TigerBelly - Bonus Belly: Frank Caliendo, Tremendous, Tremendous

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Bobby and Frank reminisce about MadTV. Rudy Jules learns to do impressions. We talk table reads, talent disparities, John Madden, and getting locked out of your hotel room in your undies.  See Frank Caliendo live: Official Website This episode is sponsored by: ZocDoc, Monarch Money --Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to http://Zocdoc.com/BELLY to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. --Don’t let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code TIGERBELLY at http://monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That’s 50% off your first year at http://monarch.com with code TIGERBELLY.

So, it's pretty okay for me to talk to you can sing if you want I don't know we're making it up Frank Calli Ando is my friend Kind of Yeah I haven't seen him in 10 years

That's not true When the last time I saw you Nine years ago When 11 months Yes together. At your house? At my home in Phoenix, and we went

by a place called oregano's and you pronounced it oregano and said this looks like a good place and I said it's oregano and you said oh Jules you want a line?

No Why? Not a great line Or on key Really great Yeah Hello Oh my god

As a Filipino You didn't get the bite You didn't get the gift I didn't get the boxing gift Or the singing gift you didn't get it What gift did you get from the Philippines Being a monkey? Oh yeah

Oh hello It went dark fast Frank It went dark fast No I'm not involved Today's guest is a guy So I got Mad TV in the year 2000 And we had at the same time

Yeah, same we were there Because we were doing auditions together I remember that year, yeah We did a lot of auditions together I remember seeing you in the lobby Us Sam Pancake Who's Sam Pancake? I don't know

Yeah, Sam Pink It was just I remember sitting in there We were friends that we were auditioning I just go, what's up What's up kind of a thing Yeah I think it would do it

I remember running into it at Mad TV. Did you have to go after me? Was that this? You got an offer, right? I did. You didn't read. No, I had to, well, I'd done it before. I'd gone through it once early when I first went to L.A.

And they wanted me on the show. Or it seemed like they did. But then I got that WB deal. I took the W. Warner Brothers deal. The hype. Hype. So shame on my roommate. Shame on my roommate.

roommate was on a Tash. Tash. No, it's Tash. Yeah, it was on a sketch call called Hype. I had no money. And I remember going to the Warner Brothers party. Remember the B-52s played? Were you there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said you had first not remembering. But I do actually remember it now that you're, uh, once it processed. Yeah. I remember going to a thrift or getting an outfit. Then going with shame, I had no money. I had no future. And, um, and I went, oh, this is going to be a hit, but it wasn't a hit. No, not even close. It was a show. They were totally into the show. That's hype. And it was... There you are through the left. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Look at that. Even thicker. Danielle Gaither. This pre-Matt TV. Yeah. Pre-Matt TV. Yeah, yeah.

Where's Seymah there? She's down... Oh, to the right. Danielle, yeah, yeah. Kristen Nelson. Nadia Ginsburg. Yeah, Nadia Ginsburg, yeah. Chris Williams, who Vanessa Williams' brother.

Yeah, one black person. No, is there a second black? I don't know. There's a second black. I am the second black. Yeah, yeah. Here's a better photo. Well, yeah.

Oh, there we go. Hype. There you are, dude. Yeah, they dressed me. Yeah, yeah. And I haven't dressed that well. My son got me this Kith jacket. Yeah.

Ooh. Yeah. No, it's, he's given me, my son buys and sells stuff and all the kinds of things. But he buys, always gets Kith stuff. So, yeah. So, Jules, you don't know about this guy's talent. So hold on, but hold on. Okay.

So the WB. hype the show was they were all in on it and they turned the whole night into hype night on the WB three weeks later it was the WB Sunday so they can't say they were

we knew we were done yeah because they took us away from being the important show of the night and it went back to being like Steve Harvey oh right and other stuff and we were chicken at chickens chicken's far right yeah so so chicken

is that a white person that guy right there But he came up on the black comedy circuit. Yeah, his name was chicken. Yeah, yeah. And chicken went to the Montreal Comedy Festival, did this chicken act, and then got the show. Like, the show was revolved around him, right, hype? Him and me, but it was me first, and then him, and then it was more him because they spent so much money on him.

There was a brilliant move by, because they gave him a development deal. I had a development deal, and he had a bigger development deal. And what happened, do you know what a development deal is where they... Don't talk down to my staff, Frank. Yes, they know what a fucking development deal is. I was talking to the office. It was given context. Robert.

Okay, sorry. So... Frank, what's a development deal? They give you a bunch of money to hold you and maybe apply it toward the show. Yeah. So... They don't give them out anymore. Not really.

And I think it's because of chicken. Because... Yeah, chicken puts it up. Really, because he had, he was, he got so much hype, but they put him in a small room where very few people could see him. They put him in the 150 seat room or something instead of something really big. Well, everybody heard this guy was doing amazing. And he was full of energy and a lot of fun and great. Why did they call him chicken?

I think he did a chicken. I think he humped a chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. And then, you know what happened to him? They found his dead body in an apartment somewhere in North Carolina. on. I had nothing to do with it. Oh, for real? Yes. Yeah, it's very unfortunate. He struggled. But it was a genius marketing move

because nobody, I just go past death. I'm not going to. No, I mean, I sit in a comedic way and that's fucking dark. What I just said was dark? Kind of what we expected. No, no, no. And we have empathy for chicken. We don't know what happened. What? Why does the staff love it so much when I dig into you? They're like, finally, someone gets it. They love it. They love it. But he, what they did was they built this hype around. around him so much. But network executives started bidding on him and didn't know what they were bidding on. Nobody just wanted to be left out. The year before, I believe Mitch Hedberg had gotten a huge deal. And he had a, you know, I don't want to say a talent because they all both had

talent. But Mitch was this incredible different style with just, with writing, you know, his style chicken was a ton of energy, very interesting. He was in Triple X, the movie. He got some stuff. Yeah, he did get some stuff. With Finn Diesel. But then, things kind of fell off. I don't know what was going on mental health-wise, but... Well, he called me to be a PA on my show, and my show was on the air for a few months. Oh, oh, no.

And I was like, really, put you on. I got your chicken. It seems fake. What? You're doing. What is that? That's your sad? Yeah.

That looks like I'd get canceled if I'd do it. Why are you pulling your eyes on? Oh, chicken. You don't let me finish. So Frank's... What the heck? Jules. What a PR.

Franks? I'm glad I'm doing this. You asked. Yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You reached out. Absolutely. You fucked up.

100%. More ways than one. One I asked, second I showed up. Yeah, so Jules, his talent, right? He's one of the best impressionists on planet Earth. Impressionists. Best talkers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you say? Impressionist. Impressionist. On planet Earth. He does so many good impressions. What's your best one? I do a great Bobby Lee. No.

Yeah. My name's Bobby Lee. How are you? Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. I do it. This is how I do it so I don't get canceled.

You know what you're talking about here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you want me to play the piano? I'll do it for a second. Andrew Santino. Who cares? I don't think he can do impresses that you know who the people are. Sure, Morgan Freeman.

And that's when she realized he had some idea what was going on. Morgan Freeman from. Shawshank. Shaw Shank. Shaw Shanker. Wow. Gen Z, man. How old are you?

23. That's too young to be on this show. So, who else could you do that he should would know? De Niro? Do you know Robert De Niro? Do you know who he is? She's going,

who is that? How about Donald Trump? Do you know Donald Trump? Have you ever heard of him? Yeah, I love the Filipinos. I love the Filipinos. I do quiet Trump. Library Trump.

It's very quiet. A lot of people do the loud Donald Trump, but they said, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to sit here with Bobby Lee and the 23-year-old girl. She's a very nice girl.

But I'm not sure if she's going to get any of their references, and it's fine. Joe Biden didn't either. Joe Biden didn't get the references. Can you do Biden? Folks, my young man growing up in Scrampezzavicle. Three-five, when I ain't you? Come on.

What are you doing here? Folks, my joke with him is I've never seen a guy listen with his eyes. You're like, President Biden, what? What happened? What are we going? It's so good. Sometimes, sometimes a young man.

Yeah. Yeah, well, this is a bad man growing up in Scrant, Pennsylvania. The kids, you know, it's true. It's true. I'm not joking around. Amazing, right? So good. And you go from voice to voice.

It's kind of a Robin Williams thing. Who knew? Okay, your turn. No, not me. I don't do impressions. No, I was saying, were you guys going to question? I thought you're still in school, is it then? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's in college.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why I thought you did. So why did you raise your hand? Because I have a question. Well, I said, where did we have the disconnect? I love this show. Yeah, it's the best. It's tremendous.

I saw you on TikTok. On TikTok, yeah. Yeah, and then you posted something about you loving Harry Styles. Can you do an impression of him? No, if I could, I would never stop. My daughter loves Harry. We've been to some Harry's stuff. But do you love Harry?

I like the concert. Yeah, it was fantastic. man, it's not for me. Why not? Straight? Harry's just so... No, he's fantastic. He's an incredible...

Did you meet him? No, couldn't work that out. But he's with CAA, our agency, so... Yeah. I've never done that before, like, called CAA. I always do. For my kids. Not really for myself.

And they do it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow. Do it for us. Oh, yeah. I know. I want to see Harry... Yeah, you make them more money than I do.

Hey, Charles. What do you think Bobby could have gotten you to see Harry Styles? Yeah. And my, they sat near, like, his friends. Like, so they got good spots. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I was there.

My daughter's been to, like, three or four, so I am a whoreph. I've been to one, but I think one or two. But in Chicago, so I'm, it was fantastic. I mean, he's incredible. I mean, but my son, we went to see, I can't, it's so dumb. Like, he's one of the biggest, he does a great Trump. It's a different Trump than mine. Shane?

Shane. Shane. And Shane, I'd never talked to Shane Gillis before. Yeah. And I followed him, but he followed me back like a week or so ago. Yeah. And I'm like, my son went to go see you. He thinks you're way better than me at everything.

And it was, no, my son loves, my son, my son, Shane's fantastic, very funny. I wish I, yeah. Yeah, I mean. He's down syndrome, mine, but. Yeah. That's three of us. Yeah, you have a too. Included me.

when I'm Joe Biden That's what it is But it was funny Because he replied Shane replied right away And it was He's just You're the man or something

And I could see him laughing through it Yeah Like it was just It was like when A good dude Yeah super nice But my son went to go see him In Phoenix

And I went through and got tickets I mean I pay for the tickets You did? Yeah yeah I'll pay for any Yeah yeah Did you get backstage meet him I didn't set that

That up You But here's the thing Sometimes I try. Frank, Frank, Frank. Okay. I don't make them. You've been out of L.A. for so long.

I think here's what happened. Yeah. You've lost your perception of yourself is a little skewed. You're so talented and you're a part of the business. You should be back to me. I'm fine. I listen. You don't listen to me, bro.

What? Oh, he's trying to do impressions. I do impressions too, eh, bro. I'm doing fucking East Side Morales, bro. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Eastside? Yeah, yeah. Hey, dude.

You know what I mean? I have a dream too, Richie. What is that? Mr. Miyaga? No, dude. I'm inside Morales, dude. Mr. Miyagi. I have a dream too, Richie.

From La Bamba. Oh, it's fantastic. Thank you so much. Parabilar, La Bamba. I La Bala. I'm doing Trump, too. I can do it too. What are you doing it?

What are you doing Trump? Billions and billions and billions. I can teach you to do Donald Trump. Teach me now. I got Shaq. Teach me now. You learn to. Shaq doing Trump.

Yeah. Was the one of the funny. I got Shaquille O'Neal. He was like, That's luxurious. That's tremendous. That's amazing. Yeah.

So what you're doing is you have too much voice in it, first of all. Okay. You got, you're in here. You're in here. I'm in here. You don't want to be in there. Okay. Where do I want to win?

You want to whisper. You want to whisper. Now make a face. This is the joke from my act. Make a face like you're looking into. an aquarium and mimicking the fish. And now, and now, say no.

What? No. No. No? No. You got too much voice. No. No.

You're getting better. Look at that. No. None of us thought you could. No. You look like a Filipino immigrant. Yeah. Yeah.

English says your second language. No. No. That's good. Great. That's tremendous. Jarbis. Tremendous.

I'm going to get it. Nat, you're doing well. Yeah, very good. Well. See how the tongue comes out? Well. Well. Well.

Well. Why do you have to do that? Well? Because you're... You're pulling a string. You're pulling a string. You're pulling a string. I almost got it.

You're pulling a string. You're doing something back like you ate a lemon. Wait, wait. I just ain't an old lemon. I just ate a lemon. Put it. Okay, let's see how we can do it. You put it toward the front.

Put it toward the front. You put it toward the front. Oh, that's better. That's it. That's you're getting it. Not really, but. You know, as a teacher, you should be more supportive. Not really is not good.

Oh, I didn't know you could hear that. I talked to the guys and tell them, hey, turn off the mic and I have a dig. Give me a line. So turn your head slightly. Not really. But your lips are going down, not out. There you go. There you go.

Not really. That's better. Not really. Not really. Not really. Tremendous. Not really. Tremendous.

So work on just one word. Tremendous. Tremendous. Tremendous. Tremendous. Tremendous. Better. That's better.

That's getting better. It's getting better. The Asian comes out. It's not getting a better. It's getting a better. I'm going into Kim Jong-un now. Yeah. I wish, that was something what we,

we never did it but we would play ping pong we play table tennis so we're at mad tv so we both got let me see it suck doc doc for your health zoc doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment like why wouldn't you do that we i mean we do that with like restaurants and stuff right why we should do that with her health, read reviews. Like in this episode, we talk about the time when you were coughing up. Yeah. And you needed a doctor.

You go to ZocDoc. And you needed a great pulmonologist. Pulmona. And you find one on Zococ. That's peer reviewed. Yeah. And then you pooped yourself. Anyway, with Zock, you can book in network doctors with more than 100,000 doctors

across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. And if you're worried about your insurance, what I love about Zocococ is that you can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby and who are a good fit for any medical need you may have and are highly rated by verified patients.

Like gynecologists. Yeah. Guys, stop putting off those doctors' appointments and go to Zocdoc.com.com slash belly to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zoc, doc.com slash belly. Money. Finances are a tricky thing. It's very, the trickiest of all tricks.

Especially if you don't have a lot of them. And even if you do have a lot, you can be really, really ineffective at handling it. And I know that for me in the past, when I haven't used Monarch, I've left money on the table. Feel organized and confident in your finances with Monarch. An all-in-one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. Wow. And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% of your first year with code

Tiger Belly at Monarch.com. Monarch gives your partner full access to your shared dashboard, including linked accounts, budgets, goals, and spending activity all in one place and at no extra cost. So basically, Monarch links all of your accounts in minutes and you get clear data, visual, smart categorization of your spending, real control over your money. And what Bobby was saying is like one of the biggest reasons people fight or break up is money issues, right? And that's something that's a very sensitive topic for a lot of people. But I think monarch money makes it so that, you know, no one's in the dark.

All the information is available for you and your partner. That's so good. Maybe saves a lot of marriages. Yeah. No more guessing, guys. No more hiding. No more. I didn't realize we spent that much.

And one of the things I love, too, is that I can give access to Roger, my stepdad, who is my financial advisor. So when I just, I'm not paying attention to things, he can be like, hey, Kalila, like, this is what's going on. I'm like, okay, thanks, Raj. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use code tigerbelly at Monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with code Tiger Belly. We play table tennis. So we're at Mad TV.

So we both got it. Is that me? That's you. You lost a lot of weight. What the heck is that? That's you, dude. Wow. Is that you?

That is you. How old were you guys there? 70. No. I was probably 31. 54 almost. 51. Wow.

So you are. You're in your late 20s probably there. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably around 2001, 2002. in there. So, uh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's you and I. Yeah. Wow. I don't remember what that is. I don't either. There's you and I. That was you. That was Bobby Trendy. Oh, that's me. That's you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was the, uh, what's her name? Uh, uh, I don't know.

Yeah, what she married the old guy. And on Nicole Smith, I was Kimmy. Oh, yeah. That's the one everybody talked about. Okay, that sketch is probably the best sketch we and I did together, I think. Yeah, maybe the only real one. That's the real, real sketchy. And everybody asked me if you were Fred or friend. It's simple, Fred, and it was Fred. Yeah, yeah. We should watch it.

I'll look for it. Yeah, yeah. So that's your main impression, right, John Madden? That was, yeah. So I want to learn how to do John Madden. I know it's more difficult. I nailed Trump. You crushed it.

Yeah, so let's try. A lot of people are talking about how good. Explain to Jules with John. Yeah, so John Madden was a football commentator for the NFL. Yeah, an announcer. It was an NFL coach and then became one of the most known broadcasters

ever. And he has a video game. If you ever hear people talk about Madden the video game. Yeah, Madden. It's a football video game. What's going on with you right now? Shutting down? I'm just confused. Do we need to do something?

Do we need to go back? Is there somebody, you want me to do some Robert Danny Jr., which is basically just burping through the punchlines? Oh my God. That's so good. So I guess we're going to do some different

improvisation here. That's crazy. Yeah, that's great. If you count, it's one, two, burp, three, four, five, six, seven. I do that with, I do that characters. Matthew McCona. I believe that's a sort of thing.

Let me get, let me get, I've been talking all day. Yeah. I believe that's what you're looking for. That's somewhere in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Matthew McCona, I'm trying to think of some people you'd know. Sponage Bob? No.

Yeah, so let's start with John. Do John Madden, I'm going to see if I can do it. Hey, okay. so it's you got you have to the thing is you have to talk like you're you've got like almost a ball in your mouth that's oh I didn't think that was going to be close but there is something in there

okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do the whole thing hey folks John Matt yeah do 30 seconds of John Matt and then so I can get the tone here yeah and then you're talking you say the things that a person's going to say and you do the things that that person's going to do and I mean you know I mean, you, and boom, there you go. Yeah, that's him. Yeah, yeah. That's incredible.

You say the things that you're trying to want to do. Boom. Boops like a lock. You actually, you have, you actually had something in there that's, that's right. I don't know what you're doing this. The way I do it. But it's, all right, so this is the thing I always do. I was breaking in the trunk, Chinaman.

I mean, that's, you know. Tourette's. Yeah, I don't know. like a fantasy I have, you know what I mean? Oh, a fantasy. Get a trunk tournament, you know? But anyway, um... Go ahead, Frank.

I'm sorry, Frank. Say that same line. As Marburg, I'm eating. Now, as Liam Mason, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. Do you know that one? She does.

Wow. Apparently, this impression's been taken. Look at that bit. But so they, I, this is something I do with a lot of people. I just, it's, in terms of the impressions, work on them, which I know you don't really want to, but you think it's interesting to

the audience enough to do right now. There's Kermit the Frog. Hi-ho, Kermitty Frog here. So that's up in here, okay? It's up in this. Hey-ho. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What happens to your enunciation? Everything goes so Asian. No, I think what's happening now is you're looking at my Asian face and the thing that's coming in my mouth and that's influencing. I honestly, yes, it's influencing the how you perceive it. I honestly didn't. And I don't, I don't like get, right? I didn't even know you're Asian. Hey, Fox. That's not bad. That's actually like, what is this the name? You were, you were supposed to be doing Madden. You thought you were doing Kermit the Frog, but you're doing a decent mad. So, okay, so let me explain this. I do this.

Everybody, a lot of people have seen it, maybe not your audience. So there's, there's Kermit the Frog and Fuzzy Bear. Oh, Waka, Waka, Waka, which is Bert, O'Bert, Ernie. Okay. So if you take Kermit the Frog, hi, hold, Kermit the Frog, and you bring it down a little bit, but comes John C. Riley. Did you touch my drum set? Now you had some air, it's Mark ruffalo if you go from here to mark ruffalo i see this is an absolute win damn wow now now what you do is you bring it down even more and it becomes paul giamati i believe that is one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard in my entire life now if you bring it back up it's set rogan uh i don't know and that's you know remember

bert and ernie bert had that laugh if you slow it down it's uh-uh-uh which is set Rogan. Now, if you tighten it up, it's Joe Rogan. Wow, Jamie, pull that up. Oh, my God. So, those are all in the same family. So now look, now, you see the talent that he has, right? And then you look at my talent, and we got cast on the same show. How is that even fucking possible? What's amazing is... Yeah, yeah. They didn't... We're on this, we got hired at the same time. The funny thing is, they didn't know what to do with either one of us. They weren't exactly, like they kind of thought they did.

You. All right. Let's watch this first. Hey, folks. John Madden here for the quick pop popcorn popper. Hey, John, how's it work? It's simple, Fred. You just plug it in.

Look at you. Nice line, Bob. Open up the butter packet. I screwed up, guys. I'm sorry, but the packet won't open. That's this guy. Solid sketch. Yeah.

So I want to talk about how bad. So Frank was there the first year. Remember I told you how terrible I was, at table reads, I was super nervous? Eric Spears hated him. No matter what he says he was worse than that.

Now, I'm gonna... I'm gonna be honest with you. I was not great myself. I was, I struck as, because you get to Mad TV and you don't realize how good of actors and actresses everybody is.

Yeah. If you're seeing... The highest of level, probably. Mo, Collins, Michael McDonald's. Will Sass, you're around, and these, they've been there for a couple of years, and they're better trained, and they're just really incredibly good. Good. And we came from stand-up.

Yes. One of us had an act. And, no. No, we came from stand-up. So we knew kind of funny, and we knew how to be funny with an audience and play out to an audience and talk at people. That season when we first got hired. But, and Deborah Wilson.

Erie Spears is one of the funniest, most talented people I've ever met. And here's an amazing thing about Aries. Aries would always call me before he was selling as many tickets as he is now. And he said, yo, Frank, how can you sell so many tickets, man? I was like, well, I get up at 6 in the morning and go do radio. Is it any other way? No, that's just how you have to do it. And now, but one of the most talented mimics, a great character guy,

Aries is a genius. But everybody who was on the show and had been there, whenever the new people come in, everybody is kind of like, I don't know. Now, they weren't doing it out of spite or anything like that. They just kind of be like, we've been through this. And when you don't have the acting chops, it shows. And neither of us had that.

I could, I had the ability, though, to read. And so. I could. Okay. Yeah, you really struck. But I remember. Everybody would look around, and this is honest, you know this because I think I've heard you, but you, I'm not telling you anything new, so I'm not hurting your feelings. I'm hurt already, but you would, it would be your turn to talk. You'd miss the timing of it. You might not be on the right page.

Yeah. Or have the script opened at all. If you even showed up. Yeah, yeah. And everybody would just kind of like, oh my God. And nobody knew what to do. I mean, you couldn't understand a word I was saying. No. I was rushing. at, I was super nervous. Everybody cringed, like the entire, the writers who wrote for you, which I... Oh, my God, trauma. Listen, but here's the thing.

I mean, I've seen you and stuff, and you're good now, so they believed in you. They saw the talent. If there's one thing I'm going to say about that is a lot of times, like you hear when they did Seinfeld, when the beginning of Seinfeld, the first season was not, Seinfeld is a sitcom.

But when, you know, a lot of shows don't get the, and a lot of actors don't get the chance. But they can't, I mean, they couldn't give you lines, but what they could do was cut away from somebody who delivered a good line, and you would just look either clueless or make a face or smile,

and it would get a huge laugh. I mean, it was unbelievable the laughs you would get just on a cutaway, and they're like, let's not write anything for him. Let's just use him as a visual punchline. Yeah. And I remember the chat rooms. Oh, my God.

Just terrible people say, and you never should have looked at that. Because it was just, I'd never seen. I would, so there was this thing called Planet Mad TV. This is the first years of the internet. Yeah. And there's, and there's these forums. And there was these gigantic chunks of how bad I am. Not and just terrible, but there was terrible Asian hate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, I mean, like, I'm not even one that, Listen, that was real, because everybody was so anonymous on it, I think. Yeah. And it was, I don't even know what it was. It was just horrific. Horrific. I mean, you know, I don't know about, you know about this, but.

Was you writing that stuff? Self-hate? This broke my heart the worst, okay? Is the end of the year, that first year, I found out that they had been recording my table reads. And they made a compilation tape of how bad I was. and they would pass around the office and they would laugh behind my back. And I found the tape

and I mean, I relapsed. You know, remember I relapsed. But you had to go through that to get to where you are today and it worked. Shut up! Why did I have to go through all? Tough love. Tough love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tough love, it's important. How did I survive? What were you thinking? What is your problem? How did I survive eight years? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't even know. I remember they had, they wrote other cats. characters, the, uh, what was the stereotypical Asian? Yeah, average Asian. Average Asian. That was pretty good. It was a good sketch, but it was somebody else's sketch from like the, they, they imported sketches from the groundlings to try and find something for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They really tried. It worked pretty well. Yeah. But it was, they didn't know what to do with you at first. Um, and it, listen, we didn't, I'm, me too. They, all they wanted me to do is that one

John Madden. So I got pigeonholed into that kind of. I, I, had, I did a sketch that Rich Tala Rico wrote for me, great writer. Fantastic guy. Fantastic. Incredibly talented. But he wrote this physical trainer sketch. You saw how fat I was there. So I was a fat physical trainer who just didn't understand that I was fat. Like I'd drop a towel and I wouldn't even bend to pick it up.

I would just try and pick it up with my feet. I wouldn't, the elevator was broken so I couldn't train somebody that day because the gym was on the second floor. So it was like a really well, funny written sketch. It got laughs at the table read. never got a chance to get to air because all they wanted me to do was John Madden and then later George Bush

but I got the Bush stuff and they didn't want me to be George Bush because I was too fat to be George Bush but it was like... Yeah, man, I just... But I made my way through it. Yeah, yeah. You know, Hakuna Potato.

So I eventually got that job because there was nobody... Will Farrell did, you know, Bush at Saturday Night but nobody had nailed a George W. Bush impression at that point and they went through Ike Barronholz, they tried Will. Saso, they tried everybody, I think they knew

they went to everybody except for me. I did John McCain. You did, you did. We would play table tennis to go back. We had some brutal sessions. I'm way better now, which is the thing. I've trained in China.

You were a good then. I'm way better than me. You are? Oh, yeah. Was your dad a grandmaster? No. That sounds really. I think I made it out.

I've said on a many podcasts. Frank Halliando's father was a grand master. I could crush him now. But your dad was good, right? Yeah, I used to think so until I got trained by an Olympian. Wow. Yeah.

Dude, his spins, dude? So he lives in Phoenix. I remember the last time of 10 years ago, I went to your house. We played in the garage. Yeah. And I knew at that point that you had elevated to a point

where I could not play you. That's when Bobby knew that the white guy was going to beat the Asian guy. Yeah. His spins, your serves were un-retrievable. Yeah.

I knew what to do. And I was using, like, more expensive paddle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a flat paddle. Yeah, you would still get crushed. Yeah, yeah. But, stop, stop. At Mad TV, though, we were either.

It was very close. Yeah, yeah. We had some brutal. You beat me quite a bit. Yeah, I said, there we go. Can we just throw that out there? He evolved. I don't have a table.

Yeah. If I train, maybe, maybe, who knows? Yeah, I kept playing. You get a giant podcast. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, you know, maybe I'm going to get a table. Okay, anyway.

Listen, you get too good. you never get on Magnum P.I. So, yeah, that's my fun. I mean, that's the thing where I just like to get away and play table tennis. Yeah, but you... Because I worked as hard. Let's get real for a second.

Yeah. Don't get real for a second? You moved too soon. Oh, out of L.A.? Yeah. You moved out of L.A. too soon. I don't know why you did that. Because I just didn't have any interest.

I mean, you don't want to be in film and television? What's the answer to do you? Yeah, but I mean, yes, but at the same time, I just didn't want to be in this mix with my kids and stuff. All right. You made a choice. Yeah, I had the children with my wife. Yeah, I love her, them.

I mean, Bobby, the first time he came to my house in Bronson Canyon, this is, I mean, this is you saying it, not me. We had two little dogs. He goes, mm, lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so, I think Bobby's done that for everybody, apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was like, you can't say that.

He's like, I just did. All right, I just did. Yeah, yeah. Frankie. So, but my wife is so funny because, Michelle, I love her. Yeah, and she's very honest. Like, she told me, this is what she said to me about here.

She goes, tell him he looks clean. Like, what is that? Yeah, I used to be really dirty. Yeah, I thought you mean like he's not on drugs? No, no, no, it looks like he's bathed. I know. If I had her honesty I might have a chance at being Shane Gillis

But it's just that I mean her honesty She doesn't give a rip And because she doesn't have corporate dates Yeah And that she has to stay in the mainstream For her honesty is just She's always been nice to her

And very very She's very funny in that way Where she'll just say Stuff she believes Yeah But I want everyone in the room to know The Bobby Lee You think

You think The Bobby Lee back from 25 years ago I was a dirty fucker you mean you know I was dirty didn't know how to read you know I mean I was super nervous you know I was like in Pins

the first two three years I'm mad what were the worst years of my life I could see that yeah until the day I filmed something on my own which is I got a video camera and I filmed that 24 with Bobby Lee oh right right right and I did it in my own

I filmed it on my own I remember that I presented it at the table read, and they picked it up. You know what I mean? They go, we're going to do this. But it's like, then I found kind of my own lane, you know what I mean, to play myself mainly. Patrick Keene, right here, dude, is one of the, I started with them. Right?

What's your year to start? I started a little younger, I started a little younger, 95, but when I was at the store, I remember you were around. Yeah, and that, those were cold. You don't like a serial killer now. What happened? Do I have your face? They get droopy? What happened?

No, I just, I aged things. I, uh. Yeah, your eyes aged or something. Yeah. It's been 20 years since you've seen them. You have the biggest teeth I've ever seen in my life. What's going on? Yeah, no. Hold on. Open them up. It's Stonehenge. Look.

Yeah, it's Stonehenge. Look at that. Holy shit. Funny guy, though. I'll tell you. You brought him on cameras. It just burned. Yeah, yeah. Is he on camera or no? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, good. Kind of mean, though, Bob. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're handsome, but in a weird way. There's a weird, it's a poor man's, I don't know what.

Mark Ruffel. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what people are. But you're a funny guy. Thanks, man. No, I'll take that. I'll take it. I'll take it for you once.

We did San Jose together. Oh, yeah. How did that go? It was great. It was great. I can't say some of the stuff, but... Yeah. Well, no, it's funny because you're like,

hey, man, I know your dad just died. We'll talk about it on the way up. And we never talked about it. Did we drive? Yeah, we drove. We drove all back in the back when I had to drive. Man, there is something. You don't remember anything anywhere.

No, I don't. I don't think about it. You had a Mohawk at the time. Oh, that was a long time ago. Oh, and I used to do the Mohawk. The room was packed? I don't remember it being. Room was packed.

Shang Wang, you and me, I think. Oh, Shangwang, you and me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think Kevin Christie, maybe. Would you have been with us? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why were they that many people? Did you only have 30 minutes?

I could only do 30 minutes now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You sell carnaby the road? You remember that bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never understood the accent, though. I've never heard that accent from, is that a Korean accent?

The Irish accent you're doing now? No, no, the one you did that I'm not getting canceled with. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, you did this one? No, he's just said, it's like, Kono bedrodo. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Is that, is that a...

Well, back, here's the thing. Back then, um, I really didn't know how to do it. So he... Wait, wait, is my, let me ask you something. Is my dad accent now more authentic or no? I mean, to your father. I know, but does it sound Asian? He sounds more Korean.

Okay, good. Sounds almost Theo Vonish. Yeah. So I'm trying to, yeah, I mean, it's, I think it's pretty authentic. Theo, nail it better than you? No. Bubby. Yeah, he does a good one.

Very funny. So, Patrick, you're still doing stand-up? Yeah, still doing stand-up. Working with Frank a little bit, a little bit Steve Byrne, a little bit of, yeah, a little bit of Spade. A little bit of Swartz, and Nick Swarton's been taking me again. Good, good. Yeah, it's been great. David Spade, you may have heard of him?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were great on theirs. I heard that one with you and Carvey and Spade. That was really good. Very good. Thank you.

Thank you for that compliment. That's insane. Yeah. I've done a lot, you know what I mean? That's the thing? Well, you're great, you're great and everything. That's just most recent. Yeah, yeah, no, thank you so much.

But, you know, in that San Jose trip, it was funny because you had done room service and you shoved the cart, I was telling Frank earlier, you shoved the cart out in the hall, and you locked yourself out of your room, and you were in tidy whitey. Oh, that's right, and I had run down the lobbyists. You had the Mohawk, the tidy whiteys

running down the hall. I remember that night. You were a Mr. Teabagag. Yeah. Because when you lock it and you're in your tidy whiteies, you know what I mean? There's no phone. you have to go down to the lobby in your underwear and go,

hey, I lock myself out. It's really weird. Yeah, I mean, boxers would be one thing, but, like, tidy-wye. I still do tidy-wye. You know what? Wait a second. You do that on stage. I mean, what are you talking about?

In a hotel? I mean, that's half your act. That's 15 of the 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I do. And you could, but in the hotel hallway, you felt awkward in front of everybody staring at you. It's different because in the context of a show, it's sort of like,

Bobby Lee's show. When you have randos going, you know what I mean? Oh, we're here for a wedding. There are some people that are just showing up to the club. They don't know who's going at that time. Now they come to see you. But at that time. At the time, you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. Yeah, now they're coming. Yeah. That was tough because when you're doing the road and people are like, let's just watch comedy. Who's there this weekend? Those fans, I would get refunds. Like groups of people like, I don't know why we paid. I don't know. We went to see you. I'm very. I'm very. I'm very. I'm very. I'm very. I'm very. I'm very rarely go to see comedy.

And Michelle and I went to see you in Cleveland at Hilarities. And it was fairly good. It was like, oh. No, you were great. Why can you give compliments? I just did afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you said, barely good. And then I went, you know what I go?

Why are you like that still? I wanted the laugh. You've been like that from the beginning. Why are you like that now? You know what I mean? Things have changed. I'm sorry. You're right.

You don't do this. You don't do this anybody else. I know because I've known you the longest. Okay. I've probably known you the longest. in terms of guests except from like because we just had the yearly

what the 500th we had Debra Mo and Aries on but that was like my first comedy family pretty much yeah were you guys best friends or were you No we were friends though

What's wrong gonna yell at you? I'm done No you're not done Grow the fuck up You almost got there let him get there I was getting so close to I was trying to get to the cry Can you get, can you?

Uh, yeah. Let me just think back to bad TV more. Yeah, yeah. So you want to do, you want to get back into maybe doing bit parts of movies and this and that. Yeah, I'd like to do. I mean, I think that's, that's what I'd like to do. I do what I'm happy about doing most of the time. But in terms of acting, I watch it and I go, uh, okay.

You're a good actor, though, do I saw you in a movie. It was a movie or something I saw you in or TV show or something. I'd bet Will Sass. No, you did a, no, you did a real legit actor. If people come to you, I love it when you swallow the lemons. That's Will Sands. Okay, then I love it when you do Kenny Rogers, Will Sass. Yeah.

How about... You're a good actor. What about the average Asian? Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. So, I'm okay. I've gotten better. I took acting lessons and learned what to do.

Yeah. Oh, you got Barclay up there. I love that one. Is that you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No big knuckle here. What was that in?

That was probably on Frank TV. Oh, Frank TV, yeah. So you want to go do it more... Because you could do some serious shit, maybe. Town cop. I try to do that. That's what I'd rather like to do. What could Frank be in?

Just based on what he looks like. Town cops. It's more sheriff. Sheriff, you're the town sheriff. Um... Yeah. What else could you do? You could be the barber.

I mean, they would always send me like terrible, like rednecky stuff to read or the racist guy. I'm like, I don't want to do all that. Really? Yeah. You could do it, though. Hey, man, what you're doing around this town? get in the trunk Chinaman Is that your only go-to slur

Is Chinaman It's my name, yeah I can switch it up Yeah, get in the trunk, Nip Yeah, yeah Nip is not bad What's Nip? Oh well, let's go

Let's ask Frank Yeah I don't know I honestly don't even think of this Nip is a usually Toward Japanese It was more toward World War II I believe

Oh, that's a real That's a real Nip, yeah There was There's another one in Vietnam Zipperhead Which I never Zip, zip, zip

I don't, I never really No, what? You go, oh yeah, yeah, what? Why do you think it's Zipperhead? I didn't know why for the longest time. Well, no, I'm just, I just made it up. No, I think that's it.

You're right. I think you're right. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, gook. Yeah, go-toe, you know what I mean? The go-to, you know what I mean? The old, you know? What about for Koreans?

What do you mean, what's for Koreans? It's like I'm watching tennis. What do you mean? Like a... Slur. Gook is probably what they used for... Don't... Patrick, why you...

No, I live in Korea for your... Damn. Like, me, guuk, Saramimnida. Like, that's my country nation. My country. Like, yeah, I'm a countryman. Yeah, exactly, dude.

And then Nip is short for Nippon. Oh, that's what it is. Which is Japan and Japanese. Oh, wow. So you know. He knows how the origin of all the slurs. Yeah, yeah. Were you in Korea?

I mean, were you in Korea because of... You have an Asian fetish? No, no. No, I have Kim's of comedy fetish, and I was just like, I'll go there and get... No, no, I taught there for a year, and then I lived in Japan for two years as a student. Wow. Do you hook up with any Asian ladies? You know, there were some, you know, there's some crossings.

Oh, okay, good, okay. Crossing. Crossings, I don't know. What a weird term. Yeah. I mean, you've been married for how long? 30 years? Feels like it.

How long has it been? Joey is 21, so 22 years. My God. Yeah. I remember when you were nothing. You were unfuckable. I remember when you were an unfuckable. I still, I'm married, and I am unfuckable.

I mean, how is marriage after 22 years? Great. I mean, everything is perfect all the time. No, you know, it's up and down. I mean, being married's tough. Joey, my son, my daughter, that's Joey's graduation. He looks very different now. Juliet actually looks quite a bit different.

Michelle looks at Michelle's lost it. Wasn't she doing comedy or sketch or something? No, God, no. She was doing impressions with you online or something. Oh, Juliet?

Your daughter, yeah. My daughter, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Look on the Instagram, there's a thing at that Harry Styles there's a better with Juliet. Juliet can do like John Grude.

I'll tell you what, man. Did she want to do comedy or no? She wants to be in PR. I took her to CAA to meet agents and stuff like that. She loves behind the scenes. Oh, I see, okay. She really likes what's going on.

behind the scenes that wants to be involved. Oh, there's me playing some ping pong. I think that's a Morgan Freeman ping pong right there. What is that mean? Wait, wait. Oh, you do like the Beijing. Dude, he's so good. Look at this guy.

Wait, is this real? Yeah. Caliando is that good, dude. In my day, no, that was pretty good, dude. Not that good. Holy shit. That's fucking Forrest Gump shit. Yeah, and that's the same play over and over.

Yeah. Is that your garage? Yeah. Oh, my God. Damn, you like play, play, play. Yeah. He lives in a mansion. You have a nice house.

You have two houses, but I sold, I had three, and John Lovitz came over, he goes, how much is this? How much for this? You own all this? Love Johnny. How much money do you make? I make more and I have less.

So when I'm in Phoenix and I visit my mom and stuff, I'm afraid to call you, would you have dinner with me? Yeah, absolutely. I don't really eat in the afternoon, but we could have lunch or something. What do you mean you don't eat after? I don't eat, I stop eating at like three o'clock. Intermitt fasting?

Yeah. Wow. So. You don't eat from three to nothing after that? Well, eventually. The next morning? Eight, nine in the morning, the next morning, sometimes ten. Here's the thing, Frank.

Let me ask you this. Hunger pains. Okay, so I have a theory on hunger pains. That's what fucks me up. You just can't believe them. Like, it's, you just have to fight through it a few times, and then you understand that it's just just habit. People, yeah.

People, people originally, didn't eat all the time. They would eat when they could find food. The nomads. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. But we don't like that no more. We have, you know what I'm totally. Mad TV character? No, no. What I'm saying is that... So you're saying that humans are

genetically, you know what I mean, conditioned to only eat sporadically. Yeah. And that's why if you, if you eat less, if you,

I mean, I've watched a lot of stuff, whether it's, you know, Instagram or Rogan or something like that where the your body, if you don't eat,

fights off infections and everything more. Yeah. If you're, if you're always feeding your body, it doesn't, well,

helps with memory if you eat, apparently. But, but it's, it's, your immune system is stronger if you don't eat all the time. Okay.

So intermittent fasting So just get one big meal before five And then I'm good Or eat in a window I feel like you do it though, Tito Bobby But see he says I'm cheating Because of the shot Yeah

He's doing no shot I'm cheating I really don't care I think I was just Well I'm going blind I think that I should care You're going blind My bones are weak

Well my bones are weak Why? Because of the fucking shot Side effects Yeah My bones crack I was gonna say you look like you got Cracky bones

I don't People have been saying that, dude Mr. Glass Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm cracked out, man, right now Yeah, yeah You're cracked down? Yeah, I thought you're off then

Even when I'm hiking I can feel my knees go Like that And my bones shaking But I don't know I said your butt Got darker because of a Zemphic That might have been a private conversation

The inside or the outside? What if that? The inside. No, what happens is Because I would never show you but um do you want me a photo no don't don't don't don't know because frank doesn't like it yeah yeah don't like what you don't like photos like that well can you can you show him i want to ask this permission yeah yeah you have a butthole show no no it's not a butthole it's just the darkness

around the region yeah okay go let me zoom up my no no but not the Alex one not the Alex not the one that you took not the one that you took all right honestly might have one of these on my phone yeah i don't know I don't think so yeah I'll get it to me a second yeah so I yeah something you have you ever seen it something It's so dark It's like I'm two different races So what happened What

Sorry I don't know what happened But Kalala was like something happened Could you show it? Because I'm excited How close do you all be in Just close You don't see the outside

Let's do inner space Medium, yeah yeah yeah We'll go really close You can ask me to zoom out If you want to see the full Oh shit, sorry I mean it's sorry Sorry

It froze So why is it so dark in that region, dude. What's your, I mean, you poop? That's how you poop. What do you think it's going to go? I know.

But zoom out. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. What's in there? Maggots? Yeah. Oh, maggots. What's that?

Is that one? Is that one? Is that one? Zoom out, though. Completely out now. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, so. Why do you have this picture? Yeah. I took it yesterday. Yes. So, um. Hey, folks. Sean Madgell.

I mean, if you look right. If you look right there, that's, you don't want the dark circles. You get the dark circles under your eyes. This one's in your anus. And that's when Frank realized that Bobby Lee's butthole was the dirtiest thing in the other thing in his entire life. So he punched me in the butthole. I got a black butthole.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what's going on there. That's from Mozambic, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that's from Mozambic or not, but I think it's a bleaching. What is it going on there? No, bleaching would do the opposite. Yeah. You don't know what bleaching is?

You're bleached white. No, it died from the poo, is what I'm saying. Well, how do you know it's darker than what it was? Like, how do you do it before? No, because Kalila, who I was dating for 10 years, has seen my asshole every year. Progression. The progression of my asshole. And it used to be just one solid color.

What? Well, she's someone else was dating. You know what I mean? Wait, wait. You probably still do only do Christian love, but, you know, where I come from, we do it all. Okay. Okay. So her observation was it was one solid color.

And then over the... What color was that? Yellow or whatever I'm like that. Yeah. It was just one yellow. Just skin. It used to be your butt hole was skin color. Skin color.

I don't believe anybody's butthole skin color. I think maybe pinkish. Okay. Not mine. You saw that, right? No, that was the black hole. That was the black hole. Yeah, what would Trump say about that?

So I don't know. I don't know what occurred. A lot of people are saying that that is a dirty butt. It wasn't a dirty butt. dirty, but it's an ozympic butt. Yeah, yeah, I don't think. And there's a difference because all of the fat leaves your buttox area and your

anus, and the anal area gets very dark, very dark, so far that we're going to build a wall. Yeah. So the darkness can't get out. Yeah, I don't know. Should I see a dermatologist, you think? I don't think they'd want to get in there. Yeah, yeah. I think that's

more of a proctology, kind of? Yeah, maybe I should get a cream where I'm, because I just one solid color. I'm tired of the different. Looks like there's a border. I don't think that needs to be, you know? You should get crown mold? Do Ronald Reagan about

bring it on the wall. Folks, how do I get in this hole? Biden and Bobby Lee's butthole. Folks, come on. It's darker in here than normal. I was a young man grew up in Scrant, Pennsylvania. There were dirty areas. There were dirty

alleys. I got stuck. This reminds me of place I got stuck. It's Grand Pennsylvania. Yeah. Wow. So, anyway, I'll do something about that, but... Oh, it's great. I think that is... I mean, it could be your signature thing. No.

It's not my signature thing. I want, you know... Well, you know, it could be old age, too. You know, you're 50, what? How old are you? 51. 51. I'm about to turn 54. When's your birthday? In a couple of weeks, September 17th. Happy birthday, but. Thank you, bud. And I'm, you know, I'm going into my elderly years. and it's so sad.

It's like, I look in the mirror now and sometimes I don't even recognize at certain angles. It makes me so sad. It might be the fat shot. You think so? No. Yeah. Do I have Ozzypic face?

No. Yes? Yeah, I don't know. No. People, yeah, I don't think I do. I thought when I first saw you, I thought your upper body looked trim. There was something,

I don't know how to say it, but it just didn't look healthy. Oh, so if you saw, me in the streets and you're like, oh, he's sick? No, I'm kind of joking. Okay, okay, yeah. But you definitely I could tell something was up. Yeah, something. I lost it almost 30. Oh, 30? Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. For being my side, it's pretty

good. Yeah, but it doesn't, I'll tell you this. It doesn't do what I thought was going to do. I thought, if I lose 30, oh my God, women are going to be, you know what I mean? And it's all pretty much the same. I think it's my face is that's fucked. Or the butthole.

No, I don't open with my butthole. You know, go, hi, can I get your number? to look at my button. No, that's later. That's a gift later. I'm working on my Bobby impression. You do that a lot. Oh, yeah.

It's arms crossed. It's arms crossed and then down. I do? Yeah. I think I'm hard to do an impression of. I think I'm hard to do an impression. Yeah. Can you come up with one or no?

No, or take time. I think there's some stuff to do. Yeah, Johnny Sanchez does my laugh, which just drives me crazy. I don't even know. You know, like almost the Harlan Williams Dolphin. Yeah, yeah. I have like a weird laugh, I guess, but, you know. Well, you do that, you have bursts of laugh.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah, you got like that. And then it winds down. Yeah.

That's me. Yeah, that's my laugh. That's my laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your laugh? What's your laugh? My laugh is more of a ha! Like, it's just, I don't really.

I have a thing that I don't really. If I laugh, it's just a burst of recognition, I think. I laugh more at timing. than I do at great line. If I hear a great line, I'm like, oh, that's good. I wish I'd have thought of that. Yeah, like, when you're watching a comic on stage, I don't do the laugh I just did.

I do that laugh. Ha! Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I don't know why comics laugh for other comics in that way. I mean, it's never like gut-wrenching. It's like, that was good. Now, I laugh when a comic who I know is good,

something doesn't work, I start cracking. Oh, I love that. It's like, it's the moment, like, oh my god that this person I admire and think they're fantastic and this bit is great and they're getting nothing hilarious because it's almost like oh I feel bad for the audience that

they don't get this yeah have you ever seen like a guy that's good bomb still yeah I think it happens yeah I mean I don't watch enough comedy I tend to not watch it like you do openers mom like this Patrick bomb it takes a while to get them going sometimes yeah oh you're the cold open

sometimes yeah well I have them go up I have them do like a a host and just do five minutes sometimes and take the bullet and then he sits in the back of the room and watches what I do later. It's kind of like, so I'll improv and then we'll get together and write, you know, he'll add on or have different, you know, offshoots of what I said or, or different ways of writing the bit, you know, we'll come up with stuff after the fact, but he's, he's on the road not to, he does some comedy, but he's actually there more for helping me out. yeah you're a good writer you've always had that reputation too oh good thanks that's good good good good no i'll take the compliment i'm giving you one

so aggressive it's so i'm sorry that was aggressive i love you good to see you it was a surprise to see you in there we turn this yeah yeah yeah would you uh would you ever do stand-up no no god you would you ever do a podcast she does like three she does so much i'm just joke yeah she's killing it yeah yeah you don't like this world huh I just, I don't know, I don't care a lot. You don't care a lot, yeah. Yeah. So, Frank, you have a date, right, that you want to promote? Yeah, October 25th, Paramount Theater and Aurora.

Yeah. Wainsworth. Check that date out. Frank is the greatest impressionist. That's Chicago, that's Chicago area. Chicago, Illinois. Aurora. Where Wainsworth.

You know, Matt Friend? Yeah, very good. Very good, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw Jay Moore earlier, and I was talking about he is the type of guy who he could be antagonistic with his comedy. Yeah. And he's changed quite a bit, but he's still got that ability. Is he nice now?

So crazy, nice that it's almost. I remember, I told him. He's changed. I remember talking to him on the phone one time, and he just hung up in the middle of it. He goes, I was kind of a dick. And I was like, why don't want to say? He goes, no, it's well noted. Yeah.

But he's like, he's a different guy now. He does, like, daily affirmations and stuff. He's great, then. So, but it was one of those things, oh, I don't even remember that. Wow. Bro, intermittent fasting for you, dude. Yeah. Great.

Yeah. I'm way different. You look right, yeah. And Jay doesn't look that good anymore. So, here's the thing. I'm even thinner than my face lets on. Like, I'm still not skinny, but I'm getting, I'm getting built. My face.

When I saw you in the fucking law. Bobby were just now at my house, right? I went, oh, you look right. Yeah, I want to say that right. For a, for as fat as I was. You were a fat fuck. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look, Google Frank Caliando fat. Google Frank Caliando Tom Cruise.

No, Google Frank Caliando Tom Cruise. Damn. Yeah. Did you do Tom Cruise in front of Tom Cruise? No, I was doing Bush there, George W. Bush. Yeah. Was he nice, Tom? Super nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was tell the story. I was in the, I was in the... What an amazing experience. I was in the green room. and I said Scientology or his name three times and he appeared the aliens put him down behind me and he goes, you are a very funny man

and my joke was and you complete me right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like that moment and I was like, what, where did you see? He's like, you hosted the NASCAR Awards and because he did Days of Thunder he would watch that kind of stuff. So it was like, look, that's a fat like that's Louis Anderson, top five answers you're on the board. Show me awkward! Yeah, yeah.

Wow. That's like, my head is so fat there. My head is show fat. My head's so fat. My hair doesn't cover all of it. Yeah. Like there's, and I have a giant head. Yeah.

So, yeah, but it's... Did you feel good about yourself then or no? I didn't know. Nobody would tell me because I was making too many people too much money. When you're making a lot of people money, nobody says anything. I was so delusional. I was talking to Jay Moore about this with, like, when you're on drugs, and you would probably know this,

you think they're, or alcohol or whatever, you think you're doing great and it turns out you sucked. That's what it was like for me. I'm losing weight. No, I'm eating four bags of cookies a night. Wow. And I think I only ate two bags of cookies tonight. Yeah.

I must have been two-fifty-ish there. And I'm only five-six. How old are you there? Probably in mid-30s. Wow. And Lennel's like, hey, want you want to treat that? Yeah. That's pretty good.

But, yeah, and I thought I was in the same, same shame that's Freudian I thought I was in the same shape as Tom Cruise right there and it looks like I'm gonna eat him looks like I'm Pac-Man and he is a power pellet he could live inside you almost there could be two of him there were two Tom cruises yeah he could top gun he would get inside of me and fly off yeah wow take my breath oh well you look great dude thanks so October take this overcoat on you can see you yeah you're buff now was in my butthole easy easy I don't ever want to it's on it's on it I don't have the shot So it's a linchy clean.

It's a pure bottle. It's pure as the... It's a shiny little white rabbit. It's a tiny bunny. Yeah. Minneapolis, November... That one's sold out. But do you do clubs or just theaters?

Well, Aurora is a theater. Minneapolis is a weeknight show. And that's sold out. I'm going to add another night there with for Lewis Lee. You've worked for Lewis Lee. Never have. No, I thought you've worked for Louis Lee. No.

You've never worked at me? I have. You have. Yeah, yeah. He is, and I hope this isn't, I listen, he is, he's Chinese, so he, he's not Pat Marita, but he acts exactly like Pat Marita. Pat Marita's from Okinawa. Yeah. So, thank God, some of my research is paying. Okina. Okina. Tell him I said hi. But he does, I will. He does, he will do the thing that Pat Marita did where he'll tell the joke. And then he'll be like, oh, he'll be like, you're very good. And he just walks off And you like, did you really mean it?

Or what was the... I call him my Asian dad. He calls me his Italian son. There's not more any more Chinese-looking person than that. Look at that. He's always... He'll be gone for a while.

He goes, I go to Hong Kong. He's everything. He's Kung Pao. Can I do an Asian accent without getting in trouble? On the show, yes. Yeah, I mean, I've seen a different show with Santino.

Oh, and that's terrible. And Di Stefano does it. God, he's funny. He went to A. Justifano will walk on and go, oh, like that. Yeah, but I wouldn't do that. I know you won't. Not on the show.

But I said, I think it's great, you know. Do the Asian accent. I'm trying to. If you do an Indian accent, you do it one that is much more real. You don't do the one that everyone does. Do you know Casey Aurora? Yeah. Do it an exaggerated Indian.

No, thank you. So I play table tennis with a bunch of Asian guys. Hammond, Rajiv, Schumet and Frank And the guys And they're like Yeah, they live in Phoenix

And I used to play with them all the time And that Hammond said How come you never do the Indian accent? And I'm like, I do it all the time I've been harboring it for many years And he was like Oh, that's good. Why don't you do that? I'm like, because I like my life.

I think we're at a point in life You can do those. I think if you do it, I think the only way to do it is not make it a cartoon and make it the joke. I think if it is... Okay, I see what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? If it's real and honest and pure,

if you make the joke about yourself, like everybody would do the ordering Chinese food and they make it about the person on the other end of the call, the owner of the establishment. But if you were to make it about yourself, how you don't, it's, I feel it's my own problem, I wish I could understand. I think it would be,

people would cut it up into little pieces and then you'd still get in trouble with some people, but that's not really what it is. But you're scared of getting in trouble. I worry about that. I worried about it more because I was... You're never going to get in trouble. Now that I have you on my side.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't, I can't even... Would you like a number five? Yeah, yeah. It's Negroes! Yeah, yeah. Good faith and begotty. Is that a... So you'll never, like, you're that safe, that you won't say...

I'm getting less safe because I really don't give a rip at this, you know, it's one of those things. We're getting older, let alone. Yeah, I mean, you, I can tell you really care about it. I don't really. Oh, you're brilliant with it. I mean, you guys, you and Santino and you mentioned who's the other New York The Stefano. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody, I mean,

listen, because we, it's, you know, it's, you know, it's we love each other so much. It's tit for tat, you know what I mean, and it's stuff that we laugh at. And if you don't like it, don't listen. I mean, it's like, I don't know what the fucking problem is. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, but then what happens in this day and age, people take it out of context and try and hurt you with it.

Yeah, what can, what they do is they try and take away. They don't ever go at you directly. They try and take away the money you could take. And we, and things have been taken away. And so be it. Yeah. You know what I mean, they take it away because it's like, for me, it's like, I'd rather be free and also on top of it.

It's like, what keeps me grounded is that if I get out, I get out. Yeah. You know, I got. kids, though. Look. Sorry. Sorry. Why do you keep

fucking bringing up that butthole picture? I was kind of close to pre-you- and if we could fly, what we'll do is we will fly

one of our best will fly space force. Yeah. So you'll be space force and we'll fly it into it. Frank, anything you want to plug?

That was so fun. Did you have fun? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anything else you want to plug? Uh, what's the... At Frank Caliando on all social media.

If you can't spell Calando, it's the letter C, the word alien and the word do at Frank C. Alien Do. Yep. Website is Frank onstage.com. So talented.

Spell it. My old friend. And I'm going to be playing Hong Kong in a while. Yeah, you'll be in Hong Kong. No, I'm not. He's going to do it all in Mandarin. That'd be crazy. It's going to be crazy.

All right, give Frank Aronov. Woo! I don't know what I'm gonna be it. I'm gonnaeolid. Pulling, madongued, my bombole, show, I'm, so I do,

ito,