TigerBelly - David So & Tim Chantarangsu, & The Hits

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

David has Yoda eyes. Tim doesn't need directions. Bobby gets Keanu's trainer. Khalyla gets a first-class sneeze. We talk big fans, el Pollo chino, average Asians, and no more heroes.  Buy your tickets for our TigerBelly Live: The Game Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You guys the greatest show on earth is what we did in LA a couple of months back. It was a tiger barely live It's so great, and we are coming to a city near you if you live in Dallas What's that Austin or Seattle? Those are great cities you guys Bobby Lee and Kalilah live, right? We're doing our game show live It's gonna be the greatest time of your lives. It's intimate. We're gonna love each other You're gonna love us Tell us hit the link below you guys honestly like not to toot our own horns

But this is quite possibly the most interactive most fun show you'll go to in a really long time So Dallas Austin Seattle. We're coming for you So go to tiger belly live calm and get your tickets now All my friends are people that I've known since high school basically the same year and the kind hasn't changed much Mm-hmm. Well, he checks a lot of boxes Right in the boxes Asian Asian Why the question mark Questioning it. Are you is David so cool? So is he cool? I'm okay. Yeah. No, that's not it

David why is your face so perfect right now? Yeah, it's kind of something so clean I'm annoyed that you even asked that no cuz I see him at the gym all the time and he does not appear this way Well, number one, I use lotion Okay, number two I showered Whenever you see me at the gym Completely undone just woke up went straight to the gym. That's not what I'm saying. First of all, that's not what she's saying No, it's it's almost as if honestly, can I say something like it's almost like you did like a full Korean skincare regimen I do

Just for one day So during the time so I stopped doing the skincare regimen for like two months And then my skin started slowly becoming like trash again, and then I re-uptown everything lady got me all done Right, so the wife is the one that gets me on the skincare regimen. And so it just I just keep my shit trashed Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, I know Romantic, you know what you look like you look like you went to Korea and got surgery done really. Yeah But it's also the Botox no Botox your skin is fucking pop culture pop pop pop Korean pop Pop your skin is pop culture pop. Yeah, and pop K pop pop pop pop, right? You did something and my wife something

I'm offended. Okay. Let me tell you good to see you. Good to see you My wife would be really happy right now Hearing all this because this is all her work. She did it cuz yeah, I've been trying for years What they say about like skincare regimen like once is too far gone. You can't reverse back. So it's just it's just what it is You're fine. No, you're Your face reminds me of like we could like, you know use you in like a movie. Oh for sure like the killing fields as With no makeup just like that's the guy, right? Hey Kim come out of the hut. It's on fire, right? No makeup and just say whatever you're me, but you you can't be in the killing fields. No, you're too pretty

You're too pretty. Nobody has ever called me pretty. That's what I had headshots today This is the only reason why I have this clothes on other than that So this fool I shoot with him all the time. He never gets dressed passive He never puts pants on this. Oh for Bobby Lee you put on fucking boots. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah Yeah, I noticed that how many times have I been on this podcast where I just was trash. None. Okay, you were the nice stuff You look where the night you look great do That's funny. What do you mean? That was a good attack. That was not an attack That's not sir. I haven't seen you long. Why are we starting like this come back? Because she brought up your face

And then I didn't like your position. Oh, you know what? It's because you're still in love with her and you didn't love her so much. I am in love with her I love her so much. That's why you don't like her comforting another Korean man. What? Don't be with another Korean we work out together too. That doesn't make me jealous. All right. All right. Yeah, because you you're beyond man now Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not you're not a male anymore dude What are you talking about? I'm just saying you're beyond it trans. No, you look not real Look David his style has changed. He's wearing a t-shirt. That's real. That's the real David You look sexy right now. What's going on chunky? I literally just had headshots this morning before I came here

No, no, no, and you had cologne on you don't ever smell good for me when we shoot dog. Yeah today. You smell nice You got layers on yeah, Tim get them. Yeah Handsome your skin is amazing. I don't like this Okay, so Tim are you jungle Asian like me? Yes, I'm Thai. See you know what I think I never said anything happening This is what's never said you only compliment the other Korean in the room I just said that this guy was like, you know movie star killing field I just called him a movie star. You called me the rough Danny Trey hole Dude that'd be great, you know you begin a Thai prison movie

Right, and you're like the leader. Yeah, I mean I'm down, but then you change you find God and you change Yeah, so you used to drill people in the book The first way the first two acts is him just drilling just you're they call them the driller Yeah, I drill but you know their age is a calm diller Coming they did look coming right Right, and then when you're pumping once you look out that you know the window Yeah, there's a little window and you see God Jesus floating. He's just flying with wings In this movie is gay, right because we want to be like

Inclusive words inclusive and we want to be you know, maybe just trans Jesus. Oh Let's make it real What's wrong? I'm watching you. Yeah, and then you have a spiritual awakening, right? And then you stop people from doing that then I'm not drilling anymore. Now. I'm making love. No Netflix series now it's 10 episodes. Oh, well, let's have an executive. Okay. What can we get a series? Okay, and then you start like making love to people or just one person everybody. Oh Oh, but people to get jealous. No, not so I people. Oh, right. It's all just love out there Yeah, you can speak tight, too. Yeah, and I'll put you in the movie, but just people they'll be like, who's this Hollywood guy?

Yeah, yeah, a K-pop star to play a fucking what is going on here? We're not okay with the vision It's a little bit like you've changed. It's literally one day just one day for headshots And his bulge is going crazy underneath the table right now. I have no bulges He never bulges around me and today that motherfuckers Cheesecake off my back at these Okay, wait, let's do a proper intro. Um, we've got my Hollywood friend here The next, you know, who's the next this next even you whoa, wow, he's canceled. So no

Give him a round of applause and You know this next guy I can't even believe you haven't done this podcast Continue No, I just didn't like you know When I was talking about you just now you looked at me like I was about to say something negative Well, no, I was gonna say that I also don't believe like what how come why has it been so long like yeah, George How come yeah George because you wake up at 1 p.m. That's why well I I also read like a couple YouTube comments years ago. They were like Bobby Lee hates Tim

And I was like did videos together at maker before right did like a sketch a long time ago Did you guys have to ever like compete for the same roles because that would be like the root of it You know, it's fucked up one time I sent an audition for something and then they sent me the script again for whatever reason But they sent 10 scripts and I was like what what was going on here and they had labeled Every actor that they had sent it to on accident and one of them was Bobby Lee. Well, that's it. I didn't get it neither I have a hard time pronouncing your last name. I'm gonna try all right. Oh, I'm Kim Chuang-su perfect almost that's perfect

Chanchang Chuang-su Chanchang Chuang-su Chanchang Chuang-su, what is this lexic? I really? Yeah For real yeah read something read that thing in front of you right now, which one? Okay, there you go And are you for real dyslexia? It's a stance fan. No naps are awesome Yes, I guess my name is Bobby E. Oh Oh, but Tim, I've always been Can you be Bobby E? That's really funny

That makes sense Why is never anyone ever thought of that before? That's so funny Yeah, Bob E. Oh Bobby E. Oh, okay. Yeah, but I wanted to comment and squash that I was like, does Bobby be happy? No, no First of all, what are you talking about? I don't know. I read what are you talking about? I read YouTube comments Yeah, I've never said that dude. He's yelling at you. I hate you right now for doing that Why? I love you, but my point is this is that why would I say that have I said that out loud? Never Bobby texted me last night. I think maybe I have a sentence privately

Yeah, all right, so um what I want to say is is that maybe there was a time where my god, it already sounds bad go ahead No, because I'm trying to figure out where that even might even happen. Yeah, you told me you hated him though Love this guy You texted me before I came here and you said the text by the text That's not true because I think the only reason why I would say that right If I said it at all, which I don't think I did. Okay. All right. You seem so unsure, dude It's freaking it was like one comment. Well, then it's crazy. I know I didn't I'm not gonna say what I'm about to say. No, no, say it

How about you say it? Yeah, you'll tell you the comment. I'll say it. Maybe I say it. Yes. All right If okay, let's suppose you said it was a hundred people. Okay. Okay. Hypothetically. All right Then my reason and my thought would be um Maybe there was a time where when I was on maker, right? And When I was on maker, I I couldn't get anyone to watch my shit. Oh, that's George, right? I mean you had all these guys like you and Kassim G all these people are doing well, you know, I mean and I just and I you know

I was this Hollywood guy was on a show Trying to do internet stuff and no one liked it and I got kind of driven out of maker Because this couldn't get a fan base there, right? And so and I knew that you were popular, right? So maybe at that time I said maybe just talking shit. No, I Think probably complimentary like I super talented but why Why the fuck you know, I mean, you know, can I get my shit going? You know when I was trying to think of why Bobby Lee Might hate me Even though I didn't really fully believe it. I was thinking the only sketch I ever put you in

Like I ended up priving it because I didn't even like it anymore. I was trying to find it It was no, no, it's it's gone. It was like it was like, um, who's the most Asian Asian? Oh, it was it was a during a time where I was like if I call this shit a stereotype if I call it out as a stereotype I'm not being stereotypical. I'm making fun of the stereotype, right? But looking back because it was shit like oh who can I don't know eat the most rice and who like shit like that I remember that yeah, so I look back and like now I'm like, uh, is this actually kind of just gassing up a stereotype I do I still find this funny Man never care about that. Yeah, I don't care about it

But you know, I was like, oh, did he think it was like some hacky bit? You know I'm saying so I don't think I don't think about that Yeah, well, I I just do what's in front of me and I do the best I can you know I didn't I just remember working with you. It was a pleasant day. You know, I we had a great day You put a whole foot in your mouth. I remember that Yeah It was like I forgot what I wrote in the actual script But it was like it was supposed to be massaging some girls foot and all I remember was a take where his whole foot It's girls mouth. Oh his foot. Yeah. Oh, wait. Is she okay? No wait. No wait. No her foot was in his mouth

You know, it's it's got things in it. We know that What are you saying John? I'm not even filming it. No. No. No. What are you saying John? I filmed it Yeah, it's so crazy that you know George was around that time, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's funny I you know, I've known these I met these guys and maker. So, you know maker wasn't I wash for me I you know, I got connected with people and stuff like that, but I would this podcast and I don't think my career would be as Going great without George You know, that's the first time I think I've heard you compliment him. Well, I kind of need him I need a lie. I need an ally. That's yeah

Yeah, I need you know, you you know, you I've had a tough month So you kind of you go who are the people I trust and who can I rely on and lean on and then you just kind of go All right. Well, that's gonna be my base. You have a big a big circle or small circle. I have a very small circle I that's what I realized in the last couple months is that you know people There's some people that I go. Oh, I didn't know that they love me that much and then you see some people are like I get it you guys never you never really you know, I think they just use you You know, I just think that on people Especially in this business. They they you know think of themselves first and they they have their own shit and they um

You know say names. I Would love to you always Yeah, yeah, I would love to um say names now No, because I don't want to start a war Let me tell you something People like you right Get me to start wars and then when the war starts you're nowhere to be found Okay, first of all, that's who the fuck you I let me just say yeah, how do you know my family?

My grandpa literally would like the Korean War happened. Yeah, I fled to an island and he just Really? That's a true story. You're that kind of true story. It's a part of my bloodline. It's crazy. It's your weasel your weasel My grandpa just fished on an offshore island. Yeah, and then he just saw a boat come by and they're like the war's over Oh, wow, and he was just fishing. Yeah, and then he came back. He's that girl. That's like, you know, Betty was talking shit Grandpa was a great man, you know kind of person. I am what during the Korean War I would be North and South Korean depending on who won the war like if the North one I know You're me. I'm from Bang Bang or whatever Bang Bang Island or whatever. I'm making a red-bread Island

You're not Korean are you? Yeah, like I'm that kind of weasel like I'm I think you're his grandpa Well, I think that's we're the same kind of we're in the same family. We don't even know. Yeah. Yeah. Are you a weasel? Oh No, I'm a coward. I'm not a weasel. Oh, you don't think you're a weasel. No, you're okay. You have a good ethics a hundred percent Yeah, yeah, how about you Tim? You weasel or you're a good guy, you know, I just mind my business I just stay out of it all. Yeah, I'm just I'm just here. He's so good You know, I want to ask you guys this question What would you do in this situation because I was on a plane? I was on a red-eye last night and two things happened first when I

When I got to my seat, there was this couple that I'm seated next to they're like good for you, sweetie You got upgraded as if I couldn't afford Yeah, good for you, sweetie. Welcome and they were trying to show me like how to put this the life flat Are you serious? Number one hella funny so funny, right? I'm like, oh, thank you. I just I'm spineless So I didn't say anything. Oh, you like a galogue or something immediately. I'm from bread bread island. Yeah, yeah, yeah And um and the second thing that happened was as he was eating his meal He sneezed really hard and sneezed all his food into one side of my head. What?

He wanted to fuck you so bad Yeah, that's that's that's how first class people flirt you would know if you've been there before And there was so much like it actually he knew it like the sound of it hitting my head It was like all over my hair and I was like this I was like, oh and I looked at him like is this real and he didn't apologize. He didn't say anything He just kept like rubbing his nose. Oh, was it cute? He was there with his wife. No, he didn't wait Oh, that sounds like some mainland chinese shit though It is

What what would you guys do in that situation would you because I didn't do anything it was a late night flight I was like, you know what just you know, I mean it really depends though, right like how tired am I? Do I really want to start some shit? I just trying to get home, you know, right? But if somebody does that type of stuff, that's really funny. So you just have to ham it up at that point Yeah, I was furiously texting from the pain like you can't when you won't believe what the fuck you're also a fucking giant If you socked him pretty sure she's fucking gigantic. Like when we when I saw her at the gym, yeah, right? I was intimidated. There was this girl. She was like stretching and doing her shit on like the jujitsu mat area That you're creeping on. Yeah. No, I thought it was a trans person

What's up, babe? And then our buddy nick was like dude, that's kalai. I'm like that dude ain't Talking about she had no makeup on to fucking scare the shit out Hey, man, that's that's my ex-girl Watch it man. Hey, whoa, buddy and all your ex-girlfriends. Yeah, I don't know, but you're not wrong because I think that like Well, number one, like I've put on like 15 pounds of like muscle. She gets buffed so fast I've seen her progress over the last like two months. Shout out to marlin getting buff is shit. We know what we're gonna do That's gonna get both. Oh

Secret. Oh, we keep it. You got weight loss challenge. No, no. He just said secret I'll say this. No, no. Bob is gonna be training with the team that trained kiana reese for john wick. Oh You're gonna do an action. Hey Oh my god, no, I'm gonna be ripped in hell. Yeah You're also gonna pull out your knees on the first day Hey, I don't like I don't like what you just did. Yeah, why'd you laugh at that? I didn't laugh. Yeah, I go I'm gonna get rid of you go There's exactly every expression

No, no, no, just watch see how it's playing play it back. No, no. Say it again. Say I'm gonna get ripped. This is what you did Say I'm gonna get ripped. Huh? You're me. So say I'm gonna get ripped. Okay. I'm gonna get ripped David, why'd you do that? Wait, wait, wait. Gilbert play it back No, no, no, I didn't that's excitement for you. Oh, that was like that was like the most Shocking thing, you know what I mean? It's like, okay. Can I just say something? It's like you me saying oh brad williams just joined the mba That's the same kind of absurdity. No, I was okay. I was very happy for you

See what I mean right there. It's the air. It's the air. You know what you can I be honest with you? Yeah, you have yoda's eyes There's something about your eyes that you have yoda's eyes. You know what this is the thing I don't understand Hey, yeah, yeah, you are the most cross-eyed person in this room. I'm gonna say That's what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You always say something about my eyes that one the third one That's not my eyes or eyes, dude. Bobby that looks like you in five years You're literally just one statue for empire's that right the empire's don't you fucking dare that version turn it off Okay, I'm gonna tell you what happened to me and you got a two asian guys, right?

Mm-hmm, right? You guys are Asians, right? Yeah. Yes. This so this happened. So I was in pigeon forge Louisiana what to find out where pigeon forge and where dollywood is okay? Oh What do you mean? I just like I would be interested in dollywood because I just got off the road with andrew we did two weeks You know what I mean? We did a bunch of cities. I'm pigeon forge, Tennessee It's we're in pigeon forge, Tennessee. Okay. Okay, and and we go to dollywood You know dollypartner has her own amusement park. Oh, did you know that country singer? She's one of the big tits Yeah, the big titties. Yeah. Have you guys know she had an icon? Did you know that she has an amusement park?

Yes, hurry by yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got rides and everything Okay, and they're some of them the eagle. It's like an a wood rival magic mountain. No, it's like that. Oh, yeah Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Really? Oh, yeah. They got some real. Yeah. They have some real rides there. What where I was scared Yeah, look at look look at the blue that you know that one. That's what they look like at dollywood That's that dollywood dude. That's like neverland stand. I know it's high level They don't have no rides that never let my yeah, but he had like giraffes Yeah, that's not a fucking ride. Yeah, but that's in the level of how baller you are. Yeah. Yeah exotic animals Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, the only ride I'm not rich. I don't know these things the only ride is a private little room

And you get bitten in the fucking thigh if you're eight years old. I knew that's the only ride they have innocently bitten eight years old Did he have a monkey? right Your way ahead of us. We can't even think as fast as you so pigeon forge. I'm in pigeon forge Okay, so we go to dollywood and I can I also say this is um Um, you know 12 years ago if I went to they wouldn't even let me in dollywood 12 years ago, right racism I don't know. I just felt like, you know back then

I was just like, oh, nobody knows me out here But when I went to dolly, I was like, oh shit like my podcast reaches so many people. I mean so many people It's it was actually it made me feel like oh, okay. This is great. So I'm in a good mood. Right? Restaurant called the Alamo. All right. I remember that Oh, you be the oh the event remember the Alamo. Oh, I remember the event. Yeah. Yeah Very good. I you know what? Dude, you're clever dude And you're a fast mind. He's fast man. I like you dude real good. Can I move on? man move on

Without your little interjections All right crafty. I want to just run some more bits by I know let me fucking get this out Dude Bobby eel is mad. All right. So, um I was with McCone. I'm Jesse Johnson and I was with Carlos Herrera And the hostess looks up at me She's probably a 55 year old woman She does a little smirk and then she goes

Harold. Oh, no What come on I look at McCone, right who's this kid videographer that we have and he blushes And I'm like I was shell shocked Because I haven't witnessed that since the 80s right like a blatant, you know, man And then we sit down and then often the waiter comes up. I'm a big fan of you from mad tv Some people this and that right and then I see harrow lady, right people going back. Oh, Bobby leaves here

This is it and I could see her kind of just shuffling things around like maybe I fucked up. Uh-huh, but it was such a bold What what are you looking at? Nothing, I'm imagining no no no no no honestly. I think you feel I you're a little bdi Your little Yoda eyes. I know I know what Yoda did on Dagobah. All right Hey, right and he would do this little bdi On Dagobah, you know, whatever it was a swamp the swamp soup, right? You're reading too much into things your storytelling is so good. I'm picturing everything right now So I'm picturing everything you are

Yes This guy is fucking crafty. I shut the fuck up I like you, but shut the fuck up. All right. Oh, you're fucking about them. Tell me what happened with the lady My point is is that what would you do if that happened? I mean if they're old I'm not saying old people get a pass, but what am I gonna do is sock an old lady in the face You know what I mean? Hey come here for a second You know knock her out. What's the point? Was she like laugh? Was she laughing?

Is she like was she like I made a clever joke was she number one? She doesn't use the internet number two. She's old as shit and she lives in Tennessee. What's the point? And that's why I didn't say anything. Yeah, I said two and but how on a scale of one to ten Like how offended were you really because you called me and you were like laughing Okay, and you loved it You're gonna get somebody heros at rest. I know hero. Hi Rob. I do like it because it's old school It's like yeah, it's like when you're you know at a mall you listen to earth, wind and fire Yeah

So in that way it was cool because it was a classic, right Also because you know when I I'm older than you guys So I I knew a day when that was just standard every day, you know, I mean microaggressions Yeah, yeah, and then all of a sudden the culture got stopped and you know, I mean you guys started rising and no more heros Right, it still happens. Obviously you depending like you've you've experienced racism. Yes Where I was at a college show in upstate new york and we had finished the show I forget what even college it was and I was walking back with a couple just like the girls that put on the show They were walking back to my uh my my room and there's some drunk fat boys whites were

Stumbling back and they saw me with these two Asian girls and the guy goes Hey guys, the great wall is that way? And I was so like I didn't even know what I was because I that was probably one of my first times just dealing with it like that Yeah, and I just I didn't know what to say. I was like, it's a classic. It's like the eagles With that came on hotel, california Oh Wow, so what'd you do I just um, I just kind of like what the fuck and then they stumbled off and we Well, that's what happens a lot and we had a threesome and that was my night

But you know when stuff like that happens everybody is braver in their mind than what they actually do Yeah, because you just you can't process it in the moment. I'm not sure have you guys ever done this where Somebody has something said something so offensive to you and then you kind of don't know what's going on And then you're in the car, then you just go Plenty of times I've done that years later You're laying in bed and you were and you'll fuck you man Out loud and you're you're me whoever's next year's Oh, what's wrong? What's going on? Exactly. So everybody's always brave in their story first, right?

And there hasn't been times where I have said something but most of the time I'm just trying to process it because it doesn't happen every day It happens every day, then you can prep yourself for it, right? But somebody goes the great walls that way you just go All right, okay. Yeah, and I wake up in the middle. I'm like the great wall All you all you mom's a slut Well, let's just try to think of a Fast I like let's find a retort for that right now In fact, let's write a book

On all our retorts from racist shit from asian race because I can't think of it at the time because you your emotion plays into it Rage and whatever it might be. So but there's so many variations. Great wall is that way. What do we say? Well, then I go, oh, I know No, yeah, you just play it. You play it. You play it to play into it. You have to you go. Oh, I know What else? Oh, I have a chopstick. Oh, no. Oh, you go. Where am I rickshaw? Yeah We go now. We go now. You know, it then you're playing into it But then when they start laughing you just you say you your mom's house was that way I just left from having sex with her

So let's okay, so let's go. Let's go. Let's play that I need to see it live. I want to see it live, right? So, okay. Hey, hey, the great walls that way. Oh, yeah. Well your mom's house is that way. We just had sex Whoa, that bird. We rough sex rough worse. You go go crazy here In the anus. Yeah, raw raw and I ejaculated inside her. All right Well, that guy took it too far. Wow. Yeah. All right. So, um, how about the herro? How about the herro? Let's go back to herro. Yeah, it's a simple one. So herro So I go Herro, how you doing?

Yeah, yeah, you're right. So go let's see if that works. Go herro. Herro, howdy I don't know why I don't know it's too much I don't know if she would understand. Yeah, we don't understand this. All right. Hello. Hello. Um, goodbye Oh, yeah, you say goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. And they leave but I feel I feel this way too A lot of people would do that to you guys mainly because you guys are smaller like the bigger the person is No, no, no, okay. I'm just saying bad things all the time today. No, no, no, explain my thought replay the clip earlier Have you noticed the tall

Asian Our elitists. Uh, yeah, they make fun of the average size guys. Nice skin tall motherfucking asian Yeah, yeah, the shit yoda eyes yoda eyes. Yeah I don't I'd be mom. No I should call back from whichever pocket Because right at your point finish your point. Okay. What I'm saying is What I'm saying is that people will always try to pick on somebody who physically looked like they could just bully You know, they could bully me way easier than you two. It's interesting. I'm just taller

I you know, I you know, I tend to believe you I really do because if I bet you y'all mings never gotten anything racist. Yeah, he's so tall I know you I mean even if you walked into Clan rally They'd be like, oh, hey man, don't say nothing He'll kill everybody here Well, I think he might get hit with the hero because I don't know if she necessarily meant any ill Like, you know, she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. Right. He wouldn't hear it. He's he's so far

Or he would hear an echo of the hero Hero hero hero hero hero Yeah, it's just wrong. Yeah. Yeah a residual hero. Did you ever wish that you were taller when you were younger? Yeah, very much. So thank you. Did you try to do anything to make yourself? No, because I have common sense I looked at my parents. I go I'm fucked Like when your parents are five one five one because your parents could have been like malnourished and maybe didn't I've seen the whole family. Kalilah They're oh, not that's not true. That's not true. Yeah, some of my cousins are a little taller

This is why you always date girls who are like five eight and up. That's why I've never dated a girl shorter than me ever ever Damn, that's some short king shit, dude short king shit. Let's go Yeah, because You got him too happy dog. I'll hop it. Yeah No, because I because I knew that I needed a breeze with somebody taller But but let me say something though. Yeah, but in now in retrospect, I think I've changed because I like the fact that who I am. I like that. I'm small. I like the way I like There's that new york times article that says we're supposed to be breeding with people shorter

Why live longer better for the environment better for the environment like they're like inherent conservationists because of less food less waste less everything less That's far less parts just generally just less impact on the world like smaller people don't they live longer? Yeah, but was the person who wrote this article really short That's what I was saying. You know what I mean? Well, I have a thing too where my theory is that like tall guys are just kind of automatically lame her Because they will automatically get attention as soon as they walk into the room and short guys We got we got to be funnier. We got to be like we got to bring the attention back down

We got to like smell good and shit, you know, that's why you never smell good around me until today Okay, let me tell you something I love what's going on here Tim, I was 300 pounds four years ago. All right, and I had trash skin and you know Whenever we're outside, who did the fans come? Oh, I know about the trash skin. What you trying to say? I'm saying that fans always come up to you All the fucking time and every time it's a guy fan. That's 400 pounds. They come up to me So you know the type of people who approach you versus me

Just off looks alone I never get approached. It's always a guy. Hey, man. I'm a big fan You know, I was like, I know you're a big fan. You inspire all these dudes to lose weight because you lost all that way But it's not working because they're huge So that's what fat people. I like your fat people voice. That was my voice before Hey, hey guys, I'm a big I'm a big fan Yeah, does that sound fat? Yes, but if somebody called you and said hi, I'm calling from AT&T

Do I sound fat? He sounds like he's gonna kill himself Okay, okay. Yeah, but my big fans are always the coolest though Because they remind me of myself Nice save You don't seem short to me because you're well proportioned I I heard on camera. Like if I see like when I when I when you came into the house just now Yeah, I was shocked how little you were that's what people, you know, because I also have a very massive head And shoulders so it looks like yeah, like I would be taller people are always kind of a little thrown off

um When I first Cory Holcomb first time you saw me. He said uh, you got a head like you're 10 feet tall You have a big head. Yeah, I have a very big head. Yeah, especially Are there agents with small heads though? No The ones that have the smallest heads are usually the ones that get complimented the most because you know in korean The compliment is like your face is really small. That's the compliment. Oh my god That's like the korean compliment to get if somebody comes up to you and they're korean

They go, wow, you have a small face. That's like the highest level of beauty Um, you can get yeah, but movie stars all have big heads the guys do but the girl No, but the ones that are the most popular tiny little fucking heads. You mean movie stars Musicians or movie stars. Give me one a tiny head Actor anybody who was a musician before that became an actor ice cube. No korean korean. Oh Just hollywood in general. I mean in hollywood. Oh, yeah, this is different here. That's different. Yeah talking about like korea. Oh Oh, yeah, korea is one of those towns town Towns korea is a place where I don't ever want to visit because

I'm not kidding you no one knows who I am there Do you think that if you were born and raised there you would have been a comic still? I think I would have ended up like on one of those like Five variety shows like oh And just running with the outfit and just running across the stage, but I don't think I would have been like a huge act What about you guys like if you had stayed if you if you were born raised in thailand You were born raised korea. Like what do you think same trajectory stand-up comedy in korea? It was almost non-existent until the last few years

So our stuff is variety shows right a lot of like charlie chaplin type of shit And that's our comedy this it's it's really witty really quick and really fast I think uh danny cho started doing stand-up comedy over there and he started really putting the wave out there It was really dope. Yeah, I love watching his photos. I'm like it's like he has a crew of people now Oh, you know that fool used to hate me because y'all got similar sounding names and looks exactly no straight up I think that's what it was. I've always wanted to ask him. Why like what did I do? And I think it's because when I first came to la I looked exactly like him He's like same glasses same everything. Yeah. Yeah, and I was just the younger person that looked look that was me

Yeah Like straight up it's the same look and like the weird thing is it's like Like when I when I you know danny is right? Yeah, he's fucking hilarious pongo Oh So put johnny gone and pongo. Oh, that's right on your sketches. Yeah, I'm at tv. You know who's pongo Well, I only knew that recently because I saw those sketches again. Yeah That looks like david Oh my god, that's crazy

Yeah, he's he has he's not a mad tv wiki dude. Oh, wow fucking pongo dude. Dang Dude when I most racist are they the most racist sketches you've ever seen? Okay. Yeah, hilarious though, huh? Look, wow, let's see. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We look so similar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You know, you're a job of the hut, right? You know what I'm saying, man The reason why I did that was because they were already writing me like Japanese businessman number two Right like asian shit. So I go, you know what? I'm going to go the opposite direction

I'm going to go real racial. Yeah, I'm going to go real fucked up asians You know what the cartoonie on my fucked up asian character that you did that had me and my brother crying laughing Blind kung fu master. Oh, it's so fucked up a race. I'm so sorry That character. Oh, I'm so sorry. You have no idea how many times I pissed my pants laughing watching that shit It's uncomfortable. No, no, no, it's not It's so It's like the most like aggrandized exaggerated shit ever Classic

So good No audio and it's hilarious Charlie chaplain shit right here. Yeah You can hear the audio if you put headphones on like Ike bernholz like bernholz, man. That's so funny One with the ears. To your eyes, Matt. You're so stupid! You're so stupid.

Oh, yeah. I laughed so much at that character. It was so stupid and funny. I loved it. It took five hours of Prostherex. Damn! It was worth it. For real?

Just the head and the eye. It was a whole fucking thing. And also, I only used one white eye because the other one wouldn't fit. I think I have one socket that's like weird. That's hella funny. That's so good. If nobody has ever seen,

these views are gonna just burst now because there's so fucking ridiculous. I did a lot of ridiculous things, but at the time though, what else do you do? You sit there and they go, this is what we're gonna do. You do the best you can with what they have. Do you look back now and you're like, I wish I would have said no to some of this shit?

No, because I, you know, I have to say that I, I think that I was good. Yeah, man. I think I was good on that show and I think that- You weren't good. It was groundbreaking shit, dawg. You were fucking amazing.

And I can't believe that they allowed me to do, because at the end of the day, although it is, seems racist and behind the times and whatnot, it did showcase my humor and my ability to do things. And that's all I wanted. I think we kind of say the word racist too easy now. Like I didn't know when we say it in jest or whatever, right? Like you're Asian, you know what I mean?

So what's the problem? Oh, what's the problem? You know what I mean? You're making fun of, I still feel like, you know, you're making fun of the stereotype. So it's not like- Exactly.

Yeah, it's like when Deborah Wilson played Whitney. Houston. Yeah, Whitney Houston, right? And, you know, or Aria Spears would play another black character, right? It's just like you're just, these are real people we're portraying. You know what I mean?

But, you know, I wish, I'm not a good impression. Does that work now? If you release that video, we just watched. Now, you think- No. I still think it's funny. Yeah, I think so. Because the joke isn't the fact that you're Asian.

The joke is that the Kung Fu master is supposed to be the wisest person in the room. And you're a blind idiot. That's why it's funny. That's the joke. It's not the Asian-ness that's funny. It's the fact that you're over here drinking a cup of poison.

That's just sitting at the bar. That's like, what the fuck? But also, they would never write that now. Like, you look at, you know, what's the kid from SNL? I like him, but- Which one? Bowen?

Bowen. Bowen Yang, right? He would never do anything remotely like Johnny Khan or Blind Kung Fu Master. But he does play embellished, like, gay flamboyant characters. Yeah, they were- Yeah, yeah.

It's the same. Same kind of thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know everybody's getting canceled nowadays. You also did the average Asian. I love the average Asian skits. Oh, that was pretty cool, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because those also, like, those would, like,

flip the stereotype, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, this is not up. I don't want my dick stuck to it. No, he gets uncomfortable. I hate it, man. It's soft. Without you.

No. Can I say this though? Can I say this, then? Let's fucking turn the table, right? Well, that's sort of the, you know what I mean? You got it. Oh, I could run. I'll tell you something.

We're running, Papa. All right, Papa, I'll tell you something right now, right? You know, I was lost until you guys lit a fucking torch in the forest, and I could see again. Aw, please. Because I caught the worst fire. You didn't even like me.

They came out. I didn't like you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See that? But you guys did so, like, people like you guys, not you guys specifically. Yeah, all right. In fact, not you guys.

I don't know. Not you guys at all, actually. Not you guys at all, actually. But no, but you guys. You're pretty past this. You guys, because, you know, when Hollywood wasn't fucking with me, I'm like, how do I survive, right?

And you guys, you mean, showed me the way. You mean, your generation. So it's like, I'm grateful as well. Nice try, dude. Nice try. Yeah, that was trash. Nice try, man. You feel uncomfortable?

I was crawling, and now you're walking. What was the phrase again? No, he broke boards in half. Oh, we can hi-yah. Yeah. That was it. We've never, you know, there's never been an all Asian real sketch show, though, huh?

No. No. I don't think I would want it. Do you want that, though? I just wanted to see one episode to see what it would look like. We can do that. Before it gets canceled.

Yeah. No, I want to see what we could come up with, or, you know, what the angles would be, because, and we wouldn't rely on, you know, stereotypical stuff like, but I just want to, I just curious about it. I'd like to see it. Would you ever want to see it?

Yeah, I mean, I'd be down for that. No. He hates his own people, that's- No, I love my people, dude. But I mean, you keep the cast small. Like us three, and maybe two girls, and that's it. I'm not saying that I would hate it. I'm saying, like, I don't think we need it.

No, we don't need it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it'd be kind of cool. Yeah. But I think we do need it. Okay, we need it. I'll tell you why, because it's,

I'll tell you why in America, because, you know, it's not something that you see, right? And it's a skill set, sketch comedy for Asians. It's not a skill set that you've seen on prime time, right? I see what you're saying. Yeah, I think that, you know, if you did put one and put it on its feet, and it was on its shower, and that works, that it would,

I think people would be wowed by it. Yeah, I agree. I think- And show our skill set. Maybe that, those waitresses in Tennessee will watch that show and be like, oh, it's not herro every sketch. Yeah.

Oh, this is not accurate. You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Herro is pretty accurate, though. Herro is. It is actually kind of accurate. It's just how you do it. That's just a little, you know.

Who's Johnny Yoon's opening line? Who's Johnny Yoon? Excuse me? Excuse me? Who's Johnny Yoon? Well, yeah, who's Johnny Yoon? Duh. No.

Tim, who's Johnny Yoon? I don't even want to disrespect you by explaining to this person. No, honestly, Tim, who's Johnny Yoon? It is a character. Or person. Or person. That you portrayed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. I think Johnny Yoon's a real person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, can I just say, shame on you guys. But I know who Bobby Lee is. No, that's not all that. That's all that.

I want to say this, right? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you. Oh, Johnny, you were saying it funny. Yeah, why did you say Johnny Yoon? That's how you said it. That's how you said it.

Did I know who that is? Stand up. He is a famous pastor. He's a Korean pastor. Yeah. Bro, he looks like. He is a famous Korean pastor. Well, there used to be a movie called They Call Me Bruce.

Okay, I've. Have you heard of it? Yes. Bruce Almighty, yes. No, no, no. So anyway, Johnny Yoon, just a history lesson. Yes. Was a comedy for a comic.

And he was around in the late 70s, in the 80s, right? And Johnny Yoon. We should know this. Did a movie called They Call Me Bruce. That might me and my family saw in the movie theater. Oh, oh. Right, so they gave him a real movie. A couple of them, I think.

And they call him They Call Me Bruce. And it's him not being like, it's sort of like the blind kung fu master. He's not Bruce. Yeah. You know what I mean? And. Were they good?

Did your parents enjoy it? No one laughed. Okay. In the theater, I remember no one laughing, but I remember watching it going, there's someone that looks like me that's in a movie. And I just never saw that before. And also people are speaking English.

You know what's interesting? I was talking to my older cousin. And I don't like it whether you shift it, but I'm gonna go back to Johnny Yoon, but go ahead and listen to your story. There is a generational gap between how important representation is to people in your generation, versus I feel like our little weird area.

No, I disagree. Really? Yeah, I think it was super important for me going up. Oh yeah, I wanna talk about this right now, but let me just finish the, and then we can talk about this. Better finish this fucking point, dog. Anyway, Johnny Yoon was, what the fuck is,

oh yeah, yeah, a chopstick comedy. Yeah, it's a chopstick comedy, right? So anyway, as a standup, his opening line was he would walk up in a tuxedo at the comedy store in the main room. And he wouldn't say something for maybe a minute. And he would look at the audience and go, hurrah.

And he would get a two-minute applause break. Dude, the bar was so low, but it was so low. But anyway, that's what Johnny, you should do, go ahead, finish. Yeah, and so what I mean by that is not to say that representation isn't important in our generation, but in your generation, there was a lot of self-hating Asians where,

whoa, whoa, what do you mean? Like, you didn't want your Asian-ness, because you were made fun of it. For ours, K-pop is cool, and all this other stuff, and you didn't have that in your generation. So when I talked to my older cousin, he goes, I remember when I didn't want to speak Korean, or I didn't want to learn the language,

or I didn't want to talk about the foods that I eat. But now that we have social media and stuff, we're like, there's always like a white person like, oh, look at this, a weird fruit. You know? In an Asian voice? Yes. Really?

I don't know, it's like, I don't know. It was supposed to be German, but it came out weird. All I know is Asian. I'm a Sherman, I don't know. I mean, I- Look at this, a weird fruit. Yeah, it's a Vasaphuzen. Yeah, how do you like that, whitey?

It's a Vasaphuzen. What was your point, Tim? Oh, my point was, to go off kind of your point, it was important for me to see Asian representation growing up, and it's part of the reason why I even got into entertainment in general, because I remember watching The Fresh Prince, my favorite show growing up, never seeing any Asian dudes,

except for Dante Bosco in a couple of episodes, and seeing my first Asian guy on that show was a nerd in the group of nerds, and he was like, you know, hey, Carl Tay and that prom, they had like a little nerdy tux on it, he was like, hey, Carl Tay, nice tux, and I remember even as a little kid being like,

oh, this is the first time I've seen an Asian guy on one of my favorite shows, and like, I know this doesn't represent me, but how is it for, I don't know, Alice in Tennessee working at the fucking Alamo, who's never seen Asians at all, she's like, oh, they must be all little nerds like this, you know what I'm saying,

because she's not exposed to it. That's a big reason why I was like, let me get out there and try and- Yeah, you were a hella deep as like a five-year-old. But in the late 90s, when I came to LA, I had, because what changes first are commercials. Ad agencies change first, and then Hollywood follows, right? So I remember like going into commercial auditions,

and sometimes they were like, we want to see Bobby first. Really? Yeah, and it was like, why? And they would do it, and I would like always- Because they were all commercials for IBM and computers. No, I did El Pollo Loco, I did- Oh, that's right. I did fucking Maxwell House.

That's right. You did El Pollo Loco. Wait, what were you in El Pollo Loco again? I had to- I list my favorite story. Oh, please, I gotta know this. It's one of those, okay, the commercial is basically, you know, I'm sitting on a park bench,

there's a cop in a car, right? It's just like kind of main street, you know what I mean? America. And then somebody starts doing the chicken dance, and then a cop comes out, he starts doing the chicken dance, and I'm doing the chicken dance, I'm sitting on the bench, right? And everyone's like in the street doing a chicken dance.

It's El Pollo Loco. The problem was at the time I was living in Silver Lake, and around me were all these MS-13 families, right? So I would go outside, and these Latina go, hey, dude, the fucking chicken guy, and they would fucking do the fucking chicken. Hey, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh. Hey, Cheeto, hey, Cheeto,

you're the fucking chicken boy. But not in a cool way, like I saw on my TV. El Pollo Cheeto, bruh. Yeah, they were making fun of me. But like, I remember one was a Maxwell House commercial, and I remember the breakdown said, we're looking for a Brad Pitt looking guy wearing a lumberjack kind of outfit at a log cabin,

chopping wood in the morning and drinking coffee, right? And I go, and my agent was Korean. My agent was Korean, he's like, Lawrence? Lawrence, yeah, and Lawrence was like, yeah, dude, this is gonna be a long shot. But they want to see you for this, and I go, so I show up, and it's all white dudes with white hair. I'm young too, I'm like, maybe my late 20s,

and I remember looking in the room going, I'm gonna get this. What? Because I just knew that there was something going on, me being called in, and I could sense, like when I would talk to the ad agencies and people, and they were like, okay, I think this is, you know what I mean?

I think we like this guy, right? And I could sense it, and then a couple years later, then you'd see Asians getting on TV and this and that, but they always see it first, and I was always like, I mean, I survived. That's how I met Eric Stone Street, because Stone Street and I would meet at a commercial audition, he was a machine.

Not only do they like Asians, they're like fat white dudes, too. I see a lot of those. I'm low-key inspired, because sometimes I'll read what the audition is looking for. I'm like, this ain't for me. No, you changed their minds, Tim. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

You changed their minds. You're right. And you do what you would do in that role. And a lot of times, you surprise them, right? And they go, oh no, this guy just surprised me, and I can no longer think of anyone else but him. Yeah, for the role. Oh, OK.

All right. What, do you guys say no? I don't say no, but sometimes when I feel like, do I have time for this? I'm like, let me not even do it. What do you do? Is this the output? No, I can't find that one, but have you seen?

This is the volume if you want headphones. Is it IBM one? Yeah. There's no money. No money. That's you? Yeah. I remember this.

That's Eric Stone Street. Oh, shit. I'm going to help desk. Help desk. You look like just chicken little. Adorable. $350,000, right? Something cool.

No, that wasn't that one. I did another one that was $350,000. That's great. Commercial money is popping. Wow. Not anymore, though. Not anymore. No?

No, you can't do that anymore. Why? Because of the internet. Because of the internet, yeah. Back then, it's like, if you got a network national commercial, you were like, oh, I have to work this year. Right. It was incredible.

It's not like that anymore? No. We don't book commercials, though. I thought it was still popping. I don't book anything. They're very different. Very different. Well, you don't go out for commercials?

I don't really go out for auditions anymore, depending. Why? I just don't care for it right now. Oh, you gave up. Wow. No, I want to know why. Different season right now. Yeah, you know what?

I know we talked about this the last time I saw you. Oh, explain. It's not going to make sense to you, because I think that you know what? I think this is going to help me. I think your dreams of your ideas of success are different. Like, you want, like, I, because similar to David,

like, I have this thing where it's like, I want to make, like, quiet money. Yeah. And I want to do things without quiet money. I kind of, like, there is something very taxing about being, like, camera-facing all the time. There is something very, like, soul-wrenching about that experience.

And I've never even done, like, you know, a hundredth of what you've done. But so, yeah. It's a weird place, because I'm a beggar, right? And beggars can't be choosers. So, like, I completely understand this. So when these roles do come in, like, I'll just be, I'll pick and choose the ones that I really, really care about.

Right? Which is why I haven't booked anything. Because, clearly, I'm not in the run-up for any of this stuff. But at least I get to audition for the things that I enjoy. You've been trying to care? Oh, yeah. So it's like, you know, and this is the season that I'm in.

I mean, I might change later, but I kind of, I like being as in the lowest rung of celebrity as possible. Because you get to just not exist for a majority of the time. You know, you get to be who you are, say what you want. And if people say, hey, I'm going to take this away from you, I'm like, I don't care. I'm a nobody. Who the fuck cares?

But also it's like, if you were to ever hit or actually reach your dream, the likelihood of you being canceled in that same week for anybody is 99.9%. And look, let's just say this, right? Let's just say, by God's grace, I booked something and it makes me millions, right? And they find something out about me, like, I don't know, I shit on somebody's fucking child.

And they go, you know what? You're canceled. I'm like, I don't care. I made my money. I'm still going to do the stuff on YouTube and whatever else. Your perception of me is completely fine. It's valid. Because what I put out there is what I put out there, right?

This is an interesting thing you're saying. I've had to rework in my mind, you know what I mean? Why I've been so depressed, OK? And I think it's because I'm trying to hold on to things, right? I'm afraid of losing things. And that's where the fear comes from. But if I have no attachment to those things, I would be free.

And I'm trying to live in a world where it's like, I'm fine doing what I'm doing at the moment, which is my love's this, bad friends, and touring and stuff, right? And they can never take those things away, right? It's when my mind goes, you know, when I see on Instagram, oh, you know, my friends are killing into movies. They're giving me why?

Why not me and this and that? And that's where all my depression and my anxieties and my low self-esteem derive from. But if I let go of those things, right, then I'm living, you know what I mean, a free life. What do you have to do, you think, to let go? I think I'm getting there. But do you think you can will yourself to let go?

Because a dream is a dream is a dream. You've had these dreams since you were younger. I think because of the fact that it really doesn't do much, even financially for me, you know, being a guest star on a TV show or, you know, me and Andrew have been on tour. And we go to these cities like in the deep south. And there's thousands of people coming out, right?

And they love me. And I love them. And that's all I wanted anyway, you know what I mean, is to go, I'm talented. I have something to share with people. And now white people, you know what I mean, from areas of the country that I never thought would get me, get me.

And I get them. And it's been a really cool experience, man. And I was gonna say, does that still feel like it's not enough? You still feel like you need to go for more? I think that's enough. And if I can live in a world where that's enough, then I'm untouchable, you know?

My fears come from and my depression and my anxiety and my sadness comes from losing these things that I don't even have yet. Like, oh, now I can't, you know what I mean, be in a huge movie with these people, who gives a fuck? You know, it's like, if I can just let go of that, I'm a free man. And I'm working that in my life right now.

Yeah, man, I mean, look, I'm kind of in, I was gonna say, Is it too real? I'm sorry, I know where it's going. No, well, I was gonna say, there's like a Taoist principle that says all, or Buddhist, one of those, says all suffering comes from desire, something like that, right? Where it's like, if you just kind of realize

that you're good with what you got, then you won't be sad about shit, you know what I'm saying? I'm a little different from David in terms of like, I still definitely have a lot of shit that I wanna do. I still definitely have like, I wanna do that fucking big movie, and I wanna like star in some shit like that. I've been telling him for like years,

I'm like, bro, I'm writing a movie for us. I'm so sick of it. So sick of it. Dog, and it's like, look, it's like 70% done in my head. I just gotta write it out. He'll text me these things. Hey, bro, 70% done, and then the second text in my head,

and I'm like, don't fucking talk to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really him texting you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's meaningless. I have that all the time. You know what I mean? It's done, my treatment's done.

Like what treatment? You have cancer? I mean, I don't wanna hear it, you know what I mean? Oh my God, wait, am I that person that's like, I got a movie for you, and then it goes on? Oh no, you're that guy, dude. You're just Hollywood steam. Oh my God, I'm those meetings that lead to nothing.

Oh. No, no, no, Tim, Tim, Tim, why don't, Tim, dude, we're having some crazy moments right now, dude. Tim, just until it's locked in, then you talk. You're right, you're right, you're right. It seems weird. Yeah. 70%, what does that even mean?

How do you know the percentage? Yeah. How are you doing the percentage? But also, I find that if you announce something too soon, you're already getting the payoff, like internally, of saying, I'm doing this. If you just keep it contained in your body and you keep it a secret, and it fuels you into the work.

But the moment you say, hey, I'm doing this, you're already rewarding yourself with the feeling of saying you're doing it. Dude, that's so funny you brought that up because, okay, so I just recently got diagnosed with adult ADHD, right? Oh, him too. Oh, dude, okay, so, and someone told me

that when you announce things too early, you're giving yourself the dopamine that you would normally get that you would need to work when you get like that last minute fuel to write some shit. So, yeah, you're right, let me stop. It's okay that you do it, it's okay that you do it. No, my wife hates it too, she's so sick of me. He's not gonna stop, because he has ADHD,

he's gonna forget. No, but no. You're not gonna stop, you're gonna hit me up at 2 a.m. in the morning, he's like, bro, 71%. Here's what happens, because literally, every time I'm laying in bed at 2 a.m., I'm like, oh, that's a good little couple lines for the script, I'll have it, I'll put it on my phone,

I'm like, dude, you're gonna love this. I just wanna tell you about it, you know? I get into those idea vortices when I'm in the shower. Is that the plural vortices? I think so, vortices. I like it, though. Vortice. Vortice.

Vortice, let's go with it. But I get, I have a song for this scene, for this thing, and it feels so good in my chest, I'm like, I'm a fucking creative genius, you know? And I wanna announce it so bad, and I usually do, and I tell my sister, and then now that I got the dopamine hit, and then I'll never think about that thought again.

Wow, that's so interesting. So what's the point, you just stop doing it? You get the high, right? It's an addiction, then. It is. It's interesting. It's an addiction of almost like just sucking your own dick for a second.

Yes, it's exactly that. Oh, you know what else is an addiction? Is getting a job. Yeah. Right, so it's like, I remember a couple years ago when I did that movie in Hungary, I remember going, who's in it? I'm gonna be in it with them?

Yeah. And that, it was like a shot of fucking ego, brah. Opiods, opiods. Macaulay Culkin talks about that a lot. He does? Yeah, I think that's why, part of the reason why he quit acting, he was just being a careerist like that, looking for your next hit all the time.

But then when you're actually there, you go, why am I still depressed? That's such a hard way to live, though. Like, you're constantly chasing this feeling that you have to replenish in order for you to be happy. You're never happy in stillness, you know? That's fucking hard. Cause I garden every morning,

and it's like my happiest time of the day. Oh, that's right, your tomatoes. Yeah, I garden, and that's like the happiest time of my day where I'm just by the plants and I'm fucking doing this shit and I watch these things grow. You old. Yeah.

Old man's sheep. Yeah, that's old man's sheep. But I could see that for you, Bobby. What? I am old. I'm really getting into gardening. Stardew Valley. Because these are things, the Stardew Valley,

like hard garden. Fucking garden. I don't even know what fucking vegetables I want to grow. Oh, really? Okay, based on your Stardew Valley knowledge, you know, what do you know about gardening? How do you get told? Well, you have the soil.

What kind? Plow. Plow the soil, put fertilizer down, right? And then you need, well, this is based on the game. The game is pretty exact. Let's run it up with him. All right, so I take a hoe, and I soil the ground, right?

How do you soil the ground? With a hoe, you stick in the ground, you're like, cha, cha, cha, cha. With the sound effects. You're like chopping on your onions. Okay. Right, I'm just doing the funny sound effects. What?

In the game. No, it goes, whee, whee, whee. Right? That is a very different game. Please. And then you put the seed down. You come on the soil. And then you put fertilizer down, right?

Then you water it every day in the game. And then, you know, some vegetables, they're all seasonal, right? So it's, you know, it's like a swiping. You know, it's so fucking stupid. What? You're playing a game. It's something you could do in real life.

No. It's the dumbest fucking thing ever. Shut up, man. No, but then. It's a good game. Let me show you my crops tour on the TV. But then you don't have to like get dirty and stuff. You ruined his only joy in life, dog.

What are you doing? That's fucking crazy. Fuck you, man. Bro, this, he grows one tomato. He thinks it's the shit, dog. Don't let him ruin that for you, bro. It's like, you know, you're saying, oh, you're shooting people in the game.

You can shoot people in real life. Yeah. I'm not going to cut that part out. That sounds crazy. Maybe cut that part out. No, no, no, there's two things we have to cut out already. But basically what I'm saying is one has nothing to do with the other.

I'm not going to go out by farmland. But you clearly have an interest. What is, you have an interest. I don't have an interest in farming. I have an interest in grinding. Oh, what kind? In video games, there's two types of games. There's games where you grind.

I'm playing a game called Elden Ring right now. It's so much grinding. It's like you just have to harvest, kill animals, to get their bones, to make arrows. So I'll spend 12 hours just killing animals repeatedly, repeatedly, repeatedly. It's called grinding. And when I'm like that, when I do that,

I don't think about my life. I don't think about my feeling. This is terrible. I know, but I know what I'm doing when I'm doing it. It's coping. I'm coping. But I would say what David is saying, because a lot of gardening is grinding.

You have to check in every single day. You're doing very similar things. The thought process is identical. So I think you would actually feel a little bit more, I don't know, love yourself a little bit more. If you had a tomato to harvest and be like, you know what? I'm going to, I'm self, you know? I'm sustainable.

Like I am, I can live this way. It's not even that deep. It's like, do I play this video game or I wash dishes? But you don't wash dishes in real life. You know what I mean? Like if you just played a game where it was like you shooting shit, you're like in a different galaxy, that makes sense to me, because it's fucking fun as hell.

You're planting vegetables in a game? And this is how shallow-minded and ridiculous you are right now. I'll tell you why, because it's called Stardew Valley. It's not just a farming game. There's mining, right? There's mining, there's fishing, there's, you marry, you have kids, you have a farm, everything, you make caviar.

Oh yeah, because they have sturgeon. You make caviar? They make caviar, have you ever made caviar? You can, but you don't. I haven't. You'll never, you'll never even play games! Wait, David put me onto this idea of getting fried chicken skin and putting caviar on top of it.

With some shrimp fresh on it? Oh yeah. Girl, we did that on our podcast. Fried chicken skin. Yeah, we could just go to like churches or some anywhere, Jolly Bee, and get fried chicken skin. So we eat on our podcast together. I like potato chips on my cabinet.

Oh, this is next level, dog. And creme creme fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, go ahead, pitch it. I feel like, don't do this with your hands. You know what I mean? Are you a T-Rex? What the fuck is going on?

I'm very excited. I'm a kitten. Yes. So we eat on our podcast together. We'll bring each other food. Well, you guys have a podcast? Yeah, it's called Dudes Behind the Foods. Because we had a, well, we do like a travel eat show.

And this is kind of like, it started off as like behind the scenes of the show, but now it's just us like talking shit and eating together, right? So we'll bring each other food. And one day I was feeling a little fancy, so I ordered us some caviar and some motherfucking fried chicken and some creme fresh.

And we took the skin and we put the creme fresh and the caviar. And, mm. Oh my god. Wait, wait, wait, is the skin dry? So it's crispy? It's crispy. No, it's like right off the chicken. Fried chicken.

Yeah, yeah, we're just ripping it off. I can't imagine what that would taste like. And you had done it before? Is that a thing people have done? Yeah, I had seen it on Instagram where someone just put creme fresh and caviar on just a piece of fried chicken and put it into it. Wow.

So I brought it. It was like a thing during pandemic. Like a lot of chef-y chefs were taking like your everyday food that you enjoy and then just upscaling it with fancy shit. But then the creme fresh and the caviar with fried chicken skin was the shit. Wow, I want to try that. Also, these both of them are like your ticket

to the best food ever. You guys go to Adam Perry Lang's pop-ups all the time. Oh, boy, boy, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm telling you, if you've never seen David's stories on Instagram, it's all drool-worthy. I feel like we're missing out. So you guys know where the legit places to eat it?

They both do. We do. Really? We do. So let me ask you something. What's the best Italian in LA? Best Italian in LA. One of my favorites is a spot called Osteria Mozza.

Delicious. Nancy Silverton. That's fantastic. I go there. I enjoy that spot. That's pretty good. And they have the occasional weird thing on there, like in weird shit.

Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, like a calf brain fucking ravioli. OK, all right, legit, legit. How about you, Indian food? Indian food in LA. Oh, that's kind of hard, man. There's this joint out in Arcadia that I go to. What the fuck is that place called?

Look at me. Everybody in LA knows this spot if you've named me a restaurant, I feel like you're a phony. Let me go look it up. No, no, no, no, no. Don't look it up. No, he? That lady looks at me every day.

I don't give a fuck. And she goes, never been there. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? You don't even have teeth. How do you eat? See, when somebody's up against a corner,

sometimes they fucking take a knife out. That was fucking fucked up. No, let me tell you something. I wanted to say this on this podcast for the longest time. Go ahead. I'll talk to Stevie about this. Please get your teeth fixed. No.

You like to. You could chew with your gums. They work. No, they don't. Yes, they do. How do you go to Korean barbecue? You just have for eight hours. The first teeth, he goes.

Yeah, I break it down with my front teeth. I have a system. Break down the teeth. Just break the teeth. Right? And then I soften it with my gums. You know, Adam's restaurant, the one in Hollywood. This is really bad story.

Adam Perry Lane. Yes. APL? APL. We went there. And I was like, hey, I don't think we should go to a steak house because your teeth, you just don't have the technology in your mouth for steak.

And he was like, don't embarrass me now. We're already here. And so we got the steak. And the steak was delicious. It was really tender. I was like, this is the most tender steak. And he couldn't get through it. So he just ordered a biscuit.

And that's all he had for dinner. You know what I would be dying laughing? If in this game you went to a dentist and fixed your teeth, but in real life, you just absolutely refused. Do you know what they need to do? They need to drill into my gums, into the bone. Yes. Take a screw out.

Implants. I'm not doing all that. Yeah, but then. And they said that I have weak bones. What? When I went to the doctor, I swear to God, when the dentist goes, right now your bones are so weak. You know why?

Why does he keep dipping? No, this is way before I was dipping. This is before. I've had weak bones. Dr. Toonsie said this? Yeah. Yeah. This is a real piece.

You guys make up doctor? Dr. Cartoonze? No, not Toonsie. It was another place that I went to. Toonsie didn't say nothing. Like 30 of us have the same dentist. He's the best. Toonsie, he's the best.

Then he could do it then. Yeah, he could do it. It's just, they got to drill. I've learned to survive. But if your teeth are just completely. You watch homeless people do it. And I sit there and I watch them. I go to fucking the mission.

And I watch them eat. And I go, ah, I'm going to do it. Right? You shred it with your fingers. You're just watching me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you guys? It's kind of scary.

When I've seen him eat steak, he sucks on the flavor. And then he swallows it whole. Yeah, and it works. But you're not eating steak at that point. Your stomach breaks it down. What? True. Your stomach grew teeth at this point.

It is a death. You're a next level human. Yeah, your stomach's like, oh god, steak knight. I don't want to talk about my teeth anymore. Yeah, leave me alone. Yeah, leave me alone, man. I just want you to, you and your brother, please. Well, he has no teeth, too, huh?

What is going on with you guys? We're toothless. You're in a Disney animation. Hey, hey, you're going to hurt his feelings. He doesn't have any. That's the problem. That's a good wordplay, man. You know, I rap, and I'm a dad.

It's like both things. You know you're better than Dumbfounded. Oh. Sad. Yeah, John, what's he going to do, dog? You write? No, I love John, but do you have guests on your podcast?

Not ours to the other, no. Yeah, well, why? Just because it's just our thing, our special thing. Yeah. But you should come on mine. I have a separate podcast. I'd love to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, please.

I would love to do it. That'd be great. You have your own? Genius guy? Yes, genius guy. How many episodes in? 373. You have guests on yours?

Not much. I have the same recurring people. So come on, man. I'll come on yours. You have guests on yours? Yeah, all the time. Are we good? Are we good?

No, we're good. It's just, I feel like you're going to say something and I'm just getting ready. Yeah, your whole body got ahead. I'm sweating right now. I did set you up because I was like, how many episodes? I know. And no Bobby Eale?

OK. It's because I'm always. It's fine. No, I love Margaret. You love everybody else. No, you're my favorite. You are literally my favorite. You walked.

So I could run. And you showed me the light when I was in the forest. He going, he going. And you were the deer in the forest that I shot that gave me nutrition to live. Yeah, you are the fatty and now a fucking beauty. Is that even? And you should get teeth because so you could choose.

That's negative. No, it's not. We were doing the positive thing. Now you always go negative. No, no, no. You didn't let me finish. Yeah, yeah. Please fix your teeth.

That's it. No. He wants you to enjoy food. I enjoy it. Trust me. I enjoy it. You guys, he doesn't want to talk about his teeth anymore. I love I've challenged myself.

It's a challenge. You know what? I respect you even more now, which is crazy. Yeah, to be fair, he had a really bad, like the itchiest athlete's foot for like years and years. What's going wrong with you? The reason that he would never get it fixed because we obviously got a lot of things he could put on it.

He's like, I like scratching it. Like it's a hobby. It's a hobby. But I've changed that. I don't scratch anymore. My feet are fucking broke. Oh, yeah. Because we broke up and you needed to find regular girls.

Oh. I'm abstinent. Can I just say a thing about the bus? We have this kid, McCone. You know McCone? No, I don't. So you know, it's Brendan Dürmer. Oh, yes.

So it's his buddy. And he's a 23-year-old kid. And we're on a tour bus. Have you been on tour bus? You've been on tour bus, right? I haven't toured on tour bus, but yeah. This is my first time really on my own tour bus. You know, I've been in business for a long time.

What's the matter? It's dope. It's dope. How can we talk about this? I don't know, man, there's no, that look was like, Tom Segura, I've been doing it for years. That's what that nod was. No, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't. You're shaming me. It's fine. I'm just starting to do it. You keep attacking him and now he's scared. No, I'm not. He's been attacking me since the jump. No, I haven't.

So leak here. No. So there's this kid that we have. We don't know him, but we love him now. And he's on the bus. He's our videographer, 23 years old. But he has night terrors. Oh, he does.

5.30 in the morning. Not kidding you. No. No. Stop. Stop. Like every morning, it's like, you know, some people have fucking roosters to wake them up.

We have this guy. Oh, God. Right. And you know, we tell him, he goes, oh, no, I had a great childhood. No, you were brutally something. Sheesh. Something happened to you brutally. Right.

Right? Night terrors? I think night terrors is more of like a sleep disorder, though. But why is he always screaming? Don't touch me on all that kind of stuff. Like when you're in your like dream state, like you're just not, you know, you're in sleep. You're in physical paralysis, but your mind is still active, so it's not like you can

physically. But every morning, it's, it's always, well, then if that was the case, it would be sometimes you would be like, I love this cloud. It's so fluffy. Right. But it's never, it's always aggressive. No, I get like night episodes. You know this.

And that's because I was like, diddle as like a child and it happened a lot in the middle of the night. Yeah. I wake up and I get the heart episodes and all of that. But sometimes I think some sleep disorders are just sleep disorders. It's more of like a brain issue. You guys like my haircut? It's so cute.

Not being real. I love it. Did Johnny do it? Yeah. I love him. I can't see with the. Shum the back. I like the mullet.

Your hair is so. That's really full. Full. Yeah. I debate doing the mullet. You guys have such nice hair. So do you? No, it's very thin.

Like it's receding. Okay. No, it's not. It's not doing that. No. This is why I'm always tense. Can I tell you? No.

Can I tell you what? No. Why I know? And you can say whatever you want to say to defend yourself. And I love you as a human being. I think you're so talented. And I think you're a great guy. I really do.

I trust you. I don't want to hear that. But the lights are shining through your hair. I have very. And you have very thin hair in the front. I've always had this since I was. It's receding. It's not receding.

And you're going to go bald in the next 10 years and we're not going to laugh. You won't. You know what? Behind your back. You're going to go to Turkey. And you're going to get the FUE. Yeah. Or TJ.

I'm OK with that. Yeah. And why do you do this to me? Listen, I can I honestly, I honestly, I didn't know you were coming today. I texted George. I go, are we potting today? And he's like, yeah. And I kind of was laying in bed.

I go, who's the gas? And when I found out it was you two, I got excited to do it. And because I really think that, you know, I don't like fucking with people that I don't think have talent. Mm hmm. Really? That's mean. No.

I say hi. No. I say hi to them. I go, how's your day? Whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. I go, hello.

But in terms of like, you know, doing creative things with them, I like to do it with really talented people. And I think you guys are so good. And I've always liked you guys. Thanks, man. Can you take us on your food trips? Oh, yeah. You should definitely pull out for a food episode.

Hell yeah. Let's talk about this question. All right. We got one from Jeremy de Garcia or actually Santiago Ponito. This is any advice for a Latino who wants to date an Asian woman? He's dated a lot of Latinos, Latinas. I have. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. I feel like my advice would be just make sure the dad thinks you're funny. You know, pull. I feel like you can always get away with a good sturdy handshake. Pull up your pants. There's a lot. Make sure you drink with the family.

Eat everything. The mom serves you. I think that's key. Get blackout drunk with the family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's like in every culture.

Yeah. You gotta be nice to the parents. I'm at my best. I wake up at 8 a.m. I feel like parents really like you. I do. I lie. I don't know what star do is.

You know what I mean? Oh. Well, we heard you play it. I don't know. I lie. We have to, almost immediately, you called your in-laws like mom or mama. I start doing that. You're good, yeah.

You're good. You want me to get the baking powder? Mama. Mama, you try to do what we're doing. You're like, we're not cooking anything right now. And you know how moms love to be moms, right? So he takes on the helpless role almost immediately. Poops his pants.

Yeah. He does that. So like my mom, honestly, she got suckered in because she's like Bobby needs me. Oh. Yeah. So you played that psychological game. I like to like slap the mom on the butt. And I go, mama, mama sita.

Mama sita, kanda, yeah. Very freaking good. Do you play music for them as well? What do you mean? Because you're a musician as well. Do you breathe a piano? No, I'm not. What are you talking about?

Laxton's superb. Yeah, I play for the keyboards. But I don't carry on a keyboard and go, hey, can I set this up in the living room? No, but I feel like you would just kind of pretend like you don't know how to play. Oh, what is this? What is this?

And then you just fucking start going. Yeah, I've done that before. I've done that before until I did it once where some other guy was ten times better. And he goes, check this out. And he did rock mononoff. And I was like, oh, I'm fucked. And you're doing ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

No, I'm playing Chopsticks. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very generous too, you know. Anyway, what's the next question? Oh, good tip. Be like extra generous with the family. Yeah, this one's from Abstract Spirit. How do I tell my wife that our makeup is terrible

and it makes her look like a clown? Partners, you both have partners? I know what. You wear the same makeup. You look like the Joker. And then you ask. You're doing it. I'm going to do it.

That's so good. Yeah, go ahead. How would you tell your wife if you weren't, which is a little off? Okay, let's suppose she always just wore makeup like pretty regularly, but he always liked it. But she's following this new trend that he's like, you know, not landing quite the same.

Ah, man, that's tough. I'm Chia. Okay. Okay. And then this is, you just woke up, right? But I've been now doing my, and I'm going to turn around and you see the new makeup. Yeah, okay.

Oh, brand new girl. I'm horny. Wait. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's what you do? You would never do that. You would never do that.

This is me just waking up. Yeah. First of all, I'd be like, why do you have, this is a confusing scenario. Because why would I just be waking up with a whole thing? It doesn't matter. It's my world.

Honestly, I'd be like, babe. You fucking hate me. Shut the hell up. I hate you. I don't think you would do that, Tim. Your turn. What? Have I ever worn like such extreme makeup?

Well, no, you didn't wear makeup a lot. And when you did, I noticed it, which is cool. Well, the fuck that he would tell me to put makeup. No, I wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. Gilbert did. Yeah, I do. No, here's where I would do it again.

Cut that out. Cut that out. Do it again. Do it again. Okay. Do it again. Crazy. Okay.

Oh, the gray wall is that way. Very good callback. Okay. Good morning. How do you like my makeup? I did something new. Do you like it? Yeah, it's all right.

I mean, I don't know much about makeup and stuff. I don't know. Why are you stuttering though? It sucks. Okay. Well, all right. It looks ridiculous. We're in a band.

It's okay. No fucking. I don't care. That's what they would do, right? I don't care. Was there ever a scenario or a time where like you did not like my choice in clothing or you didn't like the way I did my hair or my makeup? Well, sometimes I'll be honest with you.

Because you're like, you dress like a court gesture. What do you mean? So intense. So not clown makeup. The word is jester. Jester, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, like in a circus gesture. But that's like, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. That was tight. He's making fun of like. Like the pants with the, you know what I mean? That have that like red and, like a red and pink stripe through it. Bobby, that's full projection. Oh.

You are Mr. Fucking. You know, it's so funny. Why are you getting so defensive right now? No, because I thought we both had Adjuma style. We do. I dress like a gesture. And also we share the same clothes. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. I'm not making fun of you. The back pedaling. He's saying you just like me. And I dress like an idiot. Push it. Don't get so, you know, I mean. It's just as a court gesture.

It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. Was there ever a time, was there ever a time where you were like, God, I wish you would dress up more because I'm always in sweat pants. No, I mean, no makeup. I think the one time we were at. You gotta be honest.

I gotta go ahead. There was another time where we're at like, when we went to Jordan Peele's no premiere. And then we had to go to Zaha. Because you didn't think you were dressed good enough. Oh, no. We got to the premiere and I was dressed down, down. Like I was wearing just jeans and just like a vintage shirt, just like this, but with jeans. And then we got there and then there was a red carpet and I was like, I'm so embarrassed

that I'm with Bobby and I'm dressed this like dowdy. Yeah, but we're not going to McDonald's. I mean, so I went across the street. The only thing across the street was a Zara. So then I brought, I bought Zaha. Now it makes more sense. I mean, what I said, Zaha. So I thought, I thought it was like some celebrity that I wouldn't know about.

Some high fashion shit. Well, there's a soccer player named Zaha. We just pretend like we knew we're like, yes. Zaha. Yeah. So I made him walk across the street because I was so embarrassed. I was like, fuck, because he was like, go casual. It's a small thing.

I don't like girls hate that, by the way. And so, um, and same, I had like probably crocs on some shit like that. And so I dragged them to Zara and I got some slacks and a proper like shirt. And then I felt a little bit better. And then we put all your clothes in a bag and then you made me carry it. Wait, the whole time? Yeah, I was like, you have a Ralph's bag. I have a Zaha bag.

That was, I was pretty embarrassed. You're right. That was my bag. What about me? Have I dressed in a way where you're like, ah, that's weird. Yeah, sometimes you wear certain shirts, like little baseball tees, you know, with a, um, like white here. Oh, the raw raglan.

And it makes you look like you already have short arms. It makes you extra T-rex-y. And I remember thinking like, like, I think about my own genetics of being very broad-shouldered. See how cocky long-arm people are? No, it's in the purity of mind. That long-arm privilege. You know what I mean? That's fucking bullshit.

So I come from long-limb lineage. You have short arms, right, Tim? Uh, they're not long. That's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So those shirts I think you should do away with. You're like a little boy. A little bit, yeah.

Yeah, your proportions are cute. I think you. So you started with the court jester thing and then she already had something loaded up for you. When you say court jester, she was like, all right. I saw her loading the shotgun. Yeah, you little fucking short-arm motherfucker. You know what, I deserve it.

To be fair, I do dress like a court jester. I go full power clashing with the colors a lot. Yeah, it's cool. It's, yeah. But your short arms, though? That's something you cannot change. Me, I could just take it off, right? You'll see.

We're going to train, right? Yeah. I'm going to look fucking. Dude, I can't fucking wait. You'll see. That's going to be so dope. See, you just announced it. I'm not going to actually do it.

I knew I wasn't going to do it. We have to actually do it now. We have to do it. We have to do it. On our podcast, we've been doing it for like three years. I've said I was going to have a six pack. It hasn't happened. Yeah, same on the same boat.

But I feel like you, David, you look amazing. You look great. But you look amazing before. I'm just saying like if that was. Oh, I did not. I've seen videos. Now you look like fuckable. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. There are times where even his wife, like she didn't meet me at 300 pounds. And so when she saw a video of me in the past, she goes, what is that? She goes, I had no idea. Who is this? Yes. Well, Gilbert was like that. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. It was a fatty. 240. Oh, it's neat on my wife. What time is it? I should probably. You can stay. I got to get out of here because like she's alone with the babies.

I got to go. But yeah. Y'all keep talking. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done.

We're done. We're done. We're done. We got done. Wow. You can tolerate anything. YouTube. Yeah.

YouTube.com says, Timothy, our podcast is on there. Dewey's behind the foods. Dewey's behind the foods. NG I resin. throws him out back. Moj 두. I do, baby.

I do. and drink the beer. You won't look me in the eyes