TigerBelly - Ep 245: The Tragedy Whisperer w/ Nick Swardson & Lauren Lapkus

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

Khalyla and Bobby sing love songs. Lauren Lapkus gets Sandler's 'goofy' approval. Nick Swardson spends three months in Miami and three weeks in the ER. We talk red carpet doppelgängers, Warzone, and the #1 Bobby Lee. Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus No, I didn't realize what it was until I just now oh, yeah, it's George Can you mute yourself George and put black on your screen? Thank you. I was saying there's two sides of Bobby I was like I only see the one shirt. You're wearing that shirt again. Oh, yeah, it's like a swimming pool, you know By my feet there you go upset call now great Bobby's upset call I was upset is Rudy upset at you George Not yet, but we'll find a way. Are you upset at her though for taking your spotlight? She did great last time she killed she did great like they hear that you did great last time

Jules when they when they asked you When you asked her even after like come on Jules told us tell tell on the undress the shit you say behind his back And she's like he's kind Yeah, she won't say a mean thing about anybody. I think that's what we got to get her to do She actually not even people she dislikes. I know but you know that doesn't count what happens internally You got to verbally say it hmm for me to respect you wait. No, she's just the adult in the room. Oh Is that what it is? Yeah, she's kinder. She's less bitter than all of us. Yeah. Yeah, she's just she'll get there She'll get there when life just grinds her down we asked her remember we asked her what did we ask you Jules?

We said Do you resent anybody in your life and she's like nope? And I'm like no like do you actually she came up with one person which was her principal and her old? Catholic school that told her to that she was a bad person for getting a nose ring. Yeah, the only person I know that she doesn't like is the tear day The tear oh, yeah tear day. Yeah, but like We know a lot of people like them. It's like saying I don't like Hitler Let's get but um, let's keep all this in let's start though

We go all right, so five four three two one Black hole son body boy body back baby Welcome to another another another episode of tiger belly. Oh boy. God. Well, we got a great show in store for you I'll tell you that right now cha cha. We got some good ones man. We've got so many people regulars here in the room We've got Kalilah goon. We got Rudy be a bad Rudy Rudy rude We've got George in this terrible fucking shirt and that fucking pink head of his I love it Do you not know how to say me and Juliana's last name?

Cune Cune Longer on the obeyed Cune Cune Get killed alone. I said that way. That's correct We get killed alone and then we've got a couple of fine guests coming up fine decent Americans Um, they're friends of mine. We did a movie together called the wrong missy. I had one line I think that's what I think that's what I was bummed about. It's the mood. That's what it is

What it is is because I had one line in the movie and then we're promoting it and I just feel shameful That I had nothing to do in it Wait, isn't that kind wait, so I see they gave you one line in the movie and then they're asking they're asking you to promote it Yeah, I mean that's essentially what I think I think that I think that's where my depression comes from I mean, let me get don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to be in it and I and I it was really fascinating to work with Spade and Adam Sandler and all those guys, but you know, it's just Uh, it's I think the least amount of things I've had to do in a movie, I think Yeah, yeah in any movie I've ever done. So that's I want to lift your mood

But oh, yeah, but Kolela has to lift my mood right now. So go ahead I want to lift your mood with a Filipino love song. She's gonna Filipino love song that she I want you to look at me When I sing it to you Because I have to be on screen so I have to do it like this Okay, you ready I hope this isn't making them upset. What if this makes them up? I'm already rageful now Mike's you have you have you have to absorb my love when I sing it to you. Okay? Okay? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop. She called you handsome. Is that what it is? Oh Oh, I thought she was saying that I was like a piece of shit or whatever. Let's start from the top ready one two

You're pussy Okay, we'll stop there. Thank you Bobby, what do you think that all meant? Well, I put so that has to be good. Oh, it is All right, let's try it. Let's try to translate the first sentence. Yeah, I thought Puso was a good thing What do you think that means tie he did he will go a hit Hindi Guapo Guapo Guapo is a handsome So if you really want to know what so you are very handsome. No, it says even if you're not handsome Hindi not yet Well, you're saying that I'm not and then the second line Switch

So, so what's the second one translate it the second line is Cajetna de Matalino Cajet delete that a limo Is that the leader mode the mayor of some Filipino island? No, it means even if you're not smart I'm not smart in the fucking song. You bring it to the third line. Clala. What's happening here? I'm not handsome I'm not smart. It says this Oh, is that a little life? Go ahead and then it goes Which means as long as he has a good heart, he's he's the one I'm gonna choose

Wow, beautiful that I thought I didn't write the lyrics guys I thought it meant my fisto in your pussy Well, that's a nice song. Did you write that or is that an old Filipino traditional song? It's a song from the 90s Oh, so that's a reason you didn't write it. I didn't write it. No, okay. Well, that you know, that's that felt good Thank you so much, baby, and I feel great. I feel like it made you feel worse. It didn't make me feel worse. It made me feel Like I was Just I just got out of a POW camp I swear so there's a relief. There's relief there. Wait a second. I want you to sing me a korean love song

I'm gonna make it up. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna hack it out. Okay. This is real. This is real I know what boji means Oh, I know what Yeah, I said you're very pretty good. I said your pussy is hideous. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I said, um Then I said her face is strange Yeah, those are the only words I know in korean. I don't know the positive words. You put me up against the fucking wall That's true. That's true. I didn't know what to do All right, so you're beautiful. I you want me to speak in English? Yeah, the best in the world. You're so beautiful

to me Your vagina is pure tastes like Jesus's mom's pussy too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mary Mary. Oh, sorry. I didn't know her name But um, so I'm gonna talk to you about Gilbert Yeah What's up? I saw you play a war zone How'd you know that?

Uh, it's online. Everyone's talking about the amazing play from the lead brothers. All right, so What I realized that number one bad in a war Real life and game. This is essentially what it's like. I know you hate this baby part She hates it. She fucking hates it. It's an upset. It's an upset little She can't get behind it guys dude. She won native american reservation on that. Yeah. Yeah. Mm So this is essentially what every game's like, okay This is eric ruffin. All right, meet me by the tree. What tree the tree that I fucking tagged What tag?

I'm dead Steve guys Guys, I don't know where I'm at. Where are you? He's on the other side of the fucking map Yeah, he parachuted the other side of the map And then at the end of the game Zero kills Every fucking time. Yeah, it's a terror. It's a terrible. I don't know why though. I like it though. It's stressful

It's very stressful. It's very stressful, but fun So last night I was playing do you have the video or do you want to you want to I I think I might have just sent it to George they haven't watched the video to george so I'm playing with my brother and um um eric last night and You don't have my headphones on I'm in the garage. He's five hours deep He's five hours in a four zone three hours. Wow. No, wasn't you started at 1045 and this was at three midnight You didn't start at midnight. You were down there much longer

The only reason that I went downstairs to To check on you was because I had texted you because I hadn't heard a peep in hours and I thought is he okay Um, yeah, I mean I wasn't okay. I was dying so what I did was I went to I would walk downstairs to go check on you and um, You know, that's that's what happens when I check on you So she Sneaks show the video she sticks into the garage and I'm playing I didn't sneak in it was I I opened the door like a Wasn't creeping in right and so then she she's now taping me from behind

He's good. I don't know any I don't know that it was in the fucking garage and I turn around and the sound that I made Maybe laughs so fucking much It's I'm number one. I'm a pussy That sounded show the video Hello All right, I'm here No, you're not I

I I Okay But that sound that I made That's a good setup though. Yeah, but did you hear did you guys hear sound on that? I can hear it on mine. We have to edit it in. Um, I I I want to say one thing before we continue Is this on are we are we on George? Um, I'm writing to trim this. Okay. No, no, I want this to be on. Um, go ahead. I've wanted it. Okay, so

God this is gonna I don't know how to word this in a way that's um a little bit kinder, but um I I really regret having ed on last week I mean like the the truth is it's like while I'm very thankful for everyone's time to like come on the show Um, he kind of big-timed you a little bit Well, what I didn't like is that he didn't even realize that he was supposed to be on our show. No, no, no I think he did but no, I think he looked at me was like, oh, it's you almost like Oh, I didn't know, you know that kind of a thing

and then um I just don't like it Listen I'm very happy for you big ed and the success, but Listen to this The time is ticking, you know, so don't talk to me as if we're on the same, you know what I mean You know, I mean, that's not why I dislike him though, but that's how that's how we'll cut that out then We'll cut this part out

No, we don't have to cut because it sounds like I'm like being big time I'm not big timing and he's like human but he's a great guy. He's from San Diego No, but I I realized something because he was talking about Um, you know having been bullied a lot when he was younger and I truly like empathize with that But it all falls into the the the triangle of abuse where the victim then becomes the perpetrator Because I was I watched the last three episodes, which I hadn't watched previous to last week I should have watched the last three episodes because Truly if you watch his interactions with poor rose

He really at every given opportunity. He makes her feel small and dirty It is such in a very manipulative way like where he packages his his words Um In in a way that kind of you might be able to kind of like uh feel like in like oh, he's that's so endearing But at every step of the way, you know, he he really does put her down and it It's fucking I maybe I have a soft spot because she's Filipino and I just know I don't know what it was, but that shit fucking really Left a bad taste in my mouth. So I also should have asked questions like hey

Who gives a fuck if her sister asks for a little bit money because she's struggling We couldn't because of the tlc publicist. I know but who gives a fuck It's like, you know, if if coin to ask me for 50 bucks or whatever. I wouldn't go. I don't give a fuck I would send the money You know, it's like I'm trying to woo this girl. I'm gonna do anything. I can't know But what I think that he wanted to do was let everyone know he wanted to he thought he was the prize Yeah, Ed really thought that breath smells look at your head. Fuck her You put mayonnaise on your fucking head. I know but she's explained to him. She's like look I brush my teeth

She's an ulcer or something ulcer, baby Oh There's just so many things about him. It's like maybe we can get a second go at him. George. No, I don't want no No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to know. In fact, we have to have a discussion if we want to even have guests What the fuck, you know what every time we give like a very like Controversial opinion you and I look how quiet Gilbert is he doesn't want. Yeah, he doesn't want to put his fucking opinion I'm gonna inject your opinion I want to have rose on that would be great

I want to have roses so people because we want to defend the fucking broken Well, because people only have one perspective of what they've seen on tv And he's able to because he's being paraded by tlc where rose is not So that's where I feel like a platform like this is good for the other side of the story to really say what happened Because we're only getting one side Yeah, yep, I think rose is a really nice young girl and she needs to um She needs to be celebrated way more than that guy

Okay, so is lauren in or doing it out of her house? Yep. Okay. Good. You let you want to just get to it? Yeah, let's get to it. Sure. I'll put her on there. She is Hi How you doing? Let me let me introduce you before um We get going. Okay. Okay. It's it's really good to see you by the way You too. Yeah What Mike does. Mm-hmm. Is he is he in the house? No, he's on his bike far away from me, right? Oh Fuck I love that guy. Anyway, hi lauren. I'm kalayla. All right. It's my girlfriend. I hurt you so much. I feel like I know you

Oh So, um, let me introduce her. Um, so, um Uh, about seven months ago. I um, I was in a movie at one line. Um, I played a hotel for And um, the movie is called the wrong missy and the reason why I did it was um My dear friend david spade just said come on. Just do the line And I you know what? I let me say this. I was a little bummed about at first because I had one line But there's two things that happened from it that um was fascinating to me. It was a good thing. Number one was

um, I got to good do Four magnum pis because I went and did it because I met the producer and then secondly I met lauren lapkiss now lauren lapkiss like I you know, I knew I knew who she was and I knew she was very funny and talented but by when I was watched because the scenes that I was in she was in as well and um I'm telling you right now. She reminds me of you remind me of because you're in the room. I don't I don't know why I'm I talking You Honestly, you remind me of like a stephanie weir like that level of of funny like you are so

Good and I was just sitting there going. Oh my god watching you play and you're amazing in the movie You're such a talented lady. Give her a round of applause lauren lapkiss everybody Thank you. Oh my god, stephanie weir is like the highest compliment. She's so funny. Yeah, and I don't you know, I generally um With people that don't know that well, I generally don't um, I wouldn't say that about it But for you, I I would give that to you because you were not only that though What I was amazing to me was you're able to um take risks and improvise in front of adam sandler. Were you intimidated at all? Yeah, oh my god. Yeah. Well, I mean I have always loved adam. I like my whole life He's been like on my list of like top five people. I think are the funniest people so

Yeah, I was definitely intimidated But I also just like it's one of those things too. You're like, okay I just want to do a good job because this person is here and so I feel like it kind of like motivates you in a way Sometimes when you're intimidated Wow, you know, it it reminds me of you know people Well, I always say that the most successful people are the people that can perform under pressure and you definitely Showed that was amazing. Oh, thanks. I mean that whole the whole experience I think doing this movie was like performing under pressure because it's such a crazy character

Yeah, and the stakes are so high and like every scene that Just like have to go forward or doesn't yeah Yeah, I loved doing your scene when you were the hotel clerk It was so funny because laura was there when like I had one line and then I hear cut and then adam would give me like Notes on that one line. It was freaking me out, but Don't you think it's worse when you have one line? Like I do so much worse when I have one line because I feel like I can't remember it like I don't even know like it's like it's so hard

Yeah, because you also you only have one thing to say so you focus everything on that one thing to say and then And then when the dialogue has happened other people are talking you think yourself My my churn's coming up my only my only turn and then when it comes out it comes out all fucked up Yeah It's weird because we're all sitting around between takes and then like, you know, adam's such a nice guy He would walk by in his shorts, but every time he would walk by I go. Holy fuck. There's adam sandler. It was a real like pretty cool, you know Situation did you know him?

Yeah, I mean I had met him before but I'd never really worked with him I I just I auditioned for his earlier movies back when I was on mad tv and stuff but um No, I've always wanted to be around him because he's just one of those like You know one of the top comedy guys. Oh my god. Yeah Yeah, I had I had like a couple lines in an adam sandler movie years ago called blended That was the movie he did with drew Barrymore. Oh, yeah And I got to meet him and it was like amazing like and he and I remember he was like you're goofy kid

And I was like, I'll never forget that he said I was Yeah, yeah What was it like? How about spain? What a nice guy he is. Oh my god. He's like the nicest. Are you guys old friends? No, it's weird. No, david and I um I don't know what happened, but when he started playing the comedy store You know, he would say hi to me. I didn't really know him, but the one day he just called me goes. Let's go have dinner And I go, all right, I met him for dinner and then ever since then we've been like best of buds, but like he's

Really one of the nicest guys I've ever met, huh? Yes, he really is and I was so happy that he was because he's also one of those people where I've always thought he's the funniest person And then like I there's just that fear that you're gonna meet them and they're gonna be an asshole and you'll be disappointed or something Yeah, he just was so cool and so easy to hang out with but I had to tell you something. Yeah, you know art and marine obviously She's one of my best friends And she tells a story about how you like told her how she has to go out and do stand-up And you like told her how it works and everything and gave her like showed her the ropes so she could like learn how to get out

There and do it. I think that's the coolest thing. That was so nice of you. Well, no for me. It's um, I want the survival of mad TV people I I I I'm you know, they're like, um It's like a fraternity or something or yeah, or yeah, and I want and you know SNL is such a big, you know monster of a of an entity And you know, we were obviously not that but so when we left the show a lot of us Had to struggle and we you know, I you know, I just wanted to help anyone from well I thought it was so cool because like just the fact that I mean, she's so funny and she's in my opinion Like she's someone who'll just work no matter what but

You showed her how to like make money on the road and something that she might not have started doing and it's not every day that Like comedians help each other in that way to explain how it works because yeah, so much of it is just figuring it out by yourself Yeah, I know, but you know, Lauren, I hate compliments. So, you know, you can't take it. You can't take it. It's fine. I can't do it. I just I didn't want to I didn't want to let it go with you totally diffusing it. I had to like say it again. So Well, then let me give you a compliment. What do you think? I can take it. All right. All right So here's another um thing that I wanted to say about because Arden's a good example of and you guys are similar in the sense that I think in this new age of the entertainment business, um, you have to kind of be able to do everything Right? So Lauren, you can do live shows. You can do podcasting. You can probably do a panel show

You can do but you can act as well, you know, and I just think that Arden's the same way I mean you guys are just Intrinsically good in every situation. So that's you know, that's very nice. I think Arden is somebody who I'm so happy I became friends with because she She's can you hear my dog? Is that super nice? Can you hear ours? No, I can't. My dog barks at every single person who's ever walked by but um Arden like taught me has taught me so much just in our friendship about like the business Like it's one of those things where I just feel like I you have to figure so much out by yourself And there there's such a learning curve and she like explains so much to me

Like she took me to like a red carpet thing where like it was just like a movie premiere. So let's just go and you just like go and Get your picture taken and hang out and go for free. I'm like, oh, I didn't know you could do that Like just these things that no one tells you, you know Yeah, nobody tells you how to do any of that shit, huh? No, no, nothing. I mean, I feel that way about every single thing Red carpets are the worst, right? The worst. They're so uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so uncomfortable I hate it when the photographer is like, who are you? I've had so many like I was on a show No, oh my god. Yes, I hate that. I hate it. Oh, when you're in the thing and they're like, who's that?

Or they don't want to take a picture of you Yeah, it's it's your soul dies when that happens It's brutal because you're like, why do I even want them to take the picture of me like they don't even want to Like it's all very it's a bad cycle You and then you learn like, oh, you kind of need a publicist for someone who like walks you down the thing and says your name and holds it up And like they do that weird part for you so you can just walk in but no one tells you Yeah, but you know what? Here's the thing though if there's two worlds, okay? And I think that as a as a comedian actor, you have to be able to, you know, survive in both worlds

One world is going out with social media, YouTube, podcasting and trying to find a fan base, you know, on street level But then there's the Hollywood side that has no idea about that side So it's like when I want to put red carpet, you know, and they go, who are you? I want to say, yeah, I'm more popular than the guy you just took photos of because I built a fucking audience for 20 fucking years You know, it's so frustrating And it feels so demoralizing and you're like, I'm somebody please like care about me but then it's like why don't I care if that guy doesn't care about me So Bobby has this complex, well, it's not really a complex but now he's one of those guys that if the cashier at Walmart says, hey dude, you look familiar, he doesn't let it go He googles his name on the phone to show the guy his credit

No, I don't do that, I don't do that, I don't do that I don't do that? Yeah, IMDb I don't do that Wait, where is she, where is she getting this stuff? No, wait, I don't, wait, first of all, let me just say something, all right, that's fucking fucked up, all right I did that one time, I did it one time And Joshua Tree, remember at the Walgreens or Walmart there?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Or shit enough, this is gonna create a fight So, I'll do, I did it, I've done it a couple times when, number one So you did do it? Yeah, but I'll tell you, I don't just blatantly do it, it's this, how do I know you? I don't know, and they go, they'll start throwing out movies that I wasn't in This is my life too, yeah Then they think that I'm, I know that they think I'm Ken Jeong, right?

They think I'm Chelsea Peretti, so I'm okay Wow, see, that's all So it gets to a point, right, in the conversations where like, I'll say, no, I was on Matt TV And they'll go, no, you were in the hangover, right? They'll say, no, you were in the hangover too, and I'll go, I wasn't And they go, yeah, you are, you're that guy I have to Google it, I have to Google it and go, listen, that's not me I actually really, I think you're right to do that in that situation because those people can be so annoying

And they're telling you who you are, you're like, I know I'm not that Like, why do I have to tell you, I'm not who you're saying And people, and they don't want to hear it, they want to stick on it Like, no, but you were also on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I'm like, no, but I was not It's like so annoying I know where I've been, bitch, you don't mean that's what I was saying I know, but you know what I think is so weird about that And I think, I mean, it happens to a lot of people who are known

That they get mistaken for another known person, but I'm like So, you know who I am, but you have it wrong Sometimes I just, I don't act at all and I'm just a lady at Target So you know it, but you get the wrong person So I don't get that part of it Yeah These together half of the puzzle that you do know who I am somehow Yeah

And then you think of someone I look like and you're like, man, that's it But there are, I have had Asian dudes or like regular dudes that I've said That people thought that they were really Really? Okay, so it's like maybe Maybe, yeah And then the second time I did it was I was, I'm on this game show and the first day of shooting What's that?

It's a game show called Game On, it comes, I'm terrible on it I like game shows, I want to know Please don't watch it, it's okay Please watch it Yeah, so I was on this game show and I was at the Radford lot And I had, I was like a little late So I'm at the gate and they're like, so Where's your idea, I forgot my idea, I don't want to go home

And they go, my name is Bobby Lee, I'm on the list And they go, all right, you're on the list but we need an ID And I go, yeah, but there's only, like if I'm the number one Bobby Lee in the world Can you Google it and look at it Right, so I Googled Bobby Lee and I showed it to them, right And they go, all right, you're right, you are the number one Bobby Lee in the world And so, but then every day for two weeks Every time I would drive by that fucking little station

They would all yell out, number one That's not right Number one And I would blush and just wave like, I'm a loser Yeah, I want to talk about one last thing with you Is that, you know, some people think that Klylin are a power couple But I did a movie, a Pauly Shore movie That's where I'm killing it

And the star, aside from Pauly from the other movie that I did Was a gentleman by the name of Mike Castle Mike Castle is your husband, is he not? Yes, yes he is, I want to see this movie When is that movie coming out? It looks so fine, I'm so excited Yeah, it's at the bottom barrel of a woman somewhere in the Midwest Well, I'll go buy it there, I just want to watch it

I mean, I'm so excited, Mike is killing it He's on a Netflix show right now called Bruce Brothers That he's the lead out, so he's like, he's making it happen Oh yeah, he is, you know what I love about him Is, I know he's not there, but He has a Tom Hanks-y likeability about him Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes, and I've always loved Tom Hanks, but I didn't really put it together

And then people said that Mike looks like Woody from Toy Story Oh yeah, that's what it is, I think And he does, and then Tom Hanks voices that, so it kind of like goes together But he does have that Tom Hanks quality of like, he's charming and funny But he's still cute, you know Yeah, Lauren, do you have a podcast, right? I have about 30, but yes Yeah, I know

So many My podcast that you're close to right now, Newcomers It's me and Nicole Byer, and we watched Star Wars for the first time in its entirety It's been insane, and you can hear us talk about it We have comedians on who care about Star Wars And they kind of tell us the backstory and we explain what we did and did not like And, you know, we're seeing it for the first time Had you never seen Star Wars before?

No, no, not, neither had she, we didn't know anything Wow So, it's been very fascinating Where are you at with the movie? You saw all of them? I've seen them all, and now we're watching like side stuff Like we're going to watch Mandalorian and all that stuff Let me ask you something, out of all the Star Wars movies Would you rank the top three?

Yes, my top three are Wait, which one has Ewoks? The third one, Return of the Jedi Okay, Return of the Jedi Empire Strikes Back That's two The Rise of Skywalker Oh

Was that the third one? That's the new one Oh, interesting Ooh, interesting You like that one Because they have a female protagonist and they have like a romance There was like a lot more stuff that appeals to me Ah

Yeah Which one's the worst one? The first one You mean A New Hope? I think Episode One I think she means Episode One That's not true I did mean A New Hope, but I do mean Episode One

Episode One, yeah I meant A New Hope because I thought that one was really long It doesn't mean anything you think is going to happen Like Yoda and stuff doesn't happen in it Oh, I think I get it Then the one with the Phantom Menace Some of those were really rough It was too much CGI

I like when they're more puppets Yeah, it was rough I have a question for you Can you tell me about your hair? Because I've been following the hair journey And I might have missed where you explained the hair Okay, well, let's go historically with me then Let's go historically with our people, okay?

So historically with our people, right? And I mean Asians Okay There was only a couple of things one would do One would do a shaved look like a monk Some monks would shave their head So that's one look And number two, they would do a Justin Bieber kind of a thing

Like the mushroom cut A billion Chinese people have that Wait, historically? Historically accurate That's not true, babe The new one, that's not historical That's what's in right now The trendy sort of

The bull cuts But they're a little bit more stylized bull cuts That's what's in right now But they've been doing that for fucking a thousand years Yeah, but it's a little bit more stylized Great Lauren, they're fighting now, thanks a lot I love this What about your hair cut?

I thought it was fake at first Because your hair is so thick and full Like you have really good hair Oh, thank you so much for saying that Thank you And I did the mullet because not a lot of guys That look like me have it I like it

And also, I wanted to piss the ovaun off a little bit You know Did it work? Yeah, you got really angry So do you want to talk about the movie real quick About what it's about or when it comes out, let's do that Yeah, so the movie is called The Wrong Missy The premise of the movie is that David Spade goes on two dates

One is with Molly Sims, who's literally a supermodel And her name is Missy and she's very hot And then the other date is with me And I play a psychopath named Missy Who is the worst date you could ever end up on And then he's going on a corporate retreat And Nick Swartzman's character tells him to invite Missy The hot one

And he invites me And it's just a nightmare Yes, he texts the wrong Missy What was it like working with Nicky and those guys? Oh my god, it was so fun He's the best He's so funny, he makes me laugh so much He is hilarious

As a matter of fact, he's waiting in the zoo lobby He just signed off So I'm trying to see if we can get him back again It would have been the perfect segue I know, I was planning So Laura, shut the fuck up everyone Laura, shut the fuck up Laura, when does the movie come out?

May 13th, so it's like whatever Tomorrow, whatever day you're listening to this Or it's already out Yeah, so here's what I, listen When the quarantine's over, I would love to do more podcasting with you Because I'm a Star Wars fan as well Maybe, you know, me, I could do that one Oh my god

I'm trying to invite myself into your world as well You should, you should Can I plug my Patreon? I have a Patreon that I'm doing at home Yes, yes It's patreon.com slash laurenlapkiss And I'm doing like improv podcasts And Mike and I are doing Watch Alongs

Where you can sync us up with a movie or a TV show And we talk over the whole thing and comment on it Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah We've been having a lot of fun doing those So it's a good way to feel like you have friends over during the quarantine Oh hi Look at how angry you are Are you angry?

Are you so angry? Why are you so angry, Nick? Who? You I'm not Your skin looks really good Look how cute you are I'm adorable

His skin looks so tan and golden Yeah, yeah, yeah Alright, so um, now Alright Good, stay on, can Lauren stay on? I guess you have for a minute But I don't want to cut him next time Alright, alright

I don't give a fuck Well then let's give Lauren a round of applause Thank you, Lauren We love you so much You look great Thank you This was very fun I'm leaving

Now it's your turn, fuckface Alright, have fun That was very fun Thanks for having me, Bobby Love you, Lauren See you guys, that was very fun Bye, Lauren What the fuck?

I tried to get in earlier I know Because fucking Lauren went on for a little longer That's all, fuck not Why wouldn't we be on at the same time? Because I want to do individual ones, fuck tired Eat me up, Bobby I want to introduce you first, alright

So um, ladies and gentlemen Shut the fuck up Ladies and gentlemen You know, I started comedy In the late, in the late 90s And when I came to LA You know, I would run into this guy You know, really nice guy

But he was so funny He's so funny Even as a young stand-up He was so good And I don't know why But we've always gotten along We've always, whenever I see this guy We grab each other's assholes

Right, do we not? Yeah, yeah, yeah We'll rub each other's clits It's not even a question Yeah, it usually happens at the improv, right? Yeah, but I mean, back in the day though It was like everywhere It would just be the random rooms

Yeah, yeah, yeah All that shit, I've always loved you, Bobby It's so funny when we say that we started in the 90s Like when you get back It's so fucking weird It's fucking crazy But um, and I'm gonna say this Another compliment for you about

Like when Harold and Kumar came out You were the only comic to call me To tell me that I did a good job Do you remember that? Probably not Yeah, I do, it's like, give a fuck Yeah, I mean that's, I remember that distinctly going Oh, what a nice guy No one else ever called me about it

You know what I mean? Yeah And when comics do that It's like, it's such a fucking rare thing So let's give Nick Swartz A round of applause everybody Hi Nick, I'm Kalayla I'm Bobby's girlfriend This is my girlfriend Kalayla

Hi Kalayla, how are you? Good, how are you? Did you win the most patient girlfriend in the world award? Fuck you, man Fuck you, Bobby I'm difficult to live with, I know It's very difficult No, you're not, you're a sweetheart

Oh, thank you buddy I just want to remember the fucking old days God, what a tornado that used to be I know You know what's great is we survived it all I know I always talk about that I've barely survived

But yeah, it's funny when you look back And then people go, oh Jesus And then I'm like, I'm 43 now And I'm like, oh my god, how the fuck did I make it to this far? I never thought I would I was like, there's no way I'm gonna see you I would talk when I saw 30 I was like, all right

Yeah Because you know, you're a wild guy You like to have fun at nights, no? Yeah, I mean, I would go through just, you know, shit where It was just a blast You don't realize as a comic I didn't go to college I started to stand up right out of high school

I was 19 So I didn't have any school So I grew up in clubs That's what I did Yeah So that was my, you know My teachers were fucking old road comics Yeah

All these dudes are fucking loose cannons So, you know, I would go through phases of, you know I'd focus and work And then when I wasn't I was just like, game fucking on Yeah And when I look back I don't look back at like, god man

I remember when I was sober for six months It was so fun Every memory I'm like, god I remember when I pissed myself in Chicago I remember when I was fucking Every story about the crazy times I always like miss It makes me go like, oh I mean, I remember

I don't know if you'd ever do this I would do a gig And I would just stay So I would do I did one show one time in Miami One fucking show And I stayed for a month A fucking month

Yeah That would happen all the time Yeah And my age would be like Hey, what's up man Where are you? I'm like It's like, you're not still in South Beach

Are you? Yeah And then I would have my openers Who are always my friends I'm like, let's just stay So one time in South Beach We fucking just kept staying And weeks would go by

And my opener Patrick Keen Was really funny Love him And he was like, are we Like, are we leaving? And I'm like, I don't know who cares And he goes, well, I I mean, I have a life

Yeah And I'm like, I know But like, what if we just do this And he's like, well, yeah I'm not fucking in your pan Running around with an AmEx car Being like So, you know

But it was so fun Yeah You look good though, buddy What have you been doing different Exercising? Yeah, I've actually been lifting things That I wouldn't normally lift And putting them over my head

Multiple times Are you really going to the gym and shit? No, I just like Do a simple workout And then I've always eaten pretty well So I'm just staying on the diet And I haven't drank for eight months What?

Well, yeah, I mean, which you know I'm almost fucking dying I mean, I know I didn't want to bring that up I didn't want to bring that up Yeah, I almost did But since you fucking did, right So

You were so sweet when I saw you afterwards You were like, you really looked horrified That I almost died You know, here's the thing though Okay Is there's Because I love you so fucking much When you hear

So you were in Colorado, correct? Yeah, I had gone I just kind of been like, fuck it So I had this summer off from filming I had like a couple shows and stuff So I basically was like I'm just going to drink So I drink every day

Because all I really wanted to do was just drink And watch sports And like, I never had any of that I could just do that So I just was like, I'm just going to do it So I did, every day I just drank I'm a huge sports fan So I just watched games

And just traveled It was super fun But I just did it so much And drank myself into a wall And anybody who drinks a lot knows that Once you get into that wall Like, now you Now you have to drink to just maintain

And then I just It hit like the biggest wall ever And I went to Colorado And I just My system completely shut down Completely I've never seen anything like that before And then you were

Did you like black out And just end up in a fucking ICU somewhere? No, I landed in Denver And I had cocktails on the plane But I kept vomiting And I was like, oh, it's not that weird And then And then when I landed in Colorado

I just drank at the airport And I kept vomiting And I'm like, something's wrong And I tried to eat And it wouldn't work And so I realized You know, you can tell Your body like gives you a heads up

Where it's like, okay This isn't a hangover And I literally called my agent I was like, hey, something is wrong And I went And I looked up Like this kind of medical place Not a hospital

But it was like a Just a checkup What I came over called And so I went It only had one star In their Yelp review And I was like, oh I swear to God

So I was like, well, clearly They don't care about caring Was it like an urgent care? Yeah, it was an urgent care Yeah It had one star I was like, all right Well, I've rolled the dice this month

So I went And they took one look at me I didn't even fucking say anything I was like, hey, what's going on? And they were like, oh, you need a You need an ambulance And I was like, nah, I'm good And they were like, no

And they took me to an ER And the dude was like, I love grandma's boy I'm like, cool, man And then I'm like He did more things And he was like, yeah, probably And they took me to the ER And they were like, holy fuck

Just stop looking at me And then I was hooked up to tubes I was in the ER for three weeks And they were like people They go, people with quadruple bypasses Are usually out in like three days And I'd stay for three weeks It was fucking nuts

I know, but Was it like topsy-turvy? Like were they like You're not going to make it at times Wait, were you, were you lucid? Or were you like, were you, did they have Did they have you like intubated? Or did they put a tube down your throat?

I was out for probably half of it So I was there for three weeks I was probably completely gone for a week and a half Which none of this is funny I know I'm making life This is what I want to talk about I'm just making life But it wasn't

It was fucking life changing It was super bizarre Terrible I mean, we almost lost you then And it was pretty wild Because, you know As long as I've been in comedy And it's the same with you

How many people we've lost I mean, it's just awful Anytime a comic dies, it's just awful So it was pretty, it was pretty crazy Oh my god, that would have been Fucking a life change That would have been so fucking terrible So then when you got out after three weeks

I mean, when you were lucid and stuff Did you think to yourself I'm done drinking for a while or what? Yeah, I was like I should probably stop, you know I don't know what's going to happen in the future Saying that is so reckless People are like, fuck you

But I don't plan on drinking I've been drinking for eight months It's not a problem at all Am I going to have a fucking Jaeger bomb When I'm 80? I don't know Yeah You know, I relapsed in August After 17 years of sobriety

Who did? I did Oh, did you really? Yeah, so I had 17 years and I relapsed in August But now I'm sober again, but um At what capacity did you relapse? With pills? Well, I mean, no, not pills For me, I just, you know

Mine was tied in with my dad's death and trauma And all that stuff So I was going through a lot of emotional shit too But I was just smoking weed 24 hours a day But then I was shooting shit And it was terrible, you know what I mean You know, I was just completely clueless And she almost laughed at me

It was terrible How long did that go on for? I had gone out for probably, what, two or three months Yeah, and it was weird, Nick Because usually someone who just smokes weed He was acting like a junkie He was acting like this was, um This was meth

He would line our chimney with just weed paraphernalia And I kept telling him, like, look, it's just It's weed, it's not But I knew that that was probably Just one step before something else Because he was already acting strangely Even though it was just marijuana Like it was just around the bend for him

Yeah, now also, like, I would spend like A thousand dollars I mean, I was acting like it was like crack Like, I would go to every dispensary in LA You know what I mean? And buy just a thousand dollars worth of weed And then hide it in the house As if it was illegal or something like that

I was acting crazy, you know what I mean? You know, people will give you weed I know, I know I know But you don't do it It's not like to have it I know That's what I was telling him to do

And it had like an adverse reaction Where people who usually smoke weed Are, you know, they're calmer He was acting like a fucking crack head He wouldn't, he would only sleep two hours a night It had a complete opposite reaction It was like he just, he had just been doing cocaine all day Yeah, I would like suck dudes' dicks in the alleyways

You know what I mean? I was like, look at him Just like crack behavior, I mean Picking scabs off my body, you know what I mean? Bobby was so high he wasn't showing his penis Yeah, how many times have you seen my dick? How many times have you seen my dick, you think? 78

I have a chart Yeah You know what's fascinating about you two is that Even though during your, you know Your crazy parting and all that kind of stuff You know, you still had so many comics That just adored you and loved you And wanted to take care of you and

I'm just glad Yeah, I mean you have, even like Sandler Loves you so fucking much And you know, you have always tried to Get me into his world as well One time when he was shooting When they were doing that Zohan movie You brought Adam out to see me do stand-ups

Just to try to get me apart in his movie I remember that too, so thank you for that Yeah, I'm trying to help people out It's tricky because Adam uses some of the same people So it's hard to break people in So do you want to talk about the wrong Missy? No, I'm good No, I will in a second

It's funny because I always think that Everybody's just lived an insanely loose canon life So I find myself in conversations with people Where I'm like, yeah, it's like If you do fucking too much coke I got a bender, you know what I mean? And they're like, no, what are you talking about? I'm like, you know, how many do you like?

Too much coke, you know what I mean? It's like, ugh! And they're like, no, I don't know what you're talking about I'm like, oh right, right, right, right Yeah I was never a big drug dude That was always kind of different for me I mean, I would try it, sometimes I would dabble

But for me it was just fucking booze But you also had like a casual It was almost as if it was a casual routine for you Like you would sometimes Remember Charlie and Finn and I used to run into you At that fucking barbecue place on Santa Monica Boulevard? Yeah So you'd just be with friends at the bar

Watching sports, drinking Or you would go to Barney's Beanery, right? A lot Yeah, I would go there back in the day The thing with me was very bizarre Because I'd gone to AA meetings And it was very different for me If I don't want to drink, I just don't drink

And I never drank home Like by myself Like I heard a lot of comics talk about that It was always in a social environment Having fun Until I just urinated myself Yeah, yeah I would never drink and drive

It was bizarre how Responsibly reckless I was Yeah What would you do, have people just pick you up And drive you to these places? I would walk Uber was, that was just a game changer Yeah

Fucking do whatever Yeah, yeah It was just magic Just fucking get into a magic car And then just wake up Hopefully that were The type of friends where If you wanted to drink again

You would call me first, maybe Would you do that? Yeah Because I'm sober now too I just Don't want you to go back out there You know, I just don't want you to You know, I mean, slip into that same

Fucking Yeah, I mean, I cannot foresee Anything like what I did before Because when I did it, it was very Conscious, you know what I mean? Oh, right, right It wasn't that I went off the rails In terms of like, oh, I'm gonna

You know, I didn't lose myself I was like, no, I'm gonna fucking Take this summer And I'm gonna drink my tips up And then I got slammed with Suicide, a death in the family And that's when things will Really derail

Yeah You know, your mindset, if you're in it If you're already in that mindset And then all of a sudden Like you were talking about When a tragedy hits That's when it I was just

Destroyed by a friend's Suicide and my sister-in-law's death Oh, wow That was brutal And then that brought up Brody's death Oh, wow, yeah And then everything, it just snowballed And then it kind of

That's when it really took a turn So, you know, you have to Really be careful, you know When people try to drink through You know, that kind of state It's really, really dangerous Yeah, that day I remember that day

When Brody died When I found out That was a brutal Fucking day, man Yeah, it was fucking awful It was so awful It was so sudden It wasn't as if it was like somebody that

You know, we knew that had cancer Yeah Drinking problem Whatever it might have been You know what I mean It was just out of nowhere Because I had seen him A week before that

You know, it just out of nowhere I get the call That he's gone And it was so Remember, you told me I was in bed taking a nap And she goes She just whispers

Dabi, Brody's dead And I was And I heard it while I was sleeping And then I remember What did I say? I go What did I say? Why am I not crying?

And then she goes You will once you wake up And as soon as I woke up As soon as I woke up I mean, it was right? It was terrible Why don't you just wake him up? What the fuck?

Are you the tragedy whisperer? Brody's dead It was in the dark too Brody's dead Brody's dead She's the tragedy whisperer Yeah, I mean You should know what we up, lady

What the fuck? I did I know By doing it that way, yeah That is weird What a brutal day You were close with Brody, right? We were pretty close

Yeah, I don't know Long, long time I mean, I had stepped in With a couple people When Brody was That like loose cannon patch Where he was off the rent Oh, yeah

And he was on social media And he was mentally just a disaster And Dave Rath called me And Zach and You know, we reached out to Brody And we were like, hey, man What's going on? Like, what do you need?

You know, just And then after that He had kind of worked through it And, you know We thought we had gotten through it And we, you know, we did It was fine for a long time Yeah

Well, he got back on his meds, right? That's what happened, right? Yeah He was off his meds And then we got back on, yeah But Yeah Yeah, it was fucking

Fucking terrible, man But so that's why I found out about deaths When I was filming There was two times When I was filming Grandma's Boy I was in my dressing room

And changing And I get a call from Dave Rath And All he said was Did you hear about Mitch And I immediately Lost it Sobbing

And obviously Mitch Hedberg And I, you know That was one of those things where It was just a call that You know, he went up and down But it was fucking awful And just complete breakdown And that's one of the hardest ones I've ever done

Because that was one of the first ones Somebody I knew well And, you know And then you have to go and fucking be an actor Fucking I know I know And then this one

I don't know if you remember that I'm sure you do I was on the set of Bucky Larson You don't have to remember the movie But I was on the set of Bucky Larson And I got a call That, you remember Michael Roof Yes

Michael Roof Oh, chicken, chicken Chicken Yes And he fucking killed himself And I, Michael and I were friends And I fucking lost it And this was right before I had to film

And I'm in a wig and buck teeth Wow And I'm like sobbing And I walk up to the set And they're like, whoa, are you okay? And I'm like, my friend just fucking killed himself And they're like They're like, okay, we'll give you ten minutes

But we have to, we It's literally what they said And I called Frank Kelly, you know And then I was like, he had to go to the set In a wig, buck teeth And I go, what scene is it? And they're like, you're holding the pig And you have a lollipop

And you're all happy So I'll never forget how Fucking weird that was Yeah Aside my friend's suicide With my Every time I see the movie

I'm like, oh my god Yeah Fucking weird Hey guys What I realize now is that Number one, why the fuck have you not done this podcast before? And number two When this pandemic is over

We gotta get you into the studio to do it Because I want to do a full fucking hour with you Because you're so funny And we're friends It's ridiculous I would love that It's fucking ridiculous You ever asked me to do it?

Yeah, I just didn't know where you were It's like, I covet what I see Like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs I covet what I see Don't ever compare yourself to that guy It seems like a weird person To follow yourself after

Yeah Alright, so Oh my god, and Bobby We were in Denver at the beginning of the pandemic We were That was insane I remember you were at the comedy works Yeah

I was at a Colorado Springs And I was like, oh, holy shit I go, Bobby And you were I'm like, are you worried Because I was canceling my shows And you were like, fuck it I'm gonna do it

Dude, I'm adding more shows And I'm like, that seems reckless But okay I know, bud And when I call you And I'm like, where are you? You're like, I'm on a plane I know

It got crazy quick, bro Yeah, I was there I'm on Earth too Yeah, I know But it's like One minute I'm like My agent Shut the fuck up

One minute my agent's like You're fine Go out there Do the weekend You sold out whatever So I'm there, positive Literally in six hours We gotta get the fuck out of here

Yeah That's how crazy it was That's, it was insane Because I had two shows Colorado Springs And I was supposed to go to Wise Guys And Salt Lake And all of a sudden

Like you said it hit And I'm like, ugh So I did my first show In Colorado Springs And I was a little hesitant And then I'm sitting there About to go on stage But for that show

And it was like NBA canceled And then all of a sudden All the stuff started coming in And then I panicked And I canceled the other show And I told them to keep my money Whatever, that didn't get paid I was like, just keep it

And stuff and shit And then Salt Lake I was really on the fence Cause Wise Guys Phenomenal club I love that club And I had to cancel them When I died

Before I, when I was died And so My friend killed himself So I felt horrible And but they declared A national state of emergency And I was like Fuck, you know

As much as I wanted to do it It was such a great area So I didn't want to be that guy To bring people out And then, you know Nobody knew what was really happening When I saw a state of emergency I'm like, well I'm not going

To fuck with that And there was a close call to For him because he went And remember I have a friend In Denver And she went to his green room To drop off a few things for me And then she fucking hung out

And then she hung out In the green room And then two days later She was sick And she had COVID for two weeks No way But you didn't hug her, right? I don't, I like her

So I didn't even touch her Oh, come on No, I like her She's fine I love her I love her, I mean Great But she came in

We were already paranoid It was like, you know I said, don't hug her I said to Kevin Christie You know Kevin Christie Yeah Right? He was my opener

I go, don't hug her And then I go Stand back And she just stood there For like 30 minutes And then I go All right, you got to go And she left

Luckily, you know what I mean She didn't hang out all night Yeah I love her though You're listening I love you and thank you I'm glad you're safe So The Wrong Missy

The Wrong Missy is a Netflix movie Coming out with Lauren Lapkis Produced by Adam Sandler With David Spade And also co-starring Nick Swartzen Tell me about the movie The movie, Bobby It's a romantic comedy, R-rated

Yeah It's funny, man It's great It's fucking refreshing right now Everything's so fucking intense Yeah The shows I watch are dramas and sci-fi Like future insanity

It's like ultra carbon on Netflix The outsider Yeah It's so dark Everything's just like, oh Jesus So this is a breath of fresh air It's fucking crazy Spade is funny

Because he has to play kind of the normal Like straight man in it So everybody else is just insane Rob Schneider's fucking crazy Yeah Lauren Lapkis is amazing Amazing She's amazing

It's great Tour de force performance by Lauren She's a good ensemble cast A fluffy office worker That's David's friend It's sarcastic You know, totally in my wheelhouse And yeah, it's great

But yeah, I'm a little thick in the movie I was coming off a TV show, Typical Rick And I had a good couple of years So I was a little thick Swartzen But I was good Jackie Sandler's energy was great Oh yeah, she's great It was a, you know, that was good

I remember, do you remember the morning When I saw you on set and I hugged you? Yeah Fuck, I remember Yeah, I do, of course I do Yeah Anyway, it comes out, when does it come out? Tomorrow

On the 13th On the 13th, Wednesday Which if you're listening, it's on Netflix May 13th on Netflix Bobby, you played one of the office dudes, right? No, I play a fucking hotel clerk Oh, okay Okay, I have one fucking line, all right

That's still a lot But Nicky, hey, man, promise me this, dude Promise me that when this shit is This quarantine shit is done Whenever it is Please come back and come into the studio And do this for real Yeah, of course I will, 100%

Okay, good I would love to, you know, I live in It's not that far from you Yeah, that's fine, I'll make it happen All right, give Nick Swartz an Toronto Plus I love you so fucking much, brother I love you You're so funny, okay

Thank you, Bobby, you're funny, I love you Be well Be well Don't whisper to Bobby anymore Do you guys see the UFC fights or what? Whoa, those are spectacular You know, the UFC fights, we saw it And I was a little, it was a little weird

With no audience, right? Yeah, it was quite I think the fighters could hear Daniel Cormier And the commentators the whole time Not only that, you could hear the fighters breathing And you could hear the hits more Like, right, and you're like, oh fuck There's nothing to absorb that, huh?

I kind of liked it Yeah, that was kind of brutal There was a couple of disappointing things about the fight Number one, because I wanted, you know I thought that Dominic Cruz wasn't completely out But, you know, he did get knocked on his ass Do you hear what he said about the ref? He was saying the ref was, he smelled like alcohol

And smoke And apparently the ref would not make eye contact with him Before the fight in the locker room So Dominic was literally trying to like bend over And look at the ref And the ref would not look at him Oh, shit So his whole thing was like, that guy was drinking the night before

And he's been on multiple interviews since now Saying that Which is interesting, because Interesting Yeah, because what's so funny is that I don't think the ref was Aware of the clock There was two seconds left

Yeah, that's Two seconds left, I know He should have let it go Also What you realize, too, is that Inganu is a fucking You just realizing that now? No, I mean, because of the

Miochik fight, you know, and, you know Derek Lewis It was, you know, you're kind of But then when you realize that Listen, he was probably going Some sort of psychological thing During those two fights Like some mental, like, you know

I think he saw sports psychologist or something I think that's what he did Yeah, now, right He's just going out there and going Oh, I'm just gonna do, you know, kill them You know, and he, he just He was so fierce And like a locomotive

Yeah It's so scary But so soft-spoken, so sweet I like him, yeah, he's a good guy He's actually very smart, too He's smart, yeah, that guy is Gonna be a force to reckon with And then

We saw something that I Never thought I would see Which was El Kukui losing So sad, yeah I didn't, it's not that I would But that's gaichi, babe It didn't shock me

What shocked me was The fact that he was still Alive and breathing And not Not even bothered by the fact That he fractured his orbital bone Like he, you know There's that, there's

This one condition Where I think it's called Like congenital, like analgesia Or something like that Where you don't have a lot Of pain, like women who have this Don't have pain during birth Or when they

I honestly think There has to be something there Where, like it was It just blew my mind how He just kept walking through And not being phased by anything Is it legal to put like old Medicinal, like herbs

On your face to numb your body Is there a pill that you can take To numb the nerves on your body? Like, like Salon pas? No, like tiger balm, it's so minty It burns your skin so bad I'm talking about even more sacred

And more, you know, like Could somebody, for instance, go into Some Mexican forest And pick up herbs And come up with a concoction That completely numbs your body From head to toe and would that be legal? Just for fighting

Pain is necessary for everyday life No, no, pain is necessary for everyday life But in a fight Can you take something to numb your shit? Is that considered a steroid then At that point? Yeah, because You can take things orally To kind of

Mute the pain a little bit Like when you get tattooed Like any type of Any type of pain reliever Is going to minimize the pain a bit Oh, so you could possibly take Like six vicarins before a fight Yeah, but you're not going to perform optimally

If you're loopy like that on vikes Oh, yeah, that's right That's right, that's true How are you going to maintain a crisp head For fighting? Yeah, yeah A crisp mind Some guy just like out there going Yeah, knock out

That's why drunk people In any fighting video you see The worst Are just always out the fastest That would be fun to watch Like a UFC fight, but everyone has to take Four tabs of acid How acid might be different

They're going to start biting each other's tongues off Or they might just like do like air artwork And then you're judging on the air artwork They're like painting things with these Trails and stuff Or maybe they like They start to punch and eventually they just kind of Get into a hug

And they just start hopping up and down laughing You know what I mean It's pretty cool to watch But it's amazing how Ferguson That he could take A beating That dude

Because some of those shots of gaichi Through That vik guy that gaichi knocked out Oh, Mike vik Mike vik, yeah There's like ten shots like that And Ferguson would just Absorb it, but you could tell

That he was not willing What was even more interesting Was that even when he would get rocked Usually you see dudes like wobble Or they need A couple seconds to recover from a shot It just Didn't apply to him

Like he would get knocked back and then just come Like still would full focus in his eyes He's still all there The last hit though was really tough to watch Yeah, he did a little small iris jig there Yeah, that was tough to watch What makes me sad about it too Was because he was supposed to fight

Khabib And now he won't have that Opportunity that's But Tony is a legend No matter what, I don't think That this was a loss for him I think people will come out of it remembering him Even more than gaichi

Cause that was crazy I did love gaichi He's like one of my favorite fighters Me too, he's a good egg Remember when rose beat yanche check Oh yeah And gaichi did that video online Where he was like, I love you rose

He's crying and being very supportive toward Rose, Nam and Eunice I thought that like endeared myself to him And You alright man? Me? Yeah What happened? I will say there's pee

Definitely about to come out of my dick Oh there are? There's something going on with you Well let's take a Let's end it then Let's do an unhelpful advice Go pee though, go pee I got it, this is my goal While you pee

I'll have a couple of drags of a cigarette No he wants to keep going Unhelpful advice with Bobby A. Kleiler Alright guys This one is from our friend Elizabeth Hello Tiger Belly, my name is Elizabeth

I'm from Houston, Texas Texas has been reopening businesses and resuming life As if nothing has happened It's obvious to me that the government cares more about money and economy than Safety and health of the people A lot of friends in my life have been hanging out going to the beach They try to make me feel bad for being cautious and staying home And aren't even wearing masks in public

A lot of these friends I've known for 5 to 10 years Is it time to move on from these hometown friends Or do I forgive them during these weird times Because they're just doing what they believe is okay I'd appreciate any advice, love you all Elizabeth It's like this If a buddy of mine is like

A man I'm going to go skydive this weekend And I'm like Go ahead I'm not Right? If you die you die, I'm not going to do it So it's like

Even if Los Angeles opens up And you know I have a lot of friends that Think that it's a Conspiracy Right? That there's something Diabolical

And they might believe that And they're going to go out with no mask And go to a rave or whatever But for me And my family And I think Kalyla feels the same way We're going to be a little cautious here Because

I'm a smoker, I don't know exactly what it's going to do to my body And I don't feel comfortable with it And you just do what you feel comfortable with Really? Yeah, I think that ultimately that's the best way to go Is to understand that people are Operating from

You know, there's so The spectrum is so wide Of where people Where people feel or think About all of this And I think we have to be really understanding of everyone's Feelings about this Whether they're afraid of the virus itself

Or they're afraid of their livelihood Whether they're afraid of government overreach Or Loss of freedoms Those, even though if you don't agree with them It's still Everyone's operating out of some type of fear Right?

Fear of big banks, whatever it is I think we should just be considerate And kind to each other Be open to their Feelings as well And hope that they're open to our feelings And be cautious And that's ultimately what we can do

I don't think that you should sever friendships over it Unless you feel as though They're just not respecting where you're coming from Because that's a whole different topic That's where I would end a friendship Not because of Them wanting to live their lives differently Than mine

But if they're encroaching and not respecting My own feelings Then sever those friendships But if it's not that For you, don't do that Keep your friends, they're important I was also at a place Maybe a week or two ago

Where I was like What are we idiots reopening What are we fools But then I've been able to put myself In other people's shoes And look at their perspective And I understand why We need to get that economy going

People are hurting I'm now not that resistant I do know though That this thing is going to be out there For a very long time And I'm going to protect me and my own And so

That's that Same One day at a time One day at a time Might feel differently tomorrow and that's okay too Might feel scared again next Wednesday And that's okay too Might want absolute freedom the following Wednesday

That's okay too Yeah One day at a time But no matter what you do Always keep in mind that there are people That this is costly too And those are your nurses And your doctors

And people who have to intubate you I definitely don't go along With the point of view Some people have to die I don't believe in that I think that we can do this Well What's confusing is that the people who are saying

Some people need to die are the people who are pro-life So it's like wait you're not okay With a fetus dying But you're okay with a grandma Or somebody with a comorbidity Dying like that to me is a little bit Like a contradictory That's one thing I'm not

Understanding but You know teach his own I could go on about it but I'm not Okay That was a great show I could go on but I don't want to You understand? We don't want to cut out a lot of things

Nah Anyway Thank you for listening to another episode Of Tiger Valley It was very enjoyable Did you almost say thank you for being a bad friend? No This is my hub

This is my number one This is my family I want to thank Lauren Lapkus and Nick Schwartzen For being on the program tonight I want to thank you guys For being involved And I want to thank Rudy for sleeping

For 50 minutes of this fucking thing That doesn't feel good When you fall fucking asleep It doesn't Jules, I'ma tell you I almost looked over to you and be like Hey go take a nap outside Are we that boring to you? That's why we think we're eating it

This fucking girl I know and I was like oh god this must have been so bad Cause she's just like knocked out Come on Rudy Yeah come on But she also doesn't know who No she can't hear Gilbert, George, Lauren

Or Nick Schwartzen She only hears us We can leave a headset on the other side But thank you for listening I love you guys and stay safe out there Bye! Hey Prime members You can listen to Tiger Barely Ad-Free

On Amazon Music Download the Amazon Music app today Or you can listen to Ad-Free with Wondry Plus In Apple Podcast Before you go, tell us about yourself By completing a short survey Visit Tiger Barely Ad-Free.com