TigerBelly - Ep 228: East Coast Fever with Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

Bobby is a squeak. Chris is naked with the Chinese delivery guy. Yannis is special needs John Stamos. Khalyla announces the skull**** podcast. We talk sushi boycotts, success revenge, Moana, and falling into the duck sauce. Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad free on Wondery plus Bobby Lee here. I have some dates to promote January 17th through the 19th this weekend. I'll be at the Irvine improv. Please come and say hello Please The next week after that I'm going to be in Omaha the weekend of the 24th the weekend of the 24th I'm going to be in Omaha, Nebraska at the funny bone I'm excited for that because I'm I've canceled a couple times there, but I've always heard that's a great club and I cannot wait to go So come see me there and then February 13th the 16th. I'm going to be at the Chicago improv in Schomburg

And that's gonna it's one of my home clubs. I hope you come. I love it. Enjoy the show Everything's on everything's on. Okay. Um, do the countdown five four three namaste Bonjour Welcome to another episode of TB. I'm your captain your host Some people call you I'm a prophet. You mean I'm a vessel with the Lord. I have my beautiful Filipino half-white I have to put that white in it makes it fancier You know my half half breed here my beautiful. We got full Filipino. Thank you

Your face is that flat today. Oh it more you're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome a little bit of me Yeah, yeah, we got country white George. Everyone knows him. He's got a pink dick. It's translucent. It's wonderful right we got Hi, Asian Fucking always high Look at him. You can barely open his eyes. His eyes are gookie as it is and then all of a sudden he gets high. Oh, it's a struggle It's a real struggle you guys. I want to say this Um, you know, I have dreams and I love meeting people and I love East Coast. I do. I love Jersey Mike's I

Do I love I love they have a lot of Nigerians over there in the streets You know me and I love different colors, you know smells But I used to go to do opium Anthony a lot and then they broke up. So the last time I was there I Saw opi and then um, they had bull dick. I ate some bull dick Delicious by the way, it is delicious lunch. Oh, but I ate it raw, babe That's how I do it. I eat it like sushi. Oh And I met you know, there's there's different kinds of whites

There's different kind of white people, right? There are white people country whites like this guy right here You know, it's pretty good look Um, but I met this guy Chris. Just a fondle and Didn't know much about him. I knew it was a comic and You know, I you know when I first did opening Anthony, you know It was back when Patrice and all those guys and Greg and Norton and they used to rip me apart and but then I met this guy and this dude

We had breakfast afterwards, which like I think opi took us to breakfast and when this guy smiles He shows all his teeth and you know, like like a Freddie Mercury vibe. You know, I mean Yeah, he shows all the teeth and I know that he has a podcast called history of the hyenas and he does it with my buddy right here, Janis Pappas and I wrote a song actually if you want to hear it and I wrote it for you guys and before I introduce you and Say you can talk listen to the song. It's great. So I you know, I have garage band and I I write these songs and I'm gonna sing over the music that I wrote and Maybe you like it. Maybe you won't where's my other it is. Okay, you ran it past me. I ran it past. All right, right

So here we go Yeah, that's right Uh-huh East Coast fever, it's called East Coast fever with Chris That's it give them a round of applause guys Chris are in town. Thank you for having us. I Want to know what kind of white is he? Yeah, he's you know what? He's the Schindler white Well, it's interesting you say that because I did the ancestry calm and I thought my whole life I was half Italian half Irish like every other white piece of shit from any big city

But it found that I'm almost 80% German So it is interesting you say the Schindler thing because I have a little bit of the Nazi thing No, no, I like I like everybody I don't want to push anybody in ovens. I mean, you know, I am for the wall and I you know But I want I want to make sure when you have their passport because you guys are looking at me and it's I'm getting a little You know, I'm getting a feeling the walls are coming. I want to say this, but I don't want to hurt any juice I know you don't but you didn't even have to go right ancestry. You could have just called me and I would have said you're 80% You look at that face. Yeah, see Schindler's list. Yeah, all look like you bro. I know. Yeah, it's what it is

Yeah, Greek. I'm yeah. Yeah Oh, I got a knocky. I need sake knocky and a eyebrow threader at all. Yeah, you need to try to be threaded now Yeah, I shouldn't have come now late I'm embarrassed by how I look. Yeah. Yeah, but when I saw you last night at the comedy store I just want that's the honest because nobody looks like you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I look like John Stamos is like retarded brother That's what they call me my we call special needs Stamos That's my and we also call him and we also call him Yanni almost because he's you know

He's his head is almost big enough. He's almost handsome. He's almost got a big enough dick He's almost had a career. He's come close and yeah, and he's almost gay That's the thing with us as I'll say this about us is where podcasts number one where podcasts. It's on the run We're just like we say shit. Yeah, we're here for a good time. Not a long time. Yeah history hyenas We we can confidently confidently 100% tell you we are not gay But we can also tell you we are not straight. Yeah, so I just don't know what it is It's a mix match. Yeah, we're a couple guys. We fall in love with men. We have sex with women. That's how it roll He's got a fucking wife. Yeah, yeah, which is nice. I'm into that. I I'm also I have

Name envy history of hyenas is possibly the best podcast. Thank you. I've ever heard. Yeah, I wish we had thought of that Yeah history hyena. You got a good name here. Hey Yeah, I mean what you mean you guys got to take a little pry like you came in you thought he was being sarcastic about this Being a nice house beautiful home. Nice house. Oh, thank you. Well, I forget that you guys are from New York Yeah, we live in one bed Yeah, it's like Tokyo. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's fucking like Tokyo. Yeah, yeah Because you go to you know, when you go go on the road like, you know, you go on the road Yeah, Oklahoma and you go you see like a compound. Sure. How much is that? They're like, oh, that's nine grand

Yeah, right, right. So it's like, you know, this is you know, it's a few sticks. It's hard. It's hard. This is real money Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, but the thing is too and because out here because how do the Eastern Hemmys do well out here? Just like in New York, it's all about Eastern Hemmy money. That's they'll say Eastern Hemisphere. Yeah, okay, my fault. Eastern Hemmys, but they're good. We love the Eastern Hemmys. Absolutely. We love it But it's a lot about it's all about the Chinese money in New York You know, the thing is it's like the buildings they don't want to sell you in a part like I'm trying to sell my apartment right now They're like there ain't enough Chinese money in here. So we got to get some Chinese money back into New York I do you guys are Chinese it's getting to be that way here, too

The Chinese money is here, too. Oh, it's out here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. China's everywhere, bro. I know. Yeah I'm how do you feel? How do you feel about the China China? No, the people the people buying all the property and the money I got no problem with them because I'm a property owner now I like the Chinese he Ordered a day to Chinese. I know I 100 someone my daughter a day to fucking Chinese kid because all the people I'm telling you I agree with that. I mean these men are the best husbands hundred percent because it's like it's like okay She goes to school with all these fucking woke kids in Brooklyn and they're like are you vaccinated or like With the Chinese they don't give a fuck the Chinese they don't care

It's like they'll give my kid whatever they don't ask about peanut allergies What the Chinese grandmother gave my kid a live shrimp in a bag the other day and we don't know is this a toy They're like am I Tito? I didn't fucking know but I want where they're playing on the abacus and shit They talk about the son. They do full fucking Chinese shit. I don't know if they're Korean or whatever, but it's Chinese But I'm gonna let it go By the end of this thing I'll kiss you right in the fucking lips I swear to God because you didn't think last night that was very European you kissed my hand three times Yeah, absolutely. Is that a fucking New York thing? No, he thought you were King John. Um, that's

Yeah, yeah, I was a guy confused. Yeah, I was paying I was paying respect to the leader No, no, I fucking like you dude. Yeah, I like I've always liked I've been a fan I used to stay one and when you came in and you started eating that bull dick on opening Anthony I was like, I'm fucking yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I know why though because you're a free fucking spirit You're a fun guy. Yeah, you got good energy. Yeah, you got great energy. Yeah, and I know you're not gonna look that now But yeah, I think it's hard guys Don't fucking lose it You come in and you're wild and you're in your free spirit. Yeah, and you're kind of like me because they call me Chrissy

Bug Chaser because I like to chase both And what I mean by that is, you know guys homosexual community They go and they have the guys who don't have AIDS Yeah Have sex with guys who do have AIDS because of the feeling of chasing the bug and I'm not a gay guy But I do chase the bug. I do go raw dog. I'm actually dealing with residual Diarrhea right now from antibiotics. I took for a long-term chlamydia. Yeah But I'm good to go right now

What's it what's it called? What's Travada now? It's basically a prophylaxis for people who are Let's say if you're in a relationship with a guy with HIV Okay, and so to continually have to continue to have sex with them without getting the No condom you can do it with no condom. Yeah, I can do with no condom. It's a prophylaxis Right, but that's still I feel like that's still like just playing Russian with that No, that's what I'm saying because it's the bug chasing. That's what it's about. I don't do that No, I've been so I've been so I've been celebrating weeks. I got a blowjob in Denver though He's had committee about three times recently like CVS is like his cheers. He walks in they know, isn't it?

