TigerBelly - Ep 235: Poway Hall of Fame

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Bobo wants a different sleeve. Koloko digs out her survival kit. Gilbo wants zombie flu. We talkin' birds... and Billy the Magician, Gabby the sturgeon, 20,000 bottles of water, and vampire diva cups. Nominate Bobby into Poway Hall of Fame Steebeeweebee Music  Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Yeah Sorry Kali for even doing that but it's licks what I want to say is this is that I've been doing um, we'll welcome everybody first of all welcome to you George. We're gonna get into your mess in a sec your chaos Welcome to you Gabby. Thank you. Yeah, I love you names Gabby. Yeah, man. Yeah, I was Gilbert He's flat. He's pretty flat. Yeah. Yeah, I love your sister so much man. I know yeah, she wants to come back I do too. Yeah, we should have a special Gabby episode. Oh, we should a sibling

I know I liked her but she was busy today. I have no idea with what oh fuck her. You're her boss You're the way it gives her the word. Yeah, not at 9 p.m. We should have a siblings episode We should so you we should have like a panel you and your brother Stevie. We how do we get Stevie we be back? He's coming back this year 2020 we can come back 2020 so if I if without so I told him to call you I don't know if you guys know but Steve had a little falling out with George So we can't invite him back I have recently uncovered the truth about everything and while I will not mention names because it's a very delicate thing Yeah, this boils down to one home wrecker. I will not name

He is a home wrecker. Oh Be you're okay. I know what you're doing Let's keep your life with fire right now. I call them a home wrecker You're easy Khaleesi anyone who gets between brothers and our family is a home wrecker to me You know what happens when you poke at an incel? They fuck up a church Fuck up a church man Home wrecker right Santa Barbara. Yeah, remember that those are the only word. There's the only key words. You guys are getting

Yeah, yeah, so stop fucking with incels. We're not in editing this. We're not so let's ease up on it. Okay Good way to start the podcast. You're so hard. Good way to start the first Yeah, babe, I also want to say but yeah, he's welcome. Oh wait before we continue Stevie's EP Dedicated to your dad drops tomorrow. So if you can go to Stevie weebie dot bandcamp.com and I've heard it and he asked Eric Griffin Eric Griffin He should know because he's black It's really good it really is good

My brother's EP. Okay. Yeah, what do you mean? I don't know what does that Eric have to be because my Eric called me and he goes. Yo, man. It's so good Eric is also very musical if you've watched. Yeah, he's very music. Oh wait You don't plan on having yourself a listen cuz I'm gonna listen. I listen to it already. Oh, you did. Yeah, that's what I'm saying It's really good. We should play some of the end of the podcast I will I he sends it to me. We send it but um, I also want to thank you because now if you guys don't know this If you go to all things comedy calm I don't know how you get there, but um, I don't know where it's on but you know on Tuesdays at the ice house

I'm doing a new joke night. It's called Bobby bombing and I did it tonight I had rena Zaza on it and the the dwarf. What's his name? Brad Brad Williams? Brad, I know his name. I love that little my joshing little guy. He's my little man Because the thing is is that everyone it says that about me and he's the only one I can say that about He's my little baby with that logic. That's fair. That's up tiny tiny. You know me. I call him that right? You know, I'll lean on him cuz all of my captions All of my captions that describe you are always my little rambutan or my little potatoes I know and I'm tired of that shit my little pop pops and now I'm diverting it to fucking Brad Williams

Okay, I mean you're you're projecting. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, I was gonna house Middle Earth and all that kind of stuff You know what I call him when he comes in the house. What like hi me little peep-ops peep-ops So I want to also talking about Stevie Weebie something came up and um, I I First I didn't think it was a big deal because I've been thinking about it over You know over the last couple of years and it doesn't really bother me until my brother So we're you know, I did his show and my brother and I were hanging out and no We were at Parks barbecue and my brother goes

Yeah, man, they're disrespecting you dude. You know how Steve does it, right? I go who the fuck's disrespecting me High school did your high school is disrespecting you dude. I Go you mean the school I went to Poway. Hi. He goes. Yeah, dude You're not on the Poway High School Hall of Fame And I go I don't care about that Like why would I give a shit? He goes it's disrespectful, dude. It's about ethics See what's right or wrong and stuff like that and then I started sweating. I go you're fucking right

He convinced you. Yeah, it's about the ethical quality of the situation. Mm-hmm And he goes look at it. So he we will go to Poway High School's alumni page and I I honest I honestly have tried to be like Sensible about it, right to go, okay Maybe the people on this list Right are way more famous than me and I get it because if it had like Matthew McConaughey, right? Yeah, um What's a magician's name David Blaine? David Blaine? Yeah, right, right? If they had anything like that. Yeah, Bill Clinton Bill Clinton that's a good one. You know what? Stop shaming this one

It's a local Hollywood act. Yeah Gabby Gabby knows magician. That was good So Bill Clinton, so you got you know, I would if those names were on it. I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah I'm fucking comedian who gives a shit, right? But we googled every fucking name. Did you really? Oh, yeah We googled every name on it, right and I couldn't in my head Figure out why they got on to this honorable list and me and Tom DeLong From blink 182 went to my school. He's not on it. He's not I'm not on it and what I realized is is that? The only people they nominate are people with Christian values

Why what are we doing, babe? Oh, no, I'm having some gastrointestinal upset and I think I might have just Mouth burped. Oh, it's oh, yeah, you heard it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry. It's fine, babe All right, but I'm on a rant right now Burbs during my rants all right woman I'm sorry. So anyway, we and then he then I started getting rage eyes When my brother was like see who's this guy like click on somebody Yeah, we have Justin Woodruff. Okay. What does he do from 1996? What do you do? Obviously is one of the most well-known orthopedic surgeon specialists in Arizona

Wait, and you are who Bobby? That's impressive. He fixes human body Yeah, but I'm telling you right now. Is he the only dude that does that but you fix human hearts and And minds and feet dream weaver. I'm a dream weaver. Yeah, all right. I create cascades of magic Mentally with my words You know it yeah people to hop on clouds and they live in the netherworld Through my through our joy Yeah, do you understand what I'm saying George? I could have said it differently and didn't make any sense what I said But you get what I'm saying. It hits me in the heart exactly. All right, so I'm asking

Tiger barely listeners To do a simple thing No, you can go to the Poway High School alumni Hall of Fame website Poway high alumni dot org dot org nominate a candidate you can nominate a candidate And I want everyone to fill out this form Right. I want hundreds of thousands of nominations for both Tom and Bobby first me though first Bobby

Yeah, first do me and if you have time do Tom DeLong as well Hey, if they don't accept you what picture did your you had up your picture end up in the wrong high school yearbook? Maybe you'll end up in their Hall of Fame. Oh Yeah, yeah, so all right, so I don't know if you guys know this but my senior year at Poway High School. I I You know we got our yearbook at the end of the year There was a mix-up and they didn't have my photo in the senior year You know and I went to the administration. I go um because I was really sensitive about it. It was devastating

And I go, um my photos and what do they gonna recall they don't give a fuck And they go, oh, well, uh, let's we'll do some investigating. What is George doing there? And so thank you And so that there was a school called Mount Carmel That was like all Filipinos, right? And there was like 40% Filipinos I went to that school super asian because it was in a town called Pennis Guidas and there was a lot of Filipinos that live in Pennis Guidas. I ended up in their yearbook But it was I did some research I'll tell you it was the same photography company and I bet your money. They looked at the pile of Poway High

Oh, wait a mix-up and they just put my fucking headshot or whatever. We have space here. Yeah, and they just put it So I'm in the Pennis Guidas. Hold on then we could Theoretically nominate you for both schools and see which one takes you Yeah, theoretically. Yes, but do Poway High school first because You know, I took classes, you know, Poway High School was the school where after I graduated They had a kid they were the kid was allowed to go to school saying that Being gay is a sin Right and you know and he wore the shirt around campus and the administration was okay with it

You know I mean, this is same. So I believe that they nominate people based on a Christian value value system But it's a public fucking school Right, it's not a Christian school, right? And I could argue in court that I'm more famous than at least 40% of the people that are fucking on that list Dude, if you took this to court, that would be amazing. I might That's how my brother got me all rolled up. He got me seeing red, man And I'm gonna say this too and I went to Crystalia. I went to Whitney Cummings I went to every comic I could and I made my case. You should call your agent. I'm gonna call CAA

Yeah, I made my case and I said, is this something that I should make us think about and you know what when they said Oh, yes, yes, you know how we went and had a big conference with your Agents and your reps at CAA. Yeah, should have brought it up then as a like top priority By the way, I'm glad Klyla went Because you were able to sit in this gigantic boardroom With a bunch of suits taking notes. Your reps are lovely people. They are lovely people. I love them. Okay. Good I love them so kind and sweet and open and they they They put up with you

What do you did you see me stand up and take take charge? Yeah, I saw you you didn't even let them like open with a sentence. You know what? I see what happened. I stood up and I'd made I did a monologue Like how did it go? I don't remember what I want. This is what I don't want Yeah, you can't change my mind. Are they laughing or they know they're all like taking fever feverish notes. Oh, wow but um, you know what it is is, you know they're doing the best they can and I Can't I

Want to thank Tiger belly fans because you honestly you guys have put me back on the map and when I see you guys at shows I give you hugs and I give you my little Really pull the body and I rub my fucking skin against your skin and we fucking make you know Corona babies Corona babies nothing like a corona babies fuck the corona virus by the way. Yeah Can I tell you why why I don't even know if it really exists? Oh God, no, I'll tell you why I would like to hear this first. Thank you Gilbert I want to hear it soon. I'm also ready for your rebuttal. Okay. Here's the robot. Here's my theory, okay? No, it does exist, right, but it's so minimal that to me. You know me. I'm sure

There's somebody out there That has a lizard tail that was born with a lizard tail Wait your brother could probably Or maybe you or you know somebody that was like born with their heart Outside of their body that is true, but how many three Right How many three thousand what three thousand people in China got the coronavirus?

I think it's like up to five thousand in Korea. Okay, Iran eight percent of their parliament China, right? How many people are in China a billion? Okay, if you're saying three to five thousand people that's like saying If you go to a beach and find migraine of sand For saying that it's no, it's it's it would be virtually impossible to find it All right, that's how little three thousand people is So that's why I don't wear the mask and if I see Chinese people I breathe in their fucking breath You know me and you double down. I double down on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do it?

No, I will say the numbers for a coronavirus cases ninety three thousand worldwide Three thousand deaths and then fifty thousand ever covered. I think this flu season alone has cost like 18,000 deaths But but but here's my take on it. I I'm not panicked. I was not panicking at all. I just think you should be like Cautious but optimistic because it is a newer virus. You still don't there's still a lot of mysteries about it You don't know its mechanism of action. You don't know. It's true mode of transmission. We're guessing 14 days That's the best guess But you know with anything new you're it's always it's normal to be fear more fearful

But I don't think that I don't think that you shouldn't be cautious in washing your hands because I think we should push that Whole idea in general during flu season So it's like, you know what inject a little fear and make people wash their hands because they're all a nasty motherfuckers out there Man, I see people in airports all the time. I'm like, wow, especially this guy. This guy is a fucking cesspool He's a cesspool and you know what if coronavirus hit You're a smoker. You don't have good lungs. If you go into acute respiratory distress, you're fucked Okay, then I'm fucked and I would be wrong and I Deathbed I'll go you don't right and it's our

And they'll be dead. All right, but let me say something to though Let me say let me say something to okay At one point in my apartment, I had 20,000 bottles of water filled with water, you know why why 2k I Bought not 30,000, but I bought a lot a bunch of bottle of water and baked cans of beans What's so funny? You can choose cereal. Yeah, no Oh, grab your only just beans beans and spam, you know, I mean stuff like you can can up your man. Hold on But what is like let's suppose it gets really bad. Let's say people are by this coronavirus mutates right and it becomes an even more virulent than its original form and then it becomes even more

pathogenic more contagious and It's spreading around or do we what do we do? What's our plan of action as a family guys? Well, we all meet here do a podcast for sure. Hold on. Am I can I before you enter my door? Can I do the thermometer thing on their forehead? What's that? Oh, they'll have to get through five gates. I built okay I mean, it's gonna be like the walking dead I'm gonna have fences and like wires and all kinds of stuff, right barbed wire, right and I'll have checkpoints Okay, but and even Tiger Billy fans you can come here

I Would bump up the humidity and make it really hot because like she meet like droplets when you sneeze Don't linger in the air as much when it's really hot and humid and that's one of my plans for this home I also What do I want to do? I do have some n95s here, but I've had them for like a while forever What's the n95 the n95 mask, but I have my own apocalypse kit from like years ago. Yeah In case of a pandemic, but this is a stupid question Yeah, so this could this ever could anything ever evolve into something like zombies

Because I really Look, I really want to test out my survival skills I know that people always talk about zombies come here, but like if this shit is real Bathing a wish, but I kind of would want it to elevate to that level Well, I don't think the coronavirus looks as Zombious as you would want it to gill. Maybe Ebola did rabies does did we turn into a bat? But what you're saying is is that if it evolved? Yeah, if it mutates could it not the coronavirus because coronavirus is the same virus Fuck the common cold and like many other ones, but rabies and other types of viruses

Ebola that's what I'm gonna cause Um, hemorrhage a lot of like hemorrhage so you would bleed out your eyes your mouth orifices and then in the in like I think in like the final stage of Ebola people go into Like up a panicked hallucinogenic organs with liquefy Your organs would liquefy because I read a book called the only book I ever read it was called um Hot Zone Did you really read it? I really did and it goes into description of what Ebola does. Is that what outbreak is based on? Oh, I think you're yeah, yeah, that's real. Oh, yeah, your organs liquefy. Oh, yeah, and you poop it out of your shit

Yeah, it's really bad. Oh, that's terrible. So that's the zombie close to zombie stay with corona. Yeah, stay with corona But how did coronavirus start? Wait, do you want to conspiracy theorist? Yes, I actually I've heard things I don't know if it's they said that it's basically biological warfare that it was created in like a lab Either in Wuhan or Canada. I'm doing I'm doing cliff notes here and that it was intentionally like leaked out because there is like a large like What do you call it? I'm not clinic

What like Um, what do you call it? It's like a center where they harvest and study a lot of different viruses Call those science buildings and science buildings in Wuhan CDC CDC Is it CDC? CDC. They actually have to keep certain types of viruses on deck because they have to make vaccines Of course, and they have to study them. Yeah, so they said it was intentionally leaked from from Wuhan I have a theory about the coronavirus if you would like to listen. I love this one I believe that the coronavirus started with jury number seven Seven from Gabriel Fernandez. Yes context, please

Okay, so I know we talked about it before. No, we haven't talked about in the future. We're talking about it. We're talking about it next week. Yeah, yeah Let's do a precursor. Yeah Little bit take but I saw I saw documentary and my brother's I made my brother see it too and he couldn't sleep for three weeks but um it's called the Trials of Gabriel Fernandez and basically it's about an eight-year-old boy over in Alhambra, no Like antelope valley antelope valley 66 same thing. Yeah. Yeah, wherever it is the desert, baby hi desert

the eight-year-old kid right one who Ended up in the emergency room because he was beat to death by his family if his mother Pearl Fernandez and her boyfriend is sorrow a sorrow and what they did was they They would take cigarettes and you know put it out on the kid they would shoot the kid with BB guns they sprayed pepper spraying his eyes They would choke him to crack the skull this cracked a skull They would bash him in they he had ligature marks So they tied him up on it around then they would put them in a little box, right and spray pepper spray in the box

And then the worst is they made with for food. They would feed him cat litter With pee in it. Yeah for his meals. So in the stomach lining. There was like cat litter and when did when the corner did the Did the autopsy he explained that like Usually a thymus gland that sits right here on a child is supposed to weigh I forgot what it was, but it was like, you know, let's say let's suppose the normal one was like 100 grams, right? And it was supposed to be this big when he did the autopsy on Gabriel an eight-year-old He says there was barely a thymus gland which means that he had on he had been Undergoing an intense amount of stress for an extended period of time for the point

Where an organ is no longer visible for eight months as kid lived there and then when he ended up In the emergency room all the I mean all all the doctors and nurses saw the condition this kid was in and there is so preventable but so that so now the parents are in on trial and now the first trial is with the boyfriend, what's his name? Sorrow and um, he's all he admits that he did it. He admits that he's guilty, right? And there's a juror number seven a Chinese Chinaman a Fucking Chinaman, right? This fools like I don't know if he have intent to kill because you know I don't know his intention was to kill. I don't know if he guilty or not guilty or not

I don't know the interview him. Yeah, I gotta say, right? He tried to be Vulcan, you know as a juror, but you as a juror, you know, I mean you can't get technical It's like he tortured a kid. Of course. He had the intent to kill him. He tortured him for eight months You mean every little bit of hit and this and that you know, it could kill the kid, right? So what's the problem? But I think eventually because the kid the guy got the death penalty So the Chinaman got you know, I mean he kind of caved in, you know, and I know you guys are gonna go You're woke and you're like, Bobby, you shouldn't say Chinaman. I am Asian

full 90% Korean 10% Japanese 0% Chinese Sorry, I shouldn't say Chinaman. You're right, but you've been probably you're right You're right. You've probably been called Chinaman a lot growing a lot. So maybe I project thing project, right? Yeah, this is an episode of all projections. It's all projections. You know when I first came from the Philippines I used to say Arkansas For cancer or Kansas

