TigerBelly - Ep 259: Rick Glassman and Agents of Chaos

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

Bobby reads unanswered texts. Rick brings a housewarming gift. Khalyla tells the Mendocino Farms story. We talk Undateable, the house that fell off a cliff, how to book Will Smith, veruca seals, and Johnny Boom Booms.  *Take a shot every time you hear "Mendocino Farms"Extra Content: www.patreon.com/tigerbelly Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today All right, so Rick in this podcast. I don't have seen it before but I Don't want you to say anything until I bring your name up because I do a little Intro and all that stuff. So you know what I've been sure Sure, you're not really a director, but I'll listen to it. It's my show But I've watched a few of your my show I've watched a few of your episodes It just in this setup alone my show and every time you say that somebody talks. I know, but I don't like it I don't like it. I'm gonna do what you want because you know what what you came on my podcast

You help me out. I'm gonna do the same for you Why the attitude so early on you can't see because my mask yeah, but are you smiling? I'm yeah, you're ecstatic and if you could push in you'll see the hearts on my eyes okay Do we have that technology and you can send it to me if you want cuz I'm gonna do a little I want to bring a little take your shoes off flair. So we'll be cutting to my dad's rug commercial at some point I'll send you the footage Yeah, you know, it's about the history power dynamic here. Oh, there is no is it fruitful?

Well, we'll find out right after a word for Marshall rug gallery Bobby could you look the camera and snap and say and we're back and we're back The worst rugs in America and we're back Oh, okay. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it comes with bad bugs and lice and Fungi, you know, he gets you know, his dad gets his rugs from Bangladesh and they're used rugs He doesn't wash them. He sells them outright and they have fucked people's feet up for sure The only thing I heard was fun guy and that's right at Marshall rug gallery We are just a bunch of fun guys with high quality from synthetic

I'll get you sick. I'll get you sick to put the fucking commercial in Yeah, yeah, so you can't believe what he just did at Kalila. He brought his own earphones He brought his own Mike. He's unscrewed his mic. He unscrewed. He he fucking wiped everything down with his own toiletry his wipes He's very paranoid. You look close by right great You can talk now. We're at we're not shooting. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, but when you walked in I just became speechless We'll be right back with a word for Marshall right now

His dad owns a used rug Well, it's not Bobby told actually told me this a long time ago and I kept asking him Why aren't you calling Rick and he was like, well, he's cuz go go ahead He's gonna hound me a lot the podcast again. If I if you feel hounded, I'll never ask you again. Oh, you're on it worked Oh, you mean this I've only asked you a couple times for this You know what I know the most unattractive thing you could be as defensive special in your somebody else's home So I'm sorry But if you ever want rugs with no strings for the fringe on which is all decorative. Yeah, you let me know

Yeah, or you let me really Wow, okay. Yeah, go ahead He's not a rug guy. I'm super big into rugs. Yeah Obsessed me too. I hang him on the wall. I want to hang rugs. Yeah. Yeah Yeah Like in the like it. No, you know what it reminds you of Godfather 2 mm. Remember when young Fredo not Fredo Remember when the young one Brando played the young what not Brando when De Niro played the young Brando

What's Corleone Mike? No on Corleone on Corleone, right? Yeah, and He helps steal that rug from that other house Spoiler, but yeah, if you haven't seen it, it's crazy You know, it's like saying, you know, Darth Vader is Luke's dad Father is what you would say. I know but you know Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. Mm-hmm. He also had a headache the whole time depends on what I know what movie 6 6 so what do you do? You shut we chitchat for a little bit until you Were hot and then I quiet no, I'm just trying to no

I'm just trying to get gather the my levels my levels feel a little low and Bobby's a little high I don't know what you guys do in post, but it's distracting to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you want okay? Here you go. You want a little higher? Hello. Yeah, that's not high enough. Yeah, this is good It really might can I have mine a little higher, please? We have to put you down you spike. Yeah. Yeah, I might not mine's not high enough Well, you have to be more consistent your number your number is higher than Rick's right now a little higher, please Hmm. I feel like Rick has a more consistent Yeah, yeah, he's one-dimensional called flat affect. He's vocally one-dimensional

Yeah, you're in you're smart and great. All right, go ahead I'm a fat old man. I'm a fat old man. I'm a fat old man living in this world gonna die real soon Welcome to another episode of TV Wow, what a beautiful day, huh? Kylian had therapy earlier. It went real nice with our therapist. We had a couple sessions Say her name. I mean the lady the lady the lady. She's a great lady. We talked about Foot fungi how you're mad about that and I have to I have to talk to Rick about this I want to ask what clip clip my nails, but um, we got

Gilbert, thank you so much. You're welcome. It was just like and then nothing came out, you know, yeah, and then we've got George my man my main man Well, um, very excited about today's guest. I'll tell you why him and I you know, I don't really have a lot of friends But I do have some close Besties and I would have to consider him to be one of my Besties him and I have I've we text every day. Wow every night. He says good night and texts I we do these long like, you know, I mean we use your read one the last one Don't talk until I say your name. I was just testing my levels. Go ahead. I'm sorry. All right

So, anyway, uh, every night every morning goes. Good morning. I go. What's what's your plan today, buddy? And he tells me and then we go back and forth these funny banters at nights Him and I have gone to the Himalayas and dead free rock solo rock climbing. Oh, yeah him and I um, we heard animals Fantastic hurt or heard we've both heard and heard the good kind heard. Yeah. Yeah. Don't talk. Okay Um, he really is um somebody that No, he is somebody that I just want to really know On a deep level and you know, people ask how come this person has not been on tiger Billy before

Well, he's always been so busy, you know, he's actually been on a short list of mine I have I wrote it down of names Of people to be on my podcast And as you can tell Hand it over to him. Well, I we I don't want to you know, I mean, but you're on the bottom there Yeah, who's at the top Tom Segura, it just is a list of you know, a short list of people I love Why is mine the one that's biggest and in the brightest color? It says rick gleamon

Glissman, this is rick glasman though glasman. That's what I meant and it's rick with just the k no c Yeah, yeah, so anyway, you were on this list and um, so this is proof That I've always wanted you on this podcast I yeah, I'm here. I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're here. Even though we asked you last night. My point is is this, um You also said you want to get to know me Two seconds after you told me to shut up Yeah, yeah, yeah He has a one. He's a one shoe pot

OSP, what's it called? Take your shoes off. Take your shoes off. Take your shoes off podcast. I've done it as well. Yeah. Oh, what a glorious time I had dude It's crazy. I love you so much. Yeah, you what you don't talk until I say your name We already did. I know Yeah, but that was without a seat. Yeah. Yeah. We have the wonderful. Oh, he's let me just get to his credit Jesus Christ actor, okay Comedian, wow

Comedian, all right. He's a um That's it They those two things son Oh, yeah, son of a friend some son of a father who has You know son of a father son of the father who has a uh, he also rugs fun guy. Yeah, real good rugs We'll be right back. No, no, we're not we're not doing that We're not doing that But um, I love you so much

His name is rick glass. I'm give him a round of applause. What a wonderful. Thank you. What a be Well, uh, first of all, thank you so much for having me on this podcast one of the biggest and best podcasts And not even comedy podcasts. It's just one of the biggest and best podcasts ever Thank you for inviting me into your home and uh, it's my first time here. I know you've been here for a little bit You haven't finished hanging everything on the walls, but I did bring A gift for you. I know things are weird with touching. So feel free to open it later You've seen me at the gloves the sanitizer bring. I'm I'm clean. You're disgusting. I'm clean So I'd like to give you this gift and

Okay, okay, I was taking something out of a bag It's a real gift. It's a real gift. It's wrapped. It's wrapped. Yeah, you moved into a place Yeah, yeah, just give it to put it over there. Yeah. Oh my god, rick. Thank you so much. What a nice thing That's the first give home. What do you call those things housewarming housewarming gift It's shaped like an ipad. I'm excited So if it's less than the ipad you're disappointed. I would be very little disappointed it costs less than ipad, but it it's more it's like Anything what are you going to use an ipad for it? It's a bigger phone You know, this is something that an ipad can't give you right and you almost spelled my name, right?