They know what's up, but I but I've made a commitment now to my family and to myself to just you know I'm celibate. I'm only gonna have sex with the woman who I think could potentially one day be my Yeah, that's what I'm doing guys on the side. So you guys yeah, yeah, but so then you you had an addiction Do you think I was it was a false full-blown sex addict a full sex addict? You know just unprotected sex with every but just wild. Yeah, really living life. Are you going? Are you treating that with meetings and whatnot like up groups and stuff? I went to one and the lady told me she was like, you know, you're not you're not as sick as you think Yeah, she was like, but you know try celibacy and it's been eight weeks besides the one blowing in Denver

Yeah, I've been celibate with women. No, I don't know about guys. Yeah, there's a couple raisins There yeah, it's like oatmeal. Yeah, you have sex with so many. He's had sex with so many women that let like rate If a couple raisins slipped in that oatmeal, yeah, he wouldn't notice Women we call gay guys raisins guy if a couple guys slipped in there like raisins. He wouldn't taste it There's a dude that does our podcast. I can't say his name. That's just like you really. Yeah. Yeah handsome Very funny like you right but is in knee deep in puss puss. Yeah, right? I see for me guys like you're honest And I'm sorry for putting us. No, no, I'm a married kid. I'm no easy on you almost. Yeah. Yeah He's almost handsome. Yeah, we got it

I'm just like yeah, if you stretch my eyes a little farther apart. Yeah, just a little thing Everything's a little disproportion, right? Yeah, you know people's faces are like one inch like away from being in cell Yeah, oh, yeah, every single in cell photos were like they just put the eyes It's like they look like in cells, but they do this and they're Brad Pitt. Yeah, right No, that's just exactly all beautiful people are like that. They just hinge on being really Disgustingly ugly. Sure. Just one one millimeter away from that from that. Yeah, it's true Is that because God didn't concentrate when they were making us? I don't know. I don't know I it's not something though, right? I know where you're going

I know where you're fishing and I feel like he right when he made you. Yeah, he took a day Yeah, like he's like get the chins in right get the right and all that stuff All right, and he concentrated right but with me he went like this Does this guy need a chin no a billion of us do yeah a lot of you we're making up just pop up and just throw them in down White dudes like you. Yeah, you really come well. I think it's I think God's German. That's why And I think the wrong people won the war. I'm just I'm kidding. I'm 2020. I'm gonna go mad about Pearl Harbor. What yeah, I'll never eat sushi

They're still the enemy. I'm still an active part of the Japanese army No, my grandfather swear to God my grandfather fought in World War two and he wouldn't eat sushi to the day he died He would say that's how he wouldn't he wouldn't eat it. You know what I'm tired of that Just why I think it's stupid when what when Americans go it was a sneak attack. They were angry about it, right? But that's war. Yeah, what is Emperor here? He was supposed to call Roosevelt and go. Yeah, hello Yeah, you know, it's me. Yeah, how's the family? Yeah, I don't want to attack you tomorrow morning Yeah, he wouldn't do that. You know, that's a good point. That's a really good point. It's strategic. Yeah No, just they're sleeping in Pearl Harbor and they don't know what coming. Yeah now. Yeah

Listen, babe, it was a sneak attack, but it's like I get I get why they had to do what they had to do I get why the Japanese had to do what they had to do We were not treating them fairly treating them like second-class citizens since World War one and then they came and then we stopped Fucking paying for their oil. We stopped the oil. We said we're not giving you any more oil to take over fucking China So they said listen, babe, the only way All the Pacific feet out of the ocean it didn't work. Yeah, and then the whole country got put in a microwave You know and but I'm not but what I'm saying is the boys Japanese. Yeah, that's what the boys you woke up the boys Yeah, it's a situation. It's unfortunate that that happened

But I do not blame the Japanese for doing what they did and I also you know war is disgusting It's ugly and it sucks, but it's not going anywhere But you know, but do you think just it is it's probably open for debate, but do you think that? Nuclear bombs was a little too much. I think the second is a little heavy head I think the second one was a lot And the first one is debatable I don't I wouldn't have chose to use it But but the other think about the other options from the from the allies point of view

They said we're gonna lose a million soldiers if we invade Tokyo, so or we can just drop some nuclear juice on these people and see What happens? Yeah, and I don't I don't think it was right. I don't think it was right what the United States did I do not don't call it juice, but just don't we're all I'd say a little bit more Juice here. No, they kept saying they kept well listen, you know Truman kept Truman kept saying he kept saying in Japan He said just give up your country's lost give up and the Japanese pride said we're not gonna do it We're not gonna do it. We're not gonna do it. So he said you're giving us no choice Either you give up by today and we're not and and or you're gonna be a bento box and then that's what happened You know what I mean, and I and I know that

Everyone's gonna be a little traumatized after I don't mean and I'm and I'm saying it's wrong Yeah, I know it's wrong, but it's like, you know, it's war you got to give up You got George Washington my fascinating with George Washington one of the best books ever at 1776 about the start of our country They said the best thing about George Washington is what his number one quality was is he was able to see things as they were Not as he wishes they were so he was very good at Withdrawing and he would say when other generals would say no we have to attack them for the pride of our country Say no no no we're gonna get fucking smacked by these red coat cuties if we take one more step further So you'd say we will withdraw and then he constantly did that and played that game

And then we won our independence where the Japanese were saying I want to I want to see things as I wish there I think we can beat them and it's like babe, babe, you can't with the United States of America We got the boys and we're charged up because you did a sneak attack you sneaky fox Well, the problem also is is that they idolized Emperor Iriato as a Sun God, right? Sure, and so when the people it's like Hitler, right when people swallow that pill sure and many times You know you guys know I'm a Trump supporter, right? So are we? You're gonna get away you're gonna get away with it because you got the right look, but if you're speaking our language right now Yeah, I think he's just making good choice after good choice and a fucking cucked-down Hollywood wants to say something different

They can say we're fucking mansion right now, and it's what it is Yeah, I was kidding Oh, yeah, no me too That was about sad kid co-sign that yeah, it was just cuz your brother your brother worked for the Obama Somebody read a little Wikipedia before I got no idea Peter. I know him. You do know. Yeah, Peter Papa. It's a gay guy He's the best as an a-list that kids are raising that yeah, well, he's great. You know my brother. No, I was kidding. Oh, I Wikipedia You know, it's funny his brother to be like a morning show His brother's like a top-notch like DC lawyer like top-shelf gay like top-shelf gay kid

And when we went when we went when the first time I met when the first time I met Janice's brother I was actually a bang. I was upset. I was upset and offended that his brother wasn't sexually attracted to me I really wanted his brother just think I was cute and he looked at me like I was the fucking help he was like go throw the Cuz I'm just a Brooklyn mook I'm a talking yeah, and I got really upset cuz I was sort of be funny if like if you honest walked in on me one day I was banging out his brother. It's like I would do that for the patreon It was funny. You know what I mean brother at my engagement party At my wife had an engagement party at her parents house and they live in Long Island

Her father's like a doctor and whatever and I had left the party I wasn't there and he showed up and nobody knew who he was so I Actually my wife's father said to her like it is the air conditioner broken. Yeah Yeah, because he looked like he was there fix the air. Yeah, he didn't look like he belonged I can't tell you how many times I have a doctor degree in physical therapy, right? So I would go I would go when I got my own caseload people would come in and I would say I'd walk in We'd be like, oh hi, or you know, whatever going over their sheet, you know medications

Whatever it is treating their injury and they would say okay great When am I gonna see the the therapist and I said no, it's me and they were like no They would just go no and I would say no, no, it's me and they're like it can't be you and I'm like I'm praying All right multiple times I'd have to have my boss come in and show them my diploma and show them my past the bar exam Yeah, and say here because because I understand it's not it was young looking. It's just like talk I sound like a fucking idiot. You sound like it. Yeah, like a stupid. I'm a garbage man you're an anomaly because

You you do you're a good-looking guy, right? I appreciate right, but you have Woody Allen neuroses Yes, right because I follow him on you know things, you know me and you always there's an ailment Yes, something going on right. Yeah, so that's what's make that's what makes you endearing. I feel I appreciate Yeah, it's all real. You know, did you ever suck dick? I've never sucked a dick. Well, I've never sucked a dick Oh, I didn't black out while you were doing it I've never sucked a dick willingly, but I did get face fucked when I was 12 When you grow up in a neighbor that I grew up in a deep drama a deep Brooklyn Queens neighbor were real fucking tough guys You know, they're all cops fireman criminals and I had a love of history and plants

So you're gonna get skull fucked on that happen. Yeah, when that If you start to talk about your open love of history, then unfortunately one of them are in brothers It's gonna pop one off your uvula. There's nothing to do about that Oh, that's just that's the way the cookie crumbles as they say you're talking to the right people. We've been skull fucked. Oh, you have kids so I feel I feel out of place here. Yeah, it's alright. It's alright. Yeah, you missed out So sorry, Yanni have fun with your fucking normal life. I was supposed to buy a guy with Down syndrome. Interesting. Yeah, full-blown No upper body strength to

Yeah, um people with Downs have very they're like chimpanzees Yeah, yeah I call it HRS hidden retort string. Yeah. Yeah, and I knew that is a little kid and you let the molest you like that Yeah, is this how you guys usually drive? I like the time on the snow wheel. Yeah, I've actually sucked. Um, I mean probably five or six We have you had your dick suck though by a man. Yeah. Um, no, this is what I've had Well, you talking about a man who identifies as a man or a man with like a Woman or that I identify as a woman while they were doing like a man like a gay man

I've never had my dick suck by a gay man But I have I got the skull fuck when I was a kid but never in my adult life willingly with the guy I do I'm not if I'm being 100% honest with you. I do fantasize quite often about sitting in men's laps, but I don't know what that means Yeah, he wants to get in guy like when he thinks the guy's really hot he wants to sit in a lap He has urges to go sit in their lap like you honest you honest is such a deep thinker and you honest is such a Motivated guy to read and learn and push the envelope forward and I can't tell you how many times when I was with my my kids mom When we were together and everything was going well

I would have a deep beautiful conversation like looking at a tree about life and nature and that would get me so horny That I would have sex with my kids mom. Yeah, that's so I get turned on by men, but I have sex with women I've never you get turned on by plants and then have sex with women. No conversation conversation. So in other words Yeah, I'm romantically I would say I'm emotionally gay physically straight. That's how I would describe myself Yeah, or you could just I describe it as just a fully gay man in the closet He's waiting for his father to daddy come out. That's the truth. Yeah, I think try stuff from push it down again Irish Catholic and I pushed out That's a rationalization

From a neighborhood where it's like if you're not if you're not a cop of firemen or a criminal and you're especially pursuing an art form I mean, you might as well just be sucking cock. Yeah, it's like yeah, just like dude Where can I know you're on grinder and it's like now a guy? I got a kid I'm just like I I didn't want to be a cop or a fireman, but they're like this is the neighborhood where it cops But you know that the u.s. Is really uptight about casual dick sucking because in the Philippines I can't think of one male family member of mine that didn't casually get their dick suck We don't can they don't identify with as gay they have families and they have but they just casually get their dick suck Homosexuality was way more prevalent in the ancient world than it is now. I believe that it was way less frowned upon people think

Oh now is the most um, you know best time to be a homosexual and it's a great time But it's like back in ancient Greece where Yanis can talk about that. It was every it was way accepted No problem open. It was open. Yeah, a little more open. Yeah, it's a little more flexible. Yeah. Yeah I'm more flexible. Yeah, I've never even as a little kid had a problem even before the molestation I just always never I've thought about it. That's everyone really molested here or yeah Not this one. I don't know you guys he wasn't no just all right. You're a molestable. That's all I was a really cute if we played a basketball team you instead of shirts and skins it would be molested first time Really good three on three

Yeah, I'm good at tea. I'm glad it's even We have to do that. Let's do that. Sorry. I want to know who's skull fucked you and do you remember everything about him? I remember I remember it was two brothers. Oh you got skull fucked by brothers. They're one of them held me down The other one the other one pumped me. Oh Oh, yeah, I was sitting down. They were the road warriors of rape So here's yeah, so here's what happened. I was I was like the runt of the group I was 10 11 years old and I would hang out with 14 15 year old kids. That's how I that's how I grew up I was always like the little one, but they were to hang out whatever

So I was I was taking a shit and they were all in my house and I used to do all things I mean, I remember one time they made me dress up that I got like butt naked and put on my mother's high heels in a Miami Dolphin Miami Dolphins hat and I went and opened the door for the chinese guy And they pushed me out and they locked the door and it was just me and him and the guy wouldn't you know The guy was like get away from me and I was just butt naked on my mom's high heels on you know The middle of the summer day in New York City. Um, so I just you know So that thing they would do things like that to me, which I was mistaken for love I was like, oh, I did this just they're rassing me because they I didn't realize that they were abusing me

You know, you don't know so then I'm taking a shit one day and one of them held me down And just the other one fucking pumped me it wasn't a gate I mean, it probably was a subconsciously gay thing, but it was just to show dominance over me But in the long run, I don't really regret it because you know, and I'm not talking. I don't I'm not disrespecting them Oh, they're still actually close friends of mine. I'm totally over it But I've excelled in parts of my life where they have not because I was motivated to be like You guys did once I started to realize what was happening to me. I was like, I'm gonna destroy you now in every part of my life Yeah, that's what happened. I have questions. Please. So it happened

Well, you were This happened while you were taking your shit was this shit coming out at the time and you have any weird anal Um, um fetishes. Good question. I don't have any weird anal fetishes. I was shitting I don't remember actually what if it was like mid turd or the turd hit the bowl or whatever But I but I but I do remember like I was it was I was shit Like I was I still take your time in the toilet or do you the shit quickly and wait a second Wait a second. Let me interject here. She's making a very good point that maybe you're not cognizant of Yeah, tell them because this is what he does. Yeah, he runs the water

While he shits, right? And he but he leaves the door open, which is a strange. I do the same thing and you know what? Yeah, I I I was molested by brothers Interesting. What the fuck is going on here? And I have to ask him the water has to be on I can't my body will not I can't pee or poop unless the water's on Or the door open. I have to leave the door open more sound. There has to be sound I put the water on here when I just peed, you know in august I relapsed after 17 years of sobriety because my dad died right and I realized I had a lot of trauma growing up But I never even thought about it. I mean in all my life, right?

Because he had changed over time But I had to go to I had to go to a Institution and deal with you know this trauma sure that I endured So do you think that you felt any trauma from that at 12? I don't if I did feel it I haven't dealt with it yet, but but I but but I don't I genuinely don't care like I don't want to use their land That's why even I won't even use their last names because I don't want to hurt them. I'm not mad at them I'm genuinely I'm so happy

I would not change one thing about my life because I see What they go through in their life and how you know now because now they're always at my shows and then I you know I played basketball I excelled in sports past them and it was always like they're always at my events and the newspaper articles in the air But always about me and and and I'm not beating my chest about that, but I'm just saying I I know like, you know, their mothers would ask my mother. Hey, how can our kids be more like Chris? He's doing well in these parts of his life and I'm like, oh, it's because you abuse. I just used I intern I used it. I feel for positive, but I I'm I'm not totally

Convinced that one day. I won't just blow my head off with a teacher gun But you know, um, you can be like I have that same like pragmatism about just being molested and like Yeah, I it doesn't affect me mentally It comes out through other ways of like excessive sweating and weird things that I didn't realize Until I was like much older like oh this fucked me, but in ways that yeah don't involve like my nails I bought my fingernails. Yeah, my toenails. I scratch myself. So don't you love success revenge? Like when I was in high school When I was in high school, right at the last day of school The hottest girl at school went to my friend Craig and goes

I'll see you over the summer this and that and then she comes to me and she goes. I'll never see you. Good luck And she just walked away. I remember going Right and then I remember a couple years ago She was like in the third row of a sold-out show that I was doing right And afterwards I hugged her. I was live this and that and when I drove to the hotel, right? I had such a glee Yeah, right. It's it's and I didn't actually do it, but it's like success revenge. You know, it's so good It's so good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm so glad that um, I have only one skill set which is humor Sure, right and I was and I had all this trauma and all that stuff

But I want everyone to listen It's just like if you can find that one thing right that one thing that you're obsessed about right and to do that one thing Yeah rigorously. Yeah daily, you know, yeah, your life couldn't still even with the fucked up background Sure turn out good, you know, so I've had a lot of those you have a lot of people that you would want in the front seat Oh my god, I have like a list. I have I revents fantasies. I have a lot of revents fantasies Right, and I have a list of 1200 1200 probably names on a lot of people that I want to see it right Just sell out a theater with the revenge. You should do it the revenge and invite them all give them free tickets

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's like that's like a fucking wilt chamberlain number of people who offended you. I know I know I'm trying to even do the math and think how that's possible. Is that like three people at day? You said fuck you No, but it has to do with You know, I have I have a mind that's a little delusional And I perceive things that aren't really real Right, right, like so if like a comic will walk by And regardless of what their day was like or what's going on their lives. I don't know But if they don't say hello to me, right?

I and I don't do this anymore, but I used to write their little name in my heart Right, like mark marron didn't say hi to me today Right, right and he gets into the revenge. You know, I mean the basket, right? But it's still out of my crazy delusional Fantasy mind that does that and it's unhealthy And so I don't do it now, but I've that's how I survived. Sure. All the new yorkers have those same sensitivities No, we you grew up with a lot. I think scar tissue because new york is such an honest raw place where your kids Uh, you know friends you're with when your kids everyone's just mean to each other and like sort of the way comics are

Everyone you they find like your worst characteristic and then they hold you down and fuck you in the mouth in the bathroom What it is. Yeah, it's like you're growing up in a roast. Yeah, well you told me that I was like, that was not bad They only pumped it two or three times three times. Yeah, well, it's just like I was I grew up where it's like if you're not being made fun of Especially on my father's side if you're not, you know, they're not flicking you in the ear or abusing you It's like they don't care about you. It's like you grow up you grow up with that where it's like That's the only way you get quick to come with comebacks because like that's how you I was raised I wanted to say this It was because when I first went to new york to do a show there

Um, they made me do opi and anthony back when it was like, you know, they were together and I remember it was Greg giordano patrice norton It was a couple of other guys and as soon as I walked in they ripped me apart to the point where I literally left I don't know if you they could hope you can tell you I got up and I just left Right, right because I couldn't I didn't know because you know in california. We don't behave. I know but that is a little I got to I got to defend you there. That's a little harsh like as soon as you walk in it's like especially patrice O'Neill. Yeah Yeah, you got to do you got to like, you know, meet a person first to really what did he say about you?

Do you remember anything about my baby arms? You know, I mean, how can I walk and yeah, whatever But I just it was relentless. Yeah, and I remember sweating. Yeah walking and walking away Yeah, and then the next year, right? I saw it back on the thing, right? But I said I made I I went with my guns Yeah, right. I went click click click or a sword. Whatever Whatever appropriate thing is yeah, and I walked in and instead of attacking them. I just started ripping myself apart Good, right and then they responded Right in a very positive way, right and it also taught me how to do podcasts because

You know when I was young I got mad tv, you know, and I did, you know, I memorized or whatever do characters It's not really this right? So I didn't know how to I didn't know what my voice was I didn't know what my point of view was. I didn't even know who really I was right so And then when they're they force you to go on the road and do these radio shows but then by I always um, thank open Anthony for um, doing that for me because it gave me a layer of skin and also It made me um, figure out how to do this, right? Right. Yeah, so I really thank him But you know

The east coast is very scary for sometimes for you know, a young guy from the west coast that goes there because it's like Yeah, we're both kind of like opposite extremes And I think we can learn a lot from each other because new york is like very like cutthroat and like me versus you Who's the best? It's like who's the best at what comedy who gives a shit? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's like not it's not a zero Some game. It's an art form that people have different tastes people in life and then here It's very collaborative and that's nice and supportive and uh, that those are two extremes I think that if but you guys have that now too because I know that Schultz was on here Yeah, we got it now because we see how much fucking money

Yeah, money you guys are made. None of us are living in the hill. Okay. Yeah, you know, we got one beddies with bed bugs Well, it started with Rogan. I pick up the pace. Rogan. Rogan started that culture. Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah Yeah, and him bringing in people and then us all starting our own and then You know, we all do our each other's and we we're all our family. No, and we see that we want to get into this You're here. Yeah. Thank you for how we appreciate it. Yeah, you're here Yeah, and the east coast and the east coast we see all that stuff now We're like, hey, I mean, listen, we know stand up is important We know but now it's like, you know, the podcast is what it's about like we are not worried about doing the tonight show anymore

We we came we came in here specifically to do this like this is the biggest thing we'll do You know in weeks because of what how how many people your podcast Uh reaches so it's like we understand what it is now some of our peers back home are still like Oh, I did the Colbert show six times like good for you positive I mean, I mean it's like good for you positive, but it's like you got the room half sold in Cincinnati It's because you you got your emphasis on the wrong thing. Yeah, I'll take it some move tickets You got to come in out here and do this stuff It's so funny because when um, like, you know, he came over yesterday to put myself on tape for who do people say he looks like

What who do you think? Um, uh, who do you look like? Um, Bruno Mars or uh, Bruno. That's a good one. Bruno Mars. Thank you. Yeah, I would say I would say Yeah, Bruno Mars. I would say tiki statue. There we go. Why? Yeah, I would say Bruno Mars or Moana I'll take it. I'll fucking take that That's a disney character, bro I He put you know, there was a big movie and we're on tape and I literally

Did not care like three years ago. I would have been like we gotta do it again. Yeah, do it again You know because it was my life was writing on that job, right? And now it's like I'll get called. Hey, you want to go in and read for the no way more chill But it's like this big director. I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck. It's like it's like even like I got a show and development right now at Comedy Central And it's a cartoon and I hope it gets on the air. I genuinely do but I'm aware that even if it does It's not I would never sacrifice my podcast or the stuff that we get to do with you guys for anything on tv Never I would never even like I was on a development call with them a couple of days ago and they're

You know, it's like, what's the subjective truth of the character? It's like, I don't fucking know, you know, it's like I had it on mute. I'm like boxing and then they come in I they come in and I Chris do you have anything to say? I'm like, whatever you want to do. Whoever you want me to voice I'll be transgender. Let me be voice. You can voice me fucking aquafina. I don't give a shit Just give me the money because I'm just trying to get cash because the real art The real beauty is in being able to do what we're doing not with all these fucking you have to start You can't say this because of this sponsor that it's like that's not what people care about anymore They care about us just being honestly real like I wish I could talk about. Oh, yeah

Do a scene where I get fucking skull fucked by the McClarny brothers. They'll never allow it But it's the funniest shit, you know, it's the funniest shit. It's gonna and it's gonna lead to my suicide So let's get it on camera. Yeah And then play yeah, let's let's make them feel good with them. We'll sue them I have that freedom. Yeah to say who my perpetrators were because they're poor and in the Philippines. Yeah Fuck them all. Fuck them all. Fuck them all. Fuck off, Filipino, Filipino, Abba, see I don't want to bleep that shit out When I was a physical therapist, you know, you work with the big Filipino Filipinos at least on the east coast Big in the physical therapy community and they got the softest little hands that they can get

And little they have such little hands that they can get in in between the spine and they give the best shot No, they got little baby. They bind their feet too. Fuck now. Yeah. They got little baby fucking hands Have you not look at these? These are not baby. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. No, those are Moana hands with the white Oh, yeah, what is it? What's with the white? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. So you're white and Filipino. Yeah But I grew up there. I was born in really you look mexican. I thought you were mexican That's what happens. Yeah, but but you're born in how dare you man But in the what have eyes? I mean 10 out of 10 people would think you were mexican. Yeah. Yeah, but I was mexican in high school

Yeah, I didn't the Filipinos didn't like me and my school is predominantly black and mexican So the mexicans took me in and I speak spanish And I get on mexicans are i'm not even gonna lie to you even over filipinos my favorite people in the world No, right. They're my favorite people too as long as they're citizens As long as they got the papers As long as as long as they're not coming over the wall from walrus. Um, no, i'm kidding No, I love you. No, how do you feel about it? No, no, no, no, how do you feel about it? No, honestly to be to be honest I want to know how you feel about it. You know what the camera is like. I'm voting for the furum

No, he's german. He can't help it. It's in there. You can't help it. No, no, no, no I'm I'm I'm a person. I think I live my life in the gray zone where it's like, listen, I got I I I'm all for the wall is stupid. I don't fucking want that's a fucking dumb idea But it's like, you know, yeah, I want everybody to be safe So it's like you can't let everybody in without some type of nice, you know System where we can verify things and just that's fine. I don't of course, but let everybody in this is america I got no problem with that But it's like if you say that you fucking republican fuck it's like no, no, baby

I'm trying I got you you sensible you can sit because people with three four roommates, you know that they fucking at their kids They're saying their cats their their cat parents. They're yelling about the Politics it's like you don't know what you're talking about, babe. I I pay taxes. I own a home You don't fucking know about you don't have any idea. You're sitting around commiserating you're telling me about I saw this one guy yelling on twitter about what's going to happen if the supreme court justice sways this way in all And like you're just regurgitating articles you fucking googled and his thing is he works for fedex It's like go fucking deliver the packages, babe Just deliver the packages just mail me my shit

Okay, take a seat hun. Yeah, let the people that we voted in just do their jobs and trust in the system and that's it Yeah, that's how hillard came to power. Don't ask questions Yeah, just don't talk. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. You know, whatever puts the people in camps of what it worked out. Yeah But the people that are the people that are most offended by it are people that live like in the middle of the country Right that aren't affected as much as we are in the cities, right? And we don't make that big of a huge like what's the gang ms. 6 6 13 Salvatru truck You gotta flip it. It's not good to flip. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah ms 3rd

I lived by ms 13 gang members in silver like we all do. This is la Every morning a dude. Good morning. They're nice. They're nice. How come a bro? I like the tattoos on your face. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, they're fine people. Yeah, but that's the thing what you were saying It's like the people in the middle of the country that everybody if it really affects you like People don't care. We figure out ways to deal with it. Like even me like it happened to me I was on the show on netflix and I got fired for a joke because there was an international like competition And the the chinese team was competing and they fell off the obstacle course into the water And they called it the beast blood and I didn't say that I hit the competitor's name was bin fang

And I said there goes bin fang into the duck sauce Now And the hypocrisy was I got fired whatever For that I got fired But bin fang bin fang retweeted the the clip of me saying that bin fang who I said it about Was very obvious like hilarious. It's so funny. You want to come to my comedy shows But I got fired by this fat white woman named barbara Yeah, it's because barbara has to fucking stand up for china when it's like you're fat fuck you have duck sauce on your fingertips

So it's the same thing with the middle of the country about the it's like everybody wants to Do the job for everybody else. It's like relax, man Like yeah, relax like, you know, we don't have to do all these things like you have to hire a black man and a woman That demeans them. We're all equal. That's yeah. Yes, you know like let everybody be fan square Well, I where it's 2020. It's like I understand there's still subtle racism and or maybe major racism in parts of the country But it's like we get it like come on, man Like you know, like it's a show business. It's hard for everyone. Right even in like in 1999 Yeah, when I got mad tv, they didn't want an asian, right?

They'd never had one. They even said it's not gonna get it, right? Right. And then when I did get it, right? It felt Well, there was no movement or we I was you know, Asians weren't the it thing, right? But I still had the opportunity. Yeah, and I hit it out of the fucking park. Yeah, and I got it Yeah, and and that's America. It's America. It's hard for everyone It's hard for everyone and even like even like where I come from like deep Brooklyn Like I got a father like a fucking father that was like in and out of jail like deep brooklyn father I've never heard that man and you would see you would see this guy in a tv show and be like oh that guy He's the most racist guy ever. I've never heard that man utter a racial slur unless his team didn't cover the spread

But but you know But other than that, he's just kind he's opened his doors when there was a big flood Hurricane sandy devastated, uh, new york in 2012 and statin island got ravaged and my father's house was a little inland So my father but the houses on the shore got destroyed mostly mostly latino Families and my dad went rented a yule truck every single day and went down and helped them and did all that And even had two different families live in his house for two weeks each took their kids to school and all that But my dad's just from a time So he's doing the right thing

My dad's just from a time though We're like he likes to have like little jokes like the god the the the leader of the family the father His name was wan my dad called him. Jose. He just didn't give a fuck You know he would be like he would be like oh hide the silverware like old school dad hack jokes You know be like, you know like are you in a gang? You know kids three years old like shit like that You know, but but he's the act was I'm gonna help because I love people So so when you try to take away words now in comedy It's like somebody would call some like woke fucking social justice where we would want to like

Tie my dad up and fucking burn him at the stake like he's a witch And it's like he's doing more for the community and exactly to push racism back and push progress forward than you ever could It's amazing. You just want to hurt people Sorry Believe right now that most people who call for all this social reform. Yeah, I actually don't think they want at all I think they want more division because then they have a job If you don't have they don't have a job without us being divided a lot of these bloggers and all that then make money If what happens if we solve racism and solve the problems they're out because nobody gives a fuck what they have to say

Unless they're inciting bullshit. Yeah, but what you said about your dad, right? Is I do the same thing with this guy for instance. He comes in right? What's up Ching Ching? Sure, right? Oh, and my dad and my dad and my dad would do the same, right? Yeah And if like any race comes in, you know, I jab this and I've always been like that, right? And yeah, just my way of like, you know getting a laugh. Yeah, right? I I think it's funny when they say it to me, right? It's just it's it's out of love It's not always funny though when you say can you've been offended in the past and like supermarkets and stuff Yeah, but yeah, but when some yeah, but when somebody I don't know does it? Yeah, well, that's messed up

That's different because I don't know what their intentions are right I don't know what you know, maybe they don't call me ching chong and they are part of the kkk. I don't fucking know No, that's not I think it's the irony that we're like that's the irony of freedom is that we're so free here Nobody wants to admit it. What comes with that is you're free to complain Yeah, because like our complaints and these complaints these woke complaints if you compare them to what our parents or grandparents Had to complain about your bill our grandparents would be like what? And you'd be like, oh, it's so bad here. It's like is it where we came from was really bad And guess what the people who were treating us bad over there looked exactly like us

So people are shitty America has nobody wants to admit the other side of America It's like yeah America has problems, but we're kind of the best place. Yeah, my mother when she was Nine years old She she grew up in the Korean War. She was walking her sister's school just cut to the chase Her sister got hit by a military truck and trails on the streets. There was no ambulance So she had to run up and get hurt my uncle's right. They took rice bags picked up my aunt who's obviously dead and baron ate her for dinner. Yeah Don't waste this

What's our country the Koreans they'll eat anything finally we got me Finally we have some meat. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I was crying. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's my mom's trauma. Don't do that I didn't take my shoes off is that okay my big disrespectful to the sun god I don't want to be disrespectful Yeah, but that's what my mom right was raised with right so it's like we have it so good here Right if that ever happened we'd get an ambulance, you know me, you know And um, there are also laws in terms of driving and stuff in this country that probably does that prohibits It's something like that from happening. It does happen. You know what I mean by but

Uh, yeah, we have it so good here and you're right at that point is like that's like this I've said it so many times on this podcast. There's this woman I think her name is like diana brook and she says lofty ideas are a privilege of the well fed Right, right and it's nothing rings truer than privilege or you complain It's like the spot that that's sort of even the ones who complain about the privilege. Yeah Are coming from a coming from here. Absolutely because if you talk to your grandparents or whatever, they're like, yeah, nothing's a problem I didn't have shoes, but you know what we ate. Yeah Yeah, we had a little food and it's like, look, you know, you think like some of the problems of our youth right now

Whatever they complain about this is an injustice. That's an injustice It's an american or a western world problem because the same kids were in 1921 22 years old in syria And war torn countries in the middle east They don't complain about that because they're getting bombed in acid attacks or like yemen I'm sure a starving kid in yemen, right doesn't give have an opinion about transgender or what to call them, right? Oh, they don't think oh, I have to call eskimos inuits now Right, I mean they don't have those issues because they want to fucking eat and I think also what it is was overblown I really do I think people are shitty because when you look like who kills the most asian people in history

Asians who kills the most white people white people who's killed the most black people black people You kill whatever's closest to you. So if people come into contact, of course, they're gonna be racist because people are shitty And they want to hate I would I would even go as far as to say that the most racist towards asians are asians We're terrible to each other like on our pockets history hyenas plug it Here's hyenas history hyenas. Yeah, we we cover the rank the rape of nankang where you know What the japanese did to the chinese is as brutal if there were bayonet in some ways babies to the chinese Oh, they're families brutal brutal brutal. Yeah, my dad told me that when the japanese occupied korea

These to hang koreans by their ankles upside down in a tree and then dunk them in boiling water They did do that right do that. Yeah. Yeah, you were talking about people who have the same dna I mean, they're different countries different cultures a little bit But this is the same dna you say if you take the people there's no difference. Paul pot was a good guy The guy had some good points Yeah, but I mean, you know, uh, you look at croats and serbs what they do to each other You know the list goes on and on and on the irish and the british. It's like people kill whatever's closest We're just we're we're still evolving. Yeah, and it's like, you know, we didn't get we're not the apex predator

Because we were nice to the other animals we destroyed and killed the killing is in our dna as a human being I mean for millions of years We were just another animal on the on the desert plane and we would get eaten alive by lions and hyenas and the same shit But then we deserve we have the most killer and we've killed 99 percent of all living things as human beings So what do you think you of course? We're gonna be fucking horrible to each other. That's why it's a little mind But I don't think I think most people don't want to do the research They don't want to do the work They just want to say it's easier for me to complain and bitch and get something

I really don't deserve by Shouting in injustice as opposed to saying let's try to fix this and help like it's very interesting how like You know, even like in Hollywood like Shane Gillis gets fired for saying gook, right? What did he say? What's it? Which is not I'm not saying that's right, but he gets fired. It is an accurate description I'm not saying it's right, but the guy didn't fucking deliver the food on time Yeah, I see the same thing on this But it's like I'm nervous. I'm in LA

But it's like Shane Gillis right is gonna lose his job because of the outcry because of these You know social justice wars and blah blah blah blah and gets fired, right? Okay for doing a comedy piece whether you think it's funny or not I don't think that he really meant that he's doing a comedy bit and the joke missed but he gets fired Justi Smollett and he gets dropped by his agency UTA. This is a true story. Yeah He gets dropped dropped his agency has to drop him. Justi Smollett who faked a hate crime, right? He faked a hate crime, but he's from a part of our community that like, you know, where they'll say Oh, you know what he did that and injustices and all that stuff is true

They get from empire, right? He faked a heck he faked a hate crime He's still he did not get dropped by his agency. That's why one guy gets dropped. Justi Smollett stays. There's not fair, right? I'm not I know it's like whatever and also he didn't lose the support of a lot of his cast members It's all bullshit. Yeah, you know, I'm not saying it's a white black thing But it's bullshit. But in the context of this though, right? Um, there is a side to it where Minorities in this business. I can only talk about this business where they didn't use us at all I agree with you 100 percent. You're pioneering a lot of ways because you were you were one of the first to kind of open The door a lot. Yeah, but they but then it swung the extreme the other way, right? We just have to find

The middle ground here. I think that's what we're gonna get to. Yes, right the middle ground eventually Because you know, it's like I know a lot of white dudes who are angry who are actors and they complain to me All the you know, it's all minorities now. It's like bitch for 50 years 60 years in this business We couldn't even fucking Genghis Khan John Wayne I think that's John Wayne. Yeah, Genghis Khan you fucking bitch. Yeah, and that's what John Wayne sells tickets That's the difference, you know, and you can pronounce his name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Imagine the Asian actors who auditioned for that part. Oh my god found out who got it. Oh my god. Yeah

No, but I agree with you 100% absolutely especially in this business minorities It's it's it's all fine and fair But it's like, you know, like you said the over-correctness it gets to a point where it's like But now you're over-correcting so much that you're hurting more people like they say the oppressors become the oppressed That's that's all this added. That's what happens. We always see it with humans. Just always swing extremes It's like because it's just more fun. I think yeah, just more fun to be extreme Yeah, the middle is kind of boring. I want to be like I want to have some soup, but not too much Who wants that? But yeah, perfect amount. Yeah, we just want to go off the rails or abstinent, you know, you really like fucking not

All the other yeah, yeah, that's a fun one. I don't want when I do my stand-up or any of my comedy The last thing I would ever want an audience to do is to clap at some political statement I made either lap if you laugh and it goes into claptor great But I'd rather you just laugh or not laugh because when these comedians get out there and they get a fucking sense of pride From getting clapping. It's like you ain't dude like this isn't a ted talk You're supposed to be doing comedy like I don't care about your political statement It's also the what the fuck this hyper inflated the ego that they use now right now for specials, you know Yeah, I'm not dude. I know

Say this. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. Sorry. I don't know. I'm gonna say this. Okay. You always look like you're sneezing That's funny You're right because New York are kind of racism We were we come from the most diverse city in the world. So we're exposed to everybody So it's like you kind of get this. We don't really mean it's kind of joke, but the but the country white guys Yeah, they mean it comes from a place of like, yeah Yeah, buddy How you doing china man? I know

Yeah, but the woke comics that they're using for specials and whatnot all this stuff Are people that couldn't survive in comedy clubs? No, no, right? I mean, I've seen them at open mics I've seen them at like, you know coffee shop gigs or whatever, right? And so, um, I think that's I that really Because then as a guy that does the clubs and I like, you know, I'm playing Irvine this weekend I'll sell out. Thank you. But it'll you know, yeah, I'll crush it Absolutely the whole audience would be sitting on the floor in these style, but what can you do? No, they do they they do this right they do this like this and they smoke like that

They're the machetes. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, it's like, you know Now specials and whatnot are going to woke people who get they say like these, you know, I mean, yeah, these political things Bullshit, right and people clap, right? But they're not laughing Well, I mean, like, yeah, this is the whole thing where you're supposed to say the right thing in comedy But that's sort of the opposite of what comedy is, you know Nobody when did comedy like saying, hey racism's bad. It's like, yeah, of course it is Yeah, how's that fun? If like if Larry David was a good guy on his show Like, how would that be funny? Like when you got in trouble in school for being the class clown?

It wasn't because you said the right thing at the right time. Our job is to say the wrong thing with charisma. That's what we do Why are we getting held to the same theater as a politician? Yeah, if I treat something out funny Why why because I said that I made fun of a group. Yeah, I'm a comedian. It says it in my bio That's um, you know, I'm a comedian. Yeah. Yeah, we're supposed to that's our job That you're trying to define a joke out of existence Jokes are not the are the right thing because it's the only way that they have power now Some of these writers that go after these comedians they only have that power like you were saying earlier because of this Cancelled culture where if you start to say, you know what fuck like you can't cancel. That's what I love about

Well, you guys have you can't cancel this podcast. You could say whatever you want You could you could piss off one Yeah, maybe some people will drop off but the fan the power is in the fans hands Which is where it should have always been and now it feels like it's going that way. So the the podcast I think does give us power back to say we want to be funny. I'm not saying I'm going to say I don't mean I don't want to hurt a group of people with words. I'm not racist against anybody We're just joking. Do you think they'll come after us too eventually? No, I don't think so. How how how how how? How are you? Maybe ads and whatnot will go go. We cannot now sponsor but on your patreon

How are you going to tell your two three four million fans like if they all want to give you five bucks? And hear the podcast they would do it in a heart because they love you if they shut that down something else will pop up Yeah, how can they now? Right, you know unless it goes back unless it's like becomes like china where like they cancel the internet then it's a problem Why people come to find funny people need funny because they need relief from life and life is tough And that's what comedy does and they get it now from the podcast because the mainstream is going the woke route And they're doing that because like chris said it supports a whole infrastructure of bullshit It's like if I'm going to review a comedy special

My if I need purpose as a writer I got to review a bad one and tell you it was good And that's where I find purpose because if i'm telling you a good one was good I have no purpose because you already know that because you fucking laugh And that's why I mean reviewing comedy specials is hilarious. It's like guy we know Yeah, it's we review it in real time by laughing or not. Yeah Yeah, I knew I knew that that comedy special sucked because I used to put my daughter to sleep Yeah, that's okay. That's why I know it sucked. It was a fucking and that's why you guys give themselves meaning right going this

Look, it wasn't exactly funny, but here's why it was needed. Yeah special right now That's why you're honest and such a fucking genius. That's why you're honest such a genius because don't say that Are you gonna get kissed on the left kiss you right on the fucking dirty greek mouth? Um, so he said because what he says what he's what we fucking have done now He's like, you know what these motherfuckers, you know these magazines want to lie and say this person got the number one Counties such or go see these comedy specials and then fucking lie because it's an hour-long snooze fest Then guess what we do yana sits in his bathtub and he writes articles from the new york times

Yeah, we just we're going to yorker and we fake them bill bill burr called me up. He goes guys. Congratulations on the new yorker I said, you know, it's a lie. Tell him and I went. Yeah, I went. I wrote that Yeah, he wrote it. Yana's wrote it from his fucking bathtub So and that's just the truth. Yeah So it's like if they can guess what if they can bullshit then it's like you do we can do it too I can write an article and say guess I'm fucking quoted by saying this because you're fucking lying. So now so are we Yeah, yeah, because you're so right. It is a fucking lie. It's a lie. They're lying to you They're lying to you when they tell you that that comedy special is funny when you know, it's not like bobby's just funny

He's just you're just you don't even need a joke. You're just born to be funny And like that's what comedians used to be like. Yeah, you are you we're all gonna We're gonna do a triple kiss like it's spring break in a second Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because it's like I was and I pitched a show with Uh, Joe Coy and uh, howie mendel right about a month ago. I was at netflix and How he goes Joe does stand up and so does bobby and they looked at me in the room. They go you do stand up Yeah, fucking right and for a split second I was gonna let these people dictate how I feel about me

No in my work and what I do right, but I just want you know what they just don't Fuck them. Fuck them. How much of that confidence did you get from having this like a your own show Where you can just be as funny or wild as you want. Well, I mean I I mean when I met her um six years ago I had nothing in my career. I couldn't get auditions. I Didn't have a podcast. I was selling maybe a hundred seats at a club at most, right? You were still like everybody comics comics. Yeah. Yeah, baby. I knew a lot of comics I wanted to go to both coasts and meet people and have and with the best and whatever but Um, I literally now I'm having resurgence in all of it, right? Yeah, because of this and

What I love about this too is is that you know, my agents and my managers they didn't help They don't get a cut good, right? Don't give it to them. Yeah, and um, I have nobody telling me What to say what I mean, there are things if I see the n-word which I never have by the way, you know me But let's suppose I do that we'll cut that out. Yeah, maybe when you start drinking But What I love about this too is is that because I know that you and Schultz, you know, I mean you guys remind me of What we have going on in here on this. No, no, it is. It's obvious. It's it's just that's why

I was telling george like I need them on you know, because um, You know, we feel that way about you guys you guys and that's and that's what I also love about This community is is that I hopefully we can go even more I coastal and connect in the way because now it's at a time where it's like, you know I don't know like what the the show was or whatever that you're doing with Joe coin Howie Mandel, but it's like it's actually probably gonna cost you money to do tv now because you're doing so well With this podcast and with your ticket sales that it's like it'll cost you money to do tv So it's like why is it even worth it? Like you can't convince these youtube stars like the logan paul's or the world when we're talking to tim dillon

Yesterday, it's like you can't convince those guys to do tv. They make too much money It's like you want me to lose money to fucking go through your dumb development process. Fuck you. Yeah We'll do this You know and it's like and more to the point with like our us being a community now It's like it makes me feel good us feel good because we're like, you know what like we're gonna keep trying and keep You know doing it But if like if it doesn't work like we feel like none of us will go broke anymore because we can always help each other It's like if I really needed help

I know you would let me open for you and and vice versa and whatever where it used to be like Like you said six years ago. You just didn't have any gigs. There's no money We're now. It's like I need help help me and the comedians will help each other. I used to allow Hollywood and these gatekeepers to dictate how I feel about my art. You want to say juice Just say juice I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was in the office and I was auditioning for the president of some network And I and it was I was testing for a show And I remember opening my mouth and him he did this as soon as I opened my mouth. He went like

Like this Right Then I my mind started spinning right when I drove away from the I knew I didn't get it Sure I mean it's because I was spinning and I was probably in a depression for six months after that, right? I let them dictate how I feel and that's why this Is everything yeah, because this is I dictate this I dictate how I feel about myself. This is this is the best form comedians have ever had I think in history right now

It's the best time to be a comedian because the things we like the most are laughing with our friends having a good time For as long as we want and absolutely nobody telling us what to do ever Yeah, and it's like because that isn't that the worst part of a community you go into a meeting. They're like, we love it But yeah, and we're like, what are you? Who are you? What do you do? Yeah, you wait you're gonna you're working in the fucking accounting department two months ago And now yeah, we do We go every night and we figure out how in a vacuum to make people laugh strangers laugh We test it in real time. I know if it's good or not guy. Yeah. Who the fuck are you and what do you do?

Why are you talking right now? It's like all these where we talk about the agents these people in the industry It's like they just come from some fucking rich family where they're they're an embarrassment to their own fucking family Like they're like yeah, you're gonna tell me what's fucking funny. Let the comedians go Oh, just let us go. It's what we do. We're you know, and this is and we're able to let go here And that's and that's why I think you're seeing the movement all over It's like, you know, all the everybody who's got who's got hit podcasts is selling the tickets over I mean, you sure we have some of our peers who are doing sitcoms

But and they're making money and good for them, but they're not selling tickets because nobody cares Yeah, but they want to come see you because you're in there because you're in their Ear for an hour at least every week with raw unfiltered Unedited comedy and it's beautiful. There is a good feeling because I was on a sitcom for two years Yeah, and there is a good feeling about driving on to a lot and having your parking space. No, I know it's nice It feels it does feel because I still have romance. I have romances about old school Hollywood And all that stuff. So it is I treat myself. I do because I do magnum p.i So I go to hawaii in two weeks to do another episode. It's awesome. No, it's yeah

It doesn't pay well, but but I like the people in the cast so and I do like acting, you know But I know it's just it's not how I'm paying for this house That's what I'm saying. I would do a sitcom tomorrow and I would do anything Hopefully comedy central does green light what I have. Oh, they will they will. Hey guys, they will thank you You'll do it. Yeah, but it's like my point is like I'm never gonna let that sacrifice the the history hyenas podcast earlier Because it's like so I don't mind doing it. I'm not saying I'm the anti that I'm still but it's like They don't have my attention like they used to because they can really do less I could do more for myself and they can do for me. You know, it's a weird time

It's like yeah, funny. It's funny. It's like he's been making a lot of Asian jokes in here With Asians here Yeah, and you guys are laughing because it's funny and you know, it's not meant Like uh, what's happened now is like there's people who are removed from that context going like wow, that's wrong You're going like it's jokes man. It's jokes. I'm doing it because I love you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'm not doing because I hate you guys. I'm doing because I'm I'm I feel honored to be here. I have I had a character that was a Puerto Rican gendered character and like Puerto Ricans loved it Yeah, loved it. Yeah, people who would come to pay to see a Puerto Ricans

But then when I would go it's like meeting and to a meeting and pitch it as a show They looked at me like I was they were like, what are you crazy? Yeah, like this could never Ever be on television. I'm going why you know, I was actually just looking through the comments of chet hanks after he started speaking pigeon. Yeah, and um So a lot of people were really like riled up and they're like, oh, that's like absolute appropriation, right? But everyone from Jamaica was putting Jamaican flags out in the comments. Like they were so happy he was speaking pigeon Yeah, that's another thing about who's getting offended. It's like the people who think you're not supposed to say that Yeah, it's like I said before it's like it's like the Jamaicans don't care and even cultural appropriation

You know, I read this book sapiens and it was like and it's like that's another thing if the McLaren brothers heard that I get skull fucked again You know so and it's like I read I read that book and it's like, you know He had a whole chapter about cultural appropriation and what that really means It's like whatever you think your culture is a thousand years ago Those people who are in your family or great great great grandmother's grandfather's would be Going nuts if they saw you doing what you think your culture is now because it was raped into you and conquered into you That's what culture is it's one culture coming over through an ocean or through land and dominating and then making that culture

Your culture so it's like when you say you can't do that's like human beings is one shared culture Like it's not it's a little ridiculous when somebody says that elevate ourselves as human beings and evolve a little bit And not do that or do you think that that's always going to be a part of our DNA to take actually ill and to take over? Oh, yeah that I think I think I think you don't have because I think that What what I said earlier I don't I think that's why we are the apex predator because we because you want to we want to dominate and it's subconscious You know, I don't want to do that because we have society and rules and you know The new neocortex part of my brain has my limbic system, and I'm emotional

And I don't want to hurt you or see you in pain, but it's like deep deep deep deep deep in my core If you start to strip things away and it starts to become fight or flight It's like yeah, we'll kill each other to survive. I think it's ingrained and as it's just how you were raised and what happened to you in your life Would you eat Yanis? Yanis? Would you eat him? Would I eat Yanis? I don't like grief. Wait, where did that question come from? Well, the need to dominate at the end of the day. The fuck did that come from? Like if you were the last- Lord of the fly situation, which one of us would you eat first? Yeah, um, which one of us- Which one would I- Yeah, in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm not a gay guy, so I'm eating you first I'm not fucking eating any of these guys penis. I'm not touching you guys. Yeah. Um, which one would I eat first? Moana? I guess, yeah No, you go on. I need George first because I like my own taste I I need another white guy. Yeah, I would eat him first because he's always hot. He wouldn't even know what was going on Yeah, I would have an arm. He wouldn't even- I would eat you first. Why? Just because you've been through a lot You look kinda- Let me tell you something. You're like Kobe Beak. You've been a star. No, but bad choice bad choice

He has rhino hide for skin. It's impenetrable. You could put a spike right through his back and he wouldn't bleed I like the texture of that crunch. He's got a little crunch to him. He's got a little crunch A lot of calories to burn to kill him. It is. Because the hatchet doesn't go through as easy. You would have a difficult time killing me, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why, you know martial arts or whatever? No, Asians? They're hard to fucking take down. They are hard to take down. Especially him. He's a little bit of a squeak So it's hard. The squeaks are anybody under five seven or under. We call him a squeak. Yeah. It's just squeak. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like little- No, no. That was offensive. No, it's a font. Whoever called me a squeak again, I don't hate it. No, no, no. There's no racial things. It's probably the worst thing he said. That doesn't even matter. Call me Guk instead. Yeah. Oh sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm like, it's just hard to take you know because low to the center of gravity and stuff like that. Look at Vietnam we had tunnels, right? Absolutely.

We would hide in a tree for two weeks with a banana, right? Absolutely. Yeah. We were survivors. I don't know why the tall gene is dominant When shorter people live longer, yeah, yeah, it doesn't make sense like why did what is that? Why does that happen all women like it so people stretch themselves out cuz chicks like tall dudes chicks do like they don't like Except you yeah Because he's all positive because you know what he gives off he gives off like a life or a Gives off like a vitality that I think what you see you can listen. Yeah, no it gives off this vitality this life force for you I think subconceeing your head are saying, you know, you find him attractive and you love all these things about him Yeah positive energy where you say he would give me he's a fun. He's a fun. Fuck. No. Yeah, he's he's jumping around the room

He flies down down like crushing tiger hidden dragon Top he's on the tree. I Think it goes deeper than that. I think I'm Filipino I have a colonial mentality of always having like seeing like praising the The colonists. Yeah, colonizer. I mean and I think deep down inside I think that you're an oppressor and a colonizer and somehow gets my pussy wet I love my Asians Asians are cool. Yeah. Yeah, this fucking hot

Like a fun fuck though. He's very portable. Yeah, I believe it. Yeah You can just take him to different parts of the room. Yeah, it's like he's like a sleep apnea machine Over an hour. All right. Yeah, so here's what we do at the end. Okay, by the way I want to say because I want to say it that this was a pleasure. Oh, man Thank you both of you together. Thank you. It was a real pleasure for me. I um, we got a lot out Wait, I botched your podcast name earlier. It's history. Hi. He's history. Hi. He knows hi. Hi. Hi Hi history. Hi. He knows we say it's hyenas, but I put the extra h in for marketing hyenas But it's when you spell it on itunes. It's just hyenas. Yeah, or as Ari said the extra h is for homos

Yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, interesting, but um, I want to say that It's cat calling the cat. No, you know, he he used to beat the shit out. I know. Oh, I remember that. Yeah Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, we're good now. He's got a fucking face I'd like when he's actually physically. Oh, he kicked my face and 20 times once where I was like Unrecognizable why really it does a long story, but um, I was partly my fault, but um, but yeah, but you're better now I'm better now. We're very good friends. Um, but what I want to say is is that the it was a sheer and utter pleasure because You know, we get a lot. We get some comics on the show that I have to pull It's like pulling teeth sometimes, you know, but I know I'm just new instinctually with you too

I wouldn't have to do that. There's so much more that we can talk about. We could have done this for 10 hours I think and I feel really inspired. I think I want to start a podcast called skull fuck And we just bring in really downtrodden Sexually abused people Yeah, but either one of you if you ever need this to promote anything Oh, thank you. If you're ever in town, you need I swear to God I swear to God on my sobriety on my mother's life that if you ever need anything, we will God is Chinese God. Yeah

Got a different one. No, no, his name is Chang. Oh, okay Love him. Love him, but um, I will do anything for you guys. No, we appreciate it I don't know if that's a two-way street It's totally as we were gonna ask you if I don't know if you're you're busy But we're gonna ask you if you want to be a guest on our podcast tomorrow morning. It's at 10 a.m Uh, 9 a.m. I have to do Burke Chrysler's Netflix show tomorrow. Okay. All right, but yeah, yeah That's the shit that happens in LA like I'd love to do your podcast, but I got to do Barack Obama's television I gotta have lunch with Oprah tomorrow big day tomorrow big day tomorrow, but thanks for asking

No, no, we but at the end of ours we do think that this thing called unhelpful advice people email us and hopefully you can You mean it doesn't have to be helpful. It can be unhelpful, but we'll just read it. Go ahead Unhelpful advice with the history hyenas. What the fuck? Yeah, bro Hey, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, but we've been close friends for five plus years Everything's been great recently, but on Christmas Eve. I had a gut feeling to go through his phone I never go through his phone, but something in my back of my mind was telling me to I used his sleeping face to unlock His phone with face ID And I found out he was exchanging naked photos with 15 transgender women on kike

Yeah, I ended the relationship and now I'm left with the insecurity that I look like a man I know it has everything to do with him, but his fetish, but my insecurities are now down to zero I still in love with him yet hate him at the same time Any good advice? First of all, that is a genius move to use his sleeping face That's so there's so many women listening to this right now going. Yeah, I'm doing that tonight. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good We've been doing that What did you what did you find in Bobby? That's not novel

I think you know what I think I think that if she's saying that she still feels positive Is it a guy or girl? Is it a gay relationship? No, it's a girl. I was saying if if she still feels positive around him Maybe that's just a part of his brain sexually that it's got nothing to do with her where he's like, you know what? I love you. I'm not gonna cheat on you, but in this other realm in this fucking, you know Cyber space realm. I want to do that and that's okay. Let his mind do that. But as long as he's still Respecting you and making you feel secure than I I don't see there's any reason to break up with him I I agree. I think that when I was younger, I felt this like Incessant this need to know everything about my partner and that's so unrealistic

There are just some things that will never be explained to me and you're right about the feeling positive Where that's what drove me to not feel a certain type of jealousy that I felt in my 20s It's just like, you know what if it's over if it feels good at home if I'm receiving the love if he's kind to me I'm cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I mean years ago. I was jerking off to a porn It was a close-up shot of this woman blowing this guy and I was going, yeah, you know Yeah, I like it, you know and then It panned out and it was a dude. Okay, right? I still came and didn't feel guilty about it

It was also a kind of erotic in a way, right? I didn't feel any kind of shame about it And maybe that's just a fetish thing that he has but I don't think it has nothing to do with he views you As a dude, that's I don't think I think there's and I don't mean I don't mean this in a disrespectful way I think we're all guilty of this, but I think that there's narcissism in her point. I'm not shitting on her for it I'm just saying it's like this is not about you at all. This is all about him It has to for you to internalize that is like that's that's the problem there It's like don't how does he make you feel because that's got nothing to do with you Yeah, and I think um like you know

If it's always made me feel closer to bobby to know that he has something And it's a weird thing that a lot of people don't understand. Dude. LA's Yeah Yeah, but it's like it's the mclaren brother's like I was right LA is different That's fucking whoa You're talking to your girlfriend. I just really like this guy. I mean Yeah, she sucked a few dicks and it's just it's just nice

Just different. I like it. I like that. It's he's I feel he's elevated in that way Where he's not some fucking bro so scared of his you know what I mean of his sexuality like I'm into it And um, I I think this girl think you're right about the narcissism thing like it goes back to how she feels about herself immediately Yeah, you don't have to be and you know bobby's always dated chicks with like Androgynous features and yeah, there's there's a part of me that believes he does like like me because I'm flatch-ested and kind of buff but um But you know it goes back to the dick fucking

Maybe Hello Is this And Six ain't bad But it's not uh, it's I don't think it's gay at all If that's what you're worried about also and also it's like, yeah With all women jerk off to uh, lesbian porn like almost all women

Doesn't mean they're not straight. It's like it's a fantasy thing And you know a lot of transgender women are more feminine than than actual women So it's like, you know the piece down there. What's the difference? We watched the neuroscience study that the neuroscientist said the number one thing that excites men heterosexual straight men Is transgender porn when they have really big dicks and really big tits because that's the thing and we'll we'll fast forward A heterosexual man will fast forward through a porn with a man having sex with a woman if the guy's got a little dick or he's not Rock hard. So that's what we want. We like rock hard. That makes sense to me Dicks is the signals in your brain. Yeah, what she should be worried about her question was do I look like a man versus

Mike, I feel deceived that he is exchanging messages with another human rather than a trans Transgender thing doesn't fucking matter. Right the fact that he might be cheating on you. That's what matters It's being dishonest. That's what matters. But as far as the jerking off thing. It's like, hey, I've jerked off some weird stuff Yeah, it's like one of those if you want to send those pics my way. Yeah Like I'm not I I'm all you know, I'm a chick. I'm not supposed to talk about or enjoy rape But do I love like rape porn and seeing 10 dudes just fucking cream pie one chick strapped down. Fuck. Yeah Anything to plug guys your handle. Yes, I have a special called blowing the light which is on YouTube Please check it out and most importantly history hyenas with me and Chris to Stefano one. When does this episode come out?

To Wednesday. Oh shit. Okay, and I'll be at Gotham. I'm sorry Gotham February 21st 22nd in New York City and uncle Vinnie's February 27th 28th in New Jersey get tickets. So I'm christie comedy.com. I got January 24th. Hampton, Connecticut, Spaceland ballroom Celebrity theater January 25th Atlantic City and February 8th Kennedy Center, Washington, DC Christie comedy.com for the tickets and yeah, I love cock Hey guys, we're here at housekeeping. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. I had a great time. Those guys were funny George That just kept on going and getting better. I loved it. Fun fact I actually auditioned for Chris's show two years ago and for all of Bobby's tour dates You can go to bobbyleelive.com any Irvine's this week this weekend is an Irvine. Are you gonna be there? I don't know

Um, I'm trying to go there. I'm trying to go there Friday and Saturday. We'll try I mean, but you'll probably you're probably going for Bobby though if you're listening to this So Irvine this weekend. George is having a meet-up at uh, Kona Grill next door. So check that out There's their one there. I don't know. I just assume all those plazas have a kind of weird Hawaiian thing Then uh, he's in Omaha, Nebraska at the funny bone on the weekend of January 24th So 24th 25th and maybe the 26th check that out on or check that out the funny bones website in Omaha if you're in Omaha And then February 13th through 16th Schomburg, Illinois

In Chicago, Chicago improv um Guys, thank you for listening. Uh, you can follow collila at calamity k for All your tiger belly behind the scenes stuff as she posts things of bobby there all the time Uh, you can follow bobby at bobby lee live for all bobby lee Related things. Uh, you can follow george at I'll give this one to john. Nah, john. Nah, nah Follow and john. Nah

Nah, if you want some super cinematic postings And do you post up about your child? See if you guys get kids and cinematic footage and then you can follow um Barack Obama at gill bits one of the best presidents from what I hear. Um, Make sure you follow us on tiger belly at tiger belly uh on instagram and then at the tiger belly on twitter And you can email us questions if you need some help at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com and any business inquiry is the inquiry inquiries

Yeah, business inquiries inquiries at uh our old email, which is The tiger belly at gmail.com Um And uh, that is it. We love you. We'll see you guys next week. Bye For the Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey