TigerBelly - Ep 244: Forehead Fireworks w/ Bretman Rock and Big Ed

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

Bobo sees a ghost. Koloko is a ghost. But who is the idiot? Bretman Rock offers his stripper pole. Big Ed talks mayonnaise. Jules gets bug-eyed. We talk sadcore relaxation, contouring, and pimple sex.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Music Welcome to a- I don't know why I just opened that way. Welcome, welcome to another episode of tag a belly. This is quarantine day number 3,643,902,3,5,6, a long time, everybody. I think the quarantine is gonna be over soon. I can feel it.

It's gonna be disastrous, but I'm glad that we're here together as a family unit. And I have my beautiful girlfriend, Kalyla next to me. She's gonna be in the new B-52, it's Filipino version with her haircut. I love it. It's like a bun. It's a B-52.

They're a band. I know Love Shack, but I'm saying what was their look. The girls always had like the little buns on their heads. Like a bouffant? Yeah, it's like there's like a bee key, like you have a beehive on it. I like it. It's not a beehive, it's just regular hair.

Well, you know what babe, what you did the other night to me, I should get, I'm gonna get revenge on you, baby. What happened? Wasn't even intentional. He scared himself. No, no, no, no. So last night, okay.

It's like two, three in the morning. And you know, Papa likes to go outside and relax, you know? I was a born relaxer. Ever since I was a baby, I just enjoyed just chilling. You know what I mean? I like naps, I like sleepy time at night. I also like closing my eyes and daydreamings, you know? I like it all.

I don't like my body, my body is, you know, physical and I have to do physical things. I don't enjoy it as much, you know, like Peloton, but I do it. We're trying to get a Peloton sponsorship. Please say you like some. I do what I not Peloton every night, baby. You do.

Okay, so. You do every night. But you know, the other night, Papa is doing relaxations, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way, you know, he was made to do, you know? So I'm laying outside and I'm smoking my cigarette. And you know, during Papa's relaxations

at two, three in the morning on the backyard, I like to listen to music. Sadcore. Some sadcore music, you know what I mean? I like to get deep, depressed, you know what I mean? And have a cigarette and just ponder about, you know, our life predicaments and whatnot. I have a question.

Does the, when you like a song that makes you sad, is it the melody, the lyrics or the combination of both? I generally don't know what any song is about. I realize that. Yeah. So yeah, I generally don't. I've never, I've never like listened to a song and go, I relate to that song, you know, through lyrically.

Because, and even if I do understand it, you know what I mean? When they say stuff like, let me be go or whatever, I don't understand it. Not that there was a song like that, but let me be there. Let me be go. But so I'm outside, right? Relaxing, just listen to my, let me be go. And listen to my music.

And it's pitch black out, cigarettes. And I don't think anybody is outside because no one is supposed to be outside. It's my time to relax. And so I'm smoking this and that. And all of a sudden, I see the silhouette of a ghost. What? Yes, but this ghost happened to be holding an animal.

Okay. So I go, that's right. And then my cigarette flies. Slow motion? Like a matrix. Slow motion, yeah. All I could see in the dark, honestly, was like fireworks went off in his face.

It hits the top of my forehead. It just flicks every single part of his face. Like fucking force it to like, in front of my face, right? And onto his chest. Onto my chest. I literally could have died. I looked like ghost rider for a second. Just, you know, and I looked, and I was so scared.

And I looked at, and Khalilah was there with the dog, right? It's like, hey bitch, you know, how about a little hand like, I'm here, I'm outside. You know, I didn't know that he had his AirPods on. So I went out and I had to pee Remy, because Remy needed to pee, so Remy's old. So I carried him and I put him in the grass. And I waved at him.

I was like, hey babe, I didn't know he had AirPods on. So I just thought he knew I was there. Yeah, right. And then so, but then it's like, you know, I was angry. Because I don't like to get surprised and scared in that way. Also, these two know that I'm living with, is I'm the worst person to see a horror movie with. We saw what, the visit the other day, remember?

The visit, that you've seen like three times. It doesn't matter, every time. Dude, that call of space scene is terrifying. Oh, baby, it's the scary. When white people, when old white people were chasing you underneath the fucking house, it's so fucking scary, right? If it was a black person, you wouldn't be that scared.

You'd be like, oh, hello, sir. Yeah, hello, you know what I mean? Orally, if it was an Asian, you'd think, oh, they're doing, you know, planting some sort of herb. You know what, you are right. Old white people really are scary. Oh, they are one of the most scariest people. When they're demonic.

Look at George, he's doubting us. Yeah, he's doubting us. You see how high he looked up? Yeah, he was full. They always give you a word. That's a, that's a. You know what, babe, old Asian is like, we had a, we had a, there's folklore in our old town

and there was this lady named Won-ning. What's her name? Won-ning. Yeah, Won-ning. And they would scare all of us. Like neighborhood kids. Don't get it mistaken for tuning. Tuning.

Tuning is very scary, but Won-ning is fine. Go ahead. Well, Won-ning was just an old lady that everyone sort of saw, but she didn't speak a lot. I don't think she had dementia, but she was like a hunchback. Like she was honestly like in her late nineties, but she would mind her own business,

but our parents to like, so that we wouldn't stray too far from home. We would say, hey, like careful, you know, cause then Won-ning would come get you. And then Won-ning, Won-ning apparently at night, she morphs into a very mobile old lady and then she goes through your windows. So if you're misbehaving, she'll come get you.

And also if you're pregnant, she'll steal your baby. Right, Jules? Is that how it goes? Yeah. Oh wow, Won-ning is fucking wicked, huh? It's not one, it's Won-ning. Yeah, Won-ning. One-ning.

Two-ning. Two-ning, three-ning. Four. All right, B-Won-ning then. No, but so, all right, so I can't know, I can't get her back because she has a heart condition. It's true. Right, so she can fucking freak me out

all fucking night long, but she has a heart condition so probably, so then I let it go. All right, because you know why? I'm a good dude. Good heart, yeah. I also realized why you and I and Jules could never watch horror films together.

Why? Because we're products of extreme physical trauma, so like our body reacts to perceived threats in a different way, where like George, you know, is probably very calm and collective and objective when he sees a horror film. For us, it's like our fight or flight is very jumpy, so it switches on real quick.

Yeah, George is probably like, oh, that situation was very stopping. Very interesting, yeah. Is that my grandma there? I'm like, oh, I should cock me up too lively. Cock me up too lively. So then I let it go, but then Kalyla does something last night

that infuriated me. Oh, you don't know? You don't remember? Oh, you don't fucking remember? I think she forgot. So she goes, Well, hold on one second. No, no, no, no.

Last week, he was so, okay, so last week, Bobby. Oh, sorry, sorry, ow. My dog bit my foot. Ow, ow. Sorry, Remy. Ow, fuck. It's just because you fuck it.

Ow, fuck it. Ow, ow, fuck. I've never heard, ow, that hurt. What happened? He bit me hard. Remy doesn't really have a lot of teeth, but the two teeth left are very sharp.

Yeah, yeah, oh my God. Jules is dying. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. He really likes your pain. Yeah. I have something to say about you in a second. Oh, it helps. So tell them about whatever this thing

that you did last night. Kalyla, what's your side of the story? Look, so Jules can actually corroborate my story here. So what Bobby does is that he's always like, I really want to see a ghost. I am begging to see a ghost. Oh, okay. But it turns out when he does,

he lights his own face on fire, right? And so yesterday, he started watching these things about how the set of the Omen, the set of Poltergeist and the set of The Exorcist were cursed and that a lot of people involved in the filming of those movies, weird things happened. There was death.

There was illness. Well, I belong to shutter.com, not belong, but it's just a website that I watch. I watch the horror movies on. And they have a documentary series called Cursed Films. So they showcase Poltergeist, Shining, Omen, Twilight Zone and The Crow, right? And how those films, films are cursed.

