TigerBelly - Ep 257: Breaker Breaker with Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Khalyla loves ketchup and rice days. Christina Pazsitzky teaches Khalyla a video game secret. Bobby feels sweaty, empty, attacked, but he's still on fire. We talk Trader Vladimir, Tikki Tikki Tembo, the 2 year window, and The Silly Billies.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Let's move on. Five, four, three, two, hello to you, hello to me, hello to everybody. Welcome to the Tiger Belly podcast. Again and again we do it. Now don't say nothing until I bring your name on. We got Gilbert in the room. He's got a very beautiful brown face.

It's like the moon. We got the white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white piece of shit. Supremacy. In the room. It's face is pink and he's married to an Asian girl. And now I have my beautiful girlfriend, Kaleila. She's the best. Kaleila.

And we got a guest today. She's married to my friend Tom, but she's the funniest one out of the two. Tina Pazitsky, give her a round of applause. Can I just say I'm so happy to see you guys. I miss comedians. I miss you guys so much. And where are your hands in your pockets? Because I get nervous around you.

I'm like I'm in a job interview or something or I'm interviewing Michelle Obama. Oh stop. Earlier upstairs for the last two hours he's been repeating this. Pazitsky. You don't say anymore. Pazitsky. But I call you Kaleila and not Kaleila. It's okay.

My mom does too. She doesn't know how the fuck it's supposed to be pronounced. And the reason why I do that because at one time years ago I brought you up on stage. Yes. I probably brought this up to you before. But I brought you up on stage and I fucked up your last name. Yeah. Pazitsky.

Pazitsky. She got it. Pazitsky. And I thought you were mad at me for years. Never. I don't give a shit. Why? Years.

We're foreigners. I don't really give a shit either. My name is not easy. Plus you probably have it right. Because it's supposed to be Kaleila. Like Middle Eastern. Kaleila. What have you guys been doing during the core?

What are your stages of quarantine? Well at first there was the deepest of depression. Yes. I don't know what was going on. You would look at the news and you'd go what was going on. I don't know what was going on. But did you panic by? Did you get...

No. Did you bake? I went through extreme buying. You went through the baking? I did. I mastered cupcakes. Please don't say bread kids. I didn't do fucking bread.

Good. And I didn't do banana bread because that's basic bitch shit. Yeah. We don't do banana breads. We ask our other friends to send banana bread but we don't make it ourselves. If we do make bread it's soda bread. But first of all... Can I defend banana breads?

Can I defend banana breads? Wow. If somebody's called me it goes, what's up, Bob? No one calls you Bob. Hey, Pablo. Pablo. Right? And I go, what's up?

They go, I made you right now a loaf of fresh banana bread. Yeah. Banana bread. Banana bread. I would be like, thank you so much. Yeah. And I would slice it. Right?

Probably toast it a little bit. No, you don't toast it. Right? Listen, I never had it growing up because we're foreigners. We didn't... We didn't grow up with banana bread. We eat bananas as it should be eaten. Right, just plain.

Yeah. Plucked out in nature. Yeah. Yeah. Or what's up with the Mexican fucking banana called a plantain? What's it called? I love a plantain. Plantain.

A plantain. I don't like no plantain. First of all... That's like a freaking algae baby plantain. You go to some like fucking Brazilian thing, right? And you order like some food and then they have a fucking fried banana there. I hate it. I could eat my weight.

No, you have to go to Versailles and then they give you that. Oh, that's all I love Versailles. And then the garlic sauce mixes in with them and it's not a little sweet. Just a little, yeah. I love my sauce on banana bread, by the way. Defending it. In the Philippines, we have six versions of banana street food and one is called banana queue.

So it's just a... It's like saba banana, right? But it's caramelized sugar on top of it and then roasted over open fire. And then the other one is deep fried. It's called penight bite where they make it into a fan and they deep fry it and then they sprinkle it with sugar and it's all street food. But we do banana right there. Oh, I like it.

I'm a banana freak. You are. It's my favorite fruit in the world. Really? I bet your dutes are nice and firm. What's a toot? What's a toot? Your dute.

Your browns. Oh, I love your browns. I like it when it's like watery and stuff. Oh my God. I gave myself diarrhea last week because I had Mexican food for lunch and then I ate a lot of kimchi for dinner, Korean food. Well, and now your gut-fire is like metal clad. Yeah.

That's what I thought I was doing. Now, when you have diarrhea, can I ask a question? Sure. Go ahead. Just a curiosity. Yeah. So when you have diarrhea, right? Mm-hmm.

Do you... Does it burn? Oh my God. It burns and cramping. I get intense cramping. Yeah. And it burns. Right here.

Me too. But my husband doesn't get the cramping. He's so fat, right? You don't know where the cramp is because it's such a big area. I mean, it could be here or there or anywhere. You should see him. He's been working out. Oh, yeah.

A lot. Well, kind. What does he do at home? He weight lifts. He's been doing tennis. Oh, wow. Oh my God. He plays tennis.

Also, tennis team in high school. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys should play. I want to play him. We should do a bet too. He looks good. You guys are going to die.

When you see him coming out of this choir, he's strong and mean. Oh, wow. So now, hold on. So you did your, you did, you baked as well, you said, for your stage? I cooked every single Korean dish there was to cook. You got to teach me. I'm dying to learn. I cooked kimchi jjigae.

I cooked everything. How do you do that? Where do you get the recipes? From either my best friend is Korean. So her mom just gives me the lowdown on everything. Or I look it up. There's this woman online. Her name is Mungchi on YouTube.

She's the best. Where do you get your meats and things? Your calories. H Mart. See, we live in the valley. So we don't have a lot of Asian options, which is this, the, the, the shitty part about living where we live. So I got to go all the way to either K-town or pastina.

Okay. That's where I give up. Cause I don't want to do that. But I love it. I also eat Chinese food too. You eat Chinese food. Yesterday I went to a beautiful place I love called PE. PE?

You know what it's, you know what it's called? Panda Express. It's delicious. I like the Beijing beef. It's so sweet and crisp. Do you guys eat fast food? I, I have to stop myself from going to McDonald's every time I pass by it. I have to be like, no, that's bad.

Breakfast menu or all of it? Fuck a breakfast menu. I'm not a breakfast eater. Oh, you're not? I don't like it. That's my least favorite meal of the day. Egg McMuffin? Mmm.

Oh wow. Don't care. Give me a quarter pounder with cheese. I like two cheeseburgers. That's like saying, I don't like koalas. Really? Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Really? Yes, yes. Say it. Say it. I don't like an Egg McMuffin. It's like saying something ridiculous. Like, I don't like fluffy, beautiful, fur creatures. Don't care.

From the tree. Don't care. I like a hash brown. Yeah. Hash brown's great. Really good. I don't like a warm bath. I mean, it's crazy to see something like that.

Okay. Tell me this. What's the most disgusting thing you like to eat? What's like your creation? My own creation? Yeah, let's just give you mine just to warm it up. Yeah. White rice.

Yeah. Ketchup. Oh, the best. The best. The best. Also white rice with a little bit of butter and then ketchup. That's next level. Whoa.

My best friend and I, we have days that we designate for ketchup and rice and bacon days. Bacon. Wow. Rice with a little bit of butter and just ketchup. That's really. It's the best. Interesting. In the world.

But I don't feel like that's gross at all. I feel like it is. I think. What do you do? Okay. What about this ramen? Oh, I would use the ramen noodles as spaghetti. When I was too lazy to make.

That's very just Chrissy Teigen. Oh, is that true? Yeah. She likes to fuse. That is true. Oh, really? Me so spaghetti. What I do is I make ramen the other night behind your back.

She doesn't like me eating it. I just don't like him eating it three times a day. I let her fall asleep and then I go on a ramen espionage. Right? Right. So I sneak in and she got me a variety. Oh, I like that. Which one's your favorite?

I don't know what they're called. Chapagetti. Yeah, Chapagetti. Jajangmyeon with a bean paste. Yeah. But you know what I love to do is I like to write at the end when I'm cooking it. It's just four minutes. You have to cook it, right?

Yeah. I like to throw in, you know, something extra. Me too. Guess what I throw in? A single egg. Yeah. Do you do that? I do that too.

I let it boil. Yeah, boil. You love stir. Do you break the egg up or do you keep the yolk? I break that shit up. Yeah. A single egg. There we go.

Yeah. You and I. How do you break it? Because then it's just like egg bits everywhere. I like it kind of like soft but intact. Soft but intact. I like that. Wait a minute.

Can I ask? Yeah, you have like shredded bits. Can I ask a question though when you do that? Yeah. Because I tried that the other night, right? I put the egg in. Yeah. It was bubbling, right?

Yeah. And in my head I'm like, I know that Kalyla likes it whole. But I didn't pop the yolk either. Yeah. I just let it boil. But it just stayed raw. And then eventually I got frustrated. I go, fuck it.

And I just fucking poked the fucking yolk. Yeah. How long do you have to do it for? Well, you know how I make kimchi jjigae? Yeah, I do. And I just put the eggs on top of it when you want the egg. Yeah, yeah. That's all you do.

Oh, so you do it on the side. You grill it. No, no, no. I put it on top on the boiling water. Raw. It's poached. It's poached egg. But it's still, that means it's still runny in the middle.

Right? If you leave it long enough, it's not going to be runny. It depends. We should try it. I should try it. Do you know what I like to do? I forgot this one. What?

I make the ramen. I put the egg in. Yeah. And this is my disgusting white trash. Shaky cheese on top of ramen. Shaky cheese is... You craft Parmesan cheese? Oh, crap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have it upstairs. We love that. That's my favorite kind. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I like the...

That's so gross. The Parmesan, the flaky, you know, the powdered one. Is that what you're talking about? I like it when you open it real, real fresh. Like, I like it that first open and then I'll put it in my hand and lick it. Oh, no. I like the powdered one that you get at Shaky's Pizza. That one with the Parmesan?

That one? In the packets? Yeah, in the packets. Right? I don't like your style, which is... It's the actual cheese, cheese part. Yeah. Yeah, I need it to be granulated.

Granulated. Hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In my trash? No, no. I... In my trash? In my trash?

No, I don't think so. You know what I really like? That's really nostalgic for me because it sort of tastes like probably toxic metal. It's Chef Boyardee ravioli. Oh, my God, that's the best. That's my childhood. Me too. Latchkey kid.

Fair. Definitely. I always wanted to meet him. Is he real? Chef Boyardee? Yeah, because when you look at the... Let me just say something. When you look at that Chef Boyardee container.

Boyardee. Oh, it's Boyardee. I don't know. Chef Boyardee. It's Boyardee. It's a drawing of him. Right? Yeah.

It's not an actual photo. So my head... I never googled it. I should. But in my head, I was like, he could be real. I would eat it as a kid and just contemplate it while I'm eating it. If he's real. If he's real or not.

Wait, it used to be a photograph of him, no? When we were children? I don't know. I thought it was a drawing. I think it's... I didn't start eating it until 2001. So I don't know. Whoa.

We should look it up. Can somebody look it up if it's a drawing? He opened a restaurant in 1924. Boyardee. Oh, he was real. But his name is spelled B-O-I-A-R-D-I, not B-O-Y, which they changed. Boyardee. I bet his shit was so good.

Yeah. No. Because think about it. Can version is good. Yeah. Imagine the real. I know. Imagine the real.

And all those preservatives. I know. And Jemima. Is he real and Jemima? That's a good question. That's a good question. Because that's the same thing. I would go, is that real?

Maybe they knew in the cartoon world, Jemima and Boyardee. Boyardee. Boyardee. But they never did it anymore. At least she was canceled. Yeah, she was canceled. They canceled Jemima. And they also canceled Trader Jose's.

Yeah. Trader Jose's. No, they didn't. Trader chose to refuse to change the names on their packaging. Good. My friends said they were restocking it. No, they're not. And Trader Ming is gone too.

Trader Ming is still there, I think. Wow. Because I think they put their foot down. Keep it the same. There we go. Keep it the same. What do you call that fucking? What's it?

Trader Jose. What do you call that? Trader Vladimir? If it was. You got taco shells. shells, right? Trader Jim or whatever it might be. I wouldn't be like, I don't trust this. I don't trust it either. Yeah. I think they should double down. I agree. Talk. What? What are

they doubling down to? Trader green card. Build a wall. Build a wall. 2020. 2020. Yeah. Yeah. What do they have for the Asian foods? Trader mings. Trader mings. And they want to just range it to Trader Joe's. You know why that's doubly racist? It's because like ming ming is cat and we learn here. So during the pandemic, I'll show you what we so at first what happens is you go, what's going on? Yeah. Right. You and then you I remember like going a month. Right. Remember the first news?

You would go a month. I'm not going to make it. Right. And then you would see it'll June. Yeah. In fact, they were and the June first was Easter. Easter. Right. Easter. Right. Easter. Our eyes are popping out. We're not going to make Easter. Right. And now it's 2021. And now I've already accepted the predicament that we're in. Right. And so what I have been doing is I've been engaging in a lot of deep dish pizzas. I ordered it. I ordered it from Gold Belly and

I have six coming tomorrow. Okay. He made me buy another freezer. Great. That's my pizza freezer. You're and what is this? What's so special? It's an online. Does it do special? So Gold Belly is they should sponsor. It's basically you can get anything you want from any restaurant across the country. So for instance, if like let's say Juniors Cheesecake in New York, you can go through Gold Belly or let's say he got a pizza from like a small mom and pop shop from

Detroit. You can do lobster rolls from Maine. How but how did they make this wizardry work? How does it stick? They put it in. They put it in a refrigerated. Dry eyes. Dry eyes. So you gotta watch your fingers because it's not realized. It's not real. It's not real. What dry eyes? Dry eyes. It's not real eyes. Is that real eyes? No. What is it? It's a chemical. It's a chemical. It's it's it's a chemical. We can burn you. That's amazing. So you guys got pizza done

now. Yeah. We from different I some pizza places I don't like but I experiment. We don't eat the same things. I get deep. I get pies from South Carolina. Wow. Chicken pot pot. You can get like Skyline Chili sent to you. Probably. Cincinnati. Yeah. So the app is called Gold Belly. He got he got pork tenderloin sandwiches from Indiana. The frog. Yeah. So I've been experimenting with those foods. That's exciting. So you've been eating your way through your

feelings about this whole thing. I died. He also started yoga. That's amazing. Started yoga. Good for you. It's been great. A little bit of Peloton. You got one. Yeah, we have. Now, do you have the the treadmill or the bike? Just a bike. Yeah. And you do the programs with a no. I like scenic rides. I don't like I don't need I don't need no fucking. I don't need no fucking buff. You know what I do? Yeah. You know what I mean? Tell me what to do. Yeah. I

like I don't respond to that. That's the only thing I respond to. I don't do like Barry's boot camp. I do. It's great. Yeah. I don't because the voice in my head is punitive enough. Come on. Do it. Yeah, me too. I know I'm fat. Yeah. That's why I'm fucking here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's in your mind. I go, I'm dying. I want to yell back. You know, they can you respond to you? Well, it's so familiar to me that kind of abuse. Yeah. So, it's it just

feels like my body goes into autopilot when I hear someone screaming where I'm like, oh, I know this. I've lived my whole life. So, yeah, I respond immediately. I'm like burpees, burpees, 150. That's fine. I'm bleeding out of my nose. That's fine. I just I just do it. And then and then another thing I've been doing is um and I've been better at this and this is you know more of a serious tone. Okay. I don't want to get too deep into it but it it's interesting

to see that the pandemic has been politicized. Yeah. Right. And in the beginning of the quarantine, I um became very emotional about it. Yeah. Right. About people's point of view about it. How their behavior, right? You know, I obviously I'm a pussy liberal and I believe science. Right. You're gonna lose weirdos. My weirdo. I'm a my bad, you know, people that have education and stuff that I don't have like experts and stuff. Yeah. Telling us what to do. Right. So, I'm one of

those, you know, and then you have the other patriotic America, you know, I'm an American free will. You mean, I do what I want to do and I and in the beginning, I was just kind of resistant to that but then I realized, you know what, people and I've grown here spiritually. People walk in their own shoes. I don't know what their life experience is like. I don't know why they have their point of view and it's not my business to try to understand where they're

coming from. Right. Yeah. And so, I've been struggling, you know, with that but I think I'm a little bit more empathetic toward the other side. To the people that you're saying who don't want to wear a mask and they think it's it's ridiculous to me but yeah and look, I think people are triggered up by all this stuff. It's not nothing to do with wearing a mask. It's being told what to do and I think that's maybe how some people interpret it. That's what it is. Don't tell me what to

do. Mom, dad, like they're mad at whoever fucked with them in the past. Yeah. I'm not a psychiatrist but yeah. I think you are. I don't care. You're a psychiatrist. The PhD. Yeah. Good nonsense. I've also during the pandemic have created new addictions. Yeah. Like what? Positive ones or negative ones? Only negative. Yeah. Video games. That's not a new addiction. Oh. Different genre though. Different genre. What are you into? Well, normally. You're gonna regret asking that question. I know. I don't know

all of these games. Well, normally, I like simulation games usually. Like simulation of real life? No, like, yeah. Something like having a girlfriend or something. No, no, but like. Yes, he has multiple wives in these open world games. Yeah, like in Skyrim. And he's really good to them. He always chooses the storyline that where he is a good husband. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah, Tom and I are watching Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. Yes, I just started that. I love it. Yeah. And

there's this that's about people with autism dating and this one guy, Michael is like, if I had a wife, I would take the best care of her and worship her and love her. And I was like, Tom, I kind of want to date an autistic guy because they're so into me. Yeah. If I could just have a fraction of that enthusiasm. But there's also like it's so undiluted. They just say we could be we could afford to be a little bit more like that. We're just like, just tell me. Yeah, just be straight up.

I love them. There's no bullshit. Do you watch Indian matchmaking? Of course, I've already seen it all. I have. Can I just go back to that? Yeah, sorry. But Spectrum Spectrums? What are your dislikes? I like when they dislike some like, I like the sound of cats licking their hands. What you just said about the guy going, well, you know, if I had a wife, I would worship them. But the thing is, is that women don't want that deep down inside. Women want mystery. You

know what I mean? They want a little conflict. They want to be hard to get. I think it's a dated. That's a dated theory. Yeah, I'd like to be worshiped. Yeah. Really? You want a guy, right? When you wake up. So fired up. Yeah. Wait, when you wake up, he's got like your breakfast in a tray. Yes. Have you seen that show on a lifetime television? Dirty hair, dirty. Dirty John. Dirty. We listen to the podcast. Okay. We listen to the whole thing. Yes. Yeah. And every morning, he

would bring her smoothie and do her, you know, errands. Yeah, but he would also dress up as a doctor and scrubs. I know. Everywhere he went, even to like parties. Minor drawback, but the fact that he was so devoted. Okay. If I'm dating a girl and I'm in bed, bring me breakfast. Wake me up and you have breakfast. It's impossible. Just wake me up right now. I'm sleeping. Good morning. Oh, God. What time is it? What time is it? It's three PM. Oh, what's up? What's up?

Here, I made you breakfast. Oh, we don't have a fucking kitchen. We don't have a dining room. Why in the bed? I sleep here, bitch. Wow. Pretty accurate. Is that what he does? Yeah, he's like a cat. He only does affection if on his time and on his approach. Oh, I hate that. You love it. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Yeah. See, that's why you and I get along. Love me pet me play with me. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. My hair. Yeah. Yeah. I disappear for eight hours.

How do you and Tom do it? Sorry. Well, go ahead. You pretend what? I don't know who you are. It's all right. Let's move on. How are you and Tom do it? Do what? No, I mean, like, are you co-mingling throughout the day or do you just do your own thing and then wind down together at the end of the day? We both do kind of do our own thing. Like, I have a I do a wake up. I let's say today I did. I took a tennis lesson and while I was doing that, he did a podcast and then you know, we come home,

maybe we have lunch together and then he does this thing and I came here and then yeah, we just kind of dip in and out but at nighttime, we're always together because there's nowhere else to go. But at nighttime, do you guys do your own activity? It's like, hey, I'm going to watch this. Oh no. You guys watch things together. That's right because we share a marital bed and and yeah, you guys don't do night activities together. I I've been that's all I want. Wow. And he does not

he doesn't want to give that. Wow. And you guys are up late. I mean, you're you're in a sleep till three so you're up until what time for? He's up till four. I'm up until about two thirty. Okay. And what is it that you want to do that you can't include? He wants to be down here and play on his video. It's very anti-social. Can I tell you a secret? Therapist. Can I tell you a secret? How I talked Tom out of video games early early in the relationship. He used to play video. Oh, when he was like a

single guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I go and here's all you have to do. Video games makes my pussy dry and you just go there's nothing more unattractive than a guy that just spends hours playing video games. I did that early. But I feel like Tom's a rational adult. He's he's like stuck in some Erikson stage. I don't know what also like that stuff does not work with him like the the putting the pussy on on hold does not work with him. Even if you know that it dries up her Vigene, you

wouldn't know because I told him like I don't negotiate with hostage terrorist. No, she didn't hold hostage. She just saying I'm like the government. I don't respect those. No, but she's just saying like it doesn't turn me on. You're not withholding. You're just like I just don't like manipulation in that. This is what he does. If I tell him like, hey, do you think you can put medication on your fungus foot because it's starting to look gangrenous. Um he was like, this is me. This

is who you're, you know, you knew this about me and why are you trying to change me now? I'm like, well, it's just it's the fungus, you know, because he rubs up on me and then my foot's itchy the next day. Um but he wants to be how he wants to be. I'm sorry. Why don't you take care of your own? I'm so sorry. Why aren't you moving? I feel so bad right now. You know what? Let's get real. If you want to get real, let's get real. I apologize. I don't need an apology. I need fungus

medication. I understand that. What is going on? Where? Let me see it. Okay. You don't want you. You have to first of all look at it. Oh, I see. It's a little white. Is that what that is? Okay. That's not the bad part. That's not the bad part. It's on the bottom. What happened? I have foot fungi. Yeah, he doesn't wear flip flops at this spot. That yeah, that's disgusting. Okay. Well, I saw a woman one time in the sauna at Berk Williams shaving her legs in the sauna public sauna. So

imagine what dudes are doing if that's what the ladies are doing. Yeah. At Berk Williams. Yeah. My brother and I used to go to this spot on Beverly Boulevard and it was like there's no sign. It wasn't a Korean spa. My brother went and I went in there and there was two guys just jerking each other off in there and my brother he goes let's fucking get out of here. Like he got really angry, right? Yeah. But it's like they weren't jerking off on us. Well, you should you probably left

right? I did it like it may be a three minute steam off the side. I didn't look at it. You know, when something like that happens, I don't know if you had the two guys just jerk each other off. But you just you basically have to do this thing where you you turn away a little bit. If you're ever in the situation, I'm giving you advice, right? Yeah. Help. And you just kind of like just you know what I mean? Rub your body down to pretend you're doing something. You know what I

mean? Like you know what I mean? Enjoying yourself and do you pretend that they're not doing what they're doing? Yeah, I would mind my own business, I think. Yeah. Unless they were like migs in Silence of the Lambs and then through their nuts. Remember when the nut hits the hair? Yeah, I've seen that. That's a movie when it's on. I have to watch it if I'm going through. We watched it last night again. Last night again. Because we have a niece. My niece lives with us and

that's one of her required readings as Silence of the Lambs. What do you mean for school? No, no, R. We have a list of movies. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I really I really enjoy that movie and I always I always ask, you know, who's worse or who's scarier? Buffalo Bill or Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal Lecter hands down because Buffalo Bill learned from Hannibal. Fuck. Hold on. I never thought of it. Yeah. But Buffalo Bill scarier because he would lure you. Can you help

me put this pouch in my truck? Yeah, you're like, yeah, no problem. And then you're in a well. First of all, let's go back to that. The chances of me dying because my therapist is a murderer is very high because I I if if if if Buffalo Bill is helping you carry a couch, right? Because that's what she does. That's what he does. He watches, right? But whenever you're helping somebody with the couch, everyone knows, right? You don't back it out. Yeah, you you push it. You're the one

in the front. Even if it goes, can you back it? No, you back it in because that's the harder part and I'm fucking helping you, Buffalo. That's true, right? But she was like, oh, back out into the thing. But you know why? Because she was a great big fat person. She was roomy. She was roomy. And she could handle a couch that heavy. Yeah. He picked, he's like, you're about a size eight, right? And then that's why he picked her. Yeah. But but he kept him alive for three days.

So you have three days to sort yourself out. Where as Hannibal Elector, he just went he bit your face right away. Yeah, I like that approach better. I'd like to be quick. There we go. But you could also endear yourself to Hannibal and you could get inside of his head and play mind games. He would never eat. See, Hannibal, he has a code. Yeah. And his code is, you know, Clarisse, he would never fuck with her. No, right? The dues that he would eat are people that probably he thought

was beneath them or there was some sort of like psychological thing going on. They were troubled. His excuse was, well, his thing was they were already going to do it themselves. Like that last guy that he killed, whose face they found in the garage. Yeah. Oh, remember, he was like he was, he was already in, you know, right? Not good in the head. I just don't like Wells. I don't like Wells either. Yeah. I agree. Tiki-tiki-tembo, no-sir-rambo, charry-barry,

broochie, pitt-perry-pembo. You know that fucking book? You guys don't have children. You never read Ricky Tiki-tembo, no-sir-rambo, charry-barry, broochie, pitt-perry-pembo. It's about the Chinese kid that falls down the well. No, I don't know about it. The reason, okay, there's two sons. The elder son is. It's a book, by the way, right? It's a book. Okay. And he falls down the well and his brother gets a short name, Chang, because he's the second son and his

mother doesn't give a shit about him. So, the kid falls down the well, Tiki-tiki-tembo, no-sir-rambo, charry-barry, broochie, pitt-perry-pembo, and Chang can't get the words out fast enough. So, the brother almost dies in the well. My god. And the point of the story is give your children short names. Yeah. That's how the Chinese people started giving their children short names. What else happens about. Well, the tie. Is the ring. The ring is a well, too.

Oh. Remember that? I don't like that one, Adam. I don't like that either. I don't like creepy kids. I don't like anything with kids. Yeah. Except for poltergeist, but even that. I'm more of, I'm not into exorcisms. Anything relating to like the Catholic Church I'm out. It really creeps me out deeply. Anything else I can deal with. Yeah. So, anyway, we showed her Silence of the Lambs. We've been showing it. My knees.

She's my niece, too. We've been showing her great things. I think she's going to grow up to be a murderer. We've showed her Silence of the Lambs. Seven. Oh, that one's scary, too. A Korean one. Yeah, a couple Korean movies. All revenge. You're going to watch the movie I Saw the Devil. Okay. Is it on the Apple TV? Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Korean movie. It's very good. I love it. Old boy. We showed her. I love that. That's an old

school jam right there. What? Old boy, your poster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an old boy we showed her. It's good. We're showing her all kinds of educational things for her to grow. I want to talk about Indian matchmaking. I love. Did you watch it with her? I don't know much about it. Please inform me. Well, maybe if you spend some time with Kauaila at night. Alright, you know what? Alright, okay. You know what? You guys could have some shared interests. Okay.

Okay, rebuttal. Can I have a rebuttal? I'm a cuddly baby. I love to cuddle. I'm a cuddler, too. Come on over and I beg Tom's not a cuddler. He's a little bit. Can you please all I want is for you to spoon me for 15 years. I beg beg and I force him to do it. I'm hot. I'm hot. I'm like, okay. This is what I want to say. Okay. During this pandemic. Yeah. There's not much to do. Right. A lot of dreams are on hold. Right. We are a very a very mindful household. So, we have not

gone to the grocery store one time. No, that's reasonable. Okay. We haven't done anything. So, her and I are together in this house together. Right. Right. 24 7. Alright. I have a video game addiction. I already told you. Yeah. But secondly, at nights, my brother, if you know my brother Steve, my brother Steve doesn't wake up until what time you think? 8 PM. Oh, wow. What? He's nocturnal now. He's a vampire. Right. So, he'll wake up at 8 PM, drink two red

bowls and he's ready to go. I haven't seen him physically. Okay. That's your choice though. You can. Okay. I just. Okay. Alright. So, then, at nights, we play Warzone together. Right. So, he's I can hear him. We talk about our days. Right. We giggle, laugh. It's almost as if we're calling each other but we play for hours. Oh my god. Oh my god. What? She's in the technique. Like, I would be so upset. I would be so mad. Would you be so dry? My pussy would be so dry. Oh my god. What are

you doing right now? I like I put Elmer's glue in it. Like alright. Well, then, what do you want me to do then? I will do it then. Well, do you guys? Okay. How often do you do your how often do you interact with each other truly throughout the day? Like meaningful interaction? Well, now, I have to basically force him into our nights together because that's the one thing that we've talked about in therapy. I mean, I don't care that we're that I don't see you during the day but

I love a good wind down. Yeah. With my that's all I want in a partner is someone to end my day with. I agree. Why else are you you in it? Yeah. So, go, go, go, go. So, maybe maybe you go to bed. Classic rebuttal. Yep. Go keep going. Maybe could you set some time aside for Kali? Maybe have a nice meal together. You drink your wine. She goes to bed before you and then TV shows over here. And then you can J your D with your bro. Two hit podcast for the family. You know what I mean?

Listen, relax guys. Relax. I'm not falling for this fucking crazy shit. Okay? It's bullshit. I had you fucker. None of you guys are defending me by the way, right? Right? You play the game as well. You don't want anyone to have like a dry pussy. Yeah. Fuck you. All right. Now, listen. All right. Let's go back to Indian summer. Go ahead. Indian summer time. Tell me about the show. Is it fun? What about kissing booth too? Have you watched that one? I haven't but I heard it was

better than kissing booth the first one. Wow. I love him. I saw him at Mendocino Farms. Really? My niece and I did because she's obsessed with what is the show? What is the show for people? It's not a show. It's a teenage movie. It's a teenage rom-com. It's what everyone's all the cool people are watching. Well, you and I need to start interacting more at night because I I watch a lot of shows. I but I go to bed by 9 30 and then I'm up at 6 AM with kids so we're on a

different and that might be why Tom and I are a little more regimented with our time because he can't go down and like play video games until 4 in the morning. Do you feel as though you know how they say students do better when they're in sports because they they had their force to manage their time? Do you feel as though you are better together now because of having to because of the kids? Yeah. Idol hands are the devil's playground Bob. There we go. Idol hands. There

we go. Idol hands. Let me write that down. Idol hands is the devil's playground. I think Brody said that. Brody said the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. Stevens. I know I was hoping you weren't referring to my love. Yeah. Yeah, it does. It lends itself to structure definitely. Yeah, you're right guys. You know, I if I didn't, you know, if I didn't play video games all day long, maybe I could sell more TV shows and be on TV more in a pandemic and maybe have three hit podcasts. Oh, wow.

You know, maybe I can. He really does struggle with for someone so sleepy and so lazy. He struggles with with you struggle with stillness. Isn't that a weird? Oh, yeah. No, that's being afraid of your feelings and stuff. I love it. That's classic. The pilot on. Oh, pilot on. Oh boy. But isn't that one all comedians? There we go. That's the magic. There we go. Okay. Nobody is. I'll tell you why. Okay. Can I just defend myself real quick? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I feel I'm in the

middle of a corner. I love this. I prefer to stand up to you. Yeah. We love this. Okay. You love this? This is like the best day of my life. I feel so heard and validated. Okay. Alright, so here's it. Here it is. Yeah. Well, okay, because I too, I was going through strange behaviors. I went through a wig phase where I buy so many wigs. Etsy. I was buying jewelry on Etsy. I was like spiraling. I was drinking and then baking and then dead to that. Do you not usually drink? Not like

that. Not like every night, you know, and then my therapist and she's like, well, yeah, you know, you're not feeling the feelings and I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot about those. Like, I don't like them either. So, I get it. Anyways, but what were you saying about him? He wanted to defend himself first. Oh, I'm sorry. Defend yourself from our apparent attacks. Okay. And I'm not, this is not, this is, I'm not, um, I don't like to reiterate things and visit the past. Alright, but I need, I

feel like I'm a caged animal and I need to fight my way out. Yes. Okay. So, here we go. Here are the good assets of me. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. And this is, you have so many, but you're wanting to make you. That's why I want to spend time with you because I think I love you. I love your company. I want to be with you. Okay. I love it. Thanks. I enjoy it. Thank you so much for saying it. He hits my heart. It's just a spectacular way. What have you enticed him with food? Because sometimes

that'll make Tom talk to me also. I try. It's in the beginning of core. That's exactly what I did. I'm sweating. I bought every single indulgent food that he wanted. Same, yeah. But then our therapist said, if that's what it's going to take for you to be around her, your relationship's in trouble. Oh boy. I was like, oh, shit. Okay. He's like her feelings and her requests should be enough. I said, uh, I didn't think that. Didn't know. Every fucking, listen. Star. Sorry. Give me your

hand. But I still do bait him with food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me your hand. Okay. Yeah. Every single relationship I've ever been in and I've said this to my brother. I've said this internally over and over again. There's a two-year window. I know what. Sorry, go ahead. Why shit? Can I just say it and then shake your head? No, no. I feel bad for your exes because they didn't know that you had a two-year window. Okay. My bad. I'm I'm opening it a minute

now. Okay. Alright. That I had a two-year window. At the two year point, I would somehow I would just try different techniques, right? But I would somehow make them leave. Oh wow. I I when I in our old apartment, I found a letter that his ex wrote to him like snail mail and it broke my heart. I honestly like I felt so much for this girl like she was just so blindsided. What what do you mean? What was it about? It was like a breakup letter. Yeah, it was a breakup

letter. Very nervous. And I think it said something along the lines of it was just really expressing how much hurt she felt and he kind of just pushed her out and then didn't want to speak to her for a certain amount of time. But she was still really gracious about it. She was like, you know, thank you for our time together. I don't know what I did wrong kind of thing. Oh, it was really. Oh, you have a book. But she didn't know about the two-year window. She did not know.

Alright, so can I go back to defending myself? Yeah. Thank you so much. Gilbert do it. Alright, get him right here. So I always had to a year in window. Alright. Yeah. So when I met Kalyla, okay, we met at a coffee shop. People know listening to the podcast how we met, right? And when I met her, I had a sensation go over me and it was a feeling that never had before. I may never have ever again, right? Where is the feeling was, I know this person. Oh, that's cool. Okay, not,

you know, in this lifetime, but there it was a familiarity. Is that how I said it with her, right? And I had a sense of dread as as long as with it and not a dread. It was just more of a, oh, this is this is the forever thing. Yeah, this is, you know, this is this person that I'm meeting right now, right? Is somebody that I've never had anyone check all the boxes for me. Wow. Okay. And when I'm with her, usually every girlfriend I've ever had in the history of me having

girlfriends, I can't sleep next to them. I do sleep, right? I lived with a one, you know, but every night was a restless night of sleep because there was just no comfort there, right? With her and I've always slept like a baby next to her almost as if we're one person. Okay. When I look at her, I trust her. Good words, Bobby. You know, I trust her implicitly, right? I've said that I've had a resurgence in my career. There's no other girl on this planet that would have done that

for me except for her. She did it all, all right? And I, she's one of my, she is my favorite person I've ever met in my whole life. She's my favorite person I've ever met in my whole life. I love her so fucking much. Okay. Now, I know my dad died in August. Trying to knock. You're making me cry. I know that my dad died. I know my dad died. Okay. I know last in last August, right? I have a lot of fucking problems. I was molested. I was beat by my dad. I have all these defense

mechanisms, right? Because I don't want to feel. Yeah. You know, I don't, you know, I like just playing video games because I escape, right? And I don't do drinking. I don't do drugs anymore. I don't drink. I'm sober almost 10 months, right? And I'm proud of myself and I have problems, right? And I'm fucking struggling with these things. I really am. I feel guilt and shame over, over it. Okay? But my feelings for her is forever and I would never lie to her. I would never

cheat on her. I would never do anything outwardly to hurt her because she's my favorite person of all time. And I've met many people. Okay? So you guys can rip on me all you want. You can rip on me all you want, right? And you can call me a piece of shit and I'm a bad guy or whatever. But I'm gonna say this right now, okay? That's a defense. Fuck you. Fuck you. All right? Fuck both of you. Oh, that was like a few good men. That was fucking good. Yeah, that was good. That's

a defense. Oh, you just wrote that on the spot. That was really good. No, but that's comes from the heart, right? Yes. Yeah, it comes from the heart and you're right. Okay? I'm not proud of the fact that I play video games all night long. All right? But can I say something? During all the fucking crazy shit that's going on? Yes. My two friends are in trouble. You know? Yeah. People that I love like brothers, right? Are in trouble, right? BLM pandemic, right? There's a

lot going on in the world, right? And I am just trying to survive. And I want a little semblance of like, I don't want to fucking feel anything. Yeah, I know. And and I'm addicted to it. It's and and when I'm playing Warzone with my buddies, very good on the war fucking very season five coming up, right? You're very good on the battlefield. You as well. Thank you. Thanks for having my back, brother. But um you know what I mean? Christina's trying. I'm trying

to thank but here's the deal. I agree with you. We're all coping like we're all just holding on. Yeah. To like, I don't know, dude. This week, I'm really into fucking a Netflix show. I'm into the Indian matchmaker show. It's all I have, man. You know? Did you finish? I did and I'm so bum that there's no season two. There isn't season two with Seema auntie. I cherish every episode. Oh, I'm finished. I I I've I don't know. I was really kind of annoyed with

Seema auntie. She's annoying. But here's the deal. Calyla needs you too. That's her way of getting through this. It's that she needs you. It's as if you didn't hear my beautiful monologue. Give her it again. Give the same one one more time. Give it to her. It's as if you were even in the room. She needs a piece of you too just for her survival. I think you're essential to her and you have to kind of frame it in your mind like this. I genuinely enjoy your company and I

want to be around it. I want to be around your life. She likes you for you. I I like you so much and I want to be with you at night. Very good Calyla. I I'm waiting for your rebuttal. You better have a good rebuttal to this. She likes you. Do you hear what she's saying? Yeah. She did because I've been in relationships where I'm like, get out of my face and I never feel that way with him. There's always something like all our exchanges. There's

always something to be had from it whether and I'm naturally not a sunny person. I'm kind of a emo kind of sad depressive. Say that again and he he makes me giggle and I want to giggle. Bingo. Well then Bobby, how about can we have two things? Can you have your time with her at night and then is there a time? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um can I just say something? What did I just tell you? No, no, no. Is she listening? Last night, right? I'm letting you do your

thing. Yes. Last night. I watched a movie. I've seen three thousand times. Which movie? The Silence of the Lambs. It's a good one. With the knees. We lay together. I while we're watching, I'm giving her hand rubs both hands through the whole fucking movie. In fact, I had to take one of the rings off. It was the best night of my life. See how happy she is. And I did that. But that do you need more is what I'm saying. I'm trying. I'm I need I need it more than than

what he's able to give. Like I think that I'm willing to compromise now because I do understand like it's a various escape. He needs to escape. Well, it's tough. You're grieving. Yeah. Like that's not an easy thing. I I understand. That's really for me. It's like ten hours I think is more than enough time. Um can I get two hours of those ten hours? Ten hours? Four. Is it ten? Yeah, because he does what? He wakes up at three. He goes from three.

All right. Can I depend on myself? And then from ten to four. I usually catch you on the ten to four. Yeah. I catch you on the ten to four. May I just defend myself? All right. All right. Please. It's not my fault, right? That we have time zones. Right? Let me just defend myself. Let me give it a go. Name some of the guys. Let me give it a go. Let me go. All right. In this planet, our planet rotates. I don't know if you know that, right? Oh, I've never heard of it.

Right. Right. Tell me more. Right. So, you know, right now, right in England, right? Oh, FYI. Who's there that you're friends with? I have my friend Matt, my friend Jeremy. So my point is is that these these are their tiger belly fans. These are tiger these are tiger belly fans and without our fucking fans, we would have nothing. He plays more zone with us. We would have nothing without our fans. He also plays with a married couple too. Yeah. Oh, that's

nice. They're also fucking tiger belly fans. That's awesome. I can name their names. I know everything about them. All right. So, my point being is is that, you know, there are people that I play with from New Zealand, Australia. So, during the day, I play with them because it's night time where they are. Okay. I also have East Coast friends, you know, like my friend Raimi, Josh Price. Okay. All right. Claire and Jay. I'm sorry. I haven't played a

video game since Atari. And so, you guys, you have like, do you wear the headset and then the thing and you're like breaker breaker one night. You have your all signs or what are you? We don't do breaker breaker one nine because this is not World War Two. You know, what the fuck are you talking about? Why do you have to talk to? I don't understand why you're talking to me. Because I would explain it to you if you would fucking listen for once. I'm

listening. So, you say, hey, brother, how was your day? You you went to the store. That's neat. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know, I love you both at the same time. Okay. So, I love you. I love you, but you're ignorant. I love you beyond. You're beyond ignorant. And today's supposed to be a joyous day for me. Okay. Because it's a good news. Yeah. Yes. Show business. And I feel I feel sweaty. Okay. And I feel empty. I'm so sweaty. Empty. And I feel like my scent. I feel

attacked. Oh, no, I know. I feel so good. I love you. And I love Kalyla. I would explain it to you. All right. I want you guys to stay together forever. Oh, we will. All right. So, hey, my peasant friend, I'm going to explain it to you. All right. Okay. And you know what? I like Tom more right now. I'm gonna throw that out. I got you. I like Tom more right now. So, you go, you have your headset on. All right. It's it. Don't make the noise by the way, right? It's ping

bong. You know what I mean? It doesn't do that. All right. And what is Colette like? Do you hear him chatting? Oh, no, it's not a chat. Oh, it's an all out scream. Like, oh, I'm surprised our neighbors haven't. We don't have a noise violation thing because even when he plays here, you can hear him in the backyard upstairs. Okay. And he's screaming because he's like, I made the shot. He's in the gulag. Oh, for you know about the gulag. Oh, I know about the gulag.

Wow. Okay. Can I just explain it to you what it is? Yeah, I know what a gulag. I actually had real relatives that were in. I figured you would know what the gulag. Yeah. It was called real life. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right. All right. You stepped over the line there. Okay. So, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I play a game. I play farming simulation games. Farming simulation. Yeah. Like Stardew Valley where I can do it upstairs on a fucking switch next to her, right?

And or I like RPGs like The Witcher 3 where I'm just going at adventures. I play by myself. What's RPG? Role playing games. Okay. Right. Where you play a character, you go into these open world. This is where he gets the wife. You know, you can build a house, get a wife, kids in Skyrim. You could do that. Yeah. How many wives can you have? Just one in the games. Thank you so much. And you can do that in Stardew Valley as well. Stardew Valley. You can get married and have kids. And

can you choose what she looks like and stuff? There's eight. Oh, no. Eight. One, two, three. There's six girls in the world of Stardew Valley. Oh, wow. That you can choose. You know, Haley, Emily, Penny, Abigail. Yeah, Penny, Abigail, Penny. Are they all Amish? These are really cool. Yeah. Cool names. Hot chick names. So anyway, but I played it. No, I'm just, I just, I have a lot of acid reflux because I get, when I get to defensive, it just pops out. Rage bubbles. Rage

bubbles. Throat polyps. Yeah, throat polyps. Thank you. So, um, I play those games, but then I finished Witcher 3 and I kind of googled like, I don't know if you remember that time where I was going, I don't know what else to play. Because of the pandemic, there was nothing to play. And then Gilbert one day said, you should play Warzone with up my buddies. And it's usually, it's, it's, what's that? Um, what do they call those kind of games? FPS, first person shooter. First

person shooter. And um, what it is, you, you, you can play with one or by yourself or four or three, right? And I generally play with three or four and you, your soldiers, four soldiers, you fly into a, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want to take that back, Bobby, to the beginning? I'm sorry. It's just so childish. I'm an adult. I'm in your 40s and you're like, this, you can go in the mirror. Oh god. Oh god. How am I having a heart property? I'm sorry. I know these are

very popular. Fuck you. All right, lady. How dare you? He's shirt buttons are popping off. That's so funny. Are you gonna be sure you're supposed to be six ladies? Do you have sex with that? This is, this is the last time you did Tiger. This is the last time, this is the last time you did it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, okay. Emily's a lesbian. She's not even interested. I usually marry Penny, the one of the red, the red head to the right. All the way to the

right. Yeah. Penny's straight. Okay. So anyway, um, not even hot chicks. I know. So, um, this is how the game works. Steve, what's up? I'm just giving you. Okay, like that's your brother. My brother. Oh, hey, buddy. Hey, man. So, um, dude, I saw, um, that last episode of Alone, you recommended, I saw the whole season, man. That was a good show, man. And we talk about because you, you're not obviously playing right away. You, you meet in a lobby and you, you talk, you know

what I mean? You sometimes wait for another guy like, hey, dude, I'll be down in 10 minutes. Like my wife has me doing a chore. So, I have to, you know, I'll be down. So, you wait 10 minutes because you don't want to go out into the world without them. Sure. So, you're just talking to the guys and talking about politics, what's going, you know, if they're not streaming, I talk about, you know, personal things, you know what I mean? Well, that's, so that's a

nice way for you to catch up. I get that. Yeah. You catch up, right? And then it's like you, then everyone's there, you fly in, you parachute from a fucking plane and you land on this gigantic map, right? It's not as if you're, you land and you're shooting all of a sudden and playing. Right. There's a lot of, there's 20 minutes where nothing's going on and you're just walking around trying to find people. So, in those moments, it's like her hikes with her friends. Nice.

You know, on a hike, you're hiking, right? You're hiking, you're looking at things, but you also, you know, you're also bullshitting and talking about random things. That's what we're doing, right? But then all of a sudden, Gilbert, let's not play with Gilbert, Gilbert will go, dude, behind the plan, there's a fucking team. Then we go into game mode. Breaker, breaker. Breaker, breaker, breaker, breaker, breaker. Bobby, breaker, breaker. Right? And you go, I'm going to

look around left. You look around right, right? And we're going to find the Nazis or whatever. Yeah, whatever. And you're fighting other real people, right? Okay. And then do you have a code name? Like, do you have a stage name for your game? No, I mean, my team that I play at nights, it's called the Silly Billy's. Uh huh. And the Silly Billy's consist of my brother, Steve, this guy, Matt from Wales, that we play. He's a one-armed guy, but he's a master

Jiu-Jitsu guy. Oh, that's cool. Right. And he's a big, very brave man. His name is Matt. He lives in Wales. Shout out to you because he's a big Tiger belly fan. Okay. And then we play with my brother. My brother's in a band called Monk Shee Hammer and the drummer Dylan. He's also a Silly Billy. Okay. Right. So at nights, the Silly Billy's play and I can talk to my brother and hang out during the days I play with kids from across the country. That's nice. So you

can talk to people. It's kind of social. Yeah. Okay. I will say this. Some of these kids he speaks to, it's a weird mentorship program because you don't talk to, I talk to them after. They are making money now because Bobby will play with them. They'll post about it and these kids that are trying to save up money, they can't get a job are not making money on Twitch. Well, that's nice. Yeah. All right. Like I, yeah, you, I know that you play on Twitch

and people can watch you play. Yeah, we have hundreds of people watching us as well. Wow. Play and they're making money. Right? Good. I'm doing service. Yeah, service. That's what they call it. Call it service. Yeah. Which you should look into. All right. All right. So anyway, and it's the most challenging game I've ever played. It's very difficult. What are you? You're killing people. You're finding people. Sorry, my feet are cold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're fighting

people. You're killing stuff. You're killing people and then you know, it's very hard to win. Yeah. But when you win, there is a real deep gratification. No. I'm sorry. And the sound effects are very addicting, right? Yeah. Like when you team wipe or whatnot, it's it's a whole thing. So, you know, it's addicting. I enjoy it socially. Um and you know what? You're right. You're absolutely right. I am going to be a lot more mindful from this this day forward.

Really? Will you pay attention to her? And I'm going to give more attention to her. We do therapy once a week. That's cool. How's that going? Very good. I think everybody should be right now, especially in this. Yeah. This is scary. And um you know, I don't want to reiterate the monologue I said earlier, right? But um I have to admit, I'm pure at heart. You are pure at heart. You are. I love you. You are. You're the best. And I love you and Tom. I love you. Okay. And I love

this Tom. Does Tom have any mild addictions? He probably doesn't have like super hardcore ones like him. I mean, Tom's like a comic. So, we're all wired. Yeah, we all are wired to get really into the stuff. He likes cars. I always say like, oh, you can't change your wife. So, you change your car. And he'll be like, I'm going to get this other car. I'm going to get this. He's like a little boy with cars. Yeah. That's his thing. Um yeah. I would say that's his big one. But not

yeah. Does Tom have an Xbox or a PlayStation? He might. But he can't find it. Would you would you um what age would you um introduce um game consoles to your kids? I I would never. I'm I'm going to go with never and I know that's very controversial. But I'm not one of these weird parents that's like no TV, no candy, no mac and cheese. Like I'm really kind of 80s mom that way. You're basically saying no joy. No joy. No socialization. I guess I I think because I'm just I

I'd I'd prefer my my kids to go on a real hike with her friends and I know that sounds really shitty and judgmental because it is because I don't understand because I'm just an older broad. Like you know what I mean? Like it's just not for me. The video games. I don't get it and Tom is wanting to give that to our kids. I think I'd have to put a time limit on it because I think I I used to play Puzzle Bobble. There was a time in my life where I was

addicted to Puzzle Bobble when I was unemployed in the early two thousands. What's Puzzle Bobble? It was the best. It was it was a little dinosaur and it would go in a circle. I love it. My grandma loves it. It's Japanese. Yeah, it's the best and I love it. It's a bit of a hypocrite here because and here's the deal man. I would spend like eight hours when I was unemployed and depressed before I became a comic doing Puzzle Bobble and just wasting my life until blind date would

come on at 430 with Roger Lodge. Yeah. And then I would switch. That's the only thing that would get me to turn off Puzzle Bobble and I realized now I was so depressed back then and that wasn't helping so I I associate video games I think with like being depressed and like keeping it keeps you in this weird loop. Uh huh. Yeah, it's like a weird. Right? Like you're not really doing anything but you kind of feel like you are. I don't know. Yeah. Can I tell you the truth?

Please. Oh, shit. The truth is this. You're not going to cry are you? No, I'm not. Okay. Is I heard what you said this podcast. Oh, god. And in my head at first I was like this lady's cray-cray. You know, but then another feeling came over and the reason why you can say these things that are truthful. Okay. Right? And I'm analyzing my own behavior is because we feel comfortable. I love you. I do too. I have nothing but love. I feel comfortable with you and we

can we're real friends. Okay. We can really say things to each other. Yeah. And I really appreciate you. I appreciate you. I love you. I love I love you too. But I'm not I hope I'm not. No. I'm worried about her. I want her to be happy. I want her to stay with you. You understand? Yeah. I do. I want her to be really happy because she's such a wonderful person. So are you. And you know, hopefully if I see behavior in yourself that I that I don't like, you know,

and I would be mindful and maybe hopefully I'm comfortable around you. I could express myself and say what would you say on her? Hypothetically, what would be on my podcast? On her podcast. On your podcast. What would you say? So much. I I I'm sure like that's but this is my problem is this that there's not a lot of filtration. I'm sorry. I know. I this is what makes that's why we're podcasters is because this is what we do. See, I think I

may be autistic because say that again. Yeah. I will take a spectrum test because Tom was like, you need to take a test because I don't think I I think I don't I don't mean to be this way. Yeah. There's a movie called powder. That's what you remind me of. I love that movie. Power. I mean, not a good one either. But I you know, I love I've been to your house. You moved, right? Yeah. I would love to I went out the next time we're gonna do when we're gonna do the mama's

house. Whenever you guys want. You're welcome any time. We would love to do it again. Yeah. I would love to. We don't have this though. There's no plexiglass. Anyway, you know, I'm kidding. We would do it without it and and I you know, I and I always talk about you and Tom. How much we love you guys. Same. Yeah. And this this today, this podcast has been very revealing for me. Wow. And I I grew and learned a lot. Am I gonna change my behavior? And that's a word that you'll

never understand. But we love you. I love you. You've done this. This is your second time doing the podcast. You're a regular out here. I love it. Well, you're always gonna be here with us. Okay. At the end of our podcast, we do a thing called Unhelpful Advice. Yeah. You know what it is? You've been here before. Okay. People email with the problems. Oh yeah. I love I love this. Yeah. I love this. Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalila at Christina P. Hey, Tiger Belly

Crew. My name is Noah. I'm 23 and need advice on what to do about my mom. When I was 19, my parents split up after 19 years. At that time, I had the opportunity to move to L.A. with a group of friends as one of my friend's songs went number eight in the country. Hey, say that again. Say it again my coffee. Yeah. Yeah, that was distracting. When as my parents split up after 19 years, at the time, I had the opportunity to move to L.A. with a group of friends as one of

my friend's songs went number eight in the country. Oh wow. During this time, we were touring, doing label meetings, press run, things like that. It was like I almost made my dreams come true. During this time, I couldn't enjoy and live in the moment dealing with the daily texts and calls from my struggling mom that also is mentally ill and suicidal. Two years later, there was no other option. I had to move back home and get a job to support my mom and pay her

bills. After about a year, she sold her house and started a new path and seemed better. So I decided to move to Florida and continue working on YouTube videos and gaming and living with my girlfriend. I'm now in school to become an EMT slash firefighter. Finally, when I feel like my life is getting to the point where I'm happy and reaching new heights, my mom has run out of money again and is about to become homeless and she threatened suicide almost every day. I just

feel helpless at this point. Any advice would be great. Thanks, Noah. I'd love to play Warzone with you, Bobby. Is that really at the end? Yep. Oh my gosh. And I'd love to play Warzone with you, my friend. There we go. He's helping people. He's helping people. That's a very difficult topic. For me, I'm Korean and it's you know. Yeah, we write our diets all the time. We write a diet to the end. And no matter what she's going through, you know, she might even

have to move in with you to Florida. But that's how we do it. That's how we do it too. Yeah. Well, we whiteies are like it's my life. Yeah. Yeah. Which is I think the correct thing to do. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you because I had my mom was mentally ill and cray cray like like like sick like that too towards the end of her life. And the the one difference though is that she had married well the second time around and so she'd gotten a nice settlement from her divorce. So

she was set up financially. Yeah. So there was a structure in place for her that I knew she was cared for. So the financial stuff, that's tricky. Had my mother been poor, broke, I don't know. Then that would be a different. There has to be state programs or some kind of programs to take care of mentally ill people and and your mother's situation. I would look into some kind of public assistance program and the problem with mentally ill people is they get older,

they don't want to take their meds, they don't want to it's it becomes it's just it is just a nightmare. You just you just got to write it out. That's all the better. Yeah. It's just a bummer. Yeah, it's like when my dad was sick for 10 years, he had you know, strokes, couldn't move. Oh my God. My mom was an in-house nurse and he you know, she'd have to dig the shit out of his ass every fucking day because you have bowel movements and I forced my

brother to Arizona to do it, you know, but you know, I was in a situation where you know, I could afford to do that in your situation and if I wasn't in the position that I'm in, I don't know how I would have done it. It would have been a far more difficult, you know, task to take care of my dad, you know? Oh my God. And so in your you all I have all I can say is this is you you can only do the best you can. Yeah. You can't do more than that and if you're the best you can is

if you have if you make a thousand dollars a week and you can send your mom 50 bucks out of that thousand, that's the best you can do. Yeah. You know and you can maybe try to find government programs or you know things in your mom's town that could help her, you know what I mean? But that's all you can do. It's tough. It's a hard one. I can't imagine my mom going down that path now and yeah, I you know my mom really well. What would we do in the now this situation? Yeah.

We would do everything we could but we're in a different position than this kid, you know? We would, you know, you know, do whatever we could like when my my brother's had surgery and he didn't have medical insurance, you know, I had to step up and do it. It's a it's a it's a surgery. You have to drag but you you have to do it, you know? Um and because I love him and I'm sure you love your mother but my brother's not in mentally ill or you know, my dad wasn't

mentally ill. That's different. I don't know what that's like. See, I don't know what what it's like to love the family member like to like them. Like yeah, everybody that's died or had problems in my family have been like, well, they're kind of crazy or they're kind of a shit bag anyway. So, I actually haven't lost somebody who I really love. I I loved Brody very much. So, that was you know, him and a dog I lost a year ago. I'm still pretty bummed about like yeah, but you

could link it up with your children though. Oh, I love you would do everything you could. Are you kidding me? That's what it is. Oh, that's the ends of the earth. Yeah. To the end of the earth. Whatever. Whatever it took and so but you can only do so much like if you god forbid, you know, one of your children had a disease. They don't have a cure for. Don't even. I know I know I'm not even but I'm just saying you would do everything you could to your the best of your

abilities. Yeah. But there's only so much you can do. Remember Lorenzo's oil. Oh my god. That's so it's Susan Sarandon where um she had a sick child but doctors couldn't figure it out so her and her husband concocted this oil that eventually healed him but that to me was like ends of the earth kind of parenting and eventually they got like an honorary PhD from whatever university because they were they came up with a cure for this disease. Damn. I would do

that. That's Lorenzo's oil. That's a that's a difficult scenario. What's that? That's Lorenzo's oil. Susan Sarandon was really I remember that on me when I was like sounds like it. Jesus. My parents wouldn't do that. You went up. Do you want to plug anything buddy? Plug your butt. You want to plug your fucking podcast or whatever. What do you want to plug? Take a plugging to the butt. No, we're we're not backdoor types. Are you guys in the butt stuff? Um I'm I'm

not opposed. I don't want to do stuff but I'm not opposed either. Like if I had a partner, I just kind of want to do it some because I just know it. He fears my fingers. Oh yeah, Tom. I Tom wants me to do butt stuff to him and I'm I'm not just sorry like he wants me to eat a scrum. Yeah. And I'm like I'm not gonna put my yeah. My butthole is an unsavory situation. It is. Why but do you have diarrhea a lot? I have anal leakage. Yeah, I would not eat his. No, no. Yeah, yeah.

No. It's always crying. It's always like weeping. Weeping. Yeah. Um but um what are your mom's house and oh I wear my mom's at podcast for moms. If you guys want to listen to that, but a lot of dudes listen to it. Which is really funny. Yeah, you know, I I've said this before. I'm gonna say this again. I um one time I saw you. I snuck in. I've said this before. I snuck into the ice house annex. You weren't you didn't know I was there. I love the ice house. I

hope and you were up doing an hour and I was gonna just come see maybe a minute of it and um I was in there for 30 minutes watching you. Wow. Out of the whole hour because I had to do another show next door. Oh, okay. Okay. In fact, I think I missed my spot next door. Oh, stop. I really did. You're very complimentary. You're and I I remember watching you and thinking holy shit. She's better than me. No, but that's what came to my head. You're no, I'm not kidding you. Would

you let me fucking say shit? You ripped me apart for the last hour and a half, right? I want to build you up. I don't want it. I can't take it. But no, I was watching you and I literally went, you know, um wow. She's fucking good. Thank you. And um and then what happened after that was, you know, your husband, Tom was so nice to me on this tour that we did. He did something so gracious and I didn't even know him. And then when I realized you guys were

together, I I literally thought to myself, wow, what a power couple. You're so sweet. So, you know, I've always, you know, we talk fondly of you even though, you know, you ripped me apart for the last hour and a half. Something about you guys that I don't feel is my universal feeling towards comics. Yes. You guys feel like real people. Yeah. When I'm around Bobby or if I'm in a comedy store, things don't feel real. It's like some it's like you enter a different

dimension of really strange characters. Yeah. You guys have been the most grounded um real feeling people I've met. Yeah. Around him. Yeah, I think we got lucky. Like that we found each other. I was just thinking uh about that. Like what if I'd you know, like I've been having dreams that I married to my past boyfriends lately. Like me too. Really? Oh my god. Really? Just during core. Yeah. Just during the core. Yeah. Weird, right? It's super weird and yeah. Last night I dreamt

I was being courted by one of this. I've been getting those. What is that? Anyways, I mean, I I'm just so thankful that I made the turn with Tom and just went down that path versus like this other guy in college because it's just that simple like who you marry is the most important decision of your life and you don't even realize it at the time. Yeah. You know? Do you think that two people getting actually married is important? You mean are you asking me if

marriage is important? Yeah. I personally yeah and I was so anti marriage for so long and then I did it and I was like here's here's why it's important. Okay? Okay? You don't get to choose your family. The person you marry is the one person you chose as family and when you make it legal like that's your right or die bro. Something does shift where you can't you can't just walk away. Not that you would when you're not married but I'm saying like there is something

bonding to that of like dude we're in it bro. Because we've both been kind of anti for most of your lives. Yeah. But then I'm thinking maybe there's something to it that we're just not aware of that you know forms that deeper connection. It is because you make that person family by law. And now you're like at least for someone like me who I didn't come from a great family and now I'm married into the Ciguras who I love so much. It's been like the best.

My only regret in life is I didn't get married him sooner. We dated for four years. I should have just married the guy the first fucking minute I met him and had kids sooner and done it all. Yeah. Because I just love it and I love him. Now you're going to make me cry. Bobby talking about my husband. That's the nice thing I've ever heard. Don't look at me like that. George just got married. You did. Congratulations. Last week. Oh my gosh. I mean how did it go down during the oh you don't

have a mic. You can't tell me. Well congratulations. Yeah. You're the producer. Shut the fuck up. That's so awesome. Congrats. Anyway. So are we going to have the any who are we having the marriage? Congratulations to everyone in the room. Thank you for listening to another episode of Tiger Belly. You're one of our favorite guests of all time. Give her a round of applause. Christina P. Thank you. Thank you so much guys. Hello sleepers what an

episode for all things Christina P. go to her Instagram at the Christina P and YouTube at your mom's house this week on Tiger Belly Patreon. We will either be releasing a fresh new blog or an interview with the one and only Jules. The only way to find out what we put out first is by going to patreon.com slash Tiger Bell. And that's not being sneaky. We just don't know yet. We're we're working on both of them. That's how we operate here at Tiger Belly. Is

our things planned here people always ask. No they're not. We just figured it out in the day up. So thanks guys. Also you can follow everything Bobby at Bobby Lee live everything George at George underscore Kimmel everything Kalala and those super hot thirst traps at Calamity K. So many so many of those. So many of their straps are just dogs and Bobby doing weird things. See you guys. I mean just check them out. Maybe just check

them out anyway. Okay guys they're confident. All right guys one more thing one more thing. Can I give a shout out to my friend Smriti Mundra for doing Indian matchmaking. She's the she's in the show. She's the EP. How do you know her? Colombia. Uh Colombia. Yeah. Columbia College. Columbia University in the city of New York. Gilbert. There we go. We love you so much. Thank you for listening. We will see you.

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