TigerBelly - Ep 242: A Huge Heart and a Tiny... w/ Eric Stonestreet

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

Bobby likes the upstairs buffet. Eric thinks the glasses are stupid. Khalyla challenges you to a blind sit-up. We talk Soviet newscasters, shocker variations, Roger's happy state, and 90 Day Fianće.   Recorded in our respective homes via Zoom. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Oh Five four three two one Georgia Georgia Yeah, I love that song. What a good song also Georgia is reopening Friday bowling alley. You know what dude? That's the last place. I'm gonna go imagine sticking your three fingers inside those three little holes Which holes oh?

Oh, the bowling hole the bowling hole I was gonna fucking shock a fucking yeah, you're not gonna Georgia What was that they call the shocker? College, I know yeah, but what is the shocker here? I'll show you yeah, two in the pink one in the stink So your pinky goes in the asshole. Yeah, right? Could you reverse it cuz call has a big fucking asshole? I Would you a reverse shocker with color shocker for Excuse you my asshole is frog tight. Yeah. Yeah, I'm kidding frog fucking tight So show me how the shocker works. So you stick your pinky in the asshole to in the vagina. Oh, too in the vagina

Can you do three maybe? Oh, man, that's this. That's a double shocker. Yeah, why would you want a straight edge? Anything designed this way to go straight into the pinky still going the asshole, but then you do an enhanced you guys are a bunch of Virgins and then what does the thumb do? The thump when you do a shocker. What does the thumb do the thump can massage the clitoral area? You that's pro. That's pro what you're saying Gilbert's watch too much VH one on what's that guy on there check taxi Porn mystery. Oh, you know, maybe George is not the only in Good shocker all those Moves I've never done Have you done little things that they do like the dirty Sanchez. I've never done the dirty Sanchez Cleveland steamroller

What's which one's that? I think you should on some of her chest and you roll on it. Oh I want to try that But you do the cleanup you can shit on my chest. I have a very I have no more titty So it's very flat and ready for just hot shit And my stool my stool is always kind of wet and acidity. Oh It knows the alien blood Yeah, you definitely fucking feel a sizzle You'll hear this is it gonna burn off my nipple hairs. Maybe free wax. I've never done

The paranormal activity, that's a good one. Which one is that I've never talked about the paranormal activity one It might be so much of the Houdini, but go ahead. What's the Houdini? Tell me what the Houdini is your fucking the girl from behind you're doing doggy style And then you tag out with one of your friends who's hiding in the closet Okay, and you come outside the house and the window that she's facing you knock the window and say hello Yeah, they call that the paranormal paranormal activity as well. Oh the ghost I made Jessica. I think I've done this I thought that the dirty Sanchez was something else and I tricked Jessica into doing a sit-up into my butthole

Filipino style because she she's very competitive with me. So she was like I told her I was like, you know that it's not physically Possible to do a sit-up with your eyes closed. She was like, oh, yeah, bitch watch this shit Yeah, so she did it like really hard to and then I pulled my pants down spread my cheeks So her nose landed right on my asshole. Oh I thought that was a dirty Sanchez. I think we're going back to our old Tiger Valley podcast by talking about this I think we're going back to my space days Because I remember in my space that whole list of like the sex that the Cleveland steamroller all of that was like, you know Going around yeah, like Christian style, you know hole in the sheet

Look at me two pumps. Yeah your missionary, you know, I mean get it done then then you watch 90-day fiance Before the 90 days, I I'll be honest with I've never seen a show any kind of reality show before I don't watch the Kardashians I don't know. I don't know anything a thing about reality shows. I I just tend to I'm a little bit more. I don't know You're a stubborn you were gonna say You think you're more artsy and sophisticated that garbage TV is beyond but now but now you're above it. No, but I'm not I Fucking I love it Because I love it's a train wreck

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you've been watching Gil. I've been watching along with Ed Only that the before the 90 days. Yeah, oh, you're missing so many good ones There's a guy named David on it. Okay, okay, and he's obviously being catfished on this Russian Dating site and he only talks to this woman on this dating site and he has to pay how much like thousands of dollars He's already spent like a hundred hundred dollars on this dating site That's the only place he's talked to her. No number exchange. No address exchange. No, right? And three times, you know, they had planned to meet mm-hmm and three times He's she stood him up over a seven-year period

Geez, right and now He he he he went to the Ukraine. Where is it again? He's gone to the Ukraine Yeah, right and because he said that she said that she would be at this train station All right, he shows up the train station this fool man this fool Nobody nobody there. So then she had mentioned that she was from the small town like seven hours outside of the town that he's in Well, I don't know. Have a look Rob. Have a look Rob, which is like a kind of close to like the war-torn areas of the Ukraine Yeah, and then he decides to go find her So he's like he walks into a candy store and he goes to the lady goes

Do you know who this is like a photo of her, right? That's like and that's literally like, you know, some guy trying to find Kalyla Right and going coming to LA and just walking to a Starbucks Imagine walking to a random Starbucks and just go. Hey, you know this fucking, you know the tooch Which like what are the odds? He's never gonna find it, but we're not fully done with it. So I don't want to you know, maybe he does find her I don't know. We got a shout out to Ed and Rose. Oh my god Whenever I see Ed and Rose I look at Juliana

And I look at Juliana and I go listen to look at you. You came to America Now without fucking a necklace man. What's a necklace man? A man with no neck. Oh, a net Neckless Yeah, yeah, a neck. Oh necklace necklace Yeah, necklace a man that looks like a human thumb a man, right who looks like he's in the mist of melting Mm-hmm. He just looks like a melting. You know, I mean and and she came here This girl, right? Yeah comes here without having to do that, right gets an education here in here in Los Angeles, right? Right and then thirdly right. She gets a job at bad friends. Yeah, right Rudy Rudy and

Her attitude couldn't have been worse In what way stuck up. Oh, she oh in the mornings. I go good morning, you know, I make I make sure I go How did you sleep? You know, did you dream? Yeah, right? She looks at me Nothing. She never asked me how I'm doing. She doesn't ask me, you know, Uncle Tito. You know, I mean Uncle Tito, how do you feel? You know, tell me your ideas? What's your past like? You know, tell me a story She doesn't ask those things man. Come on Rudy fucking you. You're so lucky lady You're doing that American rescue or bravado thing that you're right and all these other men

Who's the guy that doesn't like the windows being touched? What what there's a white guy who also has another Filipina on the show that that's probably from a different season Oh Bobby and I hate the guys that go to any of these countries with their American bravado and think that only the women are benefiting from their relationship and Now they're worried about if she's just being an opportunist and that they just want to come to America And it's like dude, you went on an international dating site. You didn't date 50 year old Kathy from San Diego You wanted the fantasy of a 23 year old Filipino from the slums that you could rescue, right? So you both have dreams. You both have opportunities except you're the creep

She's just the one who's taking advantage of your creepiness. Yeah She If you live hey, hey Ed, I mean you're a nice guy and you're fun to watch But the thing is is if you lived in the Philippines, she wouldn't date you It's the fucking the fucking America is a part of the fucking package You know, that's why she has to fucking suck your twisted dick And I know it's twisted. We don't know if it's twisted. I mean, all right, you're right I'm making assumptions, but here's the thing I like about Ed and Rose

It might be twisted it might be twisted I do think that Ed is a redeemable like he is sweet and he is trying I just don't like it when that other guy Jeffrey That goes to Russia with varia or or Ed they throw in the issues with me for the money I'm like, well, what are you in it for? Yeah, you know, Bobby and I hate those scenes when they just go on and on about I'm her ticket to America. I don't know man. I want to know what her intentions are You know, I mean her intentions have to come to here. Look at you. Look at you. Fuck you Yeah, I mean, I don't know necessarily the the convict guy that the drug deal. What's his name?

Jeffrey, he's the one I dislike. I know but he's actually kind of good-looking Right, but he still has to know that that's a part of the fucking package, man You know, yeah, George looks like a Soviet newscaster Sweden babe, Sweden I know I was thinking Sweden, but he looks like some sort of fucking communist Newscaster some prop propaganda. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? What are you wearing dressed up for you, Bobby? You know, I thought this is my job. You should dress up. You gotta have some normalcy in these days Yeah, I had sweatpants on a half an hour ago, but I switched out just for you

Yeah, how so how's it going? Is it I mean, do you feel fine? Yeah, I'm feeling great. Yeah, I've given up as you can tell by my power clashing today You know, it's you know, I got a call, you know from my my agent saying that I'm not I'm not gonna go on the road until 2021 is that for all comics? Yeah. Wow, their prediction is is that really no touring until 2021 and then And that I think that was for me and I know we're all suffering and I'm

empathetic toward everyone situation and I'm very blessed and I'm very lucky, you know very talented, but But I'm kidding, but but you know, but you know, it was you know, that was heartbreaking news for me That was my you know heartbreaking news, but I know people are struggling out there and I it's who boo-hoo, you know Yeah, I think that everyone's tired of hearing celebrities say like we're all in this together because No, not I know I know we're very much not struggling here Should we see yeah, we what I can't imagine, you know, and you know, I mean, I'll be honest

There are thoughts of like, you know, event. I'm not I'm not Delia Yeah, I'm not Whitney Cummings. I can't you know, I'm still one of those comics that Eventually here. I'm gonna have to work. Yeah, you know, I don't have the kind of savings You know, I have some you know But you know, I bought this house and you know, it's it gets nerve-wracking and scary But you know, I am I know that I'm very aware and mindful that I'm you know, I'm blessed and You know, I just wish that you know, we all you know could get on the same page here But there are times where I

Open up Twitter and I just start losing my fucking mind. Hmm. I just start I really get depressed and angry You know, so I have to be mindful about not Using the word mindful all the time because Since therapy, I don't know if you've noticed but I use that fucking word all the fucking time That's nothing about that, but I have to be Let me just fucking say the word I'm gonna try to come up with a word. Yeah, what did you what'd you say? Where I have to be more aware In the now and insightful

Mm-hmm What else we have? Yeah. Anyway, um now for a new segment. I like to call what what kind of video game are you playing? What are you been playing Gil I've been playing war zone and I just ordered Witcher 3 because I would use hard disk I don't have enough hard disk space. So I've been playing Probably 8 to 12 hours a day Witcher 3. I hope I like it it. I'm telling you right now I love this fucking game. I love games where it's like, you know, because a lot of I'm sorry I'm just baby. That's okay. You can give segment. It's our segment. Yeah, but I love games where it's like, you know, I have to find Witcher armor that's like from the school of Wolven the wolf right and then it's like you gotta find the diagrams

But the only way to find the diagram is to climb this mountain and hunt a fucking cave for three hours Yeah, and then when you finally get it you show up at the blacksmith to get me get it done And it's almost impossible. You need the eyeball of an ogre You need the tooth of a sea creature that you can't fucking find right root of a China man You spent like eight hours trying to make this fucking armor and then when you finally have it on right you're like, yeah I don't like it Waste of five hours. Yeah, and then there's this other armor where I want so fucking bad But there's like a fucking vampire that haunts where the chest is to get the diagram of this armor

Yeah, every time I show up with my so I go I think I'm at the level where I can beat this thing and I show up with my sword and Nope, and I'm dead right and then I and then I leave and I go alright. Maybe I'll come back next Friday You know me maybe I'll be strong enough, but I love games where you have to and then I finally got a house Oh, that's your favorite. You love a house with I have they gave me a butler and some other lady that I don't even know What the lady does but it's like you put paintings up and stuff So I'm like I've been going to like the market and finding paintings and putting paintings up I love a little game, you know, I love games where it's like, oh, you know what this area is too difficult for me right now

I'm not strong enough. So I'll just go over there and try to you know find Minerals or not minerals, but like, you know, um, I want make potions and stuff, you know, I mean, so I love games like that It's really fun. Kalilah. Is there a world where you can get into RPGs role-playing games like ever? Yeah, if it was like more it did if it didn't involve my hands I hate the feeling of slippery plastic in my hands and every single time that I played because I sweat obviously a lot It's it's it's just I don't like this. I don't like this if it I do like the the the VR stuff She we were playing I was playing Fallout 4 once right in the old house

And I go here play it right it was a dark area where there's ghouls, right? And she's kind of she figured out how to walk around right and all of a sudden you can hear But she couldn't see it It was in back of her and she didn't have the control so she was good where where and then all of a sudden you can hear You know the fucking ghoul slashing her back, right? And then she her hands got so slippery this the fucking controller just fell on the ground And she did that's it. I can't do I can't do I can't do it. I feel for you Kalilah except for the The sweaty hands. It's exactly what I would do. I hate you. You don't like RPGs. He plays. I'm not good at them

I hate RPGs because I never I hate being worse than 13 year olds at things call of duty. I I'm very good at RPG. Okay. Well It felt like RPGs word it so I Not the missile role-playing game, okay Role-playing games you're generally playing by yourself Mm-hmm and the pacing is where you you know how you want it to go instead of like, you know You have to go straight. You can do whatever you want. So it's open world. So why would that be difficult? because when you when you

See a monster that you can't fucking beat you you don't have to do it You can just walk away and come back a week later when you feel like you're strong enough That's what yeah, why you I think you could do it. You fuck. I think that we should puzzles Puzzles. Yeah, I'm happy with another thousand piece puzzle That's why I had to switch rooms because there's a puzzle that being done on the table. I was in before I Want to go back to I want I actually want to go back to The 98 a fiance be you know, I want to I want to retract our comments about Ed because I'd love to have him on our show

He's gonna do what you fucking melting fuck. No, I don't care You think you're banking on the fact that you're also from San Diego and he's from San Diego Shape similarly. Yeah, we're shit. We're yeah, bro, and I'm just like you bro. I have a neck, but I'm just like you You know I'm your type of guy. Yeah in terms of like you're a little older. Maybe when I'm 52 You don't mean I'll I'll do that, too You know, he was really cute. What I want to say is is that um, when he was in the province with with Rosemary Hello, I'm gonna go on. Where's that?

It's like close to Manila, but who cares? Who cares? It's in the jungle. It's it's close to Manila It's not in the jungles. Manila is not a jungle, right? But then um, and then he was like remember like he's a complaining about everything the electricity thing. Yeah No, it also it was raining and there's like Yeah, oh my oh my god. Is that a chicken, you know, or oh my god. Look, is that a rat? You know when he's and it's like I think mouse Master splinter It's like yeah, and um

It's like let me say something you American fucks When you're in a situation like that number one, you know, he was complaining like Um, I've never been in this situation before. I mean, this is difficult for me, right? Mm-hmm When I'm in those situations, I go. Oh my god. This is weird. It's a little difficult But how amazing is it that I'm in this situation? Right, you're living a different life experience. You're a different man than last year You are so different No, fuck you. I'm saying that's a good thing. Fuck you

Why are we watching you? Why should be fucked? What happened? I'll tell you why fuck you. All right I know you went to Carlos. I wonderous under right and they had no electricity no running water How old are you? I was 26 years old exactly 26 year olds have that I'll stay in a hostel with 16 people pay $10 a night and Stink the whole place up and be merry and get drunk and like just have adventure, but you at 48 I've seen you at a five-star hotel in the Philippines if my option if I'm in a town and there's a five-star hotel I'm gonna do that option. Do you know that you there's no other option? Fuck it at Crimson Hotel in the Philippines, right? There's a downstairs buffet, which is amazing and that's where people eat in the regular rooms

But if you have If you are staying in a fancier room, you have an upstairs buffet That's has dim sum and all of that, but it's it's it's it's not it's better It's just more private so all my entire family were downstairs in the regular people's buffet. They all had regular rooms Bobby Through a tantrum because he's like I'm not eating here. We're going upstairs. No, I Let's throw a tantrum what I would do is I would go downstairs Because she you know she wanted to eat and I might the whole point was is to look at everyone in the eyes and go I'm going upstairs

Bye, and they're like what's upstairs right and I just love doing that face like you remember that George. Oh, yeah I love it. And here's it. I didn't tell you the reason why I like the Crimson And you I never told you this baby. It's not because it's a five-star hotel It's not because it was like nice. It's because the Crimson had private little tiny Pools in the back, right? And while you went and did your adventures Just listen to me. I Would stand there in the pool and just watch porn and Feverously jerk off in the pool because I could stand and my water and the water level went up to here and and for some reason the feeling of

Feverishly masturbating to pornography and with the water. Sorry Sorry, Jules if you think that this is bad you should have seen me last week on bad friends She heard things about me Her eyes almost popped remember her eyes almost popped out of her little fucking Gookhead Right you little gook. We have welfare checks. We have a welfare doing welfare Friends Who is it? Let's see my small golden globe

TV celebrities we're gonna be on this fucking program today. I don't think he could hear us Hello televisions. Oh We can't hear him. We can't hear him If you can't hear me right now, I'm gonna you fuck you piece of shit you fucking uppity piece If you can't hear me right now, right? No, you uppity piece of shit. Look at that. If you can So I'm Eric Stone Street before I just you know, you don't have to cut this out, but um So they just aired the last Season finale. I mean the the show finale of Modern Family. So we should congratulations

Congratulated on that. What what a run? What a beautiful run on a show, right? No, no, yes, I don't know. He's a star and number two. He's he's a scene stealer And ever since the beginning since the beginning just crushing it scene steal scene steal I remember we've already talked about it probably on this bug. I forget what I talked about this fuck about But I remind people. Yeah, but he's a little you know as as he gets more successful this man He gets a little bit more aggro toward me You know before we were on even ground, but now um, he's a little you know, he likes to

You know, look at him. What a cute guy He does look extra cute. He looks cute today. Look at the way. Yeah, it's connecting. It's connecting. Is it connecting? Yeah, now I can hear you I don't know what's going on I have millions of dollars. I have no idea what's going on. I can't get my stuff fixed You know, look at him Oh There's the money shot. Uh-oh and me award-winning cry and the award-winning dick. What is he purposely doing that?

Because he doesn't want to see me Shut up Oh Shit, there he is. There's mr. Sunshine. What's up, Eric? Oh god, stop yelling. Jesus What's happening? Why are you talking so loud? So I because I couldn't hear you. You couldn't hear me at first Bobby, are you still in Wuhan? You son of a bitch, you know, I'm not ching-chonging in that way So, dude, I wanted to say congratulations on um, what the the show finale

Oh, thanks. Yeah, what a run. Give him a round of applause. What a run on a show, huh? 11 years How many years 11? I know. Are you sad? Yeah, pretty it all hit me, you know being locked up and quarantined and all that stuff and all that The emotion of the show ending after 11 years was was unique and interesting but um Yeah, I mean, I think I'll be most sad when it's time to go back to work in august when we would all be heading back for our first table read and and um, and we're not we're not doing the show anymore

But you know what dude? It's like it's not your last rodeo stone street No, I know but yeah, it's really fun Yeah, no, I bet I know I bet, you know, I I mean even though mad tv didn't have any numbers right Even though mad tv didn't have the numbers obviously and wasn't right What were you saying about mad tv? It wasn't a hit show that I don't I just get but I I still um, so bobby, you see how stupid I look at these glasses

This is this is how stupid you look in yours Yeah, you know what? Yeah, you know what? What? Can I see this is is that you know, I'm trying to develop a new vibe, you know, well bobby. Yeah, uh, come on, bro Oh Yeah, because you were you keep saying you know me for the last couple months like take the glasses off What are you doing and all that stuff?

And I spent so much money on them. I just I just need to wear them for a little bit. That's all I know I love all your fans on your Page defending you being like just let him wear his glasses still I have such good friends You know what's so funny, too Is that like what it drives me crazy is that when I tell a story about us or whatever? Yeah, right the fans want to check with you to see if it's fucking true Yeah, I got a I got a I got a tweet the other day like right after you were on some

podcast or something Saying stones or bobby told a story about you. So of course I had to go listen and see if it was true or not Right and they're 90 true. Correct Yeah, I mean the advantage you have of telling any stories about me is I've probably have forgotten them. So Because you know, I don't you know, you're you're just not that important So I know But you know what the thing is is that you may you know, you may have you may say that to get a little chuckle But I think that you are very fond of me. I am fond of you

But uh, you know who and I we had a very nice conversation about you Is howie mandel? Oh, I don't you what a nice man that guy unbelievable. Oh my god. So funny. So nice very complimentary of you We both agreed that you have a huge heart and a tiny penis and Nice nice to uh to connect on on that with with him about you. Yeah, um Have I ever sent you a dick pic or no? I've seen it. I know but because I'd be late as the blade. I've been sending people Just dick pics. I just don't man. I don't I'm not interested

Why why I don't want it. It's unwelcomed. Yeah All right Oh, you want to say you want you want me to say something? I fucking bullshit. This bullshit because I fucking I I'm gonna ask you to call it out. How many Super Bowls have I seen? Zero except for what? The last one why because of Kansas City I fucking watch the fucking Super Bowl you piece of fucking garbage because I know you were all go-ho, you know You know we're champions or whatever right? So I'm like and I'm sitting there at daniel day kim's house in hawaii

Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Okay. Anyway, you were saying something about being in another asian's house go ahead And you know the asians obviously in this house We're all 49ers. Oh, yeah, of course, right? Right because You know, right, of course, of course, and then um for me though. I was like go I don't know anything about it, but I was like go Kansas City because of my friend eric you fucking fuck I did that because of you. Well, that that's great, but that doesn't mean then I have to accept dick pictures

Like we can we can find a middle ground Yeah, all right, you're right I don't think that for example this conversation where I say Thank you for supporting the Kansas City Chiefs. Yeah Now you were actually there at the game, correct? Yeah, I was there. I was there, Bobby Yeah, and now when you because I remember in the game when you San Francisco was winning Right most and you guys were behind. What were you feeling? Uh, you know, I was feeling

Optimistic, but you know, they they're a really good team. So I knew that we would have to do something fairly fairly impressive to Come back and win and at one point I leaned over to Lindsay and I said if we don't pick this third down up or We're done and then that's when Patrick Mahomes hit Tyree kill for 45 yards. Wow. Yeah, I remember that And then when that happened because I can only imagine sitting next to you when that happened. What were you doing screaming? Uh, yeah, I got up and I walked very fast back and forth in a very aggressive Way, oh, that's right because you're in a box probably you're not with the people, right?

God, no Yeah, you're in some sort of like No, I was with I was sitting with the commissioner of football Roger Goodell actually. Oh, wow Okay, I'll relax. Okay. I get it. You're fancy. All right. No, it's not that's not why that's not why I was I was sitting with him because he had invited me a few years earlier to come to the Super Bowl to sit with him and his Daughters and his wife And I told him no that I wouldn't come to the Super Bowl until the chiefs were in it and then five years six years later The chiefs were in it and I called him and said rain check, please

Yeah, wow. So you're not Pacing back and forth and then all of a sudden, you know, you guys start Catching up. What was the score then? I I don't remember but you have to understand I Had been through two games where we were behind before and a couple games with Patrick Mahomes as our quarterback now that Feel different when you're behind it used to not feel like there was any chance we could catch up But with him as the quarterback it now feels different. I don't think your followers care about sports Don't they just no no make fun of you. No, they don't know. I'm a big arsenal fan. I love sports. You're a big what fan

Oh, well the only sport that really matters arsenal. Oh, yeah, it's a football team out of So, all right, you know, I mean we don't take breaks It's like let's go do a commercial break while they make some sort of plan. No soccer. We just keep playing Okay, Bobby. All right bud, but anyway, hey, how many podcasts do you have? I have two You have this one. I have this one. I do one with the um freak andro sentino Yeah, what's his deal? What do you mean? He's a freak. He's right. Why'd you call him a freak? He is a freaky kind of a guy. He's a comic, you know, all comics are kind of free. Oh

Yeah, yeah, you're freaky yourself Fuck you I know but you are You don't think that you're freaky a little bit. Oh, I'm freaky. Sure. Yeah. I know you Oh What I just blown stuff. I haven't opened my laptop in like A week. Oh, yeah How's how is it going now air? I mean, how what are you been doing during this quarantine?

Just been chilling at my house. I mean I go for an occasional walk, but I don't really I'm not a big fan of walking um We'll go for a drive. I like driving around. Yeah. Um You know Yeah, so what are you been doing aside from that? What are you been doing just to kill the board? I'm like, what are you watching anything? Are you playing games? What are you? What are you doing? What do you video games are very complex? I play video games all day long. Oh, I know that's why I said I'm not 10 Oh

I used to be into video games and then I got out of them and then I tried to get back in and then my assistant Tyler talked me out of getting a video game because he's like you're too old now. It's pasture Past your time. You'll just get frustrated getting beat by younger people. So yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah Um, are you watching anything good? Yeah, I watched. Did you watch the tiger king thing? Oh, yeah You like it? You know for me, I um, I didn't have the kind of reaction that normal people have I was more like You know, I mean I was interested in the world. I love it when

Um, I get to learn about um a culture that I'm not aware of Right, and I just never knew that there was like that kind of those types of people out there and then people that take advantage of wild Animals and people Not only that they're also just these bizarre eccentric kind of characters that are like almost unbelievable You know, it's like right. So even if you don't you don't have a mirror You don't have a mirror then Not a lot of self-reflection going on over there

You know, it's so funny when you said that my first reaction was rage Really? Yeah, a little bit was a little bit of a rage like I got defensive, right? Then I then I found out there was humor there Right, and it's out of love, you know, but the thing is is that um, you know, I'm not fucking there's no sound Really? No sound. Oh my god. Will you tell him that we have to go to roge or no? Yeah, can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, we can yeah good fucking lord

I mean You know You could have just done it this way the whole time Well, you're yeah, but he said I needed headphones. I've done freaking jimmy kim without headphones and all of a sudden Your production's requiring headphones. We had to scramble to find headphones you motherfucker Don't come over here into my zoom room and tell me Yeah It was George

But I want to say this is that that fucking producer George. I barely like him Yeah, I remember from the last time you didn't like him at all Dressed up. He is what the fuck is that? Why is he wearing a suit? I know I told him he looked like a fucking um a russian newscaster from the 1970s. Hello. Welcome to tiger Bailey. My name is Yeah, yeah No, no eric. I want to listen this week. Do you want to do an instagram live together? Oh, remember when I asked you to do that like I was fucking You know, fuck it. Fuck it. I wasn't ready. Okay. I know you I wasn't ready

Real quick though real quick. Yeah the tiger belly with the tiger king thing Like the thing that I hope people watched and saw is how those places need to go away like yes We need to stop Stop that I think that was the most painful part for me was not Like seeing the reaction of people and sort of praising Being whoever they liked whether it was doc antel or joe exotic or carol bask and whoever they sided with I think that all those people needed to go and the fact that he was being

Praised for for anything was pissing me off Yeah, the good news is is that documentary brought a lot of attention to that world I think the fda and fishing game and all that is going to get on it and Be you know, once we get past all this stuff be activated to try to shut some of those places down But the problem now is there's so many tigers that you're not going to go in there and euthanize a bunch of tigers They all have to live out their life somewhere So I don't know what's going to happen. That's why I work with this place You guys would like called white oak in jacksonville, florida and they are a senior pictures conservation place. They are truly a conservation place

Okay Who's raj when I was dealing with all these this headphone issue that george created I heard you say should we tell him we got to go to raj? He doesn't have it at me. He doesn't have it at me. He doesn't have it at me So he can wait. In fact, he was supposed to come before you but we've had him wait. Yeah, we've had him wait Roger is carlyle stepfather. Oh Yeah, so, you know, he's been kind of waiting, you know, I mean he was supposed to film before you but But obviously, you know, we're gonna have you on beforehand. Where's he at? Where's roger at?

He's somewhere. He's waiting in the waiting in some. Yeah, it's some lobby and um in Glendale somewhere. Oh Yeah, but we we we do a weekly family welfare checks. Oh, oh, that's nice but I was I want to talk about the struggle and and and celebrity because it's like I I also don't like feeling feeling like guilty about Having what I do have because I'm well aware that you and I Did things and we took risks And we made moves

And we did things that a normal person Are too scared to do or whatnot and we also Hung in there for so fucking long With no pay Rejection after rejection. So it's like there is a point where it's like, all right. I get it I I I guess I am very blessed and lucky, but You also, you know, don't know what I had to do to get to the position that I'm in Yeah, a couple things there. I don't want to be put in the same category and amount of rejection that you had because

I don't I know, so if I could just No, but you raise a good point and and Like there's a portion of this that you can because that's the thing is is That's why my phrase is do what you can when you can where you can However, you can I mean Everyone has different means and everyone has different abilities to do stuff. So we all have to to do what we can And when we can I always say, you know, and I learned that from my my dad because I went to college with like poor kids

I went to college with rich kids I went to college with middle-class kids And I remember always being so proud of being from a family who who had means my dad had means But he also shared with me with my brother with my sister with the commute with other people very philanthropic And it wasn't until I went to college that I met people who were in all different categories of that people who couldn't And still did meaning poor people who just gave whatever extra dollar they had Then you meet really rich people who don't do

Shit who don't do anything who don't help their kids who don't help anyone else And then you meet the middle-class people middle-class which really was what we were and my dad His philosophy was when I make a dollar That's all of our dollar. That's not my dollar. That's not your mom and I's dollar. That's your dollar and our dollar so That's why I've always felt and had the opinion of you know When you can you do you have to do right? Yes, okay because we're inspired by the people who can't and still do right? Right

So this week I would love to do an instagram live, but um, we have to go to roge because he's old. He's like 90 years old and so He's like 90 or something in the 70s. He's in the 70s and then um, I'm gonna end on No, we just end on good fucking good to see you. Good luck You know, I mean you look great. You know, I mean, I love you. Congratulations. That kind of stuff All right, give me a compliment I've been giving you so many compliments. Give me a fucking compliment. All right um Get closer

Um Stay something so your face pops up because I'm just seeing uh, oh, oh, okay. Okay Do you have you have a nice distance between your eyeballs? Thank you No No, thank you. No, that's fine. No, no. Thank you. Thank you My that's my way of saying. Yeah, yeah, Lila will agree. Yeah, you are very cute Thank you. That's really nice and genuine. You are very you are an adorable

Little guy that I just like to put in my pocket and take you Yeah But also, do you remember though because I said this on this other podcast that that time where I did have that That have that audition and you popped your head in and you gave me advice Yeah, remember that day don't work. Just don't make it. You don't worry about it being perfect. Yeah Yeah, you remember that. Yeah, I remember you being on fox I remember seeing you and stuff like that but and I remember what wonder what you were auditioning for It was some show that that never really went anywhere. I also obviously I didn't get further on the audition

but I remember being really just kind of like just depressed and like God, I was a really bad time and I was like and at the time I would memorize these Auditions from beginning to end and if it wasn't perfect. Yeah, if I fucked up in any way, I started spiraling, you know, I mean and then what you said Really was the best advice I could hear so well the the the gist of that and I probably said it then too Which I always felt was important is if you're memorized and perfect And perfect you've set the expectation for the creators and the producers who are watching you that that's as good as the performance is ever going to be It's making mistakes and looking down at your paper and them and reminding them that you're auditioning right now Yeah, this is just the the beginning and then once you're off book and once you're in wardrobe and once you're on a set

It's going to be even better But if you go in and you're too perfect and you're too polished and you're too Planned out planning is different than preparation, right? You prepare right, but you don't plan on things And if you go in and you're too fucking slick then all you've done is told the producers This is as good as it's going to be. This is my polished performance This is what's going to be what i'm going to be doing when the cameras are rolling But you you want to you know, you still have to portray the role of actor when you're auditioning You have to play the role of creative person

And I always felt like I don't have time to freaking memorize every line of this because I have two other auditions today too Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the point is letting you Thank you and that really helped. That's all I wanted to fucking say. Okay That raj doesn't have anything that fucking great He probably does it. All right, eric. I love you so much. God bless you and let's do something this week on instagram live Okay, okay. Thank you, but you don't say god bless me lord the lord made me the lord be with you No, please because if anyone is gonna have a relationship with the lord that I trust that he would like and say hey go over and You know god bless stone street. It ain't you bro

But thank you. Thank you. I love you. Thank you I love you anyway. We got um Um, we got a new guest coming on. Um, it's uh khalilah's stepfather Roger stanman give him a round of applause Roger, how are you doing? I'm doing great Wow, it's clear. So roger. I was just thinking to myself From now on you should keep that fucking beer. You look fucking handsome as fuck, dude

It definitely covers up the bad parts Well, you're pot. Well your pot marks and stuff No Just the falling down and the jowls. Wow. Oh, oh, I see. Maybe you're hiding some of the injuries you got from the vietnam war It couldn't be yeah, yeah Stan. Yeah, so roger. What are you been doing? Um to kill time? You know actually

Mara tess and I khalilah's mom have been getting along so nicely That we take drives. We walk eye walk She cooks we watch shows together We exercise Wait, I'm doing gardening in the back Nice things, you know Faxing I feel sorry for our people with children and whatnot if I had them I'd be very structured Um, and I can sort of understand why some of them are going crazy, but

Um, you know, it's tough times. It's kind of like a big adventure Yeah Now, um in your professional opinion, um Yeah, in terms of the country and the state that we're in when do you think uh This this quarantine is gonna end Actually based on what I'm hearing I think a lot of it is gonna end by June Wow

I think the president and a lot of these governors are gonna cave in to these moronic people And we're gonna have a second wave and Why you're saying it like that. You don't agree No, I do. I just you know, we we try to stay away from um a point of view on this podcast, but you know, I tend to um

Okay, so yeah I'm hearing You know when when we have congressmen that are comparing people that are protesting To the parks So comparing it to Rosa parks How how absolutely crazy is this Something that was so immoral in history back then

Compared to something that is so moral Sorry, no, but here's what when I read that Roger by the way is um a history teacher. He's a history teacher So when I read that, you know, when the uh, I think it was a maybe a financial advisor out of the white house Compare the protesters To Rosa parks. My first reaction is literal shock That somebody would even say that out of their mouth Secondly than anger and all those things, but you know what what I realized is I just kind of have to let it go because

I don't want to live in um I don't want to live in anger and rage, you know No, and I agree with you, roge Um of all the things of all the foods that we've sent over to your house. What has been your favorite? Oh gosh Kalilah, you've sent so many goodies over the scones. Oh my gosh We eat one of those scones at night when we're in a very happy state um

What kind of happy state roge? Oh, whoa No, we're not gonna get into that happy state. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Are you are you? I'm sorry. I want to ask this are you Okay Yeah, look at his face. Are you being sexually active during this quarantine? That's not that's not what happy state is happy state is marijuana My god, why did your head take you there? That's so

Don't answer that question. Don't answer that question. Shut the fuck up. It's my podcast too Oh, please god. It's my mom Roger, it's calling a sister. It's calling your brother. Honestly. Be honest with me. Are you being sexually active? During the quarantine week, but I don't want you guys to feel bad. You did it last week Six days a week Six days a week But I don't want you people to feel bad So

Basically Okay, so basically what you're saying is is that you're During the quarantine you're you're drilling You know, but you better be careful because you know who will come over there and she'll smack you one What is your dick? Oh My mom my mom my mom roge roge

This is only going to be a quick welfare check segment. Um, it's so good to see your face I can't wait to hug you and my mom Um, hopefully in june or hopefully, you know sometime this year I love you so much and i'm going to keep sending you scones and portos and goodies and drop off groceries Oh good Yeah, we love you so much. We miss you so much roge and uh, you're a good man. I gotta take give roger He has a new nickname roger fuck machine

Thank you roge, we love you. Thanks roge. Love you. I buy peace Wow So wow six times six times a week That's honestly going to ruin my quarantine Yeah, like that might have just destroyed me Well, what do you think that she's a human being? You know, he obviously they're gonna be wonderful But if you know my mom at all like you know that he's not fucking her She's

My mom is a muscular My mom is a fuck. She's her body is made of steel I could just imagine him laying there and then meritus climbing on top of them. Oh Oh I need to hear this. I need to hear this it slips in right and then she does all the work like Babe, you know my mom Like he probably sees the light, you know what I mean, you know my mom, you know She has extreme ocd that she has problems with so she's one of those people that like counts

Like how many times she stirs her coffee. So you know when when she's riding she's counting. She's like one two three four five And then like reverse one two three four five six like a stair duster. Yeah. Yeah, like it's it's it's a regimented very structured very symmetrical perfectly aligned His calm is probably like wood glue. What the strongest kind, you know, you know Have you ever seen wood glue where you try to squirt it out of the bottle and it doesn't even come out because it's like epoxy like epoxy Yeah, I love the smell of epoxy. Yeah, it's probably a thick very thick

Substance anyway. Oh my god. This went all wrong. How's your time, baby? But it's my it's my mommy. I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't help it either. I started talking about the fucking I know So he's getting high. That's what he meant. Yeah. Yeah, he's well into his 70s. The man can do whatever he wants That's what he wants, you know, roger's a cool dude. Yeah Yeah, so um Gilbert, what would you recommend me watching? So I know because you like to watch things I was thinking about watching the ozark. Is that good? I haven't started that yet, but I will start it. Uh, there's a documentary. I just watched the first episode on hbo

It's the mcdonald's one. How the hell I love that one. I've seen that. Oh, I saw all of them. Oh my god. I love that agent He's so I love him too. He's a great Matthews. Oh, yeah, yeah That that whole thing. Yeah, you know what watch that documentary and then we'll talk about it next week Yes, yeah, I really really enjoyed that documentary. How about you, um, george? You have anything to recommend? uh task master Would you be watching task master? Oh, is that like on youtube? It's like the great british bake-off for free on uh on youtube Uh season four has no no fielding. Yeah, I love no fielding skin tight

What's that the skin tight? It's the offshoot um show of um 600 pound life where people have now lost Let's say a total of 300 pounds and while their lives have changed They still feel trapped in this body because they have all of this uh, like just ball a mush of extra skin Yeah, and then it follows two people per episode who eventually get the the tummy tuck and the surgery and the skin removal But what I do is I watch the beginning And I'll just fast forward. I don't give a fuck about what they're feeling and I just look at the end Yeah, I like before and afters. I do that with um meth photos like I love I like just before and after either people on meth and getting sober or

The degration of meth like, you know, I mean meth yet, you know one year meth, you know And they're all police photo line-ups Over the years. Yeah, they used to show those pictures on intervention, right? Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, anyway That was a very bizarre podcast. Bizarre pot. Juliana is asleep. Yeah, but juliana is the people want to see you Just put your face in the camera real quick. She knows that she's asleep and I want her to wake up. Come here She's super famous. This is what juliana looks like. Okay. Just go right here right here. Come over here There she is. Yeah, she's taking a nap on the chair right there Um, anyway guys, um, be safe out there, you know

Really do be safe and uh, you know, papa loves you Slept king loves you and I and I um, I just want everyone to be healthy and these are tough times we've never been through a pandemic before and uh, this is uh 100 years from now. This will be in the history books. This will be You know talked about I think and um, I just think that um You know, I love you and I miss everything and I miss going back to life and hopefully we can get back to Living a regular life, but things I think are going to change In the world. I think for the better in many ways. Um, I think the sea creatures and the animals are coming back out saying hello

You know, it's nice. You know, what's not going to change what? Flower fingers. Okay. Okay. Anyway. Oh, do we have an unhelpful advice? You do. Would you like it, sir? Yes Unhelpful advice with bobby and kalilah. Look, babe. I just want to say I'm a huge fan of tiger valley And I love you all I'm 23 years old and my younger sister will be 21 in june In 2016 they caught up my dad from government assistance and we weren't making rent for months He began asking for my older brother and I for money to pay the rent but refused to apply for a job Eventually he became fed up and moved out leaving my sis alone with him She ran away from home and my dad was evicted

Fast forward to today and my dad has a place and a job now We learned that my sister had been using meth heavily She has a drug induced schizophrenia and takes medication for it She has been in and out of jail for maybe two years now So apparently a lot of prison inmates have been released because of covet 19 and so my sister was released While in jail, she wrote us letters saying she was ready to do better. So my dad let her stay with him She stayed for three days went for a walk and never returned home She said she was staying with the friend

But we are pretty sure she's staying at a drug house where she has stayed before This is a dangerous place for her to live whenever she lived there. She'd always uh was covered in bruises and calling us and asking us To send the pictures to the police and the address What should my dad and I do? We care about her, but this is getting harder on us Especially with the virus going around. We don't know how to facilitate any infert- uh Intervention safely. Thanks Monique. You know, um, this is actually a Kind of identical to something that our family is going through, you know, it's that's that's a real tough one man like, um, to To love someone that deeply but to love them enough to not enable them is a really really tough position to be in

I know many people that have gone through this and it is One of the most difficult things that one can go through because you know, your gut instinct Is to enable and to do everything you can because of love To help this person, but you have to understand that This is how tough to say But this person has to go through living hell before they see the light again And there's nothing that you can do To save that from them. They have to go through the experience and this is going to be

tough to say but At many times and most of the times The person doesn't make it And many times the person dies Many times they go through it and they see the light, but It's one of those situations where you're completely and utterly powerless There's nothing you can do

except tough love and to um put up boundaries and not give them money not Go out of your way to help them in any way because all that does is Prolong their disease and it keeps them out there for longer. So Um, that's the only I mean I can make a joke about it, but it's not funny. It's like that's that that's it It's proven, you know, it there's programs for family members

That go through this, you know Eleanor it's called codependency. It's you know people Well, that's what you should probably recommend then for her and her dad, right? Yeah, is go through your own program and even in this even during this pandemic There are a lot of meetings that you can join um on zoom that are are Available to you all week and maybe you can find you can talk about it with other people that are going through something similar

I mean, I know many comedians that I think I know she talks about it. So Whitney Cummings is one that is heavily involved in programs and she um is very active because You know, she too has that type of experience You know, it's not it's you're not an anomaly. It's very common And it's very painful and we totally see

and and you know and and empathize with you because especially I mean already it's it's a hard situation as is But add the extra layer of the fact that like we're worried about this like respiratory disease That's just flying around. Oh my god. You have a double whammy out there. Yeah, it's a double whammy and that's that's extra heavy Shit for you and your family. I'm so sorry I get that I get toward it But you know, there was a time believe it or not where I was sober And my brother wasn't my brother was hanging out with creatures of the night

My brother was hanging out with bottom dwellers and doing drugs and partying with unsavory characters And every night I used to fucking just like you probably worry But and I you know, there was a point where I would give them drugs I'd go on the road and people would give me drugs and I would put them

You know me in my and bring them back to la and give it to them just so that I could like get them to reach a bottom faster, but What what ended up happening was I felt like that was just that was the wrong way of going about it So I had to let him go. I let him go and my brother years later just called me out of the blue and said, you know, I'm done I'm going to meetings now. I'm sober and he's been sober for over 10 years. So um That's the real only advice that I could give you my friend

Sorry, we can't all right man. Um, but hey, I love both of you. Um And we'll see each other next week. Huh? What do you think? Let's do it. All right. Bye. I love you. Bye Hey, bye guys. Love you. All right Hello everyone. I hope you enjoyed that tiger belly episode. Thank you to our guest Eric stone street very funny So nice so awesome. Uh and also shout out to roge Love that guy. Keep the facial hair dude and also a big thanks to our sponsors manscape ship station and brooklynin Make sure you tame your jungle get 20 off with free shipping at manscape.com with the code slept

And make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of delivery culture Right now tiger belly listeners can try ship station free for 60 days when you go to shipstation.com and use the offer code belly Get started at shipstation.com today Yes, uh Okay, was that a good radio voice? I think that was a I think that was a pretty good radio voice Anyways, george you get everything you need to live your most comfortable life for 10 off your first order and free shipping on all the New sheet right now. You can use promo code tiger only at brooklynin.com once again, that's the promo code tiger But a boom and who wants to have your question on tiger belly? I do george kimmel. My name is jerry from oklahoma

Well, jerry you can email us at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. We're looking for interesting non-typical problems If you're thinking of something right now, are you jerry? Would you do us a favor and write it down? That's uh adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. Thank you, mr. Kimmel. I did write it down also the guys the meme contest is still going strong Every week we see amazing memes of the current episode that's out and we usually choose one person From that poll and we give them a gift bag. So guys keep making your memes. We love it. Hashtag at tiger belly Uh, and we will send you those gifts and if you haven't received your gift yet just wait because it's coming And anyways, you can follow everything tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at that tiger belly And you can follow george kimmel at george underscore kimmel

And george you can follow bobby lee at bobby lee live and george you can follow klila at calamity k And george you can follow me at Barak obama There it is at barak obama. Wow getting really political and getting really political george. You know is that not political podcast gary johnson There you go. Shout out to gary johnson Yeah, he ran what like 10 years ago. Anyways gary johnson now knows what a lepo is dot com Yeah, I don't know what check it out guys. Uh, we love you so much. Thank you for sticking around and we will see you next week

Put in the comments if you're watching this on youtube or on uh, itunes And guess you want to see let us know Yeah, yeah, hey, dude, we're doing tiger belly right now, but what's up? About what Yeah, okay, or what do you want to talk about? You look handsome right now by the way, I love the mustache. Yeah Thank you. Um, just your special man and I want to talk about your special Okay, what do you want to talk about? What do you specific? I want to know what you want to do and I want to help

Develop it the visual language of it and make something really special and unique with you Yeah, and I do too. So after the fire you want to do a FaceTime this week and let we'll do a creative talk Yes, okay, but right now. I'm shooting um tiger belly. So um, you This is brandon derma director friend of me and anderson. You know, he did what would diplo do He, um, he's very talented. Look at this stuff online. Oh, hang on Brandon, um, bobby was not a fan of the crustless Luminati Really? Well, I just the crust was the fucking sausage Yeah, we had it last night. It's delicious. I love it. Where's the bread?

Oh, so what we did was we made that and a cheese and then ate them together. Well, you didn't tell me that Yeah, that's what you got to do. You didn't tell me that I just ate the fucking sausage cheese No, no, no, you need both. Oh really? Okay So we will talk this week about the visual language. It's it's fucking art director talk the visual language of the special And uh, we'll get into it. So I'll call you maybe wednesday and we'll or thursday and we'll talk deeply about it. Okay, please Please. Yeah. Yeah. I love you so much. Dermot. Okay. We'll talk to you soon. Okay. Bye Oh

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