TigerBelly - Ep 209: Go Get 'em Gob!

Episode Date: August 28, 2019

Bobo is grounded for softcore. Khaloko is a Nightengale. Jon is the new Captain. We talk Romulan Ale, Don't do lists, a horny party mom, and two very sprained ankles. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey You Well, I've been sleeping in and out of depression here. They come in waves and I Don't know if you're are you recording? Yeah, we're not starting yet though. I'm just doing it in case just in case Yeah, but I've been in and out of depression. I don't even know if I can do this right now, but we have to But it's gonna be great because I have to confront one of you three for murdering my father

That's so soon for a delicious joke out of your murder you think so yeah Oh, I just want to accuse somebody of something You just want a Netflix documentary about you. Yeah, and your father. Yeah Where were you John last couple weeks good to see you how you're seeing a baby How's your kid? She is she been on Arizona recently. No No, how old is your how does how does your daughter? She's almost to she didn't murder anybody. I'm my bad That's almost impossible

Right let alone. She doesn't even know my dad. I don't think so. Yeah But um, I Think I'm in denial that he's gone Since the last time we talked. Yeah a cry yet. I think I've been denied. I haven't cried yet. I mean complete denial. Oh Fuck yeah, I think I'm gonna have a meltdown at Magnum PI. Please don't I feel like that's coming Like if your lines like really long, you know, they're gonna just cut. What's up? And I start crying oh I'm not gonna do that sit down

Everyone sit down. We've already kind of started but let's start for real Five Four three. Oh god, Kyla two Driscoll's only the finest berries raspberries from boys What's a friend voices? What does that mean? What's from Bois? Raspberry. Oh, oh fuck my friend from Bois from Bois. I said from boys is I like that. That's better Frambo anyway, Driscoll's is a great company. If you ever

If you ever any place and then we got oh my god twin river Wow, coke or coconut no blueberries tremendous. I thought these were coconuts Babe baby brown coconut. Yeah, I thought they were baby coconuts, but twin river is great because there's a river That's two Okay, okay. I don't know if you guys know in Oklahoma. There's a river, right called the one river But then there's two right then they collide and they call it the twin river right when they collide is where they have these beautiful blueberry branches and the freshest blueberries grow there and that there we have twin river So that's that. Well, just if you guys are into fruits and vegetables

But anyway, welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly I'm you know, I'm no longer the captain. I don't feel captain like I want to be a crewman No, I want to get you know what? I'm gonna demote myself off of the boat and I'm gonna give somebody the job as captain because I could no longer do it But look at John though I was I was look at the way he's sitting. I literally like eating toward John captain Picard like yeah, oh very poor car Would you like some real gritty or sure? You want to you want to take the guy in on ten forward? She's whoopee Goldberg. Oh, yeah, you want to you're the captain, right?

Yeah, yeah, you don't know who Guinean is no she heads your restaurant bar. Is it any good? What you're the captain you should know and first of all they use the same food replicators in all the you know In all of the ships, so I mean you could get the same stuff I think what kind of food do they have up there? Do they ever mention it on the show? They probably they have foods from different lands like Well, there's one drink that's banned out of all the which is Romulan ale It's not even just like moonshine. It's illegal

It's right. So it's like there was this one movie. I forgot which one it was I think it was the third next generation movie. No, it's the fourth one nemesis where they're at Troy and William Riker's wedding and Wharf is having a headache You know, oh, yeah, and then the forge goes. What's wrong with a wharf? He goes, oh, man I just drink some Romulan ale. It should be illegal and then and then and then and then what's his name? What's is that blind guy the forge? Gordy of Forge goes he goes

It is illegal And you you could hear a chuckle through the theater a really strong laugh through the theater because Everyone knows that wharf Did you know that no and Romulus Romulan the Romulan Empire By the fourth next generation movie We actually get to go see it. They're Romulan ale Do they just have a tolerance for their ale that like doesn't quite apply to the other types like wharf

Or well, you know in Las Vegas at I forgot what it was the Hilton. They used to have that whole Star Trek you know Section of the in a restaurant a whole theme park, but on the bottom Mm-hmm, and there was actually a bar and you could order Romulan ale and you go and I'm like and I'd be like One Romulan ale, please and they were like sure and I go You wanted to recreate this right he goes what are you talking about it's on the menu and I go Right he's like no, it's not it's apple juice That's what he said it's apple juice and I go

So it's either it's either it's either There's a several things going on that Romulan the Romulan Empire throughout the years Has been saying yo, don't drink our ale But at the bottom line it was apple juice the whole time So it could have been a complete. What do they call it when they trick? They bamboozled the whole Star Trek universe So anyway, so there used to be that and I took a photo of the next generation

I don't know I have so I have a photo on Instagram where my brother and I I had a mohawk We took some photo. That was my favorite place in Las Vegas is that Star Trek? Place there used to be a little ride you can go on and what hotel was it at the Hilton Hilton strip. There's a Hilton on a strip Is this real Let me see this. Let me see this all right. I'm throwing out Hilton. I'm throwing out Hilton I'm almost a hundred percent sure it's Hilton. I gotta look it up But please look it up and back me up because if I'm wrong

Hilton and then if there was never a Star Trek anything in Vegas, then I was doing too many drugs back then there was okay You still have valleys. Yeah, I are you looking it up? The old-school ones like circus circus is not there anymore. Damn Star Trek the Enterprise a theme attraction which opened in January 1998 at the Las Vegas Hilton in Las Vegas fucking face Guk woman No one ever challenged me challenges dreams. Yeah, I don't know Guk woman, but there was one babe And it was the greatest place ever. Oh Hilton, right and no way that I wasn't doubting that there was a bar I didn't think that you just fabricated a whole story about us archer

But I have in lot my in life. I fabricate half my story is I know but this one is for sure Yeah, cuz I've seen the picture. Thank you Thank you, and it was so so hard to is when you're in Vegas with a bunch of comedians and going Hey, let's go to the Hilton. They're like, why? Like cuz that's where the start you know, fuck you. We're not going So then you would end up going to that bar alone and then getting the Romulan ale and the apple juice They had you know what it was great about it, too was they had like a fog over it. Oh Oh, oh, yeah, it was dry eyes, but it looked like it was like they just took it from the tap of some sort of Romulan tree

Straight from the tap the illegal Romulan ale and then you would drink it and you got apple juice So it's you know, they had it up into the point Then you tasted it and then you remember in Vegas back in the day where all the hotels in the lobby They would have the oxygen bars. Oh, I love those I used to spend all this time there really and they never worked You stick those little tubes in your nose and your nose. You'd breathe really hard and you would try to convince your friends It's working. I'm more aware and they're like, no What was the selling point just it just looked cool because they had all the in the bubble with different colors, right? This one's on blueberry

Jasmine mint breeze And you're like, which one is it? But when you would stick it in there go, it is black raspberry blue mint freeze It tastes just like that. You stick it in there. You would doubt whatever, right? Yeah, blood orange carnival fair Stick it in there. I'm in a fucking carnival blood orange in my nose. God dog God dog, you know, I feel like you know what you said fair I think that we should try this year to go to the renaissance fair. Have you been before club? I've never been I Hear it's a thing. I'm I've always been scared to do those because I'm afraid that I'm not gonna be able to pick up the stick Oh

They're like sir fight me this one. Oh the spear that big stick and you're on the horse and you have to write all the Jowling jowling jowling there's no way to hold that thing up. No one's asking you to joust in real life. Oh, really? I would do it though. I think you should do it. Yeah, where's the stick? You mean the joust like whatever I think he calling I'm on the horse dog and they would give it to me And it would you know what what I was writing it would drag along The floor it would make us it would make dust We go we go really slow like an anchor. He's got a new technique Trip up your own horse and probably in those fairs. It's like wooden but still I still get beheaded

Freak accent like it's what we have no idea and I'm just completely my head severed from my tail Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. I'm no thank you and also I don't like stick meat. Oh Oh, you don't like I don't like the meat. What's on the bone and you hold the bone as a handle turkey leg And then you're telling your other barbarians You know I did this. Oh, you mean this giant turkey legs the fair. I want it sliced like brisket Okay, I don't hold the fucking you wants it pre-chewed. I like it So welcome to another episode of tiger belly. We didn't do a proper intro I don't know. I'm not your captain anymore. I'm you know, I'm crewman Bob

I'm just you're just a regular crewman washing the trousers. Do they have washing machines and trip and in boats? Yeah, you're ones. Yeah, like in the military boat. They have watched then I'm washing the trousers and cutting up carrots and just a regular crewman and I Will give John Naw the captaincy today Wow Only because He's the kind of Asian I trust

What kind of Asian are you again? I'm Korean. That's exactly go. There we go. Thank God. You didn't even know but yeah I knew my guts at it He's Korean how long can I use this use what my dad has just a basis of my My behavior as long as you want in in fact, he's been doing this thing where Everywhere we go Like everywhere he uses it. He says You gotta let yeah, you gotta let me have the the curly fries cuz my dad just died You gotta let me have why wouldn't you even why wouldn't you give me Carl curly fries as just as is?

Why do I do you force me to use my dad as an explanation? I never I never ask you wait Where are you guys getting you okay for since he's been back? I've let him do whatever the fuck you want. I Didn't get seven days of like grieving allowance from you allowance. I'm not why do you need an allowance? You can take however long you want. I need 14 21 days of just Yeah, I want 14. I thought 14 would not think 21 is perfect. All right. I need 21 days Starting today. I get an extra 21 days My was right up to 28 like a movie. Let's do a month 28 days later. Exactly. Thank you And I apologize that you're not captain. It's like I don't trust you. It's okay. Okay

But I need 21 days of for me to just make use that excuse Because it's been in and out of depression. I can't I can't explain it. You just drive around. You're like, I'm fine And then you think about a thing But you know what the question that I've been asking myself as of late is I just don't didn't know him You know, like I didn't know Anything about him like What's his favorite color or I think he didn't watch movies like you couldn't ask my dad like What movie do you like he wouldn't say oh good bad ugly, you know, Sergey Leone

Right, he would not know In fact, when he was sick eight years ago and I've used her to me to tell the story we put The music in his ears and he had it was the first time he ever heard music. He said in his life So I don't know anything about him because I think that in your I know that it was tumultuous when you were younger And so it was hard to get to know the man, but it when you were an adult you said in your 20s It got better. Did you do you think that you tried to get to know him and he was just impenetrable in that way? No, I think that as he got older, especially in his 50s, maybe mid 50s Something happens to men. They soften a little bit. Yeah, just just naturally softened and

And um, this is way before he had health issues too. So, you know, it got to the point where you know He was I did a pilot for commie central. He was in it I did a couple of sketches on mad one with one with Ike coming over to my parents house and Then we end up being in a bathtub with me Ike my brother Steve and my dad completely naked in a bathtub and we have we make Santa suds with my beards And I just remember being in that bathtub with Ike my dad and my brother Just laughing because I don't think we were I think we were completely naked

For a sketch. Yeah for a sketch And like our dicks were like rubbing against each other's ass cracks because we're in this small little thing Yeah, and my dad is laughing because in no like He did not come in this country thinking that this is gonna be a thing that he could do to make money With his kids. Yeah, like all I have to do get naked sit here With the mustache, you know, yeah, okay, but he would when he were doing it He was just laughing like it was ridiculous fun. I think that's more important though

Like I know like I'm saying like you don't need to know someone in depth to have really great memories with them And I think that you do carry the memories, you know, you have I've never heard someone tell so many stories about their parents before in fact, you have more stories about your dad than I do about mine and That's because you guys lived a lot of ups and downs together So even though you feel like you didn't know the the depths of him You have a lot you have a big bag of memories to carry and I think that's really that's special that's true, but But in many ways the English language, he did not have any grasp of it whatsoever. So his

knowledge of the English language is pretty much he could order at a restaurant and he knows where the bathroom is He knows how to tell people to get out of his store I mean you go, you know, whatever, you know, no browsing or whatever, right? I mean you touch you by you know that kind of those ones, but um So when you when you're when you have a parent with that limited, you know communication skills and All I know is English You just they're just certain things that you just will never know

You know, how do you feel about? Yeah, live after death or you know, what do you feel about religion? I don't know anything about him But the things that we did share were things like I love you That's so big because let me tell you like in Korea Well, I'm told that that's not Prevalent across Korean families like especially like the older generations to be so vocal cuz Jessica was saying she was like You know, Jessica's Korean my best friend and she was like, I think it's so crazy that Bobby's family are so expressive to one another. There's so much. I love you. I love you. I love you and

Maybe it's just her own family, but they don't do that. Does yours John? Well, my my relationship with my dad is very similar to Bobby like Because he doesn't speak much English either and so like I've always told my friends growing up Like I never had like a real conversation with my dad like a really deep like Philosophical conversation just cuz we can I don't have the vocabulary in Korean. Yeah, he doesn't have just like the basic English Yeah, do something like that. So it's very surface level But I mean there are times where he like lectures me in Korean and I just kind of yeah, you don't kind of fully know Yeah, you kind of yeah, but you get these mad. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but is there are you expressive?

Like does he when you were a kid did he hug you a lot? Did he like no, no not at all because they do later My mom is very my mom is very physical very loving. Yeah, yeah, my dad not so much Yeah, it might just be Jessica's family and that's just I think it's just yeah You know what I was at my friend Craig Crawford's house growing up and his stepdad We were going out one night and stepdad Is it when we were people drinking, you know in high school and he sent us down and he's he gave us like a 30-minute Lecture on drugs and alcohol and sex and I mean like if you're in trouble and you can call me and this and that and remember

Some drugs are illegal this and that and the condoms and all that right and and we were in the car Driving away from his parents house and I was just like wow lucky. Are you? Because what do you mean? I go yeah, my dad would never do that This is my dad's lecture if he was if Craig was at my house All right, dad. We're gonna go out Don't do Okay That's it now when you have don't do you do everything you do you know you're paranoid to do anything

Because there's not specific you could be at McDonald's going Should I be doing it because it's a vague thing don't do yeah, right? So that's how limited my dad was you know In rehab, you know, he would be the guy During like a group session, you know, we're we're with a counselor and he would just fall asleep like he doesn't know about drug addiction about spirituality or Dr. Bob or any of the program she he's just you know, he just shows up and

It's amazing that I even do comedy or even When it has anything to do with entertainment because my dad is so not like that. He's so quiet and hard-working and Yeah, that work ethic thing blows my mind blows my mind not transfer into your genetic. No, yeah, I missed it My brother two generations. Yeah, my brother and I I don't know why but I'll be honest with you if It's weird because I was exposed to my dad was never exposed to art You know and thinking that an art can pay your bill. It's just so just an insane

You know thought to some immigrants Yeah, that their kid could just talk into a camera and make more money than a doctor There was this one woman that I don't know. I'm not it's not a direct quote But she said something along the lines of that where she was like lofty ideas are a privilege of the well-fed Have all these fancy wonderful Philosophical ideas when you have all the comforts provided for you And I think that your dad lived a very hard life where he had to always work where he couldn't worry about Philosophical rise. He was just a survivor. That's interesting. Yes, you're right

And I think that he worked his ass off so that my brother and I could have those whimsical dreams. Yeah, but um Yeah, I don't know man. It's it's it's just so I can't stop shaking That the day I know I'm sorry if I talked about last time but My mom freaking out and Going there. It's like it's it's it's I relive it in my head. It's really nightmarish Mm-hmm. It was the worst thing I'd ever seen FYI, you know And and you know what? Here's the thing John and everyone in this room And I let you because you hear of your father Kalaila, but um

I'm telling you right now. You got to get your time in now You got to get your time in now and I don't kind of pissed off at my father to be honest Why I thank you for the life, but also like what the fuck were you thinking making me at 60? Knowing that there's a good chance. I wouldn't have you for very long. Yeah, that's one of my biggest resentments It's like thank you for my life, but also like what the fuck were you thinking? Yeah, but with your case because we struggled so hard when he died My mom is an immigrant. We didn't have a fucking dime to our names by the time we came to America We were in a cockroach infested fucking place

We were like I'm thankful now in retrospect that I had to struggle like that. Yeah, but I mean He just didn't really have a fucking plan. Did he yeah, like he was just gonna go, you know Just waltz away into the sunset and you know die and now we were like, what the fuck do we do in America? I mean, but your dad's a 60 year old man, right? Who meets you really need to fuck is what I'm saying Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying that if I was your dad and I was 60 and I wasn't seeing anybody and A 20 year old wanted a bang and smash Marta's yeah, I'd be like body pop if I said no, I would be struck down from the Jesus himself I think that gift. It's a gift of you know, I mean like you're 60, but here's 20 year old vagina and

His mind must have been just like what do I do to deserve that? You know Yeah, I'm gonna not in there. Yeah, you know, I mean and then like all of a sudden you're with us. Oh Okay, I take it back No, you put it that way I understand that like you wanted to live a life, too Yeah, and we were just a byproduct of his horniness. I think I think I say that and we're happy He didn't have a plan past Smashing he didn't but

You know what that's not true because let me tell you like till the very until he was bedridden. He was so dedicated Every part of our lives. He was so here. We go. He was deeply entrenched into in our lives Like he would we didn't have a washing machine or like a dryer. We didn't have any of that So he would um hand wash like our underwear and he would do it. Yeah, my dad did interesting So role reversal and he was like a 70 year old man That's what happens when you smash a 20 year old eventually you got to wash panties in your 70s Yeah, but you have excuses, you know, I mean oh, you could vote my back Honestly, yeah, um

But here's the thing though is it had to have been A 60 year old guy from france Yeah, why are you winking at me when you say france like that? She frank your half french But is that like yeah, so something you're proud and having him to be tall and the way he looked and his personality Mixed in with your mom's personality Created this specific crazy night

night night night night and gale night night night and gale night and gale night and gale I was I didn't know what the word. Yeah, I mean you felt it. Yeah, my head is nightmare, but night and gale That's what it is night and gale But um, you're very special and I think that that chemistry needed to happen in that way, you know Um, but I'm telling you john is to get your time in your dad lives in san diego. Yeah, he lives in san diego Yeah, is he still like cognitive? Yeah, he's still you should visit him with your son daughter My daughter your daughter every chance you can what bobby?

What are the questions now if you didn't have a language barrier? What are the things that you would love love to know about your dad except besides like what's your favorite color? Oh, okay? Um, like what does john need to ask his dad? No, that's different. It's the same. They have no, he doesn't have my dad Oh, okay. Okay, right. I don't know what his dad is like You know, I know what dad my dad's like So my like have you ever killed my dad still you wouldn't ask your dad. Have you killed anybody? I know he's never killed it right, but my dad could have yeah My dad for sure did yeah for sure. I'm not saying my dad did but he could have

My dad thousand percent. Uh dad. Have you um Do you watch porn? Never. I know that already. Does he know what porn is doesn't know what it is even probably on the internet ever Okay, what else burning questions? That's the one thing I missed. I should have showed him porn That's the one regret Yeah That's the one regret. I think he missed it completely Was he was your mom the only one he had been with too? Yes, and the other way around Yes, and a beautiful. Yeah

Here's the thing is is that they don't have My dad's never Have seen I've I've watched tv with them and like seen like a beer commercial come on and some sexy lady You know, I mean in a bikini, you know, I mean You know waving the beer out of ziriak. He'll like look away. He doesn't he doesn't He doesn't have that thing my brother and I masturbated like monkeys at 12 I mean, you know, I masturbated in public like I had to get it out. Yeah, and I don't care what you know I need to do to get it out and get it out

You know, my dad doesn't have that He likes to keep it in you think that he was just suppressed though or no, I just think that it's we he doesn't live in today's modern society I think that if he was exposed to the same things I was exposed to That you know, not everything is Informative the internet. Do you ever wonder how your parents fuck? All right, I know like, you know, the I what that's the regret My dad just died what?

Oh, he was like a rabbit. No, we're walking down memory lane No, that's the first line is the sexual I don't I don't think about something that's so cringy to me. But I also I wonder if they have the same styles as you and I do One time I was watching because I used to sneak out into Wonder if the same styles. Yeah. Yeah, like do we have like imagine like Do did did they have styles back then that You know what I mean that are similar to the styles we have now

I think people have been generally fucking the same way for thousands. No, no, no, no Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you think somebody did um Missionary and said, yeah, this is this is original I'm the first one to do this Really just laying on top of ground pumping. Yeah, man. That's that's it No, everyone generally does it the same right if you're raping in a village not that I I don't condone it Yeah, but usually they bend the guy and the woman over over like A guillotine or whatever they have back in the day

Or a burning shed Oh, whatever. I want not right. It's very visual even dudes just to let them know They weren't even gay, but they would rape dudes. Yeah, let them know is like. Yeah, man That's my cum inside you too. Mm-hmm. And I know your house is burnt down I know your babies died. Yeah, and I know that you have nothing left But here's my cum and that's the worst fuck you read a history book, right? I wouldn't even do it on the back I would just do it inside. Mm-hmm. I know I know I don't why don't I look hey, I look to eyes of john and we had a connection. It was weird

That's interesting. Just but anyway. No my my dad When I was a kid in high school, I mean I stayed I used to sneak up we had this We had a room that my parents had additional built additional He they had built an addition to our house And it was like this kind of warehousey looking boxy room Where they put the tv and the living in the couch and whatnot and um

I used to sneak in there and watch late night talk shows Because I wanted to see the stand-ups And every time there would be a stand-up. I would watch it no matter who it was Kathy Ladman or Blake Blake Clark or whatever, you know, brian Regan And one night I could hear my parents coming down. So I turned the tv off. I hid behind the couch And my parents put on a korean nut. It wasn't softcore But it was a drama show that had some nudity in it

And they were gonna smash right then and there. Oh, wow, and I was like should I sit behind this couch? And you listen to it or get in big trouble and I chose big trouble So I you took it well. Yeah. So while I was playing I just stood up. I go. Okay. That's I'm grounded, right? I'm grounded, right because whatever this is and they're two weeks around it I think it's worth it. Yeah, think about your life if you had witnessed that Not only that think about if I got away with it I'd be fine with it But if they smashed and I was still down there

My dad looked around the couch and I'm sitting there like that that game over that is game over That's something has someone has to die. Oh my god. Yeah, that's someone. You know, um, I have I know this freak korean lady Who's a freak? Yeah, she was a mother of jessica. No Pussy freak There's this guy I used to She gave gave it out to everyone Oh No, she no, she definitely did not

How how do you look in the mirror? She Anyways Back to my friend's mom. Yeah, sorry Um, there I I had a friend who I used to swim with and he um had his mom was korean And he threw a party in this really big house in hencock park one time and we were in our 20s And we didn't know that his mom was home So jessica my sister and I we passed we went to go to the bathroom upstairs. There was this raging party We passed and we saw

The bedroom slightly open and so we peered through it and it's his mom masturbating to porn Right and my sister got so freaked out and so scared that she immediately went for the stairs tripped and and and Then twisted both her ankles. Oh my god, and then she was I'm not kidding. It took like she sprained both her ankles simultaneously because she was so shocked She said we got to get out of here. She also has gigantism. She's got to fucking be careful The balancing on it It was crazy. Oh, wow. So she fell down and then what happened?

Well, we had to hobble out of there But she was so freaked out that because it didn't make sense there because here was this party of the 20, you know 19 20 year olds. Yeah, and this older Korean lady just Furiously masturbating And you could I swear to god and she got she was kind of tipsy and she like freaked out She's like we shouldn't be here And then she went straight for the stairs and then just twisted both her ankles at the same time And so we had to freaking like carry her out of there

Wow You know what when I I've said this before but when I'm in When I'm in heaven if there's a heaven and there is a god, I'm going to go and go give me the best of kalayla What do you mean memories or yeah of just when she just made a fool out of herself or something weird happened And I was going to a theater and it just your since you were a kid All the way to the end and just your bloopers I would laugh so hard. It would make me so happy. I just told somebody my biggest heartbreak Yesterday, what um, I will never forget this. I might have told this earlier

But do you remember the first time someone ever rejected you? Oh, yeah The first time and how it felt That feeling to this day haunts me. Yeah, I remember going up to everyone is painting their faces We had something in school where it was a Saturday so we didn't have class but it was like a little fair and I had a a crush on a boy named um, paul john and um, everyone is painting faces and running around and doing this doing, you know, like kind of splashing paint on each other And so I was like now is my chance

So I go up to paul john and I was like paul john, let me paint your face He looks me dead in the eyes. He goes fuck off I was in fourth grade. He was in fifth grade and he said it's so loud everyone laughs Yeah, but I was so sure that I get I was gonna paint his face. I was like paul john Let me paint your face. He's like fuck off Oh, I had that happen to me too. Really julie rogglestad That's a real last name. So now There's that little book that's around here. It's like a photography book from when I was in seventh grade

You know that little open up. There's like little high middle school pictures. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So julie rogglestad is in there So she was a year older than me. I was in seventh grade. I was at somebody's house And like like at night It was a friday and she just pulled me aside and started making out with me. Oh That's not rejection. What was the yeah, it was because monday When I went to school first of all with so friday, I did not sleep One second best day ever no because I just jerked off To her from when she kissed me

To monday probably 19 times That's intense, bro Because you know when you a woman, you know, there's something about when a girl thinks you're cute attractive and she's making out with you You can feel there You want to make out with yourself too? Yeah, that's right. Right. So That was the first time I ever experienced that feeling of somebody desiring me That just made me furiously jerk off And then monday. Hey julie nothing

For the rest of my life Like no nothing nothing Not a hello. She worked at mcdonald's later in life I was a senior and I said hi julie when she was working at mcdonald's and she nothing There's you just she just That's cold-blooded. She completely denied it. It's that same girl. There's a girl that girl Before I met you bibb That one girl

I've told i'll talk to you about that one girl that I met at the comedy store. I'm not gonna say her name She's from bakersfield. Oh, yes, the one who fucked everybody. She fucked everybody everybody. You're right and every comic, right? and then years down the road She admitted to fucking every comic except fucking She still denies that she fucked me And that really that really fucking pisses me off You fucked like five times and didn't she like live here for a week? Yes. Well, she lived here. Yes in this house

Because she didn't have a place to stay so like he fucked her for a straight week. Yeah, she was talking to russell peters And he's like tell me she rattled off 30 names And he goes I heard bobby lee's like no He goes yeah, no, no, no, no, no Never don't know i'm never been to his house So that hurt It really hurt that would hurt me too sweetheart. Yeah, it hurts because you just want you know Um, you just want to be part of the pack

Yeah, but then it's like yeah, I think she was hurt though because of the way I ended it And I can't get into that because It involves somebody that we know and we can't talk about him So that's that you can't just say something that juicy and not no, that's what I like about it. That's how it works That's how life works, right captain. Yes, sir. No. Oh, oh like captain. Yes, sir. Thank you. Thank you. I'm still just an assistant So I so I go back to um, hawaii tomorrow guys, so that's why this is a little pre And um I'm doing another mac and pia and I want to congratulate theofan on getting he got a movie with chris prack

Exciting, yeah, you know and for the more the podcast got people that we know, you know, and I'll be honest with you Since the inception of tiger belly I mean My life has become why it's loud on the mic. Oh Don't let that piss you off. Bob. Everything's fine. You love her I love her so much. Is that usually your inner monologue? Yeah, I'm doing it out loud. I love her. Really? You know what? That's my inner monologue though, too. What do you say? Like don't fucking kill him and sleep Guys, this is really healthy

I love how extreme his little extreme Yeah, you really murder Yeah, well last night if you want to get last night was one of those here we go. Well, I wanted to kill you I almost actually I almost killed you. You almost died last night. You almost died last night. All right. I'm dead asleep Let's take it back yet to one. You know, what I'm gonna. It's this is work. This is his problem He always says I want to be a father. Let's have kids. I ask for one one fucking thing in the night Okay, I all right. Let's get let's rewind and let's stay out the facts. Let's paint it. Okay before we he paints that picture

Before I went to bed. I had a really really bad migraine. Yeah. Yeah, I have a colitis flare up Which means all my joints hurt. Yeah, and I told him that I was like I'm going to bed early It was a really good excuses by the way. I'm just not feeling well. Yeah, right? Yeah Okay, I'm just I'm dead asleep because I'm depressed because my father died Okay. Yeah, you know, there's blood coming out my butt, but just you know, no my father died I'm shooting blood. I don't know. My father died. Father died Butt bleeding father I have butt cum, but

But that will heal, right? My butt. My dad's not gonna come back Yes, okay. Yeah, right. So that my thing was, you know It's just a six days in All right, I'm sleeping, right Uh, you let's not start a fight. No, I look at your family. I just saw your face I just saw your face. No, this is the jury of our peers. All right. So I'm dead asleep It's like four or five in the morning

I'm also dead asleep, but my butt's not asleep because it's bleeding actively Which is man, she's a medical problem that we should address. Yeah, I have a real I've never heard that before It's colitis. So the your whole body was sleeping except your asshole That's actively bleeding. I that doesn't make any sense. I don't think that that's true You want to see the blood your butt was sleeping too because it's a part of the body But it was seeping blood. Okay, that's bad. It's because this factory's closed down The factory's closed down, but there's an inch. They, you know, there's a late night graveyard. All right. All right. All right Order the court. I am confused at the end of the day. So we're both dead asleep, right?

And um, I'm 99% asleep. I'm 100% Okay, what's the cause 99 and I hear this is what I hear Um, but get baby wake up. I go what? Julio Julio, I go what? Julio needs to go out Okay, take him out then. He had to um poo Like I it's not bothering me. I'm already asleep the night before I said, please take him out and make me when I before I went to bed I did take him out. Make sure he poos or else he's gonna wake us up in the middle of the night to poo

All right. He doesn't have the patience for that. So he doesn't let Julio poo. No, you win that then. Okay You win the whole thing, but then this is what he does Because he wants everyone to lose. He accepted defeat. No, he didn't I'd accept the defeat because He took the dog out for one second Comes running back in and I was like nope. He has he didn't he didn't even pee He was like take him back out takes him back out and I can see him from the window You're just watching He's tiptoeing. He doesn't want to step on the grass not only that I'm barefoot dead asleep. Mm-hmm, right?

Like imagine me out there dead asleep Going why am I the one doing this? Mm-hmm my dad died You can see that's yourself in my head You know, I see so I don't even get seven days So in this house six days you get a six days free rave from death How crazy is that think about that John?

Yeah, eventually to the court to the court right to the court. I would just will let you know, okay This is a man. I've known for 47 years My father, absolutely, right? Julio is your dog, right? Oh Aren't you Julio's father? Aren't you Julio's father? Yeah, I know and you know what? No normal normal circumstances after a 21 day reprieve of my dad dying. Yes, I would have done it

Mm-hmm, right but because of the window you still didn't do it because you tip code in the dark You're no longer captain. You son of a fucking rat fuck rat fuck korean You're a fucker, huh? You're no longer captain. All right, you're captain now. Thrust is full. You're captain now. Okay I know where you fucking stand now, man. Anyway, I accept your apologies. Let's move on Accept my apologies. Yeah, I apologize move on. I ended up walking Julio and pooing While your while your butt was actively bleeding active My butt was bleeding and he went back into bed all cozy and I sat there in the dark with my with my butt come

And having to wait till Julio pooed. She doesn't It's ridiculous. You don't butt cum I have butt cum. It's not cum. It's not cum Wait when you have colitis it kind of feels like cum Oh It's butt cum Well the more we learn So colitis is like so cum. Let me just say this. Okay. I'm not a scientist. Okay science alert though

But if I'm a science So I'm a scientist, right? All right. I'm at a table. There's two jars in front of me Come what is this experience just like cum and colitis Right and I go like this Don't do that, Bobby. No wait. Don't have to do that right right and I go Um, yes, they're both they're both cum No one's gonna say that they're gonna go that's definitely colitis And that's definitely human cum right there

All right, let's test they get like that. I don't think I know but I'm just saying if they did No, no, no, there's no way come as flavor. I know that oh this one has flavor too. You want to try? All right, baby, what are you fucking stevo now? Come on. You're acting ridiculous. So so I'm just tonight. All right. I'm leaving for hawaii tomorrow Today's the day last saturday sunday. My dad died I this is seven days. I get 21 days of reprieve. So tonight just you and I baby if hulu needs to leave For the morning. Go ahead. Okay. Okay, but the hawaii days count. Okay. It doesn't count. It's work. You don't come back to get an extra 20 days It's it's what this is my vacation. I'm working. Yeah, that's exact. Thank you. You're what the fuck

Hey, you gotta believe he's the new captain. I'm gonna take you out to dinner when he leaves I'm gonna take you out to dinner when she leaves. Oh, you are Yeah, we should I want to also say this too. Um, and I say this a lot but It really is you know I get emotional over this because a lot of tiger belly fans most of you And a lot of people um in the comedy community

have reached their hands out and um Pretty much everyone. I mean, I don't honestly out. Here's the crazy one I've never met jim gaffigan before in my life In my life I've always been I've seen him at clubs. I've been intimidated because it's such a huge fan of his But even he comes into like, you know, if you need anything reach out or like and I was like, what? That's cool. What a nice guy. You know, there's some though I have I'm not gonna name names, but there's some people that have done this podcast

Oh, that didn't reach out, huh? Do you put them in your hate box? Well, they know who they are. What if they just don't know? Oh, they should We should know Did your phone not work? My phone works. Yeah Yeah, but there is somebody and that could be a that'd be a fun contest No, he's talking about other people like other people here We're not talking about I I saw I saw that you had sent a backup

Um, um, we're not talking about you. You fucking narcissistic fuck. I already passed. Yeah, that's already Motherfuckers get them gov get them. Yeah, that's his comedy right there And that's pure comedy right there that the timing The I'm like, oh my god. Is that robin williams? in our midst I mean It didn't get a laugh the reason why it was so too funny almost I think that's what it is when something's too funny

And you're like, oh my god, that's a work of genius. I did you more analyze that going on like what the comedy structure of it Why the timing you like tomatoes over there? Oh my god, this guy. I like anyway, shut the fuck up, man Just shut the fuck up for the rest of the thing. Okay, george goes for it. All right All right, you went for it though, and that's you should get something for the really went for it It ate it though. It was so uncomfortable He went for it so so hard sweetie that he called you gov instead of gov If you ever call me gov again, I swear to fucking go get him gov. All right. That's how I fucked him up. He called me gov You get him gov

Get ready for that t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah Fucking gov You're so dumb. I mean, you know what dude when he leaves you're the next guy. All right You're gonna be the guy I think yeah This son of a bitch the abs though any who I want to thank the tiger belly fans for reaching out and And I'm gonna get better and I'm gonna make it through it and Yeah, this this this I'll say this

And this is a fact Even though that my dad did die and I I'm not gonna bring it up that much 10 more times you can you should I'm going to but um Um, but if you look at My life from January to this moment It has been the craziest Year of all my life Just in terms of the things that went on and a lot of bad things

You know, but then a lot of really interesting things and It's just been it's been extreme in every level and you know, um When you when you try to live a big life and you try to go for it And you're living life. These are just some of the things that you just go through because it's a part of being alive And being on this planet and being a human you know

But I want to thank you guys and uh less is more sometimes guys and we got Do this this podcast has been serious at times Uh, but I'm gonna say this probably one of the funniest podcasts we've ever done because of that one line That george did go get him gop. Yeah, go get him gop Gop Real good. He put god and bob together. That's kind of cool. That's cool. Yeah He was trying to offer a compliment gobb

Gobb, I don't know how I know the b is bobby and god the god, but why would it come out gobb? Like if you said gaudy Oh, yeah Gobi is one thing. Gobi is a Filipino vegetable. It's purple. Oh really gobbie gobbie. Gaby. Gaby. But also gobbie is also um A very common name your sister's name gobbie gobbie So do we have any unhelpfuls or we do we have one go ahead unhelpful? Whoa with bob. Whoa at collider. Whoa. Hey bobby. No, island friends. No, no, no

I'm gonna try to keep this quick. No, no, no do the other voice. Do you want that? You want gobbie voice? The god voice. You know what? How about this? You don't like that high squeak eye? I don't mind. You know, the people were not upset How about with something new? We gave you a chance to come up next level. I like british No, just next level it and you know what? How about this? Why don't we do a voice that you've never even said before? That's hard. So I'm gonna give you three animals Right and three things you give me inspiration. All right, so I'm gonna give you some sounds. Okay sounds. All right, so um Um garbage truck five in the morning

All right. No, not yet. No, you're gonna combine three animals. I'm fucking feeling that though garbage truck five in the morning, right? It's not an animal though. Okay five in the morning. It's not an animal either It's like saying, you know a fruit plant at midnight What What a fruit plant at midnight. Okay, you know what's that? I'm sure they make different noises at certain times of the day That's what I'm saying. So a garbage man a garbage truck at five a.m. But I'm gonna give you two other ant Oh, yeah fruit bat they let let that be a ride and the third one should be um

I know what Ants rustling not wrestling rustling through to get into their hole. Fuck. All right. All right. There we go. Here we go Hey It's not helpful advice. It's five o'clock in the morning With bobby and kalayla That's good enough. I think it's cool. Do you know what I did there? I don't know, but I loved it So long. It's got like a new york vibe to it. That was that was the truck. Go ahead. Do the little thing Don't ever do that again. Thank you

I'm gonna try to keep this quick and I have very close friends group of five total one member that group has a mother That had definitely been more than flirtatious with another member of this group along with myself We contemplate making the next move since she is could clearly down to fuck But the same time we value our friendship of five people Should we make a move and keep it secret or should we keep it in our pants? They want to gangbang her? Yes. Oh, okay. So oh, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Okay. Let let that back up for a second All right, so there's how many guys are we talking five five? There's five guys one mom Who's the mom? There's one mom to one of the guys and the one of the guys wants to fuck his own mom

No, he doesn't know about it. All right. So four guys train on the mom We're guys want to pull a train on a mom who's down to fuck who's down to fuck But her son who's also friends with these guys. Yeah, um, doesn't know about it Doesn't know that his mom is so flirtatious with these men. He's oblivious So do they do it keep it a secret or should I just say let's not risk it? I would 100 do it But you'd probably tell your friend. No, I would even do weird shit like just Uh, careful. No, like can we get tattoos above your bush?

Of all the names. Yeah, we've been here You know what I mean? Like John like, you know, make it like, you know high school engrave it like you do in a bathroom stall Oh, right. Like John, you know, John, Frank, Toby and Nikki's here. Sorry Sorry, Frank Right when would he ever do it and apologize to the sun? But your mom the fucking loose bra or whatever something Right, but that's what I would do and then what I was supposed to do is even if her like baby making machines are broken

Try to fix it back up Maybe just everyone come inside it. Well, let's just see If it still works like a science make it a science thing. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, or or not do any of it Or scrap all that or scrap the whole thing. Yeah, that's me. Callila. What's your takeoff? It's a counter Bobby's take go ahead. That's me, but go ahead I'm trying to figure out if any of my friends dads were hot if I would fuck them and um, you're smiling a little bit

Look at her smile because I'm trying to This is really fucked up. Remember in the movie American Beauty Oh, yeah part just for you know, how I remember watching that movie and thanking god I wish one of my friends dads were hot Okay Um a close friendship never but if it was like just a casual friendship, I would fuck the dad for sure I don't think I just think that you're causing

First of all just the odds of the person finding out are high if it's just even one percent I wouldn't risk it because if he let if I okay, for instance If you four you three dudes. Yeah, I came in here one day Hey, right and I said hey guys Just wondering Why is your name your name and your name above my mom's fucking bush? First of all, dude, why are we looking at your mom's bush? She showed me Because puppy I got yeah, I have baby

Inside here. I go what and she lives so open and it has tattoos of your names on there We'd have a very fucking big problem We'd have a problem that you wouldn't even know what to do with yourselves because I would destroy you on so many different levels Physically mentally so don't do it. Yeah. All right. My dad died too. That's she's a widow Okay, well, you like why is that funny? I don't know why this is a real scenario. Oh, I'm sorry. You're right It's a fake scenario, right? Yeah. Why I don't know why your whole body goes. All right. You're right. You're grieving I'm grieving. Thank you My bad. Yeah. Oh, come on, babe. Okay. What would you do horrible?

What would you do with this snake? That's just this take if I tell and I just said it if it's a close friend I wouldn't follow if it's like a you know, just the surface friend. I'd fuck. How about you George? I know you wouldn't here's what I know you only other solution You guys if you really want to this person really wants to fuck the mom I would say do it as a solo mission and that way It's less likely to go back to the person if you have four Four dudes who are doing it the likelihood of it keeping a secret is very low But if you just want to fuck don't tell anybody else. It's just you and the mom that would work out better

Right No It's the mom. We had to get rid of the guy. No information on that. We'd have to get rid of the guy kill him Not kill But drop something on his head So what I'm just throwing out ideas Anyway, thanks for that. I think that's thanks for listening to one you want another one. Thanks for listening to

That's it. Okay. Thanks for listening to another episode and I know you learned a lot Because I learned so much today. I really did. I think we unicized every other word. I think so We Think that's a word We're together in one mind. We're like the board Together one mind and Resistance is futile

Robby the nail you guys learned about that today, huh? Uh like your gook haircut is cool You're good too. Congratulations on your woman She's a nice girl by the way. I really believe in this relationship. She's wonderful. I really want it. Uh-huh reset No, let's go. That's it. Thank you Thank you guys Thanks for leaving us review if you haven't uh left us one yet, please do and get your ant uh questions Questions answered unhelpfully the email address is advice unhelpful at gmail.com

And for some of you we haven't set the p.o. Box in a while kalala. Could you help us out there with the p.o. Box? Oh shit What did you try your best? Hold on one six two six north wilcox Avenue number 161 hollywood, california 90028 kalala you win five thousand dollars Guys, you can follow kalala and all social media at calamity calamity k everything. Uh, george kimma george underscore kimmel Uh, john, where can we follow you john nana? John nana you can follow me at gilbets and everything bobbylee live dot com or at his instagram bobbylee live And everyone thank you for listening. We love you so much. Okay. Bye. Bye

Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey