TigerBelly - Ep 216: Rob Schneider Is Homeless in Hawaii

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

Bobo demands wartime loyalty. Tito Robbie gets his buddy on SNL. We talk German cars, Irish oysters, and bombing so hard your ears melt off. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Maria Cinderella Maria Everything's Maria Do you have the thing on the Filipinos which is they If you make a mistake of playing with something as a little child, that's what you get nicknamed for the rest of your life Like my cousin. She's a doctor of nursing

She made the mistake when she was three of putting on a pair of boots Yeah, she's been boots No the rest of her life for her whole life her nickname is boots. What's your nickname? You know when I got lucky because I was the youngest they just called me Robbie. Oh Yeah, that was it. That's all I got but usually they double it up. So it's not just boots. It's boots boots Yeah, they do double everything's double there. Yeah, or they like my mom was the baby of the family Yeah, they called her babe babes babes. Yeah, Tita babe. Yeah Tita babes Yeah, and they call and the kids couldn't say Tita. Yeah in the little they say beta like my daughter

She can't say Miranda. She's a veranda veranda veranda and And so they call her beta babes and she doesn't like to call grandma my grandma. She's 90 She's a great grandmother. Is it the white side or the Filipino side? That's the dark side the dark side the good side The dark side. It's the good side. Yeah, it is the good side. It's the it's the side that You know, I saw a lot of homeless people under the bridge. You know one of them was Asian Wow You don't see a homeless people you don't see homeless Asian people and when you do your heart breaks When you do you're in Hawaii

And you want to somehow yeah, you want to somehow like talk to them and connect like dude, what happened? How did you what what happened? Yeah, you're Asian, buddy. How did you know? Well, I think it's because the parents as you know, you know, they just they don't They're not surprised that you do good. You don't get rewarded for that. It's expected. Yeah And also in Hawaii, you don't feel bad for homeless people because of the fact But it's like, you know, hey, can you spit some chain and go why is I'm hungry. Well, there's a banana right there Like there's food all around them, right? Like there's an ocean. Yeah, it's free. That was the thing. I was so surprising about the the famine in Ireland

Was that like because all they know how to do is get the potatoes. If they do the potatoes way, there's nothing for us to eat We're gonna starve. It's like you're on a fucking island Surrounded by oysters and fish. Yeah, get a log and go out and like, you know Catch something don't starve. No, they're killing us. Oh, they've taken our potatoes. Oh, we're a hopeless lot now No, you're not. Yeah, that's my dad's greatest gift. Rob. We haven't even really even started So let me just start. Are we rolling? We are rolling. We're gonna keep all that. We're gonna open that way Rob Let's talk about my dad. My wife. I want to talk about your dad But let me open the show the way we do it. Oh, sorry

I have an old intro that I have. Oh, I love it. I like to be personable. Yeah, personable. Yeah, and I really do just love you Thank you. And I like to say let's do the countdown. We'll go but I want all that shit in It's all in It's in captain. You know what I like about his colloquial Fencing forest. We're just talking That's what people want You got to give it to him. Don't hold it back God, he's so good

What George he's funny than me. Is that what it is? Oh god. No He is George. Nobody commits more than you. Yeah, no, but George is the best I can't follow you and I honestly because I I'm acting fucking ridiculous right now. No, no, you are. Yeah. Yeah, let me do the show You and Koi the same You and Joe Koi the same. Let me just say something. Okay. Let me do the thing. All right, so do the countdown friend five four three I do I do what I want. Yeah, man

Yeah Welcome Tiger Belly. I'm your captain. I'm the best. I'm your leader. Mm-hmm. You do what I say Okay, don't kill be nice Be nice to all it's about energy exchanging energy. I'm your captain captain Bobby Lee Okay, we got flat face Island dweller. What's up Gilbert? Hey, you don't mention that face two dimensional beautiful. It is a beautiful flat face. Is it not? No, no, no He's a handsome. He's the hands of Philip. All right, the handsome not just Filipino any man, you know

Don't let me segment this you got a shitload of hair and you're gonna keep it. That's the thing, you know You know, I got like you're gonna keep that it's gonna get gray and it's still gonna be cool Yeah, you're gonna have like waves of like I'm your attractive and then the slightly less attractive Yeah, you're gonna be over slightly attractive again in your 40s And it's gonna dip and then your 60s you have a little bit of a run then you'll drop dead Oh, actually, you're Filipino you live to be a hundred. Yeah, that's what you hear You know what you never hear you hear of the you know what you never hear? Yeah, what I never hear You never hear Tito Robbie. What do I never know? Whoa?

The seven-foot basketball player turned a hundred today, you don't hear that no, but you know you do here My Lolo he turned a hundred today He lives on the big island No, he's a hundred, you know, he's Filipino, but it's also Portuguese his name is Padrin And he's homeless and he's homeless But he gets he gets he eats anyway Rob you fuck not

Don't do the countdown again, but let's start from where we left off. Don't do the countdown again. Okay, same. Oh, but it's me Then it's up to me now. I'll take over I guess Like I ended it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good job. Welcome to the thing right this fat fuck This I'm sorry my bad. This guy right here dude. I love this guy whenever he shows up. Yeah, whenever I see him But sometimes I don't even think he's real. Hmm. You know, he's got um an Abominable vibe when you work other places. Do you say what which direction is the closet? You must get that a lot Because you're in a closet. Yeah, what he said was very funny. I don't know why you're like, he's so nervous

What do you say? This is a list right here, dude. This is as an L shit, dude. He's our laugh it out Are entered. He's our intern You're fucking it up to laugh it up. What he just said say it again. Hey, I want you to do other fine cats Another studio work. Do you say excuse me guys? Which way's the closet? I want every fucking time. Thank you so much That's it's it's it's true though with the right delivery, you know, it's like it's I don't know what you're doing cuz we're not there yet. He's a whole set ready, man. Robbie. We're not there yet. Okay So we also have other people in the room. I like to introduce we have George my producer

Hi George, and you know, we couldn't get anything done without you. I really appreciate it all the hard work Awesome Okay, we got that we already did that we got my beautiful ready to that did that But we got my beautiful girlfriend Kalilah and then so now we got life improver Thank you. Good brand. That's a great brand really great brand There's life coaches, then there's life improve. Yeah, I know what they are and another different Okay, get with your intro. I'm moving I like moving the pace then what what I'm doing. It's fine. Yeah, everything's fine Now listen. Yes, sir. When I got into comedy, there wasn't a lot of people that you could say

You know because there's not a lot of influencers out there. There was like in terms of Asians as you had Margaret Cho But then we had you, you know, and when I remember growing up watching you when you were young on NSL It's such a you know what it is is that it's important because someone like you made it You gave me a message and the message is that you can do it Right, so that's how important someone like you are that's like the whole SNL thing that happened last week. Yeah, right First of all, I don't like when people are like, well, it's the first as an Asian SNL cat. No Rob was thank you, right?