Did I spell it wrong? I I how do you spell it? How did I spell it? How do you spell it? I like that version better How could you read it from here, babe? How could you not? Oh, would you like George to open it now or do it later? Oh, we'll open it. Should we open it now? Yeah, let's open it now I want to open it. Do you want to put on some gloves and you could open it? No, I don't want to open it. I don't know touch it because he's gonna touch it and scratch his nose Yeah, don't touch it. Don't have George. Will it detonate George? You open it, right? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. What are your guys opinions on services here dry surfaces? Um, it depends. If you're someone like me, it doesn't matter what I touch because I don't touch my face

Enjoy the gift. Thank you It was that simple. It was that simple. Very simple. Yeah. Yeah Do you read the card now or later? You can read it now. Please read it now. I'm gonna read this. Yeah All right. Here we go. Oh, it's an asian guy. Is this an asian guy or a jewish boy? What's the difference? We're all one person Wow, very good. Wow. I enjoy it spelled my name right inside though Yeah, I spelled but I'm not a good speller in bubble letters The only thing I've ever written in bubble letters until today was happy birthday. Be honest the best with bubble letters All day. It's what I do all day. I doodle bubble letters all day

But you know what I do always you know what I've always done with the eye I always do a big circle eye. Yes with it. You've always wanted a big circle eye. How do you do your s? Okay, was that a wait? Wait, what's up? Was that a racial joke about my fucking slanny eyes? It was a racial observation. Okay, and Touche, thank you. You're welcome. Wow. Kalilah and bobby. Thank you very much for inviting me to your new home It's just needy and desperate I know how It's needy desperate. It's gross. I know how difficult these times are and how important it is to distance yourselves from others

Not real. Let me I'm going to comment after every line. Okay. May I comment after every line? Not real I mean, look at what you have to put up. I have I go like my podcast is literally on the balcony now I mean, it's very difficult. Go ahead. I saw that with ester outside What a pleasure it is to be able to safely and practically enjoy your company on one of the greatest podcasts of all time Exclamation mark the only one in the thing. That's nice. Okay as a thank you underlined I want to give you both something that will make you happy and there's a sentence here. That's been redacted. Yeah I'll tell you what it is. Yeah, it can is there any way to uh, I could tell you what it is

Hold on. No, no, no, no. You're gonna tell me what's in here. No, no, no. What was redacted the reason? I can read it I can read it. Oh, but I want it's important Let me read it first. Okay. Also, please remember to give me your shirt sizes So I may send you I may send you high quality. Take your shoes off merch. Oh high quality. Yeah. Wow. Keep reading. Oh Podcast merchandise which you can get at Rick glass Yeah, I see why that was redacted. I see why because I didn't want you to because I

I am making a joke nobody if anybody wants to check out my stuff. They're gonna do it They don't need my website. So it's just a joke, but I didn't want you to think the gift was a joke All right, so I took it off because like we'll do jokes throughout but but you did but here's the deal, bro Right. Yeah, my instinct. There was a way to hide to delete it. Yeah, so that we couldn't see through the fin Little light there. No, it's a little it was a little light. So may I explain my logic? It's important that you understand this This was thought out. Yeah. Yeah Now the the the best move would have been to just use another card which I'm not gonna waste another card on so I didn't want to cross out and make it think like you guys felt

I had a secret on you. So I was giving you the option to know, listen, this is not important You don't have to read this if you want to I just want to be completely transparent with my intentions in the beginning What's the pressure of the sharpie for you to redact something but just enough so that I'm still able to read through Yeah, okay two things take a look at where it says bar mitzvah and I crossed it off And what does it say? Oh, it says just a little victory dance for your not bar mitzvah your new home Now on the not bar mitzvah, I crossed it off with a thin sharpie just to show the cross-off. It's kind of like um Honorable, right? It's just may make an argument. Nope. The other redacted part was a thick sharpie with four

Lines four so I legitimately tried to hide it, but I also didn't want to like may make an argument It looks like a light brushing though. You didn't It might have been subconscious. It might have been especially on rick glasman.com for a little light especially on what? Rick glasman.com a little light with a c right r. I see k glasman.com a little light Well, and bobby wanted to interrupt our fun rapport with a bad joke. Go ahead Okay, it wasn't going to be a bad joke It was just going to be an observation and that's an attack on me and that hurts It's an attack on me and it hurts. All right. I'm just saying that when I buy a card, which I bought many

Which I bought many. Okay back off. Has he bought is he a card guy more than a regular person? I'm not a card guy. He's a gift card guy. I'm a gift card guy You know, you would think somebody who was so well known for giving cards would have gotten my one housewarming. Hey, you fuck Yes, I make my point. Yes. All right So for instance, you know what I used to do as a joke when if I didn't like somebody if it was somebody's birthday I would go to um, you know a store right a card store Or sometimes I would go be lazy and go to cvs because they have a card section And if it was like, you know, my buddy's birthday, I would go to the grandmother section

Right and get and get silly, right? Yeah grandma for your 98th birthday and it'd be some sort of fun joke thing Right. Yeah, and we would giggle right, but normally like if George if you had Cancer and you were dying, right? I wouldn't do that. I would pick you pick a card I would not I would pick a card appropriate to your situation Okay, I see What you did was you had a bunch of because you're jewish

You had a bunch of bar mitzvah cards at your house. So it's not a little asian boy. Yeah, it's a little jewish boy right there Okay, and you just crossed out bar mitzvah put new home in there. I just find it to be a little lazy I also think I also want to comment on your edges here rick. Yeah while I do you appreciate the gift and the card Yeah, I'm not before you open it. I want to I want to rebuttal both of these It's not a debate. Let's let it go open the fucking thing your edges. Take a look at the other side I like the taping the taping is um symmetrical right the edges. It's like you tour everything was intentional One side was bobby one side is you I thought about all of it Look at the other side edges. You know why because this was not cut by you

This was cut by the company who made the paper. I cut all of it No doubt it doubt it. What are you talking about? This was the edge of the roll and this is what you cut Of course, but I saw it cut the edge of the roll. It wasn't a new wrapping paper. Hold on Once you use wrapping paper once everything When you fuck up, why can't you just accept a lie just accepted? Why do you have to argue everything? What was your note up? She's an investigator. All right. Okay. She's a she's very good at this kind of stuff my friend rick Also, I'm gonna show the camera exactly your um your your cutting work on the other side These are your edges rick. I I really dropped the ball guys

Yeah, and I'm sorry and next time I will wrap both edges for kalayla instead of one for bobby one for you Okay, now on to the real gift get that shit away from me Okay, what is it giant? It's a justin timberlake book hindsight and all the things I can't see in front of me Yeah Look at it. It's picture. It's very cool. He's one of the greatest entertainers of all time I believe that is a I think is that a re-gift from your podcast? No Yeah, do some research Who gave this to you? Nobody. I bought a few of those. There wasn't re-gifted. I was never you bought two of these

Why is that so familiar? I was never gifted this. I give I've given this as a gift to some people What are their guests? uh, I gave one to Larry Charles you've worked with Larry Larry's did your podcast twice? Wow I I really like this. I gave one to uh, lemor and morris That's the one I saw ester Will Smith who I'm very excited to put out soon

And I gave one to Jackie tone Wow, how the fuck did you get will smith? I have been getting very very cool guests on the podcast and I just reach out to people A lot of times the move I do is I look at people that they follow and then I send them That episode to say So king bach had in mind he followed will small follows him. I send that and right so will smith's coming out soon Okay, great. So, um, thank you for the book. We love them We love it. We love photos

And it's gonna be a good book. I'm gonna keep it down here. Yeah, you know, and I I usually take my like real bad shits down here So I'm gonna um, that's gonna be the book for that Now that we've got started I have to say yeah, my girlfriend is such a big fan of yours And she was doing yoga here. She lives in london And she was here in january and was doing yoga and saw you there. I know who she is How do you know she is she she might be the only lady with a british accent in my yoga class Yeah, but she probably only was in it with you a few times No, I took a class through three different times. There was a uh, a woman from london who was really sweet

Was she cute? Was she cute? Yeah, she was cute. Yeah. Yeah And it was like mild chitchat after. Oh, I didn't know that she even talked to you I think I thought she was too scared to talk to you Oh, maybe or maybe I just heard her speaking and I was like, oh, it must have not been her because she's not cute She's beautiful the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. We'll be right back for the word for martial law gallery Yeah, yeah, yeah, and uh, she texted me and she said uh that you're there and she wants to say hi and and uh And it didn't happen And this is like the end now I have with you to tell you that so next time

Betty, maybe you know, okay, sure. It'll be a while. It'll be great. Um I have to say this. I want to give you real compliments because I you know, I like to be Um Jokey and I have defense mechanisms, right with certain people Yeah, but there are times where I can be vulnerable and there are times that I can be um a real person And so, um, I would have to say this that there is you're a real in comedy You really you were a real enigma And you have you've taught me a lot of things

okay, and um You're just a guy that showed up one day And you were in everyone's lives And then you worked pretty quickly Right, what I what I find mesmerizing about you Is is that when I found out that you got undatable Yes, I it was like almost as if it was like my my it was my 9-11

It was my night. Yeah, it was my 9-11. What was 9-11 for you before that jockeying Oh, that was another 9-11. Yeah, it was another. Yeah, the real 9-11 was the first 9-11 You're the second right. Yeah, right. So it was a nothing. It was the kind of feeling of like what the world is it right? Right people are dying. It's crazy. It's crazy, right? Yeah, and um Then I did some investigating hoody blow What investigating what how you got the show hoody blow. Oh, who do you write? Did he blow robert greenblatt the president of mba? I don't know, right? But then I realized right that I did some investigating and the first two things you auditioned for

You got almost right the first one. What was the first thing you auditioned for in terms of a show? It was called the assistance and did you get did you get the show or did you went to you would test? No, I tested for it. Right. So number okay. Imagine Imagine going out for your first First pilot, right? You probably because you had not done anything before that had to do a cattle call kind of a thing Where you had to do a casting director. You didn't go straight to producers, right? It was a casting director and then you they got called back that day. It was called back that day that day. Okay So you got called back that day, right? Yeah, and then you tested for it. You didn't get it

The second thing that you auditioned for was undatable And you got it. I nailed it. Yeah, I know you nailed it, but Don't you that does that hey Gilbert does that a very unlikely start where you've never never just move here and I have a I have a theory that why why happen? Because we've talked about it. I've talked about it with a bunch of comics, right? Cleveland What what I just want to be respectful of every I want to take my compliments while also acknowledging What's clear? Sorry? I answer. What is Cleveland? That's where I was from. Yeah, I interjected. I did a mild a very Sneaky interjection. I asked a question while you were giving him praises and then he answered I waited for a pause

Yeah, all right. That's how you book shows by the way You do your scene somebody in the back sneezes you wait for a pause. Bless you go back to the scene You acknowledge everyone Yes, but what and I've talked to Delia and a bunch of people about it. You know how you got the show and um It's you the The consequences or because when I go into a show an audition, right? I go. Oh my god. This is not going to happen You know what I mean? It's all the cards are stacked against me

Right. This is one in a million all those negative thoughts, right? But this kid has always been Just he doesn't have those kind of thoughts He has an idea of what he wants and he just does it like this podcast that you have you're just that type of person Like you're relentless asking me I mean, I could read our text messages, right? Yeah, read it. I mean, but don't read all of them I want to read all of them. Don't read the the private stuff. There's no private. What no, there's no private in here You know, if you want to read the stuff. Hey, congratulations moving to the neighborhood. Do you want to go to menestito farms? Do you want to take a walk? I hope everything's okay. That's my next question. Yeah

Why every time I go to menestito farms, you're there I am maybe I'm just this is coffee and bobby was saying nice stuff to me But that that you said that feels like such a compliment. I didn't even know you knew who I was I always see you there and I always run May I start this? May I start this Cleveland? May I start this? You know, you find certain things. Yeah, and then it's like, oh, that's where I go for two months

Yeah, so like there was a few months section where I was there like four four times a week They even put my podcast on their fan of the day board and it was Hello So maybe you've seen that here. Hello, Cleveland. Okay May I start this? Yes. Wait, hold on. Hold on. That's not our text messages. What is that? Yes, it starts here Don't go that far. I want to go far. Let it will cut it off. It's too long Get the date. What's the date on? Well, just go back to the last few months. Okay. This go. No, I don't I don't want to Well, where are you going back for? This is my podcast. October what?

26th this year. Yeah. Oh, great. Okay. You're not gonna skip anything. No, I'm not. I want to read it all the way through Hello, Bobby. Can you help me shine? That's Hello, Bobby. Can you help me shine? I love this guy and I can help you shine Hmm interesting proposal my response. I swear to god who? I Right and now there's a you know an essay. There's an essay. I want to read it. I want to hear that me and you

Shining podcast come over Have me over give me advice That's right a sketch Let's talk about life Meet my new girlfriend Make jokes about your penis and that get embarrassed because you feel like a hack Did I really write that real did I write that? Yeah, yeah, let me buy you Mendocino for me. It's just

This is why because they give because they give me free food No, I don't and then you go the last thing you say is talk to you in december Right, the next one is that was on october 26th. This is october 28th two days later. Yeah, and then you This is your dad you just now This I have not I have not returned any of those by the way, right? Your next one is your dad Giving you a text and then you're telling me what your dad said screenshot of that. Yeah I am watching barbie lead to a lead guest role in magnum p. I he's good Yeah, my dad talks to me about about seeing you on there a lot and then my dad no response from me, right?

Here's another one from you. No response. No, November 5th now. Okay. So about we're about a week and a half Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm going to record eight mini holiday episodes to be released one at a time during eight nights of Hanukkah The eight nights of ties. So that's where you've seen some of these games. You could check I'm going to decorate my apartment full holiday holiday style. I want them all be previous guests of my podcast Would you be one of them come over 20 minutes in and out thinking I'm going to record them this month So I could edit them over Thanksgiving holiday And then no response from me. Geez November 21st, right? You just do a handshake. Oh, you know, I mean Right here we go December 8th. No response from me

Would you mind forwarding me who you get your merchandise from not the design but the manufacturer printer? Nothing December 18th. I'm feeling really I'm feeling like I'm feeling really like I think I don't know for sure what the feeling is. I think it's an it's embarrassed I know I that's why we're gonna talk about I think I feel I might we might cut through all this because it might be dead air But no, no, no, no, I just need to I just want to read through it. I feel like you shouldn't be embarrassed. No, I'm embarrassed No, no, I I'm embarrassed that I I consciously made the decision to keep talking to you All right, now that was now here we go December 18th. Hey Bobby

You also read it like I'm like your brother yesterday and he filled me in on how hard of a time you all been having Sweet very I feel bad. I've talked with you about pod stuff and didn't pick up on any of the obstacles You were having good. This is a very good angle. Good guy. That's what I liked about it to shift In town because you're trying different angles, right? It's being congrats on your move to Hope you're well. Oh, it's so sad If you're up for getting food sometime in the scene of our no podcast up. I'd love to see you and kick it Oh, I should have responded to that, but I didn't

Uh, january 7th next year january 7th out. Yeah, that's this that's 2020 now. Yeah 2020 now Let's get lunch. You live so close to me, right? Nothing. Yeah, january 15th Literally nothing no response. Oh my god. It's just yeah, it's just all him. Yeah, that's what I love about him My girlfriend just texted me that your girlfriend is in her yoga class right now. Here we go Should I ask my girlfriend to try a network with your girlfriend in an attempt to get all four of us to go to Just see what? Are you sponsored by them? Nothing no response. I feel so shitty. I feel bad But I'm gonna keep reading. Yeah, uh january 21st

And then why clap? Why not the clap? You know what I mean? Oh, what do you call it? Oh like emoji? Why aren't you? Yeah? Why not write me back? He does a clap putting his butt down. You're putting your emotion there now. So now march 7th Yeah, which by the way people pick up on this is a week before pie day Uh, so january 1st now march 7th Bobby come take your shoes off again next week Oh, I can't read what I just read here. Okay. I can't I don't know what it is, but I want to I want to cut that out Is it something embarrassing for me or for you? It's it's embarrassing

It's embarrassing for you. Uh, what what could it be? I can't do it. I don't want to do it He has it. I'll tell you later after the podcast. He has his he has the same door. Oh, yeah It's it's a conversation. I don't want to have right now. I respect that It's a conversation. I don't want to have right now But you know what it is and I don't and I want to have that You want to cut it out then? No. No. No. No. I'll just hit now and then just cut it out. Yeah, ping this. All right I said, um This is okay. I wanted to say how rude I am. Okay. Oh, I know why you're not saying what you're not why you're not talking about

Why right? Yeah, that uh, no, I'll just say it. Well, no I'll explain why you're not going to say it by just this way. It's something that is uh Not embarrassing for either of us I mean, no, but it's just it should not it just shouldn't be talked about your god. Give me the phone. It's I said Oh, correct. Correct. Yeah, but if you want to know more head on over to rick glassman for the answers Let me finish this. Okay, so good call. Good call. Good call March 8th. Want to get coffee? You live so close and I have two friends Thinking about going to the farmers market March 8th. You just sent me a photo of Mendocino farms

Hey, Bobby How have you ajk been does that mean what? How have ajk translation rick? Uh as in jewish kind you guys isolating. It's scary out there. Are you guys still recording checking? How have you ajk been? I'm scheduled to target. How about the you and k-bin? How have you and k-bin? It just keeps going and going and going listen rick. You sent me photos of us This you sent photos of us together very sweet. I feel I want to apologize real quick. Okay. Go ahead So, you know by reading that not honestly put your phone down

By reading all that I feel a little less aggressive on your apologies. Go ahead I think that's the reason why I don't respond to you. I see it's that attitude. Do you understand what I'm saying? What I'm dealing with you're seeing has it always been like this with you too? So Bobby doesn't respond to people. Is that fair or is it just me? No, it's I don't take it. It's across the board Yeah, I don't take it. The only person that he responds to is paul banks Shout out to paul banks. By the way, we'll put his instagram handle up here So bobby once told me at the comedy store. I'd like to give bobby a compliment now Nobody thinks bobby's

Funny, I don't mean you're not interesting. Nobody finds you particularly funny And uh, you and I had a conversation I'm joking. You're very funny. You're one of the funniest. Let's be sincere We're gonna beat if we're gonna fucking do this. Yeah, you're right. You're right. It's it's hard to navigate It's hard to that you have to appreciate it's hard to navigate over. I'm literally looking at you through a glass I understand that but we're performing while also. I don't know who you are. I don't know who you are I don't know who you are. I've known you for over a decade bobby. Yeah, I still haven't met you. Wow Wow

Now that doesn't mean now that doesn't mean I don't Love to play with you. My language is play But a lot of times people don't know when you're joking when you're serious to me It's it's all the same So you and I sit in that pocket well, but then every now and then when I make a joke that you think it's not good timing I think no, you're right. You're right. But also, I don't know. I'm scared bobby I want I wanted I want to do well with you with you with the audience Yeah, well also connecting because it's not like we could ever go to fucking lunch because anytime I ask you you ignore me

I think I think we have um the truth is The aversion to mendicino farms and you comes from something very specific that has That you're not aware of I believe I want to make you aware of oh, please. Yes, please So there was this one time when bobby and I had just heard really bad news about a house that we wanted We fell in love with a home and it turned when he did any inspections They basically said this home is sliding off a cliff and you cannot live here So we parked at mendicino farms, right and we were both really bummed out and crying

Yes, because we had put all our eggs on that basket and then from a distance We hear your voice and you're like bobby Like this and I'm crying in the car. He's not feeling well. And then he goes up to you and says hey, dude Um, we're just gonna have a quick bite, you know, don't really want to like, you know, hang out because we've had a bad day Right, so we sit far away in mendicino farms You didn't Listen to the instructions and then you came over. I remember this. Yeah, and and then from then on I'm just I have to tell you that I'm so I'm so glad

And I think from then on there was a connection to feeling that bad and then your face hovering over our launch during mendicino farms So I think from then on it was like, no, we are not going to go to mendicino farms with you Yeah, in fact the other day you got mendicino farms and I think I equate mendicino farms with that With the Rick Glassman. So I can't even keep 34. I'll let the the um, the the gift wrapping thing slide I also let the rick you've asked me 50 times to come on the podcast and I said no read it I've messaged you a lot not about the podcast. I even said, you know what it's not worth being defensive Even though as you read it, you realized I asked you a couple of times and most of it was trying to connect

For better or worse, that was the intention Now I will tell you when we when I saw you there Bobby didn't come up to me and said, hey, we're having a hard time Bobby came up to me and my friend who you call Johnny boom booms and we're making We're making jokes and goofing around and being playful I didn't know that something was bad until afterwards when you clued me in on it and I I remember this very well I remember feeling like oh, I'm embarrassed. I didn't pick up on that But I was not told that and as soon as that happened I backed up

Wait, so I'll apologize for not picking up on the cues and being annoying because I am annoying He should also be he should also apologize for not cluing you in on the fact That we were having a bad also for not letting you know, but what's what's the priority there? I get that but here we are A year and a half later You have this idea of me and the truth is this fucking idiot just came over and instead of saying we're having a bad day He went oh, I got a little dick And I'm thinking play play play and I'm annoying you when the house just fell off Hey, listen, I'm the one who asked for you yesterday. Cheers. You are not on my bad side at all. So

Did I not say true? Have a glassman true. Yes now more backstory When we were at the comedy store Years ago Bobby and I were talking and Bobby I'm not past at the comedy store and everybody has their obstacles and that's fine But I talked with Bobby about it Bobby You were the only person to ever go and talk to them about that. That doesn't mean that anything came from it. Excuse me But like three times you three times. Yeah, and I have friends that are I'm closer with that are

You know the same like we're at the comedy store level that never did that I never asked them to I didn't ask you to You just offered it. It was great. It was very nice And afterwards we had the only connected conversation we ever had and one of the things you said to me was that everybody has their own obstacles You talked about yours blah blah blah blah blah In that same conversation You told me No, this was another time outside of the comedy store sitting in the same spot So I brought this up to you and you said listen rick

Uh Because I asked you to do the podcast for the first time and you said I don't you have to ask me all the time I don't respond to texts if you really want me to do something just text me all the time I now Have that as a tool in my tool belt not for everybody I have people that I check in because it's a fucking pain in the ass to book people. I have people that I check in I try to read it because I don't want to bother them But I also want to keep asking where I go

Correlate literally every four every three or four months. I follow up some people every month for you I just keep hitting you because you told me to And you okay, you're right and you're right You're right. I apologize. Thank you. I'll be right back. No, we're not doing that But I did tell you to keep hitting me up and that's actually what you've been doing Yeah, wow and so I listened you listened But I do have to say that I have gone to bat for you Right in front of adam. I know and and and try to give him the argument

right and I don't think that I would have done that if I didn't really see Your talent. Thank you. I really think that you have a specific talent. That's necessary in comedy You don't you're not necessarily a traditional Stand-up, right? But you're very creative on stage. You're naturally interesting and very funny You know and you have a weird, you know neurotic defensive energy, which I like, you know You do you have a neurotic defensive energy. I'll say that's a bait if I've ever heard one. You're right, and you're right, bobby

And you have this like this ocd thing, you know, which I what is that? Why not just say ocd instead of treat it like it's a joke? Wow, we're trying to be serious. No, because this is ocd for sign language ocd for sign language is this That's what I was trying to do, but I have carpal tunnel So you're trying to make fun of my disease It's not a disease. It's a nail. Yeah, I try to make fun of my disease I was trying to do this, but I can't because it hurts so fucking bad. Is this how is this going? Yeah, it's going well

It's going well. Why would you ask that? Because uh, you know sometimes you walk into a conversation with people and their house just fell off a cliff and I don't pick up on it So I'm trying to just check it. I have to be honest with you I think this has uh been a very delightful conversations since the beginning. I think it's chaos. I think it's entertaining. Yep Um, I and you know, I it's very difficult for me to admit But there is a part of me albeit small That thinks why didn't we have this guy on sooner? You know, he just doesn't have

the name necessarily But you know, but he has the skill And he does have something Very specifically that he does that I enjoy I got will smith on mine. That's true That's what my next question is you went through lengths, right? You're very crafty very smart magical person You knew exactly what steps to take to get will smith on your show It didn't dawn on you to just ask me

Uh, I I want to check the dms because I know I did and there's a chance that I deleted it Um, which I do sometimes when I feel like someone may have seen let me tell me before I before I uh, hold on Let me look to see For those and this claula is gonna have but I have asked you for those you have Yeah, for those listening the great the easiest way to get to my heart is to harass claula So everyone listening right now. That's the way to do it. No, but if I deleted it If I deleted it, that would have been the reason after messaging you so much Other comics listening. No, absolutely. Yeah, I

I I unsent it I sent it and then every now and then when I I go to people's like I say follow up every now and then And I see how long ago I messaged someone. I don't remember exactly what it was But I do remember contemplating if I should and it was something to do with I messaged bobby a bunch And then like you and I was going to message you again But we don't know each other and I was like ew and I unsent but I 100 asked Um, are there other comics that you have tried to get on your podcast that I have said no

Yes, and does that hurt you? No Uh, so I think that's another thing that I I admire about you is you don't if for some reason rejection Or those kind of things they don't really hurt you. Do they They hurt me breakups have been have been painful for me. Oh, they have. Yeah, what yeah, because I remember what hurts you Yeah, what does hurt you because it seems like you are very Like a guy who would just let the shit slide off your shoulders. I I I uh Have pretty bad anxiety And there's a lot of things I try and control that are

Maybe small to some people that affect me a lot Um, I don't know if it's because I exhaust myself from those things those things Or it's just a double-edged sword that has its pros and cons But a lot of but things that I try to control so much things that I've accepted that are out of my control It's easier to accept that they're out of my control and it doesn't really affect me the same Way as something like oh no, could I have you know what I mean? So when's the last time what's the last thing that made you cry? I I mean I cry all the time. Are you being real? Yeah, I cry all the time. You guys are similar. He cries every day

Yeah about something. Yeah. Well, it's a good thing. I think I'm good. It's cathartic not every day I do cry but not every day. I've been crying every day I've been crying every day. Would you cry over like the state of the world or personal things? It's I'm not always in touch with it But I do know when I'm watching You know definitely maybe or some movie that I've seen a million times or whatever At parts that aren't that That that aren't like hitting me that much. I know that it's a trigger for something like I'm just breaking

so the world Yeah, the world and also it's not that selfless. It's just the way the world is affecting me It's just fucking hard right now, but you do have like real ailments. You have the you have the OCD and then yeah My OCD is has been bad, but did you have something else? What is it arthritis and? Um TMJ disorder. I have TMJ really bad TMJ temporary joint. You have that joint. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad now Mine's bad. Do you use gua sha? It's that um jade kind of like this device. I know you're talking about no Oh, just push it on. I got a tens machine. Doesn't that do the same thing? Probably um

Do you do do you have the pain because you clench? So, yeah, I got out. I got a retainer. So you got and the mouth guard. I got the mouth guard not a retainer The mouth guard in in march. I could barely get the toothbrush in. Yeah, talk about suck about And uh, I was translating and I actually stuttered and then I realized that that joke may have hurt your feelings while we were being I'm sorry. Or you say talk about what? Sorry talk about what? I want to get the racial. It wasn't a racial joke. I want to get the racial joke in there No, no, that was the joke that I meant to say was talk about getting uh an executive at mbc's dick in my mouth Because you were talking about the blowing thing. Ah, but I hesitated because I didn't want to then like use his name

So I I stumbled over it and then it made it just sound like You know what you speak And I couldn't which is now that was a racial But I don't speak Korean. Well, you should learn it. It's your heritage That's true. Yeah, please continue So I couldn't get the toothbrush in my mouth for a little bit now I could get the toothbrush in a lot of pain. I can't even wear headphones like that over the years Because of clenching. No, just because the pain afterwards my face gets swollen

But your your pain is exaggerated from the clenching. It's not the teeth on teeth clenching It's the doing this when I'm in because I have severe anxiety and sweating and all of that So I do this a lot like I just do the mouth But I think in your case we get a lot of that's what I thought it was. Is it stress? It's stress. It's anxiety. Oh my life. Why am I so neurotic? You're not necessarily those words. Yeah. Yeah, but why am I me? Yes. Yes. Yeah, I type it So Betty would tell me that I'm grinding hard and sleep and I believe her But the past couple months I've noticed me when I even when I get like kind of zoning out a little bit

I'm catching myself doing it's like fuck. Is that what I'm doing all the time That's what I do and I fractured a tooth a little bit from it and But what affects me? Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you what I'll tell you what when asking guests and stuff what what hurts It's not when I ask somebody and they say no It's the thing that caused me In a small version but to erase the message which is I I grew up Not picking up social cues, but I didn't know that I was bad at it I just thought I know what I know and when that somebody would say

And I've talked about this on my podcast before but I remember I used to call my friend David every week and every week He couldn't because work or school or his mom wouldn't let him or whatever it was and I just oh He just can't this week. Oh and I kept trying. I never felt bullied. I never felt not included Wow, but I wasn't and I didn't realize that until I'm like at least mid 20s Oh, I wasn't Include and it wasn't like I don't have a chip on my shoulder. It's not you know, they're kids not everybody could say Hey, here was the issue We were having a hard time. You weren't listening to us and it put a sour taste in my mouth

Let's try and resolve it. Not everybody has adults had that let alone a kid So I grew up and I realized I thought I always thought I was this funny guy That everybody liked because I like me and my mom applauds me and I realized oh, I annoyed everybody So I now Know I could bother people and I recognize there's a line and I'm getting better at it But I don't know when I'm crossing it. So when I message somebody a couple of times, right? I've had Blake Griffin on my podcast. We've done a few podcasts together Blake Griffin is a NBA all-star and my Avenger. You know, I mean like these are the these are superheroes

Whoa, Blake's friends and Blake. I'm friends with Blake. He's not friends with me You know what I mean? Like he likes me enough to do my podcast, but I'm Blake, you know, I mean like I want him in my life. Yeah, and I uh I like blew it with him at one point. We started a podcast together and then I Did something that I don't need to get into I talked about it doesn't matter And then later we rekindled and we became fine But like when I find out that I somebody doesn't like me because of something I did and I don't know what I did that embarrassment and shame is like

It's not that oh, he doesn't like me. It's oh, I'm not I'm annoying But are you like me were like there are no instances? Are you like me like there are incidences in your past where you In retrospect you behaved in a in a way that you're not really that proud of and you think about those Incidences all the time or do you or can you let it go? Because for me it plays like an old tape, you know, like I'll think why did I fucking do that? Why did I do that? I wish I didn't do that. Do you do you ever do it where like you start to mouth off? You start to say out loud what you would have said. Yes. I do that all the time. Oh my god

All right. I got a great. I got a great anecdote less than 60 seconds. Bobby, do I have your permission? It's like a doctor. We'll be right back with a word from Marshall Wright gallery If you're looking for just the right flooring you need choices And at Marshall carpet one you'll certainly find them and we're back I remember being at disney world when I was let's say seven one two three seven And I was there with a family friend my mom's friend and my friend her son, right? Yeah, and We I have a weird thing with a lot over. I honestly, okay, it's okay. Just give me a second. Just give me a second

I'll be honest with you. What's going on. I know what's going on. I've tuned out Yeah, of course. No, no, no, don't say of course, but you didn't know that on my podcast you literally I you fell asleep multiple times Right now. I'll be honest. I just don't know what the fuck is going on. So I would just want to be honest with you So I stop no the rug thing start that thing over. We're not gonna get that out now We find out you know, I want the rug thing in there. His dad owns a rug store It's one of the best rugs on in on I go on whenever on my podcast and started as I guess it's a joke But I cut to commercial and it cuts to my dad's rug store commercial. I do the vo on it. It's a few seconds It's just a joke. Okay. I've been going in other people's podcasts

Years ago tell me the story. I'm gonna be completely with you. Go ahead as a trio. We're very seizure inducing As a trio we're very seizure inducing who says that I think it's entertaining. I think that between the three of us. Yeah, we could really cause a lot of seizures and people I think it's entertaining. Should we do our Another podcast call it seizures. We'll just do it for a few months. Don't I get my subscribers? He's like, how do I get more ad space? Yeah, let me tell this anecdote Okay, so start from the beginning. You're the rug And then go you look to camera snap and say and we're back and we're back snap and say and we're back we come and we're back

Jesus so I uh lying is a very difficult thing for me. It's not a moral decision. It's just something that I'm wired with I just can't do it and it just doesn't feel like it's worth it when I was a kid It was a very obsessive thing and I would tell my mom Everything I did and everything I thought There was a moment where I went Mike the kid Michael went to the bathroom his mom Kathy went to the bathroom and I'm seven

As I'm walking to the bathroom. I remember Picturing when she goes to the bathroom. She's gonna pull her pants down. I wonder if she's gonna get naked. I pictured her naked Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I went pee I went back and I told my mom like I was admitting to her that I fucked dad Like I you're gonna you're not gonna believe what I'm about to tell you But I have to tell you and I'm emotional about it and I don't understand what's wrong with me And I tell her that I felt this stuff and it felt so good to let her know and she said something big moment for me She said

Rick I'm so glad that you felt safe to come to me with that. You could tell me anything you ever want to tell me I want you to know that everybody has weird thoughts. There's nothing wrong with it. It's 100 natural Think whatever you want to think you don't have to tell me if you don't want that was from that it changed everything but also it's like Oh, you think things You think things that are bad. You think like I'm picturing bobby naked now because I've seen it You just picture stuff who gives a shit. You don't you don't know everybody what you're feeling

it's funny because I've done the same thing with my parents growing up But I they don't fully understand what they don't know English that well So I think I told them personal things Knowing that they wouldn't be able to fully grasp What I was saying like when I got sober my junior year in high school. I would say something like you know, oh, yeah, um I I jerked off to a hustler magazine out in the field and I came all over Iraq All they hear is rock

Came right and it's a jerking motion. Well, that's really good. Put it all together. Oh, they don't know what that means They don't really know what it means. So I'll play and Madel go. Okay. So did you tell them on purpose knowing that they wouldn't know? Yeah, you could just say things to you know immigrant, you know, my parents that still seems like a safe place though Yeah, that felt good. Yeah, it felt good Dad, I think I'm an insult I think you fucked me up because you're so ugly and mom's so pretty and you fucked me up Is your mom really pretty? I mean if my mom has a nice jaw line You think my mom's cute pretty, right? Yeah, just cross-eyes. But that you know who

Who what I noticed that right your mom's not cross-eyed. Is she she what you know that she was She had she was and she got the surgery for it. It's still one girl. You have for a cross-eye. Isn't this a patch? I think it's like you just Strengthen a muscle back. Yeah, you strengthen the muscle. Yeah with a patch to force it to I think that's for a stigmatism But she literally had surgery on her eye patch because my friend has a stigmatism and he has eye surgery She had eye surgery I think that as an exercise on the podcast off the podcast

You call your friend and you say that you wrote those things and you're ashamed of them and they weren't even about her But I'm just trying to figure some stuff out. She's gonna unfriend me. She's like, are you are you on drugs? She's gonna be like who gives a shit. We were fucking 19 years old. Rick. That was just a really poor example She's not gonna do it. That was a poor example. There are other things. She's not gonna do you want me to call her You want to call her? She's not gonna do it. Who? Whatever he's saying to do. Yeah, I have no idea what you guys are talking about I don't even know. I would be ashamed of your 18 year old self. Well being ashamed of everything Shame is just one of those things that us Asians carry. Yeah, you don't know. You don't get it. Yeah, we we it's it's something that You don't get it. You don't get it. Your feeble mind can't get it. We're not complaining about it. We're sharing. We're sharing with you what hurts us

Oh, no, what an interesting guy you are We've hit a wall. No, we haven't this is it. This is not it. This is it. This is three mine. These are three I'll tell you something if If we weren't in this thing, I would love to do what I would do on my podcast and when we snap we switch chairs and everything But you can't commit to yeah, you know what I do want to do though is when the pandemic is over I'm gonna I promise you this. Okay. I promise you this glassy First of all, I call them John boom boom You're friend remember you at Mendocino farms John boom boom. Yeah

That what's his last name John DeWalt? What how did they get boom because you do you're I know I know why I know why I know why Boom Chicago was he ever in boom Chicago? Yes, he was that's why I call him that wow John boom boom. That's great. Yeah, but when you said it you mean you go you call my friend John boom boom as if I was some sort of fucking psychopath A psychopath there's a reason why I call people stuff This needs to get better now. What what this? I need people to want to come and see

Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's good. I think that something already good when I gave you this book I don't think you I think you took it with a little confusion I didn't no, I know I you know what I I appreciate Justin Timberlake for For his For his artistry and his lips with his wife. Yeah, you you appreciate the slip-ups I do I I appreciate slip-ups of humans. I I'm all about I'm interested in the growth and learning I like when people fall through cracks and come out of it better May I say?

Mm-hmm. Yes, if you could feel that way about yourself as you do others Thanks, rick. Full circle. Thank you. I feel it. We'll be right back. Thank you for time for your time Um, what an interesting what an interesting what an interesting hour very good Um, has it been an hour? Yeah at the end of our podcast. We do a thing called unhelpful advice Is it really? Oh, man, you know what there was one thing I wanted to talk to you guys about No, it's just something that's going on right now that that would be interesting because you know, you have a medical expertise And it would just I don't oh well then No, just try let's give it a try

So I've been dealing with some some medical stuff with my hormones being very all over the place all my hormones and I've been visiting I've been seeing doctors and MRIs and CAT scans and all these things and recently I went to uh, I uh, whatever the penis doctor is For fertility and stuff who has a specialty in endocrinology, especially with with uh, testosterone not all hormones with testosterone and uh, he Wasn't sure and I have to go to the geneticist for more tests and stuff

But I'm just taking my time because of the world And he told me that uh, a lot of ask askenazi jews not a lot of but Of this condition that he's about to tell me of the majority of them are askenazi jews I don't remember the name of it, but it's something where I'm basically I'm a I'm a man and a woman not hermaphrodite. It's something else. I I'm a woman. I'm not a man and a woman I'm a woman. I'm a woman with a penis and you know, which is totally fine and I support that This is how it starts, but it was just like well I'm not a woman

Harmonily on paper is what they're saying is is his hypothesis Okay, uh, and I was born a certain way and whatever and it's like, okay. I'm not I'm not but like well, let's do the test right but then uh, uh as more things are going down and Betty's helping try to figure out and diagnose like Some things are possible but that means we would never be able to get pregnant because I have I have a varicoseal on my left testicle shout out to varicoseals and I had one when I was in 11th grade. I had an operation. It went away

I then got a girlfriend pregnant and things happened We felt was both for us at the time and I think it's great that a woman or a man I have this choice with her body and you know, you should vote and We're all about abortions on this podcast fantastic and uh So I've gotten a person pregnant. Yes and Thank you

And then the varicoseal came back So I always thought you get rid of the varicoseal when you're ready to have a baby because I was told It's not gonna get any worse. Just why have it now? Yeah But now it turns out if if I'm a woman Yeah, I've never gotten somebody so I wanted so I'm thinking did I did she Was she pregnant with somebody else? Wait, so now they're saying that it's an impossibility that you with Being a woman being a woman or with post varicoseal that you impregnated a woman Yeah, so so basically if you couldn't get bobby pregnant, right?

varicoseal or not, okay, so Oh, did she this is what you wanted to talk about this is important. I want to hear this story So basically I have to find out if I got somebody pregnant that's a change This is your clothes. Yeah, it changes your diagnosis. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so what am I gonna reach out to her? Yes and say, hey, did this so I did be like, okay? I did and this just happened this this was last night and she wrote back to me this morning. And what did she say? How we hang on you'll have to go to Rick lastman.com to find out. All right. Okay, wait instagram Okay, but what did you say? How did is this? How did you even broach the subject?

Have you spoken to her in a long time or were you just like, hey, what's up? Did you cheat on me? I can read it to you please Do you know what he's talking about by the way bobby what it looks like? I have no idea what's going on This is what it looks like. Let me see. That's not well. That's a varicoseal, but Let me see what is that one? No, basically a varicoseal is is a is a group of veins. It's like a varicose veins Yeah, so it's basically veins around the testicle and because veins are filled with blood and it's warm It makes the the the the temperature of my testicles um

Spicy Extra hot. Yeah, but it looked like there was only, you know, there was only one ball in there So he was basically one testicle is a little smaller than the other. Oh, it was basically boiling his sperm. Yeah, correct Well, you know, yes You know, that's exactly exactly exactly what it is. Yeah, your testicles are like one of them's winking if there were eyes Yeah, I would think more of one of them one of them is more looking into uh into One of those things a magnet like a magnifying glass a magnifying glass. That's what it is. That's a microscope A magnifying is a because I'll be honest because why not there's glass here. It's significantly smaller

Oh, but how's the dick? It's it's my girlfriend even said to me when my doctor said are you a woman? She said her first thing did he see your penis because I it's great. It's great. I'm sure it is It's great. I'm sure it is So I just thought it was an interesting subject I want to know what the email is. No, this is important. This is that helpful advice. I think Uh, so here it is. Here's me reaching out to a girlfriend I had a while ago asking, uh,

If she cheated on me. All right. All right. Oh my gosh. Hey name How have you been gotta ask What she can be I've been good. Wait, hang on. You didn't address her by her name. Yeah, I didn't say hey name. I'm just Oh my god, the blanks, babe. Yeah. Hey, whatever you are. Yeah. Okay. No, I just don't want to Uh, put her on blast. Okay She's a very famous movie star now. Okay Hey, is she really? No, no, no. Oh, okay. I would tell you the name if it was How have you been?

I have an odd question to ask you that's really important to me. Okay making it about me so she doesn't feel defensive Let them hear the data As I'm sure you remember almost 15 years ago while we were together you got pregnant and we handle it the way We felt best at the time great Today I'm running into some interesting biological questions involving my genetics hormones infertility TLDR GHF. All right, go ahead. Basically if I have ever gotten someone you know what I'm now Finish it. We might have read it super fast. No, no, take your time

But what I just want to say real quick is Why even texture who gives a shit let it go because if if I didn't get her Why would you care about it because if I didn't get her pregnant? Oh cares because he's Let me answer If you're gonna ask me a question, let me answer if you're gonna make a judgmental joke But end it with a fucking period or exclamation point Okay, but whatever happened in the past then deal with the past

And that's what I'm doing Pretty in this case the past absolutely is pertinent to his future. So yes, this is necessary continue Go ahead my bad continue Fuck my bad. My bad. Go ahead finish. I'm gonna start from the beginning You know, I don't know what you're saying. Oh, why would you you're fucking there's birds floating around your head? So go ahead, send this to me. We'll animate the birds. Yeah I'm feeling I'm feeling like I'm doing stand-up right now and now the audience is not into the joke But it's not even a joke. I'm curious. I'm going. I'm really curious. I'm really curious

It's educational for me. So please continue. Yeah So hello, hello name fill in the name. Yes. Yeah. Hello. How have you been? I remember. Okay. This is I memorize it Can I give you the short version of it? Have you been what's up? Remember? I got you pregnant And then now we continue continue go ahead Remember we got a schmash morsch and then this continues picks up from there As I'm sure you remember almost 15 years ago While we were together we got you got pregnant and I Here we go. Yeah, today. I'm running into some interesting biological questions

Genetics and Warmark fertility and Basically, if I've ever gotten someone pregnant, it would help narrow a lot of things down and without going into too much detail This isn't just about fertility. This is about a lot of things involving my body and it's uncomfortable of a question Is this may seem to you the only thing that matters is the data? I mean nothing personally nor do I have any judgment whatsoever It's just a couple of things that come up recently that have contradicted the reality of me getting somebody pregnant ever So my question to you and again no judgment is

When you got pregnant while we were together is was I the person who got you pregnant? Is there any chance it could have been with someone else? It's really important that I know for sure Again, I can't stress enough respectfully. This is nothing to do with you Very good. Very good. So much time so much time has passed and if you slept with somebody else Who are you when you're 20 years old? Who cares? I even capitalized who cares because I didn't know how to spell I want to make sure you understand I'm not accusing you of anything again, and I apologize for over communicating I would be asking this question to anybody

It's just that it is contradicting certain diagnosis that I have been getting and this is about my overall health And I hope you'll be completely candid with me. Okay. Sorry. She didn't respond Sorry for such a random and odd message But if there's even a 1% chance you got pregnant for somebody else that is information it would be valuable to me I hope you're doing well And thank you for your patience in reading such an odd long message. She wrote back. Dear rick. Mm-hmm. I've been waiting for this I cheated on you No, no, no, she didn't she said she didn't cheat

So you're not a woman I mean all the yeah, I'll be honest with you all this time. I felt like I was turning into my mother What did it say, uh, she said no, uh, I'm not gonna it's fine But I'm just not gonna read her message because it feels like that's not for me to read Yeah, but I didn't cheat on you and uh, she said that um She said everything's blah blah blah blah. You know that how have you been she's having a uh having a baby boy soon And uh, wonderful man. She's moving. May I talk and I want to write back. I want to just write end with this I just want to write you might find a funny response. Okay, uh, she said, uh

I'm expecting a baby boy and you know this month blah blah blah. I said congratulations. Will this be your third I hate to ask and I'm sorry if this feels too personal, but is this baby mine? Just to show like lighten up the mood. Very funny Anyway, it goes on very good. Maybe we'll get coffee Yeah, you know, you're like uh, it's you know, you're like Spock and everyone is around you is like bones You know the character or the yeah the actual character, right? It's like you come into my podcast

You bring your own headphones. Yes. Here's this thing. You bring your own mic. Yeah, we've never had that happen before crazy Right, you wiped everything down. I respect it. Thank you. You know, I'm wondering what it's like When a lady makes love to you, do you put plastic over the bed? It's a very surgical. I have rules and I get them out of the way really fast. Okay. So what are the rules? I'm a lady. Yeah, I could okay. Let's say we're dating for a couple weeks. Sure. I decide I've already fucked you We've been dating we've dated a couple days. I probably am about to fuck you Okay, so that this is about the fuck right, right? So I come over to your house, right? You've already gotten to know me

So, you know, it's cute when I say take off your shoes and if we're gonna get into my bed You either need to be naked or I'm gonna give you shorts Because you know So you give them shorts like I give them options. All right Yeah, or or like or um or by the way, this was a long long time ago and all of them were uglier than betty Bet you're the most beautiful girl I've ever been with Yeah But or box the boxers that I don't wear anymore, but you know, they're like girls wear them as shorts

You know, they do this thing and then they'll get in bed and then like I'll say Alexa play rock and roll or whatever Yeah, put on one of my podcasts or something What so Led Zeppelin rock and roll or just any rock and roll? Is there any other rock and roll? There probably is a good touche. Go ahead. So play a little Led Zeppelin, you know Smoky on the water or whatever Imagine listening to Led Zeppelin. Yeah, and uh And uh, yeah, so what's your question now? So is it but you because you're so very clinical and surgical about things Is there like okay now? You're gonna lay on your back. I'll spread your legs open and I'm gonna insert here

I mean, how does that work? No, I'm listen as OCD as I am. Yeah I also and I'm being I'm not Yes, um I made that up by the way. I know my cousin's death. Oh, um, it's okay. You know, let me finish. All right I'm very excited to hear that. We'd love to get him on the pod You know what I've been wanting to do I've been wanting to have somebody sign in the corner of my living room the whole podcast Could we get him on on your episode and you can sign everything? No, he's in the philippines

Well, we'll you know you zoom it. Hey rick. Would you ever have um my girlfriend on your podcast? Force me onto someone. Listen. I I I would love to have you on the podcast. Yeah Yeah I asked something that is very high school Recently when ester was on mine because we talked about you guys a little bit I suggested you got to go on tiger belly to promote your special. Yeah talking about you I'd love to have Iran and at the time I don't remember if I had deleted it or not

But I did do like a hey Will you circle like I had ester ask you to feel like what is it about you writing me and then delete undoing the writing I was I was wrong and I was I feel like I'm a really approachable person. I don't know you and through association. I You heard the messages I mess when I message you because of our relationship in that moment It's now we have relatively speaking our own, but it was only your bobby's girlfriend respectfully I don't I don't know you. I didn't think you knew who I was there You know what? I do appreciate that because some people don't they just

Some people don't what just go for it. I'm kind of like It it felt a little it felt it it would feel to ask you without meeting you and it's not necessarily the right but my mindset is Oh, I asked bobby Bobby isn't maybe I could get collide and I didn't want to make it seem like that And there's probably other things that I could check in on I don't know But I would love to have you on the pod. Were you neurotic on the set of undatable? I heard some things but you were just on. Oh really? What did you hear that you were in the because of your first show?

And there was a little neurosis going on on the show. I definitely my first season in particular. Yes, I came into some really strong self-awareness when I turned like it 32 Okay, so the first little bit of undatable It was uh, I'm sure you heard some things that I maybe don't even know and probably no it wasn't anything bad It was just that I just found I had heard rumors like what did you hear? Just that you were like neurotic on set and that you would like, you know, um, what funnier lines or I don't know What am I be? Yeah, probably I probably wanted funnier or more lines

But it was it got to the point that where I would hear it from the Rumor mill that you were outwardly from the people on the cast who are friends of other people I would just say that. I don't know man, but you know what? I'll tell you this much. I am not who I was before But I am proud of him and I have learned from him And uh, dude, that's the best. I'm like what made me cry. That's the best answer. I've ever heard Because whatever you are and I'm trying to figure that out right now my friend Yeah, you should be proud of whatever you are. I really like you. I really like you too. I think you're a magical being I do. You know, there aren't a lot of people that I

Um naturally know my eyes are watering I felt like you didn't like me and that was okay, but I wanted you to Wow, you're an agent of chaos in like I there are certain people that I feel very like Just like a magnet to Him being one of them and I just get him whatever chaos whatever agent of chaos this is I get I love I adore all parts of it, right? I feel the same way about you and I just met you. Thank you And I didn't think I would I thought this would be a dreadful podcast and I really really like you Oh, is that why you came in like I guess we're ready with a shield on my face

She came in. I've never seen her wear a shield before First time a shield on this podcast. What did I say about him before be careful? Be careful around him. He might be a vector That's exactly what I said. That's my opinion. You were the opposite. You were the opposite A vector for just germs and bacteria I didn't know that you were careful. I didn't think you would bring your own mic I didn't know that you'd bring your own headphones. I'm actually like so impressed My podcast is is literally called take your shoes off I thought that was just an asian an homage to the asian folks like us because we take our shoes off

Yeah, no, it's it's uh take your shoes off is the easiest one for like when you come into my house There are so many rules That I feel like take your shoes off is the dipping their toe in Like oh, I get it He's somebody who wants things a certain way and then you got to wash your hands. You got to change your shirts shorts You know all these things. So it's just like the easiest one. So yeah, I'm a clean person and All right, so we just did an extra 20 minutes Yeah, put on the patreon. All right. No, we are we're gonna keep it in but let's do an unhelpful advice

Sure, so we have emails we'll answer and then we'll get out of here unhelpful advice with bobby Kalyla and rick take your shoes off podcast glassman. That's really you doing it live. Yeah Um Would you guys like to decide for a dream uh industry question or marriage help? Hmm Well, no, no, no, let's just a therapy. So let's just do a fucking dream. Let's just do dream interpretation And what do we each do it three different ones? Whatever you want to say?

I think that we can come together as one thing and then whatever you want to say. Yeah, okay This is from a friend of ours. Uh a fan of ours. Hey guys, my name is renee mezz. I'm a truck driver from colton, california And I love all you guys and make my and they make my trips more enjoyable. So I thank you renee So I had this dream that I walked out of my bedroom to my living room And I saw a bunch of cum puddles all over my living room floor I turned to my left and I see bobby crouching on top of my couch giggling and saying yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was just wearing some american flag underwear patriotic I turned to my right. I see bobby's parents cleaning up the puddles and his dad was yelling at me saying

Why did I let him do this? And who's and who's dad was yelling in uh bobby's dad my own dad was yelling at bobby No, it was yelling at the this renee renee saying renee. Why did you let bobby do this come on the floor? p.s He wants to know what does this mean? And he'd like to give a shout out to his wife, uh, maria. I love you I'll see you soon because he's a truck driver. So that's sweet. That is really sweet Um, you want to take a stab first? Well, I mean

I can't I you know, I don't have enough variables And I have a couple of questions because clearly there's this renee is reaching out to this podcast with the dream he had So I wonder how manufactured this is but What I need to know his relationship with his parents To know this and his relationship with his wife But off the top of my head. I just think he's a fan of bobby and dreamed about him and he's just that's he's like He's a blue writer

So I can't really give you any wow Wow, is there a piece the fact that, uh, bobby's dad did not yell at bobby but yelled at renee? I mean, there's so many factors. There's bobby's relationship with your father and everything that has happened that he might be projecting There's is he connecting with that or is he assuming something on him? What's his that's why I want to know his relationship with his parents bobby That was a test. I wrote that email Oh, well, then I could I I have an answer for you Go ahead

Um, I without revealing too much, uh, it would be fair to assume you guys have at least opened the conversation of wanting to start a family And with that Who who my who my comes its challenges? You have a new it's You have it's you have a new home and not just in a physical space but in a in a in a world that has changed And things need to be clean and things need to be organized. You want to be this you're this beta who wants to be this dominant force You have found someone who will let you let you feel like you're in control Even though you are the person that holds everything together the emulsifying agent and this dream would pile you but to me represents

bobby could do whatever he wants Oh, look at me. I'm gonna get naked on stage and I'm gonna come on the floor Oh, I'm the best right and your world is going to take your his world is going to take care of you But why Why would your father let not renay you? Why would you allow bobby nurture bobby validate bobby to be this way? When and I and there's really no judgment and I don't know I didn't write the email he didn't oh, okay Then I don't know

He was going but congratulations on I've been right come puddles. Yeah, we don't do come puttles. We don't do come puddles I have no idea. Where do you go? You know we just in her eyes or her hair Okay dreadlocks. I don't believe that every single time in your eyes or your hair Every single time that means it always ends with a blowjob or does he like kind of scoot up and then go? It's an old time. Yeah, what if you're on top over? Yeah, you know, I am rather tall Yeah, sure comparatively. Yeah, so he walks over to the well. She's standing. I need to be standing I crawl up her like I'm a koala. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No Tell me does he more times than not come in your eyes or I don't I don't what I do it. This is the truth

This is the truth push it. I'll go. I'm about to go. I'm about to go and I lunge off of her wait who's you lunge You're never on top. Whatever. I'll push her off. I push you off Yeah, right and then I and I put I put my hand like this I do a husband. O.J. Simpson. Hi. Hi five We high five right like I'm about to get it, you know Yeah, I'm holding it up there right right and then I I go And it goes one little drop in the hits and then she always like a goldfish. I catch it mid-air go All right, well one thing we need to redact uh renee when we corrected saying a friend to a fan

I think you forgot to say just joking a friend Thank you for being such a such a big part of this and glad we can make you happy if you really want to enjoy your rides What do you want to plug? You know people people you want to plug just my podcast. What's it called again? Take your shoes off. That's right and people have said how They could go in I would love for them to see the comments on yours because they said this is the greatest guest appearance that you've ever had And I think that's not because of me, but I'm glad that we together built an environment for you to I think we have a good vibe together Yeah, I think we have a good chemistry together. I I I will say something mark my words

Should should the red rocket ever just you know say I want to quit drama. Yeah, I think that ricks the guy Um, well, I'm gonna would you would you do a podcast with me? Yeah, we uh I know and then your first appearance because you said the same thing and we were it was it really is Honestly, one of there's a few special episodes my two favorite are yours and the second one I did with my dad and my cousin There's something really special about that and we both felt it in the podcast and we talked about it And you said you want to and you were like thinking about and then you're like, I'm starting one with Andrew That was right when you were starting it. Right. So I want to take your compliment while also I'm not being political

I just want to be because it made me feel a little uncomfortable I will never take Andrew's place. Nobody can he's a very special boy. We love him I'm just saying should he ever just one day decide to fuck off and move to Wyoming? And and there was a great replay availability to work with bobby. I would go. I think not as a replace I would call Theo first. Yeah, but he wouldn't do it Well, we're doing something together as we speak. So you don't want to lean into that too much. It's become Really really you are you are and I want your fans to know this and maybe some of them do. Yeah, you're not a cartoon character I

Who said that everybody Wait, wait the industry. So you think that yeah, that's you think the vibe on me You think that the vibe on me is I'm a cartoon character type of a guy. I think that you Lean into a joke more than the truth and the reason what's the joke? What's the joke? Whatever the intention behind what you're saying. This is who I am This is who you are. This is who you are and this is what works You go on with another and by the way, Theo. Yeah, I'll never do one with you. Of course not. Okay Give him a round of applause everybody

Rick last but that was very good. Very good. Very good. If we did do a podcast. Thank you. What would you call it? Thank you? Oh It's still rolling rick feel free to keep all right guys. Well, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity I'm just a no-name Jew neurotic piece of shit that bobby had on as a favor because I bothered him too much about mendicino farms But I want to say I appreciate you head on over to ricklivesman.com and marshal rug gallery to pick up anything you need If you're looking for just the right flooring you need choices And at marshal carpet one, you'll certainly find them and we're back. Thanks for watching the show everyone

Hope you enjoyed rick. He was uh, I love his podcast ties out So I'm sure you check it out take your shoes off podcasts And if you aren't a part of the community already go to patreon.com slash tiger belly for a bunch of bts exclusive of longs podcast, I think By the time you're listening to this the jewel Podcast is up. So you get to hear a little bit from bad friends rudy about what it's like to live with Dita Bobby and I think a lila

Let me ask you a bunch of stuff from the philippines as well Uh, also guys if you haven't done this yet make sure you tell all your friends that sing or if you are a singer yourself Uh, guys submit to the tiger bellies got talent singing competition. Uh, we'll be documenting that So don't worry. It's not like something where we see all the videos of me now It's a winner. We'll be documenting the different rounds, uh, a certain round that uh, once we Have our select few we're going to actually have bob and clown that coach them Uh song selections advice and those that will all be filmed Uh, and then we'll announce a winner and that winner will get to sing the outro song

It could we don't know what that is yet It could be the outro song that we already have, uh, which is basically our intro song or we'll create a new song Maybe have bobby produce the track and then the winner be the singer. So it's going to be really exciting So everyone make sure you get, uh, all your singer friends that listen to the podcast or if you are a singer Make sure you submit. Uh, there's a soft deadline and that deadline will probably be uh end of august So make sure you get it in now. Um, because if you follow us on tiger belly on instagram Follow kalala at clam bk george at george underscore kimmel bobby at bobby lee live And once again guys, i'm not going to say my instagram handle. I'm actually going to tell you to follow

We out here mma. It is a new mma podcast show that i do with a couple friends kung fu nick Um, and alice live got a whole step. We love you guys. Have a good night Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey