TigerBelly - Ep 272: David So & The Gun

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Bobby builds a wall. Khalyla scraps over kickball. David is no Uncle Ben. We talk poor losers, parking disputes, the real Seattle story, Ben Beong, and Khalyla Lix returns.   TigerBelly Singing Competition: www.patreon.com/tigerbelly  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus Oh Star Don't I need to do that today? I'm shamp. No, I'm I'm in a mood today, huh? I'm in a mood right now. Am I not right? Five four three two one blast off. Welcome to another one. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to another welcome. Welcome Welcome welcome welcome to another welcome welcome welcome welcome to another welcome welcome welcome to another episode of Tiger Tiger

Belly another episode of Tiger Tiger Belly. We've got George in the room right now going alright with his thumbs up Yeah, we've got Kalyla in the room right now with her kids all moist like this ocean see native deodorant Got flat face Gilbert over there. See all two dimensional We've got skinny fat skinny fat as a guest. He used to be fat now He does kung fu and he sees I see him on the Instagram doing his kung fu and it makes me laugh because there's no way He can beat anybody up Wow, he's boxing it makes me laugh and it is a skill that will never come Into fruition. It is step outside

Right now, I understand that but you have to understand this that I'm 50 If you can't beat up a 50 year old man, then you got a fucking problem. I can't even focus I just look at your ballsack right now. I know I know my god I know and they're delicious and let me say something right now a lot of protein in my sacks Okay, and let me tell you another thing friend. All right, you have fucking Yoda eyes. Have you noticed his eyes look like Yoda like like reverse almonds? Yes, hmm ladies and gentlemen Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls everyone take a look. Yeah, everyone take a look. Let's

Introduce our guests right now. We have we haven't had him in a very long time Okay, we haven't had him in this new house. Have we know? No His last name skips me, but his name is David So All right, all right, he's not wearing socks his ankles are showing because that's what kung fu people do Are they're always barefoot or showing off their fucking muscular feet so they can smash you with it You know, but he is a very funny young man. He's Korean by friendly. He's a very friendly man He is

Very I am intimidated by a skill level. I guess some would say probably not. I really think about it. Um, he I really do respect him. I respect the youth. You know, I Sherry Cola. Yeah, I respect her aquafina. Respect it. You know, he's young Wanda Sykes. No Wanda Sykes of Helen Hong Love it right Helen to Wanda. I know not the same. It's not the same I understand that and you know, what's great about being me? I can make mistakes and I'm not gonna judge myself All right, but we've got David so good. I can't okay. We've got David. So give him a round of applause Welcome to the podcast my friend. This is awesome. Yeah. Thank you so different from the last place. It's professional

I like the legit cameras now instead of the go-pros On vacuums Dude, this is tight. I like it. Well, you never said it at the time though, huh? Oh, I refuse to I respect you too much Oh, wow. Is that what it is? Yeah, so right now? There's probably things that you're thinking, right? That you're judgy about that you you don't want to say until I get a bigger house. I don't even own a home You live in an apartment I live in a condo. Yeah condo's are great though You know, you're really close to your neighbors you look great. You look you lost weight man Oh my god, everyone stop telling him that cuz he has not I have no really

I was like you lost some weight anyway fatter. I'm fat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The last time I saw you look like shit though But you look pretty good right now. Oh, like last time you look like you haven't seen a while I don't think no, I know he did lose some weight though from the last time that I think it's the high waisted The high way the moment he releases it just all spills out Yeah, I think I've gained some right Um, I think your peak was like three weeks ago where I was like, oh my god I've lost from three weeks a little bit because you've been trying to you know, keep away from the pizzas Yeah, well, I haven't had pizza. Yeah, yeah, it shows. How much do you wear it now?

I don't have a scale, but I would assume that I weigh about 170 170. Yeah, how much do you weigh? What are you like five foot eight? He's five four five four. Thank you. You have a big personality. That's what that's what it is Yeah, I exude five eight five nine my personality and the energy that I give you for sure But I'm really like more Peter Dinklage. You're five foot four. I would have never guessed. I think you're a lot taller Thank you. That's really nice. That's nuts. Yeah, um, I've never really been you wait Can you show him the picture next to you on NBC the game on the game show the game on I want you to see in case you Don't believe these five four. I gotta see perspective. Here is a visual

Of who you sitting think I'm gonna show you the image from the other day. Yeah, but that Wrong doesn't seem that much taller than me. Oh really? Okay. Well, we'll ask David's opinion. I want to see this So here is the CBS's game on with the full case abc Are you that little girl on the right? Oh my god, you man. I thought that was Sherry Cola dude. Yeah. Yeah, I'm little you know, I mean How tall are they like five eight? Well, well, gronk like gronk. Gronk is an athlete. He plays for the Patriots Where does he play Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Yeah, but Tampa Bay Buccaneers It's very deceptive like when I see you you look like you're a lot taller

It has to do with your personality a hundred percent. Oh, you know, it also has to do with my friend. I'm well proportioned Let me defend it, okay? Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I'm well proportioned. I am. I listen. All right Your legs are barely touching the floor right now. Yeah, I understand that that my legs everything's small But not you know, I don't have you have a lot of dwarf features All right, I don't like the pause. Okay, no be honest with me my friend. All right, you have if you had never It met me before you didn't know who I was right and you saw a photo from head to toe of me Would you think that I was a dwarf? I think you would have down syndrome Fucking rude

You're yeah, yeah, you know Korean people like our bodies work. We're top-heavy like we have long torsos in shorter legs We have short thali. Yeah, you have short thali. You are not proportioned correctly So for Korean I am though for Korean. Yes, that's all I'm saying man I'm not saying for an African-American man. Am I well proportioned? No, I want you to say black For a black person. Oh, you know me or or Latin X What's up, baby? Yeah raise the roof I Like the transition. Yeah, thank you

Thank you. I can also crunk. Oh Crump not crump. What's the thing where you can jiggle your ass twerk twerk show us? No, oh, you are my back hurts My back hurts right now You know what everybody says yeah about you to me when people find out your age They always think that you're at least ten years younger. Thank you. That's another compliment. There you got your hair No, well, no, I still have I'm letting the white show. Mm-hmm. I am letting the white show I don't see any whiter. Yeah, if you look closer, there is you know, I mean, but um, how old are you now? I'm 32. God, it's so young. Oh my god. We call it. How old are you 35?

Well, by the time this air cell be 36. Yeah. Oh, what the fuck you're not that why'd you make it sound like you're so much older than 48 You went, oh, baby. How old are you 33? I Can't believe your third you honestly I you look like you're you're in your 20s when I look at you and you're sleeping Yeah, and I'm masturbating next to you. Please be 19 aren't you and I jerk on a calm you like me better without with or without makeup I You what even when I am very I'm that's why I'm going wait. We you. I very good Go through all the vowels. Yeah. Yeah. I owe you I'll tell you this

In the pandemic, just let me let me have my fucking if I haven't worn makeup in it Like once a week. Let me have my sale. He sees me. I'll a fresco I should have said right now what you should have been like what you're wearing makeup right now, aren't you? I'm not and you're like, I would have never known but she is wearing makeup. Are you? Oh, that's why I didn't act fire. Yeah, it backfired right my bad. So I thought it was all natural So um In the pandemic, I've never been around a person so much in my life. Oh, that's tough, huh? Well, no, I just you know in all my life. I've just been pretty much a loner

You know, I don't even when I had roommates back in the day, you know in my 20s I never saw my roommates and if they were like, hey, we're on the living room and we're watching the game, right? I'll be like skateboarding to a coffee shop. I like I don't do it, right? Yeah, and so I've never even when I was growing up in my own home, right? I would do everything I could avoid to my parents and my brother. I really never saw them but with Kalila. I I'm just with her 24-7 right hard on you, huh? No, I love it Um, you know, what's what here's what here's the number one reason why I know it's good with me and Kalila

Is is that no matter how long I'm with somebody I have a problem sleeping next to them Okay, but with Kalila. I sleep like a baby. I don't it's not there's no awareness that she's there It's because you're staring at her masturbating at night Team I'm comfortable in another world I'm so comfortable with her that I can sleep like a baby. You didn't answer the whole makeup. I am I'm going to I'm gonna get there Right roundabout way. No, I'm just trying to figure out what to say. That's why I'm going these other directions I already know what I love her feet Yeah, your feet are make up. Here's what it is. Yeah, when I see her with no makeup all the time

