's end, we have coffee beans. On the men's end, I don't know what they have, but it costs them that to like somebody's photo. Real, like, cat money?

Yeah. Well, it's just, it's called, they call coffee beans on the women's. Oh, that's credit. Yeah. But you have to either purchase them with your own money. Oh. Or you have to earn them by being active on the site. So if you are just earning them, like, I never spent money on it.

I would just spend money on it then. I didn't spend money. What's the point? Like him, he would just spend a ton of money and just frivolous. Oh, well, that's, to me, that's not worth it to me. Like, I'd rather just use the beans that I have. I would never use my own money. I would just be like, oh, I guess I can't click on this.

Just stand in there with the beans. No. But the beans make you be more serious about it, because you're like, oh, either I have to spend money to- So you, you, you, you, you see 10 profiles, they're all hot. And then like- I can only choose two. Yes. Or you, or you can buy more beans, but at the same time, like again, that's your weight, you're spending money on something that's hit or miss.

Is it going to be worth it? I don't know. There's more. There's more at stake. Yeah. So then you, you, you meet this white guy. I meet this white guy who I found out after that he's a failed comic. Oh, this guy.

Oh no. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I would not have gone out with him had I known this beforehand. All I knew is when we were, when we were conversing via text messages that he told me that he knew Faheem.

Anwar. Yes. And I didn't ask him like, if he was a standup, I just didn't, I didn't, I don't know. I just thought that he knew each other. I thought maybe he was in the comedy world and somehow I don't, I didn't ask. Okay. We go out to dinner and within the first 10 minutes, he's critiquing my tonight show set.

Oh. Oh. Oh my God. This is what he said. This is a quote. Well, I could tell you weren't really a hundred percent comfortable. You're still finding your voice. You definitely have potential and that's a compliment coming from me.

Oh my God. Classic nagging. Classic nagging. So wait. And then he continued to nag me throughout the night. Get your coffee beans back. Yeah. You don't get, you don't get to have your fun on that 275 beans, motherfucker.

And wait. So he didn't, I, because I'm an actress also, I pretended like I was enjoying myself the rest of the date because I was like, this is just more story for me. So I'm just going to sit with this. This is a white guy. So I'm sitting here. Bad start. Oh, it's terrible.

It's terrible. Every time I go out with a white guy, they disappoint me. Sorry guys. So the next thing he said, and okay, so there's a type of person, a type of non black person that doesn't want to believe that I'm black. Yeah. And I'm not saying this is just white people. Cause again, I've experienced it from, I went out with an Indian dude before this dude

who also was this type of person who was just like, so what are you again with this like frown on his face? It's true. Also, it's on my profile, what I am like, so you saw that and you still don't believe me. And you're still in like, why don't you, the guy that the white guy was like, oh, the Indian guy said Negro when we were on the date, he was like, and she was a Negro. And I was like, what?

Yeah. So I nicked that one in the bud. But then also this guy, so then this guy is just like, but he's like, no, what are you again? And I was just like, oh my God. I was like, I'm black. Both my parents are black. They're both mixed with black and Native American.

And he was like, but you could play so many other things, you know, you could be like, and I'm like, are we casting something right now? Because unless you're a casting director, there's no reason for us to have this kind of conversation. And then the last thing he said, the last strike was he walked me to my car and I had on jeans and it was like a halter top. So it didn't have like straps or sleeves. It just went around like a tube top, but it was like, it's a longer one kind.

It was definitely hanging over my mid-drift. So then he makes a comment, we're talking, he makes a comedy goes, well, you're half naked anyway. And I'm just like, what are you talking about? Damn it. I'm 90% covered right now. You see my clavicles. Yeah.

That's all you see is my clavicle game. All right. There's nothing else showing. So then he texts me because he thought the date went well. When my head, I'm like, this was terrible. He texts me like a couple of days later and was like, what's your schedule this week? Would you want to hang out again? And I said, I wrote back, hey, Rich, I don't think we're a good fit, but I do think you're

going to find your dating voice. You definitely have potential and that's a compliment coming from me, to which he didn't respond. Oh, he didn't. Rich didn't respond. Greatest callback ever. Thank you. And I don't even, I don't even know if he got it or if he appreciated it, but that

was for me. There's nothing worse than a failed comedian. Judging me on my tonight show set. Word. Candice, you got to choose better. How can I choose better? How can I choose better? How can I choose better?

All I have is a photo and why don't you just let Bobby set you up? No. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, whoa. I'm going to say this right now. Let's just be quiet. You got pics.

You got pics. You got pics. I know. Let me say this. I have quality. I have a stable of quality. He's going to harm me. I don't.

I don't. I can lie to his face. Babe, don't do that. Okay. I am very difficult to get to know. And so I have a regiment in terms of like, you know, screening people. Okay. So if you're in my stable, that means that your quality, okay.

So what you just said was a wrongful thing that you won't trust me or whatever. And I want you to take it back. Did I say that? I don't remember. I don't know. You just said what? Oh, well, you have somebody. Bobby should set you up.

I don't know about that. Right. Yeah. That was just me being dubious. I'm just, I'm, I'm telling you right now that my shit is quality. Okay. I got a kid right now in my stable, Ashton Holmes, legitimate, but he's so young. I don't know.

36 years old. He's 36. It's still too young for us. That is young. But I mean, it's 40. I know. I have a friend named Court McCowen. I know.

Court. Just naming all your friends, neutral friends. Those are the only two friends I have. That's my stable. He's a comic and never a baby. Court is a very handsome, self-encarved guy. Oh yeah. Who was I talking to?

I was talking to him about Kim Congden, I think. We were talking about he's a nice looking man. He's a specimen. Yeah. I know a couple of girls I go, I might just pussy gets wet when I'm around them. Mine doesn't do that. Mine doesn't do that, but he's attractive. I'd like to bottle John Snow's dick sweat.

I'm so in love with him. I love him too. You know what's funny is the first time I watched it, I liked Robb Stark. He was in... But he got corny the second time I watched it. Yeah. And I was like, yeah. His dick sweat?

I would bottle it. And what would you do with his dick sweat? For instance, maybe make... Look, this is what I would do. Can I ask? Just sniff it, put it on like perfume. It just put it right here. Yeah.

I want to bottle his cum. That's sad. You know what? If you bottle his cum, I would take out Turkey Baster and put it up my vagina. She's going to have a John Snow baby. Yeah. Obviously. Can I raise...

Can our baby be John Snow's baby? If Kit Harrington fucked you... With your permission? With my permission. And you said you were pregnant. Would you let her? Just let me think about it. I would let her.

For one Kit Harrington, I get 20 Natalie Portmans. 20? Yeah. Why 20? She's an Oscar, man. No, no, no. I feel like that's a very on par one-to-one ratio, sweetheart. Okay, I get one.

I get one. Then I get one. Who would I mind being? I feel like he's equally as hot as she is pretty. Yes. And equally as talented and equally as everything. She's an Oscar. Or I get a Natalie Portman if you get a Kit Harrington.

That's who does it for you? That's style. That's interesting. I would do her, yeah. Of course. No, but like who is your... I think you'd pick the... Your top.

Is she your top? She's my top. Especially in the movie The Professional. That she was 12. See? I can't. Every time you had to cut it out? I was waiting for that.

You had to cut it out? No. Every time I say that. Every... It's a reaction. Because she was 12. It's a joke. I would never fuck her once she was in the film.

It's common. I would have waited six years. I never saw the movie so I didn't get the joke. Six years and once she gets a little hair up over there, then I would attack it. Six long years. Yeah. I would ravage that pussy. You know who dated children that no one talks about?

Ooh. Well, not children. But he dated teenagers. James Woods. Did he? Yeah. Does he still? Young girls.

He likes young girls. I think that's why he's so angry. Yeah. Go ahead. Who? Paul Walker. Did he? The girl that was his girlfriend when he died.

They started dating when she was 16 and he was 32. And then he dated another 16-year-old when he was 28. How do you feel about that? I feel great about that. It's terrible. It's a little different for me. Really? Really?

You don't want a fresh product? When I... Let's just stop it. Be quiet. Do you want to buy sushi at a gas station or a fucking nice restaurant? No boo. I have something really awful to tell you guys. I'll get sushi at the nice restaurant.

Please cut this off because this is disgusting. No. You know what six-year-old pussy tastes like? Life. Oh. Edit. You know what yours? No.

Don't market. Do not market. All right. You know what yours tastes like? Huh? What? Bad yogurt. Only two people have ever been in there.

So it's still pretty fresh. I'm kidding. It's more than two. So when I was... Don't market. You're airing it. Okay. Okay.

We'll air that part. Just be your own demise. No problem. Right. Dear God. When I was... Ugh. God.

This is hard to admit. But when I was 16 turning 17, I was in a lockdown facility on like a 5150 hold because I tried to hurt myself because I was very depressed teen and I... This was my third offense, third time I had, you know, been held. So they kept me in this place for three weeks and it wasn't a place in Torrance. And over there, there was a counselor, a group counselor. And during my stay there, he always had sort of like a... He was always kind of like...

He was nice to me, but I didn't really read it that way. And all the girls had a crush on him. Because he was so much older. Well, he was in his 30s and he had a kid. And after I left the facility, I was 16 turning 17. And I had... I sort of had a crush on him, I guess. Okay.

And I didn't think it was wrong at that time, but by the time I left the facility, I ended up hooking up with him and dating him for a couple weeks. You had sex with him? I didn't have sex with him. We did other stuff. Did he eat your pussy? But he really, really liked me. Did he eat your pussy?

Maybe. Maybe. But it's not on... The onus isn't on you. You know, it's on him. But I'll tell you something. At that time of when I was 16, I saw nothing wrong with it. I had a crush.

And that really hurts my feelings. Did you think she... You were her first? No. I was her 90th. I got your fucking mind. This is Wanderlust. You don't even...

You're Wanderlust. I'm dating Wanderlust right now. I'm sucking dick and alleyway. Yeah, I know, but... I'm savage. I'm single and savage. Savage. I care.

She's knee deep in it. I'll tell you that. And I'm not threatening at all. I'm gonna fuck. Just skiing. Just skiing. She's skinny. Just skiing.

Yeah, yeah. You guys are amazing. The visual on that. Anyways, the point of my story is when I turn now, I look back and I think it's actually... It was really wrong, but I didn't have the enough... It's not wrong on you. That's why... Because you were a child.

But it feels wrong now. But when I was 16, it was like... Of course. And I just... Of course. Defend that for a second. It's all right. Let me just say this for a second.

And we might have to cut some things out here, but I need to say something. Okay? For my heart. All right? Just biologically though, if there's hair on the fucking... If there's hair there, right? That means that God, you can procreate. I think that should be the line.

No. I had like wispy pubes when I was nine. Right. I started... I got my period when I was 10. Yeah. I mean, technically... What?

No. By laws of nature. I mean, at one point in life, let me just say something, right? 18 is the law, right? The law. Right. Right. There was a meeting a long time ago.

What should we make the age, right? Yeah. And somebody went 18 and the couple went, oh yeah, that's good, 18. You know there was a guy there like, how about 15? Of course. That would have been me at the thing. Of course. And they used to do that.

That's what it used to be. They get married when they were like 13, 14. Yeah, yeah. That's why this age that society made this age up, we're living through these rules that other human beings created. No, society made age 13 up. Let's be free. What?

They made the age of 13 is okay to get married up. Yeah. How come you have to be 18 before you can go to war? You have to be 21 before you can drink, but all of a sudden you're 14 and you're okay to get married and raise a family. Right. Get out of here. But in Ohio, what is the law?

16, right? There are animals in Ohio. Yeah, yeah. My point is that how does some states have certain laws and whatnot? In other countries, what's the age? In the Philippines, no one used to care and people kind of still turn a blind eye. But now like, only if there's a problem, then someone will call statutory rape. But I see a lot of like richer businessmen with like younger girls, 16, 17, and it's

not a problem. No one says anything. No one says anything. It's a problem. It is a problem. Yeah. When someone, it's not about being physically ready, it's being mentally ready. Mentally emotionally.

I'll get them mentally ready. No, you won't. You're not mentally ready. I'm just, hey guys, anyone listening, I don't agree with what I'm saying. Is it questions? I think, no, no, stop. I want to divert from this awful talk. No, stop right now.

I need to defend myself. I don't believe what I'm saying. I think 18 is the legal age. I think if you're 17, you should wait a year, okay, but I'm going to get it. You know what I mean? I'm going to get it. I'm going to wait. Yeah.

We're going to get it. It is, you know, in that sense, it's not wrong. My dad is 36 years older than my mom. That's, that's, yeah. So basically when he's 36, she had just been born, which is pretty disgusting if you think about it. Yeah. But she was an adult.

Yeah, she was. What about the guy that's saying great balls of fire? What's his name? Jerry Lewis. He was married to his cousin that was 13, 13 years old, right? And at that time, did anyone say anything? No, he had a number one hit single, great balls of fire. Right.

And at that time. Yeah. What? At that time. So what I'm saying is, is that, you know, through time and this and that, you know, there's, is that women were more oppressed then and we didn't have voices and we men got away with a lot more stuff. I mean, they still get away with a bunch of shit, but they got away with a lot more back

then. Yeah. My grandmother had her first kid at 13. Yeah. That's because of the war and she was forced to. Yeah. She was forced to be raped and pillaged by the Japanese. Yeah.

Okay. And there's something wrong with a man. You just know what I'm saying. Yeah. And there's something wrong with a man who is mentally attracted to a teenager. I'm wrong. You are 32. My girlfriend right here is 32, 3.

I'm not yelling at you. I'm not yelling at you. Or 26. Or 27. In my mind, sometimes she's 16, but that's the fantasy, the fantasy role playing. And let me say something right now. Okay. We've run out of characters.

She's done it before. She's done the fucking girl at the camp. Yeah, of course. We've run out of characters. Yeah. Right now we're like dragons. Yeah. Like we've done all possible human characters in four years.

Yeah. Now we're playing like. You're Winnie the Pooh and I'm EO. Yeah. Like it's a weird shit now. Furries. Furries. Furries now.

What's the question? What do we have time for? We're over 50. Yeah, but. This one. Yeah. I want to keep talking. Keep talking.

Don't fucking stop me. From talking. Okay. So let me just, let me end it up with Candice. So what is your, in the next couple of years, what do you want to do? What are my career goals? Yes. Oh, I'm going to have my own sitcom.

Good. My own production company. Good. Um, and, but I want to write feature films too and starring those as well. You're a great writer, Candice. Yeah, you are great writers. I've always thought you were honestly, even before I knew you, before I, you were one of the funniest comics I have seen.

You know what? You're all right. She is funny. I know. You guys haven't seen Carol. Let me see something right now though. You guys. Okay.

Because she's opening for Papa. Mm-hmm. You've had some people open for you. Like that were like not. I didn't choose her. That even you doubt. Do you want to name some names or not? After the, after the show.

How is it going on the road with Bobby? Tell everybody. I will tell everybody that Bobby is, despite everything I've said on this podcast today, Bobby is a great headliner to go on the road with. Why? Because you treat me very well. You take care of me. You take care of like flights and like my hotels and meals when we're together.

And I know a lot of people that won't do that. So it's. I'm the only one that does it. You're very nice and you're very. And I want everyone listening right now. Yeah. Yes. You've heard some fucking pedophile shit from me.

Yes. You've heard some race shit. I said the N word to her. Okay. But let me say something right now. The bottom line is my heart is pure. His heart is pure. And we go out and he'll give homeless people just cash.

Cash. I gave a homeless one the other night. Expedite their death. What? I think that's what he wants for them because it's like, look, you're already being like a cockroach. Just society. That's why you do it.

No. Why would you even make that the thing? Because you said that to me before. I know I did. But don't make it the thing. You know what? I can tell you that whenever I see an Asian homeless person, I smile. Yeah.

I saw one of her. I feel like it's good luck. Yeah. It's like a Buddha. No, I tell him to kill a problem. Do you? Yeah. Will you not do this in the open?

What do you mean? Oh, you tell him. Yeah. We have to take care of our own. You guys are big on shame. I know. I know. My people don't care about that.

I even feel bad when I see an Asian guy working at Starbucks. To me, that's homeless. I always go, dude, come on. Even if he's young and just like an artist. Step up. You are work construction. That's no different. And I was a homeless Asian guy.

Yeah. How would you have felt if somebody came up to you? I see. All right. Give me the question. How would you have felt? Shut the fuck up. Let me do one first.

You did this for so long. I don't know what you want to read off it. You want me to do this one? I'll do another one first. Okay. Go ahead. Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalala and the very beautiful candy. Ooh, that voice, though.

Yummy. Hey, guys. I'm 17 years old and I'm a Hispanic girl and I go to majority white school. I went through a really shitty rough patch in early 2017. I fucked a white guy and he told all of his friends I was a fetish fuck. Whenever I meet, whenever I met who go to my school, people at parties, they open with, oh, you fucked blah, blah, blah, right? I'm still feeling super shitty.

I don't know how to get out of it or get over it. Thank you guys. Lucilia. Oh my God. That's easy. You fucked so and so. Yeah, I did. Yeah.

Don't let it be something that they'll shame you for. Yeah. Say you did it and it's something that you own and you'll never, ever have to answer that question again. Yeah. But also, I think. He's calling her fetish fuck. I'm just telling people.

That is terrible that he's doing that. That's horrible. Well, she was. I mean, she can fucking... But if she's going to cower when people say something to her, then that's just not the way to do it or to avoid situations because I think that's what happened with me in high school. It was a lot of cowering and people saying I did things that I actually didn't and

sexual things all because I sucked Gary the Puerto Rican's dick. Shut up to Gary. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden, it turned into like a story that was so much... It's so crazy to me how slut shaming is still a thing. Yeah. But what bothers me more is that she goes to a predominantly white school and... Well, that's her first problem.

Yeah. You got to transfer. Yeah. Go to a different school. You got to get out of there. I went to a white party once in La Crescent when I was in high school and I went to predominantly black in Mexican school, so it was the first white party I'd ever gone to. And the whole night, just these white boys calling me Boricua and I'm not Puerto Rican.

What does Boricua mean? It's a... Yeah. Yeah, it's like Hispanic. It's a Puerto Rican like Boricua. Yeah. Facho. Facho.

But the whole time, they just say... Like mommy. And it was just so to cringe worthy and I really just wanted to be like, have you guys never seen like a remotely like tan brown person? That is also another concern of mine with a white people is I don't want to be somebody's fetish. Yeah. I also don't think I'm dark enough to be anybody's fetish, but it's still a concern.

It still does. Like I'm like, I don't know what your motives are. Like I know, you guys know Brian Moses, right? Yeah. At the store. Yeah, super nice. But he was telling me, because he, for some reason switched over, he only dates white women now.

Yeah. And I always call him out for it. But he actually has told me that he's dated white women who have called him the n-word, like in arguments, like not jokingly, not as a pet name, not as it, not that it should be a pet name, but they meant it like an argument. And they called him the n-word with a hard E-R and he couldn't like, and he still continues to... I just want to say that.

What's the difference between E-R and not E-R? First of all, you shouldn't be saying either one of them. All right? I didn't say anything yet. It looks like he's about to slip out your tongue. No, no, no. You're not allowed to say either one of them. I didn't say any of them.

I know. The difference is, is when black people say it as a term of endearment to one another. Yeah, but I... We don't say the hard E-R. We don't say the hard E-R. I was in DC once, and this black dude that came to my show, I walked up to him, he goes, yeah, man, you're mine. She said the n-word to me.

You can't say it back to him. Please don't. I didn't. You said my gook. Yeah, but... Yeah, you could say that. So if you're saying that I'm his n-word... Yeah.

Can I say... No. That's why I'm your... No. That's what it was. He said it. Yeah. He has ownership of the word.

No way. Don't say the n-word. Don't like this improv scenario at all. Just say the n-word. Don't say... If you look at... No, I'm not... All right, yeah.

What's up? My n-word. Oh, yeah. I am your... No. No. Okay. All right.

Because there's ownership of that word. Yeah, you can't... Why do people... And I'm not saying like... Because I know you're a minority, and I know that... Well, thank you. I know that it is still... Thank you.

Finally, thank you. I know that it's different than when a white person says... But I don't even know what other people want to say it. I don't... I don't understand that at all. It's in the music. Jesus. It is in the music, yes.

Oh, my God. You know what I really listen to? But I just don't... Jarul and Jennifer Lopez, that song. And she says the n-word. Yeah, she does. A couple times. I had...

Oh, I had issues with it when she said it. I didn't realize it at that time. Absolutely. Like, when Michael... There's a comic. When Michael Richards did it... At the Laugh Factory. Yes.

We were appalled because of the fact... Not that he said it. Ridiculous. Which is that you know... It was the intent. You know... The intent. No.

You know he doesn't know any black people. He doesn't have any... Of course not. You know, he has no interaction with them. So he called them... And then when he apologized, he called them Afro-Americans. Remember all that? Did he say Afro?

Yeah. When I apologized to all the Afro-Americans I have offended. And Seinfeld was with him on CNN going... Don't say Afro, right? Afro. Afro. We were kicking him under the table. The point is that when Hida did it...

It was weird because you just kind of went... You know what? He doesn't know them. Of course not. Culturally. But even if they did it, it doesn't make it right. But someone like Michael Rappaport can say it. No, he can't.

All right. Who gets to... Do you feel as though people can get the hood pass or they're allowed it? I think if you've ever been called a nigga, you can say nigga. That's what I think. So Eminem can't say it? No. Why?

Why? Because he's a part of the culture. That culture. He's a wigger. All right? That doesn't mean you get to say the n-word. But he has said it before. And I don't agree with that.

All right. Why should he get to say it? You're still a white man. You still have white privilege. If a white guy came up to me and said, what's up, my goop brother, I'd be like, that's fine. I don't care. No, you wouldn't. You would absolutely care.

No, you wouldn't. Hey, Jason. Calls to be a goop. My brother. Yes. See what happens. See what happens. Next question.

Next question. Do you want to ask yours, Clila? Yeah. It's very long. I don't know what part you want me to. Okay. This is a long one. Hello, slept fam.

Hi. We're not woke here. It's slept. Oh, I was like, why does that mean? He's a slept king. I'm a slept king. Yeah. So let me start from the beginning.

A couple months ago, my wife and I found a dog walking down a road, a quiet, older, yellow lab. Wait. Yeah. So they found a dog in the middle of the road. So we decided to put her in our dog tether outside and look for the owners. We posted in a community Facebook group, but we had to run to the store for a few minutes, for a few minutes.

So we left the dog some water. We came back and the dog was gone. So we figured the dog, the owner was looking for it and picked it up. An hour later, a guy commented on it and said, that was my dog. I heard her screaming like she was being tortured. So I came and got her. We wouldn't, at number one, we would never do that to an animal. So I think we were just being, he was just being a dick just to start shit.

Number two, how about a thank you for keeping your dog safe so it didn't get run over by a car? Well, fast forward to now, a local news station was doing a story after Charlottesville on a possible neo-nazi group here in Michigan called Gallo Street. They were investigating them because an American flag with a swastika was found on an overpass over a busy highway. So they were interviewing the leader and it turns out he's the same guy with a dog we rescued on our street.

He claims he's not a neo, it's not a neo-nazi group, but I did some digging and he sells swastika items on the group site and all it talks about is the Aryan race. And this guy spent some time in prison for setting a house on fire in Michigan tribal land. Oh my God. He's definitely a Nazi. He has Nordic tattoos along with all the other freaks in his group and there's pics on his face, on his Facebook of him getting his kids involved in this shit.

And one of them's my daughter's age. So my question is, what do I do? Is there a 911 for Nazis? I mean, I'm white, so I think I'm in the clear, but obviously if someone's a Nazi, they got a few screws loose in their head and fuck it, they're Nazis. Do I keep to myself and ignore him? Do I confront him and say, we don't like your kind around here? No, no, no.

You gotta let go. Do I try to kick his ass even though he's twice my size on all my cells? He sounds dangerous. Yeah. Do I get Brad Pitt to help me collect Nazi scalps? Love you guys. Yeah. There was a, back in the, I think, 90s, there was a Jewish radio talk show host in

Colorado, and he was gunned down by wife supremacists outside of his studio. They don't fuck around because they're like militia. What do you do? Let's say your neighbor, like a guy to our left. Let's say you see him and he's got, I would move. He's waving the Confederate flag. He's selling, you know, instead of, what if you were in a rent control department? Wow.

That's a tough question. I honestly, I don't, I think they're on hinge. I think that, you know, they're likely to own guns, and I'm just, I'm really frightened by that. So you wouldn't stand your ground and say, hey, you know what? I don't, if he was, he's a white dude, I would be fine. I mean, if I was white, I would maybe stand my ground, but being a minority, I, it's different.

It is different. I would be scared. Yeah. What would you do, Candace? Yeah, no, I don't think there's, you can't report them like if there's a sex offender in the neighborhood, right? Right. Yeah.

And it's like, what would come of it? If who, you can't tell anybody really, cause nothing's going to get done, but I would feel unsafe. So I would probably move as well. I would just, I would just, I would just make sure my kids don't go over to their house for, you know, for games. Right. Hey, game day, yeah.

Don't go to the Nazis. Yeah. Yeah, cause I mean, they're going to be in the same school more than likely if they're in the same neighborhood. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you, do you tell your other neighbors like what you find out? I feel like I would tell my neighbors, you know how what they have now, that's what I

would do. I just realized that I forgot about this. There's an app. It's like a neighborhood app where like if you lose a dog or if you are looking for like an ingredient that you don't have, you don't have time to go to the store, you can post and you'll, it'll go out to your neighbors and say, I need, I need sugar or my dog just ran away. Have you seen my dog?

But I would post. There's a Nazi. My friend just got, you know, there's a Nazi in the neighborhood. My friend just found out that there was a rapist in her neighborhood because of this app. Because of the app? What's the app called? Yeah.

Next door. Next door. Yeah. And cops are on it too. So they're, they, I think that, um, um, they're aware of like the community happenings. Yeah. No, to me, that is just as serious as a sex offender. If there's a fucking Nazi in my neighborhood, I would do what I could to like at least alert

people to it. Yeah. There you go, guys. There you go. Yeah. Let me say something to you. Make it, make it so bad for him that he has to leave. I really liked that you were our guest today after we covered some good ground.

I feel closer to you. I, I, I really cherish our friendship. Why do you sound like you're reading a teleprompter? How is he looking past you? Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Because I'm, I'm, because I don't know what I'm saying. It seems very disingenuous.

I know I'm trying to be my best, but I want to say that's why, you know, I mean it because I'm not acting. I'm trying to be real. I enjoy your energy. Is this real? Yeah. And I hope, I hope, I hope much success to you and your family. Is this the last time we're seeing each other?

Yeah. It's never opened him. Open up for him again. Good luck. Good luck with it all. Thanks, Bobby. Yeah. What do you guys have to say?

Any shows coming up, Candace? I'm always at the comedy store like every week. She is. Multiple times a week. Are you getting a lot of spots or no? I get at least three spots a week. That's great. Yeah.

He loves you. He gives me main room love a lot. He does. He loves you. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. So I'm always there.

Any handles for people to follow you on? Yes, please. On Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. It's jokes by Candace. You have a podcast anymore? I do podcast. Yeah. Didn't I do one with you and your friend?

Yes, you did. That was like a couple of years ago. Yeah, who's your friend? My friend Brenda. Yeah. That's the one who led the app with the rapists in the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that podcast, remember?

Yes. That was like two years ago. He was, you can't compliment yourself. No. I said that was good. I was hilarious on that. I said that was good. You bitch.

Is that what you said? Can I finish my handles, please? Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. Again, jokes by Candace and that's C-A-N-D-I-C-E, not A-C-E, Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter. And then also my podcast, Opharius on iTunes, the show that is offensive and hilarious. Who have you had guests on that? You know, we haven't had guests in a minute.

Yeah. I want to start doing that again. I think Kalyla would be a good guest. You can't just money off. No, Kalyla would be a great guest. We haven't had guests in probably over a year, but no, we've definitely been talking about bringing guests back. So yes, I will love that.

I love Candace. We talk all the time. Yes. You don't understand the shit we be texting one another. I mean like real shit though. Like what? Like gossip shit. Oh, all types of shit.

Yeah, like who? Who's a sociopath? Who's gay? Oh, they're all gay. Yeah. 87% of men in Hollywood are gay. Really? Is that crazy?

That's a fact. In Hollywood? Wait, is that a fact? Real facts. I wouldn't actually be surprised. You delivered that so real. No, I know. I say it all the time.

And I say it. I deliver it like it is a fact, even though I have no empirical evidence at all. But I know I do believe that the gay ratio of men in Hollywood is higher than in the normal population. Yeah. But it's not 87. But it's probably like 84. I wouldn't be surprised if it was like 62.

Yeah. I love the gayest. I mean, no, I'm talking about like the, of course, I'm just dating us, right? Stop dating us and ruining our lives. Any shows for next month? We don't know. I don't know. But you guys have watched, I think this Thursday is the last of the, what would Diplo do on

Vice Land? Oh, that's right. It's the last episode already? It's the last episode already. And then, yeah. Cool. All right. Thank you.

Thanks, Candace. Thanks, Jake. Thank you so much for watching this episode on Instagram at Tigerbelly on Twitter at TheTigerbelly at theTigerbelly. And email us any questions at thetigerbellyatgmail.com. And that is our show. Make sure you follow Candace on KofiMiesBagel. Bye.

Bye.