Do you know how the stalker who called himself The Crow when I was younger, when I was a young 12-year-old, there was an older man who was like, apparently, like, Does he have Asian like Brandon? A fan of my swimming abilities. And so he would leave letters for me and my sister outside of the pool with like the security guard. And he would call himself The Crow.

It was really creepy. Did he wear makeup and whatnot or no? No, I never met him. I didn't know what he was. He just signed the letters, The Crow. But that's when The Crow came out, right? Like in the, anyway, so Bobby was watching all of these things

and he was spooking himself because that's what he likes to do. So I said, oh, hey, you know what? Like in the Philippines, we do this thing, we do this ritual where you put your hand on a coin and then you draw circles around it. And if you imagine your future and your life and then you can look at the mirror, turn the lights on

and you can get a flash of your future. Oh, yeah. Right? And you know, I love Filipino magic and I love Filipino voodoo, you know? And I'm, you know, I want to try everything. I'm the type of guy that I'll try anything. So he goes into the table and he gets a coin

and then he's drawing with a charcoal pencil. And then she says this, she goes, think of your future, who you want to be, okay? Who your dreams, your ambitions, all that you really have to focus, right? So I'm literally, so I take the coin and I take a piece of charcoal chalk, right? And I'm drawing a circle on a piece of paper

and I'm literally focusing all my energy on those things because I want it to work, you know? Because I'm a believer. Okay. All right. So then she starts, she goes, okay, now she takes a chalk. And she says- I take the coin.

I take the coin and she starts doing something. I don't actually feel it on my face. I don't know what's going on, right? But she's doing something. And then she puts the coin back onto the piece of paper and she goes, do it again. So I start circling and I start thinking of things, right?

And then she'd lift the coin and then close your eyes. And she does some sort of saying on my face. Oh my gosh. And this takes about what, five? And I'm really trying, five, eight minutes. He really wants to get a flash of his future. I want to get a flash of a ghost or whatever, right? She goes, now close your eyes.

I'm going to lead you to the bathroom. And I go to the bathroom. She goes, close your eyes. She turns off the lights. Look in the mirror. But close your eyes, turn the lights on. Turn the lights on. And she goes, look in the mirror.

I open my eyes. And on the, I mean, forward, it says, idiot. Classic. Wow, Kalyla. Wow. He didn't know that the charcoal around the coin was actually making, was marking the coin. Yep.

Around it. So I used it as a pencil to draw. To draw. Idiot on his forehead. And I also gave him little whiskers and stuff. How did you feel after that, Bobby? Many, many feelings. Betrayal.

That's the one, you know, I feel like I was bamboozled. I feel like I was sabotage. I feel used, raped. Oh, God. There was a rapey, used feeling there. OK. And I, they're laughing like hyenas, as Filipinos do. You know what I mean?

That island laugh, all right? Yeah. And I'm now, you know, going within myself, going, should I break up with her? Oh, wow, you jump all the way there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do I get out of this? How do we, you know, get this fucking little one out?

Get her back to her little den? Revenge, you know, all that kind of stuff, right? Where are you going? I'm Bretman's here, ready to go, guys. Speaking of Filipino, we should ask him about Filipino witchery and sorcery. Yeah, but before, because we want to get Jules on. So just tell him, hold up for a second, OK?

So after that happened, I had to do some meditation. And I forgave her, but I don't think it's fair that I can't do shit to her, right? But I am going to do something. Interesting. And if she gets a heart attack, she gets a heart attack. Well, no, you're going to get a big, swift kick to the dick. OK.

So that being said, we have our first guest today. Look at Jules, she's already smiling. So I have to say. Should she sit on camera with you guys? Yeah, she should. You want to sit on camera with us, too? Bring a chair. Bring a chair.

Sit behind them. If you don't, you know what? Or you can say hi after before we get off it. If you don't start getting involved, you little piece of shit, you're going to get kicked out of the fucking house. She didn't even prepare. She could have.

She wouldn't even have her makeup. Now, get over here. I can say hi after. Yeah, I can say hi after. Cool. The publicist is on as well, so I'll just put the. Well, you want to get them on first and then I'll introduce them? Yeah, publicists are asking what's happening.

OK, let's go. All right. Marudy, get in there. No, you do. You do it. You do it. Hey. Oh my god.

Hey, guys. How are you? I'm doing me. How are y'all? Oh, god. So let me say something to you. OK, I have compliments for you. OK, oh my god.

First of all, number one is that we're very big fans of you in the house. Thank you. OK, and I have so I have to say that I, you know, I know Joe Coy, I know fans. A lot of fancy Filipino talent out there, right? But I have to say, Bretman, that you are the number one. Oh, you have everything.

I agree. I agree. You have number one. You have your funniest fuck. Thank you. And that coming from a guy and a fat Korean coming from a fat, ugly Korean, that's a compliment. Number two, right?

You're cute as fuck. Oh my god. Yeah. Right. Number three, all right, you have you have more influence out there than any comedian that I know. All right. So you have you have power.

Right. And I've never seen your dick before. Is it nice? Well, it's my ass is nice. So honestly, yeah. Yeah, I'm more of like an ass person. All right. So when if I looked at your ass, not that I want to see it

ever, I would love to. No, you can't. Oh, OK. Thank you. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure that there's probably no hair on your ass. None.

None of that. No shit either, bitch. I do it every day. Yeah. Oh, you don't do shit. So there's no shit on it. No, girl. Shedding is for uglys.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Is he saying shitting or shitting? Shitting is for uglys. Shitting is for uglys. Like, I think shitting is a choice. And I choose not to shit. So you choose not to shit?

Yeah. It's overrated. Everyone's doing it. And I use it now. Right, so then when you have to, because I know that you eat food and whatnot, where does that food go? Oh, you know, somewhere else. Yeah, maybe you pee it out.

Yeah, I make other people eat for me, you know. You do? Yeah. So, Bradman, what is, I want everyone, before we get into anything, what's your Instagram handle? He doesn't need our help. He doesn't need our help, but I just

want to throw it out there because I want our fans to. If y'all have missed my introduction, I'm sure you guys were introducing me. My name is Bretman the Baddest Bitch Rock. And my house is at Bretman Rock, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, OnlyFans, and of course, TikTok. I don't have a OnlyFans, by the way, and not yet at least. Hey, Bretman, so before.

I was looking at your shirt this whole time. I know that while you wore that for me. Which one, her or me? Her. Yes, I did. Don't I know a lot of love her shirt over there? Give me a compliment, Bretman. I like your hair.

Well, you should take it off. Show him the mullet. Ooh, I love the mullet. You know, I was trying to grow out a mullet like a couple months ago, but then it wasn't a look. Yeah. Not for, it works for some people. It works for you.

I like it. Oh, thank you so much. Hey, Bretman, I have a question. So I grew up in the Philippines, and I know you did too. And before this, we were talking about Philippine folklore and things that our parents would kind of scare us with. Is there any other type of, like, is there any type of mythological creature

that your parents scared you with to kind of keep you not too far from home when you were in? Oh my gosh, honestly, the list goes on. Like, anything to keep me inside the house, my mom would say, like, of course, you guys heard of like Manananggal. Wow. Chanak.

Chanak? Who the fuck is Chanak? Explain what Chanak is. Chanak is like a baby monster. It's an aborted child, right? Yeah, yeah. Aborted child. And then it basically haunts, like, people.

Mainly women, I believe. Oh, yeah. Dik Dik is he climbs on people's roofs, and then he has this long tongue and sucks up people's like bellies when they're pregnant. Chanak? Yeah. Now, let me ask you about Chanak.

If he's an aborted baby, does he have little fetus hands or is he a full baby? She's like a full-on monster baby. I don't know why, but a lot of Chanak's already have, like, teeth in them. It's kind of like a piranha teeth moment. Ah, right. Yeah.

So Chanak, talking about this. Yeah, you know, growing up, we had mythical things that my parents scared me with. Wait, what do Americans have? Like, what do they scare you? My parents scared me with the chupacabra, right? But that's Mexican. It doesn't matter.

I grew up in San Diego, so it's near the border. The chupacabra knows how to cross the border, right? How do you spell chupacabra? C-H-U-P-A-Cabra, K-A-B-R-A, chupacabra. And then the second thing my parents used to scare me with is Mexicans. So scared. So, you know, chupacabra and Mexicans.

My friends are like Mexican girls, so. Oh, speaking of your boyfriend, will you ever reveal his identity? Oh, shit, that's what that's what that's. Wait, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. That's the Chanak, right? Yes. Wow.

That shit's scary, man. And it chases you and Chad. Oh, he does? Yeah, but if it's a kind of border Chad, can you just, like, kick that fucker because a border child's an ex-mom. Just punted like a football. Yeah, or, you know, I would just

take it back to Planned Parenthood. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for stem cells, for, like, poor blood and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Retman. So I know that you don't reveal the identity of your boyfriend on social media and whatnot. Will you ever?

And will you describe to us what he looks like? Maybe when we get, like, married or engaged. But other than that, like, I really don't see myself, like, posting him any time soon. Because the internet just takes so much away from you. And, like, I shared so much of, like, my life ever since I was, like, in, like, middle school I was on the internet.

So I feel like my love life is, like, the only thing that I really have for myself left. That's really good. That's really good. And I think that him and I talk about that, too, because, like, we're a couple. And then we just kind of give, like, the nitty-gritty of our sex life and stuff like that.

And you do have to hold certain things sacred. And that then- At least for now. Yeah. No, let me ask you. But I've seen photos with you, with the backside of him. Like, I've seen the back of his head and the side of his face and some of his shoulder. And based on that, I think he's cute as fuck, bro.

I know, bitch. I don't date ugly, so. Yeah. You've never hooked up with an ugly dude. No. Honestly, I really can't say that. I just- Yeah. To me, you know, my cute might be your ugly, you know?

No, dude. You're universally cute, not my friends. Yeah. And I'm telling you right now, Bretman, that I'm not gay at all. But if I were, dude, oh my god, and if we were in prison. I don't like all the football players in my high school. I'm not gay, but.

Yeah, but so let me ask you this. What part of Hawaii do you live in? What island? I live in the islands of Waikiki. No, I live in Oahu. I live in Ewa Beach, you know, for race. No, I wasn't born and raised here. I was raised here, though.

Yeah, because, you know, I go to Hawaii a lot, because sometimes I shoot a show out there. And is that where I stay? Yeah. Well, no, they have you stay in Waikiki, which is a nightmare, but. Oh, my god, yeah. Yeah, but I could still have, like,

acai bowls with Bretman, right? Yeah. Yeah, come over, bitch. I can teach you how to, you know, strip on my pole. Really, can I cook? Honestly, if I'm in Hawaii, would I be able to come over to your house? Yes, if I'm free, which is never. Wow, that's, that's hurtful, but exciting as well.

So honest. It's very honest, yeah. I'll check my schedule, but I think I'm busy that day. Wow, well, you know what? I'm going to give it a shot anyway. What do you think of that? Yeah, let's do it. I can teach you, like, some of the ropes of pole dancing.

Yeah, I want you to teach me how to spin. You're good at spinning. You're the king of spinning, right? Bitch, I fucking built. I had, like, a whole ass commercial with HP from, like, spinning, like, the laptop on my finger. I was like, wow. So let me ask you about your rise.

So when did you start, like, getting, do you know the moment or the video that got you, like, a lot of fucking heat out there? I mean, when did that happen? Well, I was always, like, stealing, like, my mom's, like, phone back in the day. Like, I was second grade and I was filming, like, fake commercials on my mom's phone.

And, like, she would always get mad at me because I would use up her memories on her, like, oldie phone. Yeah. So I feel like I've always been making videos. But the video that Sky rocketed me, I guess, would be, like, my contour video. It was back when contouring was, like, still new.

And I was, like, kind of, like, teaching people how to do makeup while contouring, but keeping, like, my personality in there as well. Because I feel like makeup artists these days, especially back then, like, YouTube, there wasn't really much personalities, especially, like, men in makeup. There wasn't many of those either.

So I was, like, bitch, I'm a boy that wears makeup. I think I'm funny. And then I just started making videos and people found them. And then I blew up from there, honestly. But at the time, when I was making these videos, I was private and I was making them on Snapchat. And so my friends were, like, bitch,

and you guys know Snapchat is only 24 hours. My friend was, like, bitch, you need to put them on. Instagram. And I was, like, oh, my gosh, okay, fine. But I was private. So I posted them on Instagram. And one of my friends was trying to show my video to her uncle. I still don't know why.

She's trying to show my videos to her uncle. I still don't. But she's, like, bitch, you got to go off-private, because, you know, I'm trying to show my video to your uncle. And then I went off-private. And then overnight, I just, yeah, I went from, like, 1,000 followers and then I went private. I went off-private and then I got 10,000 followers.

Wow. Yeah. I had, like, 80 videos uploaded, but no one was watching them, because, like I said, I was private. And I think that's the 100th time I said private. Yeah, I mean, are you? But you're at a point now that, I mean,

would you fuck with, like, you know, like, network TV? I mean, you could fucking do all kinds of stuff. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny you asked, and I thought you would never ask. Yeah. I'm actually working on, like, an MTV show, but due to Ms. Fucking Corona and her ugly-ass bitch self, we have to push it back.

And yeah, but I'm gonna have my own reality show with MTV. Wow. Congratulations. Yeah, and don't tell anyone just between us, girl. Yeah. But I might be doing something, it's the weirdest thing I've ever done, and I never thought I would ever be able to work with them,

but I'm doing something with Disney. Wow. So you're fucking with, you're fucking with MPV, now you're fucking with Disney? They're real corporates. They're real shit, man. I have a question for you, though, Bretman. So Bobby and I and a couple other comics,

we wanted to do this. You know how, like, back home in the Philippines, like, the talent is just teeming? Like, no matter where you go, people are funny, they know the dancing. We wanted to do this variety, sort of local talent show in, like, the province, but get, like, guest, big guest judges.

Bitch, I'm down. Are you asking me? Would you? Oh, we would love you on it. Like, yeah. Because what I want to do is have you, me, and Joe Coy be the judges, I think that would kill it. Bitch, honestly, it'll just be our show, honestly.

Yeah, and it's, he's fucking perfect. He's perfect, I know. I had been keeping him in my thoughts all this time. I'm really good at judging people. I'm sure you are, man. And your mom, your mom should be, she's probably really proud of you, you know? Yeah, well, I mean, she's a Filipino mom,

and I feel like Asian moms are never really happy until you have a diploma, or like, of something. So, I mean, yes, for the most part, she is proud, but she's always that constant reminder. She's like, Brad, you're not gonna be famous forever. I'm like, bitch, you don't know that. And then she's like, you have to go to school, and I'm like, home girl, like, let me do this,

and then I'll go to school later. I could go to school later. School, like you said, fame is not forever, but school, she is. And I can go to school when I'm 50. That's true. But Bretman, also, let me say this, all right, I've been working as a comedian and actor since, what,

I was 28, 29 years old. Oh my gosh. And I'm 48 years old now, and I'm still working. So, it doesn't stop. Oh my god. It's not gonna stop for you, okay? I don't think so either, but you know, Asian moms just be like that sometimes.

They put a fear of Chanak in you, always. I always say, shut the fuck up, mom. Is that how you talk to your mom? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Bitch, shut the fuck up. I've been eating for 20 years, bitch. I used to say it to my dad. And she'd be like, Bobby, Bobby, you don't know.

I go, you don't know, man. Shut up. I'll send you checks, bitch. Girl, this is not the same generation. I know. You didn't even have internet back then, girl. I know. You know, it's so funny.

It's like, you know, the internet, right? You know what? It's like, I'm so glad for the internet because, you know, I could discover people like you, buddy. Thank you. And I swear to fucking God, man. If I go to Hawaii and I try to contact you, and you fucking, bitch, you don't fucking contact me

for every time and ever again. No, you too, bitch. You too, bitch, bitch. I call me bitch first. All right, you bitchy, bitch. I'll fucking fuck you up, bitch, all right? You got my number, girl. All right, girl?

I'm not your number at all. Yeah. Bretman, before you leave, will you say hi to my niece? She's your biggest fan in the world. Come on, come over here. She's here, she's here. George, screenshot this, George. Screenshot this, right?

Get down, get down. There she is. Oh, you're looking cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say something. Hey, girl. Hi, Bretman. Hi, I love you so much.

Why did you do that? I want to be like you, OK? Thank you. I love me too, but I love you more. Thank you. You're so sweet, buddy. What did you do today, girl? Nothing, I'm just here with them this evening.

That's like my sister. She's like, I'm only here for the video. Thank you so much for saying hi to this one, OK? She's a little retarded, so, you know. Make a wish, make a wish. She's not, she's not. You can tell her heart's pounding out of her chest right now. I've never seen her eyes get so big.

I know, she got like ghostly on it. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much for being on Tiger Barely, buddy. I love you so much. Thank you. OK, and let's collaborate. We collaborate, OK? Here you go.

You like that one? OK. Oh, yeah, pretty. Very pretty. Thank you, guys. I love you so much, Bretman. Thanks, Bretman. Thank you.

I know, he was a great cast. That was a really fucking great. Wait, how do you, this is my, oh, fuck. I love him so much. He's great. Do you love him now? I've always loved him. I know, but I'm just saying like you love him more now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the one who told you to get him. I love that guy. Well, it's Juliana, actually. Are you mad that guy called you retarded in front of him or not? Is your heart beating at your chest? Yeah, I think I panicked. She's like, she thinks she panicked.

She panicked? Right, I saw it. Yeah, I saw it too. Your eyes got all buggy, I at least heard him talk. It was crazy. Yeah, you freaked out, man. Let me just say, what happened to you? That was the most endearing thing I'd ever seen,

because like, Jules is so unemotional. She's very straight-faced. Like, we call her a flagella for a reason. Like, there's no peaks and ebbs to anything. It's kind of, Jules is right here forever and ever. So when I see her get riled up and like, seemingly out of breath, oh, it's a treat for us. It's a treat.

I'll say that was all worth it, just so you can say hi to him, Jules. I've never seen you bug-eyed like that before. It's like. Yeah, I know your eyes can get that big. I didn't either. It was like, it went up to the back of your head your eyes. Oh my god, that was crazy.

I love you. Yeah, I love you. Cool. I love you. That was insane. She went all, she went all wanting. Yeah. Oh god.

Yeah, you know what, I get that way too. I get that, there's certain people that I just start like, I just start saying things. I don't know, you know. I mean, who would, like for me, I, there are certain people that I would absolutely lose my breath over. Like, who's, who's yours?

Well, okay, so I've been like, I've been texting Joey Santiago a lot, right? He's from the Pixies. You know, I grew up with the Pixies, the band. It was my favorite band. And sometimes he texts me and I'll text him back and then he won't text me for two days back. And for two days, I'll be like, I'll just, should I text him

again or, you know what I mean? I still, I get fangirling, you know? There's a lot of guys like that. When Paul Banks, he's been on our podcast, he texts me, I get really like, I should, hey, what do you think of this baby? I'll like, I'll go to her. Is this too much?

Is this too wordy? Is it too wordy? Yeah, like sometimes I do that. And then there's some guys that are big, like, I'll go, fuck you, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. It just depends on who it is. With the whole Paul Banks thing, I always tell Bobby,

I'm like, just enough with the ping pong, stop asking him to play ping pong with you. You know, but, you know, I think that it's, if you don't have that kind of like excitement and curiosity and you're not in awe with anybody and you think you're the shit, I don't think that's a good place to be. No, no.

I like being a fan as well. I love being a fan. Like, right now I am obsessed with something new that I may not ever recover from. And so Bobby is done with it. He's done with me. I haven't done with it, go ahead. So I have moved on from K-dramas

and I have graduated back into the real world of blemishes and pimples and real, raw, gritty sex. And I finished a book a while ago by Sally Rooney, who's an Irish author, and it's called Normal People. And I was like, oh, if they ever do an adaptation of this, it's never gonna translate because it's a very like sexually driven, yet somehow deeply emotional thing.

I was like, it'll never happen, but it happened. And it happened quite possibly better than the book. And I am so just like in love with it. I'll walk into the room and she'll be tears in her eyes. And she goes, I can't believe it. I go, what happened? These people, you can see their dicks and they have pimples on their face.

I have a pimple on my dick right now. No, I don't want a pimple on the dick. Look at my dick right now. There's a pimple right on my dick now. You can see it live, baby. Oh man. But she thinks that that's her like sell point. So it's so real.

I have a shit kicked underneath my tank right now with a pimple on my dick. That's as real as it gets, baby. I don't want Dingleberry real. I want pimple real like acne and stuff like that. But I think that I was watching too many Korean dramas where they would just kind of like in post, they would just smooth out everyone's skin

so no one really had any features anymore. And then they would kiss like this, babe. Let's do a Korean drama kiss. No, they would just put. Oh, no sound. Oh, okay. That's how they would, their make out scenes where there wasn't a movement of the lips.

So I think I was watching too much of that. So when I went to normal people and it's just full bush, really just real looking people, I lost my mind. It was almost like a overdrive over stimulation of my senses and I started crying and it was a. Yeah, I wish I could get like that way with a show. It's like, I wish, you know, I can see a show about a relationship and then want to see it again.

But for some reason, if that's just, those are things that I just don't want to see. I don't give a fuck. Like even if you like, I was, I really liked the book. It's borderline like young adult. I don't know if you guys are into like YA stuff, but I think it's borderline that, but it is very simple.

I like simple, easy reads. I don't need it to be in like Obama's list of, you know, top books. Like sometimes I read some of those and I'm like, wait a second, like this is way beyond my pay grade. You know what show I really liked? Battlestar Galactica. I love Battlestar Galactica.

I like shows like that. You know what I mean? There's gotta be some cyborgs in it or something for me to like go, I want to watch that again. I want to try Westworld. And I try, I try to, I try to get into it when it first came out and I was a little, but I think I'm going to try to get in that.

Is that good? Have you seen that? I just watched it yesterday. Oh, you finished it. We watched the whole first season. All three seasons. I know I saw the first season, but then I didn't want to see the second season,

but is it worth it? I think it's worth it third season. You gotta get through it. But the second season is not good. A little slow. And really? Yeah. What have you been watching Gilbert

and recommend to Papa? Westworld. Season three. I'm the one that just asked that. Give me something new. I heard Devs. I heard Devs was really good. Is Devs good?

I haven't seen that one. There's Run. I know Run's a good one. Everyone's talking about. Ooh, shit, Run. Run, is it sci-fi? No, it's like a love comedy. Okay, could I?

Bobby doesn't, isn't into that. I know you don't want to talk about this baby, but I want to talk about it real quick. Is Big Ed coming on? Yeah, he will be. He's not on yet, but it's like one minute from what he should be on. Okay, but let me just say something about Big Ed though.

Is he mad at me? I don't know. I don't think so. He's coming on. He's gonna, he agreed. Okay, so he's gonna be on this. All right, so do I have to, what I'm saying is that,

because I've said things about him, like, you know, that I don't, I feel a regret saying. I think he's a good dude. He doesn't know about that. You're a comic, you roast people. It's fine. I roast people, you know.

I don't like the guy. He's from San Diego, we're brothers. Well, you initially were a really big fan of his. I am a big fan. And then he didn't acknowledge you on his Instagram Live. Look, it hurt me. And then it went downhill from there, yeah.

That hurt me a little bit. We have to bring that. All right, so just real quick. Why do you like Warzone, Gilbert? I like Warzone because I like competing. I like it in that top 10 place. I like to win. So I play with good people.

Oh, you do? Yeah. So you wouldn't get on Warzone with me? No, I would. If you grip. Because I can't, from the parachute to the floor, I can't even do that. Wait, what do you mean?

Like you parachuted and you died? I parachuted and I died. That's the first thing. I know. So I wouldn't be good on your team then. Okay. We should try. We should try again.

And then end up on the gulag one time. The bathroom. Did you win that? No, I was like taking a piss and the same guy shot me in the back of the head. Oh, it's not a simulation. You're supposed to fight. Oh, really?

Oh yeah, it's one of those games where it's too much pressure, I think. All right, let's try one game though. Which one? Let's do one warzone together. We'll just try it. I would love it. Let's do it.

What's up? George, is he here? Yep, he's ready. Okay, I don't know why. Bobby, you're not nervous. I don't know why, but. No, I believe in you. No, I'm nervous now.

You're not? I'm fucking nervous right now. You're self. I'll help you. I'll help you. All right, all right, all right. I'll help you. Okay, are we ready?

Keep rubbing his back. Okay. Why am I nervous? Where is it? Oh my God, there is. He's connected to audio. I can't see him. You really are fangirling.

I'm trembling. I'm trembling right now. Whoa! Whoa! Ew! It's Eddie! Can I call you Eddie? No, big Ed.

They told me you guys were in suits. You worked for some church. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm kidding. Let me say something, let me say something, big Ed. Dude, I know you. Fuck, I know you. Yeah.

How do we know you? I know you. I'm Bobby Lee. You don't remember? Holy shit, you're the man. I got a funny story for you, by the way. Okay, go ahead, go tell me the story, Ed. Okay, somebody, my buddy was spotted.

They thought he was on you on like Jimmy Kimmel or something. That was like, I'm not kidding you. I don't know if you remember that story. Yeah, yeah. It was hilarious. Who was the friend? Wait, so a friend of yours, somebody thought he was me?

You know, I have a friend of a friend that looks just like you. Oh, you do. He has a lot of money, he has a bunch of babes, like you probably do too. And they thought he was you. And I think you were mad about it and you were talking about it on the,

it was either the Tonight Show or... Or like one of those shows, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or Pornhub, I'm just kidding. No, big Ed, let me say something. Let me say something. So, you know, I generally don't watch a lot of shows. I watched Game of Thrones. I'll watch, I've seen Handmaiden's Tale.

But I watched, and I'm just, I watched before the 90 days as if it's Game of Thrones. I think that it is the most entertainment, right? We went as a family, watched that show. And we think that we would only watch you and Rose because you guys are so fucking entertaining. So thank you so much for being on my podcast. Just a minute.

What's going on here? What are you doing to me? What are you gonna do to me? I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna do anything. What's going on? No, I'm gonna do a compliment, Ed. No, I know, no kidding.

No, like Tori Spelling, I'm doing a cooking show with her tomorrow night live. She literally was a fan of mine, which kind of freaks me out. And she jumped into one of my streams, like a week ago, Wednesday. And she was just like, starstruck. I'm like, what are you doing?

Like, I live in San Diego. I ride a Vespa with Teddy on my backpack. And I bought a ticket and posted online and never heard of the show before in my life. Yeah. And then the next thing you know, everybody's like, you should do the show. And I'm like, what?

And then next, I'm rubbing mayonnaise in my hair. So the mayonnaise, that's not something that you did for your whole life. You did it for the show? I've been doing it for about two years. You know what, Ed? So I grew up in the Philippines and it was actually a way for us to,

it was our natural anti-lice remedy. When I remember when I was a kid, we would use mayonnaise and then comb it out with a really fine-toothed comb to get rid of my lice when I was a kid. So when I saw that scene, I was like, wait a second, that's a really effect. It's actually really good for your hair.

And it is like- But doesn't your pillow smell like a BLT afterwards? No, you wash it off, Bobby. No exhalo sandwich, no soap. See, so I refuse to get old or at least look old. So I dye my hair and I finally switched up to an A5, which is like an ash brown. My daughter could yell on me.

But that dye irritates my scalp. And a friend of mine, it works like, dude, my husband puts mayonnaise in his hair. Uh-huh. What? This was about two years ago. So I tried it and it worked. And when they first kind of interviewed me for the show,

they're like, well, what do you do to make yourself look young? And I go, well, I dye my hair, but I have like dermatitis. So it aggravates the scalp. But that's okay, because then I put mayonnaise in it. And they're like, okay, wait a minute. Wait, wait, hold on one minute.

What did you just say? Uh-huh. Yeah, I put mayonnaise in my hair. And literally, they lost it. The producer was like, holy shit. So next thing you know, I've been like, drinking Malbec, okay? Yeah.

Okay, right? Yeah. And I rubbed mayonnaise in my hair. And now I'm like, it's like, that's the most seen picture I think on the internet. So now people are putting my head on mayonnaise jars. Somebody just did it. Have you seen this?

They did the Ed and Shoulders. It is freaking, look at this. Yeah, yeah. They do a lot of mean things to me, but they do a lot of things that I just, I crack up. Like, look at this, look at this. I recommend the Ed and Shoulders. Oh, that's awesome.

Wow. They are fucking with me, but I love it. I don't care. Now, I don't want to cause a fight between you and I, but some of us, a Tiger Belly fan said that you had said that my girlfriend was too hot for me. Did you say that? Okay, I probably did on a couple of days.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But if I did, I probably did. I'm sorry. I mean, did I? I'm not, listen, bro, all right? We're both guys from San Diego. You know I'm from San Diego, right?

No, I don't. I'm from Poway, California. I'm a Titan. No way, holy. Yeah. And then I lived in La Jolla for a very long time. I worked at the Panic Inn in La Jolla. What?

Yeah, and then I worked at the restaurant too, and I started doing standup at the La Jolla Comedy Store. So, you know, I was born and bred in San Diego, so that's why I have a connection for you. So, when you said that my girlfriend was too hot for me, it really broke me a little bit. Wait, oh my God. Okay, first of all, can I say something?

Yeah. Okay, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Okay, she really is. I'm sorry. I know. But guess what? But guess what?

Guess what? That makes you look good. That's right. I mean, hello. Hello. He's the most, listen, what's, I forgot her first name. Kalyla. I'm Kalyla.

Kalyla. You're the most compassionate, forgiving, charitable person that date him. Right. So, you're saying this is a charity case, isn't it? Son of a fucking bitch, Ed. Hey, listen. Yeah.

Hey, Kalyla, it's a 501C write-off. I'll make sure I let my account know. If you buy him coffee, like, because it doesn't work anymore, write it off, man. He's a big fucking charity, man. All right. So, what's the relationship with you with Rose right now? Well, you got it.

Stay tuned. They're not done with me yet. That's the only thing I can tell you. OK, OK. I'm having a lot of fun with it. It's really like, I don't know if you guys heard the story, but when the teaser first came out, and I have like, it's called KFS or Clipple File.

So all my life, I've always had a short neck. So even from grade school, I was called no neck, and whatever, and skin, and midget, whatever. And I never really let it define who I was. And one day, I was in the 11th grade, and I was a gymnast. But I was in the gym working out with all the football players. And we have these, it's called the neck machine, where you can take it, and I got stuck in it.

And it became the joke of the school. So I'm like, oh my god, people can actually laugh at me. This is kind of funny. So I never let it really define who I was. So short story short, the premiere comes out in January. First of all, we filmed last August. I couldn't talk about it for like five months, which sucked. So finally, the teaser came out.

I'm like, oh my god, look, I'm on a Vespa. Have fun. I'm going to be famous. And then all this hate, like a tidal wave of just, they're putting my, making me look like a meme, like a mucinex. I mean, you name it. They were just going to town with Big Ed, and my publicist is like, don't read the negative stuff.

It's going to, you just don't do it. So I stopped it, and then sooner or later, people started to go, hey, give this guy a chance. Since he already has to say, you know, body shaming, why are you doing that? People started to write letters saying this guy is authentic. And then I started to get these like, I mean, heart punch. People, I got this letter from Zach on the East Coast.

He's like, look, I think I have the same condition as you. I'm not sure. They call it KFS. Do you have this? You know, it hurts for me to breathe because people make fun of me so much. And you're rubbing mayonnaise in your hair. You're like my hero.

So what did I do? I hung up. I hung up on him. You son of a bitch. Son of a bitch, right? Yeah. I read his letter online. Dude, and now, now I get letters.

I get emails like from South Africa, Russia. These people are going, look, I'm so proud of who you are because you're standing up to, you know, and that's the coolest thing ever. In fact, I get like, people like say all this crap about me online. They're like, you know, you, you did this for the fame. You, I'm like, what?

I go, name one thing I did on the show. OK, name one thing that I did on the show that made myself look good. Go. Name one thing. Right, right. Name one thing that I did that actually helped me. Like, look, I just, what you see on the show, which is so funny,

is, and you can talk to all my friends. I mean, I was dancing on pool tables 12 years ago in a Nacho Libre costume. I have those pictures to prove it. So I've always like laughed at myself. I've always kind of, in a sort of weird way, just kind of loved myself. I don't care who, I don't care people like me.

I like who I am. And it just. And, and I wanted to say something. We all get it. You don't think that I get comments. You fat chink. You're not funny. All that stuff, right?

And I've been getting it for 20 fucking years. Yeah, but you know what, dude? It doesn't fucking matter because let me say something, right? Right now, in terms of the internet, you're the guy. But I don't believe, how, how is, how does that happen? I don't know how it happens, but it happens. And the thing is, is this, Ed, is ride the fucking wave, baby, because you're killing it.

Who gives a shit? When you were talking about to Rappaport, who's a friend of ours, you know what I mean? It's like, he loves you. I love you. I just, you know, don't fuck those people. What was that all about? He's on my, so, so I, I shop at Trader Joe's in Hillcrest.

Shout out. And like, I'm, I'm so, like, I'm so sneaky. I'm like, I want to be, I do. So after I film the show, I'm like, hey, I think I want to be famous. So I started to leave my stickers, like at the grocery store, like at the checkout. So everybody knew who I was, right?

Before that show even came out. And then this one guy, I'm standing in line the other day. And he goes, oh my God, your big head from then a day. I'm like, oh my God, you watched the show. He's like, no, no, no. Well, now I do, but I'm a fan of Michael's. And when Michael saw you go live, I guess Michael freaked out.

Like, I gotta, I gotta get on. We gotta get on. Yeah. He comes on, just like you. You guys are so real. He was just like a person. Yeah. He's like, Ed, just like, you don't get it.

I'm like, get what? Like, you don't know how huge you are. And just, you know, and, but I never want to get the big head. I just, I don't want to take that on because that's just, I don't want to be that. I just, I want to continue to be me. I want to inspire, you know, people. And I want to be funny.

But you, dude, you are so fucking funny. I mean, Can I tell you what? Can I tell you what I just did? What? Okay, so don't laugh. But about, about four years ago, I went and got my back waxed.

And in San Diego and right off university, North Park, and the girl was laughing at me too. It's hurt so bad. I didn't feel my back for like two days. So I'm like, screw that. I'll never do that again. And one day I'm at Home Depot, right? And I see this like paint roller brush.

I'm like, hmm, let me see. So I, and so I bought the paint roller brush and then I bought a thing in there and I put it up. I mean, come on, cause I can do my chest. Look, I just did it. And I did my back too. Like, I mean, I can show you. And I can show you.

Wow. Tattoo too. Dude, so listen. So then I buy the nair and I'm sitting in my bathroom and I'm like, oh shit, cause it's not long enough. So I had to go back to the Home Depot and I had to get a plunger stick and cut it down so I could screw it in.

Now I can reach all areas of my back. You know, that's, that's, I mean mayonnaise and nair. You're a thinker. And Home Depot, that's all you need. Yeah. Now, now, let me, I won't like, wait, wait, this table, are you writing this down or no? No, I'm not, I'm memorizing a baby.

I'm Asian. Hey, big head, big head, I have a question. When, when you traveled to the Philippines, did you go anywhere besides just Manila or Kaloakan? Or did you get to kind of see other islands as well? Yeah. Which we, we did a lot of traveling throughout like Manila and kind of the surrounding areas.

And then we only took one hopper to the island of Palawan. That was the only time that, and then, yeah, that was the only like kind of, you know, I mean, we got to, you know, we got to, we got to stay at the one world. I think the, the world Philippine hotel, which was really, really nice. I got to drink Malbec every night. Thank God.

Yeah. I got like six bottles in my suitcase, but if I don't hit my Malbec, I'm screwed. And was that the first time you had ever gone to the Philippines or did you have, do you have experience like traveling to like a, like a third world country anywhere else in the world or Southeast Asia? Honestly, you guys, honestly.

So I used to be on a, on a board in La Jolla. It's called Friends of Madre Bedinice. And we would raise money to buy, to, to pay for shipping containers. And then we would get medical companies to donate you supplies and we would ship them. We supported a hospital and orphanage and an AIDS clinic. So we would go down with like thousands of dollars

in our money belt and hand it out to all these kids. So, but I got to, I got to shack up with the nuns. I got to sleep in the nice air conditioning area. And I couldn't go out at night. They locked us in at night, but I'm telling you now, that was a fourth world country at the time. Yeah. Could not, that doesn't even hold a candle

to where Rose lives. That was, you know what, those scenes, those scenes, those scenes with you showering with her dad and seeing the rat, we're so fucking funny, dude. And I will say, Ed, you know what? He, he's traveled with me to the Philippines on multiple occasion and he's a baby. So I want to give you credit for even sticking it out.

I don't want to, I don't want you to do it. Honestly, that night, I didn't think I was going to make it. I was crawling around. I don't even know what time it was. I found in a Benadryl in my, in my luggage. And I didn't, I couldn't even find the water cause there was no, the electricity went out. There was a kind of like, it's raining.

Like it's just like, I'm under a shower head. And I had to use my own saliva just to swallow it. I probably got like an hour of sleep. I woke up literally, I'm soaking wet. I'm sweat. And you were like a POW. Yeah. Like whatever. And I'm like, and I'm like, and then, then I get up

and I'm like, okay, I just want to take a shower. And I didn't really know where the, where the shower was. Yeah. And then we walked by the dad's room. It's, he was going to stay with us actually that night. Yeah, yeah. We walked by his room and I thought he was kidding. I want to bathe with you.

I'm like, what, what do you mean what? So there we go. We're pouring buckets on our heads. Yeah. Standing there with a hose. Okay. Literally like, you can't, you can't make this shit up. You cannot.

Yeah. You know, this is what I was trying to explain to Bobby. So like communal bathing is a very big, it's sort of a very common thing for us. Like even today, Bobby makes fun of me cause when my family comes over, it's not unheard of that I shower with both my mom and my sister.

Yeah, like fucking lesbians, like lesbian witches, they shower together. It's kind of like a nice way to bond. But Kayla, every time I tried to do that at church camp, I got, they looked at me like I was weird. Yeah. No, we all shower together at, no. But seriously, when I saw that rat,

I'm like, holy shit, this, I literally, here's the first thing I thought about was, cause it wasn't even, it was literally almost dead. And I'm like, did I sleep on that thing all night? That's what happened. Yeah, yeah. I want to say also Ed that we adore you, but I also just want to give a lot of props to Rose.

I know firsthand what it's like to grow up and certain family members of mine that grew up in not very, how do I say, like with great accommodations, very similar to Rose actually, actually my niece here who's in the room grew up in very similar circumstances in the Philippines. And I, the fact that she was kind of thrust into this world with cameras and all of this,

I really got to say that she is, I've watched other seasons of 90 days before the 90 days and I haven't always been a fan of like how like younger Filipinos are portrayed. But she, I really liked how I really like her and I really commend her for kind of like standing her ground and going through that experience with you. I do too.

And listen, you won't see, you never will. And yet you never have seen one negative thing that I would say about her anywhere online. I would never, ever in a million years disrespect her in any way, nor did I ever intend to disrespect her or the country, the Philippines. That was probably one of the nicest countries. And I just got back from Japan, right?

In April where they're just super courteous. The people of, and that's why I love that culture because they're so, they're just such a loving and caring and family oriented people. And it just, I think, I landed a 23 hour flight. I had no sleep. It was like a hundred degrees, the humidity. Like if I don't sleep with air conditioning, I'm screwed.

That's not like a makeup. I sleep with an air conditioner on like 24 seven. So literally I'm miserable though. I was just miserable the whole time. And I probably, you know, like when you're in it, you're not really thinking about how you're being. And it's just, I respect her. She's a great mother.

And I would never let anybody take that away from her. I mean, I, Oh, that's sweet dude. I mean, she, she feels a little bit differently. I'm sure, you know, she's mad. But, and she said some things about me, but I will never, ever, you'll never hear another, you've never heard one, find it.

Or will you ever hear me say any, asparagus, I won't complain about her other than, you know, I, I look at her footage. I mean, look, you know, I was in love with her. Like people think I did this for the show. I mean, I've, I mean, That foot massage was a pure love brother.

Did you have to bring that up? Yeah. And then, and then you guys did hooky hooky that night. Huh? Well, first of all, I'm, I'm, I'm like massaging her legs. And look, you're from San Diego, right? Women, women laser their body, right? They laser their hair.

So it just caught me off guard. I wasn't used to it. And, and so, you know, but it's not, it wasn't what I was saying the whole time. It was just how I was saying it. I just, you know, I was, I'm not being facetious. Okay.

I'm telling you that that foot massage was dope as fuck. That's all. Dude, women love foot massages. They do. It's a way. I used to go to T1 and go to Adelita's and they fucking used to do my feet. When I first, when I came to the United States

in, in, when I was 15, I came to the United States for the first time. And I remember specifically, specifically being humiliated for my unshaved legs. That was the thing that I just didn't know I ever had to do. It just wasn't a thing in the Philippines. So when I came here and I wore shorts for the first time,

boys were like, why, why are you wearing shorts? Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what's, what's happening? And they're like, that's gross. And I'm like, I didn't know that. If you didn't shave your legs, what did your coochie look like? Bushy shit.

Like a jungle. Oh my God. Oh my God. Now I don't mind, I don't mind that at all. But it's, Oh, you, you like bushy. I do. I really do.

I really do. Wow. I do love it. Think of, think of James Bond, like the 60s models. Those are. Oh. Yeah.

I like it. But no, but it's just, you know, and then you saw the scene where, you know, you know, I give her lingerie and I'm like, Oh, by the way, you know, cause don't worry about her breath. And I'm like, And I don't want to say.

Her breath. Oh yeah. She had really bad breath. So I didn't want to say, look, those, you know, it makes her fresh. Cause she didn't know it. So I said, this will make your breath smell pretty. You're right.

Oh, and then I thought you was telling me she loved me, but she ended up telling me that I was like, so, you know, I really apologize. Cause I really didn't, you know, you know, say things I think as PC as I should have. But, but I'm just telling you guys that I, this is who I mean, I'm, I'm learning, but this is who I am.

I, it was, I wasn't acting. It was, that's why I, and then I come back and I go, why did, why did I say that? You know, why did, you know, but, But you know what? I think that's what people don't realize. If we were to stick cameras in each one of anyone's homes

at any given point in time. And if that was just the life that we were living, my God, we'd have a hundred things a day that we would regret. Yep. Just I cringe even looking like we record this podcast once a week, but even when I look back and I have full control of what I say here

and I edit stuff, I still cringe at the things that I do and say. And I regret a lot of the things that I said a hundred episodes ago. It's inevitable. Can I tell you why I believe you? Because, cause when I, cause when I put a camera up in my neighbor's house, I'm like, oh my God,

they would be so embarrassed. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, before we go buddy, I want to say this. If you ever want to promote anything, come to Tiger Bell and we're here for you. I would love that, man. Thanks. I mean, I know, I didn't know that, you know,

this was set up by my publicist. And when I saw you, I'm like, holy shit, I know that I'd see you everywhere. Oh, thank you. Check out Big Ed on 90 Day Fiancé before the 90 days air Sunday nights on TLC. Awesome. I love you guys.

I love you. Thanks, Ed. Bye, Teddy. Bye, Teddy. I love you. Bye, Daniel. Bye-bye. That was great.

What a great show. What a great episode. All right, just us. What are we at? We're back. I don't like that he said rules at bad breath. Huh? Oh, there's a clip of it?

Yeah, yeah. He's, yeah. I mean, what did it smell like? We can ask him. Well, look, maybe he's not used to the smells. I'm used to his smells. Look, our waters over there are not fluoridated, okay? And we, you know, sometimes like, you know,

she probably doesn't have access to a dentist. Sometimes that could be, you could have a bad tooth. You know, I just, I get sensitive about that because she doesn't have the means and the access like the regular American. I don't understand why Americans with access have bad breath. That's, ooh, that's actually a good point.

That's like, that's like a big no-no for me. But if you're like, you know what I mean? Different world. Yeah, I mean, he, you know, I didn't realize that he was teased all his life. You really? You really? You really?

I don't know. You just learned that? No, but what I'm saying is that. Good cover up, good cover up. You would think that he would be immune to it almost. I think that he, he probably- Right, I mean, you, you, you, you're so used to it that, cause there are things that, you know,

I have trigger-y things that people have said, I guess all my life that I'm kind of used to that it doesn't really. Like what can someone say about your appearance that still hits you or is still a sore thing? Literally nothing about my appearance that could hurt me. It's so weird. There are a lot of things about me.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sensitive about stand up. That's the only thing I'm sensitive about. Wow. You're so lucky. Yeah, but, you know, but other than that, you can call me stupid, I think I am. You know, you can call me, you know, I have a big head, maybe I probably, you know, my body is misshapen.

Yeah. You know what? You have a good look. You have a memorable vibe. I like my vibe. The only thing though is with this whole mask wearing thing where everyone is now, we're going to live in a world where we might have to wear a mask for a majority. Yeah, you've been talking about this.

I'm fucked. I don't have pretty, you know, doughy brown eyes. I have kind of like Asian cross-eyed, not not Asian, but like smaller cross-eyed. My magic is from the fucking nose down. So if we're always wearing a fucking mask, I'm like every other fat Asian guy. Like, look at me.

The magic is here. Yeah. Oh, I'm not cute. Yeah. That's why I never became a ninja. Just because of the mask thing, I won't look good in that thing. You were about to, but then. I'm agile and I'm very silent.

I think that Gilbert has a good shot because he has nice, like prominent. Great eyebrows. Gilbert, it's very. Great eyebrows. That's the only thing I have going for me is eyebrows, but my eyes are no good. I don't even have lashes.

Yeah. I'm fucked. I'm never catching a dick for the rest of my life if he leaves me. If we live in a masked world, I'm fucked. We're fucked, yeah. You know what? When we had Bretman Rock on,

I was watching him move the whole time. I was like, holy shit, that could have been me in another life. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Sure. I was like, is that whatever it means? That could have been you if, you know,

you had the talent. Wow. Okay. Okay. He really is just an, it's inside of him. He's funny. I think he was born with that inside of him. Yeah.

He is just one of those guys that were born intrinsically likable and light and fancy. Very, I mean, that's what I have to say about him. How do we do on time here? Okay. Is that your question? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Unhelpful advice, please. Unhelpful advice with Bobby at Kool-Aila. Hey everybody. I wanted to reach out right now as if I had more time than ever over the last couple of months of quarantine to reflect and try to understand myself.

One step I've taken is looking back at what I want to be versus who I currently am. I grew up in bum-fuck Florida and moved to NYC to pursue comedy after doing improv sketch standup throughout college and finding it to be the most fulfilling experience in my life. However, after moving here, I had to find a full-time job to stay alive

and I've been a recruiter working 55 plus hours a week and coming out absolutely drained of life to the point. I haven't done comedy in two years. The job pleases my parents immensely, but I know it's counterproductive to my personal happiness and I feel I have no reason to be up here anymore if I'm not doing what I came here for. I know this is something everyone can relate to

to some extent, including Gilbert. What is your advice on speaking to your parents to essentially say, thank you for everything you've done for me, but I'm an adult and I have to live my own life even if I fail. Just to be clear, my parents don't support me financially and I wouldn't expect them to support me

if I make the change either. Thanks, CJ. I had a very similar conversation with my mom when I decided, she begged me to go to my nursing school graduation. I was like, no, I'm just, my heart's not in it anymore. And I had decided that very early on in my nursing school that I thought, fuck it, let's just see this through, right?

But the conversation I had with my mom was, let me crash and burn. I know it's really difficult for you to possibly see me crash and burn, but it's necessary for me. It's going to kind of inject that urgency to really go for what I want to go for. And even though, and she was like, well, what do you want to do?

And I was still very unsure I was going like this. I didn't have any answer for her. And all I said was, please give me this moment to possibly crash and burn and let me suffer. I don't want your help financially. I don't want anyone's help financially. Just let me do it. And she held her breath, she closed her eyes

and crossed her fingers and had a little faith in me. And it turned out okay. And that's ultimately all you can really say to your parents and hope that they allow you that. I mean, I just, there's just a need. I've always had a need to do it. There was never anything else that I was going to do and I'd rather be poor and hungry and starving

than not do it. I mean, it's like, there was no other option for me. I just put everything into this basket. So if, and I know that everyone that I know that successful at it has that mentality. It's just like, I'm just gonna do it until I make it. And people make it. You know, you're making it in your eyes,

you might not achieve every single one of your dreams like becoming a gigantic movie star or whatnot. But, you know, when I started stand up, did I know, did podcasts exist? No, but it is now an intricate part of my career, right? Podcasting. All I knew that all I know is, is that it's still, you know, even though it wasn't like something

that I dreamt about podcasting, it fits under the umbrella of the dream, you know? Because it still, it feeds into the standup aspects of it. It also feeds into, you know, acting parts, the little that I get, you know? So, you know, it's either do it or not. We also, that thing that we talked about with Bretman about doing the Filipino variety show,

talent show that I wanna do, that's a real thing that Kalyla and I are gonna both attempt to produce. And there are not things that are, they may or may not happen, but we're gonna give it our all. And we're gonna go through the necessary steps to make it happen. The point is, is that, you know,

I haven't arrived at the ultimate goal. I mean, I'm never gonna get there, right? But to this young man that is working at this stage, is he in New York or LA? New York, I think. New York, right? You know, I just, I, if my suggestion to you is to take a risk. Because unfortunately, as you get older,

it becomes harder to do. You know, it's like, you know, I know dudes, I don't wanna name people's names, but I know guys that I started doing standup with, and then they left and they started a family and they moved to North Carolina. I promise you this, that 20 years later, they come back. I know a guy that comes back every year

and does one week of open mic just to see, right? He has an insurance guy and he has a house in North Carolina, he's got kids, but he comes back just to see if he can make it. And I always tell him, don't ever come back again. I have something to add to that though. I think that while you do wanna take a risk, you should also do a very honest self-assessment

and you should take the critique of others and you should do, what do you say when someone goes into your home and then they give you the value of your home? What do you call that? An upraise. You should do an honest upraise of yourself. Because there are a lot of people who wanna do something

but who just have done in Kruger Effect and don't wanna admit to themselves that they just don't have the talent, they just don't have it, right? So do an honest upraise and take a calculated risk. Don't take a blind risk, don't just say fuck it and go. I have a quote, a life not self-examined is a life not worth living.

Good night. Thank you so much, Tiger Bell everyone. Thanks for listening. What an episode, what do we got Gilbert? Was not ready for that. Hey George, Patreon alert George, tell me about it. Hey, a lot of you guys have been asking for more content and the Patreon is back at patreon.com slash tigerbelly.

We have the long-awaited Philippines vlog that's up right now. Finally, nice. George, I watched it, very funny. Love that you enjoyed that kiss a lot from a man. Softest lips I've kissed in my life. Up until that point, up until that point, let's go with that.

There you go, marriage can last forever. More vlogs coming up, lots of other stuff. Gilbert and I were on, went live with you last week. I think we're gonna bring Kalilah live this week. Oh wait, that was the weirdest live, but we're gonna get better at the live streaming. We're learning, yeah. Gilbert had a great story about,

he talked a whole hall of his side of things when he went up and did stand up in front of 500 people. The first time. And then it was right after that that I noticed we were not actually live, we were just chatting with ourselves for 20 minutes. Me, George, and our friendly guests from Spain, just talking to each other.

Andres, the fancy bee, if you are. Fancy bee, fancy bee. But yeah, we have a lot of stuff on Patreon. It's different, we got a lot of cool content coming your way, like George said. So yeah, head over there if you wanna join. Yeah, we appreciate everybody who's stuck with us after this brief hiatus.

And if anybody is, anybody hasn't been on there that is curious, you can sign up for free. So check it out at patreon.com slash tigerbelly. Guys, once again, get your questions on tigerbelly by emailing us at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. We're looking for interesting, unusual, non-typical problems, and we need your help as much as you want ours.

Once again, that is adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. And once again, we are doing our meme content. So guys, plenty of content on this episode to make some great memes. I mean, we had Bretman Rock, we had Big Ed, we had George Camel, huge star in Michigan. So many funny moments today, so many interesting topics. So give us your memes, remember to hashtag the meme,

tigerbelly meme, so you're a chance to win a little gift bag. George, anything else you'd like to say? Nah, that was a, I'm worn out after that episode. It was a good one. A lot of people, a lot of other cool guys coming our way. So guys, thank you for sharing your suggestions. Those were picked from iTunes comments, those people. So make sure you go to iTunes, leave us a comment,

give us a five star review, give us suggestions for guests. Five star review on iTunes? Oh yeah, iTunes, yeah. Okay, try to call me out, get he was wrong, get he was wrong this whole time. I love you, George. Anyways, thank you guys for listening today. You can follow us at Tiger Belly on Instagram,

the Tiger Belly on Twitter. You can follow George at. George, underscore, Kimmel. Bobby at. Bobby Lee live. Kalilah at. Calamity K. Jules at.

Come on, man, it's your other show, Dan. Bad friend, Rudy. Well, I always think of bad girl, Riri. So it's a, cause like that's a pretty famous Instagram. Oh, I don't follow hip hop culture like that. Like you closely. Anyways, you can also follow Big Ed at Tiger Belly. We love you guys so much.

Good night. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com slash survey.