TigerBelly - Ep 213: Bobby's Umma

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

Bobby’s mom is the funniest Lee. We talk vogueing, 666, white lies, piano dreams, and Alain Delon. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey guys, I have some dates coming up Portland, Oregon September 26th through the 28th helium comedy club Oxnard, California October 11th through the 13th 11 a live San Antonio, Texas October 18th through the 20th laugh out loud Arlington, Virginia November 1st through the 2nd Arlington draft house and Brea, California at the Brea improv November 22nd and the 24th and go to Bobby Lee live

com.com for my websites to see the dates but come see me. Thank you. Enjoy the show Oh I only hear two of you not them. Yeah, they're not because they haven't talked yet mom You have to look at my you have to look at my mouth. Yeah, look at your mother Yeah, they when they when people open their mouth and sound comes out and then This is mom, this is Steve's best friend Bryce They love each other they're like war buddies and Steve loves this guy to George Did you know them? Yeah to their best friends. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they love each other. It looks like a friend

They don't look like friends, right? They look like the enemy. Do they not? No, they look more like older brother like older brother. What these guys are like Steve's older brother But they're white, right? Oh, he does it Did you fuck somebody else to make him? No, who'd you fuck God? God did you fuck God? You fuck God did the for me. Oh you did for you. Yeah Um, let's start. What's the matter? No, don't say God. Don't say God All right, right, right. You should never fuck God. Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

You think God has a gochu? Yes, you think God has a penis. We are like a God. Oh, we're like, uh, so he's like us. Yeah Like him so you think God has a penis everything everything even a jaya, but even a butthole. Why would he eat a butthole? No, everything like us. All right make it like in his image in his image Oh, he missed. Yeah, that's what it says in the bible like the image. I don't read the bible. You never read it You never read that part not that chapter that chapter I thought you know, we all look the same, right? But um, you've never tried to write read the bible. I know more than you do

I'm pretty sure you do like, what do you know like creation? and and what and Uh, we Jesus Everyone knows that mom. I know about six six six. What is that to devil? What does she point to you? She pointed to you. That's where steve gets it the devil So tell me about six six six mom. Am I depperto then? I like he likes me Yeah, yeah, well if I was born and had six six six on my head

What would you have done? Would you have aborted me or not? No, no, no, no. I'm gonna let you hair grow Nobody can see it. That's a hide from me. Right, right, right So if I was born with six six six on my head, you would not show me to anybody and just let the hair grow Yeah, a little bit. Right, but you know, but you would know that I was Six six. Yeah a demon or the devil then maybe I'm demon. All right, right, right, right Oma, what if he lit he lit the neighbor's house on fire when he if licks it say at four years old Oh, no, he can't do that I'm gonna discipline him. You would discipline me. Yeah, but would you turn me in?

Would you tell the cops the police that he blipped the neighbor's house on fire? No, no I got not just you know Put out in a fire and never turn him in never put it out. Just put bucket you would put it out yourself Yeah, all right, right murder you wouldn't turn me in, huh? Uh, maybe parents maybe hide Oh, you would hide. Oh, you would hide. No, I hide you or you would hide me So if I killed like 40 black kids now, why did I say black kids reset that you killed what? Okay, sorry, if I sold if I if I killed don't say colors here

All right rules no race. No race here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're asian. We don't do that Yeah, yeah, you've never said the n-word. No No, what is that? Wow, never no six words, you know, no way no forward no forward when you came to america was a racism Oh my god towards you. Yeah, like tell me a story Oh, you know that one lady told me that I have a garlic smell Oh, you smell like garlic Well, maybe it you know pulls out from here, but I brought brushed my teeth. Yeah. Yeah

So what, you know, I just cried. Oh, you cried because this bitch said you look some like fucking garlic Because at that time I was very young innocent, you know, and there was a it was in america Yeah, oh, wow minnesota at the store. No, sandiego. Oh, sandiego Oh, wait, wait. So a customer came in. Yeah So if you guys don't know my parents owned a clothing store called fashion gal no before that week Oh, the wig store when you're a baby. Oh, so when I was a baby talk closer into the mic. Why? Good good. Perfect. Oh, am I too far? I never have a mic and I know I know I also yelling at them

Yeah, so when you were um came to america, there was a lot of racism. Is what you're saying? I think so. Yeah, yeah But that's the only one I uh experienced Oh, you know, maybe When I speak a little more english, yeah, maybe, you know, they've upgraded me because I speak english But also because you you're a single woman in america back in the late 60s in america You could have you could have dated a white guy mom. No because I met your daddy Same year. Oh the same year you came. Yeah Oh, I dated one. Oh your father passed away. So I can say this, you know, I met one man, you know

Oh, what what is that? What does wait wait? You met wait? Let me just say something when you came to america You met dad and you also beat for him before you met dad. You met another good-looking man Yeah, yeah Korean guy or a white guy Korean guy Oh, you never had a white dick that mom. No, I never see one. You never you seen a white dick before? Oh, shit. Have you want to see his? No Why is it you would show you you would show you we're just smiling so much

Eat wider than my husband. Yeah, you know on honestly mom and I I I know listen I never lie. I know you don't lie and you're an honest person your truth teller and that's what I love about you And I love the fact that you know, I know that dad Dying was traumatic and disastrous for us But you know what the this the good part is is that you know, this is the first time I think you've ever visited us this in this way ever Never. Yeah, you were able to come out here and hang out for eight years. Yeah, and you never were able to do it Maybe for after 50 years. Yeah, because you know, I never been out of his side. Yeah

He always watched what I'm doing. He may be loved me too much But you you know, watch me every movement I make. Yeah, you were telling me earlier how even when you would Think like have a crush on Warren Beatty. I know Oh my god jealous. I couldn't watch his movie And Elvis Presley, I couldn't hear he's a wait, wait, wait. So if He came home from work and you were watching Um a Warren Beatty movie He'd turn it up. But he wouldn't hurt you. No. No, he'd turn it up. He would just turn it off

I say why he goes, you know, you like him. I don't want you to watch his movie Oh, but this is that but you said as you got older he stopped caring No, it's a I got old of like a 60 year old And I asked him do you still jealous of me and I go, no No, now 80 years old I'm gonna look at you. Why should I walk right? When I walk I was pretty pretty Prettier than this now I'm pretty killing it back there. I was very sexy and pretty

Oh, fuck you were sexy and pretty back then on because daddy like my side of my leg Oh, that's why he like, you know, so he likes your side leg. Wow. I've never heard because I have a short dress, you know Easy access, huh? Yeah. Yeah To the fucking beautiful. Yeah Fucking like I don't like you don't like fucking. No, I never you don't like Did you used to put soap and Steve? Yeah, Steve was a mouse because he stayed in a bad word for him

So I put little soap I put steam, you know, Steve don't tell him I put he forgot all about it And I put his mouth and I said if you you know say one more word to hyeong You're gonna be in trouble. Right after that. He doesn't do that. He was a very you know strong little boy Who Steve? Yeah, he was strong. He was telling me that he used to punk you a lot Oh, yeah, when he was little. Oh, that was little. Yeah, I don't remember when he gained weight. He never did that again What do you mean? No, what do you mean? My thinking, you know, no, what do you think? I'm sorry. My mistake. I should do my mouse, you know

No, when you get bigger, you think I'm fat. No big guys bigger. Yeah, so you wouldn't ever say Let's say no one knew who I was and I was lost and you were describing somebody to about me Describing me to somebody would you say that I was fat? No, at that time you were not Like when you start making money, you eat too much, you know So success success. That's not my fault. That's not my fault. I read your very skinny. I didn't feed you I know you didn't feed me. I know it's my fault. Yeah, I did this to myself. Oh, yeah, don't blame him. I'm not gonna blame you It's not in dna

I'm not my fault. Yeah, you like gummy candy ma I don't eat that. That's too sweet. I I like this, you know hard one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is just like kwangos Oh my god He's bigger than that You think so? Yeah So so when you came here in the 60s 1968. Oh my god Nobody in this before you born before anyone in this room was born I was born 1968

And then so you met dad and then once you Started dating dad. You never saw anybody else, son Never I never cheated him. I never cheated. No So you've only seen for 50 years one go to them No, three you saw three penis. Oh, yeah. Yes. I know blood penis blood penis blood penis You have to say that we never say that in words, you know, we say go to go to yeah Then if you're listening right now when I say go to uh-huh that means dick in korea. Yeah, because go to like this It's a pepper

That's right. It is pepper looks like that You know, wow. So whenever somebody say go to them means they know that that means that But we don't say it. So what is the real word for a penis then? I don't know. You don't know never learned They never learned it. No, they never teach. They never taught you the word real word. Never never never Interesting. What's the word they use for a vagina then? I know, but I just what is it? I'm not gonna say The world will cut it out. They have a See uh city in somewhere

Boise Idaho, yeah, uh, what's there? We don't we don't say that because it's just similar to whatever you're asking Similar to the word is yeah. Yeah. Oh gosh. He looks like him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna. He looks like a who Yeah, one actor this guy looks like an actor to you wait Warren Beatty actor Which actor which actor does he look like? Oh, he's in America right now, but a Korean actor. Oh, yeah, Daniel Day Kim. Oh my god. No But do you think he's handsome or ugly handsome? Oh really? Yeah, when I thought he's a Korean He's a very handsome. Oh very handsome. But then when he found out he was Filipino

He became less handsome. No. No. No. No. I say he has some Korean face. Yeah. Yeah, but Filipino eyes And some Spanish too, you know, because I thought Carolina was Spanish. Oh, yeah Yeah, she's a tall and you know, yeah, don't you love kalala? How what would I say? Yes? Yeah. Yeah I'm gonna be in trouble Yeah, she's great. Oh, she's great. I told her to you love her Right. We talk in swimming pool all my life to her. I know like about one hour I think she said you talked her ear off

We went to downtown LA today. Yes, we went to santi alley. Yeah, and we found that that clothing store We found the clothing store here. She knows you. I know the guy of the clothing store knows you What is the store? Who the guy of the clothing store? We went to santi alley. He's oh, yeah And he told the other guy, you know, that's a bubbly, you know, uh, who and he she goes Oh, yeah, you know, oh, yeah Everybody knows you. Oh No, don't say. Oh, yeah That's a nice word, you know, yeah. Good. Good. Yeah, nice. Good. I don't know what that means. Oh, yeah

What's the last time you were in korea, mom? 40 years ago But I made every 10 years I make a renewal my Passport passport. Maybe someday I'll go. No, we will bring you there. I think this year I think whole family should go together. Okay. And because otherwise I don't have any place to stay. Yeah, you know Now, how have you It's my day today. You say I don't have to talk. You don't have to talk. You say but you ask me Questions, I know. I mean, can you put your mouth to the mic though? Yes. Thank you. Yes

No, you don't have to say anything but um, but you ask me You don't have to answer. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, don't answer but um I didn't know what I was gonna ask or what I was gonna ask don't ask about whatever down there. Don't do this Oh, but what the vagina and I don't want to talk about Never talk about in public Just a husband the wife talk, you know, they talk each other, you know, but you know what mom You know when I you know, I when I got sober I remember I was at a drug addiction in high school. Of course. And then I brought you to rehab. I know you did

And I remember um saying to myself I'm just gonna have a relationship with my parents while they tell I tell them everything Yeah, right. So I've you know, remember I used to go get prostitutes. I used to tell you I don't do that. I know but I used to I know but I used to tell you everything. Remember that is very uncomfortable to hear from my son's Mouth. Oh, it is. Yeah. Oh, don't tell me details. Oh details. Yeah. No. So I just I did that then You're a man There we go Well, there we go. Yeah, all the man's doing this. All the man's doing that. All man's of animals, you know

Including my husband late husband. I have to including him so nobody say bad things for me. Yeah. Yeah, would you say mom that Um, George him is the ugliest guy in the room You Why George That backfire what the heck Why You know, George, you know, he starts to sit there and do nothing. Fuck this guy mom All right. So that's a Steven's friend, right? Oh

My best friend. Oh Oh, it's right. It's an alliance. It's an alliance. Yeah, you have no idea who you're in bed with right now It's okay. It's okay. I don't care. Uh, private life Yes, Steve there these guys and my brother's relationship is um, so deep Yeah, so don't even bring them up. Don't do that. I don't like deep Cheryl don't say that. I won't say that because I'm guessing something else Or I'll I'll go. You know, I look innocent, but I know everything about men and women. I know you do. I know I watch a lot of dramas. I know you do. Yeah

Oh, but I wanted to say I'm sorry what you've been going through and it's been really hard for us. Oh, yeah We're whole family. I know how you've been feeling I feel a lot better since I came here I'm not this room. I mean came to LA. You know, I you know, like a free women now, you know Yeah, because you're in phoenix by yourself I'm not lonely. I know but still I I have to text you every night. How can I be lonely? You know, I have to text him every night every night and what he uh respond nothing So I asked him try stop texting you he goes. No, mom. I enjoy it

But he never answered to me. Yeah, at least Steve will say mom. I love you Well, once he say mama, I love you and he said what's up, you know, but I really don't know what that means Yeah, and I asked Steven, you know, uh, your brother say what's so what what what should I you know, uh, Tell them I tell him he goes mom. That's just asking you don't have to say nothing All right. What's up? It's just hi. Hi. What's going on? You know, in my mind, I really don't understand what's what's that means. Yeah Get up Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just doesn't make any sense. You know, I don't what's up. Yeah, like yeah, yeah

What's up? Get up Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's up? Yeah, or look yeah, I ask every americans, you know, what what's that means? Yeah, they go so you just see, you know, all right, all right, you know, but still I don't make any sense Lara english is really to me. It's really Oh, I don't know. There's a lot of things. Yeah. Like like what? V. O. G. U. E Bo Megazine's name. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know real meaning of what is the meaning of Vogue

I feel like it's a fashion or like a dance type of dance. That's Madonna. I think Vogue is a yeah I think it's a style of posing. Yes, I possibly because Madonna did the Vogue. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a it's a it's a It I don't think anyone knows what Vogue nobody knows what I don't have to feel bad. You don't have to feel bad about I study English every day. Yeah, but Lara words really, I don't understand, you know, yeah I've just been having a hard time mom What? Spanish Mama, what was that? I speak Spanish. Hola, hola Hola, hola. Gomez. Wow. You got all of these skills. I'm not even aware of them. I have you know in my kitchen

I have all about Uh, English Spanish Chinese and Japanese and korean, you know, Oshin, you want you want to learn Japanese I bought My niece. Both a book from send it to me here. I never opened that books Once I opened it and I didn't have a time. Yeah, I didn't study yet But I have a book you say you want to do you want to learn the guitar again? And I have to cancel every lesson because I come here. I have to come here. Oh shit Yeah Adios

Yeah, yeah, what does that mean tomorrow tomorrow? George speaks Spanish Okay, when I talking be quiet Okay, why I learn foreign language. Why now I'm asking you why do I learn I don't know why answer me. I don't know I just answered you don't yelling and answer me No, because I don't want to have a chimer That's why I start you know taking In a guitar yeah, because you didn't buy piano for me

You know every time I ask him can you buy piano for me? No computer, but not piano Computer and a house. I know I say piano. What a fucking piano too. Lady. What the fuck? Yeah, don't say fuck. Oh, yeah Sorry, what the dang ding dang ding dang Yeah, so why he didn't buy piano for me. Yeah, and I don't want to pay myself But he's always say mom you want to have a new computer. I say it's the same price Oh, I didn't he asking me buy piano, you know, so I that's why I'm taking So I'm not gonna give you a fucking piano cuz you're not gonna use it. No, I know I practice You're not gonna practice. We had a piano in our house growing up

I saw 40 I know but I'm not one time to ever see you on it because when you went to school I practice myself and I don't want to showing off I'm very I'm nice. I'm sorry. Yes. Yeah, my bad. That's yeah. Yeah, because you know, I practice seven hours a day It's not good enough Yeah, and I know all the theories, you know, you know all the guitar theories are yeah piano same same theories Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm sorry for questioning you that I forgive. Okay. Thank you. I know you're my mom That's amazing, you know

Amazing You know the song. Oh my god, I know a lot of songs. Yeah, but don't ask me singing, you know, yeah Well, I'm sorry mom. I love you so much and I um Why are you sorry about that? No, no, I'm just in general. I just feel sorry for what we're going through But every whole family going through the same thing Yeah, I don't think I'm processing it right though. No, you are a little bit late. You know, I mean you are going slow Like a stupid I will look at in eyes You know, and then we start crying

Even now we start in looking eyes and if I like water the eyes, he started crying But he never saw his emotions, you know Don't bother up. You gotta get it out. I I I honestly I don't know what's going on I I think about it every night. I think I and I I sit I'll sit down at the edge of the bed and analyze What like what what am I feeling? What is why am I and I just don't know I've never been here before. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how that's my first husband I lost. Yeah, so how do I feel? You know, I didn't know that's why You know, right after he ate to death

I first cried because you know, I didn't expect that, you know, I thought I he I realized he never gonna come back to me Then You know, that's how we go through all together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's been hard Yeah, I mean we had up and downs, you know, one time I hate him I'm gonna divorce him after his kids growing up, you know, but then You guys growing up. Wow. He treated me so nicely. Yeah So I just didn't divorce him and we live up to here. Yeah

Yeah, I mean, I think that um When we the kids moved out of the house It got better for my mom because he relaxed more Maybe no pressure the pressure. Yeah, all the discipline I do, you know, all the education I did he didn't do nothing He's just making money. Yeah, you know, but everything else. I know even moving I have to pack everything even little items And he just, you know, come in a new house. Yeah. Hello, you know, that's what I did for that. That's what she's doing now I'm sorry

Same thing. I and I got from my dad. Not me. Yeah, you know, yeah, get it done, babe That's why I get it done because I my tolerance It's the way the way Yeah, because you know, oh, so he did that too. Yeah, every time I that's my job and raising kids They that's my job clean the house. That's my job. No, I hire the cleaning lady But then but I gotta watch her to do it, you know, so Uh, and he never involved any school, you know Curric you curricular activities. No, he because I follow them, you know, like tennis

tennis and and Sockers and softball and what is even we never fucking played softball Um taekwondo, we never fucking played softball mom We did And oh, yeah, that's a big thing for I love you. That was weird. You guys just bonded. That's nice. No, because I uh, Looked like him. I watched his movie like 10 years ago Yeah, he reminds me. Yeah. I want to know who's after it. I want to say this mom

That I guarantee you that that guy Which guy pick up just saying that guy is this guy Maybe you know, but he's a lot older twice older than he's twice also in the future I think he's Are you in your 20s, right or 30 30? Yeah, maybe we might have to show him my mom the video No, don't I just want to show her what she'll be disappointed. She'll be disappointed in me. I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared I won't do it. He used to be really fat like this. Oh

He used to be really fat But there's a video of him saying that's what I have to do. I have to lose weight Oh, yeah, yeah video by looking at it. Uh-huh when you wait It's a lot heavier. Yeah I'm uh Having a once a day mirror. Yeah, so I have a lot, you know intermittent fasting. Wow Your body's kind of squarish now. It's weird. What it's a good or a bad It's like spongebob like yellow

Good, good. Okay. Thank you Good job. You called him a spongebob. It's good. I don't like a spongebob. Why? He's a square I'm like s you're like an s. Yeah I know you have curves curves. I know Whoa, what is going on here? Hey, uh Uh lip service. He lip service. Yeah. Yeah. It's so it's you know, it's it's funny to see What I got from my parents though, you know, because my mom and my dad Are completely different completely polar opposites like my mom's more

art Music movies even new movies and you know, she even how you peel the banana. Oh even banana, you know, how What do you mean from bottom up? Uh-huh my brother. I guess my dad up and down Yeah, you know and Toilet paper. Yeah, I go under he go up. Yeah, you know, I go under too. I know you going up I didn't put that. Oh, he did She was watching that like he's dead then. Yeah. Wow. I go under it makes more sense to go under because more easier Now man, when you wipe your don't come off

I don't have one Don't ask me something like that. All right. I said don't ask me. I know I know but when you go to the bathroom, right? Do you wipe? Um back to front or front to back when I was a skinny bag But when I get fat down. Oh, so you go front you wipe this way. I shut up That's weird, you don't even know what direction is the correct, right? What is the correct direction front to back? Yeah, yeah, don't get what are you angry about? I'm not angry because she's You feel sassy all of a sudden you get to ask us about I know you're right. You're right. You never ask mom those kind of dirty questions

Yeah We're just talking about beautiful things, you know Yeah You know the one memory that I have that I feel bad about me about you and I what is that one time you picked me up from camp Mm-hmm. And you push me. I pushed you. Yeah. Oh my god. Now he's trying to hug me Yeah, he pushed me push me away. Wait, so you dropped them off. No. No. What happened was I so I went to a summer camp Yeah, where they picked us up in a yellow boss took us into the forest For a month came back. Yeah, essentially. Yeah, then I say hi. Yeah. Yeah

So all the kids are like getting off of the boss And I was on the bus. I remember and thinking and people were kids were hugging their parents But some cool kids weren't They were like, hey mom Right and getting in the car and that's what I wanted to do But my mom wanted to do cry cry cry mouth kisses and the whole thing. It's why pushed her And when I did that it I could see it breaking her heart You know what? I'm gonna be shit. Oh, shut up

My turn. Yeah, go ahead Always when I go to his school or Stevens, I always put on makeups So look Oh, you did that for us. Yeah Because I don't want you to push me like that. I'm very sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll never I never I feel bad about it That's why I brought it up. I feel bad. I'm sorry. I'm never gonna do that again. Never. I'll never push you Now he's trying to hug me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I push him back. I was And then just you know you dealing with just the whole I mean just the whole life

I know the whole thing the whole thing is um It's beautiful. Uh, isn't it beautiful? What life? Oh Kind of uh, some good some bad but like when I look at back, you know, like my uh Shoot or not your past. Yes. It wasn't so bad I thought I grew up very poor. Yeah, but when I look at all over the world I wasn't that bad. Yeah

And I thought I'm very because my friend called me peanuts. I'm so small And my face were your friends called you peanut. That was the nickname peanut Yeah, you were small Smallest in the class Not now. I'm kind of you know, you're small. No Oh, you're not with korean. You're a midget. No. I'm not midget. Yeah. No I'm I'm regular. You're all men. Yeah. Yeah, but then you know, and I thought I wasn't pretty But daddy loves me, you know

Oh mom if I posted a photo of you as a young woman ones pretty young and the internet went insane I'm not kidding you side leg. She's so your mom back in the day. You were very pretty back then It's 30 years. Wow. That's why daddy got so jealous of me. Right. Yeah I was pretty until 50 years old. Right I get bad after 60 years old. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not gonna tell my age right now. I know I'm over 70 under 80 Just middle of it. I'm not gonna tell you that what it is 75. Yeah. Oh, I am

Little over. Yeah Good. So, you know what mom from from now on for the rest, you're gonna be good at me good to me, right? That's all you gotta say. I've been good to you. I know You know, everybody say you are the best sunday ever known Really my my sister gets jealous of it. See you fuckheads In this room you guys think that I'm a tyrant. No, he's not fuckhead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He's a fuckhead mom Oh my god, I'll buy you a piano. Okay. I'll get you a piano

You're gonna get her a piano. Yeah, of course Only seven thousand dollars Can we go cheaper? No, never No, I like I love top quality, you know, that's where you get that from top. Oh, no That right? Yeah, same So that's another thing I get from her which is everything pick best We want the best. Yeah food. Whatever she thinks the best is

Yeah, at that time at the time, right? I have that same thing which is weird You know, he Last month he came on right because of his daddy. He bought a shoes You know, uh, it's a green shoes. Oh, no, no, uh, it's a blue blue. Yeah No, it's not blue. Uh, whatever mom skies, you know, whatever Yeah, then, you know, so I brought it with me When I brought my husband the remains So I gave it to him. He said mom. I'm not gonna wear

Then why did he buy? You know, I said he pays him much money, you know, so she's on, you know, Yeah, I saw it. Yeah. Where is it? I he she gave it to me the blue converse No, I showed you too. You don't You didn't shit, you know, so I said why and you know, Steven was right. Mom. Don't bring a bag. He's not gonna wear It's a problem. Yeah, but I cut that from you No, I would use I got that from you Never a weird shit. I know but then my brother got

Things from my dad. Yeah, so the quiet. Yeah, right. He's quiet sometimes serious Yeah, but that Innocent shit that he does, you know, that kid thing that he does. I think he gets that from you digging from nose Nose digging or eating these boogers. I saw once Once you saw Steve eat his boogers once. No, who? No I really didn't I did allegedly It didn't happen He eats most kids doing when nobody now he eats it. How about you?

No, never my earwax and I was younger you eat when I was younger. Yeah That's worse Have you when's the lesson you eat your booger? I never eat booger not one time I don't remember you pause for a second. No, I don't remember as a kid. Yeah as a kid Okay, you don't use you've never done it. So what would you guess? No, I I didn't dig But I never eat all right. We were not that poor, you know, all right Oh, it's a class thing It's a hunger thing

I told you You know frog legs you ate frog legs. It's a big day snack thing. Yeah We're not poor. We're not poor. We're not that poor. Yeah, I never just I've never heard that before I never hungry people eating their boogers No, I never eat it. I know I've never heard that though. I know I know first time I've ever heard forget it. We'll forget We're not gonna edit it out. That's very sensitive. Add it. We'll edit that out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's great You're gonna hate me for that. Yeah. Anyway, so you're gonna come out here more often then, huh? Uh, do you mind? I love it

Of course not. I know you're gonna say that But I mean true, you know true reaction But we hang out way more than you hang out. That's why I want I think you're tired of me No, I'm not tired. I have a lot of energy. Don't raise your voice. Just say Stop being disrespectful No, I think we everyone loves you mom How do I know they you know, it doesn't they do they do because I'm beautiful So I brought so I brought my mom so the other night when she caught in the town

It was like two in the morning. Yeah, and I go one in the morning. Let's go to the comedy store. I said, okay Nobody there you say I said there's nobody there. It's late, but there was a lot of people like today You say I don't have to say nothing. I came. Yeah I talked to you more than you Well, that was a trick, you know that So we were dry walking around and she there's two people that she did a head to toe like analyzing before she even said anything One guy she walks by and he goes, this is my mom and my mom looks at it goes your face. It's so interesting Jeff Ross

Right then another guy stands up right, you know, this is mrs. Lee hi Hey, and walked up and she couldn't even get the words out to say hello Because she didn't know what she was looking at 20 hinge cliff She was looking at his body like this is so skinny. He's very skinny and we're looking. Yeah, but she was a hit there and um It's been um, I'm so glad you came out mom. It was very good Tell them a tell, you know, uh, he said he knows you 28 years What I said to him 20 years

Who 28 oh Jeff and I I told him I know him 48 years. Oh, that's like a big laugh. I mean that Right. Yeah. Yeah, and then I said that later when you said about Jeff and I said that he had HIV you said Should I wash my hands? No, I it's not No, I didn't say Don't make up stories like that. You know, could we cut that part off? Yeah I I love mark that mark that sardine. Um talk about now now I

Yeah, no, no, no. I like hearing you guys. This is about me. You don't want to talk. I don't want to talk today about me I'm not tired. Then talk. We had a good time today. Yeah in the swimming pool. We had we went Downtown and we went swimming together and we'd like, uh, you know, tell each other all their stories and stuff We are not gonna tell you and then we listed all the guys that we found attractive. Yeah Alan DeLong, Warren Beatty, Elvis Presley, Elvis Presley, Beatles, Gregory Peck Who else did we like? You didn't really like Paul Newman a lot That's he's not my style. Okay. I'm gonna say Paul Newman Was the sexiest man ever to live? Well, maybe some of them, but not to me. Yeah. Oh, who do you think?

You think dad is sexy? Yeah He had, you know, a dark face And he just kind of, you know, not poor, but, you know, my size. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect for me. Yeah. Yeah And then we were talking about the idols of Korea. BTS. BTS. I love how he hated EXO EXOs and we were talking shiny, you know, and we were talking about how like how They manufacture a lot of these boy bands and after if they don't make it like there's a high rate of suicide Yeah, oh my god, you know, one of the shiny boy. Yeah, he was I did like two years ago. No Then the EXO boy too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they are famous. Yeah before BTS. They were more famous

What band did I know the guy Henry Lau? What was he in? I don't know. They go they Recycle them. Yeah, because I did a movie with a with a with a Korean pop star. What who it's Henry Lau Oh I know one Henry. He's a super junior from Canada. That's him. That's him. That's him. That's my buddy. Yeah So Henry Lau Because when I fired fire yeah, yeah, yeah, it's from Canada. Yeah So when I went when I went to Thailand to do the movie with them

He had had hundreds of women Girls sleeping in tents outside his hotel. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, this is sexy He's he's so innocent. I know. He's so like baby face baby face. Yeah, look your son's famous with Henry Lau That's me and Henry Up there to the right Yeah Look To the right

Yeah, that's him and that's me. Yeah, yeah Whatever super junior M. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. He's a super junior. He's one of the best And he graduated from Buckley music Wow, she knows all this. Oh, I know. I know him and he was in korean like a barite show Yeah, I know him I know what I said. I I have the photo with him. I know him, but you don't know everything about him. That's true Yeah, that's true. Ask me. Look at that. Wow. That's a cute shirt. Look at that cute shirt I was wearing in the San Diego. Oh, there's us too again. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. He's yeah. Oh

Like a boy Cute. I am cute, huh? Yeah, he looks like I say 17. Yeah Hello Hola Arigato gozaimasu Showing off shit Stephen is like a 14 year old. I'm not kidding To me you look like a young boy Yeah, even watching my brother with you Steve with you is like, oh we act

Like I can kids. Yeah, and I'm you know what? You're fighting so bad. I feel so bad because I'm I'm and I told him if you fight one more time I'm not gonna see you guys, you know Yeah, because that one time in Arizona you just left him at the mall Yeah, without telling him because Steve went to the bathroom for him. Yeah So Steve went to the bathroom and then when he came out he couldn't find you because you just left him No, he's a better than he left on the highway Yeah, listen, I've been acting weird. I can't help it like even when we were at the shabu-shabu place

Oh my god, right and I went I had a meltdown I put everything in in the dead ball Like bowling ball. Yeah, and then after that he said mom, that's not the way to eat And we look at him and say what way I mean, you know, yeah, that's just the bowling and it hot Oh my god I've been here the whole time Mom, is he like disappears and reappears Gilbert? Is he like he thinks I'm a famous person Yeah, yeah, why would you keep going into him for you like him? He's he's a Filipino but look to to me

He just looks like Korean. Oh, it's shocking. It's shocking. Yeah, like he goes soju Yeah, yeah, yeah, you like Gilbert though. You like that water who you like you like that water Give me water. That's not soju. It's not soju. I know. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Is it good? You don't like it? Yeah, aqua Oh, oh, shit again. I know a lot of words. Yeah, I just don't speak. Yeah, but I know the spellings Yeah, so I just want to let let's Okay, your turn. Okay, if we go to Korea, where do you want to go first my hometown I don't it's a you know, where I grown up. What's it called little you know, they remember you lost your watch What happened when he went to Korea and

With Steven and some guys bigger guys came to him Give me that watch and he gave it to him. You just gave a watch with these street gangs And then he come mom some boy. Yeah, I was crying. I was walking to the house And he's a kind of pan or nine something like that, you know, I said and I remember because it was one of those Calculator watches and back then they didn't have that Yeah, and so it goes let me in Korea goes Let me look at that and I gave it to him And then they pushed me and they walked away laughing with the watch, you know

And I didn't know the language and also I was small and I remember coming home crying You know, I tell him anybody's cute, uh, you know something you don't give to them everything you have, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah But you you give to it. I know I know mom because I was scared. I've never seen a street gang before Me either, you know, just tell her to do it. Hello Hola Okay, that's enough. What do you mean? I'll shut up. We don't want to talk anymore No, we want you to keep talking. We want you to keep talking. Do I talk good? Oh, very

Very good. I like your stories. Yeah, whenever I watch a korean variety show. Yeah, if I wore him I should say this and that, you know, I analyze every show, you know, you do Yeah, yeah, even dramas, you know variety shows, you know, we started A show called rookie historian. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. You like it. Oh, they are good looking Boy there Which one is he the one of the the young brother? Yeah, he's cuter. Oh, he's good. Good looking. Yeah He's he's a genius of like a face. Yeah, he's the one who wants to be the writer, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

He write a lot. What is this? Um, that house that Not teres house. The teres house is japanese. No, this is a show on netflix called rookie historian. It's a korean Um, history. Yeah, 19th 1900s. Whoa, and it's a it's a drama then. Yeah. Oh, I see. Is it good? It's fun. Yeah, I mean, I always watch good looking boys, you know He's a good looking Okay, who that uh main character this this kid. Oh, yeah, this one. Yeah on the right. Oh Oh, he is fucking cute, huh? Yeah, and you know how tall he is He is 106 feet tall. Oh, wow

If he hit on you, would you go out with him? No, why? That's not right Ethics I gotta think about Ethics, yeah, oh, so if this good looking korean actor, he's only 23 years old. It doesn't matter if he called you And he says hey Hey, yeah, yeah, and he goes to you want to go you want to hook up you want to go hang out? Would you hang out with him? Don't dream of it, you know Oh You'd say that

Wow, no, I I love all the you know, you do But she also like you also like Sean Mendes. Oh, yeah And Ed Sheeran You like Justin Bieber Justin Bieber and one direction one direction. Oh, fuck. Harry. Oh, don't fuck. Oh, yeah You like west life. Oh, yeah, west the life love. Yeah the love. Yeah, yeah And Sean in korean Sean Sean the korean guy way home way back at shaun. That's Sean Yeah, Sean to me same thing. But he only has that one name, right? No Kim. Oh, he's the last name. Yeah, his name is Sean Kim No, that's not that Sean Kim the other Sean. He's his artist name is just Sean. Yeah, Sean Kim

Can you show him that the Sean the way home? Oh, you beautiful music to me You were listening to it the other day remember remember when she was playing it on the oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was good You don't know I do. I don't know. I don't know What is it? Is it Sean s e a n? No s h a u n Not w. No. Oh, okay Sean You tell me if this is him

Yeah, it should be him. He has a good voice Yeah, that's him. Oh, he's cute. Yeah. No, I'm not talking about that. He's looking at his voice. His voice is cute His voice is cute. No, he's a song. All right. His songs are good. Don't weigh home. Okay. You should listen to that It's a sport is inner. I like it. Yeah. I shout out. I don't talk like that I don't have access. Or what are we doing in time? Do you want to do an unhelpful? Yeah Can I ask her one question? Yeah, go ahead. Where if you can travel anywhere in the world right now Where do you want to go that you have? Korea After Korea because you've been

Uh, I know Arizona. Uh, no, England. Um, because you like the British. Yeah, I love Harry Styles Yeah, like Harry Potter's You love Harry Potter the ring of the What is it? That's what it is. Lord of the Rings. Yeah The ring of the hello Yeah, Lord of the Rings and then where you at with a game of thrones second season Uh, second season episode. I'm gonna watch a seven and who are your favorites the little guy Sinklage, uh, well, um, terry in uh-huh, you know that, you know, yeah

smaller than you, you know And then I know I didn't like him first. Yeah, but as I watch it Yeah, he's small, but he's very intelligent and smart. Yeah, and he kind of control He's a sister who's a queen. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, do you like his sister? No, I like that That little man. What about um, uh, snow. You like king Joffrey Joffrey. No snow the king the kid You like that little not little the blonde kid. You like him. I don't like yeah, he's bad bad You know, but I like the snow, uh, uh, best start. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I love y'all and that girl, uh, dragon's mother Yeah, yeah, I like her. You love her. I usually don't like girls

But Clila and two other girls I like. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah I have to include it in her because I'm gonna go how house today And she gonna take me to airport tomorrow They like yeah, else you don't have a ride to the airport. All right. I have to walk to bar back Yeah All right at the end of the shows we do a thing called um, it's singing No, we could change it to singing. You want to sing it? No, but you don't understand. I know I don't understand anything It's a korean, you know the song that you're gonna say one of two of the BTS song

Which one the one with Halsey V? Oh, don't you don't know you like that one with Halsey. No, no kim Taehyung V No, I don't know that one. Yeah Kim Taehyung Find it find it BTS V every but you know because he's the uh number one handsome boy But he's not the one who speaks english, right? Oh, that's Namjoon. That's namjoon kim namjoon Like uh monster. Oh, I know who you're talking about the guy with a really good the best voice Yeah, like a soul tree. Yeah. Yeah. He's a good looking. Yeah, I mean he's ideal for me to for boys looking

But when he maybe get older here, yeah, yeah him Yeah, but the thing is is here's the thing I hate about korean that that whole thing is They have a makeup I'm sorry. No, it's not that it's just that it's not based on it's like looks has so much to do with it Yeah, we love it. I know but what I'm saying is is that I love it I understand that but there are singer and singers out there and songwriters out there They are good. They aren't good looking that never get a shot in korea too bad I don't control that. I know but what I'm saying is that I don't control korean things

I just I know you don't control the korean things. They have composer too. They make music. They write it And they sing but I'm wrong with them. I have a question for you. Yes If you if bobby and steve were to have lived in korea, what do you think they're like never chance never have a chance in korea to grow up What do you mean I wouldn't survive no because you don't want to you don't want to go to college Korea it's the end of the world, you know You got to go to good college But even I like, you know, push you you're gonna go all the way maybe you know, you think that he would have maybe Become an actor. You know what you are

Why you look at me like that, you know, that's a strange It was you know, you don't like study, you know how how much I pushed you I know I want you to go the harbor is that if steve and I grew up in korea that we wouldn't have survived You couldn't we would died. No, not that idea. I mean, you know what survival means, you know Yeah, if you don't go to college or something how you go with the college thing again, it doesn't work I know that's what I mean. It doesn't work. I know you are special I'm not special. I'm special. No, I was I know what I did was this If you are my son, you are special. Okay. Okay

All right. Oh my god So we do at the end a thing called Unhelpful advice and basically people ask us questions and we give them help What help you'll see Oh, okay. Okay. Unhelpful advice with barbie kalayla and gd leave Uh, reading some of these questions. I think there's just an overall theme Uh, if you can give three pieces of advice to young people

What would you give from all your wisdom? Uh, all my wisdom. I mean if I'm in korea Yeah, anyone. Yeah. Okay. If I'm in korea, I say, you know, you got to start when you're young Because otherwise it's harder to survive in korea What do you mean? You don't agree with me, dude. What does that mean? You have to study good. Oh study. Yeah. Study good. Okay. Yeah. Okay. That's the first one And uh, uh, be honest Because honest goes all your life like me, you know, and then courage You have to have a hope and you know thing to grow up

I think those are three things very important to me Oh, look at that. That's kim jong il, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, pretty good. Yeah You are the best at that. Thank you Oh, thank you. I love you. I love you You guys have three pieces of advice He wants to talk about honesty My advice to you is this Um, you got to figure out what you want to do

What you love doing, right? That's good. Yeah, I like it, you know, I'm not even fucking done lady I say I like your first answer. Okay. Go on. Go on. But I just fucking started. I gotta, you know, okay, then what's the next? Second one No, I didn't get the first one out. I know you enjoy, you know, you enjoyed whatever you like it. Yeah You like it. So you enjoy it. Which one? Which one bobby? Come on. Answer. Which one? Don't don't play dumb. Come on. They both, right? Yeah, both mom. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, my second one

Forget it. No Honestly, forget it. No, no, no, no. We are not done yet. We're not done yet. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So what's the question? I'm not lying to win. Okay. Three pieces of advice. So three pieces of advice is this you love your parents. They're okay There's a second. No, it's not the second one. You love your brother You love a client. That's a four four. No special It's not even a number. It's not even a number. No, it's not in the number Yeah, it's out of a number. The second thing I would give them is you have to lie as much as you can Lie? Yeah, the opposite of honesty

I know. No, I believe it went right. I told you not to lie. I know, but I didn't hear you say that I'm doing my own thing, baby. Yeah All right, so I lie like crazy person, but you know, we have to lie sometimes. So why lie to survive? Okay, and that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm fucking saying mom about white lies. We we still lie Don't say fucking things Lie, but why lie we we need it because when you look at an ugly person Oh, you are ugly. You can not say that. You have to tell your good looking, you know, you're That's a lie. Right. Right. So just look at George right now and go you're very good looking. No

Oh, I say you're sexy. You think he's handsome? Sexy Oh, yeah, in Korea, he's sexy in Korea in Korea. Yeah, in Korea. Korea needs a little different Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so he has a lot of competition Oh, yeah He gotta try really hard, you know Yeah Sorry

You say I And that's why that's all I wanted out of you this whole night. It's good. Is that one thing? Yeah, yeah, you're right Honestly is the real lie. Right. You can't lie if I like people I like them if I don't like people Nothing. I don't say nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Just smile. Yeah, I smile Yeah, yeah, but you've never seen anything like it happen. No inside. I do inside you have ugly Not by my mouth because you know, I know

I'm sorry for exposing you for so many ugly people. That's okay. It's okay. All right. You are He's good looking one survivor one survivor. Yeah, he's okay. You know, he's a survivor survivor. Yeah, thank you Oh, well, that was um, wow You could have done more. I'm sorry. I cannot come every week I know, but I thought that's not the last time. It won't be the last. It won't be the last It's the beginning beginning What beginning I say I'm going home tomorrow. I know you're gonna go home tomorrow and never gonna come

But you will do it again. You will do it again. No, I'm gonna come Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna even come back Tuesday to Sunday Skip Monday Smart, you know smart ass anyway I'm, um, I'm sorry what we went through. But you know what mom? I think But things are no, I'm ending it. Oh, you are. Yeah. Yeah, but I think that um this was

a good beginning And um, maybe some more down the road who knows but Uh, I feel great about it. And I'm so glad that you could fill in and bobby loves me I love her. You're so much mom and um, you know, you beat out rob schneider He giving me money. You know, so I love him. Mama loves money. So give my mama a round of applause and tell her Give her the love that she needs. We love you. I She doesn't have she doesn't have any handles

You don't you you don't have a handy you don't have instagram or anything like that. Do you? Instagram. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. What is it? It's okay Instagram Like social media. I only have a facebook facebook, you know, my facebook all the actors there, you know Oh All over the world. Yeah. Yeah. Good looking. What is it? What do you the looks lately with everyone good looking? I gave you look. I'm not good looking to me. I know but you know that I'm not right

You are Did you see your high school picture? Oh very handsome. You look like an actor. I do, right? Yeah, you ruin yourself You No, you gain weight. That's not my fault Right So You would say that He looks like Elvis Presley, but now I don't look like that. I fucked it up. You're Korean Elvis

Korean, you know, he got the fact too You're late on Elvis Presley. Anyway I'm off. Yeah, yeah Good stuff, mom. Anyway, she was great. Give her another round of applause. I loved it. I really did love it I like it. You know what I like about too is easy We'll be back with some housekeeping Hey guys, uh And thanks to all of you the slept kingdom the sleepers

The papayas out there. We are the number nine comedy podcasts the number one comedy interview podcast and wait for it Singapore. Yeah crazy rich Asians We took over that country And if you're listening now, you haven't left us a five star rating and review Will you please do that for us so we can climb these charts and take over the entire world Get your question. We're number one comedy interview podcast in singapore. So we beat out all the other asian podcasts Get your question answered unhelpfully. The email address is adviceunhelpful at gmail.com We love you all make sure you follow everything kalala at clambi k

Everything bobby at bobby lee live Everything george at george underscore kimmel and brice for all you redditors out there is rehired Brice is here brice. Where could we follow you at brice halligan once again? I am at gilbets and everything tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly twitter at that tiger belly And guys, we love you. Have a good night. Bye Honey Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad-free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with wondery plus in apple podcast

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