TigerBelly - Dan Soder & The Jellabiya Boys

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Wondering how to get started? New customers visit www.draftkings.com/audio and use promo code BELLY to claim a FREE starter pack!  TigerBelly Live Tickets Here

Wow. Louis Cat says a great joke, or he said he had three some of two fat girls. It was a monage. Ech. That's one of my favorite words. It's a funny joke. Yeah, he's the best. But you never had a three-sum.

I have. Oh, no, you've had gang bangs. Not gang bangs, right? No, no, no. Gang bang is more than five guys to one girl, right? I was five girls. I think it's more than two guys. I think a gang bang is three and up.

I think three and a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three up is you starting to get a gang bang. So you've had two girls at one time? No. You've never had two girls at one time? No, I've had two guys at one girl. Yeah, that's a good video.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good video. That was a good video. But no, I've never had, I've been with, like, me, I can't name people's names because I got, I get in trouble. You don't do that. Because you say things and then, like, comics are like married now. I have five kids and I'm like, I can't say about that time. Yeah.

Yeah. Double team that girl hammered after the Orlando improv. Yeah, there's there's even like stories you share were like, I'm like, don't clip that. I don't want my fiancee seeing that. Don't clip that right now. But I remember one time the feature, so I was opening.

I was an MC and then the feature was a girl and the headliner was a boy. And I remember the feature had a joke about having two guys at one time. She likes it. So then the headliner asked her, would you do us? And she's like, yeah. And so we went to the hotel. And then I remember when I pulled my pants down and they saw my penis and stuff. He got like almost an applause break. What they were like. No, like it was so funny.

Oh, that's, so it wasn't like, it wasn't like a standup. It wasn't like a this applause, it was like this applause. Yeah. You got to hurt your knees. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, bring it over here.

Ah, you know what I'm gonna do? Yeah, when kids see puppy, they go, Oh, bring it over here. Ah! You know, we're kids see puppy, they go, oh, bring it over here. But then I remember like, I wish I could say that what the head of the day was. God off my coming to wanna know, because it's incredible the full lineup. The full lineup, I've never heard of a full lineup

fucking each other. But when you're three comics doing it, there's gonna be a memorial fun time. Yeah, I have a joke right now where I catch, where never I catch myself making a noise during sex. I always talk shit to myself in my own brain. Where I like I'm fucking and if I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh,

I feel so good. You're like, oh, is it feel so good? Check the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. But that does feel great though. It does, you know? It never ends. But also you gotta say it out loud, even for my ego, like I does feel great though. It does. You never, but also you gotta say it out loud.

Even for my ego, like I need to hear it. So you're just grunting the whole time. I'm just nodding to that. Have you ever had sex with someone that just breeze through their nose? No, no, no, no. That's a brutal. What?

What? I think you're going faster, fast. I've never had that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds very yogic. It's not. It's quadriplegic. It feels like you're like, say something.

Say anything. Well, no, because the opposite is also, I talk to Santino about this, where it's like when they do too much performance, then it's like, okay, I'm not thrusting that hard and it's just really for the... It's the equivalent of when someone eats a meal And they don't like it, but they act like they do with a go oh Oh my god I knew like it's not that good. I

That's right. I said I Don't don't get mad, but recently I had sex with a girl. Yeah I was getting really into it. So I whisper to her. I go slow form I hate that so much. Slow form. Slow form. With it, slow form. Like slow, like let's. Don't get mad, but my vagina just turned to black.

Why did you say form? Yeah, so you had to get her a band leader. What? Let's bring it up. Bring it up down. Well, there's two forms. There's slow form and long form. Why are you commentating your own?

I love that. Slow form. Now, let's pick it up. I'm gonna get it. Rise, rise, rise. Yeah. You're a shini-o. As you're coming.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, that's oozing. That would be traumatizing if someone whizzed for more. Or for more. I saw her eyes go, I legitimately drunken, had drunken sex one time with a girl. And I had this in the bit on my HBO

Special but it's a hundred percent true. I was talking dirty and she went oh God. We got a talker As I was and like maybe stop fucking And then I was like I guess I'll I'm like begrudgingly kept going where I was like Whatever you want to say that I Ever said something that stopped the act of sex? Yeah, one time I, go ahead. One time I flipped the words by accident, and it really fucked it up.

I went, God, I love the way your cock feels in my mouth. And the girl, excuse me, and I went, fuck, fuck. I like doing your mouth feels on my cock. God, that's not real, that's not real and I went fuck, fuck. I like the way your mouth feels, I'm like, God, that's not real, that's not real. I swear to my God. No way, that's real. I swear to my dead father. Have you ever had?

His woman is married with children now, but I am willing to DM her to be like, Bobby Lee does not believe me. Did you ever have a cock of your mouth? Why would you ever say that? I don't know, Bobby. And I've never yearned for one. Yeah, it just came out like this.

Yeah, but I said as funny as that one. I just, I said it and she went like, what? Yeah. And it stopped the act. 100% with no more stuff. I love it. Yeah, there's nothing you can do. Oh, you got to sit there and be like,

do you want to see if they're delivering foods? Yeah, yeah. It was horrible. So some girl was jerking me off and I go, it's not a fucking joystick. That's rude. But, but as she goes, what? Yeah, and she should've gone up there.

I should've really started looking at what you're looking at. I'm looking at what you're looking at. She goes, that's real life, that's real life. Oh, yeah. As you put it back on neutral before, you know, third, fourth. It just stopped it. And then you got to go, why'd you say that? And it became a fight probably. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no notoriously the worst at hand jobs. I will never like recall that. Wow.

Thank you. Thank you for saying that's because I never give them. I would rather just use my mouth. We do only use the three fingers. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.

The worst is when they bend down. Oh yeah. They're all bend down. The boners don't bend like that. You're like, you're like, you're gonna bend down. Yeah, that's good.

Because you become childlike with that paint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, owy. Or like, for me, I have nasal valve collapse, so I can't breathe through my nose. And so when I'm giving a blowjob, it's a near death experience for you every time. You have to breathe like a swimmer.

I do. And you know what? I'm a swimmer. Think, that's exactly how I do it. Or like I kind of open just a little bit where I take in a breath while the dick is still in my mouth. I'm like, I do. And it's really bad.

Wow. But that's the reason why I do the combo with a hands because I need to be able to breathe up like a turtle. Yeah. Like one day in a while. I can't believe you have a combo. Well, it's good. They're good.

They're okay, right? They're good. Thank you. How much time? It get a little job. Well, it's good, they're good. They're okay, right? They're good. Thank you. How much time? It's not the best. It's not the best. It's not Michelin Star. Bit of Cormon.

Yeah, it's a bit of Cormon. But it is like a popular chain that's good like, you would go back for another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're in a town, and you're like, what's the best place? You know what this hand drops, that's a bit of a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's like really fun, really good. It's like reliable, but also guaranteed. Yeah. I just gonna come or get full. Yeah, because I don't. That's really the most important. I think the reason I'm not great at it is because I'm not gonna persevere past three minutes.

Like I just don't care. I don't think that's too long. Blowjob to completions are a thing for me. It's not my sport. So, it's like for me, it's like a means to an end. Like, get you hard, get you whatever. Get it wet enough for my pussy, and then we can proceed. That is your Asian, though.

Yeah, I just don't love giving blowjob. It's like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, watch it, Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's like, you know, that's in your blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think women, I don't think we care. Pass the age of like 20, I don't think men care about hand jobs. I don't care. Oh, that's a thing. You don't care.

I think that's what it is. It's like, I don't care. We don't care. Yeah. Like up to 20, 21 hand jobs are still very viable ways of solutions to the horniness. But I think past 20, you're like, well, it's going to be a blowjob or fuck. And then past 30, you're like, you don't have to blow me to completion.

That's cute. Well, it's also it's almost almost impossible to do. I mean, come on. It is. It was the last time you got you completion through a blowjob. Honestly, I turned 42 months ago. I don't think in my 30s. Wow.

I don't think in my 30s. My, me 30, maybe early 30s. Maybe, maybe early 30s. Maybe there's one I'm forgetting. But in my 40s, not at all. Not yet. Yeah, it's like 30s. Because we tried on your 50th birthday.

Oh yeah, I remember that. And I was like, who is who I? No, no, no, it was here. Okay. So we tried on his 50th birthday and I was like, look, let's just take it back. Old school. Let's go blow jobs at completion, watch all the porn you want. And boy, I was really. Yeah, but you get, but let me.

And then eventually, it hurt my feeling. I don't want to put out my fiance's business too much. Yeah. But she got me pretty damn close one time where I was like, I think it was gonna about to happen. And my old brain was like, is the air conditioner set to 60? Like something like that. And then you're like, well now I'm not gonna complete.

Yeah. You have an adult thought, we go, did I pay my Verizon bill? You're like, no. But trying it on the, when did you give up? At what point did you give up on the 50? What's what's sad about it is like she stopped and she just looked at me and she goes happy birthday So sad almost I don't know

Cuz you go The worst president I just thought that like you looked a little bit like just not, you know, I think you knew you weren't gonna have it. I just can't do it through that means. Yeah, you know what I mean? I think it's because I've jerked off, because when you jerk off, it's hard. Yeah.

Like, would you grip it? No, I mean, I grip it, but like not like grip, I don't fucking grip it. What do you mean? I have like a, like a, are you grip it like a, like a steering wheel? Like a self defense grip like a, are you group it like a, steering wheel, like a self defense grip

where you're like, it's not crazy, but you know I have control. Oh, I got you jutsu there. Like a jutsu there. Yeah, I got a little doubt. It's a key. It's a key grab. I have a key grab on my car.

A key grab. We're going now, now here, right here, and then I give self defense voice when I do it, I go. Now I can take this over. If I need to move over here, I can move my penis over here. Yeah, how do we get to this? Okay, let's do it anyway. Welcome to an episode of Tiger Valley. You know, I've never had a guess that showed up 20 minutes early. It's like so dumb. What do you, Dr. Ken Jung? I mean, it's like a nervous hell.

I have a schedule. You know, no, I don't know how. I haven't said your name yet. I'm sorry. So anyway, he's New York comic. You know, it's funny, you know, he's a guy that I've heard his name so many many times, so many many times. And, you know, I've heard great things, but I just never fucked with him.

And it's because he lives there. We've never been in the same area. And we have the same circle of friends, but we've never been the same area. And so I've talked to you maybe once or twice in my life. Twice, I think, maybe. In my life, yeah. Total.

And they've been positive, but they're very kind of. It was like Green Room at festivals. Yeah, yeah. So you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah, like kind of it was like green room at festivals. Yeah But it's never like very surface. That's why showing up early made me look like a real But you know great things one of the best out there Dan Soder So now that not only doing only doing that well, but he comes into my house. Oh yeah.

And something bizarre happened. Yeah. It's funny because I've been watching the X-Files as you know. Yeah. It was very airy. It was very fox molder. A very fox molder move. Right.

But we walk in and gooners downstairs in my cat. I have an orange cat named gooner And he puts his fucking stupid hand So in front of the fucking cats nose as if it's a dog Smell me like smell it. You don't do that with cats. Well, it's not the worst move It's it's like this. It's like you know like, you know how you see an Asian person and you bow. Oh, it's like bow in front of a black, an African person. That's exactly what they do there.

Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And a black guy would be like, that's not our thing. Right, because cats is a, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked in with real dog energy. I walked in and real dog energy.

I walked in and I was like, what's your name? And I let him do it for like five seconds. And then he goes, what do you do? I go, what are you doing? You know what I mean? Did he come to you? He was already there.

Yeah, he was fine. I could have just started petting him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it really wasn't until Bobby went like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. How the fuck are you doing? And then I noticed it that I really was, because I have a dog and I always like, whenever the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And then I noticed it that I really was,

cause I have a dog and I was like, whenever I see dogs, I'm like, innocence. So you've never owned a cat? We had a cat when I was little. When I was like six years old, we adopted a cat and I was like, oh, this is gonna be like a teddy bear. I'm gonna hold it when I was six, you know? It's like I'm gonna hold it at night

and the cat wasn't having that. Yeah, gonna hold it when I was six, you know? Yeah. It's like I'm gonna hold it at night and the cat wasn't having that. Yeah, I held it and it was like, Oh, yeah, yeah. It's doing that thing scratchy, yeah, yeah. And so I let it go. I was like, fuck, get outta here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a six year old angry kid

and then my mom, it was just my mom's cat. It just that cat became my mom's cat. The cat didn't fuck with me. I didn't fuck with it. Ever. You'd come around and be like, hey Garfield. And then it was like the cat like it was a hack name It was an orange tacky. It was so I was six so I was what he's wanting

That's all I knew but that orange cat would have would let you hug it all night really? Yeah, that's a teddy bear cat see I didn't I thought I just assumed all cats were like that after what color was your cat orange? It was an orange cat really a happy to Is it unusual dude? It was a more you molested It was an unusual. Dude, it was a molested. No, I think I held it tight. How did you do it through the fucking badge? I was like, I was holding up, I could pump it. No, I held it, I held them, and then when I let them go.

I don't like the way you're holding it. Yeah, I think that's, I don't think it's a dog like that. Oh really? My dog loves that. She's a dog, a good or an headlock. What are you fucking doing? Okay, so it's like this. As an adult, you never had a cat.

No. No, no. You don't like them. I don't. Dislike them. I'm okay about cats. It depends on the cat. If a cat's night.

I don't know, dude. It sounds like you don't like them. I'm a dog guy through and through. You can be both. You can be both. Yeah, we're both. We're both. I like cats.

I don't like them enough to get one. Would you get a recoon? Yeah, hell yeah. Before a cat. Oh, I don't know about that. Draft Kings. Draft Kings. Draft Kings. Rainmaker's football is back for a second season. I love doing a little light bed betting during football season. It's so much fun. And it's bigger and better than ever before. Head to draftkings.com slash audio. And sign up to play Rainmaker's today with Code Belly

for your share over over $30 million in prizes this football season. This week, new customers can claim their first pack of digital player cards for free to get started. Playing Rainmaker's football is really simple, you guys. Each DraftKings digital card represents an athlete and scores points based on their real world performance. Draft them into weekly contest for your shot at a share of $30 million in prizes or sell them any time on a DraftKings marketplace.

Rainmaker's contest required no fee to join as long as you have enough cars to complete a lineup. Rick Pax, Builder Collection and Irm Big War rewards. You guys know we're really big UFC fans and draft Kings is the app we use for all of our sports betting. Wonder how to get started?

You customers visit draft Kings. Conslash audio today and use promo code belly to claim a free starter pack. Only at draft Kings. Conslash audio with code belly gambling problem a free starter pack, only at DraftKings.com slash audio with code belly. Gambling problem, call 1-800-Gamber, Agent Elgibility Restrictions Apply. Rainmaker's contest, not available in certain states.

One starter pack per customer. Stutter pack player, cards, aren't eligible for resale. See terms at DraftKings.com slash rainmakers. Yeah, first. But, I don't know. Just go, dad, does it go dog cat for you? Yeah. Okay, good. Like for me, it says white and black people.

And then Asians are three. Really? Damn, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would see. What's with people? What is here? For people, it goes Jews.

Oh, yeah. Jews, a Jews, Asians, blacks and whites are tied. Oh, blacks and whites are a third. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man, I wanted to be Jewish so bad when I was a kid. Yeah. Because of Mel Brooks, all this, all my favorite Koreans were Jewish.

What Jewish envy too? I really, Jew envy, I'm big at Jew envy. I wanted, oh man, Yiddish. Yiddish. You did. Just calling stuff like, oh look at your tukas. Look at that. Say stuff like that. Like, oh, hey, Vay, just saying that

with something bad happens. I put a little note in the wall. You did? Yeah. That's the wailing wall. No. Just a wall. I hate this out of Rower's.

Just a wall. I'm out of Rouse. I hate the Jews. That's another thing and I put it inaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiRaiR I don't think. You're doing it right now. How? What am I doing right now? You're choosing the sides. No, at laughs on Broadway. Wow. There was a one-legged lady, do you see there? No, she wasn't there. She wasn't there still. But that club was like, did you hear about the one-legged lady?

I mean, I saw some shit at laughs. Laugh was like, laughs is a road room. It's a road room, yeah. You see people come through and you're like, this guy's really, he's on heroin. That's the weekend, where you go like, you would see the Thursday show and you're like, this guy's so good in my Saturday,

you're like, man, it's tough to hang out with that. It's not a drinking problem. Because anyone that was worth a shit wasn't working there. Have you ever been to a comedy club where you look at the headshots? There you go, who are these people? Can I tell you the name?

I always think about laughs. I look to see him on other clubs. Tommy Blaze. Tommy. clubs, Tommy Blaze. Tommy, I know Tommy Blaze. Okay. Tommy Blaze had the wildest head shot at laughs. It was like, like a leather jacket, like a dice clay one. It would look like.

And then whenever I go to clubs, Zany's a Nashville, I found him and Zany's in Chicago. Oh, that's a fun game. Yeah, really like, it's like trying to collect them. Yeah, we're all, can I find? That's an old head shots at laughs and but those people were unfortunate because they didn't have the internet. Yeah, right? So that's what you had to do. There's two roads There was going on the road see if you can like develop a following yeah or you come to Hollywood or New York and try to get on TV or whatever

Yeah, but like now you can just you know You can just go on the road and go on the internet and go straight to the people. But if you look at those headshots, it's super sad. It is, you know, my favorite one was my favorite old school one. It's at the comic strip, you can see it. It's Jim Florentine and his name is Jamm and Jim Florentine. It's got a long hair.

Oh, Jim really? Yeah, and he's like, oh. Because those are the times when you need to hook. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You need to have like, this guy named Jackie Graham. And he changed his name to Jackie Banana.

And wore a yellow suit. Yeah. Because like, this is the thing. What would I be back here? Yeah. I think I'd be like, big head Dan. Yeah. And I'd be like, Trigger, this was a Marhead.

I'd smash things with it on a stool. Like, I'd be like, trick out the size of my head I'd smash things with it on a stool Like I'd be like, mooshy Yeah Mooshy mooshy Yeah, you know, they're so good here Yeah, I'd probably have like a, you know, cow boy Asian kind of a thing Yeah He huddled

I do an accent for sure Oh, but he huddled But you went through a cow boy hat era Because I was looking at some of your old characters. Oh, right. What are you doing? Dude, yes. I'm glad. Thank you for bringing this back.

I'm glad I'm going. I'm going to shit. I'm going to shit. How am I wrong? Yeah, he used to wear them. You used to wear a cowboy hat? Overalls and cowboy hats. With his small hair, yeah.

Yeah, because I was- What was the energy of that? Okay, I'll tell you the energy. So think overalls, denim overalls, but with no shirt underneath. underneath. And his headshot was of him with his hands, his little hands tucked in his pocket like this. And with a cowboy hat. Sexy. Yeah, I was, I'll tell you what, because I grew up with rice rockets. No, no, I'm not saying it's, it was a bad thing. It's a really good look. But the Asians that lived in San Diego right, lowered their fucking...

All the physics. Acura's right. I forgot about that. Remember that, right? And so I'm like, I can't be like that. Hot Import Knights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you didn't want to be gel hair.

No. Spiky hair. Yeah, I didn't want to be like that. In my high school, my high school had like a 3,500 people. It was a big high school in Colorado. The most feared group were Asian pride. Where they did that. They had the rice rockets

and then they would fuck people up. Asian pride was like a real- It was like a legit. The guy that did it was, I was friends with his little brother, like my friend Solomon, his old brother was like, the big guy there and everyone was like, do not fuck with them.

Wait, what kind of Asian Korean? Fuck yeah, Asian right then But they would I remember we had Hicks because we were in Colorado So we legitimately like kids from like the farmland like east of Denver would come some of them came to our high school We had like cowboys like legit cowboys shiters, like just straight guys that had dipped. Whoa. Like at 15 and they'd be like, fuck you man. And one of them got into a problem

with Solomon's older brother. Oh no. And he beat the shit out of him with a metal baseball bat. And everyone was like, don't fuck with him. And that kid was like paralyzed. It was like a whole, like, I wasn't like eighth grade when it happened. And I remember being like, when I showed up to high school

and I saw the Asian pride kids, I was like, look down, don't fuck him. I was terrified like eighth grade when it happened and I remember being like when I showed up to high school and I saw the Asian pride kids I was like look down don't fucking I was terrified of it. Did they ever get white girls? I don't I don't really remember I don't know ABG's Asian baby girl Asian baby girls That's what year was that though 97 there's no Asian baby girls. There was always Asian baby girls where like one Yeah, it was one in the whole country What no, but we had that same kind of similar look as like the Chola. Yeah. Just a little bit different, like a little cross-eyed.

Like, I was kind of like a hybrid of that. I love, I love cross-eyed. Don't you love cross-eyes? Yeah. No, I really... Every girl I've ever dated cross-eyed. Yeah, I love... Like me, I'm a slightly cross-eyed.

Like your eyes are cross? Yeah, occasionally. Look at her. People. Look at her. People. You know what you have what you're almost there Say I'm gonna okay. You almost have fish eyes. Yeah, you know what that's called feet of alcohol That's called Bob I

Went to nursing school I can actually tell if you have fetal alcohol So what is that outer campus of your eye if it's a little bit as it relates to your ear. Does he have it? Hold on, so the lobes, no, I think you're good. You're good. But you know what? Yeah, via fucking sentiment. Yeah, yeah.

If you saw her, that was a check swing. Yeah, no, no, no. But you know what, but there's, there's no joke my mom ever got upset at. But look, you have guys that have that look that are doing well in Hollywood, Michael Shannon. Hey Michael, I think he's so hot. Yeah, but he's got it.

I mean, he has it. But I think more importantly, not just the separated eyes, but the ones that go different direction. All those are my thoughts. Those are hot. Marty Feldman. Yeah, from young front.

Yeah, yeah, young, young, fuck us off. Yeah. Yeah. Young, fuck us off. For the best, get movies. Have all three. Anyone listening right now, okay? Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?

No, because it's working. It's, yeah. What? I love you too. Keep going about it. Yeah, yeah, so I read watching every year. Me too. I love it.

It's my favorite melody. Anybody that watches what what like our film people and like comedy fucking young Frankstint is one of the funniest movies. It's so well done. I have a clip saved on my phone of when he goes, the brain you gave me. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll be normal. I'll be something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be something. And he goes, and you won't be mad. I will not be mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Abby normal. Yeah. And he goes, you had me put an abnormal brain in a seven and a half foot, 54 in line. Walking gorilla. Yeah, someone's here. It is, young Frankenstein is line for line. I would argue it's up there is the best Mel Brooks movie.

I think so too. And Gene Wilde, he like he's unbelievable. He would turn emotionally like that. You get so mad. Like one there's one scene where he goes, no matter what. I don't know what the line right. Do not open the store no matter what happens. As soon as it walks in there, he just, you know,

he tries to get it. Yeah, my favorite sort of keeps when his wife keeps asking how big the monster's dick is. Is it big? And he goes, well, yes, I made everything to size. And then when he makes her into the bride, and they fucking just, Woo! It's fucking great.

It's a great move. I fucking loved it. What else do you like? Blazing saddles. My dad would let me watch all the... I mean, my parents were broken up, so my dad would do the real divorce dad thing of being like, we can watch bad movies here.

You can watch like Reddit our movie. Wow. So I would watch stand up in Mel Brooks. Rodney Dangerfield and Mel Brooks were like, what we watch. Wow. Yeah, like a lot. I loved all the, and like he took me to see

Robin Hood Men in Tights in the theater. Oh wow. And so that was like, that was my movie. That's when I started becoming a Dave Schpel fan. Yeah. Because he plays, you know, he's like 19 of that. That's right. Yeah.

And he does like the whole thing where he's like, you know, pay the toll. Yeah. I'm on the lift side. I'm on the right timeout bag. Is. I mean, some air. My favorite line in that is when a blinkin' where he goes, this is a chew and he goes, up chew in these pots.

Is this the lines? We're so good. I fucking love it. Well, Shippup was also in the rock. Yeah, he was one of the guys in the bus. You guys in the bus, yeah. He dies early. Yeah, he dies early.

He was in you got mail. He was in, what a career. You got mail. Yeah, he was in you got mail. He was friends with Tom Hanks. And you got mail. I mean he was in you got mail. He was friends with Tom Hanks. And you got mail. I mean, the career he's had. It's unbelievable. There's a story he tells. I'm like a massive Dave Chappelle fan, but there's a story he tells. I forget which interview it was. I don't think it was inside the actor studio, but he's talking about when he was young in L.A.

And he would go out drinking. And he's like trying to tell somebody, he's like, man, you would never believe the drinking crew I just hang out. It was me slash from Guns and Roses in Vern Troyer. And I was like, mini me? That's got to be the funnest drink crew. And they went to the Roxie. Oh, they probably just hearted. Yeah, I'm just saying.

He's got the most badass flex and stand-up comedy during the, inside the actor studio, Lipton asks him. He's like, New York City is a notoriously hard scene to crack. And he goes, yeah, man, I moved up there when I was 18 and I was in every club within two weeks. You know, whole weeks. It took me fucking three years. Yeah, yeah.

It was unbelievable. I'm a talented. But him being in Mel Brooks was like, you know, Mel Brooks is the guy. Yeah. I think him and Mel Brooks, Tray Parker and Matt Stone are like, but like when did you, like, in your,

how old were you, do you remember when you were like, I'm thinking I'm gonna try stand up. How long do you live in Tucson? Yeah. For five years. Oh my God. I did four years, but it took me four and a half to graduate. But you started standing right away or towards me?

I hated it. I hated it right when I moved there. I hated it within the first year. I was like, this is all frats, this suck. Yeah. And I was really, really broke. Do you remember the last time you were in Tucson? No, what happened?

Do you remember it? I do, because I have a voicemail from when you called me in Tucson. What was that? Desperate. Okay, so he had just checked into a rehab. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember like a year ago. Oh yeah, they have like a lot of rehab.

Play your voice male. What? Can I play your voice and when you called me from the pay for? Yeah, you have it. I have it. Oh, yeah, I wanna hear it. I don't know, you have it. Tucson is a place where you find yourself

or you destroy yourself. Yeah, it's neither one of those. Play, you know? So for people listening, I, you know, the last time I got, it was using, I was in a desperate dire straits and I was in this rehab mill and they took away my phone and everything and they were giving me like, you know, like those psych,

like I would go to the, wait in this line and they would give me like 15 pills. Really? They would make you eat it. And they'd check your mouth to make sure you were fine. Yeah, and I swallowed it. And I just remember, like, people, I was walking around like a zombie.

You know what I mean? It was fucking terrible with like 50 fucking people. But why was that place even recommended to us to be? Because they had changed ownership. Oh, it used to be good. It used to be like, oh, we only have 10 people here in North celebrities.

Yeah. And all of a sudden, another gigantic company devoured them. It just became a mill. And they're like, as many people, anybody. Here we go. Oh, you've never heard of this Bobby? No, I sort of got no. I don't remember even calling on. Okay. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Okay. You sound so stupid. the food here's terrible. Oh my god. It's like, oh, I have a sight spurking out.

It's like people stalking me. It's terrible. I don't know about a little sleep tonight, not on the point, because I'm just like 52 and then talking up phones around me. I feel like I'm in pressure. I think one time I'm OK. I love you. I might try to sleep tonight, but I'm just gonna happen. I'm like, oh, oh, so sad. I never remember like some of it now. No.

Dad, uh, you get laid? Not for the first couple of years. I didn't look at your face. It's good. Very good. It's a good face. You've worked with them. I've gotten you a long way. Well, I started working at a radio station and that's when I got hired at KFMA and Tucson and that's I older women started having sex with me when I was in my young girls that you of a would not fuck with me

because I wasn't like a frat guy. I didn't have a lot of confidence. Yeah, I was like my young girls that U of A would not fuck with me because I wasn't like a frat guy. I didn't have a lot of confidence. Yeah. I was like super insecure. You know, that's what leads you to stand up. Yeah. You probably skinny too, huh? Yeah, I was like, I was really gangly.

Yeah. And then older women were just like, Hey, hey, kind of weird broken boy. When you say older, how old? Like I was 20, 21 and like 35. Yeah, that makes sense. 36 year old women. Yeah.

It was the first time I ever had sex and woman was like slow down. Ligitimally. Oh really? She was like slow. That's not what I was talking about. Going to a slow board. But I really, because I was just like, you know, I was like 20 so I was just jackhammer.

Wow. And then they're like slow down, buddy. What a great note to take that out. The best note I've ever gotten sexually was slow down, because I didn't realize what I was doing. It made me be in it more, made me realize, you know. You gotta work your way up to the speed. You can't start with speed.

And that's what I was. I was just like, drop in and like, Rrrrrrrrrrr I was like, yeah, you got a chill guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you got a slow format there. Yeah, and it was, it was because of the radio station in the comedy club,

I started getting laid. Like, wow. Because at, you have it, I would just strike out. The second they smelled any insecurity on me. Yeah. They're like,

okay. Did you care about rejection or no? Yeah, it hurt. It always hurts. It's funny, as you get older, because I'm single now. I'm 52 almost. Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't really hurt You know, I mean who gives it yeah, you know, give us a but as a 20 year old it's so you know I hope the rejection is so painful. Yeah, it's apocalyptic. It's apocalyptic You're like fuck this is it and I remember this girl that I had such a big crush

on sophomore year, she had a no-hi-yo accent. One of those, like, Dan Howard. And I was in love with her. And I was foolishly, like, I didn't realize she had a boyfriend. Like, she said, like, oh, I'm seeing a guy back home. But I was like, yeah, but he's back in Ohio,

you're at U of A, whatever. And so we had like, hang out. And then she would like, want to do school projects with me and stuff. So I was like, oh, it's working. And then we would like hang out and then she would like wanna do school projects with me and stuff so I was like, oh, it's working. And then like on one of our last days of class I was like, hey, so like before I went or break, do you wanna go get dinner with me? And in front, like, in like the quad area

where everyone's filing out of the building, you just goes, damn, I have a boyfriend. Like, oh, really? Yeah, dude, I was like, I just, I remember feeling like You know, like, it's like, oh, really? Yeah, dude, I was like, I just, I remember feeling like mortal combat, like, like someone punched my body and ripped my heart out. I was like, yeah, cool. You guys are gonna, wow. It's a dather. It was, but it was rejection. It was rejection. But in retrospect, it's probably somebody that you wouldn't hook up with now. Not, man, it all,, like the woman I'm marrying,

I've never been in a relationship that's better, that I'm happier, that I'm like, that I'm like, I jokingly tell her because it's been 10 years since I drank alcohol, but I joke, wait, wait, wait, you're sober guy? I smoke weed, okay. That's what I brought from. That's what I was so, why, why, why, why, though?

Why? Why'd you quit drinking? Not a problem, I got a real problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I jokingly tell her, I'm like, why are you though? Why? Why'd you quit drinking? Not a problem. I got a real problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I jokingly tell her, I'm like, if I lose you, the sauce is coming back. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna start drinking it.

Oh, so it was a problem? How long you've been dating this woman? Four years. All right, so. We've been engaged almost a year. How'd you meet? On Opian Gym. What?

Yeah, her name, she's Katie Nolan, is my fiancee. Oh, wow. ESPN. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Formerly a VSP and a fox, but she's the best thing in the world. You know, without Opian Anthony. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be the podcaster I am now.

Really? It taught me everything. Going on Opian Anthony? Yeah, because the first time I went in there, I was so scared. Oh my God, I remember that. Yeah, and the first time you're on OPA, and you're like sitting there, you're like, am I gonna get fucking ripped apart?

And they would rip apart, guys. They would rip you apart, and they were also, like it was bullie-ish, and so so, I left halfway here in the interview. Really? Yeah, I just stood up and walked out. Why? Because I just couldn't do it.

I was like, I'm not this kind of comic. You're not like the ball bust. No, no, no, and then I had to learn how't do it. I was like, I'm not this kind of comic. You're not like the ball bust. No, no, no. And then I had to learn how to do it, but it was like, but I learned certain things and then when I kept going back, I became edger and crazier and crazier. I got to a point where I'm like,

yeah, I can hold my own now. Opie and Anthony was prison rules. They get in, you get in, you like look around for the biggest guy and you're like, I'm gonna fuck you up. Yeah. And then no one's gonna come after me. But I mean, I grew up loving that show and that's how I got into New York comedy. While I was like living in Tucson, I would listen to Opian Anthony and like the tough crowd

and like all the whole seller crews, what I became obsessed with. So when I was doing comedy, I was like, it just makes sense for me to move to New York. And then I was doing Bobby Kelly's podcast with Joe DeRosa for a while. And then they're like, they're gonna have you on Opie and Anthony. I was like, what's up? I was like, what's up? What's up? And I went in there like, I call it,

when you're so nervous, it's like you're in a cold pool. You know, and you're like, who's ever like when the water's up to your chest? And you're like, that's how it felt for like the first hour. Yeah, I mean, it is, it is one of those things where you don't sleep the night before. Yes, for me. Yeah, because you got to be up at fucking five in the morning.

Five in the morning, right? And you walk in and you see the heavyweights in there. And you're like, okay, I have to bring it. And it's like, it's kind of scary, but then when you figure it out, it's fine. And then you feel comfortable and then you're like, oh, it got very fun. Yeah, it got very, very fun. Yeah, it's so fun. It got very, very fun.

Yeah, it was really like, it was. I'd say you should have it with Norton and Patrice and, uh, I see that was a role though and I did it after Patrice. I never I was never all with Patrice, but coming up in New York Patrice would be around and whenever he was around, it was like the greatest. Yeah, you were scared and if you knew you were scared, he'd be cool to you and if you had any confidence. I just one time, I was doing check spots that stand up in New York.

That was like how I got into that club where you do the spot while they dropped the checks during the show and you fucking bomb and I had bombed and I was drinking a beer after the show and Patrice is sitting there and he's like, it's just me and him. It's just me and him in the bar. He's one of my favorite comedians all the time and he's like, it's just me and him. Just me and him at the bar. He's like one of my favorite comedians of all time.

And he's like, who's your favorite porn star? Give me a top five porn star. And I go, are we going by nastiness and he goes, shiiit. And this is like 12 years ago. And I started naming him like, I was like, Ava divine, he was like, all right.

I was like, and we were like, like that. And I was like, oh fuck yeah. And then someone came in and took his attention away and we stopped talking. Yeah. My dumbass, the next week I'm back doing a check spot in Patrice is there.

I'm like, four boys. And I'm like, hey Patrice. And he's like, oh, I'm like, watch my, I mean, I was like, you fucking idiot. Why'd you say hi to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he ruled. You know what, I'll tell you why.

Because you were newer than, like, I was brand new. Brand new, right? So there's this guy that works at the comedy store and I feel so bad about this. Yeah. But, like, now Reese. He works there now.

Yeah. Okay. He is this tall black guy, really cool, right? And I made, he was new and I made the mistake of being really nice to him the first time. Yeah. So this is what happened. I think you gave him a mouse a cookie. Right.

That wants a glass of milk. So, yeah. So, one day, I opened that door and then one day I go back and I have a weird set in the man room. I get off. And this dude walks up to me. He's super tall doing, he goes, yo man, give me a hug. I go, I look at him and I just walk past him.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. I get that though. Because he took a step too far. You know what it was? He used the two form, not the roof. You speak it familiar. Yeah. Wait too familiar. Oh, wait too familiar.

I have almost two, not bad. Then a club forever. We have like kind of a bad set. Yeah. What happened? You go, what the fuck happened? What the fuck? Yeah. I got to walk out of my face.

Yeah, yeah, you're new and I shouldn't open the door and I'm closing it now. And then I waited a couple of months and then I started being nice to him again. But my point is, why do we do that as human beings? Oh, why can't we just be nice? Yeah, because I think that's what patreased it to you. Yeah, Bobby did that.

Yeah, yeah. Like everybody, all the top guy, Colin Quinn, the first time I met him, was with Joe List, and Colin Quinn just goes, what's your last name? And I go, soda, he goes, oh, change it. I'm gonna need to walk away. That was a sit in there, like,

can I change my last name? That's like, that's my hero. I fucking changed my name. Or like, sometimes you'll go, like, Jim Normal, go, hey, introduce me to other comics, this guy's a strong middle. Yeah. Right, I'm like other comments. Like, this guy's a strong middle. Yeah. Right.

Right. I'm like, I'm handling this. I'm always, I'm always waiting from those old school guys. I'm always waiting for a punch. So every time I see you, like, hey, how you doing, Jim? Yeah. Because you don't want to lean in and be like, although Jim though, he is one of the sweetest,

as underrated comedians of all three weeks ago, he texted me. And so I guess the New York Post did an article about me being drunk on Sex in the City. Do you remember that? Yeah, it was on page six. He called me. So then Norton texted me and goes, are you okay, buddy? I read that article.

I just want to see if you're okay. And I'm like, oh, we're friends and he loves me. And what a great guy. What a sweet, you know, guy's like that always like text me when things are going wrong. You know, but yeah, I mean, they're intimidated. It was followed up by anything else. No, oh, it was genuinely,

it was genuinely, are you okay? I'm here for you. You know, I talked to when Ari, the Kobe thing happened. Oh my God. I remember Ari being like, yeah, all the New York guys were like, honest and upfront, like, but like didn't abandon me.

Like, he said that. He was like, all you guys were like, that joke sucked, but we love you. Yeah. You know, and it was like, he said like, you know, I'm not gonna name names. We said people on the West Coast, fuck it, we're like,

who's my number? See. This is what I wanna say now. And you just hit something in me, and I'm gonna get in there. I think you're right. I think that some people on the West are cowards and they're scared.

And they're a little too woke for me. Yeah, right what? They care about the optics. They care about the optics. It's like I can't be associated. and they're scared. Yeah. And they're a little too woke for me. Yeah. What? They care about the optics. They care about the optics. It's like I can't be associated. Over friendships. Over friendships.

But the New York guys are in deep. Well, it's we, I truly think that there's a thing of like there's an honesty to the relationships there. Where you're like, where you're like, should I move? I, I, the thing I do like about New York is that like they'll tell you to your face if a joke sucks, they'll like don't do that joke. And I feel like in LA there's not a lot of that.

Well, the audience does that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I think, I think that that's the one thing I like about New York is that I know that no matter where I go in the business, I have a crew of friends that will treat me the same. Yeah. And I think in LA what happens I have a crew of friends that will treat me the same. Yeah. And I think in LA, what happens is people treat you accordingly.

Like if you're up, people are like, oh my God, I love seeing you. Even if you're down and you do something fucked up, they're like, I can't right now. Yeah. I don't know. Oh no, you're absolutely correct. Yeah.

You hit it on the button, dude. Because I've had friends that have gone through all that shit and just immediately you reach out and you're like, yeah, I did, this is the sucks. Because you know how many voices are coming at them being like, you fucking suck, you're terrible. And if you just reach out and go like, yeah, all right, this is brutal.

But I then make fun of them. I think theoretically, but I want to say this though, I think that people in New York, comics that go to New York want to be real comics, right? I think that one. I think to say this though, I think that people in New York, comics that go to New York want to be real comics, right? I think that one. I think they want to focus primarily. Right, and when they come to LA, they have other dreams. They want, listen man, the thing is,

you can, I can knock LA all I want. The fact is LA comics are better performers. They're better performers. They tell jokes better. That's all I want to hear. Yeah, but they all. They on stage. Like you see a leg eyes performing, you're like,

fuck, I wish I was that unchained. I wish I was that unburdened to be like, act out my jokes like that. Yeah, yeah. But I also think New York comics are, like stand up is more important. Yeah, I see. Like just like the actual stand up is important.

Writing jokes and like. Yeah, because I was like this seller, the last time I played the seller, you know the piano guy that's there. Yeah, yeah see like just like the actual standup is important writing jokes and like yeah Because when I was like the seller that last time I played the seller you know the piano guy that's there Yeah, yeah, I was doing way too much I was doing way too much do I score this yeah, and he looked at me like like hey My favorite not working my favorite thing about the stuff Yeah, my favorite thing about the seller and I think this is this is in LA too This is my favorite thing in a comedy club is making sure the staff is laughing Oh, because if the staff is laughing, you're like you guys see all this horse shit. Yeah, so if they're not laughing

You're like, is that Chuck's? Yeah, yeah, can I ask you something? I didn't Hawaii that I've never brought this up And I feel so ashamed of my behavior Mm-hmm, and I want to see if you think this was I there for this you weren't there. No, thank God And I feel like you already felt preemptive embarrassment. Yeah, cuz if I had witness this and I didn't check it No, you didn't check no if you were there you would have checked me. Because this was so embarrassing. And it was like so like. Let's go. No, no, no, no. So my, my, my, I don't know.

I don't know. My job is to bring him back to Earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes he just takes off and. Yeah, the moon. Yeah, the moon. But that's a good partner. That's just, oh, right.

And what about this is so gross. Do we help? Rip it. Rip it. Let's go. All right, so I'm in Hawaii, and I hear Tony Hinge glip is in town. Are you bracing yourself?

What's happening? Yeah, I'm just getting into survival. I'm like, you're going in a plane crash. I don't think you're that bad. We're gonna get the whole of your body later. I'm gonna hold, I'm gonna check it. I'm gonna check if her seat is a flotation. The body, she's like, all right, so,

and I wanna know why I behave like this, but anyway, right? So Tony goes, come, do a guess about it on my show, the second show Saturday night. I'm like, all right, so I show up. And he has one of us guys meet me, and I'm sort of in the club, the club is packed. Yeah.

And so I go outside into the showroom, just to see what the audience looks like. The lights were down, I think, the showroom, just to see what the audience looks like. The lights were down. I think the show had already started, right? And I'm watching and I'm looking around and trying to get a feel, because I'm about to go up. So then I go back into the green room and a waitress follows me back.

Excuse me, who are you? Yeah. And I go, what? You say, yeah, this is for comics only. You got to go back into the showroom, right? And then one of Tony's guys goes, no, no, no, he belongs back here, right? And she's like, oh, okay, well, he looks suspicious. Yeah.

So then, because I'm a surprise guy, it's a one-a-one. You know what I'm saying? Also, to be fair, you look like a very average Japanese guy in Hawaii. You're from, you know what I mean? Like, you look like a local. You're only a dime a dozen there. You're a dime a dozen there. No.

You know why? I'm a snowflake. In LA, but not Hawaii. I am special, mate. Look at my text, test numbers. When I, when I sit comms and stuff. Yeah, I test for the roof. I test for the fucking roof.

They're like babies and animals, they're. Yeah, anyway. And the body, yeah, yeah. They call the body leaker, right? Anyway, right? So then what, this is just so weird. So when they bring me up, for some reason, I mean, I know why, the place goes crazy.

Yeah, right? Oh boy. Here. I just, I'm seeing how it's getting painted. Right, right, right. Everyone get back. Everyone, everyone, everybody. Everybody, do the vampire.

Everyone get the crash. All right, Bobby, let's do it. The place goes crazy and I just, because she pissed me off. Right, so I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna hit this ball, right? I hit it pop, right? Yeah. Right, and I can see,

because she's on the right side, you know her section. And I'm on stage and I'm looking at her, right? And now I can tell that she might be scared or whatever. So then I get off stage. Oh my God. And she goes, do you need anything? And I just was like, and I just treated like shit.

Okay. Can I tell you it's not as bad as I thought it was. All right. I feel like it was gonna be a malignant tumor and it's benign. Yeah. Yeah. Because I thought we were gonna do it.

When I tell you what I thought was gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me. I thought we were gonna do it. When I tell you what I thought was gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me. I thought you were gonna go on stage and after the big pop, be like, see? I thought, I would never do that. I don't know, who does that? I don't, I don't know how to pack a cat. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know, but I was. Oh, no, it wasn't that bad. I was just, no, I was, cause I was very mindful about my behavior. I'm like, why am I acting like that? No, no, no, but the impact wasn't that bad. I was just, no, I was, because I was very mindful about my behavior. I'm like, why am I acting like that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but the impact wasn't as bad. Like, I was really bracing for something.

Yeah, no, I think that behavior isn't cool. Um, it's not bad. I wasn't bad. It's not bad. I've done a similar, I've done a similar douchey thing. Okay. Where at the New York comedy festival,

I was invited to do a guest set on someone's show and I showed up and it was sold out and the lady was like, I can't let you in. And I was like, oh, I'm supposed to be in there and she was like, why, and, copped an attitude. Yeah. She's like, why do you have to be in there?

And I was like, I have to fix the lights. So you just wanted to flip. And she got, oh, okay. And she went in and then I went out and I did a guest set. Yeah. And then after which she goes goes you didn't fix the lights And I was like ah That's not dosie. That's what no she

That's a dosie I kind of like instead of just saying I was like why did I lie like I could it is yeah, yeah Oh, I'm out that's enough. That's my daily behavior Yeah, oh I'm out that's enough. That's my daily behavior. What is this thing? What do you, that was nothing. Because you did it a cute way, you were doing it. I mean, yeah, I gotcha.

You did the light thing, which was fun. Yeah. I think I was here to fix the light. Yeah. I might have referenced it on stage. That's I think that's the. Is that the doucheous thing you've done? Oh no, I've done, I've done real.

Give me real douche. Like in the world of comedy? Just in general. Oh my god Fuck I gotta think a one. I've done a lot. I hate myself. So I have a long list of stuff. Yeah, where I've like said stuff I don't know I have I've never done a you do you know who I am? I've never done that. Oh, that would be real Yeah, I would know you would now. I've never done that well Reese with witherspoon did a do you know who I am when those are Over D UI. Yeah, and she did Chipolda. Do you know what she was drunk. That right? Yeah, she's like do you know who I am? I think I've done with I think I've done a I'm with them in a shitty way like a famous person

You know is a great Waitress not recognizing a comic was Nate Bargtse, who's one of the best friends. One of my best friends, and he's one of the best comics. Not only that, he's like so clean and does it. He's so good. He's just so funny. Yeah. So when he lived in New York,

the seller never really respected him. So he never recognized that. He got past, but he was never really used. Right. They would use him in filling spots, but they wouldn't give him a lot of spots. And he's great. And he moved here and found Saulm in New York

and like loved him. And so he started like, you know, doing a tonight show a lot, which he already is doing, but he's doing a development deal, pilot with NBC, he had all this stuff. So he was starting to fucking go. Yeah.

And he met me and Mike Vecchio, and at the seller. Yeah. We're like, come by dude, we have spots. And he met me and Mike Vekioh at the seller. Yeah. We're like, come by dude, we have spots. And he came by and sat at the table, right? He's past at this club. Yeah. And we're eating and the waitress comes over

and she goes, I'm sorry, this is for only, this is for comics we're past here and they just go, I mean, he like, let's do it by people. I mean, what are we talking? He's like, I'm past here. And we're gonna be like, we were gonna tell him, it's like, no, no, no, he works here. And that fired him up.

I think that woman doing that is the reason he's an arenas now. Yeah. Cause he was like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, yeah. It was so funny. And he really didn't do a do-no-who-I-am, but he just went like, he went like,

I'm past here. Yeah, yeah. But why are we like, we're so sensitive. Cause why do we have to go on stage every night begging for you to come over for a drink? I know, there's something about it. I don't, yeah. Yeah. But why are we like, we're so sensitive. Because why do we have to go on stage every night begging for you to come up with a thing? There's something about it. Yeah. It's fun to tell jokes, but the funniest people I know

are like guys who work at construction sites and you know, they're just funny. Yeah. And they're just like, yeah, I do my work and I'm funny and I go, yeah, I need your approval. Yeah, I don't want to be like that. What was your relationship like with your dad? Ooh. Well, there was a hole on the floor. But I mean, that's the spot I had. That with your dad? Ooh.

Well, there we go. I'm like, but I mean, that's my dad right there. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Mr. Lee. Yeah, yeah.

I was terrible. Yeah, you could always trace it. Really? Yeah, you could always trace it. Yeah, it was terrible. I was, you know, it's a great sticker by the way. Oh, you're welcome.

I was constantly on my tiptoes because he could go through a violent rage in an instant. So you had to be silly. No, I'd normally have to be silly. That's how I would, in school and out there, I would act out. Yeah. But at home, it was like that naked and afraid.

Yeah. Yeah, I give that. I show, like, I'm not gonna eat. You were all actually, I'm gonna eat. Oh like I'm not gonna eat you were all actually They were naked though. Asian households are making Yeah, cuz ours is like my mom was raised Irish Catholics. Yeah, very like you don't leave your room without pants and assured Like I got changed after I got showered. Yeah, like I get showered I had roommates that that never understood this. So you bring your clothes into the shower with you. And I never knew that was weird.

That's a very different variety of Catholic though, because Catholic Filipinos are naked. Really? Yeah, you either grow up with Naky mom or non-Naky mom and I was Naky mom. I was non-Naky mom. Mine was like, dude, when you get showered, you dry off and you're dressed. Yeah, wow. It was like, but she was a single mom and she dated, but I was terrified of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was very afraid of her. He had naked dad. I naked dad. That's why I get naked all the time. See, that's funny because when I would visit my dad, I only saw my dad sporadically from like six to 10 and then he died when I was 14. Oh, no.

But alcoholism, but he would, I was six to 10. How do you brush back? But do I use that? Oh, no. I know, do I use that? Oh, no. I know, do I use that? I know, do I use that?

I know, do I use that? Oh, no. I know, do I use that? I know, do I use that? Oh, no. I know, do I use that? I know, do I use that? I know. So what? It doesn't, what? What do you mean? It was a traumatic when he died. Yeah, from the aspect of it was traumatic because we never got a chance to make things right. That's what you mean.

Yeah, but like... Okay. Let's move on from your dad. But I've talked a lot about my dad, dad. He was super funny. So I think that's what inspired me to be funny. But when I used to stay with him, he lived with my grandma in San Francisco from when I was six to ten and we would sleep on a pull-out couch together. Like we'd split the bed in the pull-out couch. He would always

sleep naked. And everyone, like I told that to Big J and Big J was like, dude, that's not fucking normal. And I was like, but that I had a naked dad. Naked dad. My dad, my dad didn't wear underwear. Yeah. He just wear cord-roared shorts and just pull them up naked. I had. And it was big old dong. Yes. So mine was a little bit different.

So my dad was the opposite of Naked dad, but he went a little too far in his costume changes. But he would wear this thing called a galabia, where it was like kind of like a female mumu. OK. So he always walked around like this kind of like wizard around the house. What color was it white? Dark blue.

It was dark blue. It was all one glowing thing. Yeah, and he would always add my darling. Go grab my girl. It was like, it was like, oh, it's like Voldemort. Yes. Which never put it on. You like that?

That's exactly. Oh, that's sick. That's sick. Damn, that's sick. I would fucking. I would fuck with that, but dark blue. Sick, dude. That's sick, I would fucking... I would fuck with that, but dark blue. Yeah. I'd go dark green, because I love green.

Yeah, yeah. But then he, that's because he lived in Egypt for a long... So that, and that makes sense, because when you're dealing with heat near the equator, and you're in a Muslim country, yeah, you kind of have to be dressed, but you also... Why can't we start that? I'm with you. No, I'm being real. I will. It's a one piece. If you don have to be dressed, but you also need to. Why can't we start that? I'm with you.

No, I'm being real. I will. I have one piece. If you don't think, okay, I don't want to walk around my New York apartment with a giant, how do you say it again? You can just, some mumu. Mumu. What's it with? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't care. I'm working in Galabia for life. We're gonna Galabia, I'm gonna be your bros. I'm gonna be your bros.

I'm gonna be your bros. You podcast. You podcast. You gonna be your bros. Yeah, yeah. No one dies. Full fucking Galabia. Let's do this.

And. Can you figure out the correct answer? I wanna call it your galabie killing me. In 10 years. I'm gonna. You gotta be. In 10 years, I'm gonna, because in 10 years probably this will be done. done. Bad friends will be done, right?

Oh, it's a Jelebi. Jelebi. Oh, no, it's Jelebi. Jelebi. Yeah, it's a G-A-E-L-E. J. Different, very different, yeah, okay. It's a Jelebi.

Jelebi. Right. In 10 years, I'm gonna, these podcasts I'm doing right now will be dead. You want me to be done. The one I'm starting, you know what, October will be dead. In 10 me to be done? The one I'm starting in October will be dead. Intentious. Intentious. We're gonna start the Jellabia boys.

I would. I love that dude. Everyone will be there. I love it. Yeah, everyone. If you come on the podcast and you're a man, get that Jellabia all right. Is that a Jellabia? Yeah, and we'll have a pop-up.

I love it. I love it. I love it. We'll do it in a story. It's a good, skewer. I love there for 15 years. We'll get some good stuff. Would we have to change it?

No, no. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. My dad was a religious. He did. Yeah. But that seems like a one-push. I love slipping it on.

You know when it goes past your high knee. Yeah, yeah. But he was just a really fashionable guy, right? He was like, porous sunglasses. He always had like, like, tailored suits and he always had a Natasha case with him. Like, he was just very like Mafioso about it. But at home, he was like a wizard.

Yeah, he just wear that. But that's loungewear. That's all I wanted. That's leisure. Yeah, as leisurewear. Yeah, he had wear that. That's loungewear. That's all. That's leisurewear. Yeah, that's leisurewear. Yeah, he had a leisurewear. We do. When you take a shit, you have to,

I was, you have to do this move, right? I was wondering if you do a pee, do you go back to the little kid? All right. Yeah, you had to do that. Yeah, you had to do that. You had to do that. Yeah, yeah.

But other than that, I think it's a, and it was cheap, it seems cheap. Yeah. Born. But other than that, I think it's a cheap, it seems cheap. Yeah. Born. Always had. Did it, now would you like, for Father's Day would you buy him a new one? No, because he got them custom made.

Everything my dad wore was custom made. Growing up, I had custom made dresses. We had our own tailor and a piece of this. She lived in the Philippines. And a piece of this. I grew up with, my dad was very affluent. Like, he came from like, old European money. Do you speak Tagalog?

I speak Bessiah. Okay, that's the other one. Yes. I know that. That's the other one. When I worked in Alaska, I learned a lot about Filipinos. Yeah. Yeah.

You lived in Alaska too? I worked up there for a summer. Fishing. Yeah, I worked at a fish market. Wait, you were. Oh my god, I love you. I didn't do a deadliest catch. I did salmon and halibut during the summer.

Like working in Alaska for that summer, because I worked on the docks. I didn't like go out on the boat. I wasn't do it deadly as catch. I did salmon and halibut during the summer. Like working in Alaska for that summer, because I worked on the docks. I didn't like go out on the boat. I wasn't like a deck hand. I like worked with like, you know, fuel the ships and all that shit. And I'd fill the hopper with fish. But I weren't out there in the boat in the middle of the,

no, I worked at the cannery. I worked at the actual cannery. But it seems brutal though. The hours are like, you work 16 hours a day, seven days a week. And then like, what time do you have to wake up? You 7 30 you have to be there at eight. So I would wake up. It's like I would I'd work basically 8 a.m. to midnight and then I would drink from midnight to about 130 and then I'd go to bed around 2 a.m. to like I get five hours of sleep. How old are you?

19 Wow, wow, it was because I didn't want to live in Tucson for the summer. My aunt lived up in Soldatna. She worked at a hospital in Soldatna. And it was like, oh, you can work at the Docks in Kienai. So I worked up there and I lived in Kienai. And I was like, the Dock crew were all white dudes from like Seattle and local. And then all the processors were Filipino. So I would just hang out and smoke a weed with all the processors. And there, you know, I forgot all the Tagalog they taught me. But I, you know, obviously being white trash,alog they taught me, but obviously being white trash, I was like, what's the cuss words? The whole cuss words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the head processor of this guy, Aladine, loved me because I smoked cigarettes. So he'd always be like, cigarette, he only had four. Yep. He had 14 then, back and back. Are you sure his name was Aladine and not Aladdin?

It was, the way he told us to say it was Aladdin. If it was Aladdin, that's even cooler. It was spelled like Aladdin. But I remember one time I was lighting this thing up with the forklift and he's like, I was kept getting it wrong and he was mad. And finally, like, it's in front of a lot of people. He goes, you have girlfriend? I go, I go, no, I don't have a girlfriend. He goes, I know you keep missing. And everyone laughed, I was like, fuck you, Aladine. That was the team, team, team. I'm a little forked. Wow.

Yeah, that was the, that. That is like the first question every older Filipino asks. Because they're like, we're natural matchmakers. Yeah. We cannot look at someone and not know if they have a girlfriend or a partner. But you drink a whole bottle of Jose Cuervo every night. Wow. His eyes were jaundice. A lot of.

He's a good money. I mean, this is 2002, 2003. It was the summer of 2002. Yeah, I made like in three months, I made like $15 or $16,000. Oh my God. I have to tax it. That's so much for a 19 year old.

And I went to Tucson, I blew it. Oh, it was just. While he was doing that, I was in my second year Oh my God. That's so much for a 19 year old. And I went to Tucson, but I knew it. Oh. Oh, it's just real. While he was doing that, I was in my second year of Matt TV. Yeah. Yeah. Because I used to get close and watch Matt TV. You're like doing this and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was one of the worst jobs I had us do was I had to get rid of a tote, which is like a thousand pound big plastic thing that would fill a thousand pounds of fish. And the Aladdin was like, get rid of all the halibut heads. And I just had to throw it in a grinder for nine hours. And then you give me a break to smoke cigarettes. It looks like a really big like life with all these adventures. I've got to do some cool stuff.

Wow. That's why like a- That's such a crucial thing to learn when you're 19 though. Like just having shit. Oh, that you ain't shit. And the most like fish or butchering or any of that. Yeah, gross stuff is good. Yes, true.

It's also good to do that kind of work because you're like, that was what finally pushed me towards doing stand up. Because I was there and I was like, this sucks. Yeah. But I was making those guys laugh at lunch when we'd smoke neifers, we'd do knife hits of weed. And I'd get them laughing and I'd be like,

I think I'm gonna try and I'd be like, I think I'm gonna try and open my phone, and I go back to Tucson, and that's what I did. You know, when you said that, there's one thing that I lack in comedy, and it's a feeling, and the feeling is this, is because I used to, I never worked with fish, but I used to work at a restaurant.

Yeah, and work really hard, like you're slamming. Oh, I hated it. And then after the shift over, I used to sit by this kind of like, by the ocean, because I lived in San Diego. Yeah. And there was a sense of pride, almost like, God, you worked so hard to the day.

You relieved. Were you worked so hard, you're tired. You're tired, and you know, and also you're just kind of proud. I don't have that feeling. You don't feel that way, and you do like a long road run. Like I'm doing a crazy two weeks. Like I'm doing like, I'm here in LA up until Wednesday, and then I go do Irvine improv on Wednesday, then American Comedy Company, in San Diego, and then I'm back to do the store, but then I'm

doing Seattle, Calgary, and Edmonton. That's all within two weeks. I'm not, and then Katie's coming out next week, she's got some stuff in LA. So I'll see her, but like, when I get home on whenever, like the 27th, 28th, when I get home, I'll have that feeling. I'll have that feeling of like, fuck, that was a lot.

But I love this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love doing this. Maybe you're right. Cause I think, you know what it is? I think as comics were very self-deprecating, so it's easy for us to take away any small accomplishments, like being like, oh, you worked hard,

you don't realize you're working hard, cause it's fun shit. Yeah, yeah. But then you get back. I think that's what, I think that's what, I think you nailed it. I think because I was, I didn't want it way, take calls, and I was, there was also a sense of like,

I'm glad that's over with. Fuckin' A. Yeah, and I don't have that feeling, like I'm glad that's over with because it's like, I feel like what I do really is work. I don't do it as work really. I always thought it was funny that I waited tables in Midtown on like 50th and 3rd for five years. And I was waiting on a lot of like finance bros. And then there'd be a lot of times where we'd be filming where I'd be like,

it's crazy I'm playing one of the guys that I waited. Wow. Like all these guys that were like mean to me. Yeah. Like they were fucking mean to me. Because they wanted a cute waitress. They wanted someone to come up and be like, Hey guys.

Dude, I remember. I remember this girl Devon that we worked with. She was like this little girl. She had like big, like big cartoon eyes. Yeah. And she was like, hi guys. And just dinner shift, she like went up and she came back to the kitchen.

And she was like, table 364, they're drinking. I got them for Petron Margaritas. They're having a double guacamole. I was like, oh damn, I'm gonna make money on this table. And I walked up, I was like, here goes. I'm not trying to worry about it. I remember one of them goes, where's Devon? And I had to go back and transfer the table to him.

Wow, all you did? Yeah, because those are like, they don't want me. Yeah. You're just waiting tables sucks because you just see people at their hungriest. Yeah. So they're dicks. And the clientele seems weird.

But you're probably not having to, you're not to play them. I learned to become very xenophobic because in 2008, the market, the housing collapse, the day the housing collapse, the day that happened was the best day I've ever had waiting tables. Why? Because we worked in Midtown near Blackstone near Lehman Brothers. It's not on Wall Street. That was Midtown. And, and our restaurant was where they go to dude Usually, you know when you're a this is some real biz talk Yeah, you'll know it if you wait at tables, you know

I would close lunches so I could do stand-up at night Yeah, so I'd go in early and work till about 5 p.m. Then go home and go do spots. Wow, so I could do stand-up You don't make any money from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. You get tables that come in Tourists you get a couple people that maybe get a good lunch, dude, like 3.30pm, you gotta table in the cafe. Okay, you got another table in the cafe, okay. You got a third table in the cafe. All right, what's going on?

Well, they're all drinking, and then on the news, it's like collapse, like how the bubble burst. This is 2008. Wow. And to these guys were drinking like frat boys and they were like, use my card, use my, and they were using their business cards because all their businesses were failing.

Dude, there were guys, what like stock brokers in the fucking, our bathroom throwing up like frat kids. Wow. Like drinking so much tequila, they were throwing up like frat kid. Wow. Like drinking so much tequila they were throwing up because they just fucking lost everything. And would they tip? Oh my god dude, I think I walked with over 300 that day. Wow.

I was like this, I was like you fucking, market collapsed. I'm like, you're gonna lose it. But it sucked, it was like that job was like feast or famine. Wow. And I'm still friends with like a lot of people I worked with and you're just like, God that sucked. I always feel bad for waiters. I'm never like Feast or Famine. Wow. And I'm still friends with a lot of people I worked with and you're just like, God, that sucked. I always feel bad for waiters.

I'm never like a dick to a waiter. No, I always tip well. Yeah, you're like, yes. You just gotta suck. I even if they suck, I'll tip well. Yeah. Cause you're like, you don't know what's going on. I just hated it.

That was the worst job. Even Alaska was better than waiting tables cause there was respect in Alaska. You're a handsome guy, man. Okay, okay. Thank you for saying that. Thank in Alaska. You're ahead. Some guy, man. OK, OK, thank you for saying that. Yeah, thank you guys. There's something I have to say before this podcast ends

because I haven't gotten in out of my head. Uh-oh. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, are you grooming me? Are you kidding? I got grew up on Tiger Bells. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

I'd say it first. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let's, can we say it at the same time? An actorsee it. I know what it is. Don't wait. I'd say it first. No, okay. Well, let's can we say at the same time? Okay, yes, one two three Robert Patterson. Oh, I was thinking a little bit of Robert and honestly, I'll take both of those bad man Usually what I get is walking just in temporary. I swear I'll take I've never I've heard it rarely I've heard Robert Patterson more. I've heard it. I've heard Robert Patterson. More. I've heard more than Justin Timber.

Thank you. And the one that I hear the most, walking Phoenix without the cleft lip. I've heard that the most. That's what I mean. Maybe when I was younger. Right here, I swear to God it's identical. I think.

Do me, do me, do me. All right. One, two, three. One, two, three. Jason Mamoa. Jason Mamoa. I'm, I'm struggling. Uh Jason mama I'm trying to build you up Wow, I get that a lot That's the most

I get that a lot. That's crazy. That's the most. No, it's all out of my pocket. He doesn't do much. He doesn't do much. Yeah. Well, Jason, anyway, what do you want to plug? Danceorder.com live dates.

I got a pod. No, just do it. I don't look like this. It's this right here. It's this. I swear to you, there's something there. Is it a feel I'm most introvised? Yeah, no, I don't know nothing.

But even a little bit the nose, I'm telling you it's there. Damn. Damn. Yeah. Right here. Yes. Wow. Third of pap. Ha ha ha.

Third of pap. You have kids or no? No, we're not doing kids, dude. Ever. Oh, I love that. No kids. Yeah, my friends have kids. And you guys are both sure about it.

Yeah, we're. And I love it when I hear my sister say the same thing. She's just like absolutely not for me. I'm like, fuck, that's incredible. Katie and I have perfect ant and uncle energy. We're gonna be the ant and uncle that live in New York. Her brother just had a daughter,

a little baby Charlotte, she's a little cutie pie. We're gonna spoil the hell out of her. We're just gonna be funny, ants and uncles. You know, all my friends with kids come through. Yeah, my fear of that though, because I don't have any kids either, is that when you're 80, right, who's gonna be there? Nobody, buddy. But I'm gonna ask.

I know. And that's the best part. You think so? I don't have to forget about anybody if there's no one to forget. I know. I guess what? I'm gonna...

Visualize it though. You're in there, right I'm like, visualize it though. You're in there, right? And like, you see nurses. Great. I'm gonna grab ass or whatever. You can't cancel them, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I like, if I lose Katie, you know, I'll just, to the nurse, I used to be a little,

I used to have to slow down. That was for a good, Mr. Soder, I'm like, get over here. Yeah, look at this fat. You know, gang bags. More than three times. Yeah, yeah. But this idea of dying alone, I think is just in like the fear of us perpetuated.

Yeah, it's like really, like, you're not. It's gonna be just. What about you, but I know, but. Because there's people with kids, there's people with kids that like, they get old, and then it just causes the kids to fucking hate each other. Yeah.

They're like, well, you gotta take care of dad. Well, you gotta take care of dad. And then if you have money, I have money, where if I do well, right, in the rest of my career, and I've put away money, and I can put myself in a facility, you know, or Katie and I in a facility or whatever, and then I die, I'm gonna give my money

to my poorest friends kid. So that they're just like, oh shit, Uncle Dan left me fucking $4.5 million. Wow, I got to get it kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. I like that. I like that.

But what about this? There's no one, because I have a cousin Eddie, who's a male obviously, has the last name of Lee, my brother and I. And none of us have kids. So the Lee, we're the end of our family. So am I though, I'm the last soda. You know what?

It might need to die, the lineage. The Lee lift. But I get the, you know what? Too much damage, too much damage. Too much damage. You know, I know you're joking around. No, because I feel that way about myself. where I'm just like, I don't think that I should be creating spawn

because I think that it needs to die with me. There's been too much bullshit in my genetics and in my like trauma and everything. Yeah, my mom's family's fucking phenomenal. I would be a real mess if they were fucked up. They're fucking great. My mom's whole side, all my cousins, sweethearts. My mom's whole family is fucking great.

My dad's family is dead and dark. It is. He was a lot of addiction, a lot of like shit. And I recently got in touch with my cousin, who was my aunt's, obviously my dad's sister's daughter, who's 12 years older than me. We've never really had a relationship, but we've started having a relationship

and I've gotten back into her life and she's had a very fucking hard life. And that's been very rewarding, but the thought remains of, well, we don't need to continue this. Yeah, I do. Like, she's gone out, she has kids. But so I'd rather help them out

than worry about what it is. That's exactly how my role in my family is. But everyone has kids and I just sort of them. Like, I'm the, you know, outside provider. Yeah, the financier. Yeah. But my argument is this, okay, is, that's how we view ourselves and our family.

Yeah. But what I see is interesting people, unique people, people that are creative, people that are so interesting to me, they have levels, right? And then you see, there's people that aren creative, people that are so interesting to me, they have levels, right? And then you see, there's people that aren't that interesting in the deep somewhere, right? Having 20 kids, spreading that garbage, you know what I mean? So my counterargument, my counterargument to that would be,

we are the previous people you talked about, the artistic ones, the thoughtful people, the previous people you talked about, the artistic ones, the thoughtful people, the people that are making, made me doing well professionally. We're there to clean up that people's mess. We're there to like, they're going to go have six kids, they're overwhelmed, they're just trying to raise it. We can kind of come in and provide some help in a way that leaves our lives way less stressful so that we can keep providing. Also, the idea that you wanna have kids cause you don't wanna be alone at the end of your life.

It's not the reason to have. You know, there's two reasons, there's that. And also, you know, like because it's like my mom, right, she's super grateful that she had me. Yeah, right. With my mom. And she's just like, you know, I help her so much. Yeah, me too.

You know, I had to have a very honest conversation with my mom because my mom, I think, was really looking forward to being a grandmother. Yeah. And I had to call her and be like, hey, listen, you know, obviously this took years of therapy for me to have this phone call. Yeah.

But I called her and I was like, this is, we're not gonna have kids. This is just our decision. And she was very respectful of it. But I said, if you ever feel bad about it, just know this. I'm able to take care of you because I don't have kids.

If I have a kid, you have to go fill out an application at King's Supers. I mean, 75. I don't think you're on a begging group. But my point is is that we don't have, when we get to that age, people help taking care of us. That's why you gotta save your money. Oh, I'd say save your money.

Save the fuck up. I'm like James Brown some shit and just bury some cash in the water. But also that's a very like American fear because really all I need to do is go back home to the Philippines and there's gonna be a whole community there who's gonna watch me die and take care of me and build on me. Yeah, I don't have that. I don't have a village. I don't have a village either do I. Yeah, yeah, but

I'm gonna have kids, right? I I am but I'm just saying like I really respect the other side of it like it makes sense to me to like both sides make sense. Yeah, I'm fine. I And also when my friends have kids, I'm not against it. I'm like, fuck you, dude. Yeah, but he has two. Yeah, it's insane.

That's awesome. We're letting that bloodline. Yeah, it looks like a punk rock accountant. It's like you'll do your taxes. Yeah, and then tell you to fuck off. Yeah, you're great. You have good genes. By the way, yeah, it's a side.

That's way more. Yeah, that's way more. Okay, yeah, maybe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a side. That's way more. Yeah, that's way more. Okay, yeah, maybe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get it. I don't know. I got it a lot. I don't see that.

I was a waiter. I think that maybe a younger Joaquin. Maybe same nose. Maybe some young Joaquin. Maybe some young Joaquin. Yeah, do that. Bring them a moa and then get ready to look at this. Or then stay them back.

Look at that. Same. Same. Right there. That's it. That's it. Hold your head. Hold your head. You're fucking good, bro.

I'm not really body. Holy shit. Honestly, I think you're, I think that's it. Ooh. You thought I was fucking good. Do the hot. You thought I was fucking bullshit. Holy shit.

Yeah. Well, sweetie, let's make out. Bulls**t. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, sweetie, let's make out. Yeah, get back. Get the grandson to a round of applause. Thanks for having me, guys. You guys are a lot of fucking fun. Thanks for having me.

Sorry, I was early. دون دون راق بمبرى يوم بمكي عيطويت شكر لكي موكي سلمات في في تنبوك باري عيما قبل لولي دون راق باري ما دون دون راق بمبرى يوم بمكي عيطويت