That's true number one First of all, there's only two people before me that did sketch Right Rob Schneider. Who's Asian? Yeah, and it's Steve Steven Park. Oh From in living color, right? It's Korean. All right, and you guys you did a lot man So, um, well, thank you. It's been a you know the thing about it was like It's you don't want to be treated Any other way but equal and make it on your own but a lot of times what's happened is in which is opening up now Is that there was just so much of a direction to just have like the white Angelo guy and that and that was the only thing

Nobody else could be the head of a picture star in a movie or a TV series or something like that unless it was you know Very infrequently like it was like a gimme and now that's that's you know That's you know, the door the floodgates are open now, but it's going back to like that last week Which what happened was like I guess it was a couple of weeks ago. Yeah a couple of you were great You're hilarious on David's day. You're so funny But the truth of the matter though was that because we wanted to get Bobby Lee's Impression of what there was and you're nice enough to call us on your toilet So anyway, they it was good, but I did think like you know when that guy, you don't even need to go into

But when that happened, it's like the my my thought is this is I really feel like I've been the you know been hit by the the the wave of of social media Twitter frenzy and you know and I just think like hey It's it's not up to the horde to decide. I think I Think if somebody is truly a racist it'll it'll work its way out and then that guy won't obviously won't last this guy's a horrendous racist that won't last but the idea that just because you're holding a microphone just for doing you're doing a podcast Means that it's okay to just hey, I can say whatever I want I can be racist or I can do say You know demeaning degrading things. That's not okay either. So it's in that way. I feel like

Torn, how did you feel it? Because you I know because you said on the air Fire, you know about time somebody gets fired for that what he said on here though But then when you thought about it you thought about it later that night or the next day when we talked and you said, you know what? That's how generous you are but also like you don't want anybody to get fired Or like like this thing should work its way out. I think you can have like a learning moment I just remember like this is a weird leap, but I'm gonna make it. There was a guy that the last Guard it wasn't even a guard. He was like the accountant at Auschwitz Stop. Whoa, that was a big whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, stop. I because I didn't know now

Now we time traveled and I got my mind rework and I prepared right right so listen to it though We went back to oh, no, I'm gonna listen to it But can I just give me a second? I was a different time period. Okay, you know 40 1940s. What is this? Well, this is like the guy who was the yeah, okay? There we go. Okay, go 1940s Auschwitz. He's an accountant now None of the guards who were ever so basically what happened was there was this human rights thing were like Unless you were if you weren't directly involved in the murder of people then they couldn't go after you And so they changed it like if you were like helping or assisting to it, then they could and so basically they

Changed that and which they should have done so there was like his only this is that this happened a few years back Where the guy was 94 years old and he went to a trial. It's one of the last people left and they did Convict him let me died like an hour later But like but the point of the point of the matter is like they were gonna put them that you know behind bars Whatever I said that would not have been as helpful as make him go to some schools. Well, he's still alive Yeah, make him talk about the situation. Yeah admitted it. Yeah, he knew what was it was happening He knew what was happening and was assisting in the happening of that So I do think like instead of just I just I don't know why I'm a liberal which is like a 70s

Off the charts liberal which is makes me an arch conservative now in other words Who isn't for equal rights? Who isn't for gay rights? Who isn't for you know? I mean everybody and you should treat everybody equal and for women's rights equal pay. I'm often but now it's like There's a neoliberal thing, which is like that's not far enough. We want you know, we don't be treated the same We want to be treated better and that seems to me a weird kind of way to get your head around it where there is no There is no allowance. We'll destroy you. Yeah, we'll cancel you we will and and I think Hopefully it's hitting. It's like anything. It's hitting its apex and it'll come back down but people are starting to sort of

Lean towards what you're saying though, or it's like if you know like the allowance of just having a learning moment For for the past two years. No one's been allowed a learning moment. It's canceled immediately. Yeah, I think you know one strike and you're out Yeah, it's just one strike and you're gone. All right, but Comets comics have been driven out of comedy clubs, right because now We're scared about saying certain things, right? So then we created podcasts So we can express those things and be free and loose like this and exercise our rights Yes, but I do think you have to never forget you're up there to entertain some of the things the other things too it's like some of the people who are also asking to you know silence and and you know and

We're asking for political correctness in the sphere as if comedy is only supposed to be this great universal learning and lifting process We're there to entertain, you know and and yeah, and that has to be you can entertain in a myriad of ways You can entertain in a beautiful way with by enlightening of some universal truths Or you can just be really silly and to me the always that what made me laugh when we're little kids And I know you got to be the same way It's a silly shit. Yeah, silly stuff. That's the greatest. I mean like you knew Peter Sellers and there's your dog bad Yeah, nope You said your dog did not die. Yes, but that is not my dog

You know it's stuff like that. Yeah, it's like I want after saw a return of the pink panther Yeah, you know when I was a little kid. I say can I have your hat? Can I your gloves or your jacket can I have your keys? And you see that you think he's valet, and he just actually just taking the guy's stuff And it's like it's the greatest. I mean, that's the silliest. Yeah, the silliest was king Yeah, and so in a weird way like and then you kind of you can you grow up and like Cheech and Chong's like Dave Dave's not here. They know man. I'm talking Dave I'm Dave

Dave Dave's not here. No, dude. I'm you know this silly stuff, right? And then I guess you kind of progress a little bit, but I don't know if it's progressing or you're a comedy Canessure you have to be I guess you do Because all the things that you're saying like I was wearing a strange brew t-shirt the other day Yeah, and you're trying to explain to people kids what they what it is. You just can't really can't they don't get it They don't know what it is, right? And you forget that there's this old history behind us and a lot of comics. Yeah, aren't historians

They they'll go to a comedy club and you go. Hey, look kippa daddas on the wall like they don't know who he is Right. No, right, and it's kind of a sad. No, I know Make me laugh. I know and like that guy was a really funny club act He was a legend. Oh, yeah, great jokes great stand-up tight at all. He died. I didn't know he did passed away a month ago Oh, I'm sorry kip. I got to talk to him a couple times. Yeah, me too. I got to see him, you know Yeah, he was signing up two years ago at open mic at At the comedy store and one of the door guys goes, you know this old man

That's fucking kippa dadda. You fucking piece of shit Well, he wants to get up. He's a paid regular He is I go, yeah, and they put him up and he did good, right? Yeah, but they don't know and that's sad I love comedy. So, you know when I when I bust out. Oh you and Margaret I know more, you know, I mean that's well, there's a history to it. You're right and there's also like You know the thing about stand-up, which is so unique is that it really is truly like an American art form like jazz Like rock and roll it emanates, but it has a certain attraction to it and its ability to

Say something to whether it's youth or a generation and now it's beyond that whereas and it goes worldwide It's when you have stand-up in Syria You'll have it in a version of it. That's safe or that you can't get killed in Saudi Arabia Yeah, but but seriously and it is and it's still the relatively young if you think of any art form You know if you think of like whether it's a you know not to get too Off the the beat here and to elitist But like if you look at like pointillism and expressionism and post expressionism and impressionism You're looking at an era of like well

There's 1880s 1890s and moving up and so you look at jazz you look at like where does stand-up start? Maybe it was Mark Twain who charged a dollar to go around in the in early 20th century Charge the dollar show up at like a public Like a library or a union hall, but you know and say like hey, I'll give you you give a dollar You come hear his stories about going to Hawaii, which is easy for us Imagine how hard it was, you know a hundred years ago to have to go to I go to we have to take a marine liner or whatever You know they take a merchant marine vessel and get out there And so he would tell these stories and there were jokes and they led to something then kind of vaudeville kind of got in there

But if you think about like stand-up and how we do it now, you're thinking of it from like post 50s Yeah, early 60s young sport is what you're saying. Yeah, and like the only one guy left is Mort Saul right you probably have him. I love him Mort Saul. He ran for president anything in Yeah Or at least he advertised himself. Well, and so did Ben Gleebs. So let's not get out of the way Ben Gleebs running Yeah, yeah, no that Ben Gleebs running right for president. Yeah. Yeah, good fingers crossed You take a look at that the stuff that turned me on when I was a kid was English humor because like Peter Sellers and Monty Python. Oh my I mean like it was like PBS

I mean, I didn't even know what it was but it like my brother would just start playing this stuff and When it was like it was not playing it He was like he would show it to me and it was usually during the they were selling PBS to try to join to Donate money and they would say and ten more minutes more Monty Python and I go what is Monty Python and these guys were just Screamingly funny and screamingly silly. Yeah, I'm where you would cry laughing I mean literally just falling down laughing and that was the stuff that was like my hero and then you know The silliness which is like what led to like, you know the guy that you know probably influenced us a lot with Steve Martin Yeah, oh my god because Steve Martin was silly and this is after an era of like when when everybody in America post Vietnam

Everyone was so serious and like there was Watergate and then President resigned and people just wanted to be silly and you hear you had this guy Who was just ready and America was ready for him to be like the silly jokes and some of his jokes like you know What I like to do when I go to a party. I like to arrive a Little early and throw all the food on the floor. That's what I did at the last party I went to about eight years ago or something like that Very silly and just but but like they were ready for it, you know, you know what I noticed about you and Spade especially because I know you guys I guess the most out of that class is you guys don't get scared

Like when I like if I do things with David like I did that movie with him that you were into the miss Oh, yeah, missy missy right missy. Yeah, yeah, and I worked on with them then and I did a pilot presentation with him for his show Now and so he just doesn't get do you get scared? What do you mean like nervous like you're in a movie? Well, you know good thing live anything anything Asian is so true because like it's so true It's like this is a kind of a weird off-the-beat story But like true like I find for my Asian heritage and all my relatives when they're nervous. What do they do? They laugh

Yeah, and so that is a beautiful way of making the other person comfortable But it's really it is like it's a it's a heritage thing where it really is like a gift of like if you're nervous Why make the other person nervous and so what they kind of laugh and like it's generous You know, don't you find it to be but here's a weird thing. I like this is a weird But like I love it. That's what led to like there's this guy named Dr. M. Scott Peck Dr. M. Scott Peck was the guy who was the first real Self-help book called the road less traveled. I know what that is. That was the that was on the best seller Like you said. Yeah, Dr. M. Scott Peck. So this guy so what what this led to what was interesting was like there was this thing

In 1968 he was assigned to be in this Government the military American military The US Army assigned him to do this Psychological psychological analysis of the murder the massacre at my lie, which the massacre at my lie Which is these troops these you know company baby was my love. What was my life? War okay, but his guys in American troops came into this village and they just wiped out every and they were unarmed and just killed Like not all the babies at the baby everybody not everybody Not the baby the baby the babies they killed the baby. Everybody was killed in this town

I just started firing. Yeah, and so they were they hired doctors Dr. Peck to do this psychological analysis and he went to the you know, and if you know what happened was first of all It wasn't even reported until a year later. Damn. So by the helicopter pilot who Witnessed it and finally just his guilt couldn't deal with it anymore So then he reported and then you had they were hired him to do this psychological analysis They would not to go too deep into that but the psychological psychological analysis was basically these company be you know the Vietnam You know the guerrillas who they were avoiding and just you know shooting them You know sniping and whatever and then and then going back in the tunnels and they didn't even know about the tunnels at the time

So these guys were really frustrated really angry and the a lot of these guys weren't the cream of the crop of The American military these are grunts and whatever and they just lost their shit at this one particular place but what set it off Was the fact when they got into the village and there was this they were looking for a sniper somebody shot them They went to the village and they lined up these villagers and the villagers started laughing at them That out of fuck crazy nervousness. Yeah, it's because nervousness for their lives. They were laughing Oh, and that was the what led to that massacre. So going back to that. Let me ask you this question real quick Do I read if you and I?

You know we're there. We're in the same platoon. We're American soldiers. Yeah, and I go haywire like I go off I mean like oozey's into like fetuses, right? Just go crazy. I don't know if that's possible theoretically Theoretically, you know, the average age of the guy there was 19. So there we go You know, I mean, but let's say I go crazy and then three years later. I get court-martialed would you Would you um testify against me? Oh, I would I would testify the truth, but I would say what I would say No, it's not funny. I don't know what you're doing No, no, Rob. No, there's only one way this goes

I don't know why you're laughing and this is really fucking fucking see I'm nervous Don't be nervous right now, man. I'm gonna just say something get move this fucking fire Okay, is I'm gonna ask you again, man Will you testify against me? Never. Thank you And it feels great does we can move on right we can don't don't say shit like that again Would you testify against me? I would you know why? I Think that you would live a miserable life as a free man if he had any conscience at all

I think that down the road you'd better about stand up And he has really short-term memory. Yeah, you say you know what yeah, I feel bad, but also I gotta live for me now I can't worry about all those people. I can't help them anymore. I feel bad But now am I gonna I'm gonna feel worse if I don't think if I don't live my life to the fullest for you, right? You find a way to rationalize what it really is is a When you have like the thing about like I don't hear other stand-ups talking about like was like you hear like There's it comes at a psychic price. Remember the first time when you risked everything You know what with a real stand-ups when they're really doing you don't know anyone there because the potential for humiliation

It's important to kind of like melt that ego away I remember bombing when I first started for a first like a year and a half Yeah, to where like the physics I said I just just curiously like I want to remember the physical manifestations of what I'm feeling right now Just utter humiliation and like and I just bombing I swear to God it felt like my ears were melting off my head. Yeah, just that kind of humiliation like whoa When was the last time you felt that? My wife recently time. No, no, I'm just kidding. I'm my no I never felt that you know what I did though seriously and then like all comedians to kind of do that, too

They said, okay. I'm you after that happened. I said, I'm not gonna let this audience any audience destroy me I'll let them bother me and just you know, you kind of like you know, I said, I'm not gonna I'm gonna let them bother me till here, but not below that Yeah, in other words, I'll give them 40% To humiliate me make them I'm not gonna give me sometimes you get you have a bad night I would yeah I would get so nervous in the beginning that I would force myself But no matter what happens you have to commit to this one physical thing in it. Yeah in this bit

I don't care if you flub the words. I want you to commit through this physical I had a bit about About LSD how you you know, you think you're normal. Yeah, you think you're walking like this, right? Yeah, but you're really walking like this Right is the bit right, but you gotta commit to it commit to it. Otherwise doesn't work So I would go like this I would go so you think you're walking like this right and I would just do a normal walk across straight and then you're really Well, and I would do this crazy like yeah walk, right and it works

But it didn't the first because you didn't come in because I know I did kind of commit But in my head, I'm like you have to commit more. It's gonna. Yeah, but you learn to do it But isn't it interesting that your instinct was not failure or not like this isn't working though But I can get it to work. This isn't working out, but I can get it to work this way. That's a great instinct That's survival instinct that comes at a risk to like whoa, you know Yeah, it's jumping out of a plane down. It's a jumping out of the plane scary You know what sucks about stand-up is you cannot get around The failing part of it. Oh, you're still you still cannot so it's like that's why it's the worst job ever because you're

No matter how big you are Yeah, Jerry says, you know that don't go and see like my daughter's a singer and they'll go and see her songs and whatever And I said you made the right choice because like Jerry Seinfeld says, you know, what is there a comedian? I don't care how famous you are you get two three minutes max when you're gonna be funny Funny, I don't care how funny how famous and he's right Okay, nobody wants to hear the same jokes that you said two years ago. Whatever. Can I ask you about that your daughter? Is that a person? Yeah, because I honestly we were watching what were you watching something on TV? America, that's it

Winner she did your daughter came on right and she was good, but I didn't know she was your daughter Yeah, and then she goes that's Rob's daughter. I go Rob. Who? Rob, you know, I go Yeah, that's my kid and I go and then I googled it and I apologize to her You know everything. Yeah, I don't know what you know what you know, it's funny Is that that's a male machismo thing because I doubt my wife all the time. I stopped doing it I mean I do in my head, but I don't tell her. Yeah, because like Why it's the thing like I need to fix it. I know how to get there that kind of shit

Yeah, it's just I think it's I don't think it's like a disrespect person. I just think it's like a guy Thing I think it slowly changes. Yeah, I should get older. This is weird thing. My wife thinks it's such thing called Andre pros what do they call under pause or uh, uh, uh, you know, and you pause Andre pros. Yeah, and you pause What the hell they call it? You're saying No, it's like basically it's basically guys going to a menopause. Oh, I'm sure I'm sure pause this guy But like a guy goes down but not just that but like, you know, no, but like there is no pause It's like men no more and or pause no more

I don't believe but she thinks they know it's diminishing kind of my wife's convinced of that But it's I don't believe it, but at the same time there are some manifestations of it that are physical manifestations that you can say are Maybe is what they're she's talking about is this is the hemispheres in the brain to separate the left side of the brain The right side of the brain kind of Dissolve a little bit. So you become more in touch emotionally as you become in your 40s and on more available more Sympathetic more empathetic. That's why it's interesting to know that like the people like you don't have it at all when you're a teenager That's why like the Khmer Rouge. They wanted to get people to kill other people. Who do they hire? 15 year olds?

16 year olds I need you to go over there. Wait wait 15 year old six years are more susceptible to directions because they have evil directions Well, they're more strong to to to manipulate to manipulate to do with you the whole pot without thinking pull pot Right exactly. So pull pot is a manipulator in that way. Yeah Well, yes, but like to get you know, if you want people to do bad shit, you know It's like that's why they they want 18 and 19 year olds join the army because if you ask me like hey We need to climb the hill and go kill those people you're gonna go Oh, what who are they? Yeah, who are they? What what do they have against us and come talk about this?

Is there another way? That's why they get 18 19 year olds to do it. If you know, we're in the Khmer Rouge Okay, we'd be ready rockin ready. They'd let us live No, you and our soldiers in this Soldiers, you're 17 18 17 18 we say we're yeah, we're 17 18-year-old pull pot. We have soldiers, right? So we're stand-ups And Paul we're looking for open mics. We call them Paul. I don't know what do you call them? Mr. Pot or do you come pole? PP what's up? What do you do? What do you anyway? We'll come mr. P. Yeah, okay, so mr. P is like aid, you know I don't know what it sounds like. This is like a east coast guy

But like hey you guys um, you know, this is the one that you're gonna, you know interrogate, right? Yeah, and then I Yeah, I interrogate and I take a like a Swiss army night. It's a dodging the eyes. I fucking go crazy and then like we go back We go back to pot. Yeah, what would you say to him what I did? He did what you wanted and I don't know if you really wanted that I would say the pole that's in that's better than what before Before it would have ratted me out. I guess the truth. You're learning. Listen. He did exactly what you say. There we go Let me thank you. You know the thing about though is is like Uh, which is true about like, you know, if you're in your 40s, whatever you're gonna think about things a little bit more And like they don't really I mean like the problem is Howard Zinn would say about society isn't civil disobedience

It's civil obedience Everybody doing what they're told and that's the problem we have in America right there No, people need to stand up and and and you know say, you know, we have a moral Moral duty to disobey laws that are unjust. I have a little question. I want to ask you I wasn't I wasn't gonna ask you this but I'm gonna ask you here comes. Oh shit. I knew and we'll cut it out if you don't want to answer it but When I would you should say that you should say that but every question. Yeah, I'm gonna do that every question When I when I was doing that movie with spade you weren't in it at first

I asked who's in it. They rattled it off. Yeah 50 names I was there with a lot of them like Lauren and you know what house who's great lover low Lauren what's house key great Ask you what a classic guy. What a guy should be on SNL. They need a guy like he almost almost had it I am there. They that guy It's like made for that show. I know funny tall. I mean that that's a guy in any era They need a guy like it's like a Chevy chasey kind of exactly You can play a fireman a policeman. He can play a dad audition three times Rob More than that or more than that with more and Matt with Lauren when a rat, you know, he auditioned for Josh

My I set the Myers. I'm in that's why if you would have had a better manager He would have gotten in there his manager is the best really okay. He's been a worse manager He would have got his manager is you know, um Odin Kirk's wife. Yeah, that's her Yeah, so he's in cahoots with some good people. I know he could have if he was with Brillstein He'd be on there. You think so I think so because Brillstein was like they get David Spade And he never David Spade never talked about this in his book because he called me up one time and he says like hey Hey, buddy, I need to do this book. You mind if I say some shit about you and I said sell your book What if I can make you some money go for pal say whatever you want and I said just don't forget

That when they hired you to SNL they hired you why and And they sit and this is true and I said I'm gonna put this in my book when you don't yeah Here it comes it's coming right now and you could ask me you could ask me to cut you for me to cut this out You want to cut this out? No, I insist you I want to keep it in David Spade only got hired on SNL because Bernie Brillstein told Lorne Michaels You gotta because they only wanted to hire me so you hire Rob Schneider They said well, you got to hire David Spade too because they're a comedy team. They're right as a team Oh, that's the only reason this is addition. They didn't hire him from that. Wow. So did you got hired?

How did you meet David then well because we were best buddies as soon as we met I mean When you see David Spade David Spade's one of those guys and I say this he's as funny in any era You drop him in the Middle Ages. Hey, buddy, this guy looks like he's getting Then you know is that a ran over there. You know ringing about you know, hey, man Yeah, I mean anywhere any he can like he's comfortable in any social group, whatever and he's you're guaranteed to get five laughs every time You're with them, you know, it's one of his stories to and even when he gets emotional I never seen that. No, he told me a story when he found about Farrell a he was on that other show What's it come? He was on just shoot me. He couldn't even come to the funeral and I understand why I didn't understand then

I understand why we did you go to the Fairleys funeral? Yeah Wow That must have been well, you know, it's a thing like It's just like literally like my father dying and like Farley dying were the most absolute I mean you kind of saw it the last time I could have seen him was at a party But I didn't want to go because I knew who's drinking at that time and I didn't want to be there because condoning his Addiction so I said I'm not gonna go because I don't want to be one of those guys is like, you know Hey, slap happy when I know he shouldn't be drinking, you know and like but at the same time

It's like I wish I wouldn't want that last time But so going back to like David David's also one of those guys like, you know when it was so we met an acting class There's all these good-looking girls and everything and then like and it was recommended from Gary Shandling Gary Shandling recommended this guy Roy London to go to this class and like of course Then David Spade was there and there's a great class Elizabeth shoe was taking the class and like Brad Pitt was at the time Also in the class and like Sharon Stone had taken a class and and and you know Jeff Goldblum was coming out of that class. We need some badass dudes in there. Where's this clown? He's passed away

Ivana Chubbock took over the school where she's right down the street I love her and so I met David and like David was like You know, but you when you saw him you must have been like is he well? I know, right? He's a young guy, but he was I can also you can tell just you know A stand-up still trying to figure out his voice and finding himself and stuff But he'd already been in a movie You know when you first get to LA believe me you like you know somebody who's like in a movie and like you did that you're talking to Yeah, and like and this is stand-up. Oh, how did you do? How'd you get in a movie? Yeah movie? Yeah?

How did you get a movie? Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, how amazing that was? Yeah, I'm still like that But seriously, yeah, yeah, it is like, you know, it's just it's unbelievable and how did you do it and then like How do I do it because if you can do it then like it's one of those things sardine and then I remember it's like the young comedians at that Time was like me and then David and then Adam Sandler moved here and like Adam Sandler And I lived right across the street from Houston Street. No, really. Yeah So you guys knew each other all before SNL Wow Yes, matter of fact when the L's mom threw all my stuff out of the Out of the apartment window and I drove home and I like

My Homeless people were picking through my clothes. I said shit that looks familiar. I have the same fucking Eisenhower jacket I wore that under I wear the same one a day ever let him and then I realized holy shit That is my jacket anyway, so then I got kicked out of the house for a while and and I went over to slept in Adam Sandler's places right across the street Wow, and he didn't even have an extra pillow an extra Was empty head like no, no, no, he didn't have an extra on his couch. He didn't have like it wasn't What is Adam Sandler's couch to look like it would this is gonna be

Only 90s late 80s late 80s I would tell you like it's interesting you talk about the couch because I remember because we both got on the sardine alive We were making nothing. It's literally like 750 bucks a week. You know a lot. Yeah. Yeah to be a writer They're beginning writer and so as I think it was like it ended up being 1500 like for the month or something Because there's only two shows a month so something's really low. So Because it's late night too And I remember like when we got hired and like it's after the first year He became like a regular like or not a regular feature player

Yeah, we're both feature player and I went to his apartment and it was like right across the street from McDonald's Which I thought was like, you know, that's pretty cool And then he had a new couch and I still remember it was like blue and striping I'm like, I mean like a new couch and I've been a stand-up for like, you know Eight years by that time and I or six years or seven years or maybe it was eight years and like I'd never bought a new couch before This guy's got a couch. I'm like, is this guy got more money than me? Where's this catch? And what like I'm thinking like, holy shit. He's making it. He's got a couch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah And I remember the coolest thing was like like the going there and like and I always admired his blue and white catch

And then he would say, you know after he hit hard. He hit really hard. He did like the Hanukkah Hanukkah song, right and he said hey And he brought me over and it's like hey, buddy listen this and it was his answering machine and he said Sandman It's Steven Spielberg. Just want to tell you that was a winner Killed me. Wow. And then like it goes beep Sandman it's Hanks. That was a good one, buddy. Wow. And I went like holy shit. Jeez. This guy's gonna be fucking huge And I went like geez it was like those are the memories that I really remember like he was you know That he shared with me because we had a shared dressing room. We were buddies before and like it was cool. Oh, man

You know what? So you know what I love about him, too His loyalty. Oh, this is unbelievable toward you. Oh, yeah, no he has such a loyalty He's gonna what I want you. Yeah, and fucking it David. Let me say something. I've auditioned for every single Adam Stanley movie No, it's no fuck you. Let me just say fuck you ever made Let me just tell you I can't get in because you're in I know you're the guy Let me I got bad news for you and great news for you. What is it the new one? We're doing you're in we've already talked about you. I'm just telling you right now Well, Adam Sandler did you're in the new this Sandler say something. Yes. Okay. Well, that's all you know

You want us to cut to a year from now, right? I'm gonna be in a fucking Chinese My lines are It's I'm gonna tell you right now. Yeah, what is it Joe Coy and I are doing a movie and he's producing It really you and Joe are doing a movie and I'm producing and that's the one I'm gonna be in. Yeah, if I'm not in that You will be heartbroken. I will give you that car that car down there He's happy, but he's so good. I got so angry that I couldn't walk. I just Baby walk like this. I just but I want you to do that

I want you to help with the role figure it out because I got like I'm telling you it's it's been a lot of I'm having fun writing it. Yeah, and Joe is so funny because he's calling me You know Joe is having like the the ride of that, you know, maybe a two dozen comedians get in the history of the world right now Yeah, we're selling out like stadiums. Yeah, he calls me from like dude I've got 25,000 people in Hawaii want to say hi to you and he's got on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so anyway And it's gonna be fun. We're just gonna play You know a couple of cops in a movie and it's it's been it's been really fun writing I can't wait for him to take over. I got another thing for you. Yes

We should do this what what aside from that even because you know that me and Joe are We signed a thing with how we meant we're working with how it Mandel. Yeah, right? But listen to me with howie, but I've been doing Magnum PI been in Hawaii. That's beautiful They have a lot of studios out there and some Couple of producer types out there. We're saying this would be a good situation to do like a very low budget Single-camera comedy single-camera comedy in Hawaii. Yeah, we have all the resources Right because there's only two shows shooting out there right now. I want to do something It is good. You know, I want to do a show with you Joe coin a bunch of people is living in Hawaii

I'll be home. Let me tell you. Yeah, I was a homeless Asians Oh, that's a fun. Let me tell you about New York. Let me say because in New York That's what they were doing in the 90s. This is true story They were they were giving homeless people one-way flights one-way tickets to Hawaii and shipping them out until finally Just to get out fine. I say hey, brother. What is this? You smell We're doing that we're doing that until they get caught that's the that's the movie That's the movie or that's the movie. That's the premise of the movie. I love it. We get shipped. We get shipped

What era though what 90s? That's funny. We can fuck with the music. No, no, no, you can just do it now Homeless guys get shipped over to Hawaii. That's true. Why not make it easier. Yeah You know what I did but the homeless thing we say with the homeless thing is like I was like I don't know why I remember this but like literally I was like watching my do my laundry someplace and this guy was in There and he was it was a young-ish guy like they could say late 30s Whatever and he's a little frazzled and he said, you know, I'm homeless But I'm washing my clothes. I want to keep it together everything, but I am homeless and It didn't seem like too off off and you know at this time when you meet somebody you just say well

I want to I've just been curious and if anything. I'm still in show business. I'm curious about stuff I like to read or learn something. I don't know. I don't like to learn too much about it Don't know just a little bit. Yeah, like my wife says I'll never finish a book But I'll get kind of like I'm good enough with that But like I said to him, so what's the hardest part and he said what a being homeless and You know what he answered? What would you think? Hearts above is being seen as a human being. That's a good question. That's a brilliant answer. Good answer. Thank you What's your answer? Give me your answer. I would say just like

probably loneliness Just being you know, yeah, probably lonely. What's your answer or the night? That's a good one, babe Not a home or a family to come to those are all secondary Answers the rudimentary thing. Oh, hang on showers. Okay. Well, you know just the absolute necessity of sleep He said the when you're when you're kind of life or death kind of situation They immediately see what you need immediately or just and the and like he said lack of sleep That was the toughest thing because he's always afraid something's gonna jump him steal what he has So he's like, oh, they can't sleep. You know how hard it is for you to sleep. I know and I have a home

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe we'll create like these Casket-looking things in the street. Let me just hear me out. I have me out, right? Pods we call them. They're paws. They get the caskets. So when they get killed, he's easier to bear They just look like it. Okay, and the basically and you just you charge what $15 a night So well insulated Japan has Tokyo has those there. Yeah, they're casket hotels. Oh, they are They call it casket hotel. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, they call it a pod. It's a fucking casket Let's be honest, but you got like you got the internet you got a TV. It's got a little place to sleep Yeah, you know, that's the thing when I worse for first ones in Japan

They realized like what we still don't over here in America is like space and how like, you know How you could be more ingenious about using time space and what you have and the Japanese would take like a two They're like it literally like of regular suburban garage space and go we're gonna stack 48 cars here So true and how do they do it? Well, we're just gonna have a system but that's that's rotating Oh, yeah, yeah like that and they just build it and then they say they would never think about even doing that I remember when I my dad my dad when he started to make a little bit of money when I was in my my late teens And he's thinking about buying like a car lot in San Francisco. There's a car lot that's for sale, you know

But I was gonna buy it with a couple other guys, but then I thought, you know, you know, it's a cash business I don't want either you to but I thought this way you can have job, you know in the weekends and like, you know But I don't want you guys to get shots. I didn't do it My dad's always singing my dad was Jewish too, so he was always worried about look when this is the thing I'm still dealing with like in therapy now listen when they come back because the Nazis will come back in some form when they come back And they come to the door. Yeah, okay What happens is if they come in the door, we all jump them? Yeah, they can't kill us all one of you go and get the gun That's next to the bed one of you will be able to get there and I'm like hey, I'm eight over here

No, seriously, I was like I remember I was nine. Yeah, I remember my brother crying about it. Oh, and like you take When are they coming you know like he's three years older than right? Yeah Yeah, yeah, two years old, but like you know, it's like, you know, they're not coming or like I doubt you know It's gonna I think we're gonna be okay this generation for at least for the next 20 years. Yeah, I turned out to be wrong but They're coming to get us in social media But but yeah, so there was always you know is that kind of thing like my dad like you know never wanted to buy a German car, you know because he was Jewish you do more, you know

Yeah, yeah, but then like you kind of got to get over certain stuff You have to like you have to morally justify certain things in your life at a certain point Like he wouldn't want to drive like a German car, but he let my he bought one for my mom You know, he said like yeah, they yeah, they killed all my relatives, but man, that's a quiet ride You know I mean great commercial Yes, but he didn't mind for himself, but he got his wife. Yeah, it was used never bought a new car his entire life He always got like second-hand car good good ones, but like never you know Lincoln Continental Yeah, I threw it off a cliff on a movie just as a respect, you know a lot of Filipinos claim to be related to you

Yes, you hear that. Okay. I'm not I'm not actually making this. Oh, well, I do have an entrenchment with a I'm very deep with a Filipino Community, I grew up there. I'm telling you every third person I eat will claim to be related to you in some capacity. I will tell you this I I might my my family Astacio family from Northern Philippines from Baguio, which used to be the only place in the Philippines that snowed and my uncle us Hamada who's Japanese Oscar Hamada who's a Japanese

Filipino who was basically the only reason my family survived because he spoke Japanese and had a Hamada name and was able to saw what was happening hid food hid the girls most importantly up in the attic and like And then it was was one of the reasons that they they survived. That's the northern Philippines and up there they have What you know different tribes? And the different beautiful textiles and stuff one of the things that was known to the beautiful textiles Like, you know, just the stuff one of the things that they don't see textiles again. Okay. If you say it again I laugh. I know if you see textiles again, I'm gonna freak the fuck out. I just love

You know, I like your life. I like you smiling because your eyes crinkle But don't do textiles. So would they also are known besides the beautiful the beautiful rugs and clothing that they And she would make it that also put it around their shields the different material They were so known for being headhunters. Yeah, and head shrinkers Oh, so basically if you got they had good-looking girls. It was more of a, you know, the temperate Milder weather they had great farmland. How do we keep other people from coming in? Well, it'd probably be helpful if we just let out the message

No, that we're gonna cut your fucking head off and we're gonna shrink it and then that and they like would have like little heads And it was very effective for very very very long time. That's the shrunken head. I think up until you know How hard is it to shrink ahead? It's pretty hard. I don't think so. I don't even think it's easy to scalp somebody I don't know about that, but I I'm pretty sure I know how to cut a guy's head off They really shrink it. I don't know if they make it like it's a they take a monkey and make it look like it's a person or something Maybe maybe yeah, but like even under Marcos, which is like the late 60s President Marcos who is there and a lovely Imelda his wife and I still think I don't know

I think she just passed away. She's still around in her 90s. She's still around. Yeah, Imelda hasn't died yet so Even in like in the late 60s they found because Philippines is an archipelago, which is islands for a group of 4,000 islands. Yeah, I think and and they have You know, I've been there They have yeah Like have found like cavemen people. Yeah, I know we're in the late 60s like I can imagine. Wait, wait, wait This is this is this is what were they called the?

Filipinos They call cavemen Filipinos I think the second look here. I'm a caveman Filipino. No, there's there's a I forget what it's like in the Ipagau Region like in the mountainous areas. It was mountainous No alive or just the skull like fossils No, alive. No with these we were alive stone age Tribal people were okay Not in a cave, but I'm saying stone age

Tribal people that were isolated and never in society for I mean for 10,000 for 10,000 years Okay, and they were found in the late 60s and they tried to acclimate them and put them in the society And they didn't do well they committed suicide a lot of course Of course, so we're going back to what you're saying about every Pabon t a b o n. There you go. Yeah, that was in the 60s 1967 I believe it was yeah, so anyway going back to what you're saying one at one my dad Martial law I was there in 1972 and martial law was put in literally there were tanks at the airport And talking about it was a grass airport we had like a propeller plane and as only time I saw my dad scared shitless and

There were tanks and there was like and we're literally my relatives came to see me My dad had the super eight footage of my relatives coming to say goodbye to me and it was literally a Pan that never stopped in other words. My dad was panning the camera going to people the people the people the people and literally like it must have been I mean I'm exaggerating, but I'm gonna say it was several hundred people Yeah, so the Spaniards would take these badass Filipino warriors because they had this, you know the scream of sticks Those would be like they would make those but with like Blades blades like commas. Yeah, that's a movie. I would really like to see you know Indonesia has This came and say it but like raid to Filipinos need to have an harness or excrema

Actually, I would love that. Yeah, I was I wanted to make it I wanted to make it about 10 years ago and that had a movie that bombed and didn't make a big stand I did martial arts for seven months and did that whole thing. Oh really both my rotator cuffs I broke my ankle eight days because when you're starting to do martial arts and you're 42 No, I'm like I got this Yeah, and I but anyway, so But I was I was the movie I wanted to do next after that was the straight-on martial arts Just because what they did was they sent out these these warriors. They learned how to fight

This American guy. I forget his name now learned the That art of the close combat. Yeah, my fighting or yeah, and so they would send 12 guys out And they would 12 guys would come back. They would just they were unbeatable these guys and it was bloody awful I wish you would really look into harness or excrema or any type of like weapons fighting from the Philippines try to do that Yeah, or you know like the butterfly knife. Yeah, that's born in the Philippines. Yeah, butterfly. What's that called? It's the ball is a ballie. So yeah, but that's beautiful knife It's basically it's got tool handles and flips around like, you know, and it's and you see a guy who knows how to use that I put that we've got that in the movie. So you're gonna have to learn I do that

So this is how they would take these badass little warriors and that's what would guard the The galleons of Spanish galleons and that's how they some of them would drop off and they'd stop in New Orleans And some of them would stay there and go fuck this and that's how they ended up in New Orleans That's how they end up all over the world from this from this and it was but they what they wanted the Spaniards Love these guys because they would come in it like anybody company that you're dead and they actually change boxing This is true before they remember the old English never see those old English boxing like this. Yeah Yeah, well, the Filipinas did this it was this kind of thing. So after 1905 when 1910 and 1910 when that when the

American army was in there. They kind of this fighting was different except there were knives coming out They do with the with the chickens back home. They put a little Yeah, blade with so this is the fight. So this kind of fighting and the African-American guys who came back from that So there was this kind of he says it to kind of come. Yeah Yeah, I say African-American. Yeah, these guys make fun of me Dude, no, I'll go black, right and the thing is If you in my in my day African-American is what you said Yeah

If you call somebody black in the in the 60s you get you get or African-American you get punched in the face In the 60s in the 60s. Yeah, when you can you say African-American then I think African-American kind of came in late 70s early 80s and then now we you're not allowed to say it now. You're just gonna say what's up. How you doing? Yeah, I don't know this race. Nice to see you. I always thought you were gonna be an asshole Yeah No, you're talking right now in my head. I was like, I think this guy is a real cock sucker in my head Good. I never met him. I couldn't I do was just my avenue in show business Just we weren't in the same. Yeah. What was the first month? I saw him

You know what? He doesn't know about this. I do feel bad about this. Oh, but what? When here now, I wanted you to be in one of the movies But what happened was the studio at the time told me we got to hire this person from this country and this person from this country And you were way funnier. You're way funnier than the guy that we hired I'm sorry to say that he's passed away now, and he's a nice guy, but like you have to say it No, you would I don't even know what you're saying, but no, but I just remember really nice. Thank you Really nice. I just remember like I'll tell you how I first met you at LA acts. I Saw him

Just he was like a Thursday And I saw him he was like walking on the phone He was wearing one of those Sherlock Holmes hats. He likes to wear a classic and in my head. I'm like Do you say something because I don't want to say anything and then have him be a dick and then I know This is not something that you think about though. Oh, well, it's so either people don't want them to be a dick Or they do want right because it's a better story, right, right? But I went, you know what? No, I think it's not because I've heard it So I said hi to you and you were so nice. I feel guilty about all the negative thoughts I've had

How did you build all those up? I always build things when I don't know anybody like I had that with even Jim Afghan and it's a self-defense mechanism to defend. Yeah, totally. I feel that way You know what it really is I do think that that's part of the Asian thing because my mother the Asian heritage about like You'll be disappointed or don't you have you know, it's a kind of like my mother used to tell me Robert. When do you turn off? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like I'm swear to God I forgot about that for like so many years. When do you turn off turn off Robert? I went like, yeah, when do I turn off? So I just go through life thinking like I'm gonna get in trouble

Yeah, that's the thing with all my relationships with women have been affected by that because I everyone saw every time I mean usually I have to like I'm like this. Yeah, I'm waiting to get yelled at or in trouble or something And what I realized is what's gonna be my comedy special is just like I'm thinking about naming it this because I'm trying to figure I'm gonna shoot in a couple months, but I realized I was raised by a 12-year-old girl All right, I was raised by emotionally. She was 12. I mean God bless. She's she's become a You know almost the professor of education. She could have been she was a master's degree But like what happened was when anybody has real trauma They and they and then something reminds them of that trauma or something they get threatened by something whether it's you know

To control somebody or whatever. They're out of control. They go back to that Trauma place of trauma and so I was constantly brought back. She was constantly I was you know confronted with this 12-year-old girl mentality. Yeah. Yeah, like my sister's want to tell me that years ago She said, you know, she's a very immature You know when she's when this this thing just give me to to contain control to keep control to manipulate to do Whatever you need to do as a 12-year-old. Yeah, the end of our thing. We do this We do a thing called unhelpful advice people ask questions They're in trouble and we try to either help them or not. It doesn't matter. Okay, so go ahead and protect ourselves

I'm hopeful advice with Bobby Kalila and Rob Schneider. I just found out some really shocking information yesterday My friend asked me what I knew about Asked me what I knew about my boyfriend's dad and I knew some gossip already. He's been arrested and he's an alcoholic I assume that's what I would hear then he proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend's dad fucked a guy our age Who went to the same high school as us? His dad is married to my boyfriend's mom still and they always are pretty homophobic I literally have no fucking clue. What? Who's fucking who so dad the dad? You explain it to me

Have you been briefed on this beforehand? No, I'm just she's translated See we're comedians. I got like three things That's why people write them for it now go ahead Say for instance, we're in a relationship. Yes, you find out that my father is is cheating on my mom with a young boy But I know that yeah, but my parents are homophobic, but turns out my dad is gay So you're the dad the dad is the dad is gay, but he's outwardly homophobic

My dad is homophobic, but turns out he fucks young boys. Okay, good. He's also still married to my mom Okay So she wants to know do I tell my boyfriend about so you know this information? But I don't are you gonna tell me what you know about my dad You saw my dad fuck a boy. Oh, yeah, you tell me. Oh, yeah And I'd be like this is how it's said to and that and you should no longer that he guys should not be coaching Penn State either That's all I got folks Wow a Sandusky joke. I'm not with the sandusk

Every decade yeah, I would have it I would do it because I just think that it's It's abhorrent that behavior. Well, let me just ask this now. What is information that you shouldn't? Devolves that you do know then what would be stuff like, you know, all right. I love what would you feel? Would something that you would find that you would know that maybe you shouldn't say you shouldn't divulge because it's not helpful Like for instance, if I would say this like I knew a very very talented Oncologist is doctor at Yeah, but northern California. I shouldn't just narrow it down. Yeah, and his wife was cheating on him and we knew for sure I said, I'm not saying nothing. Yeah

My brother did like an idiot And like that was it. I will never spoke to me. I did that one time in my life and it backfired so horribly and He was able to convince her that he hadn't cheated anyways and now I look like the home wrecker So I they still together. Yeah, wow kids two kids now. Wow, I tried to tell her what he had So is that low self-esteem thing? Well, what does somebody stay in a relationship like that? I don't know. I think that he would he she really believes that I was trying to I think there's something where there's like you have a dominant person and then there's a somebody who just Refuses to ever become dominant. Yeah, just accepts that role and they live like a they live a common lies

And those lies continue to go and the other person's okay with it. There are two types of people I think they're like well, but you know I an ex of mine He is such a tolerant person that he just doesn't want to engage in any type of like difficulties that he avoids conflict Yeah, I think Asians do that a lot too. Like, you know what you're right We just kind of put it, you know brush it under the rug and kind of this, you know, hope nothing seeps out Well, it's out of politeness. Yeah, it's but it's a weird kind of politeness that avoid I mean, that's the same thing. I just don't like when you pressure I don't like what I lie for you if you're murdering people and I go, yeah, sure if you want me to

But I do think like it's an avoidance of confrontation But what is that? What's the root to that though as I do think and I'll tell you what I really really feel it is Is I do feel like the same reason the Philippines haven't changed their name from King Philip yet? Yeah, it's like they're long suffering. They just they just they're so polite to the point that they just suffer But they don't have you know identity to that suffering that I think is detrimental because it's I agree that colonial mentality of being always at the Mercy of the white man. I totally totally agree. Yeah, and that's what the Philippines is In dire, you know need of change like that's well That's why the corrupt administration to corrupt administration to corrupt administration another one. Give us another one. Yeah, that's it

I'm gonna say that's a fake one. It's a fake one. Get it. Give us another one I just want to help a guy out here. So I'm going to go right into this because I'm straightforward and hate beating around the bush My girlfriend I used to enjoy having intercourse and we did it almost every day But we've been together for three years now and I've gained some weight during that time now I feel things have changed and I feel like she's grossed out about me because of my weight She gives me a lot of excuses when it comes to the mood. How should I approach the situation? la fitness I that's a guy like you ever work on a movie and you see like you're standing game like I had a standing game

25 pounds in two months. Oh, really? Yeah, maybe it was two and a half months. Yeah, he gained 25 I remember like whoo-hoo in that by the end of the what the fuck you're my stand And he just just it was just depression or something now. You have a podcast with your wife, right? Yes, what's it called? see what happens which is very very a A common thing that my mother yelled at me. I think a lot of Filipinas your mother see what happens Yeah, you're running around the house. See what happens you fella. You hurt yourself. See what happens You broke that see what happens, huh? You're crying see what happens inside. I remember when I was a little kid There's a you know, we're three. We're three miles away from the house. Somebody twisted an ankle all of a sudden you're

What you saying sorry nobody you guys do it every week Yeah, I'm gonna try to plug it because I want people to listen where every week see what happens Yeah, we're still we did it on our own. Yeah, Rob. We'd love to join a company Rob I honestly like yeah, should I what should I do? I don't know what to do. What do you mean? I mean, what should I do with the podcast? I think doing it first of all Yeah, the key is to constantly do it every week. Yeah, no, we've done it every week good for like four months No for four months, right? You're releasing it every week. Correct. Yeah, we're on just the Apple and Spotify Yeah, yeah, if you have any questions ask this fucking guy. He's my guy. Okay. He has all the answers. All right, we're done

No, we're not Well, I wanted to say though like you're like I think the last of That group of Asians that I wanted to get because I've had Margaret, you know, I mean and remember when she first started Stand-up in San Francisco Really? She's a young girl like 18 or 19. How old are you then? I was about 20. I was older I was 22 and then she was living in The Richmond at that time and one time and she's just she's lovely But she was like she came and perform and I went like

Let me write some jokes for you. Let me just take the premises that you yeah, yeah form jokes So we went to the coffee shop across the street and just you know wrote some jokes for like five minutes It's like, you know, if this would be get to the joke to this and that like a cheater Literally, she wanted to do it and express herself But she just didn't know the form and she didn't have that upbringing of like what what I had her where you probably had Were comedy albums. Yeah, and like, you know, your parents said like your dad would laugh at Joe and see TV things I don't think she had that. I think her parents were real like, you know, just You know right off of the oh, well, I think I had the same thing as she had we didn't I didn't have anything

Oh, really? My parents were they didn't speak English Wow, so how what was your entree to the comedic? Well, my parents made money. So, um They have HBO, right? And oh, yeah, so back in the day, I would watch all those like young comedians Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, young peak comedians ones and I would watch the Tonight Show or whatever But um, yeah, I mean we had access to blockbusters. They would have some specials out So I would watch all the prior ones. Oh, yeah, yeah, but how'd you make the leap? Did you have no someone who's also wanted to do comedy? Did you have a buddy who wanted to do it? I was in AA and um, I was sharing at a meeting

so I was um Maybe 22 at the time. I had maybe Five years of sobriety at the time. I was at a place called North Park men's. It's a men's meeting probably 400 men I went up and shared and every time I would speak I Would destroy but I wouldn't purposely get want to get laughs. Yeah every time what's up? He would just laugh I explained my day I can't believe you know, I was just out there and and people would die laughing and this old man came up to me And he goes, let me talk to you. So he talked outside and he goes you should do stand-up

And I go, I don't know. I don't know how to do that You should just do it. Did you ever find yourself going down to a meeting knowing you're gonna kill that night? You did didn't you? Did it incentivize you to go to our meetings? Uh affirmation. Yeah, you would I used to do that guy told you or not. You were gonna go to that I do it. I do a thing still today from those early days is It's like I dropped something once because you have these timers when you're speaking especially when you're back in the day Yeah, when I'm the ten minute speaker So you have to do it because this main speaker does 30 minutes

But at one time I dropped the watch off the thing. Yeah, and I picked it back up And when I picked it back and I said as I came back up I went I'm back You got a huge laugh, right? So what can you imagine cuz like none of those guys are being funny, right? Everybody's the lives are falling apart Everybody can't get it together and then everybody's right. Everybody's a repeat But now lose her and never everybody's no, but now every six everybody's losing it and like and everybody's trying to keep it together And like they got entertainment for free like yeah, but now every six months now when I speak I'm doing this Yeah, right trying to get that laugh. Yeah, and I'm now as now when I'm speaking

I know how I have a stand-up act in my AA because you can't just do jokes You have to disguise it to put it in the language of being more real. Oh my holy shit, right? So you you were able to manipulate and figure that out, right? But did you ever think like that that stand-up and that laughter was just another addiction for you it is one And I don't think it's healthy, and I think that I don't think it's healthy. Why don't you think it's healthy? I don't think it's healthy. Oh my god. That's a great movie somebody who just goes to AA meetings Like validation That fight club did that or to get oh, yeah, or maybe to get laid in the sex addicts addiction thing

Right. I'm sure somebody's done some lousy movie about that. Yeah, I'm surprised I have it I love doing your show dude. Thank you, man. I really appreciate that I really appreciate you doing it because I know you're getting some shit from somebody telling not to do it Rob Gonna cut this part out I don't remember who said that. No, you're agent. Oh, that's right. But that's okay But I know what though anyway, here's why I hate agents Okay, because I felt like I'm most of the jobs I got were for myself

You know about myself and then like when I didn't When I got these jobs myself I gave them money and that they would not get off They wouldn't answer the phone or avoid me like when you're not hot and all of a sudden they get to go So I don't know I also have this, you know I had this thing about authority and like this those agents kind of represented that to me and like I remember the first time I ever got a TV show. I went like I was psyched. I did the pilot, you know, and I was like, oh man I'm psyched. You know this after siren alive and I got some showing and NBC and then the the agent at the time

Marty Lisak, he was I know Marty He was drunk and he said to me. Hey, man, this is amazing. It's the most incredible to get a package. It's incredible I mean, I said, man, I said, what's a package? Silence he so was up. Well, no, it's a you know, you don't and he says to me this you don't have to pay me a commission Right, what do you mean? I have to pay a commission. Yeah, you don't well. How do you make money? Silence. Well, we what you own a piece of show. What if that ends up being more than the 10%? I would have paid you Right. Well, yeah, but what I mean, what if the show doesn't go and I said, well, yeah But what if it does what if you end up if you own a piece to show forever then like that can end up being more

How come you didn't mention that to me before? Wow, you bring that shit up. Yeah, I don't say it. No, but I see it on the paper I know it's happening after that and I just smile and go no, I'm happy to be here No, like after that, I fucking hated agents and I know it's it's not okay You can't blame everybody for that kind of thing But like I just felt taken advantage of you know, do you have an agent now? No Manager now. Yeah. Okay. Who I feel like I'm gonna take advantage by marriage Lee Kurness. I love Lee. Yeah, he's a good guy real steam, right? Yeah

He's an old guy and I'd rather have an old you tell Lee I'm being real. Yeah, and he knows me well Yeah, he does ask him tell him I said hi. I will I love I have a show to do so I got to get the fuck out We got to do it's part two of this thing No, we're gonna do this forever. Are you your mind? It's pretty good We could do it forever you and I and also beat dude all that stuff that little honest stuff with you That's the kind of stuff that I like listening to anyway. Oh good. I mean, I'm more comfortable talking about it now I wouldn't know but I want to know more about you well the thing about the the 12-year-old girl things and the 12-year-old girl And like how that came back. Yeah, and how I never really realized

until it really To where it happened where it was a at the very end after my My father passed away is when it flashed to me, right and all that's I'm gonna do on like my life Yeah, we'll talk about but get you where you going to commie store. Yeah, of course. Yeah, but let's skip like listen Rob Yeah, it's see what see what happens go to his Instagram in his Twitter. What is it Rob Schneider? I think it's right his handle, right Rob Schneider, right? I want to say this right now if you're at any city in Rob's playing your city You you you're not a Tiger Belly fan if you don't go see him. Thank you

He is so funny nicest guy go say hi to him. We have he's the best You're gonna be back on Tiger Belly as many as times as you want We should do the next time because I'm totally like a scattered brain idiot. We'll just focus on one thing at the whole time No, I Philippines war Oh, I like I like your your encyclopedia. Yeah, I love it. I like it. Give him a round of applause everybody. Yeah Once again that his handle is I am Rob Schneider. So make sure you follow him there. Okay, great Make sure you see Bobby shows can go to Bobby Lee live comm he has shows in San Antonio Arlington Brea San Francisco San Diego all sorts of places make sure you see this up King live and once again

You can send us questions to advice and helpful gmail.com. I'm Gilbert You can follow me at Gilbert's Cliala Klamman decay Bobby at Bobby live and George Kimmel at George underscore Kimmel. Have a good night. Oh Also guys make sure you buy our shirts While they take the picture look at this photo Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music Download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey