TigerBelly - Ep 269: Pauly Shore, Sauna Time!

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

Bobby talks about the wrong mother. Pauly is comedy's Pacquiao. Khalyla finds her war veteran. We talk The Comedy Store Documentary, Whitney's baby, Trader Joe's diapers, and the return to the Happy Pauly.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Why don't you like why don't you like my headphone? I don't like hearing my voice Also, when you hear when you watch movies of yourself and stuff the what you mean you saw guest house, right? Well, yeah, I fucking did yeah, but my point I know but I know but what I'm saying is that you're fucking rolling dude. We are rolling well then good All right, but he's supposed to introduce me. I am we haven't really even started. Let me just do it. Okay. I mean Why are you so angry? You seem angry what you seem angry. Are you angry?

No, I just don't know what's going on in this house. No, I know Go ahead Gil five four three. We don't need another hero That song you don't know another Chiro What's Chiro mean? It's the fucking cinnamon fucking the thing that Mexicans love to eat for dessert. Yes Yeah, true. They're delicious the best. Yeah. Yeah, you can only have like a half a one though I know I've had a full one before but make sure tell me her. Yeah. Yeah. They love cinnamon horchata, too I love horchata. It's like liquid form a chiro. Yeah, right? Anyway, welcome to another

Your energy right now dude your energy right now is negative. Oh, you don't know why well I will get to that now. Okay, but I'm having a bad day as well. So, you know, let's start with nothing My day's been good. I understand. It's just I knew I was coming to see you, right? And so, um, I've had a really fucked up day So I wish that your energy and your and your attitude was a little bit more positive. Well, it's if you came in real angry Yeah, well, it's hard to have a positive energy when you're on the documentary talking about my mom's vagina Yeah Let's just get that out of the way. Well, I yeah, you said something about like used to massage my mom and then you said something about her vagina

Yeah, I never said anything about your mom's vagina. I haven't seen the documentary. I've never seen the documentary Yeah, well, you should watch what you said in it. What? It's pretty bad, dude. Okay. What did I say about your mom's vagina? I love your mom something about She's great for telling her vagina in the air at the back of the main room. Yeah, but that's no no no That was pretty fucking gnarly. No one talks about it. You know what I mean? Even the african-american comedians don't talk about my mom's vagina You're like talking about my mom mitzi shore the legend comedian comedy store You're like, oh everyone had sex with her and her vagina is in the air here at the comedy store and

Used to massage her and have sex with her and I never said I I never said that. Yeah, I didn't say you had sex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just did say that But I for the record for the record dude. Do you ever been to russia? Are you poisoning me like russia like that guy? Recovered here for the right. I recovered for the record. Okay, and for the record. This isn't a deposition I know I know but for the record. I want to in your fucking dumb garage Wow, okay. It does. I didn't know it was a garage those people watching. Yeah, it's in a fucking garage This isn't like this ghetto around here. It's a studio. No, it's not. It's a fucking garage Dude, there might be a fucking car that comes to the side. Okay. All right, so all right now

I want to I don't remember saying that It is something that I would say So let's just get that that's a factual thing. Number two air that part Yeah, you would think that they would cut it out and I'm gonna have a discussion with mic binder You would think that they would cut it out and I and thirdly you said something about fucking her pussy or something No, I never said that. Okay. Well, you haven't seen the documentary. Why would I say that I had sex with your mom? It was you it wasn't fucking the other chinese comedian guy

Asian comedian Peter Chen. Yeah, it wasn't him. Was he in the documentary? Yes He's the best. Yeah, I know what the fuck happened to him. I don't know Oh, yeah, the best. He had the best. You know what his best? You know how when it's somebody would heckle, you have like a retort a comic. Yeah, his retorts never made any sense Where were they one time when he like some guy heckled him? He said you shut up Or I'm gonna put you on a rocket ship and fly you to the moon I want to apologize for that and um, I will watch the documentary And I feel really bad about it. I can't believe I said something like that about your mom

I love your mom. She saved my life. She changed my life. Why are you looking at the camera? You have cross-eyed your eyes are crossed I know so many people don't know it. Can I tell you what happened to me today? So that maybe you can have be a little nicer than me Well, okay, but you apologize with the mom. I did the mom thing is like a serial offense because he shot this thing for jfl in In toronto and he did the same thing, but it was about my mom And I flipped the yeah, it's not good dude. You can't I mean talk about girls vaginas But I'm not fucking someone's mom's

It's like, you know what I mean, and then you talked about I apologize. I I want to put What we're rolling, right? Yeah, we're rolling Mom's vaginas are off. All right. I'm gonna apologize to anybody out there If I made fun of your mother's vagina. I do just hand Tino a lot too, right? His mom his mom's vagina. Yeah He goes after your mom too. Yeah, she goes after my mom too and it's bullying It's not a good thing. Yeah, it's I don't know why I'm laughing. It's terrible It's terrible. I apologize. What are you going?

I'll go okay So, um, I I sincerely apologize for making fun of your mom's vagina. Yeah, I've never seen it I was a little bit in shock. You were in shock. Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, man I why would binder keep that in? I said a lot of things he interviewed me a thousand times and he would keep that in That's the only thing he kept it. Yeah, that sucks Anyway, I apologize. I love you. It's okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Nice to talk to you through fucking plexiglass It's like you have cancer

Do they know that does the audience know there's a plexiglass? Yeah, they do. Okay. They do So, um, you moved to vegas I did yeah, and you moved your uh You you create you know what? I'll be honest with you in my head I'm like when paul paul's moving to vegas and because I love your show I've done your show before right and I thought he's never going to be able to find A group of people like he did in la. Hmm, but I feel like you did. Hmm. I don't know. How do you find these people? You put an added add in craigslist you is social media. How do you do it? I just start making calls. You know what I mean? I just start making calls. I asked george to come. He said no, I'm not coming

George did you really ask you? You denied the fucking master here He had to stay here. He didn't want to move to vegas. All right. What the fuck is this thing? This is weird Stand what the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah No, I just put you know It's like anything like when I started producing stuff when I was younger I did you know the first thing was poly shows dead. Yeah, and that was you know, the movie you featured in cut out of the movie and uh

And you just you know, you put it out there. Yeah, this is what I'm looking for and I just put it out there There's a lot of young comedians in vegas. There's a whole scene out there. There's 50 rooms out there You got the cellar. You got the laugh factory. You got uh, you know, um, you know, jimmy kimmel's room There's so many rooms. So guess what? There's so many young comics, right? So there's a guy named ian who runs one of the bar Uh, it was an open mics and I hooked up through him through sabrina sabrina Used to be one of sam kennes was melika's sister. Ah, you know, so sabrina lives out there. I love sabrina

She gave me um sabrina gave me Sam kinesons One of his touring shirts that he wore. Oh, it's in my room right now. Oh sick She came up to me at the store once many many years ago and she said Sam I never watched it Because I never watched his shirt sam wore it on stage And I want to give it to you and I still have it I love she's she's out there and then you know, you just start calling and then you you know

I did an audition for my podcast. So the first month it was I was like an american idol For random rant. So the whole the whole every episode was me auditioning people So I came across this asian kid named mike tran I call him bok choy. Yeah And he's like He's like, uh, you know, he lives with his he lives with his parents. Yeah. Yeah. He's half chinese half vietnamese Yeah, and he speaks full on vietnamese and he you know, he's also a sushi chef. Right. He's also a comic So I brought him in and and you know, he became like the sidekick plus I got this other kid james Yeah, we go back to mike tran though real quick. Okay. Um, because you know, I've gone through the polyshore boot camp

um, I Open for you many times toured with you And I know that there's a lot of pinching going on. Do you pinch him physical pinch? Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, but it's just I'm not saying the sexual way. I'm just saying like this. Yeah. Yeah, he likes to pinch your arms You can't no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you gotta go back. You gotta go back paul paul, that's okay paul, you gotta go back. You gotta go back paul, please go back

Please go back His eyes a lot, you know, see how your eyes what do I do with your eyes when I see your eyes? Yeah, you'll like um, I go like this No, I go yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you do that to asians? That's because my mom used to do that. So I do it too. Oh, yeah Hereditary what hereditary? Yeah, it's hereditary But you know what? Strictly to asian only to asian. Well, yeah, because his eyes are like little almonds He's got little almond eyes. I do a little almond. Yeah, I do remember you doing that Yeah, so so mike, you know as a kid that it's just adorable

He's a sweetheart and we just hit it off and he also works for me. Yeah So like we'll go out and go grocery shopping. He'll put my clothes away. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, you know and uh You know he helps me produce my show and and get but the hazing and stuff. Does he like it? Yeah, he's cool. Yeah, he knows it's love. It's love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, he's a sweetheart and I got a great crew over there So I'm just you know, so I got a dj Kira, yeah, yeah, and I got rant girls, you know girls that walk around with the cards and my house is fucking awesome Yeah, I like that. It's a night. It's it's it's from 1957. Wow very old house

but when you walk in it was interesting because One of the reasons why I moved there is because you know, my parents are gone You know what I mean? And it was like I wanted to start this new life I wanted to kind of go back to How I was years ago, which was happy me. I wanted to get Past all the kind of sadness from my parents and all that stuff and I wanted to start a new kind of a new life out there And and I walked into the house when I got it before I signed the paper and my parents I felt my parents were there and I honestly felt like they said to me you're home now. You can relax

You know, that's kind of how I felt So it's just when you walk in the house You'll feel my mom in there and you'll feel my parents in there And the the the neighborhood that I went into is this rancho circle and it's all old gangster houses So it's a so like Billy Gibbons lives there from ZZ Top. Oh, wow the guy with the beard You know and then across the street from me. I swear to God is Dean Martin's old house. Oh, wow So it's like all so you drive into the area and it feels like you're Like in a Scorsese movie. Oh, so it's old Vegas. It's towards downtown

So it's literally five minutes from Fremont Street. Oh, wow. It's dope and it's it's big and freemont's so different now too It's different free downtown Las Vegas. It's more fun than yeah, it's all kids It's all young young kids. There's murals everywhere. There's coffee shops all hipsters Yeah, because back in the day back in the day when I went to freemont that area It was like people would be like, are you sure you want to go there? Yeah, it's terrible. I went to unlv Oh, wow, okay So I lived there a couple years and during that time freemont was a nightmare But then now it's a total like hipster

Like a bunch of artists a bunch of like dive bars a lot of yeah, it's fucking little places there Oh, it feels like echo park or like or williamsburg You know, it feels like that that young it's definitely coming up Yeah areas coming up. So I don't know if I'll be there forever. I didn't buy the house but for now with the corona and with my parents and Wanting to like get a new energy it feels right. Yeah, and there's so many stages there So when when stuff opens up again, I could pop pop in wherever Can you like because I know that those flying out of Vegas is so much better than flying out of lax

Yeah, you know, but can I ask about the clubs though though because those clubs are all like Booked headliner clubs. Can you just do guest spots? Yes. Oh, you can during the week Oh during the week So if I was there if I lived there for instance, and I wanted to go up every night. Could I uh-huh? Okay, yeah, there's tons and there's rooms also that aren't those rooms that I mentioned just random rooms. All right that are all over so It's cool and there's a lot of really nice and it's a small community I mean you got you three people think Las Vegas. They think of the strip. That's just one

That's like a couple miles, but after that. Well, you know, there's tons around it. There's whole foods and gyms and yeah Summerlin, there's Henderson. Yeah, so many nice to Like um, there's no traffic ever. Yeah, there's no traffic. So It's pretty cool and obviously taxes You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, and you can get the houses there and stuff is a lot less expensive though So it's cool for now. I got a lot of different shows that I'm producing out of there, which is fun for me So I got my sweat and with the wheeze Which is my workout show. Yeah, you know what I mean? I do that. I put that out and I got polyokey

Which is my band and I have a band out there But the one thing that you I know that you love. Yeah that they probably don't have Is a Korean spa. Yeah, but I bought it. I bought a spa Oh, that's that's the salute. There's a solution to every answer. You fucking buy it No, two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. It got delivered. It's a barrel sauna. Yeah, you just put it It's the whole wooden one, right? Yeah, that you put outside. It's a big barrel sauna I'll hook you up with the spot I know because my buddy who lives in Vegas just bought one for his house and it's a six person one

Yes, but is it is it a dry sauna dry sauna you put in the backyard Yeah, but it's dope and then I also put the wet steam in my shower So I got I got a wet I got a wet steam too. Oh, I see So you got a wet steam in the shower and then you got a dry sauna outside But you know what's missing though a bunch of old Korean Korean men. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask Because you know, we love that spa. Yes, you haven't you haven't been there since yes Since the pandemic. Yeah, it's open. It's it's open. Yes I'm going there after here. Are you really? Absolutely. Oh shit. I've been there like I've been been in LA for about

Three days now. I've been there twice. Okay. So, um, I can't go right. I can't go. I can't go Okay, all right. That's your problem. That's what I know But I just you don't have coronavirus because if I don't fucking have it you don't have it Yeah, I don't have it. I've been tested. I know it's not the problem if you have it The problem is I don't know what these old Korean men if they have it, right? Yeah, right. I don't want to go into a steam room About with a bunch of old naked old Korean men. I'm sure I will say though that Compliance-wise yeah as a culture. Yeah Koreans have it down

I would be less afraid to go into a Korean establishment Yeah, than any other establishment because they just they're they're all they all wear masks and they all agree that it's just something you do Yeah, yeah, huh. So you go there is a busy Yeah, it's the same. Yeah, but it's cool. You know, so I sold a show, right? Oh, you're okay. I know what's about, right? Oh, yeah, the sauna time, right? It's sauna sauna time. That's a better name I told him he can have that name. Yeah. Yeah. I came up with that a long time. Yeah. Yeah. I you can have that name Thank you. I saw the time sauna time sauna time Yeah, yeah, but I sold sauna time. Wow. Yeah, it's a Korean family running a Korean spot like that spot

Well, you got to have me as a guest. We will of course. Yeah, you were one of the when they pitched a show Um, that was the premise. It was like you have random non-koreans show and you're yeah You're one of like the and you were one of them. I get one of good. Yeah. Yeah, but it's um because I that's one of the Things that I miss probably the most Is you know, I mean those not not being able to go to go to go to that That's that's that's spot. I'm gonna go back to your workout videos. Yeah, do you just record them? Where do you record them from who does them with you and what kind of workouts are they? Well, where how do I subscribe? You just you lock into my my social media on monday mornings and we release a new video and I have a

Dance floor in my backyard And I have a girl that I you know that I work out with and it's just like, you know, it's a five minute, you know Sweating with the wheeze, you know. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah, look at that It's legit, but I'm not joking. I'm like really working out and the girl that is is doing it with me. She's not She's not a stripper. She's like a legit dancer. Yeah She's like in the show and the you know in the fantasy or the crazy girls were these are like trained dancers Yeah, so I kind of do my version and then she follows me and then I follow her And we you know, we do the workout thing. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's fun

And you probably you you look great. Thank you. No, I'm being real. Thank you because in a pandemic I always assumed that you would have ballooned up a bit No, but you look fitter than I've ever seen you the reason why I think because I stopped touring Ah You know, when you tour you're on a plane you're eating and you know chicken sandwiches with french fries Yeah, you know what I mean and that has a lot to I'm not going to be touring as much Anyway, even when the pandemic is finished Why I just don't want to do it as much, you know, I was hitting it hard dude

I know I think that's what a lot of so we had joe coy on and then we had annie letterman on and now you You're the third person to say that You know, you're gonna probably scale it back when things go back. Yeah Yeah, pull it back and then plus in vegas if I can get you know a room there. Maybe book every other weekend Oh, that'd be cool. You know small residents. Yeah. Yeah, you know nothing too crazy But also your tours though and I've here's I want to say this is you've given me um Number one. I want to say just off for the record since we're being why do you say off for the record?

