TigerBelly - Ep 274: Bill Burr is on Bobby's Radar

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

Bobby does the tortured artist thing. Bill calls off the safe heist. Khalyla is the reverse of the Monday Morning Podcast. We talk Bugs Bunny arguments, panda hands, and America's Dumbest Criminals.  TigerBelly Singing Competition episodes and Vlogs at: www.patreon.com/tigerbelly Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus Did you shave your head for a part? Huh a roll? No, I'm bald. No, no, but I know but did you because you still had some stuff? Residue of hair Yeah, you had residue Noble thing that you were doing Yeah, but you didn't you just understand it Yeah, it's one of those things. Are we going right now? No, we don't need there's no there's no rules

But okay, I'm just asking a question. Okay, right. I'm gonna answer. I understand that but why are you your head looks like you know? Darth Vader when he took his fucking helmet off was When he was just all fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what? That is that the line you're Bill Burr, but I Mean I'm trying to answer your question. Yeah, go ahead. I just process you coming out of the gate shit on me Um, yeah, you know when you start to lose your hair you got three options Yeah, you can yeah And there's subsets to all of them. All right

Okay, you can do the rogain the hair plugs right system a fucking all of that piece Propecia a fucking they glue some shit on your head Right, they take some some of your pube hair and you get an afro. Yeah, or you can Just sort of let it happen which what you were doing which I was like, that's the dope way to do it Oh, I'm glad I'm glad I had your approval or You can just say fuck it Yeah, and do what I did. So I just said fuck it. Okay, and and I do I love how you came at me aggressive And now you're going you got a little panda I was like you look like you look like a little panda

I know I was just because what you took your shirt that had a little adolescent bear Fine I'll take that they're cute. They're adorable. I know they're very adorable But I was just asking because when you took your head off. I was a little shocked. That's all What are your thoughts? I've had my head shaved for fucking 10 years Really? Yes. Oh But you're always wearing a little like I know what I I know what you were doing You were doing like you know you read love to do with like the Ron Howard thing and you guys always wear that director cap Right and they hide it prestige prestige hats. Oh, it's I don't want to catch a cold

That too, that's also a very when you shave your head if it gets cold your head your head gets cold quick Yeah, your head gets really cold. So that's what it is But I've had my head shaved like this for fucking like The better part of a decade and I know I've been having consistent conversations with you So I got to admit I'm a little hurt Yeah, I think it was the way you took it off just now was it was a very dramatic And um, listen, I want to let's start over let's not we're going to keep that stuff in right

But let's start from the beginning. Let's do the introduction and whatnot, right? But I have to just say that I literally just took my hat off. He looks like that dude in between the penalty boxes Yeah, um So, uh, sorry go ahead Four three mama. Don't be what's a mama. Uh, I didn't kill a man. Something like that, right? What a great movie bohemian bohemian rap. Yeah, really good movie Uh, we got out all the characters in the house. Um, by the way, um I was in the doctor's office this morning. I'm fine. But um, just fyi little medical, uh, note. Um, I had black poo

Black or bloody? Well, that's black is bloody unless you take unless you ingest bismuth, which is in pepto bismol Then you're over the weekend had blackpool or iron. Yeah, and Wait a minute Yeah, yeah So if somebody said I had blood in my stool, they don't actually see blood they see it's black, right? So the higher up in your, um gi the black sort of background. Do you have I was a nurse? Oh, okay So, wow, wow, because you really came off like No, this happens a lot on podcast all of a sudden I'm listening to a comedian like telling me how my liver works

I'm just like, wait a minute. Who the fuck are you again? Okay. I'm sorry. All right. So you're a nurse. All right Yeah, tell tell them about so the higher up on your gi that the bleeding happens. Let's say it's in your stomach Don't talk shop. What's gi? Gastrointestinal. Yeah. Yeah The higher up a pilot All right, so we're in the gi yeah the gi the higher up in your guts that the bleeding is happening The darker your stool is going to be if it's right at the rectum Then it's going to be more like what they call like frank blood like brighter red blood

Now, why do they call it frank blood? I have no idea meaning like frankly Yeah, like frank like obviously it's obvious obvious Or it could be a guy You're like, you know, like maybe it's an actual guy named frank. Yeah with the first type of blood and they just named it up to the guy Yeah Now flooding your stool you're done. No. No. No, that just seems like what have you done? That's like your oil pants leaking your engine The engine's gonna seize and then that's just you hit a curb or something

I mean, I just feel like that is the it's the radiator. It's not good. Yeah, I'll tell you that I'll tell you this it's not good. It could be as simple as an ulcer. So I shoot You were in the desert and I go, I just you know, I just threw it out there Now isn't is an ulcer A simple thing Um, it can be it can be brought on by just stress even you can bring on ulcers by stress alone Most ulcers that are brought on by this thing called h pylori, which is a bacteria that like You know just happens on people

Once in a while and it causes Like over acidity and it causes your you know, kind of what are the warning signs of that extreme pain ulcers are painful Oh, okay back to my asshole. Yeah, can we go back to my asshole, please? Dude, that was that right there was most the most I've ever learned on a podcast ever And I think about 40 000 hours in I could can I come back and just Ask you medical questions, you know, like there are comics that call her for medical But for really dumb ones though like Santino showed me a little Like needle prick on his finger and he was like, do I need to go to urgent care?

Esther calls you all the fucking time about shit. I'm also not a practicing nurse Yeah, how'd you get out of that and into this this asshole? He said, you know what you should tender baby your job and just hey, baby. Hey, baby tinder No, but it means an unbelievable asset to have on a podcast and actually knows what they're talking about That is the reverse of my podcast. Yeah, but She's gating her though. We live together, right? So it's like there's ups You know, and there's there's some good qualities, but also I can't win an argument ever Well, not when it right ever like I can't win it right now when it comes to black anything really about politics

I'll just say something dummy. You'll be like, no, that's wrong or like she just because you're arguing That's not how you win an argument. How do you do it then you get quiet? And you just go, okay. No, that's fine. It's fine. And then that that fucks with them That's what baldheaded it it baldheaded people do that it fucks with them You just go, okay All right, no, you know, you know what I'll work on that and then they get nervous like oh fuck Am I being a nag? Yeah, it's the only word that scares them. Can I give you the prognosis of my asshole though first?

I would love to know about the prognosis I've heard enough election talk. Let's talk about your rectum So I mention it right and they go you we got to go to the doctor I went over to today And my my my doctor doctor Kawashiri. Can I say his name? Or he just did. Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah, he's good Yeah, he's one of the best. Don't bleep it. Okay. I'll make I'll make louder. Yeah, maybe they'll maybe there's some promotion there for him Oh, good. Yeah, maybe start does he specialize in agents? I mean with a last name like that, you know, it's weird. He could He could because I go to my doctor dr. Ohula

Yeah He specializes in cirrhosis at the liver Yeah, maybe I should switch it up. Yeah, maybe I should get a black doctor or something. It just seems could you be a little more woke Yeah, go to another race for your doctoring All right, so he goes so he goes I tell him the problem. He goes, okay, so um, baby depend on that And I you know, I for I've never been like one to go Are you sure?

About bending over like I'm like, you know me. I'm I jump in there's a party. I'll jump in So I bend over take my pants off obviously, right and what did you do first? Oh, that's interesting That's interesting. Oh, yeah, that's interesting. I think I fucking thought that was gonna get a laugh No, no, no, I thought I was a ridiculous question. Josh, you're gonna break it. He just goes. Oh, that's interesting. No, no I thought that was interesting, you know, because If we're gonna answer this a normal person would have taken taken the pants off first and then bend over Yeah, but what you just said was I did bend over first and then took my pants off

Of course you did. That's so fucking weird Oh my gosh, and I bent over and they there was that That that that moment where the doctor goes, you know, I mean, oh my god, what are you doing? Ah, right and I go, I know how it works. This is the way I do it Right, so I bent over then I I like it. You made it weird back Yeah, yeah, I reversed it. I took control of the weirdness. I like it now. He's weirded out right and he goes What are you waiting for a big boy? So he does, you know, he you first you hear

A noise like something's coming out of a tube. Okay, right you right So he has to put the lube on and whatnot. He has the glove on And then he doesn't um, you know, he pearl harbors it. I mean, I know it's conversationary but instead of He was doing it around the island. He went Yeah, but he told you he was doing it I wasn't a sneak attack. It was a sneak. No, he said hey, sit down next to me because I want a three two one Don't you want a three two one when it comes to your asshole?

Someone yelling that out Two three. I'd rather rip band-aid off. No, not me Don't you want that? Well, there's a pool. I will be entering your asshole in three. Yes Two so I can like clinch or whatever I my body does they usually say gonna be a little cold Because of the cold. He said nothing. You're gonna bend over pressure Is a is a classic medical and he bent over pull the pants out and then bonsai is what I Bonsai and or just any Cindy goes. It's just my um index finger, right? Yeah, I go. No, that was your thumb bra He thumbed it. You're positive. I

I don't have reverse, you know, I mean site reverse side. Yeah, I mean, I don't have the there's a no I don't know if there's cameras in the room, but I think he fucking thumbed it It hurt Or I might have a tight asshole Or he has short fingers I never thought of the third fucking option. Yeah. Yeah, he could have got little hands Maybe he's got a little hand. You probably gave him a complex You came home came home all moody and his girlfriend's like, what's the matter? I don't want to talk about it. What's the matter?

It happened again. What happened? Oh, I put my index finger in somebody's asshole and they were convinced it was my thumb You don't understand. It's a man thing. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I might have fucked his day up But good news is that he I don't know how he checks, but he goes no blood Well, you're not gonna know for a while sweetheart. No, but he goes that's a big thing He goes if he goes there's no traces of blood in the entrance of the calamari. So he's like You know, he said that, you know, I because I'm going to Hawaii Friday So I don't I don't want to I don't want to be like do I have colon cancer or yeah, but you can't you're gonna need a colonoscopy

You're almost 50 Did you do one? Yeah, it's the easiest thing ever Yeah, okay, this is gonna smell like peppermint and then five seconds later. It's like, all right. Your ass is great No problems. That's literally what it feels like. Yeah, but she was what sucks is the day before the day before the stuff You have to drink is a little bit gross But when you weigh in that versus dying of ass cancer It's just like, all right. Yeah, I'll definitely I'll choose this. Yeah. Yeah But dude, you literally go to sleep and it feels like you're asleep for three seconds and then you wake up

You can't they're done Now you're awake going For like 45 minutes or whatever the I don't mean like I don't even know how long it was Wow, but they do knock you out. Yeah, you're out You literally go you're like laying there you close your eyes and it feels like three seconds later And you wake up and it's done And you know what happened, but you don't remember it. So it's it's a little unsettling Yeah, is there like as the date as the day goes on. Is there like there was something up there?

These are feelings of no, it's some intrusion. No, oh It's you don't even have like the usually when you go under general anesthesia You have like the whole You know kind of loopy for a couple hours the propofol you're up and running as soon as they pull that thing out your butt You're good to go. They tell you to drive your ass home. You're like, you know, I had to have somebody with me Oh, that's why you didn't give you propofol. They gave me the propofol because I had a scope up there and I had a scope A wake. Oh That was two weeks ago

One time I gave you a scope up there, baby So anyway, um, I know you don't like um, hi, I know you don't like compliments. Um You get a little uneasy about compliments. So I just try not to swing it your way. Um Yeah, why can't we just keep doing what we're doing here? No, because I think that'll be way more No, no, because it wouldn't be tiger belly if I didn't you know what I mean make it weird make a little weird But um, I'm just gonna tell you how I discovered you I you know, I do all my whole career to you

I was I was struggling until no, no, no, no, no, no, no not not discover you in terms of like You did it on your own obviously, but no in terms of my my awareness of you oh can I tell you that story I remember it was a big day in my career Bobby Lee is finally aware of me am I on Bobby Lee's radar see this is what he's gonna this is when things start to happen I'm not gonna allow this a reversal I'm not yeah I'm not gonna allow this to happen very so yeah yeah I'm just gonna plug away you know me listen you can talk to him all you I can hear it so let's see glass it's not soundproof so years ago years ago I had no idea who you were and

I was in a car with Steve Byrne and Ken Jeong and we're driving from San Francisco to LA because we had to do gigs together at that time because we couldn't draw on our own and so he would Steve Byrne loved Oasis we kept playing Oasis over and over again like he still does I know right it's like give it a rest right they have three songs good songs champagne supernova Wonderwall and some other one okay that's it great songs but that's it so and I we go what do we listen to and he goes well I have a friend from New York you know he you're see you know we have I was comedy CD

he puts it in no it was very funny but there was one bit about you in the subway and then you saw some guy pick a girl up and then your high-pitched voice you mean oh yeah he's hurting me the bit right and we left so hard and that's one you know I mean it went out oh Bill Burr and then now you're one of the greatest comics on the planet how does that feel what was that character you just I don't even take it it's just I'm plugging away I'm doing all right you're doing all right well it's great because of the fact that it's like you know here's here's the deal the honest truth is this I just love that whole body right okay

here's here's the deal here let's get real let's get real so um you know I'm almost 50 and I feel like things are kind of slowly happening for me as well right it's just nice to see like you know you've been on fucking television for like almost 30 years what are you talking about mad TV oh my god and everything okay first of all mad TV was like doing community theater that's how much we got paid oh did you get fucked over in show business did you think there was a big pot of gold and then somebody else took it from you yeah that's what happens but you was still on TV you still walk down the street and

people like oh my god it's Bobby Lee from mad TV okay fine fine you're right and I'm grateful okay but I'm just saying that empathy that I have for you right now is just how much of your day is trying to pick this up and keep it yeah I know see the thing about him though I have to stand okay yeah yeah go ahead I feel like I'm getting cross-examined yeah think about him this is that he he has a ways he's one of those guys like Whitney is like that too mm-hmm where she sees you know me behaving in a certain way to garner some sort of sympathy sympathy or you know I'm doing something psychological right so that I

can get something out of some and he sees through it where other people they fall into it and they go oh no you know me and they you know me I've just been around a lot of dirt bags so I know what it's happening yeah but you could see through that but I'm just saying that um let's go back to what I was doing originally which is um you're doing well and congratulations that's all I want to fucking say thank you I appreciate that I appreciate that I'm you're killing it I love the Mandalorian right you all of a sudden I didn't even know you were on it and you have when you're watching something you love right and

then you see a guy that you know up there killing it you go oh my god it's fucking crazy right and then like and then he's in the the the the apatow movie mm-hmm enough but you should you know he's killing it that's all I want to say I know you don't like compliments I caught up to you I know you don't like compliment what why don't comics why do comics not like compliments I know I think some of them do look I I respect you know other comics liking what I do I do enjoy that shit I don't want to sit here and just like listen to that you're giving him the worst experience I just want to like hang out and take whoever's

watching this laugh you don't have to go James Lipton when you did that shit joke on Comedy Central yeah because this is your first time on this podcast right yeah so I just I need to get that out of the way I'm a big fan of it too I always put the little heart on all your clips I always think that I always think it's funny thank you and so you know from now on when you do it I will never bring it up right I just had to say it you need to put it on record oh put what on record that you know the how I discovered you and you know how you know how I feel about you you know I feel just real good tingly warm feelings towards you that's

all thank you yeah and I think you're doing great stuff that's all we don't have to fucking talk about it whoever knew that my career would come down to a car full of Asians driving up German Irish guy from Massachusetts who knew I needed the West Coast Asian connection when you were starting in New York was there a lot of minorities doing it back then back in the day or no I started in Massachusetts in Boston yeah and it was it was 99% white guys yeah and there was a handful of white female comics and then there was there was like it was Patrice Dwayne Perkins Perkins was then back well he started a few years

after Gerald Bennett I mean it was literally it was like handful there was like four or five yeah well you didn't like Harry you didn't know Lauren D'Ambrowski back then did you no okay Lauren D'Ambrowski is from Boston from that scene was she a catch comic yes the catch comics were fucking amazing yeah when I was when I was starting out then that was the scene that started the original alt scene that was amazing yeah the original the original two three waves was amazing and then it's just like anything else then it's just sort of like it's kind of like yeah leveled out well you know what I mean it was like it

was started by people that actually did clubs and had to perform in front of all different kinds of people and then they wanted to stretch out and then eventually once all those alt rooms got going and they were packed then you could start there so you didn't have to learn how to make you know mechanics and in veterinary and this guy is a construction worker and this person's a college student all together how to you didn't have to learn that skill right right and then I felt it like when I would do those rooms they were I felt like I was on like it was almost like a radio station like I make white hipsters

from 18 to 27 laughs it was like a demographic yeah what I felt whereas if I went to the comedy clubs it was you know black white male female it was all kinds of stuff going on all different types of jobs sobriety and all kinds of stuff like that yeah it's where alt rooms to me is like when I first played when I go I just bomb I would say I bombed but that's just the way they react right in terms of no they they were they were it was great for like 10 11 years and I'm going back to like 90 all back in the day for 95 when they first started coming around those ones that started in like New York and I'm

sure they did one here in LA too I used to go and I mean dude it was like Bob Odin Kirk David Cross Dana Gould Patton maybe I saw Patton there first time I saw Mitch Hedberg I saw that I mean dude it was fucking beasts yeah yeah Marin it was just it was like it was it was it was it was it was everybody was coming up swinging the lumber and then somewhere along the line it just it you know it's like anything it's just like the comedy clubs the comedy clubs were great and then often the reason the alt room started was because the comedy clubs got still get to well yeah so it couldn't get in almost right well I think there was

just there was a I mean it was I hadn't been in it long enough but basically it was sort of the the tail end of the hangover the 80s and people with their sleeves pulled up going what's up with that what's up with everything yeah I've been doing comedy ten minutes and now I'm a headliner you know yeah and then that crashed and then out of that you know it was sort of an escape from like well it was so oversaturated on every channel that there became like these expectations oh do the airplane bit go to the dude go into the dentist bit there was all of these sort of what Dennis Miller or someone time is the basic

recipe right talking about and because they were asking how he came out of that and did this holy totally different thing that he did so that sort of went down just died of its own weight and then out of that when I started out like places like you know when I went down to New York the comedy cellar like you do nights that be five people in the crowd oh really a whole fucking night I always thought that the cellar was always packed throughout its history no no they they were struggling like everybody was like during the week the weekends they would be alright but during the week in the 90s there was a period where it was

you know it was like and then there was this comic Lewis Schaefer Lewis Schaefer who's now in London England he started getting late-night spots and he would go out and he would bark because he wanted a crowd and he had this really like funny way of being disarmingly in your face yeah and like he had like these horn room glasses and his whole thing was Lewis Schaefer not gay I was like Lewis Schaefer and he would just like yell across the street hello lovely black people hi and he became like this celebrity in the village and he would just be like Lewis Schaefer not gay we have a comedy show and he would do this

whole thing and he would like already have them laughing yeah and he would bring them in and then other comics who had to go on after him was psyched because you had a crowd then he started getting regular spots there and then and then the barking things sort of started with him as far as I remember it started with him but then you know I would say like it started getting going again in the late 90s and then it was starting to dip again it was really like you know because the alt rooms were just where everybody wanted to be like those were the cool ones this is place surf reality where I saw these guys just doing crazy amazing

stuff and then but ever since like 9-11 9-11 happened they were like is anything ever gonna be funny again they've just been packed and I think the reason why there hasn't been another dip was because during that time with social media and all of that stuff all these comics could suddenly be in charge of their careers and start putting out specials when they wanted to rather than that caused everybody to have to become prolific to survive so then there was just all of this new stuff and just everybody was just getting better I mean the amount of stand-up specials put out in the last 10 years

yeah I bet prior to that there's more specials put out in last 10 years than ever because you know HBO would do like every couple two three years right it was hand-select five white guys and one white woman and a black guy whatever whatever that is I used to love their young comedian specials yeah they were great I used to watch them you know I mean and I couldn't wait when they would there was maybe five or six that I saw over yeah that's where I saw all the people that I know today you know I mean but it was like an event for me when I was a kid watching those things yeah and HBO was those were the were the best

ones and that's where you saw Hicks for the first time Bill Hicks Kenison when the Rodney Dangerfield ones yeah Kenison right you know that club just closed what Dangerfields why yeah COVID man it just they didn't make food and I don't know how long can you keep that thing going so that fucking place do you know a place for like seven years the reverb was just it was like an echo on the mic and I would be constantly I like a bit about it because if you started to yell if you didn't pull the mic away it sounded like you were down a well I used to do this bit about it yeah and then finally some guitar act came in there after eight

years walked over to the mixer that was this big and went just turned down for eight years for eight years the sound was fucked up every single show yeah and somebody changed it by just but somebody just walked over wow did that yeah was it you know I only played the cellar one time and is my showcase I had already I had already been on mad TV and everything right and I was in New York had nothing to do like I had no clubs to play I didn't know what to do so I called Steve Byrne I go can I play the cellar he's like well ST has to see you so I go oh fuck I have to showcase yeah so on a Friday night late I had a

follow and it was one of those play when you walk in and you see the lineup and you want to leave because it's like hard hitters you know I mean like Patrice always wants to leave he always wants to leave and then he always kills and then he kills and then he acts like what he does is easy to follow it's so stupid he's up there with his shirt off humping this stool it's just like dude you think I want to go on after that well by the way is this okay for you yeah well first of all I've changed okay I have changed I know you're sitting up you're pointing very aggressive confidence I like very confident all right I have changed I

used to do that shit yes okay but and I know and I'm aware of my actions all right but I had you know an out-of-body experience of like stop doing that Whitney called me out on it one night and I don't do it anymore don't do any what anymore when I look at a lineup I go no matter who's before me I don't say anything out anything out loud I might feel some things right because you when you look at the letter because I'll fucking burr Rogan I got to follow these guys I don't I'll really say it I just sit there I don't leave I man up I fucking do the spot right do you yes I do finally yeah I fucking do them now it's

frustrating to watch you go through that every night he's so fucking funny and talented it's like what are you gonna stop doing the tortured artist thing and just go up there and you killed every time I'm trying to think of a time I ever saw you bomb you never did you nailed it you do do that tortured artist thing a little bit too fucking much and too long yeah fucking annoying it's so funny he pretends to play I feel low the fuck up bill he pretends to play chess and he pretends to read books to look and he pretends to speak to himself when we first started dating he would do this thing where he would just out of

nowhere start like having conversations with himself it's the whole tortured artist look why now why we what would now what about that did you think was appealing it's out of curiosity I'm sweating a little bit I'll be honest okay yeah I used to I I used to perform you me certain things the way I sat I told you the way yeah I don't like sitting like this what I do forced it yeah I forced my legs to do this right because I'm more of a this kind of guy yeah I mean I'm really I'm really I'm like this yeah right yeah the squat the squat but I saw like nine Oliver Stone movies so heaven on earth so I I I saw

a rock star one time was at a coffee shop and I saw one of my favorite local musicians you know in in my city of San Diego sit like this he had no shoes on he was sitting like that drinking coffee and I thought to myself yeah so I would go home right and my legs wouldn't even do it I got the I got the you know I mean painful yeah painful you mean for years and now I can do that and this is all inact what I don't want this hurts so bad right now committed but if I'm at a coffee shop IT bands you just need to stretch so yeah yeah but if I'm at a coffee shop I'll sit like this I'll smoke like this right I don't want to

smoke like this I didn't know you smoked I would I have not smoked a cigar in forever and I would I would have come over here and smoked you have a cigar in the car I don't know I don't have one so I do this right and I mumbled myself I'm not really mumbling with myself it's so embarrassing to even admit but I used to do things right like that like pretend to read Dostoyevsky yes I'll have a Dostoyevsky book never read it how old were you when you were doing this I would probably in my 20s right it's poor to line the late bloomer do we all did that I used to do show I almost robbed a movie theater one time just so I had

could have something cool to talk about near women that I was afraid to talk about yeah talk to yeah we do things you know I mean but that's why a movie theater oh man this is a long story but like the dude that I knew he had already robbed it he had a rewrote this has been long enough so what he did I gotta tell this story vaguely okay all right so let's just say there was this guy yeah this is it's really just punk stuff so he went to a movie yeah that nobody wanted to see and he went to the last showing and he waited for the five six people that went

to it they emptied out and then in his buddy went up and they stood behind the screen and they just let them clean up and lock up and then they locked up and then when they went out it was like the 80s and then they fucking turned the asteroids game around and Pac-Man and broke the padlock got all the quarters oh wow and then just went out the door by the time the alarm and the cops get there you're gone yeah so then he goes to me he goes you know there's a safe in the office and I'm like all right I don't know how to talk to women yeah this sounds good to me so it's the same thing gonna go to some shit movie nobody

sees you stand behind the screen and then when they leave I go well they're gonna lock the office door and he goes no but they got the ceiling tie he goes you just push those things up and over and then his idea was we were gonna just take the whole safe because it wasn't big and then take it out throw it in the back of my truck and I go and then what I gonna because then we drive away I go how do we get it open because I fucking hit it with a sledgehammer blowtorch and shit well here's the thing about a safe two things you don't want somebody be able to open it and you don't want somebody be able to pick it up and leave

with it I mean the heaviest shit it was the stupidest fucking idea ever and I was gonna do it and I called it off and not even out of just this is stupid I something came up and I called it off right right and oh we would have been on America's dumbest criminal without a doubt how are we gonna get up and over the door because this is the thing there was a big glass lobby and then the office was in the corner so if you happen to be driving by and watching this dude giving me like 10 fingers however and then like how are we gonna get the safe out right we don't have a two-wheeler we don't got we don't have

anything to put it on yeah what were we gonna do other than we were gonna get caught and I asked the cop one time what what I would have got I go oh you would have done you would have done three years for that like there's no gun involved but he kind of broke the whole thing down three to five you probably do half two and a half three you'd be out my my my cousin and I robbed a raw stress for less I mean Rob the no he went in pretended he had a gun he was 16 my god right and when he ran in without even anything happening I drove away he left him there I left him there what happened him now because I thought

cops I heard cops coming yeah right he had just walked in cops are coming it was just like a thief hypercondition and I just left him there right and then he turned out when he walked in he didn't do the gun thing he just tried to steal some shoes because he had like a toy gun that he was gonna right but he went to juvie but I ran away from home I lived in in my car in Orange County for a week right and then and then I called my mom but um yeah that was real scary that was my that's the last criminal thing that I'd done I think it's even more criminal that you left your own I'm a coward I'm a coward I'm a coward I already I already

know that I own up to I already own up to that shit I'm a coward I'm weak you know I mean we had one week you cover up the license plate with snow and then the person goes into the liquor store acts like they can abide the case of beer and it right easy get up to register then you just run out jumping the car and you take off so we sent the flakiest friend we had for some dumb reason to go in and do it yeah and he ended up chicken he chickened out right and then we every weekend we would do it and every weekend he would chicken out and then that became the bit let's just send him in there watch him bitch up and then

just stand there and be like I don't have an ID and we would die laughing and then try to get something to buy booze for us so one day we would like day drinking and we were fucking hammered and we were my buddy station wagon me him in this this dude and we went to this liquor store and I was like alright dude not even come up the license plate was a summertime go over there and do it so I'm sitting there with this other guy and we're just laughing and sitting there and he goes he's not really gonna do this isn't he's gonna check it out we'll find somebody else it's a funny thing and then all of a sudden we just heard

this commotion he comes he comes running around I'm never gonna run around the corner and he's looking back instead of running he's uncoordinated and he's got a case of beer and he's looking back dude and I swear to God the fattest chick you've ever seen in your life is right on his ass with a pencil and a fucking pad of paper so now we're starting to drive away I got the tailgate down on the on the station wagon and he dives in as we're driving away I hear her yell out like she's like BX 958 I got it I got it and then my buddy driving is almost in tears he's like dude what the fuck did you do

that he always chickened out you gotta get rid of the beer so we go into this is just typical punk suburb shit we pull in and I and I'm hammered yeah grab this case and I run up this guy's lawn and I see somebody vaguely in the driveway looking at me and I throw it under the shrub and then run away with the house looking at me that's how drunk I was get in the car we leave long story short my buddy's neighbor was a cop he recognized the plate and then he goes out yes my jerk off neighbor I'll handle that after work and then when it up happened it was the dude who did it the dude who drove got in trouble for it and

they didn't bring up that I was there so then they went to court and I was like well there's no reason for you to go because they don't know and then they to pay some like some fine conduct I'm becoming a good citizen yeah they got like community service and shit like that's like East Coast Goodfellas shit you don't rat you don't rat no that's straight across the board you don't rat which is what's so funny now all these comics trashing other comics on social media I just don't understand that it's just like what a like you've become like comics already get shit why would you go if you don't like somebody special or

you or whatever you don't like something that they said mm-hmm I don't know that's it's a that's a new phenomenon there's a lot of new follow phenomenons this year and I don't want to get into it but no because it's gonna deal with stuff that we don't want to talk about cancel culture and whatnot you know I mean but in terms of like yeah hook people ratting people to out and you know I mean and it's been a very a difficult thing you know just I have an SNL character I do it's called Twitter lawyer Twitter lawyer Twitter lawyer do you have any opening statements yes your

honor I'm all out of fucks that is the funniest opening statement to just burning down somebody's life but it is it is what it is it is what it is it's but my generation would have been doing the same thing if we came up on on computers and stuff it's a weird sort of do you think it's not a like a new mentality you think it's just access to a keyboard I know I think it's the the power of not being face-to-face where when I was growing up like there was a rule when I grew this is so funny to hear now but when I was growing up there was a rule you went to a party or

somebody invited you over you do not bring up politics and you don't bring up religion and then like social media is the inverse of where it's just like everything you're not supposed to bring up you bring up and all rules of common decency are just out the window and you know the whole hey I can't you know as a guy growing up there was always that you know there was there's that line you learn where the line is if I go past that line I'm risking getting the shit kicked out of me and that is sort of you know it's like disappeared it's funny because like even there I have to admit like I I've discovered a couple of

comics that I love that are that could be you know Republicans or whatnot right they're not out but I hear rumors and my initial response is wrong with that I know I know just there's nothing wrong with that they're not out yeah I'm not out as Republic no you know they did they keep their stuff private is what I meant cuz liberals are out of their fucking I understand that I understand listen to my fucking point though okay let me finish my point okay my initial reaction is like right but it's like no it's I'm just gonna make up a name it's Joey's a good guy you know it's like you know it's like it has nothing to do

with we're in it just listen Bill right I just weren't a volatile like just love how judgmental the leftist you don't know any about he's a good guy he's he is still I understand I understand but at the end of the day it's like all these even now because of the of politics and the election all that stuff like I try not to like let it ruin or dictate how I feel and whatnot because at the end of the day it doesn't make who you are as a person you know me your political affiliation you know we there's good guys everywhere there's bad guys everywhere you have a wide variety of people in your life that's what I'm saying it goes

back to those alt rooms where it just became like it was just everybody was it's like it was the echo chamber of it that I that was what I found fascinating to go in and do comedy in front of like that that like if you were to graph the people in the room like it was almost like a like a straight like there wasn't oh this guy does this and this person's over here was just sort of like you know like I got what do you go like I was just like all the dots were like right there right there oh yeah yeah yeah which made it like I don't know it was so easy to get into trouble right during your set there because it was just like

there was just one place where you're right you wouldn't have a Brian Holtzman in a room like that I mean I would exactly where I would put up I know I would I would film it and yeah but no I think you know that's what I just find that like that's so fast and I try to like you know I definitely you know I joke about politics and shit like that but you know I'm not gonna get on somebody because they're you know like if you say you're liberal I don't then think like oh that means that you're this this I mean there's so many there's this spectrum of being on the left is this spectrum of being on the right you know

and I don't know I'm kind of hoping that we we maybe learned something over the last 20 years of just you know everybody just shitting like half the country just shitting on whoever's I really feel like the first George Bush was the last guy who's kind of allowed to be president without half of his country trying to take him out of office yeah kind of started with the Clinton lying under oath about the blowjob and then it was Bush stole the election and Obama's not from here and everything Trump did was just like you know I mean I don't know how that helps people but it doesn't it doesn't and I think we're at

a precipice and that's why I stopped giving you shit Bobby I was just like you know what I need to bring the two coasts all right but here's I want to it's that old boy right behind you yeah oh my god dude I got a horror movie that but for people at home he told me about this movie like 10 years ago and I that one and then the audition yeah oh my well I you invited me to your birthday party one time yes and I brought you the DVD of old boy as a gift yes you did yeah I told you to watch it and yeah and it freaked me out and I actually one of the most amazing scenes I've ever seen

the way that they shot the the main character is got a whole hallway of people that he has to fight so they built this hallway amazing and they cut out the wall and just had this guy and they just all a one-shot of them going to everybody talks about like the Scorsese you know good fellow shot that amazing one we goes in this is basically that with like he's also fighting 500 people yeah and then I saw the audition and I got into like you know Asian horror movies and I'm like but they were just so they was so beyond what we were doing over here I was like this is like bananas yeah I saw a really

weird one not necessarily scary but a weird one on the criterion channel I saw there's a movie from horror movie from the early 70s called let's scare Jessica to death no no really I swear to God I love horror movies let's scare Jessica to death yes and I'm telling you not necessarily scary yeah as much as it's it's weird I've got Korean is a Korean no no no Jessica Jessica that's right yeah it wouldn't be Jessica yeah okay let's scare Jessica to death yes it's not scary it's weird it could be because here's the thing what about horror movies why I don't like them is I I buy in I play which that didn't

scary that scared the shit out of me I know me too me too all of those movies scared the shit out of me that Bob a Duke one I shut that off I was like I can't fucking handle that well then I didn't get to see how the thing gets killed so for like a month every time I turn the lights off I'm hearing Bob a dog yeah I'm kind of yeah I don't the scariest one I've seen in the light we is an Indonesian one no not no the one that I want to recommend them is did you see hereditary hereditary yes no and I won't be because if it freaks you out I am easy to scare but that fucked me it fucked it I've seen it three times

since we saw it that first time and I get so fucking scared you have to watch it Billy please guys you question because I don't understand what is it why would you want to feel like I hate that feeling me too like I can watch like a gangster movie whatever but I even watch like casino got to like yeah I got a little like when he's watching his brother getting you know killed I was just like I'm actually I'm with Chris Rock is in the new Fargo and there's a storyline in it that's making it as a parent yeah yeah sort of I'll trust you with my kid if you trust me with your kid just trying to get through that it's

just like like I don't I get like why I love movies is because I if I'm into it like I am I'm in it I'm in it I can't do rape scenes there's this movie called irreversible and there's a ten minute rape scene in a tunnel and it's so realistic and literally like ten seconds in you're like alright I'm out I'm out I can't do it it's so I remember that movie came out yeah I remember that came up because that was a that was a big deal it was a big yeah it was a controversial does it go backwards it goes backwards the whole movie yeah right and there's this like and it's like you don't have editors cut it down

can I can't tell you was I've never understood I don't understand sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood movies I don't understand am I now watching a porno yeah yeah because I watched an old movie one time and these the couple was gonna go have sex or whatever and they just you know they kissed a little bit and then they walked to the bedroom door and they closed the door and that was it and then the next morning they came out so you knew they banged yeah yeah you didn't have to watch them like yeah like what a simulating fucking like I it doesn't advance the story yeah I saw The Last Tango in Paris with Marlon

Brando when I was a kid I rented it yeah I thought I was gonna watch a romantic movie but this is pretty good I mean that's how like explicit it was I mean you know they have that well bet back then though that what you had to do to get a porno it makes sense that you watch The Last Tango in Paris thank you that makes sense thank you now it's like there is online porno right I don't want to go I don't want to see that in a much dude I I quit drinking two years ago and I quit porn in May wow yeah like yeah you're done you're done done what did I become a problem yes because I was watching it and not doing anything I

was finding humor in it and I would just be like now why did they do it like yeah I was I was I was uh it's a quick critique yeah yeah like I was I was watching it like if I was I'm trying to think of a different topic if I was into like like classic cars I was just watching the learning about that yeah and I was just sort of like yeah it just sort of became you know it is it's just like something like oh my god that's gross and then like a month later it's not that bad and then you're into that and then you moved to the next room yeah it just keep going down Dante's Inferno and then and then it just gets to a point

one day where nothing does anything and then you just kind of like just but you still what I'm like what am I doing and then there was a couple things that I just watched on the whole like sex industry what are they called human trafficking and I'm like well I'm kind of contributing to this yeah so you know not getting preachy here so no I mean I even with I don't get angry but I stopped watching porn but it got to the point for me and I love you so much where you know before when I was a kid I would you know I would go to like f-street book store and you'd go to the back room and it would be like everything was sticky

the floor and you would lock the door and they had those buttons and the buttons were like full come it was gross and you would put coins in it and you would jerk off that's the only way I could watch porn back then when you guys were younger you never looked at like the the weird German porn with the college girl like having sex with her German Shepherd that didn't exist yeah how did we get that like it was like that would be like on some fucking lunatics real the real underneath their house like I don't know it was like the big thing was if you found a playboy yep buried in the woods yeah like that was

the level of it and there was like there was that or like Filene's basement catalog would come the bra page yeah I mean it was like it was no there wasn't yeah it just wasn't I'm glad there wasn't that there wasn't because I think like sometimes still can't understand is is how wide open the internet still is that if like now that I got kids if they get a cell phone it's just like they can just go on and or one of the kids at school go hey here's somebody getting their head sought off yeah as a kid and it's just like fucking disturbing well yeah well it's disturbing how that is just accepted but you know stand-up

comics are getting all this shit for fucking stupid jokes that none of it makes sense yeah where they go yeah I mean even like when the internet when I was back in the day when Jordan Peele and I were poor right when the internet which started to happen YouTube and whatnot you know they had like you know the dark web was just out there and one day I just go hey watch this Russian guy get his head chopped off to Jordan and he didn't talk to me for a year it fucked him up he goes don't show me shit like that you know I mean that's how disturbing and that shit's still out there you can see human beings in chainsaw

for real it's insane yeah it's insane there it's got to be some sort of but then it's like we got to be free too though no good point don't you think I've never I've never watched any shit like that if I showed you something like that you would like you would I wouldn't watch it I don't want I don't want to like I don't want to I don't know yeah I don't want that on my hard drive I don't want to see somebody getting tortured or killed or any that type of shit but I had a roommate I had a roommate that would that that would find something horrific but it was more in the porn world hmm and I was like a horse and I

would just be whatever okay it'd be a always be a still picture or something like that and we'd be sitting there watching TV and then he would just go hey burr and then I would look over yeah yeah he would have his laptop turned around yeah yeah and that was his idea I mean I thought it was funny like that shit was because it was just so it was like you know a naked old lady or something yeah yeah but as now you're a dad right I mean just things changed you know because you know as a comic you know we're thinking about all these fucked up things and you know I mean and I just try to my act has not changed I know it

hasn't thinking of fucked up things my behavior around the house as that's why I quit drinking because it was like I was getting like I was getting hammered at home it was one of the deals where like you know going out to a bar was starting to become a pain in the ass so but I had never brought booze home I never had it in the house so I never had a problem with it because I always had to go out to get it that's where I fucked up it's why you never buy cookies because if they're in your house you're gonna fuck you're gonna eat them yeah don't buy this shit and then it's just like I want to eat some bad food but

it's way out there and your laziness will keep you in shape because I don't want to go out there so booze was the same thing and then like I made the mistake of learning about it so then I was like oh this this bottle here and then you know acting like I'm not a drunk so and then there was all of this I got into conspiracy theory and the Ponzi scheme of our money system and all of this shit and it just became too fucking heavy and like my wife's like you got to stop this stuff is fucking nuts and I went completely the other direction I got out of conspiracy theory theory I started watching me TV and I

was just watching all these classic shows during a simpler time if you're white a friendlier time yeah and I would watch it and then everybody on there was smoking and drinking and shit and I would sit there drinking with them yeah I would watch 77 Sunset Strip I'd watch Peter Gunn what are the other ones I watched I just watched you know Manix like all these gum shoe shows I would just watch these things and I would I would just fucking get hammered and then like then all of a sudden I had a kid and I was just kind of like if anything medically goes wrong right now I am like too drunk to drive like this I and I

want to be and I also don't want to be that guy because I saw kids that I went to school with when I was kids whose parents sort of openly drank in front of them they were sort of the first ones to really start getting after it you know and I just was like I don't want to do that and then I quit drinking and then I dropped a bunch of weight and then my my self-involved vanity shit kicked in I was just like I kind of like this yeah but you know I've never even thought of there's two comics in my head I'm like you know I never thought of having kids you know I mean but a years ago Al magical invited me to his house and I

had dinner with his kids and his wife and it was proper we put the thing on the thing and then the utensils it was nice candles you know me it was real nice you cut things you know I mean and you're very proper but you just you could see just the relationship with Al's kids are wonderful kids and him and I'm not maybe I want to have a baby but I am just gonna go to you now I saw you at a party once with your daughter and you're playing soccer with her on a field right and I'm sorry I mean you just never I never even never imagined you playing with children I'm glad you didn't the way you just put like you

frolicking you don't look you don't look like somebody that would frolic or like you know me be in a you know just just in wheat in wheat you know what this is he brought it up he got uncomfortable so he's trying to make me uncomfortable I'm just saying I just you know would never see you you know me with butterflies and running through a field but right but I I was watching you and you know it's we it's were you on mushrooms I was just running in slow motion no no I would just look at you and you had such you love your daughter so much you were playing and you know me she would slip you would giggle and you

were like and I thought to myself I think I want a kid you know me because that just seems fun and it seems like Bill's having fun fun right it's it's it's it's a life changer correct yeah and and and whatever you have whoever the parent is that's the opposite sex they get a little bit more because like if because it's like if you guys have a daughter right she's gonna be the disciplinary she's gonna be seen through all your daughter's bullshit going she's she's totally manipulating you right blah blah blah yeah and you're gonna be a puddle of mush oh yeah and then she's like oh my god I feel like

the bad guy but then you have a son and then it flips and then it's just like you know you know you're gonna be like oh my god my little man and blah be like that yeah yeah and then you're gonna be all like you can't see that shit yeah yeah yeah let him do that to you he's one of those things but like no I'm all in with my yeah I you know if you saw some of the shit like paint like paint like you do pottery stuff and paint oh I'm beyond like what do you do I can I can do her hair I can like I can do I can French braid I can do the whole I can get her because I had this this horrible feeling that one day my wife wasn't gonna be

there and she was gonna have to go to school with the hair not looking the way she wanted and I remember going to school every day with orange hair that was like so I remember that so it's just like I'm gonna make sure that you you're looking all right now I'm like totally fucking into it's crazy yeah it's now like I see shit in like women like in movies and stuff and I'm looking at the hair trying to figure out yeah yeah I bet you do this I don't know I'm not at your house but do you watch programs with her like like entertainment it's the best thing is I got she's into Bugs Bunny oh wow classic yeah but you got to

watch out because there is some old-school Bugs Bunny they got a little bit of blackface in there and they got a little bit of we we were we were you know at war with with Japan so there's some there's some war propaganda it's kind of funny when they do it to the Germans because it's white on white but the other way it gets a little crazy if you stay with the mainstream ones yeah it's fine and what's what's awesome is we got we got in an argument about Bugs Bunny is she's convinced that Elmer Fudd's name is Doc because he says what's up doc and I'm like no that's just what he says his names Elmer Fudd

no his name is doc like no it's Elmer Fudd yeah she got really upset and so I just alright it's doc it's doc yeah I have to wait till she's emotionally ready what is that some of the propaganda oh well that isn't bad yeah it's class yeah it's class no no no there's there's worse than that yeah yeah there's definitely yeah I mean the eyes don't seem that's no no that's that's not a good example yeah yeah it's just every once in a while and there's like little subtle things right right the swans versus the ducks like that yeah and it's you just it's real subtle he just kind of said to go like yeah I don't like it

yeah yeah then I just defer to my wife and should look at me do you want more or no oh man I would if I didn't start so late I would definitely have more but I think we're good hmm we got one of each so I'm psyched sweetie I'm telling you right now okay no let me just let me just say something okay in front of bill yeah in front of bill all right I think I'm ready wonderful okay congratulations no no but just let's hear me out okay okay I'm a man of change okay I've changed a lot of things about myself okay and I'm healing you know a lot of the trauma stuff all that stuff I'm trying to heal it up I think I'm let's just

all right I think I I think please I think I can have one all right so just all right good anyway at the end of the okay just think about it at the end the body line I just love all of the body language and all of that my knees pointing that way he does this a lot like if he wasn't already such a man baby I would probably have had six children by now but because I feel like he's like six children in one human panda it's you know I do I got it you got it you got it like tell me well you say you throw yourself into things yeah yeah if you have a kid you have to do that that's not something that you can kind of be

into for a minute bill this is what he said during our couples counseling he was like yeah like if she's when she's pregnant I'm just gonna take more road dates and when the baby's born I was just it was a joke it was a fucking joke in the fucking couple but if she's pregnant like in the beginning when you're fine and everything you you can yeah you got a stockpile the money that's what I'm doing for the big for the fucking no the nuts the squirrels cut the nuts during the summer for the winter no it's a good move and then the two months after you know like the month before yeah and then the two months after I'm there you

stay in town and then then you just do quick hits after that right see there we go and I don't care if you you know you get get a fucking night nurse yeah we're gonna get a night nurse babe yes sell everything in this garage if you have Kevin Neal and said that what get a night nurse if you have to take a second mortgage get a fucking night no it's it's did that whole idea of just doing it by yourself crazy yes is is the it's it's a long no thing all right well that it's it's that's not like the old school that's the new school way that people tried for 30 years that failed horrifically because everybody

else it's just like you know you know old-school countries it's like you get married you move right down the street and it's every day the both in-laws are over there helping helping helping and then they let the mom sleep as much as they possibly can and I had a friend of mine who used to be in the corporate world and he applied for a job on the East Coast and he got the job and then they moved them like all the way down to like Oregon and he got to know somebody in H and he ended up hating the job and he got to know somebody in HR and they said he goes I just don't understand why they moved us all the way out and they

goes well that was the strategy is so it's you're less likely to quit because you don't have any friends out here and that whole separation of families you had these these younger people having kids even if you have a job like you don't have the money to get help and like I mean just do you remember that time like that guy left his kid in the car his twins in the car and he freaked out and everything and like he like how could you do that lack of sleep lack a lack of help yeah it wasn't like he he was he was devastated that it happened but that's what the fuck that is so you should get as much help as you possibly

can and that that whole fucking thing of like you know you walk around like a zombie you know with like 20 minutes of sleep while holding a baby does that make any no fucking sense I that's I that's just one thing I found really shocking when I moved to America because I grew up in the Philippines was how nuclear everything was here and how unsupported it seemed like at least from my vantage point how how unsupported a lot of like mothers were you know it's brutal at least in my family everyone's a nanny everyone is available I always say if your new parents travel to the Philippines it's the easiest place to

travel if you have a baby you pass a baby around it's so it's so friendly no one complains about a crying baby no one complains about you know rambunctious toddlers it's so like community based in that way where it's like if one if my aunt or somebody a woman in my family has a baby there's eight women in our family who can take care of that baby at the drop of a hat no questions no pain no nothing it's just part of what you do that's how it used to be but we grew up the different different way yeah yeah and well there's a document or called happiness right and it's just you know examples around the world of

people you know what happiness happiness is to certain certain people and they focus on Okinawa right how in these towns in Okinawa people live there's more people over the age of hundred than anywhere else in the world because of the sense of community right it's like you know a kid can run down the street and no one's worried that there's gonna be a van and you know I mean because everyone knows each other every everyone's kid is everyone's kid you know I mean so it's like you're just completely safe and everyone helps each other and I just wish that this country could just get to that point but it'll

never well because we're corporate capitalism no it's just it's a it's a period we're going through I don't I just don't think it it can last yeah and then hopefully it'll get you know we're done I just would love a situation where we could just feel safe and and we know our neighbors and I also don't think it's as bad as everybody thinks it is I really believe that like negativity at this point because media is so splintered and there's so many different things to look at that negativity and shocking shit is the only way to get people to stop flipping or scrolling or whatever the hell it is that they're

doing so they like they give like yeah it's a false forecast every day of how fucked up things are you know first unsafe and fucked up as they say you know what has happened to you yeah that's true nothing mm-hmm I really like your head man before I attacked you in the beginning huh you know I mean but I really like it I didn't feel you attacked me I thought that was funny yeah okay oh well you were you coming from a place of negativity at the end of our podcast we do a thing called unhelpful advice we have emails people have problems in the email us I don't know why but go ahead

unhelpful advice with Bill bear hey guys like Bobby I've had a real tough time early life I spare I'll spare the details but I'm 25 right now and I consider my life up until this point to have been extremely difficult I've been working extremely hard to better my life in my adulthood and I'm happy to say that things are slowly getting better however I just can't help feel frustrated that I spent two and a half decades my in my life just miserable how do I get over this and move on with my life without being so bitter yeah I think it's really just comes down to he feels like he's wasted literally two

napkins of his life can I just say something that in my 20s I don't know anyone I don't know I guess maybe there's a couple people that I know but in my 20s were the roughest years of my life I didn't know what I wanted to do then I started to stand up right it was really difficult in the beginning and I have to say it just gets better as I get older it really has I'm just happier and things are just easy and seamless and things you know I just know who I am I just think that it's the age he says he's 25 at 25 it was fucking miserable were you happy at 25 I thought I was I was just no I was happy because I was I was doing

stand-up comedy but like a financial 25 you know the fact that he knows that he's unhappy is a great thing because I didn't even realize I was angry until I was like 30 so 25 if you already know that and you you have a good work ethic and you're working hard like your 20s I mean it's kind of hard in your 20s not to look back on your childhood and be like what the fuck was that unless you had this ideal childhood or whatever but grew up in that community you were talking about but I you know I think that's totally normal and for someone who throughout his 20s and 30s took out his childhood on the world before I

finally realized that I was the asshole I think you're way ahead of the game you're being too hard on yourself yeah and 25 I would love to still be 25 like 25 I remember turning 25 and thinking like fuck I'm old and it's just like I'd love to be 37 or 41 it's all of those numbers sound great but one day we're gonna want to be the age we are now so we should be appreciative exactly so just go after what you want to do you know you see somebody that makes your heart stop go up and say hello to them you have somebody that has a real problem there you go we hear that is don't don't we hear your problem it's a

great problem I'm just saying like you know maybe some disability or something throw it out there come on here we go I'm 14 years old almost 15 I have a dilemma lately my way he's 14 she's 15 yeah 15 all right lately my parents have grown apart and I even heard my mom utter the words I'm done with this relationship after hearing those words I felt nothing for the past few days I've watched and seen how my parents no longer casually talk to each other and now I've seen for the past few days my dad's sleeping on the couch at night although whenever I think about my parents divorcing I can't seem to cry or feel

any emotion whatsoever so my question is is it normal for me not to cry yeah that's I was in a I forget when I adopted the I don't care mindset do somewhere about eight I just like yeah I don't care I don't care I don't need anybody I don't give a fuck and that was the beginning of walling off my emotions that's a traumatic thing for a kid to hear yeah so I mean as far as like how you fix it I mean that that's like some therapist shit I think maybe you say something to your parents I know you guys had that conversation I should be upset that you guys don't want to be together but I you know this is causing

me to payable because this right here is a critical part because if you start paving over your emotions it starts to affect who you're gonna date and shit like that and it's gonna be you know they got some psychos coming your way when you build up these walls as a kid though right you don't by the way none of us have a psychology degree no you do any of this with like some sort of disclaimer no it's called yeah so don't listen to us oh yeah please don't listen to me oh then I'll I should I give stupid advice no stupid advice no but I try to be sincere but don't listen to me I'm an idiot that's the clause I'm a

fucking moron I don't know anything but here we go um here's my two cents but it's like you know my parents were immigrants they didn't speak English at all right my dad was an alcoholic my dad used to beat the shit out of my mom in front of me as a kid right I built up these walls these defense mechanisms I used humor as one right but I was just like I had no communication skills I didn't know how to like you know share anything I was just bottled up and it's like you know I don't have the language to communicate you know either know the Korean language but also the language of feelings right it's like it's just one

of those situations and only spoke Korean and you did not say stop hitting my mom and Korean yeah I didn't yeah I did it you know me I should have learned I should have learned it yeah yeah but they didn't have those apps if it may be in the in the olingo right yeah du lingo maybe I could have done that I've been doing that for a hundred and eighteen days in a row but don't rush in it yeah yeah what language French wow say something well what do you want me to something for anything in French I want to hear you oh okay Jay raison what is that Jay-Z something I'm right I'm right I'm right

okay I feel bad for this girl but you know she might not have the language to to express that and you might have to deal with it in therapy later but it's totally normal it's normal yeah totally normal there's a completely shut down do you want to plug anything Bill yeah I'm gonna run a dates we're putting together in the beginning of December I'll be in Texas ah yeah that's gonna be fun at what Houston Dallas Houston in Austin so that's are you doing theaters or clubs this is what I'm gonna do I mean I'm fucking in parking lots I don't know where I'm at in Dallas in Houston I'm

gonna go pro-Biden and when I go to Austin I'm gonna go pro-Trump I'm just gonna just annoy this shit out of them I have you been going up a lot to prepare or do you don't need to no I absolutely need to I've been doing what did I did one the other night I did big wangs in the valley oh yeah I did that one lives that was you know basically standing in the foyer area where the crowd was like out on the sidewalk it's funny because it's just like it's I'm going back to doing gigs that I did before anybody who knew me yeah I feel like in some way sometimes I'll be on stage bombing in these places and I'll be

like did I dream that I did I made it and I never did and then the drugs are finally wearing off I never got out of doing these fucking I mean it's so bad at this point I was I was in Jersey and I we were pulling into some store or something I saw this big patch of green grass and I swear to God I thought yeah you could do a stand-up show there and I would never think that yeah yeah yeah wow so but you know it I still I've had so much fun in a way doing them I was doing one I was standing on a patch of grass behind a motel and I was making fun of this split entry house because they put a brand new roof on but they

didn't paint the shutters and it just looked so fucking just made them stick out yeah I was shitting all over them and then all of a sudden this lady comes walking over and it was and she just just walked into the middle of where everyone was sort of socially distanced and just started talking to me it was like so like not a show she was interrupting and she was just going I shouldn't have to sit here and listen to your filth and I was just like oh I didn't know you could hear me I'm sorry I was trying to find a solution and she just wanted to yell at me and I just kept saying I'm sorry I could talk a

little quieter she just kept yelling and then she started going like this and I was like don't you and it became this hilarious thing yeah and I just shit on her in her house the whole way when she walked back but then I found out she didn't live in the house yeah across the street and there was somebody in the house and they were actually on their porch enjoying the show yeah so there's been a little bit of yeah I haven't done it since since I have not done it since the pandemic I'm afraid I don't know what it is I just you know the shows that I've been invited go down to the Magic Castle parking lot really yeah they're

all in cars it's hilarious I should try huh yeah I feel like I'm like dying I have this little I mean because I remember back in the day when I when in like the the 90s and into the 2000s back when commerce would get like sitcoms and you get to somebody who like really you know they sit calm hit and it made it into syndication they got you know back when there was syndication money they had all that money then they just get bored and they would come back down and they hadn't done stand-up in like five years or whatever and in like comedies like music like it went from hair metal to grunge to then Eminem and

those boy bands came out remember they're like how much yeah yeah comedy is like you don't notice if you're there every night you don't notice and you sort of change with it and the young comics keep you young and like relevant in your own old guy way but I saw more goddamn people come down who would just they were just getting that fat check and it's just like man I don't want to go down to the store I don't want to go on the fucking road and you'd see him come back and they were like hey take my take my my wife yeah coming down with almost this old-school thing and I watched a couple of really big guys

fucking just eat a dick yeah and and you saw the look on their face like what the I have to learn this all over again and then I never saw him again they just said fuck it yeah they never learned to read the room changes right like Michael Richards that's I saw Michael Richards literally come back after Seinfeld and then the whole debacle at the fucking laugh factory happened you know I mean that racist tirade but that was because he just didn't have the skill set to deal with this this new audience right yeah yeah I don't know I don't know what I went there that night yeah I know I know you want

there but yeah but I hate I hate trying to guess what a comic was thinking or like did they get mad I mean I don't know I don't know what it was whatever he decided was I know I know that wasn't the right ago but do you think in my head I was thinking it's because he's been out of the game for so fucking long that he doesn't know how did and the room changes right and he just didn't know how to deal with the elements that was like had changed you know because back in the day maybe they didn't have hackers or whatnot or you know I mean or the respect was you know I mean you know it's funny as I understand exactly

what you cut that part out yeah yeah yeah I'm digging myself in the hole a stupid way yeah yeah back in the day they didn't have hecklers these are fruited people at least they do on fuck yeah yeah anyway so um check Bill Barra cut all that out no you can check out in Texas Texas and I'm gonna make fun of whoever you voted for and I just you know he's I just love the guy he's like one of my favorites and you know love me you would have made eye contact when you said that I'm shy you're looking away try right now don't yeah it's gonna creep me out let me try it I want to try it I don't you know I really

having difficulty with that lion's mane of hair that you have right now let me try it look like a lion with Billy Bill let me give you a shot like let me just let me have a shot okay I want to like speed roll sound background action I just want to say to your face that I'm real big fan of your work I enjoy you as a human being I'm not buying in this cut I'm you're acting no I'm not you are acting oh let me do it for real we're doing a character you were crossing your leg are you all right you're all right go ahead reset to one action honestly dude I really enjoy you you know as a comic I power through Bobby but it's a

test power what the fucking rude do it again do it again I love that was I'll be real since it's one of the few times I've actually seen the real you go ahead and action the honest truth is is that I've always respected your comedy you're a really nice guy and I'm just like just happy to know you and I'm just really grateful that you did our podcast and you know I know that I'm gonna know you from now I just know that we're gonna do stuff together and we've done stuff together and it's just a real joy and I think you're a cool dude well I sit right back at you all right crushed it on that that thing that we made for that thing

that doesn't exist anymore but I believe that that's gonna come out I do too I really do that's a teaser it's a teaser it's gonna come out it looks like I say with who but with a big big big star yeah you went blow-for-blow it was it was fun but give Bill Burr a round of applause all right thank you guys so much God bless all he is bill burr.com everyone hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short

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