TigerBelly - Ep 270: Popstickle Sticks

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Bobby walks out on Happy Birthday. Khalyla sleeps like a 50s headshot. We talk Rube Goldberg, the Paper Bag comic, Sith Lords, khabib Nurmagomedov, Tom Cruise noses, and Wes Anderson faces.  www.patreon.com/tigerbellyPlease support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Five four three if I can't have you I Don't want I know babe. I'm doing my own Version of it or a volume on my one two if I if I can't one two three What the fuck one two three are we starting she keeps not plugged she doesn't know I'm uh, I'm a manifesting like come to me. I'm A flame in be a moth Yeah, but open mouth get dick. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah point guys keep your mouth closed

So keep your mouth closed or if you want it, then yeah, I also want to say that um There's something in my eye. Oh, by the way um Klaus wearing the Kyler and summer edition You have a joke. Do you have a joke more? I want to keep up with one god. You have one That was good though. Yeah Kyler and summer edition. I take this off now. Yeah, please you've said your joke. Yeah, you could take it off now You could take it off. I'm trying a new thing today. Yeah. Yeah It's a little much babe. Um, what's a little much? Well, I mean, it's not sunny in here. We're not outside. No, no, this is for your eyes from Corona protection on top of that I I am deciding that I decided today that I didn't have the patience to put makeup on and I'm wondering if

Keep the visor on if you want. Yeah, this is a visor look good. It looks kind of cool It does all right. Well, if you guys don't want to see my my eyes then you bastard, you know what? That's a good point. I think that I'm really conscious about my excessive blinking So I wonder if I'll be freer and looser knowing that my eyes cannot be well. Let's try it this way. Okay? That's a Roy Orbison. Let's just do yeah, let's just do well. That's a very interesting thing. You said Roy Orbison Did you know why he wore the sunglasses guys? Mm-hmm? Because he had stage fright. Oh I guess the first time he performed he performed it backwards

And then somebody was facing the stage facing away away from the audience. Wow, and they said um, no, he wasn't upside down Backwards it was suffice. You know, I mean you don't have to anyway, um and Then he wore sunglasses because he had a fear of crowds and that's how that happened I think that's what why see ya has that hair as well. Yeah, that's the same thing, you know, right? I think it's interesting. Well, I don't have a singing talent. I just have excessive blinking. So here I am Yeah, there was a comic back in the 70s 80s that wore a Brown paper bag on his head

You know that for no one knows to this day. I don't think there was he funny Apparently he was really funny But he wore a brown paper bag on his head, which like defeats a purpose. Yeah, right, but it's cool if you make it as that guy You can just hire people to that has the same voice as you to perform like Gallagher does Are you a face or a body person? Like do you look at a combo situation kind of person or do you look at someone's face first? Or do you look at their height or their like physical composition? Somebody I want to do business with or somebody I want to penetrate um Someone that you just

Come across with no intention to penetrate or do business with he's a body He's a body person. No, no, no of the first the face is the first thing I say, bro You come on everyone's body if it's pear-shaped. Oh, it's blubbery I've been around a lot of people with you because I feel body first dude because I feel like it's rude to comment about someone's face Yeah, the face the body you can change the face you can't Damn, right? So it's like if you rip apart somebody's body in my mind I'm like they can lose the way they can work out and whatnot Yeah, but like the face is harder to do you have to have plastic surgery

Uh-huh, right? So if I see like someone like Dylan, you know the gay guy Who's like very funny and he used to have a buff body, you know my opener. Yeah Suckle Sullivan Suckle That's what you think about yeah, yeah, that's what I think right and he has a cute face And I know that if he lost a hundred pounds or 200 pounds that he would look look you mean young like Adam divine He would look like Adam divine. Is that why you every time you say goodbye to him? You say hey Dylan stay fat and cummy. Yeah And it hurts him right, but I know that like he could lose the weight. He looked you know, I mean

Fine. He looks fine now. I'm not saying I'm not saying anything. You're not about everyone should be I'm not body-shaming anybody But it's like but you can't make fun of the face because They'll have to go to Korea to get to plastic surgery and you know, I mean, it's a whole thing Well, you know what what Korea is the masters of it the masters of it Yeah, they really are and in a very subtle way to it's funny because they say that um, you know that old stereotype that Asians all look alike But when they do plastic surgery, they look even more like well, that's how LA girls look they all look alike. Yeah Yeah, it's like what I would do to do the opposite of plastic surgery

I would do like a seal thing you would add I would add a scar on my face You know I mean or I would like run through a fire, you know if I was an Asian woman in Korea Yeah Yeah, just a bit to find a scar or something to make myself look different interesting, right to set myself apart But not what what if your nose melts off your face? That's good You can just be like a female Michael Jackson II kind of a person You know me international pop star. Yeah, yeah My point is is that I think the differences of what makes us unique and makes us human beings

And I say I just say to you people listening right now that if you have a hook nose Thank you shout out to myself Shout out to myself that's not why I brought it up, but but that's the first thing you said Oh, let's start was that on purpose. Yeah, no, it wasn't okay. It wasn't a purpose. Yeah, if you have a gap between your teeth You bastard was that was that our purpose no If you have big ears And he wonders why you're really fully clothed right now. There's barely any But you know if you people out there if you have you know something right that makes you look different

Don't change it. The thing that you were talking about with the lady that was on a dirty dancing. What's her name? Jennifer gray. Yeah, Jennifer gray for instance. Tell them Well, I don't know if this is true. It is true because I heard that When she got a nose job She Started not getting roles anymore. Yeah something Along those because that that because well, it's not that it's not she might have looked more

Universally prettier I guess with the nose job. Yeah, but then she looked like anybody else true Right. It's like when you see I'll give you an example when I'm turning this channel like really quickly Yeah, and I and I and I and I passed by That show on mystery singer. What's his name the mass or the my mass singer, right? And I'll just I'll just go back and I literally every time I'll skim bye-bye I'll see Ken Jeong Because he hosts it right because he just looks so specifically him. Yeah, and such a he looks like such a mythological cave You know, I mean, I don't know about cave cave really. Yeah, because I to me he looks like golem. Oh

The bridge yeah, not cave or whatever, right? God bless Ken and take care. I love you, but I'm just saying he knows I've said this to him before Mm-hmm. I go look at your body. You know, I mean, it's like, you know, how about some definition? You know, I mean, but anyway, but it makes him so original and unique. You can tell yeah, you know, and it's like I think that's a good thing. So anyone listening Own up to your uniqueness. I have I'm glad you didn't mention this you forgot to mention this in your gap tooth descriptions hook nose

You know rant about my body, but it wasn't about you, but way to be autistic Very good reversal but You forgot one thing that you love about me, which is in the Philippines. They call me like Manokun Which is like Kind of cross-eyed Like borderline almost there, but not really Manokun Manokun. Yeah, I've always

He is Manokun, too. I'm gonna come to I've always like if I if there was a game like, you know, Skyrim Yeah, right where you can create your own character. You push the eyes closer. I I push it all the way to Negative, yeah, right. Yeah, and to me that looks better than the opposite. You know the Michael Shannon fish eyes Like Brandy don't like it really. I love fish eyes. It's not mine. It's not mine to keep. I don't like it I I like them as actors. I like watching them, right? But I don't want fishy eyes because they always remind me of Marty Feldman You know Marty Feldman. Hmm. Who who's Marty Felton? Mm-hmm. What? No, I don't know back to the future No, no, no, that's not his name. Not Marty. Marty McFly. Marty McFly. Oh, yeah. No, wait, wait

I think I have it wrong. I have to find say the name one more time. I think I have it wrong. Hold on Marty Feldman. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Marty Feldman. His eyes are fish Basically fish eyeballs. Can I see this is who he's talking about? Do I have it right Marty Feldman? Yeah, it's the guy with all that stuff the eyes like that. Yeah, the googly eyes. It's not googly eyes It's googly. They go all over the place. Oh, you know, it was really hot with eyes like that What's his name, babe? That one actor with a curly hair. He's very like brooding dark Michael Shanna. No, not Michael Shanna. I love Michael Shanna. Yeah. Yeah, but it's another one the one we saw in The restaurant by our old place one time

He's like a European actor. I think I'm not sure the restaurant by our old place European actor He has I've never seen a European actor by a restaurant anywhere. Well, anyways, he has A symmetrical eyes. So one eye that's what I have to my dad used to say my eyes were like Jean-Claude Van Damme And then he said I have a nose of Tom Cruise all men all action stars Because one of my left eye is smaller than my right. Yeah, I enjoy it. Yeah, and when I look at your photos of your father The first time I really looked at a real clear photo of the father. Mm-hmm. I thought there it is Maybe he looks like a Russian czar. I know but I thought because I've because I've stared at your mom in flesh Yeah, and you can't really see it. I see your sister and your mom. Really? Yeah, I do

What about the bigness of my face? Oh, that's your mom. That's your mom for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but the canvas, you know You're working with a very big canvas You know I mean Koreans have that same very Don't even talk shit Please don't rip it into my race, but um When I look at your dad I go there it is. That's that's where client like it's it from the eyes the nose In this center part of the face. It's all and I really like it. It's like it's classic

It's a classic look right it's um It reminds me of more If it was a movie, it's more Wes Anderson than any other movie really because it reminds me of somebody that's like um a Sailor right or somebody that's in the Navy You know I mean or somebody that um A paints There's an artist Right, it's kind of this weird like aristocrat. No, not aristocrat peasant. It's more pet like poorer painter like a William Defoe

Maybe yes a little bit. Yeah in that same, you know ballpark. I really enjoy it porridge eating Yeah, it's a good. It's a good look and when you sleep at night, you know, I mean she sleeps weird by the way in what way She'll make a fist, right? She'll make a fist and she'll do what no, she'll do something like this like um, like a 1950s headshot You know I mean just You rest on your yeah, yeah, like yeah, like she's like this right and I sometimes I think she's joking Right, so now I'll look at it. I'll go Right and she's like this so sleep and I'll go

I have photos of you doing that. What the fuck are you talking about? No, but it's not really a full fist It's kind of a bend like no you do that as well. You do a fucking fishy thing too, right? You do what's that? Shape of water creature vibe. You know where you're like, yeah You know something like this to like me, but you'll sometimes do a full fist and do this. It's fucking But he's not wrong that My hands are always in the fist tightly and I always have I always have a grimace, right? Like I always sleep angry Mm-hmm. Yeah

Yeah, you do but you always see look like um, and I hold my breath a lot in my sleep Oh, that's scary. Oh the other night was scary. I'm taking a bath You know me and I haven't put any soap on my body. Okay, just water Yeah, and I'm just you know what I do is you know, you know how I what do I do in the bath When you see me in there. No, no chuk chuk. No, I don't chuk chuk in there The bath setup was no I sit there. I'll just sit there in his style Yeah, and his it looks really cute. It's like a little boy just like lost lost in a boat You know in a in a forgotten lake. Mm-hmm. That's what it's like imagine mist, right?

It's like dawn mist a little boy on a boat on a forgotten lake Drifting into the abyss. Mm-hmm. That's what it looks like and that's what I'm feeling Okay, George. It's it's I wish somebody would take paint a picture of it Anyone listening that's a painter, please right and I just sit there for hours and I just contemplate my life Right. She rushes in you mean and she's like she's Not feeling well, you know, and it's like I was really high concern there, babe, but you're better now, huh? Would you have diarrhea high concern? No, I still I she had a heart thing I still have my heart stuff. It's always the same thing. It's always when I sleep

And I think it's because I I somehow I hold my breath in my sleep and then it like causes like A domino effect and then I have like an arrhythmia that follows Speaking of when you said that word it just brought me up to something that I really enjoy What do you enjoy what's that thing on YouTube that was googling like go crazy about The domino the domino thing. Oh, it's the something something effect It's trick shots. That's another thing that you were another it was another the proper term for a trick shot Domino trick shots you're talking about when the dominos make pictures No, it's an effect

No, fucker. No, it's called it's an effect Ron giant to John Ryan. Hang on one second Look up the John Ryan. No, that's not John Ryan. We know John Ryan. He's an actor, right? No, John Ryan's our friend who's a director, right? There's also a John. Yes, John Ryan Sugomechi Great short, by the way. Sugimoto Sugimoto. Um, there's also a baseball player. It's called, um Yeah, you're gonna have to edit this a little bit here because I have to find it. I think people want to know searching What really it's cool. Yeah, it's trick shot, but it's called something else is John Ryan still a part of this search Cuz I'm still looking. No, that's not gonna run has nothing to do with it. It's it's got like the Marty Googling Heinem Hyman

Okay, guys, we're gonna be cutting and oh, I got it. Oh, it's called the Rube Goldberg machine Rube Goldberg machine. Please describe. I don't know what that is Yeah, but the people do it now in their houses, right? Uh-huh. It's basically the ones that are fascinating as they use All these things this It wasn't chitty-chitty. Chitty-chitty bang bang had one. Yeah, the breakfast. PBP we play house had it, right? Yes Yes, but they do now that some of them are like amazing. Yeah, I'm 30 minutes long and they do it inside the house It's amazing. I wouldn't even be able to set up one of those. How do you do it? Do you have to be a physician? Not a physician. Not a physician. Not a physician. Physicist, fuck you. Physicist?

Physicist? Why are you laughing? I think that you just I mean a lot of kids do simple ones We should try and see what our knowledge is of physics like just without even studying anything Just looking at objects weighing it in our minds and saying like, okay, I think this can you know lead to that Yeah, you guys look it up on YouTube group global machines But what it is is one little thing hits another thing and it's like to do a simple task. A domino effect It's basically you know to do a simple task in the most extraordinary and most difficult way is basically what it is Like you know like, you know, I mean buttering bread, right? You press a lever and do this 30 minute thing just to butter the bread

Yeah, right. So I don't know who why people would do it, but it's fun to watch But I just feel like it's hard and I think that you would need a team of people like right like everyone is responsible for a section Yeah, right George. Yeah, you know, I'm looking at you right now George It's something that you would do a root goal. I've noticed the whole time you're looking at him He's like, why does he keep looking at me? You should be like, yeah, buddy, you should do it in section like you're supposed to fucking back me up here I did those with babies as a kid like little baby shoots that did the kind of the same thing Yeah, it's not the same. This is more complex. Yeah, I'm sorry for looking at you But we should do one here. Do you think the tiger belly should do a root gold machine? I think that we should hire someone

It'll be a mess, huh? We should do it in here. What would you like the simple task to be? What would you like? I would like a simple task for something to boop me at the end, like in my nose Like something that eventually would go boop What? That's your fucking simple task? No, like, okay, so it will be like a really, really crazy machine, right? It'll be like five minutes long And then I stand at the very end and all I want is just a little boop Like a finger? Like a finger to go boop

So it's a very anti-climactic but cute thing at the end But you have to sit there forever until the boop that you know that, right? You can't Oh yeah, you're fucking buttering bread Whoa, did he say that? Yeah, he was like, that's his fucking, that's his choice. He wants something to butter bread when he can fucking do that himself No, the point, no, but the point of Rubik Goldman Machines, right, is to do a simple task, right, like buttering bread or filling up a glass of water, right? In the most difficult way, that's the whole point I don't understand why everyone's judging my boop

That's why you asked me You asked me what I wanted and I gave you an answer Kylo, Kylo, Kylo, I'm just saying, right? She's going to choke you, she's going to choke you I don't know what happens in fucking, you know what I mean? A long, long time ago, far, far, far away A galaxy far away But okay, well, I think we should make a Rubik Goldman Machines

I also want to say this before I forget, is that when Paulie was on here, he accused me of things and I believed him He said that in the showtime, you know what I mean, comedy story documentary, that I talked about how, you know what I mean, I massaged his mom's vagina I don't think he said that And it smelled like, I said the comedy smelled like her mom's vagina And when he was saying that, I was apologetic to him Like, I'm so sorry, and then even afterwards I walked him and go, dude, I'm so sorry, I said all those things, man That's fucking crazy I don't think I said it

Yeah Why are you apologizing? Yeah, I don't know, but if you're saying I said it, because there's a remote possibility right out there that I might have said it Yeah Especially because some of it was shot when you were not sober Oh Not only that, Mike Binder's directing, and Mike Binder shoots a lot and he's a friend of mine, right? So he's just like, Mike Binder's like, just say whatever, I'm gonna cut it out

Yeah Right, so I'm like, oh fuck, pussy or whatever, you know, but it's like, I could have said it, but you know what I mean But from what George has to say, that afterwards, Paulie said to you that he was completely lying So I never said those things It's not a good joke, because it's like, it freaked me out for a week It tormented you It tormented me for a week And another thing I wanted to say is that today's episode, Don't Be Upset, It's Gonna Happen, was supposed to be the Bill Burr episode

So Bill texted us earlier today He lost his voice He lost his voice, he even texted me, he lost his voice He'll be here in a couple of weeks, right? But I have to say, there's a bit of relief there This is what I want to tackle in this episode today Why do you think you fear Bill so much? The Bill Burr, yeah

The Bill Burr I don't fear nobody, baby fuck Your voice changed Hey dude, what's happening? No, fear is not the right word You just revere him a lot I don't revere him at all, fuck him Oh shit

I dare you Just a man, he's a man, he's a man I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why Because, and I'll bring it up when he's here Because it's Steve Burns' fault The core of everything Again, again, again He's blaming for everything

It is Steve Burns' fault Right, because in 2004 I was driving with Steve Byrne and Ken Jeong From San Francisco to LA And in the ride Also, Steve Byrne got mad at me Because I threw his Oasis CDs out the window Yeah, well documented

Well documented And so back then I think there was iPads and stuff And not iPads, but like iPods Yeah Right, but he was working with CDs I don't know, maybe he was behind

And the only thing in the car was a Bill Burr CD Oh And he goes, well let's just listen to Bill Burr's comedy CD And I'm like, I didn't ever heard of Bill Burr Okay Right And he just went, no Fuck it

Let's not listen to anything And he goes, wait, you don't know who Bill Burr is And Ken's like, you don't know who Bill Burr is I go, no Right And like, dude, he literally is like The best New York guy You know, you know Norton, right?

Yeah, he's up there with him And I go, really? So we listened And we laughed so hard And it also, it's like, you know It reminded me of when I first met Andrew Schultz You know, when I see somebody that does something That I don't know if I can do, really

It intimidates me It's like, there are a lot of comics I look at and I go Like, I love Polly But when I look at them on stage, it doesn't intimidate me You know what I mean? Because it's around the same level of You know what I mean, what I can do You know what I mean?

But when I see somebody that's like, you know Honest, right? He doesn't care He's really saying his point of view, right? And it's an interesting angle, right? Oh, something that's brave, for instance You know, that's kind of controversial He doesn't care

He'll back it up with his, you know, with his jokes And it's just honest and fresh and real, right? And these are things that I aspire to be I want to be that I do, as a comic That's why I can't Like, I haven't done stand-up in the pandemic Because I can use the pandemic as an excuse

But that's not it It's I know I have to change And I'm not willing to do it yet, you know So there's all these things that, you know That Bill embodies, you know, means that I respect But I don't know what it is I know people that are bigger than him That I'm not as intimidated by

It's not intimidation That's not the right word It's more of a, um Just respect, you know And, you know, when I'm around I'm not uncomfortable And we talk and stuff, you know But it's like, you know

I don't know if I would, like Go hot air ballooning with him Does he do that? No, he doesn't do it I don't do hot air ballooning either Or if I, like, let me ask Maybe, like, write a tram What's a tram?

I think it's a thing that takes you to Disney World It's like a train, but in Disneyland Or at the Glendale American Island I would do that with him Trained A tram Like a eight-hour train ride In the same caboose

What do they call them? Caboose? What's a caboose? Is it a butt of something? It's the back of the train Oh, no, what's the little compartments? I think that's the Train part

Sleepy car? Sleepy car, sleepy car I think sleepy car Yeah But That's what it is What? I know Asahi just came out

That's why that happened Like, Asahi inside that throne But when he's here, it's going to be fine It's going to be a great episode I can feel it, you know Yeah But Do you feel like you have to hold back

Certain things with him? No Okay I'm not like that with anybody I have so much reverence around Or for him that I'll probably stay quiet And just listen and take in The Bobby's nerves

That's what I want to take in But you know what? Like, dice When dice was, I had the same feeling with him Yeah There's just something about dice That I, you know I grew up watching, you know

There's another guy, you know Although he probably won't come But he would, I think, if we spray down the place Is Howie Mandel We'd have to really put everything in plastic And really have hazmat suits for him Yeah But

How is another one where I'm the one around him I'm sorry, it's just the way I would I grew up watching them And I'm a fan And I remember watching Howie Mandel When I was a kid On HBO

And he did I have a black hand He put a big black Like, you know what I mean? Actual head on the face You know what I mean? And I remember as a kid That just struck me as funny

It was before I'd ever seen Prop comedy or anything like that It was, and it was so wazany up there And you don't think as a kid You go, you don't go Oh, I'm gonna Be at his house

You mean this isn't really In your head, right? And then like a couple weeks ago I did that thing with him In the interview And I was around him And I'm fine I'm as relaxed as I am

With anybody else But there's that added little thing That I'm still a kid And I'm still a fan of people And I'm still like excited, you know? There's some people I run into Who are famous Or who are artists

That I don't have that feeling with It's like when Paul Banks texts me You know what I mean? I just kind of go Like a kid and I go Gee! Like, I don't know why He fucking texted me

Three days ago about About how he Listened to our podcast And he said, oh, that was a really good one And I didn't know how to respond So I go I go, did you phone? Like, why would I fucking text that?

So there is a list of people That make you You know what I love doing with you? What? I love last night Me, Dylan, and Steve Are in Playing Warzone Yeah, why?

Well, just listen, all right I knew I could I love, I love, I love So we're playing Warzone, right? And then we hear Blink, right? Yeah Gilbits, that's your, right?

Yeah, shout out You know what I mean? Is asking to, requesting to play Yeah And all of us going To invite him and everyone going Nah Yeah, I knew that

See what he does next See what he does next What? Go ahead Because you know why I did that? Because an hour before I had already requested you Yeah, but that's why I was trying to come back

My modem turned off What? Yeah Whose modem turns off That's never heard that before in my life Yeah Also, I knew you were doing that So I was like, you know what?

He's not going to play that No, because once I invite you Into a game of Warzone I wait 30 minutes And then after that It's like, I'm not going to wait an hour for you That's rude And you know what you were doing?

What? Because you were online You were playing with other people I was Then I got off Because of the modem Was I still on after that? And I came back

If I'm playing Let me say something, George If I'm playing Warzone, right? And George, right? You're playing I'm playing And you request I'm going to finish the game right then and there

And go, sorry, guys Off I'm off Right? Well, you'll have to add me on PS4 Yeah, I haven't added you The best part? I was like, hey, we were playing a game with time

You haven't added George We were playing a game I was like, hey, George I'm going to go get some food Can you just add Bobby to the game and invite him And then I came back And I was like, why haven't you done it yet? He's like

He won't accept my friend request It's so funny because the other night Sad The other night Friday Yeah Me, my brother and Dylan Yeah

We won our first trio Not nighttime regular Oh, it's And the last person standing was me How many kills? I got six of that game, right? But the way I did it, right? So Dylan was up against two guys

Right in the last circle Final circle, yeah And Dylan is going uphill And he's shooting And he kills one guy But the other guy downs him And the smoke is coming in, right? As I see that I'm going around this ledge

Because I know that the other guy is going to go toward You know, the line to go to the other circle But I knew what direction it was going So I went around the cliff Like it wasn't out of nerves Pro play It wasn't out of nerves It wasn't out of like

I'm guessing it was an instinctual I know, right? And as soon as I turned the corner His back is to me Boom And I wipe him out We get the win I scream I was going to ask, what was the celebration?

At first I go team wipe Because I thought that Trying to stay cool No, no, no I thought that there was another team Oh, you don't Because there's no way You didn't know that was the last guy

No, there's no way that's the last guy I just go team wipe So I have to I'm going to die eventually here Takes a second Right? And as soon as I say team wipe Right?

And I go Ahhhh Ahhhh Like that, okay? We're Stephen Dillon freaking out Oh, we're all like Our veins are popping out of our heads It's our first one, right?

It's not easy to do, folks Yeah But if you do that, right? And you record it Because we did record it I have proof, right? Let's post it Don't ever show it to Kalilah

Because she's not into it I went to her bedside Well, no, no, no, no I was like Literally on the toilet And you barged in You barged in Because first he tried to act

He's from outside the door He's like, babe, something magical just happened Magical? She's probably like Oh my god, what happened? What happened? And I was like, don't come in Don't come in, something

I have to show you what happened Yeah, yeah, yeah And he comes in And he's like this in tears He's like I was crying Yeah And then

I imagine It wasn't because I've won before I understand Because I know who you've played with before In this team I understand why it was a special moment I get it

Yeah, because Steve is getting better My brother's getting better My brother's more face-to-face Murder Yeah My brother's not good at like Out in the open My brother's good at like

Hiding in a corner Or being back up He's very good And he's very instinctual He's a very good player, right? Dylan is very good And then sometimes not good Right?

I don't know what kind of player I am, right? I would say I'm the same as A combination between the two, right? Yeah But as a team You know, I've played with the best guys You really have The best guys

Josh is a fucking beast A semi-pro hook Yeah, he's like He used to be pro, right? So when I went with those guys It's like, oh, I didn't kill anybody I'm just I'm like

You know what I am? I'm like Saving Private Ryan Henry, what's his name's character? You know, the guy that was ET Oh Oh Right, he was a translator

Oh, you're the... Yeah, I'm that guy You're talking to the other... Yeah, yeah, yeah Don't shoot, don't shoot Yeah, yeah, I'm not really... Wait, wasn't he also Samuel In the Legends of the Fall?

Oh, fine Remember when he gets stuck There's smoke And then he gets stuck In the barbed wire And Brad Pitt's running towards him And he's like, Samuel! Samuel!

I don't know And he's like, Tristan! Tristan! He's in the house of Haunted Hill House Wait, can you make sure I'm not losing my mind? Legends of the Fall, Samuel Samuel, what's his name? I don't think...

I think it says Aiden Quinn Are you saying Doug Hughes? No, Aiden Quinn's his other brother Doug Hughes, Henry Thomas Henry Thomas! You're right Oh, it is Samuel So Henry Thomas is his name

Henry Thomas was in... ET Yeah, ET, yeah, he's a legend So I'm usually like that But with the two guys We've only taken second before a couple of times, right? And so for us to win one And for me to be the last one standing

Kind of a leader, yeah It's a feeling of... To the lay person To the lay person who's... Not just a lay person A person in the bathroom, pooing An uninterested, don't ever give a shit About a war zone victory lay person

I know A lay person Just a lay person It's beyond that I know it's beyond it, but let's just... Okay My mom would have more interest Yeah, she probably would

Okay, okay, okay Darling, good job, Bobby Good job, Bobby I know, but like... I don't want to argue with you, but... I understand it's a joy of yours, and I accept it I just don't really want to celebrate with you Because I don't know what I'm celebrating

I showed you the video Yeah, exactly, I don't think you... I know, and I'm like, what did I do? I said, good job, babe Yeah, but there's no feeling behind it, it's like... What did you want me to do? Fucking blow you in that moment? No, no, no That could have been a crazy

That's extreme, but that would have been nice It's extreme, but nice I've offered No, but how about a little just a bit... A little beyond understanding of what that entails How many people fly into the world? 150 to 200 All right, so you're talking about a guy, right, me?

Convisitor care, this is great I want to try to convince you I want to try to convince you I know everything that goes down in war zone And I've tried to care, and I've taken measures To sit and watch them, you know And the fucking gulag I've seen the gulag fly in a while

Yeah, yeah, yeah And then he has to sit there and watch his teammates play I get it And then now he has to win the gulag I get all of it I get the smoke at the very end I know what a victory looks like I just...

I'm sorry, I have no fucks to give in that I know She's well read But can I just try to convince you here for a second? Just give me an opportunity You know what, I do respect I do respect the joy that you feel And I believe it's the real, real joy that you feel

I just don't know how to feel it with you That's true But let's suppose... Not you, but let's suppose I was in a relationship with a woman The gap tooth Like a woman that did something That I didn't fully understand

She's in a competition Of making Skyscrapers with popsicle sticks I love popsicle sticks Let's say I had a girlfriend That's all she did, 12 hours a day Her deal is to make Skyscrapers and buildings

And unique architecture with popsicle sticks In real life or in a video game? No, in real life And she goes to a place And every week There's 150 kids Or people that do it And she just started

She doesn't even know how it works And all these kids have been doing it for 10, 15 years They're pros, right? They know how to build And this kid, you know what I mean? How do you even get two together? It's just learning the dynamics of it, right? And then five months later

My girlfriend comes up and goes I won the whole thing I beat all these pros and these people That have been doing it for fucking... She's crying She's magical I think that I wouldn't in my heart Couldn't say I didn't give a shit

Can I just defend myself? I don't think... Let me finish, right? I don't think that I could do that I would have to do everything I could To jump into their joy, right? And to understand, right? Fully understand what they're talking about

Do I think it's ridiculous Making popsicle sticks, buildings? I don't give a fuck, right? I think it's ridiculous But she enjoys it And she is dedicated to it This is pure unadulterated manipulation Kolokaren

Kolokaren This is like one of those things where it's like He has to defend his sedentary lifestyle And the fact that he's 50 years old and screaming Screaming about a win that does not affect reality In any way, shape, or form It might have a blip in his dopamine level But that's about all that happens

There is no effect, net effect in the world There's no net effect on our relationship There's no net effect in his career, in his finances But how does popsicle sticks have a net effect? What I'm saying is that she's inspired other kids Like, really, like, she's... That's art form And I'm inspiring other kids

Kids could do what you just did Not all of them Okay, not to say that I'm not happy I said I respect the joy that you feel Yeah, yeah But you can't be resentful that I don't understand what that joy feels like Because there's... And beyond just congratulations, babe, good job

I can't give you more than that That's fine, okay I'm just saying that if you made popsicle stick buildings I would give you more That's all popsicle sticks I'm going to talk about my victories in my life Okay, go ahead Right?

Yeah You have not celebrated not a single one In fact, last year, you walked out halfway through them Singing a happy birthday Whoa Baby, why are you thinking, first of all, this is a comedy And that's what we call the dagger The dagger

It's so funny how we went from, like... That was a joy of mine I know, but you're getting... I understand that You know what she just did? She went the line of surpase or death And I see... Why did you have to go down there?

Right? It's like we're having a tit for tat fun Right? And then you had to bring out the fucking katana Yeah And finish him It's like... Because I don't start a fight

Finishing move for sure It's a real thing I want you to name three joys and accomplishments That I've been... That have meant a lot to me That you've celebrated in Take your time Your birthday

That's not an accomplishment One point You made it? And also, you walked away halfway through it You made it, you know? One point You know, I just want a little bit of... You know, a little bit of joy

When it comes to my words on victory I want to know what that sounds like What should have I done? Besides that, oh, that's really cool Replay it Replay it Well, you shouldn't have said this This is what you said

Yeah Is it long? Because we started playing it Because I started playing it You're like, when is it over? Get to the thing I remember having to fast forward it To just the very end

Right? Yeah So maybe that, maybe, you know You should have watched the whole game play The whole 10 minute gameplay That is good practice, though Like, if we ever want children down the road I have to be really into

What they show me Yeah I'm a child in that way, you know? I'm never going to win again with those two I'll win again with Gilbert or something Or with Georgia, maybe But you have to understand The grouping

With those two, that grouping, right? In terms of the way they play And it's just... It was a fluke And it was an anomaly For some reason, the universe And it was just a cool moment in time, you know Do I feel depressed?

Yeah, I feel depressed that That those are some of the joys That give me, you know, that feeling That doesn't make sense But you don't have to... How can you feel depressed about a joy? That just means it's a guilty point That's another three points for a cool one

That means it's not a true joy It's a guilty pleasure And there isn't a certain, like, a level of guilt That you hold inside Whatever, you know what? I already... Do I not let you have your time? You do, and what a great person

Thank you It's wonderful I've also been... We've been also watching... Have we talked about the British Bake Off? Let's talk about it But I'm trying to get my brother to watch it He's not going to watch it, but...

But he refuses to watch it Dude, I don't fucking watch fucking Baking bullshit or whatever, you know? And I've been, like, watching Chef's Table as well And what sucks about shows like this Especially Chef's Table, right? Is... Because I watched four of them last night

Which ones? I rewatched the one with the Korean monk Okay Jung... I forgot her name Jung... Kwon Jung Kwon, yeah

Is it? I'm not sure, I don't remember Close enough You know, I just love... The best one, though It's the best one Because it's like, you know She lives in a monastery

There's no meat involved She doesn't use garlic Any of the five, you know, potent, you know Spices that people use Because it goes against their Buddhist... Not philosophy, but like It doesn't enable calmness, right? And they're delicious

It goes against what their principles are about And to use organic elements A lot of it's pickling Pickling is very big, right? But in terms of... It was interesting to say that Buddhist monk, Korean monk food Isn't necessarily spices

Or the way they prepare it in the moment Time has a lot to do with it, right? Sometimes it takes, you know, months and months To create the kind of flavors that they're using But it's like, I just like it when, you know When critics, like the guy from the New York Times Is like, you know A chef called me to go to this fucking Buddhist monk

I said, no, fuck no, I have shit to do And when the chef called me again and says Beg me, you have to come And then I ate the food It literally changed his life I love when food or something changes Somebody's life, you know I love it, not even food

Like when people go, you know I had nothing going on in my life And I walked by, you know A pottery class, you know what I mean? And now, you know what I mean? I won gold medal at the pottery Olympics or whatever Did I have anything like that? Or changed my life, you know, in some way

Like a moment where somebody had Was going one way, right? In terms of their ideals or philosophy You know what I mean? Or career wise even And then something happens where they go this way That's something that's great about life Just, you know FYI, there is a pottery Olympics

It's called the clay Olympics I knew it Well, isn't there a British reality show? Something like Pottery Showdown? I think so Yeah Yeah, the redheader freak watches that show People have been asking to get your guys' comments

On this past weekend's UFC 254 Abeb beating Justin Gehchi Do you guys think he is the greatest of all time Over a P.E.D. John Jones? Because John Jones put a tweet out saying I'm the greatest of all time I think you can go first babe If you want

It's very difficult It's not difficult for me Because I tweeted a couple of days ago What did you say? Alhamdulillah I said, Kabeb, go That's it? That's what you have to say? You know, I'll be honest with you

Is Kabeb's style the most exciting style? No, you know But he did something that was very interesting The last fight Which, you know, to me You know, if I was Kabeb I'd just be like I'm going to have to take this guy down right away

I'm not going to be in a stand-up war with this guy But I have to be honest with you Kabeb beat him on the feet Yep That's what's scary about it Kabeb beat Edson Barboza On the feet Same with Connor

And Connor Anybody he faces And he faces them down on his feet first At first He knows that he has this Unbeatable style Once he gets his hands on you It's over

It's a ticking time bomb Right? There's just something about His innate talent That he just knows Weight And control His body control

It's just an account that he has And he knows that Once he has a whole of you It's over And yet He chooses to stay on his feet for a bit And still win Right?

To me, watching that fight was You know, the people go Tony Ferguson didn't get his shot Yeah, I don't think he can do I don't think anybody can beat him And I can't say that about John Jones You know, when he fought Reyes I thought that Reyes won

I thought he won, too I honestly did You know that two judges Scored in the first round For Gaichi That's insane That's weird That's insane

Because what we saw was That was weird I was watching it going Just it reminded And also in awe of The way it could be But you know what I mean Fought Gaichi

Because Gaichi is a fucking beast I love, he's a good egg He's a good guy He's a nice guy You can tell I would love to hang out with him He reminds me of Somebody that could do our podcast

And like Bisbing, you know Yeah Just that kind of a nice guy I think it'd be great We would love to have Rose Naminous as well Just throwing it out there But my point is that To me, that fight

Solidified that could be Is the greatest of all time Here's how I would listen to All the things that John Jones said And while he made valid points I think the reason that He can never be goat to me

Is that I think that goat Is more than just the record The statistics You have to embody The spirit of a champion And I think that John Jones is Not that I think that he has a lot of

Demons that That he's unable to overcome From where we stand at least Like John Jones when he first came out Was my favorite fighter I never missed a John Jones fight But, you know, he I don't know

It's hard to love him, man Like it really is Like you want to rally Behind the sheer obvious talent That he has But I just A champion has more than just that And I think that

At least for me, Habib was Always embodied that To be in the top ten of all time You know what I mean? Is a difficult Imagine all the fighters Right? You have George St. Pierre

There's just a million of them Anderson Silver, right? You have so many of them And John Jones could be In the top three of all time I mean that Who is that Who can really say

Who is the greatest of all time There's no way to really prove it There's no metric Because John Jones is undefeated as well He has one blip on his car But he was competing that guy Matt Hamill? Yeah, Matt Hamill

But yeah, it's just I have to say though I was kind of a could be fan But I think that last fight Made me go, my god What an anomaly What a talent What an amazing fighter

And he seems like a nice guy too So we'll see Pressors before Justin Gates He said that he would never tap And then he said that He didn't want Gates His parents to see him hurt Or like break his arm

So he switched the submission Into a triangle To put him to sleep instead And also his dad's favorite submission And yes, yeah Well, he'd rather put Gates He to sleep than break his arm What's the difference?

Yes, because you don't have Long-lasting effects from being Choked out versus breaking someone's arm What would you pay? You're in a situation I put me to sleep I don't want to go through surgery You would have your arm broken

Over going to sleep Look, sweetie Yeah, he goes to sleep and he dies What the fuck? He basically, no, you don't die He basically assured that Gates he could fight in 12 weeks Like if Gates he had a broken arm

Then he would need surgery And then he'd be out for like The whole fucking year Unhelpful advice, son Okay Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Kalilah This question is for all of you You've mentioned a few times in the podcast

About the state of your teeth Or lack thereof Well, I'm 28 years old And I really, my molars Have been in a lot of pain I'm just hoping it is just My wisdom teeth growing in But I'm afraid it could be something serious

According to WebMD I have mouth cancer Anyways, I haven't been to a dentist In close to a decade I think I've developed some sort of phobia Of actually going to one Especially during times like this What do you think?

Maybe you can hit me with some pros and cons About having less teeth than average You gotta go to the dentist Because it's not as if my teeth Were pulled out by myself The teeth that I don't have Were pulled out by dentists Yeah

They assessed my mouth And what they went Their first reaction is Ah What? You know what I mean? And then they have to go into another room And you know what I mean?

Look at my teeth And they laugh Or they, you know what I mean? They laugh Or they shake their head Like, I can't believe we got this bad Right? And they have to come in

And they fucking pull them out I've had all my teeth professionally pulled And assessed Right? And I don't have teeth The good news is I don't think it's cancer And the good news is that

You can chew with your gums Pause it There's the pro There's the pro There's the pro I'll tell you why I'll tell you why There's the pro

Alright I've been chewing with my gums For the last ten years Meat I'm talking about meat, man I really want you guys to see How long it takes for him to It takes a while

It takes He seriously eats It takes him three hours on a steak Yeah, yeah Isn't that good for you though? Yeah, yeah It helps with the digestion He just like waits for the salivary enzymes

To like melt the meat Yeah, very cool Yeah But you can chew with your gums Right? You can chew with your tongue And the roof of your mouth The hard palate?

Yeah Right? You can chew Or you could just swallow things whole You can chew with your front teeth Which I do Right? With nuts

And opening up Sunflower seeds You know? But I've chewed Hard candy With my gums My god Yeah, yeah

I've chewed And in my teeth You do taste blood a lot You know? A lot But you incorporate it With the flavors, you know? Oh, okay

Of what you're eating Flavor melding, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah And I wish I had back teeth It'd be much easier But, you know, I can still get it in Oh, good job You know?

So, um Go see a dentist Cause you don't Also, does he have mouth cancer? Just from going on WebMD? Wait, I'm not a dentist And I'm not a doctor And I don't

Well, look what you're wearing Which you're a sith lord Look at you I'm a sith lord So you have all the information So when I first came to America I had just taken my braces off And so when I came to America

I had retainers And I don't know if you guys Have ever had braces But, um It kind of fucks with your gums a little bit So I had really swollen Overgrown gums And my retainer

Like part of my retainer Was even on my gum That's how much gums I had My teeth My tooth to gum ratio Was horrible And to the point where I had To get most of my gums

Like cut out When I was 15 Oh And then, um On top of that My con artist dentist Put fillings Like the silver dark fillings

Yeah All over my back teeth Because he said He wanted to bill insurance Even though I have never had A single cavity In like my whole life Wow

It's crazy Like my dentist now Think about that My dentist She's never had a cavity In her life And I'll tell you why I've never had a cavity

In my life because My mom and my aunts And everyone in the Philippines All... My mom is the only one Of 10 children Who doesn't have false teeth Everyone has postiso

Everyone in the Philippines That I know Even like the My cousins my age They all have false teeth So I know that inherently I don't have good teeth genetics Yeah

So what I made sure of was I took all the measures I see a dentist every six months I get a cleaning every six months I get an x-ray once a year I floss I just take care of my My mouth real well

Because I know that I don't have I have a predisposition To bad teeth I've never had a tooth That hasn't had a cavity Really? Yeah

Even though your front teeth They've all had it No doubt it They've all had it You need to drink more water That's what you keep saying I think that's like I drink some

Yeah, so to this person I say absolutely You need to go to a dentist And like At least my dentist Their COVID measures Are so strict and tight They only have like

Two people in that entire place For like a whole hour So please go see a dentist I also just like I really really hate bad breath So like Yeah Just please

Please go see a dentist Is my breath bad? No, because you don't have Yeah, your breath is actually It's bad when Here's what I hate I hate smokers breath in the morning It smells like actual

Dung Like it smells like Like Toe jam And shit And like asshole Oh asshole Interesting

I don't like So that's why I don't like about smokers A morning breath But beyond that It's you're okay You have good saliva I think Strong enzymes there Enjoy

Get quip Get quip Get quip Since quip He's gotten better Much better Yeah I thought that episode was fun

It was fantastic Some good stuff in there Do you have another question Gail? Just to throw out We have another thing babe Let's end it Is this enough time? Because there's some stuff

That I wanted to cut out We have a good amount of time Yeah Let's have fun with the ads Okay cool Cool cool cool I'm fearing the other one Your final message

Your final message to the people Anyone? My final message is We're not done? My final message to you You people Alright Is

Vote, have they voted yet? Babe By the time this is done Yeah So thank you for voting My final message is Welcome Welcome to the new president

Oh my god You might have just dinked it Welcome Let me just say Welcome to whatever this era is Yeah welcome to the new era Of whatever it is Enjoy

Okay let's go May Guide club May the force be with you May the force be with you Thank you May the force be with you And we're gonna be here

Whether it's a new dawn Or the same dawn It's a new dawn Or a new day Oh yeah yeah Love that song Love that song So good to see you

And we will see you next week Koloko Ren Bye guys Alright guys Hope you enjoyed that Solo episode with Koloko Ren And Bobi Fett

I couldn't think of anything Would it be Bobby Fett? Bobo Fett? Bobo Fett What's he supposed to be? Who else would he be? You're Koloko Ren What's a good name

For like a Star Wars name with B? I don't know Bobo Bobo Bobo Bobo Fett Bobo Fett Bobo Fett What name are you trying to say?

Either Bobo Fett Stop saying the Bobo Fett What name is the original Star Wars name You want him to be? I just forgot now Like you're thinking of Bobo Fett Oh Bobo Fett's a Star Wars character right George? Yeah

Oh really? Yeah so maybe See I didn't know Maybe Bobo Fett Bobo Fett Anyways guys That was a waste of time I apologize

May the force be with you Kolyla would you like to give a shout out to Your boys I wanna say Since this is coming out After This is coming out a week from now I wanna give a shout out

To the Dodgers If they win If they didn't win Cause right now they're playing what Game 6 Yes They're playing Game 6 The race just scored a run And then

So I wanna say good luck to my boys in blue I love you regardless I'm going to Stand by you And shove as ravine All day Till the ends of my days

And no matter the outcome I'm proud of you And go blue Die hard fan right there guys Die hard fan Lots of fun bonus content over at Patreon If you're curious about joining a community of Like minded sleepers and papayas

You can find out more at patreon.com Get your question on Tiger Belly By emailing us at adviceunhelpful At gmail.com Looking for something out of the ordinary Strange co-workers, weird family members Alien counters You can email us once again at adviceunhelpful

At gmail.com You can follow all your Dodger scores And news at Klambi K All your fun corporate stock exchange Information at George underscore Kimmel All your slept king needs at Bobby Lee Live And once again I am Gilbets And then follow us at Tiger Belly

Next round we love you so much Damn it Just next round we love you so much Sweet talk to beef Huh Shit Shit Kind of

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