What the fuck is this isn't a deficit? I know no, but so we're being recorded So I just want to say for the record. I want to say right. I like you. Do you love you? I want to touch your slam. I know you almond eyes I know you I know you do But you like Michael Mike Chan you like him. I like him a lot. He's cool. But for the record. I want to say that um paul is um I mean you've done our positive people know right that you and your family Started my career you specifically you found me in san diego and I really appreciate it

I miss our times going getting naked with you. I've seen your genitals so many times. I love it Still like it's beautiful It's a beautiful. You know, I've you know, I've raved about your genitals. You just get to the punchline. I know there's no punchline Okay, so what were you trying to say? I want I also want to say that um, I'm just no This is for I just wanted to express this about you know, I mean seeing you here and then you put me in your movie um guest house it was it it was a big success and I'm proud of you because um you know

You oh, yeah, this is what my point was is is that you've shown me the way right in terms of how Like I I'm not really dreadful I'm not dreading the future because you found I know a financial path Throughout my life by watching you you may work in the business You know like some of the tours that you've done like for me. It's like You know, I remember coming to you going Oh, I just I play these cities and it's so much pressure and I'm like I can't draw because

Every weekend, you know, I mean they have a huge name You know, I mean and everyone people don't go to clubs every weekend, right? And so you've you some of the Tours that you do are off the beaten path. Yeah tertiary markets. What do they call them? They're called tertiary market tertiary mark like where like what world like the third tier I know, but what do you play like Muskegon, Michigan? Yeah, you know or those hunt down random Yeah random Peoria, Illinois. Yeah. Yeah. There's like Peoria. I have a club. Yeah. Yeah, and juke juke box It's called juke box. Yeah. Yeah. And so you can play these other towns that don't necessarily have huge headliners coming in, right?

And and I was when watching you over the years going that's what I'm going to do, right? And it gives you kind of like this hope, you know, I mean almost it's a weird thing Where you think because you know, how do you how long can you keep it up? You know, I mean there's careers go up and down and side to side and then you yeah Well, you're you know, you know, Michael Rotenberg said this many years ago I was my manager a while ago. It's about talent if you're talented and you keep pushing look at dice It's a great example. He just kept pushing pushing pushing and if you keep going talent always wins So it's like as long as it's inside of you and you love you love obviously you fucking love what you do

Yeah, and you just keep doing it. You're gonna get your movies. You're gonna get your thing I always said you're gonna make it. I mean the fact that your podcast is so popular is not surprising to me You know, everyone everyone has different paths. Everyone does different things I was on with Segura and Christina and it's the same thing with them because they were talking about my career Like you were talking about my career. I'm like, yeah, but now you guys are the ones that are doing it Because you've hit into this situation here. You've been doing it five years more than that, right? How long five five years you guys got like a massive Fucking hit. Yeah, we're gonna keep going. You know, this is this is her. She started. I know

Oh, I know because I but you were because when you were saying what you said to me is that you couldn't draw You know, I mean you were frustrated. Yeah, and then like about two years ago. You're like, dude I'm fucking kind of drawing now because of my podcast. Yeah. Yeah. And now here we are You don't have to tour because you're doing well off your fucking podcast. Yeah, and you kept pushing it And that's the same with Segura and so you got to keep going So like the past that I took us just I enjoy it. You know what I mean? I enjoy it I enjoy making people happy. I enjoy being out there I'm not getting paid to do sweat with the fucking wheeze

You know, I'm not getting paid to do the polyokey show, but I love it. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking fun, dude And I almost don't want to get fucking paid You know what I mean? Because when you start getting paid, then it starts getting weird Yeah, people are like, fuck you're making all this cash now off of fucking just dancing like a moron Yeah, like, you know what I mean? So it's like you almost want to keep it just for your you know for the You know part of part of your life just to feel it But what's but also what's cool about you is and this is what I've noticed is you're not like um, some of these other guys that you know that you know are up here you you're you can you hang out with common people

Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, I put I'm very um, uh Uh, not it's not called visible, but I'm very tangible like you can see me everywhere. I go everywhere Yeah, but also you work with people that are like regular people And you give them joy in their lives like even the guys here in silver like that you were doing it with like that What's his name? Not airy. Bill the balding old man. Yeah, the little air. Yeah, the little air. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Bill right a guy like that you put so much joy into that guy's life Because one day he's at a coffee shop, right or whatever and you walk up to him and go I'm the wheeze or whatever, right? And then you're like now. I was like come here dude. You got to be next to me

He's like this tall. I'm like, holy fuck And then I find out he fucking plays guitar and he's like fucking talented as fuck. Yeah Yeah, and he's like a sweetheart, but you changed that guy's life. He's just the guy who's Drinking coffee one day hanging out, right? So that's what's cool about you. I shit my pants today Tom Segura did as well Yeah, yeah, why did you shit your pants? We'll tell him what happened Well, I had a doctor's appointment today and he was nice enough to drive me there and then somewhere along the by the Beverly Center It was like a sudden attack. It was like I have to shit right now

And so we pull up right next to my in front of my doctor's office First of all, she doesn't even know where the fuck the doctor's office is. She's like this It's a new one. I hadn't been there probably so we park and I was like, you're not gonna shit in the back seat So go inside the the office and ask to use their bathroom, but since it's COVID They said no So, um, I just walked away. Yeah, you should get on the cement like all the homeless people That's what I was a please for the love of god Do not shit do not shit in the car and I was like just shit outside right in the gutter

Yeah, but he opted on Los Yenaga. Are you out of your fucking mind? Busiest streets in america You can pull over at like a la la lingerie store on La Cine around the corner people probably shit over there all the time Yeah, I would just I inside the car. You know what's great about your guy's relationship is that it is such a real fucking like there's There's no, um What's the word you guys you guys are very, um open about your relationship because whenever anytime I've been a relationship I never looked at my girlfriend and being like, yeah when I was shitting shitting shitting like tom sagura and his girl He's talking about shitting too

You guys are like this is crazy. Yeah, that's like when you're in dude. Yeah, I'm in you're like fucking like Yeah, we're looking for it. Yeah, but so she goes. I just walked away. She walks away. She walks away just down Well, I'll tell you why I walk in bastard Typically in the past because I'm super codependent I would always be the person to try to find a solution and this one I'm like, you know what there's nothing I can do if he's dead set on shitting in the back seat I'm not gonna fight him because he's already Is you act as if but I'm trying to you know, but you act as if I have choices you do just

Anywhere but the car. Yeah, just get out because I have to drive 30 minutes back home with you with now a big pile of shit There's definitely a difference between shitting in the car and pissing in the car Yeah, no shit. No shit No shit, okay, but this is how I know he's Grown a lot in the last year because all the previous times he's just bare-assed it right on the back seat Hmm, but this time around he found an old Trader Joe's plastic bag. I don't know. They're not plastic The fancy ones which one paper bag the fans. No, the fancy. Oh my god. My Trader Joe's bag In the inflated bag both of them the reusable bag the reusable the nice one. Okay. Well, the cloth one, you know, I appreciate that

That's how I know he yeah, he said two in the back. I don't even know where they came from So where did you wind up shitting in one of the fancy Trader Joe bag back here Prius in the back of my Prius And I cupped it right like this. So I had both handles like this, right? So I had mobile that and and I had my ass like this and I knew The target was in the right spot. Yeah, and then it was just like a fudge factory And then the other Trader Joe's bag wipe your ass with the other Trader Joe's bag It's cotton and cotton or bags. Yeah. Yeah, so I wiped it that I put the other one in there, right? Yeah, I left it in front of the the the office that didn't let me use their bathroom. That's perfect

Well, that's a comedic way. Yeah, dude. I one time Yo, I one time shit in a fucking trash can in the manager's office at a comedy club in New Mexico Really? Yeah, because there was no no for real. I was about I was it was back in the wheeze days. It was crazy Yeah, it was a comedy club in New Mexico And um And there was two shows and you know the comedy clubs don't have Um bathrooms in the office or there's no green room. So the only bathroom you can use is what? Where the patrons are? Oh, yeah. Yeah for the audience so many clubs like that. I can't even yeah

So you're sitting there in the fucking manager's office. Yeah, and I'm like going fuck. I got to take a shit Yeah, and I'm like fuck it. Yo, I got the trash here. Give me that trash can right there No, it looked like it. Yeah, it looked like this This trash can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah This trash can. This is probably the same trash can but can you see it? Yeah. Yeah. So I got a trash can like that. I put a bag in it, you know, like the hefty bag thing or whatever Yeah, and I just lean I just shit in it. Yeah, and I tied it really tight And then when I was on stage, I guess the owner found out that I did it

Because I guess the smell but I had tightened it. I tightened it really tight and I didn't think so Yeah, and then he found out and then when I try to book myself the next year He's like no and I got blackballed from that club for shitting in the trash can And I said what you're gonna say is like, where am I supposed to shit? Yeah Where the fuck I know that's where we think but he didn't think that way. Yeah Well, people don't realize, you know, at least for me Right, I have all the same equipment as you guys do in terms of bodily function Yeah, right. I have little legs, you know, I mean that were vessels strong. I mean fair. Thank you. Thank you

I have a stink third muscle, right? And I'll but for some reason sometimes because maybe because of my diet, right? Then I have these sudden urges and I cannot stop it It's like it's coming. All right, and there's almost nothing better Feeling wise than taking a shit, especially if you really have to shit. Oh, it's the best It's like nothing bad It goes coming coming and then shit. Yeah, speaking of taking a shit. My friend chris katan Oh, yeah, yeah, he wants you to he wants to be on your show. Oh, I know he does

I know he does I'm just and I love chris and and two weeks ago. I called him and he didn't call me back And there we go. So tell him right now. Yeah, cuz I called you. It's his 50th birthday today. Oh, happy birthday. Yeah Happy birthday. Happy birthday Chris chris katan. Chris katan. He's funny, dude. He's nuts, but he's a sweetheart. I know I love him And he's sober now. He's adorable. He's been sober. That's the thing people think he's fucked up You know, he hurt himself with his neck and say, you know how why he was so fucked up Whatever he was fucked up on because when he was on saturday night live

He ate shit really bad and his whole neck is fucked, dude Like his whole he's got like the weird spleen like he's like this and it's from a surgery or something Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I love chris. Yeah, he's you know, I mean, but it's like, you know, um I'm gonna have him on Yeah, did he ask you to tell me? Yes. Yeah But chris if you're listening, dude, I fucking love you and also i'm proud of him Yeah, because you know sometimes over the years when I saw chris katan, right? I I would think to myself

Yeah, he's not sober There's something he has wild eyes, right? Right, you know, he has that just the wild eyes, right? And now when I see him I can 100 look at him and go. Yeah. Wow. He's really doing it. You know, I mean, he's just clearer Right, he also you can tell that he has sort of an urgency about his career Like he's trying to do things and make things happen So like we're gonna get george put this name down and then also another thing like I said earlier talent is talent He's a fucking funny guy. Yeah. Yeah, I know he's a movie star

You know night of the rock spirit. Yeah, I know. No shit. Don't you have to for your yeah, you're preaching to the Yeah, he's a preacher man. Yeah. So chris where you go? Is that it you're preaching to the preacher preaching to the preacher. Yeah. Yeah, but what's what's the term of the real term? Preach the choir exactly you're preaching to the preacher. Yeah I was thinking about just like what a problem like shitting has been during covid's like you can't just shit anywhere Uh, I think that there should be like like a petition or some type of like the governor of california should like normalize Emergency shitting in public. Yeah, like if you're not going to allow us to shit in your like, you know business Yeah, then you should not fine us if we have to shit in the middle of someone's way

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can get if I'm let's you can get fine. Of course What Gavin Newsom? It's a sanitary Gavin it's a it's a sanitary issue because shit carries, you know, okay But if I'm shooting in a plastic bag, right and I tighten it like the way he tightened Yeah, right Is that still can I still get if I'm in an alley way do it for like public and a cop an officer comes up to me and goes Like if you excuse me sir, what are you doing? Right, like I just eat like I peed in your bushes. Yeah, I don't know before before we came out you and feel

Yeah, yeah, I peed in your bushes, but I could get arrested for that if like a cop drove by just like It's in decent exposure. Yeah, and so just like if you shit in public It's what can I pee in my own bush and get still fined probably if they saw your dick from the street Well, it looks more like a pussy probably right Wow She's still all about your mom thing. No, I feel like I feel like you deserve that. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like a deep-seated resentment So how has it how has the pandemic been for you guys? I mean, I know you said it's been great I don't know about great, but we've we haven't done anything. Yeah

You know for me, um It's like I've said this before and I'll just briefly touch upon it. It's um Um, there was a little bit of a relief there just in terms of like, um, you know, I spent a lot of time comparing myself with other people And the pandemic has sort of put people, you know back on you know the starting line Starting starting. Yeah starting line equal again. Everyone's equal again almost. Yeah You don't see a lot of like, you know Ali Wong's in Paris shooting a movie, you know, I mean, I mean, how the fuck did I not you know, I mean like none of that

But those kind of thoughts, you know, I mean, you know, what the fuck is deep burn didn't cast me in this thing You know, I mean and all those you still thought about all of that. Yeah, I still think about it You know what I mean, but like even when you're not allowed to work. He's still thinking I don't know but like so that's sort of subsided and it's um, You know What it's tested. Um, my relationship with Kalilah. Yeah, because we're not used to being in each other's space Every day, you know, he goes on the road two three times a month. We have that break apart It's that we have a nice little reunion

But you know being having to cook every single day and having to play sort of this like Really like housewife role because I we have a teenager living with us as well. You have a teenager. Yeah, we have a teenager my niece My niece lives with us. Oh So having to transition from like kind of like doing my own thing to now making sure that like everyone's like fed And taken care of yeah, and then also it depends and like we moved to this house and then the pandemic happened Then the panda came out in you and then the panda came Yeah, but I want to say also this okay that I honestly right I honestly

believe There is no one else out there that I ever want to be with Aside from her I mean for her You know I do yeah, he's the only one that I could ever fathom spending the rest of my life with I love her So fucking much, right? I love everything about her even the complexities and her character defects But you know poly I convince people that I'm this average person right but deep down we have really similar backgrounds

I know he's a comedy store comic and that's a very dark place But where I came from might have been even darker So we we do connect in a way where it's like I understand why he's all sorts of messed up And he understands why I'm all sorts of messed up But we have that shared responsibility of do we elevate our practice as a couple? Do we elevate ourselves or do we just stay down in this fucking? You know shithole we've been yeah, it's like a moment to moment shift to try to get better Yeah, and what you guys don't know is I actually had a conversation with george

About your guy's relationship before Are you be real let me finish let me wait wait wait Let me finish He says listen that their relationship is on the rocks and he says the only person that can you notice how it's turning into I'm your therapist And now I'm here talking. This isn't a podcast about guest house in the comic store documentary and how's the road? It's just turning in about you guys at a better. So I've talked to your drama there Trauma Therapist, I talked to all that.

What's your name? Her name's Clarice. Clarice, okay. Clarice. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you guys really have a conversation? No.

Okay, okay. But that was funny. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, congratulations, you guys. So then I guess the next question is, when are you guys gonna get married? Come to Vegas. I can marry you.

There's an ordained preacher out there. Yeah. You get married by Elvis Presley. Come on, man. Let's go to Lala, man, by Lame, by a pregnant man. And you have a little fucking Chinese, half Indian, Spanish baby. What's your nationality?

Indian. What is it? Is it part Indian? What kind of Indian? I don't know. Cherokee? Yeah. No, are you part Indian or are you part Spanish or Italian?

Filipino. Filipino? He's like straight up Cherokee. Your eyes aren't like almonds, though, babe. They're more like a peanut sauce. Duh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went Asian.

What's your nationality? Filipino. Full. No, she's... I'm half. My dad's French, my mom's Filipino, but I grew up in the Philippines. I was born there and I was raised there.

Wow. Yeah. I always wanted to go to the Philippines. You should. I'd love you there. You would kill it. Oh. Oh, Chinese torture.

No, no, no. Look at your little baby. This is an idea, right? Polly, I wanted to tell you that growing up, there was no bigger anything or anybody or even on par with Michael Jordan than you in the Philippines. That's crazy.

Like it was the idea of you, like you were the biggest thing in my childhood. I was like the comedy version of Pacquiao. Bigger than maybe. Really? Yeah. Everyone has seen everything. I'm kind of like Rodriguez, bro.

I should have went to the fucking Philippines. Yes, the Philippines. And I've... You know Rodriguez? Have I told you this? I love Rodriguez. I love Rodriguez. What a fucking beauty.

Sixthtoe. Have you played him the music? I've... I have both albums. I love them. Copy, copy. Yeah. So I'm like the...

Really? Seriously, it would be pandemonium. But Paul also, you know, Kalyla and I, we have another show that people are really interested in. And the show is, the last time we were in the Philippines, we woke up one day and go,

let's just put on a talent show. Right? So we got a gymnasium and we did it in one day and the whole city showed up. The whole city was a small province, a small burn-out. Everyone in this province showed up, right?

Pat, Pat, Manila. Kids, like four-year-old kids. Four-year-old kids. It's like midnight, right? And we're doing this, the craziest talent show you've ever seen, right? And so we wanna pitch it as a show. You know what I mean?

And we want judges and we'll fly you out and you'll be a judge. Wow, amazing. That'd be so fun. That'd be great. Yeah, yeah. You'll love it.

Well, I gotta first find a home for it. Huh. Yeah. Cool. I'm down, but that's cool. I didn't know that. So now, guest house, the movie that you starred in with Mike Castle.

Yes. Punky, isn't it? Give her a round of applause. She got SNL. Isn't that cool? How happy are you? Yeah, amazing. Amazing.

So, and you know, Punky is somebody that, you know, she was a bartender at the store. She was raised at the store and it's just a beautiful fucking thing, right? So me and Punky play criminals in your, like, right? Yeah, drug addicts. Drug addicts in your movie.

You play my friends, yeah. Yeah, play your friends. And you just gave me some good news that it's gonna go where? It's going to Netflix. Yeah. Oh. On December 18th.

December 18th. And then also DVD and Blu-ray on November 11th. That's amazing, dude. But yeah, this has been really good for me. I mean, it's like, you know, I just did it, I worked hard on it. You did a part in it. Thank you so much.

I appreciate it. Of course. Eric Griffin was in it. Stevo's in it. And it turned into this raunchy fun comedy that everyone really loved. And I saw it with a girlfriend of mine in Vegas. I just watched it. And it's fucking funny, dude.

It's a good movie. And it's like a dark comedy. Yeah. In a place that's not dark. You know, cause everyone's like scared now. Yeah. But we just said, fuck it. And we went in and people really love it.

So I'm glad it's going on Netflix. I'm glad more people will see it. And I miss acting. I love acting. And it was great to do, you know. And you're fucking really funny in it. The stuff in the swing and shit. Dude, what's hilarious?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The set up for captured. The capture, because dude, you're so funny. You're on the swing and you're like, can I leave now? I'm like, no, no, no, you can't leave. But it's like, you can feel you really don't want to. I know. I think I was saying, can I leave the set?

Yeah, the set, but also in the scene. Yeah. You could see your face. Yeah. Besides you not wanting to be like in the scene, you want to not be on the set. No, because the guy yelling. You know, the guy yelled at me.

What's his name from the Titanic? Billy Zane. Billy Zane yelled at me. Oh, that's hilarious. Because remember, so when I showed up at the set, right? Yeah. Some lady was like, let me give you a tour of the set. I didn't know they were shooting.

Right. So I go, wow, there's a lot of extras here. I was talking to the lady. And Billy Zane turns to me and he goes, shh. That's gay. And I go, what the fuck? In my mind, I'm like, what the fuck? Right?

Yeah. And he was like really mad. Oh, that's because he's. He's like a character, or like a, what's it called? Myzer technique, kind of a method actor. Yeah, method actor. Right. So then a couple of hours later, I see Billy Zane there.

And I'm like, I think I want to apologize. You know what I mean? I'm a fan. You know what I mean? And I walk up to him and I go, hey, Billy. And he kind of just turned away and walked away. Oh, it's all right. And I just went, oh, man, this is not working out for me here.

I mean, this is a nightmare. And then now we also have now on Showtime the documentary. Yes. What is it? What's it called? What's it called? It's called The Comedy Story. It's a five-part series.

And Mike Binder, who's one of my babysitters growing up. Yeah, he started at the store. He was like one of the youngest comics there. He's 19 years old. And he worked. He did The Tonight Show. He was literally one of my mom's favorite young comics. She loved Mike Binder.

And he didn't make me laugh, and he was just killing it. And then they had a falling out at some point. And then he ticked off and just said he didn't want to do stand-up anymore. And he started directing movies and directing TV shows. And producing stuff. And producing stuff. And found his niche in that.

And then I guess he was on Mark Maron, I don't know, a while ago. And then that kind of reconnected to him in the store. And then I reached out to him. And then he did a beautiful job. And I think he was probably the only guy that could have pulled this off. Because not only is he a good director,

he has the relationships and the trust from guys like you and me and the other comics. So yeah, he did a beautiful job. Because Binder, he also directed a Bill Burr special, the one in London. So he's a legitimate producer. He's a legitimate, like, comedian guy from the past. He's so tied into the store that when you're talking to him,

it's like talking to anybody that's at the store. So he knows all that. He knows the culture. And so to see Mike and his son and his crew there for that year, shooting was so cool, man. He would just shoot something with me and he would shoot you on stage. And it was just really cool.

And you know what? It's like about time. They're doing something. Because I was in a documentary when I first started that your brother tried to produce, remember? Called The Main Room? Oh, Scott, yeah. Yeah, he was.

And it's probably really good if you look back on it now. It's when we first started, yeah. Yeah, when we first started. Didn't find a home. No one ever fucking saw it. But I'm just so glad that this is out there. Well, it's a story. And my mom's story is very fascinating to a lot of people.

Because she was a lady that was at the right place, at the right time, the right woman for the right era. And the comics came out. And she had just gotten the store after the divorce. She was 40 years old when my mom got the store. It's kind of late. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

40. And that's why I think she had gotten sick. Because she got sick in her late 60s, early 70s. Because at 40, I don't want to say you're kind of slowing down. But you're not as, you're not in your, like her 20s and 30s, she was miserable. Because she was in a relationship. My dad was miserable.

And they had my sister, my sister, Scott, excuse me, my brother, Scott, and my sister, Sandy. That was one part of my mom's life. And then Peter and me were like the other part of her life. And they were two separate lives. But the part that Peter and me were in was the life that she really enjoyed. Because my mom was from Wisconsin.

And she was like a Bohemian. And she was very artsy and very kind of like off beat. And she just was a natural at developing. She started developing my dad's act way before she got the store. So when she got the store, it kind of was like a jazz singer like she felt her cadence. She felt her who she was.

And then everyone showed up and it turned into, it was the boom. It was that boom. So I'm happy. I don't want anything ever to happen to the comedy store. I don't want it to ever get knocked down. I think it should be a Hollywood landmark. And I think that it should just remain the Emerald City for comedians.

So guys, younger guys, we could pay it forward. You could pay it forward to the younger guys. And they worked the door. And look at Punky. Punky is a great example of someone that just started there. And now she's on SNL. So I mean, Leslie Jones was with somebody that was there for years. And that's where the first time I ever performed

was the San Diego comedy store. And then yeah. And then so yeah, it's nice that it's out there. It'll always be a commercial for the store. Yeah. Because I've been hearing rumors. People call me and go, yeah, it's done the store. I mean, just people, they come up with these things.

I don't even know where they get their information, right? Yeah, because I think they're going to sell the property, the properties, a lot of money. So I have these fears that it's no longer a fucking be there. But honestly, if that place ever fucking closed, I might fucking not do stand-up again. Because it's so, dude, it's such a big part of my life. It's like when I go there, it feels like literally like I'm

going home. Yeah, you're like stepping in an old pair of shoes. Yeah. Even like the silver. For you, moccasins. I was racist, sorry. That doesn't make any sense. Asians don't wear moccasins.

Oh yeah, those are Indians. Yeah, that's the way it didn't burn. It didn't burn because it didn't make any sense. You know what I mean? You know what I meant? What kind of flip-flops does Asians wear, like Birkenstocks? Barefoot, maybe. Oh, barefoot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that I think similar to the world. I think once Donald Trump is gone, and I think all of a sudden they find the vaccine, Joe Biden and Obama and Oprah are up there, and they chill out, and then I think just like the rest of the world, everybody's going to spew out.

I've never talked to you about politics ever. I really don't even know where you stand on things. I just don't like him. It's not his policies. I just think he's an agitator. And he's like, he's kind of like that person if you have a scab on your arm. He doesn't let it heal.

He just keeps picking up. Perfect. That is perfect. That is perfect. You know? And it's like, it's even like I was with Jeff Ross. He was on my podcast yesterday, and he said the same thing. It's just like, I think his shtick,

the Donald Trump shtick, is old. There's nothing new that he's doing. He's like, build a wall, and this and that, and it's like the same jokes. Right. It's almost like he did a Netflix special four years ago, and then he's got another one. It's like, dude, that's the same act.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's also like an act that didn't work. It's like, you can't say you're going to do something when you didn't do it for the last four years, right? It's like the, I know we're not a political podcast, but it's just the wall, you know what I mean? It's like it was never built. Mexico didn't pay for it, you know what I mean?

I think it's there, actually. I think there is the wall there. There's part of it. Yeah, in a small chunk of it. But we paid for it. Mexico didn't pay for it. Like Max Payor is paid. I think he took the budget out of some defense army fucking

thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just think that he's, you know, it's interesting because all the world leaders, he doesn't get along with, except for Kim Jong-un, fucking the Saudi Arabian dude in Putin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the only guys.

Maybe the guy from Brazil, too. Oh, does he like that guy, too? Oh, no, you know what? And Duterte from the Philippines. Duterte, yeah. Those are all the people that are just gnarly. Dictators. But he doesn't get along with Germany or London or France

or any of these people that are allies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And the Paris Accord and the green and all this stuff. He's just, I don't know, with Obama, I felt we were moving forward. And then with him, I think was like 10 steps back. A lot, yeah.

You know what I mean? It just doesn't feel right. No. That's what it is. And even I think the Trump supporter should be like, man, it's like, don't vote for, dude, you're wearing a mask, bro. There's obviously, don't vote for him. We're all stuck in these fucking masks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because at the end of the day, people are like, well, he's not, he's not the reason why there's the coronavirus. Like, OK, but I also think he's the reason why we still have the coronavirus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he didn't manage it properly. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Because he doesn't admit that it even exists. He just called the scientists retarded. You know what I mean? He maybe didn't use those words, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he just said Fauci's retarded. That guy's retarded. You know what I mean?

He just said like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't say I'm the man with the economy because you're driving on the street. People don't have fucking jobs. Yeah, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. You know what I mean?

I mean, we drove by where I used to live on Beechwood and one of those Hollywood underpasses. Yeah, the encampments are really sad. It's an encampment. It's like, you know what I mean? And it's like, I've never seen a Hollywood look like that before. Yeah.

It's just tense upon tense. And people are just living out inside. It's just like, yeah. And CNN, CNN, you watch them. I don't want to say they're no angels either because they keep pounding. Every time you watch it, it's like, three more thousand people dead.

We know, bro. It's like, cut it. You don't have to keep pounding it because they just want us to just be fucking miserable from all this stuff. You know what I mean? Well, could it be that they're just trying to get the facts out so that we as the citizens

can take care of our own selves? There's a point where you're right. It's like, just how many times? We already know the trend. When we grew up, the news reporters, they just reported the news. They didn't have an opinion about the news. Right.

And that's what I don't like. Yeah, you see guys like Don Lemon. Yeah, he has an opinion. The role is fucking ice. Every fucking report. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, dude, we know you don't fucking like the guy. And then everyone is just so like,

dude, just do your fucking job, bro. Read the fucking teleprompter. Don't go your fucking eyes after you say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spread the news. Yeah. But he'll be gone. I don't think he's not.

There's no way. I'm going to have this Trump impersonator who was on my podcast. We're going to do a live stream with the map of America there. We're going to be like, dude, you're losing, you're losing. So he's going to lose with me physically there. Because this guy is such a good impersonator. I think I saw him.

Yeah, yeah. He is fucking. He's a comic. Yeah. His name is John and he fucking kills it. So I'm like, dude, on the night of the fucking of the election, we're doing a live stream. He's like, awesome.

Oh, that's cool. So because he's going to lose. And then because I think what's going to happen, he's going to get thrown in jail. Or I think he's going to like fly to Russia and he's going to hide out. Yeah. He just he did say that right the other day where he was going to go,

I might have to leave the country. Yeah. He said that if I lose. Yeah. Well, they're going to be coming after him for a while. Wow. You know. And when are you going to have a baby?

What? When am I going to have a baby? Yeah, we've talked about it. When are you going to have a baby? Oh, because I know that you've said it before. It's been in your mind. When are you going to have one? I love this.

I love when men pressure other men for kids. Something I honestly need you to have a baby. But with it, with who? I know that's with who? Well, here's the thing. OK, I wanted to have one with Whitney. Whitney Cummings. Yeah. Why?

Is she considering it? Yes, no, she's got eggs that are frozen. Oh, that's right. And I'm like, dude, like here, like let's go. Like, what are you waiting for? Without her carrying it, like with a surrogate. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to do it with her.

And did you ask her? We've talked about it. And what did she say? She's dodgy, bro. Very dodgy. Oh, Whitney, come on. Why not? What the fuck is she waiting for?

But are you OK? But will you raise him? No, she'll probably raise him. Well, that's what it is. You can't just tell her like you're going to have my baby. Well, I'm sure we're not going to be together. I know, I understand that. But it's like, what if she doesn't want to have a baby right now?

I'm saying, why don't you get a baby with a normal person? Or you can find the address where the eggs are on Long Beach, because I think they're on Long Beach. And then me and you can break in Chinese style. And then we can steal the eggs and we can fucking put in some fried rice. No, we won't do it. I don't know.

I don't know. It's a good question, you know? Yeah, but it's like, you know, I don't know what it is. I just always saw you as a father, you know? And I know you've said that to me, but you've expressed that to me before where you're like, I want to have a kid. Yeah, yeah.

I do imagine kids loving you. Well, can we say something to our audience, our base, and go, listen, no, just maybe, maybe there's somebody out there, right? Egg donor? Yeah. Or, you know, they want to do it live, you know what I mean? A surrogate.

Surrogate, surrogate. Or they could do it live. Live sex. We can't just be anybody. He's got a like. Right. We'll have applications and stuff. Genetics, their predispositions, health issues.

Like, there's certain things you have to consider. Right, but I just want to throw it out there. Anyone listening right now. Mike, very good. He's my uncle. He's like my uncle. Or cousin, Paul. Sure, C-sure.

Maybe, you know, he's looking for someone to have a baby with, you know what I mean? And throw in your application. I think the way we do it is we find, like you said, the surrogate situation. OK. There's nothing wrong with that. I give my semen, we take an egg, we give it to someone.

Yeah. Right? And then it comes out. And then the baby's here. And then I give it to Mike Tran. Terrain. Terrain. Yeah, right.

He can take the baby and he can live with his half Chinese Vietnamese parents. Right. And you could just come visit it once a month? Yeah, once a month. Yeah, because. So you don't want to fucking raise one? No, I'm just kidding.

No, it's more of a better time now, especially since I'm going to peel off the road a little. Yeah. I think, you know, more is a better time now. But, you know, for me, it's like a lot of it's a trust thing. You know? You know, I have that problem. It's a hard barrier.

It's like, I don't want to say I'm famous. You are. That sounds fucking disgusting. But you are. So the girls like you for that, it's been a difficult thing for me to deal with. What's your suggestion on that? Am I right or am I wrong?

I feel like you can. I feel like you're a really smart guy and you can probably sniff that out very early on. But I think there are a lot of really decent down and right or die women out there who will go through that journey with you if you had a name or not. Paul, when people say, OK. And I read it on in the Internet, right?

They say, Colada is only with you. You know me because you're famous or you're committing your money. And I say to myself, really, you know any woman that would stay with somebody who shits in a fucking Prius. Right. Right. I don't think that helps our argument.

I know, but who has to deal with that? Well, no, but that's a good question. She comes in the car. She has to smell the residue of my shit. And she's still with me. And this is a daily thing. She's not going to do that. Women that are going to be with you, I know you, right?

You're nasty. Women are insidious in that way. If we if we don't like you, it doesn't matter. Or at least the women that I know, it doesn't matter who you are, how much you make. If you're a jerk, an asshole, a narcissist, and a fucking and emotionally, all of she just said who I want. All right, that's it.

No, I know. And there's no amount of money that could ever be worth staying with somebody like that. Here's how I look at it. I think every woman is attracted to a guy that it has some sort of success, whether it's financial, whether it's celebrity, whether it's or it's some sort of owns real estate first.

I think it's ambition and drive. Yeah, but that's like the first. They're like, oh, blah, blah, blah. But then after that, they're like, well, who is this person? And then they're like, oh, is this person? Because that initial appeal of seeing somebody either because they're famous.

That novelty wears very quickly. By the time you share a toilet with somebody or by the time you see that person shit in the back seat of a car, that novelty of them being famous and on stage of being Bobby Lee is out of your fucking mind. So you've got to love them. I hope that you love them and you're attracted to them for more than just that.

So when you first started going out with him, though, you were attracted to him because he was, I don't want to say famous, famous, but you thought he was funny and he was on mad TV, and you knew who he was. Of course, I like the fact that he was. You were like attracted to him. You're like, oh my God, that guy's fucking hilarious.

I saw him in fucking da, da, da, da, da. Funny. Before I met him, I made sure that I talked to him on the phone. I didn't want to meet up with someone I would have nothing to talk to about. And the fact that he got on the phone, called me, and we had an hour conversation that seemed really seamless.

Then I was like, yeah, I'll meet you in person. I met him at a coffee shop further away from my home, just because I didn't want him to know where I lived. And from then on, yeah, it was an instant connection. Nobody was a connection. It was obviously like a- But for us to commit to something and all that stuff, it took months and months.

And I have to also say that at that time, I didn't have the kind of fame that you have. You know, my fame was more cultish. I was just, the only thing I had really done was stay on a sketch show, you know? But it was never like, if I was in a movie, I would have two lines. It was just nothing significant, you know?

It wasn't an MTV, MTV, sorry babe. That's how you know. I wasn't a mad TV superfan. I wasn't a Bobby Lee superfan. I saw him once at the comedy store the weekend that Chris Rock hosted the Oscars. He followed Chris Rock, annihilated. And I kept that in my mind like,

holy shit, this is an Asian man. I'm Asian. I'm like, this is an Asian man, absolutely crushing it in this industry. So yeah, I respected his craft more so because he was a Korean man who kind of like paved this way. I respected that so much about him. And he was such not the model minority Asian that I see.

He was filthy. He was crass. He was all the things that I related to because I'm not a model minority either. Like I grew up very similarly to him. So when we finally met, I was like, holy shit, this is like an old like war comrade. It felt like, it felt like somebody that I had met.

We were in nom together. Yeah, we were in nom together. And then what about trust though? What part? Like what kind, what are like trusting him? Well, I've had a lot of my girlfriends who are dishonest to me and I was dishonest to them. Like, well, first of all, you have to take care of your side.

Let me finish, me trusting myself and then me trusting them. You know what I mean? I've had a lot of girlfriends that I've been with that were not faithful to me. He wasn't trustworthy when I first met him at all. Yeah, but were you trustworthy? By the time he said, I love you,

I want to be in a committed relationship. Absolutely. Yeah. There was nothing, and I don't, have you ever felt any type of way about me? I love you. Like, draining? No.

Yeah, and I hate that. I hate that he, I almost feel like I should have kept him on his toes more because I gave him the immediate feeling like, I'm yours, I'm down for you. Let's do this life together. Yeah, there's not a feeling that she's gonna leave. And also.

I hate that I give that feeling because I want to keep him on his toes. But, trusting him in the beginning, the first. Bet you ain't leaving? The what? Bet you ain't leaving. You're like, you're not leaving. Who are you gonna, yeah.

Yeah. But when he was really difficult the first year, I had never dated anybody that whose rules were so hazy in that way when it came to texting women. Okay, okay. And things like that. So I. Unhelpful.

What happened? Yeah, he was. He didn't do nothing. In the first year we were together, he was pretty horrible. Paul, Paul. He was horrible. Paul, okay.

Sauna. Sauna. Sauna. But Paul. Paul, all right. First of all, the next time you're in a relationship, just don't cheat, right? It's not, it's not good.

I get it. All right, yeah. Right, regardless of what they do, right? You take care of your side of the street. Yeah. Right? So you don't do it, right? And if you're gonna commit to somebody,

look at somebody's eyes and go, let's be in a committed relationship. Not that it's like a legal marriage kind of a thing, but it's like. No, it's your word. It's your word. Yeah, I get it. Right.

I agree that. And so I look at Kalyla and I go, I will never cheat on her, right? Took a year. I jerk off the fucking porno. You know what I mean? But like I would never do, you know what I mean? What do you watch on Porno?

I stopped, but I used to. I used to. Which one's your section? Anyway, unhelpful advice? Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla and Polly Shaw. I'm a 55 year old Korean man. I recently started doing open mics a little over three years ago.

I can't say that I've been doing it on a consistent basis. And of course with COVID situation has been to a complete stop. As you may have guessed, I have literally bombed all eight times I tried my material on stage. I know that comedy is a long process and that you are obviously gonna eat shit

when you first start, but I wanna be realistic about what my comedy ceiling is. When I ask my friends that I think I should continue comedy or if I should, they find me intrinsically funny, I don't get the positive response I'm looking for. Do you think I might be delusional thinking I can do comedy? Should I view the lack of encouragement as a sign I'm not cut out for this?

What are your thoughts? Should this 55 year old Korean man quit? I heard David Letterman once say, right? David Letterman once said that whenever a young man comes up to me and asks if I should do stand-up comedy, he always says no because he knows that the real comedians will do it anyway. So it's like, regardless, I told Sebastian Manoscalco

the first time night he ever went up, I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, don't ever do that again. You don't have it. Jesus. You know what I mean? And he's like, what do you mean? It just wasn't good, right?

And now look at him, right? So it's like, you know, do what your heart says, but you know, I know that at the end of the day, guys like Paul and I do it because it's fun. And it's in our system. Yeah, it's just something that we just, I love the adrenaline rush, right? I love just being on stage in front of people.

I love the sometimes the fear or I just love everything about it. The lights when things don't go right. I love all of it, right? So it's like, you know, I love the lifestyle. So you have to love it. I just, exactly. I think it's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

So it doesn't matter for this guy or for anyone else. I mean, it shouldn't be, oh, I kind of do, I just stand up once a while. I was like, no, stand up is the first thing and then there's all the other shit. And then also you have to don't look at it like, oh, I want to get paid or I want to do this. You do it because you just love it, you know?

And even like I did Denver recently, I did Dallas, I did Oklahoma. I played, you know, and I fucking was on stage. I'm like, oh my God, that was so fun, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, if you're not coming from that place, then he should fucking get out, you know? And like you said, I think the Letterman thing's great.

Like why is he even fucking checking in? It's like, fuck what your friends say and fucking asking us if you should do it or not. Like just do it, you know what I mean? Yeah, like if he finds joy in it, but don't drag your friends or family and inconvenience them if they tell you, if you suck, leave them at home.

But also a comic always has though, the one thing which is an ear. Yeah, I knew you've always said that. Eventually you have to have an ear. You know what I mean? It's like the reason why Paulie, when I was an open mic or asked me to open because I guess he saw a show,

I mean where people liked me, right? You saw it, right? You saw it. Well, I liked you. Right, something about me. And when people like him, right, at that time, you know, he's a movie star, right? And he was saying to me some open mic are open for me, right?

To me, I found that to be a hint that I'm going in the right direction, right? And I never really kind of like asked, you know what I mean? A guy, because I used to bring, I'd invite like the waiter, a waiter from work, you know, cause I used to work at a restaurant. Hey, Will come see me and he saw me go up and then afterwards he didn't say anything,

you know what I mean? And I was just like, oh, maybe I'm, you know, I wouldn't judge that based on him. By his email, he sounds very insecure and like, you know, really like checking in. Like I would just not do it, you know what I mean? Well, no, but I'm just like, oh, should I do it?

Should I not do it? Like, fuck us. It's like, you shouldn't even ask, or you guys, you don't even ask if you should do it. Just, you know. I honestly, even when, cause in the beginning it didn't work out, right? I would bomb, but it was like,

I couldn't wait to get back on, you know? I just knew it instinctually that this is what I'm going to do, right? So that should be your meter. And then I'll ask him, what the fuck you asking me for? Also, when you're more comfortable on stage than you are like just at a party or out out, that says a lot too.

Yeah. Just more relaxed. You know, you have to generally get to the point on stage, and I've fucking said this before, but fuck it, that you bomb enough where you feel truly comfortable up there, right? Because what, in the beginning, you're like, oh, I'm going to get booed, or what if they don't laugh?

You have all these fears, things that could happen, and that inhibits the way you are up there. I like not getting laughs. I know you do. Yeah, I love it. You know who doesn't, because I always say something if I don't get a laugh, and then usually that'll get the laugh, but you know who just ignores the non- laughter,

which is hilarious, is Argus. Oh yeah. Argus will fucking go up and just do these lines and commit to him, and he'll just, some of them won't get laughs, and he'll just pretend no one laughed, and he just keeps laughing. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? It's for you to not say anything if something doesn't go well, it's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Or, you know, I love comics like Brian Regan used to never address hecklers. Oh.

He just would ignore them, right? Like, I heard one time I was in a room, I was a young guy, and someone goes, fuck you to Brian Regan, and he just kind of just kept going. Oh, that's true. It was great. It was great. Paul, I miss you.

Thank you for coming here. I enjoyed myself. Good luck in Vegas. Thank you, thank you. And hopefully, when things loosen up, I can come visit you over there. Like your rectum loosens up a little bit. No, the pandemic and stuff.

Oh. You know what I mean? When we get back to normal, all right, and I think when we get back to normal, you'll probably come back, right, maybe? Probably, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I didn't buy a house, at least a house, so I'm out there for a while, or at least a year.

Yeah. You know, but it's heaven out there. It really is. I'm glad you're happy. It's great. You look like you're happy. Yeah, out there. It's fun.

Yeah. LA is very, you know, close. I mean, even the traffic here, it's like, there's no traffic in Vegas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you drive around, you go, and, you know, and I got a young bunch of guys there that I'm training and mentoring, and that feels really good,

you know, production guys, like you guys, and it's hard, you know what I mean, to get people on board. You know, I'm kind of like a cult leader, a little bit, like trying to, you know what I mean? Like as a producer, I've been producing and directing for you. Are there people that, like, when you're doing your show

and you call them and they go, I don't want to do it? Or are they like, no, we were there? Who? I'm just, no, I'm asking. I mean, how do you get, no, no, in terms of you're the cast and crew. Yeah. How do you get that many people to show up at the show?

No, everyone's in. Oh, good, okay. Everyone's in. Harry Basil's there. Carla Bow is there. Hell, Harry, I said, Alan's there. What, what, Carla Bow is there? What?

I love you. It's Carl. Yeah, Carl. Does Carl still have cancer? I talked to him about a month ago, and he had a sense of humor. I didn't get into the details of it. There's my plane.

I got to get out of here. Southwest, flying from Burbank to, I don't know, I haven't talked to him in the last month, but. Oh, God, he, okay, I want to just say, and I was going to end, but I just got to say one last thing about Carla Bow, okay? Carla Bow is some, he's a friend.

He's somebody that when I first moved up here, he was so kind to me. What a great guy. And watching him perform, even now at his age, he is so dynamic on stage. I just think he's so funny, physical. He's a nice man. I heard that he could be sick, right?

And I just, he's a legend. And he was there when Sam died, right? Yeah. Yeah. And he's a part of that whole, the Houston boys. Yeah, well, the outlaws, Mitchell Walters and Alan, and, you know, I think Kravitz is out there too. Oh, wow.

I haven't seen Kravitz in a while, but Vegas is cool. You know, my dad lived there for 20 years, so his widow's out there, Suzanne is out there, and they've really kind of been nice to me, people out there. And it's been, you know, it's been nice to give back to, you know, them and teach them and help them, and it's cool. You know, it's a, and hopefully when the stages come back, I can start working on my one man show,

which I was doing before the whole thing went down. And, you know, we'll see. You know, it's one day at a time, I got my sauna. You know, I got my, I got my barrel sauna. Yeah. And I got my little Asian assistant. You know, Mike Tran, Bak Choy. Yeah, Bak Choy.

That's cool. I'd love to meet him one day. Yeah, tell him you say hi. Hi, Bak. Say it to him in Korean. Hi, Nia, say hi, Bak. Wait, isn't he Vietnamese and Chinese? Yeah, but you guys, they all kind of,

No, they're not similar, they're not similar in any way. He's got almonds though, too. Yeah, yeah. A little almond. A little almond. Thanks for having me. I give Paul, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. So my podcast, Random Rands.

Random Rands is my favorite. I've done it. I've done all things comedy. And check out my new episodes. I got Bill Burr, Jeff Ross, Mike Binder, and Annie's on the LA episodes. So I'm banging them all out while I'm here. Thank you guys for having me.

Also congratulations to all your success. Thank you. Very happy for you guys. Thank you. I'm glad you guys stuck it out. Thank you. Thank you. PaulieShored.com for all the stuff, guys.

Don't leave them photo, that was great. Slept friends, Slept family, Slept countrymen. Here he, here he. Lots of fun bonus content over at Patreon, the exclusive home of Tiger Belly vlogs and much more. Help support your favorite podcast and join the community of folks

just like you at patreon.com slash tigerbelly. And alert alert, we have some shout outs, specifically a Vegas shout out. Take it away, Kalilah. I don't like the way you did that. Okay guys, we have shout outs today. It sounded very perfect. Excuse me.

Now I feel high pressure to not stay. Have you heard me say any of these ads? It's the first night of the day though, you can. Since we were talking about Vegas and homes and leasing and renting, I wanted to give a shout out to one of my best friends. His name is Matt Souter and he's a realtor out there. He works for Berkshire,

I think he has his own thing, but he's under Berkshire Hathaway. But he's one of honestly the best realtors out there. And I almost want to buy a home in Vegas solely to work with him, but shout out to him. He's been one of my best friends since I was 17. And if you need a home in Vegas, he's your guy, go check him out.

Also, he's just a cool guy and he surfs a lot. And he watches UFC with all of us. Yes, he can beat all of us up basically. Yeah, basically. Get your questions on TigerBella by emailing us at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. We're looking for something out of the ordinary. Strange coworkers, weird family members, alien encounters.

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