TigerBelly - Ep 271: Whitney Cummings & The Non-Proposal

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Bobby reads a poem. Whitney wants Mr. Lee's ashes. Khalyla hears a Dodgers win. We talk tunnels of life, new masculinity, Starburst fertility eggs, and crying Rogan. www.patreon.com/tigerbelly Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus I like your ankles never seen them before That's not I didn't say that your ankles are sexy. I'm just saying I've never seen your ankles before I'm offended because I know you're attracted to disgusting things Your ankles are pretty cool Yeah, I just don't like the thick ones. You know, I mean, I like your ankles too, babe. I hate cankles I hate it when it blends into the foot. It's like but this year. Yeah Create a bridge or you know, I mean, you know, I just need an impression of Howard Stern. What's happening?

No, no, I'm not I'm just no we're not even on I'm just take this off. I'm so yeah Yeah, I haven't been around people a lot like have you noticed like How feral we are yeah, it's crazy when I go around people. I'm really weird. Yeah, me too I can't even like sustain eye contact with people have to like or I do too much of it like I Asked them on how they are and I like want to know the answer which is yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like it's just I Feel better like You want to like the homeless like just can you be the boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah, why do I have to let just want to say about the homeless. Oh, there's homeless at the 7-Eleven

I'm gonna claim my space. Can I borrow a charger from someone? Thank you. COVID is a good excuse not to not to give money by the way of what to homeless Because they always think they go and I go no COVID. I have masks. You know, I mean, it's a really good way a good out We're not even I wouldn't I wouldn't I don't think it's that's worth working on I'm just throwing it out there man. Yeah. Yeah, I think there's something there. Yeah Yeah, hey, no, I got you know, I'm fine so much you you are so famous to me Yeah, like you're such a celebrity. Let's work on the pit. So COVID and homeless COVID and homeless, yeah, I

Haven't done this show in a while Yeah It was a different time. Is it on? Are we rolling? Yeah, we've been rolling and we're gonna keep every single thing that we've done This is fucking great. Fuck you. Anyway, do the countdown Music Four three testing Welcome to another episode of tiger belly. I am your captain I'm the supreme leader in this house. I'll tell you that right now. Mm-hmm. And I want to I don't

know if this is sound autocratic Right, but I am I also want to say don't forget to vote is this when is this coming out two weeks after election? But I hope you didn't forget. I hope you didn't forget to vote for it. Dancing with the stars? We've got all the cast of characters in the room. We've got Georgie Georgie George. We've got Plump Gilbert. I like the plumpness. Hey cat. Yeah, and uh my beautiful soon-to-be wife

What? I haven't proposed. Since when? I've announced it right now. That's so rude that you see your superman. Will you marry me? Wait, is it because I'm here? Yeah, I don't know. No, he's just. Are you gonna propose? No. He has not. He will not. Today he will not. Have you ever talked about getting engaged? No, and I'm just throwing it out there. This is the first time it's ever come up in your shitty intro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whitney, this is how our conversations about engagement go. Okay. We see a picture of somebody we know getting engaged. Today, when Blake Shelton, Blake Shelton, and fucking Georgie, what's her name? What, Jordy Stefani? Yeah, Jordy Stefani. And then he goes- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Who's Jordy Stefani?

You guys just let them say words all the time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When Stefani from the, no doubt. You said Jordy. You said Jordy. He was about to say George Stefani. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? I forgot her name. Or Stefanopoulos? No, no. Did you relapse? No, here's the thing, Whitney, all right? I am a performer that I don't edit, right? So in my head, I'm like, what's the word? I don't have that, like, little filter, right? So I just, whatever I think, I say. Yeah, no, that's the problem. That's why we're gonna go wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why we're doing a podcast.

But so what I'm saying to you is that, you know, I have no longer, I'm not filtering, you know what I mean, words. Because sometimes I'll go, what's the word? And then at that point, the comedy's gone, and the momentum's gone. Yeah, but the truth is also gone. That's true. Yeah. And the being a functioning adult is gone. I understand. So the people that are listening to this have to know what the fuck you're saying. You talk for a living, what you say needs to, like, be in the, like, ballpark of truth. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, friend. Hey, old friend. Hey, call me old one more time. Why don't you break this fucking cold glass? Hey, old wrinkly ass friend. Okay. I want to tell you something, all right?

Okay. Wait, you're not going to work. Did you just propose to Koala? I did not propose, but I'm throwing it out there in the universe now. But why haven't you proposed? Throw it at me. Don't throw it at me. You know that you would save money and taxes if you were married. Why are you such a bad businessman? One day I'm going to propose to you, baby, and I'm throwing it out there. But why, but why, why haven't you already? Cause I can't even go to Starbucks. I can't, I don't know how to get to the ring store. I can't even, I don't know.

Bobby goes to buy an engagement ring, comes back with a Nuva ring. Yeah, yeah. So you don't know how to buy an engagement ring? I've never done it before. So I don't, I, the one time I bought her a fucking ring, I fucked it up. I gave it to her. She opened it up and she laughed in my face. That's not true. He had relapses. When he would, he had relapsed. High out of his mind, he decided to gallivant around Hollywood, wherever the fuck he was. Beverly Hills High and he stopped by, he just happened to cross a jewelry store. He came home. I want to show you the ring.

It's like a jade ring this big. Very Chinese. It's like one of the things that hangs for like, like a, like a, like a disc, like a jade disc. Exactly. It's not even for fingers. Yeah. I just thought it looked very like sci-fi. It made him happy. It made me happy. And also it made me feel nice.

You've been happy before? Yeah. And it was, and it was like expensive. It was like $4,000. Just hear me out. I know. So I see something sci-fi, something that like a Romulan would wear. Yeah. Right. And I go, I think Coletta's mad at me because I relapsed. Right.

I didn't even know at that point that you had relapsed. I know, but I knew who was coming. I knew the revelation was coming. That's how you survive. But you know that if you want to propose, you would call like a friend, like me, and say like, Hey, can you help me go ring shopping? Like, have you seen movies? Have you auditioned?

You've been in some of these shitties. I understand that. But like, for instance, I watch movies and I see karate, right? And karate in real life doesn't really work that way. Like Jim Kata, Jim Kata, you can't or let's say something that people can understand. Like crouching, tiger hidden dragon. You don't think people can. You can't really run on rooftops and you just patronize your audience.

So movies are movies. So movies, right? They exaggerate. You know what I mean? The experience. So no, I don't know how to fucking propose. All right. I don't know how to do it.

And when I do do it, I will give you a jingle. Okay. I'll jingle you and go, yo, what's up, dude? Right. How do you do this shit? Okay. All right. Okay.

You know, the first step is throwing it out in the fucking universe. All right. And I did that. And let me ask you something, my friend, my wrinkly old fucking tired friend. I'm not tired. I have actually, for the first time in my life, this, I mean, the silver lining of the pandemic, like I am so well rested. It's ridiculous.

And I feel like I'm on cocaine. I'm not even joking. I, I, I didn't realize how deeply like tired I was on like a cellular level. Yeah. Like I've been getting eight hours of sleep for like six months. Yeah, you look great. I feel, I look amazing. I know you do.

I've never looked better. Yeah. People like, did you get a facelift? I'm like, I, maybe. Yeah. You're doing your like Harley Quinn haircuts too. Oh yeah. I kind of threw in the towel with the hair.

The hair is good because something kind of magical happens when you have crazy pink hair. People stop asking for advice. Like people used to always call me for like career advice and ask me like babies with their kids and like nothing now. Yeah. But I do, you know, I would, I don't have a lot of friends as we know. That's not like, what is this? No, but I'm just going to tell you something.

But it's not. I want to give you a compliment. Do you think that's making you likeable? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're like. I'm going to give you a compliment. Just hold on. I know I'm, I already, I don't need one.

I want to give one. May I give one? But I'm not letting you do this bit where you say like, I don't have any friends. I'm so lonely. Like you have so many friends. All right. You have a ridiculous number of friends. Oh my God.

All right. No one feels sorry for you. You're doing great. You're doing great. This is over. This is over. The war is over. You lost.

All right. I have a lot of friends. You, the fact. I'm changing it. You're trying to say, I don't have a lot of friends. But in front of a painting of yourself. You've, this is, this is absolutely. Will.

Will. Will. Yes. Will. I want to say that I have a lot of friends, but I don't have a lot of friends that I can come with problems and advice. Two. Yeah.

Cause your friends are degenerates aren't you? Degenerate. So it's like, you know. I don't want to get into why, but three weeks ago, I, you know, I went to your house. Right. Because I needed council and I needed backing and I needed, you know, some assurances. Yeah. One of the people that I would go to if I had a situation where I needed to ask some

questions and you would be that friend, okay? Even with pink hair. Even with pink hair, okay? My question to you is that why don't you have a baby? Because somebody, show her the video. Great question. Show her the video. Great question.

Where's this video going to play? He's going to hold it up. He's going to hold it up. He's going to hold it up. He's going to hold it up. Where am I looking? He's going to give it to you. I thought, you know, we're doing it now, Bob.

You're texting me? Yeah. I was like, you just sprung that out of nowhere. No, because it was a good segue into it. This is the most stressful. You've been really tense this whole time. I am so stressed out. Bobby's energy is brutal.

Right. It's great about energy. Go ahead. He's going to send it to me one second. You haven't even sent it? Okay, well, we'll talk about something else and then when you do, I'll put your hand up in your hair like this. But you didn't know.

No, no, no. Bobby, you came over because I was having these COVID tested standup shows at my house. Bobby came and you brought me into my own garage and sat me down and was like, I need to talk to you. Yeah. I had a real problem. I don't want to talk about it. It was so boring, but I sat for it.

I know. Go ahead. Go ahead. Here we go. Is that Pauly? Yeah. Yeah, we've talked about it. When are you going to have a baby?

Because I know that you've said it before. It's been in your mind. When are you going to have a baby? I love this. I love when men pressure other men for kids. I love you. I'm obsessed with you. With who?

With who? Here's the thing. Okay. I wanted to have one with Whitney. Whitney Cummings? Yeah. Why? No, she's got eggs that are frozen.

Oh, that's right. I'm like, dude, here, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you waiting for? Without her caring. With a surrogate. Yeah. Yeah.

I wanted to do it with her. And did you ask her? We talked about it. And what did she say? She said, not you, bro. You're very dodgy. Says the man whose mom paid us $15 a spot. I'm dodgy.

Yeah. He also said he'd go on a hunt to the fertility clinic. To get my eggs. And steal your eggs. Uh-huh. Yeah. She really wants that. By the way, as he should.

You have eggs. I have eggs frozen, yes. You do. Yep. Now I'm not going to say where they are. Why would it hurt, right? Uh-huh. I have 17 eggs on ice.

Why would it hurt that the man whose family gave us, provided us a venue to hone our craft? Yeah, yeah. The very place that made it so I haven't had biological children by now. It's only natural that I would freeze eggs with the DNA that brought that into it. Yeah. Yeah, the place that I've been sexually assaulted the most only makes sense that I were to carry. So you want me to get raped by the company? Yeah, but you're not going to be carrying the baby.

We'll get a surrogate. Right, right, right, right. Why? Like Rose McGowan? Yeah. Who's going to be my surrogate? Esther Pavinsky? Vicky Barbalac.

Vicky Barbalac. Vicky would do it. Esther Pavinsky, Annie Letterman would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll hug her grand to Annie Letterman and carry me and Paul as baby. That would be great. That'd be pretty big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, look, I'm looking at a new model for procreating and I'm into this vibe. I'm with you. I'm with you. Dude, I am so obsessed with you, Kalyla. I'm obsessed with you. I'm jealous of your face, but I'm obsessed with you. I wanted to not like you in the beginning. I really did.

It's amazing. Like, it's just like, can't not like her. Yeah. Look, look, look. Why are you cutting me off? I'm saying something profound. He wanted to show you his dad, dad. Is this your dad's ashes?

At our podcast room. In our podcast room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next to his coffee. Yeah. So. There he is. How much?

How much? What do you mean how much? How much? Just tell me that. I'll give it to you for free. I don't give a fuck. I'll be on the sashes. Here dad.

Here you go. How much to buy your dead dad? Like for real. It's only half of the body. Yeah, because it's only the bottom half or the lower half. It's the bottom half. It's the bottom half of my dad's body. My brother has the upper half.

Why? Because I didn't want, we've done, we said this before, because I don't want, if my dad was a ghost, I'd rather have legs. This is the one thing you can say again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If there was a ghost, right? I would rather have legs haunting my house than the upper body. Good point.

Why? The legs are the only part they can get anywhere. That's true. The upper body can't go anywhere. The upper body is the perfect ghost. Yeah, I know. I don't know how ghosts work, but from the movie. Clearly you do.

You made a pretty big decision based on pretending. But from the movies that I see, right, like ghostbusters and whatnot, it's the upper body, they can flow and whatnot, right? And they can come in and out of room. So you'll take advice from movies when it comes to ghosts, but not a picture. I want to go back to your dad. Yeah, no, we're doing this. We're going to be here for a while.

Just like deep breaths. So before my dad died, I didn't have any like compulsion to procreate. Like I didn't, like the biological, like I just didn't have it. Like babies, like I didn't feel anything when I saw babies. Like I asked my therapist if I was a psychopath and she was like psychopaths don't come to therapy and ask if they're psychopaths, you know, whatever. And my instinct towards rescuing dogs is so intense. Like it's so primal.

It's such a deep like ancestral thing. Like it's like I'm the bitch that like breaks car windows if a dog is inside in a hot car. Like I just, it's not even like a choice. And like I'm not trying to be a martyr or a hero. I don't have the intention about it. Like because it's not, it's like I'm possessed. Like it's not even me. Like I truly don't believe it's like me making the choice.

It's like when all the Woolsey fire stuff happened. Like I just got in the car and went like I drove through a fire. Like it wasn't, I don't even remember it. I like blacked out. So I was like, oh, like having my own kid feels kind of like because there's so many kids in foster care and there's so many kids that need to be that need homes. It was like, I just kind of felt like having my kid was like buying a dog from a breeder. You know what I mean?

That's kind of what it felt like to me. And I always thought I was going to rescue a kid the way I rescue dogs. And I was like looking into foster care in like West Virginia and stuff. And then my dad died and it was like, boom, it everything changed. It was like, it has to look like me. It was like some like thing, you know, it was like a really strong compulsion to make one that looked like him. I don't know if something, something in your like DNA or our brains like activates

when we lose our primary caretaker where now you're like have to have to breed. Yeah, like for me, she's brought up adopting what I need. That's all I've ever thought I would do. I didn't have any, no sensation in my body. Was your dad alive? No, he passed when I was 19. So when you sure he didn't fake it, you know, I could have faked his death. He could have.

That's some shit your family would do. Yeah. The nice pick. Yeah. You know, your dad had her when he was 60. 60. So I have a lot of resentment about having. Oh, you're not autistic.

Yeah, I am. I have excessive blinking and I have. Old sperm is the main link to autism now. It's true. I'm a blue machine. It drives me crazy. Am I in QAnon? Please Google that, you guys.

So I am a product of old sperm. Yeah. I have a lot of both like physical ailments, but also a lot of like weird kind of on the spectrum stuff where it's like I'm seemingly like functional, but I have a lot of weird ticks. I'm just like stunning and college production of collagen. And but my dad had me old and I spent half of my life really resenting him for dying in front of me because the last, you know, so I never had any sensation in my body that

ever pointed towards the direction of motherhood. I was like, nope, I'm going to adopt. I have an adopted sister want to do that until he came. And he was like, we need to have something because he wants a replica of himself. And I don't want that because we both come from drugged out families. Yeah, but what? Criminal families. It's like nature and nurture.

It's like you have to like you guys will break the cycle. You know, there's something so triumphant and amazing about. I'm not going to hit my kid. No, we know that. Yeah, which is what happened. Genetic predispositions are not great. But that is. But let's get into that because it's like I concur with you with you come from

alcoholics West Virginia, Appalachia, trauma, like coal mining, trauma, alcoholism, tons of addiction, like and it's genetics loads. The gun environment pulls the trigger, right? So it's like our guns are loaded, but I don't think the environments we create are going to pull the trigger, you know, because it's like you guys have done so much work on yourself. You know, it's like you also there's something kind of amazing about breaking the cycle and you guys doing one and then adopt like 10 more.

But I want an athletic one. He's banking on my athleticism because I was. No, but even if our baby comes out like me, like Roly Poly, right? You know, if it just rolls out of the bag. I'm having a flashback at the comedy store where Steve Byrne said, Bobby Lee is the body of a scallop. Yeah, yeah. And it hurts.

But I want one to roll out and go and open itself up and I'll go, OK, we that now and then we can adopt afterwards. Wait, how old were you when you froze? 33. That's what they say is like the perfect miracle. I had like a miraculous. I was like working on a movie. It's so ironic because, you know, I always say the war is over.

You lost. It was a movie called This Means War with Reese Witherspoon. He was fine. Tom Hardy. He was an underrated comedic actor. He's actually great. And I was in the trailer with Natasha Legerro and Dana Fox. Cooks?

No. Dana Cook, yes. I like this guy. Yeah, it was. It was just for laughs, Vegas. And Dana, who was the writer of the movie, it was like very weird and I was still kind of unconscious at the time. Like I hadn't been in a program yet.

I hadn't been any kind of like done any work on myself. I was still like run by fear and adrenaline. And she was just like, you need to freeze your eggs. Like she was going through some fertility stuff that she's been very public about. And she's like, you need to freeze your eggs. And I was just like, what is happening? I just wanted so badly to get her approval because I just wanted her to hire me because she was like a power.

She's a super powerful writer. And I was like, OK, I'll freeze my eggs. And I like kind of just did it to make her like me because I thought I was networking for a job. I thought I was like, I guess I'll go freeze my eggs for $20,000 or she'll put me in a movie. This is the kind of way that like, yeah, it's like no one has talked about in Hollywood. Like they've talked about the men abusing.

We haven't talked about the women that make other women abuse them because they're so codependent. So I wanted her approval so badly that I kind of just did it like for her. So she'd like me. I could be friends with her. I didn't even want to freeze my eggs. I didn't get it. She was just like lecturing me and Natasha to do it.

Yeah. So I did it. And that's how Natasha did it, right? I mean, she froze her eggs as well. Yeah. I don't know her story. I don't know if that's true. I don't know.

I try. Yeah, because I remember. I know Christina Pazitzki did. Yes. And she told me years ago, she was like, you have to do it now, now, now. Because when I went in, there was some like magic that happened where I went in. And Andy, H-U-A-N-G. How do you pronounce it?

H-U-A-N-G. Andy Wong. Wong. I think it's Wong. Right? I just like, I can't fucking cancel me, dude. Fine. Can you imagine?

I got canceled on Tiger Belly. Like this was the clip that they rolled of me mispronouncing my fertility doctor's name. And I went into his office. He's like the guy. He does the Kardashians and it like he's the guy and you go in and he takes out these starbursts, all these like different. I wrote about this in my book. And he like takes them out and he's like the yellow starburst or the eggs that you have

and the, he like spells it out in the red starbursts or the ones that'll, how many you're going to have on your 35 and he does like a vision. Why that specific candy? It's a great question. I don't know. Why not skittles? Why not skittles? Because they're, that's unsanitary.

Okay. Okay. That would be disgusting. Okay, that's fine. You should not have children. This is information I need to know in the story. If you think that's a good idea, you shouldn't have kids. Okay.

That would be fucking gross. And then he said to me and he was like this is the perfect time because this isn't going to be for your first kid or even your second kid. This will probably be for your third kid when you're like 42, 43 and you're like I want one more. Right? So it's like you can have two naturally before then if you want or if you want to put in a surrogate or whatever.

But now the technology just became available that you can freeze. Is this such an elitist conversation? No. No. That, I mean hopefully this is going to be covered by insurance soon. That's like why I wrote about in the book to get insurance companies to start covering it. Like Google I think maybe covers it for their employees.

Like women, like there's this conversation about like women in the workplace and like that can never happen until women freezing their eggs is covered by insurance. Right? So he said that now you can freeze eggs and they can hold for 10 years and won't get freezer burn. This is just such a weird thing to say. Because a lot of times when you de-thaw them they get destroyed and it's only until recently that you want to do your youngest eggs.

My ones when I was 33 will hold for 10 years and they'll still be 33 year old eggs. So you want to freeze them when they're as young as possible. Of those 17 eggs like what is the percentage of like survivability when they thaw it out? It's like 30 percent because some of them are like have down syndrome. Some of them like how do you know de-thaw able to look at it and really look into the viability of the yeah there's going to be some that don't take or not going to do it. If do not what do not I'm not do not. Are you making fun of my retarded eggs?

No. Are you going to try to make it? I'm just saying if you do look in the mic and there it is. You know what I mean? I don't know. Have you seen the movie basket case? No. Wow.

Yeah there's this character called Belial which is like the twin that the main character ate in the womb and it like goes around with him in the basket. Look up Belial. Yeah. Basket case and it's just like head. Yeah. It's like just like a blob. So that yeah so you have a higher percentage so you guys in December like I'm just thinking

over the holidays when things are dead you could freeze embryos because that's going to be a higher percentage. Yeah. Yeah. So when it looks like that. That's a great movie. Your fans know. Yeah.

Okay. It's a great. It's a wild harm. Yeah. So um let me ask you another question. I mean I drove all the way. Do you want to be our friend Matt? Like what?

No. Your fertility consultant he honestly needs to be spoken to like when it comes to anything like woman related he needs to be spoken to like a fucking five year old. Uh-huh. He just does not understand. We're all five. We're all five. Like basics.

I'm not sure he understands like how conception works. Uh-huh. Yeah I do. But I just think if you want why don't you just freeze embryos in December so you can stop think about it for a couple. I have millions. I have a question for you. Do you think.

It swims through the tunnels of life. Right. It meets the ovary. Right. There you go. One of them. Right. The champion.

The medallist. Right. Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps of the group. Right. Bust through. Right. Gets in.

How? What's the environment of the vagina? Acidic or alkalinic? It's a combination of both. That was just a question. There we go. No. No.

There's a little alkalinic. No. A little what? A little what? A little what? And we're citizens. Are you going birth control? No I'm not.

Okay. No I'm not. But I've had abortions. I've aborted two of his babies. Really? Yeah. In the beginning. In the beginning.

Because I have this one, the second time around I had just gotten an ablation in my heart to burn off of. What are you, Christian? Look at your face. What the fuck? No. I just, it's, it's, I know I'm very pro-choice unless it's your baby. You killed my God children.

This is like, this is like, oh is this what pro, see is this what pro-life people feel? Because pro-life people, we have to remember like they truly believe we're killing babies. Yeah. They really believe, like they have a different definition, but it's like I actually feel so much compassion for pro-life people because like they, that's how I would feel if I thought babies were dying. Yeah. Like I get it.

That just hurt my heart so much to hear that. I talk about it very lightly because you know, like I never want to like stigmatize the idea of abortion. But the truth is the first time that we needed to get an abortion and I needed to get a bronchoscopy because I had a mass in my lungs and they didn't check, they didn't get a pregnancy test. I got it done. I was fully, I got a bronchoscopy and I was pregnant and I was fully sedated and I was under anesthesia.

You didn't know you were pregnant? No. I didn't know I was pregnant. So just, just by virtue of being under and knowing that I had only been about three weeks, four weeks pregnant, I was like, there's no way. I don't want to even risk having, carrying, moving forward with this. That was the first abortion. The second one, it was right after I got...

Did they just do it right then and there? No, no, no. I got it done like privately. Because I had, we had considered it. I was like, well, let's think about it. The second time around, I had a heart ablation and they burned off of normal tissue in my heart because I was having an arrhythmia. And when I got pregnant, we were actually like, oh, this is it.

We're going to do it. And because it was so soon after my ablation and my arrhythmias were just really, really not going away, my doctor, without explicitly saying so, he says this would be a really tough time for you to be pregnant. And so obviously they can't tell you ever either way. But I took that and said... You get pregnant really easily. I think that's, that was the main, when I, when I had that reaction, it was more like

you get pregnant so easily. But my concern now is because I've had two abortions, just how the universe works when we actually do want one. But the, how the universe works is if you put something is going to happen. Oh, you're right. You're right. I'll take it back. Whitney, I've been unloading in the box.

You have not unloaded. I don't let you unload. Yeah, but I've been secretly unloading sometimes. You can't do that. That's not good. Where does it go? No, I don't unload like fully, right? But I just do a little squirt.

No. Those where? In our vagina. Is there a pre-com that comes out first regardless? He has leaky dick. Like you have an old man leaky dick. I have leaky dick for sure. Yeah.

What does that mean? It cries. It cries before. It cries before. Yeah. It gets really sad in one tear, right? What's it sad about? What?

It's sad about its size. It's too wrinkly. It's getting really wrinkly. Yeah. And there's a very dark ring around it. You know what I mean? What's that from? Being Asian.

Being gay. Being gay. Should you propose with that ring? Yeah. There's a lot of issues with it. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you doing like this?

Like it's a science fucking project. No, I'm just, because I don't have a desk or anything. I feel like I'm in an interrogation chair. I don't remember putting my hands in like a nightmare. Yeah. Let me ask you this though about, let's go back to dogs. Why not just get pregnant right now? I don't know.

I just, it's not, you know, we're not going through. Like we're not, you know, some couples eight years in, they still fuck every day. Mm-hmm. We're not that. Interesting. Yeah. I don't think they're, who are those couples?

Well, like Christina and Tom say they do it at least a couple of times a week, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. And Dr. Drew's wife. I mean, I don't think it's like done well. Yeah. You don't think so?

Yeah. From what I know. Like I don't, I mean, I think it's pretty, it's kind of a smash and grab. I mean, I think. Okay, another person. We had Oliver Hudson on. Like, I mean, it's like, what kind of, what, say?

Oliver Hudson was on. And he's been with his wife for 17 years. Yeah. His other sex life has never been better. Yeah. How? Yeah. How do you still want to even like?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know, I know, I know. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, I do think. We did it the other night. I do think if you're famous right now, you can't cheat anymore. No, you can't. So I do think, I do think that it's like, it's really hot to like not get me to.

Here's the thing. I'm 49. I'm 49 and I can totally feel like, you know, it's just declining my libido. Yeah. Your testosterone goes down. Yeah. And I'm like, your ego goes down. Cause I mean, it's like, think about like all the sex you've had in your life.

How much of it was it like, you really want to do it and how much of it was I'm trying to prove it to my guy friends or myself or my dad or how much of this is all I let you do. I mean, it's like, for me, it's like, I don't like sex that much. Like so much of it. Like, it gets to the point where you regret I was doing because I was doing an impression of someone who was supposed to be having sex because we're supposed to be doing this. Yeah.

I just want to get this over with. And it's like, if I don't just fuck him consensually, he's going to rape me. So I guess. Like it's just like, you know what I mean? It's like, let me just like, let me just fuck him so that he can't rape me. I also regret all the things I've done. You know what I mean? All the things that I've done to get, you know what I mean?

Like, why did I buy that cologne when I was 19? Was it Curve? Or Boss? No, whatever. It's DK1. DK1. I think it was Cool Water, whatever it might be. But there was so many things that like, I bought this expensive jacket so I can attract

women and all the effort. Yeah. And then it's like, I bought this jacket. I need to fuck this girl. Like, I just spent. Yeah. I just spent $80 at wet seal. What am I going to not fuck this?

Yeah. It's like, I just, I've already invested so much in this. Yeah. You know, what am I, a pussy? What am I going to not? It's just like. All the time you think about it. You have to.

Do you know that Charlotte Ruse is still alive and kicking? Do you know that store, Charlotte Ruse? Whoa. That's such a deep cut. I'm not as deep as Calypso on Sunset. Calypso. You don't remember Calypso on Sunset? I didn't grow up on Calypso.

Oh, God. So you were not a gold digging whore like that. Charlotte Ruse. Wow. Yeah. The two for 20 clogs? That's intense. I was, I feel like I was like a Arden B girl.

Is Lane Bryant still around? Yeah. I think so. I wonder. Yes. Not, not, not, no, not now that Adele's thin. That even funny? I don't know what's funny.

That's funny. That's funny. I haven't been funny in so long. That's very funny. It's so funny. I forgot how to be funny. Now that Adele's thin. That's a good one.

Did you hear me stutter? Do you know how long it took me to say it? I was like, I'm like, I'm like, I had to like gear up. I wanted to ask you about dogs. Now, when you foster dogs, right, how do you, because for us is we feel like if we foster a puppy, we're going to fall in love with the guy and we're not going to be able to let him go. Yeah.

How do you do that? I'm not weak. Really? So, so no matter what the puppies like, right? I don't do, I, the dogs that I fosters are normally not puppy puppies. Yeah. They're normally, so what I, I just try to go like, how am I going to be the most useful? Um, I know a certain number of dogs are going to die.

I know like puppies are easier to get adopted. I try to take the ones that are the hardest to get adopted, the ones that are just about to die. Like the one that I got today was going to be put down like within a couple of hours. Like it was going to be euthanized like today and it was going to be very hard to adopt black, pit bull, handicap, like it just had nothing going for it. And then the ones that are going to be like the surgeries are going to be the most expensive. I'm like, oh, no one's going to adopt that because that's going to cost, you know, too

much money. And then I take dogs that are evidence in court cases that they can't put up for adoption through, um, uh, the shelters because it's like mafia connections and exotic animal trafficking stuff. So the last couple of ones I got, the pharaoh hound and the two Sharpays that I got were all exotic animal traffic. What was the big balls? One, the one that I saw at your house. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I think he was. They said pharaoh hound, albino doberman, I don't know much about pharaoh hound like albino dobermans are like, so what, I think that that's my

gut. Yeah. Um, and they're like 30 grand and they breed them and they keep them in boxes and ship them to the Middle East for like princes and stuff, you know, and they just start to just sit there. They're like so breathtakingly beautiful. So he had never like been out of a box basically, you know, so it was like he was just, um, because they also can't be in the sun because there's, they have no pigment in their skin. So it's like, yeah, they're just shipped over there and they just sit like in a castle.

Um, but, uh, so yeah, so I take really weird ones and for me, like, I just know that if I keep it, I can't get more. So I just am like, I'd rather get my heart broken, but every time I get one a home, I get to save another one. But it seems like George, because when I was at your house that he was really cool, good with people. He was a weirdo. Well, he's scared of men.

He was kind of like, I was scared of you. But yeah, he's scared of men. What do you what? He was scared of men. Yeah. Excuse me? Yep. He was scared.

It was a estrogen testosterone. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't afraid of me. I'm a man. Did you just pretend you didn't hear me? Hello? This bit?

Hello? Do you need a banana? Yeah, yeah. When you look at me, you don't, do you, let's go back to me real quick. Okay. I'd like to go back to me real quick. And when you look at me honestly, do I not seem bailed to you? Can you just stop and I'll answer it?

No, can I ask the question? I know what it's going to be, but I know what your question is. What is the question? Well, here's the thing. I think the definition of man, quote unquote, has changed in masculine. And I actually think now the most masculine shit you can do is be vulnerable and open and honest and loyal.

Hello. So I actually think that you are the most masculine motherfucker in the game. But that dog was triggered and scared of like traditionally masculine quality. Like Andrew Santino. No, I just mean like that brutish, like aggression is like ultimately weakness, emotional weakness, right?

At some point. So it's like, I think we conflate masculine with tough. I think we conflate masculine. Like it's just the words don't mean anything anymore. But I think that actually like Lex Friedman went on Joe Rogan the other day. And he's a AI, like genius guy. He like does all the tessals and stuff.

And he went on Joe Rogan's show, whose audience is, you know, like tough guy, bro guys, masculine guys. Alleged alphas. Alphas, whatever these were, alpha. Alpha doesn't mean alpha because alpha sleeps. And the alpha are powerful. People don't need to show their power. But let's just go with the traditional socially constructed

definitions, which is like Lex Friedman goes on there and he reads poetry. And Joe was like, what are you doing? And he was like, I'm reading poetry about love. And it was like the most gangster shit I've ever seen. Just wet, wet, pussy, wet. I was just like. He's pretty hot.

Yeah. I like that he also has a very flat effect when he speaks. So I don't know where he lands really. He is a robot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it. He's so, it's like this new masculinity of like, are you checking your phone?

He's going to see Lex Friedman. No, no, no. Also, I'm checking phone. But I'm saying like that to me like that, because masculinity is about courage and bravery. And right now, in this moment in time, the most courageous, brave thing you can do is say, that hurt my feelings.

Trees. So that is. By Joseph. Go, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Trees by Joyce Kilmer. I think I shall, but let me start over. Try a British accent. Hello.

Trees. There we go. By Joyce Kilmer. I think I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed against the sweet earth's flowing breast. A tree that looks like God all die and lifts her leafy arms to pry.

A tree that may in summer wear a nest of robins in our hair. Upon whose bosom snow has lain, whose intimately lives with rye, perms are made by fools like me. But only God can make a try. Wet. Wet. Is your dick wet? Wet.

Is your dick wet? So wet, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Whitney, are you into femboys? What? What are you saying? Can you just find what that means? BTS.

OK, so this is going to sound femboys, like the guys who wear pearls, the guys who kind of really lean into their feminine gait. I said, like, how Harry Styles now wears pearl necklaces and blouses? More, even more than that. Freddie Mercury? Even more than that.

David Bowie. Like, the way they move, the way they touch, they're not leading with this gruff kind of, you know? I just want to be choked. So if they use that pearl necklace to choke me and make another pearl necklace, I'm fine with it. I don't know the answer, because I don't think I've been in that situation.

Like, I'm always, I surprise myself with the times I get sexually attracted to people. And I'm like, I never, I don't, like, when people are like, I have a type. No, you don't. Like, not if you're an awake, evolving person. You're growing and changing every day. And you're a different person all the time,

hormonally, us chemically, right? So it's like, there are times that, like, a really muscular guy with tattoos is, like, not attractive to me. And they're time, it's mental. I don't know. Yeah. I never know what happens.

You'd be difficult to date for me. Why? Because I wouldn't date you? It would be better. In a world that I hurt, that burned. Why did it hurt? And I have to admit that. That burned a bit.

Because I, the. Oh, by the way, what? You've never talked about, like, what happened when I started at the comedy store, like, what the guys were saying. What do you mean? Because you were around when I started. Listen, oh my god.

Well, you want to get there? Why would we? This is a positive point. The comedy store is, a documentary is airing. Like, I watched it. I went to the comedy store two nights ago with Eddie Letterman. And we watched it. It was just, like, so surreal to watch that.

The think that I was once not, like, you know what I mean? Just the days before. You know, here's, I learned a lot from you. And I learned a lot from, listen, in the 90s and in the 2000s, when women used to come to the comedy store, right? And I don't want to call anybody out, right? But I was always, like, arguing with people, like,

what are you talking about? Like, for instance, when I see a comic on stage, regardless of gender, you know what I mean? I respond to the effect it has with the audience. It's just the true test, right? But it's like, I was talking to Sebastian. Sebastian was on my podcast the other day, and I was. He won't do mine.

He won't do mine. It's a sore thing. He won't do mine. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, burn me more. It's fine.

Who was doing your podcast the other day? Ashton Maniscalco to Grove to my home. Kept him over time. He's gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Texting me, thank you. Like, do you want me to read? Yeah.

I'm going to do another one. And so I said to him, I was like, because he was just like, I, like, he just, you know, he has such blinders on when he goes in the conference room. Sure, he does, yeah. And I was like, God, it's like, and I'm not a person. It's like, it's so much harder to be a woman. That's not my deal.

I think it's hard for everybody. And I think in some ways, it was easier for me in the beginning. I think I got opportunities I didn't deserve because I was a woman. And then it got hard in other ways, but the same ways it was hard for men. Because to me, it was like, oh, it's so much easier to write jokes that no one can steal my jokes.

Yeah. Like that, I just remember being like, I'm a girl. Like, there's less people that can steal my jokes. Like, there were some benefits for me at the time. And but the way I was introduced to the comedy story used to be like, are you guys ready for a lady? Yeah. It was like that's, which is, I'm not like,

I think the person introducing me truly thought they were doing the right thing. Like, I think, I don't think they were trying to be sexist, but it was like, anyone need to go to the bathroom? Feed your meter? Now is the time. Do you remember the writing packet situation at Chelsea? I'll remind you.

The submitting a writing packet to be a writer? So a guy came up to me, right? And he said, hey, I need work. And I need, right? And I got, he goes, here's my writing packet. I know they're looking for writers at Chelsea Handler. Yeah. Chelsea Lately.

And I said, and I, for some reason, I had completely forgotten about how we treated women. You know what I mean? And he looked like a guy who was like really needing help. She's got a lot to say. I think I know who it is. So he gives me the packet. And I remember going to, I was with Brad

and a bunch of writers and producers. And I gave them the packet, right? I go, this is from, sit that loudly, right? And you barged, you barged into the room. You, I heard you scream. What the fuck? Right? You barged in the room and you yelled at me.

He goes, you're bringing that piece of shit into our family, right? And then it kind of was like a, you know, I woke, I woke up. I went, oh, fuck. It was such a co-dependent move on your part. It was. It really was. It was such a, it was like, I know what you're,

I knew what you're doing cause I've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just like, it just was a slap in the face to me. And like, I woke up and I was like, oh my God, I think I really fucked up here. But what's so ironic about that? And I'm sorry, I think I did the right thing. And I'm sorry.

You 100% did. You 100% did. But it was already such a toxic environment that I was, I was also run by fear at the time. Yeah. So I think I was coming in going, well, I can't take any more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, yeah.

But it was also though, it brought back. And I was very traumatized by him. So I think I obviously, my inner child was like, no. A lot of women were. In fact, I remember having discussions with him when he was very young going, why don't you treat people nice, you know? But he's, but he's, but we forgive not because others

deserve forgiveness, but because we deserve peace. I mean, it's a sick person. Yeah. So broke, hurt people, hurt people. So it's like he's broken. But it brings me back to the culture of what it was like back then. Yeah.

Wild. Wild. Why? And it's so funny to me that, you know, me, this group of guys, you mean who berated, not just, you know, female comics, but gay comics, or other type of comics. But here's what, can I say something crazy

that's gonna get me canceled? What? Like, I guess for me, like I'm now just in this, this after my dad died, it like, I think it's kind of what broke me open. It's like, I have this like radical forgiveness shit. I'm on some radical forgiveness shit right now, which is like, everyone that hurt me,

like I'm so, like you made me stronger. Like it's, that's such a fortune cookie bad, like shitty Instagram, like pop thing. But it's like, it really did. Like I look back at those days in the comedy store, in the hallway, I was like being degraded and insulted and flirted and like all the emotionally dangerous shit. I also come from a really emotionally dangerous environment.

So it was like, wasn't like, you know, when people like, isn't the comedy store toxic? I'm like, if you had a good childhood, maybe. But for me, it was like a warm hug. It was like, I know what to do with this. And I would like go to like a party for the office writers and I'd be like, this is weird and great. Like that scared me.

Like eye contact with guys from Harvard. Like, you know, so. How come you're so much like me? Yeah, I know. I don't know how to be around unbroken people. I know, but broken people, we just vibrate on different frequency. And it's also like the shoe is dropped.

So I don't have to wait for the shoe to drop. And like when people are openly broken, I feel very safe cause I know they're not hiding anything. I know there's no secrets. Whereas when people are really nice and like, I'm like, you fucking have. Yeah, you have like a woman in your basement. Like, so when someone's like openly seemingly

like well adjusted and quote unquote nice and like well adjusted or something and normal, that really creeps me out cause I know you have a secret. Whereas comics, we just go, ah, like I just cheated on my girlfriend. And we're like, okay. Like we're just so like, we advertise our darkness, we're a shadow.

We show our shadow right away. And that makes me feel so safe. I have the opposite feeling sometimes. I feel guilt because I went against my moral and my ethics. Just because I wanted to make it in the business. So there are instances. We've all done that. Where I've passed, you know what I mean?

Someone would behave in a way where I would just kind of go, you know what I mean? Okay, I'm not saying it, I'm not gonna look at it. You know what I mean? I know that's fucking awful, right? Yeah, but that was your self preservation and it would not have been a positive contribution to your future to like,

that's like the stuff with like any of the stuff that comes up with comedians that have done things that are untoward and like, well, what did you do about it? It's not my job to, I'm not their mom. I'm like, I'm doing my job. You know what I mean? It's not my, I'm not enabling them by existing.

I'm not enabling them by doing my job over here. Like there is a little bit of this like blame game with like that person misbehaved. Why didn't you feel like I was gonna go over and get a time machine and change their childhood? By going over, like that's playing God. And that's delusional thinking to think that you would have had any power over that.

That would have been sick of you to get involved. Yeah, yeah, but it's like, I don't know. I haven't seen the documentary yet. Is it good? So good. The comedy short documentary? It's where I thought like, when you said the documentary, I was like, I was like Epstein Island,

but I'm not like, yeah, I mean, it's like beautiful. It's, I cried, I went and saw, I've only seen, I like, I'm sort of careful with watching it, you know? But I saw the third episode I went with Annie and it was like, it's like, I don't even know how to describe it. It's so artfully done. The Troy Conrad's photos are like made 3D and dimensional.

Like pull up the open, like just show Bobby, the open will make you cry. I mean, I cried. Rogan cried in the last episode. He like got choked up talking about Mitzi. Like it's really intense. The last episode was like an homage to Brian Holtzman. Oh, wow.

I know, like it's for real. It's not like, here are all the famous people that worked at the comedy store. It's like, this is the real comedy store. Yeah, yeah. And like shows Brian Holtzman like, he does like seven or eight minutes of his material. And it's like, we're talking about like,

comics run in and watch Brian Holtzman at the end of the night. Like it's like an homage. It's like Don Barris isn't like, it's like the real deal. Yeah. So now, you know, you just give me tingles on my body. I guess you should. Because, because I have to say about Brian Holtzman,

you know, I've watched Brian Holtzman for over 20 years, right? And there are times where I watch him and I go, wow, that's freedom, right? Because everything that I say and do, right? There's, I worry about the consequences. And I want to be, I want to be able to work. And all that stuff is tied into something, you know,

about my own self-preservation, you know? And fear, just fear. And he's the type of guy that like, that's why we watch him is because, do I agree with 95% of the things that he talks about? Here, he might not even agree with them. Yeah, yeah, they are awful, right? But it's in the, in the freedom of it.

And watching audiences walk out on him, right? And then he goes, thank you for staying as long as you did. I know. There is something magical about that. And I'm so glad that that's in it. I've never seen it because. It's, it's made my nipples hard. I mean, watching it was so like,

we were in the comedy store parking lot, watching it, comedy store, dirt people were watching it, speechless. Like we were so speed, like just touched and moved that he was being celebrated fight, like finally. And then there's a whole, that whole episode is also about how no one in Hollywood was embracing these talents at the comedy store and how we were just waiting around for permission from a bunch of guys that went to school

for advertising to let us be in their bad TV shows. So that we could be comics and what podcasting did to all of a sudden give power to people that were the actual talents. Right, right. And it has Tom and Christina and Joe. And it's like about Joey Diaz. I mean, it's like Joey Diaz does a joke in it

where he says like, someone called me a speck the other day and I was like, yeah, there's still real Americans left. Like has like, it's just, it's so triumphant. It's so well made. It's so, and it's funny because I like find myself not wanting to compliment it so much because I'm in it. And I just had shame come up that I'm complimenting myself. But I'm like such, you know, we shot a bunch of stuff

in my podcast about it. And I was so resistant to doing it because we get asked to do stuff so much. How many times has someone been like, I wanna come shoot, it's like Mike Binder was like, you know, and he directed Burr Specials and I know Mike Binder, but it was just sort of like, we're all so busy when someone's like,

do you wanna be in this documentary? There's a little bit of a like, God, it feels like an obligation, you know? And like, I was talking to Sebastian about it and we're also both weirdos. We come in and we leave, we don't really hang out. And a lot of it was shot like, they were like, can we come watch you do the hat trick,

which is doing all three rooms in the comedy. And I kept being like, ah, like I don't, like I just didn't make it a priority because I'm a weirdo and watching it. I regretted that I didn't make more time for it. Oh wow. To be in it, you know? But I think I'm in at the perfect amount.

Like everyone's probably at capacity and sick of me, but it's, it's like, it's, it's, it made me cry. That's all I know to say. Can I tell you a sick reason why I haven't seen it? You're in it for sure. I know, but I, no one's tweeted about me. Right? Are you like, you know what's so-

There's nothing positive about like- I love that you said tweet. Yeah, or any comment or I've been reading things and there's no mention of me. So in my head, in my head, I'm like, oh, I'm terrible in it or, you know what I mean? Or I'm not in it at all, would you be embarrassing? I think that right now, like the way things come out,

they come out forever. It's always gonna be coming out. So it's like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, there's gonna be a big surge in people watching it after this air. So there's gonna be a big, and then Sebastian and I are gonna talk about it. I'm like, it's gonna keep coming out like in heats.

It used to be like, like the ratings were like something aired, it was like overnight, how many people watched it. Right, right, right. Now it's like broken up into heats or something. It's like doled out, like there's, so people are gonna watch it now because you're talking about it, your fans. But I do tell, but I do, I can tell.

Do you look at your tags, your story tags? Yeah, I do. Yeah. And I can tell, right, that something is, and this is, I hate talking about myself. Clearly. Yeah, I can tell though, that something is changing about my life, you know what I mean?

Whereas so many years I struggled, you know, and to find my way to get some sort of like respect or whatnot, I just never quit, I just hung in there. I stuck to what I knew, which was the comedy store and the people there, because I was literally the only place that would have me almost, right? And so, and I never thought that anything would really substantial would come of it, because I would watch people

step ahead of me, you know what I mean? And I would watch people that generally, you know, had an easier route, because the comedy store was a difficult route, especially when you're talking about the slimiers, you know what I mean? But it's a difficult, it's, and I think it's like, and when you came on my podcast, I have a podcast for you guys.

Um, uh, when you came on my podcast and you like, you kept saying, because you're a histrionic person by nature. Histrionic completely. What's histrionic? You'd like to tell me what it means. You're dramatic. I'm not dramatic.

Okay. How am I dramatic? All right. No, no, no, no, what people say that, no, no, no, shut, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. When people say that I'm fucking dramatic, it drives me fucking crazy because I don't even know what the fucking mean, right?

I'm fucking cool, I'm fucking chill. I'm relaxed. What is it? Oh. What does it mean? It's trying, it's exactly what you just got. You're intense and you're very emotional. Oh, shit, my bad.

You're very emotional. I'm not a historian, Marca. You're very emotional. You exaggerate, you exaggerate. Histrionic. Histrionic. Histrionic, if it's hysterical, it's historical. You're hysterical, but it's old.

We all know that it's old, so we put up with it. What's old? My face. No, laugh at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is old? So this, it's obviously, it's part of your process. It's an act.

I know. It's an act. It's not really who I am. I know, but the blinds are blurring a little bit. I understand. Tell me to relax again, Bobby. I know, but just don't, what are you getting so angry about? What are you getting so angry about?

Let me finish. Let me finish it. Okay. Don't finish inside me or near me, finish in anyone. But I'm just saying, you exaggerate. I'm giving it, this is all getting to a compliment. It's gonna, this is all about you. Don't panic.

I'm talking about you. I'm talking about you. So like before you go on stage, you go, this is gonna be the worst set ever. I'm gonna have the worst set ever. I change that about myself. I know. I change that about yourself.

I know you do. But I'm just saying, I'm just saying, but you remember like that's how you talk in extremes. I'm the same. We're black and white thinkers. Everything's horrible or great. It's amazing or it's awful. Like I'm the worst person or I'm the best.

Like it vacillates and we're black and white. There's no gray with us. Like that's how our brains sort of like see the world. Right? We've gotten better. So when you kept saying like, this podcast changed my life, this podcast changed, you would say that which is like,

it's an extreme thing to say and you've said a lot of extreme things. Like this is gonna be the worst set ever. I'm gonna bomb tonight. So it's like, I'm so used to you exaggerating that like I didn't, I kind of took it with the grain of salt. I'm like, yeah, I know his podcast is big.

Like I would go on stage at The Comedy Star and people would be in tiger belly shirts in the front row. And I was like, oh, okay, great. Like it's doing well. Like I didn't really understand that it was truly changing your life in a way that was like your, everything you would work so hard for,

all of a sudden became worth it and no time was ever wasted and nothing was ever a mistake. Like the journey became made sense. There were no tangents all of a sudden. Everything you've ever done, every horrible thing that's ever happened to you is now being alchemized.

You get to talk about it and make money off of it. So it's like every, all the abuse you went through, all the shit you went through, all the madness you went through, all the shitty shows you did, all the fucking fucked up sex you had, like now it's paying your bills.

It was first, it wasn't for nothing. It wasn't waiting. I had a question about that. And then you cried really quick. You came on my podcast and you cried. And you were like, I just, I can't believe I get to do this. Like this has changed my life.

Like I get to go do a podcast with my girlfriend and I get to, you didn't listen to the episode. It was very good. And I get to go do it with Santino. And you were like, got choked up. You were like, I just, this has like changed my life so much. And I didn't, and then I was like,

God fucking Bobby, why is he crying on my podcast? I was like, Jesus, let's be funny. Like I remember just going, cause it was the embryonic stages of my podcast. And I thought it was back when I thought I had to be funny. And I was like, manic on my podcast. And I get it now. And I only got it a couple weeks ago at like click for me.

Where I was like, oh my God, like all we want is to be seen and heard and understood and loved. And we kept, we couldn't do it cause there were so many gatekeepers before. And we were banging our heads against the wall and it was making us hate ourselves. And it was deteriorating our self-worth and self-esteem.

And then podcasts, all of a sudden we got to be unbound and like be seen for who we are and be authentic for once. But it's not going to last forever. Yours isn't it. I know. But for me, it's like, you know, I also have to understand that nothing lasts forever, right?

And this is a wave that we're riding, right? In this last year, they have been some turbulent weather, right? Amongst our people that we know and friends, right? And things shift and I get all that, right? And so, you know, I appreciate it for the moment. But here's what I'll say. I do think that it's,

what just happened in the last couple, the pandemic, like I think that I'm calling it the great reorganization because it's like everything, no one's getting away with anything. Like everything will be revealed. And that's what podcasts are. We're going like, this is who I am. These are my flaws.

These are my imperfections. I'm a piece of shit. I've done this. I've had abortions. Like we're all just, and I think that it's like nice guys finish first. All of a sudden it used to be nice guys finish last. But it feels like it just flipped.

That was my next question to you. Like because we've been doing this for five years now and people, some people have been doing it longer. Is there a point where you fear looking back maybe five years in the future and said, why did I say that? Is that, and people like digging into things that you've said in the past

and like possibly like counseling you for it. And because, you know, the pendulum swings, the times change. And what's true to us today might be, might sound completely antiquated, you know, five years from now. And like that's always what I fear even doing this. Like moving forward, we've done ever since we've done this.

I'm like, I, five years ago, I openly talked about wanting to beat kids. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that's not who I am. Now I don't believe that. It was that ingest. But that's-

My mom slapped me in the face when I was 11. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I called her a hooker to her face and she hit me in the face and I hit the ground. Wow. And I think every time I see her, I say thank you for doing that. I'm just saying don't beat your kids.

But if your 11 year old calls you a hooker, hit her in the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am proof that that was a good idea. I, my mom's torture tactics were a little different and unwarranted. But what I'm saying is like, sometimes I have this like fear of doing this

and thinking that I'll be held. I don't think anyone can come for you if you're the same person on camera and off camera. I just, if you don't have a boss, who's gonna cancel? If you don't have a boss. Yeah. No one can, you know what I'm saying?

It's just like- I think I can never go back to nursing. Like I can never go back to taking care of people bedside or doing this and doing that. Do you want to go back to that? You know, it's always, it's there if shit should ever go, you know, away from me. Like if ever, if him and I-

Why are you thinking about things going away? Well, I'm just saying, if Bobby has one very large histrionic day and says I'm leaving you bitch, I'm out. You know, that's something that I know that I'm good at, that I know that will give me a good livelihood. I can go back to that. Yeah.

No, you'll marry a billionaire. Hahaha. Russ. Well, not a billionaire. You'll get on Raya. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get somebody, you know what I mean?

Maybe as good as me. When Bobby leaves, you mean the best day of your life? I mean, I'm pretty good. When I am back at J-Drain. So you can go date a rich guy? Yeah, I'm doing okay, okay friend? But what you said to me three weeks ago was that this what we're doing, though, is our art, right?

Yeah. You know, and this is something that, you know, you know. Art, that's not how art, but okay. Hahaha. Like I was slow down. Art expression. Yeah, yeah. It's our expression, right?

It's our, we're putting on plays that are true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also said that, you know, I exaggerate. Like we said, we know this about me. But that's comedy also. Yeah, I heighten things, right? I exaggerate things. Some things I make up, right?

That's why that makes it funny. Yeah, yeah. He's saying I'm a pedophile, isn't funny if I'm actually a pedophile. Right, right. But I'll go, he's young, I'm a pedophile. You're laughing because it's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I just think that. That's just what a joke is. And people know, like I've had a podcast transcribed and put in a newspaper that where I was making jokes about something and it transcribed looks really bad. Yeah. You know? But I think that it's like, you know,

I think it's our job, like as comics it's our job like to, if someone's not laughing, that's all we can think about. If we're making 1,000 people in a theater laugh and one person's not laughing, that's all we can think about. That's why we're funny. That brain wiring is why we're good.

Like don't take, don't lose that, you should be like that. But we are, and there's a biological basis for it, but we are amplifying how much the canceling is. It's just like 22% of people are on Twitter of that 2% generate 80% of the comments. We're making it bigger than, it's not that big. And like we're wired to amplify the negative, which is why we're funny.

Because we go, that wasn't good enough, that wasn't good enough, right? And we get funnier and funnier and make the joke better and better. We only focus on negative feedback, not positive feedback. It's like you get applause, right? Okay, now let me try this next. Like we just like, you know, for us in a like a,

like you don't, I go through my like comments and the pot, love you, love you, live for you. You got me through my cancer. Spirit of death, flay. And I'm just like, I'm looking for the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I look for it and then I find it, you're an ugly cut and I'm like, I fuck, if you don't agree with it,

it can't hurt you is what I'm learning. The only ones that hurt me are the ones that I'm like, he's right. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Or she's right or whatever it is, you know? But it's like, now I don't, I feel like I've done so much work to try to figure out

like why I judge people and why I criticize people. And it's just like people that are in pain, that are just using self-righteous indignation as their anesthesia and you just let them do it. Yeah. There was also, there was a guy, just to get a trolls, right? Just,

He has fixations. I fixations of trolls. That's a guy, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like cutting. They try to alter. Yes, that's exactly it. But they try to alter your reality. It's a cutter.

I know that feeling. That's exactly what you're doing. What? You're cutting. I still cut too, that way. Yeah, with negative comments, you go and you're like, Well, I was cutting the other day. But what's so funny about it is like,

you're cutting yourself with people that are, they're hurting. They're broken people. That are like, they don't even mean what they're saying. Like have you ever, my favorite thing is to respond to a troll that says something horrible. When you're like, they'll be like, you're an ugly busted cunt, whatever.

And I'll be like, but you follow me or like, hey, sorry, you feel that way and they'll go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I never thought you were gonna see this. And they just like are in the shame spiral. It's like, also you follow me. But let's go back to that.

You love me. You love me. You know Corey Hame. You remember Corey Hame, right? Yes. I wasn't a big fan of his. Okay. Right?

But you know, if Corey Hame was alive, right? There is nothing in my mind or in my heart would make me want to go onto his Instagram and go, yo dude, I think you're not talented. I don't like you. Right? I would just not do that. Cause I don't want to hurt his feeling.

I don't know the guy. Other people have different perspectives. What would make somebody want to do that to a stranger? So what I'm saying is that what gives somebody the assentive? In my opinion. She said it's anesthesia. It's for them. Well, yeah, I mean, if you're, it's like to me,

that's you're being the bully because they're like, they're going after people with a lot of stuff and amazing life and going, fuck you. Like they're just nipping at your heels and then you're just like, boom. It's like, oh wait, you know what I mean? They're just like, they egged your house. They egged your mansion.

Right. She actually interviewed one of her trolls. I did. I love it. I did. What was your conclusion? Oh my God, Whitney. Like he had gone down.

Like this is somebody who had always like every week just made it his mission to always call me golden and horror con, whatever, you know the mix. You know the cocktail. Imagine how much pain you have to be in to do that. But so I tried to get into how much pain. I asked him questions about his life and it turned out that he couldn't put a finger

on what about me bugged him the most besides that his girlfriend loved me a lot. That was it. And it was so strange and at the end of it all, he was like. He's also mentally ill. I, yeah. Anyone commenting like, I mean,

it's like this person's not well. Yeah. I thought it would really, it was really cathartic for me at least for someone. You also, sorry, I don't mean to cut you off. You also kind of got famous without a much of a ramp up. Correct. We had like ramp ups where it was like a couple people

liked us and then a couple hated us. It grew gradually. I feel like you kind of were like, it was probably kind of jarring. We had like a slow burn into it. Also his, in the beginning when I first started dating him, I didn't, the way Bobby posted about me on his Instagram, like looking back is really cringe worthy and gross.

It was always like tits and this and then me and this. You're triggering. You're very triggering. Yeah. When we trigger people, like that's theirs. Yeah. You know? I'm very triggering to people.

That's why I've had to like learn this. I'm like, so many people don't like me. Like, but I'm dope. So what's up? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But it took me so long to know like, that I, to like myself.

Yeah. Because I didn't, wasn't doing anything out of guilt, shame or whatever. That I'm like, okay. I get why I'm triggering. Like I remember like, when I had a TV show come out and there were like posters everywhere that's like Whitney and I was like, meh.

Like, I remember thinking like, if there was a show called like Tiffany with some girl being like me, I would have been like, I would have made so much fun. I would have hated that part, you know? Yeah. I did ayahuasca like three years ago when my dad died and I had that and I didn't have like revelation.

Like I didn't really have a profound experience. Like I was like clowning on it and roasting at the whole time because you're sitting there for like six hours and you're gonna have these revelations. Like anyone sitting anywhere without ayahuasca and their phone is gonna think of some shit. You know what I mean? Like it's so rare that we're alone with our own thoughts.

So I was sitting there. I didn't feel high. I puked the first night. The second night I didn't feel anything and I was so annoyed because it was so expensive. And then went into my room and sneaked a joint, which I don't know if you can mix ayahuasca and marijuana but I did and I recommend it to everyone.

It was amazing. And then so I kind of got high on weed and maybe the ayahuasca kicked in or whatever but I had this revelation where I was like, there's a couple of family members that I had all this resentment towards. Like crystallize, I hated them and I didn't understand. Like I paid for this and I gave you money for this

and I was so nice to you. And I flew in for Thanksgiving then. I was like, I just, I didn't know yet that like co-dependence breeds resentment. The nice you are to people sometimes, you're just setting yourself up to be victimized. It says that a gunshot. The Dodgers won.

Stop. I missed it. That was a fireworks. Really? She got, she still thinks she's in a bad neighborhood. She thinks she's in a bad neighborhood. Why is that your defensive position? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that a gun? No, she was in this beautiful rant. She was in this beautiful, I've been there Whitney, where you're serious and you're doing a beautiful, like an Oscar winning performance and then the Dodgers win. You know what I mean?

It fucked you up and it feels bad, but we got to go to an unhelpful one. Wait, no, no! Let her go! So, she's been more unhelpful than her family. We were talking about it. Go ahead, go ahead. So you were saying about ayahuasca

and you're in a revelation about your family member resentments. The Dodgers really fucked this up. Resentments? Go ahead. Dude, fuck podcasting. I'm going to go back to making a shitty second. People don't interrupt me when I'm talking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Dude, it's so fucking jumpy when it comes to that. Yeah. Anyway, congratulations to the Dodgers. Yeah, well, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hear the end of this story.

Yeah, the end of the story, please. Baseball, like who cares? Lover or baseball right here? Lover. The most bitch for like the oldest guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The oldest. Not a gun shot at all.

It was great. We're good. Thank you. Thank you for our works. Yeah, the momentum, huh? I did date a baseball player. You did? Yeah, you did.

I did. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do. MLB, like major leagues? No, I think he was like the lead right below that. He was in the major leagues, but then like hurt himself or something. Yeah, I'm just fascinated by like athletes psychology

because they just have gotten everything so easily and girls so easily that it's always just like so funny. It's true, they're a little stunted. Yeah, tiny dick, he had no idea. The last baseball player. Oh my God, Whitney, the last baseball player I dated. The tiniest dick. But like threw it around.

Like he was, like had no idea because he had just had women be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, it was just like, I literally remember. So, so. Wait, you didn't do this. When you try to, this is my approach. It's worked pretty well. But I think from what I understand

what you're supposed to do with a dick is like, like. Do you know what I mean when you're blowing it? And I couldn't get to it. I remember being like, I remembered not knowing what to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was like, I only know, I don't know if I saw it in porn or where I learned it but you're supposed to do this for the dick.

Twist up and down, like butter churn it. He has to use two fingers and do that. She does it with just two fingers. I kind of just. Two hands? Oh my God. I mean, did I fuck up the joke? He goes, he goes, I mean.

He goes, I didn't do this out. Yes, aunt, yes, aunt. Yes, aunt do another one, do. Yeah. I fucked it up. I fucked up the joke. I tripled on her bit. You don't have to go, hey, man.

I'm helping you out. I could win. It's something about watering or something. You get all the cat hair you have on your shirt. Let's do it on helpful advice. Do we want to finish? My food's very hard on her. Is that why we're stopping the podcast?

Is that why we're stopping the podcast? You have a post made? You haven't, we haven't let her finish one single thought. She drove me so far away. Bobby's so over me. This is a fucking hit already. We have so many good things. This is a great podcast.

But we were talking about- Are we gonna have her back? By the way, here's the other thing. I do, I am, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna voice some, some, I'm gonna go for it. Okay, go ahead. I feel like you guys should invite me on here more. I think so too.

Yeah, I do too. I feel like you don't invite me. I feel like I'm not cool enough to do this podcast. Are you fucking out of your mind? First of all, let me say something. Meet him in the next. How many repeats, how many times have you done this podcast?

This is only her. Third time. This is my third time. But I feel like I bombed the first time. You didn't bomb at all. I feel like the second time I was kind of okay. All right, and you're the only one that, who's done it three times?

Maybe it's just because I follow you guys and I see our friends on and I get jealous. I do, I really get foam off. Holly's done it twice. Yeah, okay. Eric Griffin's done it three times. Okay. You know what I mean?

But it was a fill-in for you as well. It was a fill-in, who else? I'd say the most was probably. But Natasha's done it one time. I will say the next time, because you got to choose the fill-in for the last time when you were out of town. I would love it if I got a woman to fill in like with me.

Yeah. Like I just, I feel like just after having done a podcast for way less, like eight, Jesus fucking hell. I've only been doing it eight months and I'm finding that the episodes that work for me are the one I'm, like I've had Taylor Thomas on back a couple times, I'd rather have her back than like a super famous person

that I don't really have chemistry with. Like I sort of am like, I'm trying to put my philosophy on you guys. But yeah, I feel like repeats are okay. Do every, does every guest that you ask say yes? Have you ever asked somebody and like- John Mayer said, I don't do well on podcasts. He was very honest with me about it.

I was like, dude, come on. He was like, I always feel bad after I go on podcasts. And I was like, dude, that's so fucking smart of you. Like, cause he's like, he will overshare and then feel bad afterwards. And I'm like, yeah, that's what we do. Cause I used to be like that. I'd go to podcasts and leave and be like,

why the fuck did I say all that? Yeah. That's always how I feel. I've asked famous people that I know, they're friends of mine and they've said stuff like, well, you're going to have to talk to my publicist to see if I fucking, questions. But they don't understand how they get it.

Cause unless you know that they do other podcasts and you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, but it's like- They do Whitney's. They're just finding out. I feel like people are just fine. I just have to say now, like the numbers are bigger than this talk show.

Like here, once you show them the numbers, once they start to understand and then you go, hey, I'm going to give you a big part of, I think why I'm able to get big S's, I also give them clips that are subtitled for their channels. So I go, I'm going to give you like five clips for your channel.

So like they get a week of just content. Why don't we do the clips for the guest? Don't steal my business model. Let's not do that either. Do you know what I mean? So you say to the guest, I say, and I also do car and hair and makeup if they want it. They normally say no cause it's a pandemic,

just offer it. They don't say yes cause it's a pandemic and you get the credit. Why not? All we do is coffee dance. Unhelpful advice. Boom. Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalayla and Whitney.

This might be a little heavy for you guys, but here it goes anyway. I have a girlfriend that I've been with for four years now. Three out of the four years, we've been on and off the street. The street? Yeah, I believe homeless. Oh shit.

The main reason is because my partner suffers from depression, anxiety and OCD. It's put quite a strain on our relationship to the point where we don't love each other the same. She refuses to get therapy because she believes it won't help. At this point, I feel guilty to leave her. On top of that, her adoptive family can care less

about what happens to her. At this point, I have no idea what to do. I would appreciate your feedback. That's all Whitney. I'm out. I'm at a very high level, I'm too unqualified to talk about that. This is just someone that doesn't want to leave someone. It's about someone who's been living on.

You're never being nice if you don't leave. You're never being nice. She, they're homeless. Yeah. Okay, they're homeless, right? She has mental issues, right? Yeah. And she has no more family that kind of abandoned her.

And she refuses to go to therapy. She refuses to go to therapy. But she's homeless. How would she go to therapy? What are you talking about? No, they go in and out of therapy. So they know they go in and out of homelessness, I mean. They go in and out.

Stop spending your money on therapy if you're homeless. All right, okay. Let's get out of it. I mean, it's for, yeah. Stop going to therapy. Yeah, for me, let me give it my two cents. If I may, you know, you can't, it's like, you can't change her.

You can't, you know, it's like. Oh my God, leave. Yeah. What are we doing? What are you doing? If you're not happy. You're never pity and love. Do never confuse love and pity.

That's basically what I want to say. And this person's never going to hit rock bottom and you're not going to give them the dignity of their own experience. How are they ever going to grow if you're going to keep helping them because you want to play God. And if you leave and they die, then, you know.

You have a God complex. Like you're martyring yourself on this person. What an unattractive email. Oh my God. Sorry about your life. Sorry about your life though. Leave this person alone so that they can hit rock bottom and grow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you imagine someone being with you because they pityed you? How awful that feels? You're like wasting, I used to do that. I used to stay in a relationship. Be like, I can't leave. They're going to fall apart.

They're going to kill themselves without me. It's like, but I'm also going to take a year of their life and lie to them and pretend that I like them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's kind. Yeah. Yuck. Yuck.

Ew. Ew. They need me. No, they don't. Yeah. She'll be fine or she won't. Whatever you do, it's like you can't control what's going to happen.

It's just you can only control how much guilt you have afterwards. Mm-hmm. Then I like you. You love me. I do. I do love you. Okay, what's next?

That was a stupid question. Yeah, get another one, guilt. Hey guys, my name is Jake. I'm 26 and I live in St. Louis. Right now I work in construction. I was a cook for nine years before this. Almost everyone I work with, including the owners, pretty much openly racist.

I can't stand it at all. They know I come from a family with a mixed background, but they still will say the N word around me as well as other racial slurs. It makes working very difficult. My issue is that I can't afford to quit my job. I get decent pay and insurance, which is hard to come by. I also won't be able to afford rent in all my bills

if I do quit. Should I leave and get another job in the restaurant industry which might be shit, or should I stick with my current job until spring or summer? Thank you guys, love you. I would stay with the job and then report the racism. Like anonymously? Yeah, anonymously, yeah.

But who do you report it to? They don't have HR in the restaurant. Oh, they don't? They're not from Disney. Well, okay, well then I would... Report it to the police? Call the police. Or you could go to, you know what I mean,

the owners or whoever's saying these words and go listen, you know, thank you for the job. I love working here. But the N word and all the things that you're saying is so offensive, right? And can you just cut it out? Say it at the... Please film this and send it to us so I can see how this goes.

No, no, no, this is what, let me just... Because I haven't thought it through. Play it out. I haven't thought it through, play it out. No, I can tell you haven't thought it through. Right, that's the evidence. I would knock on the, knock, knock, knock. Wait, wait, wait, you be the guy, she's the owner.

The racist owner. Okay, knock, knock, knock. The racist owner. Hey, Chink. Come on, Bobby, stay in it, Bobby. Stay in it, Bobby. No, and then I would close the door and walk away, right? And I'd still be at the fucking business at work.

Then you muster up more stuff. In my head, I'd just be like, oh, this is... She's not gonna change. It's probably gonna start again. She's not gonna change. She's not gonna change. Yeah, but I love this job. Yeah, I'll have to absorb it.

I'll just absorb it. It'll turn into cancer 10 years from now. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. All right, so I would go out quit and get a new job. Or try it again, one more time. All right, so knock, knock, knock. What's up, Goop? Power through.

So, all right, so that's why I came here, actually, boss. Funny you say that. I don't want to say that because... But can you see me? I just... Power through, Bobby, power through, power through. Yeah, because, you know, I know my head's slannier than most, but I have perfect vision.

What's wrong? Do you need me to drive you home? Master Bobby, go. That's just the stereotype. Anyway, stop saying stuff like that. Why? What's the problem? Because it hurts my feelings. Oh, why don't you just commit suicide? Like your brother.

And then I would close the door, I would close the door. And I would just stay there, I think. Yeah. Very quietly. Close it very quietly. Stay there, because this is a boss. You would bow on your way out. Yeah, I would bow, you know what I mean?

I would bind my feet and I would walk out like that, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. You know Christa Stefano? I love her, he's done my podcast. No, I know, I saw him, you know how he got fired from doing that show? Wow. Oh, dude, this is wild, like,

I mean, I'm gonna get canceled from this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was on a show called, not American Gladiator, can you look at it, Obesemaster. It's called... On Netflix. This show is amazing.

It's called Beastmaster and it's like a bunch of people just like... It's like Ninja Warrior, but more intense. Ninja Warrior, like jumping over on rings in the sky. Like it's wild, like an obstacle course and it's all different countries against different countries, France and England and China. And then they have people from each country,

like cheering on each country. And there's like a puddle, it's over water, like a giant pool of red goo. So if you've fallen it, you're like covered in red goo. Like it's just an amazing show to watch. You can watch with the sound off. And Ninja Warrior, see that? They're like balancing on shit and whatever.

And then people are commenting and Chris DiStefano is one of the commenters. And someone fell in the red goo, one of the Chinese competitors. He said, oh, he fell in the duck sauce. Oh, that's it? Got fired that day. Duck sauce?

That's why you're hired to do that. Got fired that day. That's so interesting. Like mid production, like he was fired. Yeah. Yeah. And it was so weird because I was like, they could have just cut it out.

Like they aired it. Yeah, you could cut it out or get a note. Yeah, it was just like cut it out. They could have cut it out of other airings, like fired him. That's what you made him say? I was just on a game show on ABC. But it was also, by the way, it was like duck sauce. Like he didn't really say it because he was Asian.

Like it was funny. And he kind of just realized like, oh shit. Yeah. And I said, on Primetime TV, I think Ian Carmel says to me, you look like Freddie Mercury. I go, healthy or AIDS or something like that. You know what I mean? And everyone said, cut, cut.

And the producers came up to me and go, you can't say that. And I go, what? AIDS? Yeah, yeah. Or sick or healthy, you know, Freddie Mercury. It was a network show. Well, they could have just cut it later. I know, they did.

Yeah, but why can't they do that in the justifying situation? You know what, it's just like, you hired me. What did you think was going to happen? Yeah, I remember when you also mixed up person of color with colored people. Oh, that was the fact. And he was on this game show.

Yeah, a game show. And I was in the audience. And I honestly, like, I combusted in my seat. He said like colored people? Yeah, and on the show was Venus Williams. It was Keegan-Michael Key. And they were talking about, he wanted to make a joke about how he didn't think black people went

to the Renaissance fair. And instead of saying black, or instead. As one does, when there's black people around. As one does. And there's black people. Let's talk about their work in the Renaissance fair. I was trying to make a point of that. I don't see black people go to the Renaissance fair.

And he was high. He was high out of his mind. I was high out of my mind, too. He was in the middle of a relapse. I was in my relapse. And he couldn't get his words out. And he's like, yeah, because he points at Venus. And he was like, I need help.

I need help. Here, paper towels right there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why are we even talking about this? I don't know. I have no idea how it came out. I love this is a game show.

It was a game show. It was a game show called Game On, right? I can't believe that just happened. And it was Keegan-Michael Key hosted it. It just came out. It was like. You wouldn't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was me and Rob Gronkowski, right? And it was Venus Williams and Ian Carmel. And every episode, it's us competing against each other in athletics. Yeah. I saw that. Right. I saw that on your Instagram.

I was like, woo. Bobby's got Bill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be not as brutal. It was really upsetting. I know, I know. So it's like. Following all the stars, is that what it's called?

I know, so I'm on this game show. And the reason why is it was, you know, it was. What's his name? Which who? The talk show host. Oh, Keegan? No, the other one. Oh, James Corden.

James Corden, right? James Corden and Ben, right? They call me into their office. And they go, we really want you to be in this, right? And I said, why? And they go, because we love your podcast. And you're Asian. And you're Asian.

We need an Asian person. You feel the thing. Also, you could just do what you do in your podcast. And that's when I knew, oh, they don't listen to my podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they don't know, right? For sure. Oh, so I show up, and I start doing what I do on my podcast.

And every time I do it, they go, what are you doing? Right? So it's like, you know, and I was saying that I don't see black people in there, what did I say? You just had a slip of the tongue. Like, it was a mistake. And you meant to say person of color, and then you said colored people,

and everyone would clutch their pearls. They were like, whoo! You say black people? Yeah, you can say black people, yeah. Why didn't you just say black people? I think you were trying to be, like, panicked. Panicked, yeah. People, Hollywood more on started saying, like,

actors of color. Like, I've heard a couple things that have confused me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And made me, like, say something racist, where you're like, I had it right before. Yeah. And then when that happens, you can see it in your peripheral producers.

Yeah, that's the show, right? You can see producers. I don't know why they made me so short. I'm short, because I'm short. You're barely. I'm standing next to Rob Gronkowski. By the way, you're not even that short. Like, I think that that's, are you at a hole?

They photoshopped that. That is the shittiest pose I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. That's, like, cartoonishly terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, you know, you can see in your peripheral. Did someone make that in, like, iMovie? No, that was on the billboard.

That's a professional network marketing person. I think that's the same person that made the Whitney Billboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, thanks for doing the podcast. You're welcome. Yeah, yeah, thanks for driving here. That was so funny. And I really, we're going to have you back more often.

You know what, no, or don't. I want to. I just want to, like, you know that I get jealous. No, and I want to let you know that I get afraid to ask. I know, but that we're past that. And now that I know that, knowing is half the battle, OK? We've been through that. I wouldn't do this if it didn't benefit me.

How about that? No, I think you would. And I don't do anything. You know what, you're right. You're right, you're right. I shouldn't have said that. But how about this? I know I never do anything I don't want to do in my life.

That's your codependent and do things you don't want to do because you don't want to you want people to like you, but don't put that shit on me. So thank you so much for coming. It was a good podcast. You know, the reason why, you know, he's really helping us out in a pinch. Oh, so did someone cancel?

No, it wasn't canceled. It felt a little bit like 730 on Tuesday. No, it wasn't a cancel at all. It's just that this I'm going to be in Hawaii. Yeah, so we're trying to stockpile. Are you going to go work? Yeah, I'm doing working there. That thing where the guy yelled at you?

No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, same job. Same job. Well, also where that guy. Same guy. Did you tell her about when that guy randomly pulled out like a nose hair? Was it a nose hair or something like that?

I feel like this is a white hair, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, the lighting is very OK. Yeah, what show was that when that happened? Hang on, maybe not that scene though. What show was that when they did that? It was there. Remember, he was like, it wasn't even a nose hair.

It was a white hair. You had a white mustache, and he didn't like it. And so he just went and he just. Yeah, a makeup guy just comes up with tweezers. Not tweezers, but like a wrench. Pliers? Yeah, pliers, grabs onto a white hair without even asking me. It just plucks it out of my face.

Yeah, it was crazy. Bad job. He's going back to that. You know, the women have to do that to themselves every day. Every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. But ask me, don't come out of nowhere.

This fucking wrench came out of. It's amazing how, I mean, actors are looked at as children. I mean, they're looked at as children that have to be handled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really amazing how, yeah, they get, actors get too much respect from people and not enough respect from co-workers.

It's incredible. It's incredible, yeah. Like, it's like, I mean, when I did a show, when I was, I created it, and I'd go in the writer's room, and if I had been acting that day, I'd go in the writer's room, and they'd be like, here she is. It's like, I wrote this. It's the fact that I was in front of a camera

and pretending and playing playtime. They just can't take you seriously. Or they think that it's like glorious. Have you ever been in a movie where, like, you know what I mean? The camera's on me, and there's cockroaches, right? And mold, right? But they don't respect us when we're performing. That's amazing.

Anyway, thank you so much for being here and give Whitney Cummings a round of applause. Thank you so much. Thank you. We did it. Make sure you check out our podcast, Good For You, with Whitney. Ba, ba, ba, ba.

Ba, I love you. Ba has been doing it. That was another Whitney episode. I believe, guys, that was actually, I feel like that was her second time here. I'm not sure, but I believe it was her second, which is crazy. So we should have her on more often, like we discussed. Slap friends.

Lots of fun bonus content over at Patreon. And speaking of Patreon, Kalyla talking to the troll, we were talking about in the podcast, where she called her actual troll, is actually at Patreon. So if you want to check that out, go to patreon.com slash belly. Also, there is a Jules interview of Kalyla right now. So at Patreon, it's Kalyla week, basically. It's like Shark Week, but just a lot of colloquial revenue.

No, it's a good thing, Kalyla. A few surprises in there. And part one of the long-awaited singing competition, competition is out this week. Check that out, guys. You guys submitted, I mean, I'll just let Kalyla say, was it fun, Kalyla, watching those? I'm going to say this, you guys.

The video will speak for itself, but Bobby and I were so emotional. At first, we were like, oh, it's going to be like, you know, a fun thing that we watch. But it got so emotional for us, because I never stopped to think about how much effort these people put into this, or that they address us like in the beginning of the videos, we're like, hi, Bobby and Kalyla,

and that they're saying our names like that. I don't know. It really touched my heart. And I thought that I can't be a judge in this. So we tried our best to judge. But ultimately, I decided, well, you'll see. Go to our Patreon and find out. She knows how to cut a promo.

Jesus, give her to the UFC. Be sure to just lever that. It's either coming out last week or next week. Yeah, guys. It's coming out at some point. There we go. That's a very Tiger Belly. This is a hand attack, and we don't know when.

It could be out. We don't know. Maybe next week. But also, that's just only the part one to get ready, because there's also more parts to the scene competition. OK, your questions on Tiger Belly by emailing us at adviceandhelpful at gmail.com. We're looking for something out of the ordinary

that won't piss off Whitney. Strange co-workers, weird family members, alien encounters. You can email us at adviceandhelpful at gmail.com. Follow Georgia George, underscore Kimmel, Bobby of Bobby the Live, Kalyla at Calamity K, myself, at Gilbits. Follow us on Tiger Belly on Instagram, at Tiger Belly. We love you guys so much.

If you guys are like, man, they had that merch, get ready. There's some more stuff coming down the pipeline. Oops, shouldn't have said that, or should have. Hey. We don't know. Bye, guys. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com. That's all folks, thanks for watching, and don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe.