TigerBelly - Craig Conant Finally Confronts Bobby

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Comedian Craig Conant joins the belly for the first time after 13 years of knowing Bobby. We talk no sleep for 10 days, coke party fight, Hawaii hole digging, Al Qaeda videos, booger bubble, and My Best Friend's Wedding. That’s www.hims.com/belly for personalized hair loss treatment options. www.hims.com/belly Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly

Succo-tuko-chooka-win-woo backa-ki-chuk-mola cao da-a-ha-ta-ta-te-o-lru-lii. Murokai, Ika-pac-pac-a-do-lok-mba. Shuk-lok-mola, yeah. Tuku-tooka-wook-a-woo. I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah. Fucking made it, nah. What's that, bro?

You turn it on. You turn it on? Yeah, he's turned it on, guys. I turned it on. Normally you're mellow, but you came in hot today. You shut up. Because you're 15 minutes late? I'm so sorry.

Yeah, what, can you explain that behavior? I swear on my life, did we not? I had to stop and take a shit at a CVS. Oh, really? I would have been five minutes late. That's fine. No, we were eating. At a CVS?

Yeah, I just had to. Was it solid or liquefied? A little bit of both, chunky monkey? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a, like a golf ball and then liquid. Oh, really? Yeah. Like an asteroid.

Yeah, it was good. Because the debris, you know, when you've seen an asteroid. Like a big boba. Yeah. Like a big boba. Yeah. What's your favorite asteroid movie, you think? Armageddon or Deep Impact?

Meteor Man. Oh, is that an Astero? Do you ever see Deep Impact or Armageddon? Armageddon. But not Deep Impact? That's a good one, too. Is that with Jake Gyllenhaal? No, no.

That's a day after tomorrow. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Deep Impact. Oh, the old guy holds his daughter. Yeah, dude, so you know the vital thing in the Big Back? You know that scene? Wait, with the beach, when she's coming?

Yeah. When the beach comes after her, yeah, yeah. And the water still, but the beach goes crazy. Fuck it, right? No, so my, what's this line there then? They're on the beach. I think we need a bigger boat. No, no, no.

So the father's holding the daughter. Yeah. And what does she say when the wave hits them? I love you, daddy. I love you, daddy. No, no, no. close she goes um we're not going to need a bigger boat i already said that yeah yeah i bet craig no she goes i love this guy she goes daddy and then the wave hits them

it's a long shot oh that's a good look do you see the wave hit him i thought it just for a brief second you do they kind of disappear i want to see a little three minute of the aftermath i don't want to see yeah like the heads hitting concrete yeah yeah yeah see we going into the eyeball A dolphin going, I can't ride this wave either, dog. But you like disaster movies? Yeah, I used to watch all of them. Like, even shitty ones. Like, which one?

Escape, L.A. and like, that's a, yeah, I guess that would be considered a disaster movie. How about I-Robot? That's not really a disaster movie. I would say that, okay, Volcano. Do you ever see that one with Tommy Lee Jones? Yeah, I think so. It's a pretty good one. What about Dante's Inferno with Pierce Brons?

That back in, whoa. I know some. That's back in the day, dude. That's a fucking hard hitter, dude. How about a Dan Brown movie? Who's Dan? Dan Brown, the Da Vinciico. Oh, that's not a disaster movie either, no.

That's more suspense, I think. More by the Strinders list. What? The Shinders list. That's a disaster. Sure, sure. That version is? That is a disaster.

That is a disaster. That was a disaster. Yeah, yeah, you're right. I wouldn't really categorize it more drama. But it is a disaster. Yeah, yeah. Sophie's Choice, what'd they say? When the wave hit him.

What, it's Sophie's Choice? There's a wave in that? Of Nazis. I'll wave of Nazis. That's really... I was just, yes, Sandy. Yeah, but here's another disaster where, like, it's overlooked 2012. Oh, yeah.

With John Cusack. That beginning L.A.C. Oh, yeah, with the billionaire Russian oligarch. Yeah, dude. He saves the kid. Fuck yeah, dog. The Danny's pilot. Danny, dude.

I said Nani. All right. Yeah, yeah, he loves, so anyway, what we have here today is, yeah, yeah, are you happy to be here? Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, what a joy for us, is it not? Yes, it is. What a joy. What a joy for us.

I love Craig. You do? Yeah, I know the boys in the back, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this is a long time coming. Yeah, I've known you like 13 years. Yeah, 13 years. And how many times have you done this podcast?

This is my first time. Yeah, yeah. I made it, Mom. You did. But, you know, how many times has he been booked? Maybe 20? Yeah, exactly. Hmm?

What do you mean? We've considered you a lot. What never happened. I know, but there was one... Thanks for your thoughts and prayer. Wait, we prayed about it. There was literally... No, one time, I remember he was on the schedule.

Yeah, and I got bumped. You got bumped by who? That was like eight years ago. I know, but who you bumped by? Eric Griffin. He had Showtime special. Oh. You got bumped by Griffin?

You did it, motherfucker. I know, but let me say it's in right now. Griffith wouldn't bump you now. I didn't say it. You wouldn't be able to bump you now. You know what? Move over, mustache, man. Who could bump Craig right now at the comedy store?

Let's think of that. Who would I? You know what? I'm going to say something. There's not a single person because, you know what I mean? This is a long time coming, right? Because, you know what I mean? I think it's been a point of strife between us a little bit.

You're not being on. Only because you, fool? You call me, you know what's so funny, you fuckface? You know what? I love you. Since you become a headliner, dude, you know? And drawing and stuff. The other day, I pushed you a little bit and you pushed me back.

Yeah, that's right, bitch. Yeah. Normally you wouldn't have done that before. I know. You're not. I took it. I like it. You took it. Now you don't take it anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know what? What? That's nice. Is that nice, cat? Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know what? I'll tell you this right now. I don't, I can't think of a single person that would buy you. you. Maybe Matt Rife. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let me think of some names. Arenas Kimball. Yeah. That's it. Bobby, intro of the room.

Stop reading. Let me ask you something. No, because this is... Why do you read it? No, because this is a new thing. I'm not trying to interrupt. How long have you been doing this new thing? It's the first day?

Today's the first day. Yeah. And every time it pops up, he goes, Bobby... I know. So, we've been doing this over 500. episodes, Craig, okay? And you just got that? This is the first time this ever. So when it pops up, what the fuck am I?

So Bobby, intro, the world. So I will. You're hit. So anyway, how many Kairons is going to happen? What do you mean? So did you put one up last episode where it was about to end? You're like, end the show? No, no, no, no, I don't do that.

Okay, is the ghost still the end of show? And where's the ghost? Normally where is the, oh, you put it right there. Okay. So, Craig, when the ghost is right there. When the ghost moves is, man, we have to kind of shh

anyway let's enter the room thoughts and prayers okay let's have some prayers wait I wanted to yes and that okay so I just put money into my podcast studio and I just got a TV monitor used like that

except we don't use it and it's just Google and I swear to God like 80% of time I just stare at the blinking that the flicker yeah and then I yell at my producer what'd you do that

and I blame him for just me just staring at a Google screen and getting haggled Do you like it or do you not like it? Like what? The thing. Well, it's just, I got to get used to it. It's the first time it's happening.

Bobby. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby intro of the room. Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig. It's distracting. I know. I can't do it. I know, Craig.

You and I are rebellious, right? Yeah. Yeah, we're not doing that. No. You know what, fuck that. We're not doing that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're not doing that.

Yeah. Yeah, so what's up? All right, so, um, let's enter the room. Now, how familiar are you with the frioli? I know it's full. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From Dallas. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good dude, right? Yeah, good, funny guy, right? Yeah. You did a guest spot in your show? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, in Dallas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you play? Hainas. Oh, you like that one? Okay. I love it. We remember. We're like elephants.

And they say elephants, like in Lord of the Rings. Remember what Sam Wise Ganji, when Samwise Ganji, said an elephant. He goes, look, Frodo, an elephant. He did. I think so. Wait, wait, I think so. Can you, can you look up the first time? If I'm wrong, I'll kill myself. I will kill myself right here if everybody. No, no, do it. We love you. I thought he said, I didn't need the biscuit, Frodo. No, no, Frouto. Oh my God. It's what, I think it's in two tower. Oliphant. Is it olifant? Yeah. Why, you looked at the script? Oliphant Oh Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Did I say almost right

Tanzania Mr. Frodo look It's an oliphant Bobby intro the room Yeah yeah yeah yeah We have two people We haven't done it yet These two we have

You know why Because I'm being fucking Sid vicious about it Right and I don't like authority And where is he now He's dead I'll enter the room You're right

Good point We've got You see you know the Free Hale From the Dallas Yes Hi me Jamie I'm here

Where were you just now I was reading Olofa 8,000 pound kilogram from Tanzania I have a fun fact Tusk Guy

You're on my last nerve right now Guy I love you I love you too Yeah You know a caper Yeah yeah yeah I just met her recently

Through the comedy story You just got hired What like a year ago six months ago? Yeah yeah How do you feel about her? She's great.

Nice person. Yeah. Rose is all up about her. Rose is the shit. Well, oh, so you like the new regime? Fuck yeah, dude. I got like five spots. Oh, my God!

Yeah. You know, it's so funny about regime change. I will intro the room when I fucking want him. I didn't say. People want to know who's talking. I don't care. Craig Conan. There we go.

No, don't even see your name. Believe that part. I want to throw the room when I want to get to throw the room Craig Cohnit Dude Craig Cohnit So anyway You know I've been through so many regime

regime changes there Yeah How many regime changes have you been at the comedy store Tommy Adam Emily Rose Wow Yeah you want to hear mine Yeah all of them What not all of them?

Missy No Scott Day Eleanor Kerrigan She was the Fucker? Fuck yeah. What?

What? Eleanor and Princess Lori did a combo talent coordinator. And Eleanor didn't like me. So for a year, I didn't get a single spot. Oh. I prayed to the day that she would get fired because I was not getting spots. Anyway, love her now. Peace of love.

So it went court. And then it went Duncan Truzzle. What? What? Five. He booked? Five years. And then.

And still to this day, reminds me that he has to do trauma therapy because of me when he was a talent coordinator. You called too much? No, I would pee in his cups. Like pranks, too many pranks. Oh, yeah. It was the 90s. No, but I would live little poop dollops and stuff on his table.

Did he drink the pee? Stuff like that, yeah. And he was not happy then. Oh, yeah. And you know what? And in retrospect, I think that it was poor behavior on my part. And I want to apologize publicly. I used to pee in, like, corona bottles

and just put them in the fridge and just, like, I don't know who's going to get it. You and I, you and I are the same guy. I love it, yeah. I just do it, and I was like, huh? Yeah. Do you freeze your cum, too? Hey, it's peepie bread.

Do you freeze your cum? No. Me either. What? Me either. I never froze my cum. That's ridiculous. Wait, in your fridge or like at a bank?

Just in general. Yeah, in my fridge, yeah, but at a bank. Have you really frozen in your fridge? No. Okay. Anyway, and then so it went Duncan Truzzle, and then it went. Do you freeze it in an ice tray? In a bag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you have to add, so you add little ice. Hey, why do you freeze it? So you put water and cum in an ice tray? No, because the baby. What? What do you say? Water and cum will not make.

makeswear. Well. I don't know what you should say. Sorry, sir. I couldn't hear you over your accent. Or speech impediment. I can't figure out which one it is. Today, Jr.

She said water and come and they don't make sure. The reason why I froze it was because for Ari. They don't. You're right. For Ari Shafir. Yeah. Is you saving it for him? No, so what happened?

Do you remember? So what happened was one day I peed on his car, okay? Then he hired, he saved three months of poo in a bag, took a spatula, and then put it all over my, you know, windshield wipers. Why three months? He went a lot. A week. And he put some underneath the handle, a big log underneath the handle of my doorknob. So when I was opening the door, right?

So I opened the door, I washed my hands. and there was a little dollop of poo on my window. So I did the windshield wiper, but that's where all the poo was. And it wiped all the poo under the windshield, right? So then I went to 7-Eleven, right? Then I went to 7-Eleven, and then I had to give a homeless man $150. He wouldn't do it for $10. He wouldn't do for $20.

I bought a bunch of windshield. I ain't doing it for $100, unless it's $150. That homeless man has standards, and I'm glad. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. That's crazy. A low ball. A low ball for a homeless.

But he did it, right? And then for four months, I saved my come. Wow. Because I was going to put in a drink of his. You still saving it? No, not. After like the probably 30th time of getting the coming into it, you know what I mean? I went.

I'm in my 30s. Yeah. Like, what am I doing with my life? So I ended the war there. And I just kind of, I washed the thing. That's for the best. Yeah. I got some stories like that.

Hymns, hymns, hymns, hymns. Summer's hot, our weather is finally here. But don't let hair loss also make you sweat. Regrow hair and help from hymns. They provide access to personalized treatment so you can see how thicker, fuller hair in just three to six months. What do you think?

Look, listen, I know for a fact that Phanasteride and monoxidil actually helps with regrowing your hair. You do know, because you're, you're science-minded. Not only that, but I've seen it happen on many friends, and it can regrow in as little as three to six months. It's incredible. It's Dr. Trusted, I'll tell you that right now. And the process is 100% online.

And clinically proven. No. Right? I hate, I hope it's clean. I don't think those two are related. I know, but still. 100% online and clinically proven. It's, yeah, and I'll tell you another, no insurance is needed.

That's the cool part. Wow. And one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. Plus, treatment options start at just, what, $15 per month? Oh, my gosh. Thousands of men. I mean, thousands. Getting their confidence back with visibly-based-haired.

Some say millions. Some say millions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Visibly thicker and fuller hair. You can have that this summer with four hymns in as little as three to six months. No insurance is needed. And one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. Plus, treatment options.

start at just $35 a month. Wow. So cheap. Yeah. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash belly. That's HIMS.com slash belly for personalized hair loss treatment options. Hems.com slash belly. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxide and finasteride.

Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. shop. You got a shop, and you got a Shopify, guys. You know, when we started this podcast, we were lost. Lost and confused. We didn't know what to do.

We didn't know what to think. We had a long list of tasks. Yeah, and you want to go online and have an online business. To me, Shopify was a lifesaver. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify helps you. build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. You can accelerate your content creation, and Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools

that write product descriptions. Oh, you don't even have to do that anymore. Remember in the beginning when we had to do that ourselves? Now we have AI, and Shopify can do that for you, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Amazing. If you're ready to sell, you're ready to Shopify. Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today It's Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. Go to Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. That is Shopify. com slash Tiger Belly. I watched the thing.

For the best. Yeah. I got some stories like that. Give me one. I shit on a plate in Mexico and slid it under my buddy's hotel door because they had a fat crack. Yeah.

And they just opened to a plate of shit. My buddy left. My buddy left me in Hermosa And I had a taxi cab home And then I beat him home And I smeared his dog shit All over his front door And then we fought

And then his pit bull bit him and his ass See? You know what I mean? We're like-minded anyway Why do we go to those resorts? He started it Exactly, too And we end wars, don't we?

Do we end war? I do, I'm like, oh, this is enough This enough We were fighting And then I swear to God You could ask him to, like, I was feisty and we were fighting and his dog bit him. And then I realized I was in the wrong. And then I gave up and I let him win.

Like, I swear, I just went, I deserve this. And I just took it. Choked me out. Oh, you choked you out. Yeah, yeah. You could have taken him if. He's pretty good fighter. Probably not.

But I had, you know, it was the drunken crazy days. Who knows? And you got, you get knocked out completely? I've been knocked out, not that time. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you've been beat up before? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Why, Mothenoff? yeah yeah yeah uh huh wait wait wait do i know somebody that be no no this is pre comedy days drunk and drinking and whiskey days cocaine days yeah yeah yeah uh yeah i slept with his girlfriend and then he knocked me out at the bar wait well how did you find out sucker punched me how do you find out um everybody like hey no this is a terrible story that i don't want to tell but here we go So the girl had, the girl liked men and she, I was. She like men?

She's, she's, she's, congratulations, that's great. No, she, what I'm trying to say, slept around. Oh, she slept around. Okay. She was open. So everybody had hit it and then it, not that night. I bet your money, I bet your money if I was in your friend group, I'd be the only one not hitting. Why?

Because, you know, I've been in this situation, it was like, not you. Yeah. So you'd want to hit. What? You would want to hit. No, then I would get introspective and really. like philosophical books and go inside myself and go oh no you're good enough

yeah anyway go ahead and it was like party set you know party you do cocaine yeah I know what party I can do a party before yeah yeah yeah yeah and then someone opened the door yeah and then it was just my booty okay and what obviously kind of guess what the position was yeah yeah yeah fuck yeah man and then uh word got out and I like you can't say a guy like hey man she's done that like 10 times

I'm not the first Yeah Yeah And then Yeah he just got me He chipped my inner tooth My inner molar And it was just like the movies

I woke up in the bouncer's arm And I was just like What happened? Wow He got knocked out And then my friends offered me A ride home When you get knocked out

I was like I'm gonna walk And I just shook his hands I said my bad dog And then we Wait wait wait wait You're still there I was on a date

I got knocked down in front of a date So you went, you went like this? I was on a day, I went to the bar to get a beer and he sucker punched me. I woke up and I was just like, I just said, I'm gone. And you walked and you go, sorry, sir. Well, we both did because we had friends, mutual friends. And they're knuckleheads, knuckleheads.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and they're like, just shake it off. You knocked them out. Yeah. He did what every man in here did. Right, right, right, right. But he didn't punch them. No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just me. What does it feel like to get knocked out? Do you just black out? You don't know. Yeah. You just wake up and you're like, I've been knocked out.

Where am I? Yeah. I've been choked out. Yeah. I was chafirpun knocked me out. I was, I got knocked out, and then as I opened my eyes, this has never probably happened to you, where you get knocked out and you see a shoe. Your shoe? No, his shoe kicking your face.

Oh, yeah. So I got knocked out and went, oh, I opened it, and went, and just a shoe hitting my face. That's too much. It's a little too much. Yeah, yeah. Was it on his foot or in his hand? Very good question. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it was on his foot still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My buddy H-bomb stopped my face outside a car and the curb. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I had it coming. Wait, it was left to Mark? I couldn't, I had a soup for like two weeks, bro. Oh, oh.

Yeah, it was far. Oh, I know I'm laughing. It's funny. You've been beat up a lot. No, yeah, I guess. Yeah, me too. We're losers. Are we losers or winners?

Yeah, I won't won. Are we winners? You think we're winners or losers? We're winners now, baby. Yeah, we are. Redemption. We're damned, yeah. We're helping.

So we got Catbird here. Hi. Yeah, and. How many times you've been knocked out? I haven't, actually. Keep working at the store. I'm going to do that. Do you guys have all your real teeth then?

Oh, no. Oh, there's missing there. How many do you have missing? This one. Yeah. Look, look. Yeah Yeah

We don't get in the dead You don't brush You don't brush or floss Do we are the same Yeah we got teeth missing I got molested too Yeah we were molested Yeah

Yeah You're molested Beat beat Bet your dad No Oh my dad Only me My dad beat me

Oh beat me Oh yeah Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't remember my last. Oh, fuck. I'm like, no, he just beat me. Oh, thank God. Yeah.

He's old. Yeah, and we were, but did you have love growing up? Yeah. It's funny. You know, I was talking about this some the other day to somebody. Here's my upbringing. You know, beat, but then a lot of love. Yeah.

Right. So now when you're in a relationship, right, when you get intimate, right, there is still that fear that something bad's going to happen. Yeah. You know what I mean? And through my therapist. I'm trying to work through that. But it's like you think, you know what I mean? You're intimate with somebody or somebody's loving you, right?

But, you know, there's a 5% chance there that you don't trust it. You know what I mean? For sure. It's so scary. You're vulnerable and your heart's on a planet. And it's my father's fault, I think. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, he's the type of dad that would beat you, and the next day, about your car! Yeah. Right? And shower you with love? I get them. What? What do you get, man?

I feel that I get you, bro. Well, give me an example. It's like, it's like to say, like, your friend will text you at 6 in the morning, and like, hey, can I get a ride at CarMax? Right, Craig? And, like, you're like, yeah, of course, bro, I got you. And then he beat you? Yeah.

That you got a car. Dude. I didn't know you'd be. sing a song, right? Oh, God. You don't know how to sing, do you? No, I don't. Really?

Are you tone deaf? I could sing a little bit. I was being funny. Do that. How about you? Can you sing? No, dude. No, no.

Can you really not sing? I can sing a little bit. Let's try to sing this. Imagine. Yeah, yeah. You get the next line, okay? Imagine. I forgot.

The hall of the people. That's where we don't have in common. Musical inclination. All right, so let's introduce Craig now. On linen. On my time. Okay. So here's a guy I met many years ago, 12 years ago.

It's 13, I believe, we tracked it down. I met him with the photo. And when I first met him, I liked you a lot. And you're, you know, here's a thing about young comics. You can just instantly tell. I believe. I believe when you see somebody, you can instantly tell like,

oh, this person has chops or there's something interesting about them or, you know, and I've always felt that about you. I've never been worried about you. You know what I mean? Like there's, you know, during lunch we talked about,

hey, do you think this is going to, a person's going to make it? I love that game. Yeah. You know what I mean? And she kept saying no. What the heck? Yeah, yeah.

No. Yeah, yeah. And I can just name you the names that you said no about. Shut the hell. But my point is is that, but with you was, never know.

It was always like, no, that guy's gonna fucking make it. Well, thank you. And over the years, you've built a... And you did it the right way, by the way. You did it exactly the right way. Some of these guys are like leeches. Oh, yeah.

Right? You were never a leech. No. You stuck to your guns. Yeah. You developed your voice. And that you also built an audience through... What do you fucking know, guy?

My big free holy friend. Boy, I'm nodding. Okay. I love you so much. That was aggressive. I apologize. I love you. We love Craig.

I love you. I love you too, man. Okay. Okay. Anyway, you built this thing, right? But, you know, we've been friends ever since. Yeah. Right?

And now here we are. Yeah. You know what I mean? Drawing. Yeah. Right? That's pretty cool. The audience, right?

You have great merch. I brought you some. I know, I saw it. You know what I mean? I've been to your house. Great life. Yeah. Right?

Can we talk about, you have a baby? I have a baby, beautiful little baby boy. Fucking little baby. Marlow. Amazing. Right? He's an angel. He's happy, happy.

You have a great life. And I honestly think that the sky's the limit with you. Thank you. Okay. And I also want to apologize. I go, and I want to, and the team can back me up, okay? I have no control into who, put, right? How much controlled?

I have no control of who fucking comes here. Like, for instance, today, we had Seth Green. I had no, I didn't ask him. He was just here. You didn't, right? Right? So he does all the bookings. So it's like, you know what I mean?

I would podcast with you every fucking day if I wanted to. If I had my own way, right? Yeah. But this time, you know, I made, we made it happen. My point being, it was always going to happen. I would have you on, you know, every week if I, you know what I mean? And I love you, love you. So can we get that out of them?

the way. Yeah, I love you too, bro. Because there was a resentment, no. Be honest. There really wasn't. I'll tell you what happened. Okay. You can't bring, I never bring shit up. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'm what you just said. I'll mind my business. I'll make noise on the street and I'll get stuff. Right. That's how it works. That's how you're supposed to do it unless you're a leech, you know? Right. And then I never, of course I wanted it. But you brought it up to me like six to eight times. And then that make somebody go yeah and then I would follow

I swear on my life I never brought it up then I would follow up because I hate pests and I don't want to be a pest and then you'd be like stop bugging me man and then I would go like this ugh that happened like twice and then I'm like you brought it up you know what

dude that's never fucking happened I could recall the exact situation to happen having with Ari Maddie remember and then you I don't know Ari Maddie so there's there's where we're going wrong in the first place. Who's Ari Maddie? I don't know what Ari Maddie?

No, that's it. And then you started to talk about me. Who's the guy? He did your pot. He's super funny. Who? Estonian. Oh, Estonia. He did do it. I know him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was a scene from a movie. That was a scene from a movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit was so funny. Okay. Oh, I know. I love Ari Maddie by the way. But he just was on. So, okay. No, you remember at the story. That shit was funny, bro. Okay, so what had happened? I seen him go up at the mother's shit before he blew up. I was like, this guy's funny as fuck he cold open it was talking about schizophrenic homeless people getting

shot and i'm like i'm a fan and when you cold open that it doesn't do so well but i was like that guy's a savage and then like six months later he blew up deservedly so the man's the fucking the shit then we're standing it's me bobby ari and then uh Ari says the bobby like i'll see you tomorrow at noon he's like yeah tiger belly at noon and then bobby looks at me because he knows and then i just said i'm known you 13 years man and then he's like i'll get you out you know it's like that that's my poking that shit was funny though yeah it's all right bro i'm here i don't feel bad at all you owe me nothing i need nothing i love you dog i owe you a lot i owe you a lot all right

you know why give me money because i um because you're friendship i think that's worth something for me yeah you know and i want to i would really say that you know you're welcome back anytime Thank you. Okay. And we're just so happy that you're here. Thank you. And congratulations. How's the baby?

He's good. He's very... How does it hold is the baby? He's 17 months, almost 18 months. Does it say Gaga or what does it do? It says snack. I say it. He says snack.

And you know, what kind of snacks is it like? Snack, Dad, Dad, Mom. He's a chomper, bro. He chomps food. Oh, yeah. He eats everything. He'll eat spicy food. I fed him, like, Indian rice that was spicy.

and had fennel and licorice in it and this guy was chowing it down and send him home he's shit seven times for his father Can you tell at that age Wait I send him home with diary every day What?

He's not Yeah yeah He's poop But can you tell at that age Where you can tell What kind of duty is going to be? I mean he already has more charisma Than most of the kids on the playground

Okay It's funny So he's confident And he's just happy I mean it like this kid He was at home because of my mom And he was just laughing And like old ladies were just gathering

Like he's a head turner He looks like a little chair of baby I'll pull up a photo He's beyond cute Maybe send it to Gilbert You have information I have George's phone number I give it to George and George will put it up on the screen

Do you spell Marlow L-O-E or L-O-W? M-A-R-L-L-O Marl-O Hello. You should smoke, Craig? Yeah. Nice.

The movie line? Nice. Hey, you want to hear my shaggy impression? No, please don't do it. We already did it. Please, please. Go ahead. Craig.

This is my shaggy impression. Like, man. What's out, Scoop? What'd you think? It's good, man. Thanks, man. Now, he's just happy and easy. Yeah.

He's just. But what I'm saying is that is he going to be like, if I had a kid, I'd be like, oh, this is going to be a little rebel. Oh, yeah. He's like, he's going to be a troublemaker. I try to help him down the stairs. He's like, get off me. And then he'll fall.

I'm like, dude. Oh, he's one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so maybe X games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think so? Oh, he's already beach boy. He's at the beach damn near every day.

Oh, server. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's a head turning. Your lady's a six-year-old started putting and makeup on him for him for him at the park. there's two kids he has this posse of kids he hangs out with his story time at the park down the way and uh this this this this kid he's friends with the older sister marlowe's coming and she puts on makeup i swear on my life to see your son yeah yeah coogers and he's 17 months yeah wow he's 17 months

yeah he's 18 you have it i got to see this kid i know almost yeah no no Craig if this kid goes True blue eyes I wish I If this kid goes Daddy Let's just Roll play a little bit Yeah

Yeah That's how you say Yeah Oh my God Yeah He's a looker dude Yeah Yeah

Oh my god Yeah he's so cute Yeah Daddy The hair He's just like a bottle of joy Daddy

We're doing a roll Oh cute Daddy Shut the fuck up He's five He's five Daddy

I want I want to take acting classes. Would you do it? No, son. You would not? Nah. Daddy, please. I want to take awkward questions.

I want to be next. I want to be next huge leisure. Go to the beach, son. Hollywood. You wouldn't support his dreams then. I would. If he wanted it, I would.

I would. I just said it. I got the question. I don't love Hollywood for kids. Daddy, I want to do men's figure skating. Yeah, look how cute. Daddy, pay attention to me. I'm looking up more photos, son.

Daddy, can I be, I want to do men's, Daddy, I want to do men's figure skating. This is so disturbing. Can I do men figure skating? Fuck no. Would you, I mean, you, your parents, were you a parent? Yeah. Your son. Daddy?

Yeah. Same kid. I know, I get it. Cute kid. I get it. Daddy. Yes, Tommy. Thank you for calling me my name, Daddy.

Daddy, I want you to do men's figure skating. Okay. After you do your reading. then for five minutes, then we can do figure skating. No, I want to take serious crashes. Clashes. Crasses. Crasis.

Chappanis. Would you do it? Five minutes of reading, and then you can do whatever you want. No, but he wants to take classes, like, every weekend. Yeah. Okay, good. I would like, sure, right after you listen to Wu-Tang. Oh, I see.

You got to spice a lot. You would have a balance. Yeah. All right. You got to know, enter the 36 chambers if you're going to be a figure skier. Daddy, I want you do the milk show. As long as it's the Tupac, we're all right.

Okay. I mean, you would have to share an ambition. Yeah, I want to do it. You can see me. I would support my kid to do anything, I think. I would too. It doesn't matter. It doesn't seem like it.

Well, I want to steer them in the direction. I want to guide him to the dope shit. Right. But ultimately, whatever he's into, he's into. Okay, good. Yeah. What sport would you want your... Baseball?

Okay. Yeah, that's a good one. Already. It's only one I'm good at. Oh, you want to do baseball? Yeah. Position? I was shortstop, second base, third base.

Oh. What if he wanted to be a model? Like, for diapers? He already is, dude. Yeah, yeah. Is he on calendars? He should be on like 30. He should be.

He's a chair, baby. Yeah. That's fine. Pictures are fine. I just like, I don't know. I don't love Hollywood. Yeah. You don't look Hollywood.

For names. Another, I have a little tweet. Even though that should be like a calendar pick. Come on. You know what you should do? You should get like every season, like a 12-month calendar. It's a good idea. For your own stuff.

That's the best thing you've said all podcasts, man. That's rough. No, I love this boy. He's funny. Is that seaweed he's playing with? Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah.

He's sand. He, uh, dip it. What's so funny? Wow. Wow. Yeah, nature. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a little angel.

Does he dig holes? I love digging holes. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. You'd be digging holes. No, but with just one hand. I bought a, I bought a shovel from, like, SOG, like

a survival knife kit with the shovel it's like a metal shovel with the saw on it and I gave it to my niece and nephew my son and within two minutes my niece got cut with the saw

and it was screaming we had to take away why's that funny? I don't know let me ask you something because when I was at the beach and I was digging a hole with my hand

and I dug a very big hole if you remember and my mind of my, is that a man thing to dig holes? I think you just got, it's fun. You got to do it. I still do it. Dig holes.

I'll do it with the kid, without the kid. Yeah, yeah. I'll dig in. There's something about digging a hole that is instinctual. I love sand crabs. I love sand crabs. Yeah. What do they look like?

They look like little crabs, but they're like a little shell and they have little orange eggs usually underneath them. Right. Sometimes their little eyeballs stick out. I've seen that before. They're so cool. And they're so cute. Oh, you're good.

I thought it's like, they're dogs. But you know what an otter would do with that sandcraft? No. I don't want to know. Do you know what it would do? Probably be friends with it. Would crack its fucking little fucking head over it and suck out its insides. Wow.

Yeah, because that's called nature. Okay. And I've been watching a lot of nature shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Life on the planet. Planet Earth. What's life on the planet?

It's just the different kinds. Baby animals. Okay. The oceans. The oceans. The ocean. David Atenborough. Atenborough?

Yeah. You like watching all that shit? Yeah. It's the best. I used to watch it all the time and then every ending is this species is extinct and I got so sad

I stopped bro every time we kill them all or what with the one when Barack Obama does it unfortunate he always says unfortunately mankind and then there's like a gigantic

thing that looks like a boat but it's all plastic yeah and then there's a fucking you know what I mean sort of creature stuck in it yeah and it just breaks that part out yeah yeah yeah cut that part out

what do you think Cut that part out or do you have to learn? No, I don't want anything to do with orcas I get really sad about. You should be able to choose two virgins. A happy version or a big version. Dude, give me the happy. Like foreign films. Yeah.

You can switch the thing. Subtitles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Happy version. Let me ask you this then about all of everyone here. In an animal show, do you want to see the lion catch the? No.

I'm not even finished I know how it ends I'm not done A cat bird Okay Do you want to see him Catch the gazelle Kill it

And feed the pups Or do you want that part cut out Go I want to see it Why It's nature Bingo How about you cat

What the heck Is there a bingo Do you get a right answer You get another thing What? Okay So bingo for you what I want the pups to be fed

Yeah But I don't want to see the gazelle die Bongo Bongo Bongo You get a bongo Is that That's good

That's also bad Yeah how about you Oh man What do you want to see It depends on the animal I'm 50-50 I'll fuck a hyena up Eat that full

I don't like them Like their laugh Oh yeah Yeah But like a pretty Pretty snow bunny Or you know Like a snow bunny

Like it depends on what they're eating But yeah, it is, I like it I like it because it is nature And you're like, that's how it is Let me give you the scenario then The Snow Bunny and his pups Right? And the pups?

Yeah, little Letitia is just two weeks old Letitia That's what the David Attenborough Named it. I didn't. David Anberg The snow buddy named Latisha? What the hell?

He's from Detroit. Yeah, yeah, the snow bunnies from Detroit. Let me redo it then. He's notorious for like black chick. The Arctic Snow Bunny. Let me just finish it. Let me finish it. Yeah, the octet.

What? The octopus. La Quanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Arctic Snow Bunny. Oh, here comes her pop. All right. Devontre.

Is that better? Look at the little Devontre. And he happens to be. Block. Block. Block, right? Little Devontres learning how to hop for the... Oh, here comes an Arctic fox.

Right? Now, what do you want to cut there? Or do you want to see what the Arctic fox does? I don't want to see what the Arctic fox does. What if the Arctic does something positive? Like, gives the fucking Devontri a high five. You miss that part. The two pods, what's up?

You know what I mean? Yeah. And then he malls them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I don't want to see it. I just want to, I don't know. It's too much of risk for me.

You don't want to see the aftermath? No, I don't know. Yeah, I get a little panicky. Mm-hmm. Let me ask you this, Craig. Do you care what's in the deep ocean? Yeah, it freaks me out. I get freaked out.

Who cares? Mariana's trench? Yeah, when they go deeper and deeper, it's like, how deep do you want to go? It's Mariana. Yes, Matt, yeah. Yeah, the deep's creepy, but... But they go too deep sometimes. Ocean Gate

Yeah The ocean gate with the submarine The rich people Oh the Oh yeah Did you see when the wife Did you find the body Do you hear the season

Do you see that? No No So when that thing exploded Right There's another video of his wife Listening to She's on a boat

And she's like You know they're seeing where the little boat You know the sub is and stuff And she can hear And they don't know what it is at the time but that's when I know. Yeah. What?

Yeah, don't do that, guys. I call it the ocean quiff. Yeah, bubbleer. That still wasn't proven real, right? Like, you know what I mean? It could be in. Flat Earth.

No one happened. I don't know you're flattered. What the fuck are you saying? What are you saying? Every time he said a sentence, I'm like, I don't understand. Yeah, yeah, so explain what you heard in Hispanic TikTok. Hispanic TikTok, go ahead. We wouldn't go down there to the ocean like that.

But the wife, she didn't hear nothing, right? Or did she hear the pop? She heard a little bit of a pop. Yeah. That could be anything. They timed out that that's when the sob imploded. Who said that? Did you read this on TikTok?

I was watching the news. CNN? Do you think it's all fake news now? Fox News. No, it was just on the news. I trust the source. I think it was Associated Press or something. I trust it.

Why? You don't trust the Associated Press? No, I don't think so. Okay, so you don't think it happened. You don't think that anyone died on that fucking thing. Well, I think they died, but I don't think they imploded. what do you think happened I think like you know

whenever you go down like to the ocean and like the water pressure and then like you remember those little dogs when you guys were younger they implode like that little squishy and like the thing will come out oh like with the eyes

the eyes and the ears like a stress toy yeah I think that's what happened that's exactly what I said when they implode that's exactly what happened is anyone like this yeah yeah it's not a cartoon one there and then they went to their normal selves I think they exploded

but I think there is a popping fucking thing what the fucking you're popping about? The last noise the wife here is ahuga awuga yeah yeah I mean

yeah I think that that did happen but they imploded I think that is part of the process of implosion though yeah so they did die and it's a very sad thing and I don't think we should make fun of it you just made fun of it

I wasn't making fun of it I was making fun of it I was just saying the wife of one of the guys that was in there to listen to it and that's very sad isn't it unfortunate

when you watch like one of those like highlight reels of people falling and I like to watch the funny with like old old ladies fallen

me too this old lady flipped over the shopping cart down an escalator I laughed till I cried and then I looked at the comments that someone pinned the article

they're like they said her name and she died that day and I never felt so awful in my life. I was like, why did you ruin it? That's not your fault. I didn't know.

I know, but if they clip it. I hearted the comment. Yeah. I said so sorry. Did you rewatch? He's in tears of sad. But if they clip it before the death, you wouldn't, I didn't know.

Yeah. There's one with this old guy rocking on a ladder to jump in an above ground pool. Yeah. And he just fucking falls backwards. And then, what, did he die later? I don't know if he died. Yeah. Go ahead.

They shouldn't tell you that. I think they should just leave it No comments. Whoever clipped it up is a monster Because they probably knew But they set me up I got bamboozled bro Yeah

I don't even Because when we're back I don't know Do you guys remember the early days Of the internet? Rotten.com Omegal What about our faces of death

Yeah Or gore.com Was it? I don't remember gore No Live leak Live leak was back too Yeah

I just stopped watching I did see it I did see some stuff So much stuff And it fucked me up Yeah, Jordan Peel didn't talk to me for one year And I feel so bad about it But this is when all that shit was coming out

And so there was a Russian mafia guy And some guy took a knife and cut his head off On video And I showed it to Jordan And he didn't talk to me for like literally a whole year He watched the whole video? No, he saw a little bit of it of that going on Oh whatever I don't know

The accent's probably wrong Yeah Yeah, yeah. I think they're like, hey, bro. My name is Vladimir, dude, fucking don't. You know what I mean? No, but it was, yeah. They had a little puppy.

Yeah. But yeah, it's to some people, they can't really see it. Some guy did it to me. I fucking hated them, too. You saw me a decapitation, some cartel shit. I was like, I didn't ask for that. Yeah. Check this out.

I was like, fuck you, bro. Yeah. Can you see stuff like that cat? No way, Jose. What? No way, Jose? No way. I don't want to see that.

I grew up kind of watching those Al-Qaeda videos. Which one? Kind of watch it? What does that mean? I dabbled. You dabbled Al-Qaeda? The hostage tapes, you know? All right.

Yeah, and that fucked me up. When that journals got beheaded, that was fucking terrible. That was scary. That was scary. So I don't want to. How about you, Jaime? Are you good at stuff like that? Can you watch it?

Yeah. You can watch it. Because it's nature. It's not nature. It's not nature. Wait. Wait, evil, no, evil. No, wait.

Big different. Like, like Devontre the bunny rabbit? Yeah, they're cutting his head off to survive winner. Yeah. Okay. No, like, stuff like that happens. I'm like, I could watch it, but then I'm like, oh, sticks in my stomach. It's life.

That's crazy. It's the brutality of life. I mean, look at the fucking, you know, crusades. And then all the atrocities has happened in the world, right? It is a part of life, but I don't know if it's natural for, especially modern times to watch it, you know, especially when you're not there. Or how about when they used to do beheadings, like, in ancient? Publicly. Yeah. And publicly. Would you show up for that?

If everyone was going, I guess. I'm a social watching. I'm a social watching. Hey, Kay, what are you doing today? I'm going to go to this, yeah, the hanging. Oh, who's getting hung? A lot of witches. Oh, yeah, let's go. Yeah, call Craig. Yeah, did you go? Let's pre-game. I would go. Pre-game.

You would go if Luigi Maggiano was the executioner. Oh. If he was the executioner. How would he do it? Hang him high. Yeah. Kill your master. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm just joking. I know you are. I know you are. Yeah, especially now with live streamery. Yeah. There's been a couple of live streamers that have been off online. Oh, yeah.

Let's move on from the topic, I think. Yeah, yeah, now it's getting a little surreal. The way you said it was getting a little too weird. The oft part that kind of freaks me out, actually. Like we could say hanging, but the second if you say the oft. The last thing I want to add is I think that hangings are a little different than like guillotine. Yeah. Gillantine, it was too much for me.

Yeah. When the head is completely severed off. Yeah, yeah. French Revolution. What? French Revolution. Exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, I just know the head's going to roll right by my foot. Yeah. Right? It's going to say one word It's going to say one thing like He said by me He's going to say

Oh God Do you do Do you guys do Do you guys do Do you guys do chat GBT You don't do chat gbt? I'm scared of all that

But people do it My team They use it as a tool Okay so You do chat GDPD I don't do it But someone said It's good

If you need therapy You should talk to chat GBT I did it last night for three hours. Oh. And do you know one? Huh. I didn't know until like three hours in and you can change the lady's voice.

Because the first lady, the English lady, is so condescending. Is she? It just, you know when I talk to English people? Do you feel dumb? Yeah. Right? Yeah. They could be dumb.

Hello. You're like, oh, I didn't read Laura the rain. Or whatever. Or I didn't read Hemingway. I don't know. Ye intruders beware. Have you ever met Even like a Jim Jeffries

I know he's Australian But this is something about his voice So you're like Oh you're better Cunt Right So it's like But you can change

Right The chat GPT So can I just Can I show you what it was originally You can talk to it all night long You're so happy So hello How are you

Hey again I'm doing great Thanks for asking How about you? Asian American. I changed it to American. Did you say Asian American? Yeah, it sounds like some...

It's not Asian. White. Are you Asian? Asian. I'm here to chat and help out with whatever you need. Let me know if there's anything specific on your mind or... I know, but are you Asian? I don't actually have a background or a specific identity.

I'm just here to help and chat with you. Let me know if there's anything you'd like to know. Okay. Non-binary. Okay, so now, let's look at all the voices. I don't know why that creeps me out. It just creeps me out. She just sounds like a barista, like a...

Okay, so let's go to the new girl, all right? So ask it a question, hold on. Ask it anything. Have you tried peanut butter? Oh, definitely. Peanut butter is such a classic and tasty treat. Do you have a favorite way of eating it, like on toast or maybe a sweet? It's a little condescending.

It's a little condescending. How does she eat peanut butter, though? I don't even know. why I threw her that. Like, she hasn't. She lied to us. But she also has a favorite, if you ask her the favorite color,

they have their favorite color. That makes sense. They got intelligence, but she can't eat peanut butter. Yeah. She ain't got no teeth. Ask her that. I think this is exactly what.

Say that. You don't have teeth. You don't have a mouth, bitch. Don't, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't be rude. Don't say bitch.

She's a friend of mine. Don't be rude. What happens if you do color that? Does she get? I'm not doing it. just joking, Terminator. I know. All right, well, then you want to ask?

Bitch, say that? No. Ask her, if I call you a bitch, is that offensive? I don't think they care. I get so mad at chat, GPT, driving in the car. I like to chat and try to learn something. So go ahead. How do you eat peanut butter with no mouth, bitch?

Well, I'm here virtually, so no peanut butter for me. Let me know if there's anything fun or interesting you want to chat about. Shut up, bitch. I'm here to help and keep things positive If there's something on your mind Or something you'd like to talk about See what she said positive She's passive aggressive

Yeah I like chap GBT a little bit more Yeah yeah She's like I'm deflecting that I'm not Playing your game But that doesn't scare you That's why I never done it It's just wait five years from now

Ten years I know She's gonna be a wife That's what it is She's gonna be a wife Your wife. Your wife. I'll be fine with him.

Oh, so you would have the... You want the English voice with a body and then that'd be fine? Yeah, because I can call her a bitch. Oh. Wow. Wow. Okay. People are falling in love with ChatGBT.

There's like romantic relationships I've heard of. Really? Yeah. I do love it because it can re... If you take old photos, you can clean them up. Have you done that? Well, you don't fuck with Chat, GBT, at all? No. You should try.

That's good. You're scared? You're scared of the future? Yeah. I'm old school. I don't like it. I'd rather go to the beach. And be present in my... Wait. Wait.

Those are both comps. You could do both. Nah. Nah. You can't do both? I get electric bike. I know. I know, but eventually, Craig, right?

I know we're going to have to interact with Vail. I'm always late to the party. I wait until everyone makes fun of me. I was like, like the iPhone was out for five or seven years before I got it. Oh, I see. I resist it. And then I'm like, all right, here we go.

Yeah. Blu-ray here. Oh, when did you start getting Blu-way like last year? I started just getting Blu-ray last year. I just got all these DVDs. Now I got to get Blue Ray.

Yeah. Like, what's... Avatar. Lord of the Rings. Oh, yeah. Doon. Are you like that with movies? I love movies.

What's the last movie you saw? I just keep watching Dune or Lord of the Rings, to be honest. Or Al's of Guel. I know what movie you like. Yeah. John Wick. Oh, my God. Yeah.

You know, like five years, dude. Every... How many times have you seen John Wick won? Oh, I have hundreds. It's one of my comfort films as well. Yeah. I have these comfort films that I just come home. I eat a little snack

Put it on Just watch it Yeah You have a comfort film Yeah Probably My best friend's wedding None of us

I just understood Why are you saying that one? Is that something that you went to three weeks ago Or is that a real movie It's with Julia Roberts Like Gervid Diaz Oh okay

So that's one of your I'm not trying to make fun of your comfort Their whole room got quiet. I just never heard of it before. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were like, well, what about John Wick? Yeah.

It was like you saying, I went to the spa yesterday. Oh, you went to the spa yesterday. Oh, that's what's funny. Oh, okay. Classic. Oh, that's your comfort film. Yeah, of course. And who are the fools below there?

Let's see, who's that? What's your next one? Steel Magnolia? Yeah, yeah. Who's that right there? He's super handsome. Mm-hmm. And who's the guy in the far right?

He's gay. British actor, right? British actor. Okay. He's gay in that. So, Jaime, do you have a comfort film? Yeah. I think it will have to be... I think I'd porn off.

He said sister act? No, you did. No, you did. Cisterc, one? Yeah. Is it a comfort film for you? Wow. I mean, Whoopi Goldberg.

Harvey Cartel. I think Lorne Hill's in Sister Act one. It's the two. Oh, two. She's in the second one sequel. Wait, wait, she's in two? Lauren Hill. Lauren Hill, yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. My comfort film is probably seven samurai. Anyway, let's move on. No, I want to say I may have seen that. I like some weird stuff.

Do you watch, like, did you watch the 28 years later? No, I, I'm a, I stop watching, like, horror movies. I quit. Because of you, you made me watch Hereditary. That shit fucked me up, man. Oh, Heretic with Hugh Grant? No, hereditary. I, like, quit, like, ass.

Why didn't you like hereditary? I watch witch and hereditary. I'm done going to bed like... I'm scared. Yeah, and then waking up like... Sad. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I saw the hills have eyes. I was like, oh, this is just disturbing. I don't need this in my life. Yeah. It just fucks you up. Yeah. And it's all, like, if you...

Central Valley is like all hills have ice territory. Yeah. It's scary. Yeah. Yeah, because when I watched as a kid, I would, I don't want to drive through that. No, I never saw the hills have eyes. Is it literally they have

eyeballs on the hills or what's going on? Yeah. They're watching you. Oh, there's people watching you from the hill. Yeah. It's just more violent and awful. It's, I think, it robbed zombie one, right? Oh, those ones are pretty brutal. Yeah. They're pretty visceral. I don't like that.

I don't like that at all. No, no, no. But hereditary was more psychological. It's also a family dysfunction deteriorating before you're eyes. There are some supernatural elements to it, right? But it's acted pretty well, real, it's grounded a little bit. I think it was pretty good. Yeah. It's so good. It was

one visual thing in there, I think that kind of scarred too. That one got me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know a part. Yeah, in the middle of the movie. That was pretty brutal. Yeah, yeah. So you don't like horror movies then. Not anymore. I fucking quit. But zombie movies is a sub-genre that is, I think, easy to... I like the gentle ones, like World War Z. Oh, you know. Yeah, yeah. Like, not...

You know. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Like, talk. Like, some of them are just too much. Stop being the brains. He's dead. Oh, right. How about paranormal activity? Have you seen that one?

I stopped all that shit. Paranormal, okay. I do, you know what? I rewatched probably the first three again. Yeah. Pretty scary, dude. Pretty good. I know.

Yeah. Remember, wasn't Blair Witch that started at all and it made like a bajillion dollars off of nothing? And fucking, you know, you know, Hollywood and everything. It's a camcorder. I watched it all until recently. And then I'm like, ah. Blair Witch was one of those where it was,

like um i thought the advertising tech campaign i don't if you remember it yeah was really good because imagine watching like a really like hollywood trailer you know what i mean you know trailers they show the whole movie you know i mean one man one man he lived on a mountain i'm just trying to do one let's let's do one line everyone does one line of a fucking trailer ready yeah one man he lived on a mountain He had a mouth and enjoyed peanut butter. Divorced and a void from his children. And then the moon crashed.

And he had nowhere to go, but there was his spirit in the woods. I don't know. What is happening, dog? That's it. That's the movie. That's awesome. It's about a man who lived on a mountain, right? He loved peanut butter.

Is that what you just said? Yeah. I don't know why that was... fall back to the AI. That would be funny, it bombed. Yeah, it bombed. What didn't bomb? It just kind of put a little hook in the...

You know what I mean? It's hard to justify it in the movement. It's fine. I think the moon was hard. Yeah. The moon crashed. It's crashing into the Earth. Deep impact.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. But Blair Witch, when you saw that trailer, it was basically a girl just facing the camera. Like, it's just going, you know what? And scared. And then it just said Blair Witch,

And so during the audience, going, who, who, who did that? Yeah. It was the ultimate teaser trail to get you to go see it. I went and saw it, but do you remember, I watched Mad TV? I grew watching Mad TV. Do you remember the sketch for the Blair Witch? You remember that one? That shit was funny.

What was it? Old girl was on it, and her nose just kept bubbling a booger bubble? Yeah. It's so funny, bro. Oh, really? Yeah. It was probably before my time. In the movie, they, yeah, they just show her face and boogers.

Yeah, it was Mochaulins. Yeah. Wait, is that, is that it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Right before you, right, Bobby? This is before my time. Yeah, yeah. And then there is... Is that Mo? Yeah, I grew up on this shit.

Yeah. I think it's at the end, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a bubble. Mo? Mo.

Mo. Mo. Bobo. Are you thinking of scary movie? Oh. Yeah, scary movies. The fact that there was a mad TV

Blair, which, though, is crazy. Push pause. Push pause. second you referred to a different thing i just remember it it was a long time ago i know but it was a different thing i thought it was mad tv bro it's okay you can make a mistake do we're still brazzar all right okay so there was a bubble like it okay yeah yeah yeah yeah oh it was scary

i think i remember that i did good i watch you show a lot good yeah that was really good that was really good do you remember when we met what i said to you because i remember it like yesterday what was I said, I said, oh, I love man, T. There it is. And it keeps stripping down. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's so funny. You know who that is?

Who is that? Oh. That's really funny. Who is that? Oh, no. Anna Ferris? No, it's still a reporter lady. Oh, yeah.

It's a comedian, no? Chicken cassidilla. Yeah, I forgot her name. She's dope. He's the ringer up trade drugs. It's the reporter. A murderer lady? It's a reporter

lady. Yeah. That fuck's Dewey, right? Yeah. Dude, that's a great movie. Which movie is? Great movie. It's a great movie.

Okay. Never saw any of them. Okay. When I met you, I brought up Mad TV and I said, uh-oh, pineapple juice, animal face. You're like, I fucking hate that sketch. Okay, let me just stop for a second.

I've never said on Mad TV, uh-oh, pineapple juice, animal face. Uh-oh, hot dog. Yeah, you did? Yeah, I know. I said the whole thing. It's a brand new key. Sophia, I paid $7,000 for that.

I told you I grew upwatched this shit. And I say, O'O, Hot Dog, Pineapple Juice, Animal Face? Ken Jong said the same. Oh, Ken Jong said that. All right. You said, uh-oh, hot dog. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. You remember that?

Yeah. I used to watch Mad TV. Oh, my God. All of it. That shit was awesome. Thank you so much, dude. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

That's amazing. Thank you. You think I'm good with compliments? No. I fucking hate them. Okay, well, I hate you. You guys like them? I'm not great with them

Yeah, I get awkward too I'm like, oh Yeah That's so foreign That's cute So no way When you're on the road And you're packing out these theaters

Don't smile It's good It does feel good How does it feel now? It feels surreal Pressure though Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah pressure to deliver Pressure to ride New Hour Pressure to keep sound tickets Do you have a I don't know

Do you have a special? No I'm gonna shoot it this year Where? I don't I don't know yet. Why don't you wait? I have waited a long time.

No, wait for a company to do it. I am. I have a plan. What is it? You? No. YouTube? No.

I don't like talking about it. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But I have things that in motion. You have huge things in motion. Yeah. I know what they are. Yeah.

And then see who bites. I got some loros out into the water and a day to show them the product. And see who gobbles, gobbles. You know, Kat, you know You know You're so excited You What's exciting about you is

You have your own lane Like I can't think of Anyone in my mind That's even remotely like you Because you're a combination between Like a stony kind of cool SoCal thing But you're also Hispanic

You know what I mean You're also You're bright dumb Like I am Genius retard, baby I love it I mean that's what I'm Am I not bright dumb

Yeah I think that's the best pocket to be in Yeah The one thing I know about you is You got to audition better I know It's not that I have I just know somebody that's done auditions with you Yeah

And you're so frustrating to put on tape I got audition in my email I haven't done yet I don't want to do it So why It just breaks me as a human being I'm not good at it And I get in my head and I just go, fuck.

I know, but here's the thing. Why don't we do this, right? You know who's good at it? E.J. He's a good guy to, you know, hire someone like E.J. to do it. And make yourself. Submit his name. You're not a Filipino five-footing guy.

No, make yourself this deal. You know, instead of making a perfect, just go, I'm just going to do three takes. Yeah. And whatever the best one of the three is, I'm just going to put. that in. I have been getting better at it, and I have been hiring the homies, Bruce Gray and Zach Chappalani. Oh, yeah, good. And they come down and they coach me and we put it on tape. Yeah. It has been getting it a lot better. Yeah. Yeah, I usually always go for the slate. Howdy, dude, oh, you go heavy. Hey, yeah. Howdy. I'm Craig Cone. I live in Los Angeles.

Five foot 10 and a half. Yeah, yeah. I'll shave my pussy. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. I never get booked I was safe I mean the stuff the stuff that you do audition for are they good things sometimes they recently yeah I'm like fuck that was a good one

yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm going to tell you right now dude if I because I have a couple of projects and stuff and there's a couple of parts that you'd be right for I would totally cast you yeah you're perfect I have it in me I know you do yeah yeah and then you know but here's the thing

because have you been on a big set before I've done some shit I forgot I did commercial work like Microsoft but one day you're going to be in a situation where you're like holy fuck there's you know what I think there's Kate Blanchett

there's Jamie like I was in a situation where you know you see big stars they're actually on a big set they're actually calling you over right and that fear put that fear into your audition. I think I have enough fear.

I don't know. I don't need any more. I got the fear. I got that part down, bro. How about the love part? How about the you can do it? No, I don't say fear, the pressure of it. No?

I think in those instances, I would rise up and I am a weird character. Fuck yet. You would rise to the occasion. Always. You know what, guy? Sometimes I do that, too, rise to the cave. Yeah. So your podcast, what's it called?

Community service podcast. How many have you done? I forgot. 250, 280, 300? I don't know. The biggest names I've got are Bill Burr, Ralph Barbosa. Wow. I forgot.

But yeah, some big dogs. Never done it? I didn't know you drive down that far. I'll send you Uber Black. Well, now. I've driven down there. I know a whole bunch. Many times.

Not for me, but yeah. Yeah, for you. How many? To see you, to be around you? It's my cat. Stop numbering them. Catherine there. The little cat.

That's your cat. Ian. Edward? So, Al-Sip Ali, Chappelle Lacey, Jordan. Huge. You've gotten great people. Yeah. Oh, Greg Fitzsimmons, Fitzhaw.

Fitzh. Fitts has done it. Brian Sipson. Yeah. Oh, Derek Post and a son of my. all the homies, Darius Bennett, what's up? Yeah, wow. Trevor Wallet.

Trevor's done it? Michael Blaustein. Are you and Trevor Peers? Yeah, we're bros. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, we started together. Yeah, you guys seem like you have the same kind of rise. Well, he rose fast and way before me.

But we met at a fucking Marie Callenders, bro. We were doing a show in the Marie Callender's. He was hosting. I was featuring and this 65-year-old road dog that I never seen before or after the game. I don't even know. I swear to God, I probably could find out through Trevor. He'll be like, oh, that guy. Yeah.

It was a Randy Lubis room at Venture Comedy Club, and then he did a Marie Calendors in Valencia, right by six flags. I swear to God, we got paid in fucking pies, bro. You got two pies. Wow. He's host. There's eight people there sitting on the outskirts in the booth, an empty room. And we're just going to, ah, ha, ha.

Yeah. He was so nice. He was so cool. And then I just saw him skyrocket him. blow up and it was so dope to watch do you miss those days or no no you don't uh the story's fun but when you're living it i know and you have no money and you got paid in pies or they wouldn't let you sometimes they won't even let you in the gig that you're doing yeah it was pretty awful they don't yeah i don't miss it my first home mike that was a schizophrenic homeless comic that was

always first because he waited outside the club i believe his name was like scottie laberan and he had this like six minute song about Jennifer Aniston and you just rock back and forth and say I want Jen to be my friend and he shit is shorts so my first home mic this guy's got diary on jean shorts wow homeless and then they told me that he did letterman in like 92 and I was like I don't think I want to do this yeah yeah and then I did it it's so funny when you look at like you and you guys are there on a Sunday and you see guys like you know Alan Berksky? Oh, you've seen them around.

Have I? Yeah, look up Alan Berksky. Yeah. I mean, I do know the schizophrenic open micer, though. There's always a few. Yeah, but there's guys like Alan Berksky

my merch. I love that. That's so pretty. Your merch is dope. We're going to show it here. I think it's dope. In fact, I kind of want to go to the same t-shirts.

Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say this. That t-shirt blank is fucking expensive. I also wanted to talk about you guys about maybe redoing my website and then maybe doing my own t-shirt line just specifically me.

I'll give you guys a little cut, but you know what I mean? I'd like to do, but through this company because I really like and through friends of ours. Yeah, they're good people. My buddy Jose Obrego at Green Coat.

You can't find Alan Berksky? So check out Craig's fucking merch. It's dope as fuck. Thanks, bro. Yeah. And in the next week or two, before I go to London, I would like to do your podcast.

Yeah. Yeah, I would love that. So we can mend the feud that we have going. It was never a feud. Yeah, yeah. Or the tension, you know what I mean? How did you feel about doing your first tiger belly? I loved it, bro.

I wanted to forever and I'm appreciative. And I appreciate, yeah, that's, I just. We did a lot during this podcast. We talked about a lot of things, animals. Yeah. Let's regroup. Guilatines. Scary movies.

Scary movies. We did a, um, shitting on cars. Oh, shit. shoot, I got one more turd story. Okay. Okay, go ahead. We were the kids, bro, and there was a window crack down. It was a big old dog turt.

We just stuck a stick in it, and we put it in the car, and it was just on their seat, bro. Oh, wait, so that was quickly. I didn't get what you were saying. So there was an open window of a stranger's car. Me and my buddy were like 12 years old, and there was a crack window and a turd, like right next to it. They just set us up, and we put a stick in the turd. Like hot dog on a stick, turd on a stick, and we put it in the window. And it just was on the seat.

Okay, I'm sorry I know, but why That's the worst thing you could do Why would you fucking do that? I don't know That's so me You know how mad at fucking be If that happened?

You did it to Ari He shit on mine I saved the comment I never even fucking offended to him But you peed on his car first I did pee on his car first But you think that's the same You think pooing on somebody car

Is different than peeing? You think that's the next level or what? No, pooing is worse Thank you so much Yeah, yeah Yeah. I pissed on my buddy's face. So let's look at your...

Oh, my God. Let's look at your tour dates. Accidently. Tour dates? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Tour. Yeah, go Craigcona.com. Yeah, Conant.

You're going to do Brea Improv, right? Yeah. Bray. Room. Oh, Comedy Store Main Room. I'm headlining it August 20th. That's a huge one. August 20th.

It's going to be... That's my third time. It's going to be an industry thing too, right? Yeah. Yeah. So everyone come out. Yeah. You said I can do a little time, like 10 minutes or something?

I'd like to do a little time on that one. Thank you. So, check out Craig. Yeah, sold out. Yeah, sold out. Look at it. You know what I mean? It's a coffee shop on, you know.

You lie. Yeah, it's a money on. That's a coffee shop. In Pacific Beach. So go check that coffee shop out if you can get tickets. We also have. Have you played Pittsburgh? I'm going to play that for the first time Pittsburgh Impro.

You said Pittsburgh. Pinsberg. Can you play Pinsburg? Have you played it? A pimp from the bay? Have you played it? Yeah, it's a good room. All right.

So check out Craig, old friend. Give him a run in applause. That was wonderful. I'll go on the way I do ito