Dr. I have stage five Arkansas. I just I just remembered Gilbert mentioning the magician Billy Clinton Oh, yes, yes, he's from Arkansas. Yeah, I used to say connect to cut. Yeah, Cleveland's a great one for Asians What is Cleveland? Crevo. Oh, what do you want? What do you want to do? That's what they used to say. That's interesting. My dad used to go It's so funny when you have immigrant parents You have to memorize three different kinds of languages Right. Yeah, English obviously because you live in America

Korean could I live in the Korean and then their version of English? Oh, yes, I You know what? Absolutely. I agree. I agree. So now you have to memorize three languages. So it is like my dad would go What does that mean orange orange juice Orange yeah, they're cool Aircon is what we call the Philippines. No, but dude, it's not in the dictionary. I was humiliated Aircon. Yeah, cuz I used to call and when I would need a maxi pad I'd be like hi, can I like you know in the in a woman's bathroom? Let's say I was like bleeding out my badge It ran out of like a Bola

Hygiene a feminine a pad. That's what they call it in America's pads, but I'd be like, oh, excuse me. Do you have an extra napkin? And then they'd like pull out an actual like like table napkin. Yeah, yeah, yeah And they'd pass it to me and I'd be like, oh fucking rude bitch Yeah, did your parents have anything like that? No, my dad my dad used to work at a gas station when he was a lawyer in the Philippines and he was a mayor moved to Chicago worked at a gas station one time a lady came in and she said excuse me sir Do you know where your tampons and he was like, oh my god, what happened to your engine? He didn't understand like what that was because tampons still aren't sold a lot in the Philippines

Yeah, will they you have you just not napkins a pad because they they have this idea of you know Like it's a Catholic country still the whole idea of de-virginizing so like diva cups and things like that aren't really used Over there. So I don't know much about tampons aren't good. You know a diva cup is no that one's weird What is it? It's a glow cup. It's a silicone cup that you insert in your vagina cup. It basically just captures the blood It's reusable because you can just boil it vampires love that Oh, I should tell you my experience the first time I tried a diva cup What I it was in our old apartment and it was that I was so frightened I put this silicone cup up there

Yeah, and then it really like stuck to my walls and my vag and I couldn't take it out So I got on the ground and I birthed it like a baby And I was on the phone with my sister like push She was like push and I was like birthing it like a baby cuz I just didn't know how to use because I I'm in my 30s like a lot of the young girls They they use diva cups really well cuz they they're trained, but I didn't know yeah I'm a fucking ignorant person, but how I don't know how a tampons used I Can show you nobody. Oh, so you have one. So you have a cotton

Okay, so it's a cotton torpedo inside an applicator George you grab one. Oh, he has one in his pocket You were testing me with that. No, you stick it. Okay, you stick the applicator inside Then you stick the cotton inside the yeah, so it's okay here. So here look at this. Yeah, this is the tampon Yeah, it's and then this is the tail of it, right? Right. So you put this part Yeah, all the way up to the vagina. Yeah, and so this is the mouth of the vagina right here. Yeah So now you just have to push you have to push push this part in So that this goes this cotton part goes further up and then you take the plastic part and you take out Yeah, and then how long do you keep it for a month in there? It depends on your foot a month

This isn't a new ring for meditation. No, what do you do? How long do you you're supposed to change it? Like I oh, I'm really Anal about it. So I change mine every three to four hours even but what would happen You've kept it in there for a month. You would get a toxic shock syndrome because bacteria would then be recruited up to your Vagina would enter your bloodstream and you'd die All right, I learned I never knew about it. Thank you so much. Yeah, but just tampons in general are like so are kind of Archaic, it's not they're not really people sleep for you. Huh pads people sleep I honestly like I feel more comfortable now with pads than tampons. I just my my Yeah, it's not working for me anymore

We could evolve our body so that just doesn't happen anymore to bleed. I love bleeding. I Love bleeding so much that you know what I hate. I hate the three days before my period That's when I feel the absolute worst the heaviest the headaches everything, but once the cork Pops, yeah, and once I see that first side of blood. I'm like, thank God Then the weight sort of sheds the the period pains go away Yeah, I've always honestly as a man because I've lived as a man For a very long time. I believe you believe I mean I sure I think you know I think I know yeah But you know, I all I know is this wouldn't it be just for a year. I

Would want to know what it's like to be a woman But actually just biologically a woman go through the menstrual. So I think I'd better understand Kalila and other women What they go through right? Maybe I'm just get really moody, too. You know, I mean Oh, yeah, fuck this. You know, I mean and be like really fucked up about things. Yeah, you mean You know it, you know how women do it I don't get That's exactly it Whatever, I don't know, but you know, I I don't get bitchy. I get teary-eyed. I get emotional. Also cry over nothing. Oh

Bachelor and then I wake up When you don't I also I would like to know Like what it'd be like to be a hot woman To go to a bar See, I just wouldn't like this that experience of like how creepy dudes get Right, yeah, just eyeing you and then me just you know, I mean eye on them back like what? Have you seen the show altered carbon on Netflix? No, so that's what that show is really you can purchase new bodies And they called sleeves so you can get by a woman's body or like say a child dies

Some of these parents can't afford a new body for the child like a kid's body because they're expensive They'll put their child's like mine like in a 50 year old person. That's only what's available. This is a good show It's very sci-fi. It's pretty good. It's what what channel is it? Hang on, but does the 50 year old body then act like a child? Oh, yeah, it's sad You see the parents when like their kid gets in a car accident, but they save the memories they put it on your body It's all they can afford say it's like a seven-year-old man. They see the man You just see this man crying sing mom and it's just an old man though. Oh, that's cool. I want to watch

on I Want to change his attitude not his body So can I buy a new attitude? I mean take like LeBron James memories and put into Bobby's body Put somebody Can you do with a dog? Put a different person in your body. Yeah, she doesn't want to be with me But could you put a dog like if your dog died? Can you put it in an old man's body? I didn't see it. Go ahead. Go be and go be

You know I mean the old man I didn't see it in this show, but someone didn't salt some of you for fucking talk back to me I'll put your fucking body in a dog sleeve so it could happen. Oh and vice versa. Maybe yeah, what an interesting concept Yeah, did you guys know that Ricky Gervais? Was a pop star in the Philippines in the 80s No, we had a pop band, but that's about it I saw I honestly she showed me the photo while we're in the car He looked like David Bowie. Yeah, and I almost crashed the car. We should get him here

I was in shock, but that's you know how TJ Miller was here the other day and he said there are no flops in the Philippines Yeah, that's a real thing like if you are somehow not feeling very relevant here. Yeah Take take a lap around the islands. You're gonna feel like a fucking rock star Wait, you know if Paulie shore went to the Philippines. Oh massive pandemonium. No Absolutely, that's him to the in the white is George. Wow. Is that incredible? It looks like Rob. The other guy looks like Robert Pattinson. Yeah Gorgeous. Yeah, gorgeous. But look at Ricky. Why so slim. Oh, yeah slim eat that up in the Philippines So if so if I told Paulie you got to come to the Philippines with me people would recognize him there

I can't believe it really. He was massive when I was no, I mean, I love Paulie. I just did a show I love he's like my brother. Oh, they would freak the fuck out. Yeah, can I say something about Paulie though? Um When I did his first of all if anyone's listening, which I know you are So thank you Is you got to watch Paulie's podcast? I watched it's a hoot with me. Yeah, it's a hoot. It's so fun It's wild fun fun Wild and did you see when he got emotional? Yes, I did in the little hallway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he started crying and

And he oh my god, he touched my heart He goes, I you know, my he's you know, his mom died his dad died and his sister died in the last year and a half Like, you know, I'm my dad died six months ago. I'm still fucked up over. I mean imagine losing that many people and I can't get into details about this, but he doesn't talk to his other brothers He has two other brothers and they're going through Some legal Problems to say that problems so he doesn't have them so during Christmases He's alone. In fact, he tries to be on a flight on

Christmases and holidays so that he doesn't have to think about You know, I mean being alone So I invited him to our Christmas party and he said, you know, because we have a Christmas party every year Yeah, and he's gonna come next year. He said but when he said that to me I It touched a part because you know, there was a point where I was so scared of the guy Yeah, like 20 years ago. I was really scared of him and his family, you know, because I was a young guy and I Trying to get into the business. I had no idea what I was doing and you know, the in Polly was crazy back then You know, he was in the midst of like coming down from a gigantic fame thing, right?

And so he we had kind of relationship where he would like go get me a coke and I'll run and get him a coke Right or you know, because he was kind of like more of a boss. Yeah Mm-hmm. And um, but when he you know, he opened up to me and I've always felt this about him that we were more than just Friends or acquaintances that I owe him and his family everything And he knows that I've said that to him before and I've known him for so long that you know, I actually really truly love the guy and when he cried in front of me on his podcast, it really was just Um

It felt I felt sad about it But I also felt like he was comfortable enough to get emotional and I just you know, I owe him a lot. So if you Check out his show because his show is now Turning into this house party thing and he yells at this as a guy I don't forget his name, but there's a guy that looks like a smaller Larry David Oh, he's free at the old guy. He screams at and it's sort of like Astrakoo's on it and It's very kind of chaotic But it's pretty fun and I like doing it, you know, you did see it baby. Yeah, it was really cool. Yeah

I liked it a lot. Yeah, so um and also um Yeah, that's it. Of course yours is the most viewed one, of course. No hippies Oh Shut up already Since we haven't really had a solo in a long time. Yeah We should probably talk about our trip to Hawaii with your mom and your brother Even before that what happened would happen before that you had a trip to Hawaii. You were there. Yeah. Oh, yeah

That's where I met that's where I connected with your sister. Yeah Yeah, I'll tell you why I like your sister more than you. Yeah You have to know the truth, I know I like her more than me myself Here's a thing is here's a thing. That's great. I really do when you see your sister, you know Yeah, immediately that she's related to you That's why you like her so no if that's what I like Oh, I know I don't like meeting siblings and I go that's your brother like when I see Chris Delia's brother Matt Yeah, you can see I see you're saying the key the the the family blood different, but the same right if I see

Kalyla and her sister. I feel the same way you could see the shoulders. Yeah, you know, I mean and Yeah, you do you just see the big male broad masculine broad, you know, I mean Michael Phelpsholt. Yeah. Yeah for sure You know, they have like long limbs long. Yeah, so you can go. Oh, I like that. Yeah So when I see gab I see a part of you which initially is like, oh, that's interesting. I might want to like her But here's the difference. You're a doormat All right. Thank you. You're a fucking doormat. I could piss on your face and you'll just giggle like a bitch Oh, okay. Thank you. You should have said schoolgirl. I know you're going for schoolgirl, but he said I

Let him go because it was weird, but I love you. I know, you know, you know that I do, right? But Gabby your sister is a feisty one It's like a sturgeon fish. It's hard to catch. I've never heard that if comparison. I like yeah Yeah, I've never heard what a sturgeon was because it's a Stardew Valley Because there's fishing. Okay, so if you're playing Stardew Valley, there's hundreds of fish in it, right? But you can tell When you're fishing in it and there's different places you can fish you can fish in a pond the ocean or a river, right? And there's a lake up north where the sturgeon fish in this game is and you can always tell when it's a sturgeon because it's in

Almost impossible to catch because the line goes Yeah, man, you go fuck I'm gonna catch a sturgeon. Have you had sturgeon before I don't know what it is It's a tougher fish. Oh, I gotta have it. Yeah. Yeah Wexler's deli has it's delicious. Oh, really? What else is a tough fish in it is? um The squid is almost impossible to catch and then there's legendary fish, but the sturgeon is one of the harder fish to catch I love that catfish growing up in America. Let me finish this She's hard to catch like a sturgeon. She's an attitude. Yeah, she's kind of a

Attitude my kind of girl, you know, I mean, it's like she doesn't roll over like you Yeah, like if I kick her from behind she kicks back She kicks back harder. Yeah, she doesn't do right. She doesn't do yes, and she doesn't do yes, and she's like fuck you Yeah, to me. Yeah, all right, and I just she's feisty, you know and But that's you can't help being weak Thank you so much for uplifting me an employee of Tiger but not not weak, but like, you know, you can't help being Sensitive I'm a chameleon Whoa, that's what I'm saying chameleon. What are you saying? I know I how I have to be around you

What listen, but what a what kind of show this be if I was constantly fighting with you That's true. That's a good point. That's true. You're playing the game It would be bad friends and we know that puts you in good mood all the time that show Well, you know Santino calls me every day And you're in a good mood and he honestly he puts me in the worst every fucking time It's always something. Hey, you didn't post that thing post the fucking thing That's like we gotta get numbers, right? It's just his tone. He doesn't say you hello. How are you? What have you posted a thing? George whoa George bad time come in George. There's no you can never it. I don't buy it

No, what your attitude toward me right now is just curious. No, I don't listen to you Or there's nothing you can do I'm projecting still take it. He's projecting. Yeah. Yeah, he's trying to do a thing and you know, have you noticed first of all There's what what's the rule the rule is you never say you're getting engaged in front of the other couples Really? Yeah, because the other couple will will automatically go. Well, where's my ring? I have never done that to you in the history Everyone has gotten married but look how your body your body's reacting. Thank you, Gilbert I you think it

You fucking think it you know it last conversation we had was should we even bother is it something? We ever want to do. Oh, yeah. Yesterday. We were watching some show. Hold on. I don't know Yesterday, we were watching some show. Oh, we're watching. Is it the British one? No, we're watching. Um, America not we're watching American I American Idol quiet and somebody proposed on the show that was auditioning which is like cheesy and cheesy Right, and then she looks at me. She puts her hands up and she does this. Where's my ring? Hi, right, and she does that often. I only do that when she's doing a lot since you fucking said it out loud You fuck. All right, congratulations. Congratulations. We love you. Thank you, but don't ever do that again on George Are we still under strict orders to never speak about her?

Generally, she doesn't get anything from it. You know, it's a regular job, you know, there's no nothing to gain from Fame but I know but we're not gonna. I don't even know her name me. All right. So yes, you do. We all do we love her We love her but my point is Tatiana Tatiana is great so Tatiana I like her and Is she trying to get a green card? What's the deal? Fucking angle here, bud What's the angle? Is it like no sex until marriage? What is it? I'm just a fun-loving guy, man. Oh Loving guy

But yeah What's this? We really didn't even tell people because I left a tiny clip on the end of the two episodes ago That's true. George told us through texts. Yes. Yeah, George Kimmel's engaged guys And Bobby's not happy about it. In fact, Bobby has yet to congratulate Can you walk me through that because when we found out Kala started crying? I started freaking out But you kind of were like in this Like you just your eyes because now I honestly thought it was sabotage Your first instinct it's always that because I come from a traumatic point of view. Uh-huh

So I always think that everyone's against me. Yeah, like even tonight, right? When I did the new joke night at the Pasadena ice house, which you guys should come every Tuesday I wanted to come. I was waiting for the invite. I didn't know if I was allowed to come come And honestly come and watch Bobby bomb. It's called Bobby bombing But my point is this is that even when I went up there the first thing that came out I was like, fuck you guys You guys showed up just to sabotage Right, and then everyone started laughing and I was kidding obviously, but the thing is is that I always go think Oh my god, you okay?

Okay, but um But I go into everything like, you know, either people are trying to trick me Or they're trying to one-up me and I'm trying to work through all that you feel one-upped by him a little bit. Yeah How I don't know why it's the way he said it. But we hey guys He definitely didn't say anything. He sent us a text what this is what in my mind. Oh, I say hey guys Hi, I'm gay married I Congratulate me guys

Right. That's what it felt like man. I know but deep trauma, you know for for him and taziana You know they marriage holds a lot of value to to them for us We you know, we're not there It's just not our you know priority. It's a different thing. It is a priority for me Babe really seven years, babe. How much of a priority is it? You have to understand that lady You have to fucking understand that Look what your happiness is. No, we're not. No, this is a good thing. This is a good thing. This is a good thing You didn't start anything. All right. This is a good thing. I long

but I've been in Five relationships before kalayla Each relationship either lasts from two months to two years tops The last three were two years and then done And I get a fucking I just you know after two years. I'm just like I'm out. I don't want to I think I can't I just don't have any Huge feeling there's a future and also you can tell that they're you know, not really fully, you know, I mean And with kalayla

This has been seven years so triple the amount I've been in a relationship, right And I trust her more than I trust my brother Steve My brother Steve's shifty Right. I love him. Good music, you know, but eb drops tomorrow eb drops tomorrow or today today by the time this comes out but You know, I kalayla's like Everything to me, you know, so it's like

And now after because I've never been in this situation before ever Well, I'm a slow learner that now my thoughts are, you know, toward our future But you know, I work like a turtle I do turtle space and everything right and you just sped it up a little bit You're turning your court house wedding turning it to a hair, but When I do do a wedding It's going to be the best house wedding. No elopement. No, it's going to be the best wedding ever existing In what in what everyone's coming

Is it california? Yeah, la hollywood, baby I mean, we'll I'm going to invite Everybody then it's just going to be like a show. It's not going to be meaningful and like intimate and it's gonna be more than a show It's gonna be a fire worker. It's gonna be a series. I know but I don't want to have to like worry about like I want to just Be there with you and our family I don't care about anything and paulie shore is going to be there Okay, and that can we have another one in the field if we're going that big

Yeah, we have two and have another one in philippines. Who's going to go on my side. I'll tell you who's our king I'll rattle off I'm going to rattle my side. All right. I'm zero because my family can't get visa joey santiago from the pixies. All right paul, babe. I want to know your Groomsmen first. Oh, these guys make the cut. No. No. Yes. I think so. I'll be not sure absolutely you will I think you would I don't have any friends Dude, your groomsmen could be just your brother. You just have a best man. You don't have to be like five dudes You don't have to do this. You know what you're doing right now. You don't want to be my groomsmen

I want to marry you guys. Oh, you oh, you have a license. Are you ordained? I'm ordained. Okay. We'll rock it Just for you would you probably ask a lot of good good because I don't want you as a groomsman But you want him to be the pastor All these big comics you want that. Yeah. Yeah, I want him to blush I want him to mess up the line I'm gonna try to make jokes and just bomb and the biggest stage ever. Yeah This couple's like a futon How come we've never seen your jokes, mr. I'll release my tape. Mine's shitty, too. I think mine would be um

Steve no, he's gonna be your best man best man cousins. No, so Gilbert Then it would have to be some calm, you know Santino even though sure. Yeah, but he's I guess. Yeah, Santino. I feel like Santino would be best as to officiate the wedding Yeah, I would do Santino. I would probably do as Delia What's that you know, who? Who's that wait let him come up with it on his own. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Well, I just want to say name some more names You got to throw Renz in there. You got it. Right. You got to throw you already know who it is. Yeah from who?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do it again Oh, Eric Griffin Oh, that's ridiculous. No, because you're the squishy face. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, definitely Eric Griffin It would be Eric Griffin, but he would take up three groomsmen that you're covered there. I'm covered covered. All I need is Santino Eric Griffin Pauly Out as Pauly. This is a group Why you'd have to have somebody non-showbiz like Renzo or Gilbert. Oh, wait, Renzo. Oh, yeah Gilbert non-showbiz

You just slammed him babe. That was a good slam. I thought we were sorry Had better food ton, but I don't have any showbiz um bridesmaids. Ask me. I'm on the showbiz. Wait, will you be Hold on. Gilb, would you be in my um bridal party? Sure Okay, because I feel like you're really much closer to me than you are to him So that would be my groomsmen. You know who I was to throw in there? Probably Mencia Oh, that's gonna cost so much weirdness, babe. It seems like a weird Why don't we'll throw Rogan in there too? Oh, Rogan's coming. Rogan's coming. Yes. He's gonna marry you. I marry you guys with your his eyes Yeah, yeah, muscle eyes will be there

Well, I can't invite you know what I can't invite either one then I can't invite Rogan and not Mencia. It would destroy him Then that's why we're doing it just family style. You're right. You're right. All non-showbiz. Yeah, right You know what your wedding repairs the relationship? Maybe you could be that guy. I could be the guy. Yeah. Yeah But anyway, and then you know what we'll do a raffle. Oh my god out of the wedding. Yeah, we'll do a tiger belly raffle Oh, yeah for fans. You know fans are gonna want to go to the wedding. That's like a toaster oven for the game So, you know, you you you will do a lottery. We'll have 20 fans

From a lot older. You have to fly yourself out if you live in michigan But we you can come to the wedding. We'll do a background check because I don't want you to shoot up the place But we will definitely do it Right, that'd be cool No Yeah, and then we'll um, I have nobody on my side. Yeah, you have you have so many of those fucking I know I have Mary and the beast She's not in my bridal party, but I love her. Yeah. Yeah, but most of my family in the philippines cannot get tourist visas here

So that's why it's it's difficult. We'll do a ghetto one over there. Do you want a career too? Oh, no, oh, yeah, because I want to wear a hanbok hanbok. I have no one in korea Jessica you have jeff. I'll tell you who's come jessica would come. No, hold on. Who's in my coinda? Who is in my um bridal party? Oh, that's easy. Yeah, jessica Mm-hmm coinda She'd be is there a best woman Made of honor. I mean, oh, yeah. Yeah made of honor. So coinda would be your made of honor. Yeah, so jessica would go

um Who else? Would it be one of the no, I'm just one one of the sisters. No, it's so easy. Oh, I know I know juliana, juliana, juliana, right um, the one of the trans sisters Um, Cindy no jenna jenna. Oh, yeah. Yeah hippie hippie. That's right. That's probably meg Yeah, man. Huge bridal parties. Yeah, I I have a lot of girl friends. I guess Keep it easy. Jessica. Dorothy. Keep it easy. Jessica coinda. Jessica coinda. Keep it. Keep it. Oh, gee

Now you're hyping me up like this is really gonna happen. Well, you know, it's It's wait a couple years. Who's your one celebrity on yours on mine. Hey, whip-ups and filipino celebs. Come on Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have those if we have one in the philippines rue wilson His name is roe wilson I was like, rue wilson like rue paul's drag race. I like how he whispered. He's like Sorry, I had a question earlier regarding the fish since you had mentioned sturgeon When you grow up in america Is it something to that you guys learn in elementary school like different kinds of fish

That you eat Or is it like salmon tuna and then that's it just fish See in the philippines, we have to learn a lot Tangigui andu hao mul mul bangos lapulapo like we have to know so many different types of fish because we're an island nation Right and when you go to the fish market, you know, exactly What are you looking up? Gilbert filipino fish? All right. Look at me right now. All right Name me 20 fish. Just look at me rattle off swordfish, uh, halibut

uh seabass sturgeon Alaskan salmon a white salmon. Oh, no. No salmon is salmon salmon. We're just going to say Okay, you know, we're playing those rules the ones that's related to salmon also could be orange. Okay. Uh, we're talking barracudas now Yep, barracudas a fish. We're talking about barracudas barracudas Six different kinds of shark. We're talking about that anchovies. What y'all?

You can do 20. I can do milk fish. I can do all day. You like mackerel? I'll just name a whole little sushi. All right. All right. All right. All right. I'll have another question. You can't say barracuda. Name me, um 15 times a nuts okay We're talking about let's do 10 let's do 10 10 10 nuts. All right. We're talking about that almond Yeah, we got that walnuts. All right. We got that cashew. Yeah. Yeah, right. We got those peanuts No, no, it's a legume. Peanut's not a nut Just just give it to him. Just give it to him. Peanut. Peanut you're in a peanut. Thank you

Uh, we're talking about uh, stop saying which we're talking about Hawaii, Hawaii, our macadamia South America Brazil and the green one. Yeah, a pistachio. Yeah, dog. Okay. Keep going tag out Stop finish it Bobby. About Christmas. Christmas. Chestnuts. Okay. The other type of a weird the one's my favorite kind of pie Okay, there you go. And then the other kind of similar to a chestnut Tag out. What have you? Walnut. Walnut. That's 10 bro. Give me a top 10. Okay. I want you to give me Try to think of something also ridiculous like fish. Go ahead. Give me a 10. Okay. 10 types of 15 types of birds

What? Hey, Bobby, what you talking about? What's up? I'm talking about. I be talking about I be talking about hummingbird, bitch. One. Parrots. Two. Uh Birds of paradise. Okay. Yes. Yes. Three. Three. I'm talking about uh, eagles Hawks five. I'm talking about baby. Uh, I'm talking. Oh wait. Um, the ones that drops babies. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, swans So, yeah, swans swans swans swans. Flamingo. No I'm talking about what you're talking about what what i'm talking about. I'm talking about, um, three more, babe

Come on. I know what you're talking about. Giant, a seagull man. There you go. I'm talking about pigeons. New York City, bro. And done. Yeah. Dubs, baby. Dubs done. Prince shit That's what he's talking about. Yeah Whoo, that was intense. Yeah, let's give Calyla a top 10. I already named like 16th. No, but something's hard. What's something hard?

She's smart. She's a hair. Now, how about name me 10 Spielberg movies? Oh, god. Go. You go. And go. I can't.

E.T. But what you talking about though? What you talking about though? You guys see what you talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about E.T. Yeah, you are. I'm talking about, um, but.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I'm talking about, wait, did you do one of the Transformers? No, he produced one. No, what are you directed? E.T. Go. You're talking about E.T.

I'm talking about E.T. I'll class it. That's one. I'm talking about Jaws. Yeah, good. I'm talking about, um, hang on one second. The terminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Terminal, terminal, terminal, terminal. I'm talking about, um, not, what? Not Jurassic Park? Yes, yes, yes. Come on, say it. Oh, Jurassic Park. Yeah. I'm talking about.

I got one. I got one. Right, right, right. Oh, you have to give me clues, like I gave you guys. I'm talking about Schindler Slate. Yeah, blur that out. I'm talking about, go give me clues, like you're in charades now.

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm talking about the color purple. Yeah. Steep cuts. I'm talking about. Ah, a boulder. Oh. Oh, Jumanji.

That's not what you're talking about. That's not what you're talking about. Come on. Come on. Come on. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Oh, catch me if you can. That's not what I'm saying.

That's not what he's talking about. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. OK, keep singing. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. You know it. OK. Close encounters of the three of us. Oh, come on.

Keep going, George. What do you mean? OK. That's a Jones. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about Indiana Jones. Yeah. Two more, two more, two more, two more.

Two more. You guys can't even fucking do that. Bobby's friend, Purdy, was in this. I'm talking about Purdy was in this. Fuck it. Hold on one second. I'm talking about Purdy was in it. The animated game one.

Yeah. Yeah. And not not. Oh, oh, I ready player one. Yeah. I want this one. Oh. I'm talking.

Did we do that one already? No, she hasn't done that one. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, yeah, do it. That's a mate. That's a mate.

Hold on, hold on. That's a mate. I don't know this one. What? Sea biscuit? No, no. Ah. I.

I'll just tell you, war horse. War horse? Ah, war horse. One more. One more. You got one more on your own. I got to guess one. OK, save all the brothers in war.

Save all the brothers in war. Oh, I'm talking about saving private. I'm talking about saving private. Settle word. Very good, very good. There we go. Damn, that was hard. What a tense game.

Oh, that's a fun game. I never want to play that again. That's our new segment every week. And also dual. Dual. Oh. OK, so he had to pull out the one before Jaws. That was an independent film.

That was an art house film. Film, major. That nobody knows. Columbia film. You haven't seen dual? I love dual. Oh. It's about the fucking trucks.

Did you know it? Yeah, I loved it. OK. OK. I'm going to introduce a new segment every week. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

What, did you just eat something off the mic? Yeah. Buzz? It was this. Oh, like a sugar crystal? How many of those have you eaten? I think it's one a day. You're overdosing.

Those are multivitamins. There's nothing. No, it's a sleep remedy. Oh, it is? It is? Oh. Oh, OK. Thank God.

Because mine is a multivitamin. I was like, wow. There's nothing in there to help you sleep. I wrote the ingredients. They're just gummy candy. OK, so what we're going to do is we're going to introduce a new segment that I haven't named. But it's basically every week we pull up, somebody pulls up an

old picture of either George, you, me, and Gilbert. And we're going to paint the picture and explain to our audience exactly what was happening in that picture, the feelings you felt at that time. That'd be great. The friends you were photographed. That'd be great. What do you think we should call it?

I have an idea, but it might, you guys might not like it. What was it? What's yours? So back when I was growing up in the Philippines, we used to listen before telenovelas came out. They used to have these, like, think about soap operas, but in the radio. OK. And there was one called Handumanan.

And Handumanan means yearbook. Let's do that. That's perfect. Handumanan. Handumanan? Yeah. Handumanan, yeah. We'll do it.

OK. So in this week's Handumanan. We don't have one yet. I think so. You know what? The picture that you had of, you showed me yesterday of you in Florida. Oh, yeah. I have it right here.

Pull it out. I have it right out. And we'll also post this for people watching the video on screen. I have it right here. How do you pronounce that word again? Handumanan. Handumanan. I voted today, by the way.

Vote. Rockthevote.org. Also, I recently, a little birdie told me that you've been doing new jokes that are downright lies. It doesn't matter. Handumanan. Yeah. So this photo right here.

This photo right here. OK. It has Fihim Anwar. This is my friend Paul. He's one of the biggest radio DJs in Miami, Florida. Miami, what's up? What up? Yeah.

And then me, this guy right here directed that show, that movie, Cooking Cowboys. OK. I forgot his name. These are two women I don't know. And right here is Michael Linochi. Let me see. Whoa. OK.

What year was this? This is like 12 years ago, 10 years ago, maybe. He was doing stand-up at that time? He was just starting. Just starting. If you don't know Michael Linochi, he's Crystalia's opener. And he's basically, he's basically, he's the guy that sells hot dogs at fucking Jack Murphy Stadium during baseball games.

He sells his merch. You know what I mean? Instead of going hot dogs, hot dogs, he goes Crystalia t-shirts, and he does some stand-up. OK. OK. So right here, if you see me right here. Yeah. I'm smiling, but look at my eyes.

It's full of rage. Yeah. It's like a fake smile. Yeah. Because he did something to really bother me 10 seconds before here. What happened? Well, this is, this is a real story that I've told before. You've know the story.

So basically, I've told, have I told the story on a long time ago? I'm sorry if you've heard of it before, but so in this, but I, it's so funny because I, I mentioned it on bad friends podcast and Paul, the DJ, he sent me the photo. Nice. Right. Wow. And so. A tiger belly exclusive.

It's a tiger belly exclusive. So basically what it is, is that he, before I did this gig in Fort Lauderdale at the improv, for him goes, you know that white kid that's really annoying and that hangs out here at the store? OK. You mean the jock, the bully? You guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I go, what's his name? He goes, Mike. OK. And he goes, um, you know, his family's in Miami and, um, can he emcee? And I go, you know what, for him, he's your friend. Go ahead.

So we fly him out there and he's, he's good on stage. He's new, but you know, you can tell that he's confident and, you know, he's trying. Right. And then, so Paul calls me and goes, hey, I know you love that restaurant, Runway 84. He goes, it's packed on Sundays, but I know the owner, right, which is this guy, right? So I go, yeah, we can get a table. He's like, yeah, we got, um, Dan Marino's table because Dan Marino usually goes there, but he's not there.

So it's just beautiful to the plate, the place is slammed, right? And I go, can I invite Faheem Anwar and Michael Linochi? And Paul goes, sure, why not? They seem like nice guys or whatever. So I call them. I go, hey, you're going to eat at my favorite Italian restaurant of all time. And they're ecstatic. I go, you don't have to pay anything.

You know, so we sit, we have the best meal you could possibly have. And this is a gift I'm giving to Faheem and Michael Linochi. You know, I say this to all my openers. I go, this is a gift. Right? That's true. Yeah. But he's like, I don't, you know, a lot of, you can ask a lot of headliners will bring

openers and go, you have to fly your way out or, you know, find your way there. But not me. I'll take a chunk out of my check and fly some guy there. And if they can't get him a hotel room, I'll buy that hotel room. All right. So I'm being gracious, I think, right? So at the end of this meal, the owner of the restaurant goes, Hey, get about it. It was delicious.

You know, he's Italian. I don't know if that's what he said, but it's all right. It's all right. And he goes, Hey, let's do a group photo, right? But the restaurant is packed. There's bussers just running around, waiter is just, you know, slam, you know, restaurant being slammed, right? And he couldn't find anyone to take the photo, right?

So I go, Mike, you take the photo to Michael Linochi, because I figure, you know, we film out there. And he goes, nah, I go, Hey man, take the fucking photo because nah, and now, you know, imagine to Bob. Yeah. No. Imagine how I'm feeling. Yeah.

I'm like, take the fucking photo. No, because I want to be in the photo. That's what he says, which he does end up being in the photo, right? Look at the smile. Let me see. And you've hung on to that resentment for how long now? 12 years. Now in retrospect, do you appreciate that he is in that photo?

No. Why would I appreciate it? Because it's like, you know him now, your friends now, well, no, because him and I have a falling out again. You know what happened last week? I told you about this. Ah, yes, yes. So I'm at the laugh factory and Linochi and I are here also did something else a couple

years after that with the chair thing really infuriated me. But no one knows this last week. I we were sitting, it was me, Delia and this guy, David Sullivan, who's an actor. He's a good friend of ours. And Linochi is there or TJ Miller is there hanging out, everyone's hanging out. And I just basically take my hand and I do like a, you know, I mean, I kind of rub his face with my hand, right, and he just sticks his fingers in my face to retaliate, to retaliate and just jab with my face.

Yeah. That was it. That, that, that baby, you drew first blood. It don't jab the captain. Oh, did you? No, no, no, it's like, it's like, okay, I'm going to just tell you something. When I did Paulie's fucking, you know, house party, he does a thing, Paulie, and he's always done that since I was a kid.

Right. Well, he'll take his hand and squeeze as hard as it can the fat on my body, your muscle, your muffin top, my muffin top, it'll go, yeah, dude, Chinese people, fatty, and he'll just squeeze it as hard as it can. Do you think I do it back to him? I don't because in the Korean culture, you respect your elder, right? He's ahead of me in the fucking comedy game. He helped me out, right, immensely when I was young, and I've helped Michael out, right?

If I touch your face, you don't jab your fingers in my face. He did an eye gouge. He did an eye gouge. And so to me, that's even illegal in MMA. Exactly. So to me, as a referee, he's out for right now. He'd have to do something for right now. He'd have to do something immense, like buy me golden goose shoes.

You listen to it? Yeah. Or, you know, maybe like a gift certificate to Aviator Nation. Was he a cheerleader, a competitive cheerleader? You don't trust that, do you? I know that because one of my good friends used to come with him. You don't trust it. Yeah.

I know. And he denies it. What? Yeah, go, you're a cheerleader, dude. And he goes, no, I wasn't. But I have proof that he does. What? How do you have proof?

Khalil told me. No. I'm asking you if you have a cheerleader. I love how you were waiting for the proof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the proof. I just know a girl who is a competitive cheerleader, and I was like, how do you know him? She goes, oh, through cheerleading.

Yeah, he seems like a cheerleader to me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Since it's our first week of Handumanan. We just did it. I'm going to share with you guys a picture from my past, and I'm going to show it to you, babe. It seems very innocuous at first and seeming like a good family photo, but there's a lot

going on here. Have a look at this. Tell me what's wrong with this picture. So what do we got here? I'm going to zoom in a bit. Uh-huh. That's your dad. That's my dad.

Yeah, that's my dad. Your papa. Okay. That's your mom. That's my mom. In the yellow. Yeah. That's you.

You're so cute, babe. Mm-hmm. Now, your mom's in the red. Yeah. Yeah. It's Matita Cecil in the yellow. Yeah. And then you have.

Cecil. You have this man. Uh-huh. What the fuck is that? It's my Lulu E.P. Oh, your Lulu E.P.? It's my grandfather. I think what's wrong.

I think what's wrong. I'll tell you what. I think what's wrong in the photo is that you have a gigantic glass of wine. I think that's the, that's the bad part. Yeah. How old are you? I think I'm eight years old. Yeah.

On top of that, this is, when I was eight years old. You look real happy. I look exactly like Lil Tay. Oh, you're so cute. Oh, yeah. Get married. That was my first sip of alcohol. You're so cute, babe.

And I hated it. See how my grandpa, my Lulu E.P. here, he's looking at it like he fucking hates it. Yeah. But that's because he was a provincial man. He was a very, um, humble guy and he's looking at this shit like, what the fuck is this? Grape juice that I'm about to drink. Oh. He was a San Miguel beer kind of guy.

Oh, he looks scary. Is that your mom's dad? Yeah. That's my, that's my grandpa. That's not Roger? That's my papa. Okay. That's your papa.

My biological father. And then my biological father, Edgar, this is him, my papa. He used to always wear, you know how cohorts are the big thing now? Like we're men wear, like, and women wear coordinated bottom and top. Yeah. My dad, his whole life was cohorts. Like that's why you, that's how you got the two child. My, my nose, my beaky nose.

Yeah. Oh yeah. My dad had a tooth from there. Oh, you know what? I was just talking to a friend who like masturbates to animated Pinocchio. Okay. And I'll tell you why I'll tell you why. Like ever since I've known her and she's married, she's with kids and everything.

But ever since I've known her, she's always like kind of salivated over dudes with fucking Malik Adrian Brody. Like not even mildly long. Oh, she likes big noses. Yeah. She wants to know so long that if you'd love Nick Youssef. Yes. Actually, I sent her a picture of Nick Youssef and she was like, oh yeah, fat, you know,

fat material. But anyways, what I was saying is she wants to know so long and so beaky that if it entered her butthole, he'd still be able to speak. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Like if he's stuck, it's so long. If he's stuck it in her butthole, he'd still be able to carry a conversation. That's how long it would have been.

You could breathe. With your mouth. With your mouth. Yeah. But you're inhaling. Oh, a lot of. Vagina. A lot of dark.

No, no. Asshole. She wants the nose in her asshole, not the vagina. Yeah, but the mouth. No, but if he's breathing through his mouth, he's getting vagina. Because the nose. Because the nose is covered. Yeah.

That's fine. It's all aromatics. Yeah. Anyway, do we have a question? Do we have a... Do we have a... Fat material. Do we have an unhelpful advice or what?

Unhelpful advice with Bobby at Kalylo. Dear Tiger Belly, I have been having sexual problems throughout my life. I'm attracted to women and have a big sex drive, but I find vaginas disgusting. And I can't look at them, let alone fuck them. And I also find the idea of anal disgusting. You're gay, dude. I have experimented with other men before, but didn't feel anything. I'm currently 18 and still a virgin.

How do I maintain a relationship or sex life with women if I don't want to have intercourse? You could be asexual. You could be asexual. True. I mean, it almost sounds... He is attracted to women though. Yeah, you can want and feel things for the opposite sex and not want to engage with them in any capacity sexually.

I think that's like the proper definition of asexuality, right? Yeah. Like if you're just absolutely repulsed by genitalia as... Have you tried other holes? Yeah, but also imagine... Like a nose and a butt. No, like other orifices. Like do you like blowjobs?

Is that's a good question to ask. Do you want your own genitalia fondled? That's not in there. What? We don't know that information through the email. I know, that's what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is that it's... I have prayed to be asexual at one point because imagine the kind of money you would save.

Honestly. Bedding. Honestly. You know how much money I spent on cologne? Why would you buy cologne to attract women? Sure. You know what I mean? I dress to impress, you know what I mean?

My girlfriend or other women. What is attraction to you though? Is it strictly sexual attraction? Because I don't... No, but what I'm saying though is that I put in so much money in terms of like, especially as a young man. Make yourself appealing. Make myself appealing and buying jackets and spending energy and time into attracting

women or getting laid, right? If I cut all that out, that wasn't a thing that I did. I would save so much money and I think I would be further along in life. Yeah, but you're not taking into account how difficult it is to be a young person. And want to form these deep relationships with people who do want to fuck, but yet you don't want to fuck. So like, how do you find your... You know, thank God there are other asexual people and now asexuality is like a thing

that people understand better. But in your day and age, imagine that. Trying to find a partner who understands that you just don't want to do that. Like that's difficult. Yeah, well then you're still alone. Yeah, but you don't have to be alone if you understand yourself and you understand that that's a thing that actually a lot of people are. Well, just find a best friend.

No, you find a romantic partner that you live a happy life with that you just don't engage with sexually and that's a thing too. Yeah. That's a thing too. I would... Also he's 18, so maybe you don't know, maybe six months from now, he's like, something happens to him biologically and he's all of a sudden... So we're just not qualified to fucking answer this question because we're not like sex experts,

but I do want to know like if he does enjoy other things like blowjobs and handjobs, but maybe he doesn't like... Go to a farm and look at a fucking cow vagina. Maybe he's into animals. Well, that's not... That's not... What's your experiment? Figure it out.

You didn't hear that, Remy. Do we do one more quick question? Yeah, go ahead. Hi, my name is George. I work for an internet company which is growing by leaps and bounds and this is partially due to my diligence and work ethic. I truly love my job and I'm proud of my part and the success of the company, but I am routinely and cruelly bullied by the talent on the channel I support.

Wait, he's what? He's cruelly bullied by the talent on the channel he supports. My boss is like a human potato hybrid with Tourette's syndrome. I would physically fight him, but he has the DNA of an elite power athlete. He does. And all my coworkers seem to have really joined the Kool-Aid. My boss does sleep a great deal. Excuse you.

My boss does sleep a great deal, leaving me many opportunities to seek vengeance without immediate repercussion. But that is not my style. Wait, wait, wait. Honestly, is that from you? No. I'm just reading this email from him. Okay, go ahead.

Keep going. But I feel like I have a lot to say. In my youth, I was trained in the arts of gardening and fisticuffs by a very well respected pugilist. Muhammad Ali. Maybe I should rely on my training and just throw down with my boss. What should I do? Um, dot, dot, dot, George.

Do you have a problem? That's you, right? No. What? All farm. Now I'm going to get in trouble for somebody else trying to- No, no, no. Honestly, did you-

See what you did, guy? Who? Guy, you're in trouble now. Did you get me this email? No, honestly, did you send that email? Absolutely not. Whoever did that is pretty funny, though. Somebody speaking on behalf of him, who probably sees that George maybe feels-

It's another white guy. All right. So what you're saying is- The defender of the whites. All right. Let's get this out. Let's get this out. Let's play it out.

Let's play it out. All right. Okay, so- Well, disclosure, not George. If you're not happy with the environment, there are other options. But you know what? Here's the big deal. It's just like, you know that I love you.

It's just the game. I feel like you're responding to that guy rather than me. Now I'm- Wait, did I drink the Kool-Aid? I think she- that person's talking about me. No, he said other employees drank the Kool-Aid. No, because I know dudes. I read comments, right?

And people go, I don't like Tiger Belly because Bobby bullies everyone around him. It's like, why can't- you know, when other- there are other- Why can't you just bully? You know, what I'm saying is that if I was a white host, right, because I know a bunch of white hosts that bully the people around them, right, and they don't get complaints probably, right? It's because that I'm this little fat, little Asian guy, and people don't like the fact that I yell at you and shit.

But the thing is, is that you do retarded shit sometimes, man, you know what I mean? And sometimes you're not woke and sometimes you're off the ball, but mostly you're good, right? You. Napoleon. You, man. Yeah. That's your name.

Napoleon. Napoleon. Bonaparte. But it's just, you know, that- Great job reading that, Gilbert. Now, I- what I'm saying is that if you're not happy- I am happy, sir. We figure something else out.

We side with you. I'm reading someone else. Gilbert, you a- I'm just saying, I don't know if that comes from you. Is that coming from you? It doesn't come from me at all. No. Has he ever said- has he ever said fist the cuffs?

Oh, probably. I don't know, but- He wouldn't say- Would I ever go and get into fist the cuffs with anybody? No. Yeah. Have you been- Hey, this is actually a real question.

But fist the cuffs is something you would say, though. Have you been in an actual physical altercation in your past? Never. Have you been- almost, but you avoided it with just words and kind of just calmness? Um, yeah, I don't think I've even almost been in anything. You ever got jumped? No. Dang.

I've been jumped. I've been jumped in school. Fuck yeah, I've been jumped. But not like Rod. Mine was more just bullied. I have fucking thrown into a bush. I used to have a rolly book bag and people- I knew everyone laughs every time I talk about-

I'm fear financially with this thing, too. You know what I'm saying? See, this guy got- I'm fear financially with it, too. All right. I'm going to cut the tension with something that I noticed. I love you. I don't know, Bobby.

And anything I noticed about the Philippine culture. It's supposed to be funny. Yeah, I don't know, man. Babe. Yeah. You know what I noticed about the Philippine culture? What babe? That over here, since-

Okay, another thing. We learned about fish. You guys didn't, right? Is braces something that people are ashamed of wearing here? Yes. Okay, not in the Philippines. So it's a show of status. Money, right?

And so people wear braces until they're 50. They never take it off. What? Yeah. So even they don't get them tightened anymore. They just like the metal in the mouth to show that they're possibly middle class. Ah. Mm-hmm.

So another thing that's really big in the Philippines to show that you're middle class. Starbucks. Like over here, a homeless person could, you know, be holding a Starbucks cup. I see a lot of them. Over there, only that's a social thing to do. Like if you're seen at Starbucks, you're like, ooh, like you must have some money. Yeah. Remember?

So if I took, so if I took a, just a provincial Filipino person to like Morton Steakhouse. No, no, no. They have good food in the Philippines. Oh. Yeah. They'd probably. Morton's ain't shit in the Philippines. Morton's ain't shit in the Philippines.

If there's anything Filipinos know how to do, it's cook meat. That's true. Yeah. Well, that was the first solo we've done in a very long time. How do we do? Have we lost our touch? No. I miss you guys.

That was fun. Kyle, you really got nervous with the Steven Spielberg stuff, guys. I know. But you know, I got really angry at the end. Aw. That was literally supposed to make you laugh. I don't know why you, why did you go, why did you go dark? Because I think, I don't know who it's from.

It's a fake person. I don't know. This was supposed to be us dressing to be like none of this is true. Because he could have emailed it as a fake person. George? Yeah. Would not go through all that trouble. George is overworked.

I don't have time for all that trouble. Yeah. He works like 14 hours a day. Anyway, I love Richard Pryor. I would say that I have missed you guys. Same. I have missed being in this room just the four of us. This was a lot of fun.

And I can't wait to do it again. We will. We'll see you guys in a month and a half. Not a great guess line. We'll get one quicker. But yeah, a lot of great guests coming up. Yeah. And come to our wedding.

Come to the wedding. Yeah, you guys, leave in the comments below on iTunes and on YouTube. Who should officiate? Who should officiate? And also give some suggestions for bridesmaids in groomsmen. Wait, I have my own. Come on, guys. I have friends.

I don't. I'm going to have a cigarette and then we'll do the ads. We'll be back with some housekeeping. Thanks again. We can do it right now. I was going to do a clean at it. So we're keeping all this in because we're crazy here. Thank you to our sponsors, Manscaped and Postmates.

Get 20% off on free shipping at manscaped.com with the code SLEPT. Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. So to start free deliveries, download the app and use the code BELLY B-E-L-L-Y. Get your tickets to see the SLEPT King live. Bobby will be in Denver, Colorado, March 12th to 14th at the Denver Comedy Works. Keep going. In Texas, March 27th to 29th at the Houston Improv. Dallas, Texas, April 3rd to 5th at the Dallas Improv.

Calusa, California, April 17th at the Calusa Casino. San Diego, California, April 30th to May 2nd at the American Comedy Club. Ontario, California, May 8th to 10th at the Ontario Improv. Go to BobbyLilab and grab them before they're gone. BobbyLilab.com. And if you want to get your question like George Kimmel submitted to the Unhelpful Advice, you can do that at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. We're looking for interesting, unusual, and non-typical problems, and we need your help

as much as you want ours. Once again, that's adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. You can follow everything on Tiger Belly at Tiger Belly, on Twitter at the Tiger Belly, everything Kalyla at Calamity K, everything Bobby Lee at BobbyLilab, everything George at George, underscore Kimmel, myself at Gilbert's. And guys, we're going to announce last week's... Oh, oh, oh. Babe, careful, Gunnar's behind you.

Go with that, and then I have something else I just remembered. We're going to announce last week's Tiger Belly contest winner. Last week, we asked you to make a Tiger Belly meme, and you guys sent some really funny stuff, and I believe the one we liked, he actually did two of them. His name is Paul Dota, P-A-U-D-O-T-A. Check him out on Instagram, sir. Paul Dota, you win. Actually, both your memes are very funny.

And we will get your info and send you a little gift basket or gift bag. I saw one of those gift bags that you sent somebody. Yeah. It has everything. I didn't send that. I was legit. I was just worried it wasn't big enough. That was a bad voice.

Don't pause when you say that. It has everything. I was like, wait, I don't even have that t-shirt. Don't pause like that. I literally don't have that t-shirt. I haven't been asking for that t-shirt. We're going to get more size, because you're a size medium. You're not extra large.

I'm small. You're small. We're going to get more smalls. Anyways, guys, we'll get your info and we'll send you a gift. So next week contest, make another meme. Also, we are doing another live show on April. Oh, that's right. We do have to plug in March 17th.

Close that door. Close that. Is it really loud? Go behind. Yeah, there's a dog. Yeah, like. March 17th, guys, we are going to do a live podcast. It's a part of Burt Chrysler's Take the Day Off.

Take the day off work. Take the day off work. Is it like a podcast marathon thing he's doing at the comedy store? Yep, we're at the comedy store. And the original room at 2 p.m., is it? I believe so. But sure, you can go. If you get to the tickets to the main thing, you'll see us.

Yeah, take the day off and come hang out with us. We're going to put on, we're going to talk, probably ask. We're either headlining or the second to last podcast of that day. We'll have all info in the description. Yeah, but I think that information is probably out there somewhere. Yeah. We should have had it already. Once again, guys, for the contest next week, make another meme based on this episode.

A lot of good, juicy stuff here, especially Klyla's list of Spielberg. She was sweating, and she killed it. Relax. Also, George, a proper congratulations to you from me and Klyla, at least. Yeah. Very happy for you. I know Bobby's a little bit grumpy about the thing, but. He gave me a good hug last week in the hallway, away from all cameras and everything.

Okay, that's what I'm glad. He has to do it, he cannot show you love in front of an audience. It's just, he has a hard time showing me love in front of an audience. In fact, what I was saying to him earlier was, you know how I heard from little birdie that a lot of his new material is our straight up lies about me. Like he switches it. Like, for instance, he has this new, without giving too much away. He talks about how much noise I make when I wake up before him in the morning.

You allergic to cats there, Gilber? Keep going. Gilber, you're not allergic to Gooner anymore. You've known the cat for five years. I haven't seen this cat in so long. He's here every week. Okay. What were you saying about Bobby?

In short, I want to say that all this new stuff, while it's very funny, they are untrue about me. That's the PSA, everyone. That's it. I'm here to defend my honor. No, you have to. That's not fair. You don't have a mic to go up there and rebuttal.

I would be like, just in the audience is heckle him. Excuse me. I ain't five foot eight. We love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Once again, George, love you so much. Really happy for you, man. Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for listening. It was really nice to be back here with just the fam, and we will see you next time. Next time, right? When's the next time we do a solo? I don't know. Next time.

I think in three weeks, three. We're horrible with that stuff. Let's just say next time. I've got it scheduled out. We'll just push whatever guest episodes we have until later. If one isn't coming in three weeks, you guys know who to contact. You know who to contact. Jorge.

Hey, AK, the guy that sent the unhelpful advice that backfired on me. I thought that was a fun one for everyone. Never mind, guys. My bad. Nothing's ever backfired before. You didn't calculate that risk very well. All right, guys. See you guys.

Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely Ad Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Ad Free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com.