TigerBelly - Cristina Mariani & Whitney’s Fake Plants
Episode Date: December 3, 2025We welcome rising comedian Cristina Mariani to the studio. Got big game show dreams? DraftKings Casino is making them a reality! All players get a share of SEVENTY FIVE MILLION SPINS on Wheel of... Fortune Triple Extreme Spin. For eight days, everyone gets Spins on the house! Just log in and head to the Promos page to claim your Spins every day from five to nine PM Eastern Time. Then tune in to DraftKings Casino week on Wheel of Fortune for more puzzle packed casino fun! That’s www.helixsleep.com/belly for 20% Off Sitewide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Food coma recovery made easy. Go to www.kachava.com and use code BELLY for 15% off your next order.
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Hey everybody, Bobby Lee here,
and I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu.
And it's going to be in San Diego, California, January 16th, 2026.
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I saw a comment the other than the other day that I saw a comment the other day
that you purposely sit there so people can see your reflection in that
What comment did you find this in?
Does George position themselves so his reflection is off the glass?
And I said, yeah, I think we have to reposition.
Wait, I got to look this up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, um...
It's the only time I get any screen time, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't like that.
Wait, but is that true?
No, it's a happy half.
I see you through it right now, dude.
Check this out.
Okay, so here's last week's episode.
Yeah, I could wave to everybody in the wide.
You purposely do.
that.
Oh my god, so funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, you are perfectly positioned.
You purposely do that, dude.
Can we angle this differently?
I can't, I can't do it.
Right above your head.
Yeah, I can't have the ghost of George.
You know, the people that move things are really expensive.
So if you want to get a whole new line here, we can move that.
You just angle it slightly.
That's so funny.
I'm going to open that and I'm going to put something on that mirror.
Yeah, I can't do it.
You saw a comment.
Yeah.
Yeah, I saw a comment.
Like, it bothered them.
That's why.
It bothered them.
It bothers me to see him in that reflection.
I'm not being, yeah.
I don't like it either now that I know.
Don't worry.
Hand cuts me out of social media, you know.
If it's ever shot here, it's just Gilbert's face.
Hey, thanks for making it to my birthday dinner.
Yeah, I have sore throat.
And now everybody has him.
Yeah.
Zu, you want me to get your little baby sick?
No.
Well, then what are you doing?
Also, who has a birthday dinner in Long Beach?
I spent the whole weekend.
there with my family. It's too far.
My old hood. It's where I like to eat.
It's where all the good stuff is.
Chinese?
Lobster? No.
Yeah. I'm not...
Listen, when we met, I drove so many times to Long Beach.
You did, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I think all those count.
Oh, you like stocked them up.
I stocked them up. I stocked my Long Beach.
That's like when Jessica, like, gifted me Crocs like in February one year and like come
my birthday. She was like, remember those Crocs? Happy birthday.
That's what you're doing. The Koreans, man. You guys do that.
We're shifting.
and we're durable.
Yeah.
Did you give her anything
for the birthday?
Yeah, I get our bed for it.
Hi.
Hi, come sit down.
Sit down.
Please, sit down.
You guys want cheese?
No.
Okay.
Do you want some?
What kind?
Oh, I don't know.
It's really good.
It was what was in Whitney's house.
Oh, yeah, it would be good cheese.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or Whitney only gets the best cheese.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Sorry.
It's okay. Have you not eaten all day?
No, I've been eating.
Okay.
Cheese.
Okay.
All right.
You don't eat bread or?
No, I, yeah, no, I eat a little bit of everything.
Do you use the cans or no?
You like headphones?
She was looking for an actual can.
Is that better for you or no?
You don't have to.
You don't have to.
It feels kind of weird.
Okay, well, then put them down.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Are you mad at me?
Oh, why? Why would I be mad?
I don't know. You guys already started. I didn't mean to.
No, no.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're in Austin time.
Oh, no, it's just, there's traffic. I didn't expect. I'm not used to L.A. traffic.
Okay. And you're staying at, you could be going to say where you're staying?
Oh, yeah. I'm staying at Whitney.
Oh, nice.
Which is a nice. It's, there's two gates to get there.
Oh, yeah. There's a bunch of codes.
Yeah, a bunch of codes. Yeah. And I remember all of them now.
I finally got it.
And it's, you're out in the wild on wilderness. There's nothing behind you.
No.
Just mountains.
I feel like I'm in rehab.
Yeah.
It has a rehab vibe.
It does have a rehab vibe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's very peaceful.
And gigantic dogs?
How many gigantic dogs are there?
Three dogs.
Yeah.
Two boys and one girls.
Are they not allowed to interact with each other.
Well, the boys just keep pooping everywhere.
Yeah.
I keep having to clean up dog poop.
And I don't, I think they're doing it on purpose.
I don't think they do that usually.
What do you mean?
But they can tell.
They can tell that I'm not going to, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's like, I thought there other people living there.
No, I'm just me.
And, I mean, her assistant is there sometimes, but not while I've been there.
Oh, so that's the condition for you to stay there, clean up the poo.
No, I just actually, the dogs, no, the dogs are really well behaved.
They shouldn't be doing that.
I've met them.
I love them.
Yeah, they're really nice.
I think I'm just timing it a little bit off when I let them out.
I don't know if they're going to poop or if they're like in cahoots.
They're like, let's just wait until this, because what is she going to do?
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fucking Italian.
Yeah.
You can you do Italian accent?
Can you do one?
I can do a better Asian one.
Then fucking do it.
You're not going to do it.
Can I?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm allowing you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're giving you permission.
Yeah, give me one.
Oh, I'm sorry this one.
We do say that a lot.
You're Korean.
Oh, I just come.
I just come.
Ew.
Well, Koreans are an easy one to do,
because all you got to do is add uru at the end of everything.
What do you mean uru?
Like, oh, douguru.
That's true.
No, like you just said uru.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hamburger.
Hamburgeru.
Yeah.
Do you have a lot of Korean friends?
No, I just, I dated an Asian guy.
You told me.
Yeah, and he told me all the different Asian accents,
how you can, like,
distinguished him. He was
Chinese, so he was half, though. Half Chinese.
Yeah, so don't, he's not. But his mom
was Chinese, so I feel like the mom
deterrence. I don't know. I don't, you know.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what that's classic
Asian is mom is Chinese. Dad is white.
Yeah. Yeah. Usually the dad
is white. Yeah, that's very, your dad
white. Yeah, yeah.
Mom, real brown. Real brown.
Real brown. It doesn't get browner than that.
It doesn't. No. Yeah. Yeah. My family, my Filipino
is brown. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen the whole
family dark right dark dark yeah yeah yeah and not in a racial way you know no we love it
you I love it yeah yeah at nights hard to see yeah Christina Mariani
Christina Mariani welcome to the show thank you yeah nervous no okay I know you you're a little
nervous. Yeah, but
but someone told me
to reframe it, to not say that anymore
to be like, no, I'm excited. Did Whitney say
that? Yes. That was who said it.
It was Whitney. Because Whitney has, she does
that. She'll tell you
how to behave.
No, she's done it to me, I swear to God.
I know. You need to be told.
You need to be told. I sure need to be
told, but she's the teller.
But it kind of
makes sense, though. You just reframe it.
It's from the same emotion, kind of.
nervous and excited one's just positive oh i see so you're excited i'm excited yeah yeah uh you never
went to the improv do you go to the improv um Halloween party um I I was waiting for my friends to get
into town because this is what you fucking said to me I I knew you didn't text me back today I was like he's
mad about that this is what you fucking said to me all right you go I'm going to go to the improv
party yeah I don't want to go and like come you're like come on go right I go for an hour
no you're not there I did you went
I was there for an hour.
Well, this is what I mean.
I didn't, you said.
I know you, and I was like, fuck that.
No.
You said, you said, remind me when you go.
And I didn't go until like 11 or 12.
So I was waiting to, but then I was like, oh, last time it was that late, you were like, now I'm going to go home.
Yeah, I'm old.
Yeah, so that's why I was like, oh, I won't even text him because it's too late now.
But I didn't know you actually went early.
I thought you were waiting for me to text.
I went through a 10.
Is that not for a Halloween party?
Well, I was waiting for my friends to get in from bakery.
Field so we could all go together and it took them forever to get there.
Okay.
Was it a costume of one?
Yeah, I was the only one not dress.
Why don't you have to dress up?
Well, it's great because I wore my Dodgers hat, so I just said I was a little show hey.
Oh, little show hey.
And they're like, oh, and then I will go like this, see?
But I feel like the last time you dressed up, you were Yoko Ono.
Yep.
No.
Yep, you were Yoko.
A long time ago.
Oh, was Yoko with you when I was dating you?
I was John Lennon and you were Yoko.
Yeah, yeah, that was a good one.
That was a good one.
I thought you looked really good.
I'm very yokeo-ish, as they say.
You know, some of the Beatles.
I know one beetle.
Yeah.
Kind of.
Yeah, kind.
Kind of.
Do you guys know each other?
Yeah.
How well?
Pretty well.
Tell us more, how I may.
Yeah.
We're from Texas.
Boom.
Nice.
We go for the Rangers.
Boom.
I don't know.
You guys ever hang out?
No.
Why?
She's know her well.
She's too busy, right?
Yeah, you are a busy bee.
Yeah, I'm okay, yeah.
Really?
That means kind of busy.
No, you're very busy.
Okay.
You're all over the place.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I'm sure you're busy, too.
We are all right.
Kind of busy.
Just like, do what it is?
I don't know.
Everybody has stuff going on.
But how long you've been doing it?
Comedy?
No, living.
I don't know.
You've got comedy, man.
Four years. Four and a half years.
Four and a half years.
It's a quick rise, no?
Yeah. I mean, that's what everybody says,
but to me, it's the longest I've done it, you know?
Yeah, that is true. That is true.
But for four and a half years to be where you're at,
now you're headlining.
Yeah. How is that?
Oh, it's great. It's really stressful because I'm figuring it out still.
So when I first started in March headlining,
I only had like 30 minutes.
but then now I'm up to like 50 minutes so it's like really having to like build yeah yeah yeah
and it's stressful because every show I'm like oh I want to have like a really good headlining set for
but it's all like a work in progress still sometimes you get off stage and you go I don't like that one yeah
sometimes I'm like man I hope they feel like I hope you know but I feel like after every show I'm like
I could have done better than that right you know well that's I think that's normal our condition yeah
yeah I remember you said that you your dad your family's friend came out to see you
Oh, yeah, oh my gosh
And you thought you didn't do good
Well, it's because whenever there's people
That my parents know
Or like, even that I know
For some reason, I get like more in my head about it
Because I know like my, you know, my dad wanted me to be a lawyer
And so now I have that in my head
They're thinking like, oh, Larry's daughter
Was supposed to be a lawyer
And that's what I'm thinking they're thinking the whole time
You know, I'm like talking about like whatever I talk about
Yeah
I just get a little bit like, ah, man.
I hope my dad doesn't hear that I said that.
But I'm sure he's proud, no?
I think he's now this year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The first three years, I was shunned.
But that's everyone.
You think that I, when I told my parents, they went, congratulations!
No, it's more like, what are you doing?
Yeah.
You know, I mean, it's nothing.
You're going to be poor, nothing.
Yeah.
But you're proving them wrong, no?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'm headlining now.
And I'm doing, yeah, they're not mad at me anymore, so that's good.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Like my dad, he wanted me to be like a landscaper.
Is that what he does?
No.
What does he do?
He works at McDonald's.
What?
He works at McDonald's.
He's a manager.
Oh, he's a manager at McDonald's.
A store manager.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know what they are.
No, there's a difference.
Oh, what's the difference?
The manager is like a shift manager, but he's a store manager.
It's big time.
It's big time.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he can call.
Sorry.
Yeah.
He doesn't own it, though.
He doesn't own it, but he's a store manager.
Yeah.
And that means what?
He manages the store.
Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.
So, if you're in Dallas, Texas, you need some chicken nuggets.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you go in there for free meals?
Oh, yeah.
You do?
Does he have, like, a quota he's allowed to give out?
Like, food, like, he could just give you food anytime.
He can give me food any time.
That's cool.
So, that's what to take everything.
he want you to be a landscaper
because of my sister's husbands
and they do well
yeah yeah they're good landscapers
yeah let me see can I get that over again
just take it back everyone
they're good landscapers yeah how do you be good at that
you trim faster
like comedy you just take time
it takes time yeah
you still not too late for you you can be a landscaper
should I be a landscaper
you seem like you would be good at it
what does your dad do
he uh works with cars
well now he used to own an auto body shop
but now he teaches at a community college
auto body shop yeah
I mean yes I think it's cool
look I'm in your dad's class
tell me what your dad would say
if you have some wires
the hood's open
he would be like I think you should learn how to drive
first
my dad's kind of racist
Okay, so that makes
I see, I see
I see
Yeah, I know how to drive man
Yeah
Me too
Yeah, who's better at driving
Asians or females?
Oh my God
Everybody
I love it
What is that?
Can I get around my cheese?
Yes, please
That's why I brought it
I had one question
Okay
It's okay
Bobby had one too
Yeah, it's right. Go ahead, Iman.
No, no, no. Go ahead, I'm going to go first.
Well, I know an answer, so I think it lets us move on.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Well, I just want to know, like, water that Starbucks.
Oh, yeah, it's the best. I like to get the Trenta water cup because it's...
It must drive them crazy.
Well, you know what? It used to be free, and I think because I went in so often, they started
charging for, they're like, you need to make a purchase.
Why don't you just get a bottle of water?
No, I like the Starbucks water.
they filter it like three or four times so it tastes way better yeah it's a thing
you guys try it so you wait in line and you go can I get a venty water well
most of the time I'll get a coffee too did you get a coffee today no today was
just oh you would drive me crazy I swear if I worked at that Starbucks like I would say
no I don't care get out of here no but you know now I have to buy something so
I'll get like a cake pop the cake pops are pretty good yeah you guys I know what a
Okay, I don't know.
Yeah.
Do you guys want some of this?
What is it?
It's banana pudding from magnolia
and also some cupcakes.
Banana pudding from magnolia.
Have you ever had it before?
It's like their star.
Ah, I'm gonna puppo, though.
I don't want to poo right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Although I've been very constipated
as of late.
Starbucks triple filters its water
using a process that can include
as a reverse osmosis system
or a three-stage carbon and sediment
system depending on local water
quality. Wow. Yeah,
I told you. I remember trying
the water and being like, why does it taste so
good? And then I looked it up and I saw
that and I'm like, that makes sense. So you're saying that
fucking Starbucks water is better than
Mountain Valley? Mountain Valley.
Spring water. I just
Are they sponsoring us?
No. Starbucks all day, baby.
Yeah. I wish they made
a plastic cup that was a Trenta
cup so that way I could have one that
I just refill. Instead of getting a plastic, I
I feel like I'm not helping the environment.
You know what I mean?
But they don't have a big cup at them.
They don't have like a plastic one.
Like a, the Trenta.
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Ha-ha.
Helix sleep.
Ha-ha.
Helix sleep.
Oh my God.
Do you like sleeping, Oliver?
I love to sleep.
Well, you know, I have three bedrooms in my house,
and they're all Helix sleep mattresses.
No way.
Yeah.
You know why?
Why?
Because I only let people sleep
on the best mattresses on planet Earth.
Really?
Yeah.
Why do I want to partner with Helix Sleep?
You tell me, Bobby.
I'm going to tell you right now, right?
Why?
Because I like my back feeling good.
Really?
Yeah.
And I also like Deep Sleeps.
Me too.
Do you?
Yeah.
All you have to do is go to Helix Sleep.com and take a quiz,
and they'll find the perfect matches for you.
Yeah?
Sounds crazy.
I also upgrade them, too.
Really?
Yeah, I do.
That's epic.
I'll tell you what also is epic.
about it, right? It helps with the snoring.
Really? Yeah. You seem like you snore like a nature. I do. Yeah. Well, stop it and get a
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The Trenta. Do you get your eyebrows done? I mean, I waxed him. Yeah.
You have great eyebrows.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
Thank you.
Look at you and she at least puts it over there.
She looked at you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Switched it right away to clock.
I mean, Hyme and our men, we don't trim our, right?
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Would you ever trim your eyebrows?
He just trims grass.
And Bush.
No.
I'm very anti-dudes that trim their brows.
Like, just, even if it's like a unibrow, like, just leave it.
Yeah.
I don't care for dudes that.
Same.
Or guys that wear ripped jeans
It's kind of the same thing
You know
Yeah, that's a rough one
What do you mean rip jeans?
Like distressed
This like purposefully distressed jeans
Yeah me
I know but they've been
They distressed over the years naturally
Oh I see
You didn't
I'm distressed
The ones that
The ones I'm wearing recently
Are from APC
And they're used
Okay that's naturally distressed
By some other Japanese dude
Who wore it for how long
Two years
that you know that for a fact
Yeah that's what they tell me
Because it's like the converse that he buys
It's worn by like some young dude for five years
And then he buys him for like triple the price
Damn
Well I used to drag them remember
With coffee beans and remember?
Remember I would drive from Phoenix to L.A.
And I put them in the back of my car
And I drove brand new converses on the freeway
That's how he breaks them in
That's how I break him in
What do you mean?
From all the like
Breaking?
No, you're just skinning
it, you know what I mean?
He tied it to the back of a car.
Oh, I was thinking because of your poor driving.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no one, no one wanted to give it back, you're like, where's like, I don't know where I lost it.
No, no, I remember, a shoe.
A shoe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if, does they do that.
It flew off into the audience and no one wanted to give it back here, like, where's my shoe and someone wanted to keep it.
Or one time, Andrew, we were on stage.
and somebody wanted my shirt
and Andrew tore it off my body
and gave it to them.
What shirt was it?
It was a cool, like...
Made worn?
I don't know.
It was a vintage, really cool
and it made me so angry.
And I never saw it again.
It makes me so mad.
And do you remember?
Oh, yeah.
ACDC.
Very, yeah.
Oh, ACDC.
That's a wonder.
Yeah, but I'm never going to do that again
because it's like, you know.
vintage shirts are one in a million
all right do you wear vintage no
you're brand new
yeah yeah yeah brand new stuff
wait you like you don't like guys with rib jeans
no I'm just saying that it's kind of like the eyebrows
thing they just I guess to me it's like
you didn't earn those rips like
right if they earned them you know like if they did something like manly
did you earn those rips no but I'm a
girl so it's okay oh i see i see i'm a standard i don't know like yeah now i'll tell you some things
i do grooming wise see if you think it's icky okay i shave all my pubs yeah why why yeah why
why do you why do you i'm a swimmer oh cuts down on time i was a swimmer and i've never
shaved my pubs really i've shaved my whole body except my pew i swim naked all right
okay yeah yeah oh so you think that's an ick shaved
Yeah, because once it gets to the stubble phase, it's just too much, like, friction.
And also, it just looks like a pussy.
Hmm.
Interesting.
It looks a little too, like, not, yeah.
So you think my penis is a clit?
No, it just looks a little too, like, clean and femme.
But I used to, when we were dating, I used to shave them all the time.
No, you didn't.
I didn't?
Not one time.
No, it was a disaster down there.
Oh.
I've seen your bush.
You've seen his bush, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I think then the shave, if a full shave is a new thing you do.
I think it's a new thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just feel cleaner.
I don't do, shoot my leg.
I don't have a, I don't have a, I don't have a hair on my legs.
No, you don't.
Yeah.
But I, um, so that, that's an egg for you guys.
So let me see what else I do.
Wouldn't shaving it make it look bigger?
That's what they say.
That's about it, bro.
Right?
God, we're on the same page, aren't we?
It looks bigger.
You saw it?
No.
I mean, you, I mean, you, don't, like, don't lie.
No, like, I've seen it on stage, but like, what about, I don't pull it on stage.
Oh, okay, it was just a dream then.
You trumped my dick?
No.
But, like, I do shave my stuff, too.
You do?
Yeah.
So is trim or fully shaved?
Because he takes, like, a razor, a straight razor to it.
Yeah.
Yeah, to a skin.
Yeah.
We're so much alike you and I.
Wow.
Yeah.
And it just, and you guys don't get, like, ingrones or any of that?
Or they probably wouldn't notice.
or know what it was.
I don't know what you're going
is, yeah.
It seems like it would be difficult
to shave your balls
since they're so like
I know.
That's the tough part.
Rinkly?
That's the tough part.
You have to just stretch it?
I stretch it out.
You don't ever nick them?
Here's the only problem with
shaving it.
It's tough.
Is I'm at the spa doing it.
That's crazy.
And there's all these cram-
That's fucking crazy.
There's all these crimmen watching me
and I'm like stretching out my sack
and they're like,
what is he doing?
You know what?
What?
Why do you do it at the?
The spa.
That's the only place I do it because they have free razors.
They have the raise free razors.
And also shaving cream.
And in the Korean spas I go to, it's sit down, wash.
Oh, the chairs.
Yeah.
So I sit there.
And I always look around to see how many Koreans are watching.
Oh, there's only three.
So you wait?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I do that whole thing.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And then what I do lately as well is I bring my own body wash.
and this is what I do
I put the body wash on my body
but I don't wash it in the shower
I just I'm
I lather it in the steam room
Oh I don't know if that's good
I think it's a theory that I have
Wait what's the theory though
The theory is
The silk gets in there
It gets into the pool is better
I don't know if that's what you want
Is it fragrance free or?
And then when I walk out of
I look like a marshmallow man
And Karina's like
What the fuck
you know what I mean he's sweating cum
dude yeah yeah you're like a legend there
I'm a legend there yeah so I like
just drench my body and body
I'll just walk in there and just steam it like that
it just looks like everybody else in the steam room
came on you
yeah yeah yeah that's what it looks like yeah
I don't know if that theory works but I try different
experiments well that's not a nick
that's not a nick no that's like very
yeah quirky yeah what about
um if you were a girl
in a rom-com movie, that would be your little quirky thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I shave my arms, hair.
Why?
Whoa, interesting.
Because they're thick.
Did you just go into yourself?
No, I was just...
I like it when you go, because I've hung out with you before.
And you go into yourself.
No, no, I just...
I want to know what...
What happens?
So, we went to Jaime, just like here's what it happens, okay?
Can you be her?
I'll be...
All right, so...
Jaime, do you do anything else weird?
Well, wait, do you do it again?
Okay, Jaime, do you do anything else weird?
Shaped on here.
No, I don't do it like that.
You did do that for a second.
I didn't know that it was that obvious.
You went to other planets.
You go to a different planet.
My mom always says I go into my own little world sometimes
and it's super obvious.
But you're thinking.
Yeah.
What were you thinking about?
I want to know that process of thinking.
Nothing.
No, no.
I think you're trying to think of what to say now.
No, no, no.
I was just thinking about how unfortunate it is
that guys can't shave because it's
so nice to be shaved.
And you guys...
But we can, and we're doing it.
Well, you can, but it just seems...
It's frowned upon.
It's, yeah, you know.
Not frowned upon, but, like,
kind of like what we were talking about with the...
With, like, the ripped jeans or the...
Oh.
Like, it's like, if I see a guy with shaved arms...
Or even shaved chest.
The eyebrows.
It's just, oh, like, that gay man really...
But I get my...
I know, but I don't...
Okay, I get my nails done.
Quarky.
Oh, well, now it's good.
Is it ick?
No, I think it's in.
Now straight guys do it.
Yeah.
Oh, now straight guys do it.
I think it's a thing now, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm the only guy in the...
I go to this place called blush.
Yeah.
It's the only place I go to now.
And it's, they have a variety of different kinds of attendance there.
What are you doing?
He's looking at his hairy arm, a hairy patch.
Oh, hi, hi, ma'am.
Hi, Mae.
What do you do you?
Am I gay?
Whoa, dude.
Bro, why are you screaming?
Yeah, why he's screaming that?
And I didn't even want to say that.
Whoa, dude.
Show us your arms.
Do you cut off shaving right here?
No, so I don't grow any hairs on my...
Let me...
Let me up here.
Hold on.
I don't grow hair here.
Your tone right now, dude, I don't like it.
Hold on.
You know what it was?
Wait. What?
It was S.F.
Because he killed.
Yeah, you did great in San Francisco.
Now, pull up your shirt, please.
Oh, you know what that looks like?
You know his upper arm, that looks like?
Who's?
Harvey Milk.
Dude who that is,
yeah.
Oh,
but he's showing you the arm.
That's Harvey Milk upper arm.
Does that have hair?
Because the other one has hair.
So dumb.
I know who that is.
Who's Harvey Milk?
Some guy from San Francisco.
Yeah.
Good.
Very good.
And it's a movie with Sean Penn.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Called Milk.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it's because I want to grow hair here.
Yeah.
So it gets hairy, so I shave it.
No, I don't think it's gay.
I didn't mean.
That I just, I don't know.
I didn't want you to feel self-conscious about it or anything.
I'm not gay.
Yeah.
It's okay to be.
Mostly the eyebrows when a guy has really nicely done eyebrows.
Yeah, I think that looks.
Okay, what about, is this an egg, yellow teeth?
Mm-hmm.
I would almost rather toothless than, like, really rotten teeth.
I'd rather you roll around with no teeth.
Because that's clean.
Because the yellow teeth.
the color itself doesn't bother me
I'm just worried about like
hygiene like what does it smell like
but you know sometimes people have teeth
that have the yellow sprinkles on it
yeah that's fine yeah yeah
you like yellow sprinkles or no
I mean I think to me it depends like
if it's just like a natural tone
you know like clearly you washed your teeth and stuff
or if it's just you're really letting yourself
go I'll tell you what the ick is
really really bright white teeth
why like veneers
veneers are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are guys are
who just like constantly get them whitened and they're so bright like to me that's like the eyebrows
I'd rather have yellow teeth than that well so it goes it goes um no teeth yeah yellow teeth
then took white teeth yes white teeth is third that's my rank that's insane that's my ranking
that's your ranking yeah okay for a woman white teeth is number one george isn't saying nah
yeah what about he's saying no teeth well your your wife is Asian veneer's a
crazy that's crazy yeah but that looks so nice you it looks like i think those ones look kind of nice
thank you some of them some of them don't look good though i agree with the veneers some of them look
like uh i don't want to say any do you know the jersey shore guy yeah oh he his veneers those ones
look kind of crazy ronnie i think yeah so if i got veneers you'd make fun of me yeah i would
because you have great teeth well the ones that remain yeah but like there's another one
See, those ones just kind of look like, you know, Dennis the Menace?
Yeah, the chickhats.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but he still looks good.
I'm not trying to make fun.
It's kind of abnormally white almost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like funky teeth.
You do?
It's cute.
It's a character.
Me too, I like crooked teeth.
Yeah.
I think crooked teeth are nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like your teeth.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, wow, thank you guys.
They're kind of like a bunny rabbit.
Oh, thanks.
I know.
They're kind of a lot.
Well, the two front ones are longer.
Yeah, they're intense.
No, it's just kind of what happened.
That's genetics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I had braces too, but...
Yeah.
Thanks, I'm never going to unsee that.
Do you smile?
Nope.
Yeah, please smile.
No.
Why?
I'm self-conscious.
About your teeth?
We just said crooked teeth is like number one.
Yeah, exactly.
No, I'm shy.
He called me a bunny rabbit.
Yeah, yeah.
I've never even looked at your teeth before.
Because I'm embarrassed how crooked teeth.
Oh, you did?
It was because I have a crooked jawline, too, so I got to get that fixed.
That's so cute, I'm sorry, man.
Did you get points in the face?
What happened?
Bad for the...
It's causing damage.
What?
He's broken his jaw.
He's only told you like 50 times.
So many times.
You have?
Yeah, I need to fix it because it's causing my eating habits.
Oh my God.
You snore like a fucking grizzly bear, don't you?
No.
Yes.
Yeah, I moan.
I know.
You moan?
Yeah, I moan when I sleep.
Like, how does the moan sound?
It goes like...
He does too.
Not any more.
No?
You went for you go
I don't do that anymore
You know because I lost weight
Yeah
I don't snore anymore
What?
Yeah
Are you sleeping well now?
Much better
Whoa
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah
Losing the weight
helped that
You know what I used to
Remember I used to talk
Yeah
Yeah
I used to do this too
Yeah
Were you hungry?
Well I'm eating a chocolate
banana in the dreams
I love chocolate
bananas
I think I lose
I got to lose weight then.
No.
Why are you crazy?
You ever see a bad angle
like a picture of you?
Like, oh my God, that's how I look like?
Yeah.
I always look like that.
Yeah.
So every angle's bad.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
They had to look from above.
Above?
It was still kind of look bad, I think.
No.
No, I think you're cute, though.
Don't you think?
Come on, ladies.
Yeah.
I don't want to look cute.
Oh, he wants to be sexy and handsome.
Yeah.
No, just handsome.
Can I say something?
What?
I think you and I are similar in that way.
I think we are what we are.
And then?
I think once you're in the cute.
What else?
I think once you're in the cute zone, you're in the cute zone.
No matter what I do, even when I lost the way, people are like, oh, he's still cute.
like it didn't kind of like man me up
like oh my god that guy's like
a rough and ready
insurrectionist
you know what I mean
a beta you know
I think you and are in the beta category
because at the end of the day
we still gotta love ourselves
so that's all the matter
Brené Brown over here
yeah dude
exactly
and then these two women
are attractive ladies
what's going on
she did a thing again
yeah you did a thing again
no nothing
you went no I was
you pulled a revenant
I don't like
yeah don't do the revenant
yeah I don't do the revenant
yeah I don't know I just
I don't know how
I get weird when I get
compliments yeah
yeah you
you're very funny in that way
I mean
I feel like you
you're uberly sensitive I think
do you
yeah I think I'm pretty sensitive
yeah
And we've had meals together
And we've talked about our sensitivities
Yeah
But do you think you're getting more confident then?
You're excited
Yeah, I'm excited
Yeah, yeah
That's good
Yeah
Do you think sometimes to yourself
Like, I'm ugly?
Yeah, all the time
That's, I feel like, yeah
I think I don't
Excuse me?
I think Asians are worse drivers
did it women you think so
I don't think so
you was thinking about it the whole time
Is that what you're saying
You wanted to get that out?
No that's not what I was thinking
You think women are like really bad drivers?
No
I mean I'm a bad driver
I'm a grandma driver
It's every time I have a problem
With somebody in front of me
Right
And I do a turn
Change Lanes
And I have to see what they look like
It's usually a white girl
it's usually me it's usually because I'm too careful and I'm like a law abider
and I don't I run through red light you speed you do all that and I'm in like the fast lane
doing like max 75 and you're like no 80 or more 100 yeah yeah sometimes 100 yeah I think because
women overthink I mean Asians probably also think a lot so maybe that's what it is
you think Asians and women are very similar yes we overthink things you think overthink
things yes yeah you think there's somebody out there that drives with two
feet.
Wait, I think that's
a legit thing.
You drive with two feet?
Well, I mean, they're there.
Wait, wait, wait.
You don't drive with two feet.
Oh, you mean like
the cars with the two
pedals?
Some cars, the manual ones,
you use both feet, right?
Oh, yeah.
If it's thick shift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you, I use both
feet when I'm driving.
An automatic?
Yeah.
My left foot is the brake.
My right foot is the brake.
Oh, that's not true.
No, I'm not.
Bobby, you're still delicious.
I got your back on this.
New York cab drivers do it so you have quicker reaction time.
That's what I do.
I've learned to do that.
Watch my feet.
It's dangerous.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Left foot, right foot.
I thought you meant this.
No, I've done that before too.
That's what I thought too.
Yeah.
And I have arms.
Yeah, you don't, wait, wait, I don't, I've never even thought about someone using one foot for both pedals.
I think that's what you, that's how they teach you.
It's just one.
really yeah
I use I use one foot
I was lying
George
yeah you're weird
you're autistic
you're autistic
yeah yeah yeah
but yeah I use a one foot
yeah
yeah
because
two feet is dangerous
because the average American
they use one feet
over
I've met people who drive
two feet
and I
it's a home girl
so it's mostly
I'm not saying it's mostly
women but
I have to say in San Francisco
So what I did was
He popped in Wednesday night
To my shows in San Francisco
And he goes
You're so direct
Which I love
Can I go up?
Put me up?
I say, put me up
Let's say, can I get a spot?
Can I get a spot?
Whatever it is.
Right?
Yeah, you're like
So I go, you know what?
I'm going to challenge Louis.
And not Louis.
Hi, me.
Because Louis Katz was featuring
So I put you up after
Louis.
And Louis is a very good stand-up.
Louis Katz.
And you did well.
True?
Yeah.
Both show.
Did you not see?
You were there.
The orange stuff was great.
I told Jaime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
You were there, Alex?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was impressed.
You know?
I did pretty good too, but, you know,
I mean, it didn't scare me.
But I was like, I was back there
looking at you going, there's a lane
for you.
it's very simple your stand-up
I mean it is but it's funny
it's funny
when I'm watching I'm going
oh that's interesting
he went the simplest path
and it works
and it works
it's like so like
Are you talking about the orange junk?
Just all of it
It's just so like
weirdly simple
but very effective
and I think instinctually
that's what you're doing
you're not accidentally
doing it because you're doing it every show
you're directing the audience
into this like path of like oh that
was interesting
least simple
but good
I mean you crushed
you know
yeah San Francisco's a tough city
it is a tough city
I think it's changed over the years
and that Greek restaurant we went to
Colala's recommendation
you don't know what it is
I'm the one who sent Gilbert
Oh it's a different one
No we went to Kokari
I've never heard a car coming out of your mouth.
I hate when he does this.
I am so sorry you have to witness this, but I will punch you right now.
Every good place that you eat is because of me.
And even when you take all your girlfriends out, you ask me where to take them.
And I always send you to the best shit ever.
Boom.
And I never fail you because I want you to impress them.
They're not girlfriends, people I've gone on single dates with.
So I don't know what you're trying to prove right now, but that's not accurate.
That's not an inaccurate definition.
Guess who sent me a text saying
where should we eat?
It was Gilbert and I sent you guys to that Greek spot.
Was it not good?
It's great.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Right?
Yeah, it was like $20,000.
Yeah.
The Saginaaki?
Really good.
Oh my God.
Although they don't light it in front of you anymore.
Do they still have the lamb there is really good?
Oh, we had the lamb.
Fuck, yeah, dude.
You know what's great about going to a restaurant with these guys?
Even if you order too much food, we have the garbage.
We have a garbage can with us.
Gilbert?
No, Alex.
Look at that garbage can
Right there
Did you guys go to San Tongue?
Not this stuff
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
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Yeah
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What did you play in San Francisco when you play?
Punchline?
Mm-hmm.
I think so.
I don't remember, to be honest.
I only went one time.
I only did one spot.
And it was good.
I had a fun time.
And then I did one joke that was a little too far.
And then...
You lost them.
Yeah, but luckily it was right at the end.
So then I was like, okay, bye.
Do you remember what the joke was or you don't want to give it away?
No, I don't, I don't remember what it was.
But, man, I hate when that happens when they're like, they like you, they like you.
And then you think, oh, okay, they feel comfortable with me.
I'm going to do a little bit more.
And then they're like, nope, not that one.
Yeah, you're an interesting person because it's like when you're setting it up,
your punchlines are very jeselnock-like, which is like really carefully crafted bits.
Like, you know what I mean?
they're very clever thank you yeah in fact you know what's interesting about you is that you
can sit in a pocket and do the setup and when some people do a long set a little longer setup
i feel worried but not with her i just know that the payoff is going to be there oh thanks so much
yeah yeah yeah it's a lot it's very good and when you did kill tony for the first time
what you how long have you been doing it oh three months yeah and what did that feel did you
crushed? I'm sure you crushed.
It went well.
Yeah. But I was shaking
the whole time because
you know, I was only three months in, but I
really liked the minute that I had so I was like
well, I think this is pretty funny.
Yeah. And I did it, but I didn't expect it to go
as well as it did. And then what happened after that?
What happened after Kill Tony?
Yeah. Did he invite you back?
Oh, no. I just, you know,
I was pretty much
stayed up all night just from adrenaline.
No, what I'm saying is that after you did that first Kill,
Did you do other Kill Tony's after that?
Yeah, yeah, but I signed up every time.
Like, it's not like I got asked to go back.
I just signed up to be a bucket pole.
Oh, so you've never been a regular on Kill Tonin?
No, no, I've never been a regular.
But why does other, let's break down the Kill Tony.
You know what I mean?
How do you become a regular situation?
So Cam was a regular, right?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
William was a regular, right?
David.
Lucas?
David Lucas.
Hans
Why not you?
I'm not sure
But
I don't know
I probably
My interviews aren't
Very good
So
I don't know why that's funny
They aren't
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
So I think maybe they
They probably want someone
Who like
I like to go and do the joke
And if I could just get off stage
After that
That would be great
Amen yes
You know, I would, oh, good.
Now, I wish I could go.
But I think they probably want people that are, like, you know.
I don't like to give away too much either.
Like, I don't know, ever, I don't want to talk about too personal of stuff.
What do you mean?
Oh, no, I shouldn't have said that.
Do tell.
I mean, just tell me what you mean.
I'm not going to dive, but I'll just tell me what you mean.
Oh, no, I just mean, like, I know.
I don't want to talk about, like, my dating life or.
We're not, did I ask you about your dating life?
No, no, no.
Did I fucking ask you?
No, but I just...
Yeah, I didn't ask you that.
No, I just mean, like, you know, like, Tony, like, asks, like, you know...
Personal things.
Yeah, and I get, like, I don't really want to talk about stuff like that.
Your life.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess.
But, um, yeah.
You know, Whitney has fake plants in her house and I watered them.
I just, you know.
Yeah.
The fake plants now, like, look super real.
They do.
I didn't know.
And then, you know how, like, you know how, like,
like scarecrows, like crows, they get confused by scarecrows.
And you're always like, how did they think that's a real person?
But I kind of, that just happened to me.
Now I get it.
No, I see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like how you shifted there.
Yeah, it was pretty good, right?
Yeah, it was pretty good.
But why, like, uncomfortable?
No, no, no, no.
When's your birthday?
May 14.
Oh.
What kind of gifts do you like?
Do you like gifts or how do you like to be celebrated?
I don't.
I don't.
I don't, I kind of like more celebrating my friend's birthdays.
And then, like, for my birthday this year, I just, I drove to Arkansas.
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the springs hot springs
Arkansas and I just
hiked all day
and I went into the bath houses
and I took mushrooms
that was my it was fun
that's kind of like how I like to
yeah well what Kalala's trying to bring up
no I'm not trying to bring up anything
what you're trying to bring up is bullshit
and I want to say that let me say something
okay that for your gift
I had money for you
and you don't want money
no yeah I it hurts my
It's kind of cheap to give.
What? You like that?
Thank you. Okay, wait. She has a point
to make. It's female shit.
No, it's just, it's easy to give.
And, you know, it's kind of be, you know, something that
I value and something that I, you know, that
I gave you little hints over the years and
I want you to absorb that information and then, you know,
be mindful of, you know, cash,
mafia. That's the best gift.
Like, if I gave you socks,
socks that you wanted, but then I get,
or I gave you a couple of grand, what would
you like? Listen, socks? That's like a bad comparison.
Sox are a couple of grand.
Obviously the couple of grand.
I'll take that.
You know she loves like a certain book and you got like a limited edition signed by the author.
Like that is special.
Mm-hmm.
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What do you guys like?
I love the strawberry banana.
I like sour apple.
Thanks.
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Five hour
Energy
Five hour
Energy
Five hour
Energy
It's like you know about me
You pay attention
It's like
We're friends
We've known
Yeah
It's
Then again
If you gave me a few
Grant
I'd be like
Wow
He pays attention
He knows that like
Yeah
Yeah
To me it's like
You know
I mean
Hey just spend it
The way
You want to spend it
I mean
Right Alex
Yeah
Thank you
But maybe
There's no
right or wrong because what if you get something for them and then they don't like it then you
lost a receipt the gift receipt then you're fucked yep i have sisters
i give them money whenever christmas times come and how did do they like it no they hate it
yeah but i just give them like gift cards to sephora um michael's okay michael's yeah i love
I like Michael's a lot.
Victoria Secrets?
I think a gift card is more thoughtful than money,
because at least you're paying attention to what I like still.
But if it's like a standard gift card to like Target or Amazon or just a Vick card.
Applebee's.
It has to be like a specific gift card.
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
Like Texas Roadhouse?
Would you want a gift card from Texas Roadhouse?
Yeah, I like steak.
Right?
Yeah, steak's okay.
The Rose Texas Roadhouse?
But then why not just take me this Texas Roadhouse?
Okay.
You know?
And it's like, oh, we get to spend time together.
If someone just Venmoed you money on your birthday, you would feel nothing.
I would feel excited.
I don't think so.
Yeah, I'll go whippee!
Versus the birthday that we threw you at the bowling?
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, good point.
Tusha.
That was good.
But when I gave Andrew, I gave Andrew money, Stan Bunny.
That's so funny.
And then we kind of agreed from now on we don't give each other anything for the birthday.
How much did you give him?
I don't want to say that online.
But did he appreciate it?
Or he was like, no, dude, don't do that.
He's impossible to shop for.
Golf.
I feel like dudes in general.
He has all of it.
Dudes are impossible to shop for.
They're impossible.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like girls are very just like just a different kind of easy.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I called his wife and I was like, for weeks, I'm like, anything?
And she just kind of called me and said, be honest with you, he has everything.
Like, I can't think of anything.
Yeah.
Men's gifts are the worst.
Yeah.
So, that's just cash for us.
That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
What?
Like, I'm a simple man, right?
Like you said, just give me a T-shirt.
It would be cool.
When did I say you were a simple man?
You said it.
I said your act is a little simple.
I like it, though.
It's clever.
Just give me a T-shirt.
What kind of T-shirt?
I need T-shirt.
Yeah, yeah.
Not a crumb tongue.
Going inside yourself?
No, my God.
Do I do I do that a lot?
Yeah, yeah.
No.
I mean, now you're in L.A.
would you ever move here or no
sorry
you don't want to talk about that
no no no yeah I like
what's wrong
no nothing
yeah yeah yeah yeah
there's something wrong
what is wrong
nothing's wrong
Asians
is this oh a lot of minorities
you're around
is that what it is
I think that could be it
what's a lot of minorities
are right yeah
I feel like I don't consider Asians
minorities
what do you consider us
I don't know you guys
take up
the majority of the world. How are you
minority? That's a good point.
Globally, yeah, we're not minority.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.
Yeah. Have you been to Asia?
No, I've always wanted to go.
Yeah? Where do you want to go?
Where do I want to go?
Vietnam sounds cool.
Why? Because they have
really cheap fa.
The food in Vietnam is next level.
Yeah. And everything I think is cheaper over there, too.
So you could stay there for like a month
and only spend like $500.
Yeah.
I want to go to Saigon for some reason.
You know what you would love about Vietnam or anywhere in like Asia?
You can get things like custom made, like tailor made.
Like you can just draft up.
I want to get this done like a suit or whatever.
And they just do it for you really, really, really exceptionally well.
I bet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like high.
Like a Wongar Wyme movie.
Yes.
Yeah.
And also there's a new clone brand that I've been kind of obsessed with.
What is it?
They have, it's from Vietnam.
Okay.
And they have smells that have never smelled before.
Where do they sell it?
At all the major, like, cool scent shops, like the scent room or, you know what I mean?
And the flavors are, the smells are, macho soft serve, milk cake, like foods.
And it smells so good on my body.
I really like it.
You know what I mean?
But they do.
it's exceptional.
The people in the sauna room
probably like it too.
Yeah, yeah, they do.
Oh, milk bread.
Yeah.
So let's throw out some like pallets here.
What is they call it a palette or?
You know what I love the smell of
and it's very specific
and I don't know if anyone
will get this,
but it's the smell of the air
that comes out of the vacuum cleaner.
Salisbury steak.
I love Salisbury steak.
Delicious frozen ones.
Mmm.
Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking a cigar
Burt steak
Yeah, burnt steak very good
A dry sauna
What about if you're not looking for a smell
But just more like a vibe
A feeling
Yeah
I feel really warm
When I see
Do you know what jealousy windows look like
They look like this
Oh
You seem a lot of like tropical like warmer
I miss
I have a feeling
Okay
After a really good hunt
You know what I mean?
You were out with your tribe
You stalked a buffalo
Yeah
You mean for like three days
Okay
You finally got it
You chop them up
You're carrying pieces back
To your tribe
Or I don't know what you call it
The igloo
Not igloos
The tents
Yeah it
Tent City
Huts
Huts? Yeah yeah
And all the villagers
and stuff are like
You know I mean
Yeah
They're celebrating
Right
So I put all your guys
ideas in the chat
And I asked it to make a fragrance concept.
Early morning after a long dry hunt,
Duke still clings to the grass while gunpowdered leather
and aged books mingle with the smell of pancakes from the cabin kitchen.
Fragrance family is woody leather, gourmand,
has my...
That's what they said?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, Dewey morning air, 25% of the note.
45% wood's leather, dried grass.
Base notes, old books, and weathered gear.
Here are the actual ingredients that you would mix.
Wow.
You guys can make, and then I give you the percentages
of how much of each thing to put to achieve that feeling that's incredible we should make that
i'll go make it there's a place in chinatown really china town yeah seriously
did you say it like that china town china town hi man yeah yeah what's in china town some old chinese
man are they elixers are made yeah yeah yeah didn't they try to make an elixir of life and then
they created gunpowder instead is that how it was discovered no
Yeah, they were trying
But now I guess they figured
It's elixir of death they created
What is the elixir of life like will be?
Well, they wanted to find like a potion
So they could live forever
And instead they discovered gunpowder
So it was kind of the opposite
Yeah
And the Chinese didn't create guns with it
They did with bamboo and stuff like that
But it's the Europeans that took it
And made it
That the gun
The weapon
Which like you know
Like if China had created
the gun first, the whole planet would be
Chinese. They would have taken
over. Yeah. Weapons is what
creates, you know what I mean? Civilization
and domination in that way.
Did the Chinese create fireworks? Is that what they used it for?
Yeah. Yeah. For Celebrities. Yeah.
Which is kind of nice. It's like, well,
they're not ill-intentioned people.
Yeah. Yeah. Have you guys
seen this? Oh, these are the best. I love this.
This is all, I live for this.
The gay Filipino basketball players.
So this is like a real part of our culture is that people come and watch,
not necessarily for the competition itself, but for the reactions of that guy.
He's so good, though.
Look how he's so good.
Oh, my God, he's so good.
Look at that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, but if it were a competition on just like flare and like performance,
like the Philippines is unbeatable.
They're unbeatable in terms of that kind of expression.
The gay expression.
That whimsical gay expression.
They're the best at it.
It's so funny.
Look at them.
Three-pointer.
Steph Curry style.
Look at him.
Steve Curry wouldn't do that.
Steph Curry wouldn't do that.
You got the guy too who does this with a, but he plays volleyball.
Oh, really?
Oh, incredible.
They're so good.
They're so freaking good.
Yeah.
Do you play sports?
Yeah, you're not good at any of them.
What are you saying it like that?
Like, you're about to make fun of me.
I'm not making fun of me.
I'm just saying that.
Like, yeah, you're not good at me.
I don't feel like you have good balance.
No, you're right.
You're right
You know
I've walked around with you
You don't have good balance
I know I'm kind of
Gangly
Also it's very like
You know I mean like
You're trying to
Constantly balance yourself
Yeah
My center of gravity
And your arms are like weights
Or something
You know what I mean
And you're trying to
Yeah
Yeah
I feel like you have a good center of gravity
I'm very
Will you keep
Stop looking at your arms
It's this one
That's Harry
How come down
You don't look like
You don't have
Harvey milk arms
I was just kidding
Show us the left arm
I should
This one is Harry
Just show it
Yeah
Yeah
I forgot to shave it
That's why
in high school did you think i want to get into comedy or no um no i've always liked making people
laugh but um my parents were very like oh you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer or you know
very asian very Asian family did any of your siblings become a doctor or a lawyer they're in no
my sister's in insurance and my brother he's in college still and my younger brother's still in
high school oh wow wow you're the oldest yes i'm the oldest yeah and then um when you when you went to
college? What did you graduate? What was a degree? I did English and political science.
Oh, so you know about politics a little bit? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not really.
Okay. But it's exciting. Yeah. I know the only thing that I can remember from the political
science, well, not the only thing, but something interesting. I did German political science.
And after World War II, they opened up their borders because they wanted to seem like, you know.
Yeah.
not so
not racist
right
so they
then um
and then what
and I think
I just thought
that was kind of funny
because who would fall for it
that's what I remember
about them
and people fell for it
they went
yeah
and then you went to Austin
and then what
made you do stand up then
oh I
I kind of was going through a
breakup
no no
not a breakup
but usually when I do
stuff it's because of
no
it's
I graduated college and then I was like, man, I'm, I don't know what to do.
Now I'm in this insurance job and this is my life every single day, like a nine to five.
And I just was like, and so I started doing stuff that scared me to try to figure out like what I actually wanted to do.
Do you remember the first time you went up?
Yeah, it was at this like really crappy open mic.
There's like three people in the audience.
And I went up and they were laughing still.
So I was like, this is great.
This feels good.
I was terrified, but it was awesome.
It was a great feeling.
Yeah, and then you just cooked from the beginning.
And then I just kept doing it.
And I've always liked writing.
I would always, like, even during work, I would write funny stuff, or I would just, I've always loved to write.
So it was like, you know, that's what I like doing.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It's that addiction.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's very addicting.
It is.
And you guys have tried it.
Gilbert's tried it.
And you guys never got the addiction.
Alex, you try it?
He got the addition.
Not enough laughs at open mics.
Yeah, yeah, not enough.
No.
Yeah.
I like feeling stressed out, I realize.
Yeah, me too.
I love feeling stressed out.
Like, if I'm feeling stressed out, I feel like I'm doing something.
There's something to that.
Or I feel brave or something.
What's the biggest room we've done?
I was on the road with Theo and we did an arena and it had like 8,000 people in it or something like that.
Yeah.
So that was insane.
But it kind of when it's that many people,
it doesn't feel like anyone at all in a way
because you don't see anybody
it's like dark
you can't connect with it
not a nicer guy to do it
I mean he's so nice
oh yeah he's great
he's a great guy
yeah and so
that's a good guy to do it with
yeah no it was
oh yeah
that wasn't that but I
Is that you?
No I have actually a video on my Instagram
of the arena
I'm like panning so you can see it
and then Theo trips over his stool
I accidentally caught it on tape
Oh, cool.
So it was 8,000.
And then have you done any other big shows like that or no?
I mean, no, not that big.
8,000 was the biggest one.
Biggest one, yeah.
It's, it's, I don't like it.
I like to connect with people more.
It's definitely like one of those things where I was super stressed out.
Yeah.
So I liked it because of that, you know?
No, because then the more stressed out you are before,
the higher you feel after, I feel.
Like, the scarier it is, the more.
afterwards you're like
well there's a relief that happens
I was like oh that wasn't too bad
or I get okay you know I mean
but sometimes it doesn't work to your benefit
and that pain afterwards is so devastating
that I can't even you know
I've had that happen where it's like
oh my God I just think I just bombed in front of 20,000 people
yeah
luckily I haven't done that many
so that I haven't bombed at any of them
God but I'm sure if I did more
Are these your dates? Yes
Okay, what do we got going?
What do you want to plug here?
December, so we got December dates.
December.
What do we have?
Comedy store?
Yes.
Comedy Studio.
What's that?
What's comedy studio?
Cambridge.
Cambridge, Massachusetts.
You got helium comedy club in my hometown, Alfreda, Georgia.
Yep.
Helium.
Headlining there.
Comedy store.
L.A.?
L.A.
Comedy club at Duckworths, North Carolina.
Oh, my God.
A lot of dates.
A lot of dates.
Aina's.
You're going to be in Dallas, Jaime.
Have you played hyenas?
In Dallas?
Yeah.
Yeah, I loved it.
That was the first show I did on this tour, actually, was in Dallas.
Yeah.
It was like one of the first headlining sets.
Wow.
Yeah.
I threw up before that one.
Did you really?
Yeah, I threw up in the bathroom.
Isn't Meryl Streep that every time she performed,
it was one of those, or that we used to vomit before, like, an acting job or something like that?
Like, I don't know.
But I know if I throw up, if I'm that level of anxious, I'll do okay.
I don't want to jinx it now by saying that.
But I feel like I know that it'll be okay.
But if I feel too calm before, that's when I'm not going to do well.
Like if I feel too, like.
It also helps that you know that most of the people are wanting you to succeed.
Oh, I never thought of that.
You know, but what I'm saying is like, when I'm performing, I'm like, I think 95% of the people,
in the audience, even maybe all of it,
are people that bought tickets to see me.
Yeah. So that helps. In the beginning
when you're headlining, and people are
just randomly going, you know, well, let's
watch comedy this weekend. Who's playing at the club?
You know what I mean? That's tough.
Because it's like, oh my God,
he just did a bit about, you know what I mean?
Homeless jizz.
Weird. For me, it's the opposite. I feel like when
it's for me, I feel like more pressured,
like, oh my God, maybe they have expectations
that I'm going to, you know, like, and I'm
going to, like, fail them. But then if it's a
on a random show that they're not there for me,
I feel more like, ah, they're not even here for me,
whatever. They don't have, they don't even expect
anything for me, you know?
Yeah, but it's, most of it's this, I realize,
is that, holy shit, that's,
I came here to see him, and there he is,
it's that. It's not like,
also a lot of these people, they don't know
what, what a good response is in the audience.
You know what I mean? Like, to us, it's like,
oh, I didn't crush,
but to them is like, oh, that was,
was really good because it's like you know like those first shows remember i was like i how depressed
was i you wanted to leave i wanted to leave that's how bad my san francisco first shows were
i feel like when i feel like they're just so happy to see you guys in the flesh that's what it is
yeah yeah change your mind yeah i never thought about it like that yeah maybe that'll help
that's why it's a personal appearance they want to see you you know it's the guys that don't do it that
like I just you know especially nowadays do you have fun yeah yeah yeah how do you feel
I feel good yeah yeah yeah how do you feel pretty good you're flying back tonight or
tomorrow I'm staying here too Thursday why why not oh fuck I gotta go yeah yeah yeah you feel good
yeah yeah I don't want you to miss your date with you know rock stars oh anyway
wow let's give Christina round of applause
Oh, thanks.
