TigerBelly - Ep 212: Two Fake Mustaches

Episode Date: September 18, 2019

Bobby farts in the wrong van. Khalyla loses Jewwy. We talk Fear Factor relationships, good birthday presents, and Shane Gillis.  Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Bobby Lee here I'm gonna be at the helium comedy club September 26th through the 28th in Portland, Oregon It's one of my favorite Clubs of all time. Please check me out then. I'm also gonna be at levity live October 11th through the 13th in Oxnard, California. Check it out then and then October 18th through the 20th, LOL, San Antonio, Texas That's good for right now

Guys check out those dates at bibleylive.com Enjoy the show Who's that gonna count down? Not yet. I'm not I'm getting my vocal exercises done. Yes, sir. Aye. Aye. Aye Okay, see that's a six a second got that out of the way it's out one two three four five six seven eight nine ten Eleven twelve thirteen and that's all I memorized thirteen because you only need those thirteen the rest of them are obsolete So let's let's go into my mind and let's get into the moment and let's figure out how we're gonna open this new podcast So here we go

Everybody but anyway, let's move on five four three two Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I'm your captain bomb My beautiful beautiful princess here Calyla. I don't know if she loves me or hates me half the time But I'm gonna just read into whatever look is and her look is basically like let's move on fatty That's her look. We got another one right here John John, right? You're the best in the business and let me say something You know what if from the side you look like chow young fat. I'm not even joking. I Did I see it? I'm not even fucking joking not when you face on face on you look like gook But when you look at me look at me straight on chow young fat turn

That wow that beat you have Vietnamese guy that got shot in that photo What a one that one turn whatever whatever you have both looks is all I'm saying. Thank you Chinese Hollywood star He could he's good. You know what he said. He goes, thank you. Thanks, Bobby Thank you. Thank you, but anyway, you need to work on your thank yous But it's good to see you George good to see you bud and I'm a beautiful Calyla and you too Gil He said po-po-cat-de-patil it's a Mexican volcano I don't know right. I was definitely saying yeah, what were you doing there? I was trying to speak your language It's not it. Did I get the everything? Okay? That sounds closer to beside it then it's more beside

Yeah, it is more but it's not it and you know what I shouldn't ridicule you because you took a risk I did you go, you know, I'm gonna throw out a little language thing cuz Bobby was doing it earlier I tried you do it out there. I failed. Let's move on. Okay. Okay. All right. Welcome. Give Gilbert I Everyone you too Okay, now you're not doing it. Why why why don't you do it? I'm trying to be positive about this experience It's idiot. It's done. I get it. I get it. I didn't get it. You know what's dumb, too I'm 48 now. I turned 48 hours. Not yet in a couple hours and I just want to make some announcements because it isn't actually the day

I Whoever made up this saying it's the thought that counts is a piece of shit Because it's not the thought that counts if you give me a gift That's not over 150 $200 fuck your thoughts Fuck your thoughts. Okay, so I just want to let you guys know if you honestly if you bought me a gift And you're doing do you're gonna say that it's the thought that counts. I appreciate it. You take your soap or Whatever the sock that you got me Steve or whoever it is, right sandals and you keep it for yourself, right?

I'm in it for the big game. All right Electronics, what are you? What do you want? Give us a list? Okay, so I want anything from Golden Goose Anything anything from there. Okay, Montclair anything from Montclair. Oh my god Hey, do you want to do it? Do you want to go on a gift together? Yeah, all of it. I should call my kid chip it right If eight people got me like a one one golden goose shoe. Yeah, like a pair of shoes. I would cry gratitude That's because in my head up. They thought about it. They pooled their resources together They couldn't individually do it, but they gave me, you know, those thoughts are great. What else those thoughts are Montclair Golden Goose Montclair Golden Glooves. Um,

That's pretty much it You're right. You're right. Just I don't care what it is. No, how about this? Don't look at what it is. Look at how much it costs Okay, because even if it's a fancy spoon and I look at it. I Google it Oh, this is the titanium steel the one that Adam Antion the one that Wolverine has their bones Mm-hmm, then the I go. Oh, they make spoons out of it too. Wow fancy smart I could just double purpose your birthday gift and do something I really need for the kitchen. What is it? Very smart. That's a smart one. Very smart. But now that I know that you're doing that you can't do that now

So I could get the stand mixer. No, I don't want that. It's for cakes. I don't want it I can show you the price tag. It doesn't matter. I get to enjoy it. Okay. How about this? You can get me you can at last cause okay, you can get me anything above 150, but you can't touch it ever Interesting, but you haven't given me many things a list the gold That's expensive. I already got you I got you the most expensive thing at Golden Goose last you know, I was really just making a joke You know what the thought does count if you want to give me like the butterfly wing or you found on the trail Whatever you were hiking and you saw a dead butterfly and you see half of the wing you clip it and you want to frame it and give It to me. I won't hang it, but you know what the thoughts beautiful, you know my parents

I Sorry before but that's exactly what I was humiliated when I was about seven years old Why? Because it was my sister's eighth. It was my sister's way has nothing to do with J. We though, right? No, we've talked about J. We here before I know but do not bring up J. We right now Don't because it's gonna make me cry. Joe. Joe. We J. We FYI is fucking I'm nervous bullshit. All right. Yeah, we was special Okay, you know, okay. So call out, you know, when you grow up John, let me ask you John

John when you grew up, right? You're Korean, correct? Yes. Gamsam Gamsam to you my friend. Um, I don't even know what that means. Gamsam nida but half Thank you. So when you're growing up, um How do you felt my my thought was What pets? Oh, yeah, the pet. What kind of pets did you add a turtle pet turtle? There we go That's now if you said to me, um, I have a pet turtle and I miss What's his name? What was your pet turbo max? Oh, you miss max

I'd be like, oh, you miss him sometimes. Do you really I only had it? It was only a lie for like six months Oh, wow. Why why it turtles live forever? Yeah, that's the how long you've turtle forever, right? I don't show young bats. You're dead. Yeah. Oh Shit, he ate it. He ate. He ate the turtle. No, it was I just came back I just thought one day was upside down Fucking asshole looks like someone's how easy is it to fucking take every turtle you fuck How did you Well, I was only in third grade. So oh, that's the most responsible kid

Okay, that's fine. So your turtle if you miss your turtle max, I would understand Right. Mm-hmm. You who do you know what you let me get let me ask you What do you think jay we was and I'll give you a hundred bucks right now if you answer What animal what kind of animal it's a pet. So just if you can guess what kind of pet it was I'll give you a hundred dollars It's very broad I'll pay your kids college tuition. She lives in the Philippines. That's all you get. That's all he doesn't help him at all give up Give up. Just give up

Jay we right is one ramen noodle Oh, it was a punsit noodle It's a punsit. Don't the reason why you couldn't guess it Because it was impossible to guess it because no one's had that before does it breathe bobby? It no How long did you have the pet for wait a night get this? She would have fucking leash on it It was a piece of string. It wasn't a really fucking leash

You know, you know kind of just say this right now that's That's when you put your kid into Arkham asylum That's where you go. No, this is you know Harley Quinn as a baby We cannot let this loose Why because she has a pet ramen noodle She keeps him pet ramen. They'd be like other authorities would be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Let's lock her up next to the the scarecrow man Yeah, we lived for exactly 12 days before my sister's never with her shoe And then the punsit noodle was no more How old were you again? Um, you know, I honestly think I got that you're in high school. You were in high school. She was 19 Oh my god, she was 19 and that's what that's where the channel is probably nine And get this it wasn't too long after I was molested. So I think that it's okay. Cut. This is a christian show Cut that what molested? What was that it pet ramen and then yeah, so you were molested by whom your uncle

I think it was a coping mechanism. No, your cousin right did right my older much older cousin Yeah, he was already like 18 a teenager. I was nine master blaster, you know And then you know what that cousin did right? Master Blast. Yeah, awful. He he stole my other parakeet Courtney Okay, you know, all right, John stop back back up. Stop. No, no stop. He's turning red. But there's no fucking way No, no, this is real Courtney first of all kind of pet line Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you need to tell me

That you had a pet ramen named jail. We Right, and then and then a bird What Courtney Fuck Courtney because I was really into hole when I was nine years old. What's hole live through this a corny love Oh, I thought you I thought you had a hole as a pet too Which would make sense that would make sense

Like you walk in by a gigantic dirt hole in the ground and you go, what is that hole is that ant hole? No, that's my pet John John. That's John. Yeah. Yeah. There's a rope. There's a rope around anyway. Yeah You got to figure that out, babe. That's crazy. If you can have a pet plant. Why can't you have a pet buncit noodle? You don't can't have a pet plant Just because you say it Does it necessarily mean like you remember back in the 70s the rocks? Oh pet rock. Yeah, that guy made zillions of dollars Mm-hmm by just walking outside putting a rock in a cardboard box and saying pet rock

I was on to something. What a gene. What I was on to something because Eventually the drama Gucci came out after my buncit noodle You were ahead of the curve. Is that what you're saying? I was ahead of the curve You know what? We'll give you that babe. You were ahead of the curve So there's some things that are going on aside from my birthday, which is a big event and um, what is this? That's uh, I think a fan sent a package. Okay. It's pretty big and I can't wait to open it But aside from this, um

I can't wait aside from my birthday. There's some other other things that have happened and the one thing I want to talk about Is um, my buddy from snl that just got fired He's not really your buddy though. You know, I just want to say it because I want to know feel like I'm in the in Oh my god, I never heard of him before when you said that I was like, oh god, are you really friend? I don't know. I don't know. No, his name is but I want to defend him. Shane. I want to defend him Okay, what do you have? Well, I gave you a quick a quick a quick, uh What exactly I want to know synopsis, but you don't read word for word what he said. Okay. Wait, we'll pull it up because um

Listen, you know on podcast I have said things That have gotten me in so much fucking trouble I think that you can probably string together anything from any from anybody Over the years and get anyone in trouble at this point, but that's the problem We live in a very like like andre yang says so punitive society so full of punishment That we don't allow people to make mistakes to grow to improve to correct those mistakes

Also, I just want to say this too is is all right the guy you hired a comic Who said chink a couple of times? I don't know what the context was right? He was uh describing, uh, new york's chinatown. Okay the bad service that he gets sure we all have we evolved I've had soup hot soup thrown while you're laughing now john why you're laughing see you you the reason why you're laughing Here's the reason why i'm laughing is because And I want all you white people to know this right now All the asians

Are different In this sense that was talked to you about this in the car that you know black people Uh-huh Most of them came here by we captured them From their homes. We dragged them over here Right a lot of these people don't necessarily even know maybe through genetic testing But at the time when they were you know, they didn't know on from nigeria or You know koto of or whatever. I might be so it's just one place africa, right?

But the asians have had different we've had a different american experiences as black people so um Um chink to me Right refers to chinese people Right to you. Yeah, so if somebody calls me a chink. Is that offensive? Yeah, but it's there It's a big it also goes on What's behind the chink? Andrew Santino has called me things That quite frankly are the most racist things i've ever heard. Oh, it's well documented. Yeah, eric griffin have said things

That are very racist to me. You're right. If you put it on paper But it's love because I love them. It's out of love. I make fun of them. You know, I make fun of Eric's disgusting fat black body. Yeah, you know, I mean that he did god didn't give him that body He fucked it up by eating all those donuts and creamy drinks. He likes that late at night That fat fuck but but now I said those things. Those are mean, right? Yeah about obese people. I'm fat myself It's fine. All right, but eric griffin the fat fuck knows the right Ugly ugly Big fat ugly black. Right when you see him

You know, when I see eric griffin, I hear this noise What is that sound juices fatches in his cheeks alone? All right, but my sorry baby. I'm sorry. Don't talk about my co-host My bad and also very talented guy All right, one of the best. Yeah, he's hilarious, but I want to say that we make fun of each other We say things in podcasts. I've said things that are questionable. Sure But it's all in the um the vein of comedy These are things that I would say to any of my friends or just me amongst

You know, and I've traveled a bit. I'm not bragging, right? Your culture. So what do the guys say exactly? So the different scenario, uh, he's gillis is with his co-host Matt MacCursor another white guy On their own podcast and they took time to joke about why they dislike Chinese and Asian people Chinese food in Chinatown So things like he said were like, why did the fucking chinks live there? gillis asks Hold on. Hold on one second The trend if you're reading the transcript, it sounds horrible. So you should have him listen. Should we play the thing? Yeah, just play it for him because his his cadence is also because what you just said there right now was like

I don't want to play Let's let's wrap them up. I'll find the video one second. All right. But that's what I that's what bill burr talks about jave chappelle Oh, no, I'm not sorry. No bill burr. Dave chappelle does both. I mean they all kind of talk about the cancel culture No, no, no, no, who which one of them talked about going to court and reading the transcript I think they both bill burr for sure because someone in the audience said something and oh, no, it was bill burr for sure I don't know what you're saying reading court transcripts, right when someone's like, you know, she said no, no, don't touch me I don't want it. That's what the court transcript reads. And he was like in reality to be like, no, no, don't touch me

Like I don't want it. So he's kind of like that may or might not be true, but it could be a possibility and it's a funny angle It's a funny angle and it's also real and um You know I want to hear him because he must he could be killing in front of his friends There could be a chinese dude in the room And here's a y snl. Where is it? Here's why snl fucked up. Here's what it is. Okay They're scared like, oh, no, we hired a new comic who is saying derogatory things toward asians

We're so sorry. We should have vetted him more Instead you do this You know freedom of speech don't do it yet freedom of speech He apologized for what he said. It was in a podcast in a comedy podcast. He said in a moment and um And because we know we're not racist because we just hired Another actor who happens to be asian our first one. So just give us A little bit of credit, please Am I not right

You're hiring an asian guy and you have another white guy who's a comic who have said chink. Who gives a fuck? Maybe they feel more Pressure to let go of the white guy because they are hiring a chinese guy. No, here's a here's a Here's where my thing stands. I don't know this chinese guy bowing yang. He's really talented. He's really funny All right. He kill it That's all I care about You'd be chinese or whatever and and you can um get on a sketch show I need you to kill it and you need to show

Everyone else why it's important While you're important Because if he goes on there and he doesn't take every moment and doesn't destroy and take his own And just kind of fizzles away That's that's going to be a bigger crime. I think Don't you think? Yes Yeah, let me play

Okay, it's okay Well, they built these fucking like huge shanghai out that's not him. It's the other guy, right? You know what? Yeah, true. Also, I'm always like how can there be so many fucking restaurants down here? I'll rest them up because you go in there's like one person eating every way. It's like me down there They're sucking down neuters. I hate you. I hate the food in china town sucks. Chinese foods are very dishonest cuisine I don't even want to think about they invented a fucking chemical to put in their food to make it It's delicious, dude They made us a msg. It's wrong

Is it dishonest food? That's not him. That's the other guy, right? Yeah, nothing to it. Shitty meat A chemical they made up to fuck your body up And noodles neuters the new cheapest thing in the world. We got chemical Sick worst meat you can find We got in there and we sat down and baby girl was like, I'm so excited for neuters and I was like, yo, chill, chill, chill She's like, oh my god. I'm so sorry. She said neuters. Yeah And there's a fucking yeah, and it's neuters man. It's full fucking chinese in there

It's like isn't that kind of like nice though. Isn't that the being when people go into a Mexican restaurant like I'll have two tacos I'm a bowl of spicy neuters I hate that guy. Yeah Yeah, it's just such a fucking hassle. It's like can you I'm pointing at Like this is the fucking Well, that's why I put number of like 57. Yeah, this one even with the fucking shit. I was pointing. I was like that sauce That's it. Yeah, he lost the job. He didn't say anything He said chinks chinks chinks maybe like six times

Chinks, uh, there's I think there's a did you see it? There's other stuff. I don't I didn't really follow this too much. Honestly anti-Lgbtq A lot of uh He called uh What is it called yang a ju chink? Yeah, here's the crime is he they they just aren't funny That's what the bigger thing for me is that to me is the crime. It's like, you know So go for because I've seen A lot of comics go into chinese

Marketplaces or go into their complaints in terms of especially going to china and people not being able to wait in the lines And whatnot, right? But it's like you have to be funny about it Elevate your if you're gonna use racial slurs elevate your practice Make that shit funny that because that's like not late 80s funny But you know this guy, what's his name gillis gillis if you ever want to do tiger valley I'll be real. I really want to talk about this because I'm a chink to his face Let me a chink to my face and also we can talk about You know how you feel because I I can only imagine

booking snl You know being you know regardless of how you feel about the show It's an institution It is You know a play it is this show that's going to stay on forever And when you book a show like that it's life altering Remember when they tried to drag down

Melissa Villasen your same thing right some kind of tweets. Yeah Really benign tweets from a couple years ago like six years ago But that's what I'm saying This is the culture that we live in and Melissa Villasen your is probably one of the nicest people you will ever fucking meet in your life Oh, she's I I want her she's gonna do this too. I love her But It's at the end of the day We're really heading toward a time in our lives. We've never seen anything like this. It something's gonna happen

It it it just can't continue. Yeah, did you want to see his statement? Yeah, what do you say? So, uh, all this stuff happened. I think snl made their decision or NBC And he's he wrote it feels ridiculous for comedians to be making serious public statements, but here we are I'm a comedian who was funny enough to get on snl. That can't be taken away Of course, I wanted an opportunity to prove myself at snl, but I understand it would be too much of a distraction I respect the decision they made. I'm honestly grateful for the opportunity I was always a mad tv guy anyway That last part was honestly, honestly, honestly for the win

You are invited. You're open over. We'll suck your dick, dude We're gonna chant Korean guy right here. Let's suck your camera man. Let's suck your dick, man Sorry about what I said about not being funny. You're funny. Yeah for Bobby. Yeah for me, right? Oh, thank you. He said he wasn't funny to say he's funny. We were so funny. You were very funny, dude That was the funniest thing I've ever heard. It's the best angle on time. Yeah, yeah, best angle. That must have been Dude, that that's a real comic thing to say too. Yeah Dude to have the one show that kind of was their competition a little bit And to throw that out there is a pretty good shade. I like it

Um, buddy, I'm sorry that what you're going through. Um, but you know at the end of the day I don't know him. He could end up being a racist. That's the thing. Yeah Yeah, I mean all of a sudden an old Benjamin kind of a figure emerges. Yeah, where he's doing like a podcast in the woods And then all of a sudden you go, oh fuck. No, he is that let's talk about the love of popo cat's a petal What is that? Is that the what I said earlier? Yeah, that's what you said earlier. It reminded me of that love story It's a Mexican volcano. Does no one know what I'm talking about. What is it? I know hawaii for the poke. I just let it all wrong El popo is a volcano a famous volcano. Uh-huh. Why should we know that?

Because it's a love story. So during the time of the Aztecs He was a warrior. He had fallen in love with a princess in his um In that area and he this is like my yeah, that's how I pitch shows guys and then he came back from war and She was she had died and she had died because she had been told that he had died at war and so From what I remember my dad telling me the story is She had been lied to and said he had died at war

And she died from a broken heart. He came back She was dead. So he died from a broken heart and he carried her body and um, he stayed in this position I guess carrying her body and he he her body and his body turned into two volcanoes and so El popo el popo the volcano apparently every time it's it sputters um any Smoke or ash is that it's because el popo remembers his one true love or it could be calm too It could be just the old people going Right releasing some fucking don't quote me on that story because I haven't heard that story in since I was like 10 years old

Over my dad that yeah, that story might have made it up. I don't know there's some holes in that story for you Know number one being that you know human beings aren't volcanoes. I'm pretty sure Yeah, not a scientist, but I love your little mythological stories I think that we should write a treatment a movie a treatment really I would because that It's ending scene Babe of uh wait. He's holding uh, right? Yeah Right and then he crawls like you see curls up into a ball, right? Yeah, and then they die, right? Yeah, and they turn into volcanoes Yeah, and then what a hundred years later a thousand years later the guy goes

You're right and the fire comes out No, that's a great ending. What was the other volcano george forget your volcano stories. They don't make any sense Fuck your volcano. Is it right date? It reminds me somebody help me out here Somebody help me out her volcanoes stories. She got great stories But the ones that involve a volcanic rod Remember is it catch you what the fuck got you what you babe? Fuck popo is it is it is it catch you what I don't want to talk about it anymore about the volcano We have is she cut you like oh now you googled it you fuck not I don't see any of that. Oh my god

Yeah, they're all that coconut all of it. All right, let's move on. I'm sorry, babe There's a great story. You want another one share another story or you have your island? Okay, yeah, give me another one and then I got one. Yeah, I want to hear one of yours I haven't ate another one. Then I want to hear what's your other one. Uh, you want a filipino, um, legend Yeah, oh, I love filipino legends. Tell me about your Actually, no, no, no, no, no, I think that we should hear bobby's korean legend. No, no, no I want to hear yours first filipino. This is more education because yeah, I have to still it's not educational I'm just gonna heat up as I go. I got all the facts on my korean one

Come on, babe On the spot. Tell us about a long ago story time. Of course all stories start there. Yeah a long ago But this is a specific date 1692 And this is before the divisions of korea was one one country and um, there was no communism Um, just love and yellow flowers. There was yellow flowers all over these hillsides on the northern parts of korea, right? Aptang, that's what they used to call it. Aptang? The flowers. Yeah, like the album, you two album Aptang baby, okay

So we have these yellow flowers, right? This is before north korea, right? and there used to be a meadow in Aptang and um And in the meadow, there used to be these holes where the korean north koreans used to live Right like hobbits. They used to live there, right? and right and they used to be you know Imagine the people we looked different back then this is way before evolution You know, we looked like what do you look like? What do we look like? Yeah, well

What kind of features? All right. So, uh, you know what baklava is I'm familiar with the dessert baklava. Yeah, just take all the baklava dough The phyllo? Yeah, the phyllo dough. Exactly. Thank you for backing me up, right? Roll it just I guess as much as you can roll into a big ball and stick it in a stove But a stone one with a stone Stone stove, right? Like they do in Italy for three pizzas, right? And it comes out and that's what the north koreans used to look like. Okay, just Wait, you're saying they look like dough that's just been baked. Yeah baked in a stone oven with phyllo dough

So the shitty and we had little arms and legs and we used to roll on these hills If you don't want to uptongue if you want to hear about the flowers Educate me educate me. Yeah, I'm ignorant. Go ahead. Did I get that date right? 1692. I'll 1692 Fuck you Fuck you. Oh, I can't this is real dude. Fuck. I'm saying 1692, right? I don't know why the babies I don't know why they made me laugh so much. They're korean though, right? They're korean people but they Oh my god, all the white foam is coming out of his mouth. I'm sorry. I don't know why they made me laugh so hard. I'm so sorry

Are you not so dry? I don't know why it was so funny to me Oh no, no, no, no, no, I'm so sorry. It's not comedy guys. I'm in big trouble But I'm not on a show that you can fire me on And there there you go. There it is And I guess the whole goal for all comics is just don't be on, you know, Andrew Schultz from New York Told me that I just do it on my own And so, you know, this snl guy that got fired

It's a shame that happened, but Let go of any of those prizes, man You're doing the right thing by doing stand-up and just keep doing it. You're gonna get something Do you think that his like community is behind him? Like the comedy community generally or do you think that sometimes people are afraid to back him up in this Because like for instance, I saw a tweet from jimmy oyang saying like no unacceptable Yeah, I mean, but he's also um, but he is chinese, baby

So you can't speak on behalf of the china of people of chinese people were actually like You know, it goes back to what um Alley wong told me a couple a year ago. Maybe she said Man, I don't know where she goes man. It must have been tough in the 90s. Like just in terms of getting parts and You know dealing with um Just There was just no voice to defend us and there were new parts for us to do

And there was still a group of us here that were young John chow these kind of guys, you know, they're auditioning and nothing happening Now, you know, you see them on sets or whatever and it it feels good, but it was really really difficult back then Um, why am I losing train? I thought I think I have Alzheimer's babe You know how I know you have Alzheimer's because you've been saying that every You forgot that you've said that you have Alzheimer's for the last five episodes I really honestly, I think I have some sort of mental Alzheimer's thing. I don't think you do. I think that you

I'm just like, you know, I'm trying my hardest because you know I think the last couple of podcasts have been depressing because of the fact of my dad and all that stuff So this one I was trying to like be positive. I took I took a nap today And I want to be positive about it because I want this thing to be good right and then but then Oh, so I don't want to fake it And the real thing is is I'm having issues with memory and am I

Is that because is that tied in with grieving? I don't know But I have been kind of hazy. Have you noticed a change in me? I think the last two three years You for sure. I don't know if it's just an unwillingness to try and remember things. I think that you give very little fucks about remembering But okay, I want to defend myself real quick because when I hear about the memories that you've had and how

how vivid your memories are about Like, you know, the stories that you've told about the past are very detailed lots of details But when you try to recall a story that's happened in the last three to six years They're not as vivid or detailed. In fact, you don't remember them anymore Yeah, so you're having some type of like trouble remembering recent stuff But can I say this to defend myself? Is um, and I'm not there's no joke to this is real and this is what I thought

was when I was I did a scene in Hawaii where I I wrapped it like two in the morning Right and they go this they came up to me and they go listen We know you're done at two. We're way over but you have to be here in like seven hours Like I know but you get 12 hours, right? We had to do a push call with you And they go we added all those scenes from like five days ago to tomorrow, too And I go, what are they and I read them and they were these gigantic chunks of lines

That I had to do and I went, you know what I'll memorize it right before So I went to sleep. I showed up didn't know any of them. I looked at it twice Did rehearsals by reading it Memorized in it when they set up the cameras and did it So in my when I did that I was like, oh fuck You know, I've evolved because I can I absorb all this information really quickly So what is the situation then? I think it's a choice So when you choose to remember

That that's what we get into fight That's why we I get very sensitive about it. Yeah, it's a choice nothing about my recent like Nothing about me is anything that you're choosing to remember lately I I wonder if I always wonder this if you spent so much of your life with someone just living day today If You have as many memories of them then you would someone you don't see as frequently Someone you don't see as frequently It's a very like marked occasion

And maybe you put that in a in a different like box in your head of Of bigger remembrance rather than when you live with someone every day You just kind of remember it as like a blur of existing with them Not marked remembering. Yeah, I mean make any sense. I get what you're saying, but I have to I want to discuss it because of because my of my dad because that recently just happened that You're right. I don't I can't think of Really any moments with my dad anything

Like in my head, I was like, what are some childhood moments Where I remember going like a warm feeling about what my dad did or And there isn't any in fact I don't know anything about him really Don't I don't know, you know, and I've talked to my brother about it So he's probably the person I've known the longest that I know the least Which is crazy

But isn't that what happens with everybody then? But I but here's my last point though. Yeah, you're right, but here's my last point But we're even aside from that Mm-hmm. I love him one of them. He's one of the most people I love the most And it there's no memory there It's a feeling and if I at the end of my life You know, if I look at my life As a book and in terms of chapters

You'd be a gigantic chunk of that book sweetie So you can feel however you want to feel about how I feel about things, but that's not how I feel about it At all. It's ridiculous What nothing like I got so confused right there when you said that why I couldn't keep up you're like a master That was a that was masterful I don't know. I was just talking about I know I'm just saying that was awesome the way you worded that It just I couldn't keep up because my brain short circuit. Yeah, you're yeah So, you know, even those because you've been really mean to me the last couple days

You've seen some real dark stuff like what dark stuff like dark no She'll just stuff like you ugly piece of shit and just but not out of not but not even Not in terms of like out of a joke It's just her walking by and saying it while you're laying laying there You ugly piece because he's eating his fucking boogers in bed and there's like I'm not eating no boogers in bed, babe. That's crazy. He's eating his boogers in bed and there's fucking food all over Babe, that's bullshit and he's just ripping ass ripping the ass out Rip it out. Sorry. What's the show? Hi all the time, you know, it's so funny because when I was

Um shooting with just last thing about magnum. I'll never talk about it again I like because it has to do with farts But um, so I had to see where we're driving in the car and I stood up and I farted so loud That the two actors the two leads in the front They just were speechless because they don't you know some sets they fart and then you laugh about it doesn't have some sets And that's what one of those why I farted so so bad and they go did you just I go yeah And they go you're not embarrassed

I thought you're gonna laugh. I thought you're gonna laugh Not one of that is weird. I feel like it's not really bad like oh that's unusual but I'm like, yeah This is the kind I like and I want to show them that this is napalm, bitch. You know what I mean, but It didn't hit What's the matter babe? Nothing. I'm listening. Yeah Anywho um, you read mcafe earlier And I don't know if Bobby ever told you guys the story. I know he told it on your mom's house with um, Christina and tom Um, where this guy um outside of the comedy store basically told him you're a disgrace to um for the asian community

Because of his act. Okay. This is oh, this is the 90s by the way. Oh, okay. I thought this was now late 90s There was an actor very good looking. Hold on. I didn't okay You didn't add that part right that when he told this story about who this person was Who was very mean to him? I had created an image of my mind of what this person must have looked like and I always imagine like another portly asian man who was a little bit more serious and who probably wanted to be um Represented differently. You know because he was himself was asian So I created this image of this guy in my head. So in my head. I forgave him a little bit. I'm like, yeah Well, you know, he probably sees a lot of himself in you and he doesn't want to be represented in like a very crazy second

You know, like half naked way Mm-hmm, but then we were at m cafe earlier and he was there and then Bobby goes That's the guy and in walks this six foot three dashing Fucking male model basically of an asian man. Like he is ripped. He is buff and handsome And I've never hated anyone more In that second. Wow. Yeah And all this time I thought that he was this guy who probably saw you know, he is but we're not gonna ever say his name Yeah, we won't because I've hung out with him after that

I think he did Matt TV a couple of times as well. Um, I remember him saying that And then gone piece of shit, but I was a doorman. Yeah, but how dare a handsome tall man like that Ever pass judgment onto someone like you when you have such a different path of survival than him. He's had he's he's a fucking He's not you. You are the complete opposite of him But you have to also they have to think about the year and the climate back then then was Bosco Brothers and guys like Love that actor. Yeah, and um

It was harder. So I can I thought maybe at the time you would see, you know, you would see an act like mine You have to imagine You're a guy who went to college or whatever. You have the suit But this I'm a serious actor and you're at the conference. You walk by the room and you see my dick on stage And I'm doing like, you know, I mean twirls with it. Yeah You know, those are like like that's on stage in front of hundreds of helicopters helicopters. Yeah, you could imagine him going That yeah, that I don't want that as that's not my country. That's not my people He's Korean what a disgrace. So that's I think that's why he said it

It is No, nothing. No, I still I hate him so much bar. You guys are my friends now. I love him But you guys talk They didn't even say hi at mcafe. So you don't love him. He doesn't love you. Okay. No, he didn't I Honestly, I think this is the reason why Well, your mustache 50% of the people 50% of the people that I run into that know me can't recognize me because of this Really? Yeah, I can't wait for this to grow back. Yeah, I wasn't wrong. Oh, wow. You know also what they did?

I gotta say, hold on. Are you gonna stand up? So check this out, I show up to hawaii. Just a quick story Okay, and they go, um, I get a call they go. Hey, we're at the much shave your mustache Like why? Because you're playing yoko ono in a scene All right Just okay. Yeah, so I don't give a fuck. They shave it Three days later, I'm gonna take credit for for your

Roll as yoko ono because I'm the one who dressed you as yoko. I think that influenced gene because gene's um, you know gene Is one of the writers. We love him so much. Thank you gene for everything, but um And so then three days they're like We forgot to do the scene before you shave it I go What? Yeah, we have to put the mustache back on

I go with what? So then they go to the store and they give me like a tom salad all the time. Yeah, I have a photo You want to see the phone? Yes, that's actually gonna be in the show now. That's fake. Yeah, and then on but also when they were shooting I kept saying To like the the makeup lady. I go What does it look like? Is it reading? It looks natural Are you sure because I sent one to the kalayla and she went

A thousand times It looks fine. So I don't know. I don't know It doesn't even look like a sticker mustache. It looks like a three-year-old through it on your face Okay, let's be a judge. Let's be the judge. Okay. You guys want to be the judge? Yes Okay from zero to tom salad. Tell me how real is this? Okay, so So this is supposed to be my natural mustache ready Let me see

We will that pass Oh, no, no, no, you're not you know, it's gets you know, it gets way sillier. They fixed it, right? No That's it. Here's the second thing that's even crazier than that So then a couple days after that time goes on they go ABC wants Toonie scenes in the first episode you did I go you mean the episode I did a month and a half ago. Mm-hmm. They go, yeah

But I had mustache I had two mustaches on Because in the first episode The gag was I had my regular mustache and I put a thicker mush on top of it Mustache on top of it to do a couple of jokes. I don't you know, I mean, yeah So I had to do two fake mustaches When you have a fucking real mustache, I'm being real. I did two fake fucking mustaches, you know So anyway, that's happened. Um, do you know who commented on that photo you posted? Sean Lennon

Which one? Yoko Ono and no, he did in John Lennon's on my on my Instagram. Yeah. Oh my god. No Click on go to your Instagram click on the oh, I love him so much. I got do I'm such a Wait so funny. We just talked about him last week. Yeah. Hey, Sean. Can you be on the podcast Sean? I'll get let's listen Sean mom. This is how I get this is how I get is your mom talking. Anyway, Sean I want to say this. Um, all your solo albums back in the day. Um, my brother and I went to Amoeba and we bought all your solo albums I'm a gigantic fan of your of the Beatles and your father obviously, but I'm a huge fan of yours. I know I love your band with, um, The guy from Primus

And, um, I have all your albums with with him as well. I think you're very good. I think you're very good You're very talented. Please do our podcast Uh, uh, we'll talk about whatever you want to talk about. I love you big fan. Anyway, that's that I thought that was a pretty good podcast I'm not done But it was pretty good so far though, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's keep going because the muscles on my hips When I do rabbit fucking they don't lie The the muscles don't lie exactly his hips do not lie exactly. Hey

Hey, fuck machine, right here. Smash your pussy out. Hey Nobody. Okay. Another thing that has to change. Okay. One more thing. I need you to stop hitting on gay men What are you talking about? Today when we were at Oh, yeah, what's that place? Um design within reach design within reach. All right. Is that there's a black man? He's black and Filipino. Very cute man. Okay. I just said the first part black and Filipino. Yeah He was happened to be the gay the gay. Yeah. Yeah, and um, he said Our coaches don't go deep

And he goes you want deep? That's what I said Well, he goes our coaches don't go deep. I go, I'll show you deep How deep do you want to go? I said I kept saying that's hold on. That's creepy though Also, we've established he had established a report with this guy a very comedic report prior to saying that Thank you. What's the first thing? He loved me already. Thank you. Here's my thing. Can I just tell you why why I feel offended by that Here's a gay man who's probably certain. He's gay and I'm just a fucking stand in Stand in fake girlfriend to cover his homosexuality. That's always how I feel when he does it a beard

You know, because no, I feel like they think that he's gonna suck anybody's dick. It's just for a laugh I only go out and fuck with hosts and waiters and he said oh Everyone around me because I just I'm bored and I'm insecure and I'm not good socially And so I just throw things out as defense mechanisms or to take people in a territory where I know that I can shine But it's bullshit. It is narcissistic and it's because I'm a comic and I want to get laughs But at the end of the day, it's bullshit. I shouldn't be doing it. Is that what you want to hear? That's true I think no, I want to hear. Okay. I won't hit on gay men in front of you Let me see something if you're gay you want to bring up words like deep I can go deep

Right. My shit. My crevices go deep too. They don't lie. They don't lie. Thank you so much. Fuck machine. Thank you. Thank you Okay, that was my only other request. So we're good, right? We got that With you. Yeah healthy request Listen, you know, um You have to understand that I you know, when you get old you get older and you're setting your ways and you just have these firm

ideas about how you think life is or And then, you know, you have a and then you you have a girlfriend or whatever and they you see That your way isn't working and you want to change for them but you know Rome wasn't built in the day And the and the Grand Canyon wasn't carved out after one rain It took 20 but you gotta start more than that to carve out that fucking canyon probably not a scientist, but probably

25 rains But my point is it takes a long time I'll build room with you babe. Give me the fucking foundation and the material I've been I'll do it in 600 years To build room It doesn't happen today

If we learned anything from this podcast today, we learned those assages I really want you to take care of yourself people listening. I want you to think that I love you And I'm your captain and I'm your leader And I you know what I've been saying that lately, but I believe it Thanks for listening. Let all your joys come. What I didn't see anything. Oh Why did you do that? I fixed her hair. Yeah, but don't do a head twirl when I'm doing my final speech. I'm sorry Anyway, let's start from the top then Uh, if you're listening right now stay in the moment and be you be me be everyone because we're all connected

If it's the one I'm trying to say, right Am I not right? Sorry, we're all connected and I want to say this there is a movie I'm excited about and the movie is Joker. I want to see that already. All right To get will you talk about this already? We did last week. Okay, there we go venice Venice there we go. I have Outside we've learned your point. We've learned anything today. I learned anything. I am mental. He's mental Do you have a helpful a helpful advice with bobby and kalilah? Hello, I have been with my fiance for five years and we have a three month old son

I recently discovered he likes to pleasure himself with dildos Okay, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Cut normal. Who cares cut normal. Wait. What do you mean? She's learned. Wait. Wait. I know, but it's I don't get it. I'm confused already. I'm long It's like me walking in on you butt fucking yourself with a dildo. Okay, but that's her son. No, no, that's not no How old is the sun when I say three months old? How does he have the dexterity In his hand to grip a vibrating dildo. She's talking about him in its own ass all talking about her fiance Or fiance is yeah her fiance

She's saying she has a three month old son with her. Okay. Let me let me get back in the pack up. All right I'm a guy is this a guy talking or girl. It's a woman or so woman and she has a woman or a man Husband a husband or some man husband. So she walks into a room. She just had a baby. I walk into a room Right. We had a baby. We had a baby. You had a baby. Yeah, you walk into a room and you're and I'm grabbing a dildo On my butthole. Yeah, that's what I said five minutes Well, let me say that that's a uh, we already finished it. Okay. Yeah, finish it I recently discovered he likes to pleasure himself with dildos and has actually recorded himself doing so and has uploaded to porn hub I don't care about what his kink is in private

But it bothers me that he shared that with the entire world by uploading it We have a long list of prior issues like him using drugs excessive gambling unstable jobs I'm afraid of this new discovery may be our breaking point But I'm currently depending on him to support our son and since I quit my job to be a stay at home man Stay at home Sir, uh thoughts bobbing kalala. Oh, yeah, that's just I have thoughts. Yeah, bro If I get to the point in my life, right Where I am

I have oils on my body Right. I'm bent over. I imagine oils on my body bent over, right? I'm imagining. Yeah, I'm into my hands and knees Okay, see it right and I and I'm oily and I have a gigantic black african-american. Excuse me. Mm-hmm dildo, right In my butthole and it's vibrating like crazy and I don't lock the door because I want my girlfriend to witness. Mm-hmm to be, you know To be there excited To showcase that moment. There's something going on with me that I need to address Okay, because that's weird. That's like serial killer shit. That's not the kink is not serial killer shit The fact that he's an exhibition is is not locking the door is a weird thing. No, whatever whatever like she said

She's right. She doesn't care what his kinks are. I'm sure that she she's dealt with his excessive gambling. She's dealt with His drug use. She seems like a very very tolerant woman who probably is okay with the fact that he would fistfuck his asshole That's not the point. The point is She didn't he didn't give her a chance to be his ally to just upload without letting your Your spouse know that a lot of people are fapping to you. Yeah is is a little traitorous to me because what if what if she She would have possibly been okay with it if he was making money and making ends meet that way and providing for their kid, right? But to go behind her back That's the fucked up part not telling her not telling her and what does it say about me?

as a father I'm fucking dildoing my butthole out with nothing. It says nothing and I don't lock the door and my three month three-year-old baby Crawls in and goes I got go go and I go Dildos do they don't do that. They don't vibrate. No, that's a vibrator vibrator. What does dildos do? More slurping Whatever Thank you for writing in. Good luck and good luck

Anyway, we learn so much Give me another one. Hi tiger belly. I'm a 22 year old certified certified firefighter and emt And currently am I on my third attempt at a paramedic national test? I recently just broke off and moved out of my girlfriend of six years I tried this in attempt to figure myself out. I think I need to live a soul life But I've been having such a hard time focusing on studying sleeping alone not having someone to talk to despite thinking This is the best choice for me. What do you think Kalilah and my captain? I went through the exact same thing

I thought that living alone was necessary and I had to go through a point in my uh A period in my life where I had to be on my own completely on my own my own place And I did that and a year and a half that was the most miserable time of my life And I just came to the realization that I am somebody who thrives in the company of the people that she loves I like being with my mother I like being in the company of my sister and people to bounce ideas around not everybody's like that one of my great friends she lives Alone has been on the road kind of this vagabond for

Many years and it's because she really enjoys being alone. I'm not like that It's just what you're hardwired to become and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying It's fucking lonely to be on your own even though that's what you think you have to go through right now Like my brother and I and my mom is like that too in many ways. We're hermity. Yeah, you guys are alone kind of a people my mom Now is texting me shit like Okay, I went to the mall my back hurt. Good night Like those are her texts right telling you what she's this. Yeah, but I don't think that if I was there with her it'd be as fun

For her. Oh really? Yeah, my brother's the same way. My brother's like, I haven't seen anybody in five days What he's been doing sleeping. He'll go sleeping And he's we're just all that. I don't know why we're like that. My dad was like that my dad Do you know what he used to have a store up in Sacramento from San Diego every week? He would drive up there Stay in an apartment next to the store for a whole week My brother went up there a couple times. He said there's nothing in the apartment just a sleeping bag And like a little pot where he would make like ramen noodles much much like um Joey

Joey Hey, Kalilah. Why do you have her two week? Ramen noodle on your lap I'll dry it out like that. It's Joey and I'd be like sweetie. Let's put her in the institution. She's not right I should have Anyway, um, we did it one more thing. I have to say I don't want to okay Okay, licks Oh, we haven't brought her back. You don't want to bring her out. Yeah gets dangerous. I've been wearing these hoop earrings

Jenny back from the block. Oh lord Uh, one fan just sent a photo. He just thought this was interesting. He said he found a picture of bobby as a cop Is that not bobby? No It looks like fucking you dude as a That is me. No, it's not photoshop. When did I shoot that? It's not photoshop. That literally is me He found a photo from like some k9 cop book and then there was an asian guy in it and this is the guy Are you kidding me? That's fucking me dude. Hold on. Is that like a deep fake? It's not a deep fake. You promise Let me see it closely. I'm sorry. How old is he? I have my own face

That's you sweetie. It's not you. There's a tiny differences. You can tell that isn't me. That is a very close You should just post that Well, here's what I need, right? I needed this guy To do something tremendous with his life so I could get hired as his actor Korean cop this piece of shit didn't do anything with his life probably had bought two donuts And you know, someone kid stole some gum and he copped the kid his fucker Anyway, here you go. We need to find out who that is. We're gonna find out who that is. That's incredible

What if that's my Yeah, like, you know how um three identical strangers. How old is he dude? We know anything about this guy If he was born September 17th I don't know Oh my god, you really want to have a secret brother, don't you? I want five of them, dude I would have to be a government How do you think how do you think steve would react if then you guys became best friends? With a you think steve would kill him a cop brother. No

No, it would be his brother too. Steve would be so excited. My brother is really good with family He's really good with blood. He's very Shakespearean in that way Okay Guys, um, you know, it's been a trying couple months, but you know what? I'm really today was the first time I did the podcast where I felt closer to myself I felt you know at times I was a little lost But I thought I was a tough if I think about it. There were some good moments that we had together as a group

um And I wanted to say I love you. Good night. Good night And thanks to everyone who gave us five stars and wrote his iTunes reviews this week Guys, we are number two in comedy interview interview podcast in iceland The number one comedy interview podcast not be real. These are real. We're number two comedy interview comedy interview podcast in iceland now get this one though We're the number one comedy interview podcast in latvia I'm into that and you gotta be fucking kidding me. These are our these are our listeners latvia. What's up?

And number three. We're number three on comedy interview charts in malawi. Malawi. Come on you guys And I know Moana great. Just it has been to malawi malawi. So if I go to malawi right now Who's ahead of you though? I'm curious about who's ahead of you So george gave me a gift. Yep. I'd like to open this All right. Okay already Okay already. It's prime time. I already know it's a good already. We're we're killing it. It's a good gift george You're gonna make me cry because I love you put the price tag capitalism on on the packaging and and I love the apple

Signature the little apple thing. Oh, you didn't see the other thing then So for listeners on audio bobby's opening an apple bag and this is a gift that george underscore kimmel sent him For the new house, it's called a nano. Oh my god. That's why it popped up on my instagram The ad for this. Why would it pop up on your instagram? It's crazy. Is it the tiles that lit light up? It just came on my instagram last night. I was like, oh, these are cool. We should get them Hey, bobby look at requirement number one. Look at the price No, the price the price Okay, well look at the price response to touch

I want to open this. Thanks george. I love it so much george. Thank you. I'm gonna open this one quick though Don't worry george is getting you one two of your birthday so you guys can match tiles Oh, really? There you go george another 200 dollars Is this this one yours gilbert or what? I can't wait to see yours. Mine's coming tomorrow on your actual birthday. Whoa tradition Yay All right, so this one it says that from I don't know Dear bobby collily gilbert and george. I am a massive tiger bully fan

Enclosed as a cop unruly bastards is a game that my best friend rick and I created I think you guys will have fun battling your attorney bastards From david meister unruly bastards. Thank you, buddy And we will play this game. This is a game that they have called unruly bastards unruly bastards And this is gonna be fun season one. Awesome. Thank you some shirts. Thank you bud Anyway, are we good? Yeah, thank you Thanks guys You can do follow get bobby's tour dates at bibley live com follow on instagram at bobby lee live

You can follow collyla on calamity k calamity k george kill my george underscore kimmel John now, where can we find you john nana? And then everything else tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly and emails any questions at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com everyone Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey