TigerBelly - Dillion Francis & The Gucci Turntable

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Dillion Francis is back for a 3rd time and Bobby improvises a club scenario. We chat jazz history, knowing our dads, DJ handoffs, German accents, rating DJs, Maroon 5, and Asian maps.  New players can play just FIVE BUCKS and get FIFTY INSTANTLY in Casino Credits! Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code BELLY at checkout--just pay $5 shipping. That’s www.bluechew.com promo code BELLY to receive your first month FREE. Visit www.bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to www.joinbilt.com/belly

Miles Davis, at his height, okay, he was in New York, he's like, he's, dude, he's the biggest jazz, like one of the biggest musicians in the country. He's at a New York club about to perform. He's standing outside. A cop goes, hey man, get out here. I'm going to say, because he's got his trumpet. Right? I'm going to say, no, I'm performing. Get out. Beat it. I'm not going to leave. I have to go up. A guy that's signed by Columbia Records, dude He said he should have hit Sean Combs

You know, man, where was that cop during Sean Combs the stuff, huh? Where was he then? But I love Jack. Baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa. Enough with you watch. 50 hours. I did 50 hours of jabs. In Hawaii. In Hawaii. Did you go to Boiling Crab again? No, dude. But I'll tell you what I did eat.

Amakasa by Ong. I went to strip steak one night. Strip steak. I just want to um That Did you hike I Didn't know you asked that the clever Trail like hiking trails. I know but the only trails I like go on is the Ho Chi Minh one. That's in Vietnam, baby

Nothing makes sense there I was up two hours last night. Why what you gonna do gaming? There's no game to play You've got to buy a ps5. You know what you gotta do is shut your mouth. What about ps5s? You Google AI But also thank you for so much for what you did But also thank you for so much for what you did. I go to my home, is it you or somebody? What do you mean? I go to the hotel in Hawaii, I open my refrigerator.

You can thank my wife. And there's a cake. Oh. Two diet cokes, two sugar free Red Bulls and a Happy Birthday. Me and Jorge Kimmel. Did you do that? Yeah. Well thank you so much, man. You know, they're fucking complaining, the jazz people.

You know who has the saddest stories? Billie Holiday. You know about her? At 12. Can I say that? Sure. What? You made that so heavy in this sentence you know I emphasize that pull back pull back what you say okay so at 12 more natural right prostitute then to start prostituting I did not know and in

between like her prostitution gigs. You look gig That sounds more like Is it appointment, yeah She would go and sing anyway. She you know and then once people heard her saying they're like whoa She is the best that's her jewels dude in my solitude oh my solitude, oh my. In my solitude.

I don't know what the rest of the lyrics are, but. That's enough. That's pretty good, you know what I mean? But it's so sad, like she's just like. She's so beautiful, but all jacked up on drugs, opium, died at the age of 44, this woman, 44 years old, right? Am I right or wrong?

Let's see. This jazz documentary, I know, here's another- What's it called? What? What's it called? Ken Burr's Jazz. Of course. Here's another thing I learned. I don't know why I know this,

but Louis Armstrong died at 1971, and Duke Ellington died in 1974. I don't know why I know this, but Louis Armstrong died at 1971 and Duke Ellington died in 1974. I know I just remember I memorized. Bro, you really have this all memorized. And my... okay, that's it. That's him. Louis Armstrong, dude. What the best? I saw 10 episodes of this nightmare. How long are they? 81, so a little over an hour. Each one, almost an hour and a half, right?

The gift is, how long is the gift? Oh my God, 108. Yeah, how long is that? A little under two hours. I saw 10 of these. Okay. In a hotel room. In a hotel room.

On the TV at least? In a room, till late night. What? On a TV?. In a hotel room. On the TV at least? In a room. Till late night. What? On a TV? No, on my iPad. In my silent town. Anyway, um, I also, dude, so can I just say this?

I didn't, you know, I've been trying to not to masturbate and I waited less than nine days and when I was in Hawaii. That's good. Dude, I had like, my guy was like, just up for war. I don't know what it was. He was like, I'm up, I'm ready. You know what I mean? I was like, no, we're taking a break.

But he was just up there. He was like, let's do it. He was just kind of like, you know how like in the Olympics when the black, they would use to get the gold? They still do. Back in the thirties. No, but then they did the protest, in the sixth, they would Oh test that's what my dick was like. It was protesting protesting like this Right with a little black hand, right and then right your dick has a black

He has a little black hand on it right impression and I was like dude. I'm not trying to oppress you You know me get your glory But then I um one night I just kind of stroked it a little bit But guy I couldn't believe what had happened. He cried. He cried. Victory tears, dude, because he won the gold. Anyway, I haven't slept in a couple hours.

I don't think we should do a podcast right now because I don't even know what I'm talking about. But if you want to be bored to hell, watch this judge talking about it by Ken Burns. I really highly recommend it. But you know what? Here's another thing that's like, I want to learn about how it all works.

What? Like swing. Okay. You know what I mean? And you have to understand that back in the day, the most popular music of all time was swing, jazz. You know what I mean? And it kind of shaped our country, dude.

Right? So it's like, you know, why can't we learn about it? I think it used to be good and then it got bad. Now it became all experimental so nobody liked it. Back when it was swing and had rhythm and you could dance to it, it was good. And then I don't know what happened. You hit it on the bones, dude. Well, what did he hit? Then white people started doing it,

and it started to suck. Here's what it is. Not him. What do you mean? Dancing. So guys like Thelonious Monk, John Coltrane, right? These kind of guys were like,

they called it avant garde. Right, so then they started like, you know, the drummer can do whatever he wants. They're like, they're not, right? So. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- You know what I mean? Jazz. And people are like in the clothes trying to dance to them. But they can't get a rhythm dance. They can't get a rhythm dance. They're like, you know? But let me say something too.

I'm gonna die alone. No. What? Oh! Yeah, I'm gonna die alone. I got nothing. Because I'm not super hot. I have to be honest.

I like the super hot. And maybe I should downgrade. Is that... Downgrade. I miss my dad. That's what I'm trying to say. That's what I'm trying to say. I miss my dad. I mean, that's what I'm trying to say That's what I'm trying to say. I miss my dad you watch out of sadness a 50-hour documentary because you miss your father Well, I mean because the Ken Burns documentary the Vietnam War is great. Mm-hmm. We're Lord to is great I've seen all of them. That's how I know about history Yeah, I know about it. And so I thought maybe I'll know about jazz, but you know what? I'm glad I saw it Dude, they could do a fucking 10-hour fucking Document about EDM. I'll know about jazz, but you know what I'm glad I saw it dude They could do a fucking 10-hour fucking

Document about EDM. I'll watch it Your shit We like that shit yeah, yeah, do you know the history of EDM or no? Yeah me either Anybody no, can I ask you? Why are you thinking about your dad now? Because I was scrolling through my photos and the selfie that I took of my dad You know how they do that thing on your phone. I don't know why they do this because remember this Yeah, those things. Yeah. Yeah, so it didn't remember this on my phone dead. Hey, thanks. I don't want to remember that. Thanks phone Yeah, yeah, so it shows that and they showed me and my could I took a photo of the moment my mom my dad died

And my mom's reaction to it and my brother's reaction to it. I was high as fuck. So I was like, I'll just be fucking you know Photographer Good way to cope. So anyway, I um Were you close with your dad? Were you close with your dad, Bobby? Were you close with your dad? Or was he always beating you? No, no, no. I mean, no, I... Constantly.

I love, I love... No, I was pretty close to him. He chilled out the last 20 years of his life, but I... You know, it's because of the language barrier. I just don't know what he believes. I don't know anything about him, really. I know, like, because of the language barrier. I just don't know what he believes. I don't know anything about him really. I know like snippets of his past, you know what I mean? But I don't know feelings. I think that you get to know somebody

based on how they felt and they, you know, and I just don't know what he was feeling about anything. Yeah. Was he loving? Like did he? Yeah, he would go, bub-bub, bub-bub, and kiss you on the lips and stuff, or, I love you, you know, and all that stuff.

That's great for an Asian parent. That's pretty good. But anything outside of that, there was nothing like, how did you, what happened here, why did you do this? I just don't know anything about him. What's your point of view about anything? I don't know. So I don't know what he believes,

I don't know his opinions about anything, and it's like, you don't know. So I don't know what he believes. I don't know his opinions about anything. And it's like, you don't really know a guy. I mean, I know that there's inherent love, which is good. And I know that if there was an afterlife, which I don't think there is anymore, but I know you do. I do. I know. I'll probably see you there. Okay.

Anyway, do you believe in afterlife? No. I know, I'll probably see you there. Okay. Anyway, um, do you believe in afterlife? No. I know me either. So anyway, maybe I'll see him there. But my okay. What are we talking about? My dad? Why are we talking about my dad? She asked the question. She was curious if you know what about your dad? Do you feel like you know your dad? What he was saying? Like, do you know things about him past the surface? I don't know my real dad.'s what I'm talking about. Oh my real real dad. Yeah, I had someone No, I love you know Giovanni's a handsome to your stuff that's handsome. He's a little chunky Okay, I don't know anything about him so nice

But your dad is like surfer Filipino guy his body is like a skater. Yeah He was a cool guy. Yeah cool guy, but he was always stoned. Yeah build your mama you've never Rolled into pieces jazz and he was younger. My mom was 27. He was 20 Yeah, you don't know anything about him? No, nothing. Did he ever call you? No, but I know he's in Korea right now

and has two daughters. In prison? Two daughters. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He has two. Whoa. Yeah. It's funny, if I had any daughter,

I would think about that person all the time, wouldn't you? Even if I fucked Alex, this guy right here, right? And you had a vag. Yeah, that's a big vag. And we were working on a meatball. Very big. That's like crazy. Too big?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too big. It's a buff muff. It's a buff muff. Was he here? Does he still do the intro? He doesn't leave. Oh, damn, you're so OG, bro. I don't think he.

He doesn't? Like a song. About a hundred episodes ago. He hasn't been lately. When he like basically says, don't fucking talk. Yeah. I think therapy might've changed that. But we should bring it back for this one.

Cause you, I think you bring Out some dark out of them. So I do he was already pissed off Why don't we make the guest just talk for not let Bobby talk for as long as they want Oh, okay, actually help with this. How about you intro and tell him to shut the fuck up? Yeah, I will and you explain. Oh well This is incredible by the way oh fuck

the darkness comes out of him there is dark room around your butt hole maybe, i dont know i havent looked in a mirror i think its pink for white guys ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba are we starting shut the fuck up that's what I set up hold on I'm

starting the podcast so you can't talk until I say your name because that's how this podcast goes so shut the fuck up Yeah. Welcome Bobby Lee. How dare you, dude. That's you, dude. That's what he asks. That's you all day. That is me all day. That's you all day, dude.

And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all that, dude. I'm tired of all that shit, man. Join real life, dude. I should. We don't all live in the club I There's trees and nature I've never seen waterfalls and hiking and all that kind of stuff I'm only in Vegas at night. So it's just desert and heat. I know are you there next weekend?

I'm here there Wednesday. Oh this Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah, how long do you stay told? For the whole day. I know but you leave the next day? Yeah. Oh, fuck, because I go Friday. Oh, yeah, I'm not going to be there. OK, I'm going to go see Maroon 5. Anyway, um. Wait, I'm going to go see Maroon 5. But anyway, um, anyway, Dylan Francis. We got him here, dude.

Third time. The third time. Second. Third? You've done three, buddy. Oh, yeah, I've done three, you're right. So you did two in the old hot place. Wow. So you haven't been on here for, what, the third time. Second. Third? You've done three, buddy. Oh, yeah, I've done three, you're right. So you did two in the old hot place. Yeah. Wow. So you haven't been on here for what, years? Years. Yeah. I've never seen this room.

It's a garage. I've never seen this garage. Yeah, yeah. It looks like a room to me. Yeah. Are you still in the same relay? What? The relationship? Yeah. Oh, that's- I'm proud of you. Thank you. I'm so happy for you. Because the last time we saw each other, I did one of your music relationship? Yeah. Oh that's I'm proud of you. Thank you. I'm so happy for you Cuz the last time we saw each other you we did I did you one of your music videos Yeah, oh man six years ago. Look at how fuck. Oh my god. How young do I look? Do I still look the same? You look the same. I do? That's good. You look the same dude. Yeah. Anyway, um, can we not do that? So I did what was the song called when I did the song?

Rainy. Yeah, this is where you were eating, we made you be a fake. Yeah, yeah, there you are. TikToker. Oh, okay. Yeah. Dude, I literally look like margarine butter.

This is the best. Like a stick of margarine butter. Dude, you look amazing. This is the best thing I've ever seen. Yeah. The glizzy take down. Yeah. Jules, what do you think? Pretty good. The best noises I've ever heard. I'm wearing a...oh there she is. Now this Asian lady, what's her name? Riami. Riami. Incredible. Yeah. She's so awesome. She's...no I'm not gonna make fun of her dude. Okay, you can push pause. You don't want to watch yourself dance? I don't

want to watch myself dance. Me neither. Yeah. Yeah, but thank you so much for inviting me on that Thank you for being on it. Are you crazy? And then I couldn't believe that you wanted to do it guy Guy, I always get scared to ask friends to do things because I always think that they're just make now guy Can I tell you kind of call you guy? Yeah? I've always liked you. I've always liked you I've always liked you too And you've always been a kind guy and and I know that you're a very successful person And of course I'd like to get involved in things that you do

I love that in it and you know in it and Have we worked on other things before no, but I really want what would Diplo do to come back just so we could do You had nothing to do with that. I had nothing to do with it at all What would Diplo do to come back? Just so we can- You had nothing to do with that? I had nothing to do with it at all. Why? Are you nervous?

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thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast Do you like it? Do you know be honest with you like him whoo be look at my fucking hot beady eyes, dude I'm tired of this Hollywood fucking DJ bullshit. Okay. Oh, yeah. All right classic deal. You like Diplo. Yeah But how much a lot through. One through ten. Great. Ten. Ten. Okay, this is a good test. This is a fun test.

What is this ten? Because if this next guy's a ten too, he's lying. Oh. Steve Aoki. Ten. See? So no one's a four. Throw in another one.

Throw in another one. Throw in another one. What? Zed, Zed, Zed. Zed, Zed. He's a ten. Whoa. These are all my friends. Really?

Yeah. Why would I say that they're forward? Is Daft Punk a thing? That's a thing. Yeah. Do you know them? No. Daft Punk, okay.

I mean, they're great. All right, let's go this way. Okay, how about this, all right? There's no way. Deadmau5. There's no. Deadmau5's a four. There's, oh really?

Oh, no. There's no way you like Karl Cox. I don't even know him. There's no way you like him. Is that a real name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his name? There's no way you like Carl Cox. I don't even know him. There's no way you like him. That's his name? There's no way you like Carl Cox. Look at him. He doesn't even look like a DJ. He looks like he works at the DMV.

No, his family owns the Cox Internet Company. Can I see your previous license please? That's what he's looking at. So, Marshmello. He's a 10. He's a nice guy. There are people you know. He's a ten. He's a nice guy. So you have people you know. He's a political man. I'm a political man.

Alright, have you ever done a show with any of these guys? Yeah. Alright, so you're doing it, right? Yeah. And how do you pass it up? Like, let's say I'm DJing with you, right? Yeah. And I'm like, Right? And I do the na, Right? And I look at you and I go,

Then I go, and I do the na, bam, bam, right? And I look at you and I go. Then I go. Is that what, do I do this? No, no, you walk off. What? Yeah, you walk off, because the next person comes on and plays. Oh, so there's no two areas?

No, so then you walk off and you'd go, have fun, bitch. Whoa, can we do a two area? Yeah, we can. Can that ever happen? Yeah, we can do a back to back. So there are times there are two areas? Yes. So then if that's the two areas,

I'm gonna slow down. Two area. Let's do a two area. Back-to-back. Okay, back-to-back. Yeah, two area. That's what we're doing back-to-back, right? And I'm going, right?

Do you know when I'm gonna stop or do I do a? You just wanna do that, huh? I just wanna do this. No, we're not doing that. Yeah. Da, da, da. We're not doing that. Yeah No Right. Yeah. All right. So how do you know when he's done? I Would know when you're done because you would look at me and be like songs almost done

Oh, so you do one of those mix in but that's giving away to the audience So you and I would know what that's not giving away to the audience. Yeah, you know, this is what I would do. I'd go No, what that's not giving away to the audience. Yeah. Yeah, are you know? This is what I would do I go Like something where you like if I give you a certain look, you know, the songs done I would know from that look I just I would know I just know Like this right? Yeah, I would know and then we'll be your look to me when you're done and I just laugh That's your look to me when you're done. Yeah. No. No my look to you would be That's right, and I when you're done? Yeah. No, no. My look to you would be. See, that's right. And I'll take that look, right?

I will. And go into the music. And then I wait there for you to come back. Yeah, yeah. And I go. There's no music. And then I go back. Everyone's there, get you constantly. Yeah. How do they do it?

Dude, we don't even need music. We can do that back and forth. So let me ask you this. Do you hate these DJing questions? No, I don't mind them. Yeah. Oh see, a double. Him and Diplo. Yeah, see we did back to back.

Oh, it was a back to back. Yeah. That's in DJ. That's in DJ. So that's where he plays a couple, I play a couple. Who's that other guy? That's Diplo. He's a ten. Oh, so every Wednesday you do a show with Diplo?

Every now and then we'll do a back to back in Vegas. I met him once. Very nice guy. He is. Yeah, I met his family. Is it Encore? You know what's funny? He actually never... Sorry, I shouldn't have talked over you.

That's a lot of people. I forgot about that. That's a lot of people. Do you get scared? No. Bobby, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do do a lot of faces to each other.

All right, so there you are with him, right? Every Wednesday. Be completely honest with me, pal. Because next Friday, I'm going to Maroon 5, okay? And I want to brag, but I'm getting a little backstage. You're going to meet with Adam. You're going to meet Adam. I want to be little backstage. You're going to meet with Adam. You're going to meet Adam. I want to be with Adam.

You're going to touch his abs? No, we'll talk. We'll start there. The abs stuff, we'll talk later. So with your situation, FYI, hypothetically, for your information, right? Thanks, I didn't know that. I just wanted to let you know, right?

Is YUD. Oh, no, WID. OK. Right thanks Yeah, is now why you D oh no why the W ID okay, okay what you do Other acronyms yeah, yeah, yeah keep going. I don't know ID K. LLL a memo Let's move on from those Acronyms let's move on from those acronyms. Let's move on from that. So hypothetically, FYI, if I'm in Vegas on a Wednesday, could I be in that? Oh, you would be up with us.

I don't wanna be where the people are. Could I just be in the bag where my sunglasses and just go? Yeah. Right? Absolutely. I could? you would be in the VIP with me and then are they who Chi mama's there yeah yeah there's humpback humpback who Chi yeah I love the who Chi mama's so like let's suppose because you're you're already taken yeah and so is Diplo yeah well so there's all no

he's not are you single again I think he's been single for his whole life I didn't know all right so what I'll let Diplo get, you know, he gets the food first, the trough. He gets the trough. Oh, okay, you're the elf? Yeah, he's the elf. I mean, that situation, right? It's like, there's the buffalo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Diplo's a ship

and you're in the wake of his ship. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't like that. I don't like that analogy. I don't like that analogy. I'm a ship too. Yeah, but you're like a tiny ship. A smaller ship, but not tiny I mean, I would almost consider you a buoy like a shrimp boat. No, no, no

I would consider you like one of the buoys that's bobbing there in the back Well, anyway, this is the buoy get the fucking hoochie mama. Yeah, okay good I'm back up people gotta hang on to something right So once he's at the trough eating and I'm waiting in line Will I get at the trough or no or is it or does he just hoard a lot of food? I don't know. Okay answering the analogy, please Will I get at the trough or no? Or does he just hoard a lot of food? I don't know. Answer the analogy please.

You would get to the trough, but there would be slim pickings of like, you know, there'd be pieces of apples left, but not the good parts. Are you good at Wingman? Yeah. Okay, so let's see. I'm in the, what's that area called when you're doing that thing? The backstage area. Do you think there was a cooler name? No, no, no.

I think he's misunderstanding what I'm saying. I think he knows. I don't think I'm understanding. I think you're misunderstanding. Can I be more specific? Yes. Okay. So you're up there, right?

Uh-huh. I'm on stage. You're on stage, right? Yeah. And I'm like literally right behind you. Yeah, so that would be the back of the stage. No, no, no, no, no. Because backstage has a wall.

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're thinking the green room. What? That's the green room. Oh, that's the green room. Yeah. All right, backstage.

Yeah, you would be. Yeah, yeah. OK. OK. Mid-stage. I will say, you know what? I'm going to be mid-stage. I will say, you're mid-stage.

Yeah, yeah. That would be like. Because I'm going gonna be right by you I'm not gonna be way back there at the end of the fucking back of the stage I'm gonna be like literally like yeah, you know, you'd be in the VIP. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be in the VIP So I'm at the via you could wing man. Yeah, all right, so I'm you know with my sunglasses I'm gonna have like a cholo vibe. Yeah, flick my hair back, you know, what do you call those? I don't call them wife beater. That's what they call them. You can say that wife eater

I'm wearing wife beater, right? And I have my cholo vibe, right? Do you play Cypher Cell over? Yeah. Yeah, I could play Cypher Cell. I'll make you do Cypher Cell. What song? Insane in the membrane.

Or something like that, right? Insane. OK, yeah, yeah. I'm going like this. And like some hoochie mommas are coming. And I would go, yeah, baby. Is there an opportunity for you to like not do the turntable stuff?

Yeah, then I would go over to them and be like, you know that guy over there. Yeah, like Lizzy. He has so much weed Oh, that's but I don't have any I know and good thing you don't because you get kicked out. Oh So they come up to me you got the weed. Well, they can't get weed. Yeah, you're like, hey, shut the fuck up bitches Yeah, yeah, we gotta leave They can't get weed? Yeah, and you're like, hey, shut the fuck up, bitches. Yeah, yeah. We gotta leave. Give me another drug that they can't get.

That they can't? Yeah, because weed, they can get anywhere. Well, not in the club, though. People have weed on them in the club. They gotta be real. They'll get kicked out. Dude, they like check everything. Really?

Yeah. So if you have weed in the club. Between the toes? They'll take people's gum. Between the toes. Yeah. Between the toes, no one knows. That's the classic-

That's a great song. Yeah. Right. Let's write that one up. Please feature him on a song. Yeah, so- I would love to. That would actually be amazing.

But give me a drug that they- what's a good- like- Yo, he's got Robitussin'. Dude, is that good? He's got the tussin'? Yeah, yeah. He's got the tussin'. Is that good? I'll get the Robitussin'. Yeah. yeah. Is that good? I'll get the robotuzzen. Yeah.

Is that Bobby Lee? Triple C's. Yeah, that's Bobby Lee. What about this? Is he sick? No, no, no. He's not sick. Is Amodium Aidea a drug?

I don't know. You're selling it to me. My name is Sarah. Oh, sorry, sorry. Did your stomach hurt? Hey, you're weird. Sarah. No, no, no, no.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Check it out. Hey, bro. Sarah. Why did your accent change? Oh, because I got more in this for my classes. Oh, hey, that's weird. Cypress smells, but what's up, bro? So hey, your stomach hurt? No. You got diarrhea?

No. Move on then. No, no, no, you gotta. Move on. Because I have Imodium AD, dude. What is that gonna help her? No, no, you gotta go at it differently. You gotta go, hey, do you hate pooping?

Oh my God, I hate it. Bro, that's why you're here. Yeah, and then she's like, yo, I got this Imodium right here. This is the best drug you'll ever have. Hey, you want poop mama Sita? Yeah Yeah, I'm white You hate pooping? Yeah. Yeah. Damn. These girls are tough They're hitting you with the I'm white Yeah, well, don't let that one go. Let that one go. So after the pooping like I'll come to you

I'll go with all so say all right. Yeah, you got weed, let that one go. Let that one go. So after the pooping, I'll come to you. I'll go, what else do I say? Alright, yeah. You got weed now. You got weed? No, no, don't ask her for them. No, I don't. You don't have any? They took my stuff at the security. Hey, Dylan. This shit doesn't have any.

Here, take all these geek bars and pass them around. You want a geek? Tell me what that is. It's a vape, you stupid bitch. Fuck. Hey, this Dylan guy is kind of sexy. The way he talks to me. I'm taking. Are we the geek squad?

Yeah, we're the geek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so you'd be a good wingman. I would. Thank you. I got you. And then, OK, so if I go Wednesday night, would you go, Jules?

Yeah. Yeah? Would you really? Yeah. You'd be a good wingman, too. And you would go backstage with me? No, I want to be with the people. She doesn't want to be him. And go crazy. She's not a good wingman too. And you would go backstage with me? No, I wanna be with the people. She doesn't want to be with him.

And go crazy. She's not a good wingman. Oh, you're not a good wingman. Yo, you see her, she's just like. Yeah, yeah. Wiggling through the crowd, getting away from you. So you wouldn't hang out with Diplo and Dylan Francis, any of these fucking fools?

That's a cool hang. I would, but I don't know. I don't know them. Okay. So after the show what do we do? Well you can go to Dippo's after party. That's when I go to bed. We do. Okay what we would do what we would do is we would go to the roulette table and you would be able to smoke there. Charlie Day looking motherfucker over here don't know what do you bring these fucking white fucking industry people over here man I told him he didn't have to come but he still wanted to the way he sits like all like an artist artist I don't

like it anyway good to see you man great call good call out there so hey what we do after so we'd go to the roulette table and we'd hang out. Well, first I would say, I would say, good show. I would say thanks. Where you going, Alex? Did you want me to do a fucking Christian Biel meltdown right now, dude, or what? You don't walk during my talking, dude.

I knew it was gonna happen. I know. So, good show. Thanks, man. You ready to go to the roulette table? Hey, you ready to go to the roulette table? Talk about your chauffeur? No, no.

Bobby, we're on a time clock. If you wanna have sex with someone tonight, you need to get to the roulette tables and start smoking cigarettes, and you need to build a stack. Dylan, the honest truth, the reason why I would go with her is just for her to hang with you. we could hang the whole night so would we

get do you know any spots that are special to eat oh hell yeah we would go to tacos el gordo is it open to the public yeah I love it and they have the best tacos yeah have you not eaten there open to the public oh he wants private oh he wants to go I'm gonna tell you a gross story. Here we go. Can I tell you a gross story? Yeah. All right?

It's the first time this has ever happened. So I used to, well, you're laughing at me. Do you guys know this story? No, but you're a smirk already. No, it's the first, this is a gross story. Okay. Right?

So I was at the Playboy comedy night. Okay. At the Palms. And I was headlining. And as I was about to go on stage, Court McCowen, who is a comic, but he also the manager of the thing, goes, hey, some people came in to see you. And I go, who is it? He goes, it was David Spade, Anthony Kittis.

Oh, wow. And Sasha Baron Cohen. I kid you not. Holy shit. I kid you not. So I go, oh what is it? I go, what are they doing here? They're like, Anthony brought them to see you. Right? So I did an okay set. So then afterwards they came up to me and they were like, you want to go eat with us? Wait, can I ask you a question before we... Oh my god.

What? What? I thought we were gonna have something in common because you know... Okay go ahead, let's just bond. Yeah, how did it... So when you heard that these people were coming to see you, did you think that you're like, Tim, do I need to change any jokes to make it funnier? Do I need to not... I don't know, did you get... It's so condescending what you're saying. It's so condescending what you're saying, because what you're saying to me is this, right? Hmm, tonight I'm gonna be, I'm gonna do my mid jokes.

Oh, nice uses of mid. Yeah, I'm gonna do my mid jokes to kind of get a laugh. Like a warm reception. What the fuck are you talking about, man? No, I. Like, when you're fucking DJing out there, you gotta put the jams out there. Well, no, that's what I'm saying.

That's not the jams. I'm saying, you have David Spade and Sacha Baron Cohen. And you got up. I was so nervous because I just, you know, I, you know. There we go. I was so nervous. You have to imagine. Because at that time, I really had nothing going on.

I was just a road comic, really. You know what I mean? I would do little things here and there, but I would. You weren't on Mad TV yet? It was after, I think. It was after? Like right after. Or maybe during. That's so funny that you think that you weren't on mad TV yet it was after I think it was right after that you weren't that you you didn't have anything going on coming off of mad TV

is insane in my mind you put in your mind you have to know so we don't have no money and nobody watched it I watched it okay thank you you're welcome. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I love coming My god, would you today? Oh my god, that was a nut Anyway, so afterwards they go. Oh My god, I'm gonna go eat Okay, we're good. So there was a steakhouse at Caesar's Palace that they had rented out or what or you know what I mean? What they did is they cut half, they closed half of the restaurant and I remember there was like a, what do you call them? Let's play shreds. Let's play some shreds. Let's play some shreds, right? It's like there's a pole and there's like a little

another pole and another. A volley ball net. I don't know what you call that, a red. Oh, was it red? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it blocked it off? What's it called? What is that called?

Oh my God. It's like a gold post. Yes. With a red kind of like a old timey looking red little thing. Red velvet rope. Red velvet rope. Red velvet rope. Yeah. Is that what it's called?

But is that what you call that? Yeah. But there's a name for it. Yeah, what is the name? The backstage. Roped off. It's roped off. The VIP.

Yeah, thank you. It was roped off by a velvet rope. That's what it's called? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. So they roped it off, and I remember us eating in this kind of half of the restaurant that was completely empty, and it was the center table. So they roped it off and I remember us eating in this kind of half of the restaurant

that was completely empty and it was the center table. And then back then that's- It's called the Stanchions. Crowd control. Stanchions. Oh, we had a bunch of Stanchions. Stanchions. There was a bunch of Stanchions, okay?

Stanchions. Yeah, yeah, so, but I remember a crowd of people, I'm talking about hundreds of people. Just staring at you? Just watching us eat. And you liked it? There was something about it was like, because I ate more better.

Wait, what changed the way you were eating? I remember just, I did the whole etiquette thing, right? I remember like, I chewed like very good, right? I chewed like the appropriate amount. I sliced the right way. And I was very like very like you know proper about it. Because people were watching me. And I would laugh whenever, I wasn't listening because I was so nervous being there. That I would just laugh when everyone else laughed.

It's like ah ha ha ha yeah like I was molested or whatever. I don't know what it was. But it was like that nerve wrackingacking, you know what I mean? Because I had never been in a situation like that before. Sometimes, being a very popular DJ. I've been in that situation. You're in situations that are like, whoa, this is weird. And then in your mind are you like, I can't believe,

I like, you act right. Yeah. Do you say that yourself in your mind? Yeah. Like what situation, give me a situation. Um. Please, tell us. Please, please, Dill.

I'm trying to think of a- He doesn't have one. I do, I do. This is so embarrassing. No, I do. Dude, just, just, we'll edit that part out. It's so sad what- dude, it's so sad what you're doing right now, dude. No.

Don't say that. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. what you're doing right now dude. No, don't say that. Oh god. Yeah, no I got one. Got this. Let me say it again. Yeah. Let me say it again. Okay. Yeah, so that was crazy. You know. Yeah, I got one. It's right now. I know. You know what I'm talking about? Tell me about the situation. No. What? I don't know. Give me a... I don't have one. You really don't have one? I do, but it didn't happen.

It was like... I'm really bad at going back in my memory and remembering the specific situation. So it must have not been that important. No, it wasn't. So those events, then you weren't nervous then. I mean, yeah, I was.

If you don't know. OK, it was like it was like I had a session with a producer. There we go. But that is it. We completely every single time I would try to make something, he would then try to make something and I'd be like, oh, that's really cool, but no, we should kind of do this that way.

But that's really cool. Really not the same. Oh my God, that is exactly the same. I'll tell you what's up. Because I'm lying and saying that it's really cool and it's not. It fucking sucks. I'll tell you why it's not the same.

It's because who's this producer? I'm not going to say his name. But he's famous. Yeah. Quincy Jones. No. But he's not the same. It's because who's this producer? I'm not gonna say his name. But he's famous. Yeah. Quincy Jones. No. But he's at that level. No, Quincy, that session sucked.

Fuck Quincy Jones, honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but he was that big of a guy. Yeah. And then you were like, he was giving you like, this is the way we're gonna do it. Yeah. And it was hard for you to go, but what about?

Yeah, because you were like, well, you wait, hold on. He has Grammys I don't right why am I why do I think this sucks? Oh? Yeah, he sucked It wasn't for yeah, it was Fuck you Yeah, you're the legend that guy I love him for all looks like a future person though. He's very future Yeah, yeah, there's something about like a wise better all of us what?

I'm sorry I'll take my jacket off. Okay, take it off. Are you sweating? No? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're great though Maybe sweat is a fun. This is a fun podcast good. Yeah, take your jacket off. I am Jules do you have a moment like that? Oh Damn she's lying You've never been in a situation where you're like, try to act cool here? Well, try to act cool, like maybe meeting new people,

especially in college, you just wanna make a good impression with them, especially in a party. That makes sense. Especially with cool girls, you wanna be cool. Was Lindsay Lohan there? No, just popular girls. Oh, that must be a thing. Popular girls.

Yeah, I wish I could get that back. Don't you? I wish. You wanna go back there? Not that, her situation, but I wanna go back. Not even before, like back in the day when you're in high school, but I want to go back not even before like back in the day We're in high school. Mm-hmm, and you go to party and you go Oh fuck why I say that or like you're just gets consumed over. Yeah things that you don't even remember really

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OK. Let's say you had a time machine. You're you. OK. And you want to say a message to your younger self. Let's say he is 16. Yeah. Right?

And the only way you know is like, he's not gonna be at a party. How do you approach your younger self? Will you know though? Like would I look at, like, I know that I would look at my younger self and go that was me because I lived it, but he doesn't know what I look like older,

or he looks like older, right? So he's like, he's not gonna see this fat fucking guy with a mustache. He's like, there's no way. Yeah, there's no way. He would be so disappointed. He's like, that's what happened? Right?

He would just get down on his big bed. Yeah, but then he'd be like, yeah, but that's why you have to do this tonight. All right, that's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. Don't ever eat rice or carbs or sugar. Only meat. Look at this.

Only meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, only meat. Only meat. Yeah, yeah. In 10 years, there's going to be a carnivore diet by Joe Rogan. You don't know him yet. Okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's going to make you shit yourself, but it's good. Yeah. Also, do stand up and here's all my friends' jokes. Do these before? I would do that. 2010. Here's everyone I know's jokes.

That's really good. Take that, right? And then start to stand up early, right? Holy shit. Start early, right? And fuck all this shit, all the noise. Just do all these jokes. Do all the big burst jokes.

I would do everything. I would give them CDs. You know what I mean? Study these? What would you say to your younger self? Do you think he would recognize you? There's a band called the Black Eyed Peas, right? Okay, so you're gonna make a white eyed pea. Whoa.

Sing all of these by yourself. Wow, that's what you would do? Yeah. Whoa, you wouldn't go higher than the Black Eyed Peas? I got a feeling. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's pretty good. Tonight's Eyed Peas? I got a feeling. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good.

Tonight's going to be a good night. That's such a good song. Right. But you wouldn't steal like, um. LMFAO? Yeah, you're right. Billy Eilish stuff? Yeah.

No. Yeah. You would? I'm going for all the movie songs. Wow. That's the money right there. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, I would go like, wouldn't you do this too? I'd go, oh, so in 2003, this team wins this. Oh, yeah. So put all your money down on this team. Would you fuck with yourself? What if you just wanted to fuck? Oh. Take all your money.

The Rams are going to win. And against the Patriots. I promise you, man. Would you fuck yourself? Just a prank. No, because what would happen if you fuck yourself, would you disappear? Yeah, I think you would. Or does your future just turn into what it was? What timeline are we thinking? Now we're thinking about like, because some timelines are different than... Do you think that if you go in the past, you switch things, mess with things?

Do you just stay in the past and live there and just watch your miserable self yeah but if you fuck things up then you won't end up finding the time machine that's gonna bring you back so back to the future rules yeah oh so back to this future rule do you think that's real or you think quantum the Marvel the Marvel Avengers is is real the Marvel Avengers is where you disappear right it's no that no no Thanos just did that with a snap okay is real. The Marvel Avengers is where you disappear, right? No. No, Thanos just did that with a snap. Oh, OK. What the fuck?

What the fuck are you talking about? I thought everyone disappeared. Yeah, Thanos did that with a snap with his glove, dude. But that wasn't time travel. Yeah, yeah, that had to be time travel. Half the people disappeared when he snapped his finger, which is a stupid thing. Yeah, it's really stupid.

Yeah, anyway, go ahead. What do you think? Anyway, let's move on. No, no, I think you're right think the I think I think you're right. I think the the back to the future one would happen. Right. So you have to be very careful. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, you would fuck yourself over. But it would be really funny to watch yourself be like, dude, I got this.

You'd ruin so many people's lives, too, because you know yourself as well. Would be like, you tell your best friend, this is what you do. Then you go to the future. Then you don't fuck with it. Would that be true? So if I went five years ahead and I found out who won what and this and that and then came back, then you wouldn't be fucking with it.

Yeah. Right? What's that? What's that ugly guy? That's me, dude. Oh fuck, my bad. Oh shit. Honestly.

I'm going back to myself. You look like you're the manager at Pep Boys. Why do you look older? Why do you look older now there? And then what the fuck is that? I don't know, dude. What happened to you? You look like you're the manager at pet boy Why do you look older? Why do you look older now there? What happened to you I had acne on my chin you got no pussy then I didn't yeah Yeah, I'm sorry. I mean look at my tie. It's so bad. Jules. Would you talk to this guy? No Yeah, no, I don't but at that age and what's going on?

Even happening that no I was in I think I was in like fifth or sixth grade. So I think girls were like sort of on my mind, but not. But were you thinking about music then? No. When did music come to your little head? I think after, after community college. I, I, why are you looking at me like that? That's his listening face. You have to power through it. He looks like he's yeah

you like you like God this guy's gonna talk about some stuff and I'm hated. You don't have to say after community college. Just say when I was 22. I don't know how old I was after community college. Don't say community college. I think that's what I have a problem with. Community college. Why? Because it wasn't real college? Nothing so universe after nothing university. Yeah Face likes that. Yes. Hey, so yeah after after I dropped out of university. Oh, that's it. That sounds better Yeah, yeah, what university would what you're right? Yeah Anyway, then you're bummed even more. What?

I went to SMC. Oh, cool. Yeah. I went to Palomar. Oh, nice. Mini college. I think it's a good education. Did you graduate?

No. No, me neither. A year. Okay, so I dropped out, I got into photography, hated it, and then my friend was playing music in his car, and it was the music, it was dance music, and I had not really dabbled in it that much. And I was listening to more like metal.

What the fuck is photography? I was working on like random magazine shoots. Oh, so you were a real guy that you're getting paid for it. Yeah, it was like, I was setting up Kino fills and all that. Oh wow, so you're a real guy. Yeah, I was doing photo assisting work. You know some people go like that,

and they go, oh here's a leaf. I don't like it. Yeah. But anyway, oh, on Instagram, right? Like here's a leaf and here's like a rainbow. I don't like it. No. No, I was working on like actual that's good Yeah, dilations, but I counted all fronts. It was great because it was it paid really well. So oh, that's good So you did that? I think I knew that about you. I think for some reason you might have You know a lot of weird facts about me What's going on here here,, I dropped a Lego on my face two nights ago.

How does one do that? I built it in the club and then I dropped it on my face. Was it Warship? No, it was actually a Van Gogh. We built it in two hours and then I dropped it on my face. In Vegas? We were at the Avalon Yeah, yeah, it was a back-to-back to back so it was three people So I brought the Legos because I wanted to have something to do I could beat you in Jenga

Yeah, right So they're gonna the big block Jenga. We should get one. I have a gift for you by the way, okay? This is fucking bullshit. This is good. Ooh. I haven't seen you in so long, so I just, I know because. What'd I say to you when I saw that outside? Josie, you know what this is?

I already fucking have this. Why did you bring it here? You think I like Star Wars? That was really kind of you to say that to him. Yeah. Did you really get that from him? Well, okay. Bobby does have a good reason of why he's angry about it. I was cleaning out my house and I have a bunch of these.

Which I don't have a bunch of that one though. I want to make that very clear because he thinks I'm just re-gifting. Like, oh I already have one. No, no. That's a one of one right there that I got from Disneyland. Okay I want to say something about this lightsaber. First of all you don't get this at the store you have to go to the workshop. Yeah. So I know that about it. No no do you I went to the store for this one. Oh. This one's Darth Vader's. You didn't do the workshop. I did do the workshop and those you know those aren't as good. Then I

think the workshops are better than this. Do you have the workshop? Okay this is a pretty good one. Let's break this down guys. Okay he's actually kind of happy about it now. I am very happy about it. Yeah sideways. Yeah. Yeah. But what makes you completely sad about this gift? And let this be the truth as we all know I have a first of all so I haven't slept I slept for two hour and a half The whole night last night because I flew in from Hawaii. Oh, well, I'm Singapore. So you are yeah. Yeah Farther that's farther away 16 hours ahead you came in today. I came in a couple days ago So I'm still fucked up. That's see that's not the same then I just came out like an hour ago

But what I want to say I know let's go But what I want to say to you is that like you giving me this give, it means you don't know me that much. Yeah. And what is the sci-fi that I do like, everyone in the room, aside from, go ahead Gilbert. Star Trek. Yes. Yeah.

Thanks for Alex for helping him. No, I didn't even see him say it. I just knew it. I saw him do it. No, I knew it. I'm not a fool. I I was, I didn't even see him say it. I just knew it. I saw him do it. No, I knew it. I'm not a fool. I knew it. I didn't even watch his, I didn't even know.

Then why'd you bring that? Why did you bring a starch? Because I was cleaning out my house. Give me Jordy LaForge's like high thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Next time. Data's a motion chip.

Yeah, and X-Files, Loz X-Files. I like X-Files too. But thank you so much for the gift, dude. No problem. And it will probably be in this room forever Okay, that's back. Let's put it somewhere where people can see it There you go Yeah behind the plant yeah

Yeah If you were to get him a gift, what would you think just on the basic knowledge, you know of Dylan? What would you saw the gold turntable? Damn yeah from Gucci. That's a pretty good gift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a cross. It's a cross one What I mean is is that what? Let me just say it's a cross Let me explain this. I'll tell you what it means. Um when they um Collaborate it's a collaborator. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a collaborator. Yeah pioneer collab. No, no, it's gucci and pep boys No, no, yeah. It's a collaboration. It's a collab. Pioneer collab. No. No.

It's Gucci and Pep Boys. No, no, not Pep Boys. Best Buy. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Gucci and Best Buy. They do the collab on these solid gold, right? Anthropology too.

What? It's a three-way collab, okay? Yeah. It's solid gold. It's worth $450, dollars. Do those exist? I Think I think solid gold ones do exist. How much do you own your own equipment? Yeah But I have it in storage that you bring to Vegas or do they have they have they have

The best thing about DJing is that you don't need to bring your own equipment. Most clubs have pioneer DJ setups Do you ever show up to play? Oh this is a ZX2590, man. I want the ZX50. Yep. That happens? Yeah. Right, and the collaboration's wrong. Yeah, I'll get a text from my tour manager being like,

hey they only have the ZX90 250s. Really? Yeah. Be real. And then I'll be like, okay, that's fine. So you know how to do all of them? Yeah. How did you know that?

The Pioneer ZX50. How did you? From a Tachi. I literally, I swear to God. Yeah, well that the Pioneer zx-50 Literally I swear to God I literally made that out. I know you did I literally just made that out with my mom That was crazy So there are so you can play any turntable. I don't think I can play on the zx-50s. I'm gonna be completely Jules do you have questions about Dylan? I have a question. Have you ever gone to Ibiza? Yeah.

Is it always crazy there? That place sucks. Really? He's broke her during it. I'll fucking, I'll talk shit about places, that's for sure. Yeah. Oh shit. Worst place is the DJ.

Yeah. So I'm going to Singapore. Tell me about it. Singapore is awesome. I was just there. So I actually love Singapore. Do you go me about it. Singapore is awesome. I was just there. So I actually love Singapore. Do you go to the Philippines? Singapore is awesome. I'm not done with Singapore. Thank you. I. OK, sorry.

I. OK. But I swear to God, my dear, we will get to the Philippines later. OK. We're Singapore now. We're Singapore. Right now. So tell me about it. So me and Andrew are going, Santino. Right. We're going to be there for a week.

Yes. May I ask you some questions? Yeah. I don't know the fuck we're staying. Okay, so you should stay at the Marina Bay Sands. Oh yeah. Okay, write that down. Incredible.

Alex, please, Marina Bay Sands. Alex, please. Singapore is so beautiful. What is it with the Marina Bay Sands? It's not like that. It's the best hotel. The one with the pool on top. The one that's in all the photos.

Yeah, it has the pool on top, you can see all of Singapore. Should we get the venue to get us a suite? Yes. And you should also go to Marquee, that's in the Marina Bay Sands, and they have a, not a Ferris wheel, but yeah, I guess a Ferris wheel. I have a friend that's going,

do they have glory holes there? It's a giant pool on top. Do they might have glory holes? That's a graph. Carlos, he's going, so does Carlos needs a glory hole? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. Okay, that's good, write that down. They might have a question mark.

Also, glory holes question mark. Well, there's a place called Four Floors of Whores. Oh my God. Oh yeah. In Singapore? Yeah. Four Floor Floor, what is it? I can't even say it, it's like a twister. Four Floors of Whores. They made it so Asians can't say it. Oh yeah, Four Floors of Whores. I think it might have another name even say it. It's like a twister. Four floors of whores.

They made it so Asians can't say it. Oh yeah. Four floors of whores. I think it might have another name, but that's kind of what it's going to be. So there's four, how many floors are there? There's only four? Four, yeah.

And what's each floor do? Like at the mall. Our dwarves on the first floor. It's a mall where like at the bottom floor, you just pay for drinks and then nothing happens. And then since it's Singapore, it's like 10 bucks per shot. Oh yeah, it's very expensive.

And then before you can get to floor number two you're already poor. Yeah. But what's another if you can make it to the fourth floor what happens you think? You won't be able to have sex because you've drank so much on floor one and two and three. I'm sober so I sober yeah so I'll make it. I will make it. They might be pissed off if that you're not drinking. Oh really? I could pretend. Yeah that's how they make their money. Yeah. They get too drunk before you.

Right, so, your favorite restaurant in Singapore? I would go to the night markets. There's like the chicken satay stations, and then there's everything in the night market. I'll be honest, I wanna be a little racist toward, I'm sorry, but I'm talking to old people, but I don't know if I should say this out loud. You can't say it with me. You can say it with him.

Let me ask you something. You guys can do it. Hey, for audio. Hey, what's up? It's Dylan Francis. Go ahead. No! No! Hey, it's me, Dylan Francis. Go ahead. Are you saying about racist Asians? No, no. I was going to ask you. I don't know what you guys are doing right now. I don't know the play of this game. You were about to say something racist. So he was protecting himself.

I'm not saying anything racist. I'm just asking you, it's like, how do you know what meat it is? I mean. That's what I wanted to know. You're gonna say something racist. How do you know? There's cats and dogs.

Like it's like, you know, like, you know, would they go, me or cat? I'm like, what is? They'll tell you. I mean, yeah, you can. They can lie too. It's like, it could be cat. Yeah, I could be eating rat. I could be eating rat. I don't know, is it? They'll tell you. I mean, yeah, you can. They can lie too. It's like, yeah, I could be eating rat. I could be eating rat.

I don't know, but it tastes good. You put the peanut sauce on it. Oh yeah, peanut sauce solves everything. It does. Yeah, yeah, all right, so go to the night market. Yeah, and you can eat like manta ray as well. Oh. The chili crab, no?

Are there frogs? I didn't see any. Are there crocs? What is it? Cockroaches. I don't know. They don't eat cockroaches. They eat beetles though. No? I didn't see any. Okay. So go to the night market, all right?

The hotel we got, right? The Four Floors of Horrors, right? Yes. What are some other sightseeing I can do in Singapore? I'm trying to think of what else we did there that yeah I went and got tattoos there if you want to get tattoos, you know a guy Yeah, he's like the best in the world or whatever. Yeah, let me see. What do you do? Yeah, nah, can we tell the listeners about this frog

There Dylan showing his tattoos right now to Bobby. Yeah, I know, if I pass. Damn dude. Damn, okay. No, they look good. Give me his number. Give me his number. Okay.

Philippines, go ahead. Have you ever gone to the Philippines? I think I've been one time. And you didn't like it? Because it's just one time. It was okay. It was okay. It was okay.

No, please expand. Um. It was okay. What did you? I don't even remember what I did there. I honestly think I- So it was a long- I think I did a long- It was okay. It was okay. No, please expand. It was okay. What did you? I don't even remember what I did there. I honestly think I got in and I played the show and left. Cause there aren't a lot of places that I get to spend

a lot of time cause you know this, touring. You know touring, you have to pay for everyone's things. So you gotta make sure you're staying at the places that you really love to stay at. Philippines? Not one of my top places. Sorry. Japan? Yes. Okay. I'm offended right now about what you're saying about the Philippines. I'm super offended by it, number one. Right? Is that it? Yeah, it says Dylan Francis live in Manila. Yeah, but how many hits, how many people didn't see it? That's not even at Manila. That was at Coachella

They're playing all stuff. That's not even that's in the shrine in Los Angeles. It's the Valkyrie the promo and then it'll show the fucking thing You never went like outside. I think I think I just went through the the the hotel I was staying at was at a Was at a mall so I think I at was at a mall. So I think I just walked around the mall. And that was it. I didn't even get to ride a motorbike. Or motorcycle.

I've been to Phuket though, and Phuket's amazing. That's in Bali? No, that's near Bali. It's like saying, have you been to Peru? No, but I've been in Cleveland. That's in the same area. That's in the same area. Oh.

Pull up a map. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Pull up a fucking map right now. Who cares? It's a completely different thing. Pull up a map. Why? Because they're an island?

Yeah. OK. That's insane. They're all close to South. I am so offended that you would do it. It's so offended that you wouldn't say something. They're all close to South. It's so offended you're gonna say something. They're all close to South Asia. It's so racist.

Oh my God. Clip that. I'm racist. I'm kidding. Yeah, where? Clip that. So do you have, where, Philippines there, where's Phuket at?

No, there's Thailand right here, so Phuket's right here. Wow. That's so far. No, no, Phuket's, isn't Phuket below Singapore? Or is it above? Well, this is Thailand. I thought Phuket was, yeah. Phuket's in Thailand. It's above Singapore. is it above? Well, this is Thailand. I thought bouquet was yeah It's above Singapore

Singapore, I know but look at the Philippines. Okay. Yeah. No, right. It means is a bit further away That's a trip of ocean I don't know why I thought I don't know why I thought Philippines and Cambodia were connected and they're clearly not whatsoever Yeah, anyway, no, no one of the most racist things I've ever heard. Bobby got in trouble in Thailand. Like why maybe you had to apologize for saying something about the king. All right, dude. Don't bring up old stuff. What do you bring old shit up like? I know it was Michelle Yao. That's sorry.

Oh, I thought it was the king. No, the king was there. Oh, it's all the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. wait, I've been to Vietnam. There you go. I play this party. Yeah. The most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life, and they were all doing like whippets. They all had like condom balloons.

They were fucking massive. And everyone in the club was gorgeous. I don't know what was it. I mean, this is not saying a lot, but I was one of the ugliest people in the club. Whoa, I was, I mean, I'm not, this is not saying a lot, but I was one of the ugliest people in the club. Whoa, I just thought of a new idea. Having a little contraption on your penis that looks like a Whippet thing.

What do you think? You and I, Alex, we'll go to fucking Vietnam, dude. Everyone was just huffing those things. We were all black, we were all stage black, right? And just had the Whippet, right? So maybe it'll confuse,. Anyway, that's gross. Cut that part out. But in my mind, is that, wow, you liked it?

It was awesome. The party was really fun too. And Vietnam's awesome. We walked around the like, the hand job area. And we kept trying to take photos of them. And it was the funniest thing ever because they would all like... What's a hand job area?

Ah! As you would take, if you pulled out your phone at all, every one of them would go, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! I'll go, wow. All because they want to see it. They don't want to get it. They're family.

Yeah. They're family. I never paid for sex. Look at my eyes right now. I've never paid for sex. You have. I haven't. Oh my God, oh my God, yes.

That was the most real therioty. That's insane, dude. That was a wild fight. So much, too. Like over 40 times. Oh my God, I read that was the most real charity trip I've ever had. That was wild. So much too. Like over 40 times. Oh my god, I read that. No, you can see numbers. You read that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never. I know you haven't. Even just for a hand job? No. Why'd you scream that? Yes? Why'd you scream? Yeah, yeah.

I've never. Wow. I've never paid for a hand job. What's the worst place you've ever been? Be honest. The worst place I've ever been. The Philippines. No. No. I never said that. I never said that. Worst place I've ever been? Damn, that's a good question.

Okay. Europe. Let me try to think. Um, hold on. Give me a sec. I have a lot of places. Okay. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. That's it. Go ahead. Probably Germany. Why? I love it there. I love it there. But women know. Yeah. But I think it's really, it was like the first times I was going there. I guess this is situational, but they do this like very, they do like a very funny thing for they're like, I don't know why we booked you here, like I don't know why we booked you here.

I don't know why people like your music, but they do. So have fun playing. And you're like, what? I hate that. It's just like weird backhanded. I don't like it. It's so bizarre. I don't like it, yeah.

Don't ever play there again. I will though. I will. But if I played played soccer I would love to play for Bayern Munich maybe. Yeah. I think also Berlin's incredible. Oh is it? But yeah I forgot where it was. Are they are they still are they racist? That wasn't me. Did you feel like that's not you? This is actually kind of like why I created this character. I was gonna ask you is that. Yeah. He has an alter ego. It is. What is it? It's his name is DJ Hansel and he always talks about going one deeper. Yeah yeah. And his whole thing is that like everything that you do is horrible. Yeah. And that you should only listen to like one kick drum and that's it. That's funny. How many followers does

DJ Hansel have? Not bad. 30,000. Pretty good for a character. For a character. That's it. That's funny. How many followers of dj hands alive? Not very good. That's a pretty good for a character or character. That's really good If you go to the first video, it really explains him all the way down All the yeah that one that one explains him as like a person In a porta party. I played a 16-hour set in a porta party So about three people outside probably the deepest time I've ever had that's like that's amazing great Yeah, dude, we want in Diplo to you guys. That's the character you have to play. Is that happening? Yeah I know I hope that does I think we should call James. I love Anderbeek dude me too. Yeah, I'll tell you the worst place city

I've been to America. It's not because of the town. It's just my experience at the club, uh-huh, and it's a Hartford, Connecticut Hartford, Connecticut, there's a funny bone there It's a comedy club and I remember showing when I went there I could the manager wouldn't meet me Until the end of the week and he was very rude. He handed me the check, you know, very rude. And he was like, you know what I mean? He was like, yeah, all you do is get naked,

make people feel weird, and I'm like, yeah, but it's just, people like it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Don't have to put my art down, you know? And they never asked me back. Was he German? No, did I just do a German accent, man?

I don't know, maybe you can't do one. I could have done it for you. Oh, there's a challenge. Oh, you're all right. You say a sentence, I'll try. Okay. Uh, uh, uh. Did you just bark at me?

Uh, uh. I'm getting the vocal ring. That's how you do it. Hello, how is it, hello, how are you doing tonight? No, you're supposed, I wouldn't know, don't ask me a question. No, no, I'm telling you to say that to me. No, I want to, I want to mimic your accent so I can get it. What the fuck, man?

Look at this, Bobby. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going Don't ask me a question. No, no, I'm telling you to say that to me. No, I want to mimic your accent so I can get it. What the fuck, man? Look at this Bobby Lee, he is so disgusting. Look at this Bobby Lee.

Look at this Bobby Lee, he's so disgusting. That sounds like Dr. Evil. That sounds like Dr. Evil. I don't care, I'm almost there, right? Look at this Bobby Lee. This is the most horrible accent I've ever heard. The most horrible accent I've ever heard. This is the most horrible accent I've ever heard. What is that?

A purse? Am I getting there? Maybe less nasally. This is the most... Why is it going more nasal? Oh yeah, so nasal. Uh huh. Uh huh.

This, this, it's in the front of your mouth. It's in the front of your... You want to do it. No, no, no. You just, you're doing it! I don't want to do it! We're not going to continue. Try it. front of your mouth Bobby Lee is the worst person alive Bobby Lee is the worst person alive Tokyo but she sounded like she was at the Burgheim, like basically going through and you were about to try to go in and she was like, ugh.

This is the worst lasagna I've ever had. Have you been to the Burgheim? Lasagna. Yeah, I know where it's at. Can you pull up the Burgheim and the bouncer that works there? He's worked there. When I was on Mad TV, I remember they were like,

you gotta play an Irish guy. And I go, no. And so they would purposely want me to do these accents for the table read, because they knew that it would be so terrible. So terrible it's good. This guy's hot. This guy works at the front of the biggest club

in Berlin, the Burgheim. He's famous now, I assume. Yeah, and they have like floors. There's a floor on there Berlin, the Burgheim. Wow. He's famous now, I assume. Yeah. And they have like floors. There's a floor on there that basically there's a guy that sits in the bathrooms and let you shit and piss in his mouth. Oh, whoa. Hello.

And then you can look up that guy too. Are you into that? No. But... Okay. Look at his eyes again. Okay. I mean... without being specific.

I know a lot of people that have that, so. What, really? Yeah. Have you had that happen? No. Why not? I don't think I've ever had anything go near my booty. Okay.

Same. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Are you interested? I'm not interested. I tried it one time back with one girlfriend where I tried to do that, put it in her butt,

and I had smoked so much weed before that, and I was, yeah, it was bad. Yeah, and so I never wanted to do it again. Don't even think about it, yeah, yeah. How about you guys around the table? You're a Christian, so you know? George, no? Alex?

Do I eat butt? He was waiting, we're like, ask me again! George no Alex Don't get so specific you got so nerf but You're have you had that thing happen that thing happen close to it not not on it though What do you mean close to the taint? You know you were yet the Grundleman? Yeah, the Grundle He had the Grundle so basically you're like I went to Coachella. Where were you? I was an action Joshua tree That's what you're saying. Not really the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, excuse me. I was in the Philippines, but I went to Phuket So, um

What's in the near future, my friend? I don't know, man. What do you mean? I don't know. I'm gonna probably go eat after this. No, no, no, no. Oh. No, no. Also, I haven't been to your house.

That was at your house, right? Yeah, that was my house. Love your house. Thank you. It's in the perfect location. I'm not gonna tell people where you live, but it's super cute. I love yours. This Thank you. It's in the perfect location. I'm not gonna tell people where you live, but it's super cute. I love yours.

This is it. Yeah, I've never been here before. Let's move on. Okay, I'll be back. But really cute place. Thank you. Dog. Yep, two dogs.

Yeah, I love them. Thank you. Right? And you have a girlfriend? Yep. Would you say you have the perfect, do you think you a girlfriend? Yep. Would you say you have the perfect life? You're there? I'm yeah. I do really feel like I have the perfect life right now.

I'm happy for you. Thank you. I'm gonna help you get there. I'm gonna help you get there. You know, I had, I honestly. One butthole lick at the time. I don't know why you say that, but. It's crazy you just brought that up. But I'm at a point right now. I don't know, I just look in Bobby's eyes and I see that. I had a spiritual awakening in Hawaii

and I'm being real. I sat there and I, you know how sometimes in your life you go, I gotta make some changes. I think I'm being real. I sat there and I, you know how sometimes in your life you go, I gotta make some changes. I think I'm there. I'm gonna make some deep changes. And hopefully as a family here, you can help me make those changes. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

I think I'm going to take a break from dating. Okay. Take a big break from that. And focus on yourself. Well, you know, I have some good news everybody. I'm doing a special, I don't know if people know. I didn't know that. I'm doing a special at a company.

It's gonna be a big thing when I do it. So I'm gonna focus on that. And I have some other things that I'm focusing on. Me and Andrew are gonna go on tour. You should get really buff. You should get buff, like the guy from- I think that's the next stage, dude. I would love to see the special and you just be,

you come out on stage. Who's the guy from the Marvel movies? Cool Male Nanjiani? Yes. Yeah, we just had him. He was just here last week. Sitting there. Right here?

Yeah, and guess what? Yeah, guess what? He's a great guy, he's a great guy. Oh. Sitting there. Right here? Yeah. And guess what? Yeah, guess what? He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Okay. So yeah, Nanjano was here and Nanjano was very buff. Very buff. Yeah, yeah. And he's such a clever guy. Yeah. He's crafty. He's like Moriori. I saw him do stand up with Fahim at the comedy club. Wait, were you there too? You know what's funny about you? Because I came down. No, no, no. Here's what's funny about you? Because I came down. No, here's what's funny about you. And now you just, no, you just pissed me off. You just literally just pissed me off.

There you go, Dylan. You just literally pissed me off. I saw you at the comedy store, right? And you were watching a show that I wasn't on. Or I was on later and you wouldn't stay. Yeah, I think that's what it was. I stayed! No, you didn't.

No, I stayed. No, I tell you why, fuck. I did stay. We stayed for a while. stay yeah I think that's what I stay no you didn't rebuttal no I stayed no I tell you why fuck I did stay we stayed for a while but you didn't see this watch myself because I'll tell you why how I know this you did too how many sets do you do I'll tell you why I know this okay okay and it's not I'm not fighting with you and this isn't like a court right it's something that I witnessed out of my own eyeballs, okay? And I'll tell you how I know this.

I was walking up the stairs to the original room and you were coming out, right? I go, oh my God, you go, yeah. I go, who'd you see? And I know that you saw Fahim, right? And I knew I was on the lineup. And then you go, I gotta go though. And you were with some people.

And you had dinner or something. So you took off. And I remember thinking, and it's not something I'm mad at. It hurt me. It really did hurt me. And I've thought about it. I'm not mad about it though. Did I?

Yeah, that's exactly what happened. You know that. Admit to this, my fans right now, admit to my fans that that happened. Admit it. It happened and I'm not happy about it. And I get it. I'm not as good.

If I could do it again. Fahim. Fahim's clever. He's proactive. And he's a crafty little Middle Eastern man. And we love him here. Fahim invites me to all of his shows. Yeah?

I don't get any Bobby texts. I don't get any Bobby texts. That's FaceTime Fahim right now. For any shows at the Comedy Store. And I would go if Bobby was like, hey, do you want to pull up tonight? I literally don't want you there. That's fucked up.

I literally don't want you there. Wild that he's so mad about it, and he doesn't want me there. Hello? What? Microphone. Oh, no, I'm doing the lab experiments in my lab. There's frogs, dissecting frogs. Put it on the mic.

The mic. Yeah. Maybe if you don't call it duty, I don't know. Dylan. Oh. Hey, thanks for picking up. The weirdest FaceTime I've ever got. I'm like, Robbie, you need to be a good friend.

That made me so fucking mad. Dude. Dude. That's wild. Dude. Did you just hang up my fucking FaceTime? Yeah, cause we're better friends. To grab Dylan's.

I'm joining. No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you just hang up on me? No, I haven't. And you went to Dylan's fucking FaceTime, dude? I tried to be honest with you. Be honest with me. Did you see him hang up quick?

I was pretty quick. Real quick, dude. You go, this is what I heard you say, oh my God, Dylan, we heard that, right? And then beep, and then beep. Did you hear that? And then I'm cut off and you went there. You know what, Fiem?

You're done, you're done with me, dude. No! Yeah, I hung up on him. No! I'm fucking done with that guy, dude. Anyway, we'll talk to him later. Hold on, I just gotta call him back. Okay.

Hey. Finally, now that Bobby's gone. Yeah, thanks that Bobby's gone. Yeah, he went to poop. I love you, and I can't wait for the next show. Oh, can't wait. Yeah, man. When is it?

It's right on the FaceTime, Bobby. When is the next show? I'm doing the works on stuff February 13th. February 13th. So every week. Yeah, I'll be there. February 13th, you're doing a show? You can't hear Bobby.

Bobby, I would love you to do it. I'm trying to get you to do it. Give me the fucking thing, man. I'm bringing comics together, dude. Alright, let me ask you something. Let me ask you a question. Can I ask you a question? When you did your big show in Canada

Yeah, in front of all those people right How many comics called you to see how it went? Just you and what did I say? You were proud of me you thought that it was like a hallmark of things to come You thought that it was like a hallmark of things to come? Okay, okay, I'll call them later. Call them later. Call them later. So what is this? A new album? Uh, yeah, I put this out a year ago, I think, almost. Astral Works. Yeah. By Dylan Francis. This mixtape fired two CDs. Yeah, holy shit, it's almost a year that's amazing yeah you can get that if you want yeah everyone will watch that and yeah yeah your song that the music video that you're in is on that what's it

called um it's called rainy with rayami yep there it is check that one out yeah I'm just doing a bunch of other stuff right now you know a bunch of other music this is a year ago though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then every Wednesday. Not really working on that anymore. I know, that was like a year ago, dude. Reps said it's all the same.

All right, all right. That was the first event, come on, keep clicking, keep clicking. Oh yeah. I'm not here to promote anything, though. Yeah, every Wednesday. I'm here just to hang out with you guys. What's this?

It's God damn it. The sound, let's hear it. Let's hear some of this. Are we gonna get a flagged on YouTube? Probably, but I was only here, hang out with you guys. God damn it. The sound. Let's hear it. Let's hear some of this. Are we gonna get flagged on YouTube? Probably. But I was only here, I've never heard it. See, there it is. There it is.

Do you know that way back, this is probably 10 years ago, Fat Jew used to hype up the crowd for me. Fat Jew? Yeah. Who's that? You don't know who the Fat Jew is? I know fat Jewish people.

But I don't call them fat. It, yeah. Yeah, and what do you say? He used to he used to just tell people to put drugs in their butt and drugs in your butt. Yeah Yeah, yeah, can you just say random things? Yeah, no, you can yeah, but a lot of people got mad macaroons are tangy Yeah, he definitely that good one. We should write some down Maybe you know what I mean? Bobby, if you ever want to come to Vegas and just. Please bring him. I would love that.

If you ever want to come to Vegas and MC for me. Yeah, I will. I don't even have to MC for that long. You could just do it for five minutes. Duck stare lip lip, I don't know. Duck stare lip lip. Yeah, I'll just make stuff up. I'll write it down.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'd love to do it. Some yell some stuff out there, you know? We could do the first ever DJ set with comedy breaks. I would enjoy that immensely. Thank you. That'd be awesome. Yeah anyway, um What a choice what do you enjoy yourself here? I love you guys. No, did you really enjoy yourself? I all Bobby when I saw that you guys wanted me back or unless it was me asking to be on this

Which one we wanted you? You can tell me the truth When I saw that you guys wanted me back, or unless it was me asking to be on this, which we wanted you. You can tell me the truth. I'll be completely honest. Henry, tell me the truth. Did we ask to be on this? I don't even remember to be honest. I probably asked.

I'm gonna tell you the most honest. I probably asked my manager, Nick. I'm gonna tell you the most honest answer that I can, and this is not about comedy. It's not about laughter, okay? I don't know.. I don't know. I honestly don't know. But when I found out you were doing it,

I was like, fuck yeah. Dude, I'll come back anytime. In fact, I never know, right? Everyone was like, who's going, who's going to be there? They're like, Dylan Francis, oh, that's cool. You know what I mean? It was like, sometimes they say stuff like, oh, who? Right, and then you have to send me and then you have to send me like their

Wikipedia and have to memorize the things they've done Yeah, yeah, so that's happened a lot, you know, I can see that But yeah, um, you can come if you're ever want to plug anything come here I would like also one day come to your Wednesday night Vegas thing. That'll be fun anytime Give Dylan Francis a round of applause everybody. Thank you for watching!