So when she is working wearing makeup, I can scare you. No, it doesn't scare me, but I'm aware of it You're right. There's a difference. There's a there is a difference and I always think she's beautiful But when I when she wears makeup, it's like, oh, she's like a top like the tent a tan This answer could have been three seconds. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't like you're in court right now You're the worst So pretty with makeup. Yes or no, she's beautiful with makeup without beautiful That's put in a different way. Oh, why did you have to say it? Without makeup you like the way like my mom loves me without make makeup because she says I look like her fat little baby

Like the as she remembered me when I was a young girl like round and like Chubby that she cuz without makeup, you know, there's no contouring or anything and my face is just are you somebody that can't walk outside Without putting makeup. Oh, no, these guys know I don't give a shit I never put makeup on unless it's a podcast or something. Yeah, I don't I have no problems whatsoever living my life ugly Okay Correct you. Yeah, sometimes he's like you could spruce up. We're going to this place. I like no This is what you get. Who says that Gilbert. He was like, hey, I think can you maybe and I'm like, I don't give a shit And he's like, can you maybe put on something else? I'm like, nope. Are you walking out naked? What is going on?

Chubby face color baby check which one the one on the left. Yeah Left that doesn't look like it was like a white girl. Oh, really? She transitioned. Yeah Have a baby. Have I I've never said go wear makeup ever. No, and I've never done that and even I never even told you what to wear Correct. Are you satisfied with the way he looks? Um, I would be if he was a new quicker you son of a bitch be fast Are you satisfied with military jeggings? Are you are you okay with this? Are you okay with this? Um, honestly, I'm not a big fan of the high-waisted things on him But I do

It's an attack. It's an attack. You look so it's real right now Yeah, you have the ankles of a woman dude is beautiful. Yeah, I'm fam. I'm very fam It's beautiful. He has a thing against cankles too. Like if you have cankles, he will not be your friend. Yeah, I why I Just need a separation between church and state I can't have a blend, you know, so there needs to be a separation for my for me I have to know where the the foot begins and where the ankle ends. Mm-hmm. Yeah, where the calf ends, whatever How long have you two been together seven? Oh, well, this is our eighth into our eighth year We're going into our eighth year. Oh, so has he physically changed a lot in those eight years?

Oh, yeah, he was real like, uh, you know, he always had like weird proportions. Like you said Nothing to do with his torsos. I think that he has like comically short arms Don't laugh at that. That's fucking rude. It's just your sleeves are so short Is that why you cut your sleeves because your short arms But then I also have comically like I'm a knuckle dragger I have comically long arms. Yeah Yeah, yeah, so hopefully if we ever decide to have children they'll meet somewhere in the middle Yeah, like I have a wingspan like I'm five eight by my wingspans like six feet Oh, and my sister is six feet and her wingspan six five like she has LeBron wingspan

He also has like when I hug her from behind. It's like, oh, is this Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps shoulders. Yeah, I had to go. Oh, hello, sir That's how I know like he's like sexually fluid Because I think that he likes girls with either like really prominently like long chins Yeah, like Abraham Lincoln or wide shoulders. I don't even think you need to go that deep like the dick-sucking thing It's not the thing that got you first Confused you completely know that he's like subtle. I think he's subtle like not the dick-sucking thing I think that he thinks of me as like a hot bro

Okay, you know what I mean? No, that's where I was going with that. No, that is interesting that you say that always small He loves small titties like the flatter the better. What? Yeah, I love small titties. Why I'm not a big-tick guy either Yeah, yeah, I don't I like it when it's just like little speed bumps Yeah, I mean when you're driving down the road, right when you're driving down the road, right? And you see if you if there was like a mountain in front of you, that'd be difficult, right cars broken cars broke I'm looking but I like the little speed bumps, right? I also like small titties, you know because They're just cute to me. What about the size of the clitoris

large No, it's got to be small. Oh, okay But it's gonna get big if it gets engorged. Yeah. Oh, no when it grows in front of me That's called science and I enjoy it. You know me. I love the magic of science. I'm not I'm L natural in that way, right? I love how everything works together Oh, right, but I don't like you know, we've talked about this before but you know the veg to me. She has the perfect vagina, oh And for me sometimes vaginas have been deal breakers. Oh, what's so weird?

Yeah, and that's so shallow Wait, what why why why? Because it's like I've never met a man besides you who like cared about the anatomy or like the aesthetics of a vagina like pussy You should appreciate that it's even like bear in front of you and that it's like available to you She's just a piece of shit. No, I could even see this thing No, no, look at this whenever I've seen any vagina in front of me Yeah, I pulled out my fucking napkin. Okay, put it on my fucking shirt Pulled out my utensil is crap and I went and I went to fuck

I will eat it. Okay, but I'm just saying When I think of vagina, I saw he's all of it. What's a deal breaker pussy to you? Like what's what's it look jazz hands? Okay, okay, you know, I don't like I don't need to be in a 1950s showroom Right. I'm in the money. I'm in the money. I don't need a hand Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. You know, I mean, I don't like it if you can fly so no Dumbo Yeah, yeah, I you know, I mean, is this gonna fly away? I don't like that Right girls girls get what labia plasty. Is that what that's called? Yeah, I like it when it's like tucked a little bit And no offense anyone listening right now

Discrimination to two to each his own. Yeah, I think so it is because it's like we can't help what we're doing Okay, let's I've seen I've heard women say small penises. Yeah, I've seen women say I like him a lot He was a good guy. He was a doctor. He was a nice guy Good heart, but his dick looked like a fucking clit and I couldn't get into it But that's a micro penis though. That's extreme. That's really I'll take a man for his micros You'll take a micro penis. Oh my god. Yeah, if he was if he ate pussy like a champion all day long There's so many other things we could do if he hits all the marks in the criteria If he had all the marks and he was just a good guy, like amazing fuck you

I'll suck the dick out of that micropeen. Well, of course, this is not much work. You have no you see you have no That's what it sounds like when you suck a micro dick. I literally just said I'll suck the dick out of that micropeen That's funny What if you sucked hard enough and a bigger dick came up Iceberg it was just hiding. Yeah, it was just like like it was tucked inside them. You could open all practice. Yeah The fucking logo is your face like this I saw for the first time like a couple months ago because I didn't know what a micro penis was Yeah, it was on like on the Howard Stern show and oh, I saw that one

Yeah, somebody sent me a clip and it was just the guy like guys lined up and a micro peen literally this fucking small You can do nothing with it. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. There's no surgical thing you can do I mean you can you know do what that guy did remember when he just kept injecting silicone to his dick until it was just a Giant ball like a bowling ball. Oh, no, I was at a comedy store I was at a comedy store and this guy came up to me I don't know who he was he goes I got surgery down on my dick That's a weird thing to say because you know not because of what? Oh, why would he come up to you? I don't know why it was just as open

And I go and I you know like any if anyone got that question you would kind of like it's uncomfortable Mm-hmm, so what I did what I said, oh, okay, you know, I mean I didn't know what to say You know I mean I had a lady I used to mess around with and she broke up with her Then husband because of his penis. Yeah, but see that's unfair. You already married him Knowing well, maybe he couldn't do what everything else that he needed to do Well, didn't you have the trial period of engagement to figure that out lady? Are you yelling at me? What do I do? Because you associate with somebody like no, but that's different though She was how she showed me to like the size of his dick

I remember this shit because we were at a Starbucks and she had the Starbucks cup Yeah, and she was like, oh my husband, you know, he has a really small penis I didn't know it was called a micro penis at the time Yeah, I was like, well, don't fucking roast the guy because you guys aren't going through great shit She goes no, it's really small So she had the Starbucks cup and I said show me off with I'm gonna go down and I'm gonna stop. Yeah, and it basically disappeared into the cup I should go there. That's how big it is. Oh, and I was shocked

But yeah, they lo and behold, I guess because the sex wasn't good and that was something that she that bothered her They got I mean, it's true I mean she has a right to change her mind But like a little heads up maybe a little before like hey, I want to get married and all like but like Up your game and all other respects because I have a problem with the size of your dick I saw the guy's dick. What do you mean the guy at the comedy? Oh, oh, oh, oh, that's I asked to see it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He is fluid It looked like a hammer

Like a hammerhead shark like a hammerhead shark. Yeah, like this and it was like it went like this and then Huge mushroom. Yeah, like it was like a hammer. Oh, right and he I go it looks weird and he goes but it does the job Women love it. I don't understand what he might be the girth though, right? Cause if it's like this Hmm, that's weird. I think he asked for girth and they gave him an extra girth I don't know but it you know for him. He's very happy with it. Are you particular about a nipple nipples and rolls and stuff? I've never you know, I've seen here's here's my thing about nipples. Okay. You got a whole dissertation on Yeah, I need to see a wall. There needs to be a wall between Mexico and United States. I need a border Of the elections are coming up only because Cardi B recently she had that leaked it that came out, right?

And then people were making fun of her because of her areola size Which I thought was really weird because it sounded like a bunch of dudes who have never had sex before Yeah, that's because you know that that areola and tit size is all different if I like that But I don't like it when it blends into the brush. He doesn't like the case. He is weird about colors Yeah, I think colors are big you could some girls have very very light light pink Hmm and to the point where it blends in with the feathering. Yeah. Yeah, the feathering photo shot of the blade You don't like the blending brush That's how I know I'm

For sure half white if I was ever going through an identity crisis my nipples prove that you have like you have light nipples I have like kind of like darker pink like I don't have like my mom's my I'm jealous of dark nipples I love dark nipples. Will you get pregnant? You'll get dark nipples. Yes. Yeah, can't wait for it I saw my friend's nipple and I was like, oh my god, it's charcoal I don't know do guys I don't know if guys prefer darker or lighter nipples I'm not sure if that's a perfect my dick is too dark. You you like it dark. My dick is too dark your dick I'm sorry. Yeah, what do you mean? It's so dark and I like it like mood-wise or color It's a Sith Lord, okay

Where's that dark cape and and a mask no it? It just is a dark. It's a dark creature, right when you look at it I don't think so at all if you look at the that ring I also have to understand like I've been with men from all colors of the rainbow. My ex was black Ah, so you can't tell me that your dick is dark I get it so yeah, but I want to bleach it You can't bleach the tip of your dick. It's not on a tip. Oh, just the whole thing. Yeah, the stem of it I want to bleach it a little bit. Why would you because women literally don't stop to think about the color?

I put a white stripper on it once wait like I sort of got I did But I did one of your white strips and I wrapped it around it and then that's why it's dark That's why no, I kept it around it for like maybe 15 minutes and it started burning like crazy No, you have like a pigmentation. Yeah, and so I took it off and I go I don't think that's the way but the dick is supposed to be darker than every other Part of your body though. Why it just is like your dick is darker than your stomach or some shit You believe so it's the one area that doesn't see the sunlight though. I don't I don't know why either, but it's always darker Yeah, it is your dick dark compared to the to my fucking marshmallow stomach. Yeah. Yeah, that's true

Yeah, probably yeah same as my labia. It's darker Okay, you're the one who says like, you know all Asian chicks of purple vaginas including me and I'm proud of that My very first girlfriend and not at all. She had like no lips at all whatsoever And she was Asian the yeah the outer labia area. Yeah, well, you know, oh, you've only dated Asians, right? No You've had some white White girls are interesting So here's the thing right so I lost my virginity when I was 18, right? So when you kind of have sex with this one girl that you wanted to have sex with your whole life and at that time

I didn't really watch much porn either. So we got like a 56k motive. She would take forever So I it was it wasn't by choice. So this I Based what I thought every naked woman would look like off of her and then when you started hooking up with different people It's like, oh, everybody's just a little bit different. So, you know, it's all it all depends really Yeah, I literally never been with somebody and thought hmm His physicality or anything about him as a deal-breaker like if I'm horny and I want to have sex He's with me. Yeah, I fucking let's do it. I don't care You know, I don't care what it what color it is. Let's just fucking do it. Yeah, that's what I like about you

What because I because sometimes you and I stand in the mirror together and we look at each other, right? And No, she'll be like doing her makeup or washing your face or something and he always like creep and I'll Right and I'll put my arm around will look in the mirror I at least I will look in the mirror to compare the species, right? And I'm shocked to see right. It just doesn't look right to me. Do you feel like you're not good enough for her? I think that she and let's be honest, okay, and I want to be real with you Yeah, right. I there are times where I think that

You know, maybe, you know, you were built, you know, I mean just physically For a more muscular kind of a guy because because of my broad shoulders. Yeah, you know, and I'm like kind of No muscles fat, right small, but you wouldn't you weren't like that before that's right He was a tennis player. He knows how to he's nobody cares about that He played hockey. Yeah, he did nestle in the count But he's super limber and for a 50 year old guy He's way more agile than me in some respects like he can like tumble and do shit like I can't do the comics at the comedy Store, you know, it just reminds me. Yeah, whenever I would say I played hockey or I played tennis or wrestled, right?

Everyone would be like fuck you. You never did any of those things So I remember having to go and get going home to Phoenix and getting photos bring them back to the store and proving it to people I believe it though. You do you don't have to do any of that stuff I know but I had to do it back then really Yeah, I had to fuck them up on site and wrestling to the floor. Mm-hmm. You could have no because when Ari Shafir beat me up You let Ari Shafir beat you up. Oh, yeah, real bad. Isn't Ari Shafir like 110 pounds? Yeah, real bad Oh, you just lost your agent. Well, he's 6'4". It doesn't matter. Most of his weight is in his nose. I Know I know so he that is true. I've never thought about that

Yeah, come to think of it. He doesn't really have shoulders. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah, it's all no if you hugged him He would just go straight down the way Yeah, well, he hit me from behind He cheap shot at you and then he kicked me in the face 50 times while I was down. Wait, what did you do? He shit on your car. It's a long story. It's a long story. It involves a girl in a broken heart. Yeah Over girl. No, I had nothing to do with it. Okay. I was completely innocent, but um, I wouldn't say completely innocent There there was some weakly. There was some weasley activity, but not I don't think you intended to really hurt him Hmm. Anyway

I'll send you the pod. Yeah, that's a bit of a pod guys. I must listen to this There's some feelings that came to the service and I'm suppressing them. Do you want me to we go jump him? No, we're good now Oh, okay. We're really good now, but when he beat me up I remember Afterwards driving home with my face. I'll beat up and bleeding. I can't believe anybody would punch you in the face I've been beat up a lot and and there are still people I can name you four people right now That you know, you know, it actually makes me mad that somebody would put their fucking hands on you I'm actually getting riled up. Thank you. Thank you. Who the fuck would hit you?

There's four people that one of those fucking names shit out of me, right? I know other people that could beat them up. I know That'd be specifically absolutely that well, so if you and I were let's say you and I were at a movie together Yes, okay, and another comic who it punches me from behind. Yeah, right? What would you do? I shit in his fucking mouth. Is he nuts? What is wrong with him? You would punch him Well, I honestly this is what it is, right? I've seen you growing up since I was a kid So I have this weird emotional attachment to you. Thank you. If somebody puts their hands on you in front of me Yeah, I'm fucking calling the cops. Yeah, I will not well. How big is this guy? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop stop. Hey motherfucker hold on

You call the fucking cops well, how large is this man? He's five five. Oh, then I'm talking in the face immediately All right, I thought he's not saying I'm not saying like Kimbo slices gonna fucking You know if Kimbo slices there if he comes back from the dead the daddy good. All right, but I'm not saying It's like, you know, right the couture. I'm just saying that it's like, you know There's other Korean comics. There's a couple, right? Oh, that are give me names that have I was sickly assault in their mouth Just look around the room, bro. Yeah, there's some photos You know Kevin Shay, I'll just say it right Kevin Shay hit you You know, he pushed me at the at the improv once, you know, I you're a wrestler

You could take people down if you I know, but I don't want to hear my here's my thing Is is that I do have what my brother have that my dad has which is this rage Well, are you afraid to unlock that shit? Yeah, and I'm afraid to go there, you know And it's like so I just let it slide because I don't want to be like my dad at all You know, so it's like, you know, when I like my brother will get there and then he stays blind Into this rage for many last night. He did it. Well, you guys playing war zone. Oh my god He said something to me. If I bring it up, I can't don't yeah, I'm not gonna bring it up But do you play video games? I don't play video games. Why because I might end up like you in this sense of anger

No, dude, do you judge that I play video games? No, most of my friends play video games. Yeah, why don't you play it? Uh, number one, I'm not good and number either am I oh, and you still play amazing Amazing talent you have. Yeah, because I I'm getting better true, right? That's number one if I was getting worse than I would probably stop but now it's like, you know I'll give you an example and I'm she's gonna drive her crazy, but I Don't get driver crazy, but um, I'll just muzzle myself. Yeah, but um So I used to play with this kid named Raimi You know it from he's from Georgia, but now he lives here in LA

I you know Raimi, you know Raimi and Raimi. That's how I met on me He was just a one day. I was playing Call of Duty and I um, I had no one to play with so I went I get thousands of messages on my PlayStation from fans Like cuz my my my gamer tag is Bobby Lee live. Oh, this very yeah, you know, you're very discreet I know very discreet there. Everyone knows, right? So it's like find me Yeah, I'll be Lee live Score tiger belly. So I'll read I'll read like Hundreds of messages and then some of them will like, you know, go think like they'll write it in a way where I'll go

I'll give this guy a shot Right and Raimi. It was just one of those messages, right? It was humble and yet, you know He was excited and yet, you know, you could tell that he'd be excited to play with me So I started playing with him and he's so good that like, you know, he would kill so many people Before I even had a shot that you know, so I stopped playing with with them for months for three months really And if I started playing I stopped playing with everyone for months I started only playing with my brother Because we have the same skill level but I played with Raimi last night and you know, I know I'm getting better

He didn't say it but it's like, you know, I'm getting kills I heard him. What do you mean? He was like, yo, Bob is pretty good, huh? Yeah, I'm good. How does that make you feel? So that's what I'm saying. I'm improving. All right, so I think that for you, you know I know that you're bad now, right, but I believe that you could get good. Thank you, but it's a useless skill. So I You're making follows there It's like it's it's one of those things that were I can enjoy watching other people enjoy it and I think it's dope Yeah, but then when people look at me like why don't you play games? It's like well, I could say the same I don't know. I don't fucking care. I mean, it's like it's like I think it's cool

Like I'm not shitting on anybody who plays games. It's just I have tried and it doesn't entertain me I actually get bored out of my fucking mind and and then then I start doing this asshole thing where if because it affects them And it makes them angry if I do well I just keep making fun of them and they get angrier and angry and I'm the only one here having a good time You know, so it kind of feeds into this bad habit that I have where I'm just like, oh, this makes you angry Let me just do a little more of that, you know. Yeah, it was not a very good habit to have, you know, I Can't be in a environment of competition

Like aren't weren't you like a competitive swimmer? That's why so like I was basically bred to be like a race horse my whole life So I see everything as like I have a really nasty competitive spirit not the good kind now Oh, you get angry like I one time like scrapped with my best friend over Fucking kickball like we were on opposite teams like my best friend Jessica And I can never be an opposite teams anymore because we will absolutely like gouge each other's eyes out over kickball What was the prize? Nothing, there was no prize. It was just the the the fucking, you know, the W of That day and you don't have that you just want to have fun

So I if I play games, it has to be no score. No, nothing. It's got to be like, oh, look at this puzzle and find this and this It can't I can't have a score. You must have some pretty severe anxiety then huh severe really really bad to the point where I purchased Peloton which I love and I have to take all the numbers out or else I get two in my head and I Go into like it's like exercise burnout because if I don't beat what I did the day before I do like self-punishment like I basically like mentally fly Man, what is the fuck is wrong with you? That's nuts, dude. I don't care about shit like that enough. Oh, really? Yeah, I've had bad auditions where I've hurt myself. Why you're Bobby Lee. I know but I I do I'll I'll just I'll like physically hurt myself until there's blood

You haven't gotten to this point where you just scabbed over when an audition goes bad You just walk in and be like fuck it and then you're good. No, no, no, I've been able to do it I've been able to do it now, but I you know, you know back to the sports. I like being a poor loser Okay, it feels good. I'm going to show you what I mean. I know what you mean when I play tennis, right? And I knew I was losing I would do things like smash my racket like I had the school coach You know say to me you you can't throw your racket people you can't scream You know, I mean there's two you can't walk off the court like that's me and I love doing John You're John McEnroe. I love it. There's two types of competitors

One of them is someone like my sister who like swims her race She has blinders on and she does it for herself to beat her own time I'm my head's on a swivel like this. I cannot stand Lane Five or Lane fucking three coming after me like I have to know where everyone that's so nuts to me because you guys are also a Part of old media and new media, right? And new media is all about public perception and what people say about you, right? So having it maybe well, you're not really much on Instagram though I'm not I barely I post like once a month It would be hard for you to probably read comments and have people say some shit even though

It's like something dumb. Oh, yeah, it would do probably fucking ruin you then, huh? It it it is I'm really sensitive to like anything. Mm-hmm. I'm not sensitive to some things You'd be surprised what actually hurts me. It's just some obscure shit that I'll be like, yeah Like if like the all like the misogynistic stuff doesn't hurt me. Yeah, there's certain things That will but very few and far between give me an example I can't because then it'll be like Filipino mango suck and you're like, what the fuck Have you been to Cebu bitch? Something so stupid like that where I feel like I have to like defend my clan if you talk about me as I'm used to it

But if you make mention of anybody in my life, like I read like I'm gonna kill fucking Gilbert tomorrow Because he's a loser. Yeah, you would be like for some reason on a second. Yeah I get really sensitive if anybody says anything about George or Gilbert. What about me? Yeah, you didn't say yeah, you of course, babe She completely He was watching George David so Ken Jong the Bobby's over here just quiet. Just fucking one here comes down pants are going higher I don't like it when people try to alter my reality in comments, you know me

Yeah, they'll like last week. So there was a guy that said So-and-so is doing way better than you in the business. Who be ashamed of yourself. I'm not gonna say what person, right? Yeah, right, but like they're saying you should be ashamed of yourself, right? And it's like in my mind. I was like that guy's not doing better than me And I want to like attack them and give them proof But then it's like all moot and doesn't fucking mean anything, right? But I don't know why I just don't like it when people think that they know me or they think that like, you know I mean, well, they're just out of their way when a fucking, you know

Well, people just say things just to irritate you though. Does that name rhyme with Ben Bong, by the way? I just I'm just gonna throw it. No, okay, not bad because Ben Bong because Ben Bong, right Ben Bong, right? Is doing better than I am in many ways, right? I mean he Ben Bong is doing stuff like that stuff that I might not necessarily want to do, right? You guys are different, but we're different in that way And he also he has a different brand than I do and Ben Ben Bong is I know his heart Ben Bong's heart and I think Ben Bong is a good guy, you know and I have a really good, you know, it's not him, right? What what hurts you?

Um, or if do you even you know what the thing is it's like it's gone to the point now Where that's what I'm saying like I've I've done this weird mental flip now Where I'm starting to do stuff to piss other people off on purpose Yeah, like like the other day somebody wrote this Habib comment on my thing and I knew this was gonna make him irritated I'm like nothing you said was wrong about what you said about Habib, but you're socially awkward I didn't do that one that socially awkward for you was gonna piss him off Yeah, it starts going on this tirade and I'm sticking to shit and I'm laughing my ass But that's what my fiancee hates about me. She goes why do you do this?

I was like cuz I don't want to get angry Yeah, I want him to be angry because he's trying to do something to me So I'm like, okay, I gotta make this fun for myself But something hurts me personally It's it has to be somebody close to me like the one person that can put me into a fucking rage as my fiancee Yeah, other than that, it's really hard Yeah, you know what I mean because she knows me personally and when she does things to make me angry It has to be on purpose at this point because you know who I am you fucking evil woman, you know

Yeah, yeah, so what you're saying to me is if let's say a guy just walks up to your fiancee and spits on her face Oh, that's different. That's personal though. Oh, okay. That's really my god If somebody spit on your fucking face same reaction What my love for my fiance is the same as my love for you. Yeah, no if someone spit in her face, right? I'd spit on his face. That's it. I What yeah, yeah, yeah, well you want to oh, it's like the Russian thing if you hit me with a feather I'm gonna hit you with a tank. Yeah Be Russian about it. Yeah, I don't know

I think if somebody puts their hands on anybody I mean whether I'm most likely I'm gonna get my ass beat But I at least pretend like I'm gonna do something Yeah, so, you know, okay, if somebody came up here, I would be really angry if he didn't give me the chance to get to work Like if someone disrespected me and he cut me off and wouldn't let me get to that person Oh, I would be angry like if he went got to him first. I'd be like, no like let me he disrespected me Let me put my hand. Let me feel the victory of fucking you know are competitive. You're fucking nuts, dude You're a little crazy. Well, let me say this actually I'm lying a little bit because the the the girlfriend that I had before my fiance There's like this like this weird balance, right that happens between boyfriend and then a really comedic moment

So like when we were at it We were at the airport and I remember this huge fucking dude started hitting on her while I went to the bathroom And when I came back I could see that she was very uncomfortable Because his dude was like Mac in honor, right? Yeah, he wasn't gonna do anything But he was being a little aggressive. So I see it and in my mind. I'm like I should probably step in and take her away Cuz she feels uncomfortable, which is the boyfriend thing to do But the other part of me is like this is fucking hilarious. Yeah, I went behind a pillar instead And I just kind of peeked my head out to see what was going on. Yeah, and then I texted. I'm like, yo, what's going on?

This man is making me feel really uncomfortable Come and help me. Yeah, cool. Well, I'm gonna send a picture of myself and tell him that this is your boyfriend I just sent her a naked picture of Terry Cruz And she didn't talk to me for a solid week was pissed if she was actually in danger I probably would have stepped in but you know, maybe in your case, too I expect her to be able to handle that's me like I really want someone to Believe that I can take care of myself. So that's what he palms to just fucking flick that shit in their face Yeah, I have no problems

I mean he's seen it and he's like if he's picked me up from let's say I go to like a dive bar with my sister and like He's like, oh, I'll come pick you up. I'm coming out of the comedy store and my way No, and then he'll see me waiting there and then dudes are like harassing I might he won't come to my defense because he knows me better No, but that's also one moment where I was picking you up from a fucking club Yeah, right and you open up the passenger door, right and you some guys macking on you right there All right, and you go this is my boyfriend, right and I love going Hi

I Show them to show this man, right? You know some guy with a furry chest. He's yoked. You know me He's got the Italian shirt on you know me greasy You know me and he thinks he's hot right and I just love like just fucking spearing him in the heart Go. I'm a fucking little nerd Taking your home Hi, this is my man. All right. All right. Let's buy it dude. You know Prius yeah, yeah with a piece of shit rolling in the back

Fucking disgusting. I've never been able to get over that podcast. Well, no, I just did it again. Why two weeks ago Why do you keep shitting in your car? Oh my god? The last time was when a week before you were here, too It's like a sign that David's a sign that you're coming So you picked it up and it looked like my face No, but there's just something there's a there's a connection between you and just shitting in my car I don't know what in your car. I couldn't stop. You're not old enough for that Ten more years, maybe I couldn't stop. Yeah, you can stop that. No, but at this time around He put in a bag and this time around so I'm really proud. Yeah, that's a weird thing to be proud about

There's a clean up. Look if I don't have to clean anything up. I'm proud. Yeah, maybe steps. Can you not sense when a poop is coming? No, because what happens is if I drink if so what happened was this? Okay, we I woke up late a little bit and we got to get in the car. She has a doctor's appointment, right? Okay, so what I do is I'll take us I'll smoke a cigarette really quickly and I'll drink black coffee That's the worst combination, right? So worse combination and I'll just go right in the car usually, you know when I wake up and I do that, right? I'm playing video games Right, so I can push pause and just go right to the bathroom, but I have emergency shits all the time

Right, but in the car happen. Why do you do it? Sometimes it comes just out of nowhere It's not out of nowhere. You did that you in totally took in a deadly combo of cigarettes and black coffee Yeah, but that combination generally sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn't right 50 50, but don't take the risk It's happened multiple times now. I know so I'm in the car and right and I felt fine though You feel fine. You're like I feel fine and all of a sudden I had this great urge Right, it was like I couldn't stop and I tell her time tables in the car. I go two minutes Yes, there's two minutes and I was like well, it's two minutes to the doctor's office. So you can hold it Yeah, so I waited two minutes, but alas

It's the time of COVID so they rejected him at the doctor's office and said you may not poo here Yeah, you're COVID poop. Yeah, and then you have to make decisions. So I shit right in my pants So I went right in the car on La Cienaga. I would just go gutter. Fuck that. Well, you're from the Philippines. Yeah So what do you find sexually attractive? Let's segue into that What is this? What is your sexual desire? I want to know that's part of the over the short sleeves Let me know you know what it's a perfect this the fact that he has

absolute like love and freedom like he loves himself the fact that okay cuz I dated a guy before maybe like a little bit before him Super hot super bill super tall Whatever correct correct proportions perfect human being Turn me on pussy wet, right But he did this thing once where I after that I was like I never want to sleep with this man again No, like I he took a shower and he came out and like he did this like cover his dick thing. Oh He was like shy. He was like don't look and I was like, oh my god. Well, that's very unique

That's not a normal thing either that guy's a fucking weirdo Yeah, he owns up to it and then he'll like Yeah, he I remember the first time we hooked up like he would do things like he would be naked with his belly out And he would play the air guitar in the corner just Yeah, but what the fuck is this dude doing? Yeah, he's mental and I like me and I would just be This is a perfect match made in heaven. No, but I I think that everyone should be like that Oh, a hundred percent you authentically yourself, right? And I generally try not to apologize, you know, you should learn I will never

Hey, or anything. No, but like when I was young I had so much Um, I had so many like layers of defenses and I I was so shy and I was so yeah, I was like Quiet even, you know when race like today I had therapy, right? And she thinks, you know that growing up I Have a lot of trauma even through racism, you know in this country, right that I'm not even aware of And I told her a story, right? I don't know if I ever told at the Um, uh spaghetti factory story. Did I ever tell you that story? We have many spaghetti factory stories. I know I know But the one more often you go. Yeah. Yeah. I love spaghetti factory. What's the thing called a manager special?

Oh, that's my favorite with the Miss Arthur cheese in the mushroom Spaghetti in one plate. So good. That's the white trashiest thing that you do in the fucking spaghetti factory. What the fuck? So there's an actor by the name of jaymie caler, right? He's done a lot of things, right in in in the business But when jaymie caler was in the navy And I was 19 years old. I met this kid named jaymie caler that same jaymie caler in an improv class in pacific beach san diego And um, he just mentioned hey, I have an improv

troop, I know We're taking an improv class, but um, can you do one word? live and I go You're asking me to perform live It was some racist thing too. I remember I was it was like, okay, sir or something Well, that was the line or something and that was it. Yeah, so he had this theater downtown san diego. This is in the 90s

probably 1990 Probably 1992 93 and um, I remember being backstage in this theater and I did it. I did the line. I got a laugh I got off and he gave me like 20 bucks just to do that one thing And I didn't have any money back then. So I said I was so high from the performance aspect of it

And it just fed fed something. I'd never done it before like that. I didn't school shit at school, but And there was a spaghetti factory next to it So I go, you know, with this 20 dollars. I'm going to um You know get a meal, you know, so I sat there. I was proud that I performed and I I got this 20 dollars and um This fucking jewish bus boy Was arguing with a table next to me. I don't know what they were arguing about

And then the jewish bus boy comes up to me He goes, hey, I just want to let you know. I want to warn you I go What what I do You know, you didn't do anything. It's just that that table That they they want you to move And I right and I go Why and he's like, I don't know. I think they're racist

And then all of a sudden they ask for the manager and then the manager and then we're fighting, right? And I can now hear it like I'm not we're not sitting next to no fucking chink That type of thing really? Yeah. Yeah, and then I remember um The manager going you have to leave the restaurant to this table, right now. I thought it was it to you We're disturbing this nice family get your fucking gookie ass face back Yeah, so they so the table gets up, right? And it was one man and two women the women were dressed in like church clothing like these

Like sunday like dresses summer dresses Menonite right and the man was wearing like menonites long skirts menonite had this button-up shirt to his thing You know, I mean, you know, whatever But the man comes up to me walking out of the restaurant. He goes, you know, we'll wait for you outside Like that. What is happening? What's he gonna do to you? I don't know. I am 19. I don't know what the fuck You know, I had just moved out of my parents house I don't know anything, right? I'm a little guy, you know, I mean and I had this great night and now it's a nightmare You know, it's a nightmare. I don't know what to do. I've only read about this

I've seen this in the news maybe or whatever, right? So, um, I stayed there until it closed For like two or three hours Oh, you were scared. I was scared And then when I walked out of the restaurant a couple of waiters walked out with me and I go That's my car. They kind of walked me to my car because they knew And that's why you always go to old spaghetti factory You feel safe and that's why you get that that fucking bag of shit spaghetti at any time It's your it's your safety baby, but further prove your point about white trash though

So the patrons that were there were racist as shit. So yes, you're correct about the white trash. Yeah, that's what I'm saying But but you know when I was talking to my therapy a therapist about it, right? Is it those kind of experiences have an effect on you? You know for sure and I think that you know when I look at You know my comedy Right and the way I am, you know my persona isn't really it's it's it's me, right? But it's it's it's It's my rebelliousness against white people and also stereotypes, right

Because I'm not you know what people think that I am, you know as Asians we were put into maybe Now people are woke, right a lot more woke back back in the day though It was like people would just straight up say it in your face But on top of that too We don't talk about it with our parents or a family like if things happen Like those external things happen to us like even with my mom. Finally. I sat her down a couple months ago And I'm like, what have you experienced like in terms of racism and she had an Fucking whole bag of stories about this happened to me

But when it happens like we don't go running to each other. She certainly didn't come running to me Yeah, you know so to think that That probably happened so much to your parents. Yeah, and even happened to you in the 90s. Yeah That shit like carries over man. It's you know, I will say this though It's it's different for our parents generation too because this is how my dad would explain it, right? My parents own a black beauty supply store. They've had the most racist shit said to them And my dad always shrugged it off of his shoulders because it's like people who are willing to say that to you They're beneath you. So why am I going to be concerned with the opinion of somebody who is below me?

It doesn't fucking matter. I'm busy trying to make provide for my family. They weren't they couldn't speak the fucking language They don't have time for that bullet. Yeah, you know for us. We have options. We have choices So a lot of the time especially with the younger generation now like my generation below We're burdened with too many choices too many choices to think about we don't have to worry about where our next meal Is coming from we're worried about people's public perception rather than rather than having food on our table So because of that burden, it's just it's apples and oranges. Yeah, I mean totally. Yeah I think so we do have that luxury though of luxury is a burden for these things now, you know, yeah But I didn't have it at the time and also I didn't have parents

That's a very good point where I could cut I don't I remember not saying that that to anybody Well, your parents don't want to show you that they're hurt. I think that's my Korean dad Yeah, or even my mom like she wanted to preserve us from her pain I mean, obviously it internalized and manifested in different ways like so like we suffered anyways through her actions Of course, but never in a way where I'm like, hey, I'm hurt. Let me tell you about the things that hurt me today. Never God forbid she show any type of like vulnerability in that way And you know, you're so cool too because a lot of people will hear this story Especially like younger people and they'll be like, well, if I was in that situation, this is what no you wouldn't bitch

You wouldn't have done fucking shit. I've I've said multiple times if I ever see somebody get robbed in front of you I would do something. Let me tell you something. I stood and watched that person get robbed Yeah, it was in front of a jamba juice. This guy got his wallet jacked and I looked at him and I watched the guy go And then in my mind, I thought I did something I thought I went up to him. I was like not today, sir Yeah, but what happened was he got robbed and the guy rode off on his bike and I just went If you were if you were Peter Parker's uncle, he would still have an uncle Right he would not be a dumb spider man

Exactly Thank god for David's Everybody's a fucking hero in their own story, right? Yeah But if you kind of put that in perspective, especially at the time that bobby was in right? Yeah, and you're the only asian person in that restaurant It's easy to say that when you have an army of people behind you when you could put it up on the internet And you know that a fucking a socially woke instagram is going to back you up You're going to have this support when you feel alone and you're pushed into a corner

You're either going to show your fangs or you're going to cower in fear and most people cower in fear me too Yeah all the time but cowering is also a form of like preservation like sometimes like you take the path of You know what seems like the least resistance at that time, right? Like at least that's what I do Like if I see like trouble brewing my first instinct isn't to up and fight It's like how do I get out of this exactly? You know what and I'll as I think when younger people get older too We start to realize how hypocritical we are and how much full of bullshit we are the the other day I was driving down, Colorado in Pasadena and there was these cars that were backed up

I was in there too and I didn't know what was going on But when I drove up I saw these two dudes fighting in the middle of the fucking road just wailing on each other, right? Yeah, in my mind I was like this is an injustice. I'm going to say something right, but nobody did they just drove by So as I was going up, I thought I was going to say something a lot cooler What I actually said, but when I rolled up I rolled down the window and the first thing I said was That's not it guys And as I said it I was like shut the fuck up This dude looked up and he goes this guy tried to steal my fucking wallet. Yeah, I said yeah, I did and I just drove off

What the fuck in my mind? I thought I was going to say something dope. I said that's not it guys Dumbest fucking thing I've ever said. Yeah, you know, but everybody's a hero in their own story But you don't know what's going to happen when you're putting these weird situations Yeah, you think you're going to come up and knock the dude out, but most likely you're not You know, yeah, a guy said to me once at a cash checking place. What are you looking at? And I you know what I said back pretty good I was so scared right that that's what came out and he's like, oh shit. He's retarded So another time what happened was I was at the comedy store back in the day when they used to have Fat Tuesday, right? And I remember a guy pulled out a gun. It's just like a automatic gun

Yeah And when it was all said and done everyone was beneath tables on the ground. I was the only one standing I was like, what's going on? You right? Like I just know we're pretty good Yeah, yeah, like I have no I have no aware. I just I'm not a survivor. Maybe you just froze. I think that yeah, like no I just stood there I knew it was gunshots, right? I knew people were going down and I just was standing pretty bright No, I could have died

No, I actually told this story on your brother's podcast, but when I when I left before uh, It was literally the night before I was supposed to drive up to Riverside because I got except in the ucr It was the only university that would take me Uh, my house got shut up So because and I always tell people this like it doesn't matter if you're not quote-unquote in the gang If you hang out with bad people bad shit will come to you, right? So long long story short They these people try to shoot up my house They fucked up they

They shot up the house next to mine because there's these college students that were there And they assumed that I lived there too because it was loud and rowdy But they shot up that house and they didn't know that I wasn't in there. So thank god. Nobody got fucking hurt. Yeah so at this point And I shit you fucking out. This is nuts So I heard these gunshots and I knew that somebody was gonna try and come after me because I was a little paranoid So a buddy of mine gave me a gun, right? He gave me this Glock. I had it never used the gun before in my life It scared shitless. So I had this gun on me. I go outside

And there's this blue Mustang that dries up on the fucking driveway comes out He pulls a gun right in front of my fucking face. Oh, and this and knew what the fucking this is what I'm saying Everybody's a hero in their own story in my mind. I dodged this bullet I karate chopped the hand out the way. I grabbed the mirror and I shot him in the stomach. Yeah fucking happen. I went Yeah, oh shit. Yeah as I had this whole fucking scenario. I still remember what I thought I did. I thought I was like Nothing fucking happen dick out mouth open And so

When he's a this guy has his fucking gun right to my fucking face probably the distance like for me to you Helicopter light comes down because the cops were called there was a shootout Guy sees it gets his car jets to get arrested, right? But that's fucking nuts to me because I still remember that moment where I thought that I did something really cool Nothing fucking happened. I stood out there and I just stared at him with my mouth open. Yeah Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's it's crazy Fucking hate that shit too. Oh, I know. I think that do we try to kind of I think

Yeah, I think I've had a couple instances like I used to be real big time scrapper when I was in high school Like I was all sorts of what was your nickname in high school licks I knew you had a dick. Yeah. I already fucking I tagged too. Yeah. Oh my god They would call you Kalilah licks. No, just you sound like a porn star It wasn't even Kalilah all because I thought like I took on the mexican identity I was like the first rachel dolezal, but like filipino de mexican. They don't like whatever fool call me licks I don't give a fuck. It was kella kella. Yeah. Oh man, you were fake as fuck Got that bandana on your neck and shit. You just won't let it go. Oh my god. I gotta show you guys a picture

I always had a bandana on my head. I want to see your eyebrows. This is what I want to see Wait, they were barely visible. Of course. They were over plucked. I'm going to show the picture Um, but but yeah, I was like I always scrapped and I always thought I was like a hard-ass bitch because I went to Blair high school And it was you know, like a bunch of like these reject kids and whatnot Um, but I think in my head I probably was a much better scrapper than I actually was because I was like, oh, yeah Like, you know, I swim I lift weights. I'm a bad bitch

But some of these girls were just more strategic like they'd been fighting longer like grab your hair They did all that shit. It's just real nasty. Should I have always had long hair, you know You didn't put that shit up in cornrows. Oh, I did. Yeah, you have to I sure did You know what they used to call me you all you oh, this is another it wasn't really racist But I went to an all-white swim team because that's the club team that I swam for swim Pasadena Maybe they had like a you know, some peppering of Asian here in that row was mostly white and they would call me alicia yaves Like alicia keys Because I I completely yeah, I

Had cornrows. It was really my high school when a girl had cornrows in her hair Like if it wasn't like that the day before she's gonna scrap She's looking for a fucking fight and without fail Some bitch is getting on her fucking teeth knocked out and we always had a little tub of acillean Okay Her dean in the corner too That was it like it was so scrappy in my school and girls is fucking, you know, no matter what you're so kind and gentle I would have never thought she would have been such a scrapper. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was it was really

I've seen her go off Oh, really one time one time and that was really in in you know to defend your honor. Thank you Yeah, where? Oh the movie the oh you defended his honor No I'm gonna tell you admit to you have I have to tell the real story The real story is that when we went to Seattle and we were watching this movie called hereditary It was so frightening that we basically screamed the whole way through people sitting in front of us didn't like that we

Were screaming and said that yeah, and they said like if you know, that's your reaction to scary things Maybe you should watch this at home That um patagonia wearing white dude, you know the type Techie type And so but truly the loudest girlish girliest scream in that whole place was him. Okay, like me I'm kind of a whoo, you know, like I hold it. I go whoo like that He's like really high pitch. Tell your bitch to shut up. Yeah And Bobby just does his own voice. Okay

So it was really his fault I'm sorry, you have to play both roles now because you don't know how to feel But yeah, they they came after us and they were like shut the fuck up I like it. Oh, babe. Yeah, but it was we have an unhelpful advice. No, we have Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What the fuck is that? Who the fuck lick lick? He's out of your league Bobby, what are you doing? I don't know what I'm doing. You deserve better What the fuck what the fuck is that? That's a licks

That's a licks That's a licks right there. You know what I always you know what we always say, babe Like orange hair too. Look at the chain. Look at the chain. Wow. You know how I always say that if you and I went to high school together I always say you wouldn't have dated me. I wouldn't have dated you And I've always You know, he always tells me he's like you wouldn't have dated me. I'm like, of course I would I would have asked because I would have Like the boys that I dated I did anybody and everybody. Yeah, I can tell You didn't have option

Yeah, but no one believes me. Wow. It looks like you like comb your hair with a knife and she It's like, you know, we have combs. Nah, I don't Unhelpful advice Unhelpful advice with bobby and carlin david so Hey, y'all slap king here bobby lee telling you to check out our patreon at patreon.com Slash tiger belly. It's your online home for tiger belly vlogs Bonus interviews the tiger belly discord and the tiger belly singing competition Please I'm in hawaii now

So I don't know what we released this week because I'm dumb But it could be any of the above or something completely new. Trust me Join the community at patreon.com slash tiger belly and let's hang out. I'll miss you I'll be chatting with you on a new live stream when I get back only at patreon.com Slash tiger belly. Yeah, let's get back to the show. Uh, hey guys, I'm a sleeper from france I've asked friends and family, but they only provide pc or compassionate advice, which is not what I'm looking for I live in an apartment and my upstairs neighbors are garbage They are a couple who during the confinement early this year decided to install a treadmill in their home

Or more specifically directly above the room where I spend most of my days working if it wasn't bad enough that if I could Uh, it could be heard from every corner of our apartment They also walk around like horses with anvils for feet and as long as I have tolerated their uh daily indoor marathons The semi-rhythmic stomping of the floor feels like audible Chinese war torture We have confronted them multiple times. They know they're wrong. They make empty compromises like installing a mat Which they request we do with them to which I say fuck all that I'm writing this to you today as my skull vibrates to their pounding of the floor We have two dogs. I was thinking of collecting their poo and smearing it on their door or attach it to a balloon

Basically, he'd like to hear uh, everyone's advice of how to handle these neighbors But also would like to hear kalayla's approach because she believes that um, you would be you would read anything Uh, yank to the end in the situation. Okay, so I'm the peaceful one year after you saw the picture of licks No, I know what would licks do don't do it. Let me tell you two versions. Okay There's a kalayla version which is absolutely do not spear shit Anywhere, um, it's not their fault and it's not your fault that you're home all day and have to deal with each other's noises They're respecting the fucking lockdown and doing what they have to do in living their lives. They have feet There's nothing they can do about that. So, um, you either have to get noise cancelling headphones

Um, when you have to do your work and feel like you don't want to listen to their anvil feet And you have to just kind of grin and bear it until this lockdown is over. That's what kalayla would do licks Yeah, I would have fucking lit poo on fire and launched it through their window a long time ago Or I would have like gotten the biggest speakers and just play fucking death metal You know what I mean to to you know to piss them off. That's what um A part of me would do what about bobby now bobby now The reality is it's like our neighbor Our neighbor. Oh my god. This is a perfect example. We have a karen

That lives next to us. Right. So he basically you're like pop his head through the bushes Wait beyond that babe. So go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Go ahead I don't even know what I was gonna say Is there a weekend? Yeah, no, no, I go all the way back. I'll go all the way back. Okay, which is install a fence He because our dogs, you know here. I bought a house Right so that my dogs can run free in my backyard Okay, my dogs bark at the squirrels my dogs, you know act a fool You know, I mean, but I let them be free because they're fucking dogs. I don't need like 15 minutes at a time

Like we bring them back in they're not there all all day long, right? But they're loud and when my neighbor Right used to go Not to his backyard, but there's an orchard You mean facing one side of our house, right that it's not his backyard But he goes out there and he trims the trees when it's not even his backyard And there's no there was no like plastic covering it. It was just a a a fence Right a chain link fence where you can obviously see through and my dogs would go crazy because it would just they would

Sense and hear this movement in the bushes. Yeah, and I'd be like that's a fucking intruder So a dog, you know, our dogs would do the thing and he's like I can't I can't deal with this Um, your dogs have to you got to get a trainer. He was telling me what trainers to get and all these things, right? So I go, you know what dude? I'm gonna Build a wall. So we built a fucking very high wall high ass wall I'll spend money to build a wall, but that's still not good enough for him, right? I spent thousands of dollars building this fucking wall and then he'll go above the wall Peek through the peek through the fucking bushes and go. Um, is your dog's done now?

Yeah, so this is what he did try to die. Yeah, I know He was so scary. So that wall is really high, right? And it's behind the wall is even more bushes. So it was like a double layer of a wall there So I was out there. I put a little like doggy pole out there so they can play with their wall I just do fucking dumb things with my animal. Yeah, we had been out there exactly like 51 minutes. I timed it And he peers he fucking climbs he scales their wall Like separates the bushes puts his little fucking scary face in between and he's like It's been about an hour now. Don't you think that's enough?

Don't you think you should bring him back in this shit is this shit is layers, dude This is like political shit. This is like some Trump shit. It's like build the wall. It doesn't work. Bro. Yeah How can this guy wants to die? I don't know like he's old. He's like an 80. Oh, but see this. Okay. Let me just tell you what I'm a very petty person, right? And I know now that because we're older I can't just start sucking people in the face. However. I want to yeah, there's real consequences. So I place that I moved in recently Uh, so it's street parking, right? I parked my truck out there. I just got this new forerunner

Uh, I guess before I moved in this is his spot, right? I didn't know As a neighbor if he likes that spot by the way, there's hundreds of spots in the area our parking is great He goes he could have just asked me to move my car to be like, hey, I usually park. Is it okay if I park here? Simple shit, right? So what he does instead is that he gets his hose and sprays my whole car and the next day water spots all over it He don't know me like that. Right. So I knock on the door. I'm like, hey, bro So, uh, there's no sprinklers out here like that and the water was did you did you spray my car last night? Right. He goes. Yeah, just don't park there. Oh Fucking vane come on. Oh, man. Like, you know, like when I get

It's tucked in when my shirt started getting tucked in and my pants started rising all the way up That's which is the true side of an angry korean Yeah, you know, and then when you're I started getting fucking pissed and I'm looking at him. I'm like, bro. The next time you do something like that I'm just gonna fuck you up and I just told him straight up. Wow. I'm not gonna hit him, right? So in my mind, I'm like, you can't hit somebody at this age because there's so what are you gonna do? So we sprayed water on your car. He sprayed water all over my car. Why does that matter? Because there's water spots on it now water stays during the summer. He did it to spite him

It's just water though. No, it's water stays. It fucks up your paint. It does. Yeah, real bad. My bad. So I'm getting pissed right now. Yeah I Know it's just water though I know But um So, you know, the way he responded to me fucking pissed me off, right? Yeah, it was very demeaning So in my mind, I'm like cool. So what I did as a normal human being I stalked him to see when he went to work and when he didn't go to work about a week figured out his time

I started putting nails in his tires Every fucking day So his his every time so there's this thing does he know this? No, he does not. We should air this then so he moved out It doesn't matter. Oh, okay. Fuck fuck you, bitch Hey, there's no camera here. Yeah, fuck you bitch. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, so there's this thing that I used to do in high school Or instead of like slashing somebody's tires very apparent You just take a nail long enough where you leave it at an angle and there's a good chance that it'll go through The tire so I did it to one tire and I waited for him to replace his tire and then I did it again to another tire

So I did to all four tires for about two three months. Wow. Did he not because he put water I just came out water on your car. So what I did afterwards that every time it's crazy and I'm like a bro Like what the fuck keeps happening to your tires? So we actually developed a good rapport But I kept sympathizing with his tires. I'm like, dude, what the fuck is the construction out here? You know what your strategy is very similar to mine. I'm like a slow gorilla warfare Like we're going to do this for a whole year. Let's play. So back to this guy Um, don't be like those people

Because I think that's the same exact scenario, right? Our dogs bother this guy Right to the point my neighbor, right to the point where he's going to climb a wall and put his head through the that's no This is different. This guy is unreasonable. Oh for real like this is different from a guy who they have to live With the dogs but the dogs drive him in 24 hours. Yeah, but the dogs drive him crazy Just like the hooves above, you know him and the treadmill. It's different It's different because it's like this whole is whole hill It's just one giant cacophony of dogs barking. Like that's this whole everyone has dogs here everyone So he's he's after something else

He is fixating on us for reasons. I don't understand. That's beyond just the dogs. You two don't look right together. He's This isn't okay. It should be me I Guilted him when he came through. I was like, oh, you know, were you just having a nice sunday back here? I thought I'd play with my dogs. You know, I don't get to do this very often And but I was like, but I'll take them back in now sir. No problem. That's kalayla now Like I'm like patholes. I would get a bigger dog Train them to bark. I would train them to bark specifically at old yp. Yeah, the dogs named kujo

I would get a st. Bernard and a great day. Yeah, and they were shit on his lawn only I feel this guy's pain though Like especially if I don't already like like my neighbors and they're making just a ruckus. You know, it Also, do you live in an apartment? You know tough luck. That's what happens when you live in an apartment. It would happen to me all the time too So I just you know, that's what happens though. You know, yeah, but he has a good thing the blasting death metal That yeah, maybe that'll do it. Yeah. Anyway, um, I gotta eat but this is a great. This is a great podcast It's with you. It's always easy with you. It's uh, how many times have you done it third time?

It might be the most this time. I think the most now. I think you've the most Appearances on this podcast. Thank you. Yeah, and um, you know, we should get you on more often You're easy to talk to I think we're we come from the same, um, cut from the same claw The fuck that we come from. No, it's it's you know, here's what it is. I You know Growing up. I never met Koreans like-minded And I was always raised with people that um were white or you know And I just never was would run into people like you, you know

And when I'm with you I go, oh, he's like-minded. It feels you know, I mean it doesn't I don't feel alone You know what I mean? I know that a lot of my life though to be honest. What you molded a huge part of my life Okay, and you don't say stuff like that, but no for real though There was there was nobody on tv like you. I know, okay, but you know this right? So you can't take compliments Yeah, I can't you really can't keep going you go. Let me tell you something that ass though That ass yum yum yum. It's tight. Yeah, I like it But you know, it you know also by be doing this for so long, you know And to see kids like you come up in the same business and be as talented

It feels um, you know It feels good. It feels like you know, there's more of us now and um You know, I really I'm very childlike in many ways and I still Relate to you know you and I think sherry cole is very funny as well You know sherry, uh, I've seen her dude or her character tasty. Yeah tasty. Yeah. Yes, but you should meet her She's you you're like minded with her as well. You know, I mean, and there's other asians that are like that Alley's like that other people are like that and I um

It just feels um like we're going in the right direction And um, thank you so much David, where's your podcast? Uh, yeah, you could check me out at the genius brain podcast And that's really about it and then david so comedy you guys go david is tied with michael rosenbaum with lex luther for four episodes Wow Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed uh episode four with david so He's a part of the four podcast club here at tiger belly

We'd like to make our patronages for helping us for helping support this show What did we put out this week question mark? Well, we've been recording these episodes ahead of time So bob can go to hawaii so we don't even know right now It could be a blog it can be a much anticipated scene competition which guys let me tell you It's gonna be good. We've got uh, we're in the process right now of the first round of Auditions where we're just having bobby and kalilah react to you beautiful people singing and we are currently um still shooting that It's hilarious. That's all I can say Uh, it could be a new jewels interview, which she's becoming quite the uh barba walters these days

We might get one with george. You might get one with uh, I don't know me Don't watch the jewels interview Because everyone loves everyone loves you george people want you have the highest viewed episode of tiger belly. Relax, dude Get your question on tiger belly by emailing us at advice on how flood gmail.com Uh, they look the question today amazing. Thank you. Thank you person. He she whatever your pronouns are today Um, thank you so much for sending out. That was a great question. It sparked a lot of great conversation We got to hear different points of views. So you guys keep sending emails like that They give us something they really chew on. Um, so once again, that is advice and helpful at gmail.com

Please follow george at george underscore kimmel. He's trying to get to 50k. He keeps texting me that to keep promoting his instagram here Uh, please follow kalilah at calamdk. Wonderful content. She's verified. You know, it's good Um, listen to uh, also, uh, if you got anyone who works at patagonia Anyone who works at patagonia feel free to contact me as your manager. We'd love to get her in some nice puffy jackets I just talked shit about a guy who was wearing patagonia. Didn't I never mind Uh, north face love patagonia though. Just kidding. I really love their business model everything about it Can be swimmy werner for life. There we go. Whatever she just said, that's a free ad. You're welcome patagonia So contact me if you want to collab with the queen

Uh, follow everything bobby lee at bobby lee live and myself at gelbetz We love you so much. Um, I just can't contain my excitement Uh about the singing competition on patreon.com slash tiger belly. So with that being said, I love you I Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey