TigerBelly - Ep. 237: Bert Kreischer, Circle Thinking and The Lemon Tree

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

Recorded on 3.09.20 wayyyy before the panic shopping and when toilet paper was still available.Bobby is human Prozac. Bert blames Hitler. Koloko lives with a petri dish. We talk the molly incident, rotten lemons, 50 Cent memes, enema virginity, and once again promise to do the Malibu Triathlon. Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Well, here's the thing though, okay, don't say anything to like put your name okay, okay, okay? So I know you're gonna go on a rant, but let me just say your name first. Okay. All right. Yep Five four we're starting now. Do you want to do is a camera's on everything's been on everything's on you ready under this guy's foreign, man He looks it He looks like a guy who fucks on the library He's like I've been there it smells like truffle oil for some reason. Oh, wow

You know black truffles, you know friend. What are you from France Spain? Whatever, it's fun. Yeah Yeah, okay, go ahead five four three two We go together like shaman la ma la ma dimming a ding a dong Remember the grease. Yep. Remember the grease at the end when they were freaking everyone out At the end when they're celebrating at the fucking amusement park or whatever when they're all friends already Yeah, they're friends and then they start singing. Oh, something just came out of my mouth. Was that tooth? Yeah, something flew. I just want to like a tooth fall out. It's alright. It's not too. That's not it. No, wait It's so at the end of the

End of the grease At the end of grease You can So at the end of grease From the top you guys start from the top five four three Go together like shaman la ma la ma dimming a ding a dong so at the end of grease, dude so you as an ethnic person when you're watching grease and

The white people start speaking in tongues because that's what it is When they go shaman la ma let me write because it doesn't make any sense. I googled it right and And you're watching it and you know when you're in the theater as a kid and people are like singing along and like dancing and you just You get scared as a minority you get real scared with white people when they start doing stuff like that You know when I went to a church once to my I don't know go fuck when I went to a church once My friend I had a fucking redheaded roommate who was a Christian. I ever tell you about him who I just I forgot his Aaron is his name. Okay, a lot of redhead redhead do his name Aaron in life

If you don't know FYI, you know, but he took me to a A church his church and they started speaking in tongues and I ran out of the fucking church It scares a shit out of me, bro. You should have started singing grease. Oh, maybe that's why You're so bright. Did they learn you learn that in second city. Do you have to me? Yes? Yes, and bro. Hey guys I'm gonna start over again, dude All right, so, um, I want to say welcome to the podcast I have George and the egg love you man. You're a good guy. You look handsome today, man Earlier, what'd I say earlier? What'd I say my dad? What's your name again? Andreas Andreas. What'd I say?

That look he looked good, right? Yeah, we got fucking You Mozart in the jungle over here Yeah, we'll compose or look at him. He's a master. Yeah, he's got fucking what's that fucking that the painter the painter That was on that seven, you know that the Bob Ross. He has Bob Ross a sweater on Yeah, that's good. I have my beautiful girlfriend here. Thank you. I woke up a little um, Not in a good spirit feisty and I apologize because I missed my therapy. I slept in. Oh, it was a whole thing We got flat face flat. What uh, love your sister Gabby. I know that but I love you too as well. Thank you Congratulations. Thank you

Um, I want to introduce our guest You know He calls me wasn't that he doesn't call me this guy Adam calls me and goes a can you do Bert's? Bert's Netflix show, you know, and obviously I'm gonna go fuck Yeah, you know, I mean not because of Netflix but because of this next man He's doughy. He's a forest person And I'll tell you just a little thing, you know, we saw each other's bodies that day when I worked with him I saw his asshole

the asshole I Have ala fresca fresh. I'll write off the market, right? I saw his fucking the hole. I saw the taint. I Saw his sacks both so both sacks I saw his dick. Mm-hmm, and I saw all the hairs and the surrounding areas that have been growing. It's a lot lot It was like Picasso shit, man You know, you see a Picasso painting. You're like, what the fuck is that? What you it's like abstract shit. You know, I mean Bosque out shit His dick is gigantic It is it's like

Human perfection. In fact, I've only seen dicks Maybe a thousand two thousand three thousand times Five thousand times, you know, I mean in the live I've seen it in photographs millions of times because I'm a fucking scientist You know, I mean, but I've seen many dicks. I've seen Dalia's dick I've seen Santino's dick Polly Shore's dick But this guy's dick man

Perfection dude, and I want to give him and he is promoting something and that's why he's here bird Christ Okay, let's Start off with a tooth so my Nana is 99 and she's you know still there She's still there. Yeah, we're all hanging out and all of a sudden at the table She goes, oh, oh, and a tooth just came out. We were like, oh fuck like literally watching the wheels Well, you don't go to the dentist or that I got a year left. Yeah. All right, let's go to the lemons Lemons well first of all people don't know about the lemon so I'm promoting my Netflix special Hey, big boy streaming currently on Netflix. Hey big boy. Hey, big boy. Check it out Netflix. Hey, big boy

50 cents stole stole a joke from me already. Did he really? Yeah, you know it's weird. I can't say that I can't say that because obviously we were pre-recording this but I They released my trailer for my special and one of the jokes in it. I say I say my wife won't have sex with me when I'm sick. I'll definitely fuck her when she's sick I don't care. She's like, I don't want to get you sick. I was like, we'll practice safe sex She's like you're gonna wear condom. I was like, no doggie style so you cough into the wall and then 50 cent memed that today and send it out. Oh, safe sex facing each other's Safe sex doggie style and everyone started hit me up. Now. Here's why I don't here. Now. Here's what's now this whole parlay in the lemons

Okay, yeah, I They're like call them out. Call them out. I'm not gonna call them out because I would assume First that I am just not original As opposed to 50 cents took the time to meme out and steal a joke for me. Does that make sense? The timing is a little bit Conspicuous, it's a little weird, but but I go, you know, it's just shut your mouth. You know, I always hated those young comics They're like, dude, you'd be sitting in the back of the room. They'd be like fucking Chris Rock stole my joke and you're like Like maybe you guys had the same idea

Something called linear thinking. Yeah Parallel thinking whatever These don't ever correct me on my show again, but yes parallel thinking and so I don't I don't what's that the different Parallel only are they the upholder opposites actually? It's not even in the same. You can you compare? Oh, Opposites of each other. It's circular thinking I have circular thinking when I have OCD. I definitely have circular thinking. I have OCD too. Do you touch things? Coronavirus hasn't been good for OCD. I'll tell you that right now. Oh Oh, wait a second. This guy with OCD is none afraid of coronavirus because he's never licked his hands more in his life

I'm like a fucking cat. I just lick my paws all day. I don't give a fuck. I don't mean to say something about the corona corona Okay, I know you have to say something Get back to the lemon. Okay. We will get to the limit. Let me just finish with the corona corona Yeah, this is not a PSA. Do not listen to Bobby Lee about the corona. I'm just gonna say this I love this talk. I don't know what Everybody how many people have coronavirus over in China in China China China 75,000 or something. Okay. Let's just say that I don't think that's the truth That's like a stretch. I feel like underreporting. No, I feel like 7,000. Why would China out themselves in that way?

They would be underreporting 75,000 right even if it was all right, let me say something. Okay. Um, even if something is on is is that how many Chinese are there? Billions, right? Yeah, right, right It's like going to a beach and going there's one grain of sand on this beach Yeah, that has coronavirus and you don't understand why why a flu season exists then it's not that COVID itself is gonna wipe the face of the earth It's just that it's gonna inundate the health care system and cause it to crash and we're not prepared in any capacity And I'm in the United States at least for a pandemic like that because we don't have enough ICU beds to accommodate a

massive amount of severely ill people, especially if they need to be intubated It's just gonna crash us. It's not gonna kill all of us. Every time I come home, you're like wash your hands Speak smarter about it yet. Yeah, everyone else is like, it's not that bad. It's not that bad I was at I was at the Rangers game and they wanted to put me on the big screen and have me chug a beer Yeah, and so they come over and they're like hey Burt if we Put you in the picture when we took a beer I was like, I don't have a beer and everyone's like, oh, hey everyone around pour your beers into a cup Burt'll kill it Like are you sure we want to do that guys? Don't we have a pandemic going on?

They're like that I know everyone's like airport load. I killed like nine different beers into one cup everyone I was like, okay. I definitely got it, but I didn't get it So this was this podcast is pre-recorded. What if like when this comes out 90% of the plate planet is dead What if it's impossible because God there's gonna be a at some point It's gonna level out when 50% of the population gains immunity, right? So that's when it becomes technically an endemic which is it goes from an epidemic to a pandemic with and like H1N1 It will become part of our regular flu season But it does not mean that we are prepared for it. How do you how are you so smart? I have the data dumber girl

No shit. I've never seen someone speak more eloquently about this on the news a fucking nerd on the She's so sexy when she goes no it first becomes an epidemic then a pandemic and then an endemic the question is it necessary? I'm like, holy shit. Holy shit. This is all night long. I've all night long. I have to listen to this shit Well, it's because here's my life sounds dumb as fuck now It's because I live with a living breathing Petra dish, like he just is gonna kill this entire family It's crazy, yeah, it's crazy talk, but anyway, let's go to the okay Lemon story first and then he can do it. So tell me about the neighbor

Okay, so I have a neighbor a couple a couple houses down We walk past it with my friend shandy and it has I'd say maybe 3,000 lemons fully ripe ready for ready to be picked So my friend shaney's like, oh Let's knock on his door and ask him for some lemons, which I think is a reasonable thing to do It is a reasonable thing very neighborly We have a fig tree that grows into an alley and and homeless people harvest our figs that grow into the alley Okay, and they like take all the figs and so when you go to take things you're all we've got more on the other side And the other side is empty. Yeah, okay, we keep going

Circle thinking circle thinking circle thinking guys. She politely knocks on his door and says excuse me sir Can I have some of your lemons and? he says First actually he waits 20 seconds, and he's not sure if he even wants to give us one lemon and then he says yeah You can have two this was Months ago right within everything now is dead and rotten He has not picked a single fucking lemon from his own tree, and he didn't want to give us any more than two

That's it that that is fucked up when you hear it on paper now. You ready? Yeah, so no way to argue that by this is There's no way to argue that I can what I what I can do is I can empathize Whatever this is and I wonder if people hear this that way so we have um, we have a big party one night and and for whatever reason no one drank beer, and so we had a whole igloo freezer cooler full of beer and It was where it was placed it was it had a towel over it no one saw it and so it sat there forever So then all the sudden one day I go oh shit this I open it and all the water smells like shit And all the beers labels are faded and so I take out all the beers, and then I go I'm gonna throw them way

I'm no one stringing these fucking beers. I put them in the alley put them in the alley and I know sooner leave my house to go to Starbucks, and I start walking by the alley And I see a homeless guy grabbing my beers and my immediate instinct was hey, don't take my fucking beers So I didn't want them. I didn't want them Put him in the alley for someone to take and as he was taking them. I was like I My instinct was don't take my beers. You're dead. I I didn't want to see it. Yeah, that makes sense Yes, like I didn't want to see them. I would be I

We our neighbor has lemon tree, and I always I always say no Hey George, you mind if I grab a lemon by the way I've literally described my where I live to a tee if you're looking for a lemon tree a Starbucks in an alley You're like and a half full fig tree and a half full fig tree. You're like, I think I know where Bert lives Um, I always ask him if I can have his lemons I would never take a lemon without him asking without asking him But he says take all the lemons because it lemon trees have tons of fucking lemons But he always says take the lemons and that's why I grabbed two for you guys

Well, thank you. Tell them what I do at a restaurant if I pay. So if he pays Let's I'm taking out some people Let's say you ordered a sixty five dollar steak taste delicious You only eat half you want to take some home to your kids and I'm paying for it if he's paying for it You're not allowed to take anything I Right for once what this wrapped up and then Bobby this goes. Yeah, one box. No, I leave it I don't even take it. In fact, I've done this before I leave it on the table. What's it? No one can take it

I've taken the box I've secretly packed it in a box and he's done this to a sandwich of mine looked at it Smashed my sandwich. So it's now all over the place and then out of The next time you pay for the meal you can take it home. Do whatever you want with it. That is so brilliant Thank you so much. I love that. I pay for a lot of meals Yeah, and there is a point like where it's like We're like I was with some friends the other day and they were like We were getting we were leaving and they were sitting at a different table than we were like we had two

Do you have two tables? And so we had two different bills and I got up I was going to the bathroom and they looked at me and they're like, hey, do you want to like Grab this and I was like, oh, yeah Y'all grab it and I was like then I was like looking at all their food on the table and I was like, I guess I guess I just I didn't even I didn't even share the conversation Enjoy the like Yeah, I would do that in a heartbeat. Let me ask you a question if you're eating this is a problem of mine If you last night, okay, I went to a place and I met a couple of people and they're like, let's go eat

I know that some of these people have no money. Mm-hmm, but I want to eat Great place. Yes, right, but I know that they don't have any money. So when I tell them I want to go here You can feel them go, you know, I mean, yeah, right. So I always pay. Oh Oh, right. I have not what do you do in that situation? I I Took my tour bus driver and my tour manager. This is not this tour, but the previous one We were in Columbus, Ohio for the night and I said, hey, let's go out to eat and they were like, okay so I took them to Smith and Wolinsky's really nice restaurant and

The tour bus drivers like just looking at the menu and he's well, I don't these are these prices are out of my my price I go, I'm paying and he goes looks at me. He goes, you're buying. Well, then I'm getting the most This tour bus driver was a fucking night Was you know, he said to me one time he goes we're in Boston. He goes Hey One time right eating breakfast. He goes, I'm gonna ask you a question Feel free to say no and I went the answer is no I go, I'll tell you what don't answer the question don't ask the question cuz I'm gonna

If you're thinking I'm gonna say no, I'm gonna probably say no and he goes well, I wouldn't run it by and I said don't Don't run it by me. He's just know that the answer is no and he goes I was wondering if we could bring my wife on tour and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? You want your wife to be on the tour bus living with us? You? One time he says I was wondering when you're in Boston, you got two shows there two nights or four shows there. You got two nights Yeah, I was wondering I could just take off and go home early. You get a hotel and I was like Yeah, yeah, no, I've already paid for my hotel. It's the tour bus. Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for that and then all

It was the most I hate people like that Wait, so do you okay? So there's two types of people people who are so afraid to impose and people who just shoot their shot Oh, I wish I could shoot my shot. I am so afraid to impose same. Yeah, I'm afraid to ask for anything Yeah, me too. Oh, I Hate asking for money. I hate asking for help of any kind But sometimes you have to when you're up against the wall, you know who shoots her shot who Amy Schumer Boy, she shoots her fucking shot. She asked. No, she just she's just direct a front tells you what she needs Yeah, you know

Scientologists are like that too Every day they shoot the shot there one of their things is being clear That's what they say. So when they so I had a girlfriend that was a Scientologist and she goes, let me be clear with you Whoa, and then I would love you see their eyes. You see the alien Like that. Let me be clear with you Right and then you and then they're about to say some like real honest shit. I cannot I cannot do that at all We would be bad Scientologists, but okay, but then there's a third type of person who kind of does Zigzag on their way to making their point or asking by me to like the side winders. I

I I flip-flop. Yeah, I don't I'm very indirect. I'm very like I have so many problems Like if I if I'm uncomfortable like like I'll there are times where I'll start saying something in my brain I go stop talking. This is a lie. Why are you telling them that you just want to say what they want to hear? Yeah, and you're just like You're just you're just giving gossip, you know, this was a secret you weren't supposed to tell why you telling this person I am so bad if I owed you. Let's say 15 years ago. Okay, you gave me you loaned me $3,000, right? Okay, and then you know, I'm doing okay now in life, right? But I never brought it up. Would you ever say anything? No, I'd talk behind your back. I know I had a friend

I had a friend asked me for $4,000 very recently And he was like, don't tell your wife and I was like, I'm fucking I've already told her you don't know what you're talking about And so then my wife's like, what are you gonna do? And I said, I'm gonna give him the money and then I'm just gonna hate him Why would you do that? I go I'm a give him the money hate him and then tell everyone he asked for $4,000 Yeah, I Think I told Rogan and Rogan give him six and tell him to get the fuck away from you

Yeah, yeah, but like I I I am such about if you steal a joke from me I just tell it to talk behind your back. Yeah, by the way, that's why I've gotten to a place now with joke writing for me I try to put such a fucking fingerprint on it so that like even that stupid fucking Doggy-style joke cough into the wall. Yeah, it's I immediately I go. That's my fault. That's not a good enough joke That's my fault anyone can take your joke. You're not working. That's where my brain is but man If but can I say something real quick about that? Oh is is that I stopped worrying about stuff like that because the thing is is that it's Still not you telling it Right. Yeah, no matter what you write people aren't fucking going to a Burr-Kreiser show

Because they're fucking your jokes. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're a great joke writer and you have great jokes I think I tell good stories and I think it's a party you're there fucking going for you Mark Maron said to me He were talking and he said He's like, you know, I wonder sometimes why more people don't come out to see me He's like me and you doing the same venue in Orlando. You're doing four shows there. I'm doing one I wonder why Because he's like, you know not not being mean but he's like we're both very talented stand-ups But why is it that more people come to you than come see me and I was like, I have no idea and he goes

I think it's because when they leave your show, they go that was a great time Yeah, I would like to do that again. And I said, what do they say when they leave your show? He goes, wow, that was heavy Yeah, and I think I actually it was a really insightful thing and I I Went into like this weekend. I just got off of I went into this weekend going Yeah, don't don't overthink it. It doesn't no one's in there going like god damn it He's the spokesman the voice of our generation. No one's saying that people are like, all right I'm gonna I'm gonna laugh pretty hard a few of these jokes. He's gonna rip his shirt off We're gonna go to a bar afterwards. It should be a good time. See, that's exactly how I perform

I I get naked at the end of my show You are one of the most entertaining human beings in the world. You are like human fucking Prozac. I Thank you dying Thank you because your special will be a specialized. I clear the room. I Will not watch it with anyone else. I'll get a six pack of beer. I'll put it on ice and crack it and go All right, let's do this. Yeah, I can't wait. I'm working on it bird Are you doing it with all things comedy? Yeah, I'm gonna do one. I think I know I think they told me what you guys are doing. I think it's gonna be fucking amazing

I think it's gonna be great too and I'm really good working hard I'm gonna ask you another question because I wrote this down because you were talking and I wanted to write this down I want to get your fucking opinion about this a couple of times when I've been on the road The middle act who I fly out or whoever will always go will sometimes go. Yeah, I'm just gonna take off No, like while you're on stage, I'm just gonna go take off. No, you're not And the bird I always go you go have fun You know me and then they take off but then when I'm on stage, I'm thinking about them the whole time Yeah, I'm getting lousy. I'm like, where the fuck is he? Where's he going? That's so important. Wow. Yeah, I worked

I was getting ready to do a special and I worked with a person. I won't say anything. I won't say anything This is by the way, this is I mean this is And I worked with a person and I and I got offstage Thursday I also sold out right great room great room Portland Helium. I like that room. Yeah Get off shows stage Thursday and I go to the green room. I'm like, where's dot-tot-tot and they're like, oh, they went home. I Went, oh, so I texted them. So are you feeling sick? They said no just getting to bed early. I went cool

Friday two shows After the first show, they're not home. They're they went for a walk Yeah, like they got off stage and went for a walk show back up for the second show And I was like, hey, you're gonna hang out tonight. And they're like, nah, I'm probably not and I went, okay Saturday comes around and I'm fucking fuming. I am Yeah, and I say, hey, just so you know, you're not that funny It came out it came out I said, I didn't bring you here because I think you're brilliant. I didn't you're not here because you're funny at all

You're here because I need someone to be around. I can't be by myself Around and now I'm now I'm stuck. I would rather do a one-man show if you're not gonna be here Yeah, and and that person was like, oh, okay. Well, I can hang out tonight and I was like, yeah Oh, no, no, you know, you can't you're going to hang out tonight. You're gonna sit at that bar and you're gonna drink I don't care if you're in fucking rehab. You're gonna And then you're gonna tell me how great my show was you're gonna watch my whole show. Wow I was like, what the fuck? Yeah When I was when I was coming up

Dude, it was so fucking different. I would I'm open for Jay more and I would sit back and watch Jay's entire set I watched every I could recite Jay more set verbatim. I knew it and if I can if there was a tag I'd run in I tell him a tag. I give him a joke ideas. That was I was I was part of the JJ train It was I my job wasn't to go in and murder. I mean and and Jay never made it like clear like hey, man, you know I didn't just bring you here to murder. Yeah, like and I was Murdering at those shows. I mean it was sold out. Yeah fucking tits to tits and you could destroy It was such a good comedy crowd and my job was not that was it was

What what did Jay want to do after like and I he didn't it didn't say it. I just knew I'm here for him. I'm not here to just murder. Yeah Let me tell you something when you were You got me real emotional just now, man. Let me say something to you my friend. Okay I've opened for many people as well back in the 90s Paulie Carlos Mencia. You can say what you want about him, but I didn't yeah and I I every moment of it you appreciate. Oh I carried the golf bags

I would go up I would go to Mencia's house early when we're flying out to pick up his merch and go to the airport and do that I would watch all the shows. I would hang out after the show, right? Do you know why? Because it's number one it's I'm it's all it's an honor It's a fucking honor number two. I'm learning and number three. What was I doing before? I was like waiting tables and doing all this. What an opportunity dude these kids now fucker

Oh my god, these kids are they have no gratitude They don't do nothing bro. It's like they don't they don't thank you Right. They did they sit there. They're like they have attitudes, right? Yeah. How was the week? It was sold out shows. Did you have fun? Yeah, it was all right Fuck you man. Oh man. No gratitude Say something. Okay. It's just like what I'm saying is is that you know, it's um It's a difficult business to go into. Yeah, right and you are the same as I right? We bring young people, right? And when we want to give them opportunity, that's what it is is opportunity

You know, I took Nicole Amy Schreiber to the Schomburg improv sold out every show and um, that's a good weekend And Did you do that to the camera? Yeah, yeah, yeah and The managers came up to Nicole and goes hey, um, you're really funny Can you we we would like to headline you on off nights and she was super grateful, right? Yeah, and That's what it's all of that's what the opportunity that is given to you I had a guy open for me in New York. I'll say his name

I'll say his name. Mm-hmm. What's his name? Freddie Lockhart. Do you know him? Yeah, Freddie Lockhart You're not gonna believe this Careful because I think he I love him facebook page. He does. He's a great guy Freddie you're a great great great great comic great work on facebook and you you you fucked up one time and i'm about to share that Fuck all right. You fucked up one time. I'm about to share it. All right, and I love you. You're diverse You have you have first. Yeah, I love your diversity. You're intrinsically funny and you're anomaly And I love it. Okay, but this fuckface I'm kidding. Um, so it was a it was a care lines

And he's featuring And he has a pretty good set And as we're crossing each other he looks at me goes follow that Oh Bobby just got up. It's a competition now Follow that follow that as if you know me. He's trying to bury you Right. Wow. I know Freddie

What's happening hot stuff What I love what's happening hot stuff. I know what I'm my point is is that We watched that on the bus and our bus drivers black and he goes I don't find that racist at all And then we watched Beverly Hills cops where the majority of comedic devices are just Be gay like any hope is like others will be here. There's ha it's victor, uh, mate one here Yeah, I got herpes simplex tell

And everyone's dying. He's gay. You imagine how funny that would be. He's not gay. That's right. It's cool But he was gay. Damon Waynes is in it and he's like take a banana Brushers like I don't think that's racist. Oh, yeah, sorry go back to Freddie. No, but my point is is that But that was but the generation I grew up with is it's just about respect and I don't know these kids today I don't know what happened. I you know what it's it's it's there is an entitlement. I think I've noticed it. I I I have that this is gonna come off horribly wrong I have a hard time working having women open for me because I can't tell them what to do the way I do a man Like I can't go. Hey, we're going back to my room to drink. I can't do that

Oh, I wrote I worked with I worked with um, Jessica Michelle Singleton and I it was so uncomfortable And she'll say this it was so awkward because I got back to we went to Cleveland at hilarities and we got back She had a great time where we're having a great time at the bar. We get back to the town I'm not done yet And I said, listen, I don't know how to do this properly But I I'm not done and I need you as a comic to hang I want to hang out and talk comedy I want to bullshit. I want to gossip. I want to drink, but I'm also a married man and I can't just invite you to my room I don't know how to do this. This is really awkward. I don't want you to feel pressured

I want you to be able to she's like just let's just go to your room and I was like, okay, but I need you to know Like yeah, yeah, so uncomfortable. It's very funny young lady. She's very funny But I love her but because of my lifestyle it makes it difficult for me to work with women because I I'll take I'm like I worked with Taylor Tomlinson for a long time Yeah, and Taylor would Taylor was great. She would hang out watch your show at the end of every night She had punch ups for your jokes or hey, this what you did this by this joke's not working You should open with this joke. She was amazing a bright girl but only but she didn't drink and she didn't and she was single at the time and so she didn't and she didn't fuck around

She wasn't like a whore and so one night One night I said I go I'm gonna make you go out with me tonight. Like you're gonna hang out with me. We're doing this Yeah Man, she never even took her backpack off. She was in this bar like Yeah, can you release me now? And I was like, I was like, I'm sorry. Yeah, but yeah, I With guys I can just tell them what to do. I fucking I and there's part of my sensibility is like very like I love uh, me toing the guys on the bus. I love it. Yeah, me too. Like I love I mean, I mean, can we talk about it?

It's I don't want to get in trouble because she's you know, she's she I get in trouble for it all the time Yeah, but you know, I listen It's not gay. It's not sexual assault, right? When I you know, you know, just like to hug for an extra long time Oh, I Will hit the bus door Yeah, and they'll be like birdie you up and I'll be naked and I'll just hit the door and the door opens like star trek I'm here and they're like god damn it. Yeah. Yeah, and I know you're not allowed to do that

But I think they have to complain for it to be an official me too. So I think we're good Right, and I told them if they complain they get fired I mean for some people If they complain I fire them It's kind of weird and I ruin their careers. I'll talk behind their back and destroy them Like for someone like me that would be a perk of the job while others that would be, you know, something completely totally me too Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I think I'm I know the guys one of them is my cousin. So yeah my I don't I was so weird. I don't think of like nudity

The way I guess some people do and they're all dudes are all bros because you're not a creep You do it to have a silly time But what is it because you and because when you like when I did your Netflix show right and you got naked But and I just completely took my clothes off and just laid next to you What is that about us that we do? What is it? So we need help. It's a part of my personality me too It's like uh, you know what it is. Me too. Me too. Me too. You know, it's like don el does not like and oh my god He was so uncomfortable that whole day And that makes it don't touch me much funnier to me. I know when someone is uncomfortable with it

Yeah, it makes it like when there's a guy who's like, oh, come on man. Don't do that shit. You're like I think I found out what I'll be doing Yeah, I don't know yet don eld was not comfortable. He was not he was he had fun time doing it But there was times even in privately he would just go yo man, don't touch me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's like why because I'm completely naked What can happen when you People don't even know what happened, but it was I mean when you were putting that enema up my asshole All right, so can we talk about it a little bit or yeah, yeah Yeah, right. No, it's just so they go this show by the way

This show I'm shocked that we didn't get shut down. I I can't believe I said to one of the girls at one point One of my camera ops or assistant camera ops is a woman. I'm naked in a bedroom I'm laying on we were doing shots of me waking up and I just different shots of me naked laying around the bedroom And I'm just totally naked laying around the bedroom in different positions ass in the air, you know Kill a glass of wine and and at one point I said, uh, hey, did they did they did you know? There would be this much nudity on the show when you signed up and she goes Very serious. She goes they told me this was comedians and cars getting coffee And I went so is that a no she goes I had no plan for this

Yeah, and I was like wow and she goes I mean at one point when it was you and bobby I just was like I I guess I she goes I was trying to keep my eyes away from it She goes but when it was came to you and bobby I had to look I there was yeah, it was everywhere I mean imagine me naked burnt naked outside outside He and Bert is on his on his like a doggy right on his all fours, right then over completely naked I have an enema tubes filled with coffee And I had to stick it in Bert's asshole Right. Yeah, I stick it in his asshole and he shits it back out in my face

A coffee enema. Yeah, the coffee. I know the coffee enema No, the coffee enema Deflects off the boat. No, you poor Donnell poured it in Bobby's getting ready to stick it in my ass, but he's talking to Donnell And he doesn't know that the valve is open And as he's talking about now Donnell the coffee starts squirting out of his hand Bobby sees it on his hand and thinks I'm shitting on Mine loses like And then gets it on me. I'm on all fours. I see shit everywhere. It looks like shit. I'm like who's shitting Then them regular enema. Yeah, it was so weird. I've never had a man put anything in my asshole before

But Bobby put it in my asshole first time. Yeah, and then left it there. It was standing there by itself. Yeah, and then and then I I filled it up and then I it all of a sudden shot out and I shot all over Bobby. Yeah Yeah, yeah, fun time. Yeah, it was that was nothing compared to how this episode ends the episode ends with the Fuck the hardest I've ever laughed watching any video ever in my oh you saw it. Oh, I've seen it looks good Dude, it is so fucking funny. It is I saw the dailies Yeah, it is so fucking funny because Donnell was like kind of like No, bro. No, no, no, no, kid. No son. No son. I don't do that gay shit son We broke so many that's the episode where I said to Netflix. I said hey, just are you gonna air all this?

They're like, yeah, and I said Are you ready for the backlash because like there's a point where we're doing scream therapy and Bobby me and Donnell are on Our backs and Bobby and Donnell just lost their dads and they're talking about The frustrations of the dads trying and that's how it's like a it's a real therapy where you scream and you get your frustrations You childhood out and they're having a hard time connecting with the scream therapy for their fathers and Donnell says why don't I just play your dad Bobby? I'll talk to you And so he's just he starts going oh, Bobby's son and I go. Hey, I don't I think that's racist and Bobby goes I'll do your dad Donnell

Hey, Donnell Sorry, I just got out of jail. Where you been? Oh So Fucking funny. I am crying laughing. Oh, we had a great time. It was it was the great the episode starts with I was getting a painting a painting Um commissioned of me my wife has always wanted a picture of me on a bear skin rug

Like brute like uh like Bert Reynolds. Yeah, and so I got a I was getting a painting commissioned And so the guy so I was I don't walk in and I'm naked holding my junk on a bear skin rug And then Bobby walks in and just takes off all his clothes and gets in and we post a picture Bobby posted it to his Instagram. I posted it. I got taken down off for Instagram I got I had to say something down. It did mine didn't yours didn't I honestly think that there is some sort of like persecution thing going on with white dudes Wait, I thought it was the opposite. No, no because you're him and I posted art. No, I post I posted

No, me kissing Andrew Santino's dick got yanked Do you think it's because of Santino not you? Yes Yes, really? Yeah, by the way Santino has a hog Does he? I've never seen it Oh my god, the beautiful thing. I was wondering where all his confidence comes from because he's like because he's super red Yeah, right like ugly as fuck. I mean like where do that? I mean, it's like he walks with such a swagger And I was like usually red heads are come in hot and angry and like bill burr But since he just got this swag on and then I saw his dick and I went. Oh, that's what it is

Yeah, it's big dick one sack too. By the way what you saw on god So when I posted that photo with you and I naked on that bear thing We posted together yours got yanked immediately and then I got shadowed. Am I still on there? So I'm wondering what is what is going on here? Is it because a couple a couple months ago we talked about how yours kept getting taken down And then steveau would post something similar and his not get taken down So we came up with a conspiracy that they were against Asians, but now you're flipping the narrative I think times have changed in like six months

It's been it's a tough. It's a tough time to be a white guy. I'm not gonna lie to you I mean, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna trade it, but I'm gonna roll the dice on something else I've had a good run I gotta be honest with you say it's been a bad two years the first 45 are fucking off Country club upgraded first class flight George Bush had probably George Bush probably had the best run of being white ever Oh, yeah, let's rank. Let's rank. Let's rank

White guys that killed it with their peer privilege like that really leaned in and murdered it with their prolific crystal Yeah He earned every second. He's a talented guy. Um, George Bush is a big one It's hard to beat George Bush because he really kind of was a Simple man Yeah, yeah, I mean he owned the ranger He really like I mean, how do you like like he owned the rangers? Yeah, all because of pappy, you know, it's fucking insane Yeah, I mean he was like he got jobs just because his day like he's just walking him. Hi. Hey guys

I'll take that. I'll tell you a good white privilege story so this is some George Bush shit I was in college and I had a job working. I used to drive girls around at night. It was a fast court was what it's called so like girls would call And I'd either walk them from building to building at night or I'd take a car And I'd pick them up and drive them and so it's so funny. I ran into this woman I ran into this woman

The black women always call it. They always wanted the car. They never wanted to fucking walk They're always like, you know, send the car and you're like, well, it's a short one. Send the car anyway and they hang up So I always I drove. I probably drove every single black woman at florida state somewhere at some point in my life So I ran into a black woman this weekend whose husband plays professional football And they both went to florida state at the same time. I did and I went you went you went to florida state I said, well, what what dorm did you live in and she tells me and I go Do you ever take safe escort? She goes, oh hell. Yeah, I go that was me. She went Shut up. She goes, oh, did you drive the car? I was like, yeah

She goes, we used to take that to fam you and I was like, I drove you to those parties and picked you up from those Anyway, that's why I prove his story. This is my probably my tops I mean, I'm a I the safe escort shuts down for a semester and I need a job Despite what everyone thinks I've always worked, but I'm not really like it's worked work safe. I was born. So my dad says, uh I can get you a job. I can get you an interview at a law firm It's a big law firm right on tennessee or on minnow street go up there take do an interview So I go up there and I sit with one of the guys And he just talks about my dad talks about my dad's business. Wow. And then I go and he goes great

You're hired doesn't ask me anything. I go really and I go. Yes So I show up the next day to work and I go, hey, I'm here to work and they're like, yeah I go sit in the copy room and so I sit in the copy room and I'm sitting there No one's telling me there are other kids that work there and I go is anyone know what I should be doing and they're like, I know And I go, okay, and they're like, why don't you go ask the guy that hired you what you're doing? And so I go back and I knock on his is like one of the partners. I knock on this thing. I said, you know, mr What's every name is?

Um, I know it's really giving me any direction of what to do when he goes. Yeah, we don't have a job for you So just hang out Wow, so I was like, okay, so I just didn't Do anything Hired to hang out at a law firm you work there for uh for probably like Probably all the until I left college. Wow. That is such you sat there. I sat. Well, no, you know what? So then so then one of the older partners Comes in one day and I'm sitting in the in the copy room and he goes, hey, what are you doing?

And I said nothing And he goes, what did we hire you to do? I said, I don't know and he goes, okay, you're mine He goes, I want you to make sure that pot of coffee is filled with fresh coffee every day And when I pull in I'm gonna call the secretary. They're gonna have you run in I want you to park my car for me and I'll and I can walk into the front because like the parking was down here It was up it'll walk. So all I did for real was make coffee and then this guy had like a Yellow lemon Cadillac and they'd call and they go mr. Whatcham calling up. He had also had a emphysema And so I'd come out. I'd I'd bring his tank to him. He'd put his tank on he'd walk into his office

I'd get in there was a tank in his car. I take a little hit drive his car down What I did nothing for that fucking law. That is so different than my job when I was 15 I worked at LA fitness and they had not only did I have to do everything from new memberships to passing out flyers But at the end of my shift the older general manager would have me read my poems to him That's fucking bullshit and he would park, you know that I showed you the LA fitness I used to work out on but you said because we drove by there the other day And you said that that dude and I never thought was he was he weird on with you or no Yeah, he definitely wanted a

Get a little He was in his almost 50. I think and he drove And then would you ever smash a 15 year old or even he would have him bring He would have me bring my fire. Let's just be clear. I I have a 15 year old So the idea of smashing a big year old is disgusting disgusting disgusting because I'm like, oh god Oh, that's what I meant and he would give me pointers. That's what I meant. That's what I meant, too He would give me pointers about my my emo poems Really?

Yeah, you know, and he would try to like kind of relate by telling me about his emo days and it was just so Susie and the banshees were really cool when I was growing I love Susie and the banshee. Now Bert, have you have you talked to Ari? Yeah How is he doing? It's I just I just uh sat at the cellar with him for a little while. He's doing good. Good. Yeah, it seems like he's I don't you know, Ari didn't wasn't online He wasn't online when all the hate was coming his way So I think whereas we might have seen it. He didn't see any of it. So he's like, was it bad? It was almost like I love there's almost like someone that was in a coma

And then wakes up and they're like and like goes. Hey, we're all the people and they're like, oh There was a pandemic everyone died. You're like, was it bad? Yeah, and so he's he does not I think he's still doing shows under a fake name Oh, right. But uh, but it's probably he probably fears some sort of like physical backlash, maybe Yeah, but he's I mean, he's planning a big tour. I mean like a theater tour and tour bus and Wow, he's planning a really big tour. So I You know, I think he might be He was a really interesting guy to talk to during that whole thing

So I called him he got upset with me because he thought I didn't call him I called him the day it fucking happened and the day after I called him that Monday and uh And he was like, uh, and he was upset. He's like, you should have reached out man I was like, I fucking did asshole. So I think it was a very confusing kind of like Emotionally turbulent time for him and I think he knew ship was going on, but he didn't want to look, you know Yeah, it's almost like uh, it's almost like Like he was in a in like like he locked in the house and there was a riot going on outside And he didn't want to look out for a little bit

So but he had the emotional turmoil of knowing there was a riot going on outside But also then it became a safety issue too I think that's what right now is maybe a safety issue. That's why he goes by a different name, right? Yes, it's I forget what his name is. I probably shouldn't say it Yeah, but uh, no, I'm a big fan of your wife. I love her. I My wife would fucking love you. We gotta do a podcast at my house. I would love to love that But does she I I know that the whole re and oh she hates his guts I okay. Yeah, I she hates him in a way that not many people

She's all I she really hates him like really hates him and that was what bothered me about when he mollied me was I was like I was like It's so funny. He wants me to release the podcast. I will never release that fucking podcast It does not look make him look It not only does it not make him look good. First of all, it's proof that he committed a crime. That's number one And and and number two, it's just it. He's like, it's funny. He's funny and I go It's not because you see in my eyes a person who thinks I might die and you can see that and I see it clearly But you also see like me realizing Ari just fucked up our friendship

And I and I and I was like that's what bothered me the most out of it Is like when it happened I go you just made it so my kids will hate you and now my wife will hate you and you Can never come to my house and I can never go on vacation with you because my wife will always go don't go I don't want you going. Yeah, and you also made it so that I don't really feel safe around you entirely And I was like in the podcast I kept going. Why would you do this? Like why this I don't because I don't I don't let me just get just so you do a podcast with Ari Yeah in his house in his in your house in my house and how did he slip you the molly? So I I set it up. I was like I was getting ready to start my tour and so I said this is gonna be awesome

I'll do a podcast with Ari. I'll have a few drinks. I'll get on a plane Um, we'll smoke cigars. This is great. I haven't seen him in a while Him and lianna are starting to patch things up Him and lianna had a falling out before because Ari had commented on Georgia's teeth Georgia Her teeth are great now, but she was younger. She didn't have any enamel on her teeth and they didn't look great I posted a picture of me and her in hawaii and Ari was like way to have ugly no stupid fucking teeth

Oh, fuck No, that is absolute beyond crossing the line for me. That's the same reason why I don't post a lot of stuff about my family Yeah, because I'm fair game You could do say anything you want about me, but if you come for anybody in my family, that's a fuck no for me Well, I think that's our Ari's Ari's response. By the way, I have defended Ari so much in my life that I now I just I go blame hitler. It's hitler's fault I Hitler did this hitler's dad put Ari's dad in it Hitler put Ari's dad in the concentration camp

Yeah, and so and so his dad is a concentration camp survivor Yeah, you know that comes with some baggage You know that being the son of a concentration camp survivor isn't going to be that's built in trauma And so part of what is wrong with Ari is there he was orthodox jewish and he lost his religion and there's a lot that they're going on So blame hitler. Anyway, uh, the um, the So he did that and then I I was like fucking Ari Leanne salt we're in Hawaii. She was livid fucking livid So I took take the picture down. I call Ari. I go bro. Don't fuck. Why would you do that? He was like, but it's a joke and I was like, it's not a joke my daughter

Could have seen that he goes don't post your daughter online. Don't post your daughter online. I was like Ari I was like, listen, you need to apologize to Leanne and he was like, why it was a joke and I was like, okay, all right So then I finally broke her An apology at Segura's house with Ari and Leanne. I say This is the first time we were going to sober up sober. I said Leanne the girls there I go, Ari, I want you to go into the kitchen. I want you to apologize to Leanne say, I'm sorry. I did that And he goes, okay. I still don't think I should and I was like, Ari You should just do it

Please it'll make my life easier then I can be your friend because my if my wife hates you, we can't be friends So Tom and I and Christina and my daughters all go to the backyard to let Ari apologize to Leanne Ari comes out and he goes, I did it. You're welcome. And I went I go I go, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we walk inside and Leanne's like he didn't apologize at all Really? I said, are you serious? She goes, oh He just kept saying it's a joke I guess I'm sorry, but I mean it was a joke if you didn't get the joke. I don't know what to tell you Yeah, so he's a comedy theorist. Give it to me that you say what you want to say about Ari

Yeah, but he has no sensitivity about other people's feelings though. I think he might be autistic. Yeah That's what's going on. He is so fucking just like So then so then so finally finally we get to a place where Leanne is like You know, whatever he was I guess he thought it was a joke. It wasn't a joke. We're fine He comes over our house a couple times I was laundry at our house because you know, he's like a vagabond We go on hikes me and him going a trip together to Utah and Leanne's now back cool. Yeah so I said

I hope you know what this would be cool because the girls love Ari the girls loved Ari They do not anymore. And so Uh, I go, we'll come over we'll do a podcast out back. We'll smoke a cigar get a little buzz Bring them in Leanne's gonna make dinner for Ari me the girls will all have dinner The girls love having dinner with my friends like they it's a lot of fun for them Because they see a part of my personality the comedic personality, but untethered in that guy and it's fun It's always fun. They had dinner with stan hope and it was like one of their favorite dinners. They were and so

So I go back and Ari is doing something by the bar. It looks suspicious. I mean honestly, I I it looked super suspicious, but I in my Million years. I never thought he would drug me in a million fucking years. I'm a million fucking years And he goes, hey, uh, let's do a let's do a celebratory shot, you know start with the podcast I was like, okay, and he goes it's uh It's a really good uh with not whiskey uh scotch and I hate scotch. I don't like taste scotch So I go, okay So I take the scotch and it I could taste something was wrong with it

But I just wrote it off to scotch. I was like, I fucking hate scotch. I was like, let's do the podcast We started doing the podcast and then like and he's doing this like weird shit where he's like, uh, yeah Like and I'm like and I'm watching him going like what the fuck are you doing? And then at one point I go, are you on something and he just goes, are you on something? And I go, no and he goes, are you sure? And I went, yeah, I'm certain and he goes, are you 100% sure because There's something I need to tell you and you gotta you can't get mad about it. And I went what and he goes I slipped you Molly and I immediately my heart fucking sank and I went all I could think was that kid

That young writer from New York went down to Mexico took Molly and died, right? Yeah, and I immediately I'm like, oh my god I'm on blood pressure medicine. Oh I'm this may interact with my blood pressure medicine. My face is now feeling really really hot I have a fucking spinning out of control panic attack. But my first thought was This isn't gonna end well like with my fit you were supposed to say for dinner. Like this was the my piece was gonna be brokered it And I was like Leanne's never gonna. Oh, this is gonna be really bad And I'm and I'm doing all the math and then I'm going what could you have pretended that you weren't on it?

Just know what you're on you're on molly, babe You're like two steps away from like dry humping, you know victory It was in alley and it's and it's hard it's hard to compartmentalize because on one side you're upset the other side You're on molly. So you're like feel great. Like I remember thinking I remember thinking you're such a fucking asshole and I said to him that and then I go, but you're you have your eyes are beautiful And he was like there and but he was he was not he was not he was not he was not he didn't realize he had done something wrong until like Almost like a week later a week later. He called me and he was like

I think he texted me and he was like and I wasn't talking to him like I was really upset with him And he was like I feel like I fucked up our friendship. I was like, you think like no shit like and he was like I'm really upset about it. I'm really upset that I messed up our friendship. I didn't know it was gonna I just wanted to have a good time with you. You're the best guy and like we didn't talk for a month And it was during so brocktober. I didn't talk to him also brocktober And then and I mean leon was I told leon how did it play out that day? They're like, when did you tell leon like? Hey, I got slipped the molly. I might act weird So I had to get ready for a flight. I had to go I had to fly that night

So I'm now I'm freaking out because I don't like flying let alone why I like flying on my I don't like flying on molly I tell you that Well, now you know, yeah now I know that's not doesn't help it out So, uh, joey Diaz comes over joey Diaz sits down I think joey Diaz ended up taking molly to like just make sure we're all cool Um, my cousin came over and then joey And I I walk everyone out and I say Ari just leave do not say anything to anyone. Just leave this fucking house So I walk him out him and joey out

I then take leon's like already you want to stay for dinner and he's like no and just walked out She was like, what's wrong with Ari? And I was like nothing. I go. I need to talk to you in the bathroom So I bring in the bathroom. Oh my with my cousin. I think with my cousin. I said, I'm gonna tell you something and you can't have emotions about it I'm gonna tell you something and you can't have emotions about it. She was like Sit Ari did to you She was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I go I go I need you to take care of me right now and not and not go off off the handle and she said what And then I said I already slipped me molly and she was like

who Is she like wow? Okay Wow, what do you need from me? And I said I need to be packed and I need to get on a plane tonight She went, okay I said, uh, you gotta get me out of the house without talking to the girls I don't want to talk to the girls because I'm really fucked up and she was like Okay, and so she packed a bag for me. I took a shower. It was a great fucking shower. Yeah

And uh, and then she got me out the door and then I went straight to the store And then the first person I ran into because I was way too early for the flight and I didn't want to be in an airport I wanted to get to the airport literally get there and go straight to the plane So I go to the store and I run into David spade and Ari's back in the back bar and Whitney's back in the back bar And I'm still on molly and I'm like and I'm telling the story and more everyone's laughing and Ari's like, yeah, it's fine It's fine. It's fine But I'm still really upset and then I then I get to we get on a plane dudes It next to me gets the best mac pack massage anyone's ever had

And uh, and I get to the vent I get to the place pass out Wake up the next day and I am a fucking mess like my OCD is all over the place my I don't really deal much with depression. I guess I don't know what it is for me It manifests itself in panic and OCD and I was a fucking mess. We had a revive and rally the blood the Fluids people show up. They gave me an IV. I felt a little better, but I couldn't write the boat it was like for like For like a week almost I would say I was just like And Ari was like that was the biggest mistake I made. I should have given you five HGP. I was like, yeah

I was like sure Ari. Yeah, but um, but lian was I got home and when I got home, she was like She's like you're done. You're done with that guy. No, you never speak to him. I was like, I can't I was like, listen, I need to make that decision not you and I may not make that decision And I didn't make that decision. I there's a part of us that I know you know this too. Is there are these are really Fucking sweet guy at times like he's such a great great great great guy. That's super sensitive It's super sweet, but there's this other guy that he does Where it's like it's just stubbornness that he has. Yeah, and you just go like and as a friend you go. I want to I want to Help him. I don't know. It's like you but I think that might piss him off even more

If you don't meet him where he's at like you can't meet him where you want him to be You gotta meet him exactly where he's at if he's gonna Know he's gonna slip you a Molly that day. That's where you're at And he's gonna be sweet to you one day and that's where you gotta just take it for what he is that day You definitely don't want him as an enemy because when he was beating the shit out of me Well, that's not a friendship then if you fear retaliation from somebody and then you treat them, you know politically Nicely because you think that there's no Ari and I were like best friends for like seven I was there when he first started right so

So when I would go on the road we would go together we we've had sex with the different women in rooms together And we've had a lot of good times and then when he brutally beat the shit out of me three weeks in a row And then I had him banned from the comedy store And then when he came back for seven or eight years after that He just was so mean to me Because when you're on his bad side, he would walk by me your piece of shit. You're not funny. You you shouldn't be here You're you know, I mean, you're dumb. You know, you're dumb You don't want to college and what you know, and he would say that

Even when we had this like no talking no truce kind of you know, I mean a truce kind of a thing Um, but then you know once and I hated him. I fucking I didn't hate and I hated I hated him more than hitler Oh, yeah, yeah, and I never knew hitler, but my point is through the stories though. See I never I've never had yeah, yeah, this sounds even more fucked up coming for me I've never had bad experiences with Ari other than him mollying me But I don't think I really genuinely don't think He put any

Thought into it other than this is gonna be awesome. It's Bert. He's the machine. He parties all the time He can handle molly. It's only half a hit. No one dies for molly Me and him are gonna have a fucking blast. I don't think he thought I know he didn't think He's on blood pressure medicine. His kids are in the house. His wife's making us dinner He has to be on a plane tonight. I think he thought we'll do this We'll go out we'll party all night. He didn't think through all the actions So for stuff like that, and you know, I've known him for so long I've never had anything other than this very sweet

Loving friendship with him, but but I have to say when he called me seven or eight years later and he said Listen, I'm sorry You know me and then he goes, you know, I'm doing this show this and that I want you on it I want you to tell the story, you know, whatever and we got together And then I realized that he was he put his hand around me and he goes, I'm so sorry. I love you man I was fucking crazy eight years. Wow. You know, I mean And then my now it's my experiences with him since then has been that sweet old already that I once knew back in the day You know, so um, you know, I think he's changed a lot. But um, when I heard about

Well, obviously the Kobe thing was like wow, but then when I I heard about you what him all in you. It was just like a little it just sounds just a little weird to me It the thing that the thing that a few people That I that I trust and I and I love that I know very well thing that a few people put in my head was that it was about jealousy and That because we had just gone hung out and I was he was in madison I was doing the theater and he was doing the club And I had a tour bus and and we were hanging out Ari was very

Very real not like not in a bad way, but very real like Wow, like there's a this is so cool, man So cool that you have a tour bus like he walked out and he looked at the theater And he's like that's a lot of fucking people to come to see you on a Thursday night sold out He walked on the stage and thought like he got a big cheer and like no one really knew who he was And so when people started going he was jealous. I was like, that's not Ari I mean my experience it's not Ari. Yeah, but then you but then when you're coming off Mali and your fucking brain's not right Yeah, you start going you start going

Jealousy is real a real motion people do get jealous. You can't deny it. I've been jealous of people And I I'm a good person. Why shouldn't maybe that was retaliation for him to go You know what you think you're hot stuff now now you're back to me now. I'm in control of you So that was a real thing going on in my head and that was the first thing Ari said He was like he was like you have to know that like It was nothing about jealousy. I don't I have to accept Ari's word for what it is and that he just thought it was going to be a great time And I hadn't he really miscalculated it. I'm with lianna on this. I can appreciate of a complex man

I can appreciate all sorts of complex personalities But that is diabolical because when you involve the kids in someone's home that is That's to me That's poisonous also because I I'm on blood pressure medication myself imagine if that happened to me This is I'm I'm glad lianna is is a really rational I I would actually physically Yeah, get that head nod fight him

I will put all my Filipino power into these fists Yeah, and I will fucking talent especially because I'm sober if I was sober babe, babe If I was sober the way I'm now I don't I want to think Because it's making me angry. I know I mean lienne said the lienne said This is the one that really got me and this is what I this is what The this is what made me mad at Ari was that I had to have conversations like this We're sitting in my sister's house and Ari texts me and I And I grabbed my phone and I start to reply

And my daughter Georgia takes the phone away from me. She goes don't talk to that guy And I go and I go Georgia. She goes no no and I go Georgia and she goes he almost killed my dad So how about and I went I went mother fucker Ari like in my head I go you didn't I didn't have to have this conversation My daughters loved you. They thought you were fucking hilarious And now they hate you and then and then Georgia goes dad What would you do if someone mollied me and then I I said I'd fucking I would kill them and I would Find out find what they loved and I would break it. I would break what they loved

And Georgia said Georgia goes and then what would you do if you saw me texting with them after they had mollied me? I went And then I was like god damn it. Why the fuck do you have to be smart? Yeah Yeah, I love I love Ari really they were so similar So there were so many parts of their little brains But I remember one time I walked in and they were talking about how to put on deodorant to each other like just independently And now I love fucking hates his guts

Wow And it and that's what sucks about this whole fucking thing is that like I didn't get to have emotions about it Because I had to take care of everyone else had to take care of Ari had to take care of Leanne The girls I didn't want them to find out and then when they did find out they're like The first thing they said was they go. Oh, everyone's school is talking about it We know that Ari Rufi to you and raped you in the backyard. I go hold on They're like, yeah, a lot of people think I Rufi don't know they're raped. I was like, hold on I was like, wait, hold on. It's been a month and you thought

Ari held me down in the backyard and fucked me in the ass and you even said like, how are you doing or anything? So, yeah, it was super complex. You know what sucks about this whole thing The real thing that sucks is is that I'm I've always been nice to you. Yeah. Have I not? Like a kind like a kind little yellow creature. Yeah. Yeah of the night, right? I'm like a mythological angel, right? I hug on you. Have I ever tried to maul you? No. No, I've only been gentle I've never been invited to your house. I've never been invited to your house for dinner I've never tried to maul you, right? And this is how broken my brain is about trust. I went, oh my god, it's in the ice He put Molly in the ice

He put Molly in the ice. Yeah, I did your house anything. You're you're definitely coming to my house. I know but it was long Our guest last week or this week Roy Choi. I know Roy. Yeah, he talked about um Judging the cookout. Yeah, you and Sebastian. Yeah, and he said he said yours was Exponentially more delicious and that you understood flavor. Yeah. Yeah Because the two meals that you've made for me, right on your cooking show delicious Yeah, but then when I did the Netflix show with you and that steak with the fucking coffee ground crust That was so fucking good, dude Roy Choi

I I have stories about that guy He came over to my house for Thanksgiving. Well, we live like right next door to each other, right? Yeah Like our daughters were best friends. As a matter of fact, they would if they were gonna have sex They'd bring his daughter over and be like, hey, can she have a play date for about 30 minutes? Yeah, and so and so we do the same. Hey, Georgia, go down and see if you can play piano with them So, uh, one year Thanksgiving He were sit. I made a big Thanksgiving girls were playing me and him are on the couch having a drink I don't even know if you drank really but um

And he says he had a great job at rock sugar and rock sugar was in like Century City He goes, I think I'm thinking about quitting and I said why and he goes. I'm I'm gonna quit I think I'm gonna get a taco truck. I said, are you serious? He goes, yeah, like do like fusion like Korean barbecue and then I can all the ingredients will be there I have no overhead. I just get the truck And then if it does well, you have another truck, I think I got to be honest I think it's the I think it's the future and I went can I be honest with you? He's like, yeah, I go that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life

And he goes really I go Roy, you have a kid man. You got to stay keep the job. Keep the health insurance He was like, yeah, thanks for your input. He did it and it was a game changer in culinary So the lesson is never listen never listen to bird I made I remember I had him and Segura over for dinner one night and I made white chili another two people that I love white chili. I made white chili and it said, uh, it said nine nine Cases a big thing nine little little tins of chiles So I open them all I drain them and I dump them in nine of them

and then we I We played it and I go to taste it and I had substituted jalapenos And it was so fucking hot So hot that Roy left He goes I couldn't do I go Roy. How do I fix this and he goes you can't and he literally Walked out of my door. Didn't say goodbye. Just wow walked away and tom goes. Are you serious? I was like, Tom, what are you gonna do is Tom's like, we're gonna fucking eat it

And so me and Tom are the only ones that ate it. Did it taste good? Oh, it was fucking horrible. Yeah, it was horrible But that's what a friend does Yeah, Roy is Roy was I mean We They were they were really like really close friends ours for a very long time because we lived right next to our kids We're the exact same age and then watching him blow up was crazy. I remember Steve burn one time Called me you went over to your house. No, it's deep. No, let me ask you. Let me ask you something Let me ask you

I want to name some comics to see who's been at your house. Okay. Okay. Has Steve burn ever been to your house? Yes Yes, of course, Steve run as is he? Hey, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I Look at my face. I'm getting fucking hot. Yes. You gotta throw up all of us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, hold on. I do my podcast out of my house too. So I haven't seen over for dinner. Have you ever done your podcast? No, you haven't I've done yours twice now This is the second time Honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, dude. Honestly, dude. What did I do? What did I have?

What am I doing wrong? Nothing? I want I want to know. What am I doing wrong? Nothing? I must be doing something wrong No, I just like I haven't had Santino on either and it's just has he been to your house. No, okay. Good. Yeah Thank god. Eric Griffin. No, thank god Eric Griffin. I'm writing it down. By the way, you know, Santino, Whitney Cummings. Yes. She's been to your house. Yeah Oh, my daughters love Whitney Kristallia Kristallia Yeah You fucking asshole you son of a fucking cocksucker Who else says who? Who else Whitney came to my house and Whitney and I are friends

But we have great chemistry. My wife goes uh And the girls love Whitney and means she just hangs out with the girls our dogs love Whitney She comes by she had a pig and the girls were following on Instagram and watching her with the pig and then she came by when the fires happened and the girls Emptied out their closets for Whitney. They got all these clothes Oh Everyone loves her and my wife just one day goes, you know, we were doing a sitcom and she goes You gotta be honest with you. You should really cast Whitney as your wife I mean you guys get along. It seems like it would be a natural fit and I went. Oh, yeah, that's a good call

That's why I texted my friend who's doing the sitcom. I said, would you think Whitney would be a good wife? He's like, oh my god, it's a fucking and then Leigh Ann goes You can't fall in love with her And I go I go I won't and she goes I know but she's pretty fucking awesome Everyone seems to love her. You can't fall in love with her. And I was like, I won't and then I was like, hey Yovon Yeah Brian Callan

Yep Brendon Chubb, yeah God Anyway, uh, one of your netflix fucking Give me the fucking date netflix when is it coming out with Steve Byrne story? Yeah Oh, it's racist Steve Byrne Calls me up. He's with Vince Vaughn and he goes, hey man

I'm with Vince and we're trying to get these kogi tacos These Korean tacos, but the line is fucking through the roof and I was like, yeah, and he goes, you know, Roy, right? And I went, yeah, and he goes Can you text him and let him know that we're here and I go sure should I text Roy? Roy says, I'll find him and so I text Steve back and I go, he's looking for you And Steve goes, I'm looking for him. What does he look like? And I write back. He's Korean And he goes, I know what he looked like and I go like you but more hip hoppy And he's like, no, but describe him. I go

Olive skin black hair Slight Fuck he's fucking Korean. How do you describe? I go just look for yourself, but like cooler And then all of a sudden he goes, oh never mind. I found him hip hoppy is a good Let me ask you something when you say Asian people look alike. Do you believe in that stereotype? No, I don't but that's only because Our best friends are Asian. Oh, but I will tell you this our best friends are Asian and their daughter Um, their daughter tried out for the softball team in her school and she comes home She goes, I'm concerned and I'm not gonna make the team and we go we're all out of their house. We go. Why she goes

Because there's another girl. There's another Asian girl that actually really looks like me mom and she sucks And I'm afraid they're gonna confuse us So we're like, okay And then they go and then she goes actually the girl's not that bad So they're equally talented and they're the same height and they look identical Oh, wow. And so the girl our friend's daughter made the team and then she we go you made the team She goes, yeah, but I had to go up to the coach and go. Did you get the right Asian? I don't think I

I used to have a joke about that and that I go Um, I you ever see the same person twice in one day like you and you're like, oh my god Yeah, I saw this Asian lady 15 times in one day. She was everywhere. She was like Cleaners. She was at the nail salon. She cut me off in traffic three times. Yeah, and so Um, and then and then someone told me So my friends said, you know, it was Asians. Yes, you know, we don't all look like and then I started hanging out with Asian people I was like, they don't look at all. Thank you Like it's but I will say this when we were in Scandinavia. I would confuse blonde people like crazy

Like it like same hair color can throw me. I I've done that's happened with me with a lot of people Um, what was I gonna say about oh by I do have a theory about when they say Asians are bad drivers Here's my theory my theory and it goes back to it goes back to to um The fact that there are so many Asians it's not that Asians are bad drivers is that there's so many Asians that Percentage is higher. Percentage is higher. You're gonna run into more bad drivers But the stereotype is not it's actually not it's derived from here. Yes, exactly because so there's not like There's only four percent of the population here. Oh, you guys are like, I have a different theory. How many

Yeah Hold on. Yeah, you're not you're okay. You're four percent of the population here Yeah, but you're not in the middle of the country. You're only like nine cities and it's all on the coast So that four percent is still high as shit. I have a different theory. Like go ahead. I think that Asians are over skilled So if you go to the Philippines, I'm telling you Everyone there are no road rules. All the traffic lights are broken. So everyone sort of knows how to use their When they honk, it's like morse code. It's very Same as every everybody's zipping past everybody

And I think that that level of skill does not apply to the infrastructure here No, here's what it is. That's level of skill. I kind of like that. I agree with that Okay, that's I I agree with that. That's good. But because if you can't drive in the Philippines, you're you're frightened It's scary and you What I'm saying is if you take a regular old American white guy, they think he's Straight up stupid stupid when he drives in the oh, I would be I'd be like have my blinker on We don't use a blinker. I in other countries. They don't care that much about their cars. Like I Just listen to what I'm saying. I was there Thailand. Let's go. I was in Thailand

I saw two cab drivers hit each other They put their head out the window and they looked at their cars. Okay. It's fine. Let's move on And they kept driving my point is is that it's not that big of if you get a like a little scratch Here in America. Yeah, you pull over. You know, I mean you call people all that stuff It's like in Asia. We don't give that much a fuck about you're right. Are you dead? Is the car still work? Let's move on. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah I want to go to the Philippines bad. You know what? They want you there so badly

And I'm not kidding you. I was actually just talking to Mike Bertilina and you would have the absolute best time They are going to roll out the most luxurious red carpet for the guys. We know the guys I want to go. They have a really large amazing venue there. Do you want to do because I never played there either You want to do a double show there? Yes? I will absolutely set it up. I'm being real. I'm being very real I would be a nudity extravaganza. Oh, we're not leaving that You got to bring your kids. They would love it there. Oh, yeah, we're the workouts are beautiful Oh, yeah, you'll love it. I had a buddy. I had a buddy who was a tbd producer and he moved to I think the Philippines I think and he took over

um, one of the big uh, one of the big cable providers Like one of the people who makes all the things he took over and was their guy in in southeast asia or asia And he will not leave. He is his name's tim scott. He's got a picture It's the funniest fucking picture I've ever seen and it's not intended to be funny He started dating a girl and they went to a big family reunion and he has a picture with him and their family But they're all wearing the same shirts and he is so white. I swear to god I gotta It's the funniest fucking picture and it's not intended to be funny at all

But it just to see this white guy from minnesota who's fat like Listen berg I had to go to the a meeting. So yeah, I go look can I go you know? I gotta go to no meeting. I was if you ever want to go. I've been a little good. I went to one. You didn't like it The guy the guy said the guy goes hey, you should stand up and say something And I was like really he's like, yeah stand up. He has your first time here. Say something. I was like, okay So I go to stand up and the guy next to me goes. I'm gonna speak real quick and he goes Hi, my name is black black. I'm an alcoholic and they're like hi and he's like, um

Oh, I'm having a rough day. Oh, I'm having a rough day I woke up this morning suck my landlord's dick and then I lit his car on fire And I was like, I can't follow that But I fucking left I was like Gotta fucking yeah prepare. But if you ever wanted to go I go to a men's meeting. That's like all I kind of I'd go but it seems like too much of a commitment like I'd go I would go like because I I definitely I've toyed with the idea of stopping drinking a lot, but I I'm not telling you to do it I'm just saying I'm I'm giving you the

An option if you ever need to because I'm a sober guy I'm gonna I always I'm the kind of brain that call me if I can't do it myself I don't want to try like I want to do it myself I like I know but and if I stop drinking you're not you're not an alcoholic. Oh good. Okay. Good. There we go then I don't need to go so um By the way, this is the funnest fucking podcast to do in the world This is I know what you're trying to do right now. What get on again. No, no It's funny right now. You're trying to stretch it out. So I miss my fucking meeting. Oh and then start drinking

But before we get there though I would dress one major thing the last time you were on here You had promised Bert and I that we were all going to do a triathlon Let's do this. Let's do this and you never came through. I practically I trained Yes, you can swim. I can run you ride the bike Okay, I want to say this. All right I want to say this. I'll fucking do it, right Malibu triathlon Later, August, right?

Yeah, let's do it the Malibu triathlon. We'll do the celebrity division and we'll do the team rally. Yeah, let's do it Let's do it. Let's do it. Someone sign us up Malibu triathlon Yeah, you have to Tell me when I need to start training But we have a peloton start today when you use the peloton. No, you gotta like get slack it down. I'm getting the date for September 26 Then let's do it then dude. Let's do it. You have to sign me up and we got you. We got you. We got you. All right I got the bike and everything. All right, so I don't want you to show up not fit because I will just tell me You have before this is the day. Let's get going. All right, and I'll fucking rocky ball boa. You know how we went

Oh, we will kill let's let Ivan Drago when you're the fucking woods. That's what let's get let's get another team To see go against us go against us. Okay. It's good. There's gonna be a couple of fat guys on there like who we get sugar to set his team Can you let me know what swimmer they choose though? So I know what I'm up against Yeah, he know my my friend thinks he can swim from Catalina You fucking I think so if you're a swimmer If you go at a slow pace that sounds like something you can do Yeah, you fucking assals do math McConaughey did it the what who's that?

Matthew McCona. All right. All right. He did the Malibu triathlon a brian greenberg your friend. I love right, right? Stevo did it with no training. Oh, yeah It's the human muscle when I did a triathlon it was Absolutely terrifying because the swim I started leading the swim and I was like did no one train for this Yeah, and then I was like wires. I'm like how am I going so good and then we did a turn And everyone kicked it in and they climbed over me and almost drowned me Yeah, that's the scary part especially at the beginning. Just you know how they do it in heats But they in the water at least for me in my experiences. They don't give a shit. They'll run right over. I don't understand that kind of

Savagery. I'm like, that's why if I was going to do it again, I'd swim off to the side and just take my time with it Sometimes you don't have a choice But sometimes that's why you sort of have to get ahead of the pack really early on and then sort of pace it out afterwards I don't like swimming with too many people around. You look like the hardest the hardest I jog I don't know Roosevelt. That's what you look like. I did I did the swim and then the bike and the bike I was like I was like fucking flying and when I got to do the run. I was so exhausted. I was like your face like a shelter island statue Bike ride bobby is going to be a beast. I rode a bike from philadelphia to atlantic city atlantic

And uh, it was like super doable. Holy shit. Holy. Holy. It's like I had anal sex with new jersey. Yeah Yeah You fucking fucker. I crashed my second triathlon for real. Yeah, it was really sad. I still have a scar on me What happened? I don't know what happened to my bike had a shit bike Yeah, and I crash I had road rush from here all the way up to my knee was really bad What if we get bobby really into triathlons and that's it becomes his new addiction It's like if you put a marshmallow you put poke two eyes. That's his face

That's what it is. What do we have this week ill? I'm hopeful advice the bobby can lie. We do emails. We answer them. You fuck. Okay Here's a quick one recently my boyfriend brought it to my attention that he likes to be pegged And I don't know if I have the confidence enough to take that kind of control Cliala, what would be your advice and people in the room and how to get in the mindset? How do you guys feel about pegging? I heard there's a lot of good old nerves in the prostate that are great for man Oh my that's my dream. I would love to What is it?

What is it? I would wear dildo and I penetrate your butthole I I've been dreaming about this for my whole life and he will never acquiesce. So I can't help you there I'm still in the process. If the dildo's like this. I swore to God. Yeah, how big of a dildo? You won't even let a finger up there. Why not? I hate it. This is my impression of me trying to get lianna to put her finger in my ass ready Yeah, maybe blow job. All right. Oh, that feels great. Let me be the girl. Let me be lianna Look at bobby Don't laugh. Don't laugh though. Yeah, you can't laugh. Don't laugh

Haley, I put your finger in my ass. No, okay Because it took you for your lot to ask it took a lot right and then when they say no No, it's just such the rejection's too much for you. Okay, cool. Yeah Yeah, my bad. You've stuck. Well, you you stuck your finger in my ass one time Yeah, and I never you never let it down. Yeah, I know it down since because I'm like I have my what my dad has I my dad I don't know if you know this but my dad used to walk around the house naked And then we said toilet paper sticking out of his asshole

We call him the korean kite and the thing is is that um, I swear to god And I always wondered why but I have the same thing now. I have anal leakage Just a little bit. I have a little bit of anal lake and I don't like I don't I don't want like my like, you know I mean my juice to be on your finger trust that I don't give a shit I'm in I'm in it to win it. I know but yeah, I'm not you don't have that coffee enema. I'm I'm ready I'm ready for the But I'll do anything I would probably come this close to sucking dick if it's on tv I'll have it like right in the entrance if it's on tv and just I'll do as far as I'll go

I will go. I will go hard core of it's on tv when we did we did a reality bites back on comedy central Uh, they got kicked off. It was me. Mo Mandela and Amy Schumer and we were in bathing suits speedos and robes It was michelin black on the other side of the table and I threw my He goes you kicked off. I'm gonna need your speedo and I think they thought I would I'd fold and so I just took my speedo off got naked Got on the table. Yeah, and I grabbed his chair by with my heels Yeah, and I pulled his chair into my dick almost like like he was like this And I go look at it and he goes I'm afraid I'll turn to stone. I go party you will And then I did a backspin and stuck it naked

And I got off that table and I said I think I might have just ruined my career But it's tv and then I go. I'll do anything on tv. Yeah God it's like when I did that one of the comedy central singing thing with the Josh had the hardest. I know but I said that's all my instagram What sound did you sing? No. No. No. Fuck mine when bobby did that On I I took my nest cam my Nest cam from our bed. That's what I saw. Yeah, I grabbed that footage of me watching bobby and it was just

I was crying laughing and I I for some reason I went I wish I had recorded this and then leon goes It's on nest cam and I grabbed it Downloaded it and I fucking sent it to bobby and I posted it on instagram You know, we had to write a letter to rod stewart to ask permission for bobby to sing that song And I remember writing member dear rod stewart Yeah, yeah, we had to make some long lie when I was in seventh grade this song helped me Help me find confidence in my own body I went to a party at rod stewart's house one time

This is when I first moved to hollywood and his daughter was like famous and it was like throwing like They're all that hilton persil. Oh, yeah. Yeah, his daughter dude the motorcycle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I went to a party at their house one time and they had it was like For like part it was like kids, but they were not rod stewart. It's like the kids Our age and they had caviar out. I never had caviar I ate so much caviar That they actually removed it from the table and took it back I was eating caviar and then someone just grabbed it was like, it's not all yours. All right, we got to end it

We got to fuck it. We got it. There's no solution. There's no solution this week. Yeah, I'm so sorry I Yeah, I have to go but you know what the thing is is this The good thing is this is that Bert and I hopefully Some of the things we say today Happens number one. We do the triathlon marathon. Yeah, I want to do that really

Number two. Hey, you got someone here organize it. I honestly now don't ever want to go to your house. No, you guys I want to do Yeah, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we'll have because this I wrote all the names down all the people Would it be weird if I had a party and I just invited Asian people? You should do that. I was like, I thought you guys should meet each other. You guys are all my amazing friends Number three, you got you and I are kindred spirits. We are hardcore. We're very similar in many ways and um And this is you know, you and I could talk forever. I could talk to I could I wish my pockets was this fun. No, it's fun with you. It's not always this fun

It's fun when you're here. Who's who's been a bad guest I've had a lot of bad. We've had a couple We've had you know in the beginning we we were you know, it's hard Our fault. It's not the guest's fault. It's you know, I need people to add information So I've had people on where I asked them something and they say maybe two or three words And they're waiting at the rev up again, and you know, and I don't like that Oh, wait, there's one more thing. I wanted to tell you what fucking That's what I wanted to tell you I've been saving this

So you had someone on your podcast that is my ultimate life idol. Um kimmy swimmy Oh my god, yes So I freedive and she is somebody that I like my entire life is modeled around trying to be kimmy warner Let's go. Let's go to let's go to hawaiian. She just had a baby I know let's go to hawaiian freedive with her. I would love Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. This will totally happen. Never gonna happen. So it's only happened. Let's go to let's go I have kimmy's number. I know kimmy really well. Yeah, we'll go down. We'll go down and she'll teach me I don't I've never I've done it a couple times. I've gone spearfishing a little bit

That's another thing I want to tell you we should go freedive Can you should get your lobster license and you should come with me and I'll take you out to go get some lobsters? 100% 100% Yes, no, well lobster season is almost over, but it's a talk It is people talking Bobby. How do you how are you with someone so active? Nothing nothing zero is gonna happen zero You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna have burtelina. I'm gonna help burtelina. We're gonna shoot it for all things calm Absolutely, and we'll go down. We'll go spearfishing freediving with kimmy. She was like

I within a day I can get you to hold your breath for like two minutes and I was like, oh, wow I can hold my breath for a minute 30 right now Wow, that's really good. Actually, you know what? He actually holds his breath very very long his long capacity is better than mine We love you a long time I mean Me love you a long time Okay, you know, yeah, you talking You talking

Oh, I love you guys. Thanks so much bird. This was so much fun blast. No, it's not an album. I'm professional That's so rude it's a special you find out is uh, hey big boy. It's on streaming on Netflix right now. Go watch it I hope you enjoy it and all the birdie boy tour go to burtburt burt.com. Yeah Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed that episode Of tiger belly with the one and only Bert krasher. Shout out to George Kimmel for bringing ice in the room Unfortunately, a bird did not use it. So he wasted a whole bag Get your ticket see the slept king live guys. You have to see bobby live if you haven't you're doing yourself a disservice He'll be at houston, texas march 27 to 29th, Dallas, texas april 3rd through 5th

Andres wants you read the third one But add st. In spanish Calusa california april 17th at the calusa casino. Oh, yeah, keep going San Diego california april 30th to made second at american comedy club In Ontario california made 8 to 10th on the ontario improv go to bobby live.com and grab them before they're gone And also guys like today's unhelpful advice question You can also ask one by going to adviceunhelpful at gmail.com remember typically if you keep nice and tight and

Um, not too long those haven't better chance of being selected. George, jimmy, you shout in shout outs My buddy andres with the great accent uh coming in hot And who is on who is he to you? A lot of people don't know who he is. They may have heard of my bad friends reading a scene Uh, you might have heard bobby talk to him about a little bit about him. Uh, andres is my buddy from film school out new york What school is that? Columbia university in the city of new york the only ivy league school with you mean Columbia college at chicago Columbia university in the city of new york Chicago, Illinois more a lot more student debt than those ass hats that way the columbia college shots fired to columbia college chicago

The only columbia university only ivy league with a film school. But boom Fairly brothers went there, but they did the writing program rather than the But uh, entrees is a director. Would you say a director and what kind of films? What can we catch your films if there's any films out there? Where can we find them? I'm about to wreck my first feature film. Whoo. No, can you give us a little can you give the tiger belly slept came a little taste? What is the log line? Oh Well, I have not written this yet. This is like

No, it's called the echoes and it's about it's a horror a psychological horror film And it's about like a father trying to bring back to life. He's that family Whoa guys, if that's not the voice of a director in an interview, I don't know What is you could follow tiger belly at tiger belly on instagram at the tiger belly on twitter Uh, you can also follow george at george underscore chemo entrees that I don't need to follow in Wow, what a director. See he he's a director. Yes, you do. You would have made this film 10 years ago. Okay. Well, there we go. George. What's his uh, instagram handle? Uh, probably andres rosen. They I don't know probably you can follow everything kalai like calamity k everything bobby lee at bobby lee live

And you can give me a follow at Gilbets and guys once again, we have our meme contest of the week. You have to make a meme Uh, based on today's episode, which is episode 237 burk krisher So take your favorite moment and give us a meme and all you have to do to submit to that and possibly win a prize You will win a prize if you are selected is hashtag the photo or meme Uh, hashtag tiger belly on our instagram and on twitter and we'll select from those guys. We love you Hey Prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